Phone Tap: Coma Matchmaker

Our Phone Tap victim has been unlucky in love to the point that he shelled out for a matchmaking service. So today we’re calling as that service and telling him we found his perfect Sleeping Beauty for him!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today, we call a guy Jeff.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
You guys want more information?

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Yeah, said that. I've been trying to kick you guys
out for years. I'm still here. Well, if you're interested.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
He signed up for a matchmaking service, so hasn't had
a lot of luck on the dating apps bumble hinge
et cetera.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Not produce the desired results.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
So he decided a few months ago to hire a matchmaker,
and that actually hasn't gone very well either until now,
because we're about to tell him the good news. Well
kind of in your phone tab right now?

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Another Hello?

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hello? Is this allan?

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah, he's going.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
I'm calling from Love Matchmakers. My name is Cody, Cody Pendant.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Okay, you've been working.

Speaker 4 (00:57):
With Angela as your matchmaking consultant, right, but I'm her assistant.
She's out of town right now, in a silent retreat.
I think she mentioned that.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
No she didn't.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
Oh, well, she is enjoying herself. If you're wondering, you
got to see her tan, which she gets back. I
just got some pictures. Anyways, I'm calling because I have
been authorized to give you good news.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Okay, that's great.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
I don't know how to say this, but I think
we did it we found the one.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
What are you joking?

Speaker 4 (01:27):
No, No, she's professional, she's beautiful, she meets.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
All the criteria. You're gonna be so impressed.

Speaker 5 (01:34):
Well, I mean I've been waiting and paying, so I'm
ready to let's go.

Speaker 4 (01:39):
Sure have and it all paid off because congratulations, you're
in a relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Alan, you have a girlfriend?

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yay?

Speaker 5 (01:50):
Well, all right, I guess you found it match. We
clearly haven't met. I don't know if we're in a
relationship yet.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
No, silly you are. I took care of everything.

Speaker 4 (01:58):
I have all the paperwork at her bedside, so it's
a done deal.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
You two are a couple, okay? And she toats knows.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
Who is this person?

Speaker 4 (02:08):
Well, her name is Barbara. And let's just say you're lucky.
I'm on the job because I did some creative thinking
and I went back to our old roster, and wouldn't
you know, there's one woman, single and available and in
the hospital right now temporarily.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
What Barbara, did you say in the hospital?

Speaker 1 (02:29):
It just a little snaffoo. But you heard me when
I just said temporarily, right, what.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Are you talking about? What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (02:37):
Technically she's been in a coma for just a few years.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
You've got to be kiting me.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
But signs look good.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
I saw the monitor and it was beeping and jumping
and skipping, and you just got great energy.

Speaker 5 (02:50):
I don't understand what this means you you've matched me
with someone unconscious in the hospital.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
What do you do well?

Speaker 4 (02:55):
You could say that, or you could focus on the
word match as I found you.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Someone Angela never would have okayed this. Why are you
in charge?

Speaker 4 (03:06):
I'm sorry, I'm not really understanding what the problem is here, because,
like I'm doing my job.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
No, if you have a girlfriend, I.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
This is the weirdest you look. I've been with you
people for months. I've been paying you a fair amount
of money.

Speaker 5 (03:19):
You found me nobody, and now I'm getting a call
from some rando I've never even met, telling me that.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
You found me a coma pitient. Literally, what the are
you talking about?

Speaker 4 (03:29):
Okay, it sounds like you're frustrated, and that's on me.
I maybe I did not tell you enough about her.
She does have a lot of hobbies. She loves sleeping,
and she loves like milkshakes and liquid meals.

Speaker 5 (03:41):
That struck you as a good match for me, Sleepy
milkshake lady, you know.

Speaker 4 (03:45):
What if she had a dating profile that would be
kind of a catchy name.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
You're smart. We should work together.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
I don't so what am I supposed to call this lady?
What do you want from me? Well?

Speaker 4 (03:56):
I could give you her number, but she's not gonna
pick up occupied me.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
But what I did is I went ahead and got
a greeting card. I already filled it out in your name.
So when she wakes up, no, I may no.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
And the fact that she is an older lady at
seventy two years old, oh my goodness, what.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
She's gonna appreciate it even more. How thoughtful you were two?
She sure is.

Speaker 4 (04:19):
And once her grandkids leave the room, you two can
have your first day.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Why aren't you excited to be at grandpa?

Speaker 3 (04:26):
Okay?

Speaker 5 (04:26):
Papa, Okay, I am papa.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
Not only that, I will be demanding all the money back.
You idiots have done nothing for me. You've strung me
along for months and months, and now you set me
up with an unconscious senior citizen and you think that's
my best match.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
Excuse me, after all the trouble I went through helping
your friend Matt to frank you, and this is what
I get?

Speaker 1 (04:49):
What I should be the one upset because this.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
Is actually Joisey from Brick and Jeffrey in the Morning,
and I'm very mad at you right now. Whoa oh
all right, wait a second, bro, I told you it's
a prank, like.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
This is all for fun.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
I yeah, that's great, thank you.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
It's cool. You can laugh now. It's just a radio thing.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Woo radio thing. All right, Well, good for that, and
good for you that.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
Well, it's supposed to be good for you.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Man.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
And Barbara.

Speaker 4 (05:19):
Oh dud, we haven't talking about Barbara. Huh you silver Savage.
I see you over there, old Barbara.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
I will tell you I am a week away from
taking that date.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
Bro, No, you leave Barbara alone. She is a sweet lady. Okay,
weake up.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
Every morning was fun tabs weekday mornings on the twenties

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning