September 17, 2025 • 32 mins
Writer-comedian Keara Sullivan is a woman who stands on business. She knows who she is, goes after what she wants, and doesn’t easily crash out over a man. She self-describes as perpetually yet happily single, but lately a little manifestation might be changing that.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, everyone, How are anyone boy Sober in the audience? Okay,
I'm not one of you, but I am an allier community.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
This is Kira Sullivan performing one year ago at one
of my Boys Over storytelling shows in New York.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hope told me the prompt was messy stories about love.
I don't have any messy stories myself because I'm kind
of a bitch who stands on business, so I don't
how I don't really tolerate pumfoouri or Shenanigans of sorts.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Standing on business is so impressive to me. I asked
the boy Sober team if any of us were as disciplined,
and we all said no. This episode, we're talking to
Kira about how she does it, and we're all taking notes.
(01:00):
I'm hopewittered and welcome to Voiceover a space where we're
learning and on learning all the myths we're taught about
love and relationships. Maybe you've seen Kia Sullivan on the internet.
(01:22):
She's big on Twitter and TikTok. She's a writer, comedian,
and overall inspiration to women who want to learn how
to take no shit. Kira self describes as happily and
perpetually single, even though she's actively dating. I consider her
to be a good example of being voiceover. She knows
who she is and goes after what she wants and
(01:42):
doesn't easily crash out over a man. But nobody's perfect. Originally,
I thought this episode was going to be a lesson
on how to enjoy being single, and we talked about that.
But also we learned that sometimes we have to leave
things up to fate. Kira, Welcome to Boysover you high hope.
(02:05):
I want to talk to you about your love life.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Oh my god, I'm here. I'm so glad this is
I feel like it's coming out the perfect time.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Tell me what's going on in your love life right now?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yeah? Well, I'm single.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, it's usual, per usual, that's per usual. How do
you define being single?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Oh, oh my god, that's a really good question. It's
probably like ninety nine percent of my like sexually active,
romantically active years have been single, so I don't even
think about It's just kind of my default.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Okay, So how do you define being single?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
I would define being single as like my Colonna ring
is pointed.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Open for the listeners, Will you like explain the ring?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
What we have on my left hand? On the middle
finger is a Klana ring. This is an Irish ring.
The heart stands for love, handstand for friendship, the crown
stands for loyalty, My God, and it's pointed outwards to
mean your heart is open, and you it inwards to
mean your heart is closed. It's on your left hand
because that's where your heart is.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Wow, this is so cute.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
There's lay to this.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
How long have you had this?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I've been wearing this every single day since I was
twelve years old. I got it. I got it on
my first trip trip to the Old Country.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
But not a promise ring though, No.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
It's not. It's it's something just for you.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
And if you're not Irish Catholic, can you have one?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yes, of course you can. It's actually so cute in darling,
it's darling. I also just like a love I love
a token of affections of course. But yeah, I will
say that I was like journaling over the summer and
because I was like seeing someone over the summer, and
we can get into that because I've got a lot
to say, Okay, Like I was like thinking about all
these like labels or it was almost that time where
(03:40):
I was like do I want to label. And then
I looked down and I was like, well, this is
actually the bigger question, wow, And I was like, am
I ready to turn it around?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
This?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I think is probably the thing that means like more
than any labels, because I've been kind of perpetually single,
and I think it's because I kind of like I
don't really have time to like wait for a guy
to like get it together. So I was like seeing
someone over the summer who I really liked. I still
like him, but his schedule just got like really crazy
towards the end of July, and he was like moving
(04:09):
at the end of August, and like I could tell
he was really stressed and like kind of starting to
like cancel our rescheduled plans. And I think there's always
like a part of me that's like should I just
like wait it out and cling on, But there's like
a bigger part of me that's like it's not sustainable
for me, right, So I was like, do you want
to just like put a pause on this, Like why
don't we just take a beat and you can circle
(04:29):
back to me like once you're moved in in the fall.
And he was like, yeah, I actually think that's really
smart and a good idea, and we were both like, yeah,
we don't want to end things permanently, but like, this
is clearly bad timing. I think that's also the thing
is like I'm a big believer in time, and of
course some say the third person in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Oh, time is the third person in the relationship, but
it is true.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, but it's And so it was like this thing
of like, oh, I really like this person. I could
actually see myself in a long term relationship with them.
But if we keep going like this, I'll crash out
totally and it won't be good.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
So you're good about like identifying when you're gonna crash out.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Oh, you can see it.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Down around absolutely, because how do you know it's coming.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Oh I just started to go into psychosis. I start
acting and I start thinking real weird, and it's like
freaking out right. It was also like this summer when
I was seeing the person is the first time I
had truly liked someone and was like seeing someone in
a long time. And I remember time my roommates I
was like I forgot about the agony totally. I completely
(05:34):
forgot about how agonizing it is.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Right to like someone likes.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Even if they like you back, You're like, oh, I'm
not sure if they like me as much as I
like them. And I was talking to my roommates about it.
They're like, yeah, it's actually the most hellish torture to
have a crush. Yeah, exactly right, And it's kind of
but you know, such as the nature of desire.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Totally, that's kind of makes us crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
That was the phrase I started telling myself whenever I
was like I felt myself kind of going into psychosis,
such as the nature of desire.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
This is a part of the riot.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And it kind of.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Became like a self soothing year of course, because you're like,
this is natural, this is supposed to be happening. Exactly
how long were you single before you met this guy? Ah,
like five years okay, and so you broke up with
him like recently.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Yeah, we put so. I think the term I used
was like indefinite pause. I said, let's get creative here, right,
because I was just like, it seems like you're really
stressed out. It feels like I could like sense with him,
like he felt like it felt like he was kind
of like treading water with his schedule and also like
moving is crazy, right, I hate move, it's hell on
(06:41):
Earth'm like, I definitely couldn't date anyone while moving, So
I just wanted to offer this space in case you
need it. And he was like, yeah, I think actually
it's a good idea. But of course, then I was like, okay,
it sounds like that sounds good, but if you think
it's unlikely, like if you already know now you're not
interested in seeing me, like let a.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Girl right right right?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
He was like no, no, no, no, no, I definitely
don't want to end things permanently, and so I was like, okay,
I think we're on the same page of like the
way we ended things, was like, it's bad timing right now.
I like you a lot. I'd love to give things
another go when the timing is right for both of us.
And he was like, I feel the same exact guy.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Take me back to the beginning of it, like, did
y'all meet on the apps?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Did?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
We met on the apps? We mean on Hine we
met on and Hinge.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Does seem to be a place where you could meet
someone real?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Maybe yes, I would say you had.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Some luck on him.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I had some luck on a Hinge. I think also
I have a good hinge eye.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I have one friend who's on hinge and only goes
on one hinge date a year. Really do you have
sort of like guidelines.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I think my usual pattern is like once a year
I will rewatch sex in the city and it will
motivate me to I'm like, I need to start putting myself.
Oh you start going on d Yeah, and then all
set up four different dates, okay, just kind of like
speed date style, and like one of them will emerge
(08:06):
the victory. Whereas this time it was like I kind
of thought that would be the vibe. And then this
guy it was like the first date I went on
and I was like, well, obviously I'm not going to
see other people. Now.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
You were like, I like him so much.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, I was like, well obviously. I Also it's like
I'm the kind of person who like, when I have
a crush on someone, it's like this is the only
person I wanted, this.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Is the only person that exists.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Now, yeah, I'm like, well, this is my love, this
is my parent, this is my paramour, and I must
bring it. I must be sure to them. Yeah, yeah,
no exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Can I ask you another question? Do you identify as
like a late bloomer.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
No, no, actually the opposite, very early bloomer.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Can you tell me the story a little bit.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Yeah, I'm probably like the only Irish Catholic person in
the world who like has a positive relationship with sex.
That's your secret. My parents the parents rule really hard,
and like I went to CCD and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
What's CCD.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Oh? Sorry, it's like Catholic Sunday School. Got it, but
like going, and my dad was like, listen to everything
they say except for sex.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
No way.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
He'd be like, they're three hundred years behind the theology.
My dad is like a Jesuit, which is mean, like
he thinks he knows the theology like better than.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
The bad totally.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
He's like, they'll catch up. They'll catch up.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, And my mom was also just like very positive
about those things. Like I remember when I was a teenager,
I was asking her some questions and she was like,
they don't want you to know this because they don't
want teen pregnancy to happen. But sex actually is really fun. No,
it does feel really good. And I was like okay, now,
I was like, okay, good to know.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
So I feel like I and also it's like when
your parents tell you, like, don't internalize that stuff, it's
like your parents are the big authority in your life,
like you listen to what they say over anything. So
it was like all the sex negative things I just
never internalized that. I was like, well, my parents, my
mom'soid that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, you're like, my mom's actually cool with all this.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, I'm not worried about it. I feel like I
came out really unscathed in a way most of Americans
are not.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Like I didn't really have the talk. Did you have
like a talk with your parents about sex and everything?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I didn't have a formal talk either. It was more
probably like little talks here and there where I got
the information I like needed. But there was also you know,
I was a child of the internet as well, so
I could also be like, what hole, I like my mom,
that's like this image just like where do I put
tampon in?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Totally okay. So you don't identify as a late bloomer.
The reason why I ask is because you do identify
as perpetually single. Yes, I do, And I feel like
the overlap between like late bloomer perpetually single is sometimes
you in diagram.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, I'm kind of breaking the mold a really fake way.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I do understand that.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah. I think also like I'm the kind of person who,
like I have such a rich friend social life. Yeah,
I know a lot of people who are like why
just like talking to someone new and like chatting. I'm like,
I don't have from that, Like I really got. I've
actually got a backlog of like people I'm supposed to
have coffee with.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
No, Yeah, my fridge is full when it comes to friendship,
Like I'm okay with that, No.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Exactly, Like I'm here for a different purpose. No.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Sometimes when I'm on a date with a man and
like I'm listening to him talk for too long, I'm like,
why are we not kissing? Like there's no reason should
we get out of the Like why would I listen
to you talk for that long? Like we don't have
that much to talk about. Sex, like early on in
(11:42):
a thing with someone does complicate things for me. Does
it ever make you like over emotional or do you
feel like you have a really nice separation?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Oh, it depends if the sex is good, and then
it's actually like a really key of like Oh, but
I do think It's like I was talking to my
friend who it's just kind of happened that, like her
romantic sexual years have she's just like fallen into like
two long term relationships kind of back to back. And
she was asking me once like like, how do you
(12:12):
do like casual sex? And I was telling her, I
was like, I don't like think of it as casual
in my head, like I don't make that distinction. I
just think of it as sex, right totally. Of like
I've been single, so it's like not casual for me.
It's just like, right, sex is sex, and like it
can be something more. But it also like I go
into it like seeking pleasure totally. I don't go into
it like for transcendence. It can become back and I'm
(12:35):
open to a transcendental experience of course, but I'm not
like going into it being like I'm ready to merge our.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Soul totally, totally, totally. I feel like a lot of
women do not engage with sex the same way. Yeah,
Like a lot of women are not going towards sex
thinking like I'm gonna get pleasure out of this.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, Whereas that's kind of the name of the game
for me.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Do you have like standards in your head. Do you
have like a like a check list for someone.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I feel like a lot of my attraction is like
based off of like how a man dresses right, is
like his aesthetic over my god, like what they look like.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
That's so funny. I'm like, what's your type?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Sensitive sensitive man?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
An emotional man?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah, kind of sensitive emotional man. I will say that
the person who's like usually an artist in some way. Yeah.
A lot of musicians come my way, a lot of
like visual painters way. Yeah. My first boyfriend was an artist,
and this person who I was with over the summer
(13:42):
is also a really talented artist. Wow. So usually I
think I think I gravitate towards a sensitive artist type.
That's tricky.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Those are tricky waters.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Do you think this guy is gonna come back around
in the fall?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah? I think so. I have this trend where, like
I was talking to my friend about this, I was like,
all my chickens come home to roost, Like it really
is a trend of my life of like people just
do come back around. Yeah, they hit me up again
in a way. That's interesting because I think if I
(14:20):
had been less secure in his feelings for me. I
think I would have tried to cling on, but I
think it was only because like he was outright and
like good at assuring me how he felt that I
was able to be like, we can actually take a pause, right, fine,
it totally obviously if he like doesn't reach back out
in the fall, I'll crash out right. But such as
(14:41):
the nature of desire.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So, now that you're single again, yes, are you back
on the apps? Are you going on dates? Do you
find yourself like looking to replace him? Or no? No?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Because I think this is also a thing of my
default is not as a single woman, is not someone
who's like seeking on the apps. Uh, Like I'm open
to something if it comes in person, that I'm not
seeking it out right now? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Do you like really want to have a boyfriend or
do you not care that much?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Before this summer I was telling my friends, I was like,
I kind of can't even like conceptualize what a boyfriend
would look like in my life, friend, because it has
just been so long and like my default is so
single totally. I think I'm someone who it's like I
don't want necessarily a boyfriend for me unless it's someone
like I really like, I'm very happy being single, and
I feel like I've figured out how to be single
(15:33):
and like have like a fulfilling romantic sex life, and
like I'm very happy with it. But it is kind
of hard over these past five years, like seeing everyone
you know like fall into love and have like deep relationships,
like does even when you're really happy single, like part
of it does look around and you're like, what is
(15:53):
it my turn? I know fully, yeah, like is there
something It's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with me, right,
I think it's just like that the kind of person
that I would fall in love with is kind of
like few and far between totally, and I have to
like kind of sniff them out like a truffle pig
and then and then I've gotta walk them down, which
is I have to say.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I'm like, do you feel like you're picky?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
It's weird. I don't feel like I'm picky. I just
but yeah, I guess I am. Yeah, I don't feel
that way. But now I've thought about it for a second,
I think, yeah, I am.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
But I think that's kind of a good thing.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I think it's a good thing. I also think that
the pool for woman comedians is a bit smaller than
Like I was explaining this to my friend, it was like,
let's say it's one hundred percent of men, right, Yeah,
so first someone I'm attracted to, Let's let's get it
down to like fifty percent, right, and then it's like,
out of that fifty percent, they've got to be really funny.
They've got to make me laugh. Let's cut that down
to like again, let's do half twenty five percent. It's like,
(16:52):
and then they've got to be okay with me being
funnier than them. Now we're down to like down to percent,
and then there's all the other stuff, like the live
in my area. They've got to be single day, right,
and like now we're working with like two percent of
the population. So it's not even that you're picky, it's
just that, Yeah, it's not that I'm picky. It's just
(17:12):
like the basic requirements of like this kind of person
who like I could be in a relationship with, Like
it's a rare breed.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, you do just know what you want.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I was wondering, like, when you were a kid, did
you imagine yourself as someone who would like grow up
and be married and have kids or whatever, or are
you always imagining yourself as someone who would be like
an independent person.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
I imagine myself like as Gabriella Montez from high school music.
I like so wanted to be like that girl who
like Troy Bolton woll okay.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
So you were kind of seeing yourself as a girl
that like.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Well, I think I had a I think the characters
who I would like actually identify with in the movies.
I wouldn't identify like with Mulan and identify as Mushi
like I wasn't identifying with Jazzmine. I was like, I'm
the Genie. I was an Ariel, like I was sebasting
the crab like. So that was a hard thing to
reckon with. I think of being like, oh my god,
(18:09):
I so want to be Ariel from the Little Mermaid.
But also I would never tried my voice totally, so
it was also that kind of thing of me being like, well,
that's just not who I am totally. I remember when
I was in the fourth grade, I was trying up
for our production of the Wizard of Oz Amazing, and
I think I was originally gonna try out for Dorothy
because I wanted to be like the main girl.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah. Course. My mom was like your star.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah. My mom was like, you know, Dorothy's not very funny. Wow.
She was like, maybe you should try out for the scarecrow.
And I was like, wait, you're right, and I did
and I got the Scarecrow and like, by the way,
I stole the show. Yeah, of course I should have
absolutely been the scarecrow. But it's like that was something
I had to kind of come to terms with, like
in my adult life as well as like, well, I
(18:53):
am kind of more of a scarecrow than Dorothy. And
that's fine. It's just like it's a guy's gotta have
a type.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
What was your first boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Like, the first person I was ever in love with
was in college, okay, and a very very quiet I
like quiet men, I think.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Okay, so let me just set the scene. You're at NYU.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, I was a junior in college.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Okay, junior in college in New York. Yes, you see
a guy at a party.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You see the quietest man on earth skulking through your
comedy writing class in a way you've never seen anyone's
body move. You're really confused, and you go, I want him.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I will say a quiet type is not my type.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Really, No, that's you know what that is interesting to
me because you're so effusive, and I feel like usually
like boisterous women want a kind of rite.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
No, I like somebody who can take up space when
I don't want to anymore. Like I like, because I
don't like to be working the room the whole time,
you know. I like to kind of step in and out.
I like to host, yeah, but I don't love to
like take up the space all the time. So I
like to have a partner who can like do the same.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Are you good with the breakup? Yeah? I think it
was hard for me at first. It was really truly
like heartbreak for me, Like it really did give I
was very much like Olivia Rodrigo that like true heartbreak.
It was so painful for me. It really took me
like a year to get over it. Yeah. But now,
and I think, also, you kind of have to hate
someone to get over them.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
True, right, So I started hating them.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Yeah, for sure because they started dating a member of
their improv troop. When I broke up, I wasn't worried
about that this person, but then when I started looking back,
I was like should I have been worried about this? Yeah.
And it was also this thing of like I had
seen like one photo of them together and I was like,
oh my god, they're dating. And then I had to
like ask point blank and I went, I know, yeah,
(20:50):
it was like very that I would be pissed. I
was really pissed and I was really mean to them
on the phone.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Did you call him?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
And yeah? I was like I was like yelling at it.
But again, this is like me at like twenty years old.
But yeah, my first love, my first heartbreak, right, but
obviously like years that a. I was like, oh, actually
I'm really fine with everything, and totally I don't hate them.
A very good person.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, so you need to like hate for a little
while and then you come back around exactly. I love that.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So, like we follow each other on Instagram. I have
no hard feelings towards them. I wish them all the best.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Okay, tell me about like how you date when you
are single and you are kind of looking like, do
you think New York is a fun place to date?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Think? New York is a fun place to date. I
think it's hard with my type and my age group,
because first it's like the sensitive, quiet type, like they're
always like who am I? And then but also in general,
I was thinking about this, uh huh, Like I think
women go through their like who am I? Identity crisis
(21:48):
much earlier than men, and like, I don't blame men
for this. I think it's just about how they're socialized.
Of like we're socialized to always be like checking in
and journaling and being like how do I feel? So
I feel like every girl I know like went through
her like who am I? Crisis at like eighteen nineteen
and these past like four years I've been dating kind
(22:10):
of like from twenty two to I'm about turn twenty six,
I feel like guys go through their who am I
crisis like during this time. Oh totally, Like there's so
many times where I've been seeing some guy and like
it just doesn't work out because they're like I just
like don't know what I want life and I might
need to like move to Japan at a moment's notice,
and I'm like what, Like, well, that's also the thing
is like their solution to the who am I crisis
(22:32):
is to move some right, whereas the girls would just
be like I need to journal right and do mirror work.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I have to like, let me move somewhere and find
who I am energy. Yeah, and I'm also like refinding
who I am every couple of years. I feel like, yeah,
did you feel you feel like you decided who you
were when you.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Were sixteen and then just I've decided who I was
when I was like three years old, Like my mom
says that too. I was like, your personality set the
second you like could talk, Yeah, exactly who you are
at USh mushoe.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Moving into like the fall, getting back to dating and
everything get back, and you think you'll reach out to
the guy or you'll wait for him to reach out
to you.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think I'll wait for Okay. One of the reasons
why I was like, okay, taking this pause is a
lot of the things that are kind of like crazy
in his life right now. Yeah, kind of gonna sort
themselves out come September, Like he'll be moved in, like
his job will be back to like it's normal schedule
and stuff like that. So I'm kind of like, I
(23:48):
think I'm gonna wait. But then if October comes and
he hasn't text me, I'll probably be like, hey, how
are you, how's it going obviously I'll be upset if
he doesn't reach out, but I'll crack on, crack on,
gotta crack, gotta get cracked. I gotta crack on. Man.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
What's your advice to people who are single but don't
find themselves as like fulfilled as you seem to find yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh that's like who yearn? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Those who yarn? Those who because you you're single, but
you don't yearn as often.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah, I definitely don't yearn as often. Wow, I don't
have time to yearn. That's that's that's actually, that's that's
my advice.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Stay busy, Do not give yourself time to year.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Don't give yourself time to iarn. You gotta like, I'm
focused on getting that bread, but I don't have time
to yearn. I'm I'm looking at my finances being like,
how am I god wrap? Wait what I'm draining my
schwapp account times?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I need to be making money right now?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, that's because that's a tip. Also, be in dire
financial and you will not have any times in your yarn.
You won't be focused on that at all.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I was about to ask you, like, if you had
advice for a group of perpetually single girls.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
What would it be, I would say number one, take
sex less seriously, Like take everything less seriously, Like think
of dating as fun. If you can think of sex
as fun, like just go in to have a good time,
and I think you'll have a lot more fun.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
With it because people are putting too much pressure on it.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, I think a lot of people put too much
pressure on it. Of like they think like if I
don't date, I won't be happy. I think you have
to learn like if this thing doesn't work out, I'll
be fine, right, and it'll come my way eventually. And
also it's like, over these past five years, I've seen
so many girls who have been perpetually single like it
(25:50):
it does come eventually, So that would also be the
thing is I think also like when you meet the
right person, it's kind of this thing of like, oh,
this is what I've been waiting for, and it kind
of all feels it's worth it in the end. I
think it's true the second you stop wanting it so badly,
it comes your way.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
When you met that guy back in the summer, were
you looking for a partner like a boyfriend or something.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, it was very much that thing of like me
being like I can't even conceptualize what having a relationship
would look like right now, and I really thought it
was gonna be like my classic let's see who I
can add to my roster. That's also what I would
say to single ladies.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Make a roster, you keep a roster. Do you have
a roster right now?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I don't have a roster right now, but there's always
a potential for a roster, and sometimes I do have
a roster.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
So you think you can be single and still have
a roster, Oh.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yeah, for sure, can you? No? That's also some people
aren't like I get obsessed.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, I'll become a freak. Like I had to block
someone the other day just because they were like not
texting me back quickly enough. No, and I was being
a freak about it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
No, that's actually so fair. I was talking to my
psychiatrist about this. I was like, because sometimes my my
OCD is like really well controlled, like through medication. Also,
like I did years of therapy, but like just having
a crush is really fertile ground whatever is wrong in
your head, like it's gonna come out in this It's
(27:17):
a hot because it's highly stressful totally. It's the most
stressful situation. Either, it's like, of course we all go crazy,
So that's also something to remember. I would tell the
perpetualay single ladies like, yeah, actually, like you going crazy?
Completely normal? Yeah, And I remember I told the when
I was seeing this guy over the summer. It was
like a month and a half and has seen him
(27:38):
and I was like, usually i'd be in psychosis by now,
and he was like, you're not right, and no, I'm
actually feeling pretty good. I was like this is kind
of crazy. Like I was like, this is so awesome.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Yeah, and like that's such a green flag when like
someone's not making you crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, exactly. Because also what's tough is like there's so
many times where I feel like I'm going crazy and
I'm like, oh my god, you know what, it's just
my paranoia. Well, and then in the very very back
of my mind, I'm like, or is it my insuition?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Am I crazy? Or am I genius?
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Am I right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Right?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, And it's hard because sometimes like I'm proven right
a lot.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Of bright total.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
So totally, that's also what's really hard, because sometimes I
do know it's all in my head and like I'm
truly over analyzing, but like I've been proven right so
many times in the past, so I think the reason
why I felt this was different is like he was
kind of the first person in like really five years
who like would prove me wrong I like consistently time
and time again, and I was like, that has never
(28:39):
happened before.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Something we talk a lot about on the show is
like unlearning things about love. Is there anything you had
to unlearn about love?
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Honestly, I think I had to unlearn like my expectations.
I remember when I graduated high school, I was like, finally,
college is when I'm going to get a boyfriend, and
then like I didn't for the first two years, and
I was like what. And then I was like, well,
after college, like when I graduate adult life, that's when
I'm gonna get a friend. And then I was like what, No,
not again. I remember I was talking to my friend
(29:14):
who's also in comedy but like three years ahead of me.
This is like back when I was trying to I
was like thinking, twenty six, that's what I'm going to
get a boyfriend, and she was like, don't count on that. Yeah, right,
She was like it's hard for us girls, and she
was like, I wouldn't count on like getting a boyfriend
any So I think that's also like the times when
I did feel lonely or yearning, it was because like
(29:36):
in my head, I envisioned this period of my life
like with a partner, and then when it didn't happen,
I was just.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Like, what, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
But I'm twenty six. Yeah, so I think on learning that,
and I think that's also why I feel like I'm
ready now of like I don't carry those expectations anymore.
Obviously I would love to find and love and a partner.
I'm open to it, but I'm not. I don't like
look at the next three years and I'm like, well,
(30:06):
this is what I'm gonna get a boyfriend because right
what I've been improven in the past is often it's not.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Wait, I can't wait to hear if this guy comes
back around.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
There is a part of me that's like listening to
the Smith's like please, oh please let me get what
I won't write. So that's also the thing is I
still hope.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
I still hop I hope too you'll have to come
back for a part too.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yes, please, And I will say like, I'm either going
to come back totally normal or I'm gonna come back
like looking like Maleficent, and it's gonna be about like
me turning into the joker. I'm either going to come
back with a really happy update or with a manifesto.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yes, and I can't wait to read either one.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
I know. I think it's gonna be a good time. Yeah,
So stay tuned everyone.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
So many of us have been taught that a guy
needs to become our life, or that a romantic partner
will finally be the thing that completes us. But Kira's
life seems to a guy for her is like a
cherry on top of a Sunday, not necessary but can
be delicious. I'm so happy to report that since we
last spoke, Kira is still in touch with her guy.
(31:13):
And let's just say that something good is on the horizon.
Here's to manifesting and getting what we want. Thanks for listening.
Talk to y'all next week. Boy Sover is a production
of iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Hopewordard. Our executive producers
(31:36):
are Christina Everett and Julie Pinero. Our supervising producer is
Emily Meronoff. Our assistant producer is Logan Palau, Engineering by
Bahid Fraser and mixing and mastering by Abu Zafar. If
you liked this episode, please tell a friend and don't
forget to rate, review, and subscribe to boy Sober on
(31:58):
the iHeartRadio app, podcasts, and wherever you get your favorite shows.
Hi, everyone, How are anyone boy Sober in the audience? Okay,
I'm not one of you, but I am an allier community.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
This is Kira Sullivan performing one year ago at one
of my Boys Over storytelling shows in New York.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hope told me the prompt was messy stories about love.
I don't have any messy stories myself because I'm kind
of a bitch who stands on business, so I don't
how I don't really tolerate pumfoouri or Shenanigans of sorts.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Standing on business is so impressive to me. I asked
the boy Sober team if any of us were as disciplined,
and we all said no. This episode, we're talking to
Kira about how she does it, and we're all taking notes.
(01:00):
I'm hopewittered and welcome to Voiceover a space where we're
learning and on learning all the myths we're taught about
love and relationships. Maybe you've seen Kia Sullivan on the internet.
(01:22):
She's big on Twitter and TikTok. She's a writer, comedian,
and overall inspiration to women who want to learn how
to take no shit. Kira self describes as happily and
perpetually single, even though she's actively dating. I consider her
to be a good example of being voiceover. She knows
who she is and goes after what she wants and
(01:42):
doesn't easily crash out over a man. But nobody's perfect. Originally,
I thought this episode was going to be a lesson
on how to enjoy being single, and we talked about that.
But also we learned that sometimes we have to leave
things up to fate. Kira, Welcome to Boysover you high hope.
(02:05):
I want to talk to you about your love life.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Oh my god, I'm here. I'm so glad this is
I feel like it's coming out the perfect time.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Tell me what's going on in your love life right now?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Yeah? Well, I'm single.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Okay, it's usual, per usual, that's per usual. How do
you define being single?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Oh, oh my god, that's a really good question. It's
probably like ninety nine percent of my like sexually active,
romantically active years have been single, so I don't even
think about It's just kind of my default.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Okay, So how do you define being single?
Speaker 1 (02:36):
I would define being single as like my Colonna ring
is pointed.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Open for the listeners, Will you like explain the ring?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
What we have on my left hand? On the middle
finger is a Klana ring. This is an Irish ring.
The heart stands for love, handstand for friendship, the crown
stands for loyalty, My God, and it's pointed outwards to
mean your heart is open, and you it inwards to
mean your heart is closed. It's on your left hand
because that's where your heart is.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Wow, this is so cute.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
There's lay to this.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
How long have you had this?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I've been wearing this every single day since I was
twelve years old. I got it. I got it on
my first trip trip to the Old Country.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
But not a promise ring though, No.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
It's not. It's it's something just for you.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
And if you're not Irish Catholic, can you have one?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Yes, of course you can. It's actually so cute in darling,
it's darling. I also just like a love I love
a token of affections of course. But yeah, I will
say that I was like journaling over the summer and
because I was like seeing someone over the summer, and
we can get into that because I've got a lot
to say, Okay, Like I was like thinking about all
these like labels or it was almost that time where
(03:40):
I was like do I want to label. And then
I looked down and I was like, well, this is
actually the bigger question, wow, And I was like, am
I ready to turn it around?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
This?
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I think is probably the thing that means like more
than any labels, because I've been kind of perpetually single,
and I think it's because I kind of like I
don't really have time to like wait for a guy
to like get it together. So I was like seeing
someone over the summer who I really liked. I still
like him, but his schedule just got like really crazy
towards the end of July, and he was like moving
(04:09):
at the end of August, and like I could tell
he was really stressed and like kind of starting to
like cancel our rescheduled plans. And I think there's always
like a part of me that's like should I just
like wait it out and cling on, But there's like
a bigger part of me that's like it's not sustainable
for me, right, So I was like, do you want
to just like put a pause on this, Like why
don't we just take a beat and you can circle
(04:29):
back to me like once you're moved in in the fall.
And he was like, yeah, I actually think that's really
smart and a good idea, and we were both like, yeah,
we don't want to end things permanently, but like, this
is clearly bad timing. I think that's also the thing
is like I'm a big believer in time, and of
course some say the third person in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Oh, time is the third person in the relationship, but
it is true.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, but it's And so it was like this thing
of like, oh, I really like this person. I could
actually see myself in a long term relationship with them.
But if we keep going like this, I'll crash out
totally and it won't be good.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
So you're good about like identifying when you're gonna crash out.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Oh, you can see it.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Down around absolutely, because how do you know it's coming.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Oh I just started to go into psychosis. I start
acting and I start thinking real weird, and it's like
freaking out right. It was also like this summer when
I was seeing the person is the first time I
had truly liked someone and was like seeing someone in
a long time. And I remember time my roommates I
was like I forgot about the agony totally. I completely
(05:34):
forgot about how agonizing it is.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Right to like someone likes.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Even if they like you back, You're like, oh, I'm
not sure if they like me as much as I
like them. And I was talking to my roommates about it.
They're like, yeah, it's actually the most hellish torture to
have a crush. Yeah, exactly right, And it's kind of
but you know, such as the nature of desire.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Totally, that's kind of makes us crazy.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
That was the phrase I started telling myself whenever I
was like I felt myself kind of going into psychosis,
such as the nature of desire.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
This is a part of the riot.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
And it kind of.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Became like a self soothing year of course, because you're like,
this is natural, this is supposed to be happening. Exactly
how long were you single before you met this guy? Ah,
like five years okay, and so you broke up with
him like recently.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Yeah, we put so. I think the term I used
was like indefinite pause. I said, let's get creative here, right,
because I was just like, it seems like you're really
stressed out. It feels like I could like sense with him,
like he felt like it felt like he was kind
of like treading water with his schedule and also like
moving is crazy, right, I hate move, it's hell on
(06:41):
Earth'm like, I definitely couldn't date anyone while moving, So
I just wanted to offer this space in case you
need it. And he was like, yeah, I think actually
it's a good idea. But of course, then I was like, okay,
it sounds like that sounds good, but if you think
it's unlikely, like if you already know now you're not
interested in seeing me, like let a.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Girl right right right?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
He was like no, no, no, no, no, I definitely
don't want to end things permanently, and so I was like, okay,
I think we're on the same page of like the
way we ended things, was like, it's bad timing right now.
I like you a lot. I'd love to give things
another go when the timing is right for both of us.
And he was like, I feel the same exact guy.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Take me back to the beginning of it, like, did
y'all meet on the apps?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Did?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
We met on the apps? We mean on Hine we
met on and Hinge.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Does seem to be a place where you could meet
someone real?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Maybe yes, I would say you had.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Some luck on him.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I had some luck on a Hinge. I think also
I have a good hinge eye.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I have one friend who's on hinge and only goes
on one hinge date a year. Really do you have
sort of like guidelines.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I think my usual pattern is like once a year
I will rewatch sex in the city and it will
motivate me to I'm like, I need to start putting myself.
Oh you start going on d Yeah, and then all
set up four different dates, okay, just kind of like
speed date style, and like one of them will emerge
(08:06):
the victory. Whereas this time it was like I kind
of thought that would be the vibe. And then this
guy it was like the first date I went on
and I was like, well, obviously I'm not going to
see other people. Now.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
You were like, I like him so much.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah, I was like, well obviously. I Also it's like
I'm the kind of person who like, when I have
a crush on someone, it's like this is the only
person I wanted, this.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Is the only person that exists.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Now, yeah, I'm like, well, this is my love, this
is my parent, this is my paramour, and I must
bring it. I must be sure to them. Yeah, yeah,
no exactly.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Can I ask you another question? Do you identify as
like a late bloomer.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
No, no, actually the opposite, very early bloomer.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Can you tell me the story a little bit.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Yeah, I'm probably like the only Irish Catholic person in
the world who like has a positive relationship with sex.
That's your secret. My parents the parents rule really hard,
and like I went to CCD and stuff.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
What's CCD.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Oh? Sorry, it's like Catholic Sunday School. Got it, but
like going, and my dad was like, listen to everything
they say except for sex.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
No way.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
He'd be like, they're three hundred years behind the theology.
My dad is like a Jesuit, which is mean, like
he thinks he knows the theology like better than.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
The bad totally.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
He's like, they'll catch up. They'll catch up.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Yeah, And my mom was also just like very positive
about those things. Like I remember when I was a teenager,
I was asking her some questions and she was like,
they don't want you to know this because they don't
want teen pregnancy to happen. But sex actually is really fun. No,
it does feel really good. And I was like okay, now,
I was like, okay, good to know.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
So I feel like I and also it's like when
your parents tell you, like, don't internalize that stuff, it's
like your parents are the big authority in your life,
like you listen to what they say over anything. So
it was like all the sex negative things I just
never internalized that. I was like, well, my parents, my
mom'soid that's wrong.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, you're like, my mom's actually cool with all this.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yeah, I'm not worried about it. I feel like I
came out really unscathed in a way most of Americans
are not.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Like I didn't really have the talk. Did you have
like a talk with your parents about sex and everything?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I didn't have a formal talk either. It was more
probably like little talks here and there where I got
the information I like needed. But there was also you know,
I was a child of the internet as well, so
I could also be like, what hole, I like my mom,
that's like this image just like where do I put
tampon in?
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Totally okay. So you don't identify as a late bloomer.
The reason why I ask is because you do identify
as perpetually single. Yes, I do, And I feel like
the overlap between like late bloomer perpetually single is sometimes
you in diagram.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Yeah, I'm kind of breaking the mold a really fake way.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
I do understand that.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah. I think also like I'm the kind of person who,
like I have such a rich friend social life. Yeah,
I know a lot of people who are like why
just like talking to someone new and like chatting. I'm like,
I don't have from that, Like I really got. I've
actually got a backlog of like people I'm supposed to
have coffee with.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
No, Yeah, my fridge is full when it comes to friendship,
Like I'm okay with that, No.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Exactly, Like I'm here for a different purpose. No.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Sometimes when I'm on a date with a man and
like I'm listening to him talk for too long, I'm like,
why are we not kissing? Like there's no reason should
we get out of the Like why would I listen
to you talk for that long? Like we don't have
that much to talk about. Sex, like early on in
(11:42):
a thing with someone does complicate things for me. Does
it ever make you like over emotional or do you
feel like you have a really nice separation?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Oh, it depends if the sex is good, and then
it's actually like a really key of like Oh, but
I do think It's like I was talking to my
friend who it's just kind of happened that, like her
romantic sexual years have she's just like fallen into like
two long term relationships kind of back to back. And
she was asking me once like like, how do you
(12:12):
do like casual sex? And I was telling her, I
was like, I don't like think of it as casual
in my head, like I don't make that distinction. I
just think of it as sex, right totally. Of like
I've been single, so it's like not casual for me.
It's just like, right, sex is sex, and like it
can be something more. But it also like I go
into it like seeking pleasure totally. I don't go into
it like for transcendence. It can become back and I'm
(12:35):
open to a transcendental experience of course, but I'm not
like going into it being like I'm ready to merge our.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Soul totally, totally, totally. I feel like a lot of
women do not engage with sex the same way. Yeah,
Like a lot of women are not going towards sex
thinking like I'm gonna get pleasure out of this.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, Whereas that's kind of the name of the game
for me.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Do you have like standards in your head. Do you
have like a like a check list for someone.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
I feel like a lot of my attraction is like
based off of like how a man dresses right, is
like his aesthetic over my god, like what they look like.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
That's so funny. I'm like, what's your type?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Sensitive sensitive man?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
An emotional man?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
Yeah, kind of sensitive emotional man. I will say that
the person who's like usually an artist in some way. Yeah.
A lot of musicians come my way, a lot of
like visual painters way. Yeah. My first boyfriend was an artist,
and this person who I was with over the summer
(13:42):
is also a really talented artist. Wow. So usually I
think I think I gravitate towards a sensitive artist type.
That's tricky.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Those are tricky waters.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Do you think this guy is gonna come back around
in the fall?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah? I think so. I have this trend where, like
I was talking to my friend about this, I was like,
all my chickens come home to roost, Like it really
is a trend of my life of like people just
do come back around. Yeah, they hit me up again
in a way. That's interesting because I think if I
(14:20):
had been less secure in his feelings for me. I
think I would have tried to cling on, but I
think it was only because like he was outright and
like good at assuring me how he felt that I
was able to be like, we can actually take a pause, right, fine,
it totally obviously if he like doesn't reach back out
in the fall, I'll crash out right. But such as
(14:41):
the nature of desire.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So, now that you're single again, yes, are you back
on the apps? Are you going on dates? Do you
find yourself like looking to replace him? Or no? No?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Because I think this is also a thing of my
default is not as a single woman, is not someone
who's like seeking on the apps. Uh, Like I'm open
to something if it comes in person, that I'm not
seeking it out right now? Right?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Do you like really want to have a boyfriend or
do you not care that much?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Before this summer I was telling my friends, I was like,
I kind of can't even like conceptualize what a boyfriend
would look like in my life, friend, because it has
just been so long and like my default is so
single totally. I think I'm someone who it's like I
don't want necessarily a boyfriend for me unless it's someone
like I really like, I'm very happy being single, and
I feel like I've figured out how to be single
(15:33):
and like have like a fulfilling romantic sex life, and
like I'm very happy with it. But it is kind
of hard over these past five years, like seeing everyone
you know like fall into love and have like deep relationships,
like does even when you're really happy single, like part
of it does look around and you're like, what is
(15:53):
it my turn? I know fully, yeah, like is there
something It's like, I don't think there's anything wrong with me, right,
I think it's just like that the kind of person
that I would fall in love with is kind of
like few and far between totally, and I have to
like kind of sniff them out like a truffle pig
and then and then I've gotta walk them down, which
is I have to say.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
I'm like, do you feel like you're picky?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
It's weird. I don't feel like I'm picky. I just
but yeah, I guess I am. Yeah, I don't feel
that way. But now I've thought about it for a second,
I think, yeah, I am.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
But I think that's kind of a good thing.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I think it's a good thing. I also think that
the pool for woman comedians is a bit smaller than
Like I was explaining this to my friend, it was like,
let's say it's one hundred percent of men, right, Yeah,
so first someone I'm attracted to, Let's let's get it
down to like fifty percent, right, and then it's like,
out of that fifty percent, they've got to be really funny.
They've got to make me laugh. Let's cut that down
to like again, let's do half twenty five percent. It's like,
(16:52):
and then they've got to be okay with me being
funnier than them. Now we're down to like down to percent,
and then there's all the other stuff, like the live
in my area. They've got to be single day, right,
and like now we're working with like two percent of
the population. So it's not even that you're picky, it's
just that, Yeah, it's not that I'm picky. It's just
(17:12):
like the basic requirements of like this kind of person
who like I could be in a relationship with, Like
it's a rare breed.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, you do just know what you want.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I was wondering, like, when you were a kid, did
you imagine yourself as someone who would like grow up
and be married and have kids or whatever, or are
you always imagining yourself as someone who would be like
an independent person.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
I imagine myself like as Gabriella Montez from high school music.
I like so wanted to be like that girl who
like Troy Bolton woll okay.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
So you were kind of seeing yourself as a girl
that like.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Well, I think I had a I think the characters
who I would like actually identify with in the movies.
I wouldn't identify like with Mulan and identify as Mushi
like I wasn't identifying with Jazzmine. I was like, I'm
the Genie. I was an Ariel, like I was sebasting
the crab like. So that was a hard thing to
reckon with. I think of being like, oh my god,
(18:09):
I so want to be Ariel from the Little Mermaid.
But also I would never tried my voice totally, so
it was also that kind of thing of me being like, well,
that's just not who I am totally. I remember when
I was in the fourth grade, I was trying up
for our production of the Wizard of Oz Amazing, and
I think I was originally gonna try out for Dorothy
because I wanted to be like the main girl.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah. Course. My mom was like your star.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Yeah. My mom was like, you know, Dorothy's not very funny. Wow.
She was like, maybe you should try out for the scarecrow.
And I was like, wait, you're right, and I did
and I got the Scarecrow and like, by the way,
I stole the show. Yeah, of course I should have
absolutely been the scarecrow. But it's like that was something
I had to kind of come to terms with, like
in my adult life as well as like, well, I
(18:53):
am kind of more of a scarecrow than Dorothy. And
that's fine. It's just like it's a guy's gotta have
a type.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
What was your first boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Like, the first person I was ever in love with
was in college, okay, and a very very quiet I
like quiet men, I think.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Okay, so let me just set the scene. You're at NYU.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, I was a junior in college.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Okay, junior in college in New York. Yes, you see
a guy at a party.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You see the quietest man on earth skulking through your
comedy writing class in a way you've never seen anyone's
body move. You're really confused, and you go, I want him.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I will say a quiet type is not my type.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Really, No, that's you know what that is interesting to
me because you're so effusive, and I feel like usually
like boisterous women want a kind of rite.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
No, I like somebody who can take up space when
I don't want to anymore. Like I like, because I
don't like to be working the room the whole time,
you know. I like to kind of step in and out.
I like to host, yeah, but I don't love to
like take up the space all the time. So I
like to have a partner who can like do the same.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Are you good with the breakup? Yeah? I think it
was hard for me at first. It was really truly
like heartbreak for me, Like it really did give I
was very much like Olivia Rodrigo that like true heartbreak.
It was so painful for me. It really took me
like a year to get over it. Yeah. But now,
and I think, also, you kind of have to hate
someone to get over them.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
True, right, So I started hating them.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Yeah, for sure because they started dating a member of
their improv troop. When I broke up, I wasn't worried
about that this person, but then when I started looking back,
I was like should I have been worried about this? Yeah.
And it was also this thing of like I had
seen like one photo of them together and I was like,
oh my god, they're dating. And then I had to
like ask point blank and I went, I know, yeah,
(20:50):
it was like very that I would be pissed. I
was really pissed and I was really mean to them
on the phone.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Did you call him?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
And yeah? I was like I was like yelling at it.
But again, this is like me at like twenty years old.
But yeah, my first love, my first heartbreak, right, but
obviously like years that a. I was like, oh, actually
I'm really fine with everything, and totally I don't hate them.
A very good person.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah, so you need to like hate for a little
while and then you come back around exactly. I love that.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
So, like we follow each other on Instagram. I have
no hard feelings towards them. I wish them all the best.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Okay, tell me about like how you date when you
are single and you are kind of looking like, do
you think New York is a fun place to date?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Think? New York is a fun place to date. I
think it's hard with my type and my age group,
because first it's like the sensitive, quiet type, like they're
always like who am I? And then but also in general,
I was thinking about this, uh huh, Like I think
women go through their like who am I? Identity crisis
(21:48):
much earlier than men, and like, I don't blame men
for this. I think it's just about how they're socialized.
Of like we're socialized to always be like checking in
and journaling and being like how do I feel? So
I feel like every girl I know like went through
her like who am I? Crisis at like eighteen nineteen
and these past like four years I've been dating kind
(22:10):
of like from twenty two to I'm about turn twenty six,
I feel like guys go through their who am I
crisis like during this time. Oh totally, Like there's so
many times where I've been seeing some guy and like
it just doesn't work out because they're like I just
like don't know what I want life and I might
need to like move to Japan at a moment's notice,
and I'm like what, Like, well, that's also the thing
is like their solution to the who am I crisis
(22:32):
is to move some right, whereas the girls would just
be like I need to journal right and do mirror work.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I have to like, let me move somewhere and find
who I am energy. Yeah, and I'm also like refinding
who I am every couple of years. I feel like, yeah,
did you feel you feel like you decided who you
were when you.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Were sixteen and then just I've decided who I was
when I was like three years old, Like my mom
says that too. I was like, your personality set the
second you like could talk, Yeah, exactly who you are
at USh mushoe.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Moving into like the fall, getting back to dating and
everything get back, and you think you'll reach out to
the guy or you'll wait for him to reach out
to you.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I think I'll wait for Okay. One of the reasons
why I was like, okay, taking this pause is a
lot of the things that are kind of like crazy
in his life right now. Yeah, kind of gonna sort
themselves out come September, Like he'll be moved in, like
his job will be back to like it's normal schedule
and stuff like that. So I'm kind of like, I
(23:48):
think I'm gonna wait. But then if October comes and
he hasn't text me, I'll probably be like, hey, how
are you, how's it going obviously I'll be upset if
he doesn't reach out, but I'll crack on, crack on,
gotta crack, gotta get cracked. I gotta crack on. Man.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
What's your advice to people who are single but don't
find themselves as like fulfilled as you seem to find yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Oh that's like who yearn? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Those who yarn? Those who because you you're single, but
you don't yearn as often.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Yeah, I definitely don't yearn as often. Wow, I don't
have time to yearn. That's that's that's actually, that's that's
my advice.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Stay busy, Do not give yourself time to year.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Don't give yourself time to iarn. You gotta like, I'm
focused on getting that bread, but I don't have time
to yearn. I'm I'm looking at my finances being like,
how am I god wrap? Wait what I'm draining my
schwapp account times?
