Lilly Singh Betting On Herself With Movie ‘Doin’ It,’ Diversity In Film & Being In Her Daddy Bag

Actress and YouTuber Lilly Singh joins Angie Martinez to discuss her new film ‘Doin’ It’ that she produced and is starring in. Lilly expresses the importance of diversity in movies, saying that progress gets hindered if you don’t showcase it. Lilly and Angie discuss self-care rituals such as the ideal morning routine, and finding a balance of having fun and hustling. Lilly details all the things she’s learned in life thus far like caring less of what people think, embracing oneself, and to have grace with yourself so that you can have grace for others. Angie then asks some In Real Life questions.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you don't let different storytellers tell different stories. It's
not just about entertainment. It's not just about the box
office's not just about laughs. I think you're actually hindering
the progress of those communities. When you don't see yourself
in TV shows and movies. It hinders your ability to
understand yourself, to understand other people, to learn new things
about yourself. Like I can't tell you how many things
I've learned about myself watching TV shows and movies where

(00:23):
I'm like, oh, I see myself on this. I'm like,
I guess I'm like that. But if you can't see yourself,
progress gets hindered. So it's not just about entertainment, it's
about evolving and helping people evolve.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
This episode of IRL podcast is powered by boost Mobile,
So I don't know which one I should read because
I have two introductions today. Number one, I told about
sitting down with a comedian, an author and actress, a producer,
a trailblazer, an entrepreneur.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
But then I had this other.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Thing here from Wafa, who works for the volume is
my podcast company, and we said, oh, we have Lily today,
and she said that, oh my god, she's one of
my heroes.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
And I said, I said, really, why?

Speaker 2 (01:03):
And she said, she truly was a staple of YouTube
and she gave us the courage to record our opinions
and to not be afraid to be goofy and post shenanigans.
She truly was a safe space for my friends and
I because she felt like an older sister.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
That's really sweet, the sweetest sweets. What's her name, Wafa Wafa?
Thank you so much. That's so sweet, Hi, Wafay, that's
really that made my day.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
I need to hear that every once in a while,
for real, do you really?

Speaker 2 (01:32):
I do?

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Why? Because I feel like that's a really sincere thing
to say. Genuine And I said, the best compliment you
can give someone is I feel safe with you. That's
the best compliment you can receive something.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
Are you or you helped me manage myself?

Speaker 1 (01:47):
You know, like you helped me free.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
You know you've done a lot since you started on YouTube.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Your career is going lovely. There's a new movie. Thank you.
I feel like I was gonna say, I'm tired. Are
you tired? No? I'm actually okay, I'm thrilled to be here. Okay,
I'm happy here too.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
I feel like we should have known each other with
been friends or something sooner than I.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Feel like we're gonna be immediate friends.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
I do.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I do feel that bad. I feel like absolutely, I
feel it too. You are Toronto, Absolutely I am New York.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Okay, Toronto girls and New York girls I find do
get along with each other.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
I get it's the same vibe, same energy, the same
type of pace and hustle. I will say, yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
I have a little like envy to when you're in
your daddy bag.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
Yeah, which is not right now, my mom.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
When I'm in my daddy.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
Bag, I think I want to do one of those
I want to do today.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
I think I'm gonna do like a daddy bag video.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Thank you, I've gotten you think I could pull it off?

Speaker 1 (02:47):
You could. I'm almost nervous for you to do because
people gonna stop watching my videos to watch yours since that.
But I will say, become very comfortable of the best,
a little bit really stepping into my daddy I used
to just like before, but now I'm full of fleds.
Just daddy down, Daddy energy for me, Daddy energy case listen.
I came out really late in life, at the age
of thirty, the tender age of thirty, and for so

(03:10):
many years after that, I was like felt I had
to be really feminine to prove that I could still
do that, and then sometimes I have to be really
masking to prove that. Ye know, but I'm queer enough.
And I always kept like being like, what do people
want from me? How do I satisfy all these boxes?
And the past two years I'm like, I'm just what
I want. Actually, I don't care about any of that,
and I feel really good when I am daddy. For me,

(03:31):
daddy means is like honestly a provider. I'm not even
gonna play like I can provide, and I things most
things I would say so like I really do enjoy
being my daddy bag of Like if I'm with a girl,
like I love opening a door, I love giving roses.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
I love making sure that she never touches a car handle,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Like really real life, yes, operate. Most of my friends
do call me daddy in that way because I'm like,
what do you want to drink? Like, don't even think
you don't have to get up at all. I'm gonna
get you whatever it is you need. I'm gonna get
it for you. So I just really like to step
into that era or like girls falling in love all
over the listen.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
If you want to get into my DMS, we can.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
But I'm kidding no, But I just like really taking
care of people, and I do with my friends, I
do with my family, and I'm more often default daddy setting. However,
Comma slash, I will say ten percent of the time,
I do like to step into my mommy air where
I'm like, someone take care of me, someone open the
door for me. But it's it's I like providing more. Yeah,
you're your mommy back today. Thank you. I know the

(04:33):
chest cloths are out good for you.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Thanks.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
What season of life is this for you?

Speaker 1 (04:38):
This is in real life. We get into the real life.
And I love Lily because I hate small talk and
I love getting into some stuff. I want to love
getting I prefer to true glass that I have small talk.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
Yes, absolutely, So what era of my life is this?

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah? What season are you in? Right now? Take a
deep breath, make sure you give us. I want to
give you a real answer. I don't want to give
you a BS.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
You're not going to get media trained answer.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Here, Okay, this is your Oh, I have no filter.
I'm so excited to go into it. So I am
turning thirty seven in a few days, okay, and thirty six,
I really felt like my life unraveled in a lot
of ways, like professionally, personally, had a lot of things
fall apart, a lot of relationships fall apart, a lot
of works to fall apart. I know everyone has that era,
but one of my friends who's really really into astrology

(05:24):
with the planster, I'm gonna keep it one hundred.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
I live in LA but I don't know anything about that.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Really. People are always asking my rising and moves out
like I can't tell you no, no of that.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
I don't know her at all.

Speaker 3 (05:34):
But I will say.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
My friend who has my chart saved on her phone
was like, you when you reach thirty seven, so in
a few days, are going to be in your era
of rebuilding. And she says something very specific, which was
and you will be forced to rebuild without using any
of the bricks that have been broken.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
So it is going to be a complete reinvention of yourself.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
And I do feel that way. I feel like I'm
in my.

Speaker 3 (05:57):
Era of completely rebuilding.

Speaker 1 (05:59):
No not just career, not just relationships, but like moral
compass my.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Needs, what it is I want.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
I'm likely on a very deep level, I'm learning new
things about myself that I have never had the capacity
to learn before.

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Speaker 1 (07:04):
How exciting?

Speaker 2 (07:05):
No?

Speaker 1 (07:06):
Can I give you like a small example? Yes, I
guess humans we can't really change. Okay, by the way,
so let me hear yours go.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
I feel like.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
We're so convinced we can't change as humans. Like I
feel like I'm quite souborgn So for most of my
life I'm like, I'm like this and like this and
like this, and that's who I am. And over the
past couple of months I have changed in such drastic
ways that have made me feel really uncomfortable because my
whole idea of myself has changed. The biggest one I
can think of is I have always been an avoidant
attachment style. If I got in a fight with someone,

(07:35):
I'm like, I will be talking to you in four
to six business days. I will be holding a grudge.
I will not be talking about my feelings. My phone
call will not be answered, my door will be locked.
Like that has been me for my whole life. Confrontation
couldn't do her. I would break out in hives. Somehow,
over the past six seven months, I have completely done

(07:56):
a one eighty to anxious attachment. Where now if I
do not talk about the problem, but I do not
confront someone, if I don't resolve the issue.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
I'm unwell.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
I cannot so this thing. You get right to it. Literally,
I was like, I need to talk to you. Can
we just really talk about this quickly? I feel some
type of way. I feel like we just need to
talk about it as we can get over it. I
don't know how this happened, but that is a pretty
drastic change, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
So people spend their whole life and can't figure that out,
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
So I've changed a lot of ways in my era
of just rebuilding. And do you like this? I do?
I mean, now now he's gonna avoid I'm just anxious.
So it's just opposite ends of the spectrum. But there's
just different tools in my toolkit, you know. So I
do like a communication. I'm starting to learn about her.
I'm a bit of a fan. I gotta say, who
would have thought talking about things? Wow? What thought? Look at?
You learned something every day? What was your example?

Speaker 2 (08:44):
I was gonna say, And that doesn't stop. So this
is your thirty something. Yeah, so I'm in a fifty
something and I was just telling we weren't even talking
about this all week. I have done a little, not.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
A huge, that's a huge.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
I did a small pivot of this past year where
it's like I don't care as much about people's feelings
and that sounds brutal, But it's not brutal because I
repeat this, I know I'm a good person. Yeah, I
trust so bad that I'm a good person. That I'm
okay with disappointing people.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
That's I'm envious of that. That's amazing.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
When I tell you and it's not.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
It doesn't mean I don't still care. Sometimes i'd be like, oh,
he misunderstood.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
Let me go explain it.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
I don't want people to feel bad, right, but.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
If it's my piece or your piece, I kind of okay.
Be like, okay, that's what it is.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
And what do you think. Why do you think that changed?

Speaker 1 (09:35):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
I think the same thing. You like, get to rip
a bandit, you have to do it once or twice.
You have to be like that's really good. You have
to do it once or twice, and then all of
a sudden you be like, oh they're okay, and I'm okay.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
And guess what.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
I didn't have to go through the bullshit of like
faking that I wanted to do something I didn't want.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Especially I have to say and I hate use the
phrase as a woman, but as a woman I will
say because I feel like we're all trained to be very,
very likable, and something I'm really working on is like,
you gotta pick moments, baby girl, that you're okay with
being unlikable, to stand up for what you believe in
and take care of your whole life.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
You're walking around, yes, trying to make people like cute,
and that shit gets exhausting at some point.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
You know what I had an epiphany about in therapy
a while ago.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
I was telling her about how, sometimes, you know, when
I stand up for certain causes or say things I
believe in and never believe, people online are mad.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
And it never occurred to me that I could just
not like those people for so.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
I don't like you. I know, so long will people
be like, oh, I don't like you, and you do that,
I'd be like, oh my god, how do I make
them like me? How do I make them like me?
I've just been trained that way, and literally, at the
age of like thirty five two years ago, for the
first time in my life, I was like, wait, I
don't like you, and I'm allowed to not like you. Yeah,
never occurred to me. Never occurred to me this is
That's what I'm saying. So this is big to be

(10:47):
a woman.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
We talk about this with a lot of guests on
the show, where like, you know the comments section I
had Sweetier the other day. She's young and she's still
managing me.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
As a bestie and Tessie, Yeah, yeah, that's what's up.
I love what. She was the first guest on my
second season my late night show What was She? I
love that?

Speaker 2 (11:04):
But she sometimes has to turn her Instagram off.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Because she's been through with it.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
You know, everybody's managing the opinions.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
All day long, all day long to have the epiphany
of like, you know what, you don't like me? I
don't like Yeah, it seems so common sense, but I
was like, wait, yeah, I also get to say that's okay.
I don't like what you're saying to me either, and
I actually like myself. And that may be really sad
because I was like, you moved through life for way
too long, not even realizing you could just be like

(11:33):
I don't take that on as my own. Actually that's
not for me, but then.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
For you, right, you have this personality. People like even
Wafa's message, I'm sure, she's one of many, many people
that feel so attached to you or feel you represent
something to them, and how much of that becomes something
that you have to kind of live up to all
the time.

Speaker 1 (11:55):
So I won't lie.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
In twenty nineteen, I I don't usually like to talk
about this.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
I'm so annoyed about talking about it, but I like you,
and so I want to talk about I did like you.
It's so safe for me. But I learned this lesson
when I got my late night show for two seasons.
That was a really big deal in terms of it
being a historic announcementing all the headlines, but like first Woman,
first Woman, I'm calling it YadA YadA, YadA, And I
was like, okay, really great. And I remember for two
years straight, all I heard was people telling me what

(12:22):
they accepted of me. A billion Indians are counting on you.
All the women are counting on you, Like, don't mess
this up for us, Jesus. Going back to not having
that epiphany, I just accepted all of that. I was like, totally,
all of you are counting on me. Makes sense. I
can't let you down.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
I can't let you down.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
It took like five years for me to work on
it through therapy and like really reflect on it to
be like, if I could go back in time, I
would do a better job at just taking a step
back and saying, actually, that's not my burden.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
To carry, and I can't do that for you.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
I didn't even think it was an option to not
accept that, to be honest, my whole life, I've just
been like, what is the expectation? Great, place it right
on me. I will just carry it like I'm carrying
everything else. And now I'm getting better at being like
I empathize with why you are putting all this pressure
on me because you don't have enough representation.

Speaker 3 (13:11):
But it's not mine. It's not mine to carry.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
So that experience, if nothing else, taught me that I
don't just have to accept those expectations because the truth is,
how can you.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Represent authentically if you're being a version of yourself based
it's what everybody else.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
You a setup for failure. The answers you can't. Oh,
that must have been so frustrating for you because.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
To have that moment and to and so now feel
like you would have done it different must be.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
But I don't think I would have learned that. Listen,
without going through that. So I think for next time,
I'm better equipped for anything else. Now I am better
at you know, I have a project coming out where
I'm like, I'm better at being like. This won't be
the make or break. This won't solve every problem. This
is not the solution to representation.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Now.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
My own thing is like, all I want people to
take away from me is this is someone who is
doing what is right for her. If that can be
how I inspire you, I'm okay with that. Yeah, I
don't have to be the poster child for all brown people.
I don't be the poster child for all women, nor
can I be that no more, So I can be
the poster child for me.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
And it probably doesn't mean that you don't appreciate when.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
You are well. Of course, I'm so grateful for every Yeah,
so many before me, so many people pave the path,
all the mindy killings, bianca jokers, all the women they
used to raise. They've paved that path, and I'm so
grateful to keep chipping away at it. But there's no
way I.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
Can do it all myself. There's no way.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
But sometimes people have acted like I could, but I
know I can't I'm just one person. Yeah. But the
thing is is, too we have these goals, and.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
It's like sometimes we put so much and I always
try to think about what the conversations we have, how
they land for whoever's out there, And I think about, Okay,
so even in this situation, like we all build things
up in our life, one day, I want to do this.
You put so much pressure on something, so much pressure
on something that if it doesn't hit the way you
think it was, sometimes we think we're finished.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
But the truth is, like you said, if you don't
go through that, how do you get to the better version? Totally?

Speaker 2 (15:00):
The better version of that show, whatever it is, is
coming exactly?

Speaker 1 (15:04):
Well another thing, how do you not.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
Get there if you don't let go of completely.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
The lesson you had to learn.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
I feel like another thing. And I don't know if
this will resonate with your with your audience, but I
feel like for most of my life I never believed
I could be happy with where I am and also
be ambitious.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
They seemed mutually exclusive.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
I'll break that down for me. Okay, So basically, I'm
a big believer of vision boards. I've had vision boards
my whole life. Oh, I still have. The mine is
in my shower right now as we speak, in my shower.
I look at it every day every day in my shower.
It's a glass. I know theres a lot of questions
about how it's waterproof. Is the slash shower, It's the
whole thing, trust me. The logistics work. But I've always
had vision boards and I've always had goals. And what
I've noticed was happening is as my goals were being
accomplished and my dreams are coming true, I kept being like, oh,

(15:46):
I did that, but it doesn't feel like I did
it because there's this.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Better version I could do. I could always do more.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
And I can tell you, as a human being, you'll
accomplish goals and always feel like it's not enough, and
you'll always feel like, what's the next thing. There's a
higher number, always, there's a big project. Always. And I
think I've just learned over the past two years that
you actually can be so happy with where you are
in life and still be ambitious and have goals. Those
are not mutually exclusive. Ambition and being.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Happy with where you are. Both of those things can
be true at ones.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Is there a key to it?

Speaker 1 (16:18):
I think the key to it. I think the key
is always repeating two things can be true. At ones
we are so rigid and thinking this is true, this
is true, but no, the truth isn't the great both
things are true. I'm so grateful if right now I
accomplish nothing more. I'm really proud of myself. I'm really
proud of who I am. But I can feel that
and still be like, oh, but I still want to

(16:39):
do this movie and I still want to meet this personally.
Makes it more fun too, it does. At the end
of the day, what are we doing If we're not
having fun? What are we even doing at the end
of the day, You're not like that was awesome.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
I laughed a lot, like, what are we doing?

Speaker 2 (16:51):
Oh my god, it's so much more fun to do
it that. I've done it both ways. I've done it
both ways. Yeah, you put so much burden on you
are showing you that it's like, but none of it
is fun.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
And then the end goal, whether.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
It's successful or not. The six months leading up to
it was terrible. So what was the point?

Speaker 1 (17:07):
And I'm not trying to be on a high horse,
because let me tell you, in my twenties I did
a lot of that I did a lot of them
not having fun, a lot of saying yes to everything,
very tough projects, very just like hustle, hustle, hustle, no joy.
And I think maybe people I don't know the right answer.
Maybe people have to go through an era of that.
Maybe they do, and then they get to a place
where they're like maybe, because I'm sure some people watch
this are gonna be like, I can't have fun right now.

Speaker 3 (17:29):
I gotta pay these bills.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
And you can do get it, you can do. The
dream is to work to a place to be able
to do both, for sure.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
I think one of the tricks of that is like
stopping yourself in moments in between, like we just I
just shot my first short.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
We talked about it, I wrote it, I directed it,
a shot. I always had it to get it, to
do the thing. So we just did that.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Me and Brittany did it.

Speaker 1 (17:51):
Congratulation, no thank you.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
But in it, I there were moments where I had
because there was a lot of shit that went wrong,
a lot of things that was like oh time, I
was like, oh that's how you do that? Okay, good,
I got it. So instead of focusing on like something
that I did wrong, focus, focusing on the opportunity to.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Learn something and how like, oh, should I get it now? Oh?
I can't wait to do it again. Yeah, oh, I can't.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Wait to try that again.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Same one.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
You kind of framed the show experience for you, like
instead of just like, it's more like, oh, now I
know how I.

Speaker 3 (18:22):
Would get switching the operating system. This is the thing
I'm working on in my brain. So you're probably realizing
that I'm a nerd.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
I'm very like into this kind of way about nerdy
types of things. We were in our bad right, dodent
tattoo student for life? I love. So I think it's like,
if you think about yourself, do like an I love
this tattoo student? Yeah? Is that new?

Speaker 3 (18:44):
I got an eight tattoos in the past month.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
So if I got one that said student, would it
be like creepy? And we're not, absolutely not. I've been
wanting to get another one, Yeah, tattoo.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I just this a little quost recently, and I've been
wanting to put something here I love.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
If I did, it would be a little weird. All right,
bring out the tattoo artists. Here we go.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
Let's do a live baby, Let's do it live.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
We are in New York. It probably would take thirty minutes,
but okay, still operating system. So I'm doing press for
a movie right now, and it's a lot. I'm not
gonna lie like your girl is tired. Yeah, your girl
has been doing a lot. It's really stressful. It's independently finance.
It's very, very stressful. I know we're gonna talk about
it and get into it. Of Course, throughout this whole process,
I was like, Lily, I just want you to try

(19:23):
your best to enjoy the process, and so I've been
thinking about operating systems in the way of there's no
way throughout this entire press chour. I'm not gonna be stressed.
Of course I'll be stressed. Of course to some moments
last night, literally I kid you, not true story. I
was trying to schedule time for me to cry because
I woke up.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
And I was like, I'm really tired.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
I'm not sad, but I'm really overwhelmed, and I feel
like my body needs to release nothing to cry. But
I was in hair and makeup so I couldn't cry.
So I was looking at my schedule being like, can
I cry at four pm? And I cry out literally,
and then I had an event get thrown onto my
schedule so I couldn't cry at all. And I was like,
now it's midnight and there's no time to cry, so
I'll look at tomorrow for crying. So today, at some
point I'm gonna try to cry. But the point I make,
we can cry on the pod. Ye, no, girl, I

(19:58):
have an event after this this hair and makeup. Okay,
that's very fine. But I was like, of course we'll
be stressed. Of course you're gonna get overwhelmed. But if
you can continuously try to operate from a place of joy,
that would do you well.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
That doesn't mean perfection, it doesn't mean you' always be joys.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
But if my operating system is set to joy, I
could keep just going back to that defail. So my
only goal is instead of operating from a place of fear,
of anxiety, of stress, just operate from a place of joy.

Speaker 3 (20:25):
That is what I'm trying to do.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
So good, That's what I'm trying to do, Just have fun,
so good.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
I think there's probably no quick answer to how to
do that except just to just do it right, Like.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Just yeah, I think it's I think it's exactly what
I said, in the sense of, like I think, when
we're trying to operate from a certain place, the second
we fail, we get discouraged. We're like, oh, well I
got stressed now, so this whole thing is stressful and
now this whole thing has gone to trash. No, even
if you're operating from a place of joy, you will
get stressed. You will but go back to the place
of where you're operating from and make that the default,
trying to keep coming back to that, trying to do

(21:01):
me and my sister, my Sistan's over there, this whole
press tour, were like joy. We're just going to keep
trying to operate from a place of joy and have fun.
And even if we cried today, we're going to try
to go back to the place of joy.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
Now when it's time to cry, when it's like midnight
or that favorite subject, whatever your.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
Time is to cry, can you really just do it
or do you have to like you can't rely the
hair and makeup during press is hard because I did
really want to cry. But there is something very real
about like what being in tune to what your body needs. Yes,
yesterday I just felt a little bit like I needed
a release, and I wasn't able to because I was
in between events. I can't cry on de man like that.

(21:37):
But more so, what I meant is like, can you
schedule thirty minutes for you just shut down and turn
off and do whatever it is your body needs to
do for a second. So I think that's important. That's
pretty good because I have a really strict morning routine usually,
but during this press tour, girl, it has not been happening.
What is your morning routine? I'd like to know, is
your aunting's gonna think I'm a nerd. I feel like
I'm too heavy on the We are all nerds. Okay

(21:58):
you are you already got nerds? Real? We are your no, no,
listen are you sure? Listen? Listen? Okay, we are your people. Okay,
these are we are your people. We are you the nerds.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
Okay, thank you for holding space for my nerdiness.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
Okay, I'm big on the self the self reflection growth stuff. Okay,
this is cold in real life. This is what this
is what we're here for. Come on next. Also have
to say this table call is so soft, it's so good.
Shout out production design. That's Brittany. Let's go baby, Brittany.
You getting a lot of shout outs over here, Brittany,
you seem like the whole queen of this operation can
tell you, Brittany, Okay, she's like editing this live right

(22:32):
now as we go. Okay, making clips, Yeah, Okay. My
morning routine. I spent a lot of years trying to
figure it out. I've always wanted to be a real person.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Oh I've read that, there's like, uh the five Steps,
the five a m Book, the five steps in the
supposed to read, and I did it for a little bit.
I haven't been able to make one stick.

Speaker 1 (22:50):
I That's the thing. I don't know if I could
stick to any of that. I've made this one my own.
I don't follow anyone else's morning routine. But I did
it because I was noticing that my mental health was plummeting.
Because for you, years and years and years, I would
wake up and within minutes I would start work. And
I was like, I don't like this.

Speaker 3 (23:05):
My brain has no time to be a human.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Oh God, I'm gonna love this already because I do this. Yes,
So I forced myself to start being a morning person.
I force myself to start waking up at seven which
I know some people listening to me that's not early.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
It's early for me.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
So I start waking up at seven, and I have
a rule with my team which is no work thing
can be scheduled in my calendar before ten.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
So I have a window of three hours to be
a human being.

Speaker 1 (23:26):
So I wake up, I let my dogs out, I
make myself tea, I sit on my porch, a journal
almost every day.

Speaker 3 (23:31):
Ish I'm not perard by try a journal every day.
I do a little.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Prayer, I stretch, I try to work out not every day,
take a shower, make myself breakfast, and by then I
have done three hours of things that are not work.
So when I go into work, I'm like, I'm a
full human being before I've even talk to any of y'all,
which makes me a better person and just makes me
more mentally healthy and helps me not define myself solely

(23:56):
by my work, which is also a huge problem for me.

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Speaker 1 (25:06):
This is so good, but you gotta find works for
you. You might have just changed my life. No, maybe it's
not tea, maybe it's something else, maybe it is reading,
whatever it is, but I think it's just more important.
I think what the key is just doing things before
you become your job. Yes, you know, because you are
human first before you are a professional.

Speaker 3 (25:24):
And this is every day for you. Every day it
is everyday. Ish, I'm not perfect. On the weekends, I'm leaning.
But again, when I go back to traveling, like right now,
I'm traveling, it's hard.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
And also you're a creative right, so it's like me,
so what happens with me? I say, I'm not going
to work. But then I have this like idea because
when I am taking time for myself, just.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Make a little note about it and put it away,
a little note and put it away in box. Okay,
that's worked for me. But I mean just it's just
about finding that time in the morning. And you gotta
let your team know nothing before a certain time.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Okay, So from the time this episode drops for the
next one month, yep, I'm going to try to try
and implement this.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
I want to hear a full status.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Will I give you a proably you will, well, what
could bead? What bad could happen? You could you could
say this many hours is not enough. You could say
my team is not respecting the boundary. I'm doing podcasts
a in the morning, Brittany, Brittany, I know you run
the schedule, Brittany, we're talking to you. I'm talking to you, Brittany.
Or what time you usually wake up? About the same,

(26:22):
about seven seven seven eight, Yeah, But sometimes what happens
is I get up, Yeah, what do I immediately do?

Speaker 2 (26:28):
The phone?

Speaker 1 (26:29):
The computer?

Speaker 2 (26:30):
So then I'm like working from the bed for no shower.

Speaker 3 (26:34):
Then I'm trying to eat something real fair now, baby girl,
No working in the bed.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Sometimes Glam's waiting for me in the kitchen at eight thirty.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
See you, No, I know I'm doing this wrong.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
No, we're not to get wrong. We're all trying our best.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
You're very compassionate and you really understand my journey. Okay,
trying to make you feel see baby girl, No, No,
you're doing right. I'm gonna really this is gonna be
a thing. It's gonna be a one month and that's
what works for me. But I'm not on a high wrist.
It might be garbage, and you might teach me something
when when you do it for a month, you might
be like, actually I figured it out. I'll be like, okay,
let me get that tattooed on my arm. You know
what else you could teach me about, because we.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
Just, like I told you, we just shot. I wrote
a script and said short. It was always my dream
to write something and make it come to fruition all
the way through, whether it was something I did one
time or with so.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
I did it.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
It was great, amazing.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
I can't imagine for you a project this big, right.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
This is a big project. It is a big one,
Like it costs a lot of money to make this
movie now, yeah, and in it absolutely did. And then
also a lot of people involved and people counting on you.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
And it's a story that you wrote and then you
have to be in it, and then you have to
show up and be funny.

Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah, there's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
There's a lot of pressure, and I'm going to be
so I want you to know that dreams conversation, we
have no filter. Okay, this is my brain baby passion project.
So what you're referencing is my upcoming movie doing it. Yes,
it is a sex comedy. Thank you. Oh my god,
you didn't give me the transition. Transition. You don't need
you to pull your phone out. You can put your
phone away, babeuse to for you. This is me spiritually
opening the car door for you.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
Right now.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
I got you. You don't need to remember anything is okay,
You're doing great? Thank you, yes doing. It is my
first time leading, my first time producing, and first time
writing a movie. So it's a really big deal. This
is the first script you ever wrote.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
First movie script, yeah, leading, though I do write. I
do write.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Yes, first time writing movie scripts, first time being a
lead in a movie, and first time producing a movie,
and my production company's first movie. So it is a
big deal across the board. It's taken seven years to
make the premises. It's a thirty something year old virgin
finds herself teaching sex. Said so it is a raunchy
sex comedy like the ones I grew up with, like
American Pie, like forty year old virgin, but this one
is very female. Ford Women are at the center of

(28:46):
this whole movie. Women of color are at the center
of this movie. The virgin is not the butt of
the joke, and women are not written as these kinds
of accessories. They're written as the complex characters of anything.
I went out of my way to make some of
the men written as accessories, to be honest, I love that,
just to kind of balance things out a little bit.
But it's you know, it's a laugh out loud fun
I hope laugh out loud funny comedy. But the commentary

(29:06):
is about the trailer looks laugh out loud funny. You
thank you. And I've sat on a lot of screenings
and people laugh and never tend to laugh. My god,
my butt unclinches a little, but I'm like, Okay, we're good.
They're laughing. It's good. But it is about ultimately a
woman's journey unlearning shame, because I feel like everyone I've
ever talked to, no matter what age she is, whether
she's a teenager, whether she's in her thirty forties, fifty sixties,
has some level of I feel I felt so awkward

(29:30):
with sex. I was never taught to enjoy sex. I
was never taught about my body. I was never taught
that I could like be powerful or confident or liberated
in this way. And this is kind of my love
letter to not only those women, who have felt like that,
but also to like young Lily, Yeah, who for most
of my life, sex and my body was a very
daunting subject. I bet I was always really uncomfortable talking
about sex before this movie. I couldn't even say sex

(29:51):
without whispering it. I never got the talk, you know
what I mean. I never had sex said, and if
I did have sex said in school, it was very straight.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
It was very hetero.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
So this is like a love letter to young Lily
of the movie I wish I had growing up, just
to make me feel slightly more normal. So that's what
the movie is. It was really hard to make. It
took seven years independently financed. Wow, And in this press
for let me just tell you, baby, I am putting
all of my money like it is. I am going
to make no money money, it doesn't matter a big

(30:21):
studio movie. So everything I'm doing every place, I'm flying
to yourself. I'm flying myself. I'm putting myself and my
team up by hotels myself. Because you're in your purpose.
I'm in my purpose. I'm paying for the glamor I'm playing,
and you know that stuff is not you. I'm paying
for the wardrobe I put my own money into the
distribution deal. This was real. I've paid my stylus and
they put it together. When I step up out of

(30:42):
the house, I'm like to myseln, so how much did
this cost for me?

Speaker 3 (30:45):
Stuff out of the house just now.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
But I just committed to being like, I'm gonna put
all my eggs basketball. I really believe in the message
of this movie, and I wish I had it when
I was younger. So all of my producing fees are
back in the movie. All my writing fees have gone
back into the movie.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
Wow, we're just out here.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
We are just out here, well out here making make
it an important movies fun Zach, but important because I
decided that's what this project is. There's some things I
do in life. I'm like, this is about the money,
This is about this. This one is not about that.
This is about I really believe in the message, and
I really really believe in girls and women. That's the
chip on my shoulder and the culture in which we
operate in. And if there's a movie that can normalize

(31:22):
girls and women talking about sex and feeling empowered in
that way, I can lose some money on that. And
I'm okay. He did good. Yeah, I'm a really good person. Basically,
go watch the movie September nineteen. She's really I'm really trying. Yeah,
that's really funny. And my mom helped on the movie too.
How was that for your mom? Well, so my mom
is and this is not a vanity credit. She factually

(31:44):
was the cultural consultant on the set. We have some
scenes that take place in India. We're shooting it in Canada,
but take place in India, and so I mirrored those
scenes off her upbringing. So it's mirrored off her childhood classroom,
her school uniform, the language, and all the stuff. She
was like double checking everything was good. Now, I love
parents have not seen the movie yet. Oh no, oh god. Yeah,
so I'm a little stressed about your parents. Can't be

(32:06):
surprised by anything by you at this point, that's what
we think. Yeah, but I will say, you know what
was so sweet. I had a family party a few
months ago and all my aunties and uncles were there,
and my cousin came on and surprised me with this
cake in the shape of boobs. Yeah, and it was like,
you're doing it and all the aunties. I was so
at These are like conservative like you a group in
a very conservative but they were like, we can't wait
to see the movie. And I was like, you know,
I do some dirty things, and she's like, we can't

(32:26):
wait to see the dirty things you're doing. It like
my aunties are hyped because they never got to talk either. Yeah. Right,
I feel like I'm trying to feel we're trying to
hear the generational trauma.

Speaker 3 (32:35):
We're trying, they say.

Speaker 2 (32:37):
Most writer like when you write, even if the story
is not about you, there's pieces of you or things
I don't know for me when I write, And sometimes
I don't even know, Like I wrote something in my
grandfather's name was in there.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
I didn't realize, like, oh my god, I did that
is my grandfather's name. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
My character does gamble and my grandfather did Gimble. But
things about you show up in the writing. I just
wonder for you in this script or in this film,
like what.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
She's trying to ask me if I'm a thirty year
old virgiin I love it. Well, listen, I'm not gonna lie.
I was a very late bloomer with all things sexual sexuality,
really absolutely because you were afraid. I was afraid. I
really for most of my life associated anything sexual with shame.
Really I did. That was a really big unlearning and
I'm still unlearning it. To be honest, this outfit, I

(33:27):
like asked for my team six times, is it too much?
Like does my body look? Because I don't want people
to think a certain way of me? And you look,
it's fine? Perfect I do? I do, And through promotion
of this movie, I will say this movie has really
taught me to be liberated. When we have twenty meetings
about a jildo that happens, you know, at the twenty
first Zoom meeting about a dilder, like, okay, this has
been normalized for me. But it really did help me

(33:51):
be okay with a lot of this stuff. But it
is a work in progress, for sure. There are parts
of me in the script. There's jokes in the script
that a lot of other producers are like, we think
we should cut this, and I'm like, no, because.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
This resonates and it's gonna resonate. I'll give you one
example that's really vulnerable.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
There's a part in the movie where I have a
monologue and I say, I didn't even learn how to
properly use a tampon until.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
I was whatever. And I know a lot of especially girls,
like young brown girls, they struggle with that because we
are never taught that.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
There's a lot of like it's a super big taboo
subject using a tampon, and like myths about your virginity
and all these types of things. And so I left
a lot of those jokes in because I was like,
it's okay if you you and you don't understand it.
It's not for you. It's for all these other people
who are gonna feel seen. And that's a challenge of
the movie too. I'll be vulnerable and say that. Some

(34:41):
feedback we got from some executives in Hollywood was that
the movie was too.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Niche, And I hate the word niche.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
I hate it because I'm like, you're saying it's niche
because I'm in it, and because it's through the South
Asian lens. But how many things have I watched in
my life where I did not see myself I was
fully able to understand them. Sex is a very universal subject.
It's a taboo subject in every single culture. So I
really despise and have resentment towards an exec that calls

(35:08):
me niche because statistically speaking, I'm not niche. Actually they
are niche statistically speaking, you know what I'm saying, But
it's true though, it is true, and so it's like, yeah,
if I was able to watch why is.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
It not a good story?

Speaker 1 (35:21):
I was able to watch Friends and that was not niche.
Like I think you know this whole idea of our
stories being niche. And I love what you said about
your short film having pieces of you and you didn't
even know your grandfather's name, wasn't it because that highlights
the importance of having different types of storytellers, because our
hearts get infused into these things and we need a
variety of these stories for sure. The last thing I'll

(35:42):
say in this, because honestly, I could talk about this
for ten hours, is I think people don't realize that
if you don't let different storytellers tell different stories, it's
not just about entertainment. It's not just about the box off,
it's not just about laughs. I think you're actually hindering
the progress of those communities. When you don't see yourself
in TV shows, movies, it hinders your ability to understand yourself,

(36:02):
to understand other people, to learn new things about yourself.
Like I can't tell you how many things I've learned
about myself watching TV shows and movies where I'm like, oh,
I see myself on this. I'm like, I guess I'm
like that. But if you can't see yourself, progress gets hindered.
So it's not just about entertainment. It's about evolving and
helping people evolve.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
That's why you're out here using your own money.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
That's why I'm broke. Now go broke. That was a
long winded way of saying that is why I have
put all my money, and that is why everybody should
go and watch this movie.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
It's not just a regular call to action because somebody
needs to make money.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
It's not actual, real purpose and heart. And this is
not a big studio money. This is not a studio movie.
It's not you like, you know what I mean. I
should be on a press rare being like it is
cute movie. Yeah, and it's cute, And no I'm out
here saying please.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
Please, I'm out here because honestly, the support that shows
up for this movie also kind of shows what comes
at exactly.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
And I don't think that's necessarily fair, but it's true.
It's not fair, but it's true, because it's just reality
you can have. And I hope like everyone's okay, comfortable
me saying this, because it's true. You can have fifty
failed movies with white leads and they'll still keep getting made.
They will still You'll have fifty spy movies with white people.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Those still keep getting made.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
But if this one doesn't do good, if Never have
I ever doesn't do good, if Sinners doesn't do good,
like then it's like, oh see, that's why we can't
make those types of movies. It's one and done. It's
we have to keep proving ourselves over and over and
over again. So it's it's challenging, it's tough. You're so
good at this and what you're just telling the stories,

(37:41):
that's what it is. I just no, No, it's not
just that. It's also the purpose.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
And passion and understanding of the it is.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
You know, thank you, but I really am.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
I love that there was I was. I spent a
whole morning on your Instagram, which was such a joyful
place to think.

