A Recap of Some of Our Favorite Moments Pt. II

Join us for a special journey through the highlights of our season. In this episode, we’re revisiting some of the most inspiring interviews, heartfelt stories, and thought-provoking conversations that have made this season unforgettable. From powerful moments of resilience to connections that transcend generations, this is a celebration of the incredible voices and topics we’ve shared together. Thank you for being part of the Across Generations family—stay tuned for even more!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to a Cross Generations where the voices of black
women unite. I'm your host, Tiffany Cross. Tiffany Cross, Tiffany,
We gather a season elder myself as the middle generation,
and a vibrant young soul for engaging intergenerational conversations. Prepared
to engage or hear perspections that no one else is happy.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
You know how we do? We create magic, Create magic.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
Welcome to another episode of Across Generations, and I'm super
excited to talk about today's topic. It seeing one of
my producers told me that your friends, some of your
friends advised you not to get emotionally attached or get
too involved emotionally.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
That was when I was younger. Oh see, okay, you
see because after the breakup the marriage, I was really traumatized.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
Yeah, I'm on for about four or five years, you know,
and if men talk to me, I was like, why
are you talking?

Speaker 5 (01:06):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
I was still in that state of mind. So when
I go out with my girlfriends and they were older
than me, they was like, listen here, when you we
go out tonight, we don't want to shire ship about
your feel love affairs and your husband, none of that shit. Okay,
when you get out there, you just give them the pussy.
That's it. Don't get don't you be calling about I

(01:31):
was in love with him and he ain't seen me.
Blah blah blah. She said, that's all you do.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Wow, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
Oh yeah, I was free cocking Molly for a while.
Then then I had to grab a hold of myself.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
I started going to church, you know, I started going
to church. I started going to Revernight right, yeah, and
uh he really Oh. I loved it because he was
like a science of the mind person.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
You know. It wasn't about Peter pil and all of
the other people so much as you know. He's taught
the thoughts of your mind and you know, things that
you need for yourself and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
And I loved it. So I had to grab a
hold of myself. And then I had to figure out
what do you want? Who do you want? How do
you want it?

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (02:25):
You know, I had to learn to think before I leap,
you know. So that's what happened to me. And I
calmed down. You know, I stopped hanging in the same crowd.
I stopped hanging on the boschools, I stopped doing a
lot of stuff. I was busy into myself and that's
when I, you know, know who.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
To choose and who not to.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Right, Yeah, how do you feel about casual sex?

Speaker 3 (02:52):
I need to go to church.

Speaker 6 (02:57):
Oh okay, so I stayed on, Like, I don't believe
that anything is casual, like even if that is just
somebody that you are seeing as your sneaky link, as
somebody who you might see every.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Saturday, every other saturday. Like, sex is quite disgusting.

Speaker 6 (03:11):
When I used to teach health education, and I remember
really like I would break it down to students, is
this is not the It's kind of disgusting, right, Like,
these are bodies touching together.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
Not to shame anybody for doing it.

Speaker 6 (03:24):
Sex is awesome at the same time, but these are
bodies rubbing together. This is sweat touching, This is fluids mixing.
And the more you like a person, the less disgusting
it becomes, the more exciting it becomes. So I feel
like when I don't believe in casual sex for myself,
because I know how emotional of a person I am,

(03:44):
Like I like you, I really like you. Yeah, so
it's hard for me to just want to have sex
with you. I want to talk to you all the time.
I want to go on dates with you. I want
to talk about how my day is. So I feel
like I've been in this era of life where I
want both at the same time, which means I actually
want a relationship, you know, I want to be dating seriously,

(04:06):
And like I said, the casual sex to me was draining,
like I didn't feel seen as a person. I felt
like a body, like you know, and I felt like, yeah,
I'm sexy, I'm hot, but that's it and when this
is over, you disappear. And I also felt like, I
don't know if y'all have heard on that Jasmine sell
like Jasmine Sullivan's last album, There's I think It's Amanda's
tail or something in it, and she talks about how

(04:29):
I felt like, you know, my kuci was all I had,
and it was all I had on other women is
that I'm gonna be with this man. I'm gonna beat
the beep out of him. Well that's how every woman
is approaching this man. So I feel like now I'm
just at a status where I'm trying to actually really
pour into myself, feel what I what do I like?

Speaker 3 (04:48):
And it's actually helped me weed out a lot of.

Speaker 6 (04:50):
People that I might think I want to have casual
sex with, and I'm like, you're actually just really sexy
and I actually just want to look at you, and I'm.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Okay with that, right.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (04:58):
So I just realized for myself and like my health,
how unhealthy like casual sex is for me. But I
also know I have plenty of friends that have a
lot of casual sex and they're living their best life.
But that's not the way my brain. Yeah you know different, Yeah, yeah,
you know.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
I think there if there are women out there who
own their sexuality and they say, hey, this is what
I want, I'm going forward. It's my choice. I'm a
sound mind. I give consent, I applaud it.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
That's fine.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
Personally, I don't quite think sex is disgusting. I rather
enjoy it. But I was having this conversation with my
friends and I was two of my guy friends, and
I was like, you guys are crazy, like I like
to have sex. I didn't use that term, but miss
Teenie's here, so I've watched my mouth. But I was
making the point and one of my friends said, no,

(05:45):
you don't you like to make love? If you like
to do that, other word, you'd be doing it all
the time. You like to make love, You're looking for
people to make love to you. I think that's such
a key difference about myself. It's true, and I think
more women would likely be open to casual sex if
more men, particularly younger men, I would say, would acknowledge

(06:07):
their humanity in the process. You know, it's not just
an enjoyment hole. It's not a fun hole. You know,
like there is something, there is an art to it,
and I think that gets lost as well.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Do you find that a.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
Lot on Danny apps like these men are like come over,
come through you.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Yes, yeah, especially the free ones.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
What do you mean, especially the free ones? Is it's
nothing free? People out there? They dated app?

Speaker 4 (06:31):
Facebook dating is a free app. Oh app, Okay, you're.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Gonna get what you pay for one.

Speaker 4 (06:43):
Yeah. The free apps you're gonna get a little bit
of anything you pay a little bit like.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
eHarmony, match dot com.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, you know, you get a.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Little better quality. But most of them, they're not who
their profile says they are.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
You get what you pay for. I think that's something free.
I don't know now, Naomi, you're young.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
I mean I feel like it's really a lot of
your age demographic that are on these dating apps, but you.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Didn't have a good experience, You don't like it?

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Not really, I have to agree. I think like.

Speaker 7 (07:19):
It opens up a new door for dating, but there's
so much that comes with it. I feel like in
my generation, I guess there is that accessibility. Also, we're
like risk takers that it's kind of like, why not
try it? But sometimes it's just not. It doesn't work
out how you intend. Yeah, I've had some very not

(07:41):
so satisfying experience.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Well, something that I found interesting when I was doing
some research for this show is a lot of the
black men on these dating apps are not necessarily interested
in black women, and that a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Are open to other races, but black women, I believe
were the least open white white men.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
White men were the least open, and I think black
women were not always open as well. But the consistent
thing across the board was like, black men aren't on
these apps to find people like me. When you were
on those apps, did you have that experience or were
you matching with folks.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Who look like you?

Speaker 4 (08:25):
Majority did look like me, But I think I just
kind of connected the dots with like me kind of
putting in my preferences. So with the dating apps that
I used, at least it was very like concise and
you were able to like limit, like yeah, down to
the seat kind of what you were looking for.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
Well, let me just say this.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
This was a study from Berkeley and it was data
gathered for more than one million profiles of singles looking
for love online, and it showed that whites overwhelmingly preferred
to date members of their own race, and black folks,
especially men, are for more likely to cross the race barrier.
Are you open to dating outside of your race or

(09:03):
are y'all more.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
Like I like it, like I like my coffee.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
That's funny you should say that because I also, in
addition to online dating, signed up for a matchmaking service
and I told them they were trying to encourage me
to date outside of my race, and I told them
I will date anything but a Caucasian. Hmmm, So you're

(09:30):
a mean.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
Okay, I get that.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
I so when dating abs first came out, because like
I said, I didn't when I came a dating aide,
they weren't a thing. The internet was barely a thing,
and so I may have been on the app for
like maybe, I mean have lasted a week.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
I don't know that I ever went out with anybody.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
I mean, I just can't imagine like I'm gonna meet
this stranger and we're going out. It's just not and
I just the idea that you know, this algorith rhythm
has placed someone. For me, I just have my doubts
about it. You seem to feel kind of how I feel.
But what was it about your experiences that you shied

(10:12):
you away from it? So for me, I feel like,
and I think I think not really knowing how to
navigate it and going into.

Speaker 7 (10:18):
It, I played a part, but I feel like things
moved very fast. Yeah, and even like, what.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
Do you mean? They moved very fast?

Speaker 7 (10:26):
Like, so my first initial thought while even going onto
the apps, I'm like, who are you on here?

Speaker 3 (10:32):
Even though I have my own thoughts, wait, but I'm
on here.

Speaker 7 (10:35):
So I just kind of already went into I think
it was it was okay, but then I'm like, okay,
I'm on here, I'm doing it, so let's do it.
But it goes from like it's like a weird transition.
And I feel like the two.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Experiences that I've had, it just went from like behind
a screen to like with both of them and like
very clingy, very attached, very much like that manifest though
when you say clingy and attached, where they like I
want to see you all the time or you're my
woman now.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
So for me, it wasn't it wasn't even like the intimacy.

Speaker 7 (11:09):
It was the one thing to I mean, of course
the first date, everything was normal, like it will go
from texting and then it'll be like FaceTime and then
first date type situation and then it's almost like it
was like a fast switch, like after like first day,
like after we like know each other, we have that
initial reaction it was like, oh, what are you doing today,

(11:29):
like trying to like come like and I allowed it,
but come into my space, and I feel like, like
reflecting back on it, I was like, whoa, Like this
guff can be like dangerous, Like you can't just allow
people into your space like that that fast. As optimistic
as you may be about the situation, cause we're all
trying to find love here, so it's like yeah, my husband,
like you know, it's going good, like the first interaction,

(11:51):
but I feel like that kind of like uh steered
me away more so, like it pushed me away. I'm
kind of like WHOA, Like this is like like I
don't know you like that, like and then yeah, and
then just meeting someone, that's when you're actually getting to
take on their energy and see their actual mannerisms. Like
that's something that comes later when you when you start
with dating online, so like to meet someone and they

(12:13):
actually take on that energy characteristics and stuff. If you
don't really like it, then it's like, oh, I've already
let them into my space and now they're like they
might have a different experience, like they might gravitate towards
me or not be opposed to me and want to
like continue, but it's like, Okay, we've only been one
day and now like one of the guys was like
literally like crashing, like he he wanted to like come over,

(12:35):
but he was like rolled up in my blanket like
all day.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
And I was like, okay, so.

Speaker 7 (12:40):
All this stuff about like what your purpose is and
like your career path and stuff like why you're not
doing that today?

Speaker 3 (12:46):
Like it was just like yeah, it was like a
complete like shock.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
I mean, I think it's kind of like my perspective
on it, and I would say, now that you ask
my advice. But I do think this is something that's
so important for younger people because in your twenties, everybody
you meet is not going to be a husband, and
I don't even know that it's healthy to look at
everyone like a potential husband. I think it is the
time to get to know yourself, what you like, you know,

(13:12):
and it makes that journey home to self later in life.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
A lot smoother.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
I went through a period like that where everyone I
met it's like, would you be a good dad?

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Would you get the good husband?

Speaker 8 (13:22):
You know?

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Could we raise children together? Are values aligned?

Speaker 1 (13:25):
And if you didn't meet those things, it was like, okay,
I can't have you on my space. And looking back,
I think, you know, I could have had experiences with
people that helped me learn myself better because some of
those things I didn't learn about myself so I got
in my thirties or my forties. So I think it's
a fine balance. Everybody doesn't serve your time, you know.
I think you have to find, you know, the balance

(13:45):
where it strikes.

Speaker 9 (13:46):
I saw women do everything in my life. So I
was watching the man come in to fix things for
my mother. I'm like, well, I'm going to watch it.
Why would we pay him again? I can fix it,
you know. So that's where I come from. Even in college,
I would not allow somebody to pay for my meal
if I went out to eat, because for me, in
my head, you're taking my power away.

Speaker 10 (14:08):
So I.

Speaker 9 (14:10):
Don't owe you anything. I don't owe you a kiss.
I don't owe you anything past a kiss. I'll owe
you nothing, you know. So for me, it's always been
my power to hold my power. And I think because
of the way I grew up, that's why I feel
that way now. When it came to in my marriage,
the whole money honey, the honey money thing is real

(14:33):
because I didn't get married until I was forty four,
so my money was my money, and so it took
me five years to sort of come into the thing
it's our money because I was so used to providing
for myself that.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
Concept of our money.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Kim Oh in a financial partnership, what are your thoughts?

Speaker 11 (14:53):
So I think it's evident historically that you cannot rely
on a man, And so personally, when I say tradition
with the twist, I'm not going to ever put myself
in a position where you know, I have to completely
rely on a man, I sign a bad prenup and
I have to beg a man to buy me a
piece of bread.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
I'm just not going to do that.

Speaker 11 (15:12):
And so I feel like, you know, my money is
my money so that I can invest in building myself
right as I'm now in this relationship and I'm aging right,
and your money is to provide for the unit. And
so if that looks like taking care of the bills,
because if I'm having children, I'm not working. I'm taking

(15:34):
care of the kids, I'm taking care of the house.
And so I don't think again, I don't think that's
asking for much. I think that's asking for.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
But you're saying, you're saying in a marriage. Let's say
you're saying.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
The money you earn is your money. Yes, the money
is our money.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
For the household.

Speaker 7 (15:51):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
But so to me, that doesn't say partnership though, Like, well,
what it.

Speaker 11 (15:55):
Is partnership because because you know, when you're in a marriage, right,
especially if you are having children with someone, I'm giving
my life, my womb, I'm giving my time, my focus,
my earning potential, and so he is able to go
out in the job market, the workforce continue to excel

(16:17):
and now I'm taking years off to watch the children, right,
and so I need to make sure that I'm protecting
myself if things go awry.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Right.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
But what you're saying to me, what it sounds like,
is I am planning on this not working out. When
if you're living in service to a partnership, that money
is I am earning this money to build us collectively.
It sounds to me like you're saying, I am earning
this money for me because you've given me children.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
You're going to provide stability.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
And then the second I get tired of this, at
least I have some money in my pocket to walk
away from it.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
No, I don't see it like that.

Speaker 11 (16:51):
I see it more so like I am protecting myself
because I understand that fifty percent of marriages and in divorce,
not that anyone goes into.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Fifty percent of marriages in a divorce, because the attitudes
like that, Yeah.

Speaker 9 (17:03):
Because you're wanting, you're wanting a guarantee, You're you're I
think you're going and wanting to guarantee. And I truly
believe that once you think it and you have that mindset,
it will happen.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
When I was younger, we were, Like I said, there
were no phones. You know, we were when we were outside.
We were outside, you.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
Know, we were with each other.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
And when I see a lot of young people together
a lot of times it is like the selfie generation
and like everybody's on, you know, their phones all the time.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
So I think it's great that you guys are present
and with each other.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Okay, So when you're hanging out by Fluffy's and McDonald's
and all that, what are you guys talking about?

Speaker 3 (17:50):
Okay?

Speaker 12 (17:50):
So usually it's like about boys, like my friends, relationships
and everything. Yeah, I'm like, I give them like my opinions.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
Oh, what are some of the issues they're having.

Speaker 13 (18:02):
With these boys.

Speaker 12 (18:03):
It's like they're not like giving the same energy towards them,
like somebody loves the other person more than like the
other blacks.

Speaker 14 (18:11):
It's the epidemic of like nonchalantness.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah, exactly, the epidemic of nonchalantness. I should say, before
we started, Umi has already told me that she could
be the adult for the conversation. And you're doing an
amazing job because I want to hear more about this
epidemic of nonchalantness. What So, one person is typically into
the other person a little more.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
Is it typically the guy or the girl or can
you get the girl and he's more into the guy.

Speaker 12 (18:38):
Yeah, And recently like they've been all over the place
now I.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
Think they broke up.

Speaker 12 (18:44):
Yeah, mixick knows. It's been really bad my other friends.
It's like right now for like high school, it's more
about like trust issues honestly, like with the cheating and everything. Yeah,
you know, it makes honestly me scared to be in
a real relationship with anybody because like it's like, what's
going to happen if that happens to me, Like I'll

(19:05):
be extremely hurt.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
Of course, Well, you said that you give advice, so hypothetically,
if I wanted some advice about these trust issues and
being into one more than the other, what advice would
you give me?

Speaker 12 (19:17):
I would say, talk it out with them, because a
lot of people like they keep that inside and then
like just bottles up inside of them and they just
you know, shut down completely. And I feel like like
that's like the only thing I tell them, because like
my friends usually don't talk it out with their own
like partners. So it's like okay, just like relax.

Speaker 14 (19:40):
Calm down and just that. Yeah, I totally agree with that.

Speaker 15 (19:45):
I feel like we as teenagers need to break the
cycle of like not communicating because my friends.

Speaker 14 (19:55):
It's and it's not even just my friends.

Speaker 15 (19:56):
I've noticed with a lot of people in my school
when they have an issue somebody, they go to other people,
and they go to other people and they say, oh,
well this is happening, and I don't like it. And
sometimes I'm that person and I go, well, I'm not them,
so why are you telling me this? I feel like
you need to go to them because now you're like, oh,

(20:18):
I'm sending these signals and it's just you like not
talking to them, And I'm like, well, is that really
a signal?

Speaker 14 (20:23):
You need to like be straightforward with that.

Speaker 12 (20:26):
Yeah, communicate that is actually happening to me right now.
They're both my friends, and like he will tell me
their situation, and like, I hate that so much. It's
just like, why are you telling me you have a
like my friend is your girl? Like you have your
number for me exactly, and like you see each other
almost every day, and it's like you're telling me, so

(20:48):
I usually like tell her what he tells me, so yeah,
so they could figure it out, and like sometimes like
she actually would tell me too, or like her other friend,
And it's like I feel like that's like the only
problem right now because I feel like that, like the
trust issues it's like really not there in this whole generation.

Speaker 15 (21:07):
Yeah, because now you get caught in the middle and
you have to go to both sides and get the opinions,
and then like all of that could have been avoided
if they just went to each other in stead.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
Right, Well, why do you think the boys are not
like why is he communicating with you? Why do you
think the boys are not communicating?

Speaker 12 (21:23):
So I'm an extrovert, and it's like, you know, I
like my other friend, she's like in the middle of
introvert extrovert and it's like, you know, she won't really
like talk to people like that unless like she's like
really really close with you and she like knew you
for like a long time. Yeah, and like you know,
he comes to me because like I do give like
really good information like what my friends say. Yeah, and

(21:44):
you know, I'm just like Okay, that's like nice, Like
I thank you for telling me. But you know it's
like still I'm not the girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
So that's a tough position to be in. And you've
had that situation.

Speaker 15 (21:58):
Yeah, it's a little different because in my school, I
go to an all girls' schools, so there's a lot
of lesbians actually really yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
So how what do you think the differences are with
like a lesbian relationship.

Speaker 14 (22:13):
And it's not very different really.

Speaker 15 (22:16):
I think one of the girls just takes on the
not to be crazy like that, but the boy's position
has like kind of in that nonchalance sort of energy,
And so it's basically just the same issues all over again,
but even messier.

Speaker 14 (22:32):
Because yeah, so.

Speaker 1 (22:36):
When I was younger, there were definitely homosexual relationships in schools,
but it wasn't as like prevalent, you know, it's still
kind of a secret. How is it today, like at
your school so like out and open our parents?

Speaker 15 (22:51):
Know?

Speaker 14 (22:51):
I think it's pretty open. Honestly.

Speaker 15 (22:55):
I can probably not name more than three straight people
in my school really, yeah, And I think maybe it's
just the circumstances of where we are right now, but
I think it's gotten a lot better. But the only
difference between the homophobia issue is that instead of it

(23:16):
being like a straight person hating on a gay person,
it's just a gay person hating on a gay person
for being gay.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
I get so frustrated with all these people who like,
say something looking wantonly in the camera with slow music
over it, giving advice and calling themselves coaches. And everybody
calls themselves a coach. But what qualifies one to do this?
What qualifies you guys to do this? Like draw for
me the distinction between you guys and anybody with a

(23:42):
microphone on Instagram.

Speaker 4 (23:44):
Wow, there's so many things that qualify us. I think
one is life experience. So I think we started with that,
and also the fact that Tanna and I both had
our own individual struggles and dating and people kind of
watched our journeys and watched our relationship struggles and how
we came back. And then we're certified life coaches, certified
relationship coaches, and then we also started our own matchmaking

(24:06):
school called Love Pro University, where now we certify matchmakers
and coaches to.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
Do what we do.

Speaker 4 (24:12):
But really more in the space of people of color, Well,
what goes into getting certified?

Speaker 2 (24:18):
What does that mean?

Speaker 16 (24:19):
So it's interesting because once Kelly and I had our
own struggles within our own individual relationships, we decided, you know,
we're really good at this. People started to come to
us for advice. So we went through a certification school,
World Coaching Institute to be certified in life coaching.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
I mean, I think that.

Speaker 16 (24:37):
There's life in relationships, right, So we certified in life
coaching and then relationship coaching, and then coupled that with
day coaching. And then once we started to help so
many women, they were like, you know, we would love
to meet somebody now that I'm feeling better, now that
I'm empowered and I'm my best self. You know, who
do you all have to introduce me to? But we're like, no,

(24:58):
we don't have anybody, but that's a line out of
that we can do. So then we flew to New
York and we became credential with the Matchmaking Institute Global
Love Institute is what it's called now and then so
it's you know, it took us a while to get
our We wanted to step out with the right credentials
to say that, you know, we're certified to do this.
Not only that, but like Kelly said, we have the

(25:19):
life experiences to back us up.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
But what is like specifically in the certification process, Like
what is something that they're army like a tool?

Speaker 2 (25:27):
You guys both have undergraduate and I think graduate figuring. Yes,
So like there are.

Speaker 1 (25:32):
Things that you learn that you took away in school.
I'm just curious the certification process. What is like the
scientific method or something that they're teaching you.

Speaker 16 (25:40):
Yeah, so I would say that with coaching, though, in
any coaching program you're you are not a therapist. You
help someone start from where they are and arrive into
where they're going. So you help them uncover what it
is that they need. So you know, a lot of
open ended questions, a lot of probing questions, so you
learn learn questioning, powerful questioning, So you learn that technique,

(26:04):
and you learn listening skills, you know, showing empathy and
compassion in those types of things, just to be able
to better relate with somebody as you're they're sitting in
front of you, we're it costs from you or wherever,
and so those are some of the skills that you
learn with coaching.

Speaker 4 (26:19):
Yeah, I think it's Oh I was going to say
also with matchmaking though, so coaching and then we segue
into matchmaking, so we're you know, blending lifestyles.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
We're saying, Okay, where are you today?

Speaker 4 (26:28):
But where do you want to be? In the future
and kind of matching all of those things, So hobbies, lifestyles,
you know, do you want children, do not? Do you
want to be married? All of those things. So it's
not just hey, let me just put two single people together.

Speaker 6 (26:38):
You know.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
I think a lot of people even.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
Know at the you know, holidays or something, somebody might say, hey,
you're single.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
You're single, let me just put you together. Yeah, that's
not the same.

Speaker 4 (26:47):
I mean you're really trying to match for a long
term success, which is our culture for our business. Yeah.

Speaker 16 (26:52):
You know, we have our clients come in and say,
you know what, paint us a picture of how you
envision your life to look right, and we pride ourselves
and our agency is giving them more of what they
need versus what they want, because a lot of times
you think that, oh I want this, this and this
and this, but that's not necessarily what you may need.
You think that, oh, gosh, I've envisioned my partner to
look like this, to be this way, but that isn't

(27:14):
going to work for you long term. So let us
help you uncover what that looks like, paint a picture
of it, and then find someone that matches the same
end goal.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
So that's what it is. It is a science behind it.

Speaker 16 (27:27):
Even though love is not an exact science because you're
dealing with emotions and fears and all of that, right,
but there is a science of how you partner somebody
for compatibility. We can't control chemistry though compatibility.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
We got that on lot.

Speaker 2 (27:40):
Yeah, yeah, I noticed both you guys are married.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
Yes, yes, recent, Yeah you.

Speaker 14 (27:47):
Married boy.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
The tactics that you give your clients in your own
search in romance, yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
Well it's funny because we always I guess, in a
lot of different industries, a lot of times you're the
worst person, like say consultant or whatever.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
Most of the time their money is not right.

Speaker 4 (28:03):
But the same thing with match making, you know, and
Tanna would be like, I'll do this, do that. But
it's so funny. I ended up matching myself. So I
ended up reconnecting with someone on Facebook. We went to
college together and made my own match. Really yeah, he's
in Detroit. It was kind of on our show Love
Match Atlanta and Bravo, But yeah, so he's he was

(28:24):
in Detroit. I was Atlanta, and then you know, we
did the long distance thing for many years and then
we got married last year and I moved to Detroit,
but our headquarters is still Atlanta.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
So you split in the DM.

Speaker 3 (28:33):
Slit in the DM A.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
Interesting Okay, I know if you people who have connected,
people don't.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
I don't know why people don't do that.

Speaker 4 (28:42):
I mean, you're already connected, you have connections, you can
you know, kind of fact check yeah at that point.
So I don't know why people don't even just use
dms and social media.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yeah, warm introduction, you know, it's like a warm introduction. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
What what is the average age of somebody who comes
to you?

Speaker 16 (28:58):
I would say, so our demographic is primarily a women's successful,
affluent anywhere between. I would say historically it's been about
thirty five to fifty five, but we've been seeing them
younger lately. Really, yeah, is rich is a twist in
the trend, right, So they're realizing at a much younger

(29:20):
age that I really struggle in this area. I really
need some support and some help, So let me seek matchmaking.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
Specific service that they're coming to you for. Like, are
you just making the intro and then you're oh.

Speaker 4 (29:33):
No, we'll do that, Okay, come to us for a
matchmaking Everybody that probably comes to us, no, one really
comes to us every once in a while.

Speaker 16 (29:39):
And say, you know what, I think I need some
day coaching. You know, they don't feel like they need it.
Just find me this person. This is what he looks like,
this is what he makes, this is what he this
is how tall he is. Find me this man's let
me slide you this check and poof. It doesn't work
like that, it doesn't. But the way that our business
works is that everybody that goes through our program has

(30:02):
to end a coaching with us because it's a disservice
for us to sit you across the table from someone
and you don't have any conflict resolution, you don't have
any communication skills. You don't have you can't even transition
the relationship from the first date to a committed relationship.
So if you don't have those tools, it's a disservice
for me to sit you across from anybody.

Speaker 17 (30:21):
I had a long distance boyfriend, but it wasn't until
like I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend like
one of my high school sweethearts, because I was in
a whole relationship with a girl at the time, and I.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Was like, wait, this is when you were in college.

Speaker 13 (30:35):
Yeah, So this is in college.

Speaker 17 (30:36):
Okay, I have had experience with guys, but it just
wasn't the feeling that I was looking for that fulfillment
until like I was in college and started like dating women,
and I just had to call it dude up, like
I'm so sorry. It was so like heartless, Like I
feel so bad because you know, like he was someone
I did in high school and then in college, and

(30:58):
you know, he was like a really good friend, my
best friend, but like its just something wasn't there, like
like sexually, mentally, like it just wasn't really fulfilling me
for real. So I had to call him up, and
like I said, I was so heartless. I was just like,
I'm so sorry, this is not gonna work, and he
was like so confused. I never gave him any reason

(31:18):
of anything until all of a sudden I popped out
like how I look now, And then all of my
past boyfriends are like, oh, did you see Nanny?

Speaker 3 (31:26):
Did you see Nanny?

Speaker 17 (31:27):
Like da da da da, you know, And then I
was going by the name Nia. So it's this thing
on like TikTok Or's like what's your stud name? What's
your real name?

Speaker 4 (31:35):
Yeah?

Speaker 13 (31:35):
Oh well yeah, my real name is Nia. Loved my
name Nia, but.

Speaker 17 (31:42):
My sister, my younger sister, started calling me Nanny as
a young age, and that was kind of like my
family nickname. But now that I've kind of grown into
like who I am today, I just feel like Nanni
is more fitting.

Speaker 13 (31:54):
For who I am right now.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 17 (31:56):
So, you know, it's so funny when like my past words,
oh do you see Nia, like you see what she
looks like now? Like ah, and then like them taking
it personally like it was about them, and it's like, no, dude,
like it was all about me.

Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, this is just my truth.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
But yeah, well I I have not this is my
first time meeting you, so I don't know what you
look like when you were at Spellman, but my producers
have sent me a picture.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Yeah, so I am going to pull up the picture.

Speaker 17 (32:22):
So funny day people like will scroll on my Instagram
page and go all the way down and like tag
people like do you see this?

Speaker 13 (32:29):
This is I'm like, hey, guys, I'm right here. I
can see all your comments.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
This is not this is not no wow, I was
a cute girl. Yeah, like completely, I know.

Speaker 13 (32:48):
It's so funny.

Speaker 17 (32:49):
People to this day will literally still send me one
of my old pictures in the DM. Wow, if they're
sending it to someone else, like I'm like.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
Hey, cot to be a messy Yeah yeah, I mean yeah,
you were finding you find You're beautiful, beautiful either way.
But I mean haven't gotten to Clark, Like I know
this aka you.

Speaker 17 (33:13):
Know, like I know the Freshman Year pageant, I was
running from Miss Freshman.

Speaker 13 (33:18):
Wow, I was first attendant. It's like second place.

Speaker 17 (33:22):
But then again, I was still like in my tomboyish
ways for the talent portion, I was doing tyepkwon dope. Yeah,
like being niggas ass like yeah moors, like you know
on a sports bra the bus down, you know what
I'm saying. Yeah, you know, like the dudes were like
I'd rather see the splits and the dancer.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Yeah yeah, guys.

Speaker 17 (33:41):
You vote for the splits of the dancers, but no Sha,
But you know, like, well what when you see when
you see this girl, what do you think?

Speaker 5 (33:48):
I mean?

Speaker 17 (33:49):
I see like a beautiful, thriving, confident woman, Like I
don't like fear away or shut that part of me
because like like literally seeing myself like that, I'm just like, wow,
like you are so diverse. I'm so diverse and who

(34:11):
I am and everything of who I could be and
what God has made me to be. And that was
just my journey in my time. And you know, like
and I made it look good.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
And when you see this girl, what do you think?

Speaker 18 (34:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Who I am? Honestly the camera.

Speaker 13 (34:30):
That was cute that you did that.

Speaker 17 (34:32):
Yeah, you know it is like when I look in
the mirror and like look at myself and I'm like wow, like.

Speaker 13 (34:38):
How far you have come?

Speaker 17 (34:41):
Because with my story, I literally went from twenty inch
bus down like in heels that AKA girl, to all
of a sudden posting on Instagram with you know, like
my hair kind of like half a pap down more
like like boyish clothes, and then like casually like cutting

(35:03):
my hair so it's like a shorter like curl, to
like my stages of where I am now with a
fade and without explaining anything to anybody, Like I didn't say, hey, guys,
I'm thinking about doing this now and kind of giving
like a preface or a disclaimer.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
I just did it.

Speaker 17 (35:21):
And it's just like wow, the audacity that I had
to do that, especially being in a sorority.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
You know, and like what did your line since the say.

Speaker 17 (35:31):
Yeah, so my lion sisters, my profits have It's been
a blessing, like everyone has been so supportive of me
and still embraced me because it's a sisterhood regardless. And
I can only say that from like in my circle
for what I know. You know, people have their thoughts
and things to say, like behind my back, and I

(35:53):
was raised on whatever someone has to say about you
is just none of your business. So I stay in
my circle, in my love, and I've been blessed that
my sorty sisters like have embraced me from the jump,
like even now, like when I'll maybe like have gone
viral because I'm at my my profight's wedding right and
it's a tradition with akas that you have to hold

(36:15):
hands and we sing our songs, and you know, I'm
like I have it's the back of my head. So
you see the spade and this tux and so on
like TikTok, and everybody's like, you know, who's that man
in the circle like your husband, Oh, I didn't know
AKA was doing that now, you know, saying all the
weird stuff. And to my defense every single time, are

(36:35):
my profights and my line sisters and my NEOs Like, yeah,
that's not the boss like giving us type it.

Speaker 13 (36:44):
It's honestly like that's the circle that I embraced.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
And your parents.

Speaker 17 (36:49):
Yeah, so my parents now, like they're my biggest fans,
especially especially like my mom has literally like uplifted me
on a pedestal. Now, it's funny because it's taken a
long time coming.

Speaker 19 (37:03):
Your best set of friends are going to be the
friends that don't do what you do, don't go where
you go, and don't want what you have.

Speaker 3 (37:08):
Those are gonna be your best set of friends.

Speaker 19 (37:10):
I have the same five friends for my entire life
through force to care and everything. Like literally my same
five friends. That's what I have now. Like I said,
do I love my hip hop sisters?

Speaker 3 (37:21):
Absolutely?

Speaker 11 (37:22):
Do?

Speaker 3 (37:22):
I support them absolutely?

Speaker 19 (37:24):
Some of them we have grown into a more mature friendship.
But when we were younger and we were very competitive.
The companies don't allow you to do that. Management doesn't
allow you to do that. Oh, boyfriends don't allow you
to do that. Other friends don't allow you to do that.
So what happens is you waste a lot of time,
energy and resources trying to make that happen when that's

(37:48):
not a possibility. Now, people can say what they want
to say about Rock, Sante and Chante, but one thing
they could say, she the motherfucking truth and people have
a hard time living alive when the truth is in
the room.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
But can I want to push back on this a
bit because it's your life experience, which I of course
understand and respect, but I have to say personally, I
mean maybe news is different than hip hop. Of course, absolutely,
But I don't know where I would be in my
career without my close friends who we yes, sometimes we
are competitors, but they are my sister.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
It's like we shared.

Speaker 3 (38:17):
Are they on the show with you?

Speaker 2 (38:18):
They happen?

Speaker 3 (38:19):
Yeah, I'm saying, like they do the same thing you do.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
So my Angela Rise.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
One of my closest friends, Jamail Hills, one of the
clothes joy Ane Read. One of my closest friends, Sunny
Houston on the View. One of my closest friends. Like
we are a tight crew, Carrie Champion, Jamil Hill, like
all of us, we are all in the same industry.
We share salary information. If somebody invites us to speak,
we say, this is how much this person paid me.
And if they're not paying you, that much they need
to if somebody needs to be put on somewhere. We

(38:45):
travel every I mean, I just cannot imagine my life
without being able to turn to them and tell.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
You that news is absolutely different.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
But when you were.

Speaker 6 (38:54):
Talking about, say, female rap is a little bit more
competitive than journalism, but.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
I don't journals is very competitive.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
But I want to say, because what you were talking about,
you were like, the industry doesn't allow man.

Speaker 19 (39:07):
So when I say the industry and when I say management,
when it comes to female rappers, they are always going
to be pitted against each other because they're only going
to allow it to be one female rapper at a time.
Now we have a few at a time, because I
am so thankful that we are now in a position
where we make our own business decisions, where we control
more of the management, where we control the company, where

(39:28):
people are doing more independent so there is more say so.
But when it first started out, it was like, literally,
you're over here, she's over here. You two guys don't
talk to each other for the main reason of what
you said, which is not to share information because they win.

Speaker 3 (39:44):
Nobody knows.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
Nobody knows if one artist doesn't tell another artist about
publishing and writers and how important that is.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Right then you don't know.

Speaker 19 (39:53):
So they're getting publishing checks and you're not getting publishing checks.
They're getting royalty checks. You're not getting royalty checks because
you don't know. You're talking about someone that comes into
the industry as a child.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
And you're learning as you go along.

Speaker 19 (40:05):
Now in journalism, and this is to say that did
you start when you were fourteen?

Speaker 3 (40:11):
Were you on TV Witheen fifteen? Yeah, so you started
when you were fifteen.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
I'd like home early too.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
Who handed your contracts?

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Well, at that time, I didn't have contracts. I came
up through an ABJ National Association of Black Journalists. So
I left home when I was sixteen and figured things
out for myself. I didn't get to the point of
my career where I needed like agents and lawyers until
I was like in my late twenties.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
Okay, so I'm out there.

Speaker 19 (40:35):
So now, female rappers sometimes the point of their career
is starting to change.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
When they're in their late twenties.

Speaker 19 (40:44):
So now all of that time before then, from sixteen
to your late twenties, when you first started getting lawyers
and you first started getting contracts, and you first started
seeing that a female rapper has been out here bussing
her ass from every moment all the way up until
that point. Now in her late twenties, she's trying to
figure out, Okay, what am I supposed to do with

(41:04):
life from this point on?

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Because the heat from then is not the same.

Speaker 19 (41:09):
Now because it's a certain and I don't care what
rapper it is, it goes, it goes from a certain
amount of time to a certain amount of time. Then
you must transition into what is going to be your
next face.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
Yeah, you see what I mean.

Speaker 19 (41:22):
So for you, when you started at fifteen and you said, okay,
well I was under this and this is what I
was doing, and it didn't get to that point till
my late twenties, a female rapper wait till her late twenties.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
It may be over, but I guess the thing is
when when a door was open for me, I'm holding
it on. I'm like, come on y'all home, like come
in here. I want I want to share that success
with people. I just it would be lonely for me,
and it hurts me that it. You know, I know
you have friends who you've had forever, but I would
love for like all these female rappers because everything you're saying,

(41:54):
the industry won't allow it. It's like, at the end
of the day, that's the white man's money, you know,
and the white man is protecting his money. Like we
operate under a different set of rules than the oppressor's rules.
And as long as they're dividing us saying no, you
can't rock with this one, or if you as long
as you're letting a man come between, there is something
magical that happens when black women come together.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
Oh no, it's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
So I don't like the idea that.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
We can't be in the same genre and be genuine
friends and look.

Speaker 6 (42:21):
Out, I could eave the no shade, but that's I mean.
But that's what it is. Though, that's what.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
It really be. And I feel like.

Speaker 6 (42:28):
You could be one way, but majority is a different way.
So it's like, you're not going to force yourself to
want to be around certain people and I just I'm
not one of those people.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
So how does it change? Though?

Speaker 1 (42:39):
If you know, it's something like somebody has to be
the one to say no, sis, I'm here for you
to support you.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
That'll be cute if it changed.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
But but aren't we that changed, you know, as women
in whatever genre.

Speaker 4 (42:50):
I'm gonna tell you, like, when you think about it,
when you think about it now, Okay, I share my
platform with everyone, Yes, and even coming up, I've always
shared my platform with everyone. Not I have not had
the ability or the choice during that time to share
it with women.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
I haven't tried the Koran.

Speaker 8 (43:19):
I haven't tried Buddha, I haven't tried rose courts. But
I know with trying Jesus, that is what I've seen
the results from.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
So I can't judge any other experience but my own.
Coming to you on this.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Because I'm curious you haven't tried those things, and I
wonder would you have a similar experience with the Koran?
Would you have a similar experience with you know, if
you focus just on the Old Testament, you know.

Speaker 8 (43:42):
And it's just experience and where it comes from, and
the I think I look up facts too. I'm trying
to learn. I'm marri to the fact. Sure I don't
know like Christianity and I'm still learning that. But I
think it's also a face component. I don't they say
when you breathe, you're breathing in oxygen. I have never
looked that up. I just believe that every time I
take a breath, I am going to inhale and still

(44:03):
be here.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Well there, So that comes to you because a lot
of people say, I can't see the air, but I'm
still breathing and I can't see the Lord.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
It don't stop me from believing, you know.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
Yeah, but so much of what.

Speaker 1 (44:16):
She's saying is so much of what people in my
life who are rooted in faith. It grounds their existence
in something, It defines their life. And I think that
is why I believe in something, And I just wonder
what is life like when you believe in nothing? Yeah, well,
there are things that I believe in. There's definitely things
I believe in.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 18 (44:36):
I believe in integrity. I believe in honesty. I believe
in doing good things for people. So I believe in kindness. Yeah.
I believe in including humanity in any way, shape or form.
So if your next question is going to be about morality,

(44:57):
which I know that.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
Not necessarily morality, but more.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
You know. Okay, It's like when you are in the
autumn or winter of your years and you're facing the
end of your time, do you have an idea or
concept about what happens next. Sure, and if something, if
your health starts to feel like are you just okay,
I accept this or are you praying to something? Are
you you know, hoping for something?

Speaker 5 (45:20):
So what I'm what I'm doing in the twilight of
my years is going to be cementing and fomenting and
fostering all of the relationships with the people that are
right here on this planet right now.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
And what do you think happens?

Speaker 18 (45:35):
And the worms you're going to eat me mm hmm,
I'm going to go back to the earth.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
So you think the socause like you're my your thoughts,
you know, like that's the brain body.

Speaker 18 (45:48):
The brain will decay in the skull as you as
your body decays, and you'll just cease to exist, will
cease to exist in this form. So there are like
I say, we are made out of nitrogen. That's the
stuff of stars, right, So all of the things that
create that that I that made me in this form

(46:12):
of life, I will just change and be back to
the particles.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Of you know, And I think that's a that's a
that's fair.

Speaker 18 (46:24):
I don't need to you know, go up to to
another realm because I know we're quickly destroying the planet.
But while this planet still is a beautiful place, I say,
let's enjoy it. Let's we're at a we're at you know,

(46:47):
we're all on this planet at the same time.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
It's a beautiful place. Don't don't fuck it up for
other people at the party.

Speaker 20 (46:55):
Growing up around so many amazing Biblical scholars who live
such clean lines, and I've seen them live clean lives.
You know what I'm saying, to move to this city,
you know, transfering schools. Meet him out a car wash.
We're having a conversation actually about ministry, about what my

(47:15):
parents went through when they got divorced in twenty twenty
and I'm looking for a new church home and he's like, well,
come to my church.

Speaker 3 (47:22):
And I'm like, okay, cool, this is great.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
And because he's also in of the finance space, I
would always inquire just knowledge about funding for you know,
a business. How do you get not necessarily loans, but
how do you get an investor to invest in your
type of conversations. And it came around to the top
of twenty twenty three, where I was finishing up school

(47:47):
at the fundraise to finish my senior year. The fun
finished my senior year and I reached out just to
see if they would donate. They did, but then throughout
that semester there were so many inappropriate things that were
said or like comments, And at first I would like,
bypass it, not even think too much about it. They
would like scroll up on my picture and oh, so pretty,

(48:10):
oh gorgeous, You're doing such a great job.

Speaker 20 (48:12):
And I'm like, okay, they're just being supportive, until one
day it's you're you're so fine, and I was like, yeah,
like the director scratched if he married?

Speaker 3 (48:22):
He is married? Is married? Yes, he's married.

Speaker 4 (48:25):
And so when you said this, I changed the conversation
and I'm like, well, I'm glad you reached out because
you know, I would love to have your opinion on
my business plan because I'm trying to get an investor
to invest in my beauty company and my passion business.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
You know, investers don't really do that.

Speaker 20 (48:38):
Whatever they have you and they said, you know what,
if you want some advice or some information, here's my email,
send it here.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
But I'd rather just sponsor you. And I was like, oh,
so you want to sponsor the business.

Speaker 20 (48:50):
I love that the shareholder you want to finish all
the increase here my financial projections, Like, I was really
focused on this possess, you know, because that's what I'm
for and you've been a mentor to me in this space,
so let's keep it there. And they went into a
conversation about how they've been waiting two years to have
this conversation with me, that they've been attracted to me

(49:11):
since they met me.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
This is a man, this is a man, A married man.
Yes man, I'm a married man that have to be
in a minister.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
Yes man.

Speaker 20 (49:20):
And so if I fast forward and I don't do
anything with this person, there was no sexual engagement, no misconduct,
no conversations to that degree. But it made me so
uncomfortable that this person you know who I am, you
know where I live, you know who my parents are.
Now you you've invited me to your house of worship

(49:45):
and I don't even feel comfortable going there. So now
I'm trying to as an adult, I'm trying to find
my place in a new city where I don't know anybody,
and now I don't want to part right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
What I find interesting about your story, Naya, is you
were violated as a child, you know, with with within
your church community. And now as a young adult, you
know this married pastor like it is violating your space. Again,
this has to sound familiar to you having married somebody

(50:22):
who was pimping in the pulpit. As we say, forgive
the expression, but the pain that that brings, you know,
like it's bookended in just inappropriate behavior and pain. And
so this is why I asked the people tuning it
at home. You know, when we talk about as black people,
when we talk about the Black church, it has such

(50:42):
credo for us.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
It's such a sensitive subject.

Speaker 8 (50:44):
You know.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
One Black folks don't like you talking about our business publicly.
You know, it's you know, like sweep that under the rug.
We don't need to talk about that. And it's been
too much of that, you know, this is why we
have to have these conversations. So I feel it necessary
to pause here and just say to anybody out there,
especially children, under age children, if someone anyone, it doesn't
matter if they're in church or not, if someone anyone

(51:06):
is making you feel uncomfortable, on touching you inappropriately, saying
something to you inappropriately, looking at you wrong, where you
feel inappropriately or where you feel inappropriate or uncomfortable. Tell
and tell and tell and tell and tell until somebody
believes you. If you tell one person, they don't handle
it properly, then you tell another person and you keep
telling until somebody rescues you makes you feel safe. First

(51:29):
and foremost, enough of this, let's sweep been under the
rug and let's not talk about it. Yeah, I believe
you when you say your parents did the best that
they could. But the reality is, with respect to your parents,
because I'm not a parent, I imagine there had to be
a difficult situation for them, But the realities they failed you.
You know, they did not make you feel safe. And
you can love your parents and meet them with grace.
I love how you, you know, do that and say

(51:52):
they did what they thought was best for me, and
I believe that. But as a child you, I just
wanted to, like, you know, picture six year old you
and just hold you and pull you out of that
space because the assaults that you suffered after that and
the psychological damage after that had to be a lot
for you to carry. And still so, just speaking to

(52:15):
your humanity, how are you today? And how's the relationship
with your parents' day?

Speaker 4 (52:19):
But first, how are you I am okay, I'm in
therapy good. And I made sure that that was something
that I did because for a very long time, I
got into this mindset where it's like I could take
everything to the Lord in prayer.

Speaker 20 (52:35):
I'm fine, I'm good, I'm going to perform well. I'm
gonna do well.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
I'm gonna overcome the blod of the lamb.

Speaker 20 (52:41):
In the world of my testimony, I've quoted all the scriptures,
I've done all the things.

Speaker 3 (52:46):
And when I.

Speaker 20 (52:47):
Found myself like self medicating, when I found myself suicidal,
when I found myself not feeling comfortable in my skin
as a woman, when I found myself questioned, it was like,
maybe this is maybe I need to go talk to
somebody some things. It is like, you stay home, you

(53:10):
get abused, You go out, you get abused. Every foster
family I've been with abused me in some kind of way,
except my last forster mom. It was just her and
me and a few other foster kids. And that's why
I say I'm from Queen's Miss Jones. I was the
first like stable household I was in, and I got
there at thirteen, and that's where I aged out from.

Speaker 3 (53:35):
I was there from thirteen to eighteen.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
So for five years you have stability.

Speaker 4 (53:39):
Yeah, she was strict, but I craved structure, of course. Yeah,
so her being strict for me, I was like, this
is what it's supposed to feel like.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
So I didn't buck back on that.

Speaker 4 (53:49):
I mean I did teenage things, you know, like turning
my clock back when I'm supposed to be an eleven,
I turned it back to ten and be like, oh no,
my wife says she said this clock says elect.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (54:00):
So, but but I craved structure, so for me, that
was good. I always loved school. I always was, you know,
into my books and stuff like that, and her making
me do that wasn't was something I wished I had anyway.

Speaker 1 (54:15):
So I feel ashamed that I never knew this story
about you. The only way I found out that you
grew up in the foster care system is because the
concept for this show I was telling Tays is, you know,
you know how we were young and you sit around
your grandmother's table, and I want to bring that sentiment
back from when you're little and you know, have this

(54:35):
elder woman taking care of you, and your aunts come
over and Tay said to me why I grew up
in foster care, so no about that. It was my
first time hearing that, and I'm so grateful to you
for hearing your story here. And I'm also I've always
loved you and I always been impressed with you, but
now knowing all of this, because you have such a

(54:56):
an infectious spirit of giving and kind and we were
just with your grandbaby hanging in Atlanta, and so I'm
just so impressed that you survived that and that God
answers your prayers and delivered you from a situation where
you were being hurt.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
I want to bring you in the conversation.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
Before our boohoo cry over here with face, but that
is just a heartbreaking story. And I'm thinking about the
nearly ninety thousand black children, but the hundreds of thousands
of innocent children who could be facing similar circumstances.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
So tell me your story. So my story.

Speaker 10 (55:31):
I've always had child protective services in my life from
the time that I can remember, for my siblings, and
I was always like kind of like the norm that
somebody who's gonna check in, how are you doing? And
then you get the whole run down. You're fine, nothing
happened to you, you feil, you hit your head. But
that started to become like continuous, and it wasn't until

(55:51):
my father moved us away from our family. And at
this time, I was about nine years old, and he
moved us about like forty five minutes away from all
of our family and everything, and that's when the abuse
just got very It was consistent, like almost every day,
and it became worse, and it got to the point
where it was like every day it was like we
didn't know if that was going to be our last.

(56:11):
And as children, I was confused. But I also have
four younger siblings, so they looked at me as almost
like their parental figure. But as a nine year old girl,
I don't even know what to do myself. So I
found myself like kind of running away to school as
my safety net. I used to try to get involved
in everything, so whether it was dance, cheerleading, if it

(56:32):
was bothering the teachers all hours of the day, because.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
I was running away from being home.

Speaker 10 (56:37):
But it got to the point where my father just
became very aggressive, and it was one of those things
where you didn't know if it was going to be
a great day. You didn't know if it was like
maybe okay day, or if it was just going to
be really bad. So I would say the last couple
of months that I was with my biological parents, it
was the beatings were extremely bad, physical beatings, mental, emotional.

(57:00):
I also experienced molestation growing up, so it was just
a lot of things that I was trying to run
away from but also trying to seek help, but I
didn't know where to go.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
I didn't know what that outlook was.

Speaker 10 (57:11):
So I blamed my biological mother a lot because I
just couldn't understand, like, as a mother, how could you
allow your children to be put through so much harm?
And it was one of those things where one day
I just made the phone call. I called nine one one,
and I remember being in the closet and I remember
just crying and crying and crying, and my sisters locked
the door so that way her parents didn't get in.

(57:33):
And I called and I was like, you guys need
to come to the house. He's beating us. He's beating us.
And then that same day the phone court line got
cut and from there they sent out investigators. They came
to the house, but at this point we had a
number of open cases so it was to the point
where they did their check, they looked around and they
were like, okay, everything is fine. So at that point

(57:54):
I was I just felt hopeless because I'm like, how
many times do I have to call or does a
teacher have to report that they a bruise or that
something is not right with these children before somebody actually
steps in. So that's where a lot of my resentment
for the child welfare system started to come in.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
So I'm happy that you're healthy and feeling better. Now
do you still have any issues at all?

Speaker 7 (58:15):
Oh? No, all that went away, even gird like acid reflex,
Like you really don't realize how much your weight affects,
like your everyday life until you actually lose weight.

Speaker 3 (58:25):
So I don't have any of those problems anywhere medically.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
Yeah, so the surgery worked for you. It is okay, good. Yeah,
Now you did not have any kind of surgery. You
just look fabulous on your own. Is that what I'm
to understand.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
But it's a lot of work.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
Yes.

Speaker 21 (58:38):
So there's this great scene I love if you've ever
seen The forty year Old Virgin, where he looks in
the camera and says, this takes a lot of work.

Speaker 4 (58:45):
Yes, that's what I've found, and as I've grown older,
it takes even more work. Yeah, So it really has
to be a priority, so that when you're planning your day,
the workouts have to be in there. If you're going
out to eat with your friends, you look at the
menu in advance so that you can start thinking about it.
So I find that it's just taken more wark to
look good with aging.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Now, were you overweights?

Speaker 1 (59:06):
Yes, okay, significantly overweights. Do you mind sharing how much
weight you lost?

Speaker 21 (59:11):
I've lost thirty five okay, but I've done it very slowly,
so it's not as noticeable except for folks who haven't
seen me in a long time.

Speaker 3 (59:18):
Yeah, because it took me almost two years.

Speaker 10 (59:20):
To do it.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:21):
And so for me, the impetus was COVID when we
were all hunkered down talking about cooking.

Speaker 21 (59:27):
So I grew up in Mississippi where food is love. Yeah,
and we all hunkered down in Mississippi and we were
cooking daily. We had four generations all under one roof,
and to keep everybody healthy, we didn't go out, we
didn't mix a lot, but what we did do was
cook and bake cakes, pies. We were baking and cooking,
and so by the end of COVID it showed.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
So you were baking and cooking across generations. Ah, I
love it.

Speaker 1 (59:55):
So that's interesting because I think a lot of people
during COVID a lot of weight gain happened. I mean
they basically said, go stock up on food and stay
in the house, you know, yes, yeah, And then people,
you know, when we came back outside, it was like, oh,
I have to get it together. You know, there is
something and this is listen for all of you all

(01:00:16):
tuning in at home.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
This is no judgment.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
However, you choose to feel good about yourself and be healthy,
we salute it. But I do think it says something
about our culture that in America, specifically the standard American
diet it's literally sad, sad, that's.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
What they call the standard American diet sad.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
And the amount of processed foods we consume that impacts
our health and our weight. I know, for me, I
don't want to say because I'm not endorsing any pill
or any brand, but I recently started taking a pill
that is supposed to help with weight loss, and every

(01:00:56):
day I feel a little nauseous.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
It's just like and.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
Then when I first started taking it, I felt like
it was like I had the stomach flu. For like
three or four days, I was no good and I
was just thinking is it worth looking good and feeling bad?

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
Like I just don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
At some point my body regulated, but it has changed
how I consume food, like that itch I have for
like salt or sugar, cause I can take both.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
It just kind of went away.

Speaker 1 (01:01:24):
The thought of drinking alcohol is like, look, I can't
have alcohol now. I am concerned though about the long
term impact of some of these things. So I'm navigating my.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
Own weight loss. The biggest success I found to be.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
However, y'all doing it is to you, But what I
found works best is not eating a lot of processed food,
working out consistently you have to burn more calories than
you consume, and just making responsible choices. There is no
magic way, you know do it. Yeah, So I take
your point that it's work, and I do think the
older you get, like I do feel my body, I

(01:01:59):
felt layering to body, you know, the older I get,
and it's really metabolism slows, yes, yes, yeah, And I
just it's a it's an interesting terrain to navigate as
your you know, because I eat my emotions. So sometimes
it's like I had an amazing day, I deserve this,
or I had a rough day, I deserve this, or

(01:02:22):
I had a regular day. So my meal is gonna
be my exciting thing. I deserve this, you know. Across
Generations is brought to you by Wilpacker and Wilpacker Media
in partnership with iHeart Podcast I'm Your Host and executive
producer Tiffany d Cross from Idea to Launch Productions executive
producer Carla willmeris produced by Mandy Bee and Angel Forte, Editing,

(01:02:43):
sound design and mixed by Gaza Forte. Original music by
Epidemic Sound Video editing by Kathan Alexander and Court Meeting