Phone Tap: No Joy For Pee Boys

In today's Phone Tap, we have Brooke play an upset mother whose calling a strip mall security office and she’s got a HUGE problem with an obscene water fountain.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today, we call a longtime employee at the mall. And
this is a woman who's been there for decades, so
she's seen it all and heard it all. But I
promise she's never had a customer complaint quite like this.
When Brooke puts on her irrationally angry mom hat aka
her normal hat, she goes off about what she saw

(00:22):
at the shopping center the other day that scarred her
children for life.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I don't know how they're going to come back from it.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
So Brook's looking for a pound of flesh and she's
not backing down. In your phone, tap right now.

Speaker 3 (00:38):
Thank you for calling Side Galleria. This is Eileen. How
can I help you?

Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, I'd like to file an official complaint with management.
So who do I need to speak to? Ma'am?

Speaker 3 (00:47):
I'm so sorry you've had such a bad experience. What
can I do to help you? And I will expedite
this complaint.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Well, I'm going to tell you I was recently there
with my two sons, Timmy and Jimmy Junior. Hello, are
you even listening to me?

Speaker 3 (01:02):
Give me a moment. Just please be nice. I'm definitely
taking down your complaint. Everything. Oh this is nice.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Wait till you hear what happened.

Speaker 3 (01:11):
I'm listening, ma'am.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
So me and my boys were enjoying our Annie Dance
pretzels when I saw an absolutely horrific scene in one
of your courtyards.

Speaker 3 (01:21):
Okay, what happened.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
It's a fountain with four statues of young boys, all
with their girkins out. Oh you want me to say it?
Is that what you want?

Speaker 3 (01:33):
I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
You're vile and crude. Statue of four young boys relieving
themselves into the water, does that reabel?

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Well, it's just a statue, ma'am. And it's just a
water fountain. It's been there, I mean, so you know
about it.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yes, it's kind of protected by the city because it's
considered like a landmark.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Okay, may I remind you the mall is a family environment.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
I understand your complaint, but it's just a statue. And
when it comes to boys relieving themselves in fountains and waters,
and you know, you see it everywhere.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Oh, I wish my boys hadn't seen it, because you
know what they do.

Speaker 3 (02:11):
Now. I don't, ma'am, I don't even know. I don't
even know if I should know what they do.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Well, take some notes. Because of your r rated fountain
of mischief, they think it's okay to whip out their
little shish kabobs and pee wherever they want. What do
you have to say to that.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
Well, that's probably a parenting issue. Excuse me, not so
much small issues. Excuse me.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
It's only happened since they saw your freaky fountain.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
Okay, ma'am, ma'am, I understand your complaint. I will don't understand.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
They took out their little JoJo's while I was at
the atmuse.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
That's not my fault, ma'am.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Then again in the middle of the grocery store, again
not my fault, and on each other while we were
riding the bus.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Now that's just a little bit more information I need
to know. Do you know?

Speaker 2 (02:58):
Do you know how embarrassing it is as a mother
when I need to apologize as my kids attempt to
wash the neighbor's car. I'm using their quotes when I
say wash.

Speaker 3 (03:08):
Look, I know you want to blame your boys ping
on everything on the mall's fault, but I don't believe
it is our responsibility.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Really, because when I say stop. My boys look at
me saying mommy, why is it okay for the statue
kids at the mall to do it? Why can't I
do it?

Speaker 3 (03:24):
On mem Oh my god, I think.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
You need to apologize to Mema.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
I don't know who Mema is, and I really don't.
I'm not going to say anything to that person.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Well, what am I supposed to say to my boys?

Speaker 3 (03:36):
Maybe you could explain to them that they are just
statues from hundreds of years ago, and no, they're just
just artwork.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
So you want me to ruin their sense of childhood? Wonder?

Speaker 3 (03:47):
Give me a break, Jenny, don't stop. Oh my god,
on the slot, this is not a water part. Can
I just take down your name and number and I
will follow it.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
I will give you my name after I tell you
that you need to call that pervy sculptor who did
this in the first place and have them installed tiny
jurnals in the fountain so the boys are actually peen
into something appropriate.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
Well, the sculptor's dead and has been dead.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Well that's gonna be a problem, isn't it. And by
the way, my name is Brooke from the radio show
Brooke A. Jeffrey in the Morning and this is a
phone tap.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
Wait a minute, what.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I already mine?

Speaker 3 (04:32):
Hi Eileen, It's just Brooke. I'm not Oh my god,
I'm like those people cannot be that crazy. But I
wasn't surprised your husband did set you up.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
He said. More people have been coming back to the mall,
which is great, but more complaints are coming in because
of it.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Yeah, but this is the best complaint ever, So, I mean, the.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Tiny jurnals would be a really cute addition to that fountain, though.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Shorts. Yeah, wake up.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Every morning with foot tabs weekday mornings.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
On the twenties, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning