Jennie's Journal...She Graduated, and So Did I

Jennie opens the pages of her journal to discuss how she's feeling about her youngest daughter Fiona's recent high school graduation. As a Mom, she's feeling a load of emotions, and needed to get them on the page. 

From the highs and the lows, you feel as a mom watching your kid go through the tough years of high school, to watching them become young adults...Jennie is processing not only her daughter's next chapter, but her own. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garland. Hey, everybody,
welcome to I Choose Me With yours. Truly, I was thinking,
it's been a minute since we've done a Jenny's Journal,
so I feel like I want to share with you

(00:22):
something relatively big that happened in my life. And I
don't know, I just feel like sharing with you. So
here's a little something from Jenny's Journals. June sixth, twenty five.
Oh my god, today was it? Fiona, my baby bird?
She graduated high school? And Yeah, I'm out here on

(00:45):
the porch writing this, enjoying the night air, sitting down
for the first time today, and it's just hitting me
all over again. Sitting there this morning on the metal
bench in the hot sun with her sisters and Dave,
her uncle Peter, and Lily. I can honestly say we
were one big, very happy family in that moment. It

(01:06):
wasn't lost on me that all the hard work our
family has done to stay united had culminated into this
highly anticipated and pivotal moment in all of our lives.
Watching her walk across that stage, and yes, being that
family that yells out and pops off confetti Cannons, basically
making a spectacle of themselves to show her how proud

(01:27):
we are of her. In that moment she walked up
to receive her Diplumber, her hand stretch out to shake
the Dean's hand, it felt somehow like my entire mom
life just slash before my eyes, and I could feel
this sort of triumphant moment of not just our family
but her. All the crazy ups and the gut wrenching

(01:51):
downs that are high school, but mostly just this totally
overwhelming feeling of awe for her and joy for me,
such relief she made it. Her experience wasn't a cakewalk. Yes,
we are privileged. Did she ask for it? No? But

(02:13):
however you want to look at it, she was lucky
to be born into the situation she was. Others have
had much harder times, for sure, and her experience is hers,
So I will let her speak about it. I'll just
say for me as a mom, her high school years
have been really hard to watch, really hard on me.

(02:34):
And it's been almost even harder to not jump in
and fix it, fix it all. It's so so hard
to watch your kid hurt. She literally had to fight
against the dumbest stereotype ever, being called dumb just because
she looks a certain way, mean kids labeled her too emotional.

(02:59):
That one really got to me. I've had it said
about me and it's just a straight up attempt to
belittle a person. But Fiona feels things beautifully and deeply,
and I think that's actually one of her greatest strengths.
She was trying to figure it all out, but there
were so many texts over the four years from her

(03:21):
needing support or wanting to be anywhere but there, Please
email the attendants I need to leave, you know those
kind of texts. Do I think she was bullied? Yeah?
I do. Some kids think it's fun to hurt other people.
I don't understand it, but I do recognize it. You

(03:42):
just want to scoop up your kid and literally shield
them from every single crappy word. And it wasn't just
the mean kid stuff. It was the quiet stuff too.
Some teachers were just total angels. She would tell me
stories from classroom discussion she had had with some of them,
and she just would light up whenever she talked about

(04:03):
some they actually saw her, you know, saw past her
appearance and the teen drama to the genuinely curious, caring
and intelligent girl she is. They nurtured her spirit, but
then there were others who just didn't. They just completely
missed her. And when someone in authority just doesn't see

(04:26):
your kid, that can be just as damaging as any
mean girl or bully. They can make them feel invisible
or maybe unworthy, and that's a tough, tough feeling for
any kid to carry around. There was also a toxic relationship.
I'll let her share that if she wants to, but
it affected basically all four years of her experience. My

(04:49):
heart literally ached watching her go through it, trying to
figure out those insane feelings, the confusion, the constant ups
and downs. There were so many times and I just
won't to jump in and yell at her or give
him a piece of my mind. Sorry, that kind of
sounds like my grandma. But to see her finally break

(05:10):
free and start putting herself back together after all that, honestly,
it was like watching the most glorious sunrise ever with
such a relief, and it reinforced to me just how
incredibly strong she is. I guess beyond being just a

(05:33):
proud mom, I have learned along the way too. All
this reminded me how important it is to really listen
to my kids. It made me wonder have I done
a good enough job. Sometimes the stuff they're not saying
is way more important than what they are. The complaints
about school, the out of nowhere mood changes, the wanting

(05:57):
to be alone, those are usually signals or something deeper
going on, And I get it. All the absolute bullshit
the kids have to deal with today and grow up
subjected to, don't even get me started. I've tried to
create a space where each of the girls know they
can actually tell me anything. But I know there have

(06:17):
been times when my workload has deprived one or another
of much needed mom time or wifetime for that matter.
But that's a different entry for another day. So many
times I've wished I could wave a magic wand and
make everything better for everyone, But you have to teach
them to stand up for themselves. There were definitely times

(06:39):
when I wanted to storm the school and raise hell,
but I knew I had to find that balance with Fiona.
Both Peter and Dave were always my reminders to take
a deep breath and calm down, think things through. I
believe things always work out, and it was quite possible.
I did actually need two dads to get me through
this with my feet on the ground. I was a

(07:02):
full time life coach and therapist and cheerleader, all wrapped
up in a mom costume. I tried to do my best.
I'd encourage Fiona to talk to her teachers, to speak
her mind, to take charge of things and claim her power.
When it came to the boy, we talk about boundaries.

(07:22):
We talked about what she deserved and how important it
was to put herself first, to choose herself. I think
teaching our kids to find their own voice is one
of the best things we can do for them. And
as excruciating as it was to watch her go through
all that those experiences, the dumb labels, the emotional roller coaster,

(07:42):
they didn't break her, not at all. They actually built
something incredible inside her. She learned how strong she is,
She learned to trust her gut, and she learned what
she will and absolutely will not put up with in
relationships moving forward. Those aren't easy lessons, but boy, old boy,

(08:06):
are they important ones. I honestly envy that she received
these big life lessons this young, because I didn't, and
I know there will be so many more, but let's
just get through this big event today. Please. It's just
part of her story now, it's not her whole story.
But she did it. She pushed through, she learned, she

(08:28):
grew into this amazing young woman. Like I've always told
all the girls since we saw The Help back in
twenty eleven, you is smart, You is kind, and you
is important. She learned to be resilient no matter what. Yeah,
she's got some scars, sure, but she's also got the
wisdom and the strength that came from going through tough times.

(08:52):
We had a sweet family party for her. Lola, Dave
and I did the prep. Luca made a fun game
to celebrate her. She called it Fiona Jeopardy Soupani. My
friend treated us all to such inspiring Thai food. I
can't even tell you how good it was. Peter made
it through the years movie of her, and there were
flowers and family and dear friends. We laughed, we cried.

(09:15):
My baby bird is officially ready to fly, and I'm
just here watching her take off. My heart is so
full of gratitude it could burst. And not only am
I proud of her, but I'm proud of me too,
this last one has been the most challenging. But hey,
let's go out with a bang, right, Mom. That's all

(09:37):
I had to say about that. But I'm curious. Did
you have a kid that graduated, You have a kid
that had a tough time in high school? I don't know.
Are you like me? Are you out there trying to
hold everything up for everybody all the time and you're
just making it up as you go. Being a mom
is the hardest, most rewarding job you will ever have,

(10:01):
and I see you. As far as I'm concerned, all
moms are superheroes. I mean, that's how I look at
my mom now, which is much different than how I
used to look at her. But I just want you
to know that it's okay to take a moment, to choose,
to allow yourself to take a deep breath and just

(10:22):
revel in this moment of accomplishment, not just for your kid,
but for you. You did it too, You graduated from
high school all over again, and I'm so proud of us.