Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Someone's building their new wardrobe. Okay, what are some essential
you seeing this year?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
The jelly shoes are coming back. I never saw that happening.
I also can't believe that flip flops are back.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
They're back. This week's guest is may Riley. She is
the powerhouse stylist behind some of the most unforgetable looks
on red carpets. May have styled icons like Katie Baba,
Megan Fox, and Janelle Maneg. What's trending right now that
you love? And is it a trend that you sawed?
That's funny? Okay, what trends are you really disliking right now? Ooh?
Speaker 3 (00:31):
You know the capris are coming back and I'm curious. Okay,
I'm curious.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
It's like you could style them. But I'm such a.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Believer in like our challenging times are usually the moments
where we grow the most.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Anytime I've been in.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Like the darkest place, it's brought me to the next
best sort of like level the heartbreaks or whatever. Like
it feels like you're down here, but then you if
you do the work and you really use it as
an opportunity to learn and grow, you can really up level.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I'm Rady Tavlikia and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,
we embrace the real, the messy, and the beautiful, providing
a space for raw and field of conversations that celebrate
vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn, connect
and find comfort together. Thank you so much for being
on this podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
I congratulations on your own Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I'm so excited to have you on here because I
feel like I have admired you, known you, and secretly
stalked you for a while now online. Thank you. And
I think sometimes there's a big blur between actually knowing
someone and feeling like you know someone online. I binge
watched your YouTube videos recently, so we're basically best friends
(01:38):
in my mind.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Want to have your book in my kitchen.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
It's like, you know, yeah, it's But one thing I
realized I don't know is for everybody out there, may
Mav is how you pronounce it. I just want to
make sure Mave is just the og and og stylist,
like she is incredible at what she does. Not only
is she incredible when you watch you in a YouTube videos,
(02:01):
she just is so sweet, so kind and also just
so herself. And I really love that about watching you
thank you, but also styles everyone from like everyone that
you could possibly think of. She styles. But I want
to know how did you get into this space? Like
was it your dream from childhood?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Well?
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Fashion was my dream from childhood. I was definitely like
my yeah, like I just I went to f T.
I took classes there in high school. Like fashion was
always a thing. But this was twenty years ago, pre
social media, pre Rachel Zoe. Like, you know, styling was
not something that people knew about.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I didn't know about it.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, it was kind of a background thing, right.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yes, it was just like no visibility whatsoever. I really
had no idea.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
And my dad was producing a TV show and basically
had said to the stylist like, cause you give my
daughter a chance.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And I was, you know, eighteen, and.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
He had said to her, if she sucks, it's fine
and fire her, but like, would you give her?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Don't keep her just because she's like the Boston yeah,
you know daughter.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
So I walked onto this TV set in New York
and I was like, I just like couldn't believe I'd
never been on a set or like seen anything like it.
And the stylist was like, here's my credit card, run
to Burgdorfs and get every pair of beige pants you
can find it like a size six. It's an emergency.
And I'm like okay, She's like save your receipts. I'm
like okay, you know, and I go and I do it,
(03:24):
and like I just couldn't believe that this was like
a real thing and like a real job. And that
was basically the very beginning of it. And then you know,
I went to fat I worked in retail, but I
just knew like this was what I wanted to do.
And I just hustled to find on Craigslist by the way,
like there was no wow, yeah, and I like hust
(03:46):
so I ended up finding Robin Marriel, who are still
very good friends to this day. They were styling Rihanna
at the time, and I like banged down their door
through a mutual friend and they hired me to be
like their New York assistant. And so that was of
the beginning of like the celebrity stuff. And I learned
so much from them at that time and eventually landed
(04:06):
in LA and just like kept chasing you.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Know, what would you say now, because obviously you've been
doing this, what twenty years. Yeah, yeah, what would you say?
And I'm sure it changes over time. But what's the
best part of your job? Like what do you love
about what you do?
Speaker 4 (04:21):
You know?
Speaker 3 (04:22):
I think it's the way that I get to help
people feel and like really make them feel confident. Like
there's nothing like that, especially like the behind the scenes
of what's going on in their personal lives. Are having
a bad day or feeling insecure, and then you know,
they put on this look and it's like, all of
a sudden, just like a different energy, you know, and
(04:45):
it's like we say, like their armor in a lot
of ways. Yeah, Like getting to be a part of
that for somebody is such a gift.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
It's not about the clothes.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
For me, it's like really about what the energy of
the clothes can put forward for And like obviously when
the world likes it, it's wonderful and lovely, but that's
not really the intention. But that's how you know it's
good when it connects with other people, you know, Like
what Hayley and I did together was like, you know,
connected with people, that's why, And it was like attainable
(05:18):
and it was like, oh, like I can go and
sort of recreate that and then you know, you see
all these little girls doing.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Definitely it is it's ill, by the way, always iconic anything.
I feel like anything that she does ends up feeling
a fashion and like an icon in fashion. And I
really think that you must have been such an integral
part of that jet.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And like a we still do. I mean, we're still
very good friends.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
But it's also the connection, like you don't always have
that with everybody, and like it can be a great
working relationship, but I think what she and I have had,
or like Megan Fox and I have had, are very
like just sort of deep connections, and I feel like
we were just meant to be in each other's lives
during those periods, you know, and like it was very chismic,
you know, very meant to be totally.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I can really, I really feel what you said about
it creating an armor and energy when you put clothes on,
because you know, I've done very small like shoots and
little things for my business or for things for my cookbook,
and as soon as I'm wearing something that I don't
feel comfortable in, my entire body language changes, I feel small.
