February 18, 2021 • 33 mins
Lois and her granddaughter Jane see themselves as basically the same person... with a few generational disagreements! Join them as they discuss blind dates, an encounter with Eleanor Roosevelt, and how reading the obits every morning can actually be a good thing! Plus, hear how their nightly crossword routine and co-writing a book have brought them closer together.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
You're gonna give you the wrong coffee. Now, getting out
of here pain and go back to you your little
man caves. We might not make it to fifty seven years.
I'm telling you that right back. Well, now you got
a career who needs That's one of those hangers on rita.
(00:25):
Do you know who we're gonna be hearing today. We're
gonna hear a great duo Lois and Jane. And from
what I hear, these are two terrific people. And they're
so similar they're like almost one. I'm very much looking
forward to it. Oh, please pass me the page with
(00:45):
the O bits. I cheer those who hit ninety three
on a very good day with the O bits. All
the old folks are older than me. Lois Stein is
(01:06):
my grandmother. She's eighty nine years old and she lives
in Long Island. She is the greatest grandmother of all time.
She is so popular, she's so bright, she's so talented
and funny, and I'm incredibly close to her. She's just
(01:26):
like me. Phone man is Jane Rebecca Rosenfeld. This recording
was the first time we've seen each other in four
months because of the coronavirus. We talked on the phone
and through face time, through the whole shutdown. But there's
really nothing like seeing her in person. If you asked
me to describer, I would say that they should synergetic, friendly, warm,
(01:51):
everybody loves her. That's not what she's like me kind
and she staying the best teacher. We really think of
each other more as friends than as grandmother and grandchild.
Even more than that, almost as an older and younger
version of the same person. It was very early on
(02:12):
in my life that we discovered our special bond. I
came to her second birthday and everybody was playing. She
came over to me and said, I want to play, Mama,
And we went into the bedroom and we play. Yeah.
I was more excited about having my grandma play with
me than the like fifty friends that my parents had
(02:34):
probably invited. I remember telling my mom whispering in her ear,
like can she sleep over? From then on, I think
we've always had a lot of fun together. One word
of advice for new grandmother's, feed them. It's just like
a puppy dog. The first movie I ever saw in
(02:56):
theaters was with my grandma. We went to see The
Wizard of Oz. There was this movie theater really close
to where I grew up on the Upper West Side.
It was on the east side. Actually, no, it was
the one on a hund and Broadway. Sure, yeah, I'm positive.
And I was so so scared. I think I remember
like asking if we could leave. She chooses two seats
(03:18):
in the top row in the corner, and she was
wearing a blue and white check dress like Dorothy. But
I was really scared of that movie. For many years.
I was too. Yeah, you were to see the monkeys.
(03:41):
I have to smile because that move and see it
is right near where I live, and it's still there,
closed and it is a scary movie. She's right. I
love the closeness that they have, and I love the
biplay between the two of them and their wonderful memories
seemed to be this same memories. Although Jane said it
(04:02):
was on the east side and the grandmother said it
was on the west side, and which because she's eighty
nine years old, I'm Mandy, and I remember there's nobody
like you. I loved it. I thought my granddaughter and
I were closed there, even closer. They're adorable and I
read obits. If I don't see my name, I get
(04:22):
out of bed. When you get to our age, you
read obits. It's a sixth thing to do, but we
read it. My mother used to get the New York
Times every day and the first thing she went to
was the obits, and then she would read them and go, oh, oh,
what's the matter? Mom? A Jewish man. There could be
(04:45):
nine other people who had died, but my mother is
a Jewish Man. I look at the obits and I said,
if I don't see myself, I'm the bill that's right.
And my sister in we want to make sure that
they do the right thing. So we both wrote all bits,
which we're holding kicking when we go. I have one.
(05:08):
I have absolutely got one that I wrote. Nobody knows
me better than I do. I said, I don't need
a big funeral. Just make sure my opening is posted
in the New York Times and then you write, you know,
something like with thousands in attendance. The congregation mourned right.
I told my kids, I'm not gonna die in the
(05:29):
pandemic because you can't have a funeral. And when I go,
I want a big funeral. I want everybody coming, I
want everybody crying. I want everybody to say nice things
even if they don't mean it. If I'm around, I
want to give I'm gonna tell my kids. She's very
good at this. She does a terrific ulity. If the
(05:51):
podcasts you could be don't have a career, you don't
do podas Algie I called my company. And if we
can laugh about these things, what can I tell what?
(06:12):
I don't think I laugh with anybody like I laugh
with your reader. Okay. I was just handed a list
of part titles, and this is the first one. Part one,
How to make friends and influence people. My grandmother has
(06:32):
this extraordinary ability to make friends. She has stories of
seeing what a person is reading on the subway and
talking to them about it, or walking down the street
and complimenting someone on what they're wearing, and becoming friends
with my friends. And then before you know it, you're
invited to the pool, and you're invited for Thanksgiving. At
the end of the hour, I might ask you over
(06:55):
somehow though you still have time to talk to me.
We talk every single night. We do the crossword mini
puzzle as soon as it goes live at ten, and
we have a competition. And she would give me a handicap,
so she had to do it faster than maid to win.
(07:15):
She has more of a party, nightlife, sleep schedule than
I do, because I watch KOBEA and I go to
bed at ten of twelve because then my son Wretched
goals to discuss scope. And then she's up at like
eleven in the morning, and I don't come down till
twelve because it takes me three hours to get ready
(07:37):
when it used to take me ten minutes. And then
there are the lists. She'll make, lists about anything, list
of all her friends, list of all her kids friends,
list of all the people who help her on the house,
so she's eventually gonna owe money too one day when
she dies. And then recently she's been making a list
of all of her friends who have died, just to
compare the numbers, which I've told her she should doing
(08:00):
because it makes her sad, but she actually seems to
enjoy it quite a bit. But I have two replacements,
and usually the replacements are the people who have died,
their children and their grandchildren who love her. Soon Lois
will be ninety. She'd been planning her ninety birthday party
(08:21):
for years, but then the pandemic arrived. The governor had
stated that you could only have parties in groups of
ten or less. One of the things she mentioned was
having nine different parties of ten people, and they kind
of correspond to the list. A party of her family,
a party of her dead friend's children, a party of
(08:41):
all the people who help her on the house, a
party of her neighbors. I would have had a party
with my grandmother and I tell each other everything, and
in the process, we've discovered that our lives overlap in
countless ways. So we decided early on we should write
a book together. So, for example, I'll write about the
(09:02):
first time I was in love and will compare and
see how they are the same, see how they're different
depending on time and place. And the title is then
and Now. My grandmother has mastered the art of getting
exactly what she wants out of life. I've always thought
she must have gotten this from her parents, who seemed
(09:24):
to turn every situation into an advantage. I grew up
in the Bronx opposite the Yankee Stadium. They put in
night baseball for the first time, and it's shown into
my father's bedroom. And my father was an attorney, and
he wrote them a letter that he'd serve them with
(09:46):
an injunction if they did not turn off the lights,
and they wrote back, Mr Weinberg, you're in your legal rights,
But instead of ruining the pleasure of millions of people,
will you be our guests with your family in a
box seat every night baseball game. I wish we still
(10:08):
had those box seats. Things like that always seemed to
happen to you when you were growing up. And did
that make me popular? So you were like the cool
girl in the apartment building? I don't know if I
was cool. I always thought I was a drip. I
still was like a ringleader. Why do you think you
were a drip? Because I was tall? That was my
(10:29):
biggest hang up. I don't know. I just didn't swing
the way a lot of the girls did, and I'd
never be picked to be a cheerleader or something. You're
not a drip, Nana. I realized that now, finally she's funny.
She's really got a good sense of humor. She's moving
(10:49):
her life a little very nicely. The grandmother, absolutely, the
grand daughter is amazing. The things the grandmother does. You
know what I'm so interested in is that the disparity
and age and yet there's such a closeness. It's real friendship,
and I envy that. I have to say, she and
I have a lot in common. If I make a
list and go to the supermarket, I forget the list
(11:13):
at home, no matter what lest I make. It gives
you something to do. If you make lists, you may
have to use it, but it kind of keeps your
mind in order. You know, I do keep list to
the medications I take, for which I probably need about
four cell phones. Okay, Ellen, you know it's time for
(11:35):
commercial break. Okay, it's fine. It gives me time to
have a fight with Peter, a fight or a bite,
A fight, a fight, Okay. The next part is part two,
Embarrassing parents. My parents swore lawyers, including my mother, and
(12:03):
I was so ashamed of that because everybody else mother
was a housewife. And when I was at school, the
teacher asked everybody what their father did, and then she
went and lois, tell the children what your mother does?
And I said, she's a housewife? Wow? Really, yes, Oh
(12:26):
my goodness. People would think it's so cool, but she
was in this generation. And the other thing was we
had air Aide drills, and not only was she the
only woman air aid warden. She was the sector warden,
so I was ashamed of that too, but yet had
a very good relationship with her. Yeah, I don't see
(12:50):
me resembling either of them in my way of life.
Did somebody else entirely kind of influence? You know, you've
just sort of paved your own know, I just influenced me.
Oh my goodness, your trailblazer. I went to law school
like she did, but not to be a lawyer. I
(13:11):
wanted to meet a guy. No, I didn't want to
be a pace set like she wants. But I think
I became one. Yeah, maybe unintentionally. You actually really admired
everything your mother did, I guess. So she ran an
international women's exposition was wartime and Eleanor Roosevelt came to speak,
(13:35):
and my mother asked me to escort her from the
entrance to the stage. And I didn't want to go
take some old lady there, and she said, if you
don't do this, you'll regret it all your life. So
I did it, and she did nothing but asked me
(13:58):
about myself all the way to the stage. How my
mother was right. I'm still telling people Eleanorman FD are
unbelievable couple. Unbelievable. She actually was his you know, his
legs in the world. She went all over and brought
(14:19):
back all the information she was. She was really like
the seer good President. She was a woman way before
her time, way before her time. Absolutely, that's something she'll
always have as a memory. And you know what it means.
You got to take advantage of things in life, no
matter when. Just go with it. That's what makes life.
You gotta hang on to every experience because you'll never
(14:42):
know when you're doing a podcast that's right, that's right,
And I'm terrific. Imagine to be ashamed to be a lawyer, unbelievable.
It just shows you how times have changed. And as
I said once before on the podcast, I would have
loved to been a lawyer, and I think Guy would
have been good, but it just was not an option.
(15:03):
Look at RBG. She couldn't even get a job when
she got out of top law schools number one in
Harvard Law. Now Columbia Law. She got out of Columbia Law.
So times have changed. Women have the opportunity today, Yes, yes,
And now we're gonna see in part three how Lois
(15:26):
met her husband. I'm always curious about how people make
their husbands. This should be very interesting. So you're a
third grade teacher at the time, and a new third
grade teacher at a different school asked for your advice
on what to teach her students, and she was really
impressed with your lesson plans. The teacher there said, oh,
(15:47):
my nephew would love a girl like that. So she
asked me and I said, I don't go on a
blind date. She said, he has a drug store on
Hunt five screen. We could go up and look him over.
So you and your friend Esther went to the pharmacy
to introduce yourselves to Lenny. And after a brief exchange,
(16:08):
you left the pharmacy and my grandfather had you followed
by his delivery boy. And what was it you said
to Esther? I said to her, not bad, not bad.
And then the delivery boy brought the message back to
my grandfather at the pharmacy. He said to Lenny, they
say not bad, not bad. A few weeks after that,
(16:30):
Esther ran into Lenny at a bar mitzvah they both
happened to be invited to, and has just said to him,
what did you think of the girl I brought in
the drug store? And he said, not bad, not bad.
So Esther wrote Lois his name on a napkin and
handed it to Lenny. But there was another woman at
(16:51):
the party who wanted Lenny for her daughter. She wrote
her daughter's name on a napkin too and handed it
to him, and as fate would have it, in all
of this napkin transferring, he lost the other napkin and
then he called. This was all sounding very promising. He
was terrific as a date. So he took me up
(17:13):
to Connecticut and he brought an easel and made sketches
of it, and he took me ice skating, and he
took me to theater, and he was very imaginative. Now
I liked my courtship, my court and I really began
to like him. But there was a problem. He had
never been in the service, and nobody in those days
(17:35):
that was dating me and served in the service. And
he looked perfectly healthy. And I said, did you ever
spend time in a mental institution? And he said, I
took you to theater and dancing, and you think I'm crazy.
And it turned out that he had puncture ear drums
(17:57):
since he was five, and those days they didn't put
you into service if you weren't, you know, perfect, He
asked me to marry him. The next day he called
and said his mother said it was too soon. He
didn't know me long enough, so we should call it off.
(18:18):
So I did, and I made a date with somebody
else that weekend. Wow, you were not waiting for anyone,
but there were two people in between. Um what, I
didn't even know that. Oh my gosh. All right, well,
you've certainly met your fair share of men, and Lenny
at the pharmacy still wanted to see you. I said
to him, I have to do it in two weeks,
(18:40):
because I told the other guy i'd go out with
him next week. Apparently my grandfather was okay with this,
because you kept your date with the new guy to
go dancing, and you had a great time. Right, But
you did save the following weekend for my grandfather. I
played with his nephew and nine month old baby, and
he watched me, and he's said, are you gonna marry me?
(19:01):
On that she went to her friend Hilda for advice.
She said, what was a burdenhand is worth two in
the bush. Three months later, she married my grandfather and
wanted to change his mind. Wow. The minute I heard that,
(19:22):
the mother thought it was too soon. That would have
been the kiss of death for me. She's alright, she
she went out, held him on the side. She shrewd,
she knows how to play the angles. She won by default.
He went out of the running. The other guy his
(19:44):
napkin went down the toilet. That was the end of
that match. I can't add anything to that. She was sensible,
you know. She know a good steady guy of that
at a drug store and would always make a living.
My husband was a blind date. Phil was also a
(20:06):
blind day. A friend of mine worked in an office
with Phil's sister. Let's tell you he wore an outfit
that should have worn the he had to the day
when he died. He had the worst taste and quote.
(20:26):
Next on the list is part four, to work or
not to work? And I think Lois had her own
ideas about this. Did you get this sense, Nana, that
he would support you as a working woman or did
he need to be kind of worked on at all?
I'm the least feminist woman walking on God. I didn't
(20:50):
want to work at all. The only reason I went
back was all the other women did, so we couldn't
just live on one income if everyone was living on too.
Did you get the sense that he would support you? Know?
I hope so, I assumed so he did. In my opinion,
I thought he'd own a chain of drug stores. But oh,
(21:11):
he didn't live up your expectations on that way. So
for a woman who didn't want to work, you certainly
put a lot of energy into preparing yourself for the
working world. You transferred schools so many times, five times,
and I decided to go to law school. I was
very good at it, but I didn't like to do paperwork,
(21:33):
so I took the master's in education and loved it.
So but tell us about how you landed your first
teaching job. Wasn't it that you were on your way
to interview at an ad agency, but then you got
sidetracked by the sounds of kids in a schoolyard. I
went in and said to the principle that I walk around,
that I had this teaching license, and I told the
(21:55):
children the story of Katie note pockets without a book.
And when I came out, she said, someone's going out
on maternity. Would you like a job here? Oh my gosh,
That's how I got my first staging job. But just
as your career was getting underway, I got pregnant and
(22:16):
the minute I told them, they made me leave that day.
What they wouldn't let children see that you were pregnant. Wow,
so we've come a long way, baby. You can't say
we've come a long way baby if you're not a feminist.
This must have been a serious financial blow to your family.
At the time, I didn't think of it that way.
(22:39):
I just loved what I was doing. I was disappointing, right,
But you just said a minute ago you never even
wanted to work in the first place. So if it
wasn't a financial necessity, why did you care? And I
have no one to play with, So it was more
because you would have been bored. I don't know if
it was like actually out of you needed them. No,
(23:00):
it was both. It was And that's how I put
in the swimming pool. I saved my first year's salary
swimming put in the pool, which we still use today.
I was a teacher when I got pregnant with my
first child, and I was allowed to work as long
(23:21):
as I didn't show, But after that I had to
stay home. Today, you even had women not doing newscasts
on the television with pregnant bellies doesn't matter which is Listen.
It's normal, it's nature, it's life, and there's nothing talk
to be ashamed of to be pregnant. Absolutely. Okay, Wait,
(23:43):
it's time to shut our mouths and let somebody else talk.
It's time for a commercial. Well you need it, Ellen,
I need a little water to wet my whistle. Go ahead, guys, Okay.
Next on my list is part five, doing what you
want with your time as a mother. You really don't
(24:06):
have your own time. Either I was working or I
was with my children. Time was something that was very precious.
Let's see what Lois does with her time. Tell about
the whole parallel life you lived in the theater while
raising your kids. I played the old stripper and gypsy
(24:27):
and the Jewish mother income blow your horn in the
same month, and I dare Meryl Streep to do that.
So who was putting my mom and her siblings to bed?
I think they put themselves to bed? Oh my gosh.
And you developed a gifted program at the school you
(24:49):
taught at, which is actually still in place today. Did
you bring home some of those lessons to your own kids? No,
I was so tired of the other kids. I didn't
do that. How I did read them stories or take
them to theater. Oh and also I put them in
my plays. David was in Sound of Music. He was
(25:11):
one of the things, and I was one of the things,
you mean, one of the kids. And I was a
frau Schmidt, the housekeeper. I hear other people talk about
how involved they were with their kids. I was involved
with me at least. You're honest. A lot of parents
signed their kids up for like all these different activities,
(25:33):
and you were kind of just like, do whatever you want,
go out in the traffic and play. Oh my gosh,
but look how wonderful they turned out. They did turn out. Well.
Do our values and ideas about how to live life
match your own, Well, they're different because we're a different generation. Yeah,
like you people are all hung up on careers and
(25:54):
women first and all that. Oh yeah, what a bummer.
Women first, you're creating a bed to lie in. You're
making your life hard. Why because you gotta worry about
careers and having families at the same time, and whether
to marry or not, and whether the woman can make
(26:15):
more than the man. You've got a bunch of problems
for no good reason. My god, everyone thinks i'd be
a feminist. Who thinks that? Most people think that because
I'm so independent? Well not your own grandchildren. And my mother,
the lawyer, wasn't a feminist. You raised a feminist, Yes
(26:37):
I did, and she raised in feminists she did. What
a shame? Did you have any problem with the way
women were treated in your younger years. I'm so egotistical,
only kid how I was treated. I don't think women
would treat it badly at all. Had a good racket,
make three meals and then you can do whatever you want.
(26:59):
Oh manna, No, I'm much rather have been a woman
in my twenties than when you people are. Yeah, why well,
first of all, I want to get married, and you
people take forever to get married. A few people you
like to go to work, and I didn't. You're always
(27:21):
fighting for some women's rights and I didn't have to.
You didn't have to. You chose not to both. I
didn't know them, you didn't know that they needed them.
Oh my god, you're so confusing because you've lived your
life in such a progressive way and then you say
things like that, that's the contradiction. This is a hard question, Ellen,
(27:48):
and I feel I'm a feminist and I'm all for
you girls having a career and being equally equal. But
it's hard. I mean, you're raising kids, you get keeping
a job, and you're going through a to college for
a career. You know, she's got a point their lowess.
I understand what she's saying. I'm not agreeing with her,
(28:10):
but you have to admit it's easy. It's staying home
with the kids, cooking not more satisfying. Probably, I don't know.
I don't think I missed the boat somewhere. I think
that women who are are working and have have a
family and whatever, they have a full rich like. It
may be busy and it may be chaotic, but it's
(28:33):
fulfilling if they're doing what they want to do. I
don't know. We still carry a lot of old fish
and ideas. You know, this girl Jane sounds just like
my Rachel. She's a real feminist activist. Or she has
fights with her mother all the time. That's you, that's
just youth. And now we've come to part six, from
(28:55):
mother to grandmother? Are you proud of where all of
them have ended up? All of your kids. Absolutely, and
with all my neglect, every friend says I have the
best batch of ale. Yeah, you do have good kids, phenomenal.
What about your grandchildren? I have strong relationships with all
(29:17):
of them, and I'm crazy about all of them. Are
you proud of where all three of us have ended up?
So proud? Well? Have we taught you anything? Are we
go again with one of your hard questions? Oh? Like? What? Like? Maybe?
Like how to be more politically correct? For you told
(29:39):
me that I can't say models. Why you said sold fashion?
You still say it. I can't help but say it
because I think you're models. What's your best advice to
someone who wants to take full advantage of a life's
opportunity to whatever you want? Don't go fighting a course,
(30:00):
fight your own, fight your own cause, all right, live
your life to the fullest everyone. Oh, absolutely, because you
only come through this way once. So do whatever you
want and don't work if you don't have to. I guess,
oh that's a prime requirement. Thank you, and thank you
(30:24):
for giving me this opportunity to be the center of attention,
because I have to just tell you that one of
the people who directed me was yelling and criticizing, and
somebody said, you're awfully hard on Lois, and she said, no,
Lois doesn't care as long as you talk about her,
(30:48):
So thank you. Just wait, Liz virus is over. He
helped form one of my biggest parties. I know. Well,
let me tell you, I made thirteen marriages. Did you
need a more liberal plan? No, Nanna, You're a perfect
grandmother and you're a perfect granddaughter, isn't she. Well, she's
(31:15):
sort of a little outrageous, she's you know, but she's
gotten through with the love of her children and more
than the love of her grandchildren. So it worked. Absolutely.
She just is who she is. Yeah, she's not offending anybody. No,
I'd say, good for her. Say what do you want
about me? That's me, right, Rita. I have never heard
(31:36):
anybody say anything but wonderful things about you. Okay, but
don't put this on the podcast. I'm embarrassed. Don't be
embarrassed if I had said everybody says terrible things about you.
That I call Your Grandmother is a production of I
(32:01):
Heart Radio and Superb Entertainment. The hosts of the show
are Me readA Ka and me Ellen Bernstein. Grotzky created
by Narrow Poster, produced and directed by Annistum, with producer
Abu zafar An, associate producer Emily Marinot, managing producer Lindsey Hoffman,
(32:25):
and executive producers are Loo Poster, Nikki Etre and Mangeshkakatikador.
Music and mastering by Hamilton Lighthouser and Annistum. Listen, we
can now start to lobby for a bus to bring
us to a town near you. Just leave a big
(32:45):
review and we can start to lobby for that fuss.
We'll bring something hot to eat too. It's either chopped
limber like the filter Fisher. My kids don't like chop Lifford.
My kid right, chop Liard. So what do you want?
My kids like accaroni and cheese. That's hard to eat
on a butts. Ellen, Yeah,
You're gonna give you the wrong coffee. Now, getting out
of here pain and go back to you your little
man caves. We might not make it to fifty seven years.
I'm telling you that right back. Well, now you got
a career who needs That's one of those hangers on rita.
(00:25):
Do you know who we're gonna be hearing today. We're
gonna hear a great duo Lois and Jane. And from
what I hear, these are two terrific people. And they're
so similar they're like almost one. I'm very much looking
forward to it. Oh, please pass me the page with
(00:45):
the O bits. I cheer those who hit ninety three
on a very good day with the O bits. All
the old folks are older than me. Lois Stein is
(01:06):
my grandmother. She's eighty nine years old and she lives
in Long Island. She is the greatest grandmother of all time.
She is so popular, she's so bright, she's so talented
and funny, and I'm incredibly close to her. She's just
(01:26):
like me. Phone man is Jane Rebecca Rosenfeld. This recording
was the first time we've seen each other in four
months because of the coronavirus. We talked on the phone
and through face time, through the whole shutdown. But there's
really nothing like seeing her in person. If you asked
me to describer, I would say that they should synergetic, friendly, warm,
(01:51):
everybody loves her. That's not what she's like me kind
and she staying the best teacher. We really think of
each other more as friends than as grandmother and grandchild.
Even more than that, almost as an older and younger
version of the same person. It was very early on
(02:12):
in my life that we discovered our special bond. I
came to her second birthday and everybody was playing. She
came over to me and said, I want to play, Mama,
And we went into the bedroom and we play. Yeah.
I was more excited about having my grandma play with
me than the like fifty friends that my parents had
(02:34):
probably invited. I remember telling my mom whispering in her ear,
like can she sleep over? From then on, I think
we've always had a lot of fun together. One word
of advice for new grandmother's, feed them. It's just like
a puppy dog. The first movie I ever saw in
(02:56):
theaters was with my grandma. We went to see The
Wizard of Oz. There was this movie theater really close
to where I grew up on the Upper West Side.
It was on the east side. Actually, no, it was
the one on a hund and Broadway. Sure, yeah, I'm positive.
And I was so so scared. I think I remember
like asking if we could leave. She chooses two seats
(03:18):
in the top row in the corner, and she was
wearing a blue and white check dress like Dorothy. But
I was really scared of that movie. For many years.
I was too. Yeah, you were to see the monkeys.
(03:41):
I have to smile because that move and see it
is right near where I live, and it's still there,
closed and it is a scary movie. She's right. I
love the closeness that they have, and I love the
biplay between the two of them and their wonderful memories
seemed to be this same memories. Although Jane said it
(04:02):
was on the east side and the grandmother said it
was on the west side, and which because she's eighty
nine years old, I'm Mandy, and I remember there's nobody
like you. I loved it. I thought my granddaughter and
I were closed there, even closer. They're adorable and I
read obits. If I don't see my name, I get
(04:22):
out of bed. When you get to our age, you
read obits. It's a sixth thing to do, but we
read it. My mother used to get the New York
Times every day and the first thing she went to
was the obits, and then she would read them and go, oh, oh,
what's the matter? Mom? A Jewish man. There could be
(04:45):
nine other people who had died, but my mother is
a Jewish Man. I look at the obits and I said,
if I don't see myself, I'm the bill that's right.
And my sister in we want to make sure that
they do the right thing. So we both wrote all bits,
which we're holding kicking when we go. I have one.
(05:08):
I have absolutely got one that I wrote. Nobody knows
me better than I do. I said, I don't need
a big funeral. Just make sure my opening is posted
in the New York Times and then you write, you know,
something like with thousands in attendance. The congregation mourned right.
I told my kids, I'm not gonna die in the
(05:29):
pandemic because you can't have a funeral. And when I go,
I want a big funeral. I want everybody coming, I
want everybody crying. I want everybody to say nice things
even if they don't mean it. If I'm around, I
want to give I'm gonna tell my kids. She's very
good at this. She does a terrific ulity. If the
(05:51):
podcasts you could be don't have a career, you don't
do podas Algie I called my company. And if we
can laugh about these things, what can I tell what?
(06:12):
I don't think I laugh with anybody like I laugh
with your reader. Okay. I was just handed a list
of part titles, and this is the first one. Part one,
How to make friends and influence people. My grandmother has
(06:32):
this extraordinary ability to make friends. She has stories of
seeing what a person is reading on the subway and
talking to them about it, or walking down the street
and complimenting someone on what they're wearing, and becoming friends
with my friends. And then before you know it, you're
invited to the pool, and you're invited for Thanksgiving. At
the end of the hour, I might ask you over
(06:55):
somehow though you still have time to talk to me.
We talk every single night. We do the crossword mini
puzzle as soon as it goes live at ten, and
we have a competition. And she would give me a handicap,
so she had to do it faster than maid to win.
(07:15):
She has more of a party, nightlife, sleep schedule than
I do, because I watch KOBEA and I go to
bed at ten of twelve because then my son Wretched
goals to discuss scope. And then she's up at like
eleven in the morning, and I don't come down till
twelve because it takes me three hours to get ready
(07:37):
when it used to take me ten minutes. And then
there are the lists. She'll make, lists about anything, list
of all her friends, list of all her kids friends,
list of all the people who help her on the house,
so she's eventually gonna owe money too one day when
she dies. And then recently she's been making a list
of all of her friends who have died, just to
compare the numbers, which I've told her she should doing
(08:00):
because it makes her sad, but she actually seems to
enjoy it quite a bit. But I have two replacements,
and usually the replacements are the people who have died,
their children and their grandchildren who love her. Soon Lois
will be ninety. She'd been planning her ninety birthday party
(08:21):
for years, but then the pandemic arrived. The governor had
stated that you could only have parties in groups of
ten or less. One of the things she mentioned was
having nine different parties of ten people, and they kind
of correspond to the list. A party of her family,
a party of her dead friend's children, a party of
(08:41):
all the people who help her on the house, a
party of her neighbors. I would have had a party
with my grandmother and I tell each other everything, and
in the process, we've discovered that our lives overlap in
countless ways. So we decided early on we should write
a book together. So, for example, I'll write about the
(09:02):
first time I was in love and will compare and
see how they are the same, see how they're different
depending on time and place. And the title is then
and Now. My grandmother has mastered the art of getting
exactly what she wants out of life. I've always thought
she must have gotten this from her parents, who seemed
(09:24):
to turn every situation into an advantage. I grew up
in the Bronx opposite the Yankee Stadium. They put in
night baseball for the first time, and it's shown into
my father's bedroom. And my father was an attorney, and
he wrote them a letter that he'd serve them with
(09:46):
an injunction if they did not turn off the lights,
and they wrote back, Mr Weinberg, you're in your legal rights,
But instead of ruining the pleasure of millions of people,
will you be our guests with your family in a
box seat every night baseball game. I wish we still
(10:08):
had those box seats. Things like that always seemed to
happen to you when you were growing up. And did
that make me popular? So you were like the cool
girl in the apartment building? I don't know if I
was cool. I always thought I was a drip. I
still was like a ringleader. Why do you think you
were a drip? Because I was tall? That was my
(10:29):
biggest hang up. I don't know. I just didn't swing
the way a lot of the girls did, and I'd
never be picked to be a cheerleader or something. You're
not a drip, Nana. I realized that now, finally she's funny.
She's really got a good sense of humor. She's moving
(10:49):
her life a little very nicely. The grandmother, absolutely, the
grand daughter is amazing. The things the grandmother does. You
know what I'm so interested in is that the disparity
and age and yet there's such a closeness. It's real friendship,
and I envy that. I have to say, she and
I have a lot in common. If I make a
list and go to the supermarket, I forget the list
(11:13):
at home, no matter what lest I make. It gives
you something to do. If you make lists, you may
have to use it, but it kind of keeps your
mind in order. You know, I do keep list to
the medications I take, for which I probably need about
four cell phones. Okay, Ellen, you know it's time for
(11:35):
commercial break. Okay, it's fine. It gives me time to
have a fight with Peter, a fight or a bite,
A fight, a fight, Okay. The next part is part two,
Embarrassing parents. My parents swore lawyers, including my mother, and
(12:03):
I was so ashamed of that because everybody else mother
was a housewife. And when I was at school, the
teacher asked everybody what their father did, and then she
went and lois, tell the children what your mother does?
And I said, she's a housewife? Wow? Really, yes, Oh
(12:26):
my goodness. People would think it's so cool, but she
was in this generation. And the other thing was we
had air Aide drills, and not only was she the
only woman air aid warden. She was the sector warden,
so I was ashamed of that too, but yet had
a very good relationship with her. Yeah, I don't see
(12:50):
me resembling either of them in my way of life.
Did somebody else entirely kind of influence? You know, you've
just sort of paved your own know, I just influenced me.
Oh my goodness, your trailblazer. I went to law school
like she did, but not to be a lawyer. I
(13:11):
wanted to meet a guy. No, I didn't want to
be a pace set like she wants. But I think
I became one. Yeah, maybe unintentionally. You actually really admired
everything your mother did, I guess. So she ran an
international women's exposition was wartime and Eleanor Roosevelt came to speak,
(13:35):
and my mother asked me to escort her from the
entrance to the stage. And I didn't want to go
take some old lady there, and she said, if you
don't do this, you'll regret it all your life. So
I did it, and she did nothing but asked me
(13:58):
about myself all the way to the stage. How my
mother was right. I'm still telling people Eleanorman FD are
unbelievable couple. Unbelievable. She actually was his you know, his
legs in the world. She went all over and brought
(14:19):
back all the information she was. She was really like
the seer good President. She was a woman way before
her time, way before her time. Absolutely, that's something she'll
always have as a memory. And you know what it means.
You got to take advantage of things in life, no
matter when. Just go with it. That's what makes life.
You gotta hang on to every experience because you'll never
(14:42):
know when you're doing a podcast that's right, that's right,
And I'm terrific. Imagine to be ashamed to be a lawyer, unbelievable.
It just shows you how times have changed. And as
I said once before on the podcast, I would have
loved to been a lawyer, and I think Guy would
have been good, but it just was not an option.
(15:03):
Look at RBG. She couldn't even get a job when
she got out of top law schools number one in
Harvard Law. Now Columbia Law. She got out of Columbia Law.
So times have changed. Women have the opportunity today, Yes, yes,
And now we're gonna see in part three how Lois
(15:26):
met her husband. I'm always curious about how people make
their husbands. This should be very interesting. So you're a
third grade teacher at the time, and a new third
grade teacher at a different school asked for your advice
on what to teach her students, and she was really
impressed with your lesson plans. The teacher there said, oh,
(15:47):
my nephew would love a girl like that. So she
asked me and I said, I don't go on a
blind date. She said, he has a drug store on
Hunt five screen. We could go up and look him over.
So you and your friend Esther went to the pharmacy
to introduce yourselves to Lenny. And after a brief exchange,
(16:08):
you left the pharmacy and my grandfather had you followed
by his delivery boy. And what was it you said
to Esther? I said to her, not bad, not bad.
And then the delivery boy brought the message back to
my grandfather at the pharmacy. He said to Lenny, they
say not bad, not bad. A few weeks after that,
(16:30):
Esther ran into Lenny at a bar mitzvah they both
happened to be invited to, and has just said to him,
what did you think of the girl I brought in
the drug store? And he said, not bad, not bad.
So Esther wrote Lois his name on a napkin and
handed it to Lenny. But there was another woman at
(16:51):
the party who wanted Lenny for her daughter. She wrote
her daughter's name on a napkin too and handed it
to him, and as fate would have it, in all
of this napkin transferring, he lost the other napkin and
then he called. This was all sounding very promising. He
was terrific as a date. So he took me up
(17:13):
to Connecticut and he brought an easel and made sketches
of it, and he took me ice skating, and he
took me to theater, and he was very imaginative. Now
I liked my courtship, my court and I really began
to like him. But there was a problem. He had
never been in the service, and nobody in those days
(17:35):
that was dating me and served in the service. And
he looked perfectly healthy. And I said, did you ever
spend time in a mental institution? And he said, I
took you to theater and dancing, and you think I'm crazy.
And it turned out that he had puncture ear drums
(17:57):
since he was five, and those days they didn't put
you into service if you weren't, you know, perfect, He
asked me to marry him. The next day he called
and said his mother said it was too soon. He
didn't know me long enough, so we should call it off.
(18:18):
So I did, and I made a date with somebody
else that weekend. Wow, you were not waiting for anyone,
but there were two people in between. Um what, I
didn't even know that. Oh my gosh. All right, well,
you've certainly met your fair share of men, and Lenny
at the pharmacy still wanted to see you. I said
to him, I have to do it in two weeks,
(18:40):
because I told the other guy i'd go out with
him next week. Apparently my grandfather was okay with this,
because you kept your date with the new guy to
go dancing, and you had a great time. Right, But
you did save the following weekend for my grandfather. I
played with his nephew and nine month old baby, and
he watched me, and he's said, are you gonna marry me?
(19:01):
On that she went to her friend Hilda for advice.
She said, what was a burdenhand is worth two in
the bush. Three months later, she married my grandfather and
wanted to change his mind. Wow. The minute I heard that,
(19:22):
the mother thought it was too soon. That would have
been the kiss of death for me. She's alright, she
she went out, held him on the side. She shrewd,
she knows how to play the angles. She won by default.
He went out of the running. The other guy his
(19:44):
napkin went down the toilet. That was the end of
that match. I can't add anything to that. She was sensible,
you know. She know a good steady guy of that
at a drug store and would always make a living.
My husband was a blind date. Phil was also a
(20:06):
blind day. A friend of mine worked in an office
with Phil's sister. Let's tell you he wore an outfit
that should have worn the he had to the day
when he died. He had the worst taste and quote.
(20:26):
Next on the list is part four, to work or
not to work? And I think Lois had her own
ideas about this. Did you get this sense, Nana, that
he would support you as a working woman or did
he need to be kind of worked on at all?
I'm the least feminist woman walking on God. I didn't
(20:50):
want to work at all. The only reason I went
back was all the other women did, so we couldn't
just live on one income if everyone was living on too.
Did you get the sense that he would support you? Know?
I hope so, I assumed so he did. In my opinion,
I thought he'd own a chain of drug stores. But oh,
(21:11):
he didn't live up your expectations on that way. So
for a woman who didn't want to work, you certainly
put a lot of energy into preparing yourself for the
working world. You transferred schools so many times, five times,
and I decided to go to law school. I was
very good at it, but I didn't like to do paperwork,
(21:33):
so I took the master's in education and loved it.
So but tell us about how you landed your first
teaching job. Wasn't it that you were on your way
to interview at an ad agency, but then you got
sidetracked by the sounds of kids in a schoolyard. I
went in and said to the principle that I walk around,
that I had this teaching license, and I told the
(21:55):
children the story of Katie note pockets without a book.
And when I came out, she said, someone's going out
on maternity. Would you like a job here? Oh my gosh,
That's how I got my first staging job. But just
as your career was getting underway, I got pregnant and
(22:16):
the minute I told them, they made me leave that day.
What they wouldn't let children see that you were pregnant. Wow,
so we've come a long way, baby. You can't say
we've come a long way baby if you're not a feminist.
This must have been a serious financial blow to your family.
At the time, I didn't think of it that way.
(22:39):
I just loved what I was doing. I was disappointing, right,
But you just said a minute ago you never even
wanted to work in the first place. So if it
wasn't a financial necessity, why did you care? And I
have no one to play with, So it was more
because you would have been bored. I don't know if
it was like actually out of you needed them. No,
(23:00):
it was both. It was And that's how I put
in the swimming pool. I saved my first year's salary
swimming put in the pool, which we still use today.
I was a teacher when I got pregnant with my
first child, and I was allowed to work as long
(23:21):
as I didn't show, But after that I had to
stay home. Today, you even had women not doing newscasts
on the television with pregnant bellies doesn't matter which is Listen.
It's normal, it's nature, it's life, and there's nothing talk
to be ashamed of to be pregnant. Absolutely. Okay, Wait,
(23:43):
it's time to shut our mouths and let somebody else talk.
It's time for a commercial. Well you need it, Ellen,
I need a little water to wet my whistle. Go ahead, guys, Okay.
Next on my list is part five, doing what you
want with your time as a mother. You really don't
(24:06):
have your own time. Either I was working or I
was with my children. Time was something that was very precious.
Let's see what Lois does with her time. Tell about
the whole parallel life you lived in the theater while
raising your kids. I played the old stripper and gypsy
(24:27):
and the Jewish mother income blow your horn in the
same month, and I dare Meryl Streep to do that.
So who was putting my mom and her siblings to bed?
I think they put themselves to bed? Oh my gosh.
And you developed a gifted program at the school you
(24:49):
taught at, which is actually still in place today. Did
you bring home some of those lessons to your own kids? No,
I was so tired of the other kids. I didn't
do that. How I did read them stories or take
them to theater. Oh and also I put them in
my plays. David was in Sound of Music. He was
(25:11):
one of the things, and I was one of the things,
you mean, one of the kids. And I was a
frau Schmidt, the housekeeper. I hear other people talk about
how involved they were with their kids. I was involved
with me at least. You're honest. A lot of parents
signed their kids up for like all these different activities,
(25:33):
and you were kind of just like, do whatever you want,
go out in the traffic and play. Oh my gosh,
but look how wonderful they turned out. They did turn out. Well.
Do our values and ideas about how to live life
match your own, Well, they're different because we're a different generation. Yeah,
like you people are all hung up on careers and
(25:54):
women first and all that. Oh yeah, what a bummer.
Women first, you're creating a bed to lie in. You're
making your life hard. Why because you gotta worry about
careers and having families at the same time, and whether
to marry or not, and whether the woman can make
(26:15):
more than the man. You've got a bunch of problems
for no good reason. My god, everyone thinks i'd be
a feminist. Who thinks that? Most people think that because
I'm so independent? Well not your own grandchildren. And my mother,
the lawyer, wasn't a feminist. You raised a feminist, Yes
(26:37):
I did, and she raised in feminists she did. What
a shame? Did you have any problem with the way
women were treated in your younger years. I'm so egotistical,
only kid how I was treated. I don't think women
would treat it badly at all. Had a good racket,
make three meals and then you can do whatever you want.
(26:59):
Oh manna, No, I'm much rather have been a woman
in my twenties than when you people are. Yeah, why well,
first of all, I want to get married, and you
people take forever to get married. A few people you
like to go to work, and I didn't. You're always
(27:21):
fighting for some women's rights and I didn't have to.
You didn't have to. You chose not to both. I
didn't know them, you didn't know that they needed them.
Oh my god, you're so confusing because you've lived your
life in such a progressive way and then you say
things like that, that's the contradiction. This is a hard question, Ellen,
(27:48):
and I feel I'm a feminist and I'm all for
you girls having a career and being equally equal. But
it's hard. I mean, you're raising kids, you get keeping
a job, and you're going through a to college for
a career. You know, she's got a point their lowess.
I understand what she's saying. I'm not agreeing with her,
(28:10):
but you have to admit it's easy. It's staying home
with the kids, cooking not more satisfying. Probably, I don't know.
I don't think I missed the boat somewhere. I think
that women who are are working and have have a
family and whatever, they have a full rich like. It
may be busy and it may be chaotic, but it's
(28:33):
fulfilling if they're doing what they want to do. I
don't know. We still carry a lot of old fish
and ideas. You know, this girl Jane sounds just like
my Rachel. She's a real feminist activist. Or she has
fights with her mother all the time. That's you, that's
just youth. And now we've come to part six, from
(28:55):
mother to grandmother? Are you proud of where all of
them have ended up? All of your kids. Absolutely, and
with all my neglect, every friend says I have the
best batch of ale. Yeah, you do have good kids, phenomenal.
What about your grandchildren? I have strong relationships with all
(29:17):
of them, and I'm crazy about all of them. Are
you proud of where all three of us have ended up?
So proud? Well? Have we taught you anything? Are we
go again with one of your hard questions? Oh? Like? What? Like? Maybe?
Like how to be more politically correct? For you told
(29:39):
me that I can't say models. Why you said sold fashion?
You still say it. I can't help but say it
because I think you're models. What's your best advice to
someone who wants to take full advantage of a life's
opportunity to whatever you want? Don't go fighting a course,
(30:00):
fight your own, fight your own cause, all right, live
your life to the fullest everyone. Oh, absolutely, because you
only come through this way once. So do whatever you
want and don't work if you don't have to. I guess,
oh that's a prime requirement. Thank you, and thank you
(30:24):
for giving me this opportunity to be the center of attention,
because I have to just tell you that one of
the people who directed me was yelling and criticizing, and
somebody said, you're awfully hard on Lois, and she said, no,
Lois doesn't care as long as you talk about her,
(30:48):
So thank you. Just wait, Liz virus is over. He
helped form one of my biggest parties. I know. Well,
let me tell you, I made thirteen marriages. Did you
need a more liberal plan? No, Nanna, You're a perfect
grandmother and you're a perfect granddaughter, isn't she. Well, she's
(31:15):
sort of a little outrageous, she's you know, but she's
gotten through with the love of her children and more
than the love of her grandchildren. So it worked. Absolutely.
She just is who she is. Yeah, she's not offending anybody. No,
I'd say, good for her. Say what do you want
about me? That's me, right, Rita. I have never heard
(31:36):
anybody say anything but wonderful things about you. Okay, but
don't put this on the podcast. I'm embarrassed. Don't be
embarrassed if I had said everybody says terrible things about you.
That I call Your Grandmother is a production of I
(32:01):
Heart Radio and Superb Entertainment. The hosts of the show
are Me readA Ka and me Ellen Bernstein. Grotzky created
by Narrow Poster, produced and directed by Annistum, with producer
Abu zafar An, associate producer Emily Marinot, managing producer Lindsey Hoffman,
(32:25):
and executive producers are Loo Poster, Nikki Etre and Mangeshkakatikador.
Music and mastering by Hamilton Lighthouser and Annistum. Listen, we
can now start to lobby for a bus to bring
us to a town near you. Just leave a big
(32:45):
review and we can start to lobby for that fuss.
We'll bring something hot to eat too. It's either chopped
limber like the filter Fisher. My kids don't like chop Lifford.
My kid right, chop Liard. So what do you want?
My kids like accaroni and cheese. That's hard to eat
on a butts. Ellen, Yeah,
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