Phone Tap: Don't Touch Granny's Peaches

In your Phone Tap, one of our listeners asked us to prank her mother, who she says has been “cranky” of late! But we’re gonna fix all her problems thanks to modern technology!

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's Brook and Jeffrey in the morning. And there's nothing

(00:02):
that warms my heart more than getting an email from
a listener saying my mom is officially a grumpy old person.
Will it feels good to get a message like that.
So today we call a woman who's upset that her
local grocery store moved an item. Yes her, they moved
it a few miles over and she could not find it.

(00:25):
So I'm gonna call to make it right in your
phone tap right now. Hello, Hi, man, I'm sorry to
bother you at this hour. My name is Martin Martin Needlesworth.
I work over at the grocery store on forty second Street.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Why are you calling so early?

Speaker 1 (00:47):
Well, again, I apologize for that, man, but you're a
regular shopper here.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
What time it is?

Speaker 1 (00:54):
I do? I just I figured you would be awake
at this hour.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well I am now.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
I apologize. But when you were in the store the
other day, the cashier at the register told me that
you were upset about a certain item canned peaches.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Can what peaches?

Speaker 1 (01:13):
I'm sorry you're going you may have to speak up
a little bit, ma'am. I'm having a hard time hearing.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
You canned peaches.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Oh, okay, got it, peaches. I thought you were saying
canned beaches like sand on the beach. I was like, well,
I don't think we sell that peaches. Peaches right, got you.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
They're always in Aisle six, But then you moved them
to Ale eight.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
I'm sorry, ma'am, why are you Why are you screaming?

Speaker 2 (01:42):
I'm not I'm not screaming. You said you couldn't hear me. Well,
now I have to walk clear across the store for
fruit cup and you didn't announce you were moving it.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
You just did it. Okay, ma'am. I can tell you
might be a little bit frustrated here.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
I am frustrated here. It took me twenty minutes to
find peaches. I don't have that kind of time.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
You know what, ma'am. I agree with you. People don't
have that kind of time to look one aisle over.
You shouldn't be put through that sort of struggle.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Thank you, Thank you.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
Right, So, what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna
put you through to our store manager and he can
explain the new peaches relocation strategy for you.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
I don't need to talk to him about strategy.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
I don't need strategy. I think you'll feel a lot better, ma'am.
Just please hold stategy my peaches.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
I went in there for peaches, I left without peaches.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Hello. Hello, hi, mam, I'm back and uh I just
spoke with our manager.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Why did you talk to him? You didn't need to
talk to him. I was talking to you.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
The thing is he is cleaning a laundry detergent on
Aisle thirteen at the moment, so he couldn't come to
the phone there. You're right, that's not important. The good
news is he explained his canned fruit Synergy initiative to me,
so I can forward that along to you.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
No, open your ears. I don't give allergy.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Oh you're talking to me.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Who else would I be talking to.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
I don't know if someone's around you and you may
be yelling at them.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
No, I'm yelling at you, ma'am.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Uh, I'm just gonna ask do you have a cell phone?

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Some kind of idiot? What do you think I'm talking
to you on? Oh?

Speaker 1 (03:23):
Sorry, I just considering the whole canned peaches situation and
the fact that you paid with a check, I just
thought maybe this was a landline.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
No, it's a cell phone.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
Okay, got it?

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Care about any of that. I just want to speak
to somebody about keeping the peaches.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Well, that's what I'm actually ma'am. There is a solution
for this. I just need you to download a canned
peaches GPS tracker on your phone right now.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Well, you'll need to, man, because we're introducing new smart
cans with GPS tracking so that you'll be able to Well,
that way, you'll be able to track the peaches no
matter where they are in the store.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Leave them in aisle six skips. That's what I know.
Do you read the peaches for twenty freaking years? Can
I hear you? No? You don't.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
It's sounding like no smart cans for you. You don't want
to have the GPS peach tracker.

Speaker 2 (04:19):
That's as an Okay.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
Would it make you feel better if I punched myself
in the face right now?

Speaker 2 (04:25):
Oh? Go sucking woah.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I don't know if I can do that on company time.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
But you've got a smart mouth on you, and I
know that you're with me. Like it. Don't you like it? No,
I'm going to another store where I know where the
peaches are, ma'am.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's totally. You're right to do that, but it's at
this point I should let you know that this is
a prank phone call set up by your daughter, Cindy. What.
I'm actually a radio host and you're on the show
right now called Brook and Jeffrey in the Morning.

Speaker 2 (04:58):
I don't care about your fancy technology or whatever the
hell you've got going on to at least things where they.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Were, ma'am. This is a prank call. I'm not with
the grocery store. I'm only doing this because your daughter
said you got frustrated that they'd move stuff around.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
They moved to peaches.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yes, and that's why Cindy asked us if we could
have a little bit of fun with you and make
you laugh.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Hopefully get her on the phone.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well I can't do that, but I do hope that
you have the best day possible.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
And I have the best day when I get my teeches.
Every morning was food Tabs weekday mornings on the twenties,
Brooking Jeffrey in the Morning,