Have you ever outgrown a dream—but felt guilty letting it go?
Are you struggling to find your purpose—but don’t know where to start?
Or maybe… you’re navigating the challenges of friendship while figuring yourself out too?
In this episode of A Really Good Cry, Radhi sits down with Krista Williams and Lindsey Simcik—co-founders of the Almost 30 podcast—for an honest, soul-nourishing conversation on friendship, purpose, healing, and letting go of what no longer serves you.
From recording episodes on closet floors to becoming one of the top wellness podcasts in the world, Krista and Lindsey reflect on the practices and values that have kept them grounded through nearly a decade of change. They talk about “clearing conversations” (and why every relationship needs them), navigating codependency, honoring expired dreams, redefining what your purpose means, and what Saturn Return really teaches you about self-worth and spiritual growth.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to navigate conflict and stay connected in long-term friendships
- What a “clearing conversation” is—and how it can change your relationships
- Why your purpose can shift over time—and how to know when a dream has expired
- What Saturn Return is and how to move through big life transitions with grace
- Simple spiritual practices to ground yourself when everything feels uncertain
- How to stretch moments of joy and trust the timing of your life
If you're navigating change, this episode will help you let go with grace, reconnect with your why, and find clarity in the in-between — all through the lens of friendship, healing, and spiritual growth.
Follow Lindsey Simcik:
https://www.instagram.com/lindseysimcik/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lindsey-simcik-98204060
Follow Krista Williams:
https://www.instagram.com/itskrista/
https://itskrista.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristawilliams1
Follow Almost 30:
https://almost30.com/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/almost-30/id1148183612
https://www.instagram.com/almost30podcast/
https://www.youtube.com/c/Almost30Podcast
https://www.tiktok.com/@almost30podcast
Follow Radhi:
https://www.instagram.com/radhidevlukia/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxWe9A4kMf9V_AHOXkGhCzQ
https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/
https://www.tiktok.com/@radhidevluki
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
In the book, we say you're not behind, You're becoming.
And I just love that sentiment and that phrase, because
for so long I felt like I was behind. I
wasn't married at the right time, I wasn't with kids
at the right time, I wasn't making this amount of money,
and I just had to go through everything I went
through to become the woman I am today, which is
a woman that I love and that I'm so proud
to be. And so for anyone listening, just remembering that that,
(00:22):
like every day, you're becoming.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Today. We have the incredible Krista Williams and Lindsay Simmek.
They are the co hosts of the Almost thirty podcast
and now authors of their first book, Almost thirty, A
Definitive Guide to a life you love for the next
decade and beyond. They started out as two best friends
recording their conversations sitting in their closet, and now nine
years later, they've built a global community the whole space
(00:43):
for everything from spiritual growth to career pivots and everything
in between. I haven't anyone to talk about astrology on this,
so let's go what is that in return?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
And we're not experts, but when we learned this.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
It was a complete unlocked It's a season of life
that we were in, or for.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Most people, their living life before that time just kind
of programmed with what society tells them to do, what
their parents want them to be, and they're living a
life that may not be aligned to their soul but
to external things.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
This period of your life is actually it feels like
it's crumbling, but it is truly coming together for you.
This is really an opportunity to get in right relationship
with change, because you're going to change throughout your whole life.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
We only need like magic in our life. I feel
like everything is so practical, so logical, so theoretical. Everyone's
like one thing to another, and then you think, but
where's the magic in life? I'm radi WKA and on
my podcast a really good Cry. We embrace the messy
and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfielded conversations
that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn,
(01:45):
connect and find comfort together. Yes, thank you so much
for being here. I am so happy to have you
both here. I feel like I've known you for I
don't know how many years. How many years has it
been since we first met.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Oh, I think you yeah, something like that.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's been four years and I was in LA at
the time. Yes, and you were one of the first
podcasts that I actually came on. And you were both
so gracious, so loving, so kind, and I felt such
a great energy connection when we first met. So this
is so exciting for me.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
It also feels so special.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And I remember you were one of those people, same
with Jay, that you meet in person and you're like
just in awe that you are everything and more that
people see. And I'll also never forget when you did
camp for us, so we have a virtual event camp
that you did and you were telling us. You're like,
I'm so nervous. I'm like, how is she? Oh my gosh,
always tell us it was literally the sweetest, most endearing love.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I was like, she's even amazing when she's nervous. I'm like,
what is going on?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
It was just such a It was such a thing.
So it's been so beautiful to know you and see you,
and we're very grateful to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
You guys definitely help with my confidence, you know, coming
on the show and then doing that, I felt like
it boosted my confidence. The more I was doing something.
So thank you guys for trusting me and having me on.
I stop by asking because you both started recording your
podcast in a closet, which I had no idea about,
and now it's a top fifty podcast, which is absolutely insane.
(03:09):
What was some of the pivotal moments that really helped
to define where you are now? Like, tell me some
of the moments through that journey.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Lindsay and I started on our closet floors. Yes, so
you can start anything at any place. We had no
intention of almost thirty becoming anything.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I was in the corporate world. I was really struggling
in my career and job. I wasn't happy, I didn't
feel aligned or on purpose. And when we met each other,
we were just having these really deep, meaningful conversations that
felt exciting, that felt truthful, that felt authentic, and I
feel like the way that I was living, I wasn't
having that with anyone else, and so we were like,
(03:45):
let's start a podcast, we guess and do it on
our closet floors. It was twenty sixteen, so things weren't
really happening then, But over the years, I think some
of the pivotal moments for us of building Almost thirty
and stepping out into our purpose of doing the podcast.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I would say quitting my full.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Time job, quitting our full time jobs was huge because
we built Almost thirty as like a side hustle. You know,
I was so you guys can hear the desperation. I
was so desperate to get out of the corporate world
that I really wanted it to work. And so that
moment where I could put in my two weeks because
we had built the business for two years, we had
learned to monetize it, We learned to hire a team
and go on tour and do all these things that
(04:22):
I never dreamed of doing, felt really really special and
I just felt so proud that we were able to
monetize our gifts and monetize our service. So for me,
for sure, quitting my full time job, I was like, yes,
this is it.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
And then we were able to like really lean in
one hundred percent, which I think really accelerated what we
were doing. And I think the other differentiator in our
growth was just creating community. I think when you host
a podcast, it is it is really easy to be
behind the mic and kind of have this really intimate
feel and that is so special and I think people
(04:58):
feel that. But we decided to really get out there
in real life very early on. I remember in the
early days, we hosted a soul cycle class for all of.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Our listeners, thirty of them.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
It was sixty they showed up. But then, you know,
two years in also we went on tour. No one
asked us to go on tour, but we were like,
we want.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
To meet everyone. Yeah, so we literally toured the world.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
We went to Sydney, Australia, we went to London, we
went all over the US. It was incredible and I
think that really it was different at the time. You know,
people weren't going on tour for podcasting. They weren't meeting
their listeners in person necessarily, and so I really feel
like that boots on the ground, you know energy where
people are like, oh wow, I met people in their community,
(05:44):
I met them, I love listening to the show. It
just it made it three D I think for people.
So I think that was a huge part of our
growth in the beginning too.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, and I'll just say last thing on this, I'll
never forget. We were in Sydney for tour and there
was a woman there that had a really rare brain
cancer and she was telling her story to our community,
and then there was another woman there that had something
similar and just it really showed the power of connection
and vulnerability and being in person. And We've had so
many moments like that over the years where it doesn't
(06:14):
really involve us per se, but it involves the space
we created to allow women to show up. And those
kind of moments of people connecting and authenticity and truth
and finding healing together have been like the best.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And how many years has it been now that you've
been doing this together?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Nine years?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, so from when you started to now, what has
changed for you both? Like in terms of one the
way that you see the service that you have, has
it changed it all? And two working together to work
together with someone that you consider a close friend or
a best friend and to navigate that and for you
to be successful for nine years, because I've had stories
(06:53):
of people trying to do that. How has that been
and how did you make it through? That would have
been some of the challenges.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, think the number one reason why businesses fail is
because entrepreneurs or co founders don't work. So it's actually
like statistically proven that most entrepreneurs and co founders don't work,
so especially as women, it can be hard to maintain
long term friendships. I'd love to hear you know your
friendship view right now, But I'm someone that struggled with
female friendships my whole life. Like I'm just a very
(07:21):
deep feeler and I probably was a toxic one. I
was probably with toxic people, you know, kind of did
that dance the whole time.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
But meeting Lindsay and having a.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Greater purpose that we were serving through almost thirty really
helped us to prioritize like what we were doing and
who we were. So over the years of building the business,
we've changed completely. Like I started, I was in a
long term relationship that turned marriage. You were single. Now
she's married with a baby. I'm single on the street.
So we've changed a lot. But what I think has
(07:49):
made our relationship so strong is having values, having similar values,
and then doing things like clearing conversations, you know, which
Lindsay's so powerful to speak to, But we always make
sure that we're going to show up authentically and truthfully
and make sure we prioritize the right thing, which is
our relationship.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Over the business. Yeah, those clearing conversations.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
I'll just break down for a hot second, because I
think any friendship, any business partnership, any marriage can benefit
from them. A clearing conversation, the intention is just a
clear distortion in your relationship field. And we all know
what that feels like. You know, it's a just a
you know that not in your stomach, and it's that
psychic sense that a lot is being said but not
(08:31):
actually being said out loud. And the clearing conversation is really,
you know, an intentional meeting between two people where you
can come with truth, honesty, respect and love and be
a really great listener and a really great communicator. And
Kristin and I often do these on walks. You know,
it's proven that, you know, moving your body while you're
(08:54):
having a conversation actually allows you to speak more of
your truth and also staring ahead and not I to eye.
It's a very primal thing to be eye to eye
with someone and feel like you're in fight or flight
if it is a hard conversation. And so that really
helps the body to relax, the minds relax, and you know,
(09:14):
our intention when we do these things is just to
be really honest and we know that coming into it, Yes,
you know, so it's not it's like I know that
Christa is coming with her heart leading rather than you know,
her dumping just a ton of stuff in my lap
and blaming me. We use a lot of eye statements
that it could sound like, you know, the story I've
(09:35):
been telling myself is that you know, I'm not valuable
in this partnership, and I just feel like I'm I'm
kind of not helping you. I feel like you're round
of doing the most, which is the story I've told
myself before. And then we're able to take responsibility and
then also hear their own story, so they're just the best.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Because you leave.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Feeling heard, you leave feeling just lighter, you know. And
this is normal in relationship for the fuel to get
a little fuzzy, for the ebb and flow. It's not
always going to be perfect, but if you allow for
that and make room to clear, your relationships are going
to be ten times healthier.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I love that so much. I feel like growing up
in well one, I was thinking about clearing conversation I
need to have with someone.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Else, like story of my crying, I mean, like.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Thinking about doing it for a while, and it just
keeps getting put off, keeps getting put off. But it
was something where I was like, I'm just going to
leave it. It doesn't need to be said. But then it's
like stopping me from seeing the person. It's stopping me
from actually having a relationship with them, because there's you know,
it's almost like it may not be a physical barrier,
but it might as well be, because it becomes like that,
(10:48):
doesn't it. The longer you leave something, the bigger it gets,
and it calcifies and it's harder to work your way
through it. But I also think I was thinking about
my family, and you know, many families have had I
don't know a family that hasn't. We've had so many
ups and downs to our extended family, and I would
always say, why can't we all just sit together and
(11:10):
talk about it? And everyone thinks that's the more complicated option,
and I'm like, how is that the more complicated option?
This is the more complicated option.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It's sitting in the suffering of this, just the looping,
you know, of the stories, the conversation, and it is
it's like getting up the courage to say the thing,
and then once it's over, you're.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Like, I'm free, I'm liberated. Like it feels so much better, and.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
It's so beautiful that you both both work in the
same way. Your mind and heart are working in the
same way, where you actually, you know, sometimes we jeopardize
ourselves or we are self sabotage by not having those conversations. Yeah,
because it allows us to be the victim. And you're like, oh, okay,
I'm going to be the victim. This makes me feel
so much better. That person must be wrong and therefore,
(11:52):
in some way, we make ourselves feel superior, whereas when
you end up clearing, you're both on a level playing field.
How beautiful that you've been able to do that for
nine years. You guys should be so proud of yourself
with that.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
We can work. Though we can work. Oh, I remember
the very first one that I had.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
It was like it was like probably a year in
and it had built up so much and I was like,
this isn't.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Working, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
I like, yeah, it was like messy, and I was like,
this isn't working. And I was probably only doing you
statements and I was probably so unregulated and it was
just a mess. But like we committed to growth and
coming back towards one another, and also therapy.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Yeah, you know, like they so hopeful. Lindsay went to
therapy first. I was like, oh, I can't. I don't
trust anybody. I'm not going to Thank god you led
the way.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
But therapy also helps so that we can kind of
process the messiness of it all and kind of get
clear with that, so that anything that would be hurtful
that we would potentially say to one another, we're kind
of clearing with our therapist. So it's like there is
availability and room for messy. There is availability in room
to you know, not be perfectly polished and posed every
(12:55):
time you speak, and therapy allows you to do that,
so I can come to her as loving as possible.
My therapist will also be like, hm, this seems like
a pattern that you're in, or this seems like you
know something's going on.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It's also unrealistic to think that any relationship wouldn't have
those problems, wouldn't have some sort of resistance. It's just
whether it's the things that we experience outside of those
relationships that end up seeping into them, or whether it's
the conversations or lack of understanding of tone, or you know,
I think tone plays such a big part if you
haven't If you may say something in one way, the
(13:27):
person receives it in another way. And so I just
I love that. I think clearing conversations need to be
done with everyone.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
And you're like.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Talking to yourself. Yes, I'm gonna text you to be like, girl,
did you do that? Clear?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Has your definition of success changed from when you started
or would you say it stayed the same? Oh?
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Yeah, I mean I think that's something we're still kind
of redefining as we go along these nine years. I
think for me in the beginning, success was very very
goal oriented, rather than really defining success as enjoyment and
(14:08):
presence in the process. I think when you're starting a
creative project, you know, especially a podcast, a lot of
things can roll in, like the expectations of downloads, numbers,
who's listening, who's not, what guests do we have on
the show. Just lots of metrics that can distort the
(14:29):
true feeling of success. And I've had to go that
far and kind of get overwhelmed by that and then
come back more recently, like we wrote our book and
the other day I was just like, girl, you wrote
a book that is that is the successful part of
this process what happens after? You know, I want it
(14:50):
to be in as many hands as possible. I want
people to be impacted all over the world. But that
is not a metric that is a part of my
true success around this book. So I've just got had
to get clear every step of the way because we're human,
you know, Like I'll let those things kind of seep in.
But I've really become obsessed with am I enjoying the process?
(15:15):
Am I myself in this process? And am I present here?
I don't want to look back and be like wow,
like I didn't really enjoy creating this because I was
so wrapped up in well, like what do people want
from me, and just kind of like pulling out strings
that I could be using to really create something great.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yeah, this one is one of my struggles in life.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You know. I think for me, success has always been
that thing that I chase and that I desire. And
what I realized oftentimes was that when I was chasing
a number, I knew I was off track. If it
was a number related to my weight, if it was
number related to money, if it was a number related
to followers, or likes or purchases or you know, all
these things that were externally focused on something that could
(15:58):
be deduced to another I'm off track because whether I
weigh a certain amount, you know, whatever amount, it's like,
how do I feel on my body if I'm impacting
five million people or five Like, impacting one person's life
positively is huge, And so I always kind of come
back to like outside of numbers, like how do I
feel like my success now? Is how much fun I'm having?
(16:21):
I'm like, am I enjoying the process? And for writing
the book? You know, the process of writing was so
much fun, and we were just talking a little bit
before and then you get to the part where you're
like marketing it and selling it, which is so much
fun in a dream. But for that perfectionist part of
me and that part of me that feels like I'm
never good enough, it's been just a challenge, you know,
(16:41):
to show up. And so I've had to really come
to like this is for me to enjoy, Like I
am able to have fun, I'm able to enjoy the process,
and being successful would be like loving what I'm doing
and loving who I am. And so now it's so
much more than a number or anything external.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
It's a feeling.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
And how have you guys moved from because I think,
you know, I'm sure many people can relate to that.
How have you moved from the mindset of numbers, whether
it is on a scale, to do with your body
or to do with your work, to how you are now?
Do you have any practices or anything specific and tangible
that people can do to allow themselves that journey.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah, this is a simple one, but it's just kind
of trained my mind to sync up with my heart.
But I put an alarm on my phone to like
check in during the day. Oftentimes I'm doing creative things
or in our business in whatever way, and I can
get very serious very quickly and then kind of wrapped
(17:40):
up in what I haven't done yet, or you know, yeah,
just kind of the lack and the alarm on my
phone is there's various ones, but it's like check in.
It's like checking in with the heart. So it's like,
how are you really feeling in this moment, and how
can you invite in more joys? And so it's a
(18:02):
little corny, but it's actually trained me. I don't necessarily
need the alarm now all the time. Because I can
just really check in in those moments that I feel
myself getting a little rigid, a little serious, a little
wrapped up in the mind and what it's saying, how
it's making meaning about what I'm doing, and really just
dropping down into my heart and just being like, Okay,
(18:24):
how does this feel? How can you invite in a
little bit more joy to this? Because at the end
of the day, and we talk about this in the book,
like the soul of ours is just like having a blast,
like this is an adventure, So how can we take
on more of like how she's experiencing this rather than
like this, you know, the mind's kind of like heaviness
and trudging through everything.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I love that that's so useful.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I think for me whenever I have moments where I'm
really feeling good or on purpose, I just like to
double click on it and just pause, like I like
to just feel it cellularly.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
In my body.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
And it's almost like I'll stretch time, Like I'll just
have a moment and I'm like, ooh, I'm feeling good.
How can I slow down? How can I stretch time?
How can I just feel it what it feels like
to feel good? Cellularly in my body. Like as an example,
we did an event a few weeks ago with a
friend and we didn't really share about it. We just
kind of showed up and there was like ten people there,
which is great, ten people, We love them. But of
(19:19):
course old me would have been like, there's not two
hundred people here, what's the point. But my friend's kids
were there, and I got to be with my friend's
kids and play with her kids and laugh with her kids,
and I was like, this is what this is about
when I'm eighty. This is what I'm going to value
when i'm older. This is what I'll value. And having
moments of play and laughter felt like more worth it
(19:39):
than if I.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Was in front of two hundred people.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And I was like, oh, I'm just going to double
click on this feeling of feeling good playing with my
friends kids in this now moment because the guru part
of me, the most spiritual aspect of me, knows that
this is what it's for and not anything else.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I love the idea of the bird's eye view. Yeah
oh yeah, you know, so wrapped up in the moment
and this present thing that's happening, and then as soon
as if you have that opportunity to bird's eye view
for a second, you're like, yeah, I was like, why
am I? Why am I even thinking about this for
more than an hour? Why am I even like letting
(20:17):
this bother me at all? How is this going to
affect me? Not even in just five years time, but
like tomorrow or the next day. And so I think
that they're really great tips. Actually, thank you for that.
I would love to dig into the book because I
actually didn't know much about Saturn returns. For anyone listening
the book is I think it starts off with Saturn return,
(20:37):
doesn't it. Yes, it starts off with your Saturn return.
And I want to start off by asking what is
Saturn return because I don't know whether everybody knows what
it is.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Yeah, so okay, let's go on an astrological journey.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yes, I haven't anyone talk about astrology on this, so
let's go.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
And we're not experts.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
But when we learned this, it was a complete unlocked
to the season of life that we were in, and
really any season of change. So your Saturn return is
when Saturn the planet comes back to the place in
the sky it was when you were born and this planet.
Think of it like your cosmic dad. He's coming in
(21:17):
very lovingly, but maybe a little more tough love, and
is asking you to look at aspects of your life
that are aligned and aspects that are not. And those
misalignments are usually the ones that during this period of
your life between twenty seven and twenty nine and a
half almost thirty, that feel like they're falling apart. You know,
(21:39):
it feels like you should be in a different place
and things aren't just working or clicking. You might feel
incredibly insecure or looking around feeling like everyone has it
together and you do not. But man, you know, this
period of your life is actually it feels like it's crumbling,
but it is truly coming to get for you. And
(22:01):
when we realized this, we had an astrologer on our
show very early on and she said, you guys are
in your Saturn return. We were like, oh my, Like
it just changed everything. Like if you're not crazy, yeh,
to know to no one, to understand on a cosmic level,
you know, if you kind of bring that into the
(22:22):
room was so liberating. We were like, oh, there's a
purpose here and it made so much sense. So all
that to say you know, this is really an opportunity
to get get in right relationship with change because you're
going to change throughout your whole life, and also see
(22:43):
some of the themes that Saturn brings to you and
brings up to you that might reoccur throughout your life,
but this one is going to be the most intense
this period, and then you'll be able to kind of understand, oh,
this is what I'm working with in life, and this
is what I can really meet and commit to grown
through rather than avoiding and staying stock.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And does does it any happen once in your life?
Speaker 4 (23:06):
No? So hopefully you know it could happen three times,
So at twenty nine and a half or so, and
then again around fifty eight, fifty nine, and then in
your nineties for the third time.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Oh my gosh, imagine your nineties being like why am
I even here?
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Because it's lighter and lighter. That's when you're like, it's
all good.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Well aligns to people's quarter life crisis, mid life crisis.
It's kind of around that time period too, so much
since and then around twenty seven to around twenty seven
is when your prefrontal cortex comes online. So basically it's
when you become conscious. So a lot of times for
most or for most people, they're living life before that
time just kind of programmed with what society tells them
(23:49):
to do, what their parents want them to be, and
they're living a life that may not be aligned to
their soul but to external things. And so when your
prefrontal cortex comes online, it's like really that time where
you're thinking existentially, You're like, what.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Am I here to do? Who am I here to be?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
What is going on? And it can be really really
it can be kind of scary for if you have
it for the first time. And so for any way
that we can help understand that period, whether it's astrology
or whether it's you know, brain development, we wanted people
to feel less alone and feeling like they were lost,
or feeling like they were questioning what they knew, and
that they wanted to live a better, more aligned life.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I for sure went through that.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Please, I was like, we need to hear from from Yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Think it was. It was during the time when I
moved to New York. So not only was I going
through that, I then had extreme external change. So I
honestly felt like I went through a mini breakdown when
I moved to New York because all the things that
I had valued or thought about myself had also come
from external people. Because I was the youngest, I was
a younger child. Everything was like fed to me, told
(24:52):
to me. And then I moved to New York, which
was an extreme external change for me. I never wanted
to leave, and all of those things mixed together, new friends,
new place, not being able to work there. Just everything
was like, oh my gosh, this is what mid life
crisis must feel like. But I'm not midlife yet. And
it was the biggest growth phase I have ever been
(25:13):
through my life, and it is what has shaped my
ability to be able to move through resistance and to
be able to do things that I would have normally
said no to, to be able to say for my
mind to know that even though this is hard, you've
done it before, you could do it again. Because that
(25:33):
was a really rough time. And so I actually now
my mom says this all the time. She was like,
she was there's a caterpillar butterfly thing, but if she
really felt like she saw me go through that phase
of my life where it was really rough, and she
was like and suddenly then I just saw you seem
so at ease and like bloom, And when I look
back at it, I really do bird's eye view, I'm like, wow,
(25:55):
that was such a transitional phase. But the biggest growth
spat that I had way bigger than when I like
hit puberty.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, what do you feel like?
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Was like the area or areas of your life that
were being like kind of highlighted as like, hey, this
is totally unaligned right now.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
You got to look at this worth.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Wow, mine was fully work with worth. And you know,
I was watching Jay at that time where he was
fully in his purpose, like it was the beginning of
him really being in it. And I was in this
place where I was like, what am I even here for?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Like?
Speaker 2 (26:30):
What am I doing here? What is my role? What
is my service? Why am i him? I'm meant to
just be a wife. I want to be a wife,
But am I just meant to be a wife? Like,
because that's what it feels like right now? I've got
nothing else going for me. And it was definitely self
worth in realizing that, oh my gosh, I built all
my self worth on other people's view of me. And
(26:50):
then it was interesting because when I then flowed into
being someone online. It was really tricky not making not
transitioning that worth into online with but I think I
luckily came into deeper spiritual practices during that time, and
obviously you eb and flow through it, but it was
definitely a self worth thing for me that really came
(27:11):
to surface.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, I think the deepening of the spiritual practices is
what anchored and grounded us in such a way. And
I know I had been a spiritual little being my
whole life, but it was finding that true sense of
spirituality in my own unique way, because your spirituality is
different than mine and different than yours, and having that
foundation and having that belief in a co collaboration was
(27:34):
something bigger than me, and the trust and the knowing
that if I believe that this is all on me,
that that's when I know off the path. You know,
of course, in Miracles talks about that. It talks about
if we believe that it's all on us, then we
already know that we're not there. That the fear really
comes in when we believe that we have to shoulder
it all. And so my belief in something greater, in
(27:55):
a greater path, and my soul in a greater purpose
was really the thing that sort of brought me out
of it and brought me into a deeper sense of
purpose and self that like became an anchor.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yes, I love it. And when you think of yourself,
when you think it's not just you, you believe so much
more can happen. Yes, it's that thing of like, Okay,
I know I'm limited in certain ways because yes, physically
I can only run this far and mentally I can
only do this much. But then when you add a
sprinkle of something beyond you into it, you're like, oh, actually,
I know, I kind of it, but.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
You leave room for so much.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Divine might be able to do it. Together, we might
be able to do it.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yes, there are no limits to divine, like there are
no limits. And when I can get out of my
limited mind of this is what I can do, this
is what's possible, and just like surrendered till it's possible,
Oh my gosh, I only can taste how good it
can get.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
We only need like magic in our life. I feel
like everything is so practical, so logical, so theoretical. Everyone's
like one thing to another, and then you think, but
where's the magic in life? I know where do we
where do we get this magic from? And you know,
I guess we will feel that in our spiritual practices.
But yeah, to anyone listening, like where do you get
that magic from? Like where do you feel that extra
(29:10):
spark of something beyond your physical self?
Speaker 3 (29:13):
We were driving here and there was an adopt the highway.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
It was like, wait, yes, atheist something some atheist united
and respect and love. But also I just had that
feeling of like, oh, it made me think of anyone
who just shoulders life, just feeling like they have to
figure it out themselves, you know, and how happy that
can be.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
What are some of your daily spiritual practices that you
find help you.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I think for me prayer is just the best. And
prayer can look different for everyone, but for me, prayer
has all the benefits of meditation. It's that quiet time,
it's that nervous system regulation, and it's really that conversation
with my soul and my conversation with my guides or God.
And it's really the moments when I just the most clear,
(30:01):
I just get the most dialed and I can give
whatever stress or anxiety up. One of my favorite practices
and rituals to do at the end of the day.
I'll pray in the morning, and I pray at night,
and I praying throughout the day pretty much. But one
of my favorite practices is to imagine myself walking up
to an altar, Like in my mind's eye, I'll be
walking up to this beautiful altar in the sky or
(30:22):
nature wherever, and I'll just imagine myself giving up any stress,
any anxiety, anything that I'm shouldering or holding in my
life to this altar. So anything I'm ruminating on, like oh,
I'm fearful of this, I'm scared of this, this clearing
conversation I have to do. You know, this sickness that
my dad has, all these things, I just put it
(30:43):
on the altar and imagine it being taken care of
in a greater way than I could have ever imagined.
