June 28, 2023 • 21 mins
Hey y'all ..sometimes we know exactly what we need to do, but need to hear it from someone else. TAP IN to see if you can relate to this situation!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can'tfuley Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and
The Black Effect. What Up, y'all? Welcome back to you
get another Canfully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Ilarius.
I will be fixed and mess like I do all
(00:21):
the time each and every week, each and every Wednesday,
you catch me on the Black Effect podcast. So we
got voice memos that we're gonna jump straight in. Let's
get it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Here's my mess, Jess, and I hope you can fix it.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I am.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I am twenty three years old and fixing and get
a divorce. Let me tell you why.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And like really, I just need to.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Know if I'm wrong, because I kind of feel like
I am, but I might not be, you know, so
I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So here's what happened.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Been in the same relationship with the same girl six
going on seven years.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I mean we've been on and off, you know what
I'm saying, Like we didn't consistently stay together, but like we've.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Been together like for the past six for seven years.
Everybody around me know that's for me and I am
for her, Like it was no question about it even
when we wasn't together. Like, fuck with who you wanna
fuck with. You know where home is at. You know
what I'm saying. But it just got to the point
just where it was like too toxic. So this last
(01:17):
November that just passed, I lost my grandmother.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
She meant everything in the fucking world to me. Though.
This woman raised me, This woman took care of me.
She is like the epitome of strong Black women. And
I learned.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Everything that I know about being a strong Black woman
from her. I lost my grandmother on the ninth of November.
My wife left me on the seventeenth. Now here's where
shit starts to get juicy. Right whole time my wife
left me, I'm telling her, like, baby, listen, I'm gonna
do everything I can to make this right.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Like I'm gonna figure out how to be a good
wife for you.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I'm gonna figure out how to be a good mom.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Oh because mind you, she like cheated on me and
had a baby.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
But I love my baby. That is my child, bro,
Like I was. I was in the room when he
was born, like watched him come into this world. There's
nobody on this earth that could tell me that's not
my child.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Nobody.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I don't care there is nobody on this earth that
could tell me that's not my son.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Man.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
So I'm telling her, like, you know, I'm gonna be
a better wife, Like I'm gonna be a better partner
to you, like all this other stuff. While she's gone, Like, bro,
she left me, and I'm telling her all this, right,
So I kind of told her like, yo, let's.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Try and fix this.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Let's let's put some effort in. You know what I'm saying,
Like I'm putting in an effort, like help me a little bit, please.
So she kind of entertained me for about a month
and a half, two months. I'm not gonna say she
put in the same amount of effort.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I did, perfect word, she.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Did entertain the idea, so like I can appreciate that,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But it just got to a point just where I
was like, bro, like.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
You not even giving me ten percent of what I'm
giving you.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know what I'm saying. And I understand marriage is hard.
That's why everybody keep telling me.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Bro, And that's why I feel so wrong about this,
because everybody keeps saying, well, marriage is hard, y'all need
to work it out, y'all need.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
To work on it. God, been fucking trying to work
on this shit. Bro. I can't work whenever. All I'm
working with is a damn brick wall, you know what
I mean. I'm over here working by my damn self. Bro.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So, like I finally just told her, like, listen, I'm
not gonna do all this confusion. I'm not gonna go
back and forth, like if you want to be with me,
tell me you want to be with me, and we'll
fucking work. I will put in work every minute of
every day. So side note, her and my sister are
best friends. I have not asked them to cut that
(03:30):
friendship because I understand that they are both emotionally.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Supportive to each other and they need each other. My
sister's going through a lot, obviously, my wife's going through
a lot. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I'm not asking either one of them to go through
that alone, for real, I'm not whatever. I'm helping my
sister move into her new apartment, and my ex was there,
but like they had this dude there that was helping
my sister too.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Like helping me lift the counsel and stuff.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Because I couldn't listen by myself and dudes start flirt
with my wife right in front of me, and my
wife started flirting back right in front of me.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So I fucking left, I did. I put the couch down.
I got in the fuck apartment, I put it down.
I left. I said, y'all figure this shit the fuck out. Now.
My sister understood while I left.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
My ex on the other hand, started calling me childish
and y'all list and that the third calling me disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I said, Bro, you're talking about disrespect but you flirted
right in front of my face. Okay, whatever.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
So I basically told her, like, listen, if it's not
about our child, if it's not about pickups and drop
offs and you know, school and all of that, we
don't need to talk no more. For real, we don't.
And now that I have said that, just it's like
every time I turn around, she want to offer something else.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
She wanted to talk about something.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Now we got conversations out to ask. We got to like,
where the fuck was these conversations whenever.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I was sitting here begging you for him, bro? Yeah,
Like I don't get it. Bro.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Now I'm not chasing or ask no more. It's like, oh,
why you're not chasing something ain't right now you want
to come back and everything is you know, now you
want to start paying attention and shit, And like.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I'm a real spiritual person, so like on the backside.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Of this, I'm sitting here praying God.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
I'm begging God, like, bro, tell me what I tell me,
what it is I'm supposed to be doing, show me
the ways, like show me the past that you have
laid out for me.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Please don't like tell me you know. And I finally
heard God tell me one night. He said, Bro, just
give up, just stop. Just stop. That's not that's not
feeding you, that's not working for you.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
To stop.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
And then right after God told me to stop, I
start to seeing all these things, and I feel like,
like it's so confusing because it's good things. It looks
like it's good things or things that I want. But
at the same time, the Bible says that the devil.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Can come in me.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I'm so caught, Like, there you go. Why why did
it take.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
You so long to do the things that I'm begging
you to do? And then why as soon as God
told me to stop begging, why did I start getting.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Those things from you?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
You know what I'm saying, but that.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Feels kind of manipulative, bro, Like I feel devil trying
to work his way in and I'm not really having that.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Just no, well don't that's what you gotta do. You
can't let him have it.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Girl, I know this is like seven minutes of bullshit.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
It's not all of that to say, Am I wrong
for leaving a relationship? No, I know you're probably gonna
need some a little bit more contact, if you know.
If you do, just fucking let me know and I'll
get back to you, just like you always say you're
gonna have to get back to me.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I'll get back to you. But like, no, I really
cut it. I cut all of it. I told like, no,
you can't come spend night at the house.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
No more like he could still come, our son can
still come, but you can't.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Like no, I can't. I can't send you no money
for gas.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
I can put gas in your car so you can
give my son to school, but I'm not gonna send
you no one hundred dollars or nothing like that, Like no,
I'm not gonna pay this and that, Like all I'm
focused on is my child now, and part of me
feels bad about that for real, I really do, because
I've never in all the years we've been together.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I've never done that. But the other part of me
like this what I need to heal.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah, absolutely, you're right, but just the sick girl like
I'm sorry for rambling.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
If you could help me, please do. If you can't,
at least talking to shit. You know what I'm saying.
Make me laugh about.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
This sua oh girl, so I can get it up
out of my head.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Man, Yeah, I just.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, just just help me out, please.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I got it. Please please please, I got you, baby girl.
Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good,
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
If you love me, you'll listen, Okay. So look, this
is what it sounds like to me. I know you've
been on off, you know, on again, off again. I
think you said on and off again or a six
seven year relationship. All right, but you know y'all got
(07:46):
you said, y'all, got your toxic wage, y'all. You know
y'all going through shit. No relationship is perfect. At the
end of the day, she stepped out and she cheated
on you and came back with a baby, not only
was that just her cheating, but to come back with
a baby, you know, you laid down with somebody unprotected
and you actually allowed yourself to bring a life into
this world that we didn't give each other permission to
(08:09):
go do. I mean, you guys both are women, and
it's certain becauss you have to take when two women
are trying to have a baby. You know, and I
want to know, is this something that you two ever
talked about having kids to get being married and starting
a family, because if so, how she did it was
fucked up from the jump. The way she went about
it was was super affed up. To me. That was
(08:30):
flag one portrayal. You know, you went and you went
and go lay down with a nigga. I don't know
if she's bisexual. I don't know if you guys are
just you know, lesbian or you know, you just going
one way. I'm not sure, but something tells me that
that was not the case. I'm not sure. You got
to let me know, give me that thing. I don't
really need too much contact. You told me everything that
(08:51):
was great enough for me to advise you afterwards. But
I just want to know if she when you met
her were you under the imperson that she was just gay,
or she went both ways, polyamorous, you know, bisexual, whatever
she identifies as. Did y'all clarify that. That's first, Like
I said, that's a red flag. She stepped out, brought
her baby back, and now you're raising the baby. So
(09:13):
not only does she step out with a nigga, she
stepped out with an aint shit nigga. Because that baby
has two moms and no father. You know, well biologically
a father, but has no dad. You know what I mean.
That's your baby. Can't nobody tell you nothing else? That
is your child. And I love how you are so
open to say that. You know, I stepped up to
take care of this child. You know, my wife stepped
(09:34):
out on me. But boom, we made it work. As
far as people saying, oh, marriage is hard, marriage is hard,
marriage is hard, I honestly feel like you don't talk
to married people about marriage. You do marriage your own way.
You know, everybody's marriage is different. We got some fucked
up marriages, we got some hard marriages, we got some
easy marriages. We got people who don't look at their
(09:56):
marriage as work. When you look at it as work,
you get tired. Of because niggas get tired of going
to work. You understand what I'm saying. You can't compare
your marriage to a job. Although there is work that
has to be done, there is foundation that has to
be built, there are personalities that has to be learned,
there are compromising situations that need to be addressed, and
(10:18):
all that type of just's all types of work that
goes into it. But if you do it with the
right person, it doesn't really seem like work. It seems
like just something that you're working to make perfect. You
understand what I'm saying. It doesn't seem like work. It
just seems like something that you're working to make beautiful
(10:38):
or working to keep beautiful and sacred and precious and private.
That's also the problem with marriage is today a lot
of marriages are so fucking loud everybody hears it. So
everybody now is in your business and shit, and you
let people in your business, and you let how other
people feel about your business fuck with you. You know, a
marriage is supposed to be between two people, and with
(11:01):
that being said, everything is inclusive. There's a husband, a wife,
a wife, a wife, a husband, husband, whatever it is
you both put in the equal amount of work. Like
you said, you felt like you was doing it with
a brick wall. You said, she entertained you when she
came back. She entertained it for a few months. The
y'all got back together and all that shit. She entertained.
(11:21):
That was the perfect word, because you were being tolerated.
That's what it was. She was just entertaining the idea,
just to say she did give it a try. Her
heart was never there now I'm not saying before. Her
heart never got back once she cheated, and once she
got you know, started treating you that way, and you
chasing her, and y'all weren't even together when you was
telling her that you would be the best you that
(11:42):
you could beat. For y'all, family, for that baby, for
your son, everything you know, all inclusive, like a family
and a marriage should be. She wasn't stunning it. She
didn't give a fuck. She was already out still doing her,
I bet, but still falling back on you because you
take care of her. You've always taken care of her physically, financially,
(12:02):
You've always taken care of even when y'all fell up
on hard times. If so, you know, you've always understood
what a healthy relationship was all about. And she didn't.
Y'all in two different spaces in your life. Y'all been
into different places in your life. You just couldn't see
it yet. I love how you're very aware. You're spiritual.
So God makes his children aware of the dangers around them.
(12:24):
He makes us, He opens our eyes to things that
we couldn't see before. See. This is why I don't
like to get the devil credit, because sometimes God will
even allow the same thing to keep hurting you until
you stop it, until you walk away from it. Because
sometimes we put what we want over what we need,
over what feeds us. And you said, God spoke to
(12:46):
you and said, this is not feeding you. Give up.
It's not making you. It's breaking you. Okay, it's not
filling you up, it's draining you. Okay. Another thing you're
not gonna like that. I'm gonna say you might have
to break time with that baby as well, because that's
her seed, that's her seed from another man. You watch
(13:06):
that baby be born, you help raise that baby, You
are taking care currently of that baby. But you may
have to break those ties because she's always going to
use the baby for manipulation. I bet you. I don't
need to know how old she is. I don't need
to know it. I don't need to know nothing else.
She's going to use the fact that you are that
baby's mother and you've been there since the birth. And
(13:30):
the daddy probably ain't shit. He ain't worth for half
a fucking penny, probably so, But she wants her child
to know what a family is. Even if she got
to force you to stay in her life by staying
in the child's life, she'll do that. That's not good.
That's not good because she's still taking advantage of you.
She's still using you, and that's not what somebody who
(13:52):
loves a person does not at all. If you love me,
you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
I want to tell you this. I was in a
relationship before with somebody who did the same exact thing
that she did. I had to break up with this
guy and stop chasing him and stop begging him to
(14:13):
be with me, stop begging him to love me like
I loved him. I had to stop doing all of that.
Fell back. I didn't move on with another person quickly.
You know. It took me a while because I was
still on him, but I let my dignity go a
little bit doing that, begging a man to you listen,
I know, you know what it's like, because you just
begged a woman to be with you. I begged a
man to be with me who knew he wanted to
(14:35):
be with me, but he was just so fucking prideful
with a big ass ego. He didn't even fucking realize
that I was the one until I left. I fell
the fuck back and I moved the fuck on, and
now you on my ass. Now you're in my ass.
Now it's like, oh, damn, she ain't chasing me. As
long as a person can look back and see you
(14:56):
chasing them, they comfortable. They gonna take their time any
event he looked back and you ain't there no more.
It's like, oh, hold up now by myself, hold up,
hod up? Why the fuck she not chasing me? What
was this? Is new schedule programming? What the fuck is
going on?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Like?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
What is this? It puts them in a panic because
they always expect for you to fucking be there when
they want to fall back on you, when they want
to be caught for the time being, and then they
want to run off again and now you got to
start the race of chasing them again. That's not what
we're doing. That's not what you're doing either. You're going
to take your own advice, because I bet you don't
(15:30):
even realize you gave your self advice talking to me,
telling me your story. You talk to God about it.
God came back and told you. You know, but then,
like you said, you felt like the devil came and
now I think that was still God. I think that
was still God, And in my opinion, that was still God.
We're not gonna give the devil no credit. Now we
know he exists, and we know that he played He
(15:51):
don't play fair either. But we also know that God
loves to teach us lessons, and when he felt like
we not learning, maybe he'll switch up how we learn.
He'll switch up the work sheet on us. Well, we'll
switch You know, it's a thousand ways of skin of cat, right,
maybe the first way ain't work. So, man, he gonna
hit you this way. Now, he's gonna want He wants
you to do it this way. God said, look, let
(16:12):
it go. Then she started acting great again. Oh my God,
you know blah blah blah blah blah, doing everything you wanted.
But God already told you to let it go. Right,
she came back, started acting crazy again. God told you
let it go. God said, oh, oh, you ain't gonna
believe me. You ain't gonna take the advice I gave you.
You still want her to keep treating you bad, to
keep showing you that she ain't shit. All right, cool,
(16:34):
let her keep showing you that you ain't shit. I
ain't gonna tell you again let it go. I'm just
gonna have to make her show you that she should
be let go because God was trying to protect you
from further hurt telling you to give up. All we
gotta do is listen. I know you heard him because
you repeated to me what he said to you. You know,
but you weren't listening because you didn't. You didn't do
(16:54):
you didn't act on it. It wasn't an action. I
want you to really, really, really sit with yourself and
think about what you deserve, think about what you want,
think about moving forward, which you will tolerating what you
will not tolerate because you're not going back there. It
might be hard to wing yourself off that baby, but
that's what you're gonna have to do. You gotta break
tithes with Shorty because she she I'm not saying she
(17:15):
don't give a fuck about you. She don't care like
you care. She don't really have a genuine heart for
you. You know, I think she appreciates you loving her child,
but I don't think there's anything there with her. And
so I think you did great by even opening up
to me about this. You know, I give kudos to
all the men and women who open up themselves, you know,
(17:38):
to me and even trusting me. You know, y'all know
who I am. You know I'm just with the mess.
My news is real.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I'm also known as clapback Queen. I'm also known to
talk shit about any and everybody, whatever, whatever. But what
I do want everybody to take from carefully reckless and
just fix my mess, is that I do genuinely care
about people. I really do. I care about people, and
I care what hurts people too. I'm a glutton for
helping people and giving them my personal experience because I
(18:06):
learned from all experiences. What makes me wise is other
people's experiences and seeing how they handled it, you know
what I mean, going through certain situations and because y'all.
Some of y'all. Y'all might call up with y'all mess
on Breakfast Club, whether I fix your mess on Breakfast Club,
whether I fixed your mess last weekend at the Beatt Awards,
you know, or whether I fix it on my podcast.
So what I got friends that just called me like, Yo,
(18:28):
you fix a nigga's mess. You know, strangers mask away,
fix mine. You're talking to a bunch of strangers every
week fixing that mess. Yo. My grandfather called me and
asked me about some mess he needed me to fix.
You know what I'm saying, Like, even if I've never
been through the situation that you guys are privying me to,
I guarantee you I can still pull something out of
my head to relate to you. I give some of
(18:50):
the best advice. I'm just gonna say that I give
some of the best advice. So check back in with me.
I know you are an avid, carefully reckless listener. I
love it. Make sure you check back in with me.
I really do. I want you to stand on your strength, babe,
because you got it. And just like that, we come
to the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with the
segment Jess fix my mess with your girl, Jess hilarious,
(19:11):
the one and only. I want y'all to tune in
every Monday at eight pm on YouTube. The more you
don't know more as in my last name mwr E.
My name is Jessica Robin Maher as y'all hear Charlemagne say.
Every day I've been filming my own docuseriies y'alls, reality
of me being on the road and different sides to
just a lot of people. Just see one or two
(19:33):
or three sides of Jess. It's so many layers. Y'all
should call me onion girl. Oh no, no, no, no, I
ain't trying to smell like meeting him. No, no, na,
just giving smelly again. Look come on now, Oh shit,
we didn't have a smelly week, so shit. But no,
all right, I want y'all to see all sides of me. Y'all.
See me as a mom, y'all, see me as a
girlfriend maybe I don't know it, y'all. See me as
(19:53):
a big sister, y'all, see me as a daughter, y'all.
Get to see me as a great friend. Y'all. Get
to see me and all different realms my spirituality and
how I am outside of Jess hilarious. So that's why
it's called The More You Don't Know docu soades. It
drops every Monday at eight pm only on YouTube. Make
sure you catch up we on like the fifth or
(20:13):
sixth episode. Now I Love you guys and in my
deepest pan voice, Can't Fully Reckless is a production of
(21:31):
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can'tfuley Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and
The Black Effect. What Up, y'all? Welcome back to you
get another Canfully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Ilarius.
I will be fixed and mess like I do all
(00:21):
the time each and every week, each and every Wednesday,
you catch me on the Black Effect podcast. So we
got voice memos that we're gonna jump straight in. Let's
get it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Here's my mess, Jess, and I hope you can fix it.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
I am.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I am twenty three years old and fixing and get
a divorce. Let me tell you why.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And like really, I just need to.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Know if I'm wrong, because I kind of feel like
I am, but I might not be, you know, so
I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So here's what happened.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Been in the same relationship with the same girl six
going on seven years.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I mean we've been on and off, you know what
I'm saying, Like we didn't consistently stay together, but like we've.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Been together like for the past six for seven years.
Everybody around me know that's for me and I am
for her, Like it was no question about it even
when we wasn't together. Like, fuck with who you wanna
fuck with. You know where home is at. You know
what I'm saying. But it just got to the point
just where it was like too toxic. So this last
(01:17):
November that just passed, I lost my grandmother.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
She meant everything in the fucking world to me. Though.
This woman raised me, This woman took care of me.
She is like the epitome of strong Black women. And
I learned.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Everything that I know about being a strong Black woman
from her. I lost my grandmother on the ninth of November.
My wife left me on the seventeenth. Now here's where
shit starts to get juicy. Right whole time my wife
left me, I'm telling her, like, baby, listen, I'm gonna
do everything I can to make this right.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Like I'm gonna figure out how to be a good
wife for you.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I'm gonna figure out how to be a good mom.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Oh because mind you, she like cheated on me and
had a baby.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
But I love my baby. That is my child, bro,
Like I was. I was in the room when he
was born, like watched him come into this world. There's
nobody on this earth that could tell me that's not
my child.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Nobody.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I don't care there is nobody on this earth that
could tell me that's not my son.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Man.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
So I'm telling her, like, you know, I'm gonna be
a better wife, Like I'm gonna be a better partner
to you, like all this other stuff. While she's gone, Like, bro,
she left me, and I'm telling her all this, right,
So I kind of told her like, yo, let's.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Try and fix this.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
Let's let's put some effort in. You know what I'm saying,
Like I'm putting in an effort, like help me a little bit, please.
So she kind of entertained me for about a month
and a half, two months. I'm not gonna say she
put in the same amount of effort.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I did, perfect word, she.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Did entertain the idea, so like I can appreciate that,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But it just got to a point just where I
was like, bro, like.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
You not even giving me ten percent of what I'm
giving you.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You know what I'm saying. And I understand marriage is hard.
That's why everybody keep telling me.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Bro, And that's why I feel so wrong about this,
because everybody keeps saying, well, marriage is hard, y'all need
to work it out, y'all need.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
To work on it. God, been fucking trying to work
on this shit. Bro. I can't work whenever. All I'm
working with is a damn brick wall, you know what
I mean. I'm over here working by my damn self. Bro.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
So, like I finally just told her, like, listen, I'm
not gonna do all this confusion. I'm not gonna go
back and forth, like if you want to be with me,
tell me you want to be with me, and we'll
fucking work. I will put in work every minute of
every day. So side note, her and my sister are
best friends. I have not asked them to cut that
(03:30):
friendship because I understand that they are both emotionally.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Supportive to each other and they need each other. My
sister's going through a lot, obviously, my wife's going through
a lot. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I'm not asking either one of them to go through
that alone, for real, I'm not whatever. I'm helping my
sister move into her new apartment, and my ex was there,
but like they had this dude there that was helping
my sister too.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Like helping me lift the counsel and stuff.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Because I couldn't listen by myself and dudes start flirt
with my wife right in front of me, and my
wife started flirting back right in front of me.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
So I fucking left, I did. I put the couch down.
I got in the fuck apartment, I put it down.
I left. I said, y'all figure this shit the fuck out. Now.
My sister understood while I left.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
My ex on the other hand, started calling me childish
and y'all list and that the third calling me disrespectful.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I said, Bro, you're talking about disrespect but you flirted
right in front of my face. Okay, whatever.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
So I basically told her, like, listen, if it's not
about our child, if it's not about pickups and drop
offs and you know, school and all of that, we
don't need to talk no more. For real, we don't.
And now that I have said that, just it's like
every time I turn around, she want to offer something else.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
She wanted to talk about something.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Now we got conversations out to ask. We got to like,
where the fuck was these conversations whenever.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
I was sitting here begging you for him, bro? Yeah,
Like I don't get it. Bro.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Now I'm not chasing or ask no more. It's like, oh,
why you're not chasing something ain't right now you want
to come back and everything is you know, now you
want to start paying attention and shit, And like.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I'm a real spiritual person, so like on the backside.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Of this, I'm sitting here praying God.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
I'm begging God, like, bro, tell me what I tell me,
what it is I'm supposed to be doing, show me
the ways, like show me the past that you have
laid out for me.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Please don't like tell me you know. And I finally
heard God tell me one night. He said, Bro, just
give up, just stop. Just stop. That's not that's not
feeding you, that's not working for you.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
To stop.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
And then right after God told me to stop, I
start to seeing all these things, and I feel like,
like it's so confusing because it's good things. It looks
like it's good things or things that I want. But
at the same time, the Bible says that the devil.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Can come in me.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I'm so caught, Like, there you go. Why why did
it take.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
You so long to do the things that I'm begging
you to do? And then why as soon as God
told me to stop begging, why did I start getting.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Those things from you?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
You know what I'm saying, but that.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Feels kind of manipulative, bro, Like I feel devil trying
to work his way in and I'm not really having that.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Just no, well don't that's what you gotta do. You
can't let him have it.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Girl, I know this is like seven minutes of bullshit.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
It's not all of that to say, Am I wrong
for leaving a relationship? No, I know you're probably gonna
need some a little bit more contact, if you know.
If you do, just fucking let me know and I'll
get back to you, just like you always say you're
gonna have to get back to me.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I'll get back to you. But like, no, I really
cut it. I cut all of it. I told like, no,
you can't come spend night at the house.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
No more like he could still come, our son can
still come, but you can't.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Like no, I can't. I can't send you no money
for gas.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
I can put gas in your car so you can
give my son to school, but I'm not gonna send
you no one hundred dollars or nothing like that, Like no,
I'm not gonna pay this and that, Like all I'm
focused on is my child now, and part of me
feels bad about that for real, I really do, because
I've never in all the years we've been together.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I've never done that. But the other part of me
like this what I need to heal.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Yeah, absolutely, you're right, but just the sick girl like
I'm sorry for rambling.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
If you could help me, please do. If you can't,
at least talking to shit. You know what I'm saying.
Make me laugh about.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
This sua oh girl, so I can get it up
out of my head.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Man, Yeah, I just.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, just just help me out, please.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
I got it. Please please please, I got you, baby girl.
Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good,
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
If you love me, you'll listen, Okay. So look, this
is what it sounds like to me. I know you've
been on off, you know, on again, off again. I
think you said on and off again or a six
seven year relationship. All right, but you know y'all got
(07:46):
you said, y'all, got your toxic wage, y'all. You know
y'all going through shit. No relationship is perfect. At the
end of the day, she stepped out and she cheated
on you and came back with a baby, not only
was that just her cheating, but to come back with
a baby, you know, you laid down with somebody unprotected
and you actually allowed yourself to bring a life into
this world that we didn't give each other permission to
(08:09):
go do. I mean, you guys both are women, and
it's certain becauss you have to take when two women
are trying to have a baby. You know, and I
want to know, is this something that you two ever
talked about having kids to get being married and starting
a family, because if so, how she did it was
fucked up from the jump. The way she went about
it was was super affed up. To me. That was
(08:30):
flag one portrayal. You know, you went and you went
and go lay down with a nigga. I don't know
if she's bisexual. I don't know if you guys are
just you know, lesbian or you know, you just going
one way. I'm not sure, but something tells me that
that was not the case. I'm not sure. You got
to let me know, give me that thing. I don't
really need too much contact. You told me everything that
(08:51):
was great enough for me to advise you afterwards. But
I just want to know if she when you met
her were you under the imperson that she was just gay,
or she went both ways, polyamorous, you know, bisexual, whatever
she identifies as. Did y'all clarify that. That's first, Like
I said, that's a red flag. She stepped out, brought
her baby back, and now you're raising the baby. So
(09:13):
not only does she step out with a nigga, she
stepped out with an aint shit nigga. Because that baby
has two moms and no father. You know, well biologically
a father, but has no dad. You know what I mean.
That's your baby. Can't nobody tell you nothing else? That
is your child. And I love how you are so
open to say that. You know, I stepped up to
take care of this child. You know, my wife stepped
(09:34):
out on me. But boom, we made it work. As
far as people saying, oh, marriage is hard, marriage is hard,
marriage is hard, I honestly feel like you don't talk
to married people about marriage. You do marriage your own way.
