March 12, 2025 • 52 mins
This week Eric is joined by friend of 20+ years, Ardie Fuqua. Ardie is someone who has been through all types of bombs: being boo'ed off at the Apollo Theatre, almost dying in a bus and truck collision, and being chased by a Russian ex-girlfriend. An advice gem Ardie shares with Eric: always play rock music whenever a cop pulls you over. How can we forget the time Ardie getting so high that he thought he saw the audience members as puppets. These stories are just the tip of the iceberg with Mr. Fuqua!
Follow Ardie Fuqua at @ardiefuqua and look out for him at a city near you.
For all things Eric Andre and Bombing follow @ericfuckingandre (Instagram) and @ericandre (TikTok)
Rate and review Bombing with Eric Andre here!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up you all.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Eric Andre and this is Bombing, the podcast where
I talk to comedians, artists and other interesting people about
the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episode, we
have Artie Fouquah, a real comedians comedian who I've known
forever already has some great stories from his life, getting
booed off stage at the Apollo, having to call the
cops out a Russian girlfriend, and coming back to life
after dying in a car accident.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Literally. We also talk.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
About bombing at colleges, winning back audience you've just offended
and more enjoyed.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Bobby Bobby with Eric Andre. Okay, we are on the
show called Bombing.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
What's the premise of the show.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
It's where I.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Break my comedian friends in that I've known for many
months and they tell me there were stories of being
on stage and bombing.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
But really you can talk about it.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Whatever the fuck he was, no matter. Nobody's listening to this,
you know from Comedy Central, BT, MTV, Netflix, Yes, sir,
a friend of mine for let me say twenty years
already for qual.
Speaker 5 (01:03):
Door and we're in the building more son, if they
all day, we don't stop. Hell yeah, baby, we keep moving.
We don't ever stop moving. You know the funny about it.
Some of my worst stories about bombing have been set up.
Like I've had tricks played on me by other comedians. Oh,
like it was a prank, Like a prank.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
This what happened.
Speaker 5 (01:23):
There's a comedian named Eddie if Edie. Yeah, I love
that guy. He's the king of the pranks. He's the
king of the pranks. So shut you up. So we're
at it. We're out of college, right and I'm on stage.
I get there a litt late. He has to go
before me, so I walk in. I go on stage.
The audience is really cool, and I'm just talking, having fun.
(01:44):
And then I think I said the N word a
couple of times or loose black dude, a baby and
g G a baby. So I said that word and
then they all got up and just walked out.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Wait, they all got up and walked out.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
They all got walked out.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Moms, Yeah, audience.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
No, it was a mixed audience, but it was basically
black whoa.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
It was.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
It was a very college audience. Everybody in the crowd.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
But Eddie told them to do that.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah, but I didn't know that, so it was packed.
It was a theater.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
The entire theater got up and walked out, and I'm
standing there and there's a kid and he goes, you're struggling, man,
And I said, I said I'm struggling. He said, yeah, man,
you said the N word. I said, I only said
it twice. He said that was one too many. And
then the person who put the show together, the booker,
(02:42):
the cous booker, walks up to the front and goes, sorry, man,
this is it. I don't know. If I don't know,
we can pay you. I go, okay, that's right. So
I walked outside. The entire audience is outside on along
with Eddie f.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
They go, we got.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Oh man, you guys, that was such a good that's
pretty good. That's what for the books. That's that's the record.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah, I'm talking about the actual bomb, right, but I
have moved off stage. Ship thrown at you. You've ever
been to jail?
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Yeah, man, I'm black.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
I mean, I know you're mixed, like you're half in
jail twice, but you've been half jail.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
They had you in the holding room.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Eric. I went to the big jail once. At the
big jail. That sucked.
Speaker 5 (03:21):
How long did you stay one night? Just one night
that was overnight over so your black sided dude, one night,
the white side said, let me out.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
White side is Jewish.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Hey, do you know my father is black?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
He's black.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
You know my mother is my mama is she's Jewish.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
She's a lawyer, public school teacher. Get back there.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
The thing about jail is when you're a comedian and
you're in jail, it's hell.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Because really I crushed.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I like had a good set. I actually did a set. Yeah,
so accidentally and like the cell erupted.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
But you don't get to sleep because all night long
and you media, you'll make some jokes. Oh yeah, And
then I was in the tombs. When you go to
jail in New York City, you're in a place called
the tombs where you go from sell to sell to
sell until you go to court. They called the tombs.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And oh so you were how many how many days?
Speaker 5 (04:15):
Was like this overnight?
Speaker 4 (04:16):
So in New York sits shoveling you around. But so
in New York City, may I ask what you were
in there for?
Speaker 5 (04:22):
That suspended license?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
That's it. Yeah, in New York.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
City, if you're suspended licenses, you get arrested.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was the Walmart truck.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
No, no, no, no, no, that was not the.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
You got hit by the Walmart truck and they suspended.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
How he did his license?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Man injury?
Speaker 5 (04:40):
I mean, we know we almost killed you. But your
license is revoked.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Bru Wait wait so suspended license? J this isdiculous.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
This is in the in the two thousands, the mid
two thousands.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Like Juliani era.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Yeah, the Giuliani era. My license was revoked. I didn't
have a license.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Sevat black people in jail, no problem.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
So I drove around with a boat license because I
needed identification, but I couldn't get I couldn't get a
driver's license because it was suspended.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So you drive a boat.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
No, but the only form of identification that they had
at that time would be a boat license. And every
time a cop would stop me, they all made the
same joke. Hey, they stopped their feet, we're wrong laying.
This isn't water. Get your ass out of the car
and they take me in.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That sucks. Why do you drive so much in New York?
I don't understand. It's a pain in the ass. It's
a status thing.
Speaker 5 (05:33):
No, it's not a status thing. It's getting from point
A to point B.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Real quick, take a taxi, take it over, don't worry
about parking.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Well, luckily for me.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
Now, I'm just that one club in the city and
they have a lot of different locations in one spot,
and I only do certain shows. So I get there
and I just go from point A to point B.
Where do you live Jersey City? Are you living Jersey City?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
You got a house, Yeah, a couple.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
Look at you real estate.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
And you got that's a Jewish part of me, you got.
Speaker 5 (06:02):
I mean, I'm into real estate. I have a lot
of houses, houses, apartment.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
And you're your grandfather with my grandfather, blows my mind.
How old are you when you had your first kid?
You're like seven?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Right?
Speaker 5 (06:12):
My first child I had when I was twenty one.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
That was my son. He died in accident.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
He remember that.
Speaker 5 (06:18):
But my daughter right now is twenty nine and she
has two children. She has a six year old son.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
The youngest looking grandpa and the coolest grandpa.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
And the three year old granddaughter named Marley. But I
will tell you it is black people are grandparents in
our forties. I was a grandparent at forty five.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That's insane.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
Well, you look good, black people with grandparents and our
forties crowds like yep, I got a couple, I got
pandas you'd be surprised.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I get Uh. Do you know who the baby mama
is of your daughter?
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I know her mother.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, I'm in friends with her mother for years.
I'm still friends of her.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Really, of course, So you guys get along. You have to,
there's no other option.
Speaker 5 (06:55):
Well, she's well, she got married after she had my daughter,
and she had a couple more.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Get along with the the guy.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
I can. Don't worrybody really, of course.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
There's not a lot of I've never been in a fight.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
I try not to.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
But when you were in high school.
Speaker 5 (07:07):
Well, in high school, uh, I don't think I really
had to fight. I played sports, I was away, but
it was when I got into college when I had
all the fights. But when I was in high school,
how did you play? I played basketball and I ran.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Track, ran track.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Yeah, I played football, but I sucked.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
How did you get into comedy?
Speaker 5 (07:25):
I guess you're not.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
You're not angry enough for football. Well football was fun.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
I enjoyed it, but I couldn't catch the ball like
they would make fun of me. I was part of them,
and I would and I would cracked so many jokes
on the defense that they couldn't wait to get me
out on the field and they would just hit me
for no reason.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, you're a wide receiver.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Yeah, they called the split in back then.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
So where'd you go to college? I went to Rutgers.
How did you get into comedy?
Speaker 3 (07:51):
So my cousin was worked at the Apollo.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
Showtime at the Apollo, and I wanted to go see
Damon Wayiams. She was special and then take ninety one,
ninety one, ninety two.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
That's during your Living Color or what years?
Speaker 5 (08:07):
Yeah, ninety two Living Color just came out. Yeah, So
I went to see it and Sean Wayne's was the opener,
and Sean Wayne's we had the same haircut, We had
the exact same Paisley shirt with the slash, the exact
same shoes. I was like, Hey, I want to do
stand up. So my cousin told me go to the
Uptown Comedy Club. It's right around the corner from the
(08:29):
follow Yeah, from the Apollo's one hundred history. So at
this point, I'm eighteen, I'm trying to get to the Apollo,
But every week I got there late because that was
the time when they would say, all right, well it's
about you got to go through the Holland Tunnel. Then
you gotta go all the way uptown. Then you got
all the way to Manhattan. You gotta find parking. And
I'll say, okay, that'll take ten minutes. That was my
(08:50):
thinking back then. Yeah, I thought I could do everything
in a half.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Hour, right right, I st don't take that way.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Yeah, so you know, time doesn't work like that, And
I would always be late. So the first time I
went there, I was too late to get in. The
second time I went there, I was late to get in.
The third time I went there, it was too late
to get in. And I said, I'm a comedian. I
thought that would help. They said, well, come to this
comedy workshop that we do every Wednesday. So I went
to the comedy workshop, and that's where I met Will Silvans.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
No, another comedian.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, you've known Will for that long.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
I've known Will for that long. I gave Will a
ride home our first time meeting. I gave him a
ride home. Feel like you still do that, Will?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
When Will has that beard?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Oh yeah, he loves that beard.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I always say, you look like the dudes in Washington
Square Park that like hustle you at like chess games,
So you.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
B what's that three card monty with that with the
heel that all right, wash my hand? Which one is
the ball on there? Which one is this? Which one
is the ball in there?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Which one?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
And they always had that guy that that works with them.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
That sets it up, and he will guesses and he
guesses right, and the guy gives him money and he
has a lot of money. And then you go, oh,
I can get a water of money too, But you
don't know that they are working together.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And then you go and then you lose.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
They take all your money, and then you lose there
all day and they take all your money, and then
you realize at the end of it that these guys
are best friends. Yeah, they set you up.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Will has that look that or like an al Qaeda
kind of look.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
He's got nine to eleven, that's what Will is one
of the health Santa Cla.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
He's one of the homeless.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Papa Smurve.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Is one of the healthy. Gregory Young Young did Gregory.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
He's one of the healthiest people I know that now
wakes up every morning that's crazy eight am and goes
to the gym.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No, I've been to the gym with him. He's not.
He's like a warrior, dude. There's some training for like
World War three.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Because he lives.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
He lives in one of my houses and he uses
my garage. And when I'm coming home, here's my driver
when I come home. When I'm going out, he's when
I'm coming in, he's going out. Yeah, And I had
just saw him a few hours ago at the club.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm like, damn, Bruce Lee Roy.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
So he told me he was celibate years ago. I
was like, that can't be sustainable.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
Well, you know, I never know another person's sex life.
I never asked, but no, he volunteered. He was like
he's he says he doesn't. He says he doesn't indulge,
and I just say, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
No, you would go nuts. Impossible.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
Some people are like that.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
You never know.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Some people are like that. You know, I'm cravit.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Said he had had sex for nine years. I was like,
get the fuck out of it.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
But I don't believe that.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
No way, He's surrounded by women.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Even him for nine years. Get the fuck out.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
But I guess that's what he wants.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
You to leave.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
But also Lenny Kravitz at his age, you see the shame.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You see how in shapes it's a fucking it's a miracle.
So makes me feel like shit, But from that mad
when I see him.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
For guys that work out like that, that's their adrenaline rush.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Oh they don't. They don't come, they don't giz.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Well, they're so busy working out. That's their rush. I
will tell you. So, I don't have any stories about bombing,
but I have stories.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I don't believe it. No comedians associate battle. They say that,
but I'll tell you never bombed. I'll tell you it's
not possible. But I'll tell you this, it's not possible.
You and I have a gift of crowd work. You
and I have a gift.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
But still I need something, and you can turn it
around every single bomb.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
You've turned around every.
Speaker 5 (12:17):
You can always start off, and some people start off slow,
purposely so they can see if they need joke works.
That's like a process that a lot of people have.
But a lot of times I just let the joke
right itself.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
So you or you played shoulders in the Bronx.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
Oh yeah, I'm talking like I'm talking about like back
in the nineties, oh rooms hood.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Rooms where it would just be five dudes that look
like they were in Wu tang Oh watching football, and
they would turn off the TV when they come in
the stage already fuqua coming to the stage, no pomp
or circumstance.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah, but I go, I go up there and.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Get those five guys that are now angry that the
game is off and a random person is talking to
a microphon. You would win those guys over.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Yeah, because it all saw us with what man look
at his nigga shoes and you saw making fun of him. Oh,
broke ball fucker coming here, your dirty AARs hat. And
then all of a sudden, they're all laughing. Now everybody's laughing.
Everybody's on your side. Now they're cracking back at you.
You're cracking on them. Everybody's having a blast since day one. Yeah,
because see, I grew up in bad neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
When you were eighteen years old, you could do that
on stage.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Well, I didn't start when I was eighteen.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
I started when I was nineteen because by the time
I got on stage, it was December and I celebrated
my birthday. Then I got on stage I got on
stage right after my nineteenth birthday.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
My larger point is at that young yeah, first show
you ever did.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
I was a monster with the sna crushing. I was
a beast with the snaps. I wasn't crushing on stage.
But like I said, if the material isn't working, something's
going to work. Because I grew up in bad neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So you cut your teeth like in middle school.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
But basically, yeah, I was always that kid that was
making fun of people. When I was in college, I
was shut down at campus. People be afraid to walk
past me because I'd be cracking everybody.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
You were always class clowns day one.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
I was always that guy, and I love being that guy,
and I love cracking.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
To be a bomb audition or something you never bombed
in an audition.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
Everybody bombs auditions, But give me, give me a lot
of times when you bomb audition, they actually well, I
like the way, I like the stage for you get
the job. They have been how many times if you
crushed an audition and never hurt anything back?
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Oh, auditions are the most like you never know, yeah, thing,
You'll think you'll do horrible, then you book the gig
or you think you crushed it, and you'll hear back.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
There are times.
Speaker 5 (14:35):
There are times when I have walked out and said, man,
I just bombed so hard, and then my agent will call
me to go, hey, how is it man? It's terrible?
How bad?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Man?
Speaker 5 (14:46):
They were just staring at me. Wow, yeah, real bad?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Yeah well you booked the job?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah yeah, oh well, oh shit, Benjaman. I walked out
of an audition for a pilot and I was like,
that was so bad. I did so bad, I should quit.
I went home and I almost threw up, and then
my called me. There they loved you, they won you
on the show.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Yeah, I would say I was.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I was hard on myself in my twenties.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
I was, well, you know, as a performer, you're going
to be hard on yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:14):
But when I was when I was twenty, I went
to showtime at the Apollo. Everybody was telling me not
to do it, but my confidence level was high. They
said they're gonna they want you. They want comedians to
just go up here and have fun. And I bombed,
like I bombed so hard. So yeah, but it was
so funny because I was going back with the crowd
(15:36):
and I was still cracking jokes that they aired it. Yeah,
and all my fifteen yeah, and all my fiftieth birthday.
I was celebrating my fiftieth birthday and.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Everything was funny. I made it. I went through all this.
Speaker 5 (15:53):
I got hit by a truck and I survived and
fifty and Dean Edwards said, well what about this? And
he folks didn't me getting booed at the Apollo and
it went viral.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
It was old.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
I was like, I was like, I was like twenty
years old, and I did Godfrey's podcast. Gofrey, shout out
to Goffrey. I did Godfrey's podcast and they played it
on the podcast and everybody's making fun of me. So
that's a bomb for the ages. That's a bomb for
the ages. But that's also a bomb when you're like
doing comedy for like a few months. It's your arrogance
that push you in that position. Oh I'm so funny,
(16:30):
I'm the funniest guy in the room. I'm going to
go on National TV and rock and I bombed so
bad and everybody made fun of me for years, Like
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Get why did you bomb? What was the jokes?
Speaker 5 (16:43):
It was a terrible joke. They just they just come
out to boo at the Apollo. They just come out
to boom. But I couldn't lift that down because no
matter how good I did, people always bring it up. Yo, man, congratulations,
you're doing so good man. I'm so happy for you
because I remember when you got boot off the Apollo.
Even as I got followed, I paid sports and I
(17:05):
was doing really well. I'd see your girl, Oh you're
so cute. We can hang out sometimes, okay, because I
remember when you got boot off and I was like,
I don't know why they booing him.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
He cute, cute, he getting boom but hey, cute haunts you.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
That's my baby daddy, But he get boo, he getting boomed.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
A hey cute.
Speaker 4 (17:22):
I bombed opening up for Chris Rock one time. And
there's so many celebrities in the audience, and should I
still hear stories through.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
My Yeah, did you get into a fight with a guy?
Speaker 5 (17:30):
No audience?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yeah, kind of yeah, yeah kind of.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Security told me.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
No, not not a fight. But I was like, come down,
come down there, and animals go animals on the side
and say like no, no, no, this ain't a bar. Show bro,
Like come.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Down in my face.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
What are you doing?
Speaker 5 (17:44):
Yeah, Security told me bomb kat He told me he came.
Everything was but Eric just kept going at the guy,
going to and the guy was cool. That guy lives
alone and every gold say fuck you to him again
and did all. Eric just kept going at him and
going at him and going and we like Eric, we alone.
The situation is handled. Situations handled. Everything's good, Higgs, Eric
(18:05):
fun you what you want to do now, I'm like,
oh my god, Yeah that was well opening up for Chris,
but that was that was pretty bad. The thing about
bombing is that it bills character. It does It makes
you so much better because you learn not to do.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
It's the greatest teacher.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
It's the greatest teachers.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You teach you. Yes, he wakes you up.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I had this guy come on stage like two weeks ago.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
I'm hosting the show, and you know, I bring people
when I host the show. If it's a small crowd,
just bring people on stage to talk. So makes the
interactive cracks into it. So that's the best way to
create a joke because the joke comes from the situation.
It's always different. So there's a guy on says, there's
a guy yelling out, let's go, let's go. He keeps
yelling out, let's go, and I'm not really paying any attention.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But he's saying that to you, like get off the stage.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
No, he's yelling let's go. Like you know when you're
on crowd, there's the audiences like yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
But he wasn't doing it in like a very macho yeah.
He was like, let's gow, let's which is fine. The
audience loved him. I said, my man, come in here.
So I bring him on stage and I said are
you single? And he says yes. So I said, all
the single ladies in the house go ah. Nobody said anything.
(19:30):
It was quiet. So then I said, okay, come back
next week. Let's see what we can do. And then
he goes, well, I have a couple of children. I said, okay,
well I have a couple of grand children. He said,
do you know what a couple means? I said, yeah,
it means too. He goes oh, And then I said, sir,
I don't want it to come off wrong. Is this
in New York City? So I have to ask what
(19:50):
is your preference? Do you like men or do you
like women. A girl in the back yells out he
likes men, and the entire the room just fell out laughing,
and he looks at me and he goes, I came to
a comedy club for the comedian and make me laugh,
not being made fun of.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
And he walked off the and the crowd started booing him.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Sitting I'm like, oh, no, no, no.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
They were not doing that, sir, don't do that. I'm
gonna buy your dre Everything's fine, don't do that. But
turns out that he was with the guy. He was
trying to impress a guy, a love guy. So at
the end of the show, a comedian did a joke
about nurses, and where I was standing there were a
group of nurses. They were trauma unit nurses. I said, oh,
I was in the er. I was in the trauma unit.
(20:35):
I died in theemonia. They brought me back. I'm forever
gravel was the nurses. I'll give you guys some when
I go on stage. I'll give you guys.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
You died of pneumonia.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, I knew you were in a coma, but I.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Was not for a month and a half. And I
died anemonia. And they brought me back.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
What Yeah, how long were you dead for?
Speaker 5 (20:51):
I don't know, not seven minutes, because I'm.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Here, it's seven minutes the max. I think that's when
the oxygen.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
Yeah, oh but.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
It was bad. Did you have a worse than Tracy?
Speaker 5 (21:02):
Yeah? I was much worse than Tracy. I was the
worse of the survivors.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oh fuck? Really?
Speaker 5 (21:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
So because how long was Tracy's I don't know.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
You'd have to ask him, but I think when I
got out of when I was when they brought me
to the brain tarmer unit, he was leaving. It's like
as they were when I woke up. I was in
a I was in a coma for a month. I
was in medically induced coma for a month. When I
was in Robert Johnson when they brought me to uh
JFK hospital, is it in Edison? When they brought me
(21:33):
to that hospital, I think I I think I was
barely awake, and I hear Tracy's voice.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
And I i'm I walk.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
Out and Tracy is in the hallway. He was in
the room right next to mine. He goes, I'm leaving.
He said, I came here, now I'm leaving. I said, okay, cool, so, uh,
everything was foggy, and then a woman came and told
me what happened. A nurse came and told me everything
that happened.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
But oh, you didn't really know what the fuck was
going on. It was just like lights out one day. Yeah,
like I didn't Then like time went by.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Like I didn't know my leg was broken. I didn't know.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
I couldn't walk.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
I got up to go to the bathroom and fell
on the floor and then I peed all over myself.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Came in the night.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Nurse came in and say, hey, man, you broke leg
all around.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
So what was the injury? Is brain injury and a
leg injury break? But no spine stuff? Right?
Speaker 5 (22:22):
No, no, no, my right femur bone was broken, and thank god,
your spine in five places. My right flobone titanium and
my ankle is titanium. And I had a trick.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You could see her here.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
Yeah, I had a trick and you can't see it.
But I had seven brain surgeries.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Jesus, So what what happened? It hit hit the Do
you feel comfortable talking about this?
Speaker 5 (22:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:43):
So did the truck hit the top of your head?
What exactly? What?
Speaker 3 (22:47):
I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Nobody else.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I don't have any memory of the.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Entire The bus just got crunched.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
He's got hit Harrison. Harry Stanton remembers what happened. He
told me I was sitting in the back next to
James McNair. They got killed on impact.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
He said.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
Tracy called me that you already commere and I got
up and he said, when you got up, and we
were laughing, we were joking. He said, as soon as
you sat down next to Tracy, everybody that we got hit.
He said, So you missed getting crushed that by five minutes,
at least five minutes. And then and then I and
(23:22):
then to die of pneumonia and come back. Every night
I have a dream of God saying, hey, one more,
one more, one more baby, that's two. Final destination, the
Black version, Final destination, the BT version.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
How did the brain recover? Like, what do you do
for brain recovery? Little magnets on your brain?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
No, Well, from what.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
I was told by the neurologists, the fact that comedians
think so much that we have to use our brains constantly,
like every time on stage or in the moment, uh,
analyzing the crowd, talking to people, that our brains are
so well rounded that when parts of your brain go down,
the other parts just pick up the slack. So basically,
(24:05):
when you're in a vegetative state is because one part
of your brain shuts down, but the other parts of
their brain. I'm not strong enough to pick up the slack.
But comedians are so well rounded in word repetition and
what we say and repeating jokes and meeting people every
night and remembering names and faces and locations and what's
happening and what's going on. Like, we are very well
rounded people, Like we know songs.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
We feel everything, and you can feel all your toes
and all your fingers and everything. Yeah, gosh, man, it.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
Could have been so much fucking worse, so much worse.
I thank God that I'm here. That's so, I tell people,
I have no reason to be angry at all. I
have no reason to be angry at all because I
look at my grandchildren, I look at my mother, I
look at the floor, I look at the sky.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I'm alive.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
I have no reason to be angry. Everybody's doing well.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Shit, that's wild.
Speaker 5 (24:53):
Grand kids are happy, Mom is happy.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
That's all I came about it, And thank God Walmart
hit you, and it.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
Was oh, yeah, Papa Johns.
Speaker 5 (25:02):
Papa got money. That much money you had to give him.
Somebody worse you've had. They guy, it was Walmart and
not the Dominican moving company.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Be happy.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
It was that somebody didn't have no insurance. Oh no insurance, No.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Poppy they got it. Wasn't somebody that you know ain't
had no carriage.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
With a record.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
Pray with Redrey, Like I said, when it comes to life,
I bombed so much in life, like I had a Okay,
So I used to date this Russian girl, six feet tall,
beautiful woman.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
She hit me. I called the cops.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
She slapped you, she bunched you.
Speaker 5 (25:52):
Yeah, she had hands, Wow, she had the hands.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
What led up to that moment?
Speaker 5 (25:56):
This is a young, beautiful Russian hick get mad?
Speaker 1 (25:59):
What did you do to her?
Speaker 5 (26:00):
She was always mad and she hit me. So I
learned you don't put your hands on a woman. If
a woman hits you, I called the cops. So I
called the cops, right and the cops come to the house.
The cop goes, We've been here before. I said, no
you haven't. He said, no, no, you a woman hit it
pulls out a log woman beat up boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Yeah, this is the house.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
And it was a male cop and a female cop,
and a female cop goes, damn, this dude ain't got
no shame. Damn, Like she said, she's like, damn a man,
the sucker damn. So then so then so then he
said what happened?
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I said, she parced me in the face.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
So I called the cops, and the female cops started laughing, damn,
just capture like that. So then he said, well was
she driving? I said, she's driving oversized, a truck that's
lifted with oversized tires with LA plates. And he goes,
like the one that's coming up the block. Now, the
female cop goes, damn if she comes back to finish
the job, she comes back to finish.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
She beaton before you, No.
Speaker 5 (27:04):
No, no, Ilay was her boyfriend for a long period
of time.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
But and you called her.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
I called the cops on her earlier too.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yeah, well, multiple times.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Every time she hit me, I would just.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Ok, this was one wasn't on one time, and so.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
No, okay, okay, but I have so many stories about
women doing that to me. And I know if a
man puts his hands on a woman, he is going
to jail. But if a woman puts her hands on
the man, everybody's laughing. I have one of those stories too.
So she comes back, the cops are laughing. Two more
cop cars come and now they're all to standing there.
(27:38):
So she gets out of the truck. She's six feet tall,
she's dressed exquisitely. It's a bunch of cops. Theyre going, damn,
you find as hell. Damn what you doing, yo? You
find cop because the negro yo. You don't want to
you don't want to arrest her. Man, let her go, man,
let's work it out. I go, okay, So she gets
(27:59):
her stuff. She says to me in front of the cops,
fuck you, And the female cop says, why don't you
guys have dinner and work it out.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
She's a beautiful woman, and she just drives off.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
And then the cop says to me, yeah, man, my
girlfriend is Latvian.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
And she beats the shit out of me too.
Speaker 5 (28:16):
So I'm bonding with the police officer over our Eastern
European girlfriends kicking as. This is years ago. This is
this is this is years ago. The other story that
I have I was dating a girl. I'm out in
the club, a Spanish woman. I'm out in the club
with Godfrey. Shout out to Godfrey once again, shout out
to a bunch of other comedians. With dancing and having fun.
(28:37):
I'm dancing with this this Australian girl. But she was Tie.
She was Tie from Australia, so she's Asian with an
Australian accent.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
Weird, but that's why I found her attractive.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
This is also back in the day, so with dancing,
having fun, and they hear somebody saying, is that your girlfriend?
And I turn around and it's the Spanish girl that
I was date. And she just starts catching me like
violent women, and everybody start and as she's punching me,
I'm looking at all my friends laughing, laughing.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Plane. She beats his ass. She beat it.
Speaker 5 (29:16):
Security came and grabs her. The security guard grabs her,
but he just picked her up.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
He didn't pull her back, he didn't take these steps back.
Speaker 5 (29:26):
He just picked her up. Now she has better leverage
me cut me now, she's told whiling. Everybody's just laughing,
and I saw a security guard was laughing too, so
he took it. I was lumped up. Security took out
(29:46):
the club. The club manager comes to me and goes, hey, man,
she's outside. She's making noise. We don't want our neighbors
to call the cops to call a scene, so can't
you leave. I was like, wait, I just got my
ask girl, you're throwing me out the club, and then
he goes, okay, let's do it this way. When a
cab comes, we'll stand outside. I'll stand outside wait for
(30:09):
a cab to come. When the cab comes, I'll hail
the cab for you. Security will step in front of her,
and then you hop into the cab. We'll create a barricade,
a barrier. She gets to the cab. Okay, So cab comes,
he goes out, He hails the cab, I go out.
Security steps in front, but the cab was off duty.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
The cab kept going.
Speaker 5 (30:32):
Now I'm standing outside and everybody's looking at me like whoops,
and she goes, yeah, mother, it soarts chasing me.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
I start running.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
So did the tie Australian girl like take all of
this in and just like what the.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Fuck she would She wouldn't talk to me after that.
I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Everybody there, everybody.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Oh, but here's the thing with this chick. She was
wearing flip flops. So I'm running. Yeah, as I'm running,
all you.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Heard was.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
Every the street.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
And you think I would get away.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
From a woman wearing flip flops, right, She's got a
grown man six or two running wear sneakers.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Nope, flip flops right behind us. I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker. She catch up?
Speaker 3 (31:19):
You know, she never caught up.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
I ran all still married to this day. No, no, no,
the same beautiful angel.
Speaker 5 (31:25):
No, I'm still friends with her. Really, this is actually
this is in the nineties.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Though, when that would happen or what, Yeah, it was
in the nineties back then.
Speaker 5 (31:33):
All of my bad stories with women are years back.
I haven't had any recent ones. I mean, I'm an
older man now now. The people that I surround myself
with a little bit more level headed and more mature,
a lot more mature. Yeah older, I'm not in their twenties,
you know, thinking there the ship. You know, as we're older,
we get smarter, we grow, we get more mature, we
(31:53):
learn how to adapt, to learn how to handle people,
which brings back to coming on stage when a set
is going bad. If I'm not having a good time,
But I find that a conversation with an audience member
always saves today, It always saves the day.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
Well, you just act like you're like just getting to
know knowm like, hey, where are you from?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
All? Let's shit or what?
Speaker 5 (32:14):
Well, I'll just something what they're wearing or what they're doing.
You know, did you enjoy the show? Do you have
a good time where you're from? When you're a well
traveled person, you've been there, and then you can find
a way for everybody to come together. Also, guys like Gus,
we could use we use physical comedy or a favorite song. Yeah,
(32:34):
everybody has a favorite song. I can go into a joke.
It always works. A joke that has a song in
it always gets the crowd. The sillier song, the better
making my way downtown and then all of a sudden,
all the crowd that Haiti is going not on your
(32:55):
side again if you're doing something that they can relate to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
You had a bit about listening to Billy Joel and
the Car or something.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
Yeah, I feel like I listened to white music in
the car when black people are are a better attention
if you switch it.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
Oh yes, but I said that I use I play.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
I play rock music.
Speaker 5 (33:13):
When a cop pulls me over, I put I put
white peoples music on, like a cop will pull me over.
I'll see him in then and I'll throw on a
Billy Addle CD in the midnight out. She cries more
more more about. A cop gets in my window, hears
the song. He goes, hey, what the hell? Yeah, get
out of here, nigger.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I love that black guy. He's so cool.
Speaker 5 (33:39):
Friday night I crashed your party.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Saturday said, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (33:44):
Sunday came, you trashed me out again.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
Cock comes in the window.
Speaker 5 (33:49):
I was on having fun.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
Was it hurting anyone? Yeah, get out of here, nigger, Billy.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Joel, that's a deep cut. Maybe it's not.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Maybe he may be right, may be crazy.
Speaker 5 (34:05):
You know that at your birthday party, you're doing a
lot of songs. You put me up on a lot
of songs.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
I gotta do it again, just for my own brain.
I don't remember anything.
Speaker 5 (34:19):
Got blurry very quick, but your crowd loves that. Dude,
wild insane.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
That was a wild time.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
That's a great time.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
That was a great time. Half of it.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I couldn't even I was trying to catch all of it.
There's like fire breathers Santa Claus wrestling.
Speaker 5 (34:34):
I don't know if you noticed, but the crowd went
wherever you went like you should. I should have been
to room to room and they followed.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
You from room there.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
There's a crowd that like broke into my This kid
broke into my green room and took the ship.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
There. Get the out of here. You gotta go.
Speaker 5 (34:54):
You gotta go ship. Sometimes you can't hold it. You
gotta take ship. Matter what you want in the place,
but you gotta get to close the one you're.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Gonna purposely went down and dinn it.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
You ain't gonna make it in the next one that.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
Is stealing all my ship a green roof, you were
stealing when that turn is knocking on your asshole, not
knocking all Heaven's door.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
You ever show your pants?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Never?
Speaker 5 (35:17):
Never, I've never shipped my pants.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Well, when you were baby, you ship your pants.
Speaker 5 (35:20):
You ever shoot your pants?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
I shipped my pants recently?
Speaker 5 (35:23):
You ever shoot your pants on stage?
Speaker 4 (35:25):
I never shipped my pants on stage. I almost threw
up in Germany because I was doing too much drugs
some night before I thought I was I told my
opener and I go, I'm gonna throw up on stage
and it's gonna not be funny.
Speaker 5 (35:36):
What drugs are you doing?
Speaker 3 (35:37):
I did ecstasy, ecstasy, a lot of it, a lot of.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
And I drank a lot. Oh wow, and I was
up all that. I was like, yeah, maybe I still
got it. And the next day I felt like I
was gonna die.
Speaker 5 (35:48):
I did ecstasy once and I got so paranoid. I
never did it again.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Paranoid.
Speaker 5 (35:52):
I got paranoid as Yeah, bad ecstasy.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Then you gotta take God, drag him.
Speaker 5 (35:58):
It saved me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
That will light up your brain. Like the fourth of July.
Speaker 5 (36:01):
I haven't smolled weed in thirty years because the last
time I stayed weed, I was in a club with
all my friends and I stood in the corner facing
the wall until eight am.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Drugs.
Speaker 5 (36:12):
There's a guy mop and say, hey man, we're clothes.
You gotta get out of here.
Speaker 4 (36:14):
Oh you were fucked up. I was the most fucked
up you've been on stage. I would never been on
stage drunk or anything.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Yeah, drunk, coked up high.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Back in the day, you would drink on stage. I
would see you drink on stage. I think, remember you
had a drink in hand.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
Maybe it's just a soda soda because with my surprise,
you don't really drink at all.
Speaker 5 (36:33):
Right now, well I'm ten years sober now, but really yeah,
ten years at this point. But the thing, right, I've
been twenty five years. I only got ten years.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
You were over twenty five and then ten of them
were you for sober? Yeah? So years fall off?
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Five us clean fall off?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
What's your alcohol or cocaine? Both? Oh, your cocaine. Oh yeah.
Speaker 5 (36:54):
I would always say, you know, and here's the thing
about it, and I had to come to the I
would say.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Hey, I don't drink.
Speaker 5 (37:01):
I don't drink, I don't touch alcohol. Let me get
hit that though.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 5 (37:07):
You don't drink alcohol. You sniffed coke. You ain't sober,
you're a drug addict.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
I said, this is different.
Speaker 5 (37:15):
See, I haven't had any alcohol though, so I'm sober.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
So twenty five years ago. What were you doing in
the nineties? Were you doing cocaine everything?
Speaker 1 (37:24):
That's what it was.
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Heroin wasn't any good because heroin you do.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Like were you doing acid and mushrooms and stuff? No?
I didn't psychedelics. I did you ever had a psychedelic experience.
Speaker 5 (37:35):
I did mushrooms and I got paranoid, and I did
with a psychedelic experience. I would get paranoid and never.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Do that again. Really, yeah, it just wasn't for you.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
It just wasn't mushrooms. I went on stage on mushrooms once.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
That was horrible.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
I thought the audience with puppets, oh.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
You were high. That it wasn't a little bit like
it was.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
At the event. Dollars I think, I think.
Speaker 5 (38:01):
I think at this point little Penny was good with
Chris playing little Penny, and they all like little Penny.
They all like that little puppet the entire Yeah. When uh,
Chris Rock was doing Penny Hardaway puppet, he was a
little Penny.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I don't know he was. He was a voice.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
Chris Rock was a voice.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 5 (38:22):
But in my mind, the audience whatever, they look like
they have puppets. To me, I was tripping and there
was a comedian named Maya de Giorgio, and she said,
all her voice going arties high, and all the comedians laughing.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Oh no, making it way worse.
Speaker 5 (38:43):
I thought I was being funny. I thought I was
being funny, but they all disliked puppets. I mean it's
it's a you know you have a bomber. You don't
know you bomb, you have a bomb. I think you're killed.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And people are like, I don't know if I thought
I was, but I've definitely come on sage, realize how
bad it was until like the way the comics looked
at me after the show, you know what I mean,
You get like the like avoiding, like look away. You're like,
oh shit, I did that bad.
Speaker 5 (39:12):
They look you up and down, or you know you
had a bad show. When you're standing in Mexico comedian
that had a good set and they come to, god.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
You are funny, you are so funny. And then you
look at you and go, yeah, yeah you good, yeah
yeah if hey, you were good. Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (39:34):
But the person saying nextual you, oh you were so
funny you were and they push you out the way,
Oh you are par bro parton bro part bro yo
you anyway, you so funny? They just stare at the
whole time. Somebody need to write some jokes. I ain't
gonna say it is with somebody need to get they
act together?
Speaker 1 (39:52):
What is that? What is why comedy? It forces the
audience to be brutally honest, Like you can go to
a music show that's not that good, right, but you're
not going to criticize the musician afterwards. You're just gonna
go on and not really think about it.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Because what about comedy forces polarization where you either love
the comic or they just didn't do it for you.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
Because everybody wants to be a comedian, and when people
go to a comedy show, you noticed when the comedian
isn't doing well. You notice every mistake. When you go
to a music show, you're not a musician. You don't
know if the band missed the beat, or you don't
know if the singing as often miss off miss And
then the band goes and you say to the band,
that was a great show.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
Oh no, I missed the entire riff.
