November 28, 2024 • 61 mins
Kevin and Harley gather together to ask the Lord’s blessing. Plus: Making the official BDM T-shirt!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:24):
Hello, and welcome to another beardless dickless me. I'm Kevin
Smith and Quinn Smith. Where his father Dave would put.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
It, Bess, I like that way better, and.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I'll pass out right after requires so much direpen. Right
before we went, the kid got uber excited. I was suggesting,
she moved very quickly, and the BDM T shirt market,
the beardless dickless me, the fucking shock in the face BDM.
(01:09):
Oh my god, where's he?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Oh, excuse me, pussy beardless dickless, here is your fucking program.
So last week we were talking about T shirts. I
was saying, just before we went, we were upstairs talking
to her mother, my wife, Jennifer, and you know, we
(01:35):
were talking about T shirts. She didn't seem very impressed
by it.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
She didn't And I was like, you don't listen to
the show. You don't get it.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
She's not the market.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You don't fucking get it.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
What not for nothing? But she ain't been the market
for twenty five fucking years. She's the wife. She in
the market. She don't buy this ship. She likes me,
me and the nails back. She likes me, but she's
not what I would call a Kevin smith name.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Is this something we should talk about here.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Or I've talked about publicly for you? But that's what
it's about on stages where people like ha haha, like
laugh at my pain. But that just means that she's
not the one to gauge the T shirt.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Yeah, no, I don't care what she says.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
You want to go to therapy gain.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
The Father Dave record? Yes, wow, I just grabbed that
so strangely.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
This that's tilted so that the lights not there, you
go fathered.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Now it's got the other one father day of record
on a shirt.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Everything. I don't even fucking care.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
How powerful is rendition of Mother of Mine was?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
So that's one of the T shirts because, as we
pointed out last week, I don't think Father Dave's around,
and if he is, he ain't gonna get no fucking
trade war with you.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
I forgive his family might come come after me.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Family, what his children? He's a fucking priest. There are
no heirrors. It all died with Father Dave. Perfect.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I can take it all.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
It's perfect name for the episode. It all died with
Father Dave. All right, So that's one T shirt. Now,
we were talking in last week about the kid doing
a you know, weepy John Proctor T shirt from a
photo that I took with Olivia.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
We talked about it last week and also every week before.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Of course, of course, but as a T shirt that
would have the image of a crying Harley and uh,
you know, give me back my name woman, the woman.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Is much smaller. It's like, get me name woman, and
then the woman is like ten sizes smaller, figger.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It always is in our version. It's always bigger. Give
me back my name woman. I mean, I guess it's equel.
I wouldn't make it smaller. The only question is the
only question I feel is do you put the words?
Is it image solo on front and words on back?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
We agreed on this.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I know. But it's also funnier for most people if
they can see the words, because then they'll instantly be like,
oh and on the back is the beard listickless meat?
Speaker 3 (04:32):
We should have people vote, sure, all three listeners will
be like, do you want?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
All right? So Harley went dumpster diving in her phone
for some photos because she didn't I had the one
of her and her friend Olivia from the closing night. Yes,
that's the Crucible, of course, but Harley and decated she
found some stronger images. Oh I that could also be
(05:05):
beardless Tickless meat t shirt. How refreshing that I won't
be on the T shirt, but.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I sure will as John Proctor maybe it is. You're
going to have to describe every photo to those who
are only listening to the audio. Fair enough, there goes
you hold it up. I'll hold up.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And if you're if you're watching the show at that
Kevin Smith Club dot com, you.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Get the honor and pleasure.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
You know what I did just sidebar. So, I was
hiking today Runyon and I played an episode of Beardless
Tickless me the latest one for my hike.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Really I did?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Was it yesterday?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Was it fun today?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yesterday? Yeah? But there were so many ads, like it was.
I was overwhelmed by the amount of ads there were,
Like so they were like five and a clip. I
don't have that in my world ever. That is crazy,
sodis like, shut up, I mean, this is a lot
(06:17):
of ads. So, but I mean, if you watch the
show or listen to the show, if you go to
the bake Kevinsmith Club dot com, there's a no ads
version of the show plus the video versions.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
But also you just listen to it at iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Sure, sure, but not everyone's got a few bucks to
join the ship. But my god, Like there were a lot.
You couldn't fast forward through them. But it's a funck
down of commercials. Man. There was one that was like,
do you love burgers eating meat? Is? No? There no,
But there was like where I'm like, I don't know,
audience that was like, what probably is because you said no,
(06:56):
no burger, king, no king.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I'm not gonna have any meat advertisements on something my
voice is attached to. I gotta have some fucking boundaries.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Fair enough, I applaud that, but that is why we're poor.
We will never be able to pull ourselves out of
the whole since COVID singing for our supper is never
gonna work. Because Daniel did not tell me there were
forty six ads per podcasts. It was crazy because I
(07:34):
looked at them. Running time it said like an hour
and a half, and I was like, I thought we
were under an hour on the last it was an
hour and a half. There were a lot of ads,
include the ads and running to this is really whatever,
What's I mean?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Number one Daniel's gonna ask us to cut this out.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Daniel's gonna be like, Number one, the sound in the
room is terrible. Number two, cut that out. Now we
have the iHeart family was kind enough to usher us,
and they wanted us to wait until February, but I
was very pushy and I was like, no, no, no, let's
launch early. So they were very upfront about like, we
(08:13):
don't have money to spend on your show until like February,
and I was like, don't you worry about it, don't
worry down. Yeah, we'll just bank these motherfuckers and then
when you spend me an army fucking a bunch of
didn't like that, mom, Yeah again not the barometer.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, really okay, although part of the world I not
denying that, but I stretched the imagination we were in.
We went to where do we den and she came
with me to Denver and we went to Whole Foods
and she was very taken aback by the profile. Like however,
(08:57):
it was just like god, oh my god, oh my god.
She was like this fucking nuts. I didn't realize and
I was like, well, you ain't gone out with me
in a while. But yeah, I'm pretty fan. But there
was a cop. There was a coplice officer came over
and he was like can I And I was like,
oh my god. Absolutely took a picture with them. And
then later on he circled back when I was like
(09:18):
by myself, and he was like, your wife is as
a gay. He's like she was a clerks too, and
Zach and Mary make a porner. I was like, she was,
She's excellent. I was like, go teller, she'll love it,
knowing that she hates that ship. So he went over
and he was like, he said nice things to and
she was like, oh my god, thank you. Then she
(09:40):
was like, did you send the police officer? I was like,
I didn't send him on purpose, But he asked, all right,
so why was I telling you I'm super famous?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I have no idea. I'd love to know.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess I just want to.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
I think she just wanted to flex for a second.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh god, you're watching the show physical comedy going on?
All right, Let's see these images that can be on
the T shirt.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
All right, you have to describe them for the for
the listeners. Okay, we'll start here. Should I show about you?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Show how about you? Text? Them, and then I can
look at my phone and you could show the.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Camp all right, ready, yeah, yeah, okay, m m hmmmm.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Alright. This is the first image and this is oh
my bro, give me a name more man.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
That's the description. That's going to be the description for everybody.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
That is. Look at the look at the performance. Man,
you didn't hold it up long enough. Look at the heart,
look at the pain, look at the gentle of it all.
I'm a man woman. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Okay, second one incoming, second one.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Coming up, just for the for the for the uninitiated.
This is the one that I always talk about, which is, yes,
that was post show and she's not even all that
fucking weepy in that. No, but that one you just showed.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And let me just say, I am saving the best
for last. They only get better.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Look at this ship, look like Rachel mad I.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Guess we both don't need to show.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I know I look at that man, but this ain't
is too Not enough tears for.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You, No, not enough tears. Okay, well you need you.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Can like work, you need more tears at a like
a bookstore in New Hampshire.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
That's what I thought that you could pull it off.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
If you're looking for more tears, well then I got
some more tears for you.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Bro. If this give me my name.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
You're not even you're not prepared. That's Gabby, Gabby woman,
she was a woman in.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Question, wanted your name back from my wife. There you go.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I think that you can see the moment, seriously where
I ask for my name back.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
No brow throw it. Wait, no, this one anticipatory. Oh,
I've never I've never wanted to see three dots come
up more in my life.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
This next photo features Grammy nominated al.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
She was well number one. Wait she's gramming you.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yeah, she's Grammy.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
When did that happen? Just like this year? Yeah? Please
a picture of you two on my Instagram pretending to
be me and J.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
If you would just zoom into the the sheer horror
and panic that John Proctor is experiencing in this moment.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
That is kind of like, don't she want my name?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
She might? All right, all right, here we are. This
is not that we're getting closer to the one.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
This one is getting ever closer kids to the Oh,
I mean, bro, we have a pretty hot contender. Give
man name. Look at face.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Okay, it's about to be the time.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
This is the one I need you to.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Keep your cool.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Okay, hold on to it. Man. The three bubbles came up. There,
it is there. It is bro FUCKINGI. You could be
playing Sweeney Todd.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Well, thank you, honestly, so much give.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Back. That's the T shirt right there. Oh my god,
is look at that? Look at all the acting? Oh
look at you left. You didn't leave any of the
acting behind. You brought all the acting.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Oh bitch, I ate here's an additional bonus for you
of me writing the ten commitments.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
On the wall and chalk? Is that part of the play.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
But can you look at how.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
You actually in the play? Yeah? Yes, the audience had
to sit through this while you wrote on I only.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Wrote I wrote kill steal. I can't even read the
other ones. I think one of them says name.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
What kind of Broadway show is this where you watch
a motherfucker?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I don't know, the same one where this performance is given.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Back by name. I would have been in the audience
going like, stop writing, stop acting. I'd be like one
of those baseball dads who yell at their kids during
the like you better I was when I was a kid.
There is a family who's like, there were two brothers
who played I can't give their names anymore. In the
beginning of my podcasting career many years ago, back in
(15:10):
two thousand and seven, I used to like drop names
like crazy and Ship. But then I'm you know that
podcast Now anyone could hear it and stuff and people
from your past and be like, why'd you tell that story?
So no name, but there were two kids who's were
in baseball literally and they were fucking excellent players, but
their father was like a psychotic where you fucking screamed
(15:31):
them from the stands like.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
The Menendo's brothers in tennis did one.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I mean, I don't. I don't know if their dad
did to them.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
What the Yeah, that's true that I was just thinking
of the specific Uh.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Did that happen in a movie, like in a Netflix movie?
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
And the show there there was.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
It wasn't unnerving where you liked autist.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, he's screaming from bro from the stand.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Imagine that was real life. Everybody, that was real life,
and like you were and you were on the field,
and that's not being directed to you, but being directed
at his own kids saying Ship, Like if you don't
get a fucking hit. You're not coming home tonight. You
fucking hear me?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
You lose it, like literally so fucking horrible. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But those kids were really good at baseball.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Oh my god, that's so sad for them. Why do
you Why did you say that? Sad story?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Because sometimes are you farting? What someone here? I would
tell you if I was farting, I would do it
for as part of the act.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Like someone is a farting of.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It ain't someone it is Lucky, Lucky audibly farting. Last night.
Your mom was just like Lucky just audibly farted, And
I was like, I know I heard it, like on
the bed, Oh Lucky across the room.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
You're stanking up the room, baby girl.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
He's like it off, it smells.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Do you smell that?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I'm trying not to, all right, So wait, where was that?
Speaker 3 (17:05):
I don't know before you said that. Really, it's really
sad story. I feel very bad for him.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I'm gonna be like that guy.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Oh no the sides, oh as me as John Proctor.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
I'm like, given't give me your bag, your fucking name.
If you don't get your name back, you're not coming
home tonight. From the audience, like, this is he in it?
There is there a dad in the Cruci, a dad
of John Proctor. Joff Practor's dad, yelled him in the
(17:41):
Crucible audience. Yeah, my god, this reimagining the Crucible is
the boldest jet. Mailer would spin in his grave had
he known.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Oh my god, Mailer is dead.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
He's got to be again. Bro, you were John Proctor
and you can't confirm that. Who's Norman Baylor fucking wrote
the Crucible? Really? Wait? Really?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
I thought it was somebody else. I thought it was
Arthur Miller.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Did he? Who? I just got you?
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Some other guy, Henry somebody? Dude, it's literally Arthur Miller.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Let me see.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Don't try to fucking make me stupid.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Who did I say, bro?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Rewind because it wasn't Arthur Miller. It wasn't.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I don't know. I know I didn't say Arthur Miller.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
You didn't.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
What did I say? Bitch? I mean, but I'm not
even fucking fighting yet. But now, who was I saying? Like?
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Henry some guy? I don't know who you?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Norman? No, mail not write the Crucible? Wow?
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I just hit myself when I did on my job.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's pretty amazing. Yeah, my bad.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I feel so smart, good, well done.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Well you know what I pulled and then I provided
the name and you didn't correct me.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
I pulled it out so far out of my ass
because you said that, and I was like, this sounds
this doesn't sound familiar.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
And then I was like Norman Mailer, Arthur Miller. I
can see I can complain a man could complait those two,
just like I can see how a woman could conflate Medea.
All right, all right, it's a matter of culture that
you screaming as John Proctor is the shirt?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yeah, it is, as the kids say, the moment it is,
she is the moment.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
That's what if I was, would you start with one
T shirt or two?
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Like one one quantity yet one?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Someone bought the large and it's gone, and I show
the would buy it. I think a beardless I think
there are beardless, stickless fans who would buy it.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Who would buy me? As John Proctor, Oh my god,
I feel like you need to print quantity one.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I think you print. Honestly, I think you're print.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
There's no way there's I would I would. I don't
even know what I would do.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I mean, honestly, this version where you don't even have
to do any of it where you just upload the
image to like tea public, but you only get a
tiny little piece of that. But if you have the
shirts made and then you send them out, and if
you're personally sending them out, you can include a little right.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Letters, right letters. Anyways, I was in a really I
was really anxious because I was at the VET for
the subscribers thing I have on YouTube?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Not YouTube, you Instagram? How many subscribers do you have?
Speaker 3 (21:11):
I don't want to talk about it in the hundreds,
like four hundred.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
You fucking broke down hard and fast. Let me talk
about it in the hundreds hundred exactly.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I created like a chat chat room. Okay, it has
been your worst nightmare because a series of people like
they just send pictures of me and then like are like,
this is my favorite picture of you, this is my
(21:49):
favorite picture of you. It's but there is they wouldn't
be your favorite photos.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Oh so it's like cheesecake shop.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Yeah, where they on my page?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:02):
On my page.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But once again, for the record, I know I sound
like a terrible parent, but I just don't understand why
I don't just dive over to only fans. I know
your people are like cheesecake.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I know I would love to take people's money, to
be honest, But.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
What's stopping you?
Speaker 3 (22:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Start with the T shirts very slow, but begin with
the T shirts I did.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah, you know what, you got a point.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Now sell people anything. Someone will say, you fucking have
dinner with me at my house. We've had total strangers.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Yeah, I know that is fun, really wet everybody. No,
you don't. We do don't in our way anyways. So
somebody in it was like, how she showed her tits yet?
And then somebody was like, she said that she like
(22:59):
she in a question before she said that, like she
would maybe do it in a movie or something, but
not besides that, she wouldn't do that. And then he
was like, well, he's she's only in her dad's movies,
so probably not. And then I was like, I've been
(23:19):
in a and ten episodes of a television series.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You fuck You've also been in other movies beyond that
as well.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
And I have been in many of yours. But I
was just like a fuck you, and then I was
and then he just kept being rude, and then he
was like, oh, she's here, she's here. Everybody like, let
the simps out, like like the you know, like simps.
It's like someone simping for you. Yeah. I've been like
(23:53):
you can look it up if you want explain it.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Well, let's hear.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Someone pouring over you being like so he's.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Like you're here, come out.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Yeah, Like he's like, I'm yes, and I'm active to
the chat there.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, I know. So it's like you are a simp,
but then your own definition of symptoms.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
I just was really pissed off and so I I
like removed him from the subscribers and blocked him, and
then I was like texting in the in the chat,
being like, see everyone funk around and find out keep
it cordial or you will be removed. And people were like, okay, boundaries,
(24:40):
and I was like, guys, you will not be disrespectful
in this chat.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I mean absolutely all, like it's your page, and if
somebody gets shitty, it's like I don't. I don't need
this or your money or your time by.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
But I literally said around which ma laughs.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
I was like see everyone.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
She went total fafo. I really really did the uh
it's the wait, I'm sorry, I gotta do the question
that began the tsunami was yes, seriously.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yes, God, And then it was that, I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I mean, way to put it on Front Street?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Just absolutely putting it on Front Street.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Just I guess the moment you show the game's over,
I guess the game's over. What about side boot count?
Not to this person, I guess, I mean.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Full nipple, it's actually.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Move She's trying to make it feel good. Is just
too She's so complex, she gives really good pits. Wait
what all right? What what is the figure at which
(26:11):
you would show.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
We're not talking about this one that's this rude, We're
not talking about one million? Oh all right, Well, what's
the precious?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Fair enough? What's I got to of it? What is
the what is the starting in a million? What's the lowest?
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I'm not going to say because then fucking people are
gonna come out of the fucking water, like, what's as
you right?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So less than five hundred thousand, because I'm saying five
hundred six fingers half a million dollars, I mean, yeah,
that's the lowest. Or you're like, I would do it
for that one hundred grand?
Speaker 3 (26:56):
One yeah, one hundred grand. I want one hundred grand
real bad. I can do a lot of things without money.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Ten thousand, No, fifty thousand, sure, fifty thousand, so that's
your base? Sure?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Yeah for one nipple?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Why are we one hundred thousand for two nipples?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Appropriate?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Seventy five grand?
Speaker 3 (27:21):
You're such a strange person. You're such a strange person.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I don't know where your limits are. I'm glad to
know that you got it.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Thanks fifty What about you?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Nine grand? Oh? They want to see one of my nipples?
T eight dollars?
Speaker 3 (27:38):
It would be harder, wouldn't you wouldn't. I've only seen
you like without your shirt one time.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
I think because you don't have half a million dollars.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Because I don't exactly, so that must be your number.
That is my number, half a million?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, fifty okay, respectable? All right. I know as a parent,
I should be like, there's no amount of money.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
But if somebody's s anding me fifty thousand dollars, whatever, bro, I.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Mean, that's they didn't even pay.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I got a mortgage.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
I got that Back in the day when they took
like photos and stuff like that, that was a pretty
substantial number.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Listen, a girl's gotta eat, and it's hard dimes out
there and she.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Ate period.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Times be tough.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
I don't know if you know this or not, but
this is the time of year where we got too
gat two ass the Lord blessing Thanksgiving Carol.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
I didn't know there was a Carol for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house
we go.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Another one sounds like fucking Hansel and Gruttel.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
They were children that were going to be eating alive,
baked alive.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, through the wood.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, a lot of things happened in the woods. You
think everything crosses over and ship like that.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Yeah, I do. I find your Carol fucking creepy.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I think you've got a steven sonha. I'm kind of
mind because you're putting every fairy tale in the woods
at once.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
You should wear this ring.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Into the woods, into the This is.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Maybe an ego to score ring to wear, but my
best friend gave it to me. It says I love Harley.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
You wear a ring that says I love hard.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
My best friend gave it to a constant.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Reminder of one. Why I have to look at it
and you're.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Like, I left Hardy put it on.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
No way, I'll try look at it's not even a
fit of my pinky.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Yes, oh, except it does.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
I mean it's it shouldn't go down to the next
it could stay there.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Put it on. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah No And ring
combo now and ring combo combo.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
People are on fucking Spotify on the iHeart Network going
like I just sit through eight commercials to hear about
a fucking ring and a pinky. I can't see that.
Kevin Smith clothes, You got a ring, guy? I only
wear the wedding. I never ever see me with other jewelry.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
No, you're not a jewelry type of guy. But you
are a pin guy. You're not a jewelry guy. You're
an accessories guy.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I believe in flair, Yes, I would say so good.
Flare that kind of like states where I am in
the world. You know, like, I'm wearing this movie fucking
movie you got.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Do you have any connections to the Magic Castle?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
No other than Pauldiney had all the connects there, So
I mean, I guess technically I do have.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
A connect Remember when you couldn't.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Go Yeah, I showed up and they're like, yeah, you
put on pants. I was like yeah right, They're like no, seriously, I.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Was like, uh, would you put on pants to go
to the magic?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
I don't believe in magic? If I have to wear
pants mad at this place going out to the day
shorts gets Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
Would you wear pants to go?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
I mean, I got pair of if they'll let me in,
they wouldn't let me in.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
No, you can't wear jeans.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
So no, I don't have pants. I'm not even like
being up to so I just don't own a pair
of pants.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Would you get a pair of pants?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
No? Buy a pair of pants to go to a place?
The pants I could do that.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
What about the pants you're wearing?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Now? These are fucking long Johns. You think they're gonna
let me into these? They won't let me in? The jeans, Yeah,
it's a look because are my formal long jobs. Hold on,
we'll check they're not jeans. I mean it's true, they're
not sure. Policy says no jeans, no shorts, but it
doesn't say no long job. But they might be like
(31:52):
no underwear you gotta put or outerwear over it because
these would be considered Yeah, technically, I mean I'm making
them work because like fucking pants, because it's a little
bit chilly, and when I say chili, it was like
sixty eight today.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
It was really it was really chilly.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
It was pretty fucking chili in Salt Lake City like
and then in Denver as well. Oh, my lord, in
Denver when you when you perform the comedy works, they
have an apartment. Oh yes, so they put you up,
which is awesome. And the apartment is like really fun
(32:26):
and it has a video game like a Kiosk style
eighty stuff and has multiple games on it. And the
game that your mother.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Played in her youth, Gallago, was on.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
So I saw fifty three year old Jennifer Schwalbach revert
to eleven twelve year old Jennifer Schwalbach at the roller
rank trying to play the game while she was wearing
her skate stuff.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Oh that's cute.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
She was. She played for like at one point I left,
came back like an hour and a half later, she
was still in front of the game.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
Not a bad idea, good idea. Actually, Remember when you
were talking about getting games for the living room too,
so fu empty.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
We might as well fill it up with it. We
should turn into an arcade and sell tickets.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Remember when you supposedly got me an arcade game and
it never came.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, still life. I never showed up.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
I never showed up.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
I put money down on that too.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. If
someone could recognize what game we're talking about from our
from ourseling boo, put money.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
This is a So there's an old story. I'll tell
you afterwards there. You might recognize it if you went
to Castle Park or if they had existed other places,
another place, and I would imagine probably Seaside Heights like
someone had one.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
It was a dinosaur themed game where you what's this
called when you pull this back.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
A gun? No, like an sst car brush?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
What?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
No?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
The thing you put the ball on and then you
pulled out like a lever and then it made it jump.
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
It did have a catapultsers. It basically you roll in
and you got to aim them at like fucking moving
targets and ship.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
It was awesome.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
The only good thing I'll say about it not showing
up is the fact that you have nowhere to put it. Nowhere.
It couldn't live with you anymore, or you would have
to sleep around the machine and all night long. It
was like poo.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Pooing to the game.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
And then Nick was like, that's a good beat. Man.
Hold on, he gets shred Is he that guy he
shreds my guitar?
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Man, Yeah, my other band.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Of the band, of the band is tired and his
eyes are growing old. You know that song. But his
blood runs through my instrument and this hot is in
my soul. Not hip imitate the man. I'm just a
(35:39):
living man movie to the lead. The band's like a
seventy song. You wouldn't know it. Wow, But Nick is
the leader of your band?
Speaker 3 (35:52):
I don't. I wouldn't say there's a leader of the
bands who.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Writes the music all of us. You write, You write
the guitar.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
No, do you write the lyrics and the melodies?
Speaker 1 (36:06):
What do you mean the melodies?
Speaker 3 (36:07):
The way my voice sounds? But what do you mean
like the singing part is right?
Speaker 1 (36:17):
So you write and you sing, yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
And they write and they play.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
But they're in the band.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Yeah, they write a physical band.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Like without them, they are the they're the band.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
We we are the band.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
But you're not playing an instrument. No, but you could,
I could, but you don't want to play an instrument. No,
because you don't want to be in the band. The
band has instruments, so writing and singing, yeah, of course
that counts as being part of the band. Like what's
her name, Gwen Stefani, She's in no doubt? Does she
(36:55):
play an instrument? No doubt? Or is she just like
am just thank you? Does she plan? Not? In no doubt?
So she's and she's fucking no doubt in the band.
She is the fucking band.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
So everybody is the band.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
That has to be a leader of the band. Is
this like a school of Rocks?
Speaker 3 (37:29):
I feel like your knowledge of music comes from school
of rock, and that's the knowledge of what it's like
to be in a band. School of rock.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I thought later, very well, it's so weird because I
was thinking about Jack Black today. I thought about school rock,
but also thought about there's a movie coming out called
Dear Santa. Have you seen it?
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Yeah, I've seen a poster.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
So it's about a boy who writes a letter to
Dear Santa, but he spells it wrong, so it's Dear Satan. Oh.
Is that the lawyer winds up in Jack Black's hands
and then he becomes a kid's friend. He's like trying
to lure him, you know, off the good path and
ship like that. Oh god, I mean it's a fucking
kids movie, so it is. Yeah. So, but my point
(38:16):
was like that that mug equally is offensive to be
like Jack Black is Satan and he got a letter
that said Santa, but now he's gonna tempt this little boy.
Like it would be that ludicrous if like you saw
that trailer and you were like, that is true Leader and.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Baby, we would straight as.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Oh ship, what is the rest.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Of the song.
Speaker 5 (38:47):
But we were stuck in a dumb days and then
the magic Man and come my way out, magic Man. Dude,
Now what magic Man say? Please have the attention of
the class.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Today's ask signmn.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Kids are as.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
That movie's amazing.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
It's everything. Really, That's definitely in my top five movies
of all time.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
When do you think they go back and do school.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Of honestly, because all the kids are growing touch it.
Come on, you don't touch it.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Totally go back. He's viable. What's her name is became
fucking she had a hope, She had two hole shows.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
And then she sung a very impactful song for us
as well.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
She did, but uh and one of the kids died
I think I read but all about it. I've seen
pictures of them, Like, you know, two of them got married,
did you know that? Really? Yeah? So the one little
girl who's like the blonde girl.
Speaker 3 (39:56):
Who is like yeah, yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Dude who was I guess he was like a little
pudgeard who ran the fucking Yeah, I got married and
they're fucking adorable.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Both of your actions for them shows you.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
That I fucking saw and I saw it too, I
remember that performances. Yes, that's a huge, you know, fucking
shout out to their work that it impacted so much
so that twenty years plus later, I've seen that movie.
In a minute, I could still do both parts. We
live our coming soon just Moecastle Cinema. School of Rock,
(40:32):
a one man show. Kevin Smith, are you doing Jack Black?
Was like, no, I'm doing that little blonde girl and
I'm doing a little budget kid who ran the fucking optics.
I think you'll remember it goes a little something like this,
like that's it. Yeah, I mean, if you want, I
(40:55):
keep that up for ninety minutes, like it's really more
of an impression. Yeah, you saw this A ticket for
a full show. Well, we can watch School I mean,
we see how close When those kids do that, I'll
get up like rocking horn. Oh sh hey man, it's
a nonprofit cinema.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Do that event though.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Kevin Smith present School of Rock.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
With a few impressions too.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
It's literally just you could.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
I think you could add another one in there.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Those are the only two that I feel really comfortable covering. Okay,
Like I think I got those down to science. I mean,
I can't approach Jack Black. That's you'd need a Jack
Black level perform. This is the one time I might
reach out to Jack Black. Like I'm doing a one
man show. It's on New Jersey and I'm going to
play the little girl who does this. Little guys like,
can you play everyone else?
Speaker 3 (41:51):
It's like, hey man, are you okay?
Speaker 1 (41:55):
I met with him years ago. He was very sweet.
We were talking about doing Ranger Day.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
He seems awesome.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
We were stuck in the Dumb days poop and then
Magic Man come to town. He done spun Oh yeah, yeah,
said recesses in session to make five. Now, baby, I'm
(42:29):
a live but I'm alive. And if you want to
be the teacher's bad.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
The other guy too.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
I'm telling you this is good I'll start in this
podcasting cinemas. This too big for that, This is too
good Broadway.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
I see it, I see the vision.
Speaker 1 (43:09):
There's your fucking Thanksgiving edition of Beardless Dickless. No it's not.
We're still going to passionate ration, or we could do
What are you thankful for? Because it's thanks that's nice.
What are you thankful for?
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Which is kind of passionate ra is I'm thankful, all passion,
No ration, because I'm not asking what you're Oh yeah,
all passion. I'll be real serious right now. Thank God,
I'm really grateful. Oh my god, was that a fart
or a she's snoring?
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Seconds?
Speaker 3 (43:51):
Wow, it's THI He's like a hibernating bear.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Alright, go ahead, what's your What are you thankful for?
I'm gonna give you a little back up music? Is
that Thanksgiving music you talk over? You're getting? Its so scary?
All right?
Speaker 3 (44:25):
This Thanksgiving thank this is haunting, This is fucking this.
I'll just do it ready, Okay, all right, this Thanksgiving
I am really it sounds like silent night. I want
(44:46):
your fucking creepy ass Carol here, and are you.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
The Peanuts characters saying in the in the Charlie Brown
Christmas they go and they all inhale real deeply and ship.
So anyway, be no none of this, none of what
I forget.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
None of this. You weren't singing anything, all right, I
guess it's happening this Thanksgiving. I am extremely thankful for
all the amazing care that Access Animal Specialty Hospital has
given my sweet baby Cinnamon, and that Cinnamon is still
(45:29):
here with us and is my sweet baby girl.
Speaker 6 (45:36):
My lord, you are side you game bus, You're live.
I guess it's less a Thanksgiving song and more of
a yeah, but we always sang it at Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Hey man, be thankful. We have a lucky whose farts
that you smissed so bad. She can't help it.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
My cats don't fart.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Far. I can take a wet rank to the dogs ass,
which is unnatural, and she'll look at me like and
then when we go to bed that's never happened before
she's day. I don't think the peoples are supposed to
do that.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
I'll give another passion. Okay, something I'm grateful for, so
the excellent.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
Care that was given to your bunny.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
But what is the name of the animalst Access Animal
Specialty hospital in Culver City. They have given my baby
girl the best care I could ever ask for. Thank you,
come on your slacking. And then another one. I'm grateful
(46:41):
for the discovery of the television show The Boys, even
though I'm five seven years late to three years in.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Three seasons in you finally discussed great show? Isn't it
fun watch? I?
Speaker 3 (46:55):
As you know, Unfortunately I'm a big reality TV person. Yeah,
I don't. Really. There aren't too many shows where I'm like, oh,
I really want to watch this?
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Get too many fiction narratives?
Speaker 3 (47:07):
Yeah, yes, you do.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
You spend most of your time engaged in reality programming
and YouTube vlogs, not so much. You don't watch movies
or watch moon. But so this is something that has
captured your imagination.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
It really hard.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
We don't get to watch Real Housewives, Nikki, you don't
like your Boys?
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Really gets too naughty.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (47:37):
He's such a good actor. It blows my mind. Him
and fucking Butcher are so the whole cast is so amazing.
There is not one three? Oh all right, so you're
apparently aren't there like five seasons or no?
Speaker 1 (47:56):
For some extent I thought there were three. Maybe I'm wrong,
but I've seen every season in it. It's great. Next season,
I think is the last though what I think they
said that's when they're going to end it. Yeah, and
based on what happens at the end of the current season,
it's like, well you can see where they're going.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Really, I love it.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
It's gonna get dark.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
It's it's so dark already I can't I can't imagine,
but it's.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
About to get darker. That I like that. Dude. Eric
Kripkey is a nice guy. Interview the stuff and I
will always regret not fucking going on the show, and
they were like, hey, man, will you play the director
that director? Guy has come back multiple times now. To
be fair, that dude's genius. I love watching He's in
a lot of things because he's like, he's a go
to you plug him into anything, and he was in
(48:40):
the the Scorsese picture with fucking Leo Wolf of Wall Streets.
He's a real good actor. He's one of those actors.
He's like a Stephen Root where it's like once you
learn his name, you'll remember forever is glue. They stick
him in everything. So even though I would have liked
to have been the guy he's I enjoy watching him. Yeah,
(49:04):
And the only thing I would have brought to it
is if if it was going to be me as
the director, I would have been like, kind of just
be Kevin's man instead of playing a part.
Speaker 3 (49:13):
That would be that would be funny, that would be funny.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
I do dig that Showman. There are very few shows
that I'm like, oh, I wish I was on that
and ship, but that one's one. And they asked without
me even asking. I was God, damn it, No was
doing something else, so I couldn't. I think we were
in Clerk's three or something, and then what was the
other show? Letter Kenny? They asked me to be the
(49:39):
opening of season two or three. I forget, and it
was after the heart attack, so I couldn't get on
a plane and go. I know, Bro, I know. I
was thinking about it, like today, why there's something about
a vocal performance? Oh, I was thinking about Bobby moynahan
had a show that he was doing for Comedy Central
for a minute where he played like a wallus no
(50:02):
a man of tea in a zoo, and I played
a camel named Mark Cammell, And I was like, oh,
I didn't really you know it just it is just
me and my voice talking. And you know, I've I've
been able to be me and be my voice in
a lot of things. I haven't really had to perform
other than perform as Kevin Smith and stuff, so I'm
(50:25):
not like a real actor. In those nasty comments when
people were really mad about the mug that I didn't
fucking create, one of them said that I was a
washed up actor, and I was so like flattered because
I was like, you think of me as an actor.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
You are an actor.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
I'm a writer, director who puts myself in my own ship.
But this motherfucker in there fucking stab at me like
made me feel good. I was like, an actor, I
don't even give a fuck actor. I am clean, So
I'm washed up. Look for me on my ears mother,
But uh, I don't think of myself as an actor.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
You definitely are. You're great when you're like you're like
doing that so excited. No, when it's like can I say,
I don't know, can.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Go off Mike, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (51:21):
In Logic's movie, you're like the performance when I just
prefer I love when you give a grounded performance. When
you about when I do that long monologue.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Yeah, cut out of the movie. Yeah, that was one
of the first things out. I was begging him to
cut that, like for because it's pacing in the movie,
like it's a fine little standalone piece. Which yeah, so
there's the one scene of us is there, but the
second scene is not.
Speaker 3 (51:51):
Oh you were so good on it.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
Well, it's just it makes me happy that you even
thought I was good. So like, that's that's a win
enough for me, right there.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
I love when you give the I can't wait till people.
Speaker 1 (52:00):
See that fucking flick. Man. I watched a little clip
on my phone from Donel Rawlings the day he worked
he had lived a line that still makes me fucking
cry to this day and stuff. But yeah, laughing, laughing,
like really funny, logic's done, he's all finished. The movie's
lock Really he did the mix, and so I gotta remember.
(52:22):
I got to ask JC to to give me a
copy of it down look because Bobby I was like, hey,
me away, because he was like, it's done, it's finished.
I see, he goes, jac will give you a pally.
So yeah, I look forward to people see. I'm so
happy for him. It's a fucking fun movie and It's
so weird because I was knee deep in that movie
for all of May and June, and then you know,
(52:45):
it moved on, life moved on.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
I can't wait for people to see him act.
Speaker 1 (52:49):
He's great. Yeah, I mean honestly, like, there's nothing the
dude can't do. Like, he wrote a great script, he
directed the fucking ship out of the movie, and he's
a wonderful actor in the movie. So yeah, it's that's
one of those things where I'm like, I'm gonna do
next year. It's nice to know that there's that not
my success, but I get to like kind of hang
out with him and like, you know, it was something
(53:09):
that I helped, you produced it, produced it.
Speaker 3 (53:14):
Well, well, well then that is something.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
And acted in it. But I am a washed up
but you are washed up back, which I was like
washed up was I you know what I did last night?
And we'll go out on this note stuff because now
we're over an hour, which means that with the ads,
it's going to be three hours. I spent time with
a YouTube clip that is like this is what the
(53:40):
Internet was made for. In very specifically YouTube, somebody took
all of the opening credits of every episode of the
Love Boat. I know they would do that circle and
then people's faces and before it began, before the boat
for the fucking song, like, well, the song was something
before the course kicked in the boo, before that happened,
(54:02):
they would show this porthole and they would show you
the whole cast of the guest star. So they lined
up every fucking guest star. Oh my god, and so
the song just plays over and over again because it's
like a minute and a half long song. So they
stretch out his twenty nine minute video and I'm only
at the k's right now. I just say god, because
(54:22):
I was just like, I can't I got it. I
got this thing, but it is me. And it's a
series of like people on the way up and people
on the way down. Nobody at the top of the mountain. Wow,
you know what I'm saying. It's nobody like because of
the Circus seventies eighties, So it's not like Burt Reynolds
(54:44):
never one on the Love Boat. Who else Clin East
would never went on the fucking love Boat. A lot
of TV people, like fucking Tom Hanks was on it.
But while he was while he was on Bosom Buddies,
a sitcom and shit. Michael J. Fox was on it
first season in a like family Ties or something like that.
Before he was Marty McFly. So it is, it's but
(55:06):
it's I don't know if it'll mean ship to you,
But yeah, I don't know if it would because it's
not like your childhood. But as I sat there and
watched it, I was like, look at all these people.
And then of course, since I'm so, you know, got
my head up, my own ass, and so he go
centric I put myself in their shoes.
Speaker 3 (55:25):
Well I thought you were going to put yourself in
the porthole.
Speaker 1 (55:29):
I turned a camera because that's what they do. They
cut to them and they're looking away and then they're
and they do a quick thing that a second. Now
you can see some motherfuckers like I ain't doing a thing,
so they're just like But then there are some people
physical comedians. Oh me, I would have been like, oh
(55:52):
you remember that portal. You'd feel like, I can't wait
till the rerun of that. I remember that dude did
a triple take and ship Solah Bob. And they're people
who are like my equal on the show, like Bob Denver,
who played Gilligan, which somebody online once said, like, you're
a modern day Gilligan with your stupid backwards at not
just that was comfortable too, because I'm like, hey, man
(56:12):
is famous, and everybody truly, truly aim fucking lower chick.
Call me Bob Denver, call me Gilligan. I mean, technically
I'm the skipper. They would be Gilligan.
Speaker 3 (56:22):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (56:24):
But both of them, Bob Denver and Alan Hale, who
played the Skipper, were on the fucking show. So I definitely,
me and Jay definitely would have been on the love Boat.
And there were a lot of people whose kids were
on the love Boat, so Fernando Lamas and his son
Lorenzo Lamas and the Crosby girl. Well, Bing Crosby himself
(56:46):
was never on the love Boat, but Mary Crosby and
fucking Denise Crosby and shit like that.
Speaker 3 (56:51):
Wow. So so you're saying I would have a chance.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
I'm saying, like, I know, fucking like the bane of
your existence is the idea of like bo. But yesterday
when I was in the bathroom, you know what I
thought about what Tony Stark as a neo baby, and
Tony Stark saved the world, so you should wear that
tribe period so anytime. And it was like fucking neo
baby rocking right out Tony Stark's baby ship.
Speaker 3 (57:17):
He's say the world, save the world.
Speaker 1 (57:19):
And I'm telling you even people that fucking like hate
you for being you and ship, everyone loves Tony Stark.
Ain't nobody don't love Tony.
Speaker 3 (57:28):
You better love Tony Stark.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
Word as he literally like talks about his dad all
the time, and shit like, does he got a point?
All right? I never got to sagodbye him my dad.
I never got sagobye to my father. There are questions
I would have asked him. I love that's from Iron Man.
Gonna cry if I do remember an endgame when he
(57:56):
sees his dad and he hasn't seen his dad. That
is like one of my favorites scenes and cinema history
is him and his dad where he's just like, he goes,
hopefully she'd be hopefully it's a girl, you know, then
there's less of chance she'd be like me. And he's like,
(58:16):
what's so wrong with that? He goes, Let's just say
that what is it?
Speaker 3 (58:21):
The tears are coming up.
Speaker 1 (58:22):
Let's just say that the common good has rarely outweighed
my own self interest. And I never felt more seen
in a movie than here about that, which is kind
of sad, but at the same time, it's like he
was a good He was a good guy literally saved
us from the Nazis. I mean, I know this is
a movie.
Speaker 3 (58:40):
It starts not real, but can be as real as
you need him to be.
Speaker 1 (58:44):
Dad, but Tony like, they go out the side and
he's like talking about possible names and ship and he said, uh,
he goes, there's nothing my father couldn't teach me, you
know that didn't involve a belt or something like that.
And then Tony goes, I thought my father was hard
(59:07):
on he's going, but now all I remember is the
good stuff. You know, he did drop the occasional pearl.
His dad goes like what and Tony says, like the
driest wad. He goes and no amount of money has
ever bought a single second of time and they're literally
back in time and he's talking to his dead father.
That's like one of the greatest moments to me in
cinema history. Is just like he's crying, well, with all
(59:30):
the money in the world bought him more than a
second of time. He got to go back in fucking time,
but didn't buy him his life. Some sizs have to die.
That mofucker sacrificed himself.
Speaker 3 (59:43):
He's getting worked off.
Speaker 1 (59:47):
But yes, I thought about that the toilet, Remember it
all right? There it is before I break down crying
about fucking eyes. Man. Look, some people have their religion.
I got mine, and yeah, and and all. Religion is
a series of fucking inspiring stories.
Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Correct, correct, Hey, you ain't hearing You ain't hear anything.
Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
There it is because there's your Thanksgiving edition of Beardless
Stickless Me. Go gather with your family and give thanks Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:00:30):
Nice, all right, but we're.
Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Like do it. Hopefully you have wonderful holidays. Man, we'll
see you next week and we'll tell you how our
very vegan Thanksgiving one and half of our listeners just
dropped their.
Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
Subscriptions earlier in the episode.
Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
There it is for beardless sickles me. I'm Kevin Smith
and a goddamn beardless stickless day. This has been a
podcast production s podcast podcast using our mouths on you
(01:01:15):
since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like
what you just heard? Well, guess what We've got tons
more man, thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you
at that kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now,
Hello, and welcome to another beardless dickless me. I'm Kevin
Smith and Quinn Smith. Where his father Dave would put.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
It, Bess, I like that way better, and.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
I'll pass out right after requires so much direpen. Right
before we went, the kid got uber excited. I was suggesting,
she moved very quickly, and the BDM T shirt market,
the beardless dickless me, the fucking shock in the face BDM.
(01:09):
Oh my god, where's he?
Speaker 3 (01:10):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Oh, excuse me, pussy beardless dickless, here is your fucking program.
So last week we were talking about T shirts. I
was saying, just before we went, we were upstairs talking
to her mother, my wife, Jennifer, and you know, we
(01:35):
were talking about T shirts. She didn't seem very impressed
by it.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
She didn't And I was like, you don't listen to
the show. You don't get it.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
She's not the market.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You don't fucking get it.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
What not for nothing? But she ain't been the market
for twenty five fucking years. She's the wife. She in
the market. She don't buy this ship. She likes me,
me and the nails back. She likes me, but she's
not what I would call a Kevin smith name.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Is this something we should talk about here.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Or I've talked about publicly for you? But that's what
it's about on stages where people like ha haha, like
laugh at my pain. But that just means that she's
not the one to gauge the T shirt.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Yeah, no, I don't care what she says.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
You want to go to therapy gain.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
The Father Dave record? Yes, wow, I just grabbed that
so strangely.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
This that's tilted so that the lights not there, you
go fathered.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Now it's got the other one father day of record
on a shirt.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Everything. I don't even fucking care.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
How powerful is rendition of Mother of Mine was?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
So that's one of the T shirts because, as we
pointed out last week, I don't think Father Dave's around,
and if he is, he ain't gonna get no fucking
trade war with you.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
I forgive his family might come come after me.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Family, what his children? He's a fucking priest. There are
no heirrors. It all died with Father Dave. Perfect.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I can take it all.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
It's perfect name for the episode. It all died with
Father Dave. All right, So that's one T shirt. Now,
we were talking in last week about the kid doing
a you know, weepy John Proctor T shirt from a
photo that I took with Olivia.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
We talked about it last week and also every week before.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Of course, of course, but as a T shirt that
would have the image of a crying Harley and uh,
you know, give me back my name woman, the woman.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Is much smaller. It's like, get me name woman, and
then the woman is like ten sizes smaller, figger.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It always is in our version. It's always bigger. Give
me back my name woman. I mean, I guess it's equel.
I wouldn't make it smaller. The only question is the
only question I feel is do you put the words?
Is it image solo on front and words on back?
Speaker 3 (04:20):
We agreed on this.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I know. But it's also funnier for most people if
they can see the words, because then they'll instantly be like,
oh and on the back is the beard listickless meat?
Speaker 3 (04:32):
We should have people vote, sure, all three listeners will
be like, do you want?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
All right? So Harley went dumpster diving in her phone
for some photos because she didn't I had the one
of her and her friend Olivia from the closing night. Yes,
that's the Crucible, of course, but Harley and decated she
found some stronger images. Oh I that could also be
(05:05):
beardless Tickless meat t shirt. How refreshing that I won't
be on the T shirt, but.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I sure will as John Proctor maybe it is. You're
going to have to describe every photo to those who
are only listening to the audio. Fair enough, there goes
you hold it up. I'll hold up.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And if you're if you're watching the show at that
Kevin Smith Club dot com, you.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Get the honor and pleasure.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
You know what I did just sidebar. So, I was
hiking today Runyon and I played an episode of Beardless
Tickless me the latest one for my hike.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Really I did?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Was it yesterday?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Was it fun today?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yesterday? Yeah? But there were so many ads, like it was.
I was overwhelmed by the amount of ads there were,
Like so they were like five and a clip. I
don't have that in my world ever. That is crazy,
sodis like, shut up, I mean, this is a lot
(06:17):
of ads. So, but I mean, if you watch the
show or listen to the show, if you go to
the bake Kevinsmith Club dot com, there's a no ads
version of the show plus the video versions.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
But also you just listen to it at iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Sure, sure, but not everyone's got a few bucks to
join the ship. But my god, Like there were a lot.
You couldn't fast forward through them. But it's a funck
down of commercials. Man. There was one that was like,
do you love burgers eating meat? Is? No? There no,
But there was like where I'm like, I don't know,
audience that was like, what probably is because you said no,
(06:56):
no burger, king, no king.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I'm not gonna have any meat advertisements on something my
voice is attached to. I gotta have some fucking boundaries.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Fair enough, I applaud that, but that is why we're poor.
We will never be able to pull ourselves out of
the whole since COVID singing for our supper is never
gonna work. Because Daniel did not tell me there were
forty six ads per podcasts. It was crazy because I
(07:34):
looked at them. Running time it said like an hour
and a half, and I was like, I thought we
were under an hour on the last it was an
hour and a half. There were a lot of ads,
include the ads and running to this is really whatever,
What's I mean?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Number one Daniel's gonna ask us to cut this out.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Daniel's gonna be like, Number one, the sound in the
room is terrible. Number two, cut that out. Now we
have the iHeart family was kind enough to usher us,
and they wanted us to wait until February, but I
was very pushy and I was like, no, no, no, let's
launch early. So they were very upfront about like, we
(08:13):
don't have money to spend on your show until like February,
and I was like, don't you worry about it, don't
worry down. Yeah, we'll just bank these motherfuckers and then
when you spend me an army fucking a bunch of
didn't like that, mom, Yeah again not the barometer.
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah, so true.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, really okay, although part of the world I not
denying that, but I stretched the imagination we were in.
We went to where do we den and she came
with me to Denver and we went to Whole Foods
and she was very taken aback by the profile. Like however,
(08:57):
it was just like god, oh my god, oh my god.
She was like this fucking nuts. I didn't realize and
I was like, well, you ain't gone out with me
in a while. But yeah, I'm pretty fan. But there
was a cop. There was a coplice officer came over
and he was like can I And I was like,
oh my god. Absolutely took a picture with them. And
then later on he circled back when I was like
(09:18):
by myself, and he was like, your wife is as
a gay. He's like she was a clerks too, and
Zach and Mary make a porner. I was like, she was,
She's excellent. I was like, go teller, she'll love it,
knowing that she hates that ship. So he went over
and he was like, he said nice things to and
she was like, oh my god, thank you. Then she
(09:40):
was like, did you send the police officer? I was like,
I didn't send him on purpose, But he asked, all right,
so why was I telling you I'm super famous?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I have no idea. I'd love to know.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess I just want to.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
I think she just wanted to flex for a second.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Oh god, you're watching the show physical comedy going on?
All right, Let's see these images that can be on
the T shirt.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
All right, you have to describe them for the for
the listeners. Okay, we'll start here. Should I show about you?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Show how about you? Text? Them, and then I can
look at my phone and you could show the.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Camp all right, ready, yeah, yeah, okay, m m hmmmm.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Alright. This is the first image and this is oh
my bro, give me a name more man.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
That's the description. That's going to be the description for everybody.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
That is. Look at the look at the performance. Man,
you didn't hold it up long enough. Look at the heart,
look at the pain, look at the gentle of it all.
I'm a man woman. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Okay, second one incoming, second one.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Coming up, just for the for the for the uninitiated.
This is the one that I always talk about, which is, yes,
that was post show and she's not even all that
fucking weepy in that. No, but that one you just showed.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
And let me just say, I am saving the best
for last. They only get better.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Look at this ship, look like Rachel mad I.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Guess we both don't need to show.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
I know I look at that man, but this ain't
is too Not enough tears for.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You, No, not enough tears. Okay, well you need you.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Can like work, you need more tears at a like
a bookstore in New Hampshire.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
That's what I thought that you could pull it off.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
If you're looking for more tears, well then I got
some more tears for you.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Bro. If this give me my name.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
You're not even you're not prepared. That's Gabby, Gabby woman,
she was a woman in.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Question, wanted your name back from my wife. There you go.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I think that you can see the moment, seriously where
I ask for my name back.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
No brow throw it. Wait, no, this one anticipatory. Oh,
I've never I've never wanted to see three dots come
up more in my life.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
This next photo features Grammy nominated al.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
She was well number one. Wait she's gramming you.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Yeah, she's Grammy.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
When did that happen? Just like this year? Yeah? Please
a picture of you two on my Instagram pretending to
be me and J.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
If you would just zoom into the the sheer horror
and panic that John Proctor is experiencing in this moment.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
That is kind of like, don't she want my name?
Speaker 3 (13:08):
She might? All right, all right, here we are. This
is not that we're getting closer to the one.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
This one is getting ever closer kids to the Oh,
I mean, bro, we have a pretty hot contender. Give
man name. Look at face.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Okay, it's about to be the time.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
This is the one I need you to.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
Keep your cool.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Okay, hold on to it. Man. The three bubbles came up. There,
it is there. It is bro FUCKINGI. You could be
playing Sweeney Todd.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Well, thank you, honestly, so much give.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Back. That's the T shirt right there. Oh my god,
is look at that? Look at all the acting? Oh
look at you left. You didn't leave any of the
acting behind. You brought all the acting.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Oh bitch, I ate here's an additional bonus for you
of me writing the ten commitments.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
On the wall and chalk? Is that part of the play.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
But can you look at how.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
You actually in the play? Yeah? Yes, the audience had
to sit through this while you wrote on I only.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Wrote I wrote kill steal. I can't even read the
other ones. I think one of them says name.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
What kind of Broadway show is this where you watch
a motherfucker?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I don't know, the same one where this performance is given.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Back by name. I would have been in the audience
going like, stop writing, stop acting. I'd be like one
of those baseball dads who yell at their kids during
the like you better I was when I was a kid.
There is a family who's like, there were two brothers
who played I can't give their names anymore. In the
beginning of my podcasting career many years ago, back in
(15:10):
two thousand and seven, I used to like drop names
like crazy and Ship. But then I'm you know that
podcast Now anyone could hear it and stuff and people
from your past and be like, why'd you tell that story?
So no name, but there were two kids who's were
in baseball literally and they were fucking excellent players, but
their father was like a psychotic where you fucking screamed
(15:31):
them from the stands like.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
The Menendo's brothers in tennis did one.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
I mean, I don't. I don't know if their dad
did to them.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
What the Yeah, that's true that I was just thinking
of the specific Uh.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Did that happen in a movie, like in a Netflix movie?
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
And the show there there was.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
It wasn't unnerving where you liked autist.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, he's screaming from bro from the stand.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Imagine that was real life. Everybody, that was real life,
and like you were and you were on the field,
and that's not being directed to you, but being directed
at his own kids saying Ship, Like if you don't
get a fucking hit. You're not coming home tonight. You
fucking hear me?
Speaker 3 (16:16):
You lose it, like literally so fucking horrible. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
But those kids were really good at baseball.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Oh my god, that's so sad for them. Why do
you Why did you say that? Sad story?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Because sometimes are you farting? What someone here? I would
tell you if I was farting, I would do it
for as part of the act.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Like someone is a farting of.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
It ain't someone it is Lucky, Lucky audibly farting. Last night.
Your mom was just like Lucky just audibly farted, And
I was like, I know I heard it, like on
the bed, Oh Lucky across the room.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
You're stanking up the room, baby girl.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
He's like it off, it smells.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Do you smell that?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I'm trying not to, all right, So wait, where was that?
Speaker 3 (17:05):
I don't know before you said that. Really, it's really
sad story. I feel very bad for him.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I'm gonna be like that guy.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Oh no the sides, oh as me as John Proctor.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
I'm like, given't give me your bag, your fucking name.
If you don't get your name back, you're not coming
home tonight. From the audience, like, this is he in it?
There is there a dad in the Cruci, a dad
of John Proctor. Joff Practor's dad, yelled him in the
(17:41):
Crucible audience. Yeah, my god, this reimagining the Crucible is
the boldest jet. Mailer would spin in his grave had
he known.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Oh my god, Mailer is dead.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
He's got to be again. Bro, you were John Proctor
and you can't confirm that. Who's Norman Baylor fucking wrote
the Crucible? Really? Wait? Really?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
I thought it was somebody else. I thought it was
Arthur Miller.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Did he? Who? I just got you?
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Some other guy, Henry somebody? Dude, it's literally Arthur Miller.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Let me see.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Don't try to fucking make me stupid.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Who did I say, bro?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Rewind because it wasn't Arthur Miller. It wasn't.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I don't know. I know I didn't say Arthur Miller.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
You didn't.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
What did I say? Bitch? I mean, but I'm not
even fucking fighting yet. But now, who was I saying? Like?
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Henry some guy? I don't know who you?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Norman? No, mail not write the Crucible? Wow?
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I just hit myself when I did on my job.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It's pretty amazing. Yeah, my bad.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I feel so smart, good, well done.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Well you know what I pulled and then I provided
the name and you didn't correct me.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
I pulled it out so far out of my ass
because you said that, and I was like, this sounds
this doesn't sound familiar.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
And then I was like Norman Mailer, Arthur Miller. I
can see I can complain a man could complait those two,
just like I can see how a woman could conflate Medea.
All right, all right, it's a matter of culture that
you screaming as John Proctor is the shirt?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Yeah, it is, as the kids say, the moment it is,
she is the moment.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
That's what if I was, would you start with one
T shirt or two?
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Like one one quantity yet one?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Someone bought the large and it's gone, and I show
the would buy it. I think a beardless I think
there are beardless, stickless fans who would buy it.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
Who would buy me? As John Proctor, Oh my god,
I feel like you need to print quantity one.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
I think you print. Honestly, I think you're print.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
There's no way there's I would I would. I don't
even know what I would do.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I mean, honestly, this version where you don't even have
to do any of it where you just upload the
image to like tea public, but you only get a
tiny little piece of that. But if you have the
shirts made and then you send them out, and if
you're personally sending them out, you can include a little right.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Letters, right letters. Anyways, I was in a really I
was really anxious because I was at the VET for
the subscribers thing I have on YouTube?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Not YouTube, you Instagram? How many subscribers do you have?
Speaker 3 (21:11):
I don't want to talk about it in the hundreds,
like four hundred.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
You fucking broke down hard and fast. Let me talk
about it in the hundreds hundred exactly.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
I created like a chat chat room. Okay, it has
been your worst nightmare because a series of people like
they just send pictures of me and then like are like,
this is my favorite picture of you, this is my
(21:49):
favorite picture of you. It's but there is they wouldn't
be your favorite photos.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Oh so it's like cheesecake shop.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Yeah, where they on my page?
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:02):
On my page.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
But once again, for the record, I know I sound
like a terrible parent, but I just don't understand why
I don't just dive over to only fans. I know
your people are like cheesecake.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I know I would love to take people's money, to
be honest, But.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
What's stopping you?
Speaker 3 (22:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Start with the T shirts very slow, but begin with
the T shirts I did.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah, you know what, you got a point.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Now sell people anything. Someone will say, you fucking have
dinner with me at my house. We've had total strangers.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Yeah, I know that is fun, really wet everybody. No,
you don't. We do don't in our way anyways. So
somebody in it was like, how she showed her tits yet?
And then somebody was like, she said that she like
(22:59):
she in a question before she said that, like she
would maybe do it in a movie or something, but
not besides that, she wouldn't do that. And then he
was like, well, he's she's only in her dad's movies,
so probably not. And then I was like, I've been
(23:19):
in a and ten episodes of a television series.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
You fuck You've also been in other movies beyond that
as well.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
And I have been in many of yours. But I
was just like a fuck you, and then I was
and then he just kept being rude, and then he
was like, oh, she's here, she's here. Everybody like, let
the simps out, like like the you know, like simps.
It's like someone simping for you. Yeah. I've been like
(23:53):
you can look it up if you want explain it.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Well, let's hear.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Someone pouring over you being like so he's.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Like you're here, come out.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
Yeah, Like he's like, I'm yes, and I'm active to
the chat there.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, I know. So it's like you are a simp,
but then your own definition of symptoms.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
I just was really pissed off and so I I
like removed him from the subscribers and blocked him, and
then I was like texting in the in the chat,
being like, see everyone funk around and find out keep
it cordial or you will be removed. And people were like, okay, boundaries,
(24:40):
and I was like, guys, you will not be disrespectful
in this chat.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I mean absolutely all, like it's your page, and if
somebody gets shitty, it's like I don't. I don't need
this or your money or your time by.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
But I literally said around which ma laughs.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
I was like see everyone.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
She went total fafo. I really really did the uh
it's the wait, I'm sorry, I gotta do the question
that began the tsunami was yes, seriously.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yes, God, And then it was that, I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I mean, way to put it on Front Street?
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Just absolutely putting it on Front Street.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
Just I guess the moment you show the game's over,
I guess the game's over. What about side boot count?
Not to this person, I guess, I mean.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Full nipple, it's actually.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Move She's trying to make it feel good. Is just
too She's so complex, she gives really good pits. Wait
what all right? What what is the figure at which
(26:11):
you would show.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
We're not talking about this one that's this rude, We're
not talking about one million? Oh all right, Well, what's
the precious?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Fair enough? What's I got to of it? What is
the what is the starting in a million? What's the lowest?
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I'm not going to say because then fucking people are
gonna come out of the fucking water, like, what's as
you right?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So less than five hundred thousand, because I'm saying five
hundred six fingers half a million dollars, I mean, yeah,
that's the lowest. Or you're like, I would do it
for that one hundred grand?
Speaker 3 (26:56):
One yeah, one hundred grand. I want one hundred grand
real bad. I can do a lot of things without money.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Ten thousand, No, fifty thousand, sure, fifty thousand, so that's
your base? Sure?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Yeah for one nipple?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Why are we one hundred thousand for two nipples?
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Appropriate?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Seventy five grand?
Speaker 3 (27:21):
You're such a strange person. You're such a strange person.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I don't know where your limits are. I'm glad to
know that you got it.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Thanks fifty What about you?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Nine grand? Oh? They want to see one of my nipples?
T eight dollars?
Speaker 3 (27:38):
It would be harder, wouldn't you wouldn't. I've only seen
you like without your shirt one time.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
I think because you don't have half a million dollars.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Because I don't exactly, so that must be your number.
That is my number, half a million?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, fifty okay, respectable? All right. I know as a parent,
I should be like, there's no amount of money.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
But if somebody's s anding me fifty thousand dollars, whatever, bro, I.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Mean, that's they didn't even pay.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I got a mortgage.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
I got that Back in the day when they took
like photos and stuff like that, that was a pretty
substantial number.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Listen, a girl's gotta eat, and it's hard dimes out
there and she.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
Ate period.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Times be tough.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
I don't know if you know this or not, but
this is the time of year where we got too
gat two ass the Lord blessing Thanksgiving Carol.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
I didn't know there was a Carol for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house
we go.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Another one sounds like fucking Hansel and Gruttel.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
They were children that were going to be eating alive,
baked alive.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
Yeah, through the wood.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, a lot of things happened in the woods. You
think everything crosses over and ship like that.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Yeah, I do. I find your Carol fucking creepy.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I think you've got a steven sonha. I'm kind of
mind because you're putting every fairy tale in the woods
at once.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
You should wear this ring.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Into the woods, into the This is.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Maybe an ego to score ring to wear, but my
best friend gave it to me. It says I love Harley.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
You wear a ring that says I love hard.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
My best friend gave it to a constant.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Reminder of one. Why I have to look at it
and you're.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Like, I left Hardy put it on.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
No way, I'll try look at it's not even a
fit of my pinky.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Yes, oh, except it does.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
I mean it's it shouldn't go down to the next
it could stay there.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Put it on. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah No And ring
combo now and ring combo combo.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
People are on fucking Spotify on the iHeart Network going
like I just sit through eight commercials to hear about
a fucking ring and a pinky. I can't see that.
Kevin Smith clothes, You got a ring, guy? I only
wear the wedding. I never ever see me with other jewelry.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
No, you're not a jewelry type of guy. But you
are a pin guy. You're not a jewelry guy. You're
an accessories guy.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I believe in flair, Yes, I would say so good.
Flare that kind of like states where I am in
the world. You know, like, I'm wearing this movie fucking
movie you got.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
Do you have any connections to the Magic Castle?
Speaker 1 (30:38):
No other than Pauldiney had all the connects there, So
I mean, I guess technically I do have.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
A connect Remember when you couldn't.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Go Yeah, I showed up and they're like, yeah, you
put on pants. I was like yeah right, They're like no, seriously, I.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Was like, uh, would you put on pants to go
to the magic?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
I don't believe in magic? If I have to wear
pants mad at this place going out to the day
shorts gets Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
Would you wear pants to go?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
I mean, I got pair of if they'll let me in,
they wouldn't let me in.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
No, you can't wear jeans.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
So no, I don't have pants. I'm not even like
being up to so I just don't own a pair
of pants.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Would you get a pair of pants?
Speaker 1 (31:21):
No? Buy a pair of pants to go to a place?
The pants I could do that.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
What about the pants you're wearing?
Speaker 1 (31:30):
Now? These are fucking long Johns. You think they're gonna
let me into these? They won't let me in? The jeans, Yeah,
it's a look because are my formal long jobs. Hold on,
we'll check they're not jeans. I mean it's true, they're
not sure. Policy says no jeans, no shorts, but it
doesn't say no long job. But they might be like
(31:52):
no underwear you gotta put or outerwear over it because
these would be considered Yeah, technically, I mean I'm making
them work because like fucking pants, because it's a little
bit chilly, and when I say chili, it was like
sixty eight today.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
It was really it was really chilly.
Speaker 1 (32:06):
It was pretty fucking chili in Salt Lake City like
and then in Denver as well. Oh, my lord, in
Denver when you when you perform the comedy works, they
have an apartment. Oh yes, so they put you up,
which is awesome. And the apartment is like really fun
(32:26):
and it has a video game like a Kiosk style
eighty stuff and has multiple games on it. And the
game that your mother.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Played in her youth, Gallago, was on.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
So I saw fifty three year old Jennifer Schwalbach revert
to eleven twelve year old Jennifer Schwalbach at the roller
rank trying to play the game while she was wearing
her skate stuff.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
Oh that's cute.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
She was. She played for like at one point I left,
came back like an hour and a half later, she
was still in front of the game.
Speaker 4 (33:11):
Not a bad idea, good idea. Actually, Remember when you
were talking about getting games for the living room too,
so fu empty.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
We might as well fill it up with it. We
should turn into an arcade and sell tickets.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
Remember when you supposedly got me an arcade game and
it never came.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, still life. I never showed up.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
I never showed up.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
I put money down on that too.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. If
someone could recognize what game we're talking about from our
from ourseling boo, put money.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
This is a So there's an old story. I'll tell
you afterwards there. You might recognize it if you went
to Castle Park or if they had existed other places,
another place, and I would imagine probably Seaside Heights like
someone had one.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
It was a dinosaur themed game where you what's this
called when you pull this back.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
A gun? No, like an sst car brush?
Speaker 3 (34:18):
What?
Speaker 1 (34:19):
No?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
The thing you put the ball on and then you
pulled out like a lever and then it made it jump.
Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
It did have a catapultsers. It basically you roll in
and you got to aim them at like fucking moving
targets and ship.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
It was awesome.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
The only good thing I'll say about it not showing
up is the fact that you have nowhere to put it. Nowhere.
It couldn't live with you anymore, or you would have
to sleep around the machine and all night long. It
was like poo.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Pooing to the game.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
And then Nick was like, that's a good beat. Man.
Hold on, he gets shred Is he that guy he
shreds my guitar?
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Man, Yeah, my other band.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Of the band, of the band is tired and his
eyes are growing old. You know that song. But his
blood runs through my instrument and this hot is in
my soul. Not hip imitate the man. I'm just a
(35:39):
living man movie to the lead. The band's like a
seventy song. You wouldn't know it. Wow, But Nick is
the leader of your band?
Speaker 3 (35:52):
I don't. I wouldn't say there's a leader of the
bands who.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Writes the music all of us. You write, You write
the guitar.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
No, do you write the lyrics and the melodies?
Speaker 1 (36:06):
What do you mean the melodies?
Speaker 3 (36:07):
The way my voice sounds? But what do you mean
like the singing part is right?
Speaker 1 (36:17):
So you write and you sing, yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
And they write and they play.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
But they're in the band.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Yeah, they write a physical band.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Like without them, they are the they're the band.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
We we are the band.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
But you're not playing an instrument. No, but you could,
I could, but you don't want to play an instrument. No,
because you don't want to be in the band. The
band has instruments, so writing and singing, yeah, of course
that counts as being part of the band. Like what's
her name, Gwen Stefani, She's in no doubt? Does she
(36:55):
play an instrument? No doubt? Or is she just like
am just thank you? Does she plan? Not? In no doubt?
So she's and she's fucking no doubt in the band.
She is the fucking band.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
So everybody is the band.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
That has to be a leader of the band. Is
this like a school of Rocks?
Speaker 3 (37:29):
I feel like your knowledge of music comes from school
of rock, and that's the knowledge of what it's like
to be in a band. School of rock.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I thought later, very well, it's so weird because I
was thinking about Jack Black today. I thought about school rock,
but also thought about there's a movie coming out called
Dear Santa. Have you seen it?
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Yeah, I've seen a poster.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
So it's about a boy who writes a letter to
Dear Santa, but he spells it wrong, so it's Dear Satan. Oh.
Is that the lawyer winds up in Jack Black's hands
and then he becomes a kid's friend. He's like trying
to lure him, you know, off the good path and
ship like that. Oh god, I mean it's a fucking
kids movie, so it is. Yeah. So, but my point
(38:16):
was like that that mug equally is offensive to be
like Jack Black is Satan and he got a letter
that said Santa, but now he's gonna tempt this little boy.
Like it would be that ludicrous if like you saw
that trailer and you were like, that is true Leader and.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Baby, we would straight as.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Oh ship, what is the rest.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Of the song.
Speaker 5 (38:47):
But we were stuck in a dumb days and then
the magic Man and come my way out, magic Man. Dude,
Now what magic Man say? Please have the attention of
the class.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Today's ask signmn.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Kids are as.
Speaker 1 (39:14):
That movie's amazing.
Speaker 3 (39:15):
It's everything. Really, That's definitely in my top five movies
of all time.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
When do you think they go back and do school.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Of honestly, because all the kids are growing touch it.
Come on, you don't touch it.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Totally go back. He's viable. What's her name is became
fucking she had a hope, She had two hole shows.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
And then she sung a very impactful song for us
as well.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
She did, but uh and one of the kids died
I think I read but all about it. I've seen
pictures of them, Like, you know, two of them got married,
did you know that? Really? Yeah? So the one little
girl who's like the blonde girl.
Speaker 3 (39:56):
Who is like yeah, yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Dude who was I guess he was like a little
pudgeard who ran the fucking Yeah, I got married and
they're fucking adorable.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
Both of your actions for them shows you.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
That I fucking saw and I saw it too, I
remember that performances. Yes, that's a huge, you know, fucking
shout out to their work that it impacted so much
so that twenty years plus later, I've seen that movie.
In a minute, I could still do both parts. We
live our coming soon just Moecastle Cinema. School of Rock,
(40:32):
a one man show. Kevin Smith, are you doing Jack Black?
Was like, no, I'm doing that little blonde girl and
I'm doing a little budget kid who ran the fucking optics.
I think you'll remember it goes a little something like this,
like that's it. Yeah, I mean, if you want, I
(40:55):
keep that up for ninety minutes, like it's really more
of an impression. Yeah, you saw this A ticket for
a full show. Well, we can watch School I mean,
we see how close When those kids do that, I'll
get up like rocking horn. Oh sh hey man, it's
a nonprofit cinema.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
Do that event though.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Kevin Smith present School of Rock.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
With a few impressions too.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
It's literally just you could.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
I think you could add another one in there.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Those are the only two that I feel really comfortable covering. Okay,
Like I think I got those down to science. I mean,
I can't approach Jack Black. That's you'd need a Jack
Black level perform. This is the one time I might
reach out to Jack Black. Like I'm doing a one
man show. It's on New Jersey and I'm going to
play the little girl who does this. Little guys like,
can you play everyone else?
Speaker 3 (41:51):
It's like, hey man, are you okay?
Speaker 1 (41:55):
I met with him years ago. He was very sweet.
We were talking about doing Ranger Day.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
He seems awesome.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
We were stuck in the Dumb days poop and then
Magic Man come to town. He done spun Oh yeah, yeah,
said recesses in session to make five. Now, baby, I'm
(42:29):
a live but I'm alive. And if you want to
be the teacher's bad.
Speaker 3 (42:49):
The other guy too.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
I'm telling you this is good I'll start in this
podcasting cinemas. This too big for that, This is too
good Broadway.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
I see it, I see the vision.
Speaker 1 (43:09):
There's your fucking Thanksgiving edition of Beardless Dickless. No it's not.
We're still going to passionate ration, or we could do
What are you thankful for? Because it's thanks that's nice.
What are you thankful for?
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Which is kind of passionate ra is I'm thankful, all passion,
No ration, because I'm not asking what you're Oh yeah,
all passion. I'll be real serious right now. Thank God,
I'm really grateful. Oh my god, was that a fart
or a she's snoring?
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Seconds?
Speaker 3 (43:51):
Wow, it's THI He's like a hibernating bear.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Alright, go ahead, what's your What are you thankful for?
I'm gonna give you a little back up music? Is
that Thanksgiving music you talk over? You're getting? Its so scary?
All right?
Speaker 3 (44:25):
This Thanksgiving thank this is haunting, This is fucking this.
I'll just do it ready, Okay, all right, this Thanksgiving
I am really it sounds like silent night. I want
(44:46):
your fucking creepy ass Carol here, and are you.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
The Peanuts characters saying in the in the Charlie Brown
Christmas they go and they all inhale real deeply and ship.
So anyway, be no none of this, none of what
I forget.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
None of this. You weren't singing anything, all right, I
guess it's happening this Thanksgiving. I am extremely thankful for
all the amazing care that Access Animal Specialty Hospital has
given my sweet baby Cinnamon, and that Cinnamon is still
(45:29):
here with us and is my sweet baby girl.
Speaker 6 (45:36):
My lord, you are side you game bus, You're live.
I guess it's less a Thanksgiving song and more of
a yeah, but we always sang it at Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Hey man, be thankful. We have a lucky whose farts
that you smissed so bad. She can't help it.
Speaker 3 (45:58):
My cats don't fart.
Speaker 1 (46:00):
Far. I can take a wet rank to the dogs ass,
which is unnatural, and she'll look at me like and
then when we go to bed that's never happened before
she's day. I don't think the peoples are supposed to
do that.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
I'll give another passion. Okay, something I'm grateful for, so
the excellent.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
Care that was given to your bunny.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
But what is the name of the animalst Access Animal
Specialty hospital in Culver City. They have given my baby
girl the best care I could ever ask for. Thank you,
come on your slacking. And then another one. I'm grateful
(46:41):
for the discovery of the television show The Boys, even
though I'm five seven years late to three years in.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
Three seasons in you finally discussed great show? Isn't it
fun watch? I?
Speaker 3 (46:55):
As you know, Unfortunately I'm a big reality TV person. Yeah,
I don't. Really. There aren't too many shows where I'm like, oh,
I really want to watch this?
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Get too many fiction narratives?
Speaker 3 (47:07):
Yeah, yes, you do.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
You spend most of your time engaged in reality programming
and YouTube vlogs, not so much. You don't watch movies
or watch moon. But so this is something that has
captured your imagination.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
It really hard.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
We don't get to watch Real Housewives, Nikki, you don't
like your Boys?
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Really gets too naughty.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (47:37):
He's such a good actor. It blows my mind. Him
and fucking Butcher are so the whole cast is so amazing.
There is not one three? Oh all right, so you're
apparently aren't there like five seasons or no?
Speaker 1 (47:56):
For some extent I thought there were three. Maybe I'm wrong,
but I've seen every season in it. It's great. Next season,
I think is the last though what I think they
said that's when they're going to end it. Yeah, and
based on what happens at the end of the current season,
it's like, well you can see where they're going.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Really, I love it.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
It's gonna get dark.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
It's it's so dark already I can't I can't imagine,
but it's.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
About to get darker. That I like that. Dude. Eric
Kripkey is a nice guy. Interview the stuff and I
will always regret not fucking going on the show, and
they were like, hey, man, will you play the director
that director? Guy has come back multiple times now. To
be fair, that dude's genius. I love watching He's in
a lot of things because he's like, he's a go
to you plug him into anything, and he was in
(48:40):
the the Scorsese picture with fucking Leo Wolf of Wall Streets.
He's a real good actor. He's one of those actors.
He's like a Stephen Root where it's like once you
learn his name, you'll remember forever is glue. They stick
him in everything. So even though I would have liked
to have been the guy he's I enjoy watching him. Yeah,
(49:04):
And the only thing I would have brought to it
is if if it was going to be me as
the director, I would have been like, kind of just
be Kevin's man instead of playing a part.
Speaker 3 (49:13):
That would be that would be funny, that would be funny.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
I do dig that Showman. There are very few shows
that I'm like, oh, I wish I was on that
and ship, but that one's one. And they asked without
me even asking. I was God, damn it, No was
doing something else, so I couldn't. I think we were
in Clerk's three or something, and then what was the
other show? Letter Kenny? They asked me to be the
(49:39):
opening of season two or three. I forget, and it
was after the heart attack, so I couldn't get on
a plane and go. I know, Bro, I know. I
was thinking about it, like today, why there's something about
a vocal performance? Oh, I was thinking about Bobby moynahan
had a show that he was doing for Comedy Central
for a minute where he played like a wallus no
(50:02):
a man of tea in a zoo, and I played
a camel named Mark Cammell, And I was like, oh,
I didn't really you know it just it is just
me and my voice talking. And you know, I've I've
been able to be me and be my voice in
a lot of things. I haven't really had to perform
other than perform as Kevin Smith and stuff, so I'm
(50:25):
not like a real actor. In those nasty comments when
people were really mad about the mug that I didn't
fucking create, one of them said that I was a
washed up actor, and I was so like flattered because
I was like, you think of me as an actor.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
You are an actor.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
I'm a writer, director who puts myself in my own ship.
But this motherfucker in there fucking stab at me like
made me feel good. I was like, an actor, I
don't even give a fuck actor. I am clean, So
I'm washed up. Look for me on my ears mother,
But uh, I don't think of myself as an actor.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
You definitely are. You're great when you're like you're like
doing that so excited. No, when it's like can I say,
I don't know, can.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Go off Mike, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (51:21):
In Logic's movie, you're like the performance when I just
prefer I love when you give a grounded performance. When
you about when I do that long monologue.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Yeah, cut out of the movie. Yeah, that was one
of the first things out. I was begging him to
cut that, like for because it's pacing in the movie,
like it's a fine little standalone piece. Which yeah, so
there's the one scene of us is there, but the
second scene is not.
Speaker 3 (51:51):
Oh you were so good on it.
Speaker 1 (51:52):
Well, it's just it makes me happy that you even
thought I was good. So like, that's that's a win
enough for me, right there.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
I love when you give the I can't wait till people.
Speaker 1 (52:00):
See that fucking flick. Man. I watched a little clip
on my phone from Donel Rawlings the day he worked
he had lived a line that still makes me fucking
cry to this day and stuff. But yeah, laughing, laughing,
like really funny, logic's done, he's all finished. The movie's
lock Really he did the mix, and so I gotta remember.
(52:22):
I got to ask JC to to give me a
copy of it down look because Bobby I was like, hey,
me away, because he was like, it's done, it's finished.
I see, he goes, jac will give you a pally.
So yeah, I look forward to people see. I'm so
happy for him. It's a fucking fun movie and It's
so weird because I was knee deep in that movie
for all of May and June, and then you know,
(52:45):
it moved on, life moved on.
Speaker 3 (52:46):
I can't wait for people to see him act.
Speaker 1 (52:49):
He's great. Yeah, I mean honestly, like, there's nothing the
dude can't do. Like, he wrote a great script, he
directed the fucking ship out of the movie, and he's
a wonderful actor in the movie. So yeah, it's that's
one of those things where I'm like, I'm gonna do
next year. It's nice to know that there's that not
my success, but I get to like kind of hang
out with him and like, you know, it was something
(53:09):
that I helped, you produced it, produced it.
Speaker 3 (53:14):
Well, well, well then that is something.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
And acted in it. But I am a washed up
but you are washed up back, which I was like
washed up was I you know what I did last night?
And we'll go out on this note stuff because now
we're over an hour, which means that with the ads,
it's going to be three hours. I spent time with
a YouTube clip that is like this is what the
(53:40):
Internet was made for. In very specifically YouTube, somebody took
all of the opening credits of every episode of the
Love Boat. I know they would do that circle and
then people's faces and before it began, before the boat
for the fucking song, like, well, the song was something
before the course kicked in the boo, before that happened,
(54:02):
they would show this porthole and they would show you
the whole cast of the guest star. So they lined
up every fucking guest star. Oh my god, and so
the song just plays over and over again because it's
like a minute and a half long song. So they
stretch out his twenty nine minute video and I'm only
at the k's right now. I just say god, because
(54:22):
I was just like, I can't I got it. I
got this thing, but it is me. And it's a
series of like people on the way up and people
on the way down. Nobody at the top of the mountain. Wow,
you know what I'm saying. It's nobody like because of
the Circus seventies eighties, So it's not like Burt Reynolds
(54:44):
never one on the Love Boat. Who else Clin East
would never went on the fucking love Boat. A lot
of TV people, like fucking Tom Hanks was on it.
But while he was while he was on Bosom Buddies,
a sitcom and shit. Michael J. Fox was on it
first season in a like family Ties or something like that.
Before he was Marty McFly. So it is, it's but
(55:06):
it's I don't know if it'll mean ship to you,
But yeah, I don't know if it would because it's
not like your childhood. But as I sat there and
watched it, I was like, look at all these people.
And then of course, since I'm so, you know, got
my head up, my own ass, and so he go
centric I put myself in their shoes.
Speaker 3 (55:25):
Well I thought you were going to put yourself in
the porthole.
Speaker 1 (55:29):
I turned a camera because that's what they do. They
cut to them and they're looking away and then they're
and they do a quick thing that a second. Now
you can see some motherfuckers like I ain't doing a thing,
so they're just like But then there are some people
physical comedians. Oh me, I would have been like, oh
(55:52):
you remember that portal. You'd feel like, I can't wait
till the rerun of that. I remember that dude did
a triple take and ship Solah Bob. And they're people
who are like my equal on the show, like Bob Denver,
who played Gilligan, which somebody online once said, like, you're
a modern day Gilligan with your stupid backwards at not
just that was comfortable too, because I'm like, hey, man
(56:12):
is famous, and everybody truly, truly aim fucking lower chick.
Call me Bob Denver, call me Gilligan. I mean, technically
I'm the skipper. They would be Gilligan.
Speaker 3 (56:22):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (56:24):
But both of them, Bob Denver and Alan Hale, who
played the Skipper, were on the fucking show. So I definitely,
me and Jay definitely would have been on the love Boat.
And there were a lot of people whose kids were
on the love Boat, so Fernando Lamas and his son
Lorenzo Lamas and the Crosby girl. Well, Bing Crosby himself
(56:46):
was never on the love Boat, but Mary Crosby and
fucking Denise Crosby and shit like that.
Speaker 3 (56:51):
Wow. So so you're saying I would have a chance.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
I'm saying, like, I know, fucking like the bane of
your existence is the idea of like bo. But yesterday
when I was in the bathroom, you know what I
thought about what Tony Stark as a neo baby, and
Tony Stark saved the world, so you should wear that
tribe period so anytime. And it was like fucking neo
baby rocking right out Tony Stark's baby ship.
Speaker 3 (57:17):
He's say the world, save the world.
Speaker 1 (57:19):
And I'm telling you even people that fucking like hate
you for being you and ship, everyone loves Tony Stark.
Ain't nobody don't love Tony.
Speaker 3 (57:28):
You better love Tony Stark.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
Word as he literally like talks about his dad all
the time, and shit like, does he got a point?
All right? I never got to sagodbye him my dad.
I never got sagobye to my father. There are questions
I would have asked him. I love that's from Iron Man.
Gonna cry if I do remember an endgame when he
(57:56):
sees his dad and he hasn't seen his dad. That
is like one of my favorites scenes and cinema history
is him and his dad where he's just like, he goes,
hopefully she'd be hopefully it's a girl, you know, then
there's less of chance she'd be like me. And he's like,
(58:16):
what's so wrong with that? He goes, Let's just say
that what is it?
Speaker 3 (58:21):
The tears are coming up.
Speaker 1 (58:22):
Let's just say that the common good has rarely outweighed
my own self interest. And I never felt more seen
in a movie than here about that, which is kind
of sad, but at the same time, it's like he
was a good He was a good guy literally saved
us from the Nazis. I mean, I know this is
a movie.
Speaker 3 (58:40):
It starts not real, but can be as real as
you need him to be.
Speaker 1 (58:44):
Dad, but Tony like, they go out the side and
he's like talking about possible names and ship and he said, uh,
he goes, there's nothing my father couldn't teach me, you
know that didn't involve a belt or something like that.
And then Tony goes, I thought my father was hard
(59:07):
on he's going, but now all I remember is the
good stuff. You know, he did drop the occasional pearl.
His dad goes like what and Tony says, like the
driest wad. He goes and no amount of money has
ever bought a single second of time and they're literally
back in time and he's talking to his dead father.
That's like one of the greatest moments to me in
cinema history. Is just like he's crying, well, with all
(59:30):
the money in the world bought him more than a
second of time. He got to go back in fucking time,
but didn't buy him his life. Some sizs have to die.
That mofucker sacrificed himself.
Speaker 3 (59:43):
He's getting worked off.
Speaker 1 (59:47):
But yes, I thought about that the toilet, Remember it
all right? There it is before I break down crying
about fucking eyes. Man. Look, some people have their religion.
I got mine, and yeah, and and all. Religion is
a series of fucking inspiring stories.
Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Correct, correct, Hey, you ain't hearing You ain't hear anything.
Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
There it is because there's your Thanksgiving edition of Beardless
Stickless Me. Go gather with your family and give thanks Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:00:30):
Nice, all right, but we're.
Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Like do it. Hopefully you have wonderful holidays. Man, we'll
see you next week and we'll tell you how our
very vegan Thanksgiving one and half of our listeners just
dropped their.
Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
Subscriptions earlier in the episode.
Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
There it is for beardless sickles me. I'm Kevin Smith
and a goddamn beardless stickless day. This has been a
podcast production s podcast podcast using our mouths on you
(01:01:15):
since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like
what you just heard? Well, guess what We've got tons
more man, thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you
at that kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now,
Hosts And Creators
Harley Quinn Smith
Kevin Smith
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