May 5, 2025 • 40 mins
Tinx is here to share all of her secrets on how to land the perfect match.
She opens up about her new book, including which actors she’s dying to cast.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Lettington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Hello Call It crew, and welcome to another episode of
Call It What It Is jess Tinky Tink style.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm just coming out with it.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
No, I mean seriously, I when we teased out the
tinks was coming overwhelming response.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yes, and I even got text through like oh my god,
oh my god, can you ask her this? I know
she It's like she's the oracle.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
I want to ask her.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
And I feel like we said we represent ourselves as
that we know a thing about a thing or two.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
But she's more No, because I was on her TikTok
like all last night and I was like and I
was learning. I was like, I don't know anything, I
know absolute and she knows it all.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
So I want to ask her all these things. Yeah,
let's do it. Let's bring her on.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi, Hello, how are you guys?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
What's going on? Hi?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Welcome to Call It What It Is?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.
I'm so excited to have a chat.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
We were just talking about you because I, I mean,
I guess it was sort of like when when like
the TikTok like ah, thanks, and then like if everyone
was talking about you and I was like, I mean, like,
how does this phone thing work?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Kind of TikTok work? What's my name? What are we doing?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
And I got I was like this, girls, like I
think everyone was talking about what you were talking about
and you being in the zeitgeist of all the conversations,
but I was actually going, damn, she's really smart, so kind.
Like the way that you were putting it, the way
you were positioning it, the way you were speaking about it,
had a lot of heart and you know, listen, there's
(01:54):
a lot of noise. All of a sudden, you had
like what you were saying had has real teeth and
like made people, I think, feel seen.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
And then.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Create a different.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Dimension to how they were looking at their lives or
like a perspective that maybe like something that had been
sitting in their blind spot. And I feel like whenever
someone comes around that's smart and feels like I can
trust her, you get you get a new take on it.
So that's how I remember coming to know who you are.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
For you, I'm curious because Jessica's talking about like the
moment that you sort of like popped off. When did
you realize, like, oh shit, people are really watching these
tiktoks and like I have an audience.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
I think the first time that I got a brand deal,
I was so shocked that like you could get money
for it because I have my job in COVID, Like
I had been consulting for a couple brands kind of
like doing this and that, and all the brands obviously
didn't need any help in COVID, and so I was,
you know, stressed about that. And I remember the first
time that I got a brand deal, this brand was like,
(02:55):
you know, we'll pay you six hundred dollars to weare
our pants in your video. And I was like, I
was like shut. I was flabbergasted. I was like can
I keep the vans too?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Like they're like giving them back though.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I just couldn't believe it, and I like didn't have
a plan. I was like, you know, we were all
out of our minds in the pandemic. We were like
like living day to day like doing whatever. Yeah, I
get through it. And I was like making these videos and.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
With your teeny tiny little microphone, but my tea, Like
I literally.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Was the point where like I had so little going
on because I was like living alone in my studio
apartment in La. I was so new to La, so
we didn't have a ton of friends and obviously we
weren't supposed to hang out anyway. Yeah, and you know,
I was just like, Okay, well, I'll just do this
to keep myself busy. And then my friends were like,
I think you can like do this, like you should
just keep going. And I was like, I feel too
(03:46):
old to be on this platform, blah blah blah, and
they were like, just keep making videos, and so I
did it. And when I got my first brand deal,
I was just so happy. I was like, I can't
believe you can get paid to make content. And I
was like, I'm going to see how far it is.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, when look at you now, I so.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Feel jealous of that kind of knack for the social
media because I think it takes me a second to
like sort of get myself into it, and I think
just some people just take to.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It like a duck to water. And I feel like.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
You you are such unnatural.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I mean, I really was stalking you yesterday. How did
you figure out what you wanted to talk about? First? Like,
especially in the pandemic when you're not even going anywhere.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It was like treal and error. I was like, okay,
let me make a video about this, like let me.
I knew I couldn't do the dances. I was like, well,
these girls are seen and they're so cute. So this
is not my thing, but maybe I can make content
for people my age. And I'm a millennial and I like,
I love a listicle. I love like a jokey you
know thing about pump sure like that's our.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Shit, right we cool?
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Yeah? Yeah, this feedless? We love that stuff. I love
like what Harry Potter character, are you whatever? Anything that coded?
I like? So I was like, maybe I can do
it for people my age, and I was just trialing error.
I was like, Okay, people love when I talk about this.
They don't like when I talk about that, and it's
it's evolved.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
What did they love? And what are they not?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Like?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
What did you see right away?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
They love like self deprecating lists like I remember I
did want like ranked how pretty I was in all
the cities that I've lived in. I was like, okay,
I was a timely, funny Francisco and I was like
a four in New York and I'm a mine in
LA like they love that shit, they like. I used
to also share way more of my personal life, Like
I would share everything about dating. And I think because
(05:33):
I was a little bit older, it was a nice
antidote to all of the like eighteen year olds in
the high pals who were they were having dating drama.
But there's something about like teenage drama that doesn't hit
as hard whereas I would have my drama. Yeah, it's
like I was in my I was in my I
was like just turning thirty. I was like in love
(05:53):
with my best guy friend and I was sharing all
of that and people like that worked a lot too, I.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
For people that don't know you and the listening right now,
you have this theory that is slightly terrifying to me.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
What's the box dating theory?
Speaker 4 (06:13):
Okay, box theory is my theory that when a guy
meets a girl in a romantic setting, so a date
of an app, a setup, or something like this, he
puts her into one of three boxes.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Now, hang on, wait, do you have to meet in person?
Speaker 4 (06:26):
No, it could be dating app, but it has to
be a romantic setting. Like, it doesn't apply if say
you've been friends with that person for a long time,
or you're they're your colleague and you've seen them every
day for ages and then, like you, one of them
catches feelings or whatnot. I'm talking about like a true
like it's a romantic setting.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
The guy will put the girl in a one of
three boxes. Wants to date her, wants to hook up
with her, doesn't want anything to do with her. Okay,
the third box is easy. You can usually tell when
a guy is just like, yeah, you can usually.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I mean it still stings, like it still stings.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
But like, well, yeah, Where people get confused is between
the date box and the hook up box. And the
point is you can't move from box to box. This
is what really trips people up because it rings and
I I was in the hookup box, he stabs, Like,
for all of my twenties, I would be in the
(07:18):
hook up box. And I would be like, if I
just act perfect enough, I will I will want to
date me. And the truth is that's not how it works.
When a guy meets you, he's like, yeah, I want
to date her, and there's very little you can do
to make him not want to date you because We've
all been on the end of that, where you know
you're seeing a guy, you're not that into him, and
he's just yes, he will follow up. He's asking you
(07:41):
for drinks, he's booking the next date, he remembers that
your sister is having foot surgery and he's following up
about it. And we've all also been on the other
end where you're like, I'm acting so perfectly, like.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I'm funny, I'm having everything right.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
I'm talking about you know, Jesus and golden retrievers, like
he just won't date you. And it's because they put
you in these boxes. And then people say to me like, well, thanks,
you're putting all the power in the guy's hands. That's
not really how I look at it. I look at
it as like a self awareness thing, so that you
don't ever act in a way that's not in accordance
with who you are. Because speaking from personal experience as well,
(08:17):
I think a lot of girls think, oh, well, I
should like write a text a certain way, or I
should do this a certain way, or that a certain way.
You need to be yourself because the right guy will
like youtaneously. And like I said, there's very little that
you can do to make him not like you after that,
Like girls will always call my show and be like,
oh my god, like things were going well, I thought,
(08:38):
And then I put two exclamation marks instead of one of.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
The text like this was me dating by the way,
I'm like, no.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
You're the sooka box and it's fine. It's just like
it's good to know where you stand so that you
don't waste time on someone who wouldn't mind losing you.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Does it work both ways?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Do girls put guys in boxes or just the guys
to the girls?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I don't think girls.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Do girls do something which I call reverse box theory,
which is where girls will elevate a guy to a
crazy status without him really being worthy of it. And
so by that they'll see a guy on a dating
app and they'll be like, oh my god, he has
a dog. I have a dog. Oh he has he
(09:20):
has a picture with his mom, he's a family man.
He went to Michigan. I have been to Michigan.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Like we are points, yeah, twin flames in your head.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
And again I've done this in times. I know judgment
even like you're having we're having a May wedding, like
we're gonna get married husband. Then you go to the date.