Speaker 5 (40:34):
And fucking Keith was off the key and blah blah blah,
and they're arguing about you got to come in quicker
on that. We don't see that.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
But when you're a comedian and it's just you under.
Speaker 5 (40:43):
The spotlight, you see every every lyrics thing you do.
The audience will just bag on it and they think
they're better than you. That was the funny I could
have did that.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
I can say, my money, have you ever done this?
I brought This woman was heckling me and my friend.
We were co hosting, and it was not a good
venue for comedy. It was this restaurant. It's kind of
bout here, I want to say fifty fourth Street or something.
It was like a whatever Italian restaurant. I doubt it's
still there. It's horrible. The room was horrible. It wasn't
(41:15):
conducive for comedy. Everybody was always in bed. But the
audiences were tough there because I don't know, it was
just was like a curse rim. So I go up
there with my friend. We're trying to make people laugh.
We're trying to like crack jokes.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
And do crowd work, and some of the audiences on board,
some of the audience fifty to fifty, and this woman
starts hackling us, hackling us, and she's like, she said
something like I can do better than that, and we
were like.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
All right, you said the magic words. What's your name?
But she's like Samantha, whatever name was. I was like,
come on up and never welcome Samantha. And she got
on stage and she bombed so miserably in the crowd
turned under her, so fucking satisfag she hear. Opening joke
was like I don't need a drug? Oh how about
these two guys? And everyone's like what And then I
(42:03):
was like boot and I sat in the audience and
booters fucking doors.
Speaker 5 (42:07):
Great.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
The only time I've been able to do that, and
it was It's quite satisfying.
Speaker 5 (42:12):
You ever have a bad situation and you you make
it worse, and then you don't know, you make it
worse with you somehow magically come out of it.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Okay, So I'm met.
Speaker 5 (42:21):
I'm at Dangerfields before they changed the name. There was
a group of kids there and they were laughing and
they told me they were doing a show for some kids,
and come to the show.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
I wait, I did the shower.
Speaker 5 (42:33):
Kids were laughing, laughing at everything else, saying they were
having so much fun. And I said, what do you
guys all here for? And they said, we're on break
and I go but it' it's like it was like
October November something.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was.
Speaker 5 (42:47):
It was not break time. It was not summertime. It
wasn't when you're supposed to have a break. And I said,
you guys want to break? How are you guys going
to break. You're a break.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
You must be.
Speaker 5 (42:57):
Excuse me, I don't know if we can say this,
but you must be the retarded class, was it?
Speaker 3 (43:02):
And nobody laughed. The room shut down. Oh my god,
aren a guy. The guy This guy in the back.
Speaker 5 (43:12):
Walks up to the front goes, these are the special. No, no, no,
And I said, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
I didn't see your helmets under your chairs. And they
just erupted again.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah. He dug beefer to get out. He dug all
the way to China.
Speaker 5 (43:35):
Yeah, this is special. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I didn't know. They didn't tell me that.
Speaker 5 (43:42):
I didn't see your helmets under the chairs. I didn't
see a yellow bus outside. Now they're going that was
the comeback. Now they got crazy and chairing is stopping
their feet. Whoa, that's a lie.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
I always hear stories like that, like I was making
fun of a guy in a wheelchair, and it turns
out of the guy in the second row was in
a wheelchair.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
I was making fun of a guy with no arms.
It turns out in the second round there's a guy
with no arms. I always hear stories like I'm like,
what is the fucking I did that. I did see
that happened. The comedian named Rich Voss is on the stage.
I know Rich, and he's ripping on a guy in
the front row. Yeah, and he's you know Rich, He's brutal.
Speaker 5 (44:15):
Yeah, yeah, Rich's killing a guy and people are okay,
it's now Leadham alone, leaving alone, and a guy gets
mang goes, I'm out of here, and he backs up
from the table and he's in a wheelchair. Rich goes,
Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were
in the wheelchair. I'm so sorry, sir.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Come back. I'll build your a ramp. And the place
goes ape ship.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes if you go deeper, commit harder,
it's so intense the crowd has.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
To because that's messed up. But that's funny. That's much
worse than what you're saying.
Speaker 5 (44:50):
But the fact that you said that makes me feel
less about laughing at a bad situation.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
So now I'm cool with that.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Yeah, there's a kid in a wheelchair in the front road.
There's like little independent New Orleans comedy show at this
little cloud. There's barely anyone in the audience. My friend
John was on stage and he was kind of like
bombing whatever. He was like having the best out of
his life. And he's like, I'm sorry you're not laughing
about these jokes, but I thought I could make that
(45:18):
young boy walk with my comedy. Everybody goes silent. The
kid in the wheelchair dying laughing loves it, like with Aridre.
Speaker 5 (45:38):
With Aridre, you know, they think about comedy. It's the
people that we reach. Like I was in Montana and
I was doing a school and I'm on stage and
there's these kids came in and they were in the
back and they were cheering, and the lady who was
running the show comes to the front goes, those kids
(46:00):
are under age and not supposed to be in here.
This is a show for people who go to the college.
And these kids are like fifteen, sixteen years old. They
just so we have to get them out. Why were
they there, I don't know. It was Montana. It was
a school and it was like an open thing. You know,
you do college and sometimes it's like an open thing.
But the kids are laughing and having fun. They had
them leave. I said, Okay, you guys are cool. Sorry,
(46:20):
you guys have to go but you guys are cool.
As they walk past to say shake their hands. They
broke the window in the back and came back in.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
What the fuck?
Speaker 3 (46:28):
They tried to sneak back in and broke the window.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
They really needed that comedy.
Speaker 5 (46:33):
Yeah, like I don't know kind of whatever. But they
broke the window sneaking back in, and the audience was
cool with them. You know, there's a bunch of kids
and a bunch of kids coming in. So now I'm
just laughing and joking. I just spent my time laughing
and joking with them. Yeah, and the school apologized to me,
We're so sorry that that happened.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
I'm like, no, dude, you have no idea.
Speaker 5 (46:49):
That was a great story.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Yeah, that is a great I.
Speaker 4 (46:54):
Got fired for my college agent one time. I had
to play a Catholic college and like Montana. Yeah, and
I didn't really think still they still like college kids
to me, so I thought I could be as dirty
and I was like twenty three, I didn't know any better.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
And my opening joke I was like, I'm black and Jewish.
I go, I'm black and Jewish, just like Jesus. And
they were like they didn't like that, and all I
was like off to a rough start, and then I
just dug deeper deeper and all my material back then
I was so crass yea, and only these like three
snowboarders in the back, just because their classmates were pissed off.
They were They didn't think the jokes were funny. They
(47:27):
were just thrilled that I was everybody. My agent fired me.
She's like, I help like this, I don't need You're fired.
I'm through with you. Yeah, I had.
Speaker 5 (47:38):
I had a situation where the college asked me to
They said, well, no, have fun, dude, you do.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
So a lot of black people came to the show,
so I'm thinking I got it.
Speaker 5 (47:47):
Have some fun. So it was a great show, crowding, crazy, killed.
I actually did a lot, taking me like an hour
and a half average. How and have they actually stopped
doing so much time because you getting away for your show.
We could send you back from Din's show. So much fun, crazy,
everybody having fun, applause, people stand up and cheering. In
college paid me and then they wrote me a letter.
(48:08):
The people who are paying you asked you to stick
to a certain format, and you chose to disregard us.
We know you have to put on a good show,
but we are the ones who are paying you. And
I was like, okay, they still paid me, and they
invited me back, and I was just as little cleaner.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Yeah. Yeah, colleges, they're not as fun as you think
they're going to be. They're uptight, well you know the
real rigid and uptight. Well, you know the thing.
Speaker 5 (48:32):
The thing about comedy on stage when you make your
life a part of your act and then you think
that this is gonna bomb because it's happened to me
and it's really hurt, and the audience is laughing at
your pain.
Speaker 3 (48:45):
Like I have a joke where I say, you know
what I say, I'm ugly.
Speaker 5 (48:48):
I don't think i'm only but if I say it
on stage, it makes people comfortable with me.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
People start laughing.
Speaker 5 (48:53):
If I come on say and say I'm good looking,
you ain't no guy, damn because he looked like Frozone.
Look at that man because we got his super suit.
But if I come out and if I said ugly,
it was like, oh, he's near enough. It makes me
a little bit easier to.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
Get along that right, right, right.
Speaker 5 (49:10):
That's good for a comedy, but it's not good for
real life.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
It's not good for your esteem.
Speaker 5 (49:14):
Yeah, it's that it's not good for real life. Because
I walked up to a woman and I said, I know,
a girl as beautiful as you would never talk to
a man as ugly as me. And she looked me
up and down and said, at least you understand.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
That's cold.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
That's cold to the bone.
Speaker 3 (49:29):
Yeah, cold to the bone.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
So we hugged a lack of confidence.
Speaker 5 (49:33):
We take the hardest parts of our life and we
put it out there to the public. And the thing
about it, if it's something that's really insecure or painful
to you, that's you.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
Who's going to make him laugh, right, because you're vulnerable, vulnerable,
you're showing vulnerability.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
Vulnerability is what they open up to.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
The open up, the open because they here very interesting.
I think, I'm he's not that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
It's altruistic.
Speaker 4 (49:58):
You're you're sacrific if I sing your own personal well
being so that strangers laugh at you.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
It was a bit strange. Well, we chose to do
We had to do something. I had a shitty job
after shitty job after shitty job. I had to do something.
Speaker 5 (50:11):
I never had a job.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
You never had a job.
Speaker 5 (50:13):
I had one job when I got out of college.
I was an undercover security guard.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
You were Paul Blart Mall Coop. Yeah? Really, but you
know in every undercover playing clothes undercover. Wow, in every
store they have people who.
Speaker 5 (50:28):
Pretend to be to be shoppers, but they're not shoppers.
They're actually security and they catch people steal.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
Did you catch anybody you were a narc Yeah, so
I basically you're working for the man.
Speaker 5 (50:38):
Basically I did it at Urban Outfitters because I'm just
so thinking, fa, yeah, he catch people.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
You caught some people because you grabbed risks and handcuffed.
Speaker 5 (50:47):
I let so many people go like I knew I
wasn't good at it, that people be stealing. I'd be like,
get to get to but I get to.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
I worked at a record service.
Speaker 1 (50:56):
Guy in front of me, he goes, I'm gonna steal
the CD. I go, what to do about it? The
alarm went not enjoy it.
Speaker 5 (51:05):
I remember. So when I was at Urban Outfitters in
the city, we caught a lot of people. They'd bring
them into a room, they take their picture and they're
like being from the store. So then I started working
at UH. I think before sears went out of business.
This is in the nineties. I was an undercover security
guard there and every time I caught somebody, they would
give me the sad story.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
I ever feel.
Speaker 3 (51:24):
Badroom, I catch somebody.
Speaker 5 (51:25):
Stealing power tools the outside and graderate, Hey, undercover security
you coat you stealing powers? Yeah, my mind, and you
need to make some money.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
My mom and it.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
And the head boss like, why are you always letting
people go?
Speaker 1 (51:40):
So you got fired obviously, I mean good at it,
I am terrible at it. So you got fired pretty much,
and then you just started making money doing comedy. Yeah,
and that was it.
Speaker 4 (51:48):
You never had a real You never struggled, You never bombed,
and you never struggled, well except for dying.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Basically, when your life is you know, Comato's dying when
you when.
Speaker 5 (51:59):
Your life is the struggle, you don't know what it's
a struggle because you're so busy trying to get out
of it.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
Yeah, Lartie, thanks for coming on.
Speaker 5 (52:05):
Hey Eric, thank you for having me on the show. Yes,
thank you for the entire staff in here, thank you.
I hope I didn't offend anybody there.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Dead insight, they can agre less. They stop paying attention
right when you walked in.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
I haven't run a plugs Eric If Eric Andre, the
guy is a beast.
Speaker 5 (52:19):
The guy is a fucking beast. The guy is a
fucking beast.
Speaker 1 (52:25):
With Eric Andre Bombing with Eric Andres brought to you
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
Our executy producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang.
