Burke it Til You Make It (w/ Patti Stanger)

Patti Stanger returns to discuss non-negotiables in relationships and the future of Cheryl’s dating life. Which apparently includes a “flirty thing” that took place in the past season of DWTS! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
This is Burke in the Game and I heard radio podcast.
Hey guys, welcome back to Burke in the Game. So
totally changing it up, We're going to bring back Patti Stanger.
I have her right now waiting for me in the
waiting room, you know, Patty Stinger. She is um the
CEO and matchmaker of Millionaires Club one to three dot

(00:24):
com and I am ready to date. Let's just cut
the bs. I need to get out there because I
haven't been on one date since I've been separated, divorced, whatever,
So um, I think it's time, definitely time to at
least sex to somebody, right Patty? Yeah? Sure, Hi? How
are you good? How are you good? Do you look pretty?

(00:48):
Thank you? So? Do you? Thanks? How does it feel
not work in the answer with the story? You know,
it's still I guess hasn't really. I mean, it's hit
me in so many different ways because I just realized
who I haven't been able to grieve my competition in
life prior to Dancing with the Stars. So it's been
like Dancing with the Stars was a great rebound, you know,
but um, there hasn't been a moment for me to

(01:09):
really digest it all for the past. God knows, since
I was eleven years old. But isn't that it's ordinary
Because like I remember, when you know, I walked away
from Bravo and building your match Winger, I was like,
now what I felt like like such a part of
my identity. Yeah, new projects will come up, but more importantly,
you can spend time focusing on your love life and

(01:31):
healing yourself. You can't really do it when you're working,
you're touring everything. You're trying to focus on the career
and get the job done right and your second especially
when you're teaching a partner how to dance totally. And
also I've realized too that everybody I know, um here
in Los Angeles at least it's because of Dancing with
the Stars. So when you talk about your identity, um, yeah,

(01:54):
it's been my identity and more it's been who I
who I was. So I feel a little lost to
be quiet honest now, Um, but I know it's the
right decision, even though it was the hardest decision of
my life. But you know, I also know moving forward,
what I've learned to is not to define myself by
my career because that's not even that has nothing to do,
but it's not going to keep you warm at night.

(02:15):
And it's also I'm not consistent right And I also think, um,
you can't even define yourself by your relations yourself by
you how do you feel? Uh, what do you feel? What? What?
What's in it for you? What? Instead of like you know,
we we as women were taught to please at a
very early age. More than you know, we're the givers.

(02:35):
Basically we're the nurturers and we need to be nurtured too.
And I don't realize that it's not just about money
and taking me out and going to fancy places. It's
about are you there when you know you're going through this.
If you had a lover or um a husband, you'd
want him to catch you. You know, I'm trying to regroup, reboot,

(02:57):
and where are you right now? So now you get
were young you you got to go right now? I
hear you. And also I guess I haven't even really
started the morning process as well of my divorce that
was official on the premier date of the Dancing One Stars,
which was in September nineteen. So I also compare this
to the worst divorce um with Dancing on the Stars,

(03:17):
except it was definitely more amicable. UM. But it really
this one hurt more for me than my actual divorce
with my ex husband, which is UM. It shows me
that I definitely need to go within and and continue
to do you know, t M transitental meditation, continue to
work on me. UM. But now that I'm really trying

(03:41):
to find who that is at this moment. But I
do know that I have so much more self respect
and love for myself for the fact that of just
pulling the trigger, because UM, this has been a long
time coming for me as far as leaving the show,
and I'm as a form as I done TEM for
eight years now, I'm at the third level. It has

(04:01):
saved my life. We had had I had a lot
of anxiety this week. I don't know if it's world
with anxiety, with the recession, and it just felt like
in a crescendo, it was TM that just you know,
and you know, I gotta get that second one in.
I'm always like first one part of got to meditate
towards the day for twenty minutes for those who don't know,

(04:22):
and it's you know, it's a practice, it's a discipline.
You know, it's just about getting your ass in the
chair exactly. So I have not dated. So since I've
seen you last, obviously a lot has changed. I'm officially divorced.
I have officially left show that I've been a part
of for the yes to two big ones. A lot

(04:44):
of changes happening. And then also just personally, it's like
I've realized that you know, my my friendships um because
of my sobriety as well has changed so much, which
was also a part of my definition of I remember
we spent drinking. I could never keep up with you
and Jenny McCarthy, this little Jewish girl, and I don't

(05:04):
know about you with Jenny, with her Irish, you would
put the emergency in between us and change drink it.
But I'm sober, um, not because I have a problem.
I have major major headaches, cluster headaches, and it's triggered right.
So when the doctor says, do you want to be
sick in the hospital or you know, give it up?
It was rough, but I feel so much better. So

(05:27):
I am so proud of you because I know it's
a journey to health and to yourself. Yeah, and again
it just goes back to the self respect and self love,
and I don't. And I guess my first question to
you is do you have to be like I don't
think I'll ever say okay, I'm on healed time to date?
I um, is there a way to do both? Like

(05:49):
continue the journey you will always be discovering asking. Look,
I'm in a relationship right now seven months. Every so
often I pull away, then he pulls away, and then
we have to play this dance of reconnection. We hit
this amazing date two weeks ago to see Elton John
and then like last week and it was kind of like,
you know, because the family ship was coming up, and

(06:09):
now he's got work on his brain, he's trying to
close the year out, and I'm like downtime and I
want to play. And sometimes you're not in safe with
your partner. And my my assistant said, you know, last night,
I went to sleep early, he stayed up. You're not
in safe this week, And I said, this happens. I
deal with my class all the time, like, you're not
always going to be in the I'm done, I'm healed.

(06:33):
It's any otherwise you'd be dead. That's why that's why
you're here. Um. The Maharashi talks about that and t M.
He says that it's a discovery to yourself, a journey
back to yourself to clean out your karma with others.
So the karma is cleaned with dancing with the chars.
You're gonna make new friends, new confidence, new lovers, new

(06:53):
new new besties. They're gonna have a whole new world.
That doesn't mean they're going away. That just means the
layers of the I mean you're gonna undone. Yeah. And
I think also, um, to say I don't have expectations
would be a lie. Obviously, I'm no Yogi, but the
expectations I do have are at least or more like boundaries.
Um is a lot, I guess, more defined in my

(07:16):
life than ever before. You know, Listen, I was gasolate
on the last relationship. Seriously, gaslet me the matchmaker. He
lived at a distance so I couldn't check on him.
You were gaslight. So when you get gas lit woman, male, gay,
straight guy, it doesn't matter your guards up. You know,
that's not a bad thing. That's not my mentor. Dr

(07:37):
Pat Allen used to say, it's okay to be like
that because you're gonna be wiser this time and you're
not going to give your hearts so quick, you know,
you know when we were in our twenties, we give
our heart away like oh yeah here, jump into my
coach into seconds after keep like you know we do that,
and you're gonna be like, whoa, yeah, what's in it
for me? What do you want? Are you who you say?

(07:58):
Or do you live where you say? Do you make money?
Do you drive this? Do you have kids? Like, you're
not gonna want any stone on China, and that is
what it's Plus you're doing it with a sober brain. Right,
I'm way too clear. You'd be really you'd be so
proud of me. This season, there was a little flirtation
going on with I'm not going to name the name,
um and uh, definitely I've noticed because this was the

(08:22):
first like flirty in person at least UM thing happening
since my divorce. And I am normally attracted to those
types of men, which are kind of like one ft
in one foot out. Um, I would say, right right,
because I'm also a competitor, so this is my nature
and I'm tourist rising Scorpio. You're stubborn, Okay, you want

(08:46):
what you want and I don't what I want kidding,
not always clearly, um, but you know, with this guy,
he was like, okay, um, I can't wait to take
you out blah blah blah and crickets right. So I
ran into him again at the finale and it was
interesting how I normally this would be like my fire right,

(09:07):
this would be like my dosha. We should be go
and get them and try, and like, you know, just
this is the challenge that I love. And I just
let it be. I just said, so be it. You.
You know, if you know how to get a hold
of me, you know where I am. And there was
just nothing. And normally I would have been so heartbroken
because I would have made up this crazy reality in

(09:28):
my head. But I just let it go and I
was really proud of myself. The story we tell ourselves
a story. But here's the thing. Rejection is God's protection.
So the universe said, she's really grown, she's evolved, she's sober,
she quit her job to go on to do other things.
She let the divorce come. You were very beautiful during
the divorce. A lot of people are not. You're gracious,

(09:49):
And the univer said, okay, we're not going to give
her another douche bag, tester, tester. But if she rejects it,
not mistake and not And everybody goes through that. I mean,
we all have a type that we're like, Oh, you
know mine was always surfers. You know, I was obsessed
with interesting. Yeah. I loved everything blue crushy. You know.

(10:11):
I was one of those those girls, even though I
didn't surf. And it was a great start. I would
just got back from Manhattan beat. You would have loved
it there then that I did everyone in that town. Uh.
And you know, just as I was getting into relationship,
a little surfer dude popped in. You know. He had
a little bit more money than normal surfers. And I
was like, where it is and he had a lot

(10:33):
of women chasing him and he enamored with my mind,
and he texted me and played with me, and I
was just like, I have no time. I told him off.
I basically said, look, I think you're a fun guy
to play with, but you are not the one and
I have no time. Good for you. Now I'm in
a relationship. He still Texas, Oh interesting locked them because
the truth is you'll get tested, and once you pass

(10:57):
the test, the right guy will have eventually show up
because you're not willing to settle. You're like, this is
my bar. What are seeks its own level? If you're
not coming here, I'm not coming down here. Yeah. And
he reminded me a little bit of everyone I used
to be with because it was always me being the initiator.
And I'm so oh my god, I would slap you

(11:21):
right now if I said, okay, rule number one to
get into which you have a lot of masculinity, even
though you don't look masculine, you are definitely out for
the strong person that's going to get it. I heard
your voice the last time you were here. I really
soaked it all in and I was like, I want
to be wined and dined. I'm still a woman. I
know that's okay. You can be worn to dine. I'm

(11:42):
fine with that. Just let him make the reservation total
you can allow him. Even in relationships, you'll get to
a point things are smooth, everything is sailing, and boom,
something happens. The woman has to pull back. Now, there's
a reason why this is science. You gotta have Dr
John Gray on your show. Okay. So Dr John Gray
is like my favorite person in issues because he explains
it in a scientific format. When a man has sex,

(12:04):
his testosterone is going up as he's getting you. When
he ejaculates, it goes well and he's now into estrogen.
And the reverse is to a woman because when you
pull away, we get aggressive, we're into our testosterone. So
the secret is let him go in this cave, pull back,
go get busy. Now, if you're monogamous, you're not gonna
go sleep with anyone else. You're dating ones. But if
you're not monogamous, you with other people. And I want

(12:28):
preface that you are allowed to date if you're not monogamous.
But if you are monogamous, you get busy with your
other things in your life and let him feel the
testosterone go back up. When it goes back up, he
even says, don't have sex for at least a week.
Once a week the best text. You will have the
heightened sex, the the alchemy will come together in the

(12:50):
condelini and you'll raise the serpent chakra and you will
be more in love, not just physically but emotionally when
you wait. But some people over fifty have to wait
ten it's not one week. But when you meet someone
high nice with you, you wait only a week. No,
what it's saying is, once you've had sex that have
keep having it today you would wait a week because

(13:12):
he wants the emotion and the physical to be in balanced,
and he wants the man to hunt the woman. And
if the man feels too much estrogen, especially as he
gets over the past fifty and he doesn't take totosterone
shots or creams to get him imbalanced, he's going to
want to be the woman. And this is where they
the men become the men, the women okay, sorry, the

(13:33):
women become the men and the men become the women.
And then everybody's going like this. No one's connected. They
feel emasculated and criticizing and nitpicking you and everything. It
has nothing to do with money, It has nothing to
do with status. It has to do with the way
they feel inside their confidence. They have to leave them
alone to bring back their confidence to pursue you. Again.

(13:55):
It's a freaking game and it goes on until you die.
So something that's going to go away tomorrow. The problem
is we don't see that we're like women are equal
to ment there really is that what you're doing in
your relationship every once a week, Well, I had a
little pullback this week, even though he came over the
last night and told me he loved me. But I
felt energetically was a little bit of a pulledicsh. So
I just pulled back and then he comes pulled back
like that entail an energetic pullback, which means you wouldn't

(14:19):
text him, you wouldn't call him, you'd let him like,
he's really busy today. My boyfriend, he's got a huge
work day. I gotta get up at six this morning
on the roadway seven. So he runs a medical company
that his family owned, and so he was like, I
have a really bad day tomorrow. And I'm like, that's
the time not to call him lists an emergency. You
have to read subtext now. When I was shooting, my

(14:39):
ex was really in a bad place. He lost his
job in the mortgage banking business. And when I was
shooting Millier Match Baker, I was sixteen hour days. There
was woman to pe you know what it's like on set,
and so he went whiney. He became a girl. I
became the man, and then I go, I don't like
feeling like a man. Oh I stopped it, and then

(15:00):
I broke up, and then I reevaluated, the pandemic came around,
and then I basically said, in order to get a
masculine alpha man, I have to get back in my
feminine which is what this is a gift to you
right now. You were now going to have the chance
to be feminine for the first time in a hundred years.
You never had that chance because once the job goes
away and your competitive side goes away, you have to

(15:22):
go returns back to your heart center. I mean, is
it ever going to go away? It will never go
away in business, it never go Like there's times we
went to the airport on a family trip and he
got it online. He bought the tickets and the seats
weren't together, even though they said it was online. So
you to go the front. I was like, and the
girl recognized me, and I was gonna pull up high.

(15:42):
I'll sign anything. Can you fix ticket? So it was
this airline that charged extra to move the ticket, like
a hundred bucks, and the girls like, oh my god,
I love you. I love you, and I'm like, and
then he goes sit over there and let me handle it.
I would have been the person that goes, but han,
I can get it done. And so I it okay,
and he fixed it. But it would have been if

(16:04):
I had done it from the beginning in order the tickets,
there would have never been a problem. So I'd allow
them to make mistakes clean up the mistakes while you
do nothing, even though that you're the smarter sex. Let's
because when you do try and fix it, which I
have done every single relationship, they do feel emasculated, yes,
and emasculation is not going to come out like poudy

(16:25):
or miserable. It's gonna be there'll be nasty. They can
get out nasty when they when they feel a maasket,
they start like finding fault finding and triggering this anything
on you right? Anybody who's got a virgo boyfriend or
virgo you know that's my Eastern astrology sign. I think
the virgos are my exes. Well virgos, I will never
date it one again. They are the most nippicky, critical,

(16:47):
yet they are the most fun and interesting and smart,
like canay right? And you sit there and you go,
I can't deal with this. So what happens when men
get emasculated or feel less than they will go for
the jugulate? So rewind, let's get there, let's actually have

(17:13):
these conversations in real time, like as if I'm pretending
I'm in a relationship, but instead of the pretend, but
instead of the pretend, let's let's get me. I'm I've
always said, I've had done a million interviews since I
talked to you last, and everyone's like, why don't you
do a dating app? But I'm like, I'm not doing
a dating app, but I'm going to talk to So
today my my interview with my interview with Mario Lopez

(17:34):
on Access Hollywood. We talk about you, and we talk
about how I refused to use a dating app. Mario
is trying to hook me up with one of his employees.
And then Mario is a good Mary's a great Courtney
and Mario are amazing. I love them. I he did
season three of Dancing the Star, so I've known him
since I moved here. Um, he's a really great guy.
He's he's amazing. But and so I said, no, I'm
going to be I'm gonna use a matchmaking system like

(17:57):
Patty Stingers. And they're like, oh my god, we should
have you do this live here on Access and I said, well,
I'm most likely going to be doing out my podcast,
but I used to the match making game with Access
and I was said, so they would put all the
celebrities on the board. I'd be like, oh, this is
so stupid, and then I go Ashton could me? You
could just say, go what, she's too young? She was

(18:17):
on the sevent shows. I go this, who canna get
get married? Okay, same for you. I guess let's talk
about this. So if you were to join my club
like today, like today with outsource, if I didn't have
anyone pre existing right now, which I have to go
back to my database because it is the end of
the year and everybody seems to get hooked up right now,

(18:38):
and I'm a boutique, I would tell my other Matchmaker
affiliate programs to pick you up. I would get my
recruiters to go on a hunt, and we go into
the archives and well we can talk off podcast. Why Well,
I mean, like, because I don't know what I have
in my got it? Got it to be continued the computer,
and I have to talk to my advice got it.

(18:58):
But I would say that your search So if you're
not gonna happen, you're gonna use Matchmakers. It's the same.
But we all know the law of attraction manifestation that
both of us do. That the key is to change
your mindset. So I went on a journey on the
apps me because I can't dat my clients for sexual harassment.
Oh god, that sucks. And it's a lot of the

(19:20):
match pickers picking up, but they were a long distance
and I had a bad, bad experience long distance, so
I was just now, it needs to be local. So
I went on Tinder and I went on Bumble, and
Bumble had a nice interface, but most of the guys
were out of towners, and um little them for me
because they want the women to hunt them down. A
lot of transmit on Hinge. So I would recommend Hinge.

(19:40):
I'm not done it, but I'm just telling you I
would recommend Hinge because it's heo located to your neighborhood. Okay.
Now on Tinder distance, okay, but you don't know what
they're doing when you're that's true. And I have had
one in England and we're not going to do that
because that's not gonna get you married so quick, okay,
or in a relationship of love. So what I found

(20:01):
when I went on Tinder is I saw that my
boyfriend and I'm not so sure because I wasn't sure
about dating online on this app, because I thought it
was a hook up app. I finally went back to him.
He had a business, he was married, he had three
grown children. He had all the like stats I wanted.
I went out of them, and he pursued me hard.
He asked me in front of my best friend, would

(20:24):
I be his girlfriend? In front of my best friend
dad I was married or he was married. So he
was a really different kind of guy than I'd seen
in l Like he was born and raised in the valley,
but he lived um in different place. And then on
top of it, he didn't have any Instagram or social media.
Now that was my sister's dating somebody like that right now,

(20:46):
like a normal person. He had a huge family. Yeah,
he didn't want it. He has no time for it.
He runs the twenty million dollar medical business. Like he
didn't have time for this ship. What's interesting about it
was he pretty was everything I wanted on my list.
There are things that are not right there, you know,
But in the end it worked out. We're still only

(21:07):
at we're almost a seven months. So it was like
he didn't know who I was. Um, he found that
later from his family because he has four younger sisters.
They told him and he didn't care. He's like, so
are you shooting now? I don't know. And I had
a lot of down time to work on me, Like yesterday,
I felt kind of guilty that I wasn't as busy
as he was and work because we're you know, our

(21:29):
industry is closing right now, you know, the tramming industry.
And I said, you know, it's funny, I said, I
feel like a slacker right now. And this year has
been a little bit of a slacker a year. I
rely reinvented myself, like you being hard on yourself. Now,
I have a company, but I don't run it. Somebody
else runs it. I've been producing scripted TV. I'm just slacking,

(21:52):
Like you know what I mean. When you're not going
to say I'm not just busy for no reason, yes,
I mean that's not slacking, Like I'm ready to get
back on reality TV. Actually miss it. So I felt
a little you know, I was rebooting and working on
my social media. I'm trying. We're looking for an assistant
right now on social media who would work for us
full time. We're really trying to change everything, and I
realized he's the old me when I was working, working, working, working,

(22:15):
and then we fall asleep on my boyfriend because I
was so tired, and I started to see myself and
him and I felt compassionate for him. Did you feel
more feminine? Yes, because I can't. I don't like like
I bought the ticket Stelton John two weeks ago. Okay,
but he's taken me out, took me on trips, and
I like dealing with things every so often. And I

(22:36):
cooked dinner a lot. I'm a big cooked dinner. We
cooked together actually, so we were very home buddies. We
live for White Lotus and yellow Stone, and we watched
TV shows together. We're very normal. We took a lot
of walks in the summer and I love that. And
I just saw your Instagram. You guys are so cute together. Yeah.
He just to wrot me tennis sneaker. So we're gonna
play tennis because it's big tennis person. But the when

(22:57):
I'm making it, I'm not using a dating app. Still, Okay,
what type of person do you want? Because when I
fixed up a celebrity, the first thing they say to
me said, I want another celebrity and I'm like, no,
I didn't know. I want Andrew Huberman if he's I know,
if we talked what you said he had a girlfriend
still on him. I'm kidding, Um, he's not married. He's
not married, but he has a girlfriend, right if I mean.

(23:18):
I did some extensive research Patty, and it was so
hard I had to watch. I had to watch his
interview with Joe Rogan and it was like eighty minutes in.
I finally, as I was getting a massage, was he
he goes. You know, it was really quick because like
he's very private. I hope he never hears this. This
is like then I'll lose all the chances. Remember I

(23:40):
told you, he damned me quickly. It was not like
anything if the girlfriends listening to worry. But it really
was just thanks because I tuned into his live and
then I forgot, Like I didn't forget. I just didn't
even think about it. But anyway, he saw my blue
check next to my name probably and he was like
he just said high and then I responded and then
I was like, wait a second, he did respond. Remember

(24:00):
I was telling you. I was like telling you in
like real time, and um, he has a girlfriend, but
he's very private about it. I don't know. They're definitely
not Is he jewish? Is he Jewish? Pretty sure he is.
I'm like, why hasn't he gotten to engage it after
a year? So I don't know. At least I know
he's not gay. Okay, So this is what I would do.

(24:22):
Nothing by the way, but energetic frequency stuff. For the
first thing is you would definitely use him as your barometer,
so you would say I want someone like him. I'd
visualized myself with some of him, because if it's not him,
somebody else will show up, you know, the rule of attraction.
And then on top of it, I do some of
my tool stuff. So the first thing I do is
did I send you the pragrance? Yes? Did you use

(24:43):
I've been using it. I use it once in a while. Hey,
it's a phair amount. So it's supposed to track men
to you, even in my house, even in your house,
because you know what it'll do is it sends a
signal out to the universe. It's something that's very electro magnetic,
and it's got a lot to do with the It
gies melling the opposite sex melling you. Yeah. Second thing

(25:05):
I would do is have you made your list of
everything you want a guy? I have, yes, a long time.
It's kind of like a inventory. And you don't have
to call any excess or anything. You don't have to
say why did you hear anything like that? Do you
have to do that? But I would make my list
short and sweet, not too long. I would I would
put my non negotiables at the top, mum, and I

(25:28):
would not dat anyone who doesn't have these things on
the list. And the reason is is because if you
want to get married and they don't, or you want
a christianas tree in the house and they don't, these
things will divide you eventually. You gotta make stay on specific.
Let's do it right now. Okay, so what's your non negotiables? Dogs?
But I have to have my dog with me and
dog in in my frenchie in the bed. You can't

(25:50):
have anybody who doesn't like that or is allergic to dogs, right,
I mean you take an allergy pill. But yeah, okay, trustworthy,
very transparent, honest, honest, yes, don't you where he is
at all times? Lets you you know if you want to,
you can absolutely. Transparency is key. Accountability is key. I

(26:13):
want to know his schedule. I want him to like
I want him to be like man enough to be like,
you know what, I messed up, totally messed up. You
want kids? Um, I don't you know, I don't know
if I want to carry one, but I don't mind.
Like I was thinking of adopting just a few months ago.
Maybe it's a maybe it's it's not like a um,
it's not an absolute like non negotiable, but like I

(26:35):
definitely would want to maybe adopt, but I'm not going
to carry one. That is for sure not negotiable. Do
you care if he has kids? Uh? No, not at all.
Actually be a lot easier. Is there anything religious that
would separate you? No? But I I mean it's not
like I mean, I was born Catholic, but I'm more
Buddhist than anything. So now okay, UM, all right, so

(26:55):
we've been Now what about money? Yes, he has to
have um, he has to have his own home, like
he has to own he have to make a year?
What does he have to make a year? You can
give me the number. It's okay. The world wants to
know because they're going through the same thing. You're going
through a million, A year, a few million a year. Okay,
so he's pretty much a businessman. I would he's, yes,

(27:16):
or he's very successful as a neuroscientist. Does Andrew who
will make two million dollars? I mean now you would
think he has a deal with Spotify? Okay, yeah, okay, alright,
so he makes a few million a year. He's super successful.
He can be divorced, he can have kids. Yes, And
it's someone who wants to get married again. You're married
in general, somebody claims you. You want someone who claims

(27:38):
you and I want yes, and I want someone who
doesn't get jealous of my career. That someone, someone who's supportive, kind,
hot would be great on top of it all. But
who knows someone who has a yacht? I'm kidding. Okay,
so we've got the yis. Yeah, and and the list
list can be keep getting um worked on. You don't
have to stick what you have now you can always

(27:59):
change things and throw the is away and add things too,
and add things alright. The age range, I am totally
down to date a little younger. And also at what's
the I mean, not like ninety five to fifty. I'm
thirty eight, so yeah, thirty five to fifty good range,
even thirty three fifty. They're gonna have serious money right

(28:20):
in this particular category of meant or if they're a
TikTok star, they're going to also have some serious mons. Yeah,
that's true. But they're kind of nerdy and they're also
probably not in their thirties. Yeah. And and we don't
need any fame horse true that. I mean, can you
imagine the dancing with the star fame horror? Like a
secret god? Yeah? Alright, so we've got that down. Um,

(28:46):
I'd like them to live in l A, but you're
open to o C your Santa Barbara right. Oh yeah,
and my betic astrologers said that I actually my place
to live is like Mona Cito area. Oh really okay
medic astrologer of that. Okay, alright, so now we've got
the basics. Yeah, we've got like the non negotiables, we've
got our list, wish list. Now you have to spend. Okay,

(29:08):
so I cheated PM. Don't tell the TM people, because
so TM gets you in a state of alpha where
you clear all your thoughts. For those who don't know
what TM transit denomanitation, and it really is supposed to
be you're done, and you're done. But I knew I
was in a really happy place when I did it,
So I would have ten minutes of method and I

(29:30):
got into the feeling place. They probably and you know
the marrs just like, don't ad anything else. I'm sorry,
I like to modify my recipe. Well, I had it
in minutes at the end, in the morning and at
night when I could get into Yeah, I did thirty
and he appeared in two weeks. But I used my
system called um Manifesting Love that I created within Esa Relli.

(29:53):
She's one of the biggest manifestation coaches on YouTube, and
it seemed to really bring it in faster because once
you get in a feeling place of believing that you're
not doubting it, happy to just visualize. I would either
go to bed doing it. I would even wake up
ring or in the afternoon like this today. I had
a break before I did this, so I went upstairs
and I was working on something else. And it's very

(30:14):
similar to that. Continuously do this like six days a week,
seven days a week, and you you don't have to
be like a you know, a soldier in the army.
But if you did this on a consistent basis for
two or three weeks. He will show up taking the
twenty minutes. I do that twice a day, okay, adding

(30:34):
on five to ten minutes of what you want and
imagine you were having it. So Neville got her the
teacher of manifestation. This is pre Abraham. He basically taught,
if we could live in the end of what we want,
and that's what you're gonna do. You're gonna live in
the end. Go straight to the end. So instead of
just seeing you're in the house with the kids, happy,
driving and you visualize you guys cooking and making the

(30:58):
pasta sauces, kids walking in between your mommy this, Mommy that,
and then you're imagining it and you're feeling yourself in it.
It will come. That's can you visualize? Can you do
two things like not just personal but also career? Absolutely career.
You could do health. I do health all the time.
And now do adda mantra? So I would add a

(31:22):
mantra that, well, we know we have our own mantras.
And that's a word. It's a sound. Sound and so
even though you could write it down, it's really a sound.
I added a mantra to what I wanted, so I
would say I'm happily, madly in love in a healthy
relationship or whatever I wrote down that week. And then
the rule is repetition is your savior in this. So

(31:45):
if you were to walk on, like if you walk
every day, or you're on the treadmill and you're working out,
not lifting weights, but you're got the earphones on and
you're on the treadmill and you feel the music, you're
already in that like dancing the state. People don't. So
if you add it instead of going down to data,
if you added your mantra of like I'm happily married now,

(32:06):
Like say your marriage sucks right now and you're having
the worst time with your lover. It's holidays, everything's wrong,
and you were to say I'm happily married now, I'm
happily after five times Superman will tell you this, your
brain will click in. Okay, your brain new click in.
We'll start to feel you're in a happy relationship. Now,
when you get happy, they get happy. That's contagious. That's

(32:28):
the best things about it. That's that's the that's the
goal is to find joy, is to be joy, right,
and then all good things happen, but it's really hard
when you are just not genuinely joyful. But it's not
like you're gonna be like this all the time, so
don't beat yourself up. So if you go into this
place of activation of like five hundred times minimum, sometimes
I can get up to a thousand. I can count them,

(32:50):
and then all of a sudden, I click into I've
relaxed because all is well. We know that from me,
and then I believe it's really here, so I don't
I'm not in need anymore and not in heat anymore.
Then what happens is I become it. It's like acting
as if, and then they become it, and we now
merge our realities. Because co creation is the hardest thing.

(33:12):
I can go, get the car, the job, feel better,
but when I'm dealing with another person, it's a lot harder,
especially somebody you know. But it's you don't know this person.
I also don't know if I would like him. I
don't know. I'm just no, no, we're just using him
as approach. It is approtect. So when you don't know
this person, you have no resistance. It's harder for someone

(33:32):
to do this right because then those little ship things
come in their brain. But if you don't know this person,
you could do anything with this person, so all dark
and handsome and ripped, and you go, you know, Hugh
Jackman's my guy or Brad Pitt's my guy, and you
just use them as a protect You hear their voice,
you see what they smell like, touch like. You can
manifest at all by getting in the feeling place and

(33:54):
then letting it go and feeling satisfied. Once you're satisfied
and content, it shows up and you have to let
it go. That's important. But letting it go is not
what I mean by letting it go. Letting it go,
it's not like taking now. Letting it go is. I
enjoy going into my cave, my spiritual cave, and I
enjoyed doing the process. The processes is so exciting. I

(34:17):
don't even give a damn whether it shows up when
you get to that place. That's what I did with David.
I didn't I didn't like care whether he showed up.
I was like, I was content, and I have gone
through two years of quarantine alone. You know that was
a rough time for me, and I didn't even though
my best friends most of my best friends were on
the East Coast, and my other best friend was here

(34:38):
and we would talk on the phone and clean our
groceries together and face time, but we didn't leave our houses.
And it was like, oh my god. I enjoyed it
because I like to stay home on my home buddy.
But a lot of people didn't. They were stressed up
because they have FOMO. So when you don't have fomo
of your relationship, not showing up happens. It shows up. Yeah,

(35:07):
And I'm even like, I hesitate when you say like
manifest you know, being married. I'm like, I don't think
I'm even ready for any of that. But again, that
is geting and courting, and because I've never done that,
by the way, ever in my life. I don't think
i've ever actually And then going back to what you
said earlier about the people who are serial monogamers or monogamous, Um,

(35:28):
like I am myself. But you said to only date
one person, right, like you you'll only be able Like
for me, I feel more comfortable dating one. I know
you need to play the field now, so you hurt
and so what happens is you I was fielding offers
when David came in. I wasn't ready to give him exclusivity.
I pushed him away several times. I was like, whoa,

(35:49):
I just met a guy in Dallas. I kind of
like this guy in Dallas. Like I was dating a
very different people online and off, and I would meet
people on my own, which never happens in l A.
Because it's like every time I go to event, it's
girls and game. And I never saw a straight man
in the midst at any of these events that I've
ever gone to. And so men starts showing up at events.
I was like, what's going on? Because I was content.

(36:09):
I had so much on my plate that if I
was book to three days a week, I was exhausted.
I mean, so what happened was I just enjoyed eating
the lobster salad at Nobu, you know, going into the
theater at the Pantages, Like, I just enjoyed someone picking
me up, telling me I was pretty holding my hand,
getting me a soda as we sat down to watch whatever,

(36:31):
you know, a popcorn and a diet coke at the
movie theater on a game, and so I didn't care.
There you go, I'm a diet girl. Yeah, And so
I'm not. The other night you went to the theater
and I regal has pepsied. What is the regals crop?
I mean, I was like, I wanted to go outside
and smuggle in years exactly. So the thing what I'm

(36:54):
saying is I was in gratitude that someone was taking
me out who I enjoyed. I didn't go with any
just anybody. I had to be. I like the guy
enough to get out of the house, because otherwise I
wasn't giving him a second day, right, just having someone
intellectual conversation thing um, someone driving and put your hand
on your leg and saying you're so beautiful tonight. Like

(37:15):
those little things go along and they're all free, opening
the card door, paying them that leg. Stupid stuff that
we forget is the whole courtship thing. I don't want
to be me. I want to try to make a
reservation and ask me so when you get into that
place now, they'll they'll be weirdos out there every now
and then I went on a date with one of
the richest guys in l A. He will be nameless,
but I wish I could say his name and the

(37:36):
red later it was a fix up and he owns
half the real estate in l A. He rapped about
his money for like four hours. He had been out
with him like fifteen times. I didn't think he was
my type, but I gave it a chance. At the
end of the date, he made me pay my bell
what and then yeah, And then that was something I
was like, Okay, I'm never going out with any You

(37:57):
gave him four hours of your time like one of
those like red brag brag, and my friend is really
good friends with him. So I was like, I don't
want to be rude. And then I said I'm never
doing that again. And I knew that if they didn't
pay the valet for fifteen eighteen whatever dollars is, they
could not care less about a woman. They only cared

(38:17):
about Narson. So then I thought, Okay, he didn't do
because he's not gonna ask me again. He asked me
as I was leaving, really, now, what did you say?
I said, Um. First I said no, and then my
girlfriend called me up and she said, he wants to
know why tell him? Tell him because he's gonna screw up.
He's in his fifties and never been married. And I
said um, and I told him what he did wrong,
and he goes, well, I feel if I paid for dinner,

(38:38):
you should pay the ballet and his that's why he's rich.
She's so, I said, good, that's not the reason he
does not get the girl but all and by the way,
no wonder he's single. I mean, this is a mahaland
a house for days. And I sit there and I go,
these men are where is he right off? By the king?

(39:01):
By the king on that side? Okay, I'm on the
other side. So one of the things I realized was
is that um manners are important to me, So that
was on my list I had. My father was very
into manners, you know, and I was raised that way,
you know, like if you gave me a gift, i'd
write you to thank you. Know. Of course, of course
a lot of these people don't have manners. So I

(39:21):
had to make a list of internal stuff. And as
you date, ship shows up and then you go, I
don't want that, I want this, and then you put
that on your list. But when you're manifesting, you don't
put the negative in. You only put the positive. Like
you wouldn't even think that a guy would make you
pay the ballot. So I wouldn't even enter your consciousness.
I mean, I would pay myself. I mean. And so

(39:43):
Hooperman talks about the particular activating system. So when your
brain is positioned on something positive or negative it is,
it will find what you want. So if you want
a red portion and they're sold out, there's no more
red portions in the world, you will find one on
that highway. You'll see and add a second seller selling
it on CarMax. You will find what you need because

(40:04):
the briefs. But you got to clean the clutter out.
And that's what Tim does. Yep, yep, I love it. Now,
would you be setting me up? So if we I mean,
I'm not kidding, Patty, we need to do this, Earl.
I'm not going to be dating. I'm just not going
to do it. And then well we'll set you up
Eric and I will have a consultation president and we'll
go from there. Here's what I think you need to realize. Okay,

(40:28):
as we set you up, you might meet people on
your own. So the energy shifts when you get relaxed.
A lot of times on the date people join my service, male, female, gay, straight,
doesn't matter by and then they go, oh my god,
I just joined, I just paid and I go, okay,
and they go, I just met this guy in a plane,
I just met the guard this girl putting it out

(40:50):
there in the universe. Do you relax? You relax? It
always happens at Christmas because people go crazy, men panick.
They don't have any years date when I packed down
a Valentine's State because and so when you do that,
don't be surprised if you meet people in very super
an unusual paths like oh, I went on a screech

(41:11):
with my girlfriends and you know, I was at the
barber myself getting a nice tea and there he was, like,
you just will be surprised. So what happens when that happened?
I have to tell you obviously, No, you're gonna tell
me now. The coaching is really where we excel. So
we see so many people make mistakes. Um, you getting
cheated and it's not your mistake. So when you are
trying to win a man to want you and he's

(41:33):
an agist, okay, you need to under it just is
somebody that will only date a certain age. Really, I'm
not sure if I like that. It just is really awful.
They're awful they're in general like I don't care, but
if I'm not in the age range, I don't like it.
In other words, let's say a fifty five year old man.
I remember when they the number one girl that people

(41:54):
used to ask me for was Jennifer Aniston. And I
and so I had I had a very famous spotal
person who went away to jail. Remember James right, Yes, okay,
so James I was my client. He wanted Jenniferston, I said.
I said great. I said, um, she's fifty whatever. It
was like, I think she'd just her fifty or three
and nine. He goes, oh no, no, I want I
want somebody like her when she was on Friends. That's horrible.

(42:18):
And he was older than her. So the point I'm
making what do you do when you have clients you
don't like? Oh? I I say, you know, I'm not
calling Jennifer Aniston for that. Like you fired people, I
have fired them. But when they've done, um, we've put
someone in danger, like they're an alcoholic, I give them
to your I give I put the membership on freeze,

(42:39):
which I don't have to. I can actually cancel it.
And I said, I need a letter from your doctor.
You need to know you're an a. I need to
know you know you have either a sober companion whatever
you're doing to get sober, because I can't have you
drive in the car and women or men or men
just like sober. I don't mind if he drinks. I
just don't want him to drink till he's like completely black,

(43:00):
like he can if he's not. I can't date addicts,
and it's very hard when you're so true. Actually, rewind,
I can date an addict, a recovering addict. I just
can't date someone who's currently in using. But it is
hard when they hit shoot it to quit it and
like you are now sober and you've got to pick
them off the floor and then you know it shades
of bringing your horrible memories. I've seen this. And it's

(43:23):
also hard when you're dating somebody in recovery who wants
to drink nebi you know, just started whatever, and she
and they're leaning on you too much to make you
the sponsor, which I've yeah, no, I can't do that anymore, right,
So I mean I don't drink. He drinks. My boyfriend slightly.
He's not a big but not like daily until he
gets wet. But I've think a little ship based once

(43:44):
or twice on the holiday. But you're not You're not
an addict either. So I told him to turn me off.
I said, look that it turns me off because he
wanted sex. And I said, I'm not giving you sex
while you're like this good for you? How much are
you patty? How much pay? How much am I paying
you to do this well to to paying me? Usually
for women usually anywhere from fifty. I'm not good for you?

(44:07):
But you know what? You mostly? What? What is your
ratio with like um with you know what what works
like people who have actually worked versus not really quick
We'll end on this question. I have like you pretty
much have mostly. One of the things we have is
usually hit by the third person you meet. You're done,
whether you gay straight. Really, we did a lot of

(44:28):
gay this year, which I thought, there's no way they're
gonna do the straight system because they like a lot
of variety, and I'm talking about buying gay and they
turned out to be easier than straight people. And I
was like, they want to do more gay people? Yeah,
but it's women. Women are a little bit more of complainers.
They like to yenger. I gotta get back on the phones.

(44:49):
I can't. I'm not a therapist. I'll recommend somebody who coach,
but I can't like listen to the whining like where
men are just like didn't work out with your kind
of another one. I love that about men totally, but
aren't women. Sorry, I know this one. Aren't women though,
Like I could see myself doing this, like You'll think
he's amazing for me, and I'll be like, no, let's
just keep Like I love options, so I'm like in general,

(45:10):
so would you be so annoyed with that? No, I
would be. I tell men data as many as you can.
I and they always said you gave me too many women.
I can't keep up with the demand. And I get
new women all day long. I mean with Instagram TikTok,
I mean, and I you know, thank god, knock on wood.
We have been a really good company. I'm not gonna
win that. We've never been sued. We know what we're doing.

(45:31):
We talked, they have my number, they have the bat
line like I will pick up. I remember I was
at the Laker game before COVID and I got nine
one one from my and it was a big game.
I don't remember. It was Nicks or whatever, and I
was nine on one and I was like, excuse me,
I need to leave by floor seats. I was like,
I had to go to the bathroom to hear the person.
We do that. You know, when it's our client, we

(45:51):
care about you. Were they you know, the service that cares.
That's not to say that I don't want to create
the next grade matchmaking. Now I have an idea that
that's gonna be my next one, and I will be
the face of it. Just say it works. But you
need to understand. You need to play the film right now. Okay,
but I need your I seriously, you need your help, Patty.
Or Also, we're gonna have the same conversation every time

(46:13):
you come back on the podcast. Okay, no, no, We're
gonna talk and we're gonna discuss. I'm having a point
sit up with you. It's the confidential part is when
you get off this and then I sit down and
we talked to you and we go through more details more. Look,
there's a lot of psychic shit I'm doing right now
reading your energy. You know I need some of that too.
I love you, Patty, I love you too. Thank you

(46:34):
for doing this. Okay, let's do this so I will
call you an appointment. Okay, But like everyone needs to know,
your job is to work for you, like you give
your figure. And if you don't believe me, you can
go on Amazon and see my book, or you can
go to my bio and get the fragrance that and
that ship. That is actually the first thing you said

(46:55):
to me is you smell amazing? What are you wearing?
The first thing you ever said to me when you met?
I love it? Hi, thank you, Thanks to Patti Stanger
for coming on. And I cannot wait to get started
and finally go out there and date because Patty is
going to hook a sister up because if she doesn't,
I will be talking about this forever about me wanting

(47:16):
to date but never dating. Anyway, at the end of
every episode, we need to ask the listeners the question
of the week, which is what qualities do you think
I should be looking for in a guy? Since you
guys have been hopefully listening for at least a few
months now, or have known me throughout my career on
Dancing with the Stars or whatever following me on social
you guys probably know what I'm maybe looking for what

(47:39):
you think I should be looking for? Please let me
know and we want to know. Um, we want to
hear WOA and please let me know. We want to
hear from you, So email us at Burke in the
Game at i heeart radio dot com or d m
us on Instagram at burke in the Game. Again, the
question is what qualities do you think I should be
looking for in a guy? Talk to you later. Thanks
for listening and coming along with journey with me. If

(48:00):
you like what you hear, then feel free to give
this podcast five stars. You can also follow along with
my journey on Instagram at burke in the Game and
if you have any advice or want to write in,
then email me at Burke in the Game at iHeart
radio dot com