November 13, 2023 • 20 mins
In a bid to push herself further out of her comfort zone, Grace shuns all her single suitors and decides to try dating a guy with a girlfriend. What can possibly go wrong?
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This show contains adult material and swearing.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You have been warned that man has a girlfriend and
he's out here at lunch time in a cafe giving
me like sex size.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So halfway through I was going.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
He's like, oh god, her gag green is Zeremo Terrebo.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Around me?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm a savage. Are you bored of modern dating?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Meeting the same people from the same apps in the
same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your
house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's
time to change the narrative on how we find love.
It's time to start looking for love in all the
wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only
picking people who were the total opposite of my type.
(00:52):
And after twenty eight of these dates in two months,
will I find that special someone? Or well, this experiment
proved I should just give up on dating altogether.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It's time to find out.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Grace, How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I'm good? I'm looking forward to this week's date, but
I've been worried about how much you like some of
these guys.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
That's the thing, like I'm I'm I'm gonna go on
dates and think Ross is going to hurt this guy.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
No, and you know what, like.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
She's going to fucking hate this guy.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, but I'm really turned on.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
You know what. What's funny is we do actually have come.
I think we are very safe friends and that if
we went to a club we wouldn't be trying to
fight for the same guy.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
As Yes, yeah, not at all, not all.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
But also because you're in a relationship, so you can't
get with anyone, you can't even talk to them.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
I can flourish first. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
No, I have a bit of healthy flirting.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah, it's good, just to check in that.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
He's so goddess it is.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I mean, no, I know it's important. So go on,
go on, tell me about who's up next.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yes, I met Chris and it's about Chris with a
Why I presume maybe because he's Welsh.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Hi, oh bye, how are you?
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I'm good?
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Nice to meet you in So do you go by
she or day or hey?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Okay, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
So?
Speaker 4 (02:36):
I work for a clothing company? Oh okay, I work
in the custoller and product relations.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
So are you Polly yes, so I have a primary partner.
Speaker 6 (02:47):
Okay, I'm obsessed with it.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Okay, Yeah, we've been together for like fourteen fifteen months, sixteen.
We're going to say it is no.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
You invented it very ahead of the car.
Speaker 6 (03:12):
And you are twenty eight.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So when I came in, he asked me what my
pronouns were.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
Oh my god, Layton.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
But so he let me tell you about him, right, okay,
because this is so interesting.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I found him on Field. Do you know about Field?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Tell me quickly?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Both.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Field.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
It's like a sort of I used to think it
was like a kink based app and but it's basically
a lot it's like people in polyamorous relationships, Like you know,
it's a sort of like more open minded app and
like hinge. So like it's the kind of place that
you can, like I don't know, expect to like talk
to people who are like in open relationships or just
looking for slightly like off the beaten track concept, so
(03:49):
like very like out of my comfort zone. He is
in an open relationship. So he said he had a
primary van. I was really like as a concept jarbed me.
It was like I just kept thinking of like primary
care giver. I was like, oh my god, it's can
I ask Cara was.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Its primary person male or female?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Female?
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
And I think he said they started their relationship open.
And then I was like really interrogating it because I
am so interested in polyamous relationship. And he said that
he had like different people for different things, So he
was like, you can really.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Vary it however you want it to be, Like you
could have like I have a primary partner and I
date the people to what degree of intimacy I have
of these people, whether like we go on dates and stuff,
or we just have sex or eventually just like hang
out and just like have be a cuddle buddy and
someone to be like friends with, Like it really depends
how That's quite interesting, Yeah, but like not necessarily like
(04:49):
sex or like kissing or whatever, or you just have
a friend that you do activities with because everyone else
is boring.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Yeah, that sounds like a friend or like he was like,
you know, but people that I don't actually get with,
we just sort of like cuddle.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I was like, why, Like the thing that I kept
thinking is like.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
That man needs a dog.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah exactly one hundred percent, But also like what did
you just do that with your girlfriend. Yeah, Like that's
the kind of intimacy that if I was in the
open relationship, I think I'd be like, listen, you can
have like maybe sex when you're on holiday, but like
the concept of like lying and watching TV just sounds
way more intimate than anything else.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
And I've known real skills required to just snuggling on
the couch, so h I find that's strange and just
do it alone. Yeah, what did he look like?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
He looks like he looked a bit like you know,
he did his Bible wasn't this, But he looks a
bit like Jack Grealish the football player.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Okay, and he wasn't political.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
He didn't know who my dad was, which is actually
quite an dick if I'm honest, because that's my litmus test.
If you don't know who Alie the Gambler is and
you don't really know anything about politics, and then I'm
not sure if I fancy it.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And maybe you live in a little bit of a bubble.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It's such like I always find it when people like,
I'm not very biscal It's such like I don't know
that it's not like such a privileged position to be in,
but it just it just makes me feel like, oh,
you've probably never voted, and therefore, like I don't respect
you as much as I would someone else.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
So what's it like having a dad as a politician?
Does he like ground it into you from Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I think I am, but I think it just is
really ground into me?
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Was he Alisa Campbell?
Speaker 6 (06:32):
No, you don't know you're not into politics?
Speaker 3 (06:36):
I know that the recent guys.
Speaker 5 (06:40):
But I don't.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
I don't pay too much because like they all lie. Basically,
you just have to pick up the most friendly liar.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
But he was like he was like Tony Blair's like
director of communication, So his job was to literally like
right speeches and like talk to journalists, and he got
a reputation for being quite like aggressive.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Have you ever watched The Thick of It?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
It's a comedy and it was the main character, Malcolm Tucker,
who's played by Peter Caldi, was made was based on
my dad.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
But it's a comedy. Yeah, influence, Yeah, what's the different?
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Being infamous kinda can be bad?
Speaker 5 (07:25):
Oh really, I think.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
So, don't quote.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Did you hear that guy?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
The vibe of the date was like he wanted to
have sex to me like it wasn't like he was
one of those people you know when you meet someone
like you're very intense.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
He was like looking at me with that like intense look,
like he like, do you.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Know what I mean? You?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Which made you think that it's really.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Intense in a good way, Like that's why eye contacted
so mad.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
He brainwashed you basically one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
But the vibe was very I don't know if it's
because his eye called that was intense, but and this
is what kind of baffles me about open relationships is
that that man has a girlfriend and he's out here
at lunch time in a cafe giving me like sex size,
And that's like whoa, Like, how do you find the
energy to like upkeep these many like connections with people,
(08:21):
because I, like, I haven't got the time or the
energy to like date one person.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
So did you ask him how many pregners his primary
pregner has?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
He said, it's very equal because in they both sort
of are doing the same thing.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
It's not like one of them is doing it more.
Speaker 6 (08:40):
Is your primary your primary partner? Is it a woman?
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (08:44):
Is she the same?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
What do you mean?
Speaker 6 (08:46):
Like, does she have the same thing? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Yeah, so she has.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Other relationships to with both male and.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Females, right, Okay, Yeah, Like I I'm so happy that
it's equal on both sides, and like, obviously I love
him for someone tells me they're in an open relationship, like,
I want to know so much more, abud. I find
it's so fascinating and like whatever anyone's comfortable doing, that's
great for them. But I do think if I went
on a date with someone and they were like, yeah,
I have a primary partner and I've lost different partners,
(09:13):
I don't think I would actually be secure enough to
enter into that situation.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
No, I see that. I completely agree with.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, the idea that I would date someone who is
in a relationship with someone else, I just that, Yeah,
like you said, it doesn't make me feel secure enough
and I would always be feeling like second best.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
So the you're asked, two boyfriends, are you're also like
open to you have like multiple relationships?
Speaker 6 (09:44):
No, I haven't ever before.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Okay, Basically, when I for a period when I was
breaking up with my ex, we were open, but.
Speaker 6 (09:51):
It wasn't in a healthy way.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It was like in a last attempt to make the
relationship work. See, well, it was like I think we
weren't ready to like pull it.
Speaker 6 (10:02):
We've broken up for a bit and then we were
like trying to get back together.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
But I think neither of us all it's like recommit
to like let's be like opening.
Speaker 5 (10:08):
But it was just the worst.
Speaker 6 (10:10):
It's the worst we like to do that.
Speaker 5 (10:13):
Would you have a day someone who's in a relationship, hm, hm.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Hm, don't even.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
Don't even dignify this with.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
You know what, stop pretending. I kind of think honestly,
if I was single now, I love what you're doing,
which is like I want to explore. I think it's
really important for everyone to go do that. Would this
be something I would explore? Probably not, because I've been yeah,
so conditioned to probably like be with one person that
(10:47):
I'd find it really difficult.
Speaker 5 (10:49):
I would struggle as well.
Speaker 6 (10:50):
I would.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And so it's you know, where.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Would you come in the lineup, like on a podium
where you like silver braz That's.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
What I'm saying. I'm not a second fiddle? Was scenario
in life? Have I been the second choice?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
If you're in a monogamous relationship, you can't switch off
your feelings if you think someone's got look and you
think they're good looking. If you have the odd flert like,
it's not the end of the world, but like there
is a barrier where you can't cross the line, so
you'd have to you'd have to establish what that line.
Speaker 5 (11:18):
It's yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
But it's kind of cool that there are so many
people are like exploring the different boundaries and relationships because
I do if it works for you, I'm like, I
really respect it.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
I just don't know if it would actually work for me.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
One of my friends is in a polyamorous relationship and
they like, literally their relationship is so solid, they have
a danger ty. They communicate so well, and I'm.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Always like, go you exactly, and sometimes it means that
the communication is way better than in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Did his primary partner know who's going on a date
with you?
Speaker 6 (11:49):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
That's good honesty.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
No, it's it's good.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And you know, like the good thing about polyamorous people
is they're more honest.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah, because I guess they can be.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
But you know, do you think she would have been intimidated?
Speaker 5 (12:02):
Why you wro.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
No, solid, solid, No.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
The thing I like about it the most is like
everything is like black and white because you have to
be honest, no reason to hiding, yes exactly.
Speaker 6 (12:22):
So that's what really is appealing to me.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So whenever there's like a gray area, you notice it
right away and it feels sketchy and you're like, what
is like, I don't have this in my relationship with you, like,
and then you address it, so.
Speaker 6 (12:35):
You get used to, really you get used to.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Having like really difficult open conversations like on a regular
because it doesn't work otherwise.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
That's see.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
That is basically the thing I find appealing about an
open relationship is the idea that there are no secrets,
that we've basically agreed if you communicate what you're doing,
it's fine. Because in the past, my biggest issues have
been trust. And so that's why sometimes I think, oh
my god, maybe I will be in an open relationship
because then like you don't need to lie to me.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, But then also, are you have you just always
been in a relationship where people have lied to you?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, You're You're definitely right, because I think certain relationships
like you're probably in now, which is what I hope
to being, is one that just like instills trusting me
from the get go, So then it doesn't need to
be an open relationship because I just trust you completely.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
And can I just say so every relationship I've had
up until now, I didn't trust them, and I had,
you know, like maybe like I was doing what a
lot of people are, looking through phones all that kind
of stuff, and I felt really like something like that
gray area, whereas it's different than when you actually have
a relationship where there's no trust issues whatsoever. And I
know Chris is obviously speaking about you know, you have
(13:47):
these really frank and open conversations, whereas actually, when you're
in your relationship that you both trust each other, you
don't have to because there's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, exactly, because I think you shouldn't be in an
open relationship just because you don't trust someone. Basically, it
shouldn't be like a last resort. It should be because
you want to do that.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
You should be in an open relationship because you just
don't believe in monogamy and you want to have multiple partners,
and you're someone who possibly will never want to just
settle with one person. And also I'm saying this as
someone who's always been monogamists. I don't know either, but
that's me looking from the outside in.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
But do you know what I would love is to
meet his primary partner. Yeah, because I feel like now
that I've met him and got an idea of like
him on a day, I'd love to meet her and
sort of there are so many layers of like being polyamorous,
and it's so complicated. One of my really good friends
is in like a polyamorous relationship or like, I don't know,
there's so many different versions of like non monogamous relationships.
(14:42):
There's another phrase for the relationship she's in. But she
was like to me, she was like, you have to
have so much time to commit to it because the
level of communication that you have to have and the
conversations you have to have, like weekly check in with
each other talk about what's going on, is very time consuming.
It's like you're not always like arguing, but you're always
having these like really deep conversations and that I'm just like, God,
(15:04):
I just wanted like an easy live.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah, you know what, I actually think how you've described
it there. The reason I could never ever be in
one is like I can hardly manage having one partner exactly,
and keeping on top of like fucking Valentine's Day and
actually just seeing each other and having time for each other.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's what I mean, Like where do you find the time?
Where do these people find the time.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
It's funny because I'm just picturing you and Jack rellis
jack Ja. Yeah, you know, I'm from I don't support
UK stactor him having crazy eye contact for you on
a couch summer having coffee is really unsettling.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
No, I know.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And also my coffee they gave me soy milk instead
of oat milk, which I'm like very mildly allergic to.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
So halfway through I was going because I was like
making mind bright really ed.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I was like, He's like, oh god, her gag reflects
is terrible, terrible. So you're having a nice time on
a day with me?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Do I have to say?
Speaker 2 (16:07):
No?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
You can be honest.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Give me feedback, Chris, what did you think of our day?
Speaker 4 (16:19):
I think it went well, Like you're funny to talk to.
He gave me good eye contact, and that's good feedback.
It was easy to talk to you, and likewise, and
I'm going to come to your show so I get
to see you again in some capacity.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
So I want to know would you go on a
second day with him? Like did you change numbers or
what we did?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
This is a really funny right, So like afterwards I
was like, Okay, maybe, like I'll see him again because
it was a good day and like I said, like
there was written intense eye contacting going on, and then
I left and then he texted me, and then as
a few days afterwards, I was like, you know what, no,
because I thought about like what we were just talking about.
(17:03):
That whole concept just was overfilling my brain and kind
of stressing me out. And like I can definitely date
someone who's like shagging around, but someone who's in a
whole relationship with someone else, I'm just like, that's not
really where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I get you, it's kind of hard knowing because if
you do develop feelings that you're a the side person.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
And then the other day someone was telling me that
she had a friend who had really pushed for an
open relationship, but then her boyfriend ended up falling in
love with someone else that he started seeing, but it
had been like her idea, and then he'd come back
and been like, I've developed feelings sin this girl, and
she was like that's okay, Like should we like meet her?
And then she met the girl and the girl was like, look,
(17:42):
it's fine, Like I'm not trying to steal your man.
We do have feelings for each other, but like I
wouldn't you guys stay together? And then he was like,
do you know what, No, like I'm in love with her.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Oh that's kind of nice that he fell in love
but also.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I know but it's like, yeah, that's what I would
be freaking out about the whole time. You're going on
a date with someone whole we're gonna fall in love
with them?
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yeah, Like I find the whole cancel of really really interesting.
And as I said, like, I'm like, whatever makes someone
else happy in their relationship, I'm so happy for them.
Like I am just vanilla light monogamous bitch here, right,
But what I will say is, you know, I would
be afraid to do it for a number of reasons,
and one of them would be losing your partner. Yeah,
what if you fail for someone else?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I mean, and you have to be so secure and
you're like love for each other to think that there's
no chance that he's gonna like end up falling in
love with someone else, you have to be so secure.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Which, yeah, so it's no to Chris. Chris is gone,
I think, so I'm afraid. But Chris is not forgotten,
never forgotten. And he's got plenty of plenty He literally
has plenty of so many options, He's got a lot
of team players on that field.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
So he's fine.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
He's well, so many options. Obviously none of them are
as interesting as me.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
But no, I would love to have like a family
tree of their relationship though I know.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Oh my god, that's such a good idea. The thing
I'll say is he also he's every this is cyrn.
But he sent me a message after just being like,
let's go for another drink, and then I was like, yeah, sure,
and then I just decided not to do And then
the next week messaged me like, hey, like, I just
want to let you know my week's gotten really full now,
so like I haven't really got any time to see
you this week, but would love to get in sometime
(19:15):
next week.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Not even followed up with.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Like the first proposition of seeing you again, and now
you've gotten in touchdown me, you're so busy with so
many other dates.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
That's like you know when you like have your monthly
wax appointment and then they mess you got Look, I
know you haven't booked in yet, but my week is
getting real full. It's like, listen, he's got a lot
of people to see.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I know, but it's very like I didn't ask, and
you're telling me how busy you are, but I didn't ask.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Yeah, Chris gone.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Next time. On twenty eight dates Later.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
There is nothing more ick to me than people referring
to themselves and as a conner sort of anything, but
mainly why.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Unless you're won number one in the world. Even then, Oh, girls,
you around for me. I'm a savage obout it.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
They can help it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Twenty eight Dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help
from Roz Pursu and Dan Whyde. The producer is Diggory Way.
The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithilely
Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and
Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.
This show contains adult material and swearing.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You have been warned that man has a girlfriend and
he's out here at lunch time in a cafe giving
me like sex size.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So halfway through I was going.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
He's like, oh god, her gag green is Zeremo Terrebo.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Around me?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm a savage. Are you bored of modern dating?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Meeting the same people from the same apps in the
same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your
house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's
time to change the narrative on how we find love.
It's time to start looking for love in all the
wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only
picking people who were the total opposite of my type.
(00:52):
And after twenty eight of these dates in two months,
will I find that special someone? Or well, this experiment
proved I should just give up on dating altogether.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
It's time to find out.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Grace, How are you?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I'm good? I'm looking forward to this week's date, but
I've been worried about how much you like some of
these guys.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
That's the thing, like I'm I'm I'm gonna go on
dates and think Ross is going to hurt this guy.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
No, and you know what, like.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
She's going to fucking hate this guy.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, but I'm really turned on.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
You know what. What's funny is we do actually have come.
I think we are very safe friends and that if
we went to a club we wouldn't be trying to
fight for the same guy.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
As Yes, yeah, not at all, not all.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
But also because you're in a relationship, so you can't
get with anyone, you can't even talk to them.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
I can flourish first. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
No, I have a bit of healthy flirting.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Yeah, it's good, just to check in that.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
He's so goddess it is.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I mean, no, I know it's important. So go on,
go on, tell me about who's up next.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yes, I met Chris and it's about Chris with a
Why I presume maybe because he's Welsh.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Hi, oh bye, how are you?
Speaker 3 (02:27):
I'm good?
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Nice to meet you in So do you go by
she or day or hey?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Okay, what do you do?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
So?
Speaker 4 (02:36):
I work for a clothing company? Oh okay, I work
in the custoller and product relations.
Speaker 5 (02:43):
So are you Polly yes, so I have a primary partner.
Speaker 6 (02:47):
Okay, I'm obsessed with it.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Okay, Yeah, we've been together for like fourteen fifteen months, sixteen.
We're going to say it is no.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
You invented it very ahead of the car.
Speaker 6 (03:12):
And you are twenty eight.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So when I came in, he asked me what my
pronouns were.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
Oh my god, Layton.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
But so he let me tell you about him, right, okay,
because this is so interesting.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I found him on Field. Do you know about Field?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Tell me quickly?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Both.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Field.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
It's like a sort of I used to think it
was like a kink based app and but it's basically
a lot it's like people in polyamorous relationships, Like you know,
it's a sort of like more open minded app and
like hinge. So like it's the kind of place that
you can, like I don't know, expect to like talk
to people who are like in open relationships or just
looking for slightly like off the beaten track concept, so
(03:49):
like very like out of my comfort zone. He is
in an open relationship. So he said he had a
primary van. I was really like as a concept jarbed me.
It was like I just kept thinking of like primary
care giver. I was like, oh my god, it's can
I ask Cara was.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Its primary person male or female?
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Female?
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
And I think he said they started their relationship open.
And then I was like really interrogating it because I
am so interested in polyamous relationship. And he said that
he had like different people for different things, So he
was like, you can really.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Vary it however you want it to be, Like you
could have like I have a primary partner and I
date the people to what degree of intimacy I have
of these people, whether like we go on dates and stuff,
or we just have sex or eventually just like hang
out and just like have be a cuddle buddy and
someone to be like friends with, Like it really depends
how That's quite interesting, Yeah, but like not necessarily like
(04:49):
sex or like kissing or whatever, or you just have
a friend that you do activities with because everyone else
is boring.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Yeah, that sounds like a friend or like he was like,
you know, but people that I don't actually get with,
we just sort of like cuddle.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I was like, why, Like the thing that I kept
thinking is like.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
That man needs a dog.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah exactly one hundred percent, But also like what did
you just do that with your girlfriend. Yeah, Like that's
the kind of intimacy that if I was in the
open relationship, I think I'd be like, listen, you can
have like maybe sex when you're on holiday, but like
the concept of like lying and watching TV just sounds
way more intimate than anything else.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
And I've known real skills required to just snuggling on
the couch, so h I find that's strange and just
do it alone. Yeah, what did he look like?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
He looks like he looked a bit like you know,
he did his Bible wasn't this, But he looks a
bit like Jack Grealish the football player.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Okay, and he wasn't political.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
He didn't know who my dad was, which is actually
quite an dick if I'm honest, because that's my litmus test.
If you don't know who Alie the Gambler is and
you don't really know anything about politics, and then I'm
not sure if I fancy it.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
And maybe you live in a little bit of a bubble.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
It's such like I always find it when people like,
I'm not very biscal It's such like I don't know
that it's not like such a privileged position to be in,
but it just it just makes me feel like, oh,
you've probably never voted, and therefore, like I don't respect
you as much as I would someone else.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
So what's it like having a dad as a politician?
Does he like ground it into you from Yeah?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
I think I am, but I think it just is
really ground into me?
Speaker 5 (06:29):
Was he Alisa Campbell?
Speaker 6 (06:32):
No, you don't know you're not into politics?
Speaker 3 (06:36):
I know that the recent guys.
Speaker 5 (06:40):
But I don't.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
I don't pay too much because like they all lie. Basically,
you just have to pick up the most friendly liar.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
That's true.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
But he was like he was like Tony Blair's like
director of communication, So his job was to literally like
right speeches and like talk to journalists, and he got
a reputation for being quite like aggressive.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Have you ever watched The Thick of It?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
It's a comedy and it was the main character, Malcolm Tucker,
who's played by Peter Caldi, was made was based on
my dad.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
But it's a comedy. Yeah, influence, Yeah, what's the different?
Speaker 4 (07:23):
Being infamous kinda can be bad?
Speaker 5 (07:25):
Oh really, I think.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
So, don't quote.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Did you hear that guy?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
The vibe of the date was like he wanted to
have sex to me like it wasn't like he was
one of those people you know when you meet someone
like you're very intense.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
He was like looking at me with that like intense look,
like he like, do you.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Know what I mean? You?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Which made you think that it's really.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Intense in a good way, Like that's why eye contacted
so mad.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
He brainwashed you basically one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
But the vibe was very I don't know if it's
because his eye called that was intense, but and this
is what kind of baffles me about open relationships is
that that man has a girlfriend and he's out here
at lunch time in a cafe giving me like sex size,
And that's like whoa, Like, how do you find the
energy to like upkeep these many like connections with people,
(08:21):
because I, like, I haven't got the time or the
energy to like date one person.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
So did you ask him how many pregners his primary
pregner has?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
He said, it's very equal because in they both sort
of are doing the same thing.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
It's not like one of them is doing it more.
Speaker 6 (08:40):
Is your primary your primary partner? Is it a woman?
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (08:44):
Is she the same?
Speaker 2 (08:46):
What do you mean?
Speaker 6 (08:46):
Like, does she have the same thing? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Yeah, so she has.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Other relationships to with both male and.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Females, right, Okay, Yeah, Like I I'm so happy that
it's equal on both sides, and like, obviously I love
him for someone tells me they're in an open relationship, like,
I want to know so much more, abud. I find
it's so fascinating and like whatever anyone's comfortable doing, that's
great for them. But I do think if I went
on a date with someone and they were like, yeah,
I have a primary partner and I've lost different partners,
(09:13):
I don't think I would actually be secure enough to
enter into that situation.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
No, I see that. I completely agree with.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Yeah, the idea that I would date someone who is
in a relationship with someone else, I just that, Yeah,
like you said, it doesn't make me feel secure enough
and I would always be feeling like second best.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
So the you're asked, two boyfriends, are you're also like
open to you have like multiple relationships?
Speaker 6 (09:44):
No, I haven't ever before.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Okay, Basically, when I for a period when I was
breaking up with my ex, we were open, but.
Speaker 6 (09:51):
It wasn't in a healthy way.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It was like in a last attempt to make the
relationship work. See, well, it was like I think we
weren't ready to like pull it.
Speaker 6 (10:02):
We've broken up for a bit and then we were
like trying to get back together.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
But I think neither of us all it's like recommit
to like let's be like opening.
Speaker 5 (10:08):
But it was just the worst.
Speaker 6 (10:10):
It's the worst we like to do that.
Speaker 5 (10:13):
Would you have a day someone who's in a relationship, hm, hm.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Hm, don't even.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
Don't even dignify this with.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
You know what, stop pretending. I kind of think honestly,
if I was single now, I love what you're doing,
which is like I want to explore. I think it's
really important for everyone to go do that. Would this
be something I would explore? Probably not, because I've been yeah,
so conditioned to probably like be with one person that
(10:47):
I'd find it really difficult.
Speaker 5 (10:49):
I would struggle as well.
Speaker 6 (10:50):
I would.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And so it's you know, where.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Would you come in the lineup, like on a podium
where you like silver braz That's.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
What I'm saying. I'm not a second fiddle? Was scenario
in life? Have I been the second choice?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
If you're in a monogamous relationship, you can't switch off
your feelings if you think someone's got look and you
think they're good looking. If you have the odd flert like,
it's not the end of the world, but like there
is a barrier where you can't cross the line, so
you'd have to you'd have to establish what that line.
Speaker 5 (11:18):
It's yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
But it's kind of cool that there are so many
people are like exploring the different boundaries and relationships because
I do if it works for you, I'm like, I
really respect it.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
I just don't know if it would actually work for me.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
One of my friends is in a polyamorous relationship and
they like, literally their relationship is so solid, they have
a danger ty. They communicate so well, and I'm.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Always like, go you exactly, and sometimes it means that
the communication is way better than in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Did his primary partner know who's going on a date
with you?
Speaker 6 (11:49):
Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
That's good honesty.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
No, it's it's good.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And you know, like the good thing about polyamorous people
is they're more honest.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah, because I guess they can be.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
But you know, do you think she would have been intimidated?
Speaker 5 (12:02):
Why you wro.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
No, solid, solid, No.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
The thing I like about it the most is like
everything is like black and white because you have to
be honest, no reason to hiding, yes exactly.
Speaker 6 (12:22):
So that's what really is appealing to me.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So whenever there's like a gray area, you notice it
right away and it feels sketchy and you're like, what
is like, I don't have this in my relationship with you, like,
and then you address it, so.
Speaker 6 (12:35):
You get used to, really you get used to.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Having like really difficult open conversations like on a regular
because it doesn't work otherwise.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
That's see.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
That is basically the thing I find appealing about an
open relationship is the idea that there are no secrets,
that we've basically agreed if you communicate what you're doing,
it's fine. Because in the past, my biggest issues have
been trust. And so that's why sometimes I think, oh
my god, maybe I will be in an open relationship
because then like you don't need to lie to me.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, But then also, are you have you just always
been in a relationship where people have lied to you?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yeah, You're You're definitely right, because I think certain relationships
like you're probably in now, which is what I hope
to being, is one that just like instills trusting me
from the get go, So then it doesn't need to
be an open relationship because I just trust you completely.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
And can I just say so every relationship I've had
up until now, I didn't trust them, and I had,
you know, like maybe like I was doing what a
lot of people are, looking through phones all that kind
of stuff, and I felt really like something like that
gray area, whereas it's different than when you actually have
a relationship where there's no trust issues whatsoever. And I
know Chris is obviously speaking about you know, you have
(13:47):
these really frank and open conversations, whereas actually, when you're
in your relationship that you both trust each other, you
don't have to because there's nothing to worry about.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah, exactly, because I think you shouldn't be in an
open relationship just because you don't trust someone. Basically, it
shouldn't be like a last resort. It should be because
you want to do that.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
You should be in an open relationship because you just
don't believe in monogamy and you want to have multiple partners,
and you're someone who possibly will never want to just
settle with one person. And also I'm saying this as
someone who's always been monogamists. I don't know either, but
that's me looking from the outside in.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
But do you know what I would love is to
meet his primary partner. Yeah, because I feel like now
that I've met him and got an idea of like
him on a day, I'd love to meet her and
sort of there are so many layers of like being polyamorous,
and it's so complicated. One of my really good friends
is in like a polyamorous relationship or like, I don't know,
there's so many different versions of like non monogamous relationships.
(14:42):
There's another phrase for the relationship she's in. But she
was like to me, she was like, you have to
have so much time to commit to it because the
level of communication that you have to have and the
conversations you have to have, like weekly check in with
each other talk about what's going on, is very time consuming.
It's like you're not always like arguing, but you're always
having these like really deep conversations and that I'm just like, God,
(15:04):
I just wanted like an easy live.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah, you know what, I actually think how you've described
it there. The reason I could never ever be in
one is like I can hardly manage having one partner exactly,
and keeping on top of like fucking Valentine's Day and
actually just seeing each other and having time for each other.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
That's what I mean, Like where do you find the time?
Where do these people find the time.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
It's funny because I'm just picturing you and Jack rellis
jack Ja. Yeah, you know, I'm from I don't support
UK stactor him having crazy eye contact for you on
a couch summer having coffee is really unsettling.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
No, I know.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
And also my coffee they gave me soy milk instead
of oat milk, which I'm like very mildly allergic to.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
So halfway through I was going because I was like
making mind bright really ed.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I was like, He's like, oh god, her gag reflects
is terrible, terrible. So you're having a nice time on
a day with me?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Do I have to say?
Speaker 2 (16:07):
No?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
You can be honest.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Give me feedback, Chris, what did you think of our day?
Speaker 4 (16:19):
I think it went well, Like you're funny to talk to.
He gave me good eye contact, and that's good feedback.
It was easy to talk to you, and likewise, and
I'm going to come to your show so I get
to see you again in some capacity.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
So I want to know would you go on a
second day with him? Like did you change numbers or
what we did?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
This is a really funny right, So like afterwards I
was like, Okay, maybe, like I'll see him again because
it was a good day and like I said, like
there was written intense eye contacting going on, and then
I left and then he texted me, and then as
a few days afterwards, I was like, you know what, no,
because I thought about like what we were just talking about.
(17:03):
That whole concept just was overfilling my brain and kind
of stressing me out. And like I can definitely date
someone who's like shagging around, but someone who's in a
whole relationship with someone else, I'm just like, that's not
really where I'm at.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I get you, it's kind of hard knowing because if
you do develop feelings that you're a the side person.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
And then the other day someone was telling me that
she had a friend who had really pushed for an
open relationship, but then her boyfriend ended up falling in
love with someone else that he started seeing, but it
had been like her idea, and then he'd come back
and been like, I've developed feelings sin this girl, and
she was like that's okay, Like should we like meet her?
And then she met the girl and the girl was like, look,
(17:42):
it's fine, Like I'm not trying to steal your man.
We do have feelings for each other, but like I
wouldn't you guys stay together? And then he was like,
do you know what, No, like I'm in love with her.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Oh that's kind of nice that he fell in love
but also.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I know but it's like, yeah, that's what I would
be freaking out about the whole time. You're going on
a date with someone whole we're gonna fall in love
with them?
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Yeah, Like I find the whole cancel of really really interesting.
And as I said, like, I'm like, whatever makes someone
else happy in their relationship, I'm so happy for them.
Like I am just vanilla light monogamous bitch here, right,
But what I will say is, you know, I would
be afraid to do it for a number of reasons,
and one of them would be losing your partner. Yeah,
what if you fail for someone else?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I mean, and you have to be so secure and
you're like love for each other to think that there's
no chance that he's gonna like end up falling in
love with someone else, you have to be so secure.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Which, yeah, so it's no to Chris. Chris is gone,
I think, so I'm afraid. But Chris is not forgotten,
never forgotten. And he's got plenty of plenty He literally
has plenty of so many options, He's got a lot
of team players on that field.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
So he's fine.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
He's well, so many options. Obviously none of them are
as interesting as me.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
But no, I would love to have like a family
tree of their relationship though I know.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Oh my god, that's such a good idea. The thing
I'll say is he also he's every this is cyrn.
But he sent me a message after just being like,
let's go for another drink, and then I was like, yeah, sure,
and then I just decided not to do And then
the next week messaged me like, hey, like, I just
want to let you know my week's gotten really full now,
so like I haven't really got any time to see
you this week, but would love to get in sometime
(19:15):
next week.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Not even followed up with.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Like the first proposition of seeing you again, and now
you've gotten in touchdown me, you're so busy with so
many other dates.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
That's like you know when you like have your monthly
wax appointment and then they mess you got Look, I
know you haven't booked in yet, but my week is
getting real full. It's like, listen, he's got a lot
of people to see.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
I know, but it's very like I didn't ask, and
you're telling me how busy you are, but I didn't ask.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Yeah, Chris gone.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Next time. On twenty eight dates Later.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
There is nothing more ick to me than people referring
to themselves and as a conner sort of anything, but
mainly why.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Unless you're won number one in the world. Even then, Oh, girls,
you around for me. I'm a savage obout it.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
They can help it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Twenty eight Dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help
from Roz Pursu and Dan Whyde. The producer is Diggory Way.
The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithilely
Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and
Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.
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