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I need to be making money right now?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, that's because that's a tip. Also, be in dire
financial and you will not have any times in your yarn.
You won't be focused on that at all.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I was about to ask you, like, if you had
advice for a group of perpetually single girls.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
What would it be, I would say number one, take
sex less seriously, Like take everything less seriously, Like think
of dating as fun. If you can think of sex
as fun, like just go in to have a good time,
and I think you'll have a lot more fun.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
With it because people are putting too much pressure on it.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, I think a lot of people put too much
pressure on it. Of like they think like if I
don't date, I won't be happy. I think you have
to learn like if this thing doesn't work out, I'll
be fine, right, and it'll come my way eventually. And
also it's like, over these past five years, I've seen
so many girls who have been perpetually single like it
(25:50):
it does come eventually, So that would also be the
thing is I think also like when you meet the
right person, it's kind of this thing of like, oh,
this is what I've been waiting for, and it kind
of all feels it's worth it in the end. I
think it's true the second you stop wanting it so badly,
it comes your way.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
When you met that guy back in the summer, were
you looking for a partner like a boyfriend or something.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
No, it was very much that thing of like me
being like I can't even conceptualize what having a relationship
would look like right now, and I really thought it
was gonna be like my classic let's see who I
can add to my roster. That's also what I would
say to single ladies.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Make a roster, you keep a roster. Do you have
a roster right now?
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I don't have a roster right now, but there's always
a potential for a roster, and sometimes I do have
a roster.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
So you think you can be single and still have
a roster, Oh.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
Yeah, for sure, can you? No? That's also some people
aren't like I get obsessed.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, I'll become a freak. Like I had to block
someone the other day just because they were like not
texting me back quickly enough. No, and I was being
a freak about it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
No, that's actually so fair. I was talking to my
psychiatrist about this. I was like, because sometimes my my
OCD is like really well controlled, like through medication. Also,
like I did years of therapy, but like just having
a crush is really fertile ground whatever is wrong in
your head, like it's gonna come out in this It's
(27:17):
a hot because it's highly stressful totally. It's the most
stressful situation. Either, it's like, of course we all go crazy,
So that's also something to remember. I would tell the
perpetualay single ladies like, yeah, actually, like you going crazy?
Completely normal? Yeah, And I remember I told the when
I was seeing this guy over the summer. It was
like a month and a half and has seen him
(27:38):
and I was like, usually i'd be in psychosis by now,
and he was like, you're not right, and no, I'm
actually feeling pretty good. I was like this is kind
of crazy. Like I was like, this is so awesome.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Yeah, and like that's such a green flag when like
someone's not making you crazy.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Yeah, exactly. Because also what's tough is like there's so
many times where I feel like I'm going crazy and
I'm like, oh my god, you know what, it's just
my paranoia. Well, and then in the very very back
of my mind, I'm like, or is it my insuition?
Speaker 2 (28:08):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Am I crazy? Or am I genius?
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Am I right? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Right?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, And it's hard because sometimes like I'm proven right
a lot.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Of bright total.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
So totally, that's also what's really hard, because sometimes I
do know it's all in my head and like I'm
truly over analyzing, but like I've been proven right so
many times in the past, so I think the reason
why I felt this was different is like he was
kind of the first person in like really five years
who like would prove me wrong I like consistently time
and time again, and I was like, that has never
(28:39):
happened before.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Something we talk a lot about on the show is
like unlearning things about love. Is there anything you had
to unlearn about love?
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Honestly, I think I had to unlearn like my expectations.
I remember when I graduated high school, I was like, finally,
college is when I'm going to get a boyfriend, and
then like I didn't for the first two years, and
I was like what. And then I was like, well,
after college, like when I graduate adult life, that's when
I'm gonna get a friend. And then I was like what, No,
not again. I remember I was talking to my friend
(29:14):
who's also in comedy but like three years ahead of me.
This is like back when I was trying to I
was like thinking, twenty six, that's what I'm going to
get a boyfriend, and she was like, don't count on that. Yeah, right,
She was like it's hard for us girls, and she
was like, I wouldn't count on like getting a boyfriend
any So I think that's also like the times when
I did feel lonely or yearning, it was because like
(29:36):
in my head, I envisioned this period of my life
like with a partner, and then when it didn't happen,
I was just.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Like, what, this is crazy.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
But I'm twenty six. Yeah, so I think on learning that,
and I think that's also why I feel like I'm
ready now of like I don't carry those expectations anymore.
Obviously I would love to find and love and a partner.
I'm open to it, but I'm not. I don't like
look at the next three years and I'm like, well,
(30:06):
this is what I'm gonna get a boyfriend because right
what I've been improven in the past is often it's not.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Wait, I can't wait to hear if this guy comes
back around.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
There is a part of me that's like listening to
the Smith's like please, oh please let me get what
I won't write. So that's also the thing is I
still hope.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
I still hop I hope too you'll have to come
back for a part too.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Yes, please, And I will say like, I'm either going
to come back totally normal or I'm gonna come back
like looking like Maleficent, and it's gonna be about like
me turning into the joker. I'm either going to come
back with a really happy update or with a manifesto.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yes, and I can't wait to read either one.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
I know. I think it's gonna be a good time. Yeah,
So stay tuned everyone.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
So many of us have been taught that a guy
needs to become our life, or that a romantic partner
will finally be the thing that completes us. But Kira's
life seems to a guy for her is like a
cherry on top of a Sunday, not necessary but can
be delicious. I'm so happy to report that since we
last spoke, Kira is still in touch with her guy.
(31:13):
And let's just say that something good is on the horizon.
Here's to manifesting and getting what we want. Thanks for listening.
Talk to y'all next week. Boy Sover is a production
of iHeart Podcasts. I'm your host Hopewordard. Our executive producers
(31:36):
are Christina Everett and Julie Pinero. Our supervising producer is
Emily Meronoff. Our assistant producer is Logan Palau, Engineering by
Bahid Fraser and mixing and mastering by Abu Zafar. If
you liked this episode, please tell a friend and don't
forget to rate, review, and subscribe to boy Sober on
(31:58):
the iHeartRadio app, podcasts, and wherever you get your favorite shows.
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