July 3, 2024 • 39 mins
Today on Golden Hour, Kathy and Susan are joined by one of Bachelor Nation's LGBTQ+ icons and disability advocates, Demi Burnett! Demi is here to share her vibrance and transparency with our Golden women! We kick off today's episode catching up with Demi. Then, we get into her thoughts on what Pride means to her and how Bachelor Nation has supported her coming out journey. And of course, we get Demi's advice for our listeners, including how to navigate dating, socializing, and living life with autism! It's an incredible episode you won't wanna miss!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you
so much for joining us again. We're so excited to
be back.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We are always so excited to be back. And I
don't know, Susan what people are doing, but if they're
not following this podcast, you need to. You need to
never miss an episode. All you have to do is
search for Bachelor Happy Hour in the podcast app and
then hit the follow button.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yes, it's super important to follow the podcast because you're
going to get notified every time we put out a
new episode. And while you're there, you can leave us
a review or send it a question. We'd be happy
to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And please check out all of our past episodes. We've
just had so many incredible guests that I know you'll
want to listen to those episodes, and we've been having
fun answering your questions, so please keep those. I mean,
all you have to do is go to Bachelornation dot
com slash Golden Hour and we will be happy to
(01:07):
answer your questions. We have some great questions to get
to today too.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
But first we want to introduce our very very special guests,
and she's so special to me, Bachelor Nation star and
longtime fan favorite Demi Bernard. Hi, Demi, thank you so
much for joining us today.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I love you. I'm so happy I'm here. I miss you.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I miss you.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
We just did a little show together that everybody will
know in the fall, hopefully. But Demi, this is my
bff Kathy. Hi, demmy my wife Crime.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You are as gorgeous and adorable as Susan said you are.
She said she looks just like Barbie, and I have
to say, you do.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Thank you, thank You's this big, this big. Everything she
puts on her body works no matter what it is.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
I mean, it's just a door.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
And she's got fabulous hair. Can I just before we
get into conversation with Demi, for those of you who
don't know her, she's adorable and she has the most
incredible head of hair. And I do think, except for
you and I, Susan, the prerequisite to being a member
of Bachelor Nation is to have incredible hair. Hair.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
It's the secret to life.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Like I oh, is that? I guess my life is over.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'm sorry. I don't mean that.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
No, I fixed really doesn't.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
It really doesn't matter. Like as long as you're just
confident you work with what you got. But for me,
like I grewined my hair at one point and it
all fried off, and once I grew back, I was
very appreciative of like taking care of my hair and
making sure they stayed healthy because I felt like it
really changed my life. But again, like my hair wasn't
(02:53):
it was fried off and disgusting and bleached, so like
it really changed my look a bit.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Like you know, well, let me tell you your back
because it's gorgeous now, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
It's really all about just not bleaching it. You put
bleach in your hair, you're ruin it. I used to
get it highlighted once a year. Now I don't even
highlight it at all. I almost I cut almost all
the blonde out of my banks.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Yeah it's still blond.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I know, I know it's all good. Anyway, enough about
my hair.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Quick question for you.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You know we all just celebrated Pride month, right, So
what does pride being to you and what does Bachelor
Nation support meant to you over the years.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Oh, my goodness, Bachelor Nation support. It's the biggest thing
that like it's the main reason that I could come out,
Like they supported me so much that it led into
my personal life to where like people who normally would
not have accepted that saw the support from Bachelor Nation
(03:59):
and God on board. Yeah, so like the Bachelor Nation
was like a crucial role in Bachelor Nation fandom was
like a crucial role in the support that I needed
to come out and to feel safe and doing it
in such a public way too, because like I did
not feel safe enough to tell people.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Mean, when did you come out? I'm sorry, when.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Did you come out on Bachelor in Paradise? That's right,
that's right in twenty I don't even know when that was.
Twenty nineteen.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Yeah, where are we today?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I mean, I'm just alone.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
That's when I joined the CLU.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
When I asked her what about the boyfriend's girlfriends anything,
she goes, No, I don't date.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
No, you don't date at all.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
No, No, it is all it is is trouble.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
It's frustrating, and it's just toys with your emotions.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
It's nobody's really ready right now to date me. I
mean like I wasn't ready to date for a long time,
and now I feel like people.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Are not ready to date me because I don't know.
I I love my life as it is. I love
what I do, Like I love how I'm able to
just be myself wholeheartedly, and like all I would want
is somebody who's going to add some kind of benefit
to that, you know, not to ever take anything away
from it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So well, you sound like someone who really is a
lot older than your years because people say, oh, I
just want a man to complete me, And the truth
is you want to be a complete person yourself, which
you seem to be, and then have the guy that
just compliments you or the girl the contents you want that, right, right?
Speaker 5 (05:33):
Yeah, And I get me wrong, There is this deep
desire inside of me that is secretly like I just
want someone to come and just take like take care
of me and fix all my problems and like then
I'll feel complete once.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
I have a party.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
That is exactly what I need.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Fee Oh, I think you and I are related.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
I desperately need someone to beat me.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
But there but then there's like this the bigger part
of my brain takes over. That's like, you cannot expect
anybody to be feeding you like a partner. Can't You
need to have a system works out for yourself already
to where you're like, because I have a hard time eating,
Like I need people to help feed me and whatever.
But I can't be expecting that out of a partner, you.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Know, well wait wait, wait, wait, stop, you're saying you
have trouble eating or or like wait.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
To get the food in front of people issue. So
I would make her a plate and she'd be happy
you need it.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
And it's it's really uncomfortable to ask people like to
help me like that because it sounds so ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
But I'm like, I will literally never go and get
the plate. I will not eat. And it's not on purpose.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
It's like my body is so anxious, my brain is
so anxious, and it's avoiding that situation. It's just protect myself.
But from what nothing like uh probably there's just a
lot of awkward social interactions that are happening in the kitchen,
a lot of people that I don't really talk to,
and I'm scared I might say the wrong thing too,
they might perceive it wrong, and now we I'm like
having this misunderstand and I was just trying to get
(07:01):
some meat loaf, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
But at home, you feed yourself, fine, Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
At home, I have like my own systems and whatnot,
like and I mean if I Sometimes I don't. Sometimes
it's so hard like but lately of what I've been
doing is I've just been making sure that I eat
something for breakfast, and I eat something good and like wholesome,
So that way, if I don't eat lunch, it's okay
because I know I'm gonna hit dinner because I can't
go to bed without dinner.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I just can't understand either one of you. You could
both do.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
I'm like several meals a day, and if they were
put in front of.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Me, wait, can I just tell you. Susan and I
will talk on the phone at night sometimes and she's
in bed and cheese eating. I'm like, what the hell, Oh,
I'm just having a snack before I go to sleep.
I'm like, what are you serious? Like you catch yeast.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Bags and snacks At this thing we were doing, she
was eating smaller my.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Night stand drawer.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
My husband did all the cooking, and I honestly forget
about eating. I don't think of That's.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
What it is.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
It's like you're my brain automatically, not on purpose. It
thinks about like the things that I need to be doing,
like my to do list, and it's like eat automatically
clean something, you know, like we're not doing that.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
That's a waste of time.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Fold that little laundry, hold that little laundry standard.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
To like kids, I've done really good with my breakfast
and my dinner, and of course I always have dessert.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
It's lunch that I have a hard time.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
All right, Well, I know that just from what I've
read that you've been really open about your experience with
autism and sobriety. So tell me how you're doing with
all that.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Great. I'll be three years alcohol free on July twenty four.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Congrats, thank you, thank you so much. And the ad
autism thing, you know, it's going great. I feel like
it's still just as impactful to people to this day,
Like I still have so many people relating to the
content I post about it and just replying to me
(09:02):
with these messages, whether I'm helping them, which is like
probably another AFAB woman like me out there late diagnosed,
or people's children helping them understand like their children's behaviors
just by like hearing the reasoning.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Behind mine people's husbands.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
That one's been the most interesting to me because I'm like, yeah,
like because I can understand so many, like kind of
like narcissistic or mean men in my life. And I'm like, yeah,
it's pretty sure to undiagnosed autism.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
And wait, can you break that down for me what
you just said? I mean, can you just explain that
a little bit more.
Speaker 5 (09:38):
Yeah, So, like autistic men can present not all, but
it's kind of typical that they present emotionless or lack
of empathy. So a narcissistic person, you know, has lack
of empathy, got it. So that's kind of just like
a similarity. You know, there's all kinds.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Of so many such a spectrum exactly.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
And also I feel like when you go undiagnosed autistic
for so long, you develop a personality disorder because you
have been traumatizing your brain repetitively, like telling yourself like no,
you can't do that, that's not what you're supposed to do,
like put your hands down or like whatever it is.
And so you're so you just you know, created a way, yes, yes, yeah,
(10:25):
very terrible environment for yourself and you're not true to
yourself whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
And so I mean it creates mental illness.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
So once you know, and you were diagnosed with this,
did you feel better knowing that's why I thought the
way I did or yes.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
But it also like took it took time.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
It took at least a year for me to calm down,
like because once I found out like this is like
life changing information, I was like my whole world was
shattered and I was like, this is all fine, Like
I there's reasons behind all of these things that I've
you know, I've ever had excuses for or something. I'm like, no,
this all makes sense now, Like I just need to
go about it different ways with support, with like a
(11:05):
helping hand, and like it's okay to need help. There's
so much shame behind like needing help for things, and
I had secretly like every step.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
In my life I had gotten with help along the way.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Like there was never something that I did one hundred
percent on my own, like getting an apartment. No, I
didn't do that, Christian the girl I was engaged to
help get this apartment for me. Like signing up for
classes in college, all my friends I would be I
would go to one of them last minute, Hey what
would you how do I sad out for the classes?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Like blah blah. I was always needing help and.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It's almost like you didn't trust your own judgment, like
you didn't trust what you.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
No, I don't think she's saying she didn't know how
to do it.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
I didn't really know how.
Speaker 5 (11:41):
I had no idea. In the anxiety of like trying
to even get started on that was like like makes
my whole body shut down. And just like I would
never go I would never live anywhere. I mean, I
haven't moved out of this apartment for five years. My
rent is ridiculously expensive, but I'm not moving on because
I can't make that Holy. I would need someone to
help me move, you know, like, well, if you want.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
To do, Kathy and I will come out right.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
I'll call Susan if I want to move.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I know I'm a crackerjack packer. I just tell you that.
I mean, I can pack anything.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Do you have any words of wisdom for others dating
with any type of invisible or visual disabilities, whether it's
autism or whatever. Do you have any words of wisdom
for people that are trying to date?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (12:40):
I think that I get asked a lot about like, uh,
if I'm neurodivergent, should I be looking to date another
neurodivergent person like another autistic person, or like does it
matter what? And I think that the bottom line, in
any capacity of whatever you're looking for in someone, the
most most important thing is somebody who is willing to
(13:03):
listen to what you say about yourself, respect it, try
to understand it further and be considerate of it, and
never like use it against you or doubt you are,
and then you.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
Wouldn't have a problem.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Right, But let me say, I think that's good advice
for any dating exactly exactly.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
Yeah, it really is, and it doesn't It doesn't really matter.
You just need someone who's willing to understand you and
in your way, not their way, your way.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
So what way? So that leads me exactly to my
next question, which is what ways could a partner show
up for someone with autism that you think would be supportive,
that would show how supportive they are. What kinds of things?
Speaker 5 (13:46):
Yeah, so I could just say, like something that someone
does for me. My friend Cecily, she's like my right
hand man, Like before we we're about to go to
an event or something, and we just got ready, uh
right at the door, show have her tote bag because
she knows I don't want to carry a big bag.
She knows I just want to have a cute little
person matches my mouth. So she has a toe bag
and she's like, hey, I've got your headphones in here.
(14:08):
Do you have your loop earplugs. Let's get snap water.
Like she just gets me a support bag.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
She'll even like if she finds a cute little teddy bear,
she'll teck it onto my purse or.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Something, because we tarry are and the mole.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yes, we love little animals around here.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
We had little friends on the show and then this
giant teddy bear, bigger than life.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
I can't wait for it to get here. I hopefully
sift it to me.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
So like whatever special interest your partner may have, like
if they're autistic and you know, like they like cutey
little things or you know whatever they're really into, showing
them that you notice that about them by either talking
about it or getting a little gift in regards to it.
But really it's as simple as just bringing it up
in a conversation because it's a special interest and that
(14:54):
gets us able to talk. Like it's hard for us
sometimes to have social conversations when for me, if I'm
not interested in anything, anyone's talking about or like I
don't know, I wasn't there or something, you know, and
I'm just like desperately trying to insert myself without being
so weird. But if it's like, that's why a lot
(15:15):
of times I can grow out with the guys. But
we could talk about video games or like we can
talk about some of these shows that I've been watching,
because I watch a lot of shows that I guess
we're more male focused audience, but still completely wonderful for
females to watch as well. But I just have I'd
love to just spew my special interests like that. So
(15:35):
just noticing that about an autistic person means so much
to us. And also taking our sensory sensitivity seriously, like
our sound sensitivity, Like it's so nice to me when
somebody it's just like, hey, Demmi, there's about to be
a loud sound. Just you know, I'm like, thank you,
thank you, yes, because it startles you inside and you're
(15:56):
like in your stomach drops and then you're like yeah,
and really, why is nobody else so freaked out by this?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Okay, I have a question for all three of us. Okay,
everybody's going to talk about this one. Do you think
it's important to take breaks from dating or the pressure
of dating. Do you think it's important, Like I know
for me, I was on dating sites forever and the
best thing that ever happened to me was going to
do The Golden Bachelor because I took a big break,
(16:26):
and when I came off of it, I really wasn't
interested in going back on the dating sites.
Speaker 5 (16:31):
Just the people on the dating apps have never turned
out well for me. They've all been kind of slightly aggressive,
you know, like there, look, they got an attitude. I'm
not here for any of the dating apps. I think
it's so important for especially women, because I feel like
we are so molded when we're young, that our whole
life is about.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Being a man.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yes, yeah, finding.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
A man, being a wife and mother, that's it. What
about what we like? What about our interest? We have
to establish our sense of self. We have to have hobbies,
We have to have like a safe space, like you know,
your own little nest or whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
You need to have people.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
Not even a bunch of friends, you have, yes, yes,
and you can't ever let that go.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And I think that's I think that's the problem.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
Though.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I'm with Susan, you know, I really haven't dated. I was,
I mean literally did art of what she said I
was on the dating app, haven't. I really haven't dated
since I came back to the Golden bachel I'd like to,
but you know, I think people were open to it.
I think some people miss misunderstand who I am based
on what they think I was like from the show.
But that's a whole nother story. But I think in
(17:44):
taking a break for me, it affirms my knowledge that
I'm good. I'm a complete person by myself and I.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Don't need somebody would want you to be that, that's right,
the perfect partner because you're good with you.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Well, I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know. Demmie,
at your age, if you have found that men want
to be wanted and they need to be needed kind
of thing at our age, Susan, I don't think we're there.
I don't think that's important to us anymore.
Speaker 5 (18:11):
But these men, these men these days, they want flowers,
they want like it's it's like that, it's like you
have to prove yourself to them, and like I see
my friends doing it all the time, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Stop it. Stop cooking That man meals you're not even
his girlfriend, like to prove that you would be a
good wife, Like, no, don't let them get your cookies.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Is that what they're doing, trying to prove they be
a go white? Well, if I cook some man of
meals because I like the cook I.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Know, I know that's true, that is very true for you. No,
my friends are picking up cooking as a new hobby
all of a sudden.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
And I'm like, oh god, I'm if.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
I begged you, begged you to cook for me, beg
you to make me a meal, and you never did.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
But you get a boyfriend, and all of a sudden,
you're a chef. She's a chef every night I'm talking.
Oh makes me sick.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I'm like, why, maybe she's having fun doing that? I mean,
are they having fun?
Speaker 3 (19:08):
She's having fun doing it now?
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Yeah? What I mean? So that's okay.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I'm happy for her.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, you can't judge what works for other people. I
just know that I have become much happier and I'm
okay being by myself. I'd like to find somebody else.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I feel like i'd like to, but also like I'm
happy with myself, Like there's nothing wrong here.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Do you and your mom ever talk about it?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Since you're both, you know, starting a good relationship together,
do you talk about dating?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Does she talk about it with you?
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Well, I'm really anti her dating, Like.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Why why?
Speaker 5 (19:46):
Because my mom has an illness with men and that
leads to her being in prison. Like every bad decision
she's ever made is because she's ill with a man,
and like is doing everything because she's like obsessed with
this man. Sessive compulsive disorder runs in my feminine my
maternal lineage, and uh most of them have it by
(20:07):
like they put every single piece of their clothes and
plastic bags in the in the closet or in they
clean until four am every night. Like her obsessiveness is
over a man, and like so she internally obsesses and
compulsive behavior, Like I mean, it's just sickening to me.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
And so I guess I guess what I guess. The
short as here is Susan she doesn't really take her
mother's advice on anything to do with dating. I'm just
gonna go on.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
A limb and guess that absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
My family is your mom was she married?
Speaker 5 (20:41):
My mom was married to my dad and then they
divorced when I was three and then she was married
to this other guy for a little bit and they
got divorced, and then she got married by law to
another guy dirt bag again, and now she's single. But
I think she's maybe dating someone but again, and I
think it's all bad news and it's heartbreaking because I
(21:05):
just think that she needs to focus on herself.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Like, girl, you just got off probation.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Do you guys have a decent relationship.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
We absolutely started having the best relationship once she got
out of prison this last time, and it's so good.
It's still very good, but like it is being tainted
by her new relationship that she's having because I lose
trust in her.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
She has a pattern and you've seen it.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
Wat and me and her mother talked about it because
I called my granny and we literally hashed up for
hours talking about how this is the pattern and it's
happening again, and like there's just nothing that we can.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Do about it.
Speaker 5 (21:41):
Also, like my granny doesn't help, but she's very controlling
and like, so that probably is what created this whole
issue to begin with, at the very beginning.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Of it all.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
It all stems from something, but who are we to
try to figure it out?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, and it's not it's not like it's anyone's fault.
Speaker 5 (21:55):
Like That's the thing is, I feel like whenever I
say stuff like that, like they could take offense to it,
and it's like, I'm not trying to be like you
did this. I'm trying to just explain and so then
we know what we can do now, Like so we
need for being controlling, we know now we need to
just let go. Like I'm not trying to shame them
for it, but it's very hard to It's hard for
me to express stuff like that with attacked like because
(22:16):
it's just such a hard thing to deliver to the sensitive.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Well.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I think mother daughter relationships can be tough anyway, and
add in all this, I mean, you know it's tough tough.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Do you have a daughter.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
We both have a daughter. We both have two sons.
We each have two sons, and we each have one daughter.
We both have three kids each, and my daughter is
my youngest and she just had her first child, and
you know, I took it as a great coup. She
told me the other night that I was right because
I used to say to her, when you have a child,
(22:49):
our relationship will change. You love that oh she I
told you this, Susan. She admitted that other she goes mom,
you were so right, like she really needs my help.
And we are much us for now, because there's nothing
like having a child of your own to realize that
your mother wasn't a mean bitch, isn't stupid and didn't
(23:09):
grow from underneath the rock yesterday. Oh wow, what a realization.
So that's so, you know, yes, we are very close,
but we are. We are close, but we had we
had our times. I'm very outgoing and my daughter is not.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
You have very you have very strong personality, and I
love it, like I could tell like you're not going
to back down from you know, like you you say
something as you meant it, because that's it. So like
I can see with the child, of course, there's going
to be allow.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And my daughter is much more like my husband, you know,
much more. She's quieter and more easy going. But I think, Susan,
that's why you and I get along. We're both very
strong personalities. But I think men we've talked about this,
I think men struggle with women with strong personalities definitely.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
And you know, I'm kind of watching something on Love
Island right now and I could be totally wrong about it.
But there's this guy, and there's this new girl who
just walked in and she's super beautiful, and then there's
this guy who's kind of like the hottest guy there,
and like, I really thought he was gonna go for
this like new hot blonde, but he was like avoiding
her and being so weird, and then when she tried
to talk to him, he was like kind of being rude,
(24:18):
and I'm like, he's literally so intimidated by her that
he's like not even he's gonna not even fry because
he's a great but that I think he's afraid of
that chance of rejection.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Because with us like used to it.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah, it's so like if.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
You go for a girl who isn't like, I don't know,
because everyone these days is a ten, but maybe a
girl who hasn't been like a tend her whole life
and so maybe she hasn't learned about these guys yet.
Then they go in and swoop them in and then
play their games with them, screw them all up, screw
them over. It's toxic dating cycle, repeat, repeat, All these
(24:53):
people just screwing each other over, ghosting each other, having.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Sex, so I think I read somewhere that you've been
celibate over two years? Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
That is correct?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Three years and a half two and a half. Okay,
And are you obviously you still are then?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yes, okay, so you're celibate? You could do you want
to share? What do you mean? What made you? Yeah,
what made you choose that?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
I didn't even choose it.
Speaker 5 (25:28):
It just happened, like I just well, I guess after
a year, I was like, all right, well now now
it's going to really cost you to get in.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I mean, you know, it's not let me just say, dummie,
it's not the same thing. It's not like saying, hey,
i've had ice cream in two and a half years.
I mean the first year was easy. I just like,
it's a conscious decision to be celibate.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
Now I'm a little scared. I'm scared of what I'm like.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Happening.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I'm sorry, tummy, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I'm not out of choice.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
I am actively choosing not to have sex with people.
And it is because.
Speaker 5 (26:08):
I whenever I was in high school, I was apprude. Okay,
once I got alcohol, I became a whore and it
was great. And it was fun, but without alcohol. Again,
I'm apprude again. I just I think that I would
have a hard time getting to the point where I
would be comfortable enough to really be enjoying it.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Like there was one person. The reason it's two and
a half years is because there was a person who
I was with once I got sober, but I had
been with him whenever I was drinking, so like I
was still comfortable with him in the bedroom and everything.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
But with somebody brand new, I don't know. I feel
like I would, It would just take some time. And
also it's like, really, there's something sick about me that
just is like I don't want anybody to have dissatisfaction,
you know, Like I don't want them to be able.
I don't want anyone else to be able to say
anyone else, because there's a lot of them that can
say it, to be able to say that they had
(27:03):
sex with me. I'm just like, no, I don't want
to give you that. I don't want to give you
that flex because there are people who have, like girls
who have been like, hey, have you dated this guy?
He told me I'll dated. I'm like, no, we didn't date.
We like hooked up one night in college like what
so like, no, I mean I'm going to be able
to say absolutely not. Nobody is getting this cat.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
So wait a minute, when will you be ready? Do
you have any idea because you said yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:31):
It would just be when somebody like I trusted someone
enough with that and like you know, like really, uh.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
You dated that.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I just I just give it up. I'm sorry, Susan.
I have to point out something I've seen the flaw
in this whole conversation. DEMI is not dating, correct emmy, Yeah,
therefore she is celibate because she's only going to quote
give it up to a guy she feels safe with
(28:01):
write the fact that she's not dating. We have we have, Houston,
we have a problem.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
If you have to date.
Speaker 5 (28:07):
I went out and there was a group of hot
men and women that were interested in me. I'd probably
have sex with one of them that night, I got it.
I probably would. Or if somebody just slept over and
was in the first thing in the morning and they
started grinding on me, I'm in, we're doing it, you know,
like I I can't resist that.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
But that's just like you don't let anybody sleep.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
Exactly exactly because my body wants it, but my brain
is like, no, this is toxic, messy.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
This time for you.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
That's right, Yeah, you'll wake up one day and be ready.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
I'm team slut though, Like I encourage everyone to be
a slut, go through a slut face.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Can I just say to you, wait a minute. There
are guys mentioning no names here that I've dated and
we've had this conversation. I'm like, yeah, you know I
love this line. Well, you having sex is just a
way to get to know you. I'm like, like, that
is not You got to earn this, Yeah, I don't yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:09):
For anything, just to like make them earn something, make
them work for it, because you know how hard we're
working for them.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Look at how beautiful women are. You're all tense.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Oh wait a minute, Demie, No, no, no, no, no, Demi.
I hope to god you're not saying you're beautiful for
men that you don't do your hair and makeup for men.
I don't do my hair and makeup for men. I
do it for me.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Can I do it for me? Obviously now? But like
I'm saying, in the general grand scheme of things.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
All right, let's be true no, really, I do hair
and makeup for men that were not there.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
It's for for me, it's really for everybody, anyone who's interested. Right,
I'll take you anyone. Let's see, let's anyone has a chance.
But they've got to do it. You have got to
do something with.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
It, all right. So give me an idea of a
great date, of a sober date. Give me a great
idea of one like and you're gonna go out there.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
That involves like a little bit of adrenaline, like something stimulating.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Like uh, go carts, bungee jumping, bungee jumping.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
I would I.
Speaker 5 (30:09):
Would say something like a pup put in an arcade,
something like that, laser text, a little scary, an amusement park,
maybe something that gives us.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Golf, golf. You played golf, and yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Was on the golf team in high school. I know
how to golf. I haven't golfed probably since then, but
maybe I'll have beginner's luck again.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
But it's something you could do together.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
You're both doing something you can have conversation, Like if
you go to a concert, it's so loud you can't talk.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
That's miserable. And in a dinner date for me.
Speaker 5 (30:44):
It is that sounds so scary too much, like, oh
my gosh, you might as well bring the ring with
you going.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
On a dinner date. This is serious, like.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
The food is it because of the eating thing?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Oh my god, that probably has something to do with it.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Subconscient I just want to say, you two must have
been hysterical on that show. Susan said, can't wait to
figure out what she's gonna cook next and who she's
gonna feed, and Demi's like that, it's some more food.
I can't I just food.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yes, chicken pullets, all right, DEBI. We usually have this
little thing that we read from people that wrote in
and we give our advice.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
Would you join us and give your advice? Yeah? Sure, Okay,
you're ready. Cap.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
This one is from Aubrey. She's thirty one and she's
from Chicago High Golden Ladies. I wanted to reach out
for some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together
for four years and we've lived together for two. We
both want to get engaged and get married to each other,
but neither one of us is popping the question. I
(31:53):
think we also both want to have the experience of
being proposed to and as a woman. We are a
little nervous about the whole proposing thing. I understand that.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
I know it is.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Some social society societal bullshit that is making us both hesitate,
But I was curious if you had any words of
encouragement or proposal ideas to help me get the ball rolling.
I feel like I'm going to have to ask her first,
even if she proposes to me later. But I just
(32:30):
feel so much pressure to make it perfect and I
have no idea where to start. Any ideas are welcome,
Thank you, love you guys.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
This is amazing, This is perfect. I propose to a woman.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Okay, give us the sight of my own.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
First of all.
Speaker 5 (32:46):
This is incredible and I highly encourage the both to propose.
I did that, and I would say that I was
a little sour puss about it, and like, looking back
on it, I hate myself for being such a little
hungry me Like I was like, h like I was
I proposed, Like why I don't understand why, Like I
(33:06):
was just being a brat, look like that was my thing?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Why did you do it too? Like that? I didn't
know what was happening.
Speaker 5 (33:12):
It caught me off guard and I just like had
a little like brat moment with it, but like looking
back on it, of course, you can see it so
much differently, and I'm like, I'm such bitch, like I
should have been, like you wanted to do it too,
Like that was so sweet and special, Like, oh my.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
God, if she proposes one does just so with.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
This girl, like proposed first, you know, obviously you're gonna
have to go first to the other girls not And
the only thing that really matters about the proposal is
really like the words that you say, like the way
that you make that person feel in that moment, and
like show how much you know them, you know, not
just the things that I love that you do for me,
like I love this person.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
It just makes people feel really special.
Speaker 5 (33:58):
And then after the you have a little conversation about like, hey,
I know that you like we both kind of wanted
to propose, be like so I'm I'm still going to
be waiting for you to do it, like I can't
wait for yours, you know, like give her that encouragement
of like I want you to propose to.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
And yet another difference in this Pride month, Yet another
difference in the hetero community. Susan, did you ever when
Dicky proposed to you, did you ever say wait, stop,
stop Dicky, hold on, thanks, Yes, of course I'll Mary,
but I want to now propose to you at.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
A different time. No, no, no, a different time, not as
the same.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
No, I'm saying there was no. Let me be clear.
Let me be clear, Demi. I could have been on
the moon in a spaceship. I was never proposing to
my husband. And when he proposed to me, it was like,
get off your knees and put the ring on my hand.
We're done with this. Now, when are we getting married?
Like there was? Did you ever think about proposing Susan
after Dickie?
Speaker 1 (34:55):
No, after Dickie proposed, Mine was totally different. We walked
down to be to Maui's. Isn't this beautiful? He said,
you know this would be a great place to get married.
I said, yeah, it's beautiful, just walk in. And then
five minutes later he goes, well, I go, well, why.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Well that's a proposal. Exactly, that's a proposal.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
Do you even have a ring?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
But there you go, you just you just proved I need.
Speaker 6 (35:21):
The serenade where you're just waiting for the guy to
get down on his knee anybody listening be prepared to
get on your knee.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I'm going to have to tell you, Susan, you don't know this.
My proposal was very romantic. He took me to a
lake on his knees. You'll make me the happiest man.
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Susan, I only have time for one more. So, all right,
what do we tell her? What? We're all in agreement
that go ahead and do it.
Speaker 5 (35:51):
Do it, and also make sure she feels safe to
do it too, like, you know, give her the encouragement
to do it as well.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Because and proposal ideas do something fun and creative. You
don't do whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
I'm much bliss romantic, so I would think of the
best things, you know, Yeah, yeah, justice.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Don't you know. Or to quote another famous quote, she says,
you know, we hesitate. He who hesitates. In this case,
she who hesitates is lost. So stop hesitating. All right,
let's move on.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
We have domas.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
All right. This is from Donna. She's fifty six from Fresno. Hi, gals,
I love you both so much and I'm so excited
every week when your podcast comes out. I wanted to
write in with a question about my son. He is
a very bright and sweet twenty nine year old who
has always struggled a bit socially. He has ADHD and
(36:41):
severe OCD, but has so much love to give despite
some struggles. He has a full time job working in
IT and recently moved out to live on his own.
He's never been on a date and he's such a
lovely boy who I a boy at twenty nine, sorry,
who I know will make someone so happy. He has
expressed wanting to meet someone, but won't go on any
(37:04):
dates with anyone I've tried to set him up with,
and he won't use dating apps to either of you
have any advice on how to encourage him to get
out there. I also worry as his mom that people
won't be kind to him, and he is such a
sensitive soul ug Any advice is welcome. Thank you both
so much. I got a zip it. What do you think, Tomi?
Speaker 5 (37:27):
I would say that she needs to stop trying to
set up dates for him and stop trying to encouraging
him to date. She needs to The more she does that,
the more he's not going to date. Like you really
have to just let him do this on his own.
Let he will meet people on his own. He lives
on his own. Now, he'll run into some girls at
his local coffee shop or something.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
You have got like, you cannot try to set him
up with someone.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
I would never go on a date with someone my
parents tried to set me up with, or would I
would probably hesitate to.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Go on a date anyone tried to set me up with.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yes, well, I'm going to say I love you. We're
mama bears, you know. But your son is twenty nine.
He's not a little boy. He's a grown man. Give
him the respect and freedom to find his own partner.
Speaker 5 (38:13):
Amen, and Donna, I know you're trying. You're trying so
hard to be a good mom. Like I know that
this is all good intentions from you. This is just
a different perspective that maybe you needed to hear it, Like, hey,
he'll figure it out on his own.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
You don't have to worry about his.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Honna, Denmi, you're the best. Thank you so much for
giving out such great advice. And you know what that does.
It This went so fast for this episode of Bachelor
Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you again, Demi. I can't
wait to be in your company again. Kathy and I
are going to come out and see you.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
We loved. I loved getting to meet you, Demi and
chat with you. I've heard so many great things about you,
and thank you all out there for joining us, and
be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour. Just if you
enjoyed the episode today with Demi, you'll enjoy all the
other ones that we have coming out, So make sure
to follow us.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
And make sure to submit your questions to us.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
You can go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,
or hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app,
or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until next time, See
you later, Choo
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you
so much for joining us again. We're so excited to
be back.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We are always so excited to be back. And I
don't know, Susan what people are doing, but if they're
not following this podcast, you need to. You need to
never miss an episode. All you have to do is
search for Bachelor Happy Hour in the podcast app and
then hit the follow button.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yes, it's super important to follow the podcast because you're
going to get notified every time we put out a
new episode. And while you're there, you can leave us
a review or send it a question. We'd be happy
to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And please check out all of our past episodes. We've
just had so many incredible guests that I know you'll
want to listen to those episodes, and we've been having
fun answering your questions, so please keep those. I mean,
all you have to do is go to Bachelornation dot
com slash Golden Hour and we will be happy to
(01:07):
answer your questions. We have some great questions to get
to today too.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
But first we want to introduce our very very special guests,
and she's so special to me, Bachelor Nation star and
longtime fan favorite Demi Bernard. Hi, Demi, thank you so
much for joining us today.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I love you. I'm so happy I'm here. I miss you.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
I miss you.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
We just did a little show together that everybody will
know in the fall, hopefully. But Demi, this is my
bff Kathy. Hi, demmy my wife Crime.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You are as gorgeous and adorable as Susan said you are.
She said she looks just like Barbie, and I have
to say, you do.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Thank you, thank You's this big, this big. Everything she
puts on her body works no matter what it is.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
I mean, it's just a door.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
And she's got fabulous hair. Can I just before we
get into conversation with Demi, for those of you who
don't know her, she's adorable and she has the most
incredible head of hair. And I do think, except for
you and I, Susan, the prerequisite to being a member
of Bachelor Nation is to have incredible hair. Hair.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
It's the secret to life.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Like I oh, is that? I guess my life is over.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'm sorry. I don't mean that.
Speaker 4 (02:31):
No, I fixed really doesn't.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
It really doesn't matter. Like as long as you're just
confident you work with what you got. But for me,
like I grewined my hair at one point and it
all fried off, and once I grew back, I was
very appreciative of like taking care of my hair and
making sure they stayed healthy because I felt like it
really changed my life. But again, like my hair wasn't
(02:53):
it was fried off and disgusting and bleached, so like
it really changed my look a bit.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Like you know, well, let me tell you your back
because it's gorgeous now, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 5 (03:06):
It's really all about just not bleaching it. You put
bleach in your hair, you're ruin it. I used to
get it highlighted once a year. Now I don't even
highlight it at all. I almost I cut almost all
the blonde out of my banks.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Yeah it's still blond.
Speaker 3 (03:20):
I know, I know it's all good. Anyway, enough about
my hair.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
Quick question for you.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You know we all just celebrated Pride month, right, So
what does pride being to you and what does Bachelor
Nation support meant to you over the years.
Speaker 5 (03:39):
Oh, my goodness, Bachelor Nation support. It's the biggest thing
that like it's the main reason that I could come out,
Like they supported me so much that it led into
my personal life to where like people who normally would
not have accepted that saw the support from Bachelor Nation
(03:59):
and God on board. Yeah, so like the Bachelor Nation
was like a crucial role in Bachelor Nation fandom was
like a crucial role in the support that I needed
to come out and to feel safe and doing it
in such a public way too, because like I did
not feel safe enough to tell people.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Mean, when did you come out? I'm sorry, when.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Did you come out on Bachelor in Paradise? That's right,
that's right in twenty I don't even know when that was.
Twenty nineteen.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Yeah, where are we today?
Speaker 3 (04:31):
I mean, I'm just alone.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
That's when I joined the CLU.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
When I asked her what about the boyfriend's girlfriends anything,
she goes, No, I don't date.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
No, you don't date at all.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
No, No, it is all it is is trouble.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
It's frustrating, and it's just toys with your emotions.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
It's nobody's really ready right now to date me. I
mean like I wasn't ready to date for a long time,
and now I feel like people.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Are not ready to date me because I don't know.
I I love my life as it is. I love
what I do, Like I love how I'm able to
just be myself wholeheartedly, and like all I would want
is somebody who's going to add some kind of benefit
to that, you know, not to ever take anything away
from it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
So well, you sound like someone who really is a
lot older than your years because people say, oh, I
just want a man to complete me, And the truth
is you want to be a complete person yourself, which
you seem to be, and then have the guy that
just compliments you or the girl the contents you want that, right, right?
Speaker 5 (05:33):
Yeah, And I get me wrong, There is this deep
desire inside of me that is secretly like I just
want someone to come and just take like take care
of me and fix all my problems and like then
I'll feel complete once.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
I have a party.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
That is exactly what I need.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Fee Oh, I think you and I are related.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
I desperately need someone to beat me.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
But there but then there's like this the bigger part
of my brain takes over. That's like, you cannot expect
anybody to be feeding you like a partner. Can't You
need to have a system works out for yourself already
to where you're like, because I have a hard time eating,
Like I need people to help feed me and whatever.
But I can't be expecting that out of a partner, you.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Know, well wait wait, wait, wait, stop, you're saying you
have trouble eating or or like wait.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
To get the food in front of people issue. So
I would make her a plate and she'd be happy
you need it.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
And it's it's really uncomfortable to ask people like to
help me like that because it sounds so ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
But I'm like, I will literally never go and get
the plate. I will not eat. And it's not on purpose.
Speaker 5 (06:39):
It's like my body is so anxious, my brain is
so anxious, and it's avoiding that situation. It's just protect myself.
But from what nothing like uh probably there's just a
lot of awkward social interactions that are happening in the kitchen,
a lot of people that I don't really talk to,
and I'm scared I might say the wrong thing too,
they might perceive it wrong, and now we I'm like
having this misunderstand and I was just trying to get
(07:01):
some meat loaf, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
But at home, you feed yourself, fine, Yeah.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
At home, I have like my own systems and whatnot,
like and I mean if I Sometimes I don't. Sometimes
it's so hard like but lately of what I've been
doing is I've just been making sure that I eat
something for breakfast, and I eat something good and like wholesome,
So that way, if I don't eat lunch, it's okay
because I know I'm gonna hit dinner because I can't
go to bed without dinner.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I just can't understand either one of you. You could
both do.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
I'm like several meals a day, and if they were
put in front of.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Me, wait, can I just tell you. Susan and I
will talk on the phone at night sometimes and she's
in bed and cheese eating. I'm like, what the hell, Oh,
I'm just having a snack before I go to sleep.
I'm like, what are you serious? Like you catch yeast.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
Bags and snacks At this thing we were doing, she
was eating smaller my.
Speaker 4 (07:51):
Night stand drawer.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
My husband did all the cooking, and I honestly forget
about eating. I don't think of That's.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
What it is.
Speaker 5 (07:58):
It's like you're my brain automatically, not on purpose. It
thinks about like the things that I need to be doing,
like my to do list, and it's like eat automatically
clean something, you know, like we're not doing that.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
That's a waste of time.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Fold that little laundry, hold that little laundry standard.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
To like kids, I've done really good with my breakfast
and my dinner, and of course I always have dessert.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
It's lunch that I have a hard time.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
All right, Well, I know that just from what I've
read that you've been really open about your experience with
autism and sobriety. So tell me how you're doing with
all that.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Great. I'll be three years alcohol free on July twenty four.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
Congrats, thank you, thank you so much. And the ad
autism thing, you know, it's going great. I feel like
it's still just as impactful to people to this day,
Like I still have so many people relating to the
content I post about it and just replying to me
(09:02):
with these messages, whether I'm helping them, which is like
probably another AFAB woman like me out there late diagnosed,
or people's children helping them understand like their children's behaviors
just by like hearing the reasoning.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Behind mine people's husbands.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
That one's been the most interesting to me because I'm like, yeah,
like because I can understand so many, like kind of
like narcissistic or mean men in my life. And I'm like, yeah,
it's pretty sure to undiagnosed autism.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
And wait, can you break that down for me what
you just said? I mean, can you just explain that
a little bit more.
Speaker 5 (09:38):
Yeah, So, like autistic men can present not all, but
it's kind of typical that they present emotionless or lack
of empathy. So a narcissistic person, you know, has lack
of empathy, got it. So that's kind of just like
a similarity. You know, there's all kinds.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
Of so many such a spectrum exactly.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
And also I feel like when you go undiagnosed autistic
for so long, you develop a personality disorder because you
have been traumatizing your brain repetitively, like telling yourself like no,
you can't do that, that's not what you're supposed to do,
like put your hands down or like whatever it is.
And so you're so you just you know, created a way, yes, yes, yeah,
(10:25):
very terrible environment for yourself and you're not true to
yourself whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
And so I mean it creates mental illness.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
So once you know, and you were diagnosed with this,
did you feel better knowing that's why I thought the
way I did or yes.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
But it also like took it took time.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
It took at least a year for me to calm down,
like because once I found out like this is like
life changing information, I was like my whole world was
shattered and I was like, this is all fine, Like
I there's reasons behind all of these things that I've
you know, I've ever had excuses for or something. I'm like, no,
this all makes sense now, Like I just need to
go about it different ways with support, with like a
(11:05):
helping hand, and like it's okay to need help. There's
so much shame behind like needing help for things, and
I had secretly like every step.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
In my life I had gotten with help along the way.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Like there was never something that I did one hundred
percent on my own, like getting an apartment. No, I
didn't do that, Christian the girl I was engaged to
help get this apartment for me. Like signing up for
classes in college, all my friends I would be I
would go to one of them last minute, Hey what
would you how do I sad out for the classes?
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Like blah blah. I was always needing help and.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
It's almost like you didn't trust your own judgment, like
you didn't trust what you.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
No, I don't think she's saying she didn't know how
to do it.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
I didn't really know how.
Speaker 5 (11:41):
I had no idea. In the anxiety of like trying
to even get started on that was like like makes
my whole body shut down. And just like I would
never go I would never live anywhere. I mean, I
haven't moved out of this apartment for five years. My
rent is ridiculously expensive, but I'm not moving on because
I can't make that Holy. I would need someone to
help me move, you know, like, well, if you want.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
To do, Kathy and I will come out right.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
I'll call Susan if I want to move.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I know I'm a crackerjack packer. I just tell you that.
I mean, I can pack anything.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Do you have any words of wisdom for others dating
with any type of invisible or visual disabilities, whether it's
autism or whatever. Do you have any words of wisdom
for people that are trying to date?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (12:40):
I think that I get asked a lot about like, uh,
if I'm neurodivergent, should I be looking to date another
neurodivergent person like another autistic person, or like does it
matter what? And I think that the bottom line, in
any capacity of whatever you're looking for in someone, the
most most important thing is somebody who is willing to
(13:03):
listen to what you say about yourself, respect it, try
to understand it further and be considerate of it, and
never like use it against you or doubt you are,
and then you.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
Wouldn't have a problem.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Right, But let me say, I think that's good advice
for any dating exactly exactly.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
Yeah, it really is, and it doesn't It doesn't really matter.
You just need someone who's willing to understand you and
in your way, not their way, your way.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
So what way? So that leads me exactly to my
next question, which is what ways could a partner show
up for someone with autism that you think would be supportive,
that would show how supportive they are. What kinds of things?
Speaker 5 (13:46):
Yeah, so I could just say, like something that someone
does for me. My friend Cecily, she's like my right
hand man, Like before we we're about to go to
an event or something, and we just got ready, uh
right at the door, show have her tote bag because
she knows I don't want to carry a big bag.
She knows I just want to have a cute little
person matches my mouth. So she has a toe bag
and she's like, hey, I've got your headphones in here.
(14:08):
Do you have your loop earplugs. Let's get snap water.
Like she just gets me a support bag.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
She'll even like if she finds a cute little teddy bear,
she'll teck it onto my purse or.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Something, because we tarry are and the mole.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yes, we love little animals around here.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
We had little friends on the show and then this
giant teddy bear, bigger than life.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
I can't wait for it to get here. I hopefully
sift it to me.
Speaker 5 (14:32):
So like whatever special interest your partner may have, like
if they're autistic and you know, like they like cutey
little things or you know whatever they're really into, showing
them that you notice that about them by either talking
about it or getting a little gift in regards to it.
But really it's as simple as just bringing it up
in a conversation because it's a special interest and that
(14:54):
gets us able to talk. Like it's hard for us
sometimes to have social conversations when for me, if I'm
not interested in anything, anyone's talking about or like I
don't know, I wasn't there or something, you know, and
I'm just like desperately trying to insert myself without being
so weird. But if it's like, that's why a lot
(15:15):
of times I can grow out with the guys. But
we could talk about video games or like we can
talk about some of these shows that I've been watching,
because I watch a lot of shows that I guess
we're more male focused audience, but still completely wonderful for
females to watch as well. But I just have I'd
love to just spew my special interests like that. So
(15:35):
just noticing that about an autistic person means so much
to us. And also taking our sensory sensitivity seriously, like
our sound sensitivity, Like it's so nice to me when
somebody it's just like, hey, Demmi, there's about to be
a loud sound. Just you know, I'm like, thank you,
thank you, yes, because it startles you inside and you're
(15:56):
like in your stomach drops and then you're like yeah,
and really, why is nobody else so freaked out by this?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Okay, I have a question for all three of us. Okay,
everybody's going to talk about this one. Do you think
it's important to take breaks from dating or the pressure
of dating. Do you think it's important, Like I know
for me, I was on dating sites forever and the
best thing that ever happened to me was going to
do The Golden Bachelor because I took a big break,
(16:26):
and when I came off of it, I really wasn't
interested in going back on the dating sites.
Speaker 5 (16:31):
Just the people on the dating apps have never turned
out well for me. They've all been kind of slightly aggressive,
you know, like there, look, they got an attitude. I'm
not here for any of the dating apps. I think
it's so important for especially women, because I feel like
we are so molded when we're young, that our whole
life is about.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
Being a man.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
Yes, yeah, finding.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
A man, being a wife and mother, that's it. What
about what we like? What about our interest? We have
to establish our sense of self. We have to have hobbies,
We have to have like a safe space, like you know,
your own little nest or whatever.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
You need to have people.
Speaker 5 (17:11):
Not even a bunch of friends, you have, yes, yes,
and you can't ever let that go.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And I think that's I think that's the problem.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
Though.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I'm with Susan, you know, I really haven't dated. I was,
I mean literally did art of what she said I
was on the dating app, haven't. I really haven't dated
since I came back to the Golden bachel I'd like to,
but you know, I think people were open to it.
I think some people miss misunderstand who I am based
on what they think I was like from the show.
But that's a whole nother story. But I think in
(17:44):
taking a break for me, it affirms my knowledge that
I'm good. I'm a complete person by myself and I.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Don't need somebody would want you to be that, that's right,
the perfect partner because you're good with you.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Well, I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know. Demmie,
at your age, if you have found that men want
to be wanted and they need to be needed kind
of thing at our age, Susan, I don't think we're there.
I don't think that's important to us anymore.
Speaker 5 (18:11):
But these men, these men these days, they want flowers,
they want like it's it's like that, it's like you
have to prove yourself to them, and like I see
my friends doing it all the time, and I'm like.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Stop it. Stop cooking That man meals you're not even
his girlfriend, like to prove that you would be a
good wife, Like, no, don't let them get your cookies.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Is that what they're doing, trying to prove they be
a go white? Well, if I cook some man of
meals because I like the cook I.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Know, I know that's true, that is very true for you. No,
my friends are picking up cooking as a new hobby
all of a sudden.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
And I'm like, oh god, I'm if.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
I begged you, begged you to cook for me, beg
you to make me a meal, and you never did.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
But you get a boyfriend, and all of a sudden,
you're a chef. She's a chef every night I'm talking.
Oh makes me sick.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I'm like, why, maybe she's having fun doing that? I mean,
are they having fun?
Speaker 3 (19:08):
She's having fun doing it now?
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Yeah? What I mean? So that's okay.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I'm happy for her.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, you can't judge what works for other people. I
just know that I have become much happier and I'm
okay being by myself. I'd like to find somebody else.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
I feel like i'd like to, but also like I'm
happy with myself, Like there's nothing wrong here.
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Do you and your mom ever talk about it?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Since you're both, you know, starting a good relationship together,
do you talk about dating?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Does she talk about it with you?
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Well, I'm really anti her dating, Like.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Why why?
Speaker 5 (19:46):
Because my mom has an illness with men and that
leads to her being in prison. Like every bad decision
she's ever made is because she's ill with a man,
and like is doing everything because she's like obsessed with
this man. Sessive compulsive disorder runs in my feminine my
maternal lineage, and uh most of them have it by
(20:07):
like they put every single piece of their clothes and
plastic bags in the in the closet or in they
clean until four am every night. Like her obsessiveness is
over a man, and like so she internally obsesses and
compulsive behavior, Like I mean, it's just sickening to me.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
And so I guess I guess what I guess. The
short as here is Susan she doesn't really take her
mother's advice on anything to do with dating. I'm just
gonna go on.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
A limb and guess that absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
My family is your mom was she married?
Speaker 5 (20:41):
My mom was married to my dad and then they
divorced when I was three and then she was married
to this other guy for a little bit and they
got divorced, and then she got married by law to
another guy dirt bag again, and now she's single. But
I think she's maybe dating someone but again, and I
think it's all bad news and it's heartbreaking because I
(21:05):
just think that she needs to focus on herself.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Like, girl, you just got off probation.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Do you guys have a decent relationship.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
We absolutely started having the best relationship once she got
out of prison this last time, and it's so good.
It's still very good, but like it is being tainted
by her new relationship that she's having because I lose
trust in her.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
She has a pattern and you've seen it.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
Wat and me and her mother talked about it because
I called my granny and we literally hashed up for
hours talking about how this is the pattern and it's
happening again, and like there's just nothing that we can.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Do about it.
Speaker 5 (21:41):
Also, like my granny doesn't help, but she's very controlling
and like, so that probably is what created this whole
issue to begin with, at the very beginning.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Of it all.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
It all stems from something, but who are we to
try to figure it out?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
Yeah, and it's not it's not like it's anyone's fault.
Speaker 5 (21:55):
Like That's the thing is, I feel like whenever I
say stuff like that, like they could take offense to it,
and it's like, I'm not trying to be like you
did this. I'm trying to just explain and so then
we know what we can do now, Like so we
need for being controlling, we know now we need to
just let go. Like I'm not trying to shame them
for it, but it's very hard to It's hard for
me to express stuff like that with attacked like because
(22:16):
it's just such a hard thing to deliver to the sensitive.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Well.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I think mother daughter relationships can be tough anyway, and
add in all this, I mean, you know it's tough tough.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Do you have a daughter.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
We both have a daughter. We both have two sons.
We each have two sons, and we each have one daughter.
We both have three kids each, and my daughter is
my youngest and she just had her first child, and
you know, I took it as a great coup. She
told me the other night that I was right because
I used to say to her, when you have a child,
(22:49):
our relationship will change. You love that oh she I
told you this, Susan. She admitted that other she goes mom,
you were so right, like she really needs my help.
And we are much us for now, because there's nothing
like having a child of your own to realize that
your mother wasn't a mean bitch, isn't stupid and didn't
(23:09):
grow from underneath the rock yesterday. Oh wow, what a realization.
So that's so, you know, yes, we are very close,
but we are. We are close, but we had we
had our times. I'm very outgoing and my daughter is not.
Speaker 5 (23:24):
You have very you have very strong personality, and I
love it, like I could tell like you're not going
to back down from you know, like you you say
something as you meant it, because that's it. So like
I can see with the child, of course, there's going
to be allow.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
And my daughter is much more like my husband, you know,
much more. She's quieter and more easy going. But I think, Susan,
that's why you and I get along. We're both very
strong personalities. But I think men we've talked about this,
I think men struggle with women with strong personalities definitely.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
And you know, I'm kind of watching something on Love
Island right now and I could be totally wrong about it.
But there's this guy, and there's this new girl who
just walked in and she's super beautiful, and then there's
this guy who's kind of like the hottest guy there,
and like, I really thought he was gonna go for
this like new hot blonde, but he was like avoiding
her and being so weird, and then when she tried
to talk to him, he was like kind of being rude,
(24:18):
and I'm like, he's literally so intimidated by her that
he's like not even he's gonna not even fry because
he's a great but that I think he's afraid of
that chance of rejection.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Because with us like used to it.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah, it's so like if.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
You go for a girl who isn't like, I don't know,
because everyone these days is a ten, but maybe a
girl who hasn't been like a tend her whole life
and so maybe she hasn't learned about these guys yet.
Then they go in and swoop them in and then
play their games with them, screw them all up, screw
them over. It's toxic dating cycle, repeat, repeat, All these
(24:53):
people just screwing each other over, ghosting each other, having.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Sex, so I think I read somewhere that you've been
celibate over two years? Is that correct?
Speaker 3 (25:12):
That is correct?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Three years and a half two and a half. Okay,
And are you obviously you still are then?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yes, okay, so you're celibate? You could do you want
to share? What do you mean? What made you? Yeah,
what made you choose that?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
I didn't even choose it.
Speaker 5 (25:28):
It just happened, like I just well, I guess after
a year, I was like, all right, well now now
it's going to really cost you to get in.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I mean, you know, it's not let me just say, dummie,
it's not the same thing. It's not like saying, hey,
i've had ice cream in two and a half years.
I mean the first year was easy. I just like,
it's a conscious decision to be celibate.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
Now I'm a little scared. I'm scared of what I'm like.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Happening.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I'm sorry, tummy, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
I'm not out of choice.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
I am actively choosing not to have sex with people.
And it is because.
Speaker 5 (26:08):
I whenever I was in high school, I was apprude. Okay,
once I got alcohol, I became a whore and it
was great. And it was fun, but without alcohol. Again,
I'm apprude again. I just I think that I would
have a hard time getting to the point where I
would be comfortable enough to really be enjoying it.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Like there was one person. The reason it's two and
a half years is because there was a person who
I was with once I got sober, but I had
been with him whenever I was drinking, so like I
was still comfortable with him in the bedroom and everything.
Speaker 5 (26:41):
But with somebody brand new, I don't know. I feel
like I would, It would just take some time. And
also it's like, really, there's something sick about me that
just is like I don't want anybody to have dissatisfaction,
you know, Like I don't want them to be able.
I don't want anyone else to be able to say
anyone else, because there's a lot of them that can
say it, to be able to say that they had
(27:03):
sex with me. I'm just like, no, I don't want
to give you that. I don't want to give you
that flex because there are people who have, like girls
who have been like, hey, have you dated this guy?
He told me I'll dated. I'm like, no, we didn't date.
We like hooked up one night in college like what
so like, no, I mean I'm going to be able
to say absolutely not. Nobody is getting this cat.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
So wait a minute, when will you be ready? Do
you have any idea because you said yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:31):
It would just be when somebody like I trusted someone
enough with that and like you know, like really, uh.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
You dated that.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I just I just give it up. I'm sorry, Susan.
I have to point out something I've seen the flaw
in this whole conversation. DEMI is not dating, correct emmy, Yeah,
therefore she is celibate because she's only going to quote
give it up to a guy she feels safe with
(28:01):
write the fact that she's not dating. We have we have, Houston,
we have a problem.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
If you have to date.
Speaker 5 (28:07):
I went out and there was a group of hot
men and women that were interested in me. I'd probably
have sex with one of them that night, I got it.
I probably would. Or if somebody just slept over and
was in the first thing in the morning and they
started grinding on me, I'm in, we're doing it, you know,
like I I can't resist that.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
But that's just like you don't let anybody sleep.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
Exactly exactly because my body wants it, but my brain
is like, no, this is toxic, messy.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
This time for you.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
That's right, Yeah, you'll wake up one day and be ready.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
I'm team slut though, Like I encourage everyone to be
a slut, go through a slut face.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Can I just say to you, wait a minute. There
are guys mentioning no names here that I've dated and
we've had this conversation. I'm like, yeah, you know I
love this line. Well, you having sex is just a
way to get to know you. I'm like, like, that
is not You got to earn this, Yeah, I don't yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:09):
For anything, just to like make them earn something, make
them work for it, because you know how hard we're
working for them.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Look at how beautiful women are. You're all tense.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Oh wait a minute, Demie, No, no, no, no, no, Demi.
I hope to god you're not saying you're beautiful for
men that you don't do your hair and makeup for men.
I don't do my hair and makeup for men. I
do it for me.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Can I do it for me? Obviously now? But like
I'm saying, in the general grand scheme of things.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
All right, let's be true no, really, I do hair
and makeup for men that were not there.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
It's for for me, it's really for everybody, anyone who's interested. Right,
I'll take you anyone. Let's see, let's anyone has a chance.
But they've got to do it. You have got to
do something with.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
It, all right. So give me an idea of a
great date, of a sober date. Give me a great
idea of one like and you're gonna go out there.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
That involves like a little bit of adrenaline, like something stimulating.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Like uh, go carts, bungee jumping, bungee jumping.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
I would I.
Speaker 5 (30:09):
Would say something like a pup put in an arcade,
something like that, laser text, a little scary, an amusement park,
maybe something that gives us.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Golf, golf. You played golf, and yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
Was on the golf team in high school. I know
how to golf. I haven't golfed probably since then, but
maybe I'll have beginner's luck again.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
But it's something you could do together.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
You're both doing something you can have conversation, Like if
you go to a concert, it's so loud you can't talk.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
That's miserable. And in a dinner date for me.
Speaker 5 (30:44):
It is that sounds so scary too much, like, oh
my gosh, you might as well bring the ring with
you going.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
On a dinner date. This is serious, like.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
The food is it because of the eating thing?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Oh my god, that probably has something to do with it.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Subconscient I just want to say, you two must have
been hysterical on that show. Susan said, can't wait to
figure out what she's gonna cook next and who she's
gonna feed, and Demi's like that, it's some more food.
I can't I just food.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yes, chicken pullets, all right, DEBI. We usually have this
little thing that we read from people that wrote in
and we give our advice.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
Would you join us and give your advice? Yeah? Sure, Okay,
you're ready. Cap.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
This one is from Aubrey. She's thirty one and she's
from Chicago High Golden Ladies. I wanted to reach out
for some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together
for four years and we've lived together for two. We
both want to get engaged and get married to each other,
but neither one of us is popping the question. I
(31:53):
think we also both want to have the experience of
being proposed to and as a woman. We are a
little nervous about the whole proposing thing. I understand that.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
I know it is.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Some social society societal bullshit that is making us both hesitate,
But I was curious if you had any words of
encouragement or proposal ideas to help me get the ball rolling.
I feel like I'm going to have to ask her first,
even if she proposes to me later. But I just
(32:30):
feel so much pressure to make it perfect and I
have no idea where to start. Any ideas are welcome,
Thank you, love you guys.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
This is amazing, This is perfect. I propose to a woman.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Okay, give us the sight of my own.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
First of all.
Speaker 5 (32:46):
This is incredible and I highly encourage the both to propose.
I did that, and I would say that I was
a little sour puss about it, and like, looking back
on it, I hate myself for being such a little
hungry me Like I was like, h like I was
I proposed, Like why I don't understand why, Like I
(33:06):
was just being a brat, look like that was my thing?
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Why did you do it too? Like that? I didn't
know what was happening.
Speaker 5 (33:12):
It caught me off guard and I just like had
a little like brat moment with it, but like looking
back on it, of course, you can see it so
much differently, and I'm like, I'm such bitch, like I
should have been, like you wanted to do it too,
Like that was so sweet and special, Like, oh my.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
God, if she proposes one does just so with.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
This girl, like proposed first, you know, obviously you're gonna
have to go first to the other girls not And
the only thing that really matters about the proposal is
really like the words that you say, like the way
that you make that person feel in that moment, and
like show how much you know them, you know, not
just the things that I love that you do for me,
like I love this person.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
It just makes people feel really special.
Speaker 5 (33:58):
And then after the you have a little conversation about like, hey,
I know that you like we both kind of wanted
to propose, be like so I'm I'm still going to
be waiting for you to do it, like I can't
wait for yours, you know, like give her that encouragement
of like I want you to propose to.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
And yet another difference in this Pride month, Yet another
difference in the hetero community. Susan, did you ever when
Dicky proposed to you, did you ever say wait, stop,
stop Dicky, hold on, thanks, Yes, of course I'll Mary,
but I want to now propose to you at.
Speaker 3 (34:33):
A different time. No, no, no, a different time, not as
the same.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
No, I'm saying there was no. Let me be clear.
Let me be clear, Demi. I could have been on
the moon in a spaceship. I was never proposing to
my husband. And when he proposed to me, it was like,
get off your knees and put the ring on my hand.
We're done with this. Now, when are we getting married?
Like there was? Did you ever think about proposing Susan
after Dickie?
Speaker 1 (34:55):
No, after Dickie proposed, Mine was totally different. We walked
down to be to Maui's. Isn't this beautiful? He said,
you know this would be a great place to get married.
I said, yeah, it's beautiful, just walk in. And then
five minutes later he goes, well, I go, well, why.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Well that's a proposal. Exactly, that's a proposal.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
Do you even have a ring?
Speaker 2 (35:17):
But there you go, you just you just proved I need.
Speaker 6 (35:21):
The serenade where you're just waiting for the guy to
get down on his knee anybody listening be prepared to
get on your knee.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
I'm going to have to tell you, Susan, you don't know this.
My proposal was very romantic. He took me to a
lake on his knees. You'll make me the happiest man.
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Susan, I only have time for one more. So, all right,
what do we tell her? What? We're all in agreement
that go ahead and do it.
Speaker 5 (35:51):
Do it, and also make sure she feels safe to
do it too, like, you know, give her the encouragement
to do it as well.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Because and proposal ideas do something fun and creative. You
don't do whatever.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
I'm much bliss romantic, so I would think of the
best things, you know, Yeah, yeah, justice.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
Don't you know. Or to quote another famous quote, she says,
you know, we hesitate. He who hesitates. In this case,
she who hesitates is lost. So stop hesitating. All right,
let's move on.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
We have domas.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
All right. This is from Donna. She's fifty six from Fresno. Hi, gals,
I love you both so much and I'm so excited
every week when your podcast comes out. I wanted to
write in with a question about my son. He is
a very bright and sweet twenty nine year old who
has always struggled a bit socially. He has ADHD and
(36:41):
severe OCD, but has so much love to give despite
some struggles. He has a full time job working in
IT and recently moved out to live on his own.
He's never been on a date and he's such a
lovely boy who I a boy at twenty nine, sorry,
who I know will make someone so happy. He has
expressed wanting to meet someone, but won't go on any
(37:04):
dates with anyone I've tried to set him up with,
and he won't use dating apps to either of you
have any advice on how to encourage him to get
out there. I also worry as his mom that people
won't be kind to him, and he is such a
sensitive soul ug Any advice is welcome. Thank you both
so much. I got a zip it. What do you think, Tomi?
Speaker 5 (37:27):
I would say that she needs to stop trying to
set up dates for him and stop trying to encouraging
him to date. She needs to The more she does that,
the more he's not going to date. Like you really
have to just let him do this on his own.
Let he will meet people on his own. He lives
on his own. Now, he'll run into some girls at
his local coffee shop or something.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
You have got like, you cannot try to set him
up with someone.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
I would never go on a date with someone my
parents tried to set me up with, or would I
would probably hesitate to.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Go on a date anyone tried to set me up with.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yes, well, I'm going to say I love you. We're
mama bears, you know. But your son is twenty nine.
He's not a little boy. He's a grown man. Give
him the respect and freedom to find his own partner.
Speaker 5 (38:13):
Amen, and Donna, I know you're trying. You're trying so
hard to be a good mom. Like I know that
this is all good intentions from you. This is just
a different perspective that maybe you needed to hear it, Like, hey,
he'll figure it out on his own.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
You don't have to worry about his.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Honna, Denmi, you're the best. Thank you so much for
giving out such great advice. And you know what that does.
It This went so fast for this episode of Bachelor
Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you again, Demi. I can't
wait to be in your company again. Kathy and I
are going to come out and see you.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
We loved. I loved getting to meet you, Demi and
chat with you. I've heard so many great things about you,
and thank you all out there for joining us, and
be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour. Just if you
enjoyed the episode today with Demi, you'll enjoy all the
other ones that we have coming out, So make sure
to follow us.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
And make sure to submit your questions to us.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
You can go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour,
or hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app,
or wherever you listen to podcasts. Until next time, See
you later, Choo
Hosts And Creators
Joe Amabile
Susan Noles
Serena Pitt
Kathy Swarts
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