Our research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound
designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Go rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app A choice
What's up you all.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Eric Andre and this is Bombing, the podcast where
I talk to comedians, artists and other interesting people about
the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episode, we
have Artie Fouquah, a real comedians comedian who I've known
forever already has some great stories from his life, getting
booed off stage at the Apollo, having to call the
cops out a Russian girlfriend, and coming back to life
after dying in a car accident.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Literally. We also talk.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
About bombing at colleges, winning back audience you've just offended
and more enjoyed.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Bobby Bobby with Eric Andre. Okay, we are on the
show called Bombing.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
What's the premise of the show.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
It's where I.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Break my comedian friends in that I've known for many
months and they tell me there were stories of being
on stage and bombing.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
But really you can talk about it.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Whatever the fuck he was, no matter. Nobody's listening to this,
you know from Comedy Central, BT, MTV, Netflix, Yes, sir,
a friend of mine for let me say twenty years
already for qual.
Speaker 5 (01:03):
Door and we're in the building more son, if they
all day, we don't stop. Hell yeah, baby, we keep moving.
We don't ever stop moving. You know the funny about it.
Some of my worst stories about bombing have been set up.
Like I've had tricks played on me by other comedians. Oh,
like it was a prank, Like a prank.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
This what happened.
Speaker 5 (01:23):
There's a comedian named Eddie if Edie. Yeah, I love
that guy. He's the king of the pranks. He's the
king of the pranks. So shut you up. So we're
at it. We're out of college, right and I'm on stage.
I get there a litt late. He has to go
before me, so I walk in. I go on stage.
The audience is really cool, and I'm just talking, having fun.
(01:44):
And then I think I said the N word a
couple of times or loose black dude, a baby and
g G a baby. So I said that word and
then they all got up and just walked out.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Wait, they all got up and walked out.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
They all got walked out.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Moms, Yeah, audience.
Speaker 5 (02:05):
No, it was a mixed audience, but it was basically
black whoa.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
It was.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
It was a very college audience. Everybody in the crowd.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
But Eddie told them to do that.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Yeah, but I didn't know that, so it was packed.
It was a theater.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
The entire theater got up and walked out, and I'm
standing there and there's a kid and he goes, you're struggling, man,
And I said, I said I'm struggling. He said, yeah, man,
you said the N word. I said, I only said
it twice. He said that was one too many. And
then the person who put the show together, the booker,
(02:42):
the cous booker, walks up to the front and goes, sorry, man,
this is it. I don't know. If I don't know,
we can pay you. I go, okay, that's right. So
I walked outside. The entire audience is outside on along
with Eddie f.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
They go, we got.
Speaker 5 (02:56):
Oh man, you guys, that was such a good that's
pretty good. That's what for the books. That's that's the record.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Yeah, I'm talking about the actual bomb, right, but I
have moved off stage. Ship thrown at you. You've ever
been to jail?
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Yeah, man, I'm black.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
I mean, I know you're mixed, like you're half in
jail twice, but you've been half jail.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
They had you in the holding room.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Eric. I went to the big jail once. At the
big jail. That sucked.
Speaker 5 (03:21):
How long did you stay one night? Just one night
that was overnight over so your black sided dude, one night,
the white side said, let me out.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
White side is Jewish.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Hey, do you know my father is black?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
He's black.
Speaker 5 (03:36):
You know my mother is my mama is she's Jewish.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
She's a lawyer, public school teacher. Get back there.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
The thing about jail is when you're a comedian and
you're in jail, it's hell.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Because really I crushed.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I like had a good set. I actually did a set. Yeah,
so accidentally and like the cell erupted.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
But you don't get to sleep because all night long
and you media, you'll make some jokes. Oh yeah, And
then I was in the tombs. When you go to
jail in New York City, you're in a place called
the tombs where you go from sell to sell to
sell until you go to court. They called the tombs.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And oh so you were how many how many days?
Speaker 5 (04:15):
Was like this overnight?
Speaker 4 (04:16):
So in New York sits shoveling you around. But so
in New York City, may I ask what you were
in there for?
Speaker 5 (04:22):
That suspended license?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
That's it. Yeah, in New York.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
City, if you're suspended licenses, you get arrested.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was the Walmart truck.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
No, no, no, no, no, that was not the.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
You got hit by the Walmart truck and they suspended.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
How he did his license?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Man injury?
Speaker 5 (04:40):
I mean, we know we almost killed you. But your
license is revoked.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Bru Wait wait so suspended license? J this isdiculous.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
This is in the in the two thousands, the mid
two thousands.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Like Juliani era.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Yeah, the Giuliani era. My license was revoked. I didn't
have a license.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Sevat black people in jail, no problem.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
So I drove around with a boat license because I
needed identification, but I couldn't get I couldn't get a
driver's license because it was suspended.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So you drive a boat.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
No, but the only form of identification that they had
at that time would be a boat license. And every
time a cop would stop me, they all made the
same joke. Hey, they stopped their feet, we're wrong laying.
This isn't water. Get your ass out of the car
and they take me in.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
That sucks. Why do you drive so much in New York?
I don't understand. It's a pain in the ass. It's
a status thing.
Speaker 5 (05:33):
No, it's not a status thing. It's getting from point
A to point B.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Real quick, take a taxi, take it over, don't worry
about parking.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Well, luckily for me.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
Now, I'm just that one club in the city and
they have a lot of different locations in one spot,
and I only do certain shows. So I get there
and I just go from point A to point B.
Where do you live Jersey City? Are you living Jersey City?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:55):
You got a house, Yeah, a couple.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
Look at you real estate.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
And you got that's a Jewish part of me, you got.
Speaker 5 (06:02):
I mean, I'm into real estate. I have a lot
of houses, houses, apartment.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
And you're your grandfather with my grandfather, blows my mind.
How old are you when you had your first kid?
You're like seven?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Right?
Speaker 5 (06:12):
My first child I had when I was twenty one.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
That was my son. He died in accident.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
He remember that.
Speaker 5 (06:18):
But my daughter right now is twenty nine and she
has two children. She has a six year old son.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
The youngest looking grandpa and the coolest grandpa.
Speaker 5 (06:27):
And the three year old granddaughter named Marley. But I
will tell you it is black people are grandparents in
our forties. I was a grandparent at forty five.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
That's insane.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
Well, you look good, black people with grandparents and our
forties crowds like yep, I got a couple, I got
pandas you'd be surprised.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
I get Uh. Do you know who the baby mama
is of your daughter?
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I know her mother.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
Yeah, yeah, I'm in friends with her mother for years.
I'm still friends of her.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Really, of course, So you guys get along. You have to,
there's no other option.
Speaker 5 (06:55):
Well, she's well, she got married after she had my daughter,
and she had a couple more.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Get along with the the guy.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
I can. Don't worrybody really, of course.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
There's not a lot of I've never been in a fight.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
I try not to.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
But when you were in high school.
Speaker 5 (07:07):
Well, in high school, uh, I don't think I really
had to fight. I played sports, I was away, but
it was when I got into college when I had
all the fights. But when I was in high school,
how did you play? I played basketball and I ran.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Track, ran track.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Yeah, I played football, but I sucked.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
How did you get into comedy?
Speaker 5 (07:25):
I guess you're not.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
You're not angry enough for football. Well football was fun.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
I enjoyed it, but I couldn't catch the ball like
they would make fun of me. I was part of them,
and I would and I would cracked so many jokes
on the defense that they couldn't wait to get me
out on the field and they would just hit me
for no reason.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah, you're a wide receiver.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Yeah, they called the split in back then.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
So where'd you go to college? I went to Rutgers.
How did you get into comedy?
Speaker 3 (07:51):
So my cousin was worked at the Apollo.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
Showtime at the Apollo, and I wanted to go see
Damon Wayiams. She was special and then take ninety one,
ninety one, ninety two.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
That's during your Living Color or what years?
Speaker 5 (08:07):
Yeah, ninety two Living Color just came out. Yeah, So
I went to see it and Sean Wayne's was the opener,
and Sean Wayne's we had the same haircut, We had
the exact same Paisley shirt with the slash, the exact
same shoes. I was like, Hey, I want to do
stand up. So my cousin told me go to the
Uptown Comedy Club. It's right around the corner from the
(08:29):
follow Yeah, from the Apollo's one hundred history. So at
this point, I'm eighteen, I'm trying to get to the Apollo,
But every week I got there late because that was
the time when they would say, all right, well it's
about you got to go through the Holland Tunnel. Then
you gotta go all the way uptown. Then you got
all the way to Manhattan. You gotta find parking. And
I'll say, okay, that'll take ten minutes. That was my
(08:50):
thinking back then. Yeah, I thought I could do everything
in a half.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Hour, right right, I st don't take that way.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Yeah, so you know, time doesn't work like that, And
I would always be late. So the first time I
went there, I was too late to get in. The
second time I went there, I was late to get in.
The third time I went there, it was too late
to get in. And I said, I'm a comedian. I
thought that would help. They said, well, come to this
comedy workshop that we do every Wednesday. So I went
to the comedy workshop, and that's where I met Will Silvans.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
No, another comedian.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, you've known Will for that long.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
I've known Will for that long. I gave Will a
ride home our first time meeting. I gave him a
ride home. Feel like you still do that, Will?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
When Will has that beard?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Oh yeah, he loves that beard.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
I always say, you look like the dudes in Washington
Square Park that like hustle you at like chess games,
So you.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
B what's that three card monty with that with the
heel that all right, wash my hand? Which one is
the ball on there? Which one is this? Which one
is the ball in there?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Which one?
Speaker 3 (09:49):
And they always had that guy that that works with them.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
That sets it up, and he will guesses and he
guesses right, and the guy gives him money and he
has a lot of money. And then you go, oh,
I can get a water of money too, But you
don't know that they are working together.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
And then you go and then you lose.
Speaker 5 (10:07):
They take all your money, and then you lose there
all day and they take all your money, and then
you realize at the end of it that these guys
are best friends. Yeah, they set you up.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Will has that look that or like an al Qaeda
kind of look.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
He's got nine to eleven, that's what Will is one
of the health Santa Cla.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
He's one of the homeless.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Papa Smurve.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Is one of the healthy. Gregory Young Young did Gregory.
Speaker 5 (10:33):
He's one of the healthiest people I know that now
wakes up every morning that's crazy eight am and goes
to the gym.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No, I've been to the gym with him. He's not.
He's like a warrior, dude. There's some training for like
World War three.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Because he lives.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
He lives in one of my houses and he uses
my garage. And when I'm coming home, here's my driver
when I come home. When I'm going out, he's when
I'm coming in, he's going out. Yeah, And I had
just saw him a few hours ago at the club.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I'm like, damn, Bruce Lee Roy.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
So he told me he was celibate years ago. I
was like, that can't be sustainable.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
Well, you know, I never know another person's sex life.
I never asked, but no, he volunteered. He was like
he's he says he doesn't. He says he doesn't indulge,
and I just say, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
No, you would go nuts. Impossible.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
Some people are like that.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
You never know.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Some people are like that. You know, I'm cravit.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Said he had had sex for nine years. I was like,
get the fuck out of it.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
But I don't believe that.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
No way, He's surrounded by women.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Even him for nine years. Get the fuck out.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
But I guess that's what he wants.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
You to leave.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
But also Lenny Kravitz at his age, you see the shame.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
You see how in shapes it's a fucking it's a miracle.
So makes me feel like shit, But from that mad
when I see him.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
For guys that work out like that, that's their adrenaline rush.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
Oh they don't. They don't come, they don't giz.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Well, they're so busy working out. That's their rush. I
will tell you. So, I don't have any stories about bombing,
but I have stories.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I don't believe it. No comedians associate battle. They say that,
but I'll tell you never bombed. I'll tell you it's
not possible. But I'll tell you this, it's not possible.
You and I have a gift of crowd work. You
and I have a gift.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
But still I need something, and you can turn it
around every single bomb.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
You've turned around every.
Speaker 5 (12:17):
You can always start off, and some people start off slow,
purposely so they can see if they need joke works.
That's like a process that a lot of people have.
But a lot of times I just let the joke
right itself.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
So you or you played shoulders in the Bronx.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
Oh yeah, I'm talking like I'm talking about like back
in the nineties, oh rooms hood.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Rooms where it would just be five dudes that look
like they were in Wu tang Oh watching football, and
they would turn off the TV when they come in
the stage already fuqua coming to the stage, no pomp
or circumstance.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah, but I go, I go up there and.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Get those five guys that are now angry that the
game is off and a random person is talking to
a microphon. You would win those guys over.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Yeah, because it all saw us with what man look
at his nigga shoes and you saw making fun of him. Oh,
broke ball fucker coming here, your dirty AARs hat. And
then all of a sudden, they're all laughing. Now everybody's laughing.
Everybody's on your side. Now they're cracking back at you.
You're cracking on them. Everybody's having a blast since day one. Yeah,
because see, I grew up in bad neighborhood.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
When you were eighteen years old, you could do that
on stage.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Well, I didn't start when I was eighteen.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
I started when I was nineteen because by the time
I got on stage, it was December and I celebrated
my birthday. Then I got on stage I got on
stage right after my nineteenth birthday.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
My larger point is at that young yeah, first show
you ever did.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
I was a monster with the sna crushing. I was
a beast with the snaps. I wasn't crushing on stage.