And I imagine it's cellularly leaving my body so that
I can feel free.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And you know that type of feeling of being taken
care of, of possibility of stress, reduction of peace is
so so nourishing and it's been so helpful for me.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
It's beautiful the altar in your heart.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, and you can imagine you can sometimes my altar
is like covered and leave. Sometimes it's like gemstones, it's
like this decorated.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
It's just so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's a really beautiful song in our practice, and it
says mona mon there, and that's exactly what it means,
creating an altar or temple in your heart. It's honestly
why I got this tattoo recently. Actually it's a little
temple and it's mana Mandere. I'll send it to you.
It's in Sanskrit, but you'll feel it. You don't need
to really know what it's saying. But it's all about
creating this temple in your heart space and doing exactly
(31:38):
what you said. And that's beautiful having that surrender. What
about you?
Speaker 4 (31:43):
So as a new mom, to be honest, it's been
I had my two hour routine in the morning before baby,
and I would have all my practices I'll set and
it's been really cool to kind of, you know, redefine
like what those practices look like for me. How do
I connect with God? How do I connect with my soul?
(32:06):
And prayer is absolutely part of my practice, but I've
also found just you know, where can I find beauty
and reverence for my life in these like very mundane moments,
you know. So my son will get up in the
morning and I go in and you know, we have
our time and our cozy chair and we just like
are cheek to cheek looking out at Brooklyn and you know,
(32:29):
just having that moment together and I just cherish that
and I feel I feel God in that moment, and
I feel just fully fully held and fully connected heart
to heart with my son. And it's just in those
mundane moments I've found the same feeling I desired before baby,
you know, in those spiritual practices to be there as well.
(32:50):
So if anyone is listening and they're feeling so busy
right now, my life is just in flux.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
I whether you had a baby, or.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
Maybe you're moving, or maybe you're changing careers and you
just feel like the thought of trying to incorporate a
longer spiritual routine throughout your day feels too much. Just
know that it can happen in an instant, you know,
you can.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
You can pray in an instant.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
You can you know, just touch your heart in an
instant and connect to your soul.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
It doesn't have to be you.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
Know, cross legged in the middle of a room with
candles and all these things. I think we we kind
of paint that picture, but it doesn't actually have to
be that.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
That's beautiful. I really think motherhood is. I mean, even
in our culture it says that your relationship being a
mother is as close to a relationship as inhumanly possible
that you can get your relationship with God because it
is such a it's a relationship of service. And you know,
up in for us we say your relationship to God
(33:51):
is of service. And so when you have that child
that is completely under your at your surrender, everything you
do for it is what it receives or what the
child receives. It's like that is the closest relationship to
to serving the Divine that you get because you're in
constant mode of service as a mother. Oh yeah, yes,
(34:13):
what piece of advice have you been given over these
past years or even while you were going through a
safon in return that you feel has stayed with you,
like a piece of advice you would give to someone
else going through it.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I think for me as someone that was codependent, you know,
so codependent and I'll never forget when Lindsay started going
to therapy and Lindsay went first, like I said, and
when she came, she's like, I'm working with my feelings
of codependency and I'm working with this pattern of codependency.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
I was like, oh, that.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Sucks for her, like as someone that's incredibly independent, like
that really sucks for her. I was like, interesting about
empathize literally literally, I was like, keep me posted, girl,
you know, realizing my codependency was so deep I didn't
even see it and I couldn't even or standard or
zom so having coaches and therapists and mentors that just
(35:05):
simply ask you, but how do you feel? You know,
it can be you receive a text message from someone
and then you're sent, often to the story of they
don't care about me, or they they think this, or
they want me to you know. The stories just start
when we receive emails, text messages, things on the phone, conversations,
and it can just come back to like how do
I feel? What do I want? How do I want
(35:27):
to show up? And I think there's the turning inward
to me and remembering that I'm a person, I am
a form, I am a being that deserves an opinion,
that deserves a perspective, that can be in the room
and in this conversation, which just huge for me. So
now with anything I always kind of turn in. I'm like,
how are you doing, how are you feeling? What do
you want? It's like bringing the I back in the
(35:48):
conversation has just been worlds helpful in my romantic relationships,
in my business, in my family relationships, and it just
helps me to be more centered and more myself so
I can be in true relationship with people out of
love instead of out of any codependent fears or patterns.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Shout out to our therapists who I feel like you
probably quote on the regular and can't actually say their
names because this one is also similar flavor. But my
therapist would ask me, is this really? Is this you know?
Is this your voice? Is this your desire? Is this
what you really want to do? And it's just a
(36:27):
great question we can ask ourselves because I'm someone who
can easily take on the desires of other people or
the dreams of other people that they have. For me,
I was living an expired dream for a long time.
I wanted to be an actress, which was my truth
from a very young age. But there came a point
where that dream was expired, and I was still like
(36:48):
pushing for it because everyone expected me to, and you know,
I had I remember having a conversation with my therapist
about this a few of them, and she was just like,
is this still your dream? You know, like who are
you doing this for? And it was just such a
powerful question that I still have to ask myself even
as a mom now, you know, just kind of checking
(37:10):
in as I navigate rearing a child. But it could
just bring you right back to your center, and I
think that's where when I make decisions, that's the best
place I can be. You know, it doesn't have to
be the right quote quote decision, it just has to
be from that center.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
I love that the dream is expired, you know. I
feel like your conzy told go for your dreams, like
push for and of course you should. But I also
love that side of the coin where you can say, actually, yes,
that was my dream, but it doesn't need to be fulfilled.
And I'm actually okay with that. And I think it's
you know, seeing as expired rather than a failure is
(37:48):
a complete shifted narrative for your own mind and for
you to accept that it was, it's something you can accept,
not something that you have to see as something that
didn't work out. It wasn't failure. It's just not part
of me anymore. It was then, not.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
Now, and we're constantly changing. So to like think that
we will have the same dream for our entire lives,
I'm sure that's possible, but like to have that expectation
just feels a little unrealistic, so allowing it to change
and evolve, Like acting was once my dream, but look
at the skills and talents I have that I was
kind of pushing into that dream that I'm actually expressing
(38:25):
now on the podcast and will express in other ways
throughout my life.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
So it's just so interesting to track.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
I remember I was talking about this recently. I can't
remember where, but I had when I was really from
a really young age, or I would have dolls and
whenever I would draw myself, it would be with like
all these five kids, and it was like I was
always like pregnant. I was like a kid. I was
always pregnant in my picture, like and I'm twenty here,
yeah yeah, And I was literally like I would say,
(38:50):
even when I was like ten, eleven, twelve, I would
always be visualizing myself having waves. I loved children, whether
I was working with children or playing with my little
little or cousin when I was ten, doing her hair,
whatever it was. And when I got to New York,
and obviously I was already married, and I was like, oh, yeah,
I want to be a young mum and I want
to like have kids really young, and I want like,
(39:12):
however many of them. And I realized I was like
carrying on this dream, but I wasn't ready for that dream,
Like I didn't. I thought that's what I wanted, and
so beautiful if it was what I wanted, But I
realized I wasn't ready for that dream, and so I
was like and then I remember thinking, oh my gosh,
am I like going against something that I should be
doing because it's been in my mind for so long.
(39:33):
And then when I got to like three years after that,
I was like, oh my gosh, have I completely ruined
my dream? Like it's my dream ruined that I didn't
do this thing that I've been talking about or thinking
about since I was ten years old or probably even younger.
And then you realize that it's okay to grow and
your mind shift can change because you experience different things.
Your eyes open to so many different things. And it's
(39:54):
not to say I don't want to be a mother,
but it's saying that that dream wasn't for me at
the time, and had I push myself into it, maybe
I wouldn't have been ready for that. And so it's
so interesting because I think it's not expired, but it
just wasn't there. It wasn't for me at that point,
and the dream had to change a little bit.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yes, And I think now you know you can have
it all.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
You can have that dream and you can have other dreams,
and you can allow things to unfold. And I think
in my life, my dreams were a little too small,
right I was. I'm from a small town in Ohio,
so not many people had big dreams where I grew up,
and so the dreams that I did have were pretty
like small, Like I think I wanted to be on
a local news anchor, which is totally fine, but I
(40:35):
just wanted to do something that I saw. Yes, And
for a lot of us, we're just kind of contextualizing
what dreams are possible based on who were around. So
when you kind of see in life, if you move
to Los ANGELESO you kind of see different opportunities and options.
You're expanded into the possibility an idea of different dreams.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
That's so true, and.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
So it's beautiful to allow ourselves to kind of have,
you know, this expansion of ideas and possibilities with our dreams.
And I would say, now, I don't even know for
I have any dreams. Yeah, I'm just like God, whatever
you want for me, like, I just make it good.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
I'm not surprise me.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
God make it good. It's true that that really resonated
with me because I started coming across all these My
mum worked all her life, so did my dad. But
I started seeing all these women who were like entrepreneurs,
not in their nine to five roles that I was
used to seeing and that I was in myself. And
I felt really content when I was doing it. But
then suddenly, once you see something, you can't unsee it,
(41:30):
and you're like, oh, I didn't even know this was possible,
or oh, yeah, maybe that's something I would like to explore.
And so once your eyes open or you see something
that's not part of your daily life or culture or
something that you were used to before, it does shift
and change you completely, or it opens you up to
different possibilities that you were ever thinking about because you've
(41:50):
never seen it.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
In the Internet.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
It's the best and worst place, you know, payful for it.
But on the Internet you can find the expanders. You
can find the ideas, the concepts, the people that show
you what's possible. I'm so grateful for all the women
in my life, all the women that were surrounded by
and the most powerful women that are just doing these crazy,
amazing things that we can be expanded by. But then
it's also being mindful of where we're following someone else's
(42:14):
blueprint and really allowing our own soul to lead the way.
So just kind of doing the dance of Okay, I'm
going to let this expand what's possible for me, but
I'm going to make sure to follow my own blueprint.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Throughout this journey. What have been some of the like
quieter signs for you that you were healing, Like, what
were the little things you were noticing in yourself that
indicates you, you know what, I'm in the right direction.
Speaker 4 (42:37):
I think for me, I started to trust myself, you know,
just in those small moments and in those big moments, and.
Speaker 3 (42:44):
No one would see that on the outside.
Speaker 4 (42:46):
You know, it's not an obvious thing, but I just
allowed the like that inner voice to lead me a
little bit more rather than what I thought I should do.
And I really had to take inventory on the shoulds
that were running in my life in order to get
to that place that I really trusted myself. So just
(43:07):
to quickly break that down, a lot of us are
living a life where, you know, the subtext would be
I should be married by twenty seven, I should have
kids by thirty, I should buy a house, I should
be in that place at that time. And you know,
like we're saying, you know, life has bigger plans for us,
(43:28):
you know, and the timeline is not always the one
we imagine or other people imagine for us. So taking
inventory of those shoulds and understanding where they came from.
Are they from my parents? Are they from you know?
Did I hear it in school? Did I see everyone
around me do this thing? And then you know I
started to try on almost like the inverse of the should.
(43:49):
So if you know, my belief was that I was
getting I should be married by twenty seven, twenty eight
and have have my first kid by like twenty nine,
and you know, I I was thrust into seven years
of being single at like twenty six or so, twenty seven,
and in the depths of that, you know, when I
(44:12):
just felt like I was never going to find my person,
I just tried on this belief. You know, I trust
the timing of my life, and I know that understanding
and knowing myself more deeply is going to attract someone
who I will truly be in deep connection, in partnership with.
And just like trying that on for a day, you know,
(44:33):
walking around in my life truly believing that and seeing
how that felt, and eventually that became my belief and
it just it was great to strip it down, you
know and kind of come back to what I what
I actually actually believe. And from there I was able
to trust myself and the small decisions that I was making.
(44:54):
And then when I would you know, my husband came
into my life, my now husband, I trusted myself implicitly
to know that he was my person.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
There was no doubt. I love this question. I want
to here yours so small signs of how I know
I'm healing. I think something that I really work with
is something called internal family systems parts work.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Do you do that as well.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Now, Gabby came on the show and she walked me
through yeah a small like I guess, the small process
of it, and it was really incredible.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
It's so powerful. It really was so in parts work.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
It's basically we love, honor and accept all parts, all thoughts,
all feelings and beliefs. And I think before in life
I would shame myself and be mad at myself if
I didn't think perfectly act perfectly, like I almost had
a censor in my own mind. And now I see
such progress when I can invite in all of the thoughts,
all of the beliefs, all of the parts of me,
(45:53):
even the ones that are tired, that are complaining, that
are sad, that are mean, that are bratty, Like I
just say yes to all aspects of me, and that
means I could go into a moment and you know,
I could have a judger part of me that's like
doing her thing, and I'm like, okay, I see you, girl,
Like I know that you feel uncomfortable, we're a little nervous,
(46:14):
we're trying to differentiate yourself, and I'll just kind of
invite in all of the things I used to hate
about myself. I'd be like, oh, I'm so judge, Magtile,
I'm all these things. And now I'm like, oh, I
hear you, I see you, and I love you, and
you're a part of me. And the more I can
turn to myself and the parts of me and love them,
the more whole I am and the better I feel.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I love both of those so beautiful. What was what
would be mine? A big warning sign to myself, Actually
I'll go the opposite way, a sign I was gonna say,
a big warning sign that I'm not growing, but.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Like I'm gonna go the other way.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
That I am is how much I criticize other people.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
And also I never see you criticizing anybody.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
So well, whether it's internally or externally. And then well,
but you know what, who doesn't who doesn't have those
moments where you're seeing them? And then also a big
one for me is when I feeling other people's joy
for them, Like that's a big one for me, Like
do I actually am I actually really happy for you?
I'm like, oh my god, that's amazing. And inside I'm
(47:23):
like wishing for their demise, not wishing for their demise,
but sometimes like it's hard to feel joy for other
people when you're not feeling good. And so I think
a big indication for me of when I'm genuinely like
doing better in myself or going through a period where
my practices are on point and I'm doing the work
(47:43):
and I'm recognizing what's happening is the initial reaction when
someone has something good in their life and how am
I feeling? And then when I notice that, I'm like, oh,
thank god, I was actually happy, or sometimes I'm like,
oh my god, why did I feel like that about them?
It's actually not about them, YEA, Like what was it about? Well, Okay,
they got an award for something. Let's just say. I'm like,
(48:03):
but is it the award or is it like, am
I not feeling worthy?
Speaker 1 (48:06):
Like?
Speaker 2 (48:06):
It really helps you to break down what you need
to work on as soon as you realize your reaction
to someone's joy has brought you not joy, like anything
but joy.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
I think that's gross.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Yeah, I was gonna say, because you're looking at the
thing and you're seeing what it means about you and
what's coming up for you. I had this thought the
other day around people in the spirituality space, like being frauds.
I was like, oh, and then I was like, Okay,
well if that's my thought, then where am I a fraud?
Speaker 4 (48:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:36):
You always have to turn it around because like, what
are you looking for in people? And that can and
I think what people can be that can be scary
for people to look at themselves. My hope is that
people just create a soft internal landscape for themselves to
explore the thoughts, explore the ideas, like to be like, Okay,
maybe I am a fraud, maybe I'm not a fraud.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
Like it's safe in here.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
It's safe in my mind to have this exploration in
this conversation. Because if we're not safe within ourselves to
be messy, to be judgmental, to be catty, to not
be happy for people, we're not safe anywhere. And so
saying yes to all of the sticky thoughts and feelings,
I think is such a beautiful practice and really is
what helps us grow.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
I think about that even with online comments. It's like
whenever there are somebody that will be said and I'm
like whatever, whatever, and then there'll be one I'm like, yeah,
when you get triggered, and then and then I have
to think, why did that trigger me? And why am
I sending them a voice back.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
Why did I send them a picture of this?
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Why did I send them an explanation? What am I
trying to for all.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
That are like we love you, Roddy, we love you,
and this person's like you suck and you're like, hey,
let me talk to.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
You about that. Let's have a conversation about what you
don't like about me?
Speaker 2 (49:48):
And it really is a mirror, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (49:49):
Like a I have a hot take that I think
social media and the internet can be such a powerful
mirror for us of that we need to grow. Where
are you outsourcing your intuition and your power? What are
the things that come up? Because I will notice that
too when I have certain comments where I'm like, ooh,
that one was for me to see to grow and
(50:10):
integrate and like let go of because yeah I can.
It's not my favorite thing.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Yeah, it happens.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
For people who struggle. You said with the purpose, do
you have like a framework of things that people can
go through in their mind or writing down? For Okay,
I actually don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
What are the first like three steps I can take? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (50:36):
I think the first thing for purpose and just to
frame it, I was someone that wanted so desperately in
my life to find purpose. I was so anxious and
so depressed because I wanted to find my purpose and
it was so hard for me, you know, in my mind,
because I felt like I had to be doing something
that was on purpose.
Speaker 3 (50:52):
I think the first thing is really thinking about what.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
You're naturally good at and if you need support in
that and understanding what you're naturally good at. I love
the practice of asking people that you love, your friends,
your family to reflect back to you what you're naturally
good at. So this can be like, hey, mom, where
do you see me shining or thriving? Like where do
you think I'm naturally good at things? This can be
asking friends or family. I suggest asking the people that
(51:17):
are the best speakers, communicators. You know, maybe not the
friend that you kind of have an off feeling about,
Like ask the people that you know are going to
give you the right answer. They can help mirror back
to you where you could use these natural skills, gifts,
and abilities. I think as a second place, see where
you feel and flow. So for me, as a podcast
host and you know someone that teaches and speaks, I
(51:38):
am most in flow when i'm teaching, I'm most in
flow when I'm podcasting, and I didn't really know that
until we got into it. But now I can see
back in life that when I'm in conversation with people
that feels deep, that's where.
Speaker 3 (51:49):
I'm in flow.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
And so notice where you're in flow, which is really
really helpful. And then I think third, redefining purpose. I
think people feel like their purpose is thing external, their
purpose is something that makes the money, and their purpose
is their job. If your purpose here as a soul
was to experience and experiment in life, what would you
do what with the joy that you would follow? What
(52:13):
was the thing that you really just feel lit up
by and excited by?
Speaker 3 (52:17):
And I think when we can kind of let.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
Go of the idea that purpose is this really big
thing outside of us that means we have to be
on stage in Madison Square Garden and do all these
crazy things, it can get so much easier to remember that, like,
our soul is here for purpose, the purpose of our
existence is to be here now, and really just seeing
that as less pressure.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
I was going to say that bird's eye view is
just so helpful.
Speaker 4 (52:41):
I think purpose holds so much charge these days people
feel like, well, if I am not on purpose, then
you know, I must be off my path, you know.
And I think we are the purpose, you know, and
we are always on our path.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
You know.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
I think I got tripped up so much because I
thought I wasn't on my path. But you know, whether
it feels like a zig or zag, it's always the
same path and providing lessons and support and guidance for
more of becoming who you really are.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
You know.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
How do you see purpose?
Speaker 2 (53:16):
How do I see purpose?
Speaker 1 (53:18):
You know?
Speaker 2 (53:19):
I've watched so many people who I feel have lived
their purpose. One of them is my spiritual teacher that's
staying with me right now, has had been a month
for fifty years, and his sole purpose has been to
share God and goodness with the world. Like that you
can really believe that goodness exists in the world, and
not through speaking but through acting, not through like saying
(53:42):
you should do something, but through literally being that person
and allowing people to see it and want what you've got.
Like whatever you're doing, I want to do. It is
how I feel when I'm around him. I see purposes
constantly being lost and found. That's been my experience of it.
I was actually going to call this podcast lost and Found,
because I really felt like feel like you expect once
(54:02):
you're found, you're found, and once you've got it, you've
got it. And this, as soon as I've grabbed it,
this is it. It's gonna be like this, and I'm
gonna be holding it with like a torch above me
all the time. And actually it's similar to what you
were saying about Sassin return. I actually think the point
of life is the lost in the found is just
as much there as the lost, and both go together,
(54:25):
and you will know what found is without being lost.
And I don't think you have to see the loss
as being a negative thing, because without without exploring different paths,
which is what usually do when you're lost, without trying
to look in the places which you wouldn't normally when
you've lost something, you wouldn't actually be able to explore
to figure out what found means. And so I struggle
(54:49):
with this question because I feel like my purpose has
changed through time, and I do think there's been periods
of my life where my purpose has been to serve
my family, and that has been so when I felt
at home, and then there's been times when my grandma
was in hospital like two years ago. I stayed with
her and my purpose was solely to look after her
(55:09):
and serve her, and that was like everything I wanted.
Nothing else mattered in that moment. And then there's been
times where I felt like, when I moved to New York,
my purpose was to support Jay and support him through
what he was going through and what I wanted at
the time. Honestly, I didn't want it to matter, and
it didn't because he wasn't expecting it. But I felt like,
as a person, that's where I wanted to be. And
(55:31):
now I feel like my purpose has been like, oh okay,
I now feel I've learned so much along the way.
Serving others has become that purpose, and I notice that
it is what I'm supposed to be doing, because when
i start doing things for another motive, or I'm doing
partnerships that don't feel right, or I'm making money in
(55:52):
ways that I actually feel a bit, I don't want
to be sharing that with people. I know it's because
the ultimate purpose for me is if I'm not serving
them in the right way, it feels wrong. And that
might change as time goes on, But yeah, I think
I see purpose is something that for me changes. It
may be the same for someone for the whole life.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
But that was stunning. Yeah, I loved Almah revd Up.
But you know, and you were like following the call
of your soul in each of these moments. You're like
serving the moment. You're serving what your values, you're serving,
what is meaningful and matters to you. And what you
even said at the beginning about your teacher, like he
serves God and goodness. Yeah, sounds like a great purpose
(56:31):
to me. And it sounds like something too that anyone
can do, you know. I like when people can kind
of and even for myself, this is medicine. Like what
could the purpose be that I could do every day?
I can serve goodness in God, just like you said exactly.
I can do this right now in this moment. I
can do this with the barista. I can do this
with the uber driver. I can do this with my family.
You know, Like, what is the thing that you could
(56:52):
truly do every day that's going to make your life
better and make the world better. And it doesn't need
to be big, it doesn't need to be grand. It
can be simple and.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
It can look different every day, Like the way you
do the way you live your purpose won't look the
same every day externally or internally. And I think that
that's really important too, because sometimes you think, okay, that
means I, like me living in my purpose means I
have to put out a video every single day or
I'm not so.
Speaker 4 (57:21):
Otherwise when people get confused, like me, livery purpose seven
tiktoxic day And there's.
Speaker 1 (57:28):
No shade to that because no, if that's in flow,
if that feels aligned, if that's your values, it's all good.
Speaker 3 (57:33):
But yeah, it's like, where does it come from?
Speaker 1 (57:35):
This thing that feels good and beautiful? And just like
on that soul level to like the mind and the
human that keeps us trapped and small.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
That was really lovely in the conversation, I was wondering
whether there's a quote or any kind of message that
has been in your heart or mind in the last
couple of months or for your life that keeps coming back.
I guess I like saying a mantra, but you know,
it can be anything.
Speaker 1 (58:00):
In the book, we say you're not behind, You're becoming,
And I just love that sentiment and that phrase because
for so long I felt like I was behind. I
wasn't married at the right time. I wasn't with kids
at the right time, I wasn't making this amount of money,
and I just had to go through everything I went
through to become the woman I am today, which is
a woman that I love and then I'm so proud
(58:21):
to be And so for anyone listening, just remembering that
that like every day you're becoming and it's the best
part of the process.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (58:30):
This one Chris has said many many times over the years,
and it's just a constant reminder for me and really
anyone moving through change. Knowing that you can take responsibility
for everything you're bringing to a moment, and that is
everywhere you go, there you are, which I know is
not your.
Speaker 3 (58:46):
Quote, but you say it a lot.
Speaker 4 (58:49):
It's like it's a hard truth, but it's actually like
a reassuring, liberating truth too, you know, to know that I,
in every moment can take responsibility for what I'm bringing
to this experience, whether.
Speaker 3 (59:03):
Good or not good.
Speaker 4 (59:05):
And you know, when I realized that through a lot
of therapy, I was like, wow, girl, Okay, you know
now you are in control quote quote quote control of
your life in that way, you know, life is no
longer happening to me. I can really see how it's
happening for me and what I'm bringing to it as well.
Speaker 2 (59:23):
Everywhere you go there you will.
Speaker 1 (59:27):
I don't know who the original person is.
Speaker 3 (59:29):
I got to look that up.
Speaker 1 (59:30):
And when you said you're like, Chris did this quote,
I'm like, what I know?
Speaker 3 (59:34):
I was so scared.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
I'm like, WHOA, I said, everything is. Yeah, honestly, thank
you honey so much. Thank you for lost and found.
Speaker 4 (59:45):
Like I'm going to quote I think we should quote
her as we talk about purpose on this journey because no,
it's really.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
Now you're in You're in our book. In the Purpose
chapter you talk about your journey.
Speaker 3 (59:57):
See that fall, I will show you. I can read it. Yes,
can we read it?
Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
I love that? Wait, I really just like get through
a lot of the book. I didn't see that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
No, it's really far and it's like it's on the
purpose part.
Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
I'm glad to go like the physical copy now, No,
I know.
Speaker 3 (01:00:13):
Same, it's the wrong cover, but you know it'll it'll
it'll do. So I'll hear it is.
Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
I'm so honest.
Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
Okay, so god, Okay.
Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
In the book, we have passed the mics, which are
just excerpts of wisdom from our podcast guests, and you
were talking about purpose and just how you've explored it.
Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
So this is literally an excerpt from the conversation.
Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
Everything I've ended up doing has been a beautiful, magical,
random interaction with someone that sparked something in me. I
met an Ira, beta practitioner and chef, and was obsessed
with this human. I was like, I need to study
her and be around her. I became her assistant in
cooking classes. I was just like, I just want to
learn from you and absorb you in any way possible,
(01:00:56):
So let me follow you around and shadow you. Helped
her in her cooking classes, and then I went on
to do a yoga teacher training, which had to do
with me seeing that spark of joy and happiness and
purpose and what they were doing. It's not that I
want to be them, It's not that I want to
have what they have. It's that I want to have
that joy in myself, that contentment in what I have
(01:01:20):
to be able to give to other people.
Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
It's such a beautiful.
Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
Feeling to know that for me, jealousy or dissatisfaction come
when I don't understand who I am and I don't
understand what I have to give to other people. Actually,
we all just want to give to other people, and
the problem is that when we don't know what we
have to give, that's where the frustration came for me.
I feel like that's probably for many people.
Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
Makes me want to cry. Oh, I go to make
you want to cry thinking about.
Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Little you just you know, shadowing the chef doing yoga
teacher training.
Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
It was in New York, and it was amazing, what
a momentous time it was for me, Like that was
thank you for reading that. I actually forgot that we
even had that conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
Really really powerful, Like I just love that.
Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Yeah, honey, this is so sweet. You're the best.
Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
I like wish you all the best with everything that
you're doing. You guys have always been such a light
on my Instagram feed every time I see you both,
and I really feel like you're special in the sense
that you really walk and you feel everything that you share.
So thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
That means so much. We love you. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
It's such an honor and to connect with your community
and just in any way feels so good. And when
we got this, we were like, yeah, you give you their girl.
We're excited for them to get the book Almost Thirty,
which is out. It's a definitive guide to a life
you love for this next decade and beyond. So anything
that we talked about today we have in the book,
which you know, your amazing husband did a little blurb for.
Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Please go out and get the book, like it's going
to be not just for your almost thirties, but it's
going to be a life guide for you also.
Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
Thank you guys, Thank you guys. The best. Bye,
In the book, we say you're not behind, You're becoming.
And I just love that sentiment and that phrase, because
for so long I felt like I was behind. I
wasn't married at the right time, I wasn't with kids
at the right time, I wasn't making this amount of money,
and I just had to go through everything I went
through to become the woman I am today, which is
a woman that I love and that I'm so proud
to be. And so for anyone listening, just remembering that that,
(00:22):
like every day, you're becoming.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Today. We have the incredible Krista Williams and Lindsay Simmek.
They are the co hosts of the Almost thirty podcast
and now authors of their first book, Almost thirty, A
Definitive Guide to a life you love for the next
decade and beyond. They started out as two best friends
recording their conversations sitting in their closet, and now nine
years later, they've built a global community the whole space
(00:43):
for everything from spiritual growth to career pivots and everything
in between. I haven't anyone to talk about astrology on this,
so let's go what is that in return?
Speaker 3 (00:52):
And we're not experts, but when we learned this.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
It was a complete unlocked It's a season of life
that we were in, or for.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Most people, their living life before that time just kind
of programmed with what society tells them to do, what
their parents want them to be, and they're living a
life that may not be aligned to their soul but
to external things.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
This period of your life is actually it feels like
it's crumbling, but it is truly coming together for you.
This is really an opportunity to get in right relationship
with change, because you're going to change throughout your whole life.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
We only need like magic in our life. I feel
like everything is so practical, so logical, so theoretical. Everyone's
like one thing to another, and then you think, but
where's the magic in life? I'm radi WKA and on
my podcast a really good Cry. We embrace the messy
and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfielded conversations
that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn,
(01:45):
connect and find comfort together. Yes, thank you so much
for being here. I am so happy to have you
both here. I feel like I've known you for I
don't know how many years. How many years has it
been since we first met.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Oh, I think you yeah, something like that.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
It's been four years and I was in LA at
the time. Yes, and you were one of the first
podcasts that I actually came on. And you were both
so gracious, so loving, so kind, and I felt such
a great energy connection when we first met. So this
is so exciting for me.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
It also feels so special.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
And I remember you were one of those people, same
with Jay, that you meet in person and you're like
just in awe that you are everything and more that
people see. And I'll also never forget when you did
camp for us, so we have a virtual event camp
that you did and you were telling us. You're like,
I'm so nervous. I'm like, how is she? Oh my gosh,
always tell us it was literally the sweetest, most endearing love.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
I was like, she's even amazing when she's nervous. I'm like,
what is going on?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
It was just such a It was such a thing.
So it's been so beautiful to know you and see you,
and we're very grateful to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
You guys definitely help with my confidence, you know, coming
on the show and then doing that, I felt like
it boosted my confidence. The more I was doing something.
So thank you guys for trusting me and having me on.
I stop by asking because you both started recording your
podcast in a closet, which I had no idea about,
and now it's a top fifty podcast, which is absolutely insane.
(03:09):
What was some of the pivotal moments that really helped
to define where you are now? Like, tell me some
of the moments through that journey.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Lindsay and I started on our closet floors. Yes, so
you can start anything at any place. We had no
intention of almost thirty becoming anything.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
You know.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
I was in the corporate world. I was really struggling
in my career and job. I wasn't happy, I didn't
feel aligned or on purpose. And when we met each other,
we were just having these really deep, meaningful conversations that
felt exciting, that felt truthful, that felt authentic, and I
feel like the way that I was living, I wasn't
having that with anyone else, and so we were like,
(03:45):
let's start a podcast, we guess and do it on
our closet floors. It was twenty sixteen, so things weren't
really happening then, But over the years, I think some
of the pivotal moments for us of building Almost thirty
and stepping out into our purpose of doing the podcast.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
I would say quitting my full.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Time job, quitting our full time jobs was huge because
we built Almost thirty as like a side hustle. You know,
I was so you guys can hear the desperation. I
was so desperate to get out of the corporate world
that I really wanted it to work. And so that
moment where I could put in my two weeks because
we had built the business for two years, we had
learned to monetize it, We learned to hire a team
and go on tour and do all these things that
(04:22):
I never dreamed of doing, felt really really special and
I just felt so proud that we were able to
monetize our gifts and monetize our service. So for me,
for sure, quitting my full time job, I was like, yes,
this is it.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
And then we were able to like really lean in
one hundred percent, which I think really accelerated what we
were doing. And I think the other differentiator in our
growth was just creating community. I think when you host
a podcast, it is it is really easy to be
behind the mic and kind of have this really intimate
feel and that is so special and I think people
(04:58):
feel that. But we decided to really get out there
in real life very early on. I remember in the
early days, we hosted a soul cycle class for all of.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Our listeners, thirty of them.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
It was sixty they showed up. But then, you know,
two years in also we went on tour. No one
asked us to go on tour, but we were like,
we want.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
To meet everyone. Yeah, so we literally toured the world.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
We went to Sydney, Australia, we went to London, we
went all over the US. It was incredible and I
think that really it was different at the time. You know,
people weren't going on tour for podcasting. They weren't meeting
their listeners in person necessarily, and so I really feel
like that boots on the ground, you know energy where
people are like, oh wow, I met people in their community,
(05:44):
I met them, I love listening to the show. It
just it made it three D I think for people.
So I think that was a huge part of our
growth in the beginning too.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Yeah, and I'll just say last thing on this, I'll
never forget. We were in Sydney for tour and there
was a woman there that had a really rare brain
cancer and she was telling her story to our community,
and then there was another woman there that had something
similar and just it really showed the power of connection
and vulnerability and being in person. And We've had so
many moments like that over the years where it doesn't
(06:14):
really involve us per se, but it involves the space
we created to allow women to show up. And those
kind of moments of people connecting and authenticity and truth
and finding healing together have been like the best.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And how many years has it been now that you've
been doing this together?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Nine years?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, so from when you started to now, what has
changed for you both? Like in terms of one the
way that you see the service that you have, has
it changed it all? And two working together to work
together with someone that you consider a close friend or
a best friend and to navigate that and for you
to be successful for nine years, because I've had stories
(06:53):
of people trying to do that. How has that been
and how did you make it through? That would have
been some of the challenges.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Yeah, think the number one reason why businesses fail is
because entrepreneurs or co founders don't work. So it's actually
like statistically proven that most entrepreneurs and co founders don't work,
so especially as women, it can be hard to maintain
long term friendships. I'd love to hear you know your
friendship view right now, But I'm someone that struggled with
female friendships my whole life. Like I'm just a very
(07:21):
deep feeler and I probably was a toxic one. I
was probably with toxic people, you know, kind of did
that dance the whole time.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
But meeting Lindsay and having a.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Greater purpose that we were serving through almost thirty really
helped us to prioritize like what we were doing and
who we were. So over the years of building the business,
we've changed completely. Like I started, I was in a
long term relationship that turned marriage. You were single. Now
she's married with a baby. I'm single on the street.
So we've changed a lot. But what I think has
(07:49):
made our relationship so strong is having values, having similar values,
and then doing things like clearing conversations, you know, which
Lindsay's so powerful to speak to, But we always make
sure that we're going to show up authentically and truthfully
and make sure we prioritize the right thing, which is
our relationship.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Over the business. Yeah, those clearing conversations.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
I'll just break down for a hot second, because I
think any friendship, any business partnership, any marriage can benefit
from them. A clearing conversation, the intention is just a
clear distortion in your relationship field. And we all know
what that feels like. You know, it's a just a
you know that not in your stomach, and it's that
psychic sense that a lot is being said but not
(08:31):
actually being said out loud. And the clearing conversation is really,
you know, an intentional meeting between two people where you
can come with truth, honesty, respect and love and be
a really great listener and a really great communicator. And
Kristin and I often do these on walks. You know,
it's proven that, you know, moving your body while you're
(08:54):
having a conversation actually allows you to speak more of
your truth and also staring ahead and not I to eye.
It's a very primal thing to be eye to eye
with someone and feel like you're in fight or flight
if it is a hard conversation. And so that really
helps the body to relax, the minds relax, and you know,
(09:14):
our intention when we do these things is just to
be really honest and we know that coming into it, Yes,
you know, so it's not it's like I know that
Christa is coming with her heart leading rather than you know,
her dumping just a ton of stuff in my lap
and blaming me. We use a lot of eye statements
that it could sound like, you know, the story I've
(09:35):
been telling myself is that you know, I'm not valuable
in this partnership, and I just feel like I'm I'm
kind of not helping you. I feel like you're round
of doing the most, which is the story I've told
myself before. And then we're able to take responsibility and
then also hear their own story, so they're just the best.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Because you leave.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Feeling heard, you leave feeling just lighter, you know. And
this is normal in relationship for the fuel to get
a little fuzzy, for the ebb and flow. It's not
always going to be perfect, but if you allow for
that and make room to clear, your relationships are going
to be ten times healthier.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I love that so much. I feel like growing up
in well one, I was thinking about clearing conversation I
need to have with someone.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Else, like story of my crying, I mean, like.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Thinking about doing it for a while, and it just
keeps getting put off, keeps getting put off. But it
was something where I was like, I'm just going to
leave it. It doesn't need to be said. But then it's
like stopping me from seeing the person. It's stopping me
from actually having a relationship with them, because there's you know,
it's almost like it may not be a physical barrier,
but it might as well be, because it becomes like that,
(10:48):
doesn't it. The longer you leave something, the bigger it gets,
and it calcifies and it's harder to work your way
through it. But I also think I was thinking about
my family, and you know, many families have had I
don't know a family that hasn't. We've had so many
ups and downs to our extended family, and I would
always say, why can't we all just sit together and
(11:10):
talk about it? And everyone thinks that's the more complicated option,
and I'm like, how is that the more complicated option?
This is the more complicated option.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It's sitting in the suffering of this, just the looping,
you know, of the stories, the conversation, and it is
it's like getting up the courage to say the thing,
and then once it's over, you're.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Like, I'm free, I'm liberated. Like it feels so much better, and.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
It's so beautiful that you both both work in the
same way. Your mind and heart are working in the
same way, where you actually, you know, sometimes we jeopardize
ourselves or we are self sabotage by not having those conversations. Yeah,
because it allows us to be the victim. And you're like, oh, okay,
I'm going to be the victim. This makes me feel
so much better. That person must be wrong and therefore,
(11:52):
in some way, we make ourselves feel superior, whereas when
you end up clearing, you're both on a level playing field.
How beautiful that you've been able to do that for
nine years. You guys should be so proud of yourself
with that.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
We can work. Though we can work. Oh, I remember
the very first one that I had.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
It was like it was like probably a year in
and it had built up so much and I was like,
this isn't.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Working, you know.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
I like, yeah, it was like messy, and I was like,
this isn't working. And I was probably only doing you
statements and I was probably so unregulated and it was
just a mess. But like we committed to growth and
coming back towards one another, and also therapy.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Yeah, you know, like they so hopeful. Lindsay went to
therapy first. I was like, oh, I can't. I don't
trust anybody. I'm not going to Thank god you led
the way.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
But therapy also helps so that we can kind of
process the messiness of it all and kind of get
clear with that, so that anything that would be hurtful
that we would potentially say to one another, we're kind
of clearing with our therapist. So it's like there is
availability and room for messy. There is availability in room
to you know, not be perfectly polished and posed every
(12:55):
time you speak, and therapy allows you to do that,
so I can come to her as loving as possible.
My therapist will also be like, hm, this seems like
a pattern that you're in, or this seems like you
know something's going on.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It's also unrealistic to think that any relationship wouldn't have
those problems, wouldn't have some sort of resistance. It's just
whether it's the things that we experience outside of those
relationships that end up seeping into them, or whether it's
the conversations or lack of understanding of tone, or you know,
I think tone plays such a big part if you
haven't If you may say something in one way, the
(13:27):
person receives it in another way. And so I just
I love that. I think clearing conversations need to be
done with everyone.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
And you're like.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Talking to yourself. Yes, I'm gonna text you to be like, girl,
did you do that? Clear?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Has your definition of success changed from when you started
or would you say it stayed the same? Oh?
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Yeah, I mean I think that's something we're still kind
of redefining as we go along these nine years. I
think for me in the beginning, success was very very
goal oriented, rather than really defining success as enjoyment and
(14:08):
presence in the process. I think when you're starting a
creative project, you know, especially a podcast, a lot of
things can roll in, like the expectations of downloads, numbers,
who's listening, who's not, what guests do we have on
the show. Just lots of metrics that can distort the
(14:29):
true feeling of success. And I've had to go that
far and kind of get overwhelmed by that and then
come back more recently, like we wrote our book and
the other day I was just like, girl, you wrote
a book that is that is the successful part of
this process what happens after? You know, I want it
(14:50):
to be in as many hands as possible. I want
people to be impacted all over the world. But that
is not a metric that is a part of my
true success around this book. So I've just got had
to get clear every step of the way because we're human,
you know, Like I'll let those things kind of seep in.
But I've really become obsessed with am I enjoying the process?
(15:15):
Am I myself in this process? And am I present here?
I don't want to look back and be like wow,
like I didn't really enjoy creating this because I was
so wrapped up in well, like what do people want
from me, and just kind of like pulling out strings
that I could be using to really create something great.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yeah, this one is one of my struggles in life.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
You know. I think for me, success has always been
that thing that I chase and that I desire. And
what I realized oftentimes was that when I was chasing
a number, I knew I was off track. If it
was a number related to my weight, if it was
number related to money, if it was a number related
to followers, or likes or purchases or you know, all
these things that were externally focused on something that could
(15:58):
be deduced to another I'm off track because whether I
weigh a certain amount, you know, whatever amount, it's like,
how do I feel on my body if I'm impacting
five million people or five Like, impacting one person's life
positively is huge, And so I always kind of come
back to like outside of numbers, like how do I
feel like my success now? Is how much fun I'm having?
(16:21):
I'm like, am I enjoying the process? And for writing
the book? You know, the process of writing was so
much fun, and we were just talking a little bit
before and then you get to the part where you're
like marketing it and selling it, which is so much
fun in a dream. But for that perfectionist part of
me and that part of me that feels like I'm
never good enough, it's been just a challenge, you know,
(16:41):
to show up. And so I've had to really come
to like this is for me to enjoy, Like I
am able to have fun, I'm able to enjoy the process,
and being successful would be like loving what I'm doing
and loving who I am. And so now it's so
much more than a number or anything external.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
It's a feeling.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
And how have you guys moved from because I think,
you know, I'm sure many people can relate to that.
How have you moved from the mindset of numbers, whether
it is on a scale, to do with your body
or to do with your work, to how you are now?
Do you have any practices or anything specific and tangible
that people can do to allow themselves that journey.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah, this is a simple one, but it's just kind
of trained my mind to sync up with my heart.
But I put an alarm on my phone to like
check in during the day. Oftentimes I'm doing creative things
or in our business in whatever way, and I can
get very serious very quickly and then kind of wrapped
(17:40):
up in what I haven't done yet, or you know, yeah,
just kind of the lack and the alarm on my
phone is there's various ones, but it's like check in.
It's like checking in with the heart. So it's like,
how are you really feeling in this moment, and how
can you invite in more joys? And so it's a
(18:02):
little corny, but it's actually trained me. I don't necessarily
need the alarm now all the time. Because I can
just really check in in those moments that I feel
myself getting a little rigid, a little serious, a little
wrapped up in the mind and what it's saying, how
it's making meaning about what I'm doing, and really just
dropping down into my heart and just being like, Okay,
(18:24):
how does this feel? How can you invite in a
little bit more joy to this? Because at the end
of the day, and we talk about this in the book,
like the soul of ours is just like having a blast,
like this is an adventure, So how can we take
on more of like how she's experiencing this rather than
like this, you know, the mind's kind of like heaviness
and trudging through everything.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
I love that that's so useful.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I think for me whenever I have moments where I'm
really feeling good or on purpose, I just like to
double click on it and just pause, like I like
to just feel it cellularly.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
In my body.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
And it's almost like I'll stretch time, Like I'll just
have a moment and I'm like, ooh, I'm feeling good.
How can I slow down? How can I stretch time?
How can I just feel it what it feels like
to feel good? Cellularly in my body. Like as an example,
we did an event a few weeks ago with a
friend and we didn't really share about it. We just
kind of showed up and there was like ten people there,
which is great, ten people, We love them. But of
(19:19):
course old me would have been like, there's not two
hundred people here, what's the point. But my friend's kids
were there, and I got to be with my friend's
kids and play with her kids and laugh with her kids,
and I was like, this is what this is about
when I'm eighty. This is what I'm going to value
when i'm older. This is what I'll value. And having
moments of play and laughter felt like more worth it
(19:39):
than if I.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Was in front of two hundred people.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
And I was like, oh, I'm just going to double
click on this feeling of feeling good playing with my
friends kids in this now moment because the guru part
of me, the most spiritual aspect of me, knows that
this is what it's for and not anything else.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
I love the idea of the bird's eye view. Yeah
oh yeah, you know, so wrapped up in the moment
and this present thing that's happening, and then as soon
as if you have that opportunity to bird's eye view
for a second, you're like, yeah, I was like, why
am I? Why am I even thinking about this for
more than an hour? Why am I even like letting
(20:17):
this bother me at all? How is this going to
affect me? Not even in just five years time, but
like tomorrow or the next day. And so I think
that they're really great tips. Actually, thank you for that.
I would love to dig into the book because I
actually didn't know much about Saturn returns. For anyone listening
the book is I think it starts off with Saturn return,
(20:37):
doesn't it. Yes, it starts off with your Saturn return.
And I want to start off by asking what is
Saturn return because I don't know whether everybody knows what
it is.
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Yeah, so okay, let's go on an astrological journey.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yes, I haven't anyone talk about astrology on this, so
let's go.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
And we're not experts.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
But when we learned this, it was a complete unlocked
to the season of life that we were in, and
really any season of change. So your Saturn return is
when Saturn the planet comes back to the place in
the sky it was when you were born and this planet.
Think of it like your cosmic dad. He's coming in
(21:17):
very lovingly, but maybe a little more tough love, and
is asking you to look at aspects of your life
that are aligned and aspects that are not. And those
misalignments are usually the ones that during this period of
your life between twenty seven and twenty nine and a
half almost thirty, that feel like they're falling apart. You know,
(21:39):
it feels like you should be in a different place
and things aren't just working or clicking. You might feel
incredibly insecure or looking around feeling like everyone has it
together and you do not. But man, you know, this
period of your life is actually it feels like it's crumbling,
but it is truly coming to get for you. And
(22:01):
when we realized this, we had an astrologer on our
show very early on and she said, you guys are
in your Saturn return. We were like, oh my, Like
it just changed everything. Like if you're not crazy, yeh,
to know to no one, to understand on a cosmic level,
you know, if you kind of bring that into the
(22:22):
room was so liberating. We were like, oh, there's a
purpose here and it made so much sense. So all
that to say you know, this is really an opportunity
to get get in right relationship with change because you're
going to change throughout your whole life, and also see
(22:43):
some of the themes that Saturn brings to you and
brings up to you that might reoccur throughout your life,
but this one is going to be the most intense
this period, and then you'll be able to kind of understand, oh,
this is what I'm working with in life, and this
is what I can really meet and commit to grown
through rather than avoiding and staying stock.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
And does does it any happen once in your life?
Speaker 4 (23:06):
No? So hopefully you know it could happen three times,
So at twenty nine and a half or so, and
then again around fifty eight, fifty nine, and then in
your nineties for the third time.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Oh my gosh, imagine your nineties being like why am
I even here?
Speaker 3 (23:22):
Because it's lighter and lighter. That's when you're like, it's
all good.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Well aligns to people's quarter life crisis, mid life crisis.
It's kind of around that time period too, so much
since and then around twenty seven to around twenty seven
is when your prefrontal cortex comes online. So basically it's
when you become conscious. So a lot of times for
most or for most people, they're living life before that
time just kind of programmed with what society tells them
(23:49):
to do, what their parents want them to be, and
they're living a life that may not be aligned to
their soul but to external things. And so when your
prefrontal cortex comes online, it's like really that time where
you're thinking existentially, You're like, what.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Am I here to do? Who am I here to be?
Speaker 1 (24:04):
What is going on? And it can be really really
it can be kind of scary for if you have
it for the first time. And so for any way
that we can help understand that period, whether it's astrology
or whether it's you know, brain development, we wanted people
to feel less alone and feeling like they were lost,
or feeling like they were questioning what they knew, and
that they wanted to live a better, more aligned life.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
I for sure went through that.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Please, I was like, we need to hear from from Yeah, I.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
Think it was. It was during the time when I
moved to New York. So not only was I going
through that, I then had extreme external change. So I
honestly felt like I went through a mini breakdown when
I moved to New York because all the things that
I had valued or thought about myself had also come
from external people. Because I was the youngest, I was
a younger child. Everything was like fed to me, told
(24:52):
to me. And then I moved to New York, which
was an extreme external change for me. I never wanted
to leave, and all of those things mixed together, new friends,
new place, not being able to work there. Just everything
was like, oh my gosh, this is what mid life
crisis must feel like. But I'm not midlife yet. And
it was the biggest growth phase I have ever been
(25:13):
through my life, and it is what has shaped my
ability to be able to move through resistance and to
be able to do things that I would have normally
said no to, to be able to say for my
mind to know that even though this is hard, you've
done it before, you could do it again. Because that
(25:33):
was a really rough time. And so I actually now
my mom says this all the time. She was like,
she was there's a caterpillar butterfly thing, but if she
really felt like she saw me go through that phase
of my life where it was really rough, and she
was like and suddenly then I just saw you seem
so at ease and like bloom, And when I look
back at it, I really do bird's eye view, I'm like, wow,
(25:55):
that was such a transitional phase. But the biggest growth
spat that I had way bigger than when I like
hit puberty.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, what do you feel like?
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Was like the area or areas of your life that
were being like kind of highlighted as like, hey, this
is totally unaligned right now.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
You got to look at this worth.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
Wow, mine was fully work with worth. And you know,
I was watching Jay at that time where he was
fully in his purpose, like it was the beginning of
him really being in it. And I was in this
place where I was like, what am I even here for?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Like?
Speaker 2 (26:30):
What am I doing here? What is my role? What
is my service? Why am i him? I'm meant to
just be a wife. I want to be a wife,
But am I just meant to be a wife? Like,
because that's what it feels like right now? I've got
nothing else going for me. And it was definitely self
worth in realizing that, oh my gosh, I built all
my self worth on other people's view of me. And
(26:50):
then it was interesting because when I then flowed into
being someone online. It was really tricky not making not
transitioning that worth into online with but I think I
luckily came into deeper spiritual practices during that time, and
obviously you eb and flow through it, but it was
definitely a self worth thing for me that really came
(27:11):
to surface.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, I think the deepening of the spiritual practices is
what anchored and grounded us in such a way. And
I know I had been a spiritual little being my
whole life, but it was finding that true sense of
spirituality in my own unique way, because your spirituality is
different than mine and different than yours, and having that
foundation and having that belief in a co collaboration was
(27:34):
something bigger than me, and the trust and the knowing
that if I believe that this is all on me,
that that's when I know off the path. You know,
of course, in Miracles talks about that. It talks about
if we believe that it's all on us, then we
already know that we're not there. That the fear really
comes in when we believe that we have to shoulder
it all. And so my belief in something greater, in
(27:55):
a greater path, and my soul in a greater purpose
was really the thing that sort of brought me out
of it and brought me into a deeper sense of
purpose and self that like became an anchor.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Yes, I love it. And when you think of yourself,
when you think it's not just you, you believe so much
more can happen. Yes, it's that thing of like, Okay,
I know I'm limited in certain ways because yes, physically
I can only run this far and mentally I can
only do this much. But then when you add a
sprinkle of something beyond you into it, you're like, oh, actually,
I know, I kind of it, but.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
You leave room for so much.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Divine might be able to do it. Together, we might
be able to do it.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yes, there are no limits to divine, like there are
no limits. And when I can get out of my
limited mind of this is what I can do, this
is what's possible, and just like surrendered till it's possible,
Oh my gosh, I only can taste how good it
can get.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
We only need like magic in our life. I feel
like everything is so practical, so logical, so theoretical. Everyone's
like one thing to another, and then you think, but
where's the magic in life? I know where do we
where do we get this magic from? And you know,
I guess we will feel that in our spiritual practices.
But yeah, to anyone listening, like where do you get
that magic from? Like where do you feel that extra
(29:10):
spark of something beyond your physical self?
Speaker 3 (29:13):
We were driving here and there was an adopt the highway.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
It was like, wait, yes, atheist something some atheist united
and respect and love. But also I just had that
feeling of like, oh, it made me think of anyone
who just shoulders life, just feeling like they have to
figure it out themselves, you know, and how happy that
can be.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
What are some of your daily spiritual practices that you
find help you.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
I think for me prayer is just the best. And
prayer can look different for everyone, but for me, prayer
has all the benefits of meditation. It's that quiet time,
it's that nervous system regulation, and it's really that conversation
with my soul and my conversation with my guides or God.
And it's really the moments when I just the most clear,
(30:01):
I just get the most dialed and I can give
whatever stress or anxiety up. One of my favorite practices
and rituals to do at the end of the day.
I'll pray in the morning, and I pray at night,
and I praying throughout the day pretty much. But one
of my favorite practices is to imagine myself walking up
to an altar, Like in my mind's eye, I'll be
walking up to this beautiful altar in the sky or
(30:22):
nature wherever, and I'll just imagine myself giving up any stress,
any anxiety, anything that I'm shouldering or holding in my
life to this altar. So anything I'm ruminating on, like oh,
I'm fearful of this, I'm scared of this, this clearing
conversation I have to do. You know, this sickness that
my dad has, all these things, I just put it
(30:43):
on the altar and imagine it being taken care of
in a greater way than I could have ever imagined.
And I imagine it's cellularly leaving my body so that
I can feel free.
Speaker 3 (30:53):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And you know that type of feeling of being taken
care of, of possibility of stress, reduction of peace is
so so nourishing and it's been so helpful for me.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
It's beautiful the altar in your heart.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, and you can imagine you can sometimes my altar
is like covered and leave. Sometimes it's like gemstones, it's
like this decorated.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
It's just so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's a really beautiful song in our practice, and it
says mona mon there, and that's exactly what it means,
creating an altar or temple in your heart. It's honestly
why I got this tattoo recently. Actually it's a little
temple and it's mana Mandere. I'll send it to you.
It's in Sanskrit, but you'll feel it. You don't need
to really know what it's saying. But it's all about
creating this temple in your heart space and doing exactly
(31:38):
what you said. And that's beautiful having that surrender. What
about you?
Speaker 4 (31:43):
So as a new mom, to be honest, it's been
I had my two hour routine in the morning before baby,
and I would have all my practices I'll set and
it's been really cool to kind of, you know, redefine
like what those practices look like for me. How do
I connect with God? How do I connect with my soul?
(32:06):
And prayer is absolutely part of my practice, but I've
also found just you know, where can I find beauty
and reverence for my life in these like very mundane moments,
you know. So my son will get up in the
morning and I go in and you know, we have
our time and our cozy chair and we just like
are cheek to cheek looking out at Brooklyn and you know,
(32:29):
just having that moment together and I just cherish that
and I feel I feel God in that moment, and
I feel just fully fully held and fully connected heart
to heart with my son. And it's just in those
mundane moments I've found the same feeling I desired before baby,
you know, in those spiritual practices to be there as well.
(32:50):
So if anyone is listening and they're feeling so busy
right now, my life is just in flux.
Speaker 3 (32:55):
I whether you had a baby, or.
Speaker 4 (32:58):
Maybe you're moving, or maybe you're changing careers and you
just feel like the thought of trying to incorporate a
longer spiritual routine throughout your day feels too much. Just
know that it can happen in an instant, you know,
you can.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
You can pray in an instant.
Speaker 4 (33:14):
You can you know, just touch your heart in an
instant and connect to your soul.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
It doesn't have to be you.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
Know, cross legged in the middle of a room with
candles and all these things. I think we we kind
of paint that picture, but it doesn't actually have to
be that.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
That's beautiful. I really think motherhood is. I mean, even
in our culture it says that your relationship being a
mother is as close to a relationship as inhumanly possible
that you can get your relationship with God because it
is such a it's a relationship of service. And you know,
up in for us we say your relationship to God
(33:51):
is of service. And so when you have that child
that is completely under your at your surrender, everything you
do for it is what it receives or what the
child receives. It's like that is the closest relationship to
to serving the Divine that you get because you're in
constant mode of service as a mother. Oh yeah, yes,
(34:13):
what piece of advice have you been given over these
past years or even while you were going through a
safon in return that you feel has stayed with you,
like a piece of advice you would give to someone
else going through it.
Speaker 3 (34:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I think for me as someone that was codependent, you know,
so codependent and I'll never forget when Lindsay started going
to therapy and Lindsay went first, like I said, and
when she came, she's like, I'm working with my feelings
of codependency and I'm working with this pattern of codependency.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
I was like, oh, that.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Sucks for her, like as someone that's incredibly independent, like
that really sucks for her. I was like, interesting about
empathize literally literally, I was like, keep me posted, girl,
you know, realizing my codependency was so deep I didn't
even see it and I couldn't even or standard or
zom so having coaches and therapists and mentors that just
(35:05):
simply ask you, but how do you feel? You know,
it can be you receive a text message from someone
and then you're sent, often to the story of they
don't care about me, or they they think this, or
they want me to you know. The stories just start
when we receive emails, text messages, things on the phone, conversations,
and it can just come back to like how do
I feel? What do I want? How do I want
(35:27):
to show up? And I think there's the turning inward
to me and remembering that I'm a person, I am
a form, I am a being that deserves an opinion,
that deserves a perspective, that can be in the room
and in this conversation, which just huge for me. So
now with anything I always kind of turn in. I'm like,
how are you doing, how are you feeling? What do
you want? It's like bringing the I back in the
(35:48):
conversation has just been worlds helpful in my romantic relationships,
in my business, in my family relationships, and it just
helps me to be more centered and more myself so
I can be in true relationship with people out of
love instead of out of any codependent fears or patterns.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Shout out to our therapists who I feel like you
probably quote on the regular and can't actually say their
names because this one is also similar flavor. But my
therapist would ask me, is this really? Is this you know?
Is this your voice? Is this your desire? Is this
what you really want to do? And it's just a
(36:27):
great question we can ask ourselves because I'm someone who
can easily take on the desires of other people or
the dreams of other people that they have. For me,
I was living an expired dream for a long time.
I wanted to be an actress, which was my truth
from a very young age. But there came a point
where that dream was expired, and I was still like
(36:48):
pushing for it because everyone expected me to, and you know,
I had I remember having a conversation with my therapist
about this a few of them, and she was just like,
is this still your dream? You know, like who are
you doing this for? And it was just such a
powerful question that I still have to ask myself even
as a mom now, you know, just kind of checking
(37:10):
in as I navigate rearing a child. But it could
just bring you right back to your center, and I
think that's where when I make decisions, that's the best
place I can be. You know, it doesn't have to
be the right quote quote decision, it just has to
be from that center.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
I love that the dream is expired, you know. I
feel like your conzy told go for your dreams, like
push for and of course you should. But I also
love that side of the coin where you can say, actually, yes,
that was my dream, but it doesn't need to be fulfilled.
And I'm actually okay with that. And I think it's
you know, seeing as expired rather than a failure is
(37:48):
a complete shifted narrative for your own mind and for
you to accept that it was, it's something you can accept,
not something that you have to see as something that
didn't work out. It wasn't failure. It's just not part
of me anymore. It was then, not.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
Now, and we're constantly changing. So to like think that
we will have the same dream for our entire lives,
I'm sure that's possible, but like to have that expectation
just feels a little unrealistic, so allowing it to change
and evolve, Like acting was once my dream, but look
at the skills and talents I have that I was
kind of pushing into that dream that I'm actually expressing
(38:25):
now on the podcast and will express in other ways
throughout my life.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
So it's just so interesting to track.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
I remember I was talking about this recently. I can't
remember where, but I had when I was really from
a really young age, or I would have dolls and
whenever I would draw myself, it would be with like
all these five kids, and it was like I was
always like pregnant. I was like a kid. I was
always pregnant in my picture, like and I'm twenty here,
yeah yeah, And I was literally like I would say,
(38:50):
even when I was like ten, eleven, twelve, I would
always be visualizing myself having waves. I loved children, whether
I was working with children or playing with my little
little or cousin when I was ten, doing her hair,
whatever it was. And when I got to New York,
and obviously I was already married, and I was like, oh, yeah,
I want to be a young mum and I want
to like have kids really young, and I want like,
(39:12):
however many of them. And I realized I was like
carrying on this dream, but I wasn't ready for that dream,
Like I didn't. I thought that's what I wanted, and
so beautiful if it was what I wanted, But I
realized I wasn't ready for that dream, and so I
was like and then I remember thinking, oh my gosh,
am I like going against something that I should be
doing because it's been in my mind for so long.
(39:33):
And then when I got to like three years after that,
I was like, oh my gosh, have I completely ruined
my dream? Like it's my dream ruined that I didn't
do this thing that I've been talking about or thinking
about since I was ten years old or probably even younger.
And then you realize that it's okay to grow and
your mind shift can change because you experience different things.
Your eyes open to so many different things. And it's
(39:54):
not to say I don't want to be a mother,
but it's saying that that dream wasn't for me at
the time, and had I push myself into it, maybe
I wouldn't have been ready for that. And so it's
so interesting because I think it's not expired, but it
just wasn't there. It wasn't for me at that point,
and the dream had to change a little bit.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yes, And I think now you know you can have
it all.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
You can have that dream and you can have other dreams,
and you can allow things to unfold. And I think
in my life, my dreams were a little too small,
right I was. I'm from a small town in Ohio,
so not many people had big dreams where I grew up,
and so the dreams that I did have were pretty
like small, Like I think I wanted to be on
a local news anchor, which is totally fine, but I
(40:35):
just wanted to do something that I saw. Yes, And
for a lot of us, we're just kind of contextualizing
what dreams are possible based on who were around. So
when you kind of see in life, if you move
to Los ANGELESO you kind of see different opportunities and options.
You're expanded into the possibility an idea of different dreams.
Speaker 2 (40:51):
That's so true, and.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
So it's beautiful to allow ourselves to kind of have,
you know, this expansion of ideas and possibilities with our dreams.
And I would say, now, I don't even know for
I have any dreams. Yeah, I'm just like God, whatever
you want for me, like, I just make it good.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
I'm not surprise me.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
God make it good. It's true that that really resonated
with me because I started coming across all these My
mum worked all her life, so did my dad. But
I started seeing all these women who were like entrepreneurs,
not in their nine to five roles that I was
used to seeing and that I was in myself. And
I felt really content when I was doing it. But
then suddenly, once you see something, you can't unsee it,
(41:30):
and you're like, oh, I didn't even know this was possible,
or oh, yeah, maybe that's something I would like to explore.
And so once your eyes open or you see something
that's not part of your daily life or culture or
something that you were used to before, it does shift
and change you completely, or it opens you up to
different possibilities that you were ever thinking about because you've
(41:50):
never seen it.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
In the Internet.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
It's the best and worst place, you know, payful for it.
But on the Internet you can find the expanders. You
can find the ideas, the concepts, the people that show
you what's possible. I'm so grateful for all the women
in my life, all the women that were surrounded by
and the most powerful women that are just doing these crazy,
amazing things that we can be expanded by. But then
it's also being mindful of where we're following someone else's
(42:14):
blueprint and really allowing our own soul to lead the way.
So just kind of doing the dance of Okay, I'm
going to let this expand what's possible for me, but
I'm going to make sure to follow my own blueprint.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
Throughout this journey. What have been some of the like
quieter signs for you that you were healing, Like, what
were the little things you were noticing in yourself that
indicates you, you know what, I'm in the right direction.
Speaker 4 (42:37):
I think for me, I started to trust myself, you know,
just in those small moments and in those big moments, and.
Speaker 3 (42:44):
No one would see that on the outside.
Speaker 4 (42:46):
You know, it's not an obvious thing, but I just
allowed the like that inner voice to lead me a
little bit more rather than what I thought I should do.
And I really had to take inventory on the shoulds
that were running in my life in order to get
to that place that I really trusted myself. So just
(43:07):
to quickly break that down, a lot of us are
living a life where, you know, the subtext would be
I should be married by twenty seven, I should have
kids by thirty, I should buy a house, I should
be in that place at that time. And you know,
like we're saying, you know, life has bigger plans for us,
(43:28):
you know, and the timeline is not always the one
we imagine or other people imagine for us. So taking
inventory of those shoulds and understanding where they came from.
Are they from my parents? Are they from you know?
Did I hear it in school? Did I see everyone
around me do this thing? And then you know I
started to try on almost like the inverse of the should.
(43:49):
So if you know, my belief was that I was
getting I should be married by twenty seven, twenty eight
and have have my first kid by like twenty nine,
and you know, I I was thrust into seven years
of being single at like twenty six or so, twenty seven,
and in the depths of that, you know, when I
(44:12):
just felt like I was never going to find my person,
I just tried on this belief. You know, I trust
the timing of my life, and I know that understanding
and knowing myself more deeply is going to attract someone
who I will truly be in deep connection, in partnership with.
And just like trying that on for a day, you know,
(44:33):
walking around in my life truly believing that and seeing
how that felt, and eventually that became my belief and
it just it was great to strip it down, you
know and kind of come back to what I what
I actually actually believe. And from there I was able
to trust myself and the small decisions that I was making.
(44:54):
And then when I would you know, my husband came
into my life, my now husband, I trusted myself implicitly
to know that he was my person.
Speaker 1 (45:03):
There was no doubt. I love this question. I want
to here yours so small signs of how I know
I'm healing. I think something that I really work with
is something called internal family systems parts work.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Do you do that as well.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Now, Gabby came on the show and she walked me
through yeah a small like I guess, the small process
of it, and it was really incredible.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
It's so powerful. It really was so in parts work.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
It's basically we love, honor and accept all parts, all thoughts,
all feelings and beliefs. And I think before in life
I would shame myself and be mad at myself if
I didn't think perfectly act perfectly, like I almost had
a censor in my own mind. And now I see
such progress when I can invite in all of the thoughts,
all of the beliefs, all of the parts of me,
(45:53):
even the ones that are tired, that are complaining, that
are sad, that are mean, that are bratty, Like I
just say yes to all aspects of me, and that
means I could go into a moment and you know,
I could have a judger part of me that's like
doing her thing, and I'm like, okay, I see you, girl,
Like I know that you feel uncomfortable, we're a little nervous,
(46:14):
we're trying to differentiate yourself, and I'll just kind of
invite in all of the things I used to hate
about myself. I'd be like, oh, I'm so judge, Magtile,
I'm all these things. And now I'm like, oh, I
hear you, I see you, and I love you, and
you're a part of me. And the more I can
turn to myself and the parts of me and love them,
the more whole I am and the better I feel.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I love both of those so beautiful. What was what
would be mine? A big warning sign to myself, Actually
I'll go the opposite way, a sign I was gonna say,
a big warning sign that I'm not growing, but.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Like I'm gonna go the other way.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
That I am is how much I criticize other people.
Speaker 1 (46:56):
And also I never see you criticizing anybody.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
So well, whether it's internally or externally. And then well,
but you know what, who doesn't who doesn't have those
moments where you're seeing them? And then also a big
one for me is when I feeling other people's joy
for them, Like that's a big one for me, Like
do I actually am I actually really happy for you?
I'm like, oh my god, that's amazing. And inside I'm
(47:23):
like wishing for their demise, not wishing for their demise,
but sometimes like it's hard to feel joy for other
people when you're not feeling good. And so I think
a big indication for me of when I'm genuinely like
doing better in myself or going through a period where
my practices are on point and I'm doing the work
(47:43):
and I'm recognizing what's happening is the initial reaction when
someone has something good in their life and how am
I feeling? And then when I notice that, I'm like, oh,
thank god, I was actually happy, or sometimes I'm like,
oh my god, why did I feel like that about them?
It's actually not about them, YEA, Like what was it about? Well, Okay,
they got an award for something. Let's just say. I'm like,
(48:03):
but is it the award or is it like, am
I not feeling worthy?
Speaker 1 (48:06):
Like?
Speaker 2 (48:06):
It really helps you to break down what you need
to work on as soon as you realize your reaction
to someone's joy has brought you not joy, like anything
but joy.
Speaker 3 (48:17):
I think that's gross.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Yeah, I was gonna say, because you're looking at the
thing and you're seeing what it means about you and
what's coming up for you. I had this thought the
other day around people in the spirituality space, like being frauds.
I was like, oh, and then I was like, Okay,
well if that's my thought, then where am I a fraud?
Speaker 4 (48:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:36):
You always have to turn it around because like, what
are you looking for in people? And that can and
I think what people can be that can be scary
for people to look at themselves. My hope is that
people just create a soft internal landscape for themselves to
explore the thoughts, explore the ideas, like to be like, Okay,
maybe I am a fraud, maybe I'm not a fraud.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
Like it's safe in here.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
It's safe in my mind to have this exploration in
this conversation. Because if we're not safe within ourselves to
be messy, to be judgmental, to be catty, to not
be happy for people, we're not safe anywhere. And so
saying yes to all of the sticky thoughts and feelings,
I think is such a beautiful practice and really is
what helps us grow.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
I think about that even with online comments. It's like
whenever there are somebody that will be said and I'm
like whatever, whatever, and then there'll be one I'm like, yeah,
when you get triggered, and then and then I have
to think, why did that trigger me? And why am
I sending them a voice back.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
Why did I send them a picture of this?
Speaker 2 (49:35):
Why did I send them an explanation? What am I
trying to for all.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
That are like we love you, Roddy, we love you,
and this person's like you suck and you're like, hey,
let me talk to.
Speaker 3 (49:42):
You about that. Let's have a conversation about what you
don't like about me?
Speaker 2 (49:48):
And it really is a mirror, isn't it?
Speaker 1 (49:49):
Like a I have a hot take that I think
social media and the internet can be such a powerful
mirror for us of that we need to grow. Where
are you outsourcing your intuition and your power? What are
the things that come up? Because I will notice that
too when I have certain comments where I'm like, ooh,
that one was for me to see to grow and
(50:10):
integrate and like let go of because yeah I can.
It's not my favorite thing.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Yeah, it happens.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
For people who struggle. You said with the purpose, do
you have like a framework of things that people can
go through in their mind or writing down? For Okay,
I actually don't know what I'm supposed to do here.
What are the first like three steps I can take? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (50:36):
I think the first thing for purpose and just to
frame it, I was someone that wanted so desperately in
my life to find purpose. I was so anxious and
so depressed because I wanted to find my purpose and
it was so hard for me, you know, in my mind,
because I felt like I had to be doing something
that was on purpose.
Speaker 3 (50:52):
I think the first thing is really thinking about what.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
You're naturally good at and if you need support in
that and understanding what you're naturally good at. I love
the practice of asking people that you love, your friends,
your family to reflect back to you what you're naturally
good at. So this can be like, hey, mom, where
do you see me shining or thriving? Like where do
you think I'm naturally good at things? This can be
asking friends or family. I suggest asking the people that
(51:17):
are the best speakers, communicators. You know, maybe not the
friend that you kind of have an off feeling about,
Like ask the people that you know are going to
give you the right answer. They can help mirror back
to you where you could use these natural skills, gifts,
and abilities. I think as a second place, see where
you feel and flow. So for me, as a podcast
host and you know someone that teaches and speaks, I
(51:38):
am most in flow when i'm teaching, I'm most in
flow when I'm podcasting, and I didn't really know that
until we got into it. But now I can see
back in life that when I'm in conversation with people
that feels deep, that's where.
Speaker 3 (51:49):
I'm in flow.
Speaker 1 (51:50):
And so notice where you're in flow, which is really
really helpful. And then I think third, redefining purpose. I
think people feel like their purpose is thing external, their
purpose is something that makes the money, and their purpose
is their job. If your purpose here as a soul
was to experience and experiment in life, what would you
do what with the joy that you would follow? What
(52:13):
was the thing that you really just feel lit up
by and excited by?
Speaker 3 (52:17):
And I think when we can kind of let.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
Go of the idea that purpose is this really big
thing outside of us that means we have to be
on stage in Madison Square Garden and do all these
crazy things, it can get so much easier to remember that, like,
our soul is here for purpose, the purpose of our
existence is to be here now, and really just seeing
that as less pressure.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
I was going to say that bird's eye view is
just so helpful.
Speaker 4 (52:41):
I think purpose holds so much charge these days people
feel like, well, if I am not on purpose, then
you know, I must be off my path, you know.
And I think we are the purpose, you know, and
we are always on our path.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
You know.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
I think I got tripped up so much because I
thought I wasn't on my path. But you know, whether
it feels like a zig or zag, it's always the
same path and providing lessons and support and guidance for
more of becoming who you really are.
Speaker 1 (53:14):
You know.
Speaker 3 (53:15):
How do you see purpose?
Speaker 2 (53:16):
How do I see purpose?
Speaker 1 (53:18):
You know?
Speaker 2 (53:19):
I've watched so many people who I feel have lived
their purpose. One of them is my spiritual teacher that's
staying with me right now, has had been a month
for fifty years, and his sole purpose has been to
share God and goodness with the world. Like that you
can really believe that goodness exists in the world, and
not through speaking but through acting, not through like saying
(53:42):
you should do something, but through literally being that person
and allowing people to see it and want what you've got.
Like whatever you're doing, I want to do. It is
how I feel when I'm around him. I see purposes
constantly being lost and found. That's been my experience of it.
I was actually going to call this podcast lost and Found,
because I really felt like feel like you expect once
(54:02):
you're found, you're found, and once you've got it, you've
got it. And this, as soon as I've grabbed it,
this is it. It's gonna be like this, and I'm
gonna be holding it with like a torch above me
all the time. And actually it's similar to what you
were saying about Sassin return. I actually think the point
of life is the lost in the found is just
as much there as the lost, and both go together,
(54:25):
and you will know what found is without being lost.
And I don't think you have to see the loss
as being a negative thing, because without without exploring different paths,
which is what usually do when you're lost, without trying
to look in the places which you wouldn't normally when
you've lost something, you wouldn't actually be able to explore
to figure out what found means. And so I struggle
(54:49):
with this question because I feel like my purpose has
changed through time, and I do think there's been periods
of my life where my purpose has been to serve
my family, and that has been so when I felt
at home, and then there's been times when my grandma
was in hospital like two years ago. I stayed with
her and my purpose was solely to look after her
(55:09):
and serve her, and that was like everything I wanted.
Nothing else mattered in that moment. And then there's been
times where I felt like, when I moved to New York,
my purpose was to support Jay and support him through
what he was going through and what I wanted at
the time. Honestly, I didn't want it to matter, and
it didn't because he wasn't expecting it. But I felt like,
as a person, that's where I wanted to be. And
(55:31):
now I feel like my purpose has been like, oh okay,
I now feel I've learned so much along the way.
Serving others has become that purpose, and I notice that
it is what I'm supposed to be doing, because when
i start doing things for another motive, or I'm doing
partnerships that don't feel right, or I'm making money in
(55:52):
ways that I actually feel a bit, I don't want
to be sharing that with people. I know it's because
the ultimate purpose for me is if I'm not serving
them in the right way, it feels wrong. And that
might change as time goes on, But yeah, I think
I see purpose is something that for me changes. It
may be the same for someone for the whole life.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
But that was stunning. Yeah, I loved Almah revd Up.
But you know, and you were like following the call
of your soul in each of these moments. You're like
serving the moment. You're serving what your values, you're serving,
what is meaningful and matters to you. And what you
even said at the beginning about your teacher, like he
serves God and goodness. Yeah, sounds like a great purpose
(56:31):
to me. And it sounds like something too that anyone
can do, you know. I like when people can kind
of and even for myself, this is medicine. Like what
could the purpose be that I could do every day?
I can serve goodness in God, just like you said exactly.
I can do this right now in this moment. I
can do this with the barista. I can do this
with the uber driver. I can do this with my family.
You know, Like, what is the thing that you could
(56:52):
truly do every day that's going to make your life
better and make the world better. And it doesn't need
to be big, it doesn't need to be grand. It
can be simple and.
Speaker 2 (57:00):
It can look different every day, Like the way you
do the way you live your purpose won't look the
same every day externally or internally. And I think that
that's really important too, because sometimes you think, okay, that
means I, like me living in my purpose means I
have to put out a video every single day or
I'm not so.
Speaker 4 (57:21):
Otherwise when people get confused, like me, livery purpose seven
tiktoxic day And there's.
Speaker 1 (57:28):
No shade to that because no, if that's in flow,
if that feels aligned, if that's your values, it's all good.
Speaker 3 (57:33):
But yeah, it's like, where does it come from?
Speaker 1 (57:35):
This thing that feels good and beautiful? And just like
on that soul level to like the mind and the
human that keeps us trapped and small.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
That was really lovely in the conversation, I was wondering
whether there's a quote or any kind of message that
has been in your heart or mind in the last
couple of months or for your life that keeps coming back.
I guess I like saying a mantra, but you know,
it can be anything.
Speaker 1 (58:00):
In the book, we say you're not behind, You're becoming,
And I just love that sentiment and that phrase because
for so long I felt like I was behind. I
wasn't married at the right time. I wasn't with kids
at the right time, I wasn't making this amount of money,
and I just had to go through everything I went
through to become the woman I am today, which is
a woman that I love and then I'm so proud
(58:21):
to be And so for anyone listening, just remembering that
that like every day you're becoming and it's the best
part of the process.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 4 (58:30):
This one Chris has said many many times over the years,
and it's just a constant reminder for me and really
anyone moving through change. Knowing that you can take responsibility
for everything you're bringing to a moment, and that is
everywhere you go, there you are, which I know is
not your.
Speaker 3 (58:46):
Quote, but you say it a lot.
Speaker 4 (58:49):
It's like it's a hard truth, but it's actually like
a reassuring, liberating truth too, you know, to know that I,
in every moment can take responsibility for what I'm bringing
to this experience, whether.
Speaker 3 (59:03):
Good or not good.
Speaker 4 (59:05):
And you know, when I realized that through a lot
of therapy, I was like, wow, girl, Okay, you know
now you are in control quote quote quote control of
your life in that way, you know, life is no
longer happening to me. I can really see how it's
happening for me and what I'm bringing to it as well.
Speaker 2 (59:23):
Everywhere you go there you will.
Speaker 1 (59:27):
I don't know who the original person is.
Speaker 3 (59:29):
I got to look that up.
Speaker 1 (59:30):
And when you said you're like, Chris did this quote,
I'm like, what I know?
Speaker 3 (59:34):
I was so scared.
Speaker 1 (59:35):
I'm like, WHOA, I said, everything is. Yeah, honestly, thank
you honey so much. Thank you for lost and found.
Speaker 4 (59:45):
Like I'm going to quote I think we should quote
her as we talk about purpose on this journey because no,
it's really.
Speaker 1 (59:52):
Now you're in You're in our book. In the Purpose
chapter you talk about your journey.
Speaker 3 (59:57):
See that fall, I will show you. I can read it. Yes,
can we read it?
Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
I love that? Wait, I really just like get through
a lot of the book. I didn't see that.
Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
No, it's really far and it's like it's on the
purpose part.
Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
I'm glad to go like the physical copy now, No,
I know.
Speaker 3 (01:00:13):
Same, it's the wrong cover, but you know it'll it'll
it'll do. So I'll hear it is.
Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
I'm so honest.
Speaker 3 (01:00:19):
Okay, so god, Okay.
Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
In the book, we have passed the mics, which are
just excerpts of wisdom from our podcast guests, and you
were talking about purpose and just how you've explored it.
Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
So this is literally an excerpt from the conversation.
Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
Everything I've ended up doing has been a beautiful, magical,
random interaction with someone that sparked something in me. I
met an Ira, beta practitioner and chef, and was obsessed
with this human. I was like, I need to study
her and be around her. I became her assistant in
cooking classes. I was just like, I just want to
learn from you and absorb you in any way possible,
(01:00:56):
So let me follow you around and shadow you. Helped
her in her cooking classes, and then I went on
to do a yoga teacher training, which had to do
with me seeing that spark of joy and happiness and
purpose and what they were doing. It's not that I
want to be them, It's not that I want to
have what they have. It's that I want to have
that joy in myself, that contentment in what I have
(01:01:20):
to be able to give to other people.
Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
It's such a beautiful.
Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
Feeling to know that for me, jealousy or dissatisfaction come
when I don't understand who I am and I don't
understand what I have to give to other people. Actually,
we all just want to give to other people, and
the problem is that when we don't know what we
have to give, that's where the frustration came for me.
I feel like that's probably for many people.
Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
Makes me want to cry. Oh, I go to make
you want to cry thinking about.
Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Little you just you know, shadowing the chef doing yoga
teacher training.
Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
It was in New York, and it was amazing, what
a momentous time it was for me, Like that was
thank you for reading that. I actually forgot that we
even had that conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
Really really powerful, Like I just love that.
Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
Yeah, honey, this is so sweet. You're the best.
Speaker 2 (01:02:11):
I like wish you all the best with everything that
you're doing. You guys have always been such a light
on my Instagram feed every time I see you both,
and I really feel like you're special in the sense
that you really walk and you feel everything that you share.
So thank you.
Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
That means so much. We love you. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
It's such an honor and to connect with your community
and just in any way feels so good. And when
we got this, we were like, yeah, you give you their girl.
We're excited for them to get the book Almost Thirty,
which is out. It's a definitive guide to a life
you love for this next decade and beyond. So anything
that we talked about today we have in the book,
which you know, your amazing husband did a little blurb for.
Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Please go out and get the book, like it's going
to be not just for your almost thirties, but it's
going to be a life guide for you also.
Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
Thank you guys, Thank you guys. The best. Bye,
Host
Radhi Devlukia
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