Phone Tap: Briar Patch Is Gonna Rob You

Jewelry stores have top notch security, but has anyone just asked nicely to rob the store? Jose's going to try that tactic in today's Phone Tap!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Whenever you hear about robberies or jewelry heist thieves in
the news, they always use the same tactic, you know,
burst in, try and surprise everybody, catch the place off guard.
What a dumb strategy.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
They were smart, they'd call ahead and become buddy buddy
with the employee behind the counter arrested. Now, maybe even
share a funny little code name, because that's what happens today.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
When Jose calls a jewelry store and ask the guy.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Working there if you could do him a couple of favors,
it would make things a lot easier for him.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
They will it work. Find out in your phone tap
right now?

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Hell, I'll think you calling jewelers. This is Alex. How
can I help you?

Speaker 4 (00:50):
Hy, Alex? Is this phone call being recorded?

Speaker 3 (00:56):
I'm sorry?

Speaker 4 (00:56):
What this phone call? Right now? Do you guys record
your phone calls the audio?

Speaker 3 (01:01):
Oh? No, we do not record our call.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
Oh okay, good, Well, I'm hoping you can help me
with something.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
Then, yeah, absolutely, all right.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
I'm looking to buy some fine jewelry as a gift,
and I'm trying to keep this as discreet as possible.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Ah, something for a proposal.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
I presume no like I need to make sure that
my wife doesn't find out about this.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
I see an anniversary gift then, or a birthday gift gift.

Speaker 4 (01:33):
No, it's not for my wife. It's actually for another
very special lady. If you catch my drift.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
I don't suppose this is for your mother in law.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
No, it's not for my mother in law. Look, look,
look all right, I just need to pick something out,
and to be safe, I know we're not being recorded,
but from here on out we're going to be using
code names. Okay, my name is Briar Patch and your
name is Kim.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
Butcha code names. It's not really something we do here.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
Hey, if you knew my wife, you'd know this isn't necessary. Okay, Kim,
Butcha copy all right, I guess so okay, okay, so
use my code name.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
That was what was it again, prior patch? Patch?

Speaker 4 (02:23):
Yes? Okay?

Speaker 3 (02:24):
And Roger And what can I do for you then,
Briar Patch.

Speaker 4 (02:29):
First thing, I assume you guys have like like security
cameras and stuff in your store.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
Right of course? Absolutely?

Speaker 4 (02:37):
Okay, So when I come in just to keep it,
you know, hush hush, could you like turn them off?

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Absolutely not, that's just for like ten.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
Minutes while I'm there. You can turn them right back on.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (02:48):
I'll just buy something. I'll be out. There's no footage,
there's no evidence.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
You know, there is absolutely no briar p It's briar patch.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Remember briar patch.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
Right U, b I or patching for you or anyone.
That's absolutely not something we can do. We have twenty
four hour security cameras. There's not even a way for
us to turn them off if we wanted to, which
we wouldn't. It's not a thing we.

Speaker 4 (03:12):
Do, all right. I read your a loud and clear kombucha.
Y'all got like premium ring over there. That sounds pretty cool, huh.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Anyway, excuse, it's just I just want to have to ask,
is this a real phone call? This is way out
of the back.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
I promise this is a real call. And I am
very interested, okay, in all the rare gems or the
diamond jewels, anything you have available.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
Huh.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
I mean, you guys probably get like really wealthy people
in here, right, like Nick Cage or or like Ian
from Love Islands.

Speaker 3 (03:42):
He's frankly, we're located in the strip mall, but we're
not exactly drawing NBA players here. For the most part,
we have very very fine merchandise and wonderful service.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
But I like how you're downplaying it. Yeah, I mean,
here's my playing kombucha. I'm going to pull up in
front of your jewelry store sometime tomorrow morning. It's a
windowless van. I'm gonna keep it idling because I don't
have a lot of time. Okay, I'll run into your store,
probably have some sort of like stocking or head covering
that way, you know it's me At.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
This point, this conversation's got to end.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
Okay, one last thing. Make sure when I come in
you put all the diamonds on top of the case
so that I can just pick whatever I want.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
Honestly, sure. At this point, I'm just gonna have to
let you go because.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
No, wait, my girlfriend kayleb Man, she's gonna be so
pissed if I don't get her something.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
How did you know that's my girlfriend's.

Speaker 4 (04:31):
Name, Cale, That's my girlfriend?

Speaker 3 (04:34):
What the hell is going on here?

Speaker 4 (04:36):
I'm totally messing with you, man, I'm so sorry. This
is actually a joise from the radw Show, Brook and
Jeffrey in the morning, we're doing a phone tap on
youh Kayla, your girlfriend, not mine, set you up. She said,
you've had some shady people coming in there lately, just
like checking stuff out and leaving.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I mean, I'm taking a lot of weird call over
the years, this one was by far the most insane.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
Okay, but for real, now that you know it's me, Bro,
if I come down there, can you hook me up?

Speaker 3 (05:07):
Not over the phone, huh briar patch. But yeah, there is.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
A back room.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
I knew it.

Speaker 4 (05:13):
Wake Up every morning was phone tabs weekday mornings on
the twenties, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning