March 23, 2023 • 6 mins
Today’s Phone Tap victim thinks he’s having a state-of-the-art security system installed while he’s at work, but we sent Jose over to rig his place with Home Alone-style booby traps instead!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
One eight hundred d ui away now offering free remote
consultations by phone or video conference for any criminal offense.
Trust Brooke, Jeffrey and Jose's friends with a free remote
consultation from Bradley Johnson Lawyers. Visit one eight hundred Duyowa
dot com or call. There are certain topics that men
can talk about for hours, like weird smells, obscure sports
(00:24):
statistics from the last sixty years. Let's get started into it.
I feel like this is just a list of why
I'm glad I'm not a man, And of course small
improvements that they're making to different parts of their house.
My dad spent three hours showing me the new kitchen
skylight that he just paid. Just wait till it leaks.
(00:47):
That's another going to be They really take pride in it.
That's why we call a guy who's been super excited
about the new top of the line security system that's
getting installed at his home today, but he's about to
learn that maybe the premium package wasn't quite as high
tech as he expected it to be. It's your phone's
app right now on the twenties. Hello, Hello, there is
(01:16):
is this a mister Evans? Uh? Yeah, who's calling? Hi?
My name is Matteo, but my friends call me tick
that I'm calling from Bring Security. Man, I'm almost done
installing your new system. Oh that's awesome. Yeah yeah, I
see who signed up for a premium package. That's why
I have one final question. I need to do one
more thing. Where would you like the ten thousand legos
(01:38):
at the bottom of the stairs maybe, or like the
hallway or the kitchen perhaps? What do you what do
you do? You take legos? Yeah? Ten thousand legos? Where
do you want them? I'm maybe we're maybe we're confused.
I don't know anything about legos. Why are there legos
involved in my security system? Sorry to laugh, Homi, have
(02:00):
you ever stepped on a lego before? It's like stepping
on knives, like if knives had knives. You know what
I'm saying that? Sorry? Wait is this a joke? No,
not at all, man, I just need to know, like
what shape of legos would you like? Like? Not what
the square ones? Or would you like the long rectangular ones?
You know what I'm saying. I mean we can talk
about colors later. Yeah I didn't. I didn't ask for that.
I wanted, like the premium system, the top package. Yeah,
(02:23):
and this is it homes. This is exactly what we're doing.
You know, nobody else in your neighborhood's gonna have this
type of top security legos or top security or well
it's not just legos, you know what I'm saying. Like,
for instance, when you walk into the front door, I
should warn you, man, there's a trigger wire for like
five different paint buckets that will drop from the banister.
So you're gonna want to like kind of she me
(02:44):
to the net. Wait wait you mean wait, saint buckets
like in home alone paint buckets. Oh you've seen my work. Huh.
I'm the guy who did all of that. Man, wait
like for the movie or yeah, you see. Men. Look,
I used to be on the other end, right, Like
I used to break into houses and stuff. So then
like years ago, I changed my ways and now I'm
(03:06):
on the other side. I work for security. This is
not what That's why I'm their top security installation manager
homes because I know how the criminals think. Is say,
you know what I'm saying, and you walk into the
front door and you got a bunch of paint buckets.
Oh man, that's just that's incrimination. Man, if you could
have pained on you or whatever, you gotta stop, you
undo everything you just did, and just I don't know,
(03:28):
put it like a regular security. That's not easy, man,
because like what am I gonna do with the live scorpions? Right?
Live scorpions? Dude, I don't care what you do, but
they better not be in my house. Well no, I mean,
like I couldn't get my hands on a tarantula or whatever.
So like I got a couple live scorpions from the
pest door, and they're highly poisonous, right, and if you're
(03:48):
going to call an exterminator, man, I don't want this.