But like I said, if the material isn't working, something's
going to work. Because I grew up in bad neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So you cut your teeth like in middle school.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
But basically, yeah, I was always that kid that was
making fun of people. When I was in college, I
was shut down at campus. People be afraid to walk
past me because I'd be cracking everybody.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
You were always class clowns day one.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
I was always that guy, and I love being that guy,
and I love cracking.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
To be a bomb audition or something you never bombed
in an audition.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
Everybody bombs auditions, But give me, give me a lot
of times when you bomb audition, they actually well, I
like the way, I like the stage for you get
the job. They have been how many times if you
crushed an audition and never hurt anything back?
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Oh, auditions are the most like you never know, yeah, thing,
You'll think you'll do horrible, then you book the gig
or you think you crushed it, and you'll hear back.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
There are times.
Speaker 5 (14:35):
There are times when I have walked out and said, man,
I just bombed so hard, and then my agent will call
me to go, hey, how is it man? It's terrible?
How bad?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Man?
Speaker 5 (14:46):
They were just staring at me. Wow, yeah, real bad?
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Yeah well you booked the job?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah yeah, oh well, oh shit, Benjaman. I walked out
of an audition for a pilot and I was like,
that was so bad. I did so bad, I should quit.
I went home and I almost threw up, and then
my called me. There they loved you, they won you
on the show.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Yeah, I would say I was.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I was hard on myself in my twenties.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
I was, well, you know, as a performer, you're going
to be hard on yourself.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:14):
But when I was when I was twenty, I went
to showtime at the Apollo. Everybody was telling me not
to do it, but my confidence level was high. They
said they're gonna they want you. They want comedians to
just go up here and have fun. And I bombed,
like I bombed so hard. So yeah, but it was
so funny because I was going back with the crowd
(15:36):
and I was still cracking jokes that they aired it. Yeah,
and all my fifteen yeah, and all my fiftieth birthday.
I was celebrating my fiftieth birthday and.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Everything was funny. I made it. I went through all this.
Speaker 5 (15:53):
I got hit by a truck and I survived and
fifty and Dean Edwards said, well what about this? And
he folks didn't me getting booed at the Apollo and
it went viral.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
It was old.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
I was like, I was like, I was like twenty
years old, and I did Godfrey's podcast. Gofrey, shout out
to Goffrey. I did Godfrey's podcast and they played it
on the podcast and everybody's making fun of me. So
that's a bomb for the ages. That's a bomb for
the ages. But that's also a bomb when you're like
doing comedy for like a few months. It's your arrogance
that push you in that position. Oh I'm so funny,
(16:30):
I'm the funniest guy in the room. I'm going to
go on National TV and rock and I bombed so
bad and everybody made fun of me for years, Like
I couldn't.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Get why did you bomb? What was the jokes?
Speaker 5 (16:43):
It was a terrible joke. They just they just come
out to boo at the Apollo. They just come out
to boom. But I couldn't lift that down because no
matter how good I did, people always bring it up. Yo, man, congratulations,
you're doing so good man. I'm so happy for you
because I remember when you got boot off the Apollo.
Even as I got followed, I paid sports and I
(17:05):
was doing really well. I'd see your girl, Oh you're
so cute. We can hang out sometimes, okay, because I
remember when you got boot off and I was like,
I don't know why they booing him.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
He cute, cute, he getting boom but hey, cute haunts you.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
That's my baby daddy, But he get boo, he getting boomed.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
A hey cute.
Speaker 4 (17:22):
I bombed opening up for Chris Rock one time. And
there's so many celebrities in the audience, and should I
still hear stories through.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
My Yeah, did you get into a fight with a guy?
Speaker 5 (17:30):
No audience?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yeah, kind of yeah, yeah kind of.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Security told me.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
No, not not a fight. But I was like, come down,
come down there, and animals go animals on the side
and say like no, no, no, this ain't a bar. Show bro,
Like come.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Down in my face.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
What are you doing?
Speaker 5 (17:44):
Yeah, Security told me bomb kat He told me he came.
Everything was but Eric just kept going at the guy,
going to and the guy was cool. That guy lives
alone and every gold say fuck you to him again
and did all. Eric just kept going at him and
going at him and going and we like Eric, we alone.
The situation is handled. Situations handled. Everything's good, Higgs, Eric
(18:05):
fun you what you want to do now, I'm like,
oh my god, Yeah that was well opening up for Chris,
but that was that was pretty bad. The thing about
bombing is that it bills character. It does It makes
you so much better because you learn not to do.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
It's the greatest teacher.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
It's the greatest teachers.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You teach you. Yes, he wakes you up.
Speaker 5 (18:27):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
I had this guy come on stage like two weeks ago.
Speaker 5 (18:31):
I'm hosting the show, and you know, I bring people
when I host the show. If it's a small crowd,
just bring people on stage to talk. So makes the
interactive cracks into it. So that's the best way to
create a joke because the joke comes from the situation.
It's always different. So there's a guy on says, there's
a guy yelling out, let's go, let's go. He keeps
yelling out, let's go, and I'm not really paying any attention.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But he's saying that to you, like get off the stage.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
No, he's yelling let's go. Like you know when you're
on crowd, there's the audiences like yeah, let's go.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
But he wasn't doing it in like a very macho yeah.
He was like, let's gow, let's which is fine. The
audience loved him. I said, my man, come in here.
So I bring him on stage and I said are
you single? And he says yes. So I said, all
the single ladies in the house go ah. Nobody said anything.
(19:30):
It was quiet. So then I said, okay, come back
next week. Let's see what we can do. And then
he goes, well, I have a couple of children. I said, okay,
well I have a couple of grand children. He said,
do you know what a couple means? I said, yeah,
it means too. He goes oh, And then I said, sir,
I don't want it to come off wrong. Is this
in New York City? So I have to ask what
(19:50):
is your preference? Do you like men or do you
like women. A girl in the back yells out he
likes men, and the entire the room just fell out laughing,
and he looks at me and he goes, I came to
a comedy club for the comedian and make me laugh,
not being made fun of.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
And he walked off the and the crowd started booing him.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Sitting I'm like, oh, no, no, no.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
They were not doing that, sir, don't do that. I'm
gonna buy your dre Everything's fine, don't do that. But
turns out that he was with the guy. He was
trying to impress a guy, a love guy. So at
the end of the show, a comedian did a joke
about nurses, and where I was standing there were a
group of nurses. They were trauma unit nurses. I said, oh,
I was in the er. I was in the trauma unit.
(20:35):
I died in theemonia. They brought me back. I'm forever
gravel was the nurses. I'll give you guys some when
I go on stage. I'll give you guys.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
You died of pneumonia.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yeah, I knew you were in a coma, but I.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Was not for a month and a half. And I
died anemonia. And they brought me back.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
What Yeah, how long were you dead for?
Speaker 5 (20:51):
I don't know, not seven minutes, because I'm.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
Here, it's seven minutes the max. I think that's when
the oxygen.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
Yeah, oh but.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
It was bad. Did you have a worse than Tracy?
Speaker 5 (21:02):
Yeah? I was much worse than Tracy. I was the
worse of the survivors.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Oh fuck? Really?
Speaker 5 (21:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:07):
So because how long was Tracy's I don't know.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
You'd have to ask him, but I think when I
got out of when I was when they brought me
to the brain tarmer unit, he was leaving. It's like
as they were when I woke up. I was in
a I was in a coma for a month. I
was in medically induced coma for a month. When I
was in Robert Johnson when they brought me to uh
JFK hospital, is it in Edison? When they brought me
(21:33):
to that hospital, I think I I think I was
barely awake, and I hear Tracy's voice.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
And I i'm I walk.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
Out and Tracy is in the hallway. He was in
the room right next to mine. He goes, I'm leaving.
He said, I came here, now I'm leaving. I said, okay, cool, so, uh,
everything was foggy, and then a woman came and told
me what happened. A nurse came and told me everything
that happened.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
But oh, you didn't really know what the fuck was
going on. It was just like lights out one day. Yeah,
like I didn't Then like time went by.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Like I didn't know my leg was broken. I didn't know.
Speaker 5 (22:06):
I couldn't walk.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
I got up to go to the bathroom and fell
on the floor and then I peed all over myself.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Came in the night.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Nurse came in and say, hey, man, you broke leg
all around.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
So what was the injury? Is brain injury and a
leg injury break? But no spine stuff? Right?
Speaker 5 (22:22):
No, no, no, my right femur bone was broken, and thank god,
your spine in five places. My right flobone titanium and
my ankle is titanium. And I had a trick.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You could see her here.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
Yeah, I had a trick and you can't see it.
But I had seven brain surgeries.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Jesus, So what what happened? It hit hit the Do
you feel comfortable talking about this?
Speaker 5 (22:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:43):
So did the truck hit the top of your head?
What exactly? What?
Speaker 3 (22:47):
I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Nobody else.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I don't have any memory of the.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Entire The bus just got crunched.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
He's got hit Harrison. Harry Stanton remembers what happened. He
told me I was sitting in the back next to
James McNair. They got killed on impact.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
He said.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
Tracy called me that you already commere and I got
up and he said, when you got up, and we
were laughing, we were joking. He said, as soon as
you sat down next to Tracy, everybody that we got hit.
He said, So you missed getting crushed that by five minutes,
at least five minutes. And then and then I and
(23:22):
then to die of pneumonia and come back. Every night
I have a dream of God saying, hey, one more,
one more, one more baby, that's two. Final destination, the
Black version, Final destination, the BT version.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
How did the brain recover? Like, what do you do
for brain recovery? Little magnets on your brain?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
No, Well, from what.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
I was told by the neurologists, the fact that comedians
think so much that we have to use our brains constantly,
like every time on stage or in the moment, uh,
analyzing the crowd, talking to people, that our brains are
so well rounded that when parts of your brain go down,
the other parts just pick up the slack. So basically,
(24:05):
when you're in a vegetative state is because one part
of your brain shuts down, but the other parts of
their brain. I'm not strong enough to pick up the slack.
But comedians are so well rounded in word repetition and
what we say and repeating jokes and meeting people every
night and remembering names and faces and locations and what's
happening and what's going on. Like, we are very well
rounded people, Like we know songs.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
We feel everything, and you can feel all your toes
and all your fingers and everything. Yeah, gosh, man, it.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
Could have been so much fucking worse, so much worse.
I thank God that I'm here. That's so, I tell people,
I have no reason to be angry at all. I
have no reason to be angry at all because I
look at my grandchildren, I look at my mother, I
look at the floor, I look at the sky.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I'm alive.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
I have no reason to be angry. Everybody's doing well.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Shit, that's wild.
Speaker 5 (24:53):
Grand kids are happy, Mom is happy.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
That's all I came about it, And thank God Walmart
hit you, and it.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
Was oh, yeah, Papa Johns.
Speaker 5 (25:02):
Papa got money. That much money you had to give him.
Somebody worse you've had. They guy, it was Walmart and
not the Dominican moving company.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Be happy.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
It was that somebody didn't have no insurance. Oh no insurance, No.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
Poppy they got it. Wasn't somebody that you know ain't
had no carriage.
Speaker 1 (25:28):
With a record.
Speaker 5 (25:29):
Pray with Redrey, Like I said, when it comes to life,
I bombed so much in life, like I had a Okay,
So I used to date this Russian girl, six feet tall,
beautiful woman.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
She hit me. I called the cops.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
She slapped you, she bunched you.
Speaker 5 (25:52):
Yeah, she had hands, Wow, she had the hands.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
What led up to that moment?
Speaker 5 (25:56):
This is a young, beautiful Russian hick get mad?
Speaker 1 (25:59):
What did you do to her?
Speaker 5 (26:00):
She was always mad and she hit me. So I
learned you don't put your hands on a woman. If
a woman hits you, I called the cops. So I
called the cops, right and the cops come to the house.
The cop goes, We've been here before. I said, no
you haven't. He said, no, no, you a woman hit it
pulls out a log woman beat up boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Yeah, this is the house.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
And it was a male cop and a female cop,
and a female cop goes, damn, this dude ain't got
no shame. Damn, Like she said, she's like, damn a man,
the sucker damn. So then so then so then he
said what happened?
Speaker 3 (26:39):
I said, she parced me in the face.
Speaker 5 (26:42):
So I called the cops, and the female cops started laughing, damn,
just capture like that. So then he said, well was
she driving? I said, she's driving oversized, a truck that's
lifted with oversized tires with LA plates. And he goes,
like the one that's coming up the block. Now, the
female cop goes, damn if she comes back to finish
the job, she comes back to finish.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
She beaton before you, No.
Speaker 5 (27:04):
No, no, Ilay was her boyfriend for a long period
of time.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
But and you called her.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
I called the cops on her earlier too.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yeah, well, multiple times.
Speaker 3 (27:12):
Every time she hit me, I would just.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Ok, this was one wasn't on one time, and so.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
No, okay, okay, but I have so many stories about
women doing that to me. And I know if a
man puts his hands on a woman, he is going
to jail. But if a woman puts her hands on
the man, everybody's laughing. I have one of those stories too.
So she comes back, the cops are laughing. Two more
cop cars come and now they're all to standing there.
(27:38):
So she gets out of the truck. She's six feet tall,
she's dressed exquisitely. It's a bunch of cops. Theyre going, damn,
you find as hell. Damn what you doing, yo? You
find cop because the negro yo. You don't want to
you don't want to arrest her. Man, let her go, man,
let's work it out. I go, okay, So she gets
(27:59):
her stuff. She says to me in front of the cops,
fuck you, And the female cop says, why don't you
guys have dinner and work it out.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
She's a beautiful woman, and she just drives off.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
And then the cop says to me, yeah, man, my
girlfriend is Latvian.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
And she beats the shit out of me too.
Speaker 5 (28:16):
So I'm bonding with the police officer over our Eastern
European girlfriends kicking as. This is years ago. This is
this is this is years ago. The other story that
I have I was dating a girl. I'm out in
the club, a Spanish woman. I'm out in the club
with Godfrey. Shout out to Godfrey once again, shout out
to a bunch of other comedians. With dancing and having fun.
(28:37):
I'm dancing with this this Australian girl. But she was Tie.
She was Tie from Australia, so she's Asian with an
Australian accent.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
Weird, but that's why I found her attractive.
Speaker 5 (28:49):
This is also back in the day, so with dancing,
having fun, and they hear somebody saying, is that your girlfriend?
And I turn around and it's the Spanish girl that
I was date. And she just starts catching me like
violent women, and everybody start and as she's punching me,
I'm looking at all my friends laughing, laughing.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Plane. She beats his ass. She beat it.
Speaker 5 (29:16):
Security came and grabs her. The security guard grabs her,
but he just picked her up.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
He didn't pull her back, he didn't take these steps back.
Speaker 5 (29:26):
He just picked her up. Now she has better leverage
me cut me now, she's told whiling. Everybody's just laughing,
and I saw a security guard was laughing too, so
he took it. I was lumped up. Security took out
(29:46):
the club. The club manager comes to me and goes, hey, man,
she's outside. She's making noise. We don't want our neighbors
to call the cops to call a scene, so can't
you leave. I was like, wait, I just got my
ask girl, you're throwing me out the club, and then
he goes, okay, let's do it this way. When a
cab comes, we'll stand outside. I'll stand outside wait for
(30:09):
a cab to come. When the cab comes, I'll hail
the cab for you. Security will step in front of her,
and then you hop into the cab. We'll create a barricade,
a barrier. She gets to the cab. Okay, So cab comes,
he goes out, He hails the cab, I go out.
Security steps in front, but the cab was off duty.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
The cab kept going.
Speaker 5 (30:32):
Now I'm standing outside and everybody's looking at me like whoops,
and she goes, yeah, mother, it soarts chasing me.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
I start running.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
So did the tie Australian girl like take all of
this in and just like what the.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
Fuck she would She wouldn't talk to me after that.
I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Everybody there, everybody.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Oh, but here's the thing with this chick. She was
wearing flip flops. So I'm running. Yeah, as I'm running,
all you.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Heard was.
Speaker 5 (31:03):
Every the street.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
And you think I would get away.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
From a woman wearing flip flops, right, She's got a
grown man six or two running wear sneakers.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Nope, flip flops right behind us. I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker. She catch up?
Speaker 3 (31:19):
You know, she never caught up.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
I ran all still married to this day. No, no, no,
the same beautiful angel.
Speaker 5 (31:25):
No, I'm still friends with her. Really, this is actually
this is in the nineties.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Though, when that would happen or what, Yeah, it was
in the nineties back then.
Speaker 5 (31:33):
All of my bad stories with women are years back.
I haven't had any recent ones. I mean, I'm an
older man now now. The people that I surround myself
with a little bit more level headed and more mature,
a lot more mature. Yeah older, I'm not in their twenties,
you know, thinking there the ship. You know, as we're older,
we get smarter, we grow, we get more mature, we
(31:53):
learn how to adapt, to learn how to handle people,
which brings back to coming on stage when a set
is going bad. If I'm not having a good time,
But I find that a conversation with an audience member
always saves today, It always saves the day.
Speaker 4 (32:09):
Well, you just act like you're like just getting to
know knowm like, hey, where are you from?
Speaker 1 (32:13):
All? Let's shit or what?
Speaker 5 (32:14):
Well, I'll just something what they're wearing or what they're doing.
You know, did you enjoy the show? Do you have
a good time where you're from? When you're a well
traveled person, you've been there, and then you can find
a way for everybody to come together. Also, guys like Gus,
we could use we use physical comedy or a favorite song. Yeah,
(32:34):
everybody has a favorite song. I can go into a joke.
It always works. A joke that has a song in
it always gets the crowd. The sillier song, the better
making my way downtown and then all of a sudden,
all the crowd that Haiti is going not on your
(32:55):
side again if you're doing something that they can relate to.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
You had a bit about listening to Billy Joel and
the Car or something.
Speaker 4 (33:01):
Yeah, I feel like I listened to white music in
the car when black people are are a better attention
if you switch it.
Speaker 5 (33:08):
Oh yes, but I said that I use I play.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
I play rock music.
Speaker 5 (33:13):
When a cop pulls me over, I put I put
white peoples music on, like a cop will pull me over.
I'll see him in then and I'll throw on a
Billy Addle CD in the midnight out. She cries more
more more about. A cop gets in my window, hears
the song. He goes, hey, what the hell? Yeah, get
out of here, nigger.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I love that black guy. He's so cool.
Speaker 5 (33:39):
Friday night I crashed your party.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Saturday said, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (33:44):
Sunday came, you trashed me out again.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
Cock comes in the window.
Speaker 5 (33:49):
I was on having fun.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
Was it hurting anyone? Yeah, get out of here, nigger, Billy.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Joel, that's a deep cut. Maybe it's not.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
Maybe he may be right, may be crazy.
Speaker 5 (34:05):
You know that at your birthday party, you're doing a
lot of songs. You put me up on a lot
of songs.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
I gotta do it again, just for my own brain.
I don't remember anything.
Speaker 5 (34:19):
Got blurry very quick, but your crowd loves that. Dude,
wild insane.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
That was a wild time.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
That's a great time.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
That was a great time. Half of it.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I couldn't even I was trying to catch all of it.
There's like fire breathers Santa Claus wrestling.
Speaker 5 (34:34):
I don't know if you noticed, but the crowd went
wherever you went like you should. I should have been
to room to room and they followed.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
You from room there.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
There's a crowd that like broke into my This kid
broke into my green room and took the ship.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
There. Get the out of here. You gotta go.
Speaker 5 (34:54):
You gotta go ship. Sometimes you can't hold it. You
gotta take ship. Matter what you want in the place,
but you gotta get to close the one you're.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Gonna purposely went down and dinn it.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
You ain't gonna make it in the next one that.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
Is stealing all my ship a green roof, you were
stealing when that turn is knocking on your asshole, not
knocking all Heaven's door.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
You ever show your pants?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Never?
Speaker 5 (35:17):
Never, I've never shipped my pants.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
Well, when you were baby, you ship your pants.
Speaker 5 (35:20):
You ever shoot your pants?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
I shipped my pants recently?
Speaker 5 (35:23):
You ever shoot your pants on stage?
Speaker 4 (35:25):
I never shipped my pants on stage. I almost threw
up in Germany because I was doing too much drugs
some night before I thought I was I told my
opener and I go, I'm gonna throw up on stage
and it's gonna not be funny.
Speaker 5 (35:36):
What drugs are you doing?
Speaker 3 (35:37):
I did ecstasy, ecstasy, a lot of it, a lot of.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
And I drank a lot. Oh wow, and I was
up all that. I was like, yeah, maybe I still
got it. And the next day I felt like I
was gonna die.
Speaker 5 (35:48):
I did ecstasy once and I got so paranoid. I
never did it again.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Paranoid.
Speaker 5 (35:52):
I got paranoid as Yeah, bad ecstasy.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Then you gotta take God, drag him.
Speaker 5 (35:58):
It saved me.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
That will light up your brain. Like the fourth of July.
Speaker 5 (36:01):
I haven't smolled weed in thirty years because the last
time I stayed weed, I was in a club with
all my friends and I stood in the corner facing
the wall until eight am.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Drugs.
Speaker 5 (36:12):
There's a guy mop and say, hey man, we're clothes.
You gotta get out of here.
Speaker 4 (36:14):
Oh you were fucked up. I was the most fucked
up you've been on stage. I would never been on
stage drunk or anything.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Yeah, drunk, coked up high.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Back in the day, you would drink on stage. I
would see you drink on stage. I think, remember you
had a drink in hand.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
Maybe it's just a soda soda because with my surprise,
you don't really drink at all.
Speaker 5 (36:33):
Right now, well I'm ten years sober now, but really yeah,
ten years at this point. But the thing, right, I've
been twenty five years. I only got ten years.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
You were over twenty five and then ten of them
were you for sober? Yeah? So years fall off?
Speaker 3 (36:48):
Five us clean fall off?
Speaker 1 (36:49):
What's your alcohol or cocaine? Both? Oh, your cocaine. Oh yeah.
Speaker 5 (36:54):
I would always say, you know, and here's the thing
about it, and I had to come to the I
would say.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Hey, I don't drink.
Speaker 5 (37:01):
I don't drink, I don't touch alcohol. Let me get
hit that though.
Speaker 3 (37:06):
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 5 (37:07):
You don't drink alcohol. You sniffed coke. You ain't sober,
you're a drug addict.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
I said, this is different.
Speaker 5 (37:15):
See, I haven't had any alcohol though, so I'm sober.
Speaker 4 (37:19):
So twenty five years ago. What were you doing in
the nineties? Were you doing cocaine everything?
Speaker 1 (37:24):
That's what it was.
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Heroin wasn't any good because heroin you do.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
Like were you doing acid and mushrooms and stuff? No?
I didn't psychedelics. I did you ever had a psychedelic experience.
Speaker 5 (37:35):
I did mushrooms and I got paranoid, and I did
with a psychedelic experience. I would get paranoid and never.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Do that again. Really, yeah, it just wasn't for you.
Speaker 5 (37:44):
It just wasn't mushrooms. I went on stage on mushrooms once.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
That was horrible.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
I thought the audience with puppets, oh.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
You were high. That it wasn't a little bit like
it was.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
At the event. Dollars I think, I think.
Speaker 5 (38:01):
I think at this point little Penny was good with
Chris playing little Penny, and they all like little Penny.
They all like that little puppet the entire Yeah. When uh,
Chris Rock was doing Penny Hardaway puppet, he was a
little Penny.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I don't know he was. He was a voice.
Speaker 5 (38:20):
Chris Rock was a voice.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
I didn't know that.
Speaker 5 (38:22):
But in my mind, the audience whatever, they look like
they have puppets. To me, I was tripping and there
was a comedian named Maya de Giorgio, and she said,
all her voice going arties high, and all the comedians laughing.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Oh no, making it way worse.
Speaker 5 (38:43):
I thought I was being funny. I thought I was
being funny, but they all disliked puppets. I mean it's
it's a you know you have a bomber. You don't
know you bomb, you have a bomb. I think you're killed.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And people are like, I don't know if I thought
I was, but I've definitely come on sage, realize how
bad it was until like the way the comics looked
at me after the show, you know what I mean,
You get like the like avoiding, like look away. You're like,
oh shit, I did that bad.
Speaker 5 (39:12):
They look you up and down, or you know you
had a bad show. When you're standing in Mexico comedian
that had a good set and they come to, god.
Speaker 1 (39:19):
You are funny, you are so funny. And then you
look at you and go, yeah, yeah you good, yeah
yeah if hey, you were good. Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (39:34):
But the person saying nextual you, oh you were so
funny you were and they push you out the way,
Oh you are par bro parton bro part bro yo
you anyway, you so funny? They just stare at the
whole time. Somebody need to write some jokes. I ain't
gonna say it is with somebody need to get they
act together?
Speaker 1 (39:52):
What is that? What is why comedy? It forces the
audience to be brutally honest, Like you can go to
a music show that's not that good, right, but you're
not going to criticize the musician afterwards. You're just gonna
go on and not really think about it.
Speaker 4 (40:04):
Because what about comedy forces polarization where you either love
the comic or they just didn't do it for you.
Speaker 5 (40:12):
Because everybody wants to be a comedian, and when people
go to a comedy show, you noticed when the comedian
isn't doing well. You notice every mistake. When you go
to a music show, you're not a musician. You don't
know if the band missed the beat, or you don't
know if the singing as often miss off miss And
then the band goes and you say to the band,
that was a great show.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
Oh no, I missed the entire riff.
Speaker 5 (40:34):
And fucking Keith was off the key and blah blah blah,
and they're arguing about you got to come in quicker
on that. We don't see that.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
But when you're a comedian and it's just you under.
Speaker 5 (40:43):
The spotlight, you see every every lyrics thing you do.
The audience will just bag on it and they think
they're better than you. That was the funny I could
have did that.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
I can say, my money, have you ever done this?
I brought This woman was heckling me and my friend.
We were co hosting, and it was not a good
venue for comedy. It was this restaurant. It's kind of
bout here, I want to say fifty fourth Street or something.
It was like a whatever Italian restaurant. I doubt it's
still there. It's horrible. The room was horrible. It wasn't
(41:15):
conducive for comedy. Everybody was always in bed. But the
audiences were tough there because I don't know, it was
just was like a curse rim. So I go up
there with my friend. We're trying to make people laugh.
We're trying to like crack jokes.
Speaker 4 (41:27):
And do crowd work, and some of the audiences on board,
some of the audience fifty to fifty, and this woman
starts hackling us, hackling us, and she's like, she said
something like I can do better than that, and we
were like.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
All right, you said the magic words. What's your name?
But she's like Samantha, whatever name was. I was like,
come on up and never welcome Samantha. And she got
on stage and she bombed so miserably in the crowd
turned under her, so fucking satisfag she hear. Opening joke
was like I don't need a drug? Oh how about
these two guys? And everyone's like what And then I
(42:03):
was like boot and I sat in the audience and
booters fucking doors.
Speaker 5 (42:07):
Great.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
The only time I've been able to do that, and
it was It's quite satisfying.
Speaker 5 (42:12):
You ever have a bad situation and you you make
it worse, and then you don't know, you make it
worse with you somehow magically come out of it.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Okay, So I'm met.
Speaker 5 (42:21):
I'm at Dangerfields before they changed the name. There was
a group of kids there and they were laughing and
they told me they were doing a show for some kids,
and come to the show.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
I wait, I did the shower.
Speaker 5 (42:33):
Kids were laughing, laughing at everything else, saying they were
having so much fun. And I said, what do you
guys all here for? And they said, we're on break
and I go but it' it's like it was like
October November something.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was.
Speaker 5 (42:47):
It was not break time. It was not summertime. It
wasn't when you're supposed to have a break. And I said,
you guys want to break? How are you guys going
to break. You're a break.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
You must be.
Speaker 5 (42:57):
Excuse me, I don't know if we can say this,
but you must be the retarded class, was it?
Speaker 3 (43:02):
And nobody laughed. The room shut down. Oh my god,
aren a guy. The guy This guy in the back.
Speaker 5 (43:12):
Walks up to the front goes, these are the special. No, no, no,
And I said, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
I didn't see your helmets under your chairs. And they
just erupted again.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah. He dug beefer to get out. He dug all
the way to China.
Speaker 5 (43:35):
Yeah, this is special. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
I didn't know. They didn't tell me that.
Speaker 5 (43:42):
I didn't see your helmets under the chairs. I didn't
see a yellow bus outside. Now they're going that was
the comeback. Now they got crazy and chairing is stopping
their feet. Whoa, that's a lie.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
I always hear stories like that, like I was making
fun of a guy in a wheelchair, and it turns
out of the guy in the second row was in
a wheelchair.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
I was making fun of a guy with no arms.
It turns out in the second round there's a guy
with no arms. I always hear stories like I'm like,
what is the fucking I did that. I did see
that happened. The comedian named Rich Voss is on the stage.
I know Rich, and he's ripping on a guy in
the front row. Yeah, and he's you know Rich, He's brutal.
Speaker 5 (44:15):
Yeah, yeah, Rich's killing a guy and people are okay,
it's now Leadham alone, leaving alone, and a guy gets
mang goes, I'm out of here, and he backs up
from the table and he's in a wheelchair. Rich goes,
Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were
in the wheelchair. I'm so sorry, sir.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Come back. I'll build your a ramp. And the place
goes ape ship.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes if you go deeper, commit harder,
it's so intense the crowd has.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
To because that's messed up. But that's funny. That's much
worse than what you're saying.
Speaker 5 (44:50):
But the fact that you said that makes me feel
less about laughing at a bad situation.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
So now I'm cool with that.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Yeah, there's a kid in a wheelchair in the front road.
There's like little independent New Orleans comedy show at this
little cloud. There's barely anyone in the audience. My friend
John was on stage and he was kind of like
bombing whatever. He was like having the best out of
his life. And he's like, I'm sorry you're not laughing
about these jokes, but I thought I could make that
(45:18):
young boy walk with my comedy. Everybody goes silent. The
kid in the wheelchair dying laughing loves it, like with Aridre.
Speaker 5 (45:38):
With Aridre, you know, they think about comedy. It's the
people that we reach. Like I was in Montana and
I was doing a school and I'm on stage and
there's these kids came in and they were in the
back and they were cheering, and the lady who was
running the show comes to the front goes, those kids
(46:00):
are under age and not supposed to be in here.
This is a show for people who go to the college.
And these kids are like fifteen, sixteen years old. They
just so we have to get them out. Why were
they there, I don't know. It was Montana. It was
a school and it was like an open thing. You know,
you do college and sometimes it's like an open thing.
But the kids are laughing and having fun. They had
them leave. I said, Okay, you guys are cool. Sorry,
(46:20):
you guys have to go but you guys are cool.
As they walk past to say shake their hands. They
broke the window in the back and came back in.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
What the fuck?
Speaker 3 (46:28):
They tried to sneak back in and broke the window.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
They really needed that comedy.
Speaker 5 (46:33):
Yeah, like I don't know kind of whatever. But they
broke the window sneaking back in, and the audience was
cool with them. You know, there's a bunch of kids
and a bunch of kids coming in. So now I'm
just laughing and joking. I just spent my time laughing
and joking with them. Yeah, and the school apologized to me,
We're so sorry that that happened.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
I'm like, no, dude, you have no idea.
Speaker 5 (46:49):
That was a great story.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
Yeah, that is a great I.
Speaker 4 (46:54):
Got fired for my college agent one time. I had
to play a Catholic college and like Montana. Yeah, and
I didn't really think still they still like college kids
to me, so I thought I could be as dirty
and I was like twenty three, I didn't know any better.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
And my opening joke I was like, I'm black and Jewish.
I go, I'm black and Jewish, just like Jesus. And
they were like they didn't like that, and all I
was like off to a rough start, and then I
just dug deeper deeper and all my material back then
I was so crass yea, and only these like three
snowboarders in the back, just because their classmates were pissed off.
They were They didn't think the jokes were funny. They
(47:27):
were just thrilled that I was everybody. My agent fired me.
She's like, I help like this, I don't need You're fired.
I'm through with you. Yeah, I had.
Speaker 5 (47:38):
I had a situation where the college asked me to
They said, well, no, have fun, dude, you do.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
So a lot of black people came to the show,
so I'm thinking I got it.
Speaker 5 (47:47):
Have some fun. So it was a great show, crowding, crazy, killed.
I actually did a lot, taking me like an hour
and a half average. How and have they actually stopped
doing so much time because you getting away for your show.
We could send you back from Din's show. So much fun, crazy,
everybody having fun, applause, people stand up and cheering. In
college paid me and then they wrote me a letter.
(48:08):
The people who are paying you asked you to stick
to a certain format, and you chose to disregard us.
We know you have to put on a good show,
but we are the ones who are paying you. And
I was like, okay, they still paid me, and they
invited me back, and I was just as little cleaner.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Yeah. Yeah, colleges, they're not as fun as you think
they're going to be. They're uptight, well you know the
real rigid and uptight. Well, you know the thing.
Speaker 5 (48:32):
The thing about comedy on stage when you make your
life a part of your act and then you think
that this is gonna bomb because it's happened to me
and it's really hurt, and the audience is laughing at
your pain.
Speaker 3 (48:45):
Like I have a joke where I say, you know
what I say, I'm ugly.
Speaker 5 (48:48):
I don't think i'm only but if I say it
on stage, it makes people comfortable with me.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
People start laughing.
Speaker 5 (48:53):
If I come on say and say I'm good looking,
you ain't no guy, damn because he looked like Frozone.
Look at that man because we got his super suit.
But if I come out and if I said ugly,
it was like, oh, he's near enough. It makes me
a little bit easier to.
Speaker 3 (49:09):
Get along that right, right, right.
Speaker 5 (49:10):
That's good for a comedy, but it's not good for
real life.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
It's not good for your esteem.
Speaker 5 (49:14):
Yeah, it's that it's not good for real life. Because
I walked up to a woman and I said, I know,
a girl as beautiful as you would never talk to
a man as ugly as me. And she looked me
up and down and said, at least you understand.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
That's cold.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
That's cold to the bone.
Speaker 3 (49:29):
Yeah, cold to the bone.
Speaker 1 (49:31):
So we hugged a lack of confidence.
Speaker 5 (49:33):
We take the hardest parts of our life and we
put it out there to the public. And the thing
about it, if it's something that's really insecure or painful
to you, that's you.
Speaker 1 (49:43):
Who's going to make him laugh, right, because you're vulnerable, vulnerable,
you're showing vulnerability.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
Vulnerability is what they open up to.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
The open up, the open because they here very interesting.
I think, I'm he's not that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
It's altruistic.
Speaker 4 (49:58):
You're you're sacrific if I sing your own personal well
being so that strangers laugh at you.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
It was a bit strange. Well, we chose to do
We had to do something. I had a shitty job
after shitty job after shitty job. I had to do something.
Speaker 5 (50:11):
I never had a job.
Speaker 1 (50:12):
You never had a job.
Speaker 5 (50:13):
I had one job when I got out of college.
I was an undercover security guard.
Speaker 1 (50:19):
You were Paul Blart Mall Coop. Yeah? Really, but you
know in every undercover playing clothes undercover. Wow, in every
store they have people who.
Speaker 5 (50:28):
Pretend to be to be shoppers, but they're not shoppers.
They're actually security and they catch people steal.
Speaker 1 (50:34):
Did you catch anybody you were a narc Yeah, so
I basically you're working for the man.
Speaker 5 (50:38):
Basically I did it at Urban Outfitters because I'm just
so thinking, fa, yeah, he catch people.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
You caught some people because you grabbed risks and handcuffed.
Speaker 5 (50:47):
I let so many people go like I knew I
wasn't good at it, that people be stealing. I'd be like,
get to get to but I get to.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
I worked at a record service.
Speaker 1 (50:56):
Guy in front of me, he goes, I'm gonna steal
the CD. I go, what to do about it? The
alarm went not enjoy it.
Speaker 5 (51:05):
I remember. So when I was at Urban Outfitters in
the city, we caught a lot of people. They'd bring
them into a room, they take their picture and they're
like being from the store. So then I started working
at UH. I think before sears went out of business.
This is in the nineties. I was an undercover security
guard there and every time I caught somebody, they would
give me the sad story.
Speaker 1 (51:23):
I ever feel.
Speaker 3 (51:24):
Badroom, I catch somebody.
Speaker 5 (51:25):
Stealing power tools the outside and graderate, Hey, undercover security
you coat you stealing powers? Yeah, my mind, and you
need to make some money.
Speaker 1 (51:32):
My mom and it.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
And the head boss like, why are you always letting
people go?
Speaker 1 (51:40):
So you got fired obviously, I mean good at it,
I am terrible at it. So you got fired pretty much,
and then you just started making money doing comedy. Yeah,
and that was it.
Speaker 4 (51:48):
You never had a real You never struggled, You never bombed,
and you never struggled, well except for dying.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Basically, when your life is you know, Comato's dying when
you when.
Speaker 5 (51:59):
Your life is the struggle, you don't know what it's
a struggle because you're so busy trying to get out
of it.
Speaker 1 (52:03):
Yeah, Lartie, thanks for coming on.
Speaker 5 (52:05):
Hey Eric, thank you for having me on the show. Yes,
thank you for the entire staff in here, thank you.
I hope I didn't offend anybody there.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Dead insight, they can agre less. They stop paying attention
right when you walked in.
Speaker 3 (52:14):
I haven't run a plugs Eric If Eric Andre, the
guy is a beast.
Speaker 5 (52:19):
The guy is a fucking beast. The guy is a
fucking beast.
Speaker 1 (52:25):
With Eric Andre Bombing with Eric Andres brought to you
by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
Our executy producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang.
Our research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound
designers Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
Go rate us five stars and drop a review on
your podcast app A choice
Host
Eric Andre
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