July 26, 2022 • 44 mins
Stone cold. Gabrielle Stone's husband had an affair. They divorced. She met another man and thought she was in love. He broke her heart. Now what!? Write a book called Eat, Pray, FML. Become tik tok famous. Fall in love again. Get engaged!
Next, help Cheryl. (Gabrielle Stone's story and advise will help you too.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
This is Burke in the Game and I heard radio podcast.
See you guys, Welcome back to Burke in the Game.
I just want to give you a quick little update
before we have an amazing guest on UM. You know,
for the first time, I guess I can say that
I'm not doing so great. I've been at a big
shoot the last couple of days. UM. More information on
(00:25):
that to come later, but you know, some new news
has developed as far as you know, this divorce and
um you know, obviously without saying too much about it,
because I do, as you guys know, have an n
d A in the prenup um, it has really ruined
my day and my last I guess three days. It
(00:46):
isn't easy and it is something that really, you know,
is just so sad, and it has been like I
haven't been able to eat, I haven't slept, I haven't
even been able to focus on my job and other
things that I'm doing or staying present even when I'm meditating.
I'm like there's all this anger and um, disappointment inside
(01:09):
of me. So you know, it's just that's all I
could really say, honestly, and I'm just here to be
honest with you guys, because it hasn't been easy. Um,
you know, it takes a long time just to have
like two different attorneys exchange, UM thoughts, I guess, and
the thoughts as of now and what uh the asks
(01:32):
are are really absurd. Anyway, moving forward, UM, that's where
I am right now, and UM, I'm hoping that will
change soon. And I'm trying not to let this one thing.
It's a huge thing, but ruined my my day and
my life. But it's really hard to separate, um all
(01:53):
of that and my professional life and my personal life. UM. Anyway,
on that note, talking about my personal life, I, like
I said, was at a shoot and there was this
guy that was flirting with me, And it was really
obvious that he was flirting with me. And he's totally
my type of guy, Like I think he's really cute
and whatever. But there was like a bunch of red
(02:15):
flags flashing in my face. Like I I guess I
just jumped to conclusion because I don't really know him,
but like the pattern from what I did know of him,
like the last few days, because he was he worked
on the shoot. Anyway, he definitely dated a friend or
a coworker of mine in the past, and um, he's
in his forties and he said that he's never been married,
(02:38):
and I was like, oh, right away, I jumped to
the conclusion like, oh, this guy's got, you know, commitment issues,
and so right away I was like red flag, red flag.
But all the hair and makeup people were basically like,
this guy is really flirting with you. It's so obvious
he likes you. Anyway, I was just minding my own
business and he just like was aggressively flirting with me.
I guess I totally would go on a date with him,
(02:59):
but I am all already, like my mind is already
making up stories and I'm believing it. So I just
thought i'd call myself out. Any who. That's that. Let's
move on to our guests. Gabriel Stone, Hi, Hi, are you?
(03:23):
I'm good? Are you? I'm so good? I am so excited.
Welcome to Burke in the Game. First of all, I
have never read a book so fast in my life.
I love your book so much and I honestly want
to read it again right now. I can relate to
(03:43):
your story, girl, like everything about it almost Well. I'm sorry,
and I'm glad totally, but I'm glad I'm I feel
like I'm not alone now, So tell our audience a
little bit about who you are and your book. Yeah.
So my name is Gabrielle's Stone. Um. I was born
and raised in Los Angeles, grew up, had a pretty
(04:05):
normal childhood, UM, and was planning on following my dreams
to be an actress and director. And in twenty seventeen,
my life kind of exploded in my face. In my
personal life. UM, I was married for almost two years
and I found out my husband was having an affair
with a nineteen year old for six months, so I
(04:27):
filed for divorce. Left and shortly after that, I met
a guy and fell madly in love with each other
like whirlwind romance, meet my family. I'm going to have
babies with this person, like all the fairytale bullshit. And
he invited me to join him on a month long
trip to Italy. Forty eight hours before we were getting
on the plane, he told me he needed to go
(04:49):
by himself and broke up with me. Now, I was
absolutely devastated, Like this man broke my heart like my
ex husband never could have done. And I was sitting
on my my mom's bed because that's where you moved
to after you get divorced um and was just in
a pile of tears. And it's like, well, I have
a decision to make, and that's either stay at home heartbroken,
(05:12):
or go travel Europe for a month by myself. So
I took a backpack and did six countries over the
span of a month and wrote the book Each Pray FML.
So what does FML stand for for all the people
that may not know. Yes, FML stands for my life
because this is not eat pray love, this is eat
my life. And I just and I love that because
(05:35):
I do believe that even like books, even you know,
books about you know, real lives, I think they kind
of romanticize it a little bit, right, Like we all
have ups and downs. I don't give a ship who
you are, like we whether you're with somebody, whether you're
codependent or independent, like we all go through our ship,
you know. And I just it's so refreshing that you
(05:58):
were so honest. Did you find writing therapeutic? Is that
your way of therapy? I guess yeah, you know, it
never was before this. And it happened very strangely, like
I found out I was going on the trip by
myself and I was like, I'm gonna write a book
about this, because at that point my life had become
a like mixture of a horror movie and a sitcom.
(06:19):
So it was like this, there's too much crazy ship
going on for me to not share this. And I
knew on the Europe trip, whatever I was going to
experience and and grow within myself was going to be
really important to share to other women and other people
healing from heartbreak and grief and trying to find themselves. Um.
So I bought a leather bound journal um the day
(06:42):
before I left on my trip, and I started writing
the first day I was in London and wrote hours
and hours every day, and three fourths of the book
was completed on that month long trip. If you open
the journal, it's like chapter one, Like it was very
close to how the final book was published. That's me thing. Okay,
So rewind, let's talk about your childhood and um, you
(07:04):
know where you come from, your parents and all of that. Yeah,
so my mom people might know from a little movie
called et or the Hewing a little my personal favorite coujo. UM.
My dad was also an actor, um and a director.
So I kind of grew up in the entertainment industry.
(07:28):
But even with that, I had a very normal childhood.
Like if one parent was working, the other one wouldn't
take a job, which is really hard to do in
the industry. Um, if someone was shooting for more than
a month, we all went to go visit. Um. There
was always someone at my dance recitals and my soccer games.
Like it was very you know, we had a really great,
(07:49):
close knit family. Um. And that all kind of came
to a screeching halt when I was six years old
and I walked into wake my dad up for Saturday
Morning Cartoon and found him lying on the floor dead
from a heart attack. So that was kind of the
first big thing that happened in my life that, unbeknownst
(08:11):
to me at the time, subconsciously put this belief in
me of when I love someone, they die and fear
of abandonment. Ultimately, that's so heavy. Did your mom put
you in therapy? I'm so sorry, by the way. When
I heard that. Yeah, So my mom was actually in
New Zealand. She was shooting a film with Peter Jackson
(08:32):
called The Frighteners. Um, so she got the call. I
was at home with my dad and my nanny who
Bless her Heart was I think twenty two or twenty
three at the time. I actually just brought her. It
hasn't aired yet, but I just brought her on my
podcast to kind of talk about the different perspectives of
like what went down that day. I can't imagine being
bad age and having to handle a situation like that
(08:55):
and take care of this little girl, right, Yeah, uh,
I mean I can't. I can't imagine. Um. And so
my mom got on the next plane home, flew home,
was home for a week. Um, we did his celebration
of life. She got all of the affairs in order,
and then the three of us got back on a
plane and flew back to New Zealand. And she finished
(09:16):
the film like a badass. And I was like, well,
this is my first lesson, and like what happens when
your life explodes in front of your face, like you
powered through and you figure it out like a badass? Right?
Was she able to like be vulnerable and feel our
feelings at the same time. Yeah, I mean, my mom,
she she's besides an actress, Um, she's a healer and
(09:37):
she does sessions with people all over the world. Um.
And so she's very in touch with everything. You know,
I've been in and out of therapy my whole life.
Like we talk openly about everything. But regardless no matter
how much therapy you do or what kind of work
you know, she was able to provide for me, it's
still a really traumatizing thing to experience at such a
(09:59):
young age, and you don't really fully comprehended until you
get older. Grief is just a tricky thing, and I
don't think anybody's ever going to figure it out. Like
I know, there's like six or seven steps of grief.
It's like, you know what, I don't even want to
put a number to it, because grieving comes in all
different types of forms and amounts of steps. I guess
it really does. Grief. Grief is a fickle bitch and
(10:21):
we never really know how to how to deal with it,
and it comes in waves and hits you at random times,
and you kind of just have to like allow yourself
to move through it the best you can. That is
the hardest part. How do you do that? Oh my god,
isn't that the biggest question? I think My general rule
that I really, you know, lived by when I was
(10:43):
on that Europe trip was meeting myself where I was
every single day. So if I was sad and I
felt like I needed to sit at home and write
and cry um for five hours, then that was acceptable,
and that was okay. If I felt like I wanted
to go out and see the city and really like
immerse myself into the business of everything, that was okay.
(11:05):
So I think the more you can be like, Okay,
what do I feel that I need today, and how
can I give myself a little bit of love and grace,
That's one of the best ways to really try and
move through it. I love that. And also what I
really loved in your book I you were talking about
yourself in third person a lot, like You're like, okay,
so what is my conscious brain saying? What is my
(11:28):
and I need to do? So I've been also in
therapy since I was a little girl, since I was
four years old, so in and out of therapy, in
and out of therapy my whole life. I'm now doing
semitic therapy and cognitive therapy. Um. But as a dancer,
you know, you're a dancer as well, so like we
you know, I tend to feel stuff more on my
body than I'm able to translate it into words, right, Like,
(11:48):
I find that very complicated for me. Um, I guess
with you, So where did you learn that technique? And
maybe just tell the listeners what that what I mean
by that? Yeah? So, um, I call it the thought
onion um and I actually I guess I made it
up on the streets of London that first day because
it wasn't from your therapist. I thought, first, no, I'm
(12:11):
going to take credit for that. I'm to write a
book about that. I'm not even kidding you really should
that's pretty help, thank you. It's it's one of the
things that when my readers reach out to me after
reading there, like I still use this daily, um. And
you know, it's a lot of the work that my
mom does as a healer is a lot more intricate
and higher level. And so I was like, how can
(12:31):
I come up with something that will help me work
through the steps of what my brain is doing? It
Either it's you want to give me an example, or
you can even do it on me, I guess because
I don't even know how to, like, I know what
I can put together like what you're saying, But I
guess sometimes I bullshit myself quite a lot, So it's like,
(12:53):
how do I know the difference between my unconscious versus
my conscious totally? Totally? So let me explain what it
is and then we can like try totally. Um. So
it's called the thought onion. Um. I always said I
was going to rename it because I was like the
onion that's so lame, and it just stuck different layers
of the onion. Yeah. So there's three levels. And it
(13:14):
happens when you're having a reaction to something, or you're
having that initial thought that is the superficial thought, like
right when you're like me into something, Yes, superficial thought. Um.
And it's oftentimes very superficial. And and in the moment
before you can kind of take a step back and
peel back that layer, and what's the superficial thought is
(13:35):
the authentic thought. And the authentic thought is kind of
like the space in you that has that ouch spot
that caused that superficial reaction. So it's like, what's underneath
you know, why did I have that reaction in the
first place, Like, what's the ouch spot in me that's
coming up? And then you peel that back and underneath
that is the subconscious thought and when you can get
(13:56):
to that, that's where the real like meat and potatoes
is and the golden gets um. The subconscious thought is
usually a long standing trauma or um, a past life belief,
or a subconscious belief that's like been with you for
a while now, and it's really like subconscious beliefs can
drive you and make it like someone else's in the
(14:17):
driver's seat without even knowing it, especially when you're like
a little girl like so for for example, if I say,
because I have body dysmorphia, and it's coming from my
dance coach when I was a little girl, like I
was a competitive ballroom dancer, him saying that I need
to always like you need to get that surgery where
you extend your legs, like literally pretty bad, and like
I had weigh ins. And then my mother who also
(14:39):
like when the nation decided to call me fat on
Dancing with the Stars when I gained a few pounds,
my mom like flew over here. I love you, mom,
but it's like you know, she she did the best
that she could, but she put me on the South
Beach diet without like even a like are you okay?
So there is so is that the I would be
the subconscious thought. Yeah, so I would do that as
(15:00):
the superficial thought is I'm fat. That's like what what
we consciously would go to in our brain. And then
the authentic thought would be, um, no, no, no. The
authentic thought would be like where does that? Where does
that stem from? Which would be I don't feel like
I fit in, I don't feel like enough. Yes, that
(15:21):
I think would be the subconscious thought. But I'm not
good enough, or I'm like next to all these little
girl dancers. They're not little girls, but like they've got
tiny bodies and like little tiny narrow frames. But I
guess I'm the comparison is the devil, right, So maybe
that's totally And in this industry in general, we're all
very u into ourselves. Girl. I mean I I can't
even I mean you you've read the book, so like
(15:42):
there's times in there where I was, you know, really
worried about how I looked physically because I was, you know,
just stuffing my face in Europe. And I've heard you
say it quite a lot in the book actually, and
I was like that you were being just honest. But
I used to travel with the scale, so there you go.
Oh yeah, girl. We both come from a world of
the industry. I've actually since you listen to the audio book,
(16:05):
I'm I'm about to go in and rerecord a few things,
but the book I have in print, I went back
and changed some of the verbiage because to me, I
was like being hard on myself and being like, oh
my god, I don't want to be fat, and like
I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, and that
was triggering to some of my readers that really it
(16:25):
being like, wait, but you're so thin. You and I
understand it because we come from a world of you know,
people telling it. I don't. I don't say like, oh,
you know she's not fat, you know. It's more like
I get I get it, Like I know you're not fat.
I know you weren't fat, and I know that, but
like I know that voice that you were, yeah, like
writing well, and it comes it comes from a life
(16:46):
of you know, in and out of eating disorders. And
I've like I've done episodes where I've opened up about that.
But I think the general thing that I took away
from it is everybody's got their own triggers towards their
and we have to respect it. Whether you're larger or
smaller or too thin. You know, it's like you have
(17:08):
to respect everybody's personal triggers and body exactly exactly. Um, okay,
do you want to finish that really quick? So we
did the and so it's the unconscious or no, sorry,
it's the superficial, superficial, authentic thought, authentic and subconscious thought.
And when you get to when you get to the
subconscious thought and you're able to recognize and start to
(17:29):
heal that, you can start having different reactions to things
in the future. I hear you. Okay, tell us what
the hell happened to your first marriage? Oh? My god, girl?
How much time? How tired are you are talking about it?
Or does it? Is it therapeutically? You know, like both
of the men in the book. Um, you haven't gotten
(17:50):
to the sequel yet, so there's wait, what's the sequel.
The sequel is called The Ridiculous Misadventures of a Single Girl. Oh,
I have to read that. How many you've written? Well,
it's just the two and then I have a journal
that's like a step by step like healing guide for
people healing. Um, so The Ridiculous Misadventures is the sequel
(18:13):
and that kind of will show people why the second
relationship with a little more No, okay, you know all
the names of the book of take, but so my
my husband. It was a really interesting situation because I
(18:34):
can look back at it now and see so many
warning signs and red flags that I did I didn't
catch when I was in the marriage. There were things
that were obvious, like and you might relate to this
a little bit. Whenever I would go away to film
something or was on set, he was like very jealous,
(18:55):
Like it's never not supportive at all, calling me crying
and starting fights and being like very very insecure. Um,
if I had a kissing scene in the film, like
forget about it. But we were going to therapy, and
I was like, Okay, this is something we can work through.
It's not an easy job to like have as a
(19:16):
significant other, Like you know, I thought that it was
something that we could eventually work through. The stuff that
was more subtle that I can look back at knowing
how his trajectory went on after me. Um, that's a
bit scary. Is like the things where he was trying
to control me. Um, Like he would say, you know,
(19:37):
you don't have to keep working and all pay for everything,
but you have to give up trying to be an actress,
which is so up and manipulative, Like why would you
ever asked me to give up my dreams and then
you'll financially take You never asked for that. You never said, oh,
I can't wait till you make enough money to support
the both of us, so I can never never um.
And that was his early stages of trying to gain
(19:59):
find ancial control over me, so that even if I
wanted to leave, I couldn't um. And you know, like
comments that were like totally totally before I even knew
like what that word meant, and now I'm like, oh,
ship that that's exactly accurate. UM. And you know, comments
like you should dye your hair blonder, or you should
get a boob job like stuff that was like trying
(20:21):
to make me into really the girl that he ended
up having an affair with, who then got a boob
job like a couple of months into them being together.
So it was just like, looking back, there were so
many red flags. But when I was in the moment
and when I found out about the affair, like I
when I tell you how shocked I my mother, his parents,
(20:44):
everyone was well, not his dad. His dad had known
for a couple of months, but everybody else was shocked.
It was wild. It is crazy, how with the red
flags when you're in that moment of like okay, you're engaged,
there's a part of like I can speak from experience
to where like even if there's red flags, I'm like,
I have got to ever got a commitment, like I'm
(21:06):
not going to let anyone down here, Like I am
definitely similar to you as far as like you know,
in a way, I wouldn't say it's a bad thing.
I think micromanaging. I think it's as a dancer, right,
Like we're very detailed, and I think that we like
to in a way know what is happening next. It's
like a routine, right Like we gotta know what's next,
(21:27):
Like we have to like plan plant plan, plan, plan plan,
Like I Mindy Weis did our wedding. I think I
was micromanaging Mindy Weiss and that was he was like, um,
you need to like stop right now. And I was like,
oh my god, I love so sorry, but yeah, you
really it's really interesting you know. For me, I think
in a part of me was wanting to see if
I could even get married in the first place. It
(21:49):
was a weird thing. Um, mind you, of course I
was in love with my ex husband and I wanted
to marry him. I don't know if it was for
the right reasons though, right right. I feel like, because
I get that question a lot, people are like, you know,
did you know before you got married that this wasn't
the right fit? And I think there was no way
(22:10):
Gabrielle at that time would have admitted that. But I
think deep deep, deep down to where it was so
it was so buried that like nobody was going to
find that ship, including me. Um, I don't I think
I knew it wasn't forever. Um, did I love him
and did I want to get married? Yes? Absolutely, but yeah,
And as far as the planning stuff, like yeah, I
(22:32):
always say that, like I produced the hell out of
my wedding. We just cast the main lead wrong. So
it's fine, but it it was really like weird kind
of you know, Like I think a lot of women
feel this when like you're in the wedding planning stage.
You get so swept up in like the grandness of
it all, and if everybody else but you, you're like
(22:55):
I can't let my guest down. But how about the
right of life? And yeah, and especially so when we
were married, I think if he wouldn't have done something
so drastic to make maybe like okay this I'm done. Um,
I would have stayed in that for a very long time,
very unhappy, because I had made a commitment and we
needed to go to therapy and try and make it work.
And like, I would have been very unhappy for a
(23:18):
very long time before I finally was like, Okay, I'm
going to walk away. So in a way, you're grateful
for that act of beyond. Like I you can look
at my life as a blueprint and be like, Okay,
everything she went through had to happen for her to
add up here, and I would do it ten times
over to get here. I love Latin men like you do.
(23:51):
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Anonymous. Before I moved
here to Los Angeles, I was living in Harlem with
my dominic hint like he was Dominican and he was
like really Dominican and um man was that relationship and
partnership my dance partner at the time abusive as hell.
Um But you know, thank god he was cheating on
(24:13):
me at the time, because then I was able to
say yes to the offer I got for dancing with
the Starts back in two thousand and six. If he
would have, if he would have been like, no, baby,
don't go, don't go. I still lived on one six
and Adam Clayton like, actually, I would have not taken
this job at all. And I was also planning on
after one season, after I did this second season, which
was my first season in two thousand and six, I
(24:34):
was planning on moving back to Harlem and just like
going back to that dude. Anyway, there's something very addicting
to Latin men, Like there is something so and I
think it's because we're dancers, and I think it's like
there's also like they're just that narcissistic cocky I can salsa, mother,
Oh my god, it's it's it's and if they smell good,
(24:56):
they're even sexier. I know. It's it's such a problem
and it's so true, and I it's it's since become
a joke with me and like my current partner and
all of my friends. Um, like he he was like,
you know, you can go solo, travel anywhere, not Latin America.
I heard I went to Argentina. That's fair. I went
to Argentina to learn how to Argentine tango. For three months.
(25:16):
I fell in love like seven times. You're like every
person that walks by, I'm like, oh, that's my next husband. No,
maybe it's that one. Um yeah, And you're right, like
the so, I'm nowhere near the type of dancer you are.
I was trained. I saw yourself dancing the other night
or last night when I was that was actually that
was that's newer. I have a newfound passion for salsa
(25:38):
since since Oh my god, have you been perfect? Yes,
of course I've been to me done absolutely. Um. So
you're right. The dance element for me, you know, having
someone to connect with on the dance floor it takes
it to a whole another level. And if you look
at mine and Jabbers relationship and like you know, even
(26:00):
throughout the sequel, everything that happens that becomes our downfall
starts with dancing. And I'm like, I just need to
stay away from Latin. Start with dry humping on the
dance floor, right, totally, It's true and and really like
the the Latin thing. It's so interesting because after I
published the book, so many of my readers d m
(26:21):
me that are you know women from Argentina or you
know of Latin decent. They're like, oh girl, how did
you not know that they're dangerous there? They're like what
even like his good friends are like, yeah, we're We're Argentinian.
We're the worst, Like, don't date he's argentinean Oh yeah,
oh no, I'm sorry. I know. I know, Like I
(26:42):
didn't even dip my toe in the pool. I like
jumped into the defense, like nobody threw me a life raft.
It was. It was a problem. Okay, so you never
had a past history with any type of Latin men,
then no, that's not true. I actually did. I lost.
We're just gonna go there. I lost my virginity to
um a Salvador Salvadorian um. And then one of my
(27:05):
oh my god, I love it, Latin lover is anonymous girl,
I'm telling you um and then note like my one
of my excess is Mexican, Like I I've always got it,
but Argentinian is a different breed, different breed, and I
was unaware and I for some reason, I you know,
the guy I chose to marry was this like boring
ass white dude, and like lo and behold, he was
(27:26):
the most sociopathic of them all. Like I hear you. Okay,
so moving forward, I guess, okay, So with okay, Javier,
how do you believe that, in a way you're grieving
your marriage was also a part of the grief, Like
that's why it hit you like a ton of bricks
because of the two in a way, back to back
(27:47):
relationships that were so intense in different ways. Yeah. So
I always get asked, you know, was he your rebound? Um?
And I God, I wish he was. I always wish
I could have been, like yeah, it was like the marriage. Yeah.
So when I found out about the affair, it I
had been unhappy for like six to seven months, which
(28:09):
makes sense because that's how long the affair was going
on for. But during that time I had fallen out
of love with my husband my husband at the time, um,
And so when I found out about the cheating, it
was like betrayal and rage, but not heartbreak, if that
makes sense, Like the heartbreak already happened. Yeah. And even
(28:32):
driving away from my house after handing in the papers,
I was like, oh, ship, Like I just dodged a
massive bullet and this is like going to be a
huge new beginning for me. So I was weirdly okay
after my divorce. Like even my mom and my friends
were like, why are we not crying? Like why are
we Like you know, I it was shocking, and it
(28:52):
was it was the anxiety that it caused any embarrassment
that I felt at the time. I'm also in a way,
you have developed a friendship regardless, right, Like he was
my yeah, he was my best friend. He had promised
to like take care of me and keep me safe
and like you know, and that's not that's only on
an emotional level. We're not even getting into like the
(29:14):
disrespect of my body, you know, having unprotected sex with
other people and myself, you know, being your wife. It's terrible. Um,
and so many people unfortunately experienced it. But so I
was oddly okay after that and whatever happened with Javier
and I. While I can tell you now, um, looking
(29:35):
back on it, I don't write about it in the
book because I learned about this so many years later. Um.
He it was love bombing and okay, here we go,
everybody strapping. Um okay, So love bombing is where you
enter into a relationship and I love you has come
very quickly. You're being showered with attention. It's like texts
(29:59):
all the time like I want you to meet from
you or from the other person. From the other person,
like I've never felt this way. We should plan trips together,
we should do this like very zero to very dependency
happening into like Hi, nice to meet you. Let's get married.
Yes one, who I am? Yeah, you're like, I'm a
(30:19):
love bomber. It's only because of the movies, goddamn it, totally.
So love bombing can happen two ways. One is by
a narcissist, where they're like, oh, I want to start
controlling this person, so I'm going to shower them with attention.
That's not what happened with Haabier. No. No. The other
(30:39):
way is someone who is well, yeah, someone who has
something lacking inside themselves, like they feel like there's there's
a hole going on in their heart and they're trying
to desperately fill that. Yeah, And so they meet someone
and they're like, oh, I think she could like fill
(30:59):
my boid up and let me like to have all
this intense intensity with her. And then eventually they realized
oh shit, this isn't working anymore because no one can
fill that void except for you. And they're like, oh ship,
actually I got to back up, and the other person
is left going, wait, I'm sorry. I thought we were
getting married. And then they so educated in the mental
(31:21):
health space, like you, you blame it on yourself and
then you start creating a hole in your heart completely.
And did you know that did you know that dangerous
in it? Did you? No? No, I had so. I
had no idea what love bombing was. And on top
of the you know, obviously for people that haven't read
the book, on top of the fact that you know,
we spent this month and a half being like planning
(31:42):
years down the road and being like so into each
other and meeting family and we went from that too,
I need to break up with you and go alone.
On top of all of that, what his excuse but
reasoning was was that a couple, I think it was
a year and a half before we met, his brother
died by suicide. Um, and he basically said that when
(32:04):
he fell in love with me, all of those feelings
he stuffed down came rushing up and it was like
heavy grief that he couldn't deal with so mentioned that
the suicide and in the book though or did you yeah, yeah,
yeah I did yeah. Um. But so for me, who
has experienced massive loss in my life multiple times, um,
(32:26):
I was very sympathetic to that, and I immediately wanted
to take care of him and protect him instead of
taking care and protecting myself. What was the time the
space between the two men? Um So with my ex husband,
we I filed for divorce. I believe it was like
(32:47):
June in the twenties, so like towards the end of June.
UM and Javier and I connected two and a half
weeks after I had left my house. Now mind you
when you're like, holy ship, that's so fast. Yes. I
had also been in a really miserable marriage for seven months,
so I was out a long time before that. And
(33:12):
my my ex husband, before I filed the paper handed
him the papers, was on a two week work trips,
so I had known I was getting a divorce for
a month before I connected with Javier. And as soon
as you found out he was cheating, you're like, I'm leaving.
You might need to find a couple more evidence, Like God,
send me, you know, sign send me a sign and
(33:33):
God here they are receipts. Totally, totally. But when I
you know, when I connected with Javier, I would not
have moved forward in that relationship if I was dealing
with you know, the dead station from the divorce. Yeah, totally,
(33:53):
it would have been a very different situation. And also
thank God that I did. So many people are like,
oh my god, after you go through a betrayal like that,
how do you enter into something and open your heart up?
And I'm such a big advocate of always keeping your
heart open no matter what happens, because one of two
things is going to happen. Either you're gonna be I know,
(34:13):
I'm not girl, I know I've done it too many times.
But you're either you're either going to be wildly happy
and in love or you're gonna learn such a massively
important lesson that's going to change you as a person
and bring you better ship in the future. So it's like,
if I would have closed my heart off, I would
have not gone into this love affair with Javier. I
(34:35):
would have not ended up going on this europe trip
writing this book that's become something that's changed my life,
and so many women around the world. So it's like
it was all worth it. You know when you say
open your heart up, are you talking about vulnerability? Yeah?
And I think you know, like I didn't walk into
that really have any walls like you didn't have. Like so,
(34:55):
for example, I just started the show off like this
before you came on, I was on a big the
last couple of days and there was this hot DP
working on in the show or on the shoot, and
he was no, but he's and I but I love
East Coast like I love East Coast men. I definitely
(35:15):
think he's from the East Coast anyway, but like he's
this like cute man and I I guess he dated
one of like my friends long a long time ago,
and he's in his forties and he's never been married.
And so I was like red flag, red flag in
my face, Like all the hair and makeup people are
like Cheryl, he's like flirting with you hard like hardcore,
and I'm like, he's just a red flag. He's just
(35:37):
another douche bag. And I'm like, and I had all
these judgments and then I was like showering last night,
I was like, wait a second, I just made this
whole story up in my head, but obviously he hasn't
had the balls to reach out to me yet and
take me on a date. So until that happens, And
I guess I already played it in my head like
I've got a great soap opera General Hospital going up
mine And I guess I wouldn't have said yes if
(35:59):
it was like when I was still in that cycle.
But now I guess I have to give somebody a chance,
you know. So it's like, I don't know why I
just mentioned this. What were you I love talking about
I cut to him hearing this podcast and being like, shit,
I got a call her. I hope, so right. I've
said it a couple of times now, but like that's
the thing. It's like, I guess it's really scary for
me because, um, being vulnerable in general. I come from
(36:21):
being judged my whole life, being a competitor of ballroom dance.
And then I come from a mother who is alpha
and she's a badass bitch and I am my mother. Um.
And my mother grew up in poverty in the Philippines
and like literally made a life for herself. My father
cheated on her. Long story short, and um, you know
she was like f you, I don't need you. And
(36:42):
at the end of the day, like I'm going to
support my daughter and I'm gonna And she created a
company and she just sold it for a lot of
money and like she's just a badass bitch and I
know I get that work ethic from her, but what
I don't want to get from her is that the
vulnerability equals weakness when we know that that's not the case. Right.
So I'm treating my brain currently because I'm like, I
(37:03):
have to feel my feelings and I owe myself this
time and this break that I've had, um, you know,
from the from my ex husband and this divorce I'm
currently still going through. UM, I do feel like dating
right like today is maybe too soon, but who am
I to judge? I do believe it's different for everybody,
and I don't think I think when people say, like,
(37:25):
you gotta wait at least six months, like, first of all,
you don't know me. Second of all, there is no
like taking time bomb like I know, I'm I don't
have no handbook that there's no manual. Yeah right, no,
not at all. So I think a really good trick
that I use, UM is I I talked to myself
a lot in love that I know, and I know
(37:47):
you do. I think, yeah, right, like you wrote a
book about it. Um. But I think it's really important
that when you notice things happening like that. So, like
when you were on set and you were like, oh,
red flag, red flag, you stop and you're like, okay, wait,
why am I thinking this is a red flag? And
kind of do the thought onion and yourself through what
that's bringing up in you. Okay, let's do it. Let's
(38:09):
do it. Let's do it. His red flag, it's yours. Okay.
So I'll call you now every time, multiple times a day, okay,
um okay. So you're looking at him and you're like,
oh my god, he's forty, he's never been married. That's
what that flag. I basically said to him, I said,
you've got commitment issues, don't you? Like, I'm such, oh
my god, rude. Okay. So that's the superficial thought is like,
(38:29):
you're you're forty, you've never been married, that's a red flag.
The authentic thought would be that makes me feel like
you have commitment issues and that's scary. Yeah, yeah, okay,
So what would the subconscious thought be? It would have
been something that like probably one of your ex husband's Yeah,
(38:49):
all my exes did some sort of horrible thing. Well yeah,
I mean if I know it was abusive or it
was cheating, one of the two. Yeah, so I mean
high commitment issues, red flag and attachment. So there you go. Yeah,
So the subconscious thought would be you're going to me
over like hundred like everybody else has. Yes, yeah yeah.
(39:13):
So you can see though when you break it down
like that, that's all your ship, that's nothing of yeah yeah, um,
And it's it's important to like, you know, I always
I always say, like when you move forward, you know,
keep your heart open, and there's tricks where you can
actually you know you feel when you close your heart
(39:35):
it probably at him. I only know that because I
also come from I got my lesso when I was
a little girl. So like there's all this like I
just don't feel safe anywhere except myself. So the thing
that I do, because I go through a lot of
that with my abandonment stuff, whenever that gets triggered, like
my heart is like yeah, totally um, and you have
(39:56):
to really stop and you get quiet, you shut your
eyes and you go to your love place. Which is
whatever makes you feel very safe and happy. Mind's usually
my dog whatever. Yeah, whatever it is that like opens
your heart and you in your mind's eye actually imagine
your heart reopening and that's all you have to do
(40:16):
and feel love around it and then continue on throughout
your day. And it's such a powerful practice that you
can do in the moment, but you have to check
yourself when it's happening, so you have to stop and
do it and the whole thing, like you're not your thoughts,
like I do transidental meditation, and it's it really does.
It helps with like sitting in silence, even though it
might sound scary. It was scary for me in the beginning,
(40:38):
but I am now addicted to it. But this is
a great advice. Okay, let's I know there's so much
more I can talk about with you, but let's talk
about the now. Congratulations you're engaged. Are you getting married?
I don't know, you know, we know it's so funny
because we are our story you know, you'll read about
(40:58):
in in the second book. But it was not an
easy journey to get here. Um, and I was like
trying to stop you on Instagram. So he's uh, he's
Persian and Irish, but he looks like Italian. He's very good, lucky,
thank you, m Yeah, I did, I did, okay. Um,
So it was very full circle. All of my readers
(41:19):
were kind of freaking out when I like announced the
engagement because we got engaged in Italy, where you know,
Javier and I were supposed to go to in the
first place. Like, yeah, this like beautiful full circle moment um.
And we just have such a beautiful relationship, Like I'm
so lucky, and it's been really sweet because you know,
our love story is written about in the second book,
(41:41):
and so my readers really have fallen in love with him. Um.
So whenever I bring him, he's yeah, yeah, he's just
got a really he's just a good soul and a
good man. Um. And I know that they exist and
they're out there, but they are harder to find unless
they're all just hiding and we don't know where they are,
(42:03):
or if you's not accepting it, like there's I mean,
I don't want to go there now because we have
to wrap soon. But like there is a turn off
situation with me sometimes when the man's too nice, but
that has nothing to do with them. Right, Oh she progress,
chare all progress? Um, so I don't. I don't know
when we'll do the wedding. I think it's could be
very low key like I did the big crazy wedding.
(42:25):
We've both been married before, you know, it's it's our
second rodeo, so I think before just like a show
up on this date and we're going to have a
party type thing you can do Vegas. I kind of
loved that, but they did that. I love it. I
am in love with you and I hope that we
stay in touch. I would love to go out dancing
(42:46):
with you. I think we would have a blast together. Um.
And so now just let our listeners know where they
can find you, and UM we'll exchange contact later. Yes,
for sure, I would love to go solced dancing, although
you will probably it's not a competition for um. So
you can find me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone and
on TikTok at Gabrielle Underscore Stone. And then the books um,
(43:09):
both Eat Pray FML and The Ridiculous Misadventures of a
Single Girl are exclusively on Amazon, or you can get
them signed on my website, which is Eat Pray FML
dot com, where We have all of our merch for
the podcast, which is FML Talk and it airs every Wednesday,
and I would love to have you on to do it.
Let's do it. And um, yes, everyone, please read your book.
(43:30):
I mean honestly, it is so relatable. Thank you again
for coming on, and please keep doing all that amazing
work you're doing and sharing your story. It's really helpful. Oh,
thank you girl. I'm so glad you got something out
of it. It was great to connect with you. Okay,
I'll talk to you soon. Thank you. Bye. Thanks again
to Gabrielle Stone. I loved our conversation. So, as you
guys know, at the end of every episode, we need
(43:51):
to ask the listeners the question of the week, which
is how do you cope with grief? That's a huge question. Um,
you might want an email that one, but we want
to hear from you, so you can email us at
Burke in the Game at I Heart radio dot com
or d m us on Instagram at Burke in the
Game Again, the question of the week is how do
you cope with grief? Thank you guys so much, and
(44:13):
I will see you next week. Bye. Thanks for listening
and coming along this journey with me. If you like
what you hear, then feel free to give this podcast
five stars. You can also follow along with my journey
on Instagram at burke in the Game and if you
have any advice or want to write in, then email
me at burke in the Game at I heart radio
dot com
This is Burke in the Game and I heard radio podcast.
See you guys, Welcome back to Burke in the Game.
I just want to give you a quick little update
before we have an amazing guest on UM. You know,
for the first time, I guess I can say that
I'm not doing so great. I've been at a big
shoot the last couple of days. UM. More information on
(00:25):
that to come later, but you know, some new news
has developed as far as you know, this divorce and
um you know, obviously without saying too much about it,
because I do, as you guys know, have an n
d A in the prenup um, it has really ruined
my day and my last I guess three days. It
(00:46):
isn't easy and it is something that really, you know,
is just so sad, and it has been like I
haven't been able to eat, I haven't slept, I haven't
even been able to focus on my job and other
things that I'm doing or staying present even when I'm meditating.
I'm like there's all this anger and um, disappointment inside
(01:09):
of me. So you know, it's just that's all I
could really say, honestly, and I'm just here to be
honest with you guys, because it hasn't been easy. Um,
you know, it takes a long time just to have
like two different attorneys exchange, UM thoughts, I guess, and
the thoughts as of now and what uh the asks
(01:32):
are are really absurd. Anyway, moving forward, UM, that's where
I am right now, and UM, I'm hoping that will
change soon. And I'm trying not to let this one thing.
It's a huge thing, but ruined my my day and
my life. But it's really hard to separate, um all
(01:53):
of that and my professional life and my personal life. UM. Anyway,
on that note, talking about my personal life, I, like
I said, was at a shoot and there was this
guy that was flirting with me, And it was really
obvious that he was flirting with me. And he's totally
my type of guy, Like I think he's really cute
and whatever. But there was like a bunch of red
(02:15):
flags flashing in my face. Like I I guess I
just jumped to conclusion because I don't really know him,
but like the pattern from what I did know of him,
like the last few days, because he was he worked
on the shoot. Anyway, he definitely dated a friend or
a coworker of mine in the past, and um, he's
in his forties and he said that he's never been married,
(02:38):
and I was like, oh, right away, I jumped to
the conclusion like, oh, this guy's got, you know, commitment issues,
and so right away I was like red flag, red flag.
But all the hair and makeup people were basically like,
this guy is really flirting with you. It's so obvious
he likes you. Anyway, I was just minding my own
business and he just like was aggressively flirting with me.
I guess I totally would go on a date with him,
(02:59):
but I am all already, like my mind is already
making up stories and I'm believing it. So I just
thought i'd call myself out. Any who. That's that. Let's
move on to our guests. Gabriel Stone, Hi, Hi, are you?
(03:23):
I'm good? Are you? I'm so good? I am so excited.
Welcome to Burke in the Game. First of all, I
have never read a book so fast in my life.
I love your book so much and I honestly want
to read it again right now. I can relate to
(03:43):
your story, girl, like everything about it almost Well. I'm sorry,
and I'm glad totally, but I'm glad I'm I feel
like I'm not alone now, So tell our audience a
little bit about who you are and your book. Yeah.
So my name is Gabrielle's Stone. Um. I was born
and raised in Los Angeles, grew up, had a pretty
(04:05):
normal childhood, UM, and was planning on following my dreams
to be an actress and director. And in twenty seventeen,
my life kind of exploded in my face. In my
personal life. UM, I was married for almost two years
and I found out my husband was having an affair
with a nineteen year old for six months, so I
(04:27):
filed for divorce. Left and shortly after that, I met
a guy and fell madly in love with each other
like whirlwind romance, meet my family. I'm going to have
babies with this person, like all the fairytale bullshit. And
he invited me to join him on a month long
trip to Italy. Forty eight hours before we were getting
on the plane, he told me he needed to go
(04:49):
by himself and broke up with me. Now, I was
absolutely devastated, Like this man broke my heart like my
ex husband never could have done. And I was sitting
on my my mom's bed because that's where you moved
to after you get divorced um and was just in
a pile of tears. And it's like, well, I have
a decision to make, and that's either stay at home heartbroken,
(05:12):
or go travel Europe for a month by myself. So
I took a backpack and did six countries over the
span of a month and wrote the book Each Pray FML.
So what does FML stand for for all the people
that may not know. Yes, FML stands for my life
because this is not eat pray love, this is eat
my life. And I just and I love that because
(05:35):
I do believe that even like books, even you know,
books about you know, real lives, I think they kind
of romanticize it a little bit, right, Like we all
have ups and downs. I don't give a ship who
you are, like we whether you're with somebody, whether you're
codependent or independent, like we all go through our ship,
you know. And I just it's so refreshing that you
(05:58):
were so honest. Did you find writing therapeutic? Is that
your way of therapy? I guess yeah, you know, it
never was before this. And it happened very strangely, like
I found out I was going on the trip by
myself and I was like, I'm gonna write a book
about this, because at that point my life had become
a like mixture of a horror movie and a sitcom.
(06:19):
So it was like this, there's too much crazy ship
going on for me to not share this. And I
knew on the Europe trip, whatever I was going to
experience and and grow within myself was going to be
really important to share to other women and other people
healing from heartbreak and grief and trying to find themselves. Um.
So I bought a leather bound journal um the day
(06:42):
before I left on my trip, and I started writing
the first day I was in London and wrote hours
and hours every day, and three fourths of the book
was completed on that month long trip. If you open
the journal, it's like chapter one, Like it was very
close to how the final book was published. That's me thing. Okay,
So rewind, let's talk about your childhood and um, you
(07:04):
know where you come from, your parents and all of that. Yeah,
so my mom people might know from a little movie
called et or the Hewing a little my personal favorite coujo. UM.
My dad was also an actor, um and a director.
So I kind of grew up in the entertainment industry.
(07:28):
But even with that, I had a very normal childhood.
Like if one parent was working, the other one wouldn't
take a job, which is really hard to do in
the industry. Um, if someone was shooting for more than
a month, we all went to go visit. Um. There
was always someone at my dance recitals and my soccer games.
Like it was very you know, we had a really great,
(07:49):
close knit family. Um. And that all kind of came
to a screeching halt when I was six years old
and I walked into wake my dad up for Saturday
Morning Cartoon and found him lying on the floor dead
from a heart attack. So that was kind of the
first big thing that happened in my life that, unbeknownst
(08:11):
to me at the time, subconsciously put this belief in
me of when I love someone, they die and fear
of abandonment. Ultimately, that's so heavy. Did your mom put
you in therapy? I'm so sorry, by the way. When
I heard that. Yeah, So my mom was actually in
New Zealand. She was shooting a film with Peter Jackson
(08:32):
called The Frighteners. Um, so she got the call. I
was at home with my dad and my nanny who
Bless her Heart was I think twenty two or twenty
three at the time. I actually just brought her. It
hasn't aired yet, but I just brought her on my
podcast to kind of talk about the different perspectives of
like what went down that day. I can't imagine being
bad age and having to handle a situation like that
(08:55):
and take care of this little girl, right, Yeah, uh,
I mean I can't. I can't imagine. Um. And so
my mom got on the next plane home, flew home,
was home for a week. Um, we did his celebration
of life. She got all of the affairs in order,
and then the three of us got back on a
plane and flew back to New Zealand. And she finished
(09:16):
the film like a badass. And I was like, well,
this is my first lesson, and like what happens when
your life explodes in front of your face, like you
powered through and you figure it out like a badass? Right?
Was she able to like be vulnerable and feel our
feelings at the same time. Yeah, I mean, my mom,
she she's besides an actress, Um, she's a healer and
(09:37):
she does sessions with people all over the world. Um.
And so she's very in touch with everything. You know,
I've been in and out of therapy my whole life.
Like we talk openly about everything. But regardless no matter
how much therapy you do or what kind of work
you know, she was able to provide for me, it's
still a really traumatizing thing to experience at such a
(09:59):
young age, and you don't really fully comprehended until you
get older. Grief is just a tricky thing, and I
don't think anybody's ever going to figure it out. Like
I know, there's like six or seven steps of grief.
It's like, you know what, I don't even want to
put a number to it, because grieving comes in all
different types of forms and amounts of steps. I guess
it really does. Grief. Grief is a fickle bitch and
(10:21):
we never really know how to how to deal with it,
and it comes in waves and hits you at random times,
and you kind of just have to like allow yourself
to move through it the best you can. That is
the hardest part. How do you do that? Oh my god,
isn't that the biggest question? I think My general rule
that I really, you know, lived by when I was
(10:43):
on that Europe trip was meeting myself where I was
every single day. So if I was sad and I
felt like I needed to sit at home and write
and cry um for five hours, then that was acceptable,
and that was okay. If I felt like I wanted
to go out and see the city and really like
immerse myself into the business of everything, that was okay.
