December 20, 2023 • 21 mins
Hey y'all ..Jess is focusing on one mess today. If you have babies, hold them a little tighter today and tap in to this emotional episode
If you want Jess to fix your mess, DM her on Instagram: @carefullyrecklesspodcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
the Black Effects. Oh Shit, be back on the air.
Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your
girl ess hilarious. What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing mess.
(00:22):
Y'all know that, and that's why we got to jump
straight into it today. We got some voice noes, y'all know.
I love when we get voice notes because then I
ain't got to read through people's errors and their essays
and PDFs that they be senting and shit. So this
is actually good. Also, I just want to throw in there,
I don't mind, I don't mind reading, Okay, I just
need for y'all to come punctual study literacy. I mean,
(00:44):
I know a lot of y'all ain't been in school
for a long time. I've been out of school since
twenty ten. But it helps me get through your story
much better. It helps me. It helps me. That's why
I haven't read a lot of stories that's being sent
to me, because I can't make sense of all the
run on sentences and how y'all misspelling stuff and all that.
I'm not saying nobody is uneducated. I'm just saying y'all
be rushing and shit, then y'all talk with slang and
(01:05):
all that. I don't know how to decipher what y'all
be talking about because a lot of y'all are not
from Baltimore, So if it ain't Baltimore lingo, I don't
understand it, y'all. However, I do love you guys. And
then also I see a lot of people have been
getting confused on where to send audio because I haven't
made the announcement in a while. Yes, you have to
send your voice memos