June 7, 2023 • 30 mins
Hey y'all ...Jess fixes not 2, not even 3 ..but 4 messes today!! And for once ...you might be able to relate to every single one of them - uhh, maybe not the first one! Tap In!!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
the Black Effect, and just like that, be back on
the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless episode
with your Girl.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Just hilarious.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.
I also do it on the Breakfast Club as.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Well on B E T. Nine Am.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is
more than likely almost all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing
people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was
pissed off about.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
And it's rather quick, so I'm just gonna jump straight
in with that.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,
but she's upset because he's married.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I know I had to do my own sound effect,
but duh, someone what should I do?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So this is the thing.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he
sold her dreams of what they were going to be
when he.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,
he went to get engaged.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,
he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then
went to go find the girlfriend. Right. So when she
found out about the wife, she didn't leave. She tells
me she mad at the wife for not holding her
man down. How you not mad at your boyfriend because
(01:37):
he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at his wife
for not holding her husband down?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Who just happens to be your boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're
mad at this man's wife.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
But he got married when he came home, he wasn't
already married. So you were never first.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You were always second and was always gonna be second,
and asking me what you should do. What you should
do is get some fucking dignity, wake up and go
find you your own fucking man. Because he's not yours,
he will never be yours. You've already allowed too much.
You think a man actually wants to be with someone
(02:16):
who was okay with them cheating on their wives, or
was okay with being second anyway, you think you'll ever
deserve in his eyes to be number one. These men
only do to us what we allow mentally, you know
what I'm saying. And then some women are not as
strong minded as others. But I just couldn't understand like
(02:38):
she had some nerve she was upset. Oh, she wouldn't
hold him down, And I just felt like that's crazy,
Like how could you not hold him down because he
wasn't married to a yet?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You have to realize who you are, what you are,
what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't
gonna take, and realize the consequences of your actions are
because of what you allowed or what you did. So
the consequences is you always gonna be the side bitch.
I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me
if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up
after she had a shit like I ain't tell you
(03:12):
going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look
dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,
it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she
gets the help that she needs because lord, she's delusional.
All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,
y'all know how I feel about these.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
There we go, Hi, JA.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little
background about myself before I ask you the original question
that I have for you. So, I am twenty one
years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked
at three jobs. Also want to goo for nail technician.
I have no kids, I am single. I have my
(03:54):
own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,
the question I have to ask you is, I don't
know if anybody else is having this problem, but from
my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't
know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying
(04:15):
to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying
to achieve goals.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I just feel like I'm.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Everywhere right now, and it's to the point where it's
giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling like
I'm behind in a way.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Like, for example, when I was in school, I was
way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
A little bit more weight.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
So I just been feeling like, you know, I just
don't look as prettier as everybody else. And of course
I feel like social media for me, it takes a
part of that. So I have took a break from
that to help a little bit. Another example is with love.
I'm such a freaking.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Lover girl, like I love love, but.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
The relationship is just not going well for me, the
dating error, all that stuff like, it's just not going
well for me. Even if I want, like a little
sneakily like it never works out. And then with my schooling,
I've been in school for a two years trying to
get my nail license because I'm just like stick. Dis
harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's been
taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur at
(05:21):
my age, so I just feel like I'm just way
behind all the things I need to do.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
So just give me some clarity to help me. J
Just thanks love.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
You, heyy. First of all, I love you too.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to
me about that, because you know what you do. You
open up the floor for other younger females, younger women
to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,
because y'all generation are going through some shit too. Of course,
a lot of identity crisis going on. Of course, when
you have media constantly shoving in your face, you can
(05:53):
change who you are. You can change any part of
your body now and everybody has access to these surgeons
and just you know, all types of things that can
help you rid of your flaws. You know, But I
think it's internal for you. You did say exactly what
I was going to tell you. Social media will play
(06:15):
a big part in this and how the media constantly
tries to manipulate our minds with just certain standards that
we're supposed to follow, like you know. And then influencers
that I thank God for them because I started off
as one, but I say their work would be a
gift in accurse because they open up your eyes to
(06:35):
seeing I can own my own business, I can own something,
I can be a young black creator.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I don't have to work for nobody for the rest
of my life.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I am in a position where I can run my
own business. At the same time, what it does is
it shows another side where it makes working a nine
to five or being who you really are off.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Of social media, it looks uncool.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
It makes you uncool, makes you feel that you're not enough,
and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel
that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation
just because I don't want you to ever feel like
because you are.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
You know, you consider yourself a.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether
you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But
however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that
depict how you go on in your love life. And
then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to
figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.
I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I would never say that.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old
because what love is to you maybe different for what
love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,
you know what I mean, So it goes by experience
of what you feel. But I will say, you have
a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.
You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love
right now because you also told me in the same
(07:58):
breath you're trying to figure out.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Who you are.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
There's no way that you could be ready for a
relationship and you don't know who you are. So what
I think is that you love the idea of love.
You know, you love what it looks like. You know,
you love what it can be. You love all the possibilities.
You love what you see visually, what looks good visually
to you, and then you probably see a lot of
relationship goals too, you know what I'm saying. And that's good.
(08:24):
You took a break from social media. I actually have
family members that have.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
To do that.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I have friends that have to do that. I know
other influencers that have to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of
like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,
and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,
that's just one part. That's social media, you know what
I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays
a big part in our confidence, you know. So I
think you should do a lot more soul searching. You
(08:56):
probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.
That don't need to scare you, that just needs some
motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure
out what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Girl, You ain't got no kids.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
You work three jobs and you're going to school to
be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about
some lift.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Spend time with? Girl?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is
a job, just like we jobs too, you know what
I'm saying. So that's four jobs. Thank god. You ain't
got no damn kids. But you know what men do.
They give you kids.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
So your little twenty one year old, but need to
stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this
path that you're on.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at
your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only
from your head to the top of your.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you
sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Fuck that.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
You gotta love.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yourself because when you learn how to love yourself, and
I mean the railway because people hear this all the time.
Oh you gotta love yourself up. People say this to
people all the time, and they take it the wrong way.
You gotta love yourself. You gotta love yourself, or I
do love myself. Like nah, people get more defensive after
hearing that than just actually listening. No, do you really
know what it takes to love yourself, because that's probably
(10:10):
why your relationships fail. You said, you're even just a
sneaky link. I'm no, you know, even if you want
some dick, just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need.
Maybe shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.
That's not in your timing right now, you know what
I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some
more searching for who you are. You know, you're at
the best time right now. And then you also at
(10:32):
the best time to lose some more weight if that's
what you want to do. Shit, if you want to
lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like
that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some
more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find
it wasn't even your weak It probably is your mind.
It probably is the fact that you, like I said,
you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.
(10:53):
You love the idea of love but I do hope
everything works out for you and you do get everything
that you want in life.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Moving on.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Last story. Oh my god, I got all the babies today.
Hey Joss, I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy
and I have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to
open up. I've never been in a relationship before, so
this part of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard
to talk about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma,
so I don't want it to change our dynamic. The
guy is amazing. I don't want him to think he
(11:32):
is a problem. My question is do you think I'm
ready for a relationship or should I just continue to
explore being alone for a bit longer. By the way,
you can use this for the podcast in case you
want consent. Oh that's nice, Thank you. I was gonna
use it anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I don't know your name, so that's good, and can't
bite see your face, But no, I appreciate you for
reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a
lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger
generation and they are facing a lot, you know, and
they're seeing a lot, and they are much more exposed
to a lot of shit too than we ever were
(12:08):
that I that I ever was at nineteen, you know,
so they could really be the main ones that need
some mental tending to.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It's a lot, a lot of shit that these babies
are seeing.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
But yeah, to get into what you have going on,
you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't
really know what it takes.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I understand. You got to think about it, though.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Every person on this earth has been in that situation.
Everybody ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has
to jump in it some type of way.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody
has to jump into us some type of way. You
don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that
will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you
need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.
You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing
with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing
things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,
but you didn't go into depth about the.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Trauma, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I'm glad that you even you know, we don't have
to so obviously you know, I just don't know what
the trauma is from. It could it could be something
more recent, it could be deeply rooted, but that's probably,
you know, more than likely where it comes from. And
I understand you said, this guy is amazing, he's understanding.
You don't want him to think he's the problem.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
You don't because then in restrospect, that's not fair to him.
But no, I don't think that you're ready for a relationship.
I think you should start some counseling, or you should
start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it. You see
that you do have issues that you want to move past.
You do see that, and that's good that you see that.
A lot of people's fear of therapy is because they
don't want to open up. They don't even want to
(13:42):
go talk to somebody. But this first step for you
to come in to me, I think that's amazing. I
do think that you should seek further therapy. Because I'm
not a licensed professional, I can only give you good advice.
Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen. I'm gonna
tell you like I told her the last baby, girl,
you're nineteen, two more years til you hit twenty one,
but in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got
(14:03):
a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just
watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's
way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,
we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even
look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now, y'all
starting to look like y'all already got bbls and shit.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,
y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I don't know. So I do think that you just
need to explore just being alone for a bit longer.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
And you already knew that. You just needed to clarity,
and I'm here to give it to you, girls, So
keep me updated, let me know what's going on. Yeah,
don't mess that man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously.
Don't mess them up. Just fix yourself and go back
and get them. Hold up, Hold up, I know the
shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds
of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. So
(14:57):
this last mess, I'm an fix this in person and
somebody actually came into the studio and you know this
is I'm trying this out because in fourth season, I
may bring this to video. You know, I know we
have canfulte reckless audio, but for those who want to see,
I may just do it. I don't know. I'm raising
right now. It's gonna be my first in person mass effix,
(15:20):
so we'll see.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Let's see.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship
and I just need some advice on something that I
really you know, have been worried about for it. And
this is because of my own personal growth. So I'm
in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person and the
other person is a person who needs time to walk away. Right,
(15:44):
That's the thing, like I need, I need to get
some space clear my mind. And that's it's understandable, you
know that people some people can't just get to the
bottom of it real quick. They need a time to
see what they going through. But it's like when does
it get like okay, now, this is getting played out
because if you think about it, the number one answer
that older people will have successful relationships say is what
(16:04):
communication beyond? Like that's like the number one thing everybody say,
because you have to find a way to really find
that balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,
both of us is not like that. I can't that's
avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other
person's not. So then that means that it has to
be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,
(16:25):
I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some
shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna
be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,
completely block you out, and you could be literally like
sending messages like just talk to me. It's like, okay,
it's fine, let's just get this. Like it's not that
big of a deal. And you don't hear from them,
so it's like, how do you deal with that going forward?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I
can see how both could feel. You know, I feel
like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a relationship,
that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs to
be a willingness to come out of your show.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
If I know that I'm with a person who is
a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and
I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.
You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I
understand because I was even like that.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I was on both sides.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm on more of your side now where I am
communicating more, But at first I was the same way.
I guess that's why I can kind of see where
he would be coming from. But I had to change that,
and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.
I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,
I don't want to talk about it. I need time
because some people sometimes some people want to be mad
(17:45):
that shit is fucked up, but some people want to
be mad, they want.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
To get it off. That's how some people get shit
off their chests.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
He's not really a mediator because has he seen that
shit growing up? Has he always been that way because
his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has
never been in a place where he felt safe enough
to open up. And I don't know your past, you know,
I don't even know his past. Book, from what you're
telling me, you kind of had a different upbringing than
(18:12):
he did.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I don't know whether that that's household wise.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything
can define who you are as an adult.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
It don't have to always be how you was raised.
It could be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
It could be different people, different people that you met
on your journey to becoming an adult and how they
prophesied to you, or seeing this person come from this
walk of life, so like it's just figuring out a
person is this way you want to be? And you said,
y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all
not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.
Is this a place where you see yourself going back
(18:50):
to or do you not?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you
be with a person. I don't want to be with
him this time, but I didn't.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
I do want to be with him, though, But when
he does something to make you mad, goes out the window,
and then he comes around and y'all talk about it,
and then now you want to be with him again?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
How do you know you want to move forward with
this person? Do you see a future with this person?
Speaker 4 (19:10):
And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like
you said, when you just respond to back, it's like
you move differently now because of this love that you
don't want to miss out on it. So I'm at
a place where it's like I'm gonna have to be
okay with realizing that maybe I can't bring that out
of him mm hm. And and that hurts right, like
that this man don't love me enough to be like
(19:30):
I want to work it's out with her. I want
to talk to her. So I'm at a place now
I know my worth, like yes, I do have my
shit right, like I know. And even though in my communication,
like you you know, I sometimes I can talk around
to get to a point because I wanted us to
get to a page without letting somebody go through it, right,
And I'm learning that and I'm more than help. That's
why I was like, you gotta walk away. I get it.
(19:52):
But it's the extra shit hang out answering like it's
it's it's it creates too much of a like I get,
I be hurt. I don't even I've heard like yo,
this person. Now, I'm not gonna talk to them for
days now, i gotta be left here just like yeah,
until when they calmed down, like a few days later,
and I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You know, that shit is not fair. Like I said,
I used to do that.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I used to do that to people, and that shit
is not fair because it now it leaves the person
wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,
like or do you even respect me?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Because that's when things getting disrespectful.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's the difference between an extrovert and just shutting down
versus the disrespect.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
You don't have to hang up, you don't have to
block me, you don't have to not talk to me
for days.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
What are you trying to prove a point? Because that's
what it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.
And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of
people always know what to do to get back and
your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,
and sometimes subconsciously selfish, and those people don't like to
be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like
to be told about myself. I didn't want to be
(21:00):
in control, but I just wanted things to go my
way and people to see shit my way all the time.
And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the
real world, not in your household, not at your job,
not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really
is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love
(21:21):
a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel
like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you
don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.
You don't want to listen, so you don't even want
to find out what the problem is, and then you
don't want to fix it.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
And this is another note, they really really is a
struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know
how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and
they could have been wrong for it because they was
doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,
Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,
next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because
you're coming back saying you're not even coming back. Apology
(21:59):
you just come like, hey, and I'm over here, like
literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like
a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because
it's like I actually like care about you and you're
leaving me hanging right all because what you you just
don't want to talk about it at all. You know,
it should be small. Even if it was big, it's
still okay to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Like, you know, do you think that he would need
any benefited with from any type of therapy?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Yes? Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time. What
was his answer to it cost money? Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Why? But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,
lets that just take insurance some of them don't cause.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
And explain that to him and he was like, oh,
you know, he was into it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So
when you did explain it, he did like agree, like
all right, well I might.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Look into it now.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Is that something that do you feel like he needs
individually or do y'all want that something that you would
be open to doing with him?
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Naw.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
You need to like seek your own inner piece. And
that's why I'm getting so a point where my self
worth that I'm like, no, oh, like I can have him.
But now it's away to me that a man will
actually talk to me. So in my next relationship, I'm
gonna anticipate him being like, I'm gonna I feel I'm
gonna pull back on my communication because I think he's
gonna be like, nah, I you know, I don't really
(23:14):
want to talk about it, instead of me being like
insaid of him being like, let's let's talk about it,
like I'm be happy about it, but it's gonna be
hard like going into it because I'm gonna think they're like,
it's just gonna create some type of conflict.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously, like
you're scarred from that, and that could also build in
securities for the next man from you. You know, you
can also project onto other people what you've been through
in your last relationship. So do you feel like you
need to heal in this before you even you know, well,
are you even trying to date?
Speaker 4 (23:46):
First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time
and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking
for him, you know, I just I just want to
whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why
I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If
you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,
but not even as friends at this point, because friends
don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to
actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very
toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all
get mad at each other and you feel like y'all
broke up. You feel like he don't love you when
he mad at you, when you feel like she don't
love you when she mad at you. It should never
(24:28):
be that way because friends don't do each other like
now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that
good if you go into it just straight intimacy, you
skip all that building foundation and all that shit. It's
never gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper
than what you can see. Like it's like, I know
(24:49):
what I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all
listeners like bed with me, you know, if you can
see through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.
He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,
and and oh he got his own this, that and
the other. And if you strip down all that shit,
y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through
(25:11):
shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,
you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit
together and obstacles together and being are when one lax
like pick up that slag and shit like that. So
that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was
was real about the whole friendship thing, and it's.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Top of all of you know, which is the end
of it all is you would think that all of
that meant something when you do have these moments trip
relationship and in this situation, it's given very much, it
does it. We built this friendship up, like your friendship
is way more of a priority to me than a relationship, right,
(25:48):
but you know this, right, so you know that this
is a big thing for me, and you still like,
so all we went through his friends and still don't
make it enough of you want to talk to you
because you should be. If I'm your friend, you're my friend.
She'd be like, shit, No, I don't want us to
be beefing, right, So that so that's it. That's the
part of it all is it goes back to like, really,
he doesn't love me the way I love him right.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Right, and he's still stuck in that relationship part of
it that you know, like because even I think that's
still even bigger you to be like, all right, look,
we just need to be friends, all right, Like I
want to focus on the friends. And then like so, ladies,
look she's still even trying to find a way to
well she was, you know, was trying to even still
(26:30):
find a way to make it comfortable for him.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Do you see how we.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Like sometimes indirectly bend over backwards for these men, you know,
and we still don't get the credit.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
We still don't get flowers, We still don't get.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying to figure
this shit out for you.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I know how to fucking communicate, I know.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And we've been friends for the past what ten plus
is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.
You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you
had some type of respect for me or some type
of like loyalty to the point where it's like you'll know,
or it is because we came up like we you know,
we've been through shit together, so I feel you some
(27:14):
bonds are supposed to be unbreakable. But like you said,
ultimately it's you loving him more than he loves you,
or him not being able to even love you like
you should be loved, or how you love him. And
that's just the short end of the stick that us
women has. We have to bear with that sometimes, or
(27:34):
we fucking don't. We move on, but then you're still
mentally held captive to a person who manipulates you into
never letting them go, you know what I mean, in
some type of weird way.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
I'm gonna keep this leash on it.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Not because they just want to torture you, because they
really fucking want you to. They just don't know how.
They don't know, they don't know how to say it,
they don't know how to show it, but they know
what they want to expect for you to read their
fucking mind, you know what I mean, Expect for that,
But no, we want to be coddled. We want to
be fucking pampered at times. I want you to read
my fucking mind at times, I want you to say,
all right, yo, you ain't going away till we talk
(28:09):
about this. I want you to initiate that fucking communication
all the time, because then it's gonna feel like I
wear the fucking pants all the time. I shouldn't have
to wear the pants. I want a man to lead,
that's what you want. You want a man to lead you,
and you talk about it. You're on your spiritual journey
and you talk about that. You know you want somebody
else spiritual too. You want to want your man to
be like, Noah, we ain't leaving up the house until
(28:29):
we pray together. Where you going that day? You know,
you know we pull off. You know you want that
and you're gonna get that. You can get that. You
know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,
you know. So I want you to check back into
We come to the end of another carefully workless episode
with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'm fixing mess not only
on the Black Effect Network, but on be Et as well.
(28:53):
Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,
I'll see you next week.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
Peace as name a name
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
the Black Effect, and just like that, be back on
the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless episode
with your Girl.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Just hilarious.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.
I also do it on the Breakfast Club as.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Well on B E T. Nine Am.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is
more than likely almost all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing
people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was
pissed off about.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
And it's rather quick, so I'm just gonna jump straight
in with that.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,
but she's upset because he's married.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I know I had to do my own sound effect,
but duh, someone what should I do?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So this is the thing.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he
sold her dreams of what they were going to be
when he.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,
he went to get engaged.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,
he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then
went to go find the girlfriend. Right. So when she
found out about the wife, she didn't leave. She tells
me she mad at the wife for not holding her
man down. How you not mad at your boyfriend because
(01:37):
he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at his wife
for not holding her husband down?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Who just happens to be your boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're
mad at this man's wife.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
But he got married when he came home, he wasn't
already married. So you were never first.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You were always second and was always gonna be second,
and asking me what you should do. What you should
do is get some fucking dignity, wake up and go
find you your own fucking man. Because he's not yours,
he will never be yours. You've already allowed too much.
You think a man actually wants to be with someone
(02:16):
who was okay with them cheating on their wives, or
was okay with being second anyway, you think you'll ever
deserve in his eyes to be number one. These men
only do to us what we allow mentally, you know
what I'm saying. And then some women are not as
strong minded as others. But I just couldn't understand like
(02:38):
she had some nerve she was upset. Oh, she wouldn't
hold him down, And I just felt like that's crazy,
Like how could you not hold him down because he
wasn't married to a yet?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You have to realize who you are, what you are,
what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't
gonna take, and realize the consequences of your actions are
because of what you allowed or what you did. So
the consequences is you always gonna be the side bitch.
I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me
if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up
after she had a shit like I ain't tell you
(03:12):
going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look
dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,
it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she
gets the help that she needs because lord, she's delusional.
All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,
y'all know how I feel about these.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
There we go, Hi, JA.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little
background about myself before I ask you the original question
that I have for you. So, I am twenty one
years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked
at three jobs. Also want to goo for nail technician.
I have no kids, I am single. I have my
(03:54):
own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,
the question I have to ask you is, I don't
know if anybody else is having this problem, but from
my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't
know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying
(04:15):
to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying
to achieve goals.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I just feel like I'm.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Everywhere right now, and it's to the point where it's
giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling like
I'm behind in a way.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Like, for example, when I was in school, I was
way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
A little bit more weight.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
So I just been feeling like, you know, I just
don't look as prettier as everybody else. And of course
I feel like social media for me, it takes a
part of that. So I have took a break from
that to help a little bit. Another example is with love.
I'm such a freaking.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Lover girl, like I love love, but.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
The relationship is just not going well for me, the
dating error, all that stuff like, it's just not going
well for me. Even if I want, like a little
sneakily like it never works out. And then with my schooling,
I've been in school for a two years trying to
get my nail license because I'm just like stick. Dis
harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's been
taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur at
(05:21):
my age, so I just feel like I'm just way
behind all the things I need to do.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
So just give me some clarity to help me. J
Just thanks love.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
You, heyy. First of all, I love you too.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to
me about that, because you know what you do. You
open up the floor for other younger females, younger women
to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,
because y'all generation are going through some shit too. Of course,
a lot of identity crisis going on. Of course, when
you have media constantly shoving in your face, you can
(05:53):
change who you are. You can change any part of
your body now and everybody has access to these surgeons
and just you know, all types of things that can
help you rid of your flaws. You know, But I
think it's internal for you. You did say exactly what
I was going to tell you. Social media will play
(06:15):
a big part in this and how the media constantly
tries to manipulate our minds with just certain standards that
we're supposed to follow, like you know. And then influencers
that I thank God for them because I started off
as one, but I say their work would be a
gift in accurse because they open up your eyes to
(06:35):
seeing I can own my own business, I can own something,
I can be a young black creator.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I don't have to work for nobody for the rest
of my life.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
I am in a position where I can run my
own business. At the same time, what it does is
it shows another side where it makes working a nine
to five or being who you really are off.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Of social media, it looks uncool.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
It makes you uncool, makes you feel that you're not enough,
and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel
that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation
just because I don't want you to ever feel like
because you are.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
You know, you consider yourself a.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether
you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But
however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that
depict how you go on in your love life. And
then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to
figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.
I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I would never say that.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old
because what love is to you maybe different for what
love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,
you know what I mean, So it goes by experience
of what you feel. But I will say, you have
a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.
You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love
right now because you also told me in the same
(07:58):
breath you're trying to figure out.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Who you are.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
There's no way that you could be ready for a
relationship and you don't know who you are. So what
I think is that you love the idea of love.
You know, you love what it looks like. You know,
you love what it can be. You love all the possibilities.
You love what you see visually, what looks good visually
to you, and then you probably see a lot of
relationship goals too, you know what I'm saying. And that's good.
(08:24):
You took a break from social media. I actually have
family members that have.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
To do that.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I have friends that have to do that. I know
other influencers that have to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of
like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,
and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,
that's just one part. That's social media, you know what
I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays
a big part in our confidence, you know. So I
think you should do a lot more soul searching. You
(08:56):
probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.
That don't need to scare you, that just needs some
motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure
out what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Girl, You ain't got no kids.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
You work three jobs and you're going to school to
be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about
some lift.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Spend time with? Girl?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is
a job, just like we jobs too, you know what
I'm saying. So that's four jobs. Thank god. You ain't
got no damn kids. But you know what men do.
They give you kids.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
So your little twenty one year old, but need to
stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this
path that you're on.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at
your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only
from your head to the top of your.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you
sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Fuck that.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
You gotta love.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yourself because when you learn how to love yourself, and
I mean the railway because people hear this all the time.
Oh you gotta love yourself up. People say this to
people all the time, and they take it the wrong way.
You gotta love yourself. You gotta love yourself, or I
do love myself. Like nah, people get more defensive after
hearing that than just actually listening. No, do you really
know what it takes to love yourself, because that's probably
(10:10):
why your relationships fail. You said, you're even just a
sneaky link. I'm no, you know, even if you want
some dick, just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need.
Maybe shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.
That's not in your timing right now, you know what
I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some
more searching for who you are. You know, you're at
the best time right now. And then you also at
(10:32):
the best time to lose some more weight if that's
what you want to do. Shit, if you want to
lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like
that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some
more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find
it wasn't even your weak It probably is your mind.
It probably is the fact that you, like I said,
you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.
(10:53):
You love the idea of love but I do hope
everything works out for you and you do get everything
that you want in life.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Moving on.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Last story. Oh my god, I got all the babies today.
Hey Joss, I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy
and I have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to
open up. I've never been in a relationship before, so
this part of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard
to talk about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma,
so I don't want it to change our dynamic. The
guy is amazing. I don't want him to think he
(11:32):
is a problem. My question is do you think I'm
ready for a relationship or should I just continue to
explore being alone for a bit longer. By the way,
you can use this for the podcast in case you
want consent. Oh that's nice, Thank you. I was gonna
use it anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I don't know your name, so that's good, and can't
bite see your face, But no, I appreciate you for
reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a
lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger
generation and they are facing a lot, you know, and
they're seeing a lot, and they are much more exposed
to a lot of shit too than we ever were
(12:08):
that I that I ever was at nineteen, you know,
so they could really be the main ones that need
some mental tending to.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It's a lot, a lot of shit that these babies
are seeing.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
But yeah, to get into what you have going on,
you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't
really know what it takes.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I understand. You got to think about it, though.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Every person on this earth has been in that situation.
Everybody ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has
to jump in it some type of way.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody
has to jump into us some type of way. You
don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that
will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you
need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.
You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing
with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing
things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,
but you didn't go into depth about the.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Trauma, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
I'm glad that you even you know, we don't have
to so obviously you know, I just don't know what
the trauma is from. It could it could be something
more recent, it could be deeply rooted, but that's probably,
you know, more than likely where it comes from. And
I understand you said, this guy is amazing, he's understanding.
You don't want him to think he's the problem.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
You don't because then in restrospect, that's not fair to him.
But no, I don't think that you're ready for a relationship.
I think you should start some counseling, or you should
start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it. You see
that you do have issues that you want to move past.
You do see that, and that's good that you see that.
A lot of people's fear of therapy is because they
don't want to open up. They don't even want to
(13:42):
go talk to somebody. But this first step for you
to come in to me, I think that's amazing. I
do think that you should seek further therapy. Because I'm
not a licensed professional, I can only give you good advice.
Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen. I'm gonna
tell you like I told her the last baby, girl,
you're nineteen, two more years til you hit twenty one,
but in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got
(14:03):
a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just
watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's
way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,
we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even
look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now, y'all
starting to look like y'all already got bbls and shit.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,
y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
I don't know. So I do think that you just
need to explore just being alone for a bit longer.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
And you already knew that. You just needed to clarity,
and I'm here to give it to you, girls, So
keep me updated, let me know what's going on. Yeah,
don't mess that man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously.
Don't mess them up. Just fix yourself and go back
and get them. Hold up, Hold up, I know the
shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds
of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. So
(14:57):
this last mess, I'm an fix this in person and
somebody actually came into the studio and you know this
is I'm trying this out because in fourth season, I
may bring this to video. You know, I know we
have canfulte reckless audio, but for those who want to see,
I may just do it. I don't know. I'm raising
right now. It's gonna be my first in person mass effix,
(15:20):
so we'll see.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Let's see.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship
and I just need some advice on something that I
really you know, have been worried about for it. And
this is because of my own personal growth. So I'm
in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person and the
other person is a person who needs time to walk away. Right,
(15:44):
That's the thing, like I need, I need to get
some space clear my mind. And that's it's understandable, you
know that people some people can't just get to the
bottom of it real quick. They need a time to
see what they going through. But it's like when does
it get like okay, now, this is getting played out
because if you think about it, the number one answer
that older people will have successful relationships say is what
(16:04):
communication beyond? Like that's like the number one thing everybody say,
because you have to find a way to really find
that balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,
both of us is not like that. I can't that's
avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other
person's not. So then that means that it has to
be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,
(16:25):
I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some
shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna
be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,
completely block you out, and you could be literally like
sending messages like just talk to me. It's like, okay,
it's fine, let's just get this. Like it's not that
big of a deal. And you don't hear from them,
so it's like, how do you deal with that going forward?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I
can see how both could feel. You know, I feel
like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a relationship,
that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs to
be a willingness to come out of your show.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
If I know that I'm with a person who is
a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and
I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.
You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I
understand because I was even like that.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I was on both sides.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm on more of your side now where I am
communicating more, But at first I was the same way.
I guess that's why I can kind of see where
he would be coming from. But I had to change that,
and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.
I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,
I don't want to talk about it. I need time
because some people sometimes some people want to be mad
(17:45):
that shit is fucked up, but some people want to
be mad, they want.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
To get it off. That's how some people get shit
off their chests.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
He's not really a mediator because has he seen that
shit growing up? Has he always been that way because
his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has
never been in a place where he felt safe enough
to open up. And I don't know your past, you know,
I don't even know his past. Book, from what you're
telling me, you kind of had a different upbringing than
(18:12):
he did.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I don't know whether that that's household wise.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything
can define who you are as an adult.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
It don't have to always be how you was raised.
It could be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
It could be different people, different people that you met
on your journey to becoming an adult and how they
prophesied to you, or seeing this person come from this
walk of life, so like it's just figuring out a
person is this way you want to be? And you said,
y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all
not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.
Is this a place where you see yourself going back
(18:50):
to or do you not?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you
be with a person. I don't want to be with
him this time, but I didn't.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
I do want to be with him, though, But when
he does something to make you mad, goes out the window,
and then he comes around and y'all talk about it,
and then now you want to be with him again?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
How do you know you want to move forward with
this person? Do you see a future with this person?
Speaker 4 (19:10):
And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like
you said, when you just respond to back, it's like
you move differently now because of this love that you
don't want to miss out on it. So I'm at
a place where it's like I'm gonna have to be
okay with realizing that maybe I can't bring that out
of him mm hm. And and that hurts right, like
that this man don't love me enough to be like
(19:30):
I want to work it's out with her. I want
to talk to her. So I'm at a place now
I know my worth, like yes, I do have my
shit right, like I know. And even though in my communication,
like you you know, I sometimes I can talk around
to get to a point because I wanted us to
get to a page without letting somebody go through it, right,
And I'm learning that and I'm more than help. That's
why I was like, you gotta walk away. I get it.
(19:52):
But it's the extra shit hang out answering like it's
it's it's it creates too much of a like I get,
I be hurt. I don't even I've heard like yo,
this person. Now, I'm not gonna talk to them for
days now, i gotta be left here just like yeah,
until when they calmed down, like a few days later,
and I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You know, that shit is not fair. Like I said,
I used to do that.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I used to do that to people, and that shit
is not fair because it now it leaves the person
wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,
like or do you even respect me?
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Because that's when things getting disrespectful.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's the difference between an extrovert and just shutting down
versus the disrespect.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
You don't have to hang up, you don't have to
block me, you don't have to not talk to me
for days.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
What are you trying to prove a point? Because that's
what it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.
And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of
people always know what to do to get back and
your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,
and sometimes subconsciously selfish, and those people don't like to
be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like
to be told about myself. I didn't want to be
(21:00):
in control, but I just wanted things to go my
way and people to see shit my way all the time.
And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the
real world, not in your household, not at your job,
not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really
is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love
(21:21):
a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel
like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you
don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.
You don't want to listen, so you don't even want
to find out what the problem is, and then you
don't want to fix it.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
And this is another note, they really really is a
struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know
how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and
they could have been wrong for it because they was
doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,
Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,
next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because
you're coming back saying you're not even coming back. Apology
(21:59):
you just come like, hey, and I'm over here, like
literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like
a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because
it's like I actually like care about you and you're
leaving me hanging right all because what you you just
don't want to talk about it at all. You know,
it should be small. Even if it was big, it's
still okay to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Like, you know, do you think that he would need
any benefited with from any type of therapy?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Yes? Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time. What
was his answer to it cost money? Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Why? But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,
lets that just take insurance some of them don't cause.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
And explain that to him and he was like, oh,
you know, he was into it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So
when you did explain it, he did like agree, like
all right, well I might.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Look into it now.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Is that something that do you feel like he needs
individually or do y'all want that something that you would
be open to doing with him?
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Naw.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
You need to like seek your own inner piece. And
that's why I'm getting so a point where my self
worth that I'm like, no, oh, like I can have him.
But now it's away to me that a man will
actually talk to me. So in my next relationship, I'm
gonna anticipate him being like, I'm gonna I feel I'm
gonna pull back on my communication because I think he's
gonna be like, nah, I you know, I don't really
(23:14):
want to talk about it, instead of me being like
insaid of him being like, let's let's talk about it,
like I'm be happy about it, but it's gonna be
hard like going into it because I'm gonna think they're like,
it's just gonna create some type of conflict.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:26):
So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously, like
you're scarred from that, and that could also build in
securities for the next man from you. You know, you
can also project onto other people what you've been through
in your last relationship. So do you feel like you
need to heal in this before you even you know, well,
are you even trying to date?
Speaker 4 (23:46):
First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time
and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking
for him, you know, I just I just want to
whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why
I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If
you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,
but not even as friends at this point, because friends
don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to
actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very
toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all
get mad at each other and you feel like y'all
broke up. You feel like he don't love you when
he mad at you, when you feel like she don't
love you when she mad at you. It should never
(24:28):
be that way because friends don't do each other like
now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that
good if you go into it just straight intimacy, you
skip all that building foundation and all that shit. It's
never gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper
than what you can see. Like it's like, I know
(24:49):
what I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all
listeners like bed with me, you know, if you can
see through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.
He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,
and and oh he got his own this, that and
the other. And if you strip down all that shit,
y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through
(25:11):
shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,
you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit
together and obstacles together and being are when one lax
like pick up that slag and shit like that. So
that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was
was real about the whole friendship thing, and it's.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Top of all of you know, which is the end
of it all is you would think that all of
that meant something when you do have these moments trip
relationship and in this situation, it's given very much, it
does it. We built this friendship up, like your friendship
is way more of a priority to me than a relationship, right,
(25:48):
but you know this, right, so you know that this
is a big thing for me, and you still like,
so all we went through his friends and still don't
make it enough of you want to talk to you
because you should be. If I'm your friend, you're my friend.
She'd be like, shit, No, I don't want us to
be beefing, right, So that so that's it. That's the
part of it all is it goes back to like, really,
he doesn't love me the way I love him right.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Right, and he's still stuck in that relationship part of
it that you know, like because even I think that's
still even bigger you to be like, all right, look,
we just need to be friends, all right, Like I
want to focus on the friends. And then like so, ladies,
look she's still even trying to find a way to
well she was, you know, was trying to even still
(26:30):
find a way to make it comfortable for him.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Do you see how we.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Like sometimes indirectly bend over backwards for these men, you know,
and we still don't get the credit.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
We still don't get flowers, We still don't get.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying to figure
this shit out for you.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I know how to fucking communicate, I know.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And we've been friends for the past what ten plus
is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.
You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you
had some type of respect for me or some type
of like loyalty to the point where it's like you'll know,
or it is because we came up like we you know,
we've been through shit together, so I feel you some
(27:14):
bonds are supposed to be unbreakable. But like you said,
ultimately it's you loving him more than he loves you,
or him not being able to even love you like
you should be loved, or how you love him. And
that's just the short end of the stick that us
women has. We have to bear with that sometimes, or
(27:34):
we fucking don't. We move on, but then you're still
mentally held captive to a person who manipulates you into
never letting them go, you know what I mean, in
some type of weird way.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
I'm gonna keep this leash on it.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Not because they just want to torture you, because they
really fucking want you to. They just don't know how.
They don't know, they don't know how to say it,
they don't know how to show it, but they know
what they want to expect for you to read their
fucking mind, you know what I mean, Expect for that,
But no, we want to be coddled. We want to
be fucking pampered at times. I want you to read
my fucking mind at times, I want you to say,
all right, yo, you ain't going away till we talk
(28:09):
about this. I want you to initiate that fucking communication
all the time, because then it's gonna feel like I
wear the fucking pants all the time. I shouldn't have
to wear the pants. I want a man to lead,
that's what you want. You want a man to lead you,
and you talk about it. You're on your spiritual journey
and you talk about that. You know you want somebody
else spiritual too. You want to want your man to
be like, Noah, we ain't leaving up the house until
(28:29):
we pray together. Where you going that day? You know,
you know we pull off. You know you want that
and you're gonna get that. You can get that. You
know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,
you know. So I want you to check back into
We come to the end of another carefully workless episode
with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'm fixing mess not only
on the Black Effect Network, but on be Et as well.
(28:53):
Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,
I'll see you next week.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
Peace as name a name
Host
Jess Hilarious
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