The Courage to Reinvent: Rochelle Humes on Work, Family & Self-Worth

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
When people sit on podcasts and they have the attitude
of it's not all about money, I think it's quite
unrelatable to someone that has none. Yeah, and I think
for them a lot of their problems would be fixed
if they had a healthy bank balance. I think I'm
always aware of that because that was my mindset for
a very long time.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Rachelle Humes is a singer, a television presenter, an entrepreneur,
an author, and a podcaster and a mother of three.
I joined her on her podcast and today we're swopping seats.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
You're not going to be like find the balance to
be great at everything at once.

Speaker 3 (00:28):
That's a real unrealistic approach.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
So I would say, be realistic of the idea of
balance and how everything else in your life is going
to look when your business is thriving. I'm very obsessed
with making sure that my kids understand the value of money.
If you want to start something, it feels like a risk.
So I would say, without that unwavering, burning desire and

(00:51):
that passion and belief in what it is you want
to do, don't take the risk yet.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
I'm Radi Davlukiah and on my podcast a really Good Cry,
We embrace the real, the messy, and the beautiful, providing
a space for raw, un fielded conversations that celebrate vulnerability
and allow you to tune in to learn, connect and
find comfort together.

Speaker 4 (01:11):
So thank you so much for coming here.

Speaker 3 (01:13):
I'm so pleased to be here.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
I feel like the last time I saw you was
on your podcast Bazy Launch, and You're so sweet to
have me on. But I'm so excited. I'd really love
to be able to ask questions the other way.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
It's so refreshing to be sat in this scene.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
I know I was asking you before how many podcasts
you've done, but I feel like your life is so hectic.
I imagine, yeah, just so many right now. I'm excited,
let's do this, get into it.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
I feel as yeah, like everyone wants to sit in
that say. I'm like, no, let me get you on.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
Yeah exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
I feel like from seeing you from growing up and
watching your how incredible you are, whether it was your
singing career or as a business woman or as a mother.
You wear so many hats, and I guess the first
question I want to ask is what are you e
been excited about right now in your life?

Speaker 3 (02:00):
I might not be saying this in like nine weeks.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
So yeah, let's sort of play this. Send this to me,
and I remember how excited I was for the summer.
It becomes such a routine when you are working, and
I don't. My routine is very I keep those things
in there that are important to me, but my life
looks so different, so every day is different.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
But I sort of try and keep my own routine
within that.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
But the children's school, it's so kind of formulaic, and
it has to be like that that I hate the
version of myself where I'm like everyone out the door, Okay,
this one's got dance club, and Marv does the dance
run and I do the paddle run, and it all
becomes very kind of methodical.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
I feel a little bit like trunch ball.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, so I really look forward to the summer, and
I just think even just the kids don't wake up
as early, and it's not those mornings aren't so chaotic,
and yeah, I just really really enjoy it. I enjoyed
that they come to work with me. Do we try,
you know, we try and go away for a little bit,
but I just kind of really like being around them

(03:01):
because actually, from like eight in the morning till four
in the afternoon. I'm not really My kids are with
other people because they're at school, so I really do.
I look forward to the summer, But in nine weeks time,
I'll be ready for routine.

Speaker 4 (03:15):
I imagine when they come to work with you.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
I also just think children sometimes don't get to see
how amazing their parents are in what they do.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
So when you know you're kind of building.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Your life around them naturally, Yeah, but then when they
get to see you in your element, it must give
them a little glimpse of other parts of you that
maybe they don't get to see as much.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yeah, I think so. And I think I mean they
love to come to my office. I think because there's
a gift in cupboard, So I think that's right at
the minute, they're looking for what lip glosses they can find.
But yeah, I definitely think there's an element of that
that you say is true. And I saw it the
other day when we were in the office and we
were sort of having a meeting and they were playing

(03:55):
and then at the end of my office we've moved
since you're on the podcast, at the end of my
office is podcast studio, and they were like pretending they
were into be in each other and it sort of
like shocks me how much they listen to what we say,
and so yeah, Value was pretending to be me and
she had it down by Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
If ever, I need to pull a sicky.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
I just kind of like the fact that they find
the idea of coming to work like so exciting, and
I think it's all sort of like like playing shops
when you were little, you know. I think there's a
bit of that to it, and I think, oh God,
what am I going to do with them today?

Speaker 3 (04:28):
I've got to bring them to work.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
But actually, to them, they love it entertaining.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, do you pay them back things that you've done
in the past, like your songs? And do they know
who Rochale is or do they know you just as mum?

Speaker 1 (04:40):
This is the problem with YouTube now. They weren't really
interested in it before. And then Blake, my son has
really become obsessed with guys. I'm sure that he's like
the ones that are like on the forums or like
on Instagram starting these positions to get the seas back together.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I think it might be him.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
Well, but he's discovered it and he's like really kind
of excited by it. And I think where their dad performs,
but he they reunite all the time, so they still
go on tour like they've got an arena to at
the end of the year, and they're always a big
part of that, the children. So I think it's kind
of that's relatively normal, but the idea of me doing that,
I think feels really different.

Speaker 3 (05:19):
So it's yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
And what is so funny because in every video they
all say to me, was I in your tummy there?
And I was said no, Alaya was in my tummy there,
and Blake said, okay, so where was I?

Speaker 3 (05:30):
And I'm like, well, you wasn't you know? You didn't
You wasn't a thing.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
Then He's like, I want my moment.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Trying and explain to them, like actually, where were you
you were? Kind of you're a wish, You're a wish
at that point.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Do you find when you have gone through obviously so
many different not ears of your life to make it
sound like you've been here for so long, but so
many different versions of yourself? Yeah, did you feel you
had to close one chapter to move on to the
next or did you feel you were able to did
it I feel completed as you were going through it
because I find a lot of people have to aggrieve

(06:04):
parts of themselves to move on to the next stage,
whereas from what I can see from you, you kind
of flowed into so many different directions.

Speaker 4 (06:12):
Did it feel smooth for you?

Speaker 1 (06:14):
I think I've got so much that I'm interested in,
and I've always been that way, Like, there's so many
different I sort of grew up in an era where
you went to like a performing arts school of a weekend,
and that's sort of what I did. So we would
do singing, we'd do acting, we'd do dancing. I wasn't
great at dancing, but we did it all we do,
like me, like, there was so many different parts of it.

(06:36):
There was then so much that I was interested in.
It wasn't so kind of you didn't really have a ceiling.
He wasn't so pigeonholed. But I remember when the band
sort of wrapped up, and then I was really clear
that I wanted to get I've done a bit of
TV before, and I knew I wanted to get back
into TV. Everybody else sort of found it a lot
more difficult than I did, almost like, but you're a

(06:58):
pop star, this is TV, And it was quite an
interesting conversation at the time, and then when I got
accepted back into a space that I was already actually
in before I was in the girl band, it kind.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
Of then makes sense.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
But I think sometimes it takes other people more time
to get their head around something because they kind of
see you as that and that's where they see you.
And I think when you enter I feel like and
as women too, like very multifaceted.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
There's a lot to us. There's a lot of like
there's a lot.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Of things that interest us, and I've always sort of
gone with that, and I love the idea of like
pivoting and maybe putting that on ice for a bit
and actually really exploring that side of myself. But I
do think, yeah, as I said, I think it takes
it's more shocking to everyone else sometimes than it is
to you.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
I'm like, oh no, I still like that.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
But I'm really focused on this at the minute, and
I find this really exciting.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
I find people just don't like the idea of duality.
People find it really difficult to grasp that, and they
use the drama where it's kind of like, oh, this
must have ended because it's so bad or something happened,
and that's why she said to me, Yeah, you know,
there's so many people find it difficult to see just
someone flowing through life versus there being difficulties and turbulences

(08:13):
that get them to got them to that point.

Speaker 1 (08:14):
It's so true, and I think I think it's also
quite a British thing that we kind of look at
the negative sometimes before the positive, and I think that
it holds a mirror up. Yes, to some you hold
a mirror up someone else when they might also want
to change. But because it is, it can be quite
a brave thing as well sometimes to be actually, I'm
going to park everything I know and try something a

(08:37):
little different.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
But I think that really excites me.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
And I'm so interested in everyone else and what they
do and how they've built certain things, and you know,
what makes other people tick that I kind of I
love that.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
I love hearing about people trying new things.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
It really does take people time to catch up before
even if you are so comfortable with something. I've noticed
that too, it takes people time to catch up to
the new version of yourself that they're Yeah, but because
they haven't maybe seen the evolving that's happening behind doors.
So for them, it's I'm going from this to this,
and people feel like there's a disconnect, but for you,
there's not a disconnecte because.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
It change scares people, right like like I think some
people really embrace change and that's exciting, but others kind
of repel that a little bit. And I think it
doesn't mean that you change or anything you know personally.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
But for me, I love it. I love a house move,
I love.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
A new I love to the bones like I can't.
I'm definitely like got like a gypsy heart.

Speaker 4 (09:37):
You've been in the industry since you were what twelve
or early twelve?

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Yeah, how weird is that?

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Did you ever have a time where you just wanted
to ghost and just not you know, just feel like
you needed time to figure things out? Or have things
always felt figured out for you?

Speaker 3 (09:53):
Yeah? I think things have always felt figured out.

Speaker 4 (09:56):
What does that feel like?

Speaker 1 (09:57):
But no, but not in a way of like them
being figured out. I felt like, oh, my calling's here,
and I know what I want to do. There was
the roadmap wasn't there, but I knew what I want,
Like I kind of always knew what I wanted and
I do at different points, but I don't know how
that you know the first clue of how I'm going
to get there, so's the figuring out to do. But

(10:19):
I did feel like I knew what I wanted.

Speaker 4 (10:23):
If that's amazing.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
So many parts of my life I feel have been
feeling lost and then somewhat finding and then feeling lost again.
So it's really interesting for someone who's felt like that
in their life. If anyone's listening that's felt the same,
what's been your north start of knowing that this is
what I'm supposed to do.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
I think that's a really interesting question, and I don't
think also I think that's that also makes it feel
like you've got everything sewn up. And I think sometimes
it's harder knowing what you want actually because when you're
not in it, I'm.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
Like, no, but this, I know this is where I'm.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Going, but this, So then I think sometimes that actually,
when you're in the present and the future hasn't happened yet,
that can actually be harder because I'm actually not happy here,
I'm supposed to be there. So I think, as I said,
I've known what I wanted. It's like putting it in
layman's terms, like I know what I want to wear tonight.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
I've seen it.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
I've seen nothing, and I've got it in my mind,
and I'm going shopping and I exactly what i want.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
I can't find it, find it. It's like that.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
So it's not always that you feel comfortable in that
because I know where I want to be. For me,
I've always felt like the thing that I know that
I'm supposed to do is like the thing that I
find easy but people are really curious about, or it
might appear hard to most and that could look different
Like I'm like my friends that are like so incredibly smart,

(11:47):
and like for me, like finances and anything math or
anything in that space is so alien and my brain
does not that part of my brain does not activate.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
It never has. Like from school my mum would.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Remember my mom saved up to get me a massachutor
because there was no way I was going to pass
the exams.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
Still didn't. Yeah, it just doesn't. That doesn't.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
So for me, someone that's like an accountant or someone
that's like head of finance, I'm like in awe of
because that's the thing that like, of course they work
out that comes easy to them to me as heart,
but then you they would have that appreciation for you
on the flip side, So I think your thing comes
quite apparent when it's easy to you but hard to most.

Speaker 4 (12:31):
I guess it's kind of like pain to your strengths.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 4 (12:33):
To do that, you have to know and be aware
of what your strengths are.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Yes, And did you feel like you had How did
you create a lot of self awareness growing up? Because
I think what you're talking about takes that. It takes
a lot of tuning in listening to what I want,
not what maybe what other people want for me. And
I think that's often where people get lost, is in
this noise of all these people are saying I should
be doing this, or I should be good at math,
or this is the trajectory I should be on. But no,

(12:59):
you had self awareness to say, actually, this is what
I'm following. What do you feel has been that deeper
rooted intention behind the things that you do that's kind
of joined each one to the yas?

Speaker 4 (13:11):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (13:12):
I also, like, I think that you can't know the
answer to that unless you try everything right. And I
say that to my kid, like I must have bought
every uniform right for my eldest every club, like I've
saved them all because I know the others are going
to need to try it.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
You know, to use it.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
But I really think like variety is a spice of life.
I really believe that, and I think trying everything to
know what sits and also you'll know what feels right.
You might be great at something, but we might not
enjoy it. Yeah, so then that also isn't your thing
because it's not giving you that spark that you need.

Speaker 3 (13:48):
I think I've always been so curious.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
I've always want it to be a bit of a
sponge and like if I've been interested in something like
sort of surround myself with people that are doing it
in a way that I'd love to or And that's
like from being a little one, right, like being really
kind of inspired by other people asking questions. And I've
always put myself out there. I was actually really shy

(14:12):
as a kid, and that's the reason my mum actually
sent me to a dance school or like performing art
school because I had like a stammer and I had
chicken pox and weirdly it left me with a stammer.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
And it's like it can sometimes happen. It happened to
my son too.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
And I went to speech therapy and I was that
then made me even shyer than I was, so I'd
be like the kid that would like hang behind my
mom's legs and like that was kind of it. And
then when my mom was taking me to speech therapy,
they were like, I have you thought about sending it someone
to bring her confidence out of it?

Speaker 3 (14:46):
I mean the irony of that my.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Mom was then she couldn't shut me up, you know,
really activated something here, and so I think but then
from that point, so I started off really shy, and
then from that point I've.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Then just so curious. And then I found like my people.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
I was very sort of one best friend at school, right,
which and I see that in my eldest and I'm like,
you can be friends of everybody, take a little bit
from everyone, because when that one best friend doesn't come in,
they're not very well you know you kind of I
see that in myself, and it's the thing that I
wish I didn't have when I was young. But then
I went to performing arts and I sort of found

(15:23):
my people and we had so much in common, and
I think, yeah, and I just I tried everything and
then it became really clear to me.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
I think that's it's so true, the idea of one
not having fear. That's what I'm also hearing from you,
where you were just okay trying things, and sometimes we
stop ourselves because of the failure. Yeah, and you're thinking, oh,
you think of all the what ifs before you've even
taken one step towards it.

Speaker 4 (15:48):
And then what you said about curiosity.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
I was thinking about this recently because my friend messaged
me and she said, I don't know what people do
on a Sunday, I'm so bored. And I was thinking
about the last time I was bored that when I
was channing that thought, and I was like, actually, I
don't The last time I was bored might have been
when I was younger, maybe a teenager. I said, oh,
I'm so bored, but I haven't been bored since, and
I was thinking about why. And I really think it's

(16:11):
this spark of curiosity that stops someone from either being
lost or being bored in life, because if you're curious,
that means you're present because you're constantly taking things in
in life, You're constantly trying to speak to new people
like you do on your podcast. Or making friends with
different people to understand them better. And then with curiosity,

(16:33):
there's not really a space for boredom, and there's not
really a space to be lost because you're constantly seeking
and you're finding things in different places, which if you
weren't really curious, you could easily be bored actually because
and you could easily be lost. Yeah, And that's what
I found in my life the moments that when I
was thinking when you were speaking, I was like, why
have I felt in moments of my life many times

(16:56):
that I've been lost? And I think it has been
times where I've maybe tuned out and not been as
present and not been as curious. And as soon as
I get into another course or I start speaking to
someone about what they're doing, it sparks something in my
mind where I'm like, oh, actually, let me try this.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yes, And then all of a sudden, exactly, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
Has there been a time in your life where you
felt misunderstood throughout your journey? And I think that's something.
The reason I'm asking is because I find a lot
of people whenever I post things about being misunderstood, whether
it's someone who's in the public eye or whether it's
someone who's not being misunderstood seems to be a big
core part that people find difficult to come to terms with.

(17:39):
So imagine being in the public eye. That's even more difficult.
One has that happened to you and to how do
you deal with that on a day to day basis,
and then also on a mass scale.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
I think in.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
Terms of being the public eye, I've really it's weird.
I still don't feel like I am in the public right.
I guess so strange. I think I live so privately
for someone in the public eye, if that makes sense.
I don't really feel like I've ever had that relationship
with the media where I'm it becomes that real transactional thing.
I feel really lucky that I've toe this line that

(18:11):
my friends are all my friends.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
They don't really in that world.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
So when I say I'm going to work like, I'm
sort of like, okay, I'm off to work today. But
then when I'm not in that space, I'm not really
hanging out at celeb spots, I'm not. Really that's not
my world. It really isn't. So I kind of when
I hear people because I watched interviews and I hear
other people in the public eye, and there's a lot
of it. I understand because I think we're accessible now

(18:37):
with like social media and stuff, so we do understand that,
and there's opinion, but I don't feel like I really
tout that.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
I don't know if that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
So I kind of there will be things that I
go to that I know that are like fun days,
Like we just went to Wimbledon and I love it
and we're there to watch the tennis, but I know there's.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
Going to be preparatzi when I get there, so I
put a nice outfit on.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
But apart from those moments, which are rare for me,
I'm very much away from everything.

Speaker 4 (19:03):
That's so nice that you managed to get a good balance.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yeah, And I don't know if that sort of really
happened when I had children, though it's kind of my
life is that So my life looks, you know, like
doing everything every other mum does. It's not like there's
not really anything different apart from my go to work
and it's a little bit more glitzy. But when the
outfit's off, when I'm I'm very much at home. I've

(19:25):
always had a really funny relationship with being misunderstood and
it's something that I think, well, I think we all
dislike it, don't we. But I think it's something that
really sits weird for me, And I think that's maybe
something that maybe isn't so public for me, that's more
kind of maybe in friendship groups or in work or
in I'm very much a people person, and I'm very

(19:49):
much that person where someone's kind of misunderstood what I
meant or my intent or how that looks or what
that meant.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
It really kind of mean to It affects my whole aura.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
And until I've like completely digested it and like had
it lived through my body, then I'm at peace with it,
Like I can't. It really way heavy on me if
I think I've upset someone, if I think somebody took
what I said in the wrong way, if somebody questions
emotive or an intention and there wasn't one, I'm like,
oh my god, why would they think that? It really

(20:24):
is something that's never But my mum said, I've always
been like that, So then I sort of start doing
the most because I don't want somebody.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
To say I'm.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Like going above or But then actually, if it was
on the flip side, I would think that actually looks.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
Like guilt, but it isn't.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
It's more just like, so, I think that's always something
that I've I read let them like everyone else did,
the Metal Robin's book, and I really need to sort
of channel that more. But I'm so I really wear
my heart on my sleeve, and yeah, I think that
would be something that I always find challenging.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
I really do.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
I think it's the biggest.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
The biggest struggle is when you know that wasn't what
was meant to You're in from that the action or
those words were not meant to be received in that way. Yeah,
that's the hardest, and I struggle with it so much.
So partly I was asking for myself because it's something
I I go above and beyond to the point where
I could look psychotic.

Speaker 4 (21:21):
Same and I'm trying to over explain.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
You get three voice notes from me, and then you
don't reply, and then somehow I'm like checking your story
and then I'm replying to your story and.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
It's almost like I'm testing it and I do. Oh,
they are upset with me exactly. I don't know why.
By the way, this happens like it's it's like not often,
but when it.

Speaker 3 (21:39):
When it does, it will affect me for months and
I'll think it.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
And I'll think, oh gosh, I would hate them to
think that of me.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
So I'm probably the wrong person to ask I can
help you. I'm like, like you say, to the point
where I could come across psychotic.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
I know, because i think, do you know what what
I think it is for me? When you know your
intentions and you know they're coming from a pure place,
but it could be perceived and it's all situational, right, exactly, Well,
I spoke to so and so and they thought this,
and they said this, and then that could seem like
an easy answer, and it's believable because there's an element

(22:15):
of truth to it.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
I think it's Sank the wise heavy and I think
it'll always weigh heavy on me.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
And I think when you know your intentions are pure,
I then become like my own campaigner. Yes, and I
want to campaign for those intentions.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
And I'm like, do you know what? This is ridiculous?

Speaker 4 (22:31):
And let them as probably my husband's a.

Speaker 3 (22:33):
Very good sounding board for me, and.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
I'm to hide it from Jade that I've done these things.
And then a month later, by the way, I think
I might have sent three voice notes and two text
messages and then I think I sent a DM and
they still have a response.

Speaker 3 (22:47):
He's like, why are you okay? You are are you okay?

Speaker 1 (22:50):
And then also he'll be like, Pave, this whole situation
has arisen because that person did something.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
Bad to you.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yes, now you think think that they are acting different
way too, that you might have upset them.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
He was like, this is like he thinks I'm crazy. Yeah,
stuff like this, but.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
Just a woman.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Yeah, I've always been like.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
It, and I wish I wasn't because it's almost toxic
to myself.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
I have that same trait.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
So I think, you know what, maybe we're in the
right and our husbands are in the wrong.

Speaker 3 (23:20):
Do you think No, No, I don't because I know
that it's weird.

Speaker 4 (23:24):
It is because it feel he consumed in it.

Speaker 3 (23:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
And actually, I've got this amazing life coach Door who
actually comes on the podcast sometimes and she's incredible. She
like breaks everything down and she says to me sometimes
that the way that I process situations is that I
really talk about it and I do all the things.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
So I do the things and just sent the voice notes.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
I will talk to my husband, and I'll say, and
like you said, I'm to a point there where if
it goes on too long, I'm not even telling him
this up date.

Speaker 3 (23:51):
Today because he's just going to be like, what you're doing.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
But I have to do it to mentally process it,
so I won't. And we say that we should talk, right,
that we should talk about things. But almost on the
flip side, what she was explaining to me that is
sometimes that that you can also do that too much.
So she was like, treated the kind of feeling that
overwhelms you that you have to talk about, and whether
that's like sadness or anxiety or like anger or whatever

(24:16):
that would be if you treat it like a person,
And if a person like opened your front door and
run in every room of your house and was like
shouting at you, talking and doing the most in every house,
you'd be like, Okay, you're going to have to leave.
This is just I don't know you. This is too
much like if it was a person. So that feeling
that makes you feel like you've got all that stuff,

(24:38):
if you just sat with it for a second and
you just acknowledge it, so you sit with it and
almost to yourself for a second. Of course, you can offload,
but if you sit with it and be like, oh,
it's in my chest today, I know it's there, or
it's given me a not in my tummy today and
just acknowledge it. But what I do with that not
in my tummy is EI then try and do a thing.

(25:00):
But actually sometimes that is counter productive because it stays
with you for longer. So if it was crazy person
running in your house, you'd be like, stop, sit there
for a second.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
Likely I'm going to talk about this later, So that's
what I need to do with it.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
It can be just as toxic as keeping something in sometimes.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
Yeah, it's kind of like that whatever you put your
energy towards grows, and so sometimes talking about something too
much or putting too much energy towards it, well, naturally
that's going to end up expanding rather than shrinking. Yes,
and so something that felt maybe like it was just
in your chest at first ends up feeling like it's
in your entire body when you end up putting too
much on it.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, which does make sense, it does, So I do
try and like that.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
It's actually really helped me processing.

Speaker 4 (25:44):
Yeah, I like that analogy. I'm going to use it. Yeah,
just stay right there.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
There, you just stay there for a second. I got you.
I know what this is.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
I'm not going to send five thousand crazy voices a
campaign for just one.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
Has your idea of success or things that you thought
success would bring you from when you were younger changed
to now? Really, could you share some of the things
that you feel that you reflect on.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah, I think maybe I thought that success was having
a great job. Like I grew up with my mom
and my mum raised me, and when I was born,
my mum and I lived in a hostel until my
mum got a council flat and then we remember when
we got a house and it was like we got

(26:27):
this council house and my mum then worked and she
bought the council house off of the and that was
like we had literally won the year Reminions like it
was and that was kind of like seeing that and
watching my mum do that was just incredible. But I
think I then really equated success to financial stability and

(26:47):
to being able to have a car that was a
nice car, and to be able to have a holiday.
And then I suppose those things then grew and then
it became a for me, success was then keeping hold
of all those things. And I think I will always
have that working class in me where success is making

(27:11):
sure my kids can have that. You know, not the most,
but I never want them to want for anything. And
for me, that is, you know, if I've got a
good job and I can earn good money, that's what
that's for, like you know, and not in a way
of them being spoiled. They've got a real I'm very
obsessed with making sure that my kids understand the value

(27:32):
of money and how that looks and what that means.
And Okay, but your birthday's in October, that's what we're
happening in it, like let's write a list for our
birthday because we But you know, it's also something that
I've also worked on because I don't want them to
ever want for anything.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
But I think that for me, that's what success meant.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
But I will always have that in me at the
back because I know that things can come and go.
I know that you can be in a band and
tomorrow you're not, and that will mean that your wage stops.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
I know how that looks.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
So I think I I've always got that hustler in
me that I always want to make sure. Maybe that's
the reason that I'm why I do so many things.
Maybe I'm just heading my bet. If one thing stops,
I've got something else. But I think that that will
always stay. But now my idea of success to me
is like peace. To me is like, of course that

(28:23):
the more financial freedom you have, that also brings a
different level of peace. And I think when people say
money can't buy you happiness, it's true, but it can
give you freedom, and is freedom happiness?

Speaker 3 (28:35):
Who knows?

Speaker 1 (28:36):
But I think it obviously does change a lot. It
makes problems easier, it oftens the blow. I think when
people sit on podcasts and they have the attitude of
it's not all about money, and I think it's quite
unrelatable to someone that has none, and I think for
them a lot of their problems would be fixed if
they had a healthy bank balance. I think I'm always

(28:58):
aware of that because that was my mind for a
very long time. But I do think that it also
brings a different level of problem.

Speaker 3 (29:09):
It also brings, you know, it changes a lot.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
It does, and I'm not sat here as a billionaire,
but I have my financial position is very different to
it once was. But I do know that there is
truth in the saying of it can't buy you happiness
because the problems change and everything's relative.

Speaker 3 (29:27):
It does. It changes that you have a lovely house, but.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
Then that comes with lovely bills and that everything else
that's attached to it.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
So I think it's all relative.

Speaker 1 (29:35):
But I think that for me now, my idea of
success isn't necessarily being able to afford what I want.
It's kind of friendship. It's great relationship with my children.
It's spending time with my husbands and being able to

(29:57):
do that and still do what I To me, that's
what success is now. And like health and knowing that
you can have all the money in the world, and
of course you can look into different options of health care,
but if something is coming for somebody you love or
for yourself, knowing that, of course, all of that can't

(30:18):
fix it, and as much as you wish it could.
So I think your idea of it definitely for me,
my idea of success has completely changed to like the
eighteen year old, like I.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
Want to be.

Speaker 2 (30:31):
That.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
It's not that, it's not that, And you know, I
think in life I've loved and lost people, and I
think all of that doesn't.

Speaker 3 (30:41):
You know, it all goes back to basics. Everything does.
It doesn't.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
All of what we do and the great opportunity, none
of it matters, like literally none of it because it
is all about the.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
People we love.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
And I think, I don't know if that's just an
age thing. I think it yeah, and it is in
the perspective, just it just it does change it does.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
I love what you said about money because in our
philosophy and the Vaders, it talks about how actually nothing
is innately good or bad, but a lot of the
time it's how we use that thing. Yeah, it creates
whether it is a good thing or a bad thing.
And I do find that when people I've noticed a
lot when people end up being successful, whether it's financially
or in fame, people end up demonizing it once the

(31:26):
person is successful, so oh my gosh, you've got money,
so now you don't have this, or you've got money,
so now you don't have problems, or people who have
a lot of money can't be religious or spiritual, like
they really find that duality quite difficult to understand. I
think it's because we end up demonizing money based on
what happens in the world.

Speaker 4 (31:45):
Money does end up separating a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
If you have a lot of money, you get benefits
in certain ways, and if you don't, you don't. But
you've experienced both sides. Yeah, And so when it comes
to money, whether you end up having a lot or don't,
I think your mind's can still be the same of
valuing it in the same way. And when you've come
from having not much to then having it, the value
always remains because you will always remember I've come from

(32:10):
not having much, and so now I value this even
more so than if someone was to have it the
whole life.

Speaker 4 (32:17):
Yeah, And so.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
I think it gives you that different Like I'm like
if me and my husband and my children lived in
the tiniest you know, if we lived where I lived
with my you know, at the beginning of my life.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
And this is what I always want.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
My kids to know, is that that there is all
that everything, Like of course, you know, and like I said,
we're lucky and opportunity and you can have you know,
and if you can, brilliant, but like those are the fundamentals, right,
Like it doesn't wherever we are in the world, we'll
be fine because we're together and that's kind of the

(32:54):
way that we want to raise them. I also, like
I said, I'm really aware that I perhaps feel that
way because you know, that wasn't my childhood. So I'm
really aware that I always want them to be grateful
and want them to have a real understanding. I think
it's something that I've always toyed with, like will they

(33:17):
be hungry? Will they graft? Will they have like an aspiration?
Because they live in a lovely house and a lovely area.
I probably never would have never wanted to move out
if I lived there when I was younger. So is
it going to give them their own desires to build
their own life?

Speaker 3 (33:33):
And how do I make sure that they do?

Speaker 1 (33:36):
You know, the parent in me, I'm like toying with
the struggle of yeah, but this is what I work
for for them, to want them to go.

Speaker 3 (33:43):
To, you know, to be able to.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
So it's really it's it's like a strange idea. Parenting
is a strange idea altogether. But I just want them
to know that you can have everything in the world,
but if the fundamental aren't there, can actually feel like
you've got nothing.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
So the fundamentals are there and you're.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Rich, you're rich in love, You're rich in friendship, You're
rich in you know, the best parts of life if
you look after that first.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
You know, I think core principles and values are taught
separately to.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
Any financial situation.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
So you know, I think about my parents came to
the UK's immigrants with literally nothing, and they lived in
refugee camps here and for them, naturally, I will never
be able to have the same mindset as them.

Speaker 4 (34:34):
Yeah, I will never be able to because.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
They work so hard to allow me to feel like
I am comfortable and for me to never have to
feel like I don't know where my next meal is
coming from, as they have had to. And so there
is a part where if you haven't been through that struggle, naturally,
you may not ever understand the depths of that, but
the values and principles after watching them, So after your

(34:57):
children have watched you live by those values principles, naturally,
that is what they will end up embodying, or they
will end up taking on. Because there's only so much
you can tell someone something, but when someone lives it
and you observe them giving it, it's different. Like my dad,
if I think, even if it reflects on my parents,
Like my dad is one of the simplest people I've

(35:19):
ever met in my life. He no matter what, he's
just simple minded and simple hearted, and no matter how
much his life has changed through the years, all I
will think about is the fact that I've never heard
him say bad things about people. That even if people
do him wrong, he always says, you know, God's going
to take care of it, and he's never let it
bother them. So the things that I remember about him,

(35:40):
I have nothing to do with the amount of gifts
he's given me or the financial stability he's given me,
but the values he's taught me through being who he is.
And same with my mom, Like she's so fiery and
she gets things done and she goes above and beyond
for people. If she says to someone, I'm going to
give you that person's number for the back pain that

(36:01):
you have, for sure two hours later she'll go home
and make that call, And that to me is rare.
People don't often follow through what they say, So the
things that I think about them are based on their
core values of what they're showing me, not necessarily the
fact that we have the phone to ring, or the
fact that we have, They've paid the bills to make
the phone call happen. And so I think you should

(36:21):
take a lot of solace in the fact that you
are showing up. Everything that you have learned from being
who you were is showing up in the way that
you just live and the way that you are.

Speaker 4 (36:33):
Yeah, and they'll take that on more.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Than so Funny, isn't it when you're like parenting in
real time. Like I'm the same as you. Like I
look back and I'm like, think of my mom and
how like you know, she didn't have anything, but she
found the means to do this and then found the
main to send me to dance school because she thought
I should go there, and she didn't have the money
and everything else in between, and worked a billion jobs.

(36:55):
But like you say, the things that I that I
hold so dear to my mom, like her values, how
she like you know, she is, like I mean, the
friendliest person you'll ever meet. Like it's almost like we
have like she's like a local celebrity. You like, Mom,
come on, we just get like she knows this person
that one and she takes the time to like find

(37:17):
out about everyone's day, and she's so interested and she's
like the best nan in the world, and like, my
kids are obsessed with her, like obsessed with.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
Her, and she's obsessed with them.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
But I think it's quite nice for her because she's
kind of doing it all again, but she gives.

Speaker 3 (37:32):
Them back, you know, exactly. So special, isn't it.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
And I sort of didn't really have that because my
mum's relationship with her mom wasn't the same. So it's
so nice to see them and they're honestly, like she's
like a proper nan, Like she like is like all
for them, calls me, she's like, Hi, we're.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
The kids, you know, and it's like I love it.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
So yeah, it's so interesting that we can all we
can appreciate our parents and how they've raised us, like
when we look back and think about that, but like
it's so interesting, Like, God, I hope my kids.

Speaker 4 (38:05):
Talk about me like that one Oh they will.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
So funny, isn't it.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
Have you noticed as I'm getting older, I'm really noticing
parts of the things that I would say to my
mom to be less uptight about, or I think, oh
my gosh, I'm living with my grandma right now and
my mom and the similarities and then I'm telling them
not to be like that, and then I'm suddenly noticing,
oh crap, that's me and I have you noticed that

(38:30):
in the traits or something that when you're speaking to you,
I never thought this.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
I will say something and I like I literally just
heard my mom. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh, yeah,
I'm everything, and it is crazy.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
And it is You're like, oh my god, I'm never
going to say that, and that is just like why
would you? And then I'm like i'd like quoting my mom.

Speaker 3 (38:52):
Like we're using it as my own, like what is this?

Speaker 2 (38:55):
So?

Speaker 3 (38:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Everything, and I think just like like, you know, do
you think this is a tell this?

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (39:03):
From start to finish the things that I would hear
my mom.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
I'm really in the taxi mom and dads phase at
the minute, Like everything is like Elia's like.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
Can I see this friend today? Can I see?

Speaker 1 (39:14):
And I can remember thinking like why is it such
a big deal? Like you're just dropping me? But when
your day is so planned and then they're like, right,
can I just and I'm not can you get me
at this time now? And You're like I'm like, Eliah,
you've got other siblings, You're not the only one. I've
got to get here, there, and everywhere, And it's so
interesting that I'm like, I just everything.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
My mum used to say, I can now relate.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Yeah, they would say, wait till you have children, and
then I haven't got there yet.

Speaker 4 (39:39):
But I imagine I'm going to feel the same.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
And you'll get it.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
You'll be oh my god, this is exacuate, she meant,
and I just thought she was being dramatic.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Is there anything that you feel on the same note
of that, Is there anything you feel like you're trying
to unlearn in your life right now that has that
maybe was a habit or a practice or a behavior
that you're trying to, you know, let go of because
it's not serving you anymore.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
Yeah, I think that kind of like the downplaying. I
really am not good at compliments. Yeah, but my mum isn't.

Speaker 4 (40:12):
Oh is she not?

Speaker 3 (40:13):
She'll start like yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:15):
My friend actually, and he sent me a meme the
other day and he was like, this is so you.
And it was like, I'm going to just start saying
thank you when someone compliments me on whatever, rather than
telling them a tale about the outfit where I got it,
like a whole tale and I just and everyone would
think like because of my job that I'm like used

(40:36):
to it. But the truth is people would like you'd
hear a negative before hearing a compliment in this world.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
That wasn't right. Let's go for that again. And you know,
that's kind of just how it is. Like it's not
really every.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Day that someone saying to be up by the way,
that show is incredible, or today that interview.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
Wow, like that's just not life, is it. We're on
to the next thing.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
I really just I've always struggled with compliments, but I
see it from my mum, and I know my mum
does and I get the same thing where we go
oh no, no, no, oh absolutely not. Well, actually I've
been going through this at the minute, so it's should
say that, like we just sort of go really into
ourselves about it and we just have to make a
joke or you know, turn it into a sort of punchline,

(41:18):
because it was just easier than just going thank you,
that's so kind, thank you for saying that.

Speaker 4 (41:22):
Someone said that to me to my face, just say
thank you. Yes, I didn't even know them very well.
I was like, oh, thank you, and I was like
going on on a story about something. These people helped
me with this, and these people did that. It really
wasn't me. I really didn't do much just say thank you.
It's okay, Yeah, you can say thank you.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
And like my husband said it to me for years
and he's like, it's also really awkward for the person
on the other end of it, just so you know,
so you feel like you're kind of not wanting to
seem arrogant or not this, but actually the person just said, oh,
you look lovely today, is there.

Speaker 4 (41:54):
You're giving them a whole spielf.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
I just to look nice. It's really not that deep.
Just wanted to know where the dress was from.

Speaker 4 (42:02):
I just put it on really fast. I find in
my wardrobe and it was really difficult getting ready this morning.
And yeah, just all the things I do the same
thing and from the same mom. By the way, I
know what we've taken on the same things.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
Like when you replate, you're like, yeah, that is yeah,
I don't do that.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
It's a little bit awkward and strange, and everyone's uncomfortable
in this conversation, not just me, So.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
Yeah, that is.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
I don't want my plan to be doing that. I
don't want them to learn this like self deprecating.

Speaker 4 (42:28):
Weird, isn't it.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
Yeah, because you can just be okay, like it's thanks.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
I think a big part of it for me comes
from the balance between being humble and not coming across like,
like you said, a bit arrogant.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
But you're full of yourself and like you're like, I
think there's this weird thing as well, the thing that
I know that I have that I never want to
be a stereotype. Of course celeb Yes, don't want to.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
But you know what we're doing.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
We're mistaking arrogance with confidence, correct, you know. So I
think there's a difference between being and I think it
really is based on the intention in your mind and
when you're saying thank you.

Speaker 4 (43:05):
If you're like, thank you so much, that's so sweet.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Haven't had something like that in so long, and I
appreciate it. If that's your mind and your heart saying
that and you say thank you, I feel like the
intention comes through. Words are such a small part of
how people receive what you do. Yeah, And so I think,
and I'm sure you've experienced this. I can tell energy
is off from the moment I meet someone, whether their
words are matching their mind, whether what they're saying is

(43:27):
actually how they're feeling.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
Whether you can put your finger on it or not.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
You can feel it.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
And so when you say thank you, like when you
came in the door and I was like, you're amazing,
and then you I was like, you feel your energy
is genuine from the moment you say one word. And
so I think we have to become settled in that
where if my intention is that, if the person receiving
it doesn't feel that intention, they're not going to feel it,
whether I say a hundred words or just one.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
And when you're not really thinking that way and you
say something, you will feel outderlignment.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
I think there's just something and I think maybe that's
this is in me over the years of like like
I said, I probably entered this industry when I was
eleven or two. Yeah, and I think maybe there's something
like there's always that and I hear it, and I
even hear it now kind of in the workplace.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
People go, what was she like in real life?

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Right? And there's always that thing of not wanting to
be hearing that somebody was like really difficult.

Speaker 4 (44:20):
Or really perceived wrong.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Arrogant or really Also those people might just had a
bad day, right, what do we know? But like I
said on this, like campaigning for myself before i've even
so I'm always like, I want everybody to know that
I'm okay, I'm actually really like, I'm not difficult, I'm
not I'm on the TV sometimes, but I'm actually right.
And maybe I'm always sort of working from that place
rather than just turning.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
Up, which sometimes I can absolutely resonate. But I think
sometimes it almost can stop you from presently being in
the room, interacting and communicating, because I end up thinking
I need to make sure I'm perceived in a certain
way rather than just being a certain way.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Because I think you, like you say, when you know
yourself and you know and not everybody does, so you're
almost I don't want to think it goes back to
what we were talking about before. You don't want everyone
to be misunderstood or so I think it's.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
You know what it is because we're going into that
room expecting people to think that, whereas if we went
into the room, it's almost like we're so osing before
getting into the room, we're.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
Saying we're down in the control, nothing's happened, nothing's even happen.

Speaker 4 (45:24):
We're playing drama for no reason?

Speaker 3 (45:25):
Is what we've come to is that what if thing
isn't it?

Speaker 1 (45:28):
And I think it's not like you can just but
I think that's what in my older age, I've just
I'm a little bit like more comfortable.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
I've done that for so long.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
I'm so comfortable in like, well, if they think it,
what am I going to do about it?

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Exactly?

Speaker 3 (45:43):
Is it going to rock my world?

Speaker 2 (45:44):
No? I do think age helps, Like as you get older,
I do think you let go of little things here
and there they start dropping off than yeah, God, otherwise
we'll be carrying that all through life.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
Nervous Nellie's yeah. Do they like me? I'm nice? I promise, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 (45:58):
I want to switch up a little bit.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
One of my questions on here was how do you
have three children do everything you do and still look
incredible every single time I see you? But now that
I just heard what you said, you don't have to
answer that question.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Now you know how uncomfortable this is voking me.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
One thing I have got really good at understanding is
that self care isn't selfish, and I think I need
that to stay sane. And I'm not going to like
sugarcoat it in any other way. Like I at the
end of the day, whether the kids have just got
to bed, I'm going to run a bath, I'm going
to do all the things that make me feel good.

(46:36):
I really try to get up before them at the minute.
It's quite difficult, not because of them because they're off school.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
Just me.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
I'm funning hard to get up at the minute.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
But I try to have that time of the day
that I'm not wanted or I'm not needed, And that
is like by anybody, by my husband, by my children,
by anyone at the business.

Speaker 3 (46:57):
Like I just like that.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I'm to try and I do like pilates or do
it at home. I'm like a real high energy person
and I feel like I've got a lot of energy
to get other people, whether that's friends, whether that's like
you know, one thing that I know about myself.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
That is a positive if I'm going to confidence myself,
please do is that I am a good friend.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Like I'm all ears if your problem is my problem,
but not in a way that's like toxic where it
will like drain me. In a way of I know
that my glass is always operating being quite full. So
I know, I've got stuff to pour out, but by
doing that and by being that person, and I have
to have that time for me and I couldn't do

(47:45):
everything without it.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
I couldn't. There's been such a sort of for so long.

Speaker 1 (47:49):
And I think the world has changed out, which I
love that sort of toxic attitude towards it being like
a vanity piece or it being like and for me,
it literally is just like having a work out or
having a bath, or doing some skincare or doing what
like you know, listening to a podcast or whatever that is.
But having that downtime where I'm not needed or I

(48:10):
need that escapism. Yeah, And I think working out does
that for me. But when I say working out, it
is like strictly pilartis.

Speaker 4 (48:17):
Wait, what pilatis do you do?

Speaker 3 (48:18):
I do Plartis by Briani. I do at home.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
She's got like an app, which is good that I
can just log on wherever or I go, or I
do Reformer. But whatever it is with that form of exercise,
it doesn't, like from a cardio perspective, overwhelm me where
I'm going to just dread it. Yeah, like some people
love cardio and they love that for me, I will like,
if you put me through like one.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
Hit class, I'm not coming back right right right.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
You know, when you get somewhere and they're like there's
this teacher and they're like, we're going to do a
great class for me.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
That isn't it. I'm like, oh, it was too hard
I got. I'm like, be scared to go yea. But
whatever pilatus does.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
For my I'm like so in my body that I'm
out of my mind and I like just like witching
off and I don't I can't think of anything el
because I'm too busy trying to get into that.

Speaker 3 (49:04):
Yeah yeah, yeah, exactly that.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
So I think for me, it's really really good and
it's really healthy. And I do switch off because I've
got such a busy brain. But I like that for me,
a busy brain is a happy brain, but it does
need to shut down at some point in the day.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
I love that you said that about self care because
I think, especially when you are serving so many people
in your life, whether it's a children, husband, you've got
a team, you have to come with a.

Speaker 4 (49:29):
Certain amount of energy.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Yeah, And so I actually think self care is service
if you're utilizing it in that way. And so I
think the selfish part comes when if you are doing
a lot of things for yourself and not serving that
energy back to someone or back into the community. But
for most women, and I'm sure many people, a lot
of the time, you have to feel yourself because that

(49:52):
energy is required in so many different places. Because if
you show up to your team with twenty percent, they're
going to endu feeling like they're at twenty percent rather
than one hundred and so and saying with your children
and saying with your husband. Everybody's energy is so interconnective, yes,
and so actually, if everyone was more mindful about how
they looked after each other, they'd probably be less road rage,

(50:15):
there'd be less negative interactions even between family members. And
so I think getting that balance of knowing that these
are the things, and it's not just the empty things
where you.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
Go and you just do things for the sake of it.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
It's these are the things I know nourish my body,
these are things I know nourish my mind, these are
things I know nourish my heart. And so if I
am getting a balance of all of those, I know
that that will allow me to be energetically available for
other people.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
And it's okay to prioritize that.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
It's like for that to be at the top, because
that is a necessity if you are, like you say,
that person is, it's a positive for me, Like I
love being the person that people rely.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
On or they you know, that isn't It's not a
burden to me. It's really really not.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
And I do know that maybe my energy is one
of my best qualities.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
So we kind of got to keep that.

Speaker 4 (51:06):
Vouch for that.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Yeah, back at you, girl, back at you.

Speaker 3 (51:10):
But I think you just have to and you know,
I just don't see it as a negative. But I
never have. I've never understood that kind of like, oh
you take time for yourself. Yeah, god, how do you
have time? I'm like, I have to.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
Have you always been such a fashion queen?

Speaker 3 (51:24):
I have to ask that question. Oh my god, that's
so nice. I've always been obsessed.

Speaker 4 (51:28):
You always loved it. Love you.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
Yeah, yeah, you really can tell because I feel you're Yes,
you're so effortless with it and at the same time,
you're so good at putting pieces together, and that is
actually an art. I think, like fashion is such an art,
and I find every time I see the things I've
got so many of your post pin and I'm like, okay,
I need to get an after that's like this.

Speaker 4 (51:48):
But is that something you've always been interested in?

Speaker 1 (51:50):
I have just all and my aunt is like has
got a She to me is the most like well
put together queen. Yeah, and I've always like love like
my mum isn't really into fashion, Like she's not. She's
never been like, oh this old you know, I will
borrow something from your aunt. She's never really bothered. But
my aunt is always like I used to love watching

(52:12):
her get ready. I would then babysit my cousins and
I would love like when she's getting ready to go
for dinner and I'm looking at cousins like sitting there
and watching her like she'd always like she's got a
real good eye, and I loved that would always be
like such like fond memories for me, like sitting watching
her get ready. But yeah, so I've always kind of

(52:32):
been obsessed with her wardrobe and loved like I remember
saving up for like my first designer bag in like
the moment that was a real thing. But yeah, really
I've really always appreciated fashion and not like anything groundbreaking,
but I just really like like I do.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
My whole mood change is if I love my outfit.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
There is something about it dressing up. I got so
lazy during the pandemic. And then also all of our
TeamWorks from our house and so I'd end up being
in sweat a lot of the time. Yeah, of course,
But then I realized how much even for all of
us when we're coming in, if we're actually making an effort,
it really just changed the real that you come to

(53:12):
work with.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Oh yeah, and it can take you like fifteen minutes
little thing to get yourself ready, but it makes such
a you know, for me, it's always been a thing
to kind of like think about, and I've like put
my out there out the night before.

Speaker 3 (53:27):
Yeah I do you do again? To save time the
next day You'll just be like, right, that's for tomorrow.
But yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
I love nothing more than like looking at like That's
That's what I love Instagram for. That's like my happy
like place of like looking at like.

Speaker 3 (53:42):
Estal and I love it.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
I love it like when I'm like lay on the sofa,
that's what I'm looking opinion or a love interest.

Speaker 4 (53:48):
Yeah so good.

Speaker 1 (53:50):
Yeah, It's for everything, for like the aesthetic for everything.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
I'm like, wow, this is that to me? Like That's
all I'm ever doing on my phone?

Speaker 2 (53:58):
Right?

Speaker 3 (53:58):
Yeah, people are bring me I'm not answer it scrolling.

Speaker 4 (54:03):
Your love for it is, appreciate it, keep doing it.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
I wanted to call you ask you some business questions
because obviously you have an incredible podcast yourself, like we
mentioned Ladies who Launch, but from everyone that you've had
on obviously there've been epic business women to your own
personal life and your own growth as a business woman,
what would your advice be if you had to pick
one or two things to advise a woman who's starting

(54:27):
her career from ground up.

Speaker 4 (54:28):
Yeah, it feels a little bit unsure. What would your
the key messages that you've taken away from I would.

Speaker 3 (54:34):
Say that's a really good question.

Speaker 1 (54:35):
Obviously it depends on what stage, but I would say
for finding your thing and not like because it's always
a risk when you want to if you want to
start something and start something for yourself, it feels like
a risk. It feels like, oh should I do that?
Which is also sad that we look at it like that,
because actually you're doing it for yourself, so it shouldn't
be a risk. But practically, of course, if you're leaving

(54:59):
a job that you're comfortable in and you've got security
and everyone's got responsibility, it is a risk. So I
would say, without that unwavering, burning desire and that passion
and belief in what it is you want to do,
don't take the risk. Yet that would be I would
I think risks are for taking. But if unless you

(55:22):
have that and that like I'm obsessed, I can't stop
thinking about it, that like it's almost keeping me up
all night, but in a great way, in a way
of like I can't put this thing down, and I
know that there's something in this. I would say wait
until you feel that, because when the days are.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
Long and months are hard, and.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
However it looks, you need that thing that keeps you going,
because the fire always has to be kind of there, yeah,
and it has to be burning, and even if it's
just like a tiny little thing because you're so drowned
into pleases, it's still there. And that's what's going to
keep you going because with our it and that's the
reason why you work for other people, because you don't

(56:05):
have to have that so much their passion isn't necessarily yours.
It's a great job and you enjoy it, but on
Friday you can close that laptop and it isn't yours.
So I think if you don't feel that, don't put
everything into it, because you're going to need it when
it's the family.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
That is the best advice. Me and Jay talk about
this all the time, that you need a level of
we call it delusional optimism. Oh where actually, most people
that we've been around that have become successful no matter
what people are saying, no matter how much the odds
are against them, it's a slight level of delusion. You
need a delusion that, no matter what, this is going

(56:44):
to happen. A delusion that, no matter what people are saying,
this is going to happen. But it's delusional optimism where
actually you're staying you still remain positive about it.

Speaker 4 (56:52):
You know that this is the goal.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
You have a deep feeling that this is actually going
to happen for me. But you need to constantly feel
date in, date out, and to keep the flame alive.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
Oh yes, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (57:04):
Of course, you keep.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Feeding that flame, even if it's at the lowest that
has possibly been for that dream to stay alive one
hundred great advice.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
And because I just think without it, you haven't found
your thing.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
That would be my advice.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
You can try lots of different things and it will
be the like the tenth thing that works out right,
Like we've all sort of mud, you know what's going
to stick?

Speaker 2 (57:27):
Right?

Speaker 1 (57:27):
You can try lots of things, of course, and I
think I've tried lots of different things. Like I'm not
saying don't try it, but if you're really having that
moment of like, do I take this risk, you'll know
because you won't be out.

Speaker 3 (57:40):
It's a light you can't turn out, Yeah, you can't.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
I love that. That's so great, A great piece of advice.
I don't think we need it any more than that.
That one is after you've seen success obviously for so
many years.

Speaker 4 (57:53):
What would you say are the three qualities that are
needed for success in life? So we've got one, which
is the he's an optimism.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
You've got to be nuts, yeah, be crazy, and you're
halfway there?

Speaker 2 (58:04):
Would you say the other two are maybe that you've
embodied or seen I would.

Speaker 1 (58:08):
Say that kind of tenacity. And also success isn't linear, right,
Like it hasn't I've had success. Is everything always successful?
Absolutely not, But people only hear the stories. They'll talk
about that for a while and then they haven't seen
the two years of like the graft in between, and
no one interested. So I would say that tenacity to

(58:28):
keep going. And I think they're always all like a combination,
isn't it. You need the fire because without the fire,
the tenacity just won't be there, and that kind of
will to drive. So they're two things that almost need
to work side by side each other. And then this
is the hardest thing. You can never ever find balance,
So I would have like, because I think you're either

(58:52):
being great at something or the other thing's dropping slightly.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
Yeah, Like, and I say.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
That so much like by being here, you know, kids
are doing clubs and stuff today, right, and then you
know I've got another podcast after this, But I've had
a great certain terms of podcasting, so I'm doing great
here today. And like by sitting here now, neither of
us have sat and checked our emails, and in our business,
somebody's probably chasing us and can't reach us, right, but

(59:18):
this is going well, So like, I think you've got
to have a real clear idea of balance. Isn't what
you're not going to be like find the balance to
be great at everything at once. Like that's a real
unrealistic approach. By being here, we're missing out on something,
but guess what, we'll pick that thing up later.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
But then that also means we're not here. So it's
just knowing that it's.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Always it's gonna be the wave and at times it
will be calmer, but you'll pick up what you dropped yesterday.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
And that's just but you kind of got to know.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
So I would say, be realistic of the idea of
balance and how everything else in your life is going
to look.