Don't you worry? Man, They're only gonna be released if
the backdoors open, So don't you just don't use the
backdoor and then you'll be fine. Yeah, don't use the
back Are you joking? Like I said, this is up
of the line, man, They're not gonna God. I mean
I spend thousands of dollars to like, you know, update
(04:08):
like the walls and the windows and like camera. It's like,
this is not this is not what I signed up for. Oh, sir,
I would stay away from all of the windows from
now on, Okay, I wouldn't. Why what did you do
to the windows? I put grease all over all of them, man,
so like people can't climb in and out, and if
they do, they'll slip and fall. None of this is
on the website. Where is anything I didn't opt into
any of this, Sir, you can't put it on the
(04:29):
website because that's where all the criminals are gonna. Look.
You know what I'm saying, We're gonna think ahead. You
want them to be element of surprise. I can't even
argue with that. But this is not what I signed
up for. My neighbors should be his, and he would
do it. You can just use it from your phone.
It's not an eye sword. There's no legos. I have
to interrupt you, man, Like that's the problem. Like every
(04:51):
home has like sensors and like, oh no, a loud
beeping noise, Like that's not gonna deter a burglar. You
know what's going to burglar is the bag of wrench
and tools that I put in your garage. No one
wants the back of wrenches and tools. Man, give me
a regular security system. Okay, man, But like Lauren's the
one who let me in. Your wife, she told me everything.
(05:12):
She was like, put the scorpions here. Why has my
wife's a dowelf with this? Then she has nothing to
do with it. I put in the order. No, she
strictly put it in. She said, prank phone called my
husband because he's totally gonna fall for it. He's excited
about a new security system. And so that's why this
is not even real. I'm totally messing with you. Oh,
(05:33):
this is a joke. There's no legos. No, this is
actually jose Man. We're from the rat show Brick and
Jeffrey in the Morning, and this is the all of setup. Dude. Oh,
I'm gonna kill her. No, do not kill her, man. Okay, Well,
if you want, man, we could put some traps out
and we could catch her. I can explode the toilet.
I forgot to tell you there's a sensor on there, man, don't.
(05:55):
I mean, I already did, but in another way before
I left a wake up every morning with funk taps
weekday mornings on the twenties, Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.
Monday
One eight hundred d ui away now offering free remote
consultations by phone or video conference for any criminal offense.
Trust Brooke, Jeffrey and Jose's friends with a free remote
consultation from Bradley Johnson Lawyers. Visit one eight hundred Duyowa
dot com or call. There are certain topics that men
can talk about for hours, like weird smells, obscure sports
(00:24):
statistics from the last sixty years. Let's get started into it.
I feel like this is just a list of why
I'm glad I'm not a man, And of course small
improvements that they're making to different parts of their house.
My dad spent three hours showing me the new kitchen
skylight that he just paid. Just wait till it leaks.
(00:47):
That's another going to be They really take pride in it.
That's why we call a guy who's been super excited
about the new top of the line security system that's
getting installed at his home today, but he's about to
learn that maybe the premium package wasn't quite as high
tech as he expected it to be. It's your phone's
app right now on the twenties. Hello, Hello, there is
(01:16):
is this a mister Evans? Uh? Yeah, who's calling? Hi?
My name is Matteo, but my friends call me tick
that I'm calling from Bring Security. Man, I'm almost done
installing your new system. Oh that's awesome. Yeah yeah, I
see who signed up for a premium package. That's why
I have one final question. I need to do one
more thing. Where would you like the ten thousand legos
(01:38):
at the bottom of the stairs maybe, or like the
hallway or the kitchen perhaps? What do you what do
you do? You take legos? Yeah? Ten thousand legos? Where
do you want them? I'm maybe we're maybe we're confused.
I don't know anything about legos. Why are there legos
involved in my security system? Sorry to laugh, Homi, have
(02:00):
you ever stepped on a lego before? It's like stepping
on knives, like if knives had knives. You know what
I'm saying that? Sorry? Wait is this a joke? No,
not at all, man, I just need to know, like
what shape of legos would you like? Like? Not what
the square ones? Or would you like the long rectangular ones?
You know what I'm saying. I mean we can talk
about colors later. Yeah I didn't. I didn't ask for that.
I wanted, like the premium system, the top package. Yeah,
(02:23):
and this is it homes. This is exactly what we're doing.
You know, nobody else in your neighborhood's gonna have this
type of top security legos or top security or well
it's not just legos, you know what I'm saying. Like,
for instance, when you walk into the front door, I
should warn you, man, there's a trigger wire for like
five different paint buckets that will drop from the banister.
So you're gonna want to like kind of she me
(02:44):
to the net. Wait wait you mean wait, saint buckets
like in home alone paint buckets. Oh you've seen my work. Huh.
I'm the guy who did all of that. Man, wait
like for the movie or yeah, you see. Men. Look,
I used to be on the other end, right, Like
I used to break into houses and stuff. So then
like years ago, I changed my ways and now I'm
(03:06):
on the other side. I work for security. This is
not what That's why I'm their top security installation manager
homes because I know how the criminals think. Is say,
you know what I'm saying, and you walk into the
front door and you got a bunch of paint buckets.
Oh man, that's just that's incrimination. Man, if you could
have pained on you or whatever, you gotta stop, you
undo everything you just did, and just I don't know,
(03:28):
put it like a regular security. That's not easy, man,
because like what am I gonna do with the live scorpions? Right?
Live scorpions? Dude, I don't care what you do, but
they better not be in my house. Well no, I mean,
like I couldn't get my hands on a tarantula or whatever.
So like I got a couple live scorpions from the
pest door, and they're highly poisonous, right, and if you're
(03:48):
going to call an exterminator, man, I don't want this.
Don't you worry? Man, They're only gonna be released if
the backdoors open, So don't you just don't use the
backdoor and then you'll be fine. Yeah, don't use the
back Are you joking? Like I said, this is up
of the line, man, They're not gonna God. I mean
I spend thousands of dollars to like, you know, update
(04:08):
like the walls and the windows and like camera. It's like,
this is not this is not what I signed up for. Oh, sir,
I would stay away from all of the windows from
now on, Okay, I wouldn't. Why what did you do
to the windows? I put grease all over all of them, man,
so like people can't climb in and out, and if
they do, they'll slip and fall. None of this is
on the website. Where is anything I didn't opt into
any of this, Sir, you can't put it on the
(04:29):
website because that's where all the criminals are gonna. Look.
You know what I'm saying, We're gonna think ahead. You
want them to be element of surprise. I can't even
argue with that. But this is not what I signed
up for. My neighbors should be his, and he would
do it. You can just use it from your phone.
It's not an eye sword. There's no legos. I have
to interrupt you, man, Like that's the problem. Like every
(04:51):
home has like sensors and like, oh no, a loud
beeping noise, Like that's not gonna deter a burglar. You
know what's going to burglar is the bag of wrench
and tools that I put in your garage. No one
wants the back of wrenches and tools. Man, give me
a regular security system. Okay, man, But like Lauren's the
one who let me in. Your wife, she told me everything.
(05:12):
She was like, put the scorpions here. Why has my
wife's a dowelf with this? Then she has nothing to
do with it. I put in the order. No, she
strictly put it in. She said, prank phone called my
husband because he's totally gonna fall for it. He's excited
about a new security system. And so that's why this
is not even real. I'm totally messing with you. Oh,
(05:33):
this is a joke. There's no legos. No, this is
actually jose Man. We're from the rat show Brick and
Jeffrey in the Morning, and this is the all of setup. Dude. Oh,
I'm gonna kill her. No, do not kill her, man. Okay, Well,
if you want, man, we could put some traps out
and we could catch her. I can explode the toilet.
I forgot to tell you there's a sensor on there, man, don't.
(05:55):
I mean, I already did, but in another way before
I left a wake up every morning with funk taps
weekday mornings on the twenties, Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.
Monday
Hosts And Creators
Brooke Fox
Jeffrey "Young Jeffrey" Dubow
Alexis Fuller
Jose Bolanos
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