You know, everybody's marriage is different. We got some fucked
up marriages, we got some hard marriages, we got some
easy marriages. We got people who don't look at their
(09:56):
marriage as work. When you look at it as work,
you get tired. Of because niggas get tired of going
to work. You understand what I'm saying. You can't compare
your marriage to a job. Although there is work that
has to be done, there is foundation that has to
be built, there are personalities that has to be learned,
there are compromising situations that need to be addressed, and
(10:18):
all that type of just's all types of work that
goes into it. But if you do it with the
right person, it doesn't really seem like work. It seems
like just something that you're working to make perfect. You
understand what I'm saying. It doesn't seem like work. It
just seems like something that you're working to make beautiful
(10:38):
or working to keep beautiful and sacred and precious and private.
That's also the problem with marriage is today a lot
of marriages are so fucking loud everybody hears it. So
everybody now is in your business and shit, and you
let people in your business, and you let how other
people feel about your business fuck with you. You know, a
marriage is supposed to be between two people, and with
(11:01):
that being said, everything is inclusive. There's a husband, a wife,
a wife, a wife, a husband, husband, whatever it is
you both put in the equal amount of work. Like
you said, you felt like you was doing it with
a brick wall. You said, she entertained you when she
came back. She entertained it for a few months. The
y'all got back together and all that shit. She entertained.
(11:21):
That was the perfect word, because you were being tolerated.
That's what it was. She was just entertaining the idea,
just to say she did give it a try. Her
heart was never there now I'm not saying before. Her
heart never got back once she cheated, and once she
got you know, started treating you that way, and you
chasing her, and y'all weren't even together when you was
telling her that you would be the best you that
(11:42):
you could beat. For y'all, family, for that baby, for
your son, everything you know, all inclusive, like a family
and a marriage should be. She wasn't stunning it. She
didn't give a fuck. She was already out still doing her,
I bet, but still falling back on you because you
take care of her. You've always taken care of her physically, financially,
(12:02):
You've always taken care of even when y'all fell up
on hard times. If so, you know, you've always understood
what a healthy relationship was all about. And she didn't.
Y'all in two different spaces in your life. Y'all been
into different places in your life. You just couldn't see
it yet. I love how you're very aware. You're spiritual.
So God makes his children aware of the dangers around them.
(12:24):
He makes us, He opens our eyes to things that
we couldn't see before. See. This is why I don't
like to get the devil credit, because sometimes God will
even allow the same thing to keep hurting you until
you stop it, until you walk away from it. Because
sometimes we put what we want over what we need,
over what feeds us. And you said, God spoke to
(12:46):
you and said, this is not feeding you. Give up.
It's not making you. It's breaking you. Okay, it's not
filling you up, it's draining you. Okay. Another thing you're
not gonna like that. I'm gonna say you might have
to break time with that baby as well, because that's
her seed, that's her seed from another man. You watch
(13:06):
that baby be born, you help raise that baby, You
are taking care currently of that baby. But you may
have to break those ties because she's always going to
use the baby for manipulation. I bet you. I don't
need to know how old she is. I don't need
to know it. I don't need to know nothing else.
She's going to use the fact that you are that
baby's mother and you've been there since the birth. And
(13:30):
the daddy probably ain't shit. He ain't worth for half
a fucking penny, probably so, But she wants her child
to know what a family is. Even if she got
to force you to stay in her life by staying
in the child's life, she'll do that. That's not good.
That's not good because she's still taking advantage of you.
She's still using you, and that's not what somebody who
(13:52):
loves a person does not at all. If you love me,
you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
I want to tell you this. I was in a
relationship before with somebody who did the same exact thing
that she did. I had to break up with this
guy and stop chasing him and stop begging him to
(14:13):
be with me, stop begging him to love me like
I loved him. I had to stop doing all of that.
Fell back. I didn't move on with another person quickly.
You know. It took me a while because I was
still on him, but I let my dignity go a
little bit doing that, begging a man to you listen,
I know, you know what it's like, because you just
begged a woman to be with you. I begged a
man to be with me who knew he wanted to
(14:35):
be with me, but he was just so fucking prideful
with a big ass ego. He didn't even fucking realize
that I was the one until I left. I fell
the fuck back and I moved the fuck on, and
now you on my ass. Now you're in my ass.
Now it's like, oh, damn, she ain't chasing me. As
long as a person can look back and see you
(14:56):
chasing them, they comfortable. They gonna take their time any
event he looked back and you ain't there no more.
It's like, oh, hold up now by myself, hold up,
hod up? Why the fuck she not chasing me? What
was this? Is new schedule programming? What the fuck is
going on?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Like?
Speaker 1 (15:10):
What is this? It puts them in a panic because
they always expect for you to fucking be there when
they want to fall back on you, when they want
to be caught for the time being, and then they
want to run off again and now you got to
start the race of chasing them again. That's not what
we're doing. That's not what you're doing either. You're going
to take your own advice, because I bet you don't
(15:30):
even realize you gave your self advice talking to me,
telling me your story. You talk to God about it.
God came back and told you. You know, but then,
like you said, you felt like the devil came and
now I think that was still God. I think that
was still God, And in my opinion, that was still God.
We're not gonna give the devil no credit. Now we
know he exists, and we know that he played He
(15:51):
don't play fair either. But we also know that God
loves to teach us lessons, and when he felt like
we not learning, maybe he'll switch up how we learn.
He'll switch up the work sheet on us. Well, we'll
switch You know, it's a thousand ways of skin of cat, right,
maybe the first way ain't work. So, man, he gonna
hit you this way. Now, he's gonna want He wants
you to do it this way. God said, look, let
(16:12):
it go. Then she started acting great again. Oh my God,
you know blah blah blah blah blah, doing everything you wanted.
But God already told you to let it go. Right,
she came back, started acting crazy again. God told you
let it go. God said, oh, oh, you ain't gonna
believe me. You ain't gonna take the advice I gave you.
You still want her to keep treating you bad, to
keep showing you that she ain't shit. All right, cool,
(16:34):
let her keep showing you that you ain't shit. I
ain't gonna tell you again let it go. I'm just
gonna have to make her show you that she should
be let go because God was trying to protect you
from further hurt telling you to give up. All we
gotta do is listen. I know you heard him because
you repeated to me what he said to you. You know,
but you weren't listening because you didn't. You didn't do
(16:54):
you didn't act on it. It wasn't an action. I
want you to really, really, really sit with yourself and
think about what you deserve, think about what you want,
think about moving forward, which you will tolerating what you
will not tolerate because you're not going back there. It
might be hard to wing yourself off that baby, but
that's what you're gonna have to do. You gotta break
tithes with Shorty because she she I'm not saying she
(17:15):
don't give a fuck about you. She don't care like
you care. She don't really have a genuine heart for
you. You know, I think she appreciates you loving her child,
but I don't think there's anything there with her. And
so I think you did great by even opening up
to me about this. You know, I give kudos to
all the men and women who open up themselves, you know,
(17:38):
to me and even trusting me. You know, y'all know
who I am. You know I'm just with the mess.
My news is real.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I'm also known as clapback Queen. I'm also known to
talk shit about any and everybody, whatever, whatever. But what
I do want everybody to take from carefully reckless and
just fix my mess, is that I do genuinely care
about people. I really do. I care about people, and
I care what hurts people too. I'm a glutton for
helping people and giving them my personal experience because I
(18:06):
learned from all experiences. What makes me wise is other
people's experiences and seeing how they handled it, you know
what I mean, going through certain situations and because y'all.
Some of y'all. Y'all might call up with y'all mess
on Breakfast Club, whether I fix your mess on Breakfast Club,
whether I fixed your mess last weekend at the Beatt Awards,
you know, or whether I fix it on my podcast.
So what I got friends that just called me like, Yo,
(18:28):
you fix a nigga's mess. You know, strangers mask away,
fix mine. You're talking to a bunch of strangers every
week fixing that mess. Yo. My grandfather called me and
asked me about some mess he needed me to fix.
You know what I'm saying, Like, even if I've never
been through the situation that you guys are privying me to,
I guarantee you I can still pull something out of
my head to relate to you. I give some of
(18:50):
the best advice. I'm just gonna say that I give
some of the best advice. So check back in with me.
I know you are an avid, carefully reckless listener. I
love it. Make sure you check back in with me.
I really do. I want you to stand on your strength, babe,
because you got it. And just like that, we come
to the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with the
segment Jess fix my mess with your girl, Jess hilarious,
(19:11):
the one and only. I want y'all to tune in
every Monday at eight pm on YouTube. The more you
don't know more as in my last name mwr E.
My name is Jessica Robin Maher as y'all hear Charlemagne say.
Every day I've been filming my own docuseriies y'alls, reality
of me being on the road and different sides to
just a lot of people. Just see one or two
(19:33):
or three sides of Jess. It's so many layers. Y'all
should call me onion girl. Oh no, no, no, no, I
ain't trying to smell like meeting him. No, no, na,
just giving smelly again. Look come on now, Oh shit,
we didn't have a smelly week, so shit. But no,
all right, I want y'all to see all sides of me. Y'all.
See me as a mom, y'all, see me as a
girlfriend maybe I don't know it, y'all. See me as
(19:53):
a big sister, y'all, see me as a daughter, y'all.
Get to see me as a great friend. Y'all. Get
to see me and all different realms my spirituality and
how I am outside of Jess hilarious. So that's why
it's called The More You Don't Know docu soades. It
drops every Monday at eight pm only on YouTube. Make
sure you catch up we on like the fifth or
(20:13):
sixth episode. Now I Love you guys and in my
deepest pan voice, Can't Fully Reckless is a production of
(21:31):
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Host
Jess Hilarious
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