You're nervous as hell because in your head that this
is the father of your children. Need to get a
ring in six months. Act like a freak because you're
(09:53):
so nervous. The truth of the matter is this guy
hasn't done anything to prove that he's a good guy,
that he your time, that he deserves your effort. It's
not our fault. It's just that women, and I think
especially with the you know, the dating apps, they really
make you like future trip and they make you imagine
something before it's real and the only thing.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
But I think that it's also I mean, I'm sure
you've already like scratched at this, but I think it's
also science.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I think it's a neurobiological like.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I think it harkens back to the days though really
old ones.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
We're looking for the signs like yeah, I'm going to
be a provider. It's totally normal. My point is just that, like,
don't make him greater than he is in your mind,
because the most important thing is how he treats you
and how you feel. If you leave the date and
you're like I feel funny, I feel sexy, I feel beautiful,
I feel seen. I feel like he listened. Then sure
(10:46):
you can think that this dude is great, but not
before he's actually shown you. Yeah, he's a good.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Person, a great I'm raising my hand.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I have a question, Yes, how quickly do you think
guys are boxing us?
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Very quickly?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
It's like the terminator helmet. It's like they scalely like.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
First, hang out first, hangout box first.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I think it's like by the you might get boxed
at the bar, just standing there.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Like it's it's you're in the box. But it's not
as scary as it seems. It's like it's honestly really
freeing because then once you know, you're just like, oh,
like you want to be in someone's Everybody deserves to
be in someone's date box, and you will in date box.
So if you're not, like if you're hanging out dating
with someone who texts you sporadically, doesn't make you feel
(11:34):
seen all this shit, you're like, okay, I'm in their
hook up box and that's okay as long as I know,
and then I can make a decision like do I
want to see this person casually or am I looking
for something real? And then I can move on.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, knowledge is power? What is according to you? I
want to know what has been the worst city to
date in.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Oh, that's a good one, I would say, La.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Oh my god, I thought you were to say New York.
Oh not, I'm by the way, In case you didn't know,
I'm in New York and she's in La.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Yeah, La New York and we both lived in both
places too, Okay, tell us why.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
I think that it's the flakiness combined with all the
normal dating hell. Like, I think at least York you
have you can go on a date. Like, if you're
jonesing to go on a date, you can one percent
make the plan on hinge. People will follow through people date.
They're like, it's like going to the gym. You know,
you can like, oh, well what did you do last night?
(12:32):
I went to the gym and went out a date. Then,
you know, it's just a thing that people do. In La,
people are like recluses. Sometimes. I'm not here to bash La,
but I just there's not a place where people congregate
enough ever go Like if you were in a flirty mood,
you and your girlfriend were single, and you wanted to
go like catch a vibe, It's pretty hard to find
(12:53):
that in La like maybe Venice, but even then it's
so touch and go on whether there's actually going to
beat people out people just in their homes more, and
that makes it harder to just meet people out and about.
And also with the dating thing, it's just like I
find people are more flaky because it's the driving. You know,
if you match with someone on an app, if you
(13:15):
live in West Hollywood and they live in Venice.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
No, it's not happening. That's a problem. It's done, didn't start,
never started.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I know my friend, my one of my best friends,
she was just telling me that on her first date
with her boyfriend, he drove an hour and a half.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Oh wow.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
I was like, man, I do like. I was like
that's insane, and he was like yeah, I looked at
my GPS and I was like, oh am I going
to cancel this date. And then he was like I
got to go. It's a setup. I got to go.
And now they've been dating like seriously for a couple
of years, but like an hour and a half.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
No, And they moved in together probably after a week
because they're like three ways.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
It's such a Greek walk.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Coming back to New York I'm shook by how quickly
people move in together because like, oh, it's.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
Like six months and they're like, okay, well, I guess
we're on zil And I'm like, oh, why.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Do you find?
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Do you find that one city is the men in
one city are more commitment phobes than another.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
I think that everywhere right now people are just having
an aversion to commitment. I think people are.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Do what do you chalk it up to?
Speaker 4 (14:23):
I think just like the paradox of choice, like that
it feels like there's infinity hot people. It feels like
there's you can, you know, see a million hotties on
your phone every day. And you know, women are certainly
staying single longer. The stats are all showing us that
a record number of women over thirty are single and unmarried.
(14:45):
And so I think on the women's side, they're just
being a little bit more choosy about, you know, feeling
down with And I think also people are a little
bit like, you know, why why rush into it?
Speaker 6 (14:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
The things I have to talk to you because it's
very rare that I see anyone who's upbringing like life
beginningness looks like mine and yours does. Because I'm from England,
born and raised, and I went to my you know,
I went to all girls Catholic school and for a
little bit mascot and I moved here when I was nineteen.
(15:34):
And you were born here but lived there and moved
back to the Yeah, okay, yeah, when you were nineteen.
And do you miss home or do you consider home?
Speaker 4 (15:48):
You know, I think it's like I don't really think
of home home. I think of like where I grew up.
You know, it's just like my young chapter of my life,
all my childhood, and I do miss it sometimes. There
is a certain there's there's a certain vibe to London
and to British people in British culture that I really
really relate to, and that makes me feel very comfortable.
(16:09):
The humor, the sarcasm.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I love the humor and the sarcasm.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
It's amazing. It's like it feels like a breath of
fresh air and it feels like, oh like every time
I've been in LA for too long, I'm like, I
need to go home and just like be with my
friends from high school. Oh like they just don't. I
don't know. There's like I'm generalizing hugely here, obviously with.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
That that's what we're here for a little bit.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Less like vanity. And I'm like the most vain person,
so I can say that, but like they it feels
like they don't think about themselves as much as I
think about myself or something. And maybe that's the industry
I'm in. I get that I'm an influencer. That's the
most vain. Yeah, you can have, but it's just a
little bit more chill. And you know, even like the
(16:53):
drinking culture. You can go to the pub and it's
not such a like it's not like blackout or or no.
It's just kind of like, oh, it's me to have
a drink and like, well chat. It just feels a
little bitter.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Okay, speaking of high stakes socializing, hot are in the Hamptons.
How did you know you were going to write a
book about the Hamptons because you.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Went so this weekends sort of inspired it.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Well, it's so funny because that weekend that I went,
I hated it and I was like, I hate the
people here, like they're so snobby and the honest to
god truth is. Then I like became an influencer and
I made my own money, and then a couple of
years ago. I was able to rent my own house
and invite my friends for the month, and we did
what you did. We just holl up, we barbecue, it
(17:42):
came yard, We drink wine till three in the morning,
and like, we just have so much fun. And then
that's the right way to do it. If you go
as like a guest, knowing nothing and not having any
you know, it's just one of those places which I
hate to say, but it is. It's like a little bit.
I mean, obviously the locals would probably be be like
f you you know, it's a beautiful place all year
(18:02):
round for everybody, but I'm talking about the vacation Hampton.
The right way to do it is to just hang
with your people friends. Yeah, it's really fun and then
you kind of get to know what you like and
what you don't like.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So but there must have been something about it where
you're like, this is the backdrop because then you decided
to write a book.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Yeah, well it's you know, I used to do these
rich Mom starter packs and there, yes, I know the
content of oh yes, I know, you know wherever I
love rich Moms and all the you know, all the places,
and it just made sense for the first one to
be in the Hampton's. I have this whole idea for
a whole series where each book is going to be
in a new rich mom location. We're going to have
(18:40):
to badass heroin. We're going to explore a new fantasy,
and so it's kind of going to be like Slutty
White Lotus without the death.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I love a slutty White Lotus.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
If I was a studio had, I'm like, that's all
I need to hear, slutt White Loadus.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
So I think thought Hampton's made sense because I have
been spending more time there the past couple year just
with my friends.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And did you and have you hung out with Aaron
and Sarah when they've been in there?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Is that how you guys met? Did you meet socially
or did you meet through work?
Speaker 4 (19:07):
You know? I think we met because I was on
their podcast a couple of years ago, and then we've
done a few things together like I did.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
It makes perfect sense to me, by the way, because
I've known them both for a very long time. We're
talking about Sarah and Aaron Foster. I say this to
Kimilla all the time. Truly two of the most whips
smart like crazy.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
You with and you don't. I mean, I don't know
about you. Maybe all the flower, but I don't see
it coming.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
And then all of a sudden, the punchline's there and
I have They're funny.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
They're so funny, they're so smart, they're so on it,
and they just kind of get what people want. You
see it in every they do. You see it in
their clothing line, you see it in their podcast last year,
like they just get it. They really intuitively get it.
And I mean, it's a dream come ture.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I couldn't be beer such a perfect When does it
start filming.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
We're still in the beginning stages. We're like interviewing writers now,
which is such a fun experience. Obviously it's all new
for me. But I'm loving every second and they're being
so teaching me and so I hope we can move fast.
But I'm I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It's so exciting. I cannot wait to worry. This is
like my cup of tea.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
By the way, this is like I'm seated, I have
my glass of wine.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
My kids they got a zip. Mommy's watching her like
tell me when it's on.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Honestly, I'm inspired by any movie or TV shows set
in the Hamptons because it's just fun to look at, Like, I.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Know, do you remember when Sexist that he went to
the Hampton's and then who was it? The gut Crabs?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Yeah, the most did. And it's like, remember she's so flattered.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
That they think she's young.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Yeah, I'm like, who is.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
For your show?
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Who would your dreamcasting be? And you can say Jessica
and Night That's fine, and then we can just.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Move on if we're too talking about due old.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
We're due old have or not. I have a dreamcast
in my phone. I don't adjinx it, but like I'm
manifesting really hard.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Oh you should. Oh you know, by the way, with
manifesting something I just learned, you're probably gonna be like, hello,
just I already know this.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
You're actually not meant to think about it over and
over and perseparate about it.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
You're actually meant to think that's already happened.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
No, I have it, it's happening.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
It's done. You just haven't sent out the contract, So
I say it right now.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
I'm just so that we can send the contracts out,
like I.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Just ye, okay, great, good, great, well we will we'll
be in season two, since there will be one and
and or if you just need any.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Support, we're there.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
We have to get on because you do ask me anything. Yeah,
that's what you're known for. And our Call It crew
were like, we got a million asked me anythings. We
got a million questions for you, and so they would
care if we didn't get to this. So we're going
to ask you some questions.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Diana ask how do you know when to give up
on a relationship. It's a great question.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
That's tough.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I know there's not a box for that.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
I know.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
I think there's too many boxes.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
I think that when you feel like there's no path forward,
like if you can't see a path, like if you
can't even imagine what it would take to move forward,
then you have to you have to leave, and you
have to advocate for your future happiness. I think, Like
another trick that I have is if you can't imagine
(22:35):
doing the next thing with them, So like if you're
dating casually being exclusive with them, if you can't, then
it's not your thing. If you're dating and you can't
see moving in with them or living with them at
some point, not your person. You have to be like
would I do the next step with them, and that's
like a good barometer for if there's a future.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Do you have like a little rule for for if
you've been with someone for like a really long time
and they have proposed yet, is there like you've hit
eight years, like, get the fuck out.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
I don't really believe in ultimatums. I don't know though,
that is really hard. What do you guys think that.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I think that if you're at like eight years, I like,
I think you should and that's what you want. I
think there is like a little bit of a get
the fuck out. But I don't like ultimatums. I just
think that it's because I don't.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Think you should be like proposer, I'm hitting out, you know.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
I think it's ideally it's like you ideally you don't
get to that point. Ideally you're on the same page
and you know, and by you know, you're like, we're
working towards this. If you're eight years in and you
haven't had a conversation about it, that's on you as well.
You know, you've got to talk about it too before then.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I think, yeah, sometimes I think you do have a conversation.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
When guys are like just you know when it's right,
when it's when we're ready, and then it feels.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Like a little bit of them. It's like, yeah, it's
it's not.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Very yeah, and he's just not that into you.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
When I graduated college and I came to Los Angeles,
I got a duplex in as one does, right near
Fairfax High.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
And on the other side, I had like a single
dude that was dating a lot the first year or two,
and then the second year, this really cute couple moved in.
They'd just come from she'd come from New York and
he was in LA and he's a comedian, super funny,
and she was super funny. And he would go and
do consulting for sex and the City because they would
do the Writer's Room in Los Angeles, and we became
(24:31):
really good friends. And he would just always have great
one liners. And he is the guy who came up with,
oh well, he's just.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Not that idiot.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
He's the one who, oh my live that in the
writer good claim the fame of his that's a really
good line. I mean, think about how people say that
all the freaking I mean all the time, and then.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
They and then and then talk about how, you know,
figuring out how to scale it out. Before they were
talking about scaling things out, and all of a sudden
it you know, obviously it's struck such a nerve in
the show, and then they made it into a movie
because it's so.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
You know why.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
But I think it's struck a nerve and I think
it goes back to you and why.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I remember in the first time that I saw your videos.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
It strikes a nerve when it's true, right, No, it does,
And I think that's the beautiful part of influencing.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Yeah. No, I agree. I think like most of the
time you just feel so crazy when you're dating, and
it's like if someone's just validating like you're not crazy,
that it's really good.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah. Camilla says things all the time that I'm like, oh, yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Yeah, because I know everything I'm like I do, I
might be oracle for you, Jess.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah, I agree with this.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Carrie wants to know, Tanks, what would you tell your
eighteen year old self.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
Oh, I would tell her not to worry and to
enjoy it and just take so many pictures and cherish
your youth and have fun and just don't worry it
all works out, like it really does. You just don't
need to feel the weight of the world on your
shoulders as a young as a young teen, you could
(26:08):
just kind of try to enjoy the ride a little
bit more.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
I think that's true now for me, Like I just
gotta like, like enjoy the ride.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I'm trying, but it's hard every day, Like hard I do.
I'm the same way. I'm like trying to remind myself
all the time, but it's hard. You get bogged down
hard work and stress and stuff and errands, and then
you're just like, I'm like, why am I taking myself
so seriously today? Like, oh my god, Like it's not
that deep tanks, but it's hard to click out of it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It is.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, So Rory wrote it and she said, I'm fifteen and
I really like a girl, but I'm scared to ask
her out.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
What should I do?
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Oh my gosh, I think you should ask her out.
I think you go for it. I think you should
try it. There is it's this sooner you learn that
being rejected or someone saying, oh I don't want to
go out with you, it's not a failure. It doesn't matter.
It's just it's amazing to put out good energy in
(27:05):
the universe. And it's also so nice to tell someone
that you like them or you have a crush on them.
And the sooner you can learn that, the better, the
happier you'll be because it's so nice and it's little pressure,
it's little stakes. Either she says yes and that's great,
or she says no and that's also great, and you
move it on and you's it's all good either way.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
So I say, ask great, I love that.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
So Nicky says, my ex wants to go get sushi
with me. He said, it's friendly, but I don't know
what to do because I don't like him.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
What do you think.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
About the xes? First off, let's all be honest. This
fucking X wants to get back.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
There's no like, let's just be buds, like you have
some sushi on.
Speaker 4 (27:51):
He's done a tour, he's realized that he ain't that
much shore. You have to think about it that way.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
You have to think no, no, no, this is great.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Be real with yourself because sometimes you're like, oh, like,
I'm so special. He's been thinking about me this whole time. No,
he got rejected on his last three tender dates and
now he's looking for something nice and easy and he
wants to get sushi with you.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
We talk about this all the time.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
I didn't used to think I had anxiety, and now
I know I do. So Ashley has written in and
said one of the best ways to help anxiety question mark.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
I think that therapy is amazing. I think everybody got
to talk to and just help process. I think journaling
is really helpful. Reading really helps me. Showering it really
does help. Like if you're having like you're feeling really
anxious and you're like, whoa, I'm like not feeling good,
(28:51):
take a shower, like it really does. They've proven it
resets your nervous system and you kind of feel a
little bit more calm after you take a shower. Making
sure you have good sleep, which is hard because usually
if you have anxiety, you can't sleep that well. But
if you have anything to make sure you're getting good sleep,
that will definitely help anxiety reduce. And honestly, like it's
(29:14):
all the kind of boring stuff that we don't like
to do, but it actually does help. Like going on
walks really helps as well. If you do all of
those basic things. It can really help.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I found putting my phone away actually really really helps
me too.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Sometimes I'm like, dude, put your fucking phone away.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Just two hours, like a shower and then a two
hour away from your phone, you might start to feel
a little.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Works wonder crazy way we have the entire world and
every problem at our fingertips, and we wonder why we're
all freaking anxious the whole time. It's a lot. It's
bombarding us at all times, and you have to know
one to set boundaries and to be like I need
to put my phone away.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Also self talk. I talk about this a little, but like, yeah,
really figuring out like you're always your own little party
of one. I used to think it was like so
crazy to have a meal alone, and now I'm like,
I love having, especially in New York City, a happy, happy, happy,
happy love a meal alone.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
I mean, I'm just having like that relationship with yourself
one hundred.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
It's so important. It's the most important relationship of all.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Ye Aila asks, how do you know when your standards
are too high?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Is that even possible question? I think it's possible.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
It's a good question, though I think mine might be
too high.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
This is really what you know.
Speaker 4 (30:39):
I think, like you know, I think gut check is
if your friends are constantly being like you're that's a
crazy reason to dump someone, or may be more open.
You know that your friends know you really well and
they have your best interest at heart. So if they're
constantly saying, like, did you really dump that guy because
he wore a blue T shirt and not a green
turch T shirt. But then you're like, Okay, I need
(31:00):
to like check myself a little. But it's good to yourself.
It's good to have standards, and it's good to know
what are your non negotiables. I think that's another thing
that can help you is like pick your non negotiables.
Say this person has to be kind, they have to
be smart, and they have to like love their family. Okay,
those are the things that really matter to you and
everything else. Be a little bit more flexible on.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
M I remember dating.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
My big problem was like I could get picked so easily,
Oh my god, beyond like to the point where it
was like it was borderline offensive that I got aicked
by something like just the way they walked. Maybe in
like even if they like did like this is so mean.
I feel if they walked in like maybe tripped a
little bit, like it's over for me.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Oh, I agree, I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Right, Okay, Lives asked, I want to be with someone,
but I also like being alone.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Am I broken? Or is there hope?
Speaker 4 (31:57):
You're definitely not broken, definitely really healthy and normal to
want to spend time alone. I think it's really I
think it honestly makes you a better partner in the
long term because you are independent and you know your
likes and things, and you're not someone who's gonna cling
to someone or have an anxious attachment style like you
like it. To me, that means you like yourself when
(32:19):
you want to spend time alone. It means you have
a good relationship with yourself. Doesn't mean you're broken, doesn't
mean you're not going to find someone who loves you.
It means simply that you like yourself, which I would
argue means you're going to call in someone who is
even higher vibrational level.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Like really, yeah, I love that. I think that's so true.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Okay, Susie said, I am starting over at fifty seven.
I'm scared of dating and being alone. What should I do?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Would you recommend getting on a dating app.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
Yeah, I honestly would for especially for that age group.
I think it's a really effective way to meet people.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Do you have an app that you prefer? Are you
like not tender but this.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Oh, I don't know. I think maybe Henja Bumble could
be good, But I think it's I think you should
view it as like an exciting new chapter, Like it
really is a new time where there are no limits
and you shouldn't be afraid just because you feel like, oh,
you have to start over again. It's it's a new chapter,
(33:20):
like it's a new era. It's so exciting. Life is short,
but it's also long, and there's so many different eras
that we all have, And I think that you should
go into it with a mentality of like I can't
wait to find out what happens, Like I get to
write this next chapter, and it's maybe I'll find someone,
and maybe I'll date around, and maybe I'll have experiences.
And it's a true period of unknown, which is so exciting.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Have you been on Riya is it? Rya raya Ryan?
Speaker 4 (33:49):
I've been on it?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (33:51):
Like?
Speaker 2 (33:52):
It's been on everything I know.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
I'm so curious because I feel like I missed the
app thing, maybe like it.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Was just like a game.
Speaker 5 (34:04):
No, it's it's it's a it's it's a normal matching
dating app. I think that the problem with all dating
apps right now is that we just have like there's
so many and there's so many matches to be had,
and I feel like there's almost too many matches where
it's like, yeah, oh, you're not really dating with intention anymore.
(34:25):
You're just like on a million apps and you're just
like people don't even meet up, they just match to
match and then they're like, you know, but I have
heard that with like the age limits, like in an
because it's a different generation. In the like generation, they
have more success, right because it's like they don't have
(34:46):
the ghosting behavior, Like someone in a different generation wouldn't
be so rude as to just like drop off the
face of the planet and like not respond. So I
think that our fifty seven year old friend has a
really great shot, and I think it's it's exciting.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
I love that Sean asks what would be the best
way to get over trust issues. I'm assuming this is
probably in a relationship therapy.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Honestly, I think, yeah, so important, and it can really
help you work through like why it was so hurtful,
and like what being betrayed meant to you, and like
how it hurt you. So I'm a big therapy advocate.
I think that yeah, getting.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
BR two is the best.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Okay, Gabby ass When do you think is an appropriate
time to ask if we want to move in together?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
I feel like a lot of people are probably had
that question.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
I think that when you feel like you are getting right,
you're almost the point where you want to move in.
I think you should have a check in and be like, hey,
like I could see us, you know, when the lease
is up, I could see us moving in. I think
I'm a big fan of just being honest. Like I
don't believe in game. I don't believe in like timing
(36:03):
it out or whatever. Like if you feel like you
want to move in with someone your lease is coming up,
I think bring it up, Like, I don't think it
can hurt again if you're with the right person, even
if they're not ready to move in with you yet,
it won't matter. They'll just be like, oh, like I
love my apartment, I want to live with my roommate
for another year. But like I'm so into you and like,
let's keep doing this. Like with the right person, it
(36:25):
won't matter. So time to do it is when you
when you feel it.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
This is hard for me because I'm thinking about me
when I was in my dating ears and if I
asked a guy if I was kind of ready, and
I asked again and he was like, yeah, what, I'm
not ready yet? Like I can't want to be, you know,
but like I like, what what's happening.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
I know that I would spine, they'd be in a
different box, can move boxes. I don't know what it is,
but it would sour it for me, and I.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
Totally get that. Yeah, and it's like, but that's also
important to.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
Know it is. But I wonder. I wonder for someone.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Like me, I could sour it and if I'd get
sour on it, but then in a year, if I'd
just been more.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Chill, more way and chill, yeah, more weight, chill far
who you.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
Are and you have to like honor who you are,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (37:11):
And by the way, that might that might bring out
something in him. I mean, if you were like oo,
then it I mean, my gosh.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
It's just we are living in this comfort. I mean
some people call it a comfort crisis.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
I sort of enjoy all the comforts and I'm very
grateful for our evolution.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I don't mind then I can get food at my house.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
I love it is my favorite app.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Like it's sad comfort crisis.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
We're not evolving. I was like, I don't think we're good.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I think we are, but I think that that then
you're reminded, Okay, great, I can get the I can
get the uber eats fast, but I can't get the
relationship fast.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
And if I if I fuck up, and I got.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
To go back and and have a do over and
repair and be like can I you know what I
said that? And I can feel your sour and I
actually love you. And here's why I don't want to
move in right now. They might not make you so sour,
Like I don't think that at the sliding doors moment
where like if you just waited and chilled, he would
(38:15):
have been the one or she would have been the one.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
I think it is true. I agree with us. I
agree with this. I think it's like great, why don't
you earn it?
Speaker 1 (38:22):
I mean that's where I sit in and maybe it's
a fairy tale.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
I have no idea, but I just think.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
That I don't know, it's kind of like the old school,
like nothing, nothing that you really want comes to you
without having to work for it.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Thanks, thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
So lovely and both so wonderful and so easy to
talk to. So I agree you too.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
I'm such a fan. I know we are. We were
so excited to have you.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
And I also think that you know, as you as
you start this next part of your life, you're taking
this next step from creating content on one platform to another,
we are so rooting for you and we'll be along
for the ride and anytime you want to come back
and talk about yeah, the next.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Thing from out the show you do and your dreamcast.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
I can't wait until oh my gosh, your dreamcast is
so lucky they got the part.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Thanks girl, I love it, appreciate it, appreciate it. Thanks
so much. I'll see you guys so much fun.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Dude, those kind of shows like The Perfect Couple, by
the way, that was like sort of set in that
same like nantuckety, like Camp Dinner, I.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Know, the summer, the summer, the summer vibes.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Yeah, it's like to me, it's like it's like one
of those summer books that you like, you know, take
to the beach, but it's on it.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah, my aunts used to always read them by the
pool while they were tuning.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yes, I feel like that's my TV version of.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
That, but I would always I think gotta be a
little naughty. Oh yeah, yeah, Well she was saying slutty
white lotus, but I was actually gonna insert I was
gonna go one step further and be like any little
and maybe a little corny.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Well it sounds like it's gonna be a little horny,
slutty and all the things. Yeah, and the Foster sisters
and they're gonna kill it. What a great collab. And
by the book, guys, by go buy Hotter and the
Hampton's it's a book already obviously that's what she's basing
it on.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
And uh and read it first.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Yeah, all right, let's call it the end of the episode.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
M
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Lettington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Hello Call It crew, and welcome to another episode of
Call It What It Is jess Tinky Tink style.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm just coming out with it.
Speaker 4 (00:27):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
No, I mean seriously, I when we teased out the
tinks was coming overwhelming response.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Yes, and I even got text through like oh my god,
oh my god, can you ask her this? I know
she It's like she's the oracle.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
I want to ask her.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
And I feel like we said we represent ourselves as
that we know a thing about a thing or two.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
But she's more No, because I was on her TikTok
like all last night and I was like and I
was learning. I was like, I don't know anything, I
know absolute and she knows it all.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
So I want to ask her all these things. Yeah,
let's do it. Let's bring her on.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
Hi.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi, Hello, how are you guys?
Speaker 4 (01:08):
What's going on? Hi?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Welcome to Call It What It Is?
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.
I'm so excited to have a chat.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
We were just talking about you because I, I mean,
I guess it was sort of like when when like
the TikTok like ah, thanks, and then like if everyone
was talking about you and I was like, I mean, like,
how does this phone thing work?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Kind of TikTok work? What's my name? What are we doing?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
And I got I was like this, girls, like I
think everyone was talking about what you were talking about
and you being in the zeitgeist of all the conversations,
but I was actually going, damn, she's really smart, so kind.
Like the way that you were putting it, the way
you were positioning it, the way you were speaking about it,
had a lot of heart and you know, listen, there's
(01:54):
a lot of noise. All of a sudden, you had
like what you were saying had has real teeth and
like made people, I think, feel seen.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
And then.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Create a different.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Dimension to how they were looking at their lives or
like a perspective that maybe like something that had been
sitting in their blind spot. And I feel like whenever
someone comes around that's smart and feels like I can
trust her, you get you get a new take on it.
So that's how I remember coming to know who you are.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
For you, I'm curious because Jessica's talking about like the
moment that you sort of like popped off. When did
you realize, like, oh shit, people are really watching these
tiktoks and like I have an audience.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
I think the first time that I got a brand deal,
I was so shocked that like you could get money
for it because I have my job in COVID, Like
I had been consulting for a couple brands kind of
like doing this and that, and all the brands obviously
didn't need any help in COVID, and so I was,
you know, stressed about that. And I remember the first
time that I got a brand deal, this brand was like,
(02:55):
you know, we'll pay you six hundred dollars to weare
our pants in your video. And I was like, I
was like shut. I was flabbergasted. I was like can
I keep the vans too?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Like they're like giving them back though.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
I just couldn't believe it, and I like didn't have
a plan. I was like, you know, we were all
out of our minds in the pandemic. We were like
like living day to day like doing whatever. Yeah, I
get through it. And I was like making these videos and.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
With your teeny tiny little microphone, but my tea, Like
I literally.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
Was the point where like I had so little going
on because I was like living alone in my studio
apartment in La. I was so new to La, so
we didn't have a ton of friends and obviously we
weren't supposed to hang out anyway. Yeah, and you know,
I was just like, Okay, well, I'll just do this
to keep myself busy. And then my friends were like,
I think you can like do this, like you should
just keep going. And I was like, I feel too
(03:46):
old to be on this platform, blah blah blah, and
they were like, just keep making videos, and so I
did it. And when I got my first brand deal,
I was just so happy. I was like, I can't
believe you can get paid to make content. And I
was like, I'm going to see how far it is.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, when look at you now, I so.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Feel jealous of that kind of knack for the social
media because I think it takes me a second to
like sort of get myself into it, and I think
just some people just take to.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It like a duck to water. And I feel like.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
You you are such unnatural.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I mean, I really was stalking you yesterday. How did
you figure out what you wanted to talk about? First? Like,
especially in the pandemic when you're not even going anywhere.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
It was like treal and error. I was like, okay,
let me make a video about this, like let me.
I knew I couldn't do the dances. I was like, well,
these girls are seen and they're so cute. So this
is not my thing, but maybe I can make content
for people my age. And I'm a millennial and I like,
I love a listicle. I love like a jokey you
know thing about pump sure like that's our.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Shit, right we cool?
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Yeah? Yeah, this feedless? We love that stuff. I love
like what Harry Potter character, are you whatever? Anything that coded?
I like? So I was like, maybe I can do
it for people my age, and I was just trialing error.
I was like, Okay, people love when I talk about this.
They don't like when I talk about that, and it's
it's evolved.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
What did they love? And what are they not?
Speaker 4 (05:10):
Like?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
What did you see right away?
Speaker 4 (05:11):
They love like self deprecating lists like I remember I
did want like ranked how pretty I was in all
the cities that I've lived in. I was like, okay,
I was a timely, funny Francisco and I was like
a four in New York and I'm a mine in
LA like they love that shit, they like. I used
to also share way more of my personal life, Like
I would share everything about dating. And I think because
(05:33):
I was a little bit older, it was a nice
antidote to all of the like eighteen year olds in
the high pals who were they were having dating drama.
But there's something about like teenage drama that doesn't hit
as hard whereas I would have my drama. Yeah, it's
like I was in my I was in my I
was like just turning thirty. I was like in love
(05:53):
with my best guy friend and I was sharing all
of that and people like that worked a lot too, I.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
For people that don't know you and the listening right now,
you have this theory that is slightly terrifying to me.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
What's the box dating theory?
Speaker 4 (06:13):
Okay, box theory is my theory that when a guy
meets a girl in a romantic setting, so a date
of an app, a setup, or something like this, he
puts her into one of three boxes.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Now, hang on, wait, do you have to meet in person?
Speaker 4 (06:26):
No, it could be dating app, but it has to
be a romantic setting. Like, it doesn't apply if say
you've been friends with that person for a long time,
or you're they're your colleague and you've seen them every
day for ages and then, like you, one of them
catches feelings or whatnot. I'm talking about like a true
like it's a romantic setting.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
The guy will put the girl in a one of
three boxes. Wants to date her, wants to hook up
with her, doesn't want anything to do with her. Okay,
the third box is easy. You can usually tell when
a guy is just like, yeah, you can usually.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I mean it still stings, like it still stings.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
But like, well, yeah, Where people get confused is between
the date box and the hook up box. And the
point is you can't move from box to box. This
is what really trips people up because it rings and
I I was in the hookup box, he stabs, Like,
for all of my twenties, I would be in the
(07:18):
hook up box. And I would be like, if I
just act perfect enough, I will I will want to
date me. And the truth is that's not how it works.
When a guy meets you, he's like, yeah, I want
to date her, and there's very little you can do
to make him not want to date you because We've
all been on the end of that, where you know
you're seeing a guy, you're not that into him, and
he's just yes, he will follow up. He's asking you
(07:41):
for drinks, he's booking the next date, he remembers that
your sister is having foot surgery and he's following up
about it. And we've all also been on the other
end where you're like, I'm acting so perfectly, like.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
I'm funny, I'm having everything right.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
I'm talking about you know, Jesus and golden retrievers, like
he just won't date you. And it's because they put
you in these boxes. And then people say to me like, well, thanks,
you're putting all the power in the guy's hands. That's
not really how I look at it. I look at
it as like a self awareness thing, so that you
don't ever act in a way that's not in accordance
with who you are. Because speaking from personal experience as well,
(08:17):
I think a lot of girls think, oh, well, I
should like write a text a certain way, or I
should do this a certain way, or that a certain way.
You need to be yourself because the right guy will
like youtaneously. And like I said, there's very little that
you can do to make him not like you after that,
Like girls will always call my show and be like,
oh my god, like things were going well, I thought,
(08:38):
And then I put two exclamation marks instead of one of.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
The text like this was me dating by the way,
I'm like, no.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
You're the sooka box and it's fine. It's just like
it's good to know where you stand so that you
don't waste time on someone who wouldn't mind losing you.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Does it work both ways?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Do girls put guys in boxes or just the guys
to the girls?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
I don't think girls.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Do girls do something which I call reverse box theory,
which is where girls will elevate a guy to a
crazy status without him really being worthy of it. And
so by that they'll see a guy on a dating
app and they'll be like, oh my god, he has
a dog. I have a dog. Oh he has he
(09:20):
has a picture with his mom, he's a family man.
He went to Michigan. I have been to Michigan.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Like we are points, yeah, twin flames in your head.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
And again I've done this in times. I know judgment
even like you're having we're having a May wedding, like
we're gonna get married husband. Then you go to the date.
You're nervous as hell because in your head that this
is the father of your children. Need to get a
ring in six months. Act like a freak because you're
(09:53):
so nervous. The truth of the matter is this guy
hasn't done anything to prove that he's a good guy,
that he your time, that he deserves your effort. It's
not our fault. It's just that women, and I think
especially with the you know, the dating apps, they really
make you like future trip and they make you imagine
something before it's real and the only thing.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
But I think that it's also I mean, I'm sure
you've already like scratched at this, but I think it's
also science.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I think it's a neurobiological like.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I think it harkens back to the days though really
old ones.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
We're looking for the signs like yeah, I'm going to
be a provider. It's totally normal. My point is just that, like,
don't make him greater than he is in your mind,
because the most important thing is how he treats you
and how you feel. If you leave the date and
you're like I feel funny, I feel sexy, I feel beautiful,
I feel seen. I feel like he listened. Then sure
(10:46):
you can think that this dude is great, but not
before he's actually shown you. Yeah, he's a good.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Person, a great I'm raising my hand.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
I have a question, Yes, how quickly do you think
guys are boxing us?
Speaker 4 (11:01):
Very quickly?
Speaker 2 (11:02):
It's like the terminator helmet. It's like they scalely like.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
First, hang out first, hangout box first.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
I think it's like by the you might get boxed
at the bar, just standing there.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
Like it's it's you're in the box. But it's not
as scary as it seems. It's like it's honestly really
freeing because then once you know, you're just like, oh,
like you want to be in someone's Everybody deserves to
be in someone's date box, and you will in date box.
So if you're not, like if you're hanging out dating
with someone who texts you sporadically, doesn't make you feel
(11:34):
seen all this shit, you're like, okay, I'm in their
hook up box and that's okay as long as I know,
and then I can make a decision like do I
want to see this person casually or am I looking
for something real? And then I can move on.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Yeah, knowledge is power? What is according to you? I
want to know what has been the worst city to
date in.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
Oh, that's a good one, I would say, La.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Oh my god, I thought you were to say New York.
Oh not, I'm by the way, In case you didn't know,
I'm in New York and she's in La.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Yeah, La New York and we both lived in both
places too, Okay, tell us why.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
I think that it's the flakiness combined with all the
normal dating hell. Like, I think at least York you
have you can go on a date. Like, if you're
jonesing to go on a date, you can one percent
make the plan on hinge. People will follow through people date.
They're like, it's like going to the gym. You know,
you can like, oh, well what did you do last night?
(12:32):
I went to the gym and went out a date. Then,
you know, it's just a thing that people do. In La,
people are like recluses. Sometimes. I'm not here to bash La,
but I just there's not a place where people congregate
enough ever go Like if you were in a flirty mood,
you and your girlfriend were single, and you wanted to
go like catch a vibe, It's pretty hard to find
(12:53):
that in La like maybe Venice, but even then it's
so touch and go on whether there's actually going to
beat people out people just in their homes more, and
that makes it harder to just meet people out and about.
And also with the dating thing, it's just like I
find people are more flaky because it's the driving. You know,
if you match with someone on an app, if you
(13:15):
live in West Hollywood and they live in Venice.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
No, it's not happening. That's a problem. It's done, didn't start,
never started.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
I know my friend, my one of my best friends,
she was just telling me that on her first date
with her boyfriend, he drove an hour and a half.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Oh wow.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
I was like, man, I do like. I was like
that's insane, and he was like yeah, I looked at
my GPS and I was like, oh am I going
to cancel this date. And then he was like I
got to go. It's a setup. I got to go.
And now they've been dating like seriously for a couple
of years, but like an hour and a half.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
No, And they moved in together probably after a week
because they're like three ways.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
It's such a Greek walk.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Coming back to New York I'm shook by how quickly
people move in together because like, oh, it's.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
Like six months and they're like, okay, well, I guess
we're on zil And I'm like, oh, why.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Do you find?
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Do you find that one city is the men in
one city are more commitment phobes than another.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
I think that everywhere right now people are just having
an aversion to commitment. I think people are.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Do what do you chalk it up to?
Speaker 4 (14:23):
I think just like the paradox of choice, like that
it feels like there's infinity hot people. It feels like
there's you can, you know, see a million hotties on
your phone every day. And you know, women are certainly
staying single longer. The stats are all showing us that
a record number of women over thirty are single and unmarried.
(14:45):
And so I think on the women's side, they're just
being a little bit more choosy about, you know, feeling
down with And I think also people are a little
bit like, you know, why why rush into it?
Speaker 6 (14:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
The things I have to talk to you because it's
very rare that I see anyone who's upbringing like life
beginningness looks like mine and yours does. Because I'm from England,
born and raised, and I went to my you know,
I went to all girls Catholic school and for a
little bit mascot and I moved here when I was nineteen.
(15:34):
And you were born here but lived there and moved
back to the Yeah, okay, yeah, when you were nineteen.
And do you miss home or do you consider home?
Speaker 4 (15:48):
You know, I think it's like I don't really think
of home home. I think of like where I grew up.
You know, it's just like my young chapter of my life,
all my childhood, and I do miss it sometimes. There
is a certain there's there's a certain vibe to London
and to British people in British culture that I really
really relate to, and that makes me feel very comfortable.
(16:09):
The humor, the sarcasm.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
I love the humor and the sarcasm.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
It's amazing. It's like it feels like a breath of
fresh air and it feels like, oh like every time
I've been in LA for too long, I'm like, I
need to go home and just like be with my
friends from high school. Oh like they just don't. I
don't know. There's like I'm generalizing hugely here, obviously with.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
That that's what we're here for a little bit.
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Less like vanity. And I'm like the most vain person,
so I can say that, but like they it feels
like they don't think about themselves as much as I
think about myself or something. And maybe that's the industry
I'm in. I get that I'm an influencer. That's the
most vain. Yeah, you can have, but it's just a
little bit more chill. And you know, even like the
(16:53):
drinking culture. You can go to the pub and it's
not such a like it's not like blackout or or no.
It's just kind of like, oh, it's me to have
a drink and like, well chat. It just feels a
little bitter.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Okay, speaking of high stakes socializing, hot are in the Hamptons.
How did you know you were going to write a
book about the Hamptons because you.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Went so this weekends sort of inspired it.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Well, it's so funny because that weekend that I went,
I hated it and I was like, I hate the
people here, like they're so snobby and the honest to
god truth is. Then I like became an influencer and
I made my own money, and then a couple of
years ago. I was able to rent my own house
and invite my friends for the month, and we did
what you did. We just holl up, we barbecue, it
(17:42):
came yard, We drink wine till three in the morning,
and like, we just have so much fun. And then
that's the right way to do it. If you go
as like a guest, knowing nothing and not having any
you know, it's just one of those places which I
hate to say, but it is. It's like a little bit.
I mean, obviously the locals would probably be be like
f you you know, it's a beautiful place all year
(18:02):
round for everybody, but I'm talking about the vacation Hampton.
The right way to do it is to just hang
with your people friends. Yeah, it's really fun and then
you kind of get to know what you like and
what you don't like.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So but there must have been something about it where
you're like, this is the backdrop because then you decided
to write a book.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Yeah, well it's you know, I used to do these
rich Mom starter packs and there, yes, I know the
content of oh yes, I know, you know wherever I
love rich Moms and all the you know, all the places,
and it just made sense for the first one to
be in the Hampton's. I have this whole idea for
a whole series where each book is going to be
in a new rich mom location. We're going to have
(18:40):
to badass heroin. We're going to explore a new fantasy,
and so it's kind of going to be like Slutty
White Lotus without the death.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I love a slutty White Lotus.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
If I was a studio had, I'm like, that's all
I need to hear, slutt White Loadus.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
So I think thought Hampton's made sense because I have
been spending more time there the past couple year just
with my friends.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And did you and have you hung out with Aaron
and Sarah when they've been in there?
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Is that how you guys met? Did you meet socially
or did you meet through work?
Speaker 4 (19:07):
You know? I think we met because I was on
their podcast a couple of years ago, and then we've
done a few things together like I did.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
It makes perfect sense to me, by the way, because
I've known them both for a very long time. We're
talking about Sarah and Aaron Foster. I say this to
Kimilla all the time. Truly two of the most whips
smart like crazy.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
You with and you don't. I mean, I don't know
about you. Maybe all the flower, but I don't see
it coming.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
And then all of a sudden, the punchline's there and
I have They're funny.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
They're so funny, they're so smart, they're so on it,
and they just kind of get what people want. You
see it in every they do. You see it in
their clothing line, you see it in their podcast last year,
like they just get it. They really intuitively get it.
And I mean, it's a dream come ture.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I couldn't be beer such a perfect When does it
start filming.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
We're still in the beginning stages. We're like interviewing writers now,
which is such a fun experience. Obviously it's all new
for me. But I'm loving every second and they're being
so teaching me and so I hope we can move fast.
But I'm I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
It's so exciting. I cannot wait to worry. This is
like my cup of tea.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
By the way, this is like I'm seated, I have
my glass of wine.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
My kids they got a zip. Mommy's watching her like
tell me when it's on.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Honestly, I'm inspired by any movie or TV shows set
in the Hamptons because it's just fun to look at, Like, I.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Know, do you remember when Sexist that he went to
the Hampton's and then who was it? The gut Crabs?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Yeah, the most did. And it's like, remember she's so flattered.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
That they think she's young.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
Yeah, I'm like, who is.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
For your show?
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Who would your dreamcasting be? And you can say Jessica
and Night That's fine, and then we can just.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Move on if we're too talking about due old.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
We're due old have or not. I have a dreamcast
in my phone. I don't adjinx it, but like I'm
manifesting really hard.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
Oh you should. Oh you know, by the way, with
manifesting something I just learned, you're probably gonna be like, hello,
just I already know this.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
You're actually not meant to think about it over and
over and perseparate about it.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
You're actually meant to think that's already happened.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
No, I have it, it's happening.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
It's done. You just haven't sent out the contract, So
I say it right now.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
I'm just so that we can send the contracts out,
like I.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Just ye, okay, great, good, great, well we will we'll
be in season two, since there will be one and
and or if you just need any.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Support, we're there.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
We have to get on because you do ask me anything. Yeah,
that's what you're known for. And our Call It crew
were like, we got a million asked me anythings. We
got a million questions for you, and so they would
care if we didn't get to this. So we're going
to ask you some questions.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Diana ask how do you know when to give up
on a relationship. It's a great question.
Speaker 4 (22:08):
That's tough.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
I know there's not a box for that.
Speaker 5 (22:11):
I know.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
I think there's too many boxes.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
I think that when you feel like there's no path forward,
like if you can't see a path, like if you
can't even imagine what it would take to move forward,
then you have to you have to leave, and you
have to advocate for your future happiness. I think, Like
another trick that I have is if you can't imagine
(22:35):
doing the next thing with them, So like if you're
dating casually being exclusive with them, if you can't, then
it's not your thing. If you're dating and you can't
see moving in with them or living with them at
some point, not your person. You have to be like
would I do the next step with them, and that's
like a good barometer for if there's a future.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
Do you have like a little rule for for if
you've been with someone for like a really long time
and they have proposed yet, is there like you've hit
eight years, like, get the fuck out.
Speaker 4 (23:04):
I don't really believe in ultimatums. I don't know though,
that is really hard. What do you guys think that.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
I think that if you're at like eight years, I like,
I think you should and that's what you want. I
think there is like a little bit of a get
the fuck out. But I don't like ultimatums. I just
think that it's because I don't.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Think you should be like proposer, I'm hitting out, you know.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
I think it's ideally it's like you ideally you don't
get to that point. Ideally you're on the same page
and you know, and by you know, you're like, we're
working towards this. If you're eight years in and you
haven't had a conversation about it, that's on you as well.
You know, you've got to talk about it too before then.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I think, yeah, sometimes I think you do have a conversation.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
When guys are like just you know when it's right,
when it's when we're ready, and then it feels.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Like a little bit of them. It's like, yeah, it's
it's not.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Very yeah, and he's just not that into you.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
When I graduated college and I came to Los Angeles,
I got a duplex in as one does, right near
Fairfax High.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
And on the other side, I had like a single
dude that was dating a lot the first year or two,
and then the second year, this really cute couple moved in.
They'd just come from she'd come from New York and
he was in LA and he's a comedian, super funny,
and she was super funny. And he would go and
do consulting for sex and the City because they would
do the Writer's Room in Los Angeles, and we became
(24:31):
really good friends. And he would just always have great
one liners. And he is the guy who came up with,
oh well, he's just.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Not that idiot.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
He's the one who, oh my live that in the
writer good claim the fame of his that's a really
good line. I mean, think about how people say that
all the freaking I mean all the time, and then.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
They and then and then talk about how, you know,
figuring out how to scale it out. Before they were
talking about scaling things out, and all of a sudden
it you know, obviously it's struck such a nerve in
the show, and then they made it into a movie
because it's so.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
You know why.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
But I think it's struck a nerve and I think
it goes back to you and why.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I remember in the first time that I saw your videos.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
It strikes a nerve when it's true, right, No, it does,
And I think that's the beautiful part of influencing.
Speaker 4 (25:22):
Yeah. No, I agree. I think like most of the
time you just feel so crazy when you're dating, and
it's like if someone's just validating like you're not crazy,
that it's really good.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah. Camilla says things all the time that I'm like, oh, yeah,
that's true.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Yeah, because I know everything I'm like I do, I
might be oracle for you, Jess.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah, I agree with this.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Carrie wants to know, Tanks, what would you tell your
eighteen year old self.
Speaker 4 (25:47):
Oh, I would tell her not to worry and to
enjoy it and just take so many pictures and cherish
your youth and have fun and just don't worry it
all works out, like it really does. You just don't
need to feel the weight of the world on your
shoulders as a young as a young teen, you could
(26:08):
just kind of try to enjoy the ride a little
bit more.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
I think that's true now for me, Like I just
gotta like, like enjoy the ride.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I'm trying, but it's hard every day, Like hard I do.
I'm the same way. I'm like trying to remind myself
all the time, but it's hard. You get bogged down
hard work and stress and stuff and errands, and then
you're just like, I'm like, why am I taking myself
so seriously today? Like, oh my god, Like it's not
that deep tanks, but it's hard to click out of it.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It is.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Yeah, So Rory wrote it and she said, I'm fifteen and
I really like a girl, but I'm scared to ask
her out.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
What should I do?
Speaker 4 (26:45):
Oh my gosh, I think you should ask her out.
I think you go for it. I think you should
try it. There is it's this sooner you learn that
being rejected or someone saying, oh I don't want to
go out with you, it's not a failure. It doesn't matter.
It's just it's amazing to put out good energy in
(27:05):
the universe. And it's also so nice to tell someone
that you like them or you have a crush on them.
And the sooner you can learn that, the better, the
happier you'll be because it's so nice and it's little pressure,
it's little stakes. Either she says yes and that's great,
or she says no and that's also great, and you
move it on and you's it's all good either way.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
So I say, ask great, I love that.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
So Nicky says, my ex wants to go get sushi
with me. He said, it's friendly, but I don't know
what to do because I don't like him.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
What do you think.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
About the xes? First off, let's all be honest. This
fucking X wants to get back.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
There's no like, let's just be buds, like you have
some sushi on.
Speaker 4 (27:51):
He's done a tour, he's realized that he ain't that
much shore. You have to think about it that way.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
You have to think no, no, no, this is great.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Be real with yourself because sometimes you're like, oh, like,
I'm so special. He's been thinking about me this whole time. No,
he got rejected on his last three tender dates and
now he's looking for something nice and easy and he
wants to get sushi with you.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
We talk about this all the time.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
I didn't used to think I had anxiety, and now
I know I do. So Ashley has written in and
said one of the best ways to help anxiety question mark.
Speaker 4 (28:30):
I think that therapy is amazing. I think everybody got
to talk to and just help process. I think journaling
is really helpful. Reading really helps me. Showering it really
does help. Like if you're having like you're feeling really
anxious and you're like, whoa, I'm like not feeling good,
(28:51):
take a shower, like it really does. They've proven it
resets your nervous system and you kind of feel a
little bit more calm after you take a shower. Making
sure you have good sleep, which is hard because usually
if you have anxiety, you can't sleep that well. But
if you have anything to make sure you're getting good sleep,
that will definitely help anxiety reduce. And honestly, like it's
(29:14):
all the kind of boring stuff that we don't like
to do, but it actually does help. Like going on
walks really helps as well. If you do all of
those basic things. It can really help.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
I found putting my phone away actually really really helps
me too.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Sometimes I'm like, dude, put your fucking phone away.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
Just two hours, like a shower and then a two
hour away from your phone, you might start to feel
a little.
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Works wonder crazy way we have the entire world and
every problem at our fingertips, and we wonder why we're
all freaking anxious the whole time. It's a lot. It's
bombarding us at all times, and you have to know
one to set boundaries and to be like I need
to put my phone away.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Also self talk. I talk about this a little, but like, yeah,
really figuring out like you're always your own little party
of one. I used to think it was like so
crazy to have a meal alone, and now I'm like,
I love having, especially in New York City, a happy, happy, happy,
happy love a meal alone.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
I mean, I'm just having like that relationship with yourself
one hundred.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
It's so important. It's the most important relationship of all.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
Ye Aila asks, how do you know when your standards
are too high?
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Is that even possible question? I think it's possible.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
It's a good question, though I think mine might be
too high.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
This is really what you know.
Speaker 4 (30:39):
I think, like you know, I think gut check is
if your friends are constantly being like you're that's a
crazy reason to dump someone, or may be more open.
You know that your friends know you really well and
they have your best interest at heart. So if they're
constantly saying, like, did you really dump that guy because
he wore a blue T shirt and not a green
turch T shirt. But then you're like, Okay, I need
(31:00):
to like check myself a little. But it's good to yourself.
It's good to have standards, and it's good to know
what are your non negotiables. I think that's another thing
that can help you is like pick your non negotiables.
Say this person has to be kind, they have to
be smart, and they have to like love their family. Okay,
those are the things that really matter to you and
everything else. Be a little bit more flexible on.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
M I remember dating.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
My big problem was like I could get picked so easily,
Oh my god, beyond like to the point where it
was like it was borderline offensive that I got aicked
by something like just the way they walked. Maybe in
like even if they like did like this is so mean.
I feel if they walked in like maybe tripped a
little bit, like it's over for me.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Oh, I agree, I'm with you.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Right, Okay, Lives asked, I want to be with someone,
but I also like being alone.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
Am I broken? Or is there hope?
Speaker 4 (31:57):
You're definitely not broken, definitely really healthy and normal to
want to spend time alone. I think it's really I
think it honestly makes you a better partner in the
long term because you are independent and you know your
likes and things, and you're not someone who's gonna cling
to someone or have an anxious attachment style like you
like it. To me, that means you like yourself when
(32:19):
you want to spend time alone. It means you have
a good relationship with yourself. Doesn't mean you're broken, doesn't
mean you're not going to find someone who loves you.
It means simply that you like yourself, which I would
argue means you're going to call in someone who is
even higher vibrational level.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Like really, yeah, I love that. I think that's so true.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Okay, Susie said, I am starting over at fifty seven.
I'm scared of dating and being alone. What should I do?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Would you recommend getting on a dating app.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
Yeah, I honestly would for especially for that age group.
I think it's a really effective way to meet people.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Do you have an app that you prefer? Are you
like not tender but this.
Speaker 4 (32:59):
Oh, I don't know. I think maybe Henja Bumble could
be good, But I think it's I think you should
view it as like an exciting new chapter, Like it
really is a new time where there are no limits
and you shouldn't be afraid just because you feel like, oh,
you have to start over again. It's it's a new chapter,
(33:20):
like it's a new era. It's so exciting. Life is short,
but it's also long, and there's so many different eras
that we all have, And I think that you should
go into it with a mentality of like I can't
wait to find out what happens, Like I get to
write this next chapter, and it's maybe I'll find someone,
and maybe I'll date around, and maybe I'll have experiences.
And it's a true period of unknown, which is so exciting.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Have you been on Riya is it? Rya raya Ryan?
Speaker 4 (33:49):
I've been on it?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (33:51):
Like?
Speaker 2 (33:52):
It's been on everything I know.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
I'm so curious because I feel like I missed the
app thing, maybe like it.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Was just like a game.
Speaker 5 (34:04):
No, it's it's it's a it's it's a normal matching
dating app. I think that the problem with all dating
apps right now is that we just have like there's
so many and there's so many matches to be had,
and I feel like there's almost too many matches where
it's like, yeah, oh, you're not really dating with intention anymore.
(34:25):
You're just like on a million apps and you're just
like people don't even meet up, they just match to
match and then they're like, you know, but I have
heard that with like the age limits, like in an
because it's a different generation. In the like generation, they
have more success, right because it's like they don't have
(34:46):
the ghosting behavior, Like someone in a different generation wouldn't
be so rude as to just like drop off the
face of the planet and like not respond. So I
think that our fifty seven year old friend has a
really great shot, and I think it's it's exciting.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (35:01):
I love that Sean asks what would be the best
way to get over trust issues. I'm assuming this is
probably in a relationship therapy.
Speaker 4 (35:11):
Honestly, I think, yeah, so important, and it can really
help you work through like why it was so hurtful,
and like what being betrayed meant to you, and like
how it hurt you. So I'm a big therapy advocate.
I think that yeah, getting.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
BR two is the best.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Okay, Gabby ass When do you think is an appropriate
time to ask if we want to move in together?
Speaker 2 (35:37):
I feel like a lot of people are probably had
that question.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
I think that when you feel like you are getting right,
you're almost the point where you want to move in.
I think you should have a check in and be like, hey,
like I could see us, you know, when the lease
is up, I could see us moving in. I think
I'm a big fan of just being honest. Like I
don't believe in game. I don't believe in like timing
(36:03):
it out or whatever. Like if you feel like you
want to move in with someone your lease is coming up,
I think bring it up, Like, I don't think it
can hurt again if you're with the right person, even
if they're not ready to move in with you yet,
it won't matter. They'll just be like, oh, like I
love my apartment, I want to live with my roommate
for another year. But like I'm so into you and like,
let's keep doing this. Like with the right person, it
(36:25):
won't matter. So time to do it is when you
when you feel it.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
This is hard for me because I'm thinking about me
when I was in my dating ears and if I
asked a guy if I was kind of ready, and
I asked again and he was like, yeah, what, I'm
not ready yet? Like I can't want to be, you know,
but like I like, what what's happening.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
I know that I would spine, they'd be in a
different box, can move boxes. I don't know what it is,
but it would sour it for me, and I.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
Totally get that. Yeah, and it's like, but that's also
important to.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
Know it is. But I wonder. I wonder for someone.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Like me, I could sour it and if I'd get
sour on it, but then in a year, if I'd
just been more.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Chill, more way and chill, yeah, more weight, chill far
who you.
Speaker 4 (37:08):
Are and you have to like honor who you are,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (37:11):
And by the way, that might that might bring out
something in him. I mean, if you were like oo,
then it I mean, my gosh.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
It's just we are living in this comfort. I mean
some people call it a comfort crisis.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
I sort of enjoy all the comforts and I'm very
grateful for our evolution.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I don't mind then I can get food at my house.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
I love it is my favorite app.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Like it's sad comfort crisis.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
We're not evolving. I was like, I don't think we're good.
Speaker 1 (37:40):
I think we are, but I think that that then
you're reminded, Okay, great, I can get the I can
get the uber eats fast, but I can't get the
relationship fast.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
And if I if I fuck up, and I got.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
To go back and and have a do over and
repair and be like can I you know what I
said that? And I can feel your sour and I
actually love you. And here's why I don't want to
move in right now. They might not make you so sour,
Like I don't think that at the sliding doors moment
where like if you just waited and chilled, he would
(38:15):
have been the one or she would have been the one.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
Right.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
I think it is true. I agree with us. I
agree with this. I think it's like great, why don't
you earn it?
Speaker 1 (38:22):
I mean that's where I sit in and maybe it's
a fairy tale.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
I have no idea, but I just think.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
That I don't know, it's kind of like the old school,
like nothing, nothing that you really want comes to you
without having to work for it.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Thanks, thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
So lovely and both so wonderful and so easy to
talk to. So I agree you too.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
I'm such a fan. I know we are. We were
so excited to have you.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
And I also think that you know, as you as
you start this next part of your life, you're taking
this next step from creating content on one platform to another,
we are so rooting for you and we'll be along
for the ride and anytime you want to come back
and talk about yeah, the next.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Thing from out the show you do and your dreamcast.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
I can't wait until oh my gosh, your dreamcast is
so lucky they got the part.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Thanks girl, I love it, appreciate it, appreciate it. Thanks
so much. I'll see you guys so much fun.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Dude, those kind of shows like The Perfect Couple, by
the way, that was like sort of set in that
same like nantuckety, like Camp Dinner, I.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Know, the summer, the summer, the summer vibes.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Yeah, it's like to me, it's like it's like one
of those summer books that you like, you know, take
to the beach, but it's on it.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah, my aunts used to always read them by the
pool while they were tuning.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Yes, I feel like that's my TV version of.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
That, but I would always I think gotta be a
little naughty. Oh yeah, yeah, Well she was saying slutty
white lotus, but I was actually gonna insert I was
gonna go one step further and be like any little
and maybe a little corny.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Well it sounds like it's gonna be a little horny,
slutty and all the things. Yeah, and the Foster sisters
and they're gonna kill it. What a great collab. And
by the book, guys, by go buy Hotter and the
Hampton's it's a book already obviously that's what she's basing
it on.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
And uh and read it first.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Yeah, all right, let's call it the end of the episode.
Speaker 4 (40:27):
M
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Jessica Capshaw
Camilla Luddington
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