Phone Tap: You Need Theraflix

We’re calling from Netflix and our Depression Algorithm has found someone who might be having a rough time, so we’ve prescribed them a “Theraflix” to help!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
We've been doing these print calls for a little while now,
and sometimes the hardest part is coming up with a
good premise. Oh yeah, you know, a realistic way to
fool them.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Sometimes it's figuring out when is the exact moment to
spring it on them and let them know it's a joke.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yes, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
But for some people, especially Brook, the hardest part is
not laughing in the middle of the call. Sometimes they're
just so funny because once you come up with the idea,
there's definitely gonna be some funny lines and you have
to keep a straight face otherwise you're going to blow
it and you only have one chance to do it right.

(00:36):
So see how Brooke does in your phone town right
now twenty.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Hello, Hi, is this Jessica dis Yeah, he's My.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
Name's Helen Highwater and I'm calling from Netflix customer service.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
Okay, what's up?

Speaker 3 (00:57):
Well, we wanted to call and ask you. Is everything okay? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:03):
I haven't had any issues at all. Yeah, everything's fine.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
It's not really what I'm talking about. I mean, I'm
calling because recently we noticed something concerning regarding your account.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Is this about my credit card? I had a few
issues a while back like a couple of months ago.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
But I no, no, no, no, your payment is up
to date. For some reason, our system picked up something.
How do I say alarming? I mean it said you
watched nine consecutive episodes of the show Is It Cake? Wait?

Speaker 2 (01:39):
I don't I don't think that's something to be alarmed by.
I'm confused.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
I was hoping it was a mistake. That's that's eight
and a half more episodes than the average viewer. What.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
I don't even know what this means. It's just a
good show that I like it. I liked it.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
See that type of viewing pattern got flagged in our
depression algorithm?

Speaker 2 (02:02):
What yeah, depression algorithm? What does that even mean?

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Well, per our contract with you, when you binge a
show like that too much, it falls, like I said,
in the depression category, and we are obligated to offer
you a service called Theraflex.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
What is that?

Speaker 3 (02:21):
It's a therapist for Netflix.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Because I'm sorry, this feels like a lot.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
I know, I know, like a lot, and it feels
like you're dealing with some sort of inner trauma or
difficult emotional baggage.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Really, just because I watched Is It Cake?

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yes, there's that and the system also picked up that
you watch the entire first season of The Flora Is
Lava is a good show. Let's be honest with each other.
I mean, we both know that while the title of
The Flora's Lava does allude to a show that is entertaining,
we all know that the actual content is not.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
There's not anything bad about it. Like what you're saying,
it's ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
You see denial from some of our viewers sometimes. So
you know what, I'm gonna have Dale call you later today.
He's a licensed there afflicts and.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
He's gonna I don't need to talk to Dale. Yeah,
I'm fine, thank you.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
He's just going to try to talk you down from
where you're at. We are very concerned.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, okay, I'm not depressed. These are positive, happy program.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Yeah, according to our research, that's not actually true. See,
if you enjoy something like you know, Squid Game, which
is you know, we know, very violent and bloody, or
maybe what hut for the Zodiac Killer, now, those are
the type of programs that provide more of a healthy,
normal escape violent. Now what yours?

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Okay? I think I think it's a personal decision what
you watch, and I don't think you are. You don't
control that. No, Well, the fact that you're calling.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
And what I mean, I'm just saying that I see
that you watched all twenty four episodes of Emily in Paris,
and that shouts to me. Help me. I'm sad, Help me.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Okay, So you're just going through my entire viewing history.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
What do you know? Who else watches Emily in Paris?
Do you the real life.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Hannibal Lecter or real live Hannibal.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
We're making a documentary on him, so that's how I
know that if you don't know you're making he's a
person that eats humans, like eats them like as a snack.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 3 (04:29):
I just don't want to see you there, Okay, I
don't want to see you get there?

Speaker 2 (04:32):
So you want to see me? You don't want to
see me where you sorry? Could you say that again?

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Eat man?

Speaker 2 (04:44):
Are you okay?

Speaker 3 (04:45):
No? No, okay, I don't want to see you eating humans?

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Eating humans? Great, I'm gonna need you to transfer me
to customer service or your supervisor.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
I just need to know, I mean, what.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
Else do you need to know? What if I'm eating humans? Well,
it's slaying in again. I can't. I should have written it.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
You don't have Disney Plus or anything? Do you?

Speaker 2 (05:06):
I have everything else? Yeah, I'll be canceling Netflix, but
after it's.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
Much worse than I imagined. I mean what The only cure
that I can see for this is through a prank
phone call, which luckily your brother has set up for you.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
What what what are you?

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Your brother Patrick emailed us this morning. This is actually
broke from Brook and Jeffrey in the morning. We're doing
a phone tap on you.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
Oh my god, don't us.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
He was at your place and that your Netflix. Apparently
your Netflix queue is very embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
Are you kidding me? I will defend it, Cake till
the end of days.

Speaker 3 (05:42):
Have you watched it?

Speaker 2 (05:43):
It's incredible.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
This is going to call for a team of experts.
I think.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Oh my god, wake up.

Speaker 3 (05:50):
Every morning was phone taps weekday mornings on the twenties
Brook and Jeffrey in the morning