Speaker 3 (01:00:00):
Your business is thriving, great.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
I love those two because it's just more like juggling,
isn't it than valid?

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Yeah, I don't think and like I'm yet to find
somebody that says and everything of ten, I've just found
a way to make everything work all week. If if
you ever meet them, please interview there.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
Yeah, they've got the ultimate delusional.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
Exactly. Maybe they've got a bit of everything.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
Okay, I've got a final few rapid fire questions for you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
If you could use one wellness product for the next year,
what would it be like, what's your current obsession right now.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
My current obsession is.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
The well cow elixa you know, the evening.

Speaker 4 (01:00:44):
No I need to try.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
It's really nice.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
It's like an evening drink. There's one from there, and
there's I went. I went off it for a bit
because I tried another one called Holy Cacao, which is
also lovely. But yeah, having like something nice in the evening,
and that's what I'm obsessed with.

Speaker 3 (01:00:59):
Love that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
A skincare product that is used every single day.

Speaker 1 (01:01:04):
Sarah Chapman Ultimate cleans. Oh okay, no, oh my gosh,
you know I'm gonna get you some.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
Yes, it's so good.

Speaker 4 (01:01:11):
I love skincare. A makeup that you will never leave
without in your bag.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
A good concealer. Oh okay, I'm using the Victoria Beckham.

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
Yeah, clickie, we do. Isn't it incredible?

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
Okay, I have to be honest. I was doing my
makeup with my window open, filming, and my concealer rolled
out of the window and it's now on someone else's
floor downstairs. But that is the one that rolled out
so good. It is amazing because it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
Does feel like skincare. I like my cup that feels
like skin care too.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
It's such a great balance of skincare and covers. Yeah, okay, same,
what are you currently reading or listening to if anything?

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Well, I actually ordered this book and it's arrived dan Amazon,
So I'm going to start tonight. I got recommended this
after I was in a meeting and apparently it's like
been like the Holy Graph for so many people. It's
called Breaking the Habit of being Yourself by doctor Joe Dispenser.

Speaker 4 (01:02:07):
Dispenser.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
I'm obsessed with Joe Dispenser. He has an incredible documentary and.

Speaker 4 (01:02:13):
He does these retreats. Have you have you heard of
him before?

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:02:16):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
He does these phenomenal retreats where he literally heals people
through basically changing their mindset, whether it's physical ailments, depression,
you name it. He has worked out energetic shifts in
the body in a way that nobody else has.

Speaker 4 (01:02:31):
Okay, I'm going to read that book. I love him.

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
Yeah. In the he says how to lose your mind
and create a new one.

Speaker 4 (01:02:37):
Great, I'm ready to lose my mind.

Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
So there we go.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
What's one thing you wish you had learned when you
were younger? And that could be a skill, a sport.

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
Nothing I wish I stuck piano out. I really do.

Speaker 4 (01:02:52):
It's a beautiful instrument.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
Yeah, I just my middle daughter is learning at the
minute and she's really enjoying it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
I quit because I didn't like the teacher. Isn't that ridiculous?

Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
No, no, it's not. But it really makes a point.
And I used to hate going. My mom used to
drop me and I was like, I just felt really
old and I just didn't like it, and it just
was nothing was exciting. So I wish I had like
found a teacher that i'd loved and stuck to being
able to play, Like what a great.

Speaker 4 (01:03:19):
School he is.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
But also how lovely that you can live what you
want to do through your children.

Speaker 3 (01:03:24):
I know, I don't need to do this.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
No, you had, and I just love I suggested it
to all three of them, and she was.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
Like, I really want to learn piano. I'm like, you
say what now?

Speaker 4 (01:03:32):
Yes, okay, that's going to be gymnastics for my kids.
I'm like, all of you get in there.

Speaker 3 (01:03:36):
Now, yeah, yeah, yeah, to be flexible exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:03:40):
The top three places that you like to shop with
brands that you like right now?

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Oh okay, so I really like Boogie Boogie Boogie brand.

Speaker 4 (01:03:49):
Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
I love me and you.

Speaker 4 (01:03:51):
I've noticed that about you, and I also love it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
It's just cool, isn't it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:56):
It's really I mean, it's such a like I'm going
to treat myself moment, but mew me, I love, I love.
I mean, there are actually lots of brands that I love.
I like Sarah you do. I find like they do
that easy cute pieces. Yeah, just those little moments. I
Who else do I like? I like a lot of
like sort of instagrammy brands. I like Source U known.

(01:04:18):
Oh yes, I really like them. I like Franky Sharp
is amazing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
Gosh, it's so good.

Speaker 4 (01:04:25):
Good ones.

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
There are actually lots that I like.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
Yah, probably don't really brands, No, I like those ones.
They're perfect. What reality show would you go on if
you were to go on any not.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Love I Atually it was like at the time when
she was going on, I was like so scared.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
I was just I was like, she she asked my advice.

Speaker 1 (01:04:43):
I was like, I don't think you should do it,
which is like and I wasn't not in a way
of like obviously she did it, shoudn't listen anyway, But
at the time I was just like, oh, this. I
just was worried for her to have an experience that
you know, you've heard some had some horrible stories about
people and afterwards and the treatment that they receive, And

(01:05:04):
I was just you could say one thing and it
might land, and she has no idea until she comes
out and can't sort of, you know, put anything right
if she had. So I just was really kind of
apprehensive for her because I didn't want to have a
bad experience.

Speaker 3 (01:05:20):
She had the best time.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
I was going to say, Luckily, she really held her
own and she presented herself.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
Yeah, she was effortlessly.

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
She's a great girl, and it wasn't her. I was
worried with the puts.

Speaker 4 (01:05:32):
I've heard about it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:32):
They're like, you know, I work on ITV. I understand,
like we I get it. I know that there's a
reality show to be made, and I was just kind
of worried that she wouldn't get the experience that I
wanted her to have this summer of fun.

Speaker 3 (01:05:43):
And I'm so pleased that she did. She had the
best time, and she's still with her boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
I know.

Speaker 3 (01:05:50):
They're Yeah, they're so nice TV.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
Yes, Okay, wait, so if you were if you were
to go on one, what would it go?

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
When it got my husband did the jungle, so we
didn't to get out of here.

Speaker 3 (01:06:03):
I went into surprise him.

Speaker 1 (01:06:04):
I think that's the one that I would say that
I would have gone on, but then I went there
to surprise him and it's terrifying. Really, there's no way
I could. I don't know about this. I just I
couldn't do strictly because I tried a Christmas special and
I wasn't going. You that's so fun, it was so
nor wracking. It so okay, well you become a watcher. Yeah,

(01:06:26):
that's so obsessive love And at the minute I.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
Haven't started it because I'm just going to get obsessed
and then this is so good.

Speaker 4 (01:06:33):
So wait U s A or uk UK right, all.

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
Right, it's so good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
I think I'm such a fan of reality that I
would just be too scared.

Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
Yeah I'll watch it rather than yeah watat.

Speaker 4 (01:06:45):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (01:06:46):
I love this. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:48):
It's been so lovely thing with you and actually getting
to chat and this.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
Is why I love doing a podcast. By the way,
I'm like, I get to know so many fun people.

Speaker 2 (01:06:56):
It's been wonderful, and thank you so much for your
energy and all the do able things that you do online.
I love watching you, and I feel like I've just
got to know you through that, and in person you
are literally the same human.

Speaker 4 (01:07:06):
So I'm right back at you, right back at you,
saying you

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Episode Transcript

Host

Radhi Devlukia

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