(06:23):
I'm constantly trying to like hide bits of me that
I feel I don't want to be showing, or that
I don't feel is flattering on me. And as soon
as I put on something, the photographer sees it straight away,
like God, you really like that outfit, Like you can
see it your you know, your your shoulders are higher,
you're walking differently, and it does. It's like style and
(06:46):
how people what people wear. It can be such a
beautiful reflection of who they are, but also completely shift
their confidence, their energy, their mood. And I think that
is such a it's such a beautiful thing that you
do for pe people. Yeah, you bring out the best
version of themselves through the physical external like place, but
(07:06):
at the same time you're helping them bring out what's
inside through without them having to say anything exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
It's like such an honor.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Yeah, it's so much bigger than I think what people realize.
And obviously all of the mayhem that happens behind the
scenes just to even get the clothes in the room.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
You know, no one even understands, like what goes into.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Give me ah, God, no, I mean something.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I mean it's just you know, it's relationship building. It's
like all about your relationships, and it's like the stuff
you learn as a kid. It's like the stuff my
dad tried to tell me when I was young, you know,
like trust is the most important thing, and these brands
are trusting you, and and they're trusting the client is
trusting you to like bring forth their vision and not
push your own vision on them.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I think is also really important.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
And like like you said, you know, I know in
a fitting, when someone puts something off, they like immediately
immediately like before, and I know when to push, like
I know, I know, and it's like oh no, no, no, wait,
give this a chance.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yes, And then I know when it's like no, no, no,
this isn't it at all.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Yeah, And that's like your intuition, you know. It's like
learning to like listen to yourself.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
And also obviously as you get.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
To know somebody, but a lot of the time it
boils down to them being like, Okay, we have these
two choices, which one is it made?
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Yes? And I often say, like I need.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
To marinate, So I ask them if I can just
have a moment, even if it's an hour, and I
just like, I don't know, I just have to like
really ask myself, like what's the right thing for this?
And most of the time I'm right. I think you know,
you've been right many many times.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
I think you know, when people see certain jobs or
you know, certain lifestyles, whether you're a content creator, whether
you're a stylist, the way that you are, they'll think, oh, wow,
it's so glamorous, like you know, the surface the surface
perception is, oh, she just gets to pick clothes up,
try them month, she gets free stuff. She probably gets this.
But actually, if you think about the qualities that one
(08:58):
would need to do the type of job that you're having, Like,
what would you say, are the qualities you've had to
really build and strengthen through the work that you do.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Well to your point, yes, it is not like it's
just it's the least probably glamorous job. And I always
say it's usually the assistants who don't last because it's
to the as it like as that being an example
of like you have to love this so much to
go through it and to like stick with it and
not give up along the way because it is so
(09:27):
excruciatingly hard and painful and like takes you away from
your life and your family and just everything, and like
you have to love it or you won't make it. Yeah,
I mean even in the last I mean, there's been
many times where I'm like I'm done. Yeah, I cannot,
you know, I cannot keep doing this, and you just whatever.
(09:47):
I just know that it's my purpose. I know it's
where I'm supposed to be. And I also am such
a believer in God in the universe, and like sometimes
you're just you're brought through like peaks and valleys, you know,
and you just got to keep going.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
You're looking for someone to work with you, whether it's
an assistant or someone that's coming on to your team.
What are like the main qualities that you look for
or the qualities that you saw in yourself when you
look back now that that kept you going through the hustle.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Well, it's funny because who I was then is not
who I am now. Okay, you know what I mean,
And what I would look for now is probably not
who I was back then. Like, I feel like I've
learned so much. You know, in the beginning, I didn't
have an agent. I was like this young, pretty girl,
like just trying. I was in music in the beginning, okay,
And I think you know, when you don't have someone
(10:34):
advocating for you, and you're a young pretty girl. I
was like in like the wrapping world, Like I was
just a shriky kind of vibe.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Many seasons we go through in life so many.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
And you know, you get taken advantage of her.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
People try to pay you under what you're you know worth,
or you're on set for thirty hours and they don't
pay overtime, and like there's no one like sticking up
for you. So at some point I like had to
I don't know, like tough enough, but bit I was
always a tough kid and like not to get too
into like my childhood, but.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I was like a bullied kid. And so I came
into my adult life.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
With already this sort of like armor and this like
toughness about me. And then you're in this industry where
you have to like you know, advocate for yourself and
not get walked all over and not be taken advantage of.
And that comes with like a roughness that's actually not
who I am at all, But I kind of had
to be that, I thought for a long time. Obviously,
(11:29):
then getting an agent and having someone to fight those
battles to me, I was able to just be the creative.
But to answer your question, like the assistant I was then,
I was very like hungry and tough and like no nonsense,
whereas today I'm looking for someone who's like sweet and like, yeah,
I want to be around and who is a reflection
(11:50):
of me when I'm not there, you know. And my
assistant Rachel's been with me now for like six years.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
It seems so sweet. It's the best.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
And you know, she's like a little me, you know,
and she sees like, you know, you have to be
responsible for the energy you bring into a room, you know,
Like who wants to pay a stylist to come in
like huffing and puffing with.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Their shit excuse me, like their energy of the day.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
It's like, you know, I have to like leave that
aside and come in and be like a bright light
and like lift the energy up for them because they're
dealing with whatever they're dealing with.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
And so the same needs to be with my assistant.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
I agree. Yeah, whenever I've been building teams or you know,
building I've got a small team now, but the energy
makes such a difference. Like I think I try my
best to wake up every day, no matter what's happening
in my life. But because I know that there are
going to be other people in the room with me
while we're working, even silently, while we're working, the energy
that I come with, I'm like, okay, I'm starting to
(12:48):
stay fresh. I have to bring good energy because as
soon as someone comes into the mix or into the
room where they're drained, it sucks their life out of
other people. It really does. It really does. And so
when you're picking, when I always think about this, like
when i'm whether I'm whether it's when I'm hiring, or
even when you're thinking about the people you want around you,
it has to be someone who contributes to the energy
(13:10):
rather than takes it, especially someone like an assistant role,
because otherwise you just you feel so drained.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
And I spend more time with her than I spend
with like my own husband.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Yeah, it's exactly exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
We spend our lives together. And it's like, who do
you want to be around? You know, and like I
just I think being kind and being nice and being
sweet not only to your clients, to the world.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
It is just the most important thing.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
And so because skills can be toold totally, I mean,
taste can't.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Be but oh, my god, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
And your job having to say like you're either born
with it or you think that.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
I think you can learn obviously, the like how to
send an email, how to do the job, but I
think to have taste is typically something either have or
you don't. That then obviously can be you know, built
and cultivated and all of that.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
But I think who they.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Are is just I don't know, it's important.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
All my assistants have flourished, and I am like such
an advocate for them, Like I want you know, my
first assistant from a million years ago has been Kim
Kardashian stylist for years. My next one is Becky g Stylish,
She's my best friend. My next one is Kylie Jenner's stylist.
You know, Like I want them to win, and like
I get to be a part of their journey too,
and like I want them to say good things about me.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
For the rest of their time.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Absolutely industry.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
So I just want them all to win.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah, that's so nice. I see that in the YouTube
videos you see very close to your team. Yeah, what
would you say has been you know, some of the
hardest parts of your work that you do. Oh god,
it's tough.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I think our my industry ours, and it's just it's tough.
You have to have extremely thick skin. And I'm an empathic,
sensitive little being, and it's hard sometimes to separate, not
take things personally, not bring in your own like childhood
trauma situation, you know, like I was, like I mentioned,
(15:02):
I was a bullied kid, and like I feel like
part of our industry is very like mean girly yea,
And sometimes that can really spark, like just trigger that
like oh I'm not getting picked again, of course, you know,
like oh I really wanted that client, I didn't get it.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, why all of that stuff?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
And I think, like I said, there are seasons and
I know that, but it is hard when you feel like,
I don't know, like you're not getting seen or whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Like it's just when I was gonna ask that about,
you know, with what you were saying about stylists before
social media and everything, it's like they're very much so
behind the scenes. Yeah, And so one of the questions
I wanted to ask you was how do you deal
with the concept of it being your hard work? But
I'm sure there have been times where you know, have
(15:52):
you always got the credit that you wanted for it,
and how is someone who this is your creative output
if you don't receive the recognition for it. Is that
something that you've just come to terms with this part
of your job, or is it something you feel is
necessary and a vital part of a role that the
role that you play.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
I think it's that's interesting because as social media has
obviously progressed and everything the game, like everyone knows everything
at all times, So I do feel like we get
the credit. I just think it's finding the clients who
are comfortable with giving. And I personally have never come
from a place of like.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I did that. I'm very like weedd that together.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
It's a collaboratives, you know what you know, oftentimes you
style loo for a client and they'll take it home
and maybe they remix it a little bit, and that's dope.
I love that, you know, like you want to put
your own.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Spin on things.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
So I don't know if it's that as much as
it's like I think the social media thing is hard
because you're seeing what everyone else.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Is doing all the time, and that's that's.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
The scary wheel I think to get on, especially when
you feel like you're not getting what you want or deserve,
and you're kind of watching other people. So that's the
tricky Yeah, you know, yeah, that's not great for my
mental health.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
No, and how did you deal with you obviously, I
know you've spoken about this before about being bullied at
a young age. Yeah, and that led you into some
dark times that you went through. Yeah, how did you? One?
What were the things that you ended up going through?
And two how did you move through them? Do you
have any tools or techniques for people to use that
(17:28):
really helped you during that time?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Well yes, and not to say because I was bullied,
I am like an alcoholic, but I definitely turned to
substances when I was a teenager. I've been sober completely
like nothing for almost twenty years, so February will be
twenty years. And it's the greatest thing ever, probably the
most challenging thing I've ever gone through. I'm such a
(17:50):
believer in like art, challenging times are usually the moments
where we grow the most.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Anytime I've been in.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
Like the darkest place or the hardest place, it's brought
me to the next best sort of like level, you know,
like the heartbreaks or whatever.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Like's it feels like.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
You're down here, but then you if you do the
work and you really use it as an opportunity to
learn and grow, you can really up level, you know.
And I've sort of tried to live my life like that, so,
you know, in terms of recovery, I think it's like
the foundation of like my life and who I am,
and I think it's sort of like spiritual kindergarten and
(18:31):
then everything.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
Kind of comes from that.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
And all the work I've done on myself has been
because I've been sober, you know, and like able to
dig and like look at myself and be willing to
look at myself, you know. And I think, you know,
for me, it's a lot about faith. It's like really
trusting that everything is happening for us and not to us,
(18:54):
and not being a victim, and like really seeing things
as like what is this here to teach me? And
every time it's been something different, but I just live
like that. It's really important to me, like just all right, God,
I don't know why we're here.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Mm hmm, but let's go. Yeah, exactly. It's it's faith
is such an important part of being able to push
through things, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I don't know. A lot of people without it do it.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
To be honest, I feel for.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Them something other than yourself anything, you know, like, and
it's changed for me so much over the years. Like
I was raised Catholic, that's not how I identify my
spiritual practice today. But in the beginning, it sure it worked,
and like you know, this beautiful idea of just your
relationship with your higher power can be whatever it is
(19:41):
you want it to be, and it might be different
than everyone else, but it's such a singular process.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
It's beautiful, and you've created something beautiful from the experiences
you had of being bullied. You've got a beautiful brand
out right. Local love club clothes are obviously incredible. But
you tell us a little bit more about that, because
feel like people.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Yeah, So you know, when I was given this incredible platform,
obviously between followers or clients or whatever, I just always
knew because my experience was being bullied was so like
I mean, I was obviously traumatizing and it made me
who I am today, but it was extremely painful. And
when I see these kids today going through the especially
(20:25):
the online bullying, it's just like I don't think I
would have made it, like I don't think looking back,
realizing how empathic I was and how sensitive I was
actually but trying to be like I'm fine, I'm fine,
I'm fine, when I really wasn't fine.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I was really scared, you know.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
And it took me so many years to unwind that
and get back to like that sweetness and that like
innocence that the bullying kind of like robbed me of
at such a young.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Build up, like a hard shell. Don't you totally something
like that, And it's.
Speaker 3 (20:57):
So not who I am and think I would say
for the last decade has not been someone you know,
someone couldn't say, oh she's not nice, you know, like.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I've really really worked through it, I think.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
And when I thought about a brand, I knew I
wanted to do something that was like sweats and attainable
to most people, but I wanted there to be some
level of messaging about this and like not just seeing
what I've gone through, but also seeing what people go
through online these days, like just the unbelievably painful things
(21:29):
that people say to one another, and like especially with
my clients. I don't know where this idea of like
famous people should just be you could say anything you
want to Yeah, like they're not humans. Well I'm here
to tell you they are, and they see it and
they feel it just like the rest of us, and
it is just mind blowing to me.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So I wanted something that, you.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Know, would sort of combat the negativity without using the
words like you know, I want and to use the
words love and light and not about the dark or
like the bullying. You know.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
So yeah, that's the that's the brand.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Yeah, and it's just we donate part of our proceeds
to anti bullying campaigns and and you know, some of
the sweatshirts say like thank you for being kind or
you know, just little things like the tag says, I
hope you know how loved you are on the inside.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I have to get you some I can't believe, you know.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
I think messaging makes such a difference. And I think
about that even when you're thinking, even when you're taking
in social media, even when you're talking to people, every
single word that you use carries energy, it carries power.
And so yeah, the stuff that happens online, I mean,
we could talk about that all day, but I think,
you know, it's a place it just shows that there
are so many people who are hurt and they displace
(22:49):
mistake their words towards people They don't deserve it, but
they just need a channel and a vessel to be
able to or out whatever it is within them because
they haven't managed to figure out how to pro and
release those emotions.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
I try to remember that when I got it, you know,
and I'm like, wow, this person is really clearly suffering,
And I try to remember that they're suffering because imagine
saying something nasty to someone you don't know exactly.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Imagine what it takes to do that.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Yeah, Like, that's so I cannot fathom personally, but I
see it so much. I mean, you guys must see
it all the time. And I think a lot of
the time, when you're trying to raise consciousness or put
love and good energy into the world, it's met with
a level of negativity.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Yeah, I've noticed that. Actually, Yes, it's really interesting and
it's really hard. It is, and sometimes, unfortunately, when you
end up trying to share, it's that it's that concept
of when you are one thing, people can sometimes expect
you to be everything. And so if I, for example,
A'm sharing spirituality, people perceive spirituality in the way they
(23:54):
want to perceive it. So if I then do something
that in their mind feels out of out of context
our relation to their perception of spirituality, it's like, oh,
so you're not really that person, right, you say you're fake,
but actually I was just trying. Yeah, and so like
so you can share, you share certain parts of yourself,
but sometimes that can end up being a trap for
yourself where you you've set a visual of who you
(24:16):
are and they've absorbed that, and then when you show
a different version or side of yourself. Because everybody can
be all things at once, as we all are, it
confuses people. So everyone likes things put into boxes, but
actually everything bleeds into each other. You can be scruital
one day and I could be road raging showering at
you the next. Someone's probably seen me do that, Like
(24:39):
you call me on a bad day. I had a
bit of anger that day, and it just happens. But
it doesn't stop you from being trying to be a
better person totally.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
But yes, yeah, and trying to raise the consciousness of
in some degree. And it's you know, sometimes we're the
mirror that people like really don't want. I have to
remember that, and like going through those experiences being misperceived
or misunderstood is really hard for I really struggle with that.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
How do you manage it? Well?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
My clients have helped a lot, because obviously they spend
their entire lives being misunderstood and you know, and you're like,
but what you're saying is like the opposite of who
that person is. I think what I've learned from them
is like, as long as I know who I am
and like my inner circle, my husband, my friends, my
family know who I am and love me and respect me,
(25:34):
like that's really all that matters. Obviously, some days are
easier than others when there's thousands of comments coming in
because they've decided on a Reddit forum, today's the day
they're going.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
To bully you.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Oh, I won't Someone told me, I don't even want
to like put this in the I mean someone a
read of mine was like, don't read your reddit, you
won't be well, you know, and like, I don't even
know what people sometimes say about me, because I can
that way, I can't handle it. I think there is
a lot of misconceptions about me, and I guess I
guess I've had to learn like it's okay, yeah, you know,
(26:06):
and like, it's not my job to run around and
try to like manage everyone's Yeah, like misperception.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's a really good book that you might like. It's
called The Courage to Be Disliked. Oh please, it's a
brilliant book. I have it. I'll give it to you
after this. It really helped me because I had people
pleasing mentality, and I constantly want people to like me.
I think about people who are from like ten fifteen
years ago that I might have like dat, and I'm like,
I wonder if they still hate me. I want argument
(26:35):
with them. I wonder if they still think I'm that person.
You can get really trapped in that, but I you know,
as I've tried to work my way through it, I've
noticed that the moments where I feel most connected to
myself and what I mean by that is when I
understand who I actually am and what I actually want
in my life. Then the ins and outs of what
(26:55):
other people are saying affects me less. It's almost like
a tree that's really so in its roots underneath the ground. Yes,
the wind will come, the main will come, like you
don't really get affected by it, But as soon as
those roots start to shrivel, and you don't nourish them,
and you don't water them, and you don't keep reminding
yourself of who you are. Of course, if someone says, well,
you're a this, you're gonna be like, wait, maybe I
(27:17):
am that, because I don't know who I am. So
then I start absorbing what everybody else is saying I
am because I have absolutely no clue of what it
is that I actually am. Exactly.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
I always say it's like staying on the middle of
the surfboard, you know, like just not letting life.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Throw you off, so you're around.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
Yeah, and like to your point, Yeah, like maintaining the spirit,
whatever your spiritual practice is, you know, to be able
to stay firmly rooted or on the middle of the surfboard.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
That takes a lot of app work. It takes a.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Lot of work period, you know, like I have my
days where some days it's easier than others.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, definitely. Oh my gosh, when I'm on my period,
you can say anything to me about my and I
will leave it. Yeah, it's so true. You mentioned hot break. Yeah,
you've obviously experienced the dating scene in LA but by
the time he's coming out, Yeah, I'm glad you haven't.
Speaker 4 (28:10):
In in La, but you are married well to be married,
but will very Yeah, how was that process of finding
the person married?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
Talk about letting go and letting god. You know, I
was thirty five when I met Zach. I'm turning thirty
seven right after our wedding, and you know, I was
very focused on work for a very long time, so
I would say until I was thirty, I was very
much like it'll calm whatever I'm like on my like girl.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Boss thing, like I don't need that right now.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
And I definitely put forward that energy for a long
time of like I don't need you, which of course
probably gave me guys who couldn't give me what I
wanted because I wasn't being clear about my you know,
desires or like what I really wanted. And then as
that started to shift, I started to definitely call in
different energy and definitely learn, you know, to heartbreak. I
(29:09):
went through a breakup probably I don't know, five or
six years ago, and it was like the person that
like I thought was the person and it's only because
he was the greatest reflection of who I wanted to be,
Like he was such a light and he was such
a beautiful spiritual being.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
I also think I don't know if people believe in past.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Lives, but I do, and I like definitely knew him.
When I met him, it was like fill me in, Yeah,
exactly what have I missed? Literally it was like and
in retrospect, it was that's probably why the connection felt
so deep.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It might not have been like in love, but it
was like I need to finish that a tech harma
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Like we definitely like just had to have that experience
and when it ended, it was so excruciating. But I
was like so driven by that love to like dig
deeper on myself and I started to do a lot
more inner work and I found my now therapist back then,
I guess maybe it was like seven years ago, and
(30:14):
he really just took me on a journey, yeah, to
like myself and learning myself and understanding.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Even just the bullying thing, like.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Not even realizing how that was playing a role in
my adult life, of how I was keeping people away,
you know, and how I was so guarded and that
relationship ending like just shattered like.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
All the walls for all of it. And so I'm
so grateful to him.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
I know he knows that that's so nice.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Yeah, and like he's you know, married and has a
child and that's beautiful and I, you know, and I'm
so grateful I ended up where I ended up.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's like so perfect.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
But like that pain, like back to what I had
said earlier of just sometimes those lowest moments like take
us to the next level, and like I just wanted.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
To be better after that.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
And this therapist that I met, doctor Habib Sadiki, who
is the most incredible guy, amazing and he's like he's
also a doctor and he wrote a book called The
Clarity Cleanse, and he's really interesting and has just taken
it to like a whole other place for me.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Yeah, I'm glad you said about therapy. I feel like
there can be such conflicting views of therapy, but it's
it's really nice to him when people have such positive
experiences of it. I can't imagine not really.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
No, do you have a therapist.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
No, I've done Like no, I've done a few sessions before. Yeah,
but I definitely I've been talking about I really want
to get into it, but I feel like I've had
a few experiences of therapists that I wasn't connecting.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
With got you.
Speaker 3 (31:50):
Oh yeah, I will say it's a lot of like industry.
You know, I met him through you know whatever, it
doesn't matter. But I just think, yeah, it's finding the
right person exactly.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
It's like dating.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
It's like dating. Yeah, it's totally not finding the right person.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
And by the way, dating back to the dating question,
like I still like found a narcissist after the good one,
you know, like you still can get like fall for
the love bombing thing. Yeah, it's it's just been such
a journey I think, like, but every person has like
served a purpose.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
And like brought me. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
And really when I met Zach, I was like totally surrendered.
I was like God, because I wanted it so bad. Yeah,
at that point that I was like, God, I'm giving
this to you.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah, I quit.
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Yeah, and I met him a week later.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
No way, where I swear it does take that. Sometimes
you just have.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
To take your hands off the wheel sometimes.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yeah, it's trying to control parts of your life that
you can't control. It's exhausting and it gets you no where.
You're still staying in the same place. But yeah, you
let your hands off the wheel.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
And my biggest life lesson, yes, surrender, Yeah, surrender, let go.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
How do you feel you measure success in your life?
Like what other bromishes, And it can be it can
be in your work, you could be in your personal life.
But what to you? Because I think it changes over time. Also,
what right now feels like the areas in your life
that you feel you're measuring your success in.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
I think like in my relationship. You know, it was
something I wanted for so long, and relationships are so
much work, and a lot of my energy has been
put in this relationship and making it work and learning
together and growing together and being challenged by things and
sticking with it in.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
A full time job. Yes, having starting off in a
relationship is another full time job, it is.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
Yeah, Yeah, And so I think, like I think right now,
I feel like I've won a chapter that you know,
I've wanted for a really long time, and I'm really
excited about what's to come.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
And I you know, want to be a mom and.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I'm looking forward to whatever the next chapter of life is.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
So I think that feels like a win.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
You know.
Speaker 3 (33:58):
I love I love obviously what I do, and I
love when it connects with people. But that's a slippery slope. Yeah,
you know, I think when I'm peaceful is the best.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Yeah, exactly in all areas.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah, yeah, and that takes work, it really does.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
You mentioned that when you're talking about your assistance, you're like,
you know what it. You either have taste or you
don't have it, Like it's an eye for things. How
do you balance your idea of what you love? But
then like obviously all your clients must be so different
when you are styling them, Yeah, how do you balance
their eye versus what you think is accurate in terms
(34:39):
of fashion and what you would put together, because that
must be a really hard balance.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
Every client is very different, like some are very opinionated,
and then others are like I have no idea exactly,
just sting me. And so I think it's about like
reading the energy of the person. Yeah, you have to
know when you're pushing too hard, Like you have to
be able to read the energy of like, Okay, they're
not receptive to this. I yes, that's fine, you know,
(35:03):
And I think just everyone is different. Some are much easier,
like some just want to come in, try on two
things and leave.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Others want to be there all day. That's fine.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
It's just like learning each person, I think, and not
trying to Like there was a time where I had
like a lot of like young girls, and I don't
want everyone to look the same, you know, like I
want them all to have or I would turn someone
down because I'd be like I already have you know
like that. I don't want to copy what we're you know,
style is individual. Like I respect the trends or what's
(35:36):
in or what's out or whatever, but like these are individual.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Humans, you know, cloning not into that.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
It's not I'm not the right office.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
If that's what you want. You know, have you found
it difficult creating meaningful friendships in.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
The industry, Yes, that's so interesting.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You have friends from childhood or I do not.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
I actually don't have any friends from before my sobriety,
so twenty years forward, I do. But before that, I
was seventeen when I got sober, I was a senior
in high school.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
So much of the program is like stay away from people,
places and things.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
I honestly had no like good friends I had all
the k So you know, I haven't seen those people since,
but since my sobriety, yes I have, and you know
I have. Los Angeles is the problem. I don't know
if it's the industry as much as like, really la
is tough and like finding your people takes time. It does,
(36:37):
like really took me some time. But I have the
best friends.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I have a tribe.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
It makes all the difference.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Yeah it's not huge, you know what I mean, But
it's like.
Speaker 3 (36:48):
All I need and like I have a ride or
die friends you know, and I trust them and they
trust me, and like we are in each other's lives,
like really in it.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
It's important for me.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
I think our business is hard and it's like nice
to have Morgan my best friend as a stylist. So
to have someone you know understand what you go literally
like what you go through is so nice.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
It is. I think, you know, community can make or
break wherever you move or wherever you are. I've noticed
that when I was in New York, I really didn't
find a community that I could have that feeling with.
And in London, I had all these friends that were
we message each other at like ten and I'll be
like let's go at dessert, or they'll be there when
I'm crying my eyes out or you know, you have
those core people and when I've never not had that.
(37:36):
So when I didn't have it in New York, it
broke me. Like I felt like I was not in
the place I was supposed to be. I wasn't enjoying
my days there. It became a struggle, not because I'd moved,
but because I didn't find people that I could spend
those moments with. Then I moved to La. We created
this beautiful community that we cherish so much that we
(37:57):
invest into that invest back into us. Yeah, and it's
made La, which I never thought it would, but it's
made it feel like home and so people people all home.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
You know. It's our deepest human nature. It's how we
survived though as like cave men, like the like lone
guy would die, but the crew would live because they
would protect each other, and like the moms would like
feed each other's babies, like we it's so deep in
our nature to be in community and be like received
(38:29):
by people.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
I think that's.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Why realizing like as you know, the bullying.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Like being cast out as a little.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
Kid is like it's so like jarring your system because
we need to be and not everyone does.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Like my my fiance, I guess he's my husband. By
the time you guys.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
See, he doesn't need friends the way that I need friends.
Noone's different maybe, and it's a boy and girl thing too.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
I kind of think it is.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
I think so I know it. Girls like have this
desire to just connect and I think more often and
in more of an emotional way.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yes' fine totally.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
But that's so nice that you've maintained such deep friendships.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
The industry part, though, is tricky.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Like, you know, you might have a client who has
the same let's just say, like hair and makeup people
for years, and then the client goes away and then
all of a sudden, you don't hear from those people anymore,
and you're like, wait, I thought we were a friends, Yes,
but we're not. Okay, noted and that's fine. But I
think moving forward, you start to really realize you know
who your.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
People are and who they are in different cycles for
different things.
Speaker 3 (39:28):
Yeah, and you want to connect, but it's like those
aren't going to be the people that you call when
like times get tough, you know, But it's very confusing
because you do spend huge chunks of time sometimes with
these people and you go through life life is happening
with them exactly. It's a very false sense of like, oh,
you were in this together. We're not we're paid to
(39:52):
all be here. We're just here for right now.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Yeah, it's a seasonal community.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Yeah that's fine services p. But it's not real. Those
are not my you know, my people.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
What what emotion do you find difficult to digest or handle?
Do you have any emotions that you find difficult to
That's a good question.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
I think, like extreme anger is hard for me.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
How do you how do you how do you express anger? Well?
How did it come out of you?
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Well, it doesn't as much anymore because because it was
my go to emotion for so long, I now almost
like have a hard time accessing it because I've like
done so much work on my life.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
I'm almost like so ripped open now that I like
it's hard.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Like I went through a really tough thing last year
and my therapist kept being like, come on, get angry
with me, and I would be like, I can't.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I'm just sad. I'm just sad.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Well, then do you say the anger is a secondary
emotion exactly? So it's not the real, it's not it's
a build up. So the fact that you keep releasing
and letting things go Anger comes when you harness and
hold onto things too much. And so whether it's sadness,
whether it's disappointment, it's actually the build up of those
things that create the response being anger. It's never anger
(41:09):
is the primary emotion.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
Exactly, And I think because I've done a lot of
work on that, it's like not my go to anymore.
And so when I'm when someone comes at me with anger,
I'm like, oh my god, you are.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Not dealing with the real thing, you know, like you
need to like really do some diggings.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
Yeah, exactly, it's not about this, you know.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
I think I also really stuffer with people who can't
take accountability or like victims of life, because I just
feel like, I don't know, Yeah, life is giving you,
exactly the curriculum that you need to learn and grow
and be better.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
You are not a victim to your ex husband or
your you know, job or whatever.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Like we all have the opportunity to change and like
take control of our lives. And like, obviously obviously there
are victims. It's not what I'm talking about, you know.
I'm talking about someone who's every everything is everyone else's font.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Yes, you know, Yes, I have a hard time with that.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Yeah, I agree. I think that there's so many times
that that's the easier option though, Like it's so much easier. Yeah,
you know what everybody else except for me, because if
they're the problem and I'm not, then I don't have
to work exactly.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I don't have to look at myself one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
It's like ignorance.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Is probably bliss. I wish I could.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
I don't know, I've gone too far down the therapy
hole where I just like I can't gone.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Are you a crier?
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Are you God?
Speaker 3 (42:36):
Yes? Are you me?
Speaker 1 (42:38):
Oh? Yes? I cry through every every every release of
emotion for me, whether it's happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, it
comes out in tears. And I really appreciate that because
it comes quick and then it flows and it goes.
But I definitely, yeah, I really appreciate the process of
(42:58):
releasing my emotions through.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
It's so healthy. Yeah, and you know, it's like so great.
Megan Fox always jokes that she like cries in the shower.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Oh, it's the same thing, good bad.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
You know, it's just her way to like release, and
you know, sometimes it's just you gotta like get it
out of your body.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Yeah, you know, I sometimes wish.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Sometimes I have a harder time accessing it, and then
other times it'll just just come.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
I've got some quick fire questions. You great, okay? Favorite
affordable places to shop?
Speaker 3 (43:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Good question?
Speaker 3 (43:32):
Well, Aritzia love. Yeah, they should pay me, by the way,
like always plug them?
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Do you? I just think they're great?
Speaker 3 (43:37):
Okay, great, I think is great. I think Zara can
be great. What else do I love? I mean anything
on a Revolve. I don't know if that's like affordable, but.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
I really think it is. I find Yeah, Revolves got
some good stuff.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
There's some really good stuff on Revolves, and I do
a lot of work with them, and I just think
that they have like great brands, great quality.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
I'm a big Revolve girly right, yeah, I love those.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
What's trending right now that you and is it a
trend that you saw it? That's funny.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
I mean I think the like the off duty like
cool girl saying is yeah, it's kind of I started, Okay,
give me.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
What, give me?
Speaker 1 (44:15):
Give me what the outfit looks like? What's cool girl off?
Speaker 3 (44:17):
Do you know it's probably baggy jeans, some cool sneakers,
little jewelry, not what I'm wearing. Yeah, exactly, I me
not their shirt. This is I was trying to, you know,
be a little more. It's funny. I'm in a funny
age like era of life where I'm like in this
in between like I'm a stepmother, I'm a you know,
Palisades girl, like I'm thirty.
Speaker 2 (44:41):
I'm literally like, who am I? Right now?
Speaker 3 (44:43):
I'm going through a weird moment for sure, because I'm
like trying to grapple with like my age. And but
I did I still feel like a cool, young hot girl.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
You definitely are. You're still not. Thanks, Okay, what trends
are you really disliking right now?
Speaker 4 (44:59):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (45:00):
You know?
Speaker 3 (45:00):
The capris are coming back? And I'm curious, Okay, I'm curious.
It's like you could style them.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
I probably could.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
I think it's body type, Like I'm such a dress
for your body type kind of person. And like I think, obviously,
if you're tall and skinny, you're gonna look great in
a capri because it's cutting your leg in a funny place,
you know. So if you have short legs, that's gonna
just cut you off. So if you care about that,
you know, that's something to think about. I guess I don't.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Love the like young girls dressing old. I don't love it.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
I appreciate like classic obviously and sophisticated, but I think like,
as a thirty seven year old, I'm like, you have
your whole adult life to dress like that. You are
twenty three, Like live your life, yeah, like show the belly,
yeah right whatever it is, Like, I just some of
these young girls are just aging up a little bit,
(45:53):
and I just it's not my favorite.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
A best tip for a tool girl that's trying to
pick appropriate clothing for her, Like you.
Speaker 3 (46:00):
Was real the easiest Everything is good on them, okay,
Hall and Than is like it's a joke. Everything looks
good on them. Yeah, you know what I mean, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
What about if someone is shorter and struggles with cuts,
Like what's the best cut for somebody who's.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Well, if you're shorter and you want to like lengths
in your legs, you want like a like a high
waisted probably on your waist, like high waisted with sort
of like a like a straight leg.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
That's going to help with the leg. It's all about
where you bring the eye to.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
So if you have you know, a high like high
waisted with a belt and then you do kind of
what I'm doing right now.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
You're bringing the eye up.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
That's pretty that's pretty cool. I feel like there's such
a science to it a little bit. Yeah, helps, it's
just my eye.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
I just need to be in the room with somebody.
And then I'm like, ah, God, we.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Only we only need one of you, and I thank
you so much for this. What are you reading right now,
by the way, Oh, I just.
Speaker 3 (47:00):
Read what's the book that Oprah just wrote with the
guy about happiness?
Speaker 2 (47:03):
What's it called Bill the Life you Want?
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Okay, I'm reading Build of Life you Want?
Speaker 1 (47:08):
And then it's funny.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
It was like it was like simple practical tools, all
things I've known before.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
Or there Brooks and Oprah.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
Okay, they came together and they like did this book
and it's nothing.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
That I haven't heard before. It was very basic in
that sense.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
But if I don't know, it was like perfect until
the still remind us that you need every single day gratitude.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
Like if you can just get into gratitude every day,
no matter when the going gets tough, if you're having
the worst day, if you can just sit and think
of five things that you're grateful for how that just
little bit of perception can shift.
Speaker 1 (47:40):
It's a whole day, the whole day.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Yeah, what are you reading right now?
Speaker 1 (47:43):
I'm reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway? Ooh love,
Okay have you read that? Oh my gosh, it is
a brilliant book. I highly recommend it. It really helps
you to figure out why you have the perceptions you
have over yourself. But also that's so kiss so much
about people think.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
Have you done the Hoffin process yet?
Speaker 1 (48:02):
No? Have you? Yes? Is it amazing? Yes? Okay, I
really wanted life changing, life change. Three friends that are
going to do it life changing Okay.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
I just like wow, like what we get from our
parents and how those patterns.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Like follow up genetics as well change it.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
Literally like I would not be in my relationship if
it wasn't. It really helped me see what was holding
me back from healthy love.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Okay, I'm going to do that. Yeah, what are you
most excited about? Well, I've kind of known that right now,
But what are you most excited about right now? I
know excited.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
I'm just excited about a whole wife.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
Yeah, Like I just I've worked so hard to get
to my man, you know, and I just feel so
grateful and we've worked really hard at our relationship, you know,
so I feel like I'm excited for a like marriage,
a partnership, and god willing a child.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Yeah all around. Well, thank you for being here with
this conversation. So magical and I like cannot wait to
see how your life changes and expands beyond your imagination.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Oh thanks s gotcha, Thanks for having me, Thanks for
like putting good vibes in the world. You and your husband,
It's like we need more of it, just more and
more and more. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Well never, I am just on the way trying our best.