Speaker 4 (37:58):
You imagine thinks I can be a little looking at
a low. No, I want to make my own daddy videos.
I told you that already you should. But then there
was a clip that you did after Pride Okay where
you were giving advice. Yes, And there was something that
you said that I absolutely loved.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
You were talking about the fact, well you said, you
were basically giving someone advice. If they come out and
they don't immediately get the verbs or the vocabulary that
they want to get. Your parents don't say no problem.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
I love you as you are.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
You know, if they don't give you the right words
that you should give people the grace to kind of
see how they act. Do they show you the love,
do they support you? Are they trying to do better?

Speaker 1 (38:41):
Be better?

Speaker 2 (38:42):
And I just I loved that because I think it
speaks not only to that specific experience, but anytime you
show up in a way that maybe you feel maybe
disappoints them. I don't I want to leave college, or
or I'm doing.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
This religion now that's different from our family.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
Whatever way you show up, that's kind of anti to
something having the kind of the bravery to be okay,
if somebody doesn't receive it the way, I don't know.
I just I thought that that I wondered for you
if that was the case.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
I every morning in my prayers say one specific line,
which is, God give me, guide me to have grace
for myself so I may have grace for others. And
I've learned that anytime I don't have grace for others,
it's because I'm being very rigid with myself. I made
that video because, Yeah, I made that video because I
feel like it's been Mama thirty six after three seven,

(39:34):
it's been six to seven years since I've come out,
and it's been a journey. I think there's a lot
of if anyone listening that has had this experience, I
think people think that you come out and it's all
relief and it's all roses, and it's not. It's not.
I know, it's a whole thing where you got to
relearn about yourself and other people got to re learn
about you.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
That's scary.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
But the reason I made that video is because I
think there's a lot of examples out there, going back
to what we just talked about, of what it's supposed
to look like when you come out to your family.
There's a lot of examples of movies, and there's a
lot of dialogue online about like how supportive your parents
should be, and a lot of times those parents in
those movies are very equipped and are in the time

(40:12):
and place where they can do all those things, and
that's just not reality. And I'll even go further and
say that a lot of the examples we've seen of
that have been white in movies. There's been a lot
of white coming out in movies where parents are very supportive,
and sometimes they're not supportive, and then by the end
of the ninety minutes they are very supportive. You. We
love you exactly. But I think I'll never forget any
example I give you, And I.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Hope it's okay to say.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Is My mom always explained to me, you know, when
the Black Lives Matter matters was a huge conversation. I
sat down with my parents and I talked to them
about and I explained it to them, and I explained
the importance of it, and my mom was so receptive
and she was so quick at learning about But she
said something to me in that conversation that really made
me think. She said, you know, the reason I don't
know a lot of stuff is I had never seen
a black person until I immigrated to Canada in my

(40:53):
twenty somethings.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
So I was like, oh, I grew up with fresh friends.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
I grew up with this versus I have tons of
black friends.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
I'm really educated in this.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
And then she went on to say, like, I didn't
know a gay person until my daughter brought this conversation
to me. Wow, it's not coming from a place that
I don't care. It's coming from a place like genuinely
was born in a place where I was never exposed
to the words, the ideas. And now there's this whole
dialogue online that expects her to immediately have this information,

(41:25):
and that's just not realistic.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
And so I made that video.

Speaker 1 (41:28):
Especially for people of color, to be like, your immigrant
parents probably don't have the experience. It's not that they
don't have the love, they just don't have the vocabulary experience.
And so I think we'd all be better if there
was a period of grace where we just had the
conversation and let people learn, because we're better off. If
people learn and become better than never giving them the
chance to learn, we'll all be better off.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
I feel like the whole world right now is in
that state, like everybody wants the.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Everybody to sing. And I've had some friends and I've
had to politely check a little bit because like you know,
when I came out, my parents didn't say all the
right things. And I remember telling my friends, my friends
being like, well, that's really wrong and you shouldn't accept that.
And I was like, but no, but no, but no,
I have to give them grace. And I have to
do better at giving them grace because that's just what

(42:16):
it is. And now my parents, you know, it took
a few years, but we're so great and they're so
supportive and it's so lovely, and we're all in a
better situation because they gave me grace and I gave
them grace, and I think that's the better situation to be.
And and so I don't want kids, especially kids of color,
to come out and then their parents don't say what
the white parents on TV said, and now they just
dismissed them and they don't have parents for the rest
of their life.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
I don't think that leaves any of us in a
better place.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
I will put the caveat and I said in the video,
as long as you're safe. I'm not encouraging anyone to
be in dangerous situations. I'm not encouraging any of that.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
But I'm saying if someone is willing to learn. I
think they're worth the education.

Speaker 1 (42:50):
Yeah, and the love is still if they're still love
and yeah, yeah, grace, just give yourself grace. Those is
not good.

Speaker 5 (42:59):
Just my best I have a bowl. It's called real
life bulls. This story in real life, this is nothing.
This is you could make them scans.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
I already know.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
Brittany handfolded each one of these.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
She totally died. I had nothing to do with the
fo This is not our usual. So the ball, it's
just questions.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
You want here, you pick one, you can pick it.
I should pick one. Okay, I'm just giving you a shower.
Let's say real life questions. Real life questions. When you
leave the room, what do you hope people say about
you or what is the feeling that you hope stays behind.
That's a really good question. Okay, we kind of touched
on this because Wafa mentioned this. I really do pride

(43:45):
myself in the fact that I've heard many times people
say I felt so comfortable talking to you, and you
felt like a safe space. I think that's the feeling
I want to leave behind. I hope people say like
I felt like I could just be myself around her,
and I felt comfortable and safe and like she wasn't
gonna judge me. And she's like older sister vibes or
younger sister vibes, depending on you know. Yeah, I think

(44:06):
that's really important. I feel like safety is not something
we talk about enough. Feeling safe is so rare in
this day, and you seem to figure that out. And
maybe it didn't always feel like that.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
But even like everything you've done always seems like you
feel safe in or at least safe in your own skin.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
Thank you. I don't always, I will say, but I do.
I do prioritize safety, and so even I remember when
I had the late night show, a lot of guests
after we started rolling would say you really eased to
talk to And I said things that I usually don't
say a lot of people will say that to me.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
I say things to you I usually don't say to people. Yeah,
and that can say that really special.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
I could see that, Yeah, you want to do one more?
I see other one.

Speaker 3 (44:42):
What do the people say about you though?

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Similar the same thing you said?

Speaker 1 (44:47):
No, I'm saying what kind of but kind of yeah,
but kind of yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
Just that energy is like a big deal. So if
somebody feels like good energy, that's good.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Enough for me.

Speaker 2 (44:58):
We were just talking about that before, Like that literally
could be the difference. I can say all the nice
things I want to you, but if I feel that
energy is weird.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
Can I tell you an hour ago when I walked
in here, it was like I was like a little
sleep in the car and I was like, oh, don't know.
And as soon as I walked in I felt the
first thing.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
I was like a herd.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
Energy is gonna be great? Oh so I feel that? Yeah? Good? Okay, yeah,
so yeah. I hope I leave people will get internewing
for sure. Mission accomplished. Okay, if your heart had a
rule book, what are two qualities that would be written
in bold when it comes to a partner? And why
we'll record this for Riyah.

Speaker 3 (45:31):
Someone record this with my Ryan profile.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
Okay, if you had your heart had a rule ho
what are two qualities that would be written in bold
when it comes to a partner? Were two things I
need a partner? I know it's a very complicated way
to ask that question. No, no, no, I like it.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
Brittany did a great job. Two, I want to give
you a really honest question.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
Here answer here because I think this is an important question,
and also my future party could be watching this and
I need to let me know they're watching this.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (45:58):
Two qualities Okay, the first one.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
So serious it is I'm really thinking about this, I
really really want to think about this. The first one,
reliability is bold, underline highlighted, and that has everything to
do with my trauma. I have major abandonment issues. I
need someone to show up and show up consistently. I
need to feel like I rely on them in small

(46:24):
and big ways. And I will say one of my
things life, I feel like I can't I can't get
over it, like I cannot get over not feeling like
can reland something as well.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
So that's for sure a big one.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Wow. And I'm gonna be really honest and say that's
my trauma. It's not even about other people. It's about
just my wounds.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
To be honest, Like, you have parents that are still
like I guess it doesn't have to be parents.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
It could be relationship podcasts for another day.

Speaker 3 (46:47):
Yeah no, but there's a lot of combandonment issues there.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
So I need to really show up and show up
consistently or it really messes with my mind. The second one,
I need someone that is a giver. And I say
this because I am a giver to a detriment. So
my biggest green and red flag mixed into one is
that I'm a giver. So I just told you, like

(47:10):
I love opening car doors, I will do that. If
I'm exhausted, I will do that. If i am unwell,
I will do it all the time. And I will
never be the person to say I'm really tired and
I'm not doing well and I need you to show
up for me.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
I will never be that person.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
I need a partner who will say I'm gonna stop
you right there because I know what's happening.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
You need to sit down and I'm gonna take care
of you for a second.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
If they say that, it needs to proactively, pro actively
be like, no, let me stop you, because that's also
a trauma responsive mine. I got trauma responses. Let me
show you what I can do for you. Let me
give you bab And I need someone to be like, no,
you need to sit down. I'm opening the doore, I'm
cooking for you. I'm doing this. That's reliability and giver.
Those are my Oh I love this for you. You're
gonna find this? Do you want to find it? Are

(47:55):
you like? Look? Are you?

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Is love important?

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Is important?

Speaker 2 (47:59):
It is?

Speaker 1 (48:00):
But that varies for different people. Like love is important? Sure,
I love my family, I love.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Some people, are like I really having a partner or
somebody is like really important for my happiness in life.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
So if you asked me this when I was in
my twenties, when I'm like absolutely not important.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
I'm focused on my career. I do not need someone
to distract me, I would have absolutely said that.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Now, I think because of just maybe it's my age,
maybe I've seen my friends and relationships, maybe I've dabbled
in dating here and there. I am a big believer
now that if you have a good, healthy partnership, that
health and joy can seep into all other parts of
your life and make you better throughout. Another way of
saying that is, I'm in my air of believing that
one plus one is three. You know, two people that

(48:41):
are really good together bring out the best in each other,
will make me better in everything. I do believe that
because I've even seen my friendships. I'm right now have
the best friendships I've ever had, and I've noticed I'm
better in auditions. I'm better in interviews, my health is better.
So I do believe that having a really good partner
can seep into every part of your life. Really, I
love that. What is the key to good friendships? Like

(49:02):
what do you? How did you? How did you do that? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (49:05):
One have them with women, no offense to any of
the man we love an ally a female friends.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Goode knows this. Guys, you too could have friends who
are women. Believe it or not. You two can befriend
a woman, believe it or not. The good the key
to friendships?

Speaker 3 (49:20):
Well, if femal friendship are really important to me.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
But I think for all friendships, I think we kind
of covered giving grace. I think I struggled for a
long time in my life because I had such high
standards for myself and others had such rigidness. Oh my
friends showed up blaate. They don't care about me. Oh
they didn't show up to this thing. They don't care
about me. And I really that's why I say it
in my prayers in the morning, like guide me to
have grace for myself so I can give grace to

(49:43):
other giving people grace in the greater scheme of things,
does this person show up to you when it really
matters they do.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
Then give them.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Grace on the time they didn't text you back of
the time they flopped on you at the time they
didn't say the right thing.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
Like, I think grace is really important.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
I think friends that you can feel safe with, which
we also touched on, Like we just had a whole
conversation about sex. I told you I felt really awkward
about Can I tell you the number of my girlfriends
in my backyard by my fire pit, which is like
a little smoke, a little drink, And we're like, I'm
gonna teach you some things about sex, girl, I'm like,
give it to me. Teach me, Mama, teach me. Like,
safe conversations where I can be myself are really important

(50:18):
as well. And this is a big one because women
are not encouraged to do this. You got to be
each other's cheerleader, you know, especially in this industry. I
have some actress friends. Nothing makes me happier than them
booking a role, and sometimes we audition for the same thing,
and we have had to train ourselves to be like,
we are not in competition with each other.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
It is not about.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
Better or worse or right or wrong, and it's just
we had to cheer each other on. That is really
important in friendship, you know, just really your happiness. And
the last thing I'll say about this because I'm talking
too much, No.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
You're not.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
What are you talking about? I two weeks ago had
a friend I'll even name Dropper because she's so sweet,
Perkins as my friend. I was telling her. All I
said was I was giving her example about someone that
treated me really well. I had someone in a day
that I was having a really rough day and someone
just being really kind for me and treated me really well.

Speaker 3 (51:03):
And Perkins knows how much I struggle with receiving.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
She cried physical real tears, physical real tears springed down
her face and I was like, white crash. She's like,
it just made me so emotional to hear that someone
treated you well, because I know you deserve that, and
she cried, I was so taken. Aback. I was still

(51:26):
taken aback. That had nothing to do with her. She
just I was treated well and it overjoyed her. Oh
my god, that is love. That's so good. I had
a similar Nikki did this.

Speaker 2 (51:36):
I think I told you this Birdie before, but one
of my best not one of mine, my best friend
since I'm eight years old.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Wow, that's incredible, you know what I mean. Yeah, imagine having.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
A friend that, like you, knows your life the same
as you do, even more because her memory is better
than mine, so sometimes she knows I don't even know.
So there was a thing that happened a couple of
years ago. I talked about it on the pot. Not
a big deal now, but there was a time I
told my other had passed away for many, many years,
drug addiction caught him when I was young. I hadn't
seen him since I was ten years old. A few
years ago, I found out that he was still alive.

Speaker 1 (52:08):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
But in this moment, it was the moment I had
found out that I had thought he died. So I'm
sitting at Houston's because to me, I didn't seen.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
My father's insane.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
I have no relationships.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
It was really no emotional feeling. It was more like fact,
fine thing, right. So I'm sitting at Houston's with Nikki
and some other friends, and I'm like, oh, my gosh,
So I met this lady. She was friends with my
parents when they were younger. Whenever she said that she yeah,
she she had figured because I already figured he died.
She was like, yeah, she said that he had passed.
And so I'm talking to the thing. We're having the
spinach dip, and I look over at Nikki and she's
crying tears.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
I was like, why are you crying? I'm okay, why
are you crying? It's okay.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
And she was like, I just always thought that this
story was going to end differently for you. I in
my mind. You know, she's known me since I'm eight
years old, so she was always like, I thought that
you would have a better end to this story. And
she's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
She was like.

Speaker 6 (52:54):
Inconsolable, hold her head. I'm like, it's okay, so fine,
it's special, but that's really especial. Someone cares about you
that much. It's so special. I know that's real.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
I think for like, not for anybody.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
If you get to life to you have a point
where friends like that, friends that will cry because something
great happened.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
Well, right, there is anything money makes you rich? Na
sounds like Nikki shout out to his friends, friends like you, Yeah,
for sure.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
So if this movie doesn't make you any money, you
know you're rich in friendships.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
And you know why.

Speaker 3 (53:31):
I'm glad you said that because it won't make me
any money. So I will be rich in friend but we.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Will enjoy it. We don't feel seen by.

Speaker 3 (53:41):
There's other ways to be rich.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
There's other ways to be rich.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
Okay, before you go, we have in real life.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
These are my in real life questions. Let's go so good.
I was getting a little teary there. I'm not gonna
like some in my throat.

Speaker 3 (53:53):
You told me you needed to cry, so I try.
This mask is not water.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
I was really trying to get it out of clothes.
Those clothes just resistance. On a scale of one to ten.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
How happy are you today?

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Okay? I woke up a seven with you? Right now,
I'm gonna be real. I feel nine with you. I
do feel nine. I feel very safe and seene with you.
I feel like I really enjoy your energy. I feel
like I really like our conversation. It would be ten,
but I won't lie. The movie stress has got a
little bit of anxiety right here. So you can do
a nine, which is really good. It's fucking great. I'll say,

(54:32):
where do you float? Like? On the average, every day
is different. I'm not gonna lie. The reason how the
morning routine is because I start I wake up pretty
anxious and I work after those three hours to get
myself to.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
Like i'd say, like a seven. So you're starting lower,
I'm still low.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
I start low and after work towards the seven, which
is why I'm very big on the morning routine. In
a month, I'm going to tell you how it's going
from me.

Speaker 3 (54:55):
So I look forward to you hitting eleven baby.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
How often, and you're real life, how often do you think.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
About your legacy?

Speaker 3 (55:04):
Pretty often? Really, I will say pretty often. It's because
of what we just spoke about.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
How a lot of people say to me like we're
counting on you or to have expectations of me. I've
thought about my legacy a lot. What do I want
to leave behind? What is the path I want to
leave behind? And I've also learned because I said, I'm
a big believer of vision boards that has a lot
of numbers, it has like a lot of accolades on it,
the one that doesn't go away as legacy. So any
number of subscribers, views, money, all that stuff, You'll always

(55:30):
be like, there could be more, There could be more,
There could be more, But the number of people you impact,
You'll never feel like I need that to be more.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
I really believe that if I have one girl come
up to.

Speaker 1 (55:39):
Me and be like you already have off of that
for me doesn't feel like it's not enough. That feels
like enough of that feels like a lot to me.
If you were to tell me that, oh, your box
office got this much, I'd be like I could have
been more. So legacy is important for that reason. It
doesn't feel like it's not enough. You know, that's really good.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
What are your in real life pet peeves or triggers
something that.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Might knock that ten down or yeah, maybe some stupid
ones and some real ones. I absolutely cannot miss the
previews when I go to a movie. Really I need to.
I'm the first person in that seat. I need to
see the previous of the movie. As a pet peeve.
If my friend makes me miss a movie previous to
the movie, I'm upset. Wow, I'm upset. Okay, I don't
let people on their phone next to me in a movie. Also,
that's I need to focus on the full move a

(56:24):
lot about movie stuff here.

Speaker 3 (56:25):
I need to focus on the full movie.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
Well you're in movie mode? Yes, Yeah, the real big
one though, and again it's giving trauma. I need people
to take ownership for big or small things. I need
them to apologize well and take ownership for bigger heartaches.
But also like if you were to drop this bowl
and it like you weren't just like oh my bad,

(56:47):
it would irk me like, how could I apologize just
like well for this It doesn't matter for something bigger.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
It's like, I'm sorry I did this, and this is
how I'm gonna not be stepped on.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
Your pretty shoe and I ruined it for the day.
I would just need you to say sorry, sorry. I
know I need some level of ownership. What type of
animal step on your shoe? Would not say something? You
read surprised, surprised, But I just need people Like when
people forget things or don't show up and they don't
acknowledge it at all, it drives me crazy crazy.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
This is probably has to do with your shift and
why you're confrontational now, because you.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Like, I'll reach I've reached the limit of people are
taking ownership. Maybe yeah, you like the queen of ownership?
Yeah yeah, absolutely, to be a ownership crown you should wear.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Okay, what do you like most about yourself.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Hmm, that's can I just say, these are really good questions.
I've never been asked any of these questions before, and
I've done like fifteen years worth of interviews. So let's go, team,
let's go. Some of these are Britney's. I just want
to say, some of them are.

Speaker 3 (57:49):
Oh you get all the roses from me?

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Okay, all the roses are actually mine. My favorite thing
about me is the fact that I know in my
heart and soul that I'm an extremely hard worker. And
I've never in my life people that don't like me.
They could call me cringe, they could call me not funny,
they could call me a list of other words. I've

(58:11):
never had someone call me lazy. And I've never had
someone say she doesn't try and she doesn't put in
the work. And I love that about myself. That definitely
comes from my immigrant parents. I will put in any
amount of work.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
I'm a very hard worker.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
I love that. Yeah, what is our last thing? How
do we edit this? You tell me I'm following you
daddy right now. I gotta get into daddy mode.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
I don't know why I'm like not in daddy mode.

Speaker 3 (58:33):
You are you been giving Daddy this whole time? Have
I absolutely?

Speaker 1 (58:37):
Oh, that just as natural?

Speaker 3 (58:38):
Okay, that absolutely you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (58:41):
M hmm, Okay, let's good. But one last one. Hit me.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
It's one of my favorite ones. It's in the ball,
but I'm just gonna ask it. Hit me, okay, last one.
If God were to text you right now, what would
it say.

Speaker 3 (58:55):
God wants to text me right now? What would she say?

Speaker 1 (59:01):
Just right out? What you say? Okay?

Speaker 3 (59:04):
Would you say? Why don't you just tell me right now?

Speaker 1 (59:05):
What you tell me right now? Sorry? Sorry? Ye okay.
If God was to text me right now, she would
remind me a lesson I've learned many times, but she
would remind me in this moment. She would say, a reminder.

(59:27):
You are not defined by the things you do. She
would tell me, it doesn't matter what happens with this movie.
Does not change who you are, does not change how
you are loved, does not change the great qualities you have,
does not change the fact that you're a good friend,
you're a hard work or you're funny, you're sweet. Doesn't
change any of those things. Is one thing you have done,
just like you've done many other things. It's a long text,

(59:48):
she texts a lot throw momojis in there, maybe if
you prayer hands, maybe a gift in there. But I
think she would remind me that you are not defined
solely by what you do, that you are so much
more than that, because I know she she would know
I need to hear that right now. Yeah, but the
movie's still gonna do it, yes, and if it doesn't,
if it doesn't, it's also greatest subjective. I love that.

Speaker 6 (01:00:10):
I think that's a perfect thank you so much, but
I think everybody should still go.

Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
Thank I did.

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
But I do want to thank you for this conversation.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
And I want to say, if I to anyone listening,
if you're like this girl keeps talking, it's because you
made me feel really safe.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
Let you ask me a really great questions.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
Do you have like insecurity about your talking? You're talking?
Is you're like a gift for talking? Because I know
myself and when I'm really excited and passionate, sometimes I
kind of can feel like you talk too much.

Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
Not one single out thank you, thank you, You talk
the absolute perfect amount.

Speaker 3 (01:00:39):
It just means I really liked you, know I was excited.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
I like you bad. I'm gonna go do my daddy
video I'm gonna be the first top comment, absolutely Lily
saying thank you so much, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
Hey, this is Lily's thing in real life. Hey guys,
thanks for watching.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
Make sure you subscribe, like comments, and check out all
of the other episodes we have on Age Martinez I
ro O Podcast