Opening the Envelope

Possibilitarian and life coach Cherie Healey returns to help us answer questions about how to deal with an indecisive partner, anxiety when moving to a new place, and insecurities that come with being on TV.

And the tears start to flow once get open and honest about what we need to work on in a relationship. 

Plus, we hear some incredible advice on what you should do if you feel like the passion is fading from your relationship.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Jared and Ashley. I and I heard radio.
Hello everyone, and welcome to an all new episode of
wine Down with Jared and Ashley. As it's always been,
it's never changed. You'd never had any other host besides
us too. Hi, Ashley, how are you? Hi? Um? If
you keep making the sounds of your mouth over there
like you have been the past five minutes, it hasn't

(00:25):
been five minutes, it's been thirty seconds. And to give
a little background of what she's talking about, Eastern, our
wonderful producer, had his headphones on. Actually you didn't, so
I figured i'd try to annoy Easton, but not try
to annoy Eastn. You didn't have your headphone trying to
annoy Easton when you switched water in your mouth. Yes,
I thought it was an annoying sound because two seconds

(00:46):
prior he said, hey, can we get a mike? You
like Easton way more than that. No, That's why I
was trying to annoy him, because I like Easton. If
I do you really think this is true? Easton? I mean,
I's no one of the microphones. Jack and I got this.
It's a fun sound. I guess it wasn't your lollipop
and now your mouth is blue like I'm with a child.

(01:09):
Well that's what happened. Great, right now. I was concerned
about that, but then not concerned because we're not on video.
This is all audio. So the only way people would
ever find out that I have a blue mouth is
if my co host decided to point that out on air.
Well pointing it out and to go back, it's so silly,
it's very silly. I hope you're able to take me

(01:29):
seriously throughout this podcast. But to go back to the fact, Easton,
I only a annoy people I like if I If
I don't like you, then I'm far too scared to
get on your bad side because there's no rapport there
to you know, heal the wound of of annoyance. I
understand that you know you you you tease the ones
you love. Um, I'm glad that I'm at that level

(01:50):
with you totally. I feel comfortable enough. That's why I
tease you. Actually, well, what do you learned something? So
remember when we were little and a boy would tease
a girl and the parents or the teacher would say,
he probably just likes you. Now because of like all
sorts of changes, in society and things. You're not supposed

(02:11):
to say that anymore. I'm not supposed to say because
you don't want to teach little girls that a boy
being mean is a sign of like love or affection.
But it was definitely true. I mean, my middle school,
elementary school crush. He used to demoralize me, and he
even admitted fifteen years later that it was because he

(02:31):
had a crush on me. Yeah, they actually said. So.
I look up astrology. I'm a scorpio, and a sign
of love for from a scorpio is sarcasm. And it's
also I amy, I agree with you that I I
actually like that they're trying to teach boys from getting
away from teasing the people they like, because I've noticed

(02:53):
that it's it's it's probably not the best approach specifically
within relationships, but it was just the way I was raised.
It's the way boys were raised. You know. I was
always teasing my friends and teasing girls I like because
it was a defense mechanism. So hopefully the future generation
of men will be a lot smarter than this dumbas
sitting right here, and I'm pointing to myself. You know
what I actually have always had a pet peevon, and

(03:15):
it's funny that I'm with you. I don't think you're
as sarcastic as you think you are, And I don't
think sarcasm is like super funny. Um. I have a
friend who, like her college humor, especially when flirting was
just in a constant state of sarcasm that they could
never break it. They're like, all their conversations were just
in this back and forth sarcasm, like you're never going

(03:36):
to get deep. And then when they try to break
it and have like a regular conversation, it's weird. Uh.
Do you notice that maybe I'm more sarcastic back East
than I am here. Possibly, But I don't love sarcasm, babe. Uh,
that's besides the point. Um. Do you really ever find
it hilarious a lot of times? Yes? Really? Yeah, I

(03:57):
just like sarcasm as a humor. It's just putting a
tone of like negativity on everything, which is what makes
it funny. Because I am a pessimist at heart. It's
not a good quality to have. Unfortunately, this is just
the way I am the way I was raised Anyway,
It's not the way you were raised, Like your parents
aren't like that. What's my dad is one of the

(04:18):
most sarcastic man I've ever met. He's always it's always
with Jared's dad. Whenever he's a quality, it's ever man
I've ever met. Everything you say about your dad is
he's the most man ever ever? Is that something that
annoys you? This is interesting, like you totally extreme every
quality your dad has. Your dad is definitely not one

(04:39):
of the most sarcastic man you've ever met. He's he's
he's way cuter about it. Yeah, but what's the fun
And in saying he's just sarcastic, I think it's more
fun to say yeah, to be an extremist, to say he's,
you know, one of the funniest. But people do that
in their everyday life. How many times have you heard
somebody say one of the funniest people I've ever met?

(05:00):
But you know it's funny when I talk in extremes,
you get so annoyed. How so give me an example.
Whenever I'll be like, you know, I'll exaggerate something. You know,
how when I when you get mad and you get
angry and sometimes get yeah, I know, but you know
when I'm like, you know, I get worried when you
get like that and then you'll be like, what do

(05:22):
you mean? You get worried? And then I'm like, I'm like,
what are you so? Why did you flip out like that?
Because a lot of times when you exaggerate or make
things more dramatic, it's in a negative condensation where I'm
doing condensation connotation connotation, thank you, um. But when I
do it, I try to do it in a humorous way.

(05:44):
It's super fun to hear you guys argue. UM. Let's
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(07:57):
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(08:42):
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(09:02):
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(09:25):
Go check it out today. So we have Shari Healey
on the line. Shari is a possible bilitarian. Yes, that's interesting.
Is that a way of thinking? I think it's just
a way of life really, But she brings over twenty
years of relationship study. She's a marriage educator and divorce
pretension prevention expert. So, Sherry, are you on the line,

(09:45):
Shari Sharie. Jesus God, I'm so bad at names. No,
it looks like Sherry. It does look like Sherry, but Amy,
you just said Shari. Yeah. Anyway, Shari, have you been
listening to our bickering? So fun? Sorry? I want her
to hear that so that she can, you know, help
determine our issues. There we go. Yeah, I know, you

(10:07):
guys are being real and it's the best. I mean.
I think you people will learn from you being all
out there holding back. Well, thank you, Tree. So sureI
tell us a little bit about yourself. What makes you
a possibilitarian and what does that exactly mean? Well, it's
a title that I think is more true to me

(10:28):
than just life coach. You know, my training and credentials
are one thing, but when you tell people you're a possibilitarian,
it's pretty clear you stand for all things being possible,
you know. And I think I'm here to how people
get what they want. I think we're here to enjoy
the ride and not struggle so much in life. So
I think we're going to deal with a few of

(10:48):
your struggles trying to get those out of the way.
So you can have more fun loving each other. Not well,
we appreciate that, but sure you You definitely have a
very um fulfilled background. You're boards certified coach, your founder
of One Woman Effect and Bring It Group. Um. You
are a business owner and entrepreneur, and you have degrees
in marketing, communication and strategic intervention. And you've worked with

(11:12):
corporate leaders for over twenty years to rise up and
make a difference in the world. So you definitely I
just wanted to, you know, hype up so people take
you seriously. Oh thank you? Yeah, I mean I at
the end of the day, all of that experience just
sleeps to a really deep desire to have people have
the time of their lives while we're here. And I

(11:34):
think each one of you and all of us are
you know, unique, and we each have a gift to give.
And when things get in our way, it's usually because
there's just a lack of skill or lack of awareness
that can easily be learned so we can keep moving
forward in life. And I think all of us, if
we're walking around filled with joy and in love, then

(11:56):
we're going to make the world a better place. So
Jared and I ol behind each other's backs. Told you
a couple issues that we want to work on on
a relationship. Can we deep dive into that right now?
That's good, But let's do it. Hey, Shure names Eastern.
I think we've talked on the phone a couple of times. Yes, yes, yes,

(12:18):
you're a very beautiful person. Um. I have these envelopes
in my hand that that Jared and Ashley have written.
Who wants to go first? I'll go first? Yeah? What
does that mean? I go first? The ones? So my
concern in the relationship with Ashley? Yes, ok, right, and
the award goes to La. We're on the same page here.

(12:46):
You guys really have some willer personalities. Yeah, we're both kicks.
All right, here we go. This is from Jared to
Ashley things to work on. Ashley can sometimes only want
it her way or the highway. Yes, am I supposed
to expand on that before sar oh got you. Well,
let's do this. I'd love to hear an example. Let's

(13:06):
dive into a moment that can make it really concrete
for people. Uh. And I was also being dramatic with
that statement. I think with Ashley, I don't think you're
being dramatic at all, Well, it's not so much your
way of the highway. You just you have a very
um dominant personality and you like to be in the
control of a lot of different situations and be the
decision maker. Where I am, My personality is far more

(13:31):
go with the flow, UM, and you just make decisions
for You're far more indecisive than me. You almost want
me to make the decision totally in most cases. In
most cases, absolutely, but I think in those some it's
it's hard because most cases are absolutely right. But there
are other cases where I would like to be more
of a decision maker and not be the behind the

(13:53):
scenes guy. UM. And I think that's what I meant
by it. For a specific example, honestly, what would be
a good example of this, Um, This is really stupid.
But we were sitting down on the couch the other
night and searching to find a movie to watch, and

(14:16):
there was a movie that I had seen nine months
years ago, and I actually said, how have I never
seen this movie? And I said, I don't know. I've
seen it so many times, my mom, I love that
movie've seen it probably fifteen times. And You're like, do
you want to watch it? And I was like, ah,
you know it's good. I'm kinda and you could tell
that I didn't want to because he even said could
not tell that point. I wanted to watch Batman for you.

(14:40):
I don't wanted to watch your movie, but you seemed indecisive,
like you literally didn't care. What I want from you
is to say, I actually don't want to watch that.
Can we watch this? That's my dream? Well, what I
said with Batman was I didn't want to watch a
movie that I had already seen. And then my further comment,
you want me to watch Batman? Want to talk about God?

(15:01):
I want you to watch Batman. But the point I
was making that night when you said, hey, I'll watch Batman,
I said, well, I kind of want to watch something
I haven't seen and i've seen not make that. Yeah,
I said that. Well you should have said it again
because I obviously didn't register. It obviously didn't register, and
maybe I should have said it again. So when I
said nine months, oh, i've seen it, you know fifteen times,

(15:21):
I just I want you to say, in the situations
I don't want to watch it, you never be You're
never clear, You're you always just assume that I wouldn't
I would know. Um, well, the point I'm making is
you just started playing person playing and we're like, all right,
I guess we're watching it. Or you said something like
along the lines of you know, you were like, is

(15:44):
it bad that I just started? Is it bad that
I made the decision we're watching it? And I was like, no,
I'll watch it. I don't care. But it's it's it's
just that subconscious of like I'm constantly when we are
searching for a movie, You're always asking I'm always asking
you what do you want? What do you want to
go on? While we search to the movies together? So
you too, there's a good reason. That's a bad example.

(16:07):
You know, it's a good example. It's a good one
because I have this belief that there's a good reason
for everything that we do. And this can really cut
through a lot of the arguments or the misunderstandings if
you're searching for the good reason, and let me just
see what's true for each of you in this the
good reason for you being what appears indecisive, Jared, sounds

(16:28):
like you're trying to make Ashley happy, right, Yeah, you
want to know what she wants? Yes, I think I
I get a lot of happiness in my life when
I'm with the people that I care about who are happy. Right,
Like that you want this is exactly what I want

(16:50):
or what I don't want, Because if she can say
what she wants, then you're clear you're going to win
with her. She'll she'll be happy. Yeah. Sure I should
similar in situations like this, especially when it doesn't affect
my happiness. Like if he were to straight upset, I
don't want to watch that. Okay, let's find something else.
I wish these little things that he keeps inside he

(17:12):
would just be more direct about so I would know
because it's not a big deal. That's just not a
big deal in me. Let's just find another movie. Yeah,
but I think a lot of times I am direct
and I just still get shot down. Like when I
can't think of a good example off the top of
my head, I wish I thought more about this specific subject. Well,
let's think about it's, you know, another example for you. Actually,
if if you think about what the good reason is

(17:35):
for you to ever want your way or the highway
that control the dominance, what's a good reason behind that,
you know, to be in control or say Okay, I'm
gonna make a decision. Gives you something? Can you clarify
the question? So there's a good reason for you getting dominant,
you know, or saying like this is what we're gonna do,

(17:57):
because I think it soothes you. It did relieve the anxiety.
You know. If this guy is wuffling and you don't
know and then you guys are stuck and you're just
trying to make him happy too, then you'll take over.
Oh sometimes and he's being super indecisive and he just
doesn't know or he's presenting like he doesn't know what
he really wants that I'm like, all right, this is

(18:18):
my role. Let's just decide I'm going to take over. Yeah. Yeah,
but I think he like, like somebody has got to
drive the bus, you know, somebody does, or we'll never
get anything done. Yeah. No, I agree. That's why I said.
The majority of the times, I I don't mind that
from my personality being easy going, indecisive, but there are

(18:38):
times where I do vocalize what I want and my frustrations,
and a lot of times they don't matter because we're
kind of used to you driving the bus, and I'm
not saying that's a bad thing. But even like, um,
I think that I think are one of our biggest
issues between Ashley and myself is the way we vocalize
our frustrations were actually is very like whatever is bothering her,

(19:02):
she's saying it in the moment, She's gonna say whatever's
on her mind. And I and a lot of times
I hold it in and the things that actually does
that bothers me, I won't say a thing, and then
until he's obviously in a bad mood and I have
to pull it out of him. Well, it's it's but
sometimes I get in a bad mood because you'll critique

(19:25):
me for something very miniscule, something's as dumb as the
bedmaking that we've talked about a million times, where like,
for I make the bed probably six days out of
the week and five or six probably. Anyway, the point
of the story is you just sometimes like bust my
balls about he doesn't he like when he criticizes me.

(19:46):
I'm like, oh my gosh, no, really, I gotta change that.
When I criticize him, it's like I want you to
change that his soul. Well, uh, sometimes sure, but I
think that goes back to my insecurities and I think
for the longest time I was single, and I've talked
openly about this because I'm very nervous, very scared about

(20:06):
people realizing, Wow, you're actually you don't have it all together,
You're not the guy that I thought you were going
to be. Like initially with Ashley and myself, if you
know anything about our background, actually was very into me
from the start and had this very very high expectation

(20:26):
of who I was. And I remember throughout our three
years of friendship, I countless times told you, actually, I'm
not that guy. I have a lot of issues. I
have insecurities, and you're like, you're crazy, You're crazy, You're crazy.
And I think now being together with me, a lot
of my flaws have been coming out more and more
because sometimes I do get defensive, sometimes I do get

(20:49):
um down and sad and quiet and keep to myself,
and I think those things. While actually and I are
very similar, those are some areas that we butt heads
because Ashley wants to pull it out of me so
much in every moment and every second. Um where I um.
He just defines scorpio like it's crazy. He loves to

(21:13):
sit in his deep dark hole and just doing it,
and he doesn't want to talk about it until you
fours it out. And I hate, you know, using astrology
as like a way of explaining things, But I'm Pisces,
and we put our emotions like straight out there. But
it's good because we're able. We are able to open

(21:35):
up a scorpio a bit totally. And so to go
back to how we um articulate our frustrations differently, things
that Ashley does that bothers me, I won't say, you know,
I just kind of let it go, but I wish
he would. But and so I got the good reason
though he just shared with us that he was super
sensitive and scared about people finding out that he's human,

(21:58):
and so he's really so that if to making anyone
else feel that pain, the good reason behind that is
you wouldn't want anyone else to feel criticized or fully
seen like that. Well. I also also to jump off
that that is partly true but also a big truth.
It's my own um um. It's kind of selfish in

(22:21):
a way. The reason I don't critique others is because
I don't want them to critique me, because it's I
get um, I I do, I I get defensive about
those things, and I think it's because I project my
insecurities a lot of times. Uh specifically, it's it's interesting though,
sorry to keep talking, but it's now it's like a

(22:42):
therapy session. It's interesting because I feel like my insecurities
have grown exponentially ever since being on the show, because
I was always kind of insecure, but man, I I
was so much more confident before the show and I'm
still very confident man now. But it comes and goes
and ebbs and flows, because I think it's just you

(23:02):
know what's interesting. We're talking about social media last night
and comments left and there's one comment that has always
stuck out with me and don't ask me why, Well
you can ask me why, but the comments said one time,
they commented under my Instagram saying Jared is the most
overrated Bachelor contestant in the history of the show. And

(23:24):
I think it's stuck out with me all these years.
This was like two years when it got posted, and
it's stuck out with me all this time because I
believe it, because I've always believed it, because I've never
like ever since our first season of Paradise. It's like,
I'm not that guy. I don't know why Ashley is
sell in love with me. I don't know why girls
want to dave me. I have my you know I have.

(23:44):
I have a lot of good qualities. But there's so
many other people that I'm surrounded by that have better
qualities than myself, both physically and mentally emotionally. Uh. I
think Jared is an extremist humble list. He's an extreme
humblest I'm going to make that up right now. Like
he likes to think of himself as lower quality than

(24:06):
he really is, and he likes to like emphasize his
flaws because in a way, it makes him seem like
a simple, humble man, and in turn, it creates these
weird insecurities that like he really he overblows a lot.
He it's kind of like a superhero complex. And I

(24:28):
swear to you it has to do with him watching
these movies and being so obsessed with them his entire life.
It's like he, especially with The Bachelor, they presented him
as like the superhero figure that all these girls wanted
and that he really didn't have. He was like the
perfect guy and in his in his head, he was like,
but I'm not I'm flawed. Yeah, I'm not that guy.
And I think that's why it's it's my my insecurities

(24:51):
have gotten the best of me for quite some time,
and they got the best of me, specifically with our
relationship for a very long time. Um. And so I
think what I do well is I am able to
ignore those insecurities, uh, for long stretches of time. I
think I did that very well on my first season
of the Bachelorette. I think I did that very well

(25:12):
when we first got together. Um. And both in those times,
I was self aware enough to know that if I
let my insecurities get the best to me, I'm not
going to get what I want. Uh. And obviously my
first season the Bachelorette, uh, it was too you know,
not get kicked off early and then always regret looking back. Um.
And then you know, obviously moving forward with you is

(25:34):
you know, losing the best thing that's happened to me. Um.
So anyway, Yeah, but again to go back to the selfishness,
so share you can speak upon that. It's it's a
little bit of selfish for me not to critique actually,
because the reason I don't do it is because I'm
I don't want criticism and return. So in my head,

(25:54):
it's like, all right, if I just let things go
and don't you know, critique or or don't talk about
things that bothering you know, things that she does that
bothers me, then she won't do that in return. Right. Well,
there's this thing called a formula for happiness that I
think is super helpful in this that you. The formula
is when your blueprint equals your life conditions. So your

(26:17):
blueprint meaning your expectations. Right, So you have an expectation
that in order to be on the show, or in
order to be loved, you've got to be a perfect superhero.
You've got to reach this ultimately in human ideal. It's
so weird because they don't have those expectations for other people.
I just have them. Yeah, but you put them on yourself.
And it's crazy how we do that, but we do.

(26:38):
And so if you fail that, if you don't think
you're actually that or what Ashley thought you were, the
blueprint does not equal to life conditions, so you can't
be happy. You'll always suffer, right, And you said it's
gotten worse because now you've got all these people also
watching you, and so you're super exposed, and I think
we'll only experience happiness when your life conditions, when reality

(27:01):
actually meets expectations, and those two things are equal. So
the only way to fix it is either to become
an actual batman, you know, fulfill the perfect. Don't tease
me with a good idea, which is crazy because nobody
wants that, actually wants a man man. She wants a
human being, actually wants me to be. I definitely wouldn't

(27:27):
mind like that. That's the romanticism and me as well,
a sexy billionaire during the day and a cape crusader
cape crusader look at the Boston Cape cape Crusade, watching
the pot and drinks Sam's Boston Log at night. You
can totally play that role, Jared. You can nail it,

(27:50):
but not all the time. And that's where you have
to update the blueprint that none of us are going
to be absolutely dialed and perfect every single day of
our life. And when you can bring that more into alignment,
you can say, yeah, and here's a really vulnerable moment.
I'm going to tell you how I really feel like
you guys could shirt had a lot of these communication
troubles by just saying we're going to make an agreement

(28:11):
today from now on in April one. From here moving forward,
we're going to say truthfully before we're upset, I really
want this. I like to say it. In my ideal world,
if I could have it all my way, I would
watch this movie. And then you start to make a deal.
From there, you know, you get to say, then, Ashley,

(28:32):
in my ideal world, if I could have it all
my way, I would do this, And then you guys
kind of play volleyball. You go back and forth until
you both come up with something where you both feel
like you got to win instead of somebody being resentful
and being the loser. You know, I'm not about compromise,
and I think you're not totally sharing what you want, Jared.

(28:52):
And then it's going to build up. Yeah, I see
building up all the time. Yeah. My next question for you,
Sherry is why is it so difficult to tell people
what we want? Well, I think it's multilayered. I think
for you, knowing what I know about you, it's you

(29:12):
don't want to disappoint You want to continue to be
the superhero. And if you tell somebody that might disappoint
them or they might not agree with it can create
disconnection and anxiety. You know, you hold back because you
want to be pleasing, you want to fulfill that image,
and and then it actually catch us up with us. Yeah,

(29:33):
I think I just hear people all the time who
are so afraid to tell people what they want. Even
last night, we were talking to a girl who was
saying that she wants to get engaged with her boyfriend.
And while she's talked to him about it, I think
she hasn't really directly said like, this is what I want,
this is the time frame I want to in, And
I don't know why you. I mean, this is a

(29:54):
whole thing, but but yeah, I just I my curiosity is,
why is it it? I know I get it for me.
I sometimes it's hard for me to say what I want.
But it's it seems like it's a very um big
problem for a lot of people. There's fear that somebody
might not want to give it. They would rather you know,

(30:16):
suspend the knowing and think that maybe someday they'll get it.
Like that woman's maybe worst fear is it She'll say
I want to get engaged and he'll say I don't,
and then the relationship is over. So they hang out
waiting and hoping instead of what I think is really
what we're all craving now ultimately is to be seen
and understood, to be fully seen and heard, and that

(30:37):
means suspending that fear and saying, look, I'm about something
that I really want and need and you may not agree,
you may not be able to give it to me,
but I'm gonna put that fear aside in order to
be closer to you. I think when at least we
can really know each other's truth. I mean, actually, I'm
a Pisces and my son as a Scorpio. I so

(30:57):
get the not knowing and the anxiety that causes to
be like, how are you feeling? You know, and not
being able to crack in there. Yes, I think for
me it's hard. You feel this as a woman. I
think our giant need to be connected creates a sense
of safety for us. And so there's got to be

(31:18):
some kind of an agreement you to make ground giving
him his time to be in his safe place, because
safety for him is not charing and being quiet and
keeping it all in and he's got to have that
at times. And I think, Jared, you knowing that it's
something that really creates safety for Ashley to know how

(31:40):
you're feeling, to be deeply connected, that that can be
a gift to her, That is a superhero gift. Like
I'm gonna look at my fear straight in the face
and I'm going to put on my tape and tell
you the truth anyway so that you can feel safe
and know that I love you. Yeah. I like the
way you phrase it. Yeah yeah. So going back to

(32:04):
the original, it's Ashley's way or the highway. I think
you could influence this, Jared by by you know, telling
her what you really want and need in any moment
so that she doesn't have to get hard and take over.
You know, she doesn't have to be the big driver. Well,
sometimes she wants to. Well now that now that we

(32:27):
talked about being clear with what we want and like
what we're concerned about. Sometimes I feel like when I
am clear with what I want, you get defensive. Um,
you're always clear with what you want? What do you mean?
I know? But like two months ago, when I was like,
you're not being romantic with me. Why aren't you being

(32:47):
romantic with me? You were like, I've heard this a
zillion times. What do you want? For me, and then
I got scared of bringing up Ashley. What I'm going
to give you a short cut because criticism doesn't really
land well Shire of us, right, and no, nobody really
likes to feel like they're failing. And we do that

(33:09):
as women a lot, or anybody who's kind of in
that more feminine mood will say, um with frustration, you know,
why aren't you or this isn't working, or you know
there's some emotional charge to it, because like you said,
when somebody criticizes you you want to change. It will
actually impact you. So we think if we come at

(33:31):
them with that, they'll change, but it has the opposite effect.
For a man, all he can hear is is I'm
failing you. I've done something wrong, which is like the
worst thing for them, and so it's a great way
to get somebody defensive. So there's the trick this is
for both of you to use because I think like
even in work situations, I work with so many leaders

(33:52):
and teams and you know, nobody wants to feel like
they're doing something wrong. It takes a great being who's
like in a really cool vibe to be able to
hear that and not react. So it's just two parts.
This is how you give feedback. And like, let's say
about the bed. You know, the bed wasn't made. That
was a good example you had, Ashley, and you get,
you know, upset about it. So you can say, hey, babe,

(34:16):
it's first I love, this is what I love, and
this is what I want more of. That's the formula,
so you go. I love it so much when you
make the bed because you do it so well. And
what I'd like more of is for you to do
it every day because it rocks my world. That would
never make him defensive? Right? How would that? Jared? I

(34:39):
don't think he likes it. No, that sounds great. Here's
what I love, and here's what I want more of.
Like I love it when the romantic with me. It
makes me feel so good. You know what do you
love about it when he's romantic with you? And I
want more of it? I want it more. You know?
It's some of the tone of your voice and the
fact that you're leading you do so well. Would that work? Jared? Um,

(35:06):
we'd have to test it out. I don't know. That's
that's a if I'm being honest. When I initially hear it,
I don't think it would work. I I it's not
a working versus. It's it's not Um, I don't know.
I don't know. I have to mold that over well,
actually tell him, let's try another thing. What does it

(35:28):
give you when he's romantic with you? Security? It ultimately
makes you feel safe and loved and adored and attracted to. Right,
It's a lot. And are you really specific about how
he can be romantic with you? Like I would love

(35:51):
it with if you do this or that, and so
that it's really clear how you could do that, Jared,
because sometimes I think if we're not clear. You want
to give her security, you want to adore her, you
want to love her, you want to do all those
things that she keeps telling you you're not doing it.
Do you have a really good, specific way that you
understand how to be romantic that would work? Me? Uh huh.

(36:14):
I think this is a better question for Ashley me.
You know how I like it? Like how I like yeah? Dead,
but you know I just want to like you'd be
very touchy, am I not you you're touchy, but you
used to be so much touchier. That's what I think.

(36:38):
That's what it was for me. Because you used to
never get off me, and now you get off me.
Well sometimes yeah, sometimes I do. Yeah, but you used
to be all over me and I love that. Well,
don't cry. Um. That's a good one. Though. Is there
anything that's changed from Ashley that has has change that

(37:00):
for you? There was something that I mean, if we're
going to talk about this, then we're gonna talk about it.
We'll go. I mean, I also think that there is
a certain expectation that Ashley has, um because she's never
been in a long term relationship, and I don't think
she knows that. Um, you know, you know, I mean

(37:21):
we see each other when I was touching it all
the time when we were first you know, specific holding
hands in my arm around her and cuddling and and
you know, all that snuggly stuff. Um, I mean, we
weren't living together at the time, we weren't seeing each
other seven so there was this element of of surprise.

(37:44):
You know. Now there's not that that same surprise. And
that's not a bad thing. It's just different. But that's
what love is. Love changes. I think that's one of
my fears with being with Ashley is that it's going
to continue to change. You know when we get married
and when we have kids, and not in a bad way,
and we'll still make sure that we have our moments together,

(38:04):
but they might be less and less and that makes
me a little scared that she'll become more and more
hut defensive with you know, the romance changing, um as
I feel it does in a lot of relationships, and
I think we do a good job of trying to
make sure that we have our us time. Um we

(38:26):
also live with a third person, so we live with
Ashley's sister, makes it yeah, So I you know, I
think there's a lot of factors at bay Ah, So
you know it's going to be really important. Is it
will change. But I don't believe what a lot of

(38:47):
people say out there about how the romance just it
just dies and that's the way it is. I don't
buy it because I think we live a lot longer
than we used to, and if we're going to be
together with somebody for a long period of time, then
we need to continue to date and we need to
continue to stoke that romance and that magic, and there
are ways to keep changing it up. That's a human

(39:10):
need we have for like surprise and uncertainty and magic.
That's that's something you're always going to need from each other,
and you can play with that as you grow older together.
What works, what doesn't. It's frustrating to people because we'd
love to say, ah, we love this person and they
never changed and we lived happily ever after. But it
won't be that way. But then you can play with space.

(39:33):
You know you're together a lot. Really healthy relationships have
some space, some chance to miss each other, some chance
to go away and plan some surprise or something new,
and inject that into the relationship. You don't want to
get too much same, same going on, otherwise things will
get boring. That I read that in Cosmo a couple

(39:55):
of months ago, that like, if you are too close
and hinder romance, and I was like, I think that's
what was happening, especially when we moved in together. It
was just when we moved in, because beforehand it was
like constant romance, and then when we moved in together,
it was just like we're together all the time, Like

(40:16):
you can't feel like that. Yeah, he's got satiated a bit,
and that'll happen with people who have kids. And then
all of a sudden you're in this routine and you're
just swimming in certainty, and it's all I think. Everybody
wants some security and they want safety. But when you
get too much, we kind of die inside. You know,
we're not as excited anymore. And you guys can get

(40:37):
creative and figure out how can you keep things exciting
And it's going to be different throughout the years. But
that's where just talking to each other and not being
afraid to fail to just say who are you today?
I always say this, Like, my favorite wedding vows I've
ever heard was when this man said the woman I
promised to never know you really, which at the first glance,

(41:01):
you're like, oh, that doesn't sound right, but he's actually saying,
you want every day, every minute you're a new person. Yeah,
and I don't want to assume that I know who
you are. Sure, I don't want to take up too
much more. You're too much more of your time. Really quick, though,
we have to just talk about stamps dot com because
we love them here. Oh my goodness, gracious, we have

(41:22):
been sending out so many things lately because of wedding planning.
Um so we have been using stamps dot com because
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post office because you're busy. Who's that time? With all
the traffic, especially in l A Park in l A
looking your mail and packages, it can be a real hassle.
So eliminate your trips to the post office and save

(41:44):
money with discounts that you can get. You can't even
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(42:07):
with ease. All you do is simply use your computer
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With stands dot com, you can get five cents off
every first class stamp and up to off priority mail.

(42:29):
Not to mention, it's a fraction of the cost of
those expensive postage meters. And with all our books that
we're shipping out, all the wedding stuff that we're shipping out,
we're looking for anything that would save us time and money.
Books and I have the bachelorette stuff that I'm sending out.
UM stamp dot com total no brainer. It's gonna save
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(42:52):
like hundreds of thousands use stamps dot Com on the rag.
So right now you can get a special offer that
includes a four week trial plus excuse me, a four
week free trial plus free postage and a digital scale
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(43:15):
that stamps dot com Enter J A N A, and
you get a four week free trial plus free postage
and a digital scale with no long term commitment. When
it comes to UM sponsors, I always shout you out
on this one because for so long you weren't using
an electric toothbrush, and then and it was crazy, and

(43:35):
it wasn't crazy, it was just the way has to
burn up. I never had the electroc toothbrush so I
didn't know what I was missing. That was the issue.
Now I'm open to that world and I will never
go back. All I can use and I'm so proud.
I'm so proud of you. I forgot it. I forgot
my electric toothbrush like two weeks ago. I don't know
when we were traveling, but I had to buy, you know,
one of the plastic ones and just do it myself.
And I felt like I wasn't cleaning my teeth properly

(43:56):
because I'm so used to the electric toothbrush, just really
getting in there. It's it's a whole new world. I'm
so glad. That's how much he loves quip Um You guys.
Quip was designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable,
and even enjoyable. Like Jared mentions, it built in two
minute timer pulses every thirty seconds to remind you when

(44:17):
it's time to switch sides. It's got a helping guide
for a full and even clean up to of us
don't brush for a full two minutes and don't clean
evenly like you just just said that. I was one
of those people because I used to always time it,
but I would always brush my teeth for probably less
than a minute. And now the electric tooth brush has
an aumot a timer, which is huge. Can we talk

(44:38):
about how I used to make fun of me because
your brush head was so destroyed. I was like, well,
was the last time you changed your brushead and be like, oh, well,
maybe like a year and a half. I was like that,
that's not even cleaning your teeth at this point. Well,
these brusheads with five years, These brusheads with QUIP are
automatically delivered on a dentist recommended schedule of every three

(44:59):
months and at just five dollars to get that done.
Three out of four of us are using bristles that
are two worn old and are now ineffective. Yeah, I
was one of those three or four, But now I
can proudly say that I am one of those, one
of four, that twenty percentile that doesn't use old bristles. Now,
Quip is one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by

(45:20):
the American Dental Association, and Cupcake can vouch for that
one and has thousands of verified five stars reviews. Now,
I love Quip because it's really not that bulky or
hard to travel with. Because Ashley and I are always
on the go and there's no charger needed, so our
countertops are clutter free, which is very big because we
don't really have that much kitchen in the excuse me

(45:41):
bathroom sink area, so no charger are in there. And
that's why we love Quip and they're backed by over
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(46:03):
just you get you get your first refill pack for free.
All you have to do is go to get quip
dot com. That's g E T qu I P dot
com slash Janna for free refiel pack. Hooligans are crashing
our podcast post. Well, it's a pretty cool podcast that

(46:27):
Ashley and I have always hosted. Thank you guys. Yeah,
we heard that you guys were you know, in studio,
so we just god, we love that you guys talked
about relationships and you know, you guys just have such
an inspiring story, the two of you. So we're trying
to open up like you guys can kind of learn
more about our relationships. Yeah, we've been doing this podcast
for about a year now, right, Ashley, yea, Yeah, it's

(46:49):
been it's been good. It was my idea. It was
did you know with wine? How did you come up
with wine down? I like wine? You do? Yeah? I
drink wine sometimes, w H I and E because I
wine and then wine doesn't go up, it goes down,
it goes down the throat. So interesting, That's how I

(47:10):
came up. So what did you guys? Actually, why are
you crying? Oh we're just talking. I can't talking. Oh no,
do we come in about time? Weird? No people crying.
We're an emotional breakthrough. That's where we're at. We're just
talking about the evolution of a relationship, yeah, and how
it changes over time. But that's not in a bad way,

(47:30):
but just that love evolves, you know, for example, it's
it's very different what a relationship changes from when you
guys are not living together to when you are living together.
You know, I miss him touching me all the time.
It's very sweet, it's very adorable. And now that you
guys live together, you feel like it's not as much. Well,
it's good to miss you, you you know you want to

(47:50):
that's what it missed each other, you know, And it's
harder when you're together all the time, you know. With
we've learned our love languages, you know, from listening to
y'all's podcast, we've learned about love language. Isn't about we
need so like I remember, like when you've talked about
love languages, and like what I realized, Like with Mike,
I'm like, you know, for me, I'm like I I
like the touch and stuff. So actually, maybe you know
that's just something that you you need and he has

(48:12):
to do a better job of showing and giving to
you because when you do live together and eventually when
you guys get married and you have kids, like that's
it's you have to remind yourself to do it because
it's hard, you know what I mean, Like you for
you forget about your spouse almost in a sense, I don't. Yeah,
you feel like you're passing each other so much throughout
the day, where even Jan and I we tried to

(48:33):
based on what you guys have talked about on Wine Down,
you know, we've tried to connect and every time we
pass each other, even if it's a little like, you know,
pat on the butt or rub on the back or
just something just so let each other know that we're there. So, Hey,
we're in the midst of it. We're raising kids, were
doing stuff, we're working. But hey, as I walk by you,
I'm gonna give you a little tablet. You know I'm here. Yeah,
you always do that a little frustrating thing about this

(48:55):
conversation because it does make me feel like, I know
you do that. I do it a lot. Does do
that a lot. He taps my butt all the time.
I literally I'm just talking. But it was like when
we first started dating, obviously I couldn't, you know, keep
my hands off her. And that has changed, obviously because
the last time I when was the last time I
didn't see you for a full day. I can't even remember.

(49:18):
It was the Bachelor finale. It was like three weeks ago.
But was it like only like it was it was
thirty six hours? Yeah, not even I don't think anyway.
But um so, I there is that element of we
do just become so comfortable to each other and we're
such close friends that I feel like I'm very touchy,

(49:39):
but not to the extent that I was you're absolutely rights.
Time goes on, is that? Yeah? You jes You commit
to continuing to give to each other, Like Jenna said,
it's like what can I do to give to you
every day? And there's a great thing. If you were
doing what you were doing in the beginning, the relationship
would never end. And you were doing in the beginning, Jared,

(50:01):
And so it's just about what do you need in
order to keep giving that because it lands so well
with her. Is a real expectation, though, to expect the
relationship to just be as hot and heavy as it
was and when you first started dating. It won't be this, Yes,
it can be. What I know about people who are
in their fifties and sixties is it's way hotter actually

(50:24):
because you're way more self aware and way more confident,
and and you give less. You know what's about a
lot of things in life, and it gets better. So
I wouldn't buy the social hypnosis that it's just going
to wind down. Not wind down good play, Uh huh.

(50:47):
It will change, It will have different flavors, but that
doesn't mean less than and I think all it does
is call us to be more creative with each other
about how can I do that for you now? How
can I rock your world now? Maybe it's not the
same way if it used to be, But I'm still
going to commit to making you feel loved, adore it, safe,
all the things that Ashley said that cuddling and touching

(51:09):
gives her, and it will be such a deeper connection
to I mean how you guys maybe played with her
and made her feel like love and stuff. Now it's
like there's such a deeper love, like she's saying, you know,
so that way, it's like maybe you just have to
receive it differently. Yeah, and Jared, it's totally okay to
say I need some space, I need some time to
go off and like do my thing and go get

(51:32):
my energy back on and then come home and take you.
You know, like it's okay to ask for what you
need in order to turn that back on. Yeah. The
thing is, though I feel I don't ever feel like
I need space. I think that's the We never need
space each other's and so it does come it gets
complacent sometimes, but it only gets complacent because it's never bad.

(51:54):
It's always good between us, but it's maybe not as
great as it once was, not not the love, the
love has. Honestly, I'm more in love with you now
than I ever have been. But if you're speaking solely
on touch, physical touch aspect of it, it's certainly very high.
I mean, I touch you all the time, but it's
not like you were smothering me and like we always

(52:17):
have a joke, you smollering me and then like you
just sound like that at all, and for ye for
that like honeymoon phase, and after six months it wasn't
an ending for the honeymoon phase. I feel like it was.
It was certainly not an ending to the honeymoon phase.
Even though you guys don't feel like you need space

(52:39):
from each other. Is that something where you think in
Shari you could speak on this too. Do you think
that'd be beneficial where you if you you guys made
each other take that time, like, hey, you know what,
I'm gonna go take this day for myself. I'm gonna
go take half the half the day. That way, when
you do come back to each other, maybe it feels
like that a little bit more. Maybe your actions don't
even change physically, but it feels like that because you
haven't seen each Oh, no, you're right, I know it

(53:01):
would be beneficial. It's just the act of actually doing
even like going to the grocery store. It's like, no,
I want to go to the grocery store with Actually
I love being around. Actually it's really weird. It's quite pathetic, actually,
but but you're right, it's it's it's you know, if
we want that, you know, um, because there is a

(53:23):
certain fire that's lit under you ask when you don't
see your significant another for like, you know, a few
days a week, Like it's only one way. I think
you guys can do other things. Will be in the
house together and say, all right, how are you gonna
light the fire today? Like what would excite you right now?
Like let's do something different. I mean, I think it's
really just about injecting newness and not getting too much

(53:46):
into the routine. That's fair, right, well, I mean just
even having different conversations, playing a crazy game, or like
bringing some new thoughts to each other, or I always
he always wants to play games like board I played
card games or something different. I don't want to hold
the game. I like mind games. We can like questions.

(54:11):
I don't want to play monopoly with you if you
want me to. But that's not a way, it's spicing
as something up I play with at least acknowledge that
I can never be the banker because I slide me
a hundred every like an extra round. You ain't. You
ain't trying to games. And by the way, if you

(54:35):
guys have not noticed the actual that Ashley and Jared
are not the hosts of wind Dune are but actually,
jar you guys, it's such a good job and you
totally captured the spirit of wine down with tears in
a relationship and connecting because you're going to leave. Yes
it's like sad, but you're gonna leave connected, you know

(54:55):
you really we appreciate you letting us crash this podcast
for a day. How often real fools. But no to
to Jane this testament what she's saying about you guys,
the fact that not everyone is willing to come in
here and yeah, shed those layers and dig into that stuff.
So kudos to you guys are being willing to open
up and talk about that on here. So we're pumped.
When our producer told us that you guys were the
one stepping in, We're could be more excited. We thank you, guys.

(55:18):
This is the one that we wanted to take over
because we knew, because you can learn something new about
their relationship and what things you might have to work on.
And you guys, you guys did a great job and
you're not alone. There's so many girls that feel the
same way. Ash so in same with you, Jared. Well,
I'm glad that we did this because it is nice
for people to know that it's not perfect. It's not perfect.

(55:39):
You know. I feel like a lot of people just
look at our social media and think, wow, there everything
so good. Everything is so perfect, and it is so
wonderful and I'm so happy. But of course it's not
a perfect relationship. We have to be fully human to
be in this and get messy and love each other well,
and that's exactly what you're doing. How often do you
guys carry the podcast? Oh? I cry at least like

(56:00):
every other Monday of the podcast for sure. So ok, yeah,
so that's I mean again, you totally like embrace the
whole content of wind Down and been able to. But
you guys are now like connected on a different level
right now, right, yeah, of course, So it's good. Thanks guys,
thank you. Oh yes, and if you want to see uh,
Mike and I live. Unfortunately Jared and Nashley can't come,

(56:22):
but if they're in the Boston, New York or Virginia area,
we are taking wine down on the road. We're so
excited May eighteen, Boston, Virginia, New York. We're taking wind
out on the road. We're gonna want to connect with
you guys, just like Jared Nasha did to talk about
the relationship with you. Guys. Want to work on and
I'm gonna sing some some new songs like my new

(56:42):
single Beautiful Eyes. So you guys had to Janna Kramer
dot com to get the tickets and we're excited to
see you out on the road. Yeah, go get those tickets.
You guys going or Virginia. I know, Yeah, you guys
gonna check out? Are you guys should go to Fenway Park?
I thought that would be awesome. Shake Shack is a
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(57:25):
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you guys, can you guys wrap up our show? Please?
Yes we will. Oh my goodness, April Fool's Day brings
out the craziest things and people. But that was Janna Kramer,
who actually hosts this show. But where we before we

(57:47):
wrap this up? We do have another envelope here of
what Ashley says. So the first envelope was La La Land.
This one wrong and now this is the correct best pitch,
sure winner. So this is what says She and Share
need to work on their relationship. This has not been
revealed to Share before. It's all about his hatred for

(58:09):
l A and the anxiety it brings in. He's a
far more anxious person than I ever knew before we
were together. It affects his me a lot. See, this
is my point. I'm not the guy you thought I
want to know. Okay, So I actually think that everything
we talked about on his side, like all the romance
stuff actually happens, it actually is very connected to his

(58:29):
own mental state right now. I think he's not touching
me and not being as lovely anymore because I think
that he has anxiety that needs to actually be dealt with,
because I think it rolls over into a depression category
as well. That sounds true, Jad, I don't know if
it's I. I wouldn't use the word depression. I think

(58:53):
everybody gets scared when they say the word depression. I
think that like everybody's like, oh my god, I'm not
that bad. No, it's not a that bad thing. It's
just my mental state. I think I'm listen. I was
born and raised twenty nine years in Rhode Island. I've
I never lived twenty minutes for my friends, and also
so the adjustment to l A has been a little
bit of a struggle for me. Um. I also think

(59:15):
it doesn't help that I had such a core group
of people that I was very close with back home,
and I think a lot of times it was I
would lean on them, not to say I can't lean
on you, actually I think it's just different, right, It's
just an adjustment period of kind of everything happened so quickly.
I moved to l A, we started dating, we got engaged,

(59:38):
moved in together, um, planning a marriage, all the things
I want. I want to marry you. I cannot wait
for our wedding. But I'm also very excited at weddings
back home because I just want I want you, which
is why I'm here. But I also want you incorporated
with the people that I love. And so I think.

(59:59):
I also think, if I'm being honest, I'm just more
confident back in Rhode Island. Maybe it's a big fish
in a small pond syndrome. Um, but I find myself, Ah,
I find myself uh cooler, not even just but like
wittier and like more touchy with you, and just there's

(01:00:21):
it's a certain level of comfortable nous that is is
not okay. And it's honestly a character flaw. Because I
wish I could go out, I think, I yeah, I
don't know, I don't know, I don't know. He's more lovely, Yeah,
because he's more his high hisself, he's bolstered by community

(01:00:42):
and tons of connection and He's got a lot of
certainty because he can walk around that place. He knows
everything about it. This is not a character flaw, Jared.
You're just in a new environment and you don't have
that kind of community. And that's what would explain why
you two like to be together, and that because you
make each other feel safe and connected to something. Yeah,

(01:01:05):
I would agree with that. Jared says he doesn't feel safe,
like when he even leaves at the house and La, No,
it's not it's not like not like a safe heat emotionally,
not like safety like physically. No, I mean a little
bit of both, if I'm being honest. Um, but yeah,
I'm sorry you gunna say something that, um, I don't

(01:01:27):
know that's unpredictable and unknown. It's almost too much unknown.
And we're talking about injecting your relationship with a lot
of newness. It's like that town though, is almost too
much of that for you. Yeah, And like I said,
I think every you know, when I first saw I
moved out here in November. I moved in with my
buddy Nick, who's who was very adamant about me just

(01:01:50):
coming out and give an l a try. And then
so I moved out here for like a month and
a half before I went home for the holidays, and
I was going to go back, but I didn't know
how well. I had to go back into l A
to find out what the hell was going on with
Ashley at the time, and and so I I never
forcesaw myself being out in l A too long, excuse me.

(01:02:12):
And then obviously we started we started dating, and then
I kind of put like I said earlier, I think
I do good job putting my insecurities to this side
to project the best version of myself to obtain what
I want. Um. And then I think I did that
for a very long time, and we moved in and
I think some of those insecurities started coming back and
be like, no, I'm I'm here, I'm in l A.

(01:02:34):
I'm not going back home, um for a while for
your plan. But also I mean, if I'm being honest,
we always talked about this four year plan. But I'm
very nervous about you moving back east because I'm very
nervous about the opposite happening with you, which is what's
happening with me right now. This adjustment period, unsure of
of of things, and and and and work and all

(01:02:58):
that jazz. Um, you know, the most important thing I'm
sure of, which is you, which I'm very grateful for. Um,
But I'm nervous. You know, say we do move to
you know, Boston in five years, you know, knock on
wood luckily, hope everything goes well. Um, how do I
know that You're just not going to have the same
go through the same thing I'm going through right now,
which is a really difficult adjustment period because you've you

(01:03:20):
you like light and that's you know, Yeah, I think
it stresses us out that like we're going to have
to he is compromising where he's living now and then
I'm going to have to compromise in a couple of years.
And I think it stresses us out because are we
both gonna be able to be in a place that
makes us happy? Right at the same time it creates

(01:03:41):
So if we look at it like this that rather
than compromise, I think we use everything in life to
make us a better human. That everything can teach us something.
And if you look at like you being pulled out
of your comfort zone, and you know that saying that
life begins beyond your comfort zone. We wrote a hold
that about it, right Yeah, you're doing that. You are

(01:04:03):
in that right now, and you are learning that ultimately,
your your best self, your most you know, the guy
that you become when you're around your community is in there.
He's in there right now. How what do you need
to bring him out? No matter where you are, because
you're going to travel in life, You're gonna go through

(01:04:24):
different cases in life, are going to keep throwing you
off that center. And this is why people meditate and
do yoga, you know, practice, How can I bring that
guy out consistently no matter where I am, no matter
what's going on in my environment. That's obviously what we're
here too, you know, grow into it's it's the highest work.
And and then what's kind of beautiful is you're going

(01:04:46):
to do your part to learn where that is inside you.
And then actually you're gonna have experiment too, and you're
gonna learn how to dig deep and find that person
and you no matter where you are, you'll learn a
ton about yourselves and about each other in that process.
And then maybe you both come together after it's done
done and you decide where can we now be? That

(01:05:08):
would bring out the best in both of us. I
don't know if that's a new third location. But I
feel like it's not compromise. You both are really diving
into something that's going to make you better. Well, I
also am realizing that I have to create my own happiness.
Ashley is not going to be my only supply of it.

(01:05:29):
So I'm I'm realizing that, especially within the past week
or so. I'd probably say, um, you know, making this
is another dumb comment, like I'm shooting like golf clubs
out here because I love playing sports. I miss playing
I played golf in a very long time. I used
to play all the time back in Rhode Island. Um.

(01:05:51):
And so just something like that, like actively being like, okay, um,
you know, find somebody who wants to go golfing with you,
Like you have my any Tanners out here now, which
helps a lot. And I do have friends. Dean is
a is a good friend of mine. And so it's
more so, like we've stated before, like doing a better
job of me uh, letting people know what I want,

(01:06:12):
you know, instead of you know, waiting for someone to
see if I want to go golfing with them. You know,
I'll get my clothes out here and be like, hey,
you want to go golfling next week and and or
you know or or whatever. You know, I'm playing sports
or um you know, I don't know, I don't know.
It's sometimes I do hate leaving the house in l
A though. I gotta be honest, it's just terrible. Make

(01:06:34):
you face all that uncertainty and I'll go a stranger. Yeah,
I just I just I hate it. You know that.
There's a lot of times where I don't like it
because it and actually noticed when I'm back home, I
don't mind leaving the house at all. I like, I
don't like being at the house at home. It's so
it's just complete opposite spectrums. But what you've got to

(01:06:56):
learn is you've got to learn more about l A
and make l A more comfortable for you. You You know,
when we get into a relationship, I think we're signing
up to give to someone at a at a big level,
Like you've signed up to give to actually for the
rest of her life, give to her happiness, give to
her well being, all of that. And I think there's
there's a strategy. The more you want to give, the

(01:07:17):
more you need. So if I'm going to give to
you and be my best self for you, actually I
need to go golfing, I need to go make friends.
I need to make myself comfortable on account so I
can keep loving on you. Well, don't throw your needs
under the bus, all right, Well, sure, I really appreciate
you joining us today. You have taught us a lot
about you talked like almost the entire time. Babe, you

(01:07:40):
just talked about talked. Don't don't feel bad, but I
have more to unload with you. I don't want to say,
you know, like you have far more come. You're just
You're just more complex, and it's I think it's just
a lot. Uh. I think just a lot has been
predicated on me with our relationship over the past year.

(01:08:01):
You know, not in a bad way. That does sound
like a bad No, I don't mean that, but just
in terms of, like, you know, because it was you
for a while, because you were, you know, so open
with your feelings, and I was obviously very confused in
the past years, Like, Okay, I need to step up
and show her how I feel because I've been screwing
up for so long and then obviously me moving in
with you up. But You've been kept a lot in

(01:08:22):
and I've always let everything out. Yeah, and then you know,
obviously me making sure that I have to stay out here,
and then you know, I'm moving in with you, and
and then finding my footing in Los Angeles has been
a little bit difficult that sometimes, Yeah, I just feel
like sometimes he's like just gives up on like finding
happiness in l A. Well, it's I'm scared of failure,
you know. I mean, that's why I didn't move on
to land for so long. It's I'm I'm sometimes I

(01:08:46):
can be a wreck. I'm if I don't go after
the things I want, then I can never fail, you know.
And so and I don't know why. I see, like
we have totally met different mentalities. We can honestly talk forever.
But I've never been afraid to fail. I don't know
any why anybody would feel silly about it. I'm not
saying it's a good quality. I hope nobody else has
that quality of people have that quality. I think anybody

(01:09:09):
who identifies in a in a in a masculine sensor,
who is out there to achieve, is going to have
that be their highest fear. I have heard that for
all my years doing this work, that the fear of
failure is real and the good. The really good reason
underneath that that I think is so wonderful about you
is you just want to do such a good job

(01:09:30):
at everything. You just want to be such a good human.
I mean that's a really great quality. He wants to
be a superman. Yeah, so like what do you need
to be? That is the big question for you, kay
and day out, minute by minute. It's yeah, it is
a positive under a line, but at the same time,
it hinders everybody who also has that fear of being

(01:09:54):
the best version of themselves. It really does. So it's
it's counteractive and it makes you less of a better
human being, if that makes sense, because you could be
doing more, Like I know, I could be doing more.
My capabilities are far more than I I you know,
put out there. So it's just kind of like that.
It doesn't counteract is for you to honestly give yourself

(01:10:18):
so much of what you need, you know, constantly asking yourself,
what do I need in order to do this right now?
What do I need in order to go outside? What
I need in order to connect with Ashley? Well, we
got to wrap that up. I don't know if that's
it though. If I would love to have you more
on the podcast two, because I don't know if that's it.
We are like getting the wrap up signals right now,

(01:10:38):
Like I could honestly just spend another two hours probably
with you on the thumb. Me too. We'll do it again. Well,
thank you, all right, we'll share your Thank you so
much for joining us. Where can everybody find you at
three healy dot com. It's yeah, I'll say real quick

(01:10:58):
at h E R I E and you'll find it
all right, shree Healey dot com sre once again, thank
you so much, thank you so much, thank you by well,
that was very Actually I feel so bad because I
felt like you didn't really get to talk all that
often because it was just diagnosing a lot of my issues. Shared.

(01:11:20):
This is this is, this is what you needed. What
are you talking about? It's funny because you know, I
feel like we already are My issues don't need a
lot of analyzation. Yeah, because you are. You are very
open with them. And it's a great quality to have.
And which is why people UH relate to you and
also look up to you so much, is because they
just you know, even for me, I want to have

(01:11:42):
that quality. I wish I had that quality that you have,
which is this is how I'm feeling. I'm gonna let
you know how I'm feeling. Also, this is what I want,
So I'm gonna put it out there so we can
work towards it instead of me just holding onto it
inside and you having to try to like figure out
what exactly it is that's on my mind. Yeah, but
look how good you are when you do start rolling

(01:12:03):
with it. Yeah. But it's it's you're very relatable and
very it's it's frustrating from my own point of view
because I don't practice what I preach like I'm going
to talk about it. We talked about it for an
hour right now, I feel great about it. Is it
gonna stick? Who the hell knows? Yeah, but I love you.
I love you. Let's do a few thank you before

(01:12:24):
we go. We have to obviously do a big thank
you to Shari Heally. You can find her at shar
heally dot com. I'm pronouncing that correctly, Shari Heally. Yes,
she was quite lovely. She put up with a lot
of our crap and listen to everything we had to say.
Stop putting yourself down. Uh. Also a big thank you
to open Fit. You can get full access to open fit,

(01:12:45):
all the workouts and the nutrition information totally free. All
you do is text Jana j A n A two
thirty thirty thirty. That's three zero three zero three zero
three zero. Zip Recruiter tries zip recruiter for free today
at zip recruiter dot com slash Janna. You can go
to stamps dot com and big thank you to stamps

(01:13:07):
dot com. Just go to stamps dot com and enter
Janna and quip get twenty five dollars off. And if
you go to clip dot com slash Janna right now,
you're gonna get your first refill pack for free. Also,
we know that Janna Mike would love to see you
at the Lab show in Burbank tomorrow night. If you
are in l A, you'll be able to listen to
another Wine Down episode this Wednesday. Also, a big thank you.

(01:13:31):
This is Actuley. This has you written all over it. Oh,
it also has you written all over it. Says thank
you to Shake Shack. Your burgers are going to be
delicious tomorrow. And a big thank you to Duncan Donuts.
God I love that for coffee and desert for our
wine Down Live. God, you guys should just go for
the sponsors what shake check and and duncan the hell

(01:13:52):
are we doing wrong? And help I suck at data
and this is unbelievable, And of course thank you to
Thrive Market. Thrive Market truly is the best organic, healthy
food at a better price. If you have been hearing
us talk about Thrive Market, you should go check it
out by now. Jared and I also love Thrive Market.
We order from them all the time. It's an online supermarket.
Can get cleaning supplies, you can get soap food. Whatever

(01:14:13):
you want to do is go thrive Market dot com
slash Jana oh and a huge thing to thank you too.
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(01:14:36):
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their app and you can order online there. You can
download app right now. Big thank you Easton Ashley and

(01:14:56):
help I second dating usually we say, uh, hope you know,
into next week we're hopefully we suck a little less,
so thank you for tuning into wine Down, and then
hopefully next week we'll drink more wine.