(11:05):
So I think the more you can be like, Okay,
what do I feel that I need today, and how
can I give myself a little bit of love and grace,
That's one of the best ways to really try and
move through it. I love that. And also what I
really loved in your book I you were talking about
yourself in third person a lot, like You're like, okay,
so what is my conscious brain saying? What is my
(11:28):
and I need to do? So I've been also in
therapy since I was a little girl, since I was
four years old, so in and out of therapy, in
and out of therapy my whole life. I'm now doing
semitic therapy and cognitive therapy. Um. But as a dancer,
you know, you're a dancer as well, so like we
you know, I tend to feel stuff more on my
body than I'm able to translate it into words, right, Like,
(11:48):
I find that very complicated for me. Um, I guess
with you, So where did you learn that technique? And
maybe just tell the listeners what that what I mean
by that? Yeah? So, um, I call it the thought
onion um and I actually I guess I made it
up on the streets of London that first day because
it wasn't from your therapist. I thought, first, no, I'm
(12:11):
going to take credit for that. I'm to write a
book about that. I'm not even kidding you really should
that's pretty help, thank you. It's it's one of the
things that when my readers reach out to me after
reading there, like I still use this daily, um. And
you know, it's a lot of the work that my
mom does as a healer is a lot more intricate
and higher level. And so I was like, how can
(12:31):
I come up with something that will help me work
through the steps of what my brain is doing? It
Either it's you want to give me an example, or
you can even do it on me, I guess because
I don't even know how to, like, I know what
I can put together like what you're saying, But I
guess sometimes I bullshit myself quite a lot, So it's like,
(12:53):
how do I know the difference between my unconscious versus
my conscious totally? Totally? So let me explain what it
is and then we can like try totally. Um. So
it's called the thought onion. Um. I always said I
was going to rename it because I was like the
onion that's so lame, and it just stuck different layers
of the onion. Yeah. So there's three levels. And it
(13:14):
happens when you're having a reaction to something, or you're
having that initial thought that is the superficial thought, like
right when you're like me into something, Yes, superficial thought. Um.
And it's oftentimes very superficial. And and in the moment
before you can kind of take a step back and
peel back that layer, and what's the superficial thought is
(13:35):
the authentic thought. And the authentic thought is kind of
like the space in you that has that ouch spot
that caused that superficial reaction. So it's like, what's underneath
you know, why did I have that reaction in the
first place, Like, what's the ouch spot in me that's
coming up? And then you peel that back and underneath
that is the subconscious thought and when you can get
(13:56):
to that, that's where the real like meat and potatoes
is and the golden gets um. The subconscious thought is
usually a long standing trauma or um, a past life belief,
or a subconscious belief that's like been with you for
a while now, and it's really like subconscious beliefs can
drive you and make it like someone else's in the
(14:17):
driver's seat without even knowing it, especially when you're like
a little girl like so for for example, if I say,
because I have body dysmorphia, and it's coming from my
dance coach when I was a little girl, like I
was a competitive ballroom dancer, him saying that I need
to always like you need to get that surgery where
you extend your legs, like literally pretty bad, and like
I had weigh ins. And then my mother who also
(14:39):
like when the nation decided to call me fat on
Dancing with the Stars when I gained a few pounds,
my mom like flew over here. I love you, mom,
but it's like you know, she she did the best
that she could, but she put me on the South
Beach diet without like even a like are you okay?
So there is so is that the I would be
the subconscious thought. Yeah, so I would do that as
(15:00):
the superficial thought is I'm fat. That's like what what
we consciously would go to in our brain. And then
the authentic thought would be, um, no, no, no. The
authentic thought would be like where does that? Where does
that stem from? Which would be I don't feel like
I fit in, I don't feel like enough. Yes, that
(15:21):
I think would be the subconscious thought. But I'm not
good enough, or I'm like next to all these little
girl dancers. They're not little girls, but like they've got
tiny bodies and like little tiny narrow frames. But I
guess I'm the comparison is the devil, right, So maybe
that's totally And in this industry in general, we're all
very u into ourselves. Girl. I mean I I can't
even I mean you you've read the book, so like
(15:42):
there's times in there where I was, you know, really
worried about how I looked physically because I was, you know,
just stuffing my face in Europe. And I've heard you
say it quite a lot in the book actually, and
I was like that you were being just honest. But
I used to travel with the scale, so there you go.
Oh yeah, girl. We both come from a world of
the industry. I've actually since you listen to the audio book,
(16:05):
I'm I'm about to go in and rerecord a few things,
but the book I have in print, I went back
and changed some of the verbiage because to me, I
was like being hard on myself and being like, oh
my god, I don't want to be fat, and like
I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, and that
was triggering to some of my readers that really it
(16:25):
being like, wait, but you're so thin. You and I
understand it because we come from a world of you know,
people telling it. I don't. I don't say like, oh,
you know she's not fat, you know. It's more like
I get I get it, Like I know you're not fat.
I know you weren't fat, and I know that, but
like I know that voice that you were, yeah, like
writing well, and it comes it comes from a life
(16:46):
of you know, in and out of eating disorders. And
I've like I've done episodes where I've opened up about that.
But I think the general thing that I took away
from it is everybody's got their own triggers towards their
and we have to respect it. Whether you're larger or
smaller or too thin. You know, it's like you have
(17:08):
to respect everybody's personal triggers and body exactly exactly. Um, okay,
do you want to finish that really quick? So we
did the and so it's the unconscious or no, sorry,
it's the superficial, superficial, authentic thought, authentic and subconscious thought.
And when you get to when you get to the
subconscious thought and you're able to recognize and start to
(17:29):
heal that, you can start having different reactions to things
in the future. I hear you. Okay, tell us what
the hell happened to your first marriage? Oh? My god, girl?
How much time? How tired are you are talking about it?
Or does it? Is it therapeutically? You know, like both
of the men in the book. Um, you haven't gotten
(17:50):
to the sequel yet, so there's wait, what's the sequel.
The sequel is called The Ridiculous Misadventures of a Single Girl. Oh,
I have to read that. How many you've written? Well,
it's just the two and then I have a journal
that's like a step by step like healing guide for
people healing. Um, so The Ridiculous Misadventures is the sequel
(18:13):
and that kind of will show people why the second
relationship with a little more No, okay, you know all
the names of the book of take, but so my
my husband. It was a really interesting situation because I
(18:34):
can look back at it now and see so many
warning signs and red flags that I did I didn't
catch when I was in the marriage. There were things
that were obvious, like and you might relate to this
a little bit. Whenever I would go away to film
something or was on set, he was like very jealous,
(18:55):
Like it's never not supportive at all, calling me crying
and starting fights and being like very very insecure. Um,
if I had a kissing scene in the film, like
forget about it. But we were going to therapy, and
I was like, Okay, this is something we can work through.
It's not an easy job to like have as a
(19:16):
significant other, Like you know, I thought that it was
something that we could eventually work through. The stuff that
was more subtle that I can look back at knowing
how his trajectory went on after me. Um, that's a
bit scary. Is like the things where he was trying
to control me. Um, Like he would say, you know,
(19:37):
you don't have to keep working and all pay for everything,
but you have to give up trying to be an actress,
which is so up and manipulative, Like why would you
ever asked me to give up my dreams and then
you'll financially take You never asked for that. You never said, oh,
I can't wait till you make enough money to support
the both of us, so I can never never um.
And that was his early stages of trying to gain
(19:59):
find ancial control over me, so that even if I
wanted to leave, I couldn't um. And you know, like
comments that were like totally totally before I even knew
like what that word meant, and now I'm like, oh,
ship that that's exactly accurate. UM. And you know, comments
like you should dye your hair blonder, or you should
get a boob job like stuff that was like trying
(20:21):
to make me into really the girl that he ended
up having an affair with, who then got a boob
job like a couple of months into them being together.
So it was just like, looking back, there were so
many red flags. But when I was in the moment
and when I found out about the affair, like I
when I tell you how shocked I my mother, his parents,
(20:44):
everyone was well, not his dad. His dad had known
for a couple of months, but everybody else was shocked.
It was wild. It is crazy, how with the red
flags when you're in that moment of like okay, you're engaged,
there's a part of like I can speak from experience
to where like even if there's red flags, I'm like,
I have got to ever got a commitment, like I'm
(21:06):
not going to let anyone down here, Like I am
definitely similar to you as far as like you know,
in a way, I wouldn't say it's a bad thing.
I think micromanaging. I think it's as a dancer, right,
Like we're very detailed, and I think that we like
to in a way know what is happening next. It's
like a routine, right Like we gotta know what's next,
(21:27):
Like we have to like plan plant plan, plan, plan plan,
Like I Mindy Weis did our wedding. I think I
was micromanaging Mindy Weiss and that was he was like, um,
you need to like stop right now. And I was like,
oh my god, I love so sorry, but yeah, you
really it's really interesting you know. For me, I think
in a part of me was wanting to see if
I could even get married in the first place. It
(21:49):
was a weird thing. Um, mind you, of course I
was in love with my ex husband and I wanted
to marry him. I don't know if it was for
the right reasons though, right right. I feel like, because
I get that question a lot, people are like, you know,
did you know before you got married that this wasn't
the right fit? And I think there was no way
(22:10):
Gabrielle at that time would have admitted that. But I
think deep deep, deep down to where it was so
it was so buried that like nobody was going to
find that ship, including me. Um, I don't I think
I knew it wasn't forever. Um, did I love him
and did I want to get married? Yes? Absolutely, but yeah,
And as far as the planning stuff, like yeah, I
(22:32):
always say that, like I produced the hell out of
my wedding. We just cast the main lead wrong. So
it's fine, but it it was really like weird kind
of you know, Like I think a lot of women
feel this when like you're in the wedding planning stage.
You get so swept up in like the grandness of
it all, and if everybody else but you, you're like
(22:55):
I can't let my guest down. But how about the
right of life? And yeah, and especially so when we
were married, I think if he wouldn't have done something
so drastic to make maybe like okay this I'm done. Um,
I would have stayed in that for a very long time,
very unhappy, because I had made a commitment and we
needed to go to therapy and try and make it work.
And like, I would have been very unhappy for a
(23:18):
very long time before I finally was like, Okay, I'm
going to walk away. So in a way, you're grateful
for that act of beyond. Like I you can look
at my life as a blueprint and be like, Okay,
everything she went through had to happen for her to
add up here, and I would do it ten times
over to get here. I love Latin men like you do.
(23:51):
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Anonymous. Before I moved
here to Los Angeles, I was living in Harlem with
my dominic hint like he was Dominican and he was
like really Dominican and um man was that relationship and
partnership my dance partner at the time abusive as hell.
Um But you know, thank god he was cheating on
(24:13):
me at the time, because then I was able to
say yes to the offer I got for dancing with
the Starts back in two thousand and six. If he
would have, if he would have been like, no, baby,
don't go, don't go. I still lived on one six
and Adam Clayton like, actually, I would have not taken
this job at all. And I was also planning on
after one season, after I did this second season, which
was my first season in two thousand and six, I
(24:34):
was planning on moving back to Harlem and just like
going back to that dude. Anyway, there's something very addicting
to Latin men, Like there is something so and I
think it's because we're dancers, and I think it's like
there's also like they're just that narcissistic cocky I can salsa, mother,
Oh my god, it's it's it's and if they smell good,
(24:56):
they're even sexier. I know. It's it's such a problem
and it's so true, and I it's it's since become
a joke with me and like my current partner and
all of my friends. Um, like he he was like,
you know, you can go solo, travel anywhere, not Latin America.
I heard I went to Argentina. That's fair. I went
to Argentina to learn how to Argentine tango. For three months.
(25:16):
I fell in love like seven times. You're like every
person that walks by, I'm like, oh, that's my next husband. No,
maybe it's that one. Um yeah, And you're right, like
the so, I'm nowhere near the type of dancer you are.
I was trained. I saw yourself dancing the other night
or last night when I was that was actually that
was that's newer. I have a newfound passion for salsa
(25:38):
since since Oh my god, have you been perfect? Yes,
of course I've been to me done absolutely. Um. So
you're right. The dance element for me, you know, having
someone to connect with on the dance floor it takes
it to a whole another level. And if you look
at mine and Jabbers relationship and like you know, even
(26:00):
throughout the sequel, everything that happens that becomes our downfall
starts with dancing. And I'm like, I just need to
stay away from Latin. Start with dry humping on the
dance floor, right, totally, It's true and and really like
the the Latin thing. It's so interesting because after I
published the book, so many of my readers d m
(26:21):
me that are you know women from Argentina or you
know of Latin decent. They're like, oh girl, how did
you not know that they're dangerous there? They're like what
even like his good friends are like, yeah, we're We're Argentinian.
We're the worst, Like, don't date he's argentinean Oh yeah,
oh no, I'm sorry. I know. I know, Like I
(26:42):
didn't even dip my toe in the pool. I like
jumped into the defense, like nobody threw me a life raft.
It was. It was a problem. Okay, so you never
had a past history with any type of Latin men,
then no, that's not true. I actually did. I lost.
We're just gonna go there. I lost my virginity to
um a Salvador Salvadorian um. And then one of my
(27:05):
oh my god, I love it, Latin lover is anonymous girl,
I'm telling you um and then note like my one
of my excess is Mexican, Like I I've always got it,
but Argentinian is a different breed, different breed, and I
was unaware and I for some reason, I you know,
the guy I chose to marry was this like boring
ass white dude, and like lo and behold, he was
(27:26):
the most sociopathic of them all. Like I hear you. Okay,
so moving forward, I guess, okay, So with okay, Javier,
how do you believe that, in a way you're grieving
your marriage was also a part of the grief, Like
that's why it hit you like a ton of bricks
because of the two in a way, back to back
(27:47):
relationships that were so intense in different ways. Yeah. So
I always get asked, you know, was he your rebound? Um?
And I God, I wish he was. I always wish
I could have been, like yeah, it was like the marriage. Yeah.
So when I found out about the affair, it I
had been unhappy for like six to seven months, which
(28:09):
makes sense because that's how long the affair was going
on for. But during that time I had fallen out
of love with my husband my husband at the time, um,
And so when I found out about the cheating, it
was like betrayal and rage, but not heartbreak, if that
makes sense, Like the heartbreak already happened. Yeah. And even
(28:32):
driving away from my house after handing in the papers,
I was like, oh, ship, Like I just dodged a
massive bullet and this is like going to be a
huge new beginning for me. So I was weirdly okay
after my divorce. Like even my mom and my friends
were like, why are we not crying? Like why are
we Like you know, I it was shocking, and it
(28:52):
was it was the anxiety that it caused any embarrassment
that I felt at the time. I'm also in a way,
you have developed a friendship regardless, right, Like he was
my yeah, he was my best friend. He had promised
to like take care of me and keep me safe
and like you know, and that's not that's only on
an emotional level. We're not even getting into like the
(29:14):
disrespect of my body, you know, having unprotected sex with
other people and myself, you know, being your wife. It's terrible. Um,
and so many people unfortunately experienced it. But so I
was oddly okay after that and whatever happened with Javier
and I. While I can tell you now, um, looking
(29:35):
back on it, I don't write about it in the
book because I learned about this so many years later. Um.
He it was love bombing and okay, here we go,
everybody strapping. Um okay, So love bombing is where you
enter into a relationship and I love you has come
very quickly. You're being showered with attention. It's like texts
(29:59):
all the time like I want you to meet from
you or from the other person. From the other person,
like I've never felt this way. We should plan trips together,
we should do this like very zero to very dependency
happening into like Hi, nice to meet you. Let's get married.
Yes one, who I am? Yeah, you're like, I'm a
(30:19):
love bomber. It's only because of the movies, goddamn it, totally.
So love bombing can happen two ways. One is by
a narcissist, where they're like, oh, I want to start
controlling this person, so I'm going to shower them with attention.
That's not what happened with Haabier. No. No. The other
(30:39):
way is someone who is well, yeah, someone who has
something lacking inside themselves, like they feel like there's there's
a hole going on in their heart and they're trying
to desperately fill that. Yeah, And so they meet someone
and they're like, oh, I think she could like fill
(30:59):
my boid up and let me like to have all
this intense intensity with her. And then eventually they realized
oh shit, this isn't working anymore because no one can
fill that void except for you. And they're like, oh ship,
actually I got to back up, and the other person
is left going, wait, I'm sorry. I thought we were
getting married. And then they so educated in the mental
(31:21):
health space, like you, you blame it on yourself and
then you start creating a hole in your heart completely.
And did you know that did you know that dangerous
in it? Did you? No? No, I had so. I
had no idea what love bombing was. And on top
of the you know, obviously for people that haven't read
the book, on top of the fact that you know,
we spent this month and a half being like planning
(31:42):
years down the road and being like so into each
other and meeting family and we went from that too,
I need to break up with you and go alone.
On top of all of that, what his excuse but
reasoning was was that a couple, I think it was
a year and a half before we met, his brother
died by suicide. Um, and he basically said that when
(32:04):
he fell in love with me, all of those feelings
he stuffed down came rushing up and it was like
heavy grief that he couldn't deal with so mentioned that
the suicide and in the book though or did you yeah, yeah,
yeah I did yeah. Um. But so for me, who
has experienced massive loss in my life multiple times, um,
(32:26):
I was very sympathetic to that, and I immediately wanted
to take care of him and protect him instead of
taking care and protecting myself. What was the time the
space between the two men? Um So with my ex husband,
we I filed for divorce. I believe it was like
(32:47):
June in the twenties, so like towards the end of June.
UM and Javier and I connected two and a half
weeks after I had left my house. Now mind you
when you're like, holy ship, that's so fast. Yes. I
had also been in a really miserable marriage for seven months,
so I was out a long time before that. And
(33:12):
my my ex husband, before I filed the paper handed
him the papers, was on a two week work trips,
so I had known I was getting a divorce for
a month before I connected with Javier. And as soon
as you found out he was cheating, you're like, I'm leaving.
You might need to find a couple more evidence, Like God,
send me, you know, sign send me a sign and
(33:33):
God here they are receipts. Totally, totally. But when I
you know, when I connected with Javier, I would not
have moved forward in that relationship if I was dealing
with you know, the dead station from the divorce. Yeah, totally,
(33:53):
it would have been a very different situation. And also
thank God that I did. So many people are like,
oh my god, after you go through a betrayal like that,
how do you enter into something and open your heart up?
And I'm such a big advocate of always keeping your
heart open no matter what happens, because one of two
things is going to happen. Either you're gonna be I know,
(34:13):
I'm not girl, I know I've done it too many times.
But you're either you're either going to be wildly happy
and in love or you're gonna learn such a massively
important lesson that's going to change you as a person
and bring you better ship in the future. So it's like,
if I would have closed my heart off, I would
have not gone into this love affair with Javier. I
(34:35):
would have not ended up going on this europe trip
writing this book that's become something that's changed my life,
and so many women around the world. So it's like
it was all worth it. You know when you say
open your heart up, are you talking about vulnerability? Yeah?
And I think you know, like I didn't walk into
that really have any walls like you didn't have. Like so,
(34:55):
for example, I just started the show off like this
before you came on, I was on a big the
last couple of days and there was this hot DP
working on in the show or on the shoot, and
he was no, but he's and I but I love
East Coast like I love East Coast men. I definitely
(35:15):
think he's from the East Coast anyway, but like he's
this like cute man and I I guess he dated
one of like my friends long a long time ago,
and he's in his forties and he's never been married.
And so I was like red flag, red flag in
my face, Like all the hair and makeup people are
like Cheryl, he's like flirting with you hard like hardcore,
and I'm like, he's just a red flag. He's just
(35:37):
another douche bag. And I'm like, and I had all
these judgments and then I was like showering last night,
I was like, wait a second, I just made this
whole story up in my head, but obviously he hasn't
had the balls to reach out to me yet and
take me on a date. So until that happens, And
I guess I already played it in my head like
I've got a great soap opera General Hospital going up
mine And I guess I wouldn't have said yes if
(35:59):
it was like when I was still in that cycle.
But now I guess I have to give somebody a chance,
you know. So it's like, I don't know why I
just mentioned this. What were you I love talking about
I cut to him hearing this podcast and being like, shit,
I got a call her. I hope, so right. I've
said it a couple of times now, but like that's
the thing. It's like, I guess it's really scary for
me because, um, being vulnerable in general. I come from
(36:21):
being judged my whole life, being a competitor of ballroom dance.
And then I come from a mother who is alpha
and she's a badass bitch and I am my mother. Um.
And my mother grew up in poverty in the Philippines
and like literally made a life for herself. My father
cheated on her. Long story short, and um, you know
she was like f you, I don't need you. And
(36:42):
at the end of the day, like I'm going to
support my daughter and I'm gonna And she created a
company and she just sold it for a lot of
money and like she's just a badass bitch and I
know I get that work ethic from her, but what
I don't want to get from her is that the
vulnerability equals weakness when we know that that's not the case. Right.
So I'm treating my brain currently because I'm like, I
(37:03):
have to feel my feelings and I owe myself this
time and this break that I've had, um, you know,
from the from my ex husband and this divorce I'm
currently still going through. UM, I do feel like dating
right like today is maybe too soon, but who am
I to judge? I do believe it's different for everybody,
and I don't think I think when people say, like,
(37:25):
you gotta wait at least six months, like, first of all,
you don't know me. Second of all, there is no
like taking time bomb like I know, I'm I don't
have no handbook that there's no manual. Yeah right, no,
not at all. So I think a really good trick
that I use, UM is I I talked to myself
a lot in love that I know, and I know
(37:47):
you do. I think, yeah, right, like you wrote a
book about it. Um. But I think it's really important
that when you notice things happening like that. So, like
when you were on set and you were like, oh,
red flag, red flag, you stop and you're like, okay, wait,
why am I thinking this is a red flag? And
kind of do the thought onion and yourself through what
that's bringing up in you. Okay, let's do it. Let's
(38:09):
do it. Let's do it. His red flag, it's yours. Okay.
So I'll call you now every time, multiple times a day, okay,
um okay. So you're looking at him and you're like,
oh my god, he's forty, he's never been married. That's
what that flag. I basically said to him, I said,
you've got commitment issues, don't you? Like, I'm such, oh
my god, rude. Okay. So that's the superficial thought is like,
(38:29):
you're you're forty, you've never been married, that's a red flag.
The authentic thought would be that makes me feel like
you have commitment issues and that's scary. Yeah, yeah, okay,
So what would the subconscious thought be? It would have
been something that like probably one of your ex husband's Yeah,
(38:49):
all my exes did some sort of horrible thing. Well yeah,
I mean if I know it was abusive or it
was cheating, one of the two. Yeah, so I mean
high commitment issues, red flag and attachment. So there you go. Yeah,
So the subconscious thought would be you're going to me
over like hundred like everybody else has. Yes, yeah yeah.
(39:13):
So you can see though when you break it down
like that, that's all your ship, that's nothing of yeah yeah, um,
And it's it's important to like, you know, I always
I always say, like when you move forward, you know,
keep your heart open, and there's tricks where you can
actually you know you feel when you close your heart
(39:35):
it probably at him. I only know that because I
also come from I got my lesso when I was
a little girl. So like there's all this like I
just don't feel safe anywhere except myself. So the thing
that I do, because I go through a lot of
that with my abandonment stuff, whenever that gets triggered, like
my heart is like yeah, totally um, and you have
(39:56):
to really stop and you get quiet, you shut your
eyes and you go to your love place. Which is
whatever makes you feel very safe and happy. Mind's usually
my dog whatever. Yeah, whatever it is that like opens
your heart and you in your mind's eye actually imagine
your heart reopening and that's all you have to do
(40:16):
and feel love around it and then continue on throughout
your day. And it's such a powerful practice that you
can do in the moment, but you have to check
yourself when it's happening, so you have to stop and
do it and the whole thing, like you're not your thoughts,
like I do transidental meditation, and it's it really does.
It helps with like sitting in silence, even though it
might sound scary. It was scary for me in the beginning,
(40:38):
but I am now addicted to it. But this is
a great advice. Okay, let's I know there's so much
more I can talk about with you, but let's talk
about the now. Congratulations you're engaged. Are you getting married?
I don't know, you know, we know it's so funny
because we are our story you know, you'll read about
(40:58):
in in the second book. But it was not an
easy journey to get here. Um, and I was like
trying to stop you on Instagram. So he's uh, he's
Persian and Irish, but he looks like Italian. He's very good, lucky,
thank you, m Yeah, I did, I did, okay. Um,
So it was very full circle. All of my readers
(41:19):
were kind of freaking out when I like announced the
engagement because we got engaged in Italy, where you know,
Javier and I were supposed to go to in the
first place. Like, yeah, this like beautiful full circle moment um.
And we just have such a beautiful relationship, Like I'm
so lucky, and it's been really sweet because you know,
our love story is written about in the second book,
(41:41):
and so my readers really have fallen in love with him. Um.
So whenever I bring him, he's yeah, yeah, he's just
got a really he's just a good soul and a
good man. Um. And I know that they exist and
they're out there, but they are harder to find unless
they're all just hiding and we don't know where they are,
(42:03):
or if you's not accepting it, like there's I mean,
I don't want to go there now because we have
to wrap soon. But like there is a turn off
situation with me sometimes when the man's too nice, but
that has nothing to do with them. Right, Oh she progress,
chare all progress? Um, so I don't. I don't know
when we'll do the wedding. I think it's could be
very low key like I did the big crazy wedding.
(42:25):
We've both been married before, you know, it's it's our
second rodeo, so I think before just like a show
up on this date and we're going to have a
party type thing you can do Vegas. I kind of
loved that, but they did that. I love it. I
am in love with you and I hope that we
stay in touch. I would love to go out dancing
(42:46):
with you. I think we would have a blast together. Um.
And so now just let our listeners know where they
can find you, and UM we'll exchange contact later. Yes,
for sure, I would love to go solced dancing, although
you will probably it's not a competition for um. So
you can find me on Instagram at Gabrielle Stone and
on TikTok at Gabrielle Underscore Stone. And then the books um,
(43:09):
both Eat Pray FML and The Ridiculous Misadventures of a
Single Girl are exclusively on Amazon, or you can get
them signed on my website, which is Eat Pray FML
dot com, where We have all of our merch for
the podcast, which is FML Talk and it airs every Wednesday,
and I would love to have you on to do it.
Let's do it. And um, yes, everyone, please read your book.
(43:30):
I mean honestly, it is so relatable. Thank you again
for coming on, and please keep doing all that amazing
work you're doing and sharing your story. It's really helpful. Oh,
thank you girl. I'm so glad you got something out
of it. It was great to connect with you. Okay,
I'll talk to you soon. Thank you. Bye. Thanks again
to Gabrielle Stone. I loved our conversation. So, as you
guys know, at the end of every episode, we need
(43:51):
to ask the listeners the question of the week, which
is how do you cope with grief? That's a huge question. Um,
you might want an email that one, but we want
to hear from you, so you can email us at
Burke in the Game at I Heart radio dot com
or d m us on Instagram at Burke in the
Game Again, the question of the week is how do
you cope with grief? Thank you guys so much, and
(44:13):
I will see you next week. Bye. Thanks for listening
and coming along this journey with me. If you like
what you hear, then feel free to give this podcast
five stars. You can also follow along with my journey
on Instagram at burke in the Game and if you
have any advice or want to write in, then email
me at burke in the Game at I heart radio
dot com
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