Nate Deen: The Teacher Who Saved My Life (Pt 2)

As a 6 year old, Nate saw his parents die right before his eyes. He was living out of his car and then in prison, until his English teacher Stan Deen decided to try to save his life. This extraordinary story is the subject of Angel Studios’ latest film Brave the Dark, which is in theaters now.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, everybody, it's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks.
And we continue now with part two of our conversation
with Nate Dean and Derek Deaner. Right after these brief
messages from our general sponsors.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
I moved from Foster Home to Foster Home back in
the seventies. It wasn't like, you know, every kid got
adopted and it was a wonderful story and you could
stay there. You know, I don't even know that they like,
they have record of me being there, and they have
a record of me leading there, but they don't know
there's no other information about visitors or anyone coming to

(00:52):
visit me or any of that.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
So I remember being at the orphanage and you know,
having to meet with accounts, which I didn't I didn't
even know what that meant. Yeah, I didn't even know
what that meant, like and six and seven and eight,
you know, because I wasn't talking, and I remember, you know,
going into an office and they're like, you're going to
talk to this guy. He's a nice guy, and you know,
having no understanding of what I was talking, you know,

(01:18):
or you know, even there for and he would pull
out this Hershey, candy bar and and he would always
try to offer me like, hey, just say my name
is Nate or you know, you know what is my
You just say something and I'll give you a piece
of candy. It was like this bribery of like I
had to give him something in order to get something.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Were you talking to yourself in your head? Yes, yes,
you ask you. You were conversing, just not with anybody else. Correct.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Physically the words wouldn't come out.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
You couldn't make them. I couldn't make them. I could, really,
so when that you didn't want to talk you literally
physically physiologically, it.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Was both I nothing to say because I didn't even
know what was going on, and I physically couldn't even
push words out.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
I could.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
I mean, I meane sounds or a giggle or a cry,
but it.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
Was never words.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
It was never like you know, I remember a lot
of the kids at the orphanage spoke for me. You know,
they saw that, oh, he likes pizza, or he likes
a hamburger, he likes a hot dog, or he doesn't
like mustard. And they would like if someone said, you know,
do you want a hamburger or a hot dog? They'd say, oh,
give him a hot dog, and so I didn't have
to speak, you know, because they kind of learned, Like that's.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Kids are kind of sweet. Kids are very.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Resilient, and they understand and and and the orphan is
they there's a lot of like, you know, you want
to get adopted, so you do whatever you can to
make yourself look better than the next. But there's also
a lot of resilience and like they kind of understand
that we're all in this together and we're going to
help each other in whatever way.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Does that really happen? Yeah, I mean that's that's I'm
really honest. Think another kid stepping up is almost saying
he's not gonna talk with making him talk, but give
them a hot dog and he likes ketchup not mustard,
and we're gonna move on from here. It's almost kind
of like Big Brother in it a little bit. Yeah.

(03:15):
I find that sweet in a weird way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
And then you know, being in first or second grade,
I don't even remember what it was, but I remember,
you know, having to go to school and like, you know,
the teacher, the teacher knew that I didn't talk, you know,
but I still had to to write down things. I
still had to take tests and things which I could do,
but I didn't care about it. I didn't do very good.
And so again, just now I'm growing up going nobody

(03:42):
cares for me, nobody loves me. At the orphanage, there
wasn't Christmas and birthdays like you get, you know when
you're with parents and grant.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
You know.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
I didn't get a lot of things. Even in the
movie we talk about what do you get, Well, we
got underwearing clothes, like things that a kid needs to survive,
not things that they, you know, should get because they're
a child.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
I didn't get toys. I didn't We shared everything, so
if there was a bicycle outside, every kid had a
turn on it and it wasn't my turn. So I
didn't have a bike. I didn't have toys. I didn't
have those things.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
Did you have hope?

Speaker 2 (04:15):
No, But I think as a kid, you don't even
understand hope.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Did you think about all right? When I was in
second grade, I lettered in six sports in high school.
I don't think I was really good in any of them.
All right. My athletic director called me a triathlete because
I'd try anything that's awesome. But even in second grade,
when we'd been through divorce number two, man, I couldn't

(04:48):
wait for baseball practice. That was my outlet. Yeah, I
loved it. So I had maybe not hope, but things
excited me and I had expectations things were there were
at least things that I could find to immerse myself
in and make me happy. Did you even have that
a little bit?

Speaker 2 (05:07):
Because I started to become friends with some of the
other kids, You.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Know, would you talk to them quietly? Not really really.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
No, it was a lot of shrugs and yes and no.
There was a little girl there that I would talk to,
but very like I wouldn't even say talk to, but just.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
We were able to communicate her.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
She was actually the talker. She just talked to her
like she would just keep gowing, like you know, well,
I's setting you up for marriage.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
I mean she.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
She would just talk and talk and talk until I
didn't need to talk, and she entertained me. And I think,
you know, it's not featured in the movie because it's
just too many things, but one of the cool scenes
is that wow sad things is that she I remember
walking into the office one day thinking I had to
go meet a counselor, and I see her in front
of two other people to adult.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
She's cried.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
She was adopted, she was getting adopted, and she just
ran over and she hugged me and she said, I'm
so sorry I have to go. And I don't think
she even wanted to go, But you know, she was
probably also happy that she was getting a family of
her own.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
There's one of the squirrels up a tree. Have you
kept up with any anybody from them? No? Do you
know that you knew where they were?

Speaker 2 (06:21):
They don't reveal those names and things. I only ever
knew kind of first names. And who knows. Maybe through
the movie someone will reach out and say that they're
that you're saying to I don't know. In some ways, yes,
in some ways, you know, I think of her being happy.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
I think of her and those kids.

Speaker 2 (06:42):
Having wonderful lives, and I would hate for them to
find me and say, oh, it's been a mess.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
You know, I'm a drug addict. I'm living on the streets.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Who knows where they could be, you know, And so
in my mind they're in a good place.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Because the unfortunate reality is that's very likely in some
of those cases.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yeah, and I I do think that the place we
stayed really did try to do a good job at that.
But the seventies were a hard time. There weren't as
many rules and things that they have nowadays with young people.
But so then I just remember her leaving me too.
I remember her getting in the car and driving away,
and that's when I first spoke. I yelled as she went,

(07:20):
don't leave me. And everyone just looked at me, like,
oh my gosh, he's talking, and I kind of started
slowly talking again.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
But I was just devastated. I mean, it's devastated. The
irony that the trauma of leaving your losing your closest
frund is what made you speak finally after trauma of
losing your family is just twisted, honestly. Yeah, okay, very quickly,

(07:49):
in our story, as revelled in cinema, we find you
sleeping in a car in high school, clearly homeless, but
going to high school acting as if you're just this
kid in high school. Somewhere between this orphanage and that point,

(08:12):
what's lost there just briefly, yeah, just bounced around from
foster parent to foster parent. Do you know how many
of you lived in h five or six. I had
a football player for me that lived in seventeen foster
homes before safteenth birthday. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Yeah, they always found a reason to say, hey, we
just can't have this.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Kid anymore and take you back. How angry were you? Angry?

Speaker 2 (08:38):
I didn't trust adults because at first they love you,
but then you find out like they don't really love you,
they're not really taking care of you, you know, and
later in life you find out that they were getting money,
so security money, but I was wearing shoes that were
way too tight, like I should have had new shoes,
but I didn't. Just all the things that you know,
add up, and so you grow up fifteen and sixteen

(09:01):
and you're just like, well, especially at like fourteen thirteen,
fourteen fifteen, I was angry. I felt that the world
owed me. I was I was mad at God. I
hated everybody, didn't want to do anything, could care less
about school.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
About life.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
And I decided, like, I'm going to get a job
because back then you could, you know, get written papers
so you could work. And so I worked at a
Wendy's and at fifteen, I think it was and for
a year I saved as much money as I could.
I saved every penny that I made. And the day
I bought a car, and it was the dumbest car

(09:35):
I could have bought. I bought a Camaro in nineteen
seventy Camaro.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Right, let me tell you something, right in nineteen eighty
four or five, I'm doing the math. That's got to
be close to my baby three. A Camaro wasn't very dumb.
That was that was pretty slick.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
It was a really cool car, and I felt like
it would help my my like because I didn't have
a lot of friends, and I thought, well, maybe the
girls like it. You know, I'd let my hair grow
into them all at all the things. And I actually
we were like six inches. So I went from like
being this nerdy kid to like, oh my gosh, this
guy's cool. He's got a mullet, you know, he's thin.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
He's in sports.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
But anyway, I got that car in literally that day,
I like signed it, you know, got that car and
ran away, packed just very few things into a garbage
bag because that's what I had do it in the
trunk of the Camaro, and ran away and no one,
no one never came looking for me.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
That's my question. Were you in the same high school
after that as you were before that? Did you change
high school Snoop, That is not really explained well in
the movie. But as I was watching it, I'm thinking,
hold it. He didn't run away and changed schools. He

(10:50):
ran away and stayed in the same school. How in
the hell is somebody not saying something's not right here
in these quote to your parents, when you hauled and
didn't change school, it wouldn't have been very hard to
find you. You're in the same school. Correct. Yeah, they
didn't care.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
They didn't come looking for me because they just got
that Social Security check.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
Which just reinforced your entire notion that the world's against
you and nobody gives it about you. Correct, because they
didn't correct in reality. Correct. We'll be right back.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
And so I'm, you know, trying to stay at friend's house,
like I didn't live in my car for two years
every night, you know, you know, yeah back then, like
you'd go to a friend's house for like four days, yeah,
you know, in.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
The summer or even longer.

Speaker 2 (11:51):
And then if if a parent started going, hey, you know,
let's uh, you know, let's call your mom or let's go.
I say, oh no, I'm just gonna ride my bike
or whatever over and I'll be fine. And so anytime
anyone suspicious about anything, I just lied about it and bolted.
And then I'd stay with another friend. And soon where
I had been working at the Wendy's was actually pretty
far from where I was actually kind of going to school,

(12:13):
and so I, you know, these camaros got like eight
miles of the gallon, and so I couldn't afford to
get the gas, and I wasn't making enough money at
Wendy's to kind of pay for the insurance and all
of those things. And so they Wendy's finally said, hey,
you're not showing up here. You know, you can't work
here anymore. You're kind of fired. And so that was
kind of the downward true directory from there.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
Because I have your car, yeah, money, but.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
No money, and I'm trying to go to school. I
really wanted to go to school because I wanted to
run track. I actually, you know, before I ran away,
I was actually pretty good at it, and the track
coach really was like, you got you gotta run track.
I mean, you're good, you have a potential to really
go far, and so I wanted to go to school,
and so I convinced everybody. I lied to everybody. There

(12:59):
will be people that will watch this show and go,
holy crap. I never even knew that about this kid.
Girlfriends that will say, oh my gosh, we dated for
like six months. How did I not know this? Because
that's what I did. I did whatever I needed to
do to survive. I literally slept in my car and
fields until the farmers would chase me away and say

(13:21):
stop coming back here and parking on my field.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
You know.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
I would find these dark places that nobody cared to look,
and lied to my coaches. I told my coach that
I was so dedicated to running track that I'd love
to run every morning at six thirty to seven thirty
before school started, and he said, well, absolutely you can.
And that afforded me a shower and in there was

(13:45):
a washer and dryer that I would use to wash
my clothes.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
So nobody knew.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Nobody knew until like my clothes started getting tattered because
I couldn't afford new clothes. You know, But I went
to school. I lied to everybody. I lied to my teachers,
my friends.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Nobody knew. Wow, Yeah, so you're alone, you're broke, you're homeless,
you're pissed, all of those things. And unfortunately, while your

(14:23):
story is certainly as traumatic as I've ever heard, those
stories in terms of kids at that age being in
that situation are not so uncommon that I hadn't heard
them before. But I will tell you something that is
universally true about all of them. Those kids are angry

(14:44):
and they look for something to get into to make
them feel better, and it's typically alcohol, drugs, and crap
they shouldn't be into. Is that your story?

Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yep, that's exactly where I went because sadly, the only
people that actually care for me were the kids that
were the bad kids, the ones that were neglected. They
kind of understood a little bit of what I was
going through. You know, I didn't have money.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
It is the crew that is also rolling on Friday
and Saturday night. Yes, Well, because they don't have any
parents looking over them. If correct, If you're seventeen years
old and you got all the there's a reason sixteen
and seventeen year olds have curfews and no freedom. It's
because they're going to screw everything they touch up. Yeah,
and that's what I do, don't have it. You're going

(15:28):
to screw everything you touch up, right.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
And I had a car that need a gas. So
what do I start doing. I start going to businesses
and siphoning gas just so I can keep my car going,
you know, because that's how I got to school. That's
how I tried to get around, tried to get a job,
try to get you know, try to do the things
that a kid's supposed to do. But it's hard to
go to school, run track, and have a job and
live in your car, like just it's it's nearly impossible,

(15:53):
you know. And one of the scenes in the movie is,
you know, I just remember going to this school and
I had four races to do that day and showing
up and running. In the movie, we just show one race,
but I ran four races that day, and I won
four blue ribbons that day.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
I won all of them easily.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
And in the film, you see me just kind of
looking and watching all these other kids with their families,
and they're so proud of them, even though they lost
to me, right, but they're they're proud, and there's no
one there to say congratulations, Nate. You know, we're so
proud of you. You know the coaches did, and but
that's not what you know, a kid looking for love is.

(16:32):
After you know what your coach to be proud of you,
but you would also love to have a parent or
someone that loves you on a daily basis to say, man,
so proud of you, We're so excited for you.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
You know, my freshman year, we were down six nothing
with minute and a half left, and I'm telling you,
it was a gully washer. The field was two inches
of mud. It was raining so hard you could barely
see the coaches on the sideline. I got lucky, somebody
throw a good block and scored a touchdown, tied it
up six six. I kicked the next point. We won seven

(17:04):
to six. Place went crazy nice walking off the field
after the coach, you know, everybody way to go and
taking a knee and everything else. And back then, I
don't even know if kids do it anymore, but you
would put your helmet inside your shoulder pads, so the
face mic was coming up through the neck of the
shoulder pads, and that's how you'd carry your gear off.
And I just remember it did quit raining, but it

(17:29):
was still a filthy mess. And I just remember all
these dads carrying their kids gear, walking off with their
sons on this great comform behind awesome wind, and I
was alone. Yeah. When I saw that scene in the movie,
it was the second time I really identified with you,

(17:51):
and I tear it up. And I gotta be honest
with that. Didn't tear up because of you, A tear
up because of me. Yeah, yeah, because it was very,
very real. I don't know if people that haven't experienced
that can really feel it. I know they can empathize

(18:12):
with it, yeah, but I don't know if they can
feel what it feels like to be a stud, which
you were. Yeah, but and be smiling and everybody patting
me on the back, and you're trying to put on
this face of yeah, I'm good, But in between your years,
you're sitting there saying to yourself, why is it that

(18:34):
I lack so much value that not a single person
wants to stick around in my life long enough to
invest in me? Right?

Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, I mean that's that's exactly how I felt.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
I hope when people watch the movie don't remember that, yeah,
because they need to feel that, because when you ask yourself,
why is this nineteen year old behind bars? Why is
this eighteen year old acting like an Why are all
these kids that grow up in these broken homes? You know?
What is this? How do we quote break the proverbial
chain and all of that mess Until you understand the

(19:13):
trauma that children go through that manifests itself in anger,
I don't think we'll fully understand while we're filling our
prisons up today. Yeah, which is where you ended up?
Tell us that?

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, and so, which I never did, thank god, And
I didn't really want to. I just got in with
the wrong crowd. We were doing drugs all the time.
It was a way for me to kind of get
out of my own head.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
Get out of acid. I was back in the eighties.
It was weird ecstasy, a acid and alcohol yep, yep,
anything that. So did you check all the boxes pretty
much a boy?

Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
And there was a thing called crank back in the.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
Day, and you oh gosh, I mean it was just
bad stuff, you know, And and I didn't want to
do it, but you know, to fit in. You know,
these guys had a place and they're like.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, you can just crash on the couch. So it
was a nice, warm place.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
So you knew if you fit in you kind of
had a place. And there was about four of us
that kind of did that, and it was like every weekend,
that's what we were doing.

Speaker 1 (20:20):
But that's what we got you in jail. No.

Speaker 2 (20:22):
And so one day we just were driving around and
none of us had money, and we all wanted something
and and so we just saw this little electronic store
and just saw it. Man, there's some valuable stuff in there.
We could use a VCR, we could get some of
those movies, we could get some of those things. And
so we broke the window and ran in and grabbed

(20:43):
as much as we could, throw it in the trunk
and took off. And I say this in a weird way,
but I was thankful that somebody saw it.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
At the time, I was not very thankful, not exactly
master thieves.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
No, we thought it was a moment's grab it stupid
seventeen year olds, right, eighteen year olds, And.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
It was very loud, you know, it wasn't like you
were sneaking up on anybody. Yeah, we thought we did
it quick, get away with it, you know.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
But you know, a couple of weeks later, I'm in
my classroom and it's in the film, you know, with
my girlfriend developing some film and stuff in photography, and
all of a sudden, the doors just banged down and
the lights come on. All the imagery is ruined. Everyone's mad,
and in walks a couple of police officers, and in
front of my classmates and my girlfriend, they handcuffed me

(21:38):
and and said you're under arrest. And I just remember
looking at my girlfriend and saying, I'm not a bad guy,
because I didn't believe I was right. I was doing
bad things, but it was to survive, to be honest
with you. It wasn't like I was out destroying things
on purpose, you know, just because I was mad and angry.
Like there was a purpose to get that stuff because
I knew I could sell that stuff and some money,

(22:00):
you know, to survive, to get food, you know. I
found myself so a lot of time, especially in the
in the fall, like eating corn, you know, raw corn
in the morning from a farmer's field, you know, or
tomatoes that I saw on the Like I'd go into
a grocery store and need as many grapes or something that,
you know, people kind of just do for fun. But
I was doing it to live, And so I did

(22:21):
some bad things and especially when you're on drugs and
things and alcohol and you're drunk, you just do stupid things.
And it caught up with me, and in some ways,
I'm so grateful that it did. But it wasn't easy,
because it's easy when you look back, but when you're
going through it, it's like, oh, well, I kind of
deserve where I'm going. And there's an incredible scene in

(22:42):
the movie where, you know, I go to jail and they,
you know, make me strip down and take that photo
of you with the number. And I remember them coming
in and talking to me and say, well, you know
you can make a phone call, you know, you get one.
And it was almost a joke to them, like, you know,
because I kind of think they knew I had no

(23:03):
one to call. I had no one to call, so
I didn't make a call that night to anyone. And yeah,
so then I'm sitting in a jail cell. At the back.
Then it's a Lancaster County prison which looks like a castle.
For some stupid reason that looks like a castle and
there's a little postcard on the inside that says, wish
you were here. Like such stupidity in in like a

(23:28):
jail cell, like, you know, in a jail that isn't
really about rehabilitating people.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
It's just about getting you in and whatever.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
So anyway, I'm sitting there for a couple of days
and I'm realizing that I may not be getting out
of here anytime soon. And I was going to sit
in there until my court date, which was months and
months away. And then the security guard or whatever you
call him, the CEO came over and he's like, you

(23:58):
have a visitor, And I'm like, I have a visitor.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
What are you talking about? I have a visitor. We
will be right back. It's a great time to talk

(24:23):
about the true hero of the story, the hero of
your life. Really, now I'm putting words in your mouth.
I shouldn't say that. I think it's here of your life.
So we're an army of normal folks. That's a show.
We try to produce stuff that's interesting and inspiring and

(24:43):
in your case, and lots of other cases, obviously compelling,
tear jerking, raw and real. Alex and his team do
a great job putting a nice product out every single week.
But the whole emphasis behind the story is that if
we're going to change our culture, it's not going to

(25:06):
be fancy people in New York on TV. And it's
not going to be the people that think they know
better than everybody else because they happen to get more votes. Right,
It's just going to be normal folks. An army of
normal folks.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
That, by the way, an army of normal folks trus us,
because that's what we are.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
What is the world? What could our world look like
if we literally had millions of people across our country
simply normal people, not part of big nngos, not part
of the government, not part of some massify, but just
normal people seeing areas of need in their community and

(25:46):
using their passion for that need and their ability to
help that need. And instead of saying, man, somebody to
do something about that, look in themselves in the mirror
and say, you know what, I'm going to do something
about that. Right. What would our world look like if
we had millions of those? That is the army of

(26:07):
normal folks. And that's what we talk about on the
show Alotte time, as all regular listeners, the thousands of
you out there right now, you're like, yeah, Bill, why
are you saying that? We know that's why we listen
because your story is compelling as it is, and the
movie as awesome as is, and I really do want
you to sell a being tickets And you know, Derek,

(26:29):
I hope you can return up a bunch of money
those forty four people that you dragged out of their pockets. Yes,
but the real reason I was really interested in talking
to you is because I want to talk about your
army member who isn't unassuming, kind of goofy want to
be actor, who didn't make it in California, who came

(26:51):
back just high school teacher and some little school in
Pennsylvania named mister Dean, Right, yep, mister Dean, who, in
my estimation, it's probably the whole reason you're here today.

(27:13):
He wasn't part of anything. He was just going about
his daily life and he saw the need, which was
your life. And to me, that's what the whole movie
is about. Is the movie of Brave the Dark is
a beautiful example of what any single one of us

(27:33):
in this country can do if we just have the
temerity to step across that line and engage. Yeah. Absolutely so.
Tell us about the hero of Brave the Dark.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yeah, the hero of as you meet him, how to engage.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
I want you to regurgitate this man to us because
he should be an inspiration to every single person listened
to us, because all he did was engage. Yes, and
he was.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
This is what I'm excited to talk about. I know,
I know, I know, right right, you have to get
through that darkness.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
Sometimes to see those likes to get to the redemption.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yes, right, But you know he was a teacher at
Gardenspot High School for thirty five years. Rich right, you know, No,
no money, Nope, nope, nope, nope.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
No, you don't have to have a bunch of money
to do something good in the world.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Oh, absolutely not. He did a lot with very little.
I should probably reword that. Even more, he did tremendous
amount with nothing. Uh, he did it with himself as
much as money and anything else.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Before you engaged with him, did you just think he
was one of these goofy old teachers.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Actually, no, it's really interesting. I met him in the
hallway one day. We were just walking past each other,
and I think he questioned a little bit of why
I wasn't in class, but he just said, hey, good morning, Nate.
He even knew my name. I didn't even really know
him at that time. It was before I started going
to class with him. But he even knew of me,
you know, whether it was because I was in track

(29:06):
and I was you know, you know, it was in
the Spartan news you know, newsletter that the school puts out,
but he knew me and that I thought that was
very interesting. And in fact, I took his class because
I heard that he was an.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Easy a because he never class.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
He taught English and like social communications and those kinds
of things.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Speech was a big.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
One, but he he really engaged in his students. He
made you participate in class even if you didn't want to,
but he didn't do it in a way that made
you feel shameful or not not good or smart enough,
like he always encouraged you. And so I took his
class because I needed an A in something other than

(29:51):
gym class because I wasn't.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
Doing very well.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
And I very quickly realized like I wanted to listen
to him when he when he taught.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Was this great looking guy. Yeah, he was a pretty
good looking guy. I mean, you know what was his
draw Just the way he talked.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
He was always positive, always uplifting, always joyful. He would
always say, why do you guys look like a you know,
a bunch of zombies sitting in this classroom. You're so young,
you should have so much energy. And I'm I'm this
forty one year old guy and a fifty year old guy,
and I have all the energy in the world.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Come on, kids, And.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
You know he'd get to kind of going, uh, and
just the way he was very engaging. And you know,
I can't say that he never gave a kid an F,
but man, there were times when I should have got
an F and he would just right on my my thing,
Hey man, you can do better. I know you can
do better. Like he didn't yell at me and say, man,
you know, if you don't get if you don't get
your grades up, you're gonna fail my class. You know,

(30:50):
there was never any of that. It was like he
graded me on my effort, and so he would give
me a BEE, even though I probably deserve to see
you a D. But he would give me a B
because I showed effort. And I think that that's kind
of lost today a little bit.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
You have to perform a certain amount of numbers, and
there were there were times when I think a lot
of kids got that. Uh, he said, I just want
you to show effort, Nate to show effort. And so
this was before we really connected. And then I just
what when we really bonded. The beginning of our friendship
was I hadn't eaten for three days. It was cold, Uh,

(31:31):
you know, the the fields were dry in an art
list and no one knows this, you know, And I
walk into the class into school early. I didn't have
a lot of energy to run track that morning, just
because I hadn't eaten literally in three days. There's a
there was always this candy machine, you.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Know, I remember seeing that. I'm sorry I got to
interrupt you. What about lunch school lunch? Nope?

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Yeah, you had to You had to sign up for
a free lunch, which means that your guardians had to
approve it. And if I did that, I would have
been in trouble.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
So you had you could get the free launch if
your guardian signed it. Otherwise you just brought your lunch. Correct.
You had nothing to bring and we had no guardian
to sign correct. So the system didn't fit the guy
sleeping in his car going to school correct.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Okay, And if anyone found out, where do you think
I would have gone.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Back to the system. Yeah, and I would rather have
your freedom and starving than that, correct, which I want
to tell you how about that and must have.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
Been you know, I became the guy that was always like, hey,
you gonna eat that, Hey a, you're going to eat that?

Speaker 1 (32:31):
Like that.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
I would literally go around to people's you know, and
so then people started like avoiding me and whatnot. And
some people were just generous, like you know, for for whatever.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
But so I hadn't eaten.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
There's this vending machine and I'm banging on it trying
to get something to fall. I'd checked to see if
there's any money in there kind of thing. Uh, and
nothing happened. And he just happened to be walking into
his classroom and he saw me. He didn't yell at me,
he didn't, you know, say hey, stop doing that or anything.
He just kind of went back into his class room.
And I decided, you know what, I'm really tired.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
I just want to sit down.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
I'm going to go into I saw him go in there,
and you know, I got twenty minutes. I'm just gonna
sit in my classroom, put my head down and kind
of take a nap.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
And I walk in and.

Speaker 2 (33:13):
He's like, good morning, Nate, and he's all chipper and
I was like, yeah, good morning, mister Dan.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
Last thing I needed, you know.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
And so I sit down at my desk and I'm
just about ready to put my head down just kind
of wait for the rest of the kids to come,
and you know, he comes marching over to my desk
and he's all happy, and I was like, what is
going on? And he says to me, on behalf of
the Spartan Social Committee, which there is none, I award
you this giant Hershey's bar. And I mean it was

(33:46):
a big, like the King's size Hershey bar. And I
was like, really, like, what is going on here? And
because I thought it was some sort of award thing,
I took that candy bar.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Right.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
If you would have just said here, here, here's a
candy bar, I probably wouldn't have taken it. But and
he kind of knew that. He's like, he probably like
if I if I offer it to him as like
an award, you won this, you know, you know, so
he kind of felt like he had to do that,
which is kind of funny and quirky. And I took
that candy bar, and can I say it was the
best Hershey chocolate bar ever ever, and I still eat

(34:25):
them almost every day. I love him, Like I I
didn't bring my bag, but I have five of them
in there, Like I'm not kidding, Like I I have
stock in her she Like they're.

Speaker 1 (34:34):
Just like so so incredible.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
So that was kind of like I call it. And
then you know, he just sat back down and you
know the rest of the class came in and we
started class, and I ate that chocolate bar, I think
before class even started, like the whole thing. But I
I call that the kind of the planning of seed
of hope in my life. I didn't know it then.
I don't even think he knew what that meant. But

(35:00):
that small act of kindness right that back then it
was like a dollar candy bar that he gave up
because he would have probably eaten it later that day himself,
but him giving me that was that that mark of
the beginning of hope in my life. And that's incredible.

Speaker 1 (35:20):
We'll be right back. So you get called in jail
to the visitor. Yeah, and I would imagine maybe you're thinking,
oh my gosh, that's the system. Know what's up? What's
going on? You're thinking, what Jack am I going to

(35:43):
have to talk to at this point.

Speaker 2 (35:45):
Yeah, we don't even portray that in this part in
the film, because what actually happens. They came and said,
you need to go. There's a visitor for you. And
that's exactly what I was thinking, And I said, I
don't want to. I'm not gonna.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
I bet it's not trade the movie. I'm just saying
psych he wise, I would think you'd be like I
had nobody to call, right, Like, there's no one good
going to There's nothing is going to come good for this.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
I's maybe a lawyer, but I'm not affording a lawyer, right.
So I actually said no, I'm not going. And the guy,
like the guard turned around and started walking away, and
my bunk me like kicked me, like literally kicked my bed.
And he's like, dude, you can get out of the
cell for like an a half an hour.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
Just do it.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
I don't care if it's a lawyer, I don't care
who it is.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Just go do it. And so I did. I was like, Yo,
I'm good, let's go. Let me get and let me go.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
And you know it's that classic you know I had.
I had just turned eighteen.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Oh gosh, so you're yeah, even though you're in high school. Yeah,
you're an adult according to the law at this point. Yes,
all right, so you got out of the hallwaii you
popped down? Yeah, there's and here's goofball candy barn teacher guy. Yeah,
you know, across the plexiglass with the phone.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
And it was almost a joke because he didn't understand
how it all worked.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
And we don't really get.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Into that in the film because it's just I don't
need it. But you know, we're finally connected.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
And I'm like, are.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
You here to yell at me, mister Deane, because that's
what I thought he was gonna do, Like what else
should what I expect? And he's like, no, no, I'm
here to help you. Like you don't, you don't, you
don't deserve to be here. Like he knew that I
wasn't a bad kid, that there's something going on, and
he wanted to get to the bottom of it, and
so I gave him just enough information to get help.

(37:27):
I told him where my grandmother used to live when
I was younger, and he reached out to them and
I was able to get me out.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
So not your grandparents, but your teacher. Yeah, normal dude
showed up, got you out. Your grandparents supposed to bail
and came and got you. Yep. That had to have
been weird too, because it's the same people that dropped
you off fifteen years ago. Yeah, who said it's not

(37:55):
your fault? Good luck, right right? And now you're with them. Yeah.
I was watching the movie thinking what is going on
between his ears? I mean, and the movie can't tell
us that, but you had to be uncomfortable at the

(38:17):
very least, but all the way up to just like,
maybe you are my grandparents about blood, but I just
don't even want to be around you people either. Yeah. Well,
I I don't know. I'm just curious. I was thankful
to be out of prison, so that was nice. I
get that. And with some.

Speaker 2 (38:36):
Family members that I kind of remembered, I didn't really
remember them very well.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
I get it.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
You know, they had aged much more. It had been
fifteen years or so that I had seen them, so,
you know.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
But they were also in denial about the truth of
their daughter's death. Yeah. I mean, the whole thing just
feels like you're entering trauma.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Yeah, frankly, Yeah, And basically that's what I had to do.
I had to basically work for him, my grandfather, to
pay back that bail. So I didn't physically give them money,
but I worked for it. I helped them clean things,
I helped them you know, did.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
So your grandparents have made you pay off? Yeah? Through labor.
You know, I get it. But listen, man, again, I'm
not trying to rail but I've been through a bunch
of it too. And I'm just telling you. Maybe it's
not even meant to be part of the storyline, and

(39:41):
maybe it's just because of my perspective, but I'm sitting
there watching you earn back your bail, being told you're
not going back to school. Who cares if you graduate?
Most important thing here is you work to pay us
back for the bail. And I'm thinking this is your grandson.

(40:04):
I mean it, honestly, scene pissed me off. Yeah, and
I'm not sure if many people will get that, but
I did. That's what I got from it. I mean, so,
I'm just curious. I wanted to know how you felt.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, I was still lost and going Why am I
back with these people that gave me up earlier?

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (40:26):
That's and so thankfully Stan comes and visits again and says,
you need to get back in school. Mister Dean, say,
mister Dean, Yeah, he comes, which is crazy.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Now he tracks you down at the grandparents' house because
you're not back in school, correct, And he's thinking, I
got the kid out of jail, why isn't he back
in school? So now he searches you out a second time,
and a second time. This man searches for you, correct
and didn't need to see there's this overriding subtext theme

(41:03):
to me about somebody who loves you unconditionally, always searching
for you. Yes, in a much more magnanimous vision of that, Yeah, yeah,
I mean to me, that's mean Christ like absolutely yeah.
He lived it.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
He lived it, and for him to show up again
and I didn't go with him at that moment because
I didn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
But he left me his.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
Phone number, his home phone number, and said if you
need something, anything, just call me. And it wasn't long
after that that I decided, Man, if I stay in
this situation, I may not get to be the person
I think I can be.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
I want to go back to school. As hard as
I knew it.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Was going to be, I wanted to run track. I
wanted to finish out the season. I wanted to do
all of those things. And I just remember like that
was kind of the deciding moment in my life that
I said I needed to change too, that I.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Was going to try to do better.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
And so I picked up the phone and I called,
and it rang and it rang and it rang, and thankfully,
you know, it went to a voicemail, and I left
the message for him and I just said, this is
Nate and I could use your help. And it was

(42:28):
like two days later, like that weekend, he came. I
mean it might have been the next day, I don't know,
but it was very soon, very quickly took you to
his home. He came and said, hey, let's would you
guys mind if I get him back in school. And they,
you know, my grandparents were like, well, you know, he's
going to have to go go closer to the school.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
We're too far away.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
And he said, well, what if he stays with me,
you know, this weekend, and we'll find somewhere that he
can stay. We'll get him, we'll get him back in school.
And they said okay, And so I packed my stuff
up and he shows up and left again. And yeah,
so jumped in his car, and that that really started
the change.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
So it was going to be the couch ended up
more permanent. I don't want to ruin a hole that
was in his life that I think you filled. I
think the movie. Let's not spoil that for the Yeah,
for the viewers. But there was a time that he
left to go out of town for something. Yes, and

(43:36):
you acted like an idiot. Thank you. Sure I've done
it too, he listen.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Listen to young kids. Will, we'll do some stupid things.
And I didn't intend it to be a stupid night,
like I just.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
It never starts. I needed a couple of drinks, save
a snowball, as they do. My daughter called Lisa and
I she was seventeen. We have four Yeah, of course
is Smiley. Who else would it do? And said, Dad?
You know for my birthday on this weekend, do you

(44:11):
mind we had a pool? Do you mind if I
have four or five friends on us? Said Molly, five
five equals six, simply no more. Period. My son Will
calls me at two thirty in the morning, having chased
off ninety people and most of our wine glasses were gone.

(44:39):
Stuff was broke all over the place and Molly let
it get out of control because the nine fifteen she
passed out and people just kept showing up. Yeah, so
we got out of Say you acted like an idiot.
Please understand. I say it with as much affection as possible.

(44:59):
And I still we'll have a little tick when I
think about it.

Speaker 2 (45:02):
Yeah, you may not want to ever introduce her and
I to get Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
So the point is you did basically the same thing.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yes, yeah, I had a party at his house. It
got way out of control. People were bringing kegs of
beer over.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
The one guy who cared about you's house, and your
to him is let's knock it out. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
I thought, you know, I can get rid of the
beer bottles. There's a cant out back, you know, no
big deal. And then one of those kegs blew up,
literally like the top, the top blue off and.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
It just started to spring all over the room.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
How hide that?

Speaker 2 (45:42):
And so I literally got really mad and I kicked
everyone out, and they were mad at me, but I'm like,
get out, everyone, get out, just get out. And I
literally kicked everyone out, and then I spent like two
hours not even making a dent in the cigarette butts
that were all over the outside, back porch, front porch,
side port, like all like.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
It was just awful.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Broken bottles everywhere, beer everywhere, drugs everywhere, people.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
On you know, just it was awful.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
And I remember coming up from the downstairs and Stan
had walked in and I'm holding a bag and beer
bottles and all this stuff, and I'm like, San, let
me explain. It wasn't a big deal. It was just
you know, and He's like, the stop to stop. I
can't even look at you right now. I'm so disappointed
in you. And for me to hear that from him

(46:34):
was devastating.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
It was absolutely interesting. Oh yeah, you're a fifty six
year old dude, and it still hurts you.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
It hurt That's one of the hardest scenes for me
to watch.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
I wish people could see your face when you said that.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Yeah, it's one of the hardest scenes to watch because
I had so disappointed the one person in my life
that was going to help me and I I and
then for him to say, you know, and he had
every right to every right to say, listen, I can't
even look at you right now. I'm so disappointed. And

(47:06):
to me, having heard that from so many foster parents,
from so many people. I thought he was done with me.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
That's a green light. Yeah, I thought he was done.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
I'm like, I'm out, And now I'm like, man, I
just threw my life away, and so what do I do?
I resort to running going back to my old self,
going back to that party where everybody left goes to
you know, Johnny's house, and they're doing drugs and all
sorts of wonderful things that I thought were going to
just help drown it all out. And I took way

(47:37):
more drugs than I had ever taken before. I drank
way too much alcohol, and yeah, that scene gets pretty
pretty heavy, pretty hard. A lot of amazing flashbacks in
that scene that take you back, and I kind of
a kind of almost put in the same positions as
my dad. You know, I see my best friend and

(47:57):
my ex girlfriend, you know, together, and I'm not liking
it because he kept saying that they weren't together, and
all of this stuff, and just the music in that
moment is so amazing and so beautiful, and and thankfully
I made the choice and just turn and leave the
leave which leads to the bridge scene.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
So you did call and he said very something simple
to you, which was Nate, come home, Yes, come home.
The thing I found interesting about that is he called
his house your home. Yes, Nate, come home, not come
to the house, not come see me, not you can

(48:41):
come back, but come home. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:45):
Yeah, he really made his home my home. He opened
it up. I always say that I was the son
that he never had, but man, he was.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
He was the father I so desperately needed. We'll be
right back. I'm going to read something. I don't know
where this came from. That's from Alex, but it's your words.

(49:18):
I went home to ask him for forgiveness. It was
my prodigal son moment. And yes, Stan was standing there
waiting with open arms to welcome me home, to welcome
me home again. Those are the words you use. He
told me that I need to decide if I really
want to change my life or did I still want
to blame my past. The world's not going to give

(49:41):
you anything, Nate. You gotta fight for it. My freshman
year in high school, I got in a fight. I
was pissed, not at the person I got in a
fight with. And back in those days, you guys will
remember you didn't go to the prints, not like today's
wool world where you probably go get therapy and go
to whatever. If you were an athlete back then, you

(50:03):
went to the coaches. And the coach was a hell
of a lot worse than anything they put you through,
because you just know you're about to get laced up.
Coach Spain was my high school coach. Grew up Milon,
Tennessee's son of a cotton farmer, and if you will,
just think about a guy who grew up from age
five on a cotton farm and a place called Milon, Tennessee.

(50:24):
That kind of hard, tough football coach, but also had
a sense about him that even when he was hard
on you, you knew he loved you. So I sent to
his office fully ready to bend over and grab him
and take whatever looks I was going to get be
told what a piece of crap I was, and everything else.
And instead he shut the door and he said, why'd
you get a fight? I told him I was angry,

(50:46):
really really angry, and he said, what the kid do
I said, I don't even know I'm angry at him.
And he said, look, I know why you're angry. I
know what you're doing with at home, I know what's
frustrat are and I get it, he said, but I
want to paint a picture for you. And he said,

(51:07):
you can foster all that anger and nobody can blame
you because of what you're dealing with. I get it.
And he said, but by the time you're thirty two,
you will likely have some substitu abuse problem or be
an alcoholic. You will have lost at least one job,
and you will more than likely have kids out of

(51:29):
wedlock or being a divorce raising more kids in the
exact same situation that you're in right now.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
That you ate so bad.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
He said, that's what happens if you are going to
be a victim of your circumstances, he said, or this
is the part I'll ever forget. You can make a
decision to be the rock that that dysfunction breaks itself on.
I love that. That's what the words he used to

(51:57):
me were. He said, you're old enough now to decide
do you want to be a victim of your circumstance
or rock that the dysfunction that's making you so angry
breaks itself phone. It's really a defining moment in my life.
When I read before watching the movie, I went home

(52:19):
to ask for forgiveness who was my prodigal son moment?
And yes, Stan was standing there waiting open arms to
welcome me home. That's unconditional love and welcome you to
a home which is something you never had. It's not
the structure, it's the love that's inside the structure. He
told me, I need to decide if I really want
to change my life or did I still want to

(52:40):
blame my past? In other words, be a victim, which
is what Coach Spain was saying to me. The world's
not going to give you anything, Nate, you got to
fight for it, which is basically you got to make
a decision. I read that and shuddered because it is

(53:00):
so similar moment that happened to me and my wife
by man who decided to love me. What did welcoming
home do for you? Man? I mean, I literally changed
everything about myself? Was it an aha moment?

Speaker 2 (53:24):
It was I was at the lowest point of my life.

Speaker 1 (53:28):
That's saying something, bro. I know that's back to the
last for five minutes. Eric, when you hear him say
that was the lowest low?

Speaker 4 (53:43):
How low is that unreal? I'm sitting here just I
can't relate. I mean, I'm empathetic towards both of your stories.
But man, I'm just broken for both of you of
what you've dealt with. But that will be broken, not broken.
But no, no, no, What I mean by that is without

(54:04):
all of that, we're not where we are today. It's celebrated.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Yeah, it's good, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (54:10):
Yeah, But you're right for Nate to be in that moment,
to be the lowest of his life.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
That given his life up to that point.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
But I think it was, you know, just outside perspective
listening in, it's like you've you've had all these bad
things happened to you. You said this to me a
lot of times. You didn't know how to deal with love,
and it was the first time you disappointed somebody that
loved you.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
You know.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
I want to be clear. We have similarities in our
stories at points, and I'm telling you about them because
I just identify with it so much. I did have
a mom that loved me and tried hard, and I
did have something you didn't have until mister Dean showed up.

(54:54):
Because my mom fall like hel for me. I don't
want to mischaracterize my life's story. So even when I
can identify with so many pieces of your story. I too,
can only empathize with some of it because I never
was homeless and I never didn't have somebody fighting for

(55:15):
me and loving me. Now, I might have longed for
the guy, and I might have dealt with a lot
of trauma too, But so to hear on balance that
that was the lowest point in your life and you
still had this man loving and fighting for you, Yep,
That's why it was such an odd moment. Yeah. I

(55:36):
mean he believed in me and when nobody else had
correct And that was what my mom did for me.
She believed in me.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
He never judged. He always encouraged me, and he tried
to bring out the best of me. And that's what
I wanted from And.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
I asked you something. Why you're not his son? You're
a kid that was in his class. He taught school
for thirty years, He'd seen a thousand kids. Was it
just because he saw that you might have been the
most desperate kid that ever passed those hallway? Was it
that he saw something in you? Did you ever talk
with him about that? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (56:13):
The why he realized that if someone didn't step in,
that I wasn't going to survive I wasn't going to
make it. He really did understand that, you know when
when he saw that, you know, I wasn't coming back
to school. That wasn't going to be a good thing.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
He said, you can't be the person that You've got
to show the judge that you're not that person anymore.
And what an amazing line. You have to show the
judge that you're not that person anymore.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
And how do you do that. You've got to change.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
You've got to go back to school, you've got to graduate,
you've got to pay your debts, you've got to pay
your dues. It's not going to be easy. You've got
to stop running from your past. There's a big theme
in the movie about running, and See would always say,
you know, especially about drugs. He's like, where are you
taking drugs? I'm like, well, because I can forget about
things for a little bit. And he said, well, how's
that going for you?

Speaker 1 (57:07):
Right? Like it wasn't going very well. You know, I
still was dealing with everything.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
It just you know, it's not really doing much for you.
And so, you know, going back and writing that moment
and remembering having that conversation with him and saying just
come home, right, Like, I knew that he cared and
that if I was willing to change, he was going
to step in there. And literally from that day on,

(57:33):
as I was making those changes. And again, it doesn't
happen overnight, right, it took a long time. But he
never left my side. He never he never, Like we
would have the most amazing conversations about life. And he's
not a father, right, but he understands what Like he
was a child, he went through his dad was in
the war. You know, he had some things that he

(57:53):
had to deal with as a child. So he knew
to just listen and let me get it out.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
I don't want to overdo this metaphor that I'm using
about standin always, unconditionally loving, always searching you out, the
prodigal sun moment. I mean, there is just a theme here. Yeah,
there's another christ like theme, which is forgiveness, and certainly

(58:24):
when he forgave you like an idiot with his house.
But more importantly, it really struck me. And here's another one.
And it's so weird how many things in your story
touched me personally. But the very guy who shot up
the house he passed and when he passed to his

(58:49):
penniless and he had in his older age joined a
small men's group in a Bible study. And they called
me and I wouln't visit him two days before he
passed and told him I forgave him, which was liberating
for me. And then he died. He was cremated. His

(59:11):
ashes were put in a box about the half the
size of a shoe box. It was built by his
buddies of some pine. But he didn't have any money
to be buried. And we took him to where he
was originally from an Arkansas and talked to the caretaker
of a of a cemetery plot and he said, look,
just dig a small hole over there. And I literally

(59:32):
buried the man. I literally dug the one put him in,
the man who almost killed me a mom wow. But
I forgave him, yeah, and he allowed me to forgive him.
Stan took you to your father's grave? What was the

(59:57):
lesson there?

Speaker 2 (59:59):
Yeah, in the movie and in real life. I went
to my mother's grave first just to say, like, I
really wanted to find her grave, just to say I
missed her. I love the process you were never allowed
to go through, right, And then not in the movie,
just because we wanted to just continue moving towards hope.

(01:00:20):
We didn't want to just take the audience back down,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
But that's why I wanted to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Yeah, it's in my story. And then going to my
dad's grave, it was with Stan, and what I loved
about it was he just he kind of stood aside.

Speaker 1 (01:00:35):
He didn't he didn't stand there right next to me.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
He just kind of stood behind me as like protecting,
allowing it to happen. And I just remember saying to
my dad, you know, I'm not going to allow what
you did to me and to my mom affect the
rest of my life. It's not my fault. It was
your fault, but I forgive you for it. But I'm
going to move on, and I'm going to move on
as strong as I can. That's what happened. I mean,

(01:01:01):
I just literally said, I forgive you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:03):
What an amazing piece of mentorship by Stan to know
that you had to be able to forgive your dad
to be able to go on. Yeah, what phenomenal emotional
intelligence and awareness. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Yeah, And he there's some things in his past with
his dad. His dad was in the war, came back
and just was never the same. And I think there
were moments in his life where he had to forgive
his dad, not not to nearly the same extent, but
just but I think you had a little bit of
that in him. Yeah, we talked a lot about that.
We talked a lot about forgiving and not you know,
pushing past all of those hurts, you know. I mean

(01:01:41):
we even talked about, like, you know, Nate, you're behind
the eight ball getting a job, like you know, you
have a criminal record now, you know you might have
to share, you know, cut your hair. He didn't say
you need to cut your hair. He said you might
want to think about, you know, you know, making yourself
look a little bit more presentable too, you know, when
you go on you know, not.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
You look like a head dress. Right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
And it wasn't that he was telling me about it, right,
It wasn't like he forced me to cut my hair
because he said, well, having long hair makes you bad.
He's just saying, hey, listen, you're going against other people
going for the same job who don't have that. So
whatever we can do, let's get you some nicer clothes
and you know, uh and all of those things. And
he basically taught me how to be a young man,

(01:02:22):
how to grow up and and and fight for myself
and fight for a better life.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
We're not going to talk about how the movie ends.
But one more thing. Christmas. Yes Christmas.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
Stan loved Christmas. He got that from his mother.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Christmas.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
I love Christmas. Yeah, absolutely, absolute Christmas in September.

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
Yes for you.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Yes, it did about today, not today.

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
I love Christmas. Tell us how to stand revealed Christmas
to you?

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
Yeah, Stan love Christmas. He had a tree in every room,
just like his parents did.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
In every room. I'm not kidding. And I do to
this day.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Too, saying in the kitchen, I have one in the kitchen,
I have little.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
Ones in the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
And every room has to be decord for Christmas because
it's a time of joy. It's supposed to be a
time of celebration, of remembering. And yeah, and so Christmas morning,
my first Christmas with him, I walk in and there's
all these gifts under the tree. Uh, And I'm like,
who who are all these gifts for. I'm like, I'm
thinking he's got kids or something somebody else. And he's like,

(01:03:37):
I'm there for you. They're all for you. I was
just blown away, And as Derek was saying earlier, I
used to I could start almost getting through the trauma
and hurt, but I didn't know how to be loved.

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
I didn't know.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
No one ever taught me how to accept love. And
I was very confused. I could not understand why this
guy was giving me all these gifts. And I literally
ran out the door.

Speaker 1 (01:04:01):
Hey, well, he probably should have told you that they
were all from the what was the committee on the
chocolate bar committee?

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
That would have been great Christmas, that would have been great.
And then there's this great conversation that we have. He
comes and chases me down in his pajamas in his car,
you know, and he's like, what's going on? And I
just told him I didn't know how to deal with Christmas.
I've never got Christmas gifts. And there's some humor there,

(01:04:30):
but really, he said, Nate, I just want you to
know that it's Christmas and you deserve these gifts.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
These are gifts for every gift that you didn't get
as a child.

Speaker 2 (01:04:41):
Right, you should have gotten a toy car at age
seven and eight, you should have gotten atari at sixteen,
you know, or whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
You know, Like they were all of these things for
God's sake, whatever you know. I you know, ye, yes,
in fact, you probably stole one of those or something.

Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
You know, But to then sit down and celebrate that
first Christmas together, and to be honest with you, something
I just recently discovered was I found a picture of
Stan sitting at one of his Christmas trees with his mom,
celebrating Christmas when he was like thirty five.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (01:05:25):
And there was this big stocking in the picture, and
it's like stan stocking. But on my first Christmas he
had given me a stocking. And I thought he went
out and bought a stocking, but he gave me his
stocking from his mother. And I literally just found that
out like a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 1 (01:05:45):
That had to have choked it unbelievable.

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
I looked at Jess and I said, you know this
this stocking here that Stan gave me. I said it
was Stan. She's like, how do you know that? I
thought he bought it for you? That's what you always
told me. I said, no, no, no, look at this picture
and there's a picture of him his mom giving him
that stocking. And I'm like, are you kidding me? Like
and he never ever told me that that was his
stocking from his mother, and I was just blown away.

(01:06:11):
And so I still hang that stocking with a stocking
that says stand on it for him. But this past Christmas,
I actually gave him back the stocking, and I changed
the names because I wanted to give.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
Him that stocking back. We'll be right back if anyone

(01:06:44):
listening to us now doesn't hear this story and run
to watch this movie to celebrate standin and to then
convince yourself that artless of who you are, where you are,
what you have, you can be the most normal, unassuming

(01:07:06):
person in the world but have a profound effect on
another person's life and change lives. That's what Brave the
Darkness about.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
Yeah, Yeah, Brave the Darkness is so much more than
a movie. Stan is the truth hero of this movie
because he didn't want anything in return. He did it
because it was the right thing to do.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
I'm not going to talk about the rest of the story.
I'm cliff hanging it because I want people to know,
but I want them to be able to experience the reveal.
Yea and a real last odd twist of identity to

(01:07:55):
the two of your stories. Derek Cowdy I'm thirty nine.
You were diagnosed with colon cancer at thirty one, yeah,
and you beat it. Yeah, and you made a documentary
about it called The Day I Became Alive. Yeah, And

(01:08:18):
the day of August twenty fourth, twenty seventeen, was the
day that.

Speaker 3 (01:08:27):
That was my day.

Speaker 1 (01:08:28):
He became a love.

Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
That was my diagnosis day. That was the day I
became alive.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
August twenty fourth is my birthday? No way? Is that weird?

Speaker 3 (01:08:37):
Listen, there's my birth My birthday stands birthday too?

Speaker 1 (01:08:41):
Are you kidding? So many September.

Speaker 4 (01:08:43):
Eleven, it's my birthday's birthday. I mean, there's so many
little this is amazing. I mean September eleventh, are you kidds?
And that's also stands yes, yes. And your birthday, my friend,
is tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
Yes it is.

Speaker 4 (01:09:02):
I'm a huge celebrator of birthdays and I know Stanle
was too. And you have to share the birthday cake story.

Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
That's what I was going to end. Yeah, okay, segue. Yeah,
But the whole point is for you to have had
cancer and beat it and have your rebirthday of August
twenty fourth. And I'm reading this single and that's my
birthday after all these other things. I mean, I just
feel like it's almost faithful today. There's just too many things.

(01:09:35):
I agree.

Speaker 4 (01:09:35):
You know, that's just another kind of pat on the back,
I think the whole way through this film to say
we're going in the right direction.

Speaker 3 (01:09:42):
You know, God is with us the whole way through.

Speaker 4 (01:09:44):
And you know, going through my cancer journey allowed me
to kind of be resilient to be able to take
on a film like this and help and help it
and bring it to the finish line with the whole team.
I don't know if I would have taken the risk
as an entrepreneur before going through that. Nothing else matters.
When you are just happy to be alive every day,
it's like wake up. That's the biggest gift. Everything else

(01:10:06):
is just gravy.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
You know, what's it feel like to be able to
bring obviously your story, but stan the story? Yeah, it's
I mean, what's that feel like? Because raising money and
you get the minutia of the business side of it,
but that's excruciating sometimes.

Speaker 3 (01:10:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:10:22):
No, I mean since I was a kid, since I
was ten, I've had a camera on my hand and
always wanted to make movies and I've had I have
a commercial advertising business. I've done documentaries, I've done other
films with even with Nate, but like.

Speaker 3 (01:10:34):
This is the first big, first feature.

Speaker 4 (01:10:36):
Film that I've produced from the you know, from like
obviously thirteen years ago was the beginning, but from when
I came on in terms of the financials and all
the things. And it's the biggest gift that I've ever
been able to receive, not only give to the world
now be part of the team that's given to this
the world. But it's been an honor for me to
be part of this because Stan is a hero in

(01:10:57):
our in our community, you know, not only the Nate
like he obviously to Nate was the biggest story, but
there's so many thousands of people that you know, were
inspired and changed because of his life.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
And so I am like.

Speaker 4 (01:11:09):
Honored every I mean honestly, when we were into like
in the trenches of this whole thing and Nate and
I would meet, I'm like getting emotional, like I I
think everything's falling apart, and like I just want to
I want to tell Stan's story and this I want
to help with this legacy that Stan had and what
he did for you. And we would get emotional about
it because like we didn't want it to go a

(01:11:31):
place that we didn't want it to be. And now
I think we're just so proud that it's getting out
and going to be in thousands of theaters and giving
it to reach that it needs, and it's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (01:11:44):
We're going to end this way. One last thing that
Stan figured out to do for U, Nate. Just like Christmas,
you never got a birthday, Yeah, not real birthdays are weird,
and therefore you didn't really want to celebrate birthdays because
you didn't know how to receive birthdays. And so one

(01:12:05):
night near your birthday, you tell him, man, I don't
want a birthday cake. But little did you know he'd
already bought one. Yep, so how do he make that work?

Speaker 2 (01:12:16):
So, yeah, I said I don't want a birthday cake.
I don't want to celebrate, and he had this cake already,
but little did I know that he went back to
the bakery and had.

Speaker 1 (01:12:26):
Them change it.

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
And so when I got home that night, we had
some supper and then all of a sudden, he goes
in the kitchen and he turns out the lights, and
all of a sudden, I see candles coming towards me
and the flickering of the light and he's carrying this cake.
Like I got mad, I really got.

Speaker 1 (01:12:44):
I told you, I told you.

Speaker 2 (01:12:47):
And he just sat it down in front of me
and he said, Nate, this is not a happy birthday cake.
And I was like, what are you talking about? And
I looked down and it said happy Day, Nate.

Speaker 1 (01:13:03):
And I went and change it to just happy Day, Nate.
And so I looked back up.

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
At him and I said, you are the weirdest person
I have ever met, because, right, what would every other
parent do?

Speaker 1 (01:13:16):
Right, You're eating the dang birthday cake.

Speaker 2 (01:13:18):
You know you're just gonna eat the cake, right, But
then he said this, he said, Nate, and I'll never
forget it. He said, Nate, I just want you to
be happy today.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
So here's the cake.

Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
And guess what, I was happy the rest of the night.

Speaker 1 (01:13:35):
I didn't go out.

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
We just talked and laughed and he actually had some
gifts for me and cards and all sorts of stuff,
and it just really, you know, just reemphasized how much
he loved and cared for me and and just didn't
want me to be unhappy. And to be honest with you,
I haven't had many unhappy days since because every time

(01:13:57):
I get unhappy, I even tell Derek, IM like, even
during some of the hard parts of making a film,
I just go you know, Stan wouldn't want me to
be this way. He wouldn't want me to be upset today.
He wouldn't want me to be angry today. He wouldn't
want me to be unhappy. And yeah, if.

Speaker 1 (01:14:15):
You think you have to join the army, in normal folks,
you have to join a big organization or do something amazing,
or spend thousands of money, and that fear, that worry
about your own inability to do that to exact some
measure change prohibits you from even engaging. That's a real
loss because Stan Dean shows us that you don't have

(01:14:40):
to have any of that to make a profound change.
And if you want to really see what happens, Stan
Dean's an average guy teaching school who simply picks up
the care for a very broken child whose life is
now full enriched and whose story is now going to

(01:15:03):
be in theaters all over the country. I think we all,
as an ur Mi normal folks need to brave the
dark absolutely, and I hope everybody listen to me, will
find Angel Studio's latest film, Brave the Dark, See the
story of mister Dean, see Nate Dean, who you've just heard,

(01:15:27):
who wrote and helped produce this thing, and see the
work that Derek dean Er did to raise the money
to bring this story to you. We often talk about
what's on social media and in the movies and hits
their waves as such, crap, And we just wish we
would start producing stuff that you could take your family

(01:15:49):
to that would be redemptive and inspirational and mean something.
Will you know what here it is? And if you
if you're if you're sick of all that divisive shoot
them up, everything else is terrible whatever stuff. And you
keep talking about wanting to have redemptive things out there
that you could take the family to see. Well, Brave

(01:16:11):
the Darks out there, guys, if for any other reason,
to celebrate Nate's overcoming so many obstacles and to celebrate
a hero like Stan, I hope everybody go see the movie.
And guys, for the work you've done to bring it
to us, thank you so much. And I'm really glad

(01:16:34):
you came to Memphis to tell us about the movie.
To tell us about your story and to give us
some color and some feel behind some of those scenes.
I hope it remains impactful for those listening to us
when they're watching it, and they will support your film,
and I hope you guys sell ay but Julian tickets.

Speaker 3 (01:16:52):
Thank you. Thanks for having us. Yeah amazing, Thanks.

Speaker 1 (01:16:56):
For being here. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:16:57):
It's a true honor to share this story with the world.

Speaker 1 (01:17:05):
And thank you for joining us this week. If Stan
Dean inspired you in general, or better yet, to take
action by going to see Brave the Dark in theaters,
which you need to do, becoming a constant in someone
else's life like Stan was in Neates or something else entirely,
please let me know. I'd love to hear about it.

(01:17:28):
You can write me anytime at Bill at normal folks
dot us, and I guarantee you this I will respond.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends
and on social subscribe to the podcast, rate it, and
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(01:17:51):
things that will help us grow an army of normal folks.
Check out Army of Normal folks on Instagram to pick
up some normal folks wisdom thanks to our producer Iron
Like Lives, I'm Bill Courtney. Until next time, find something
you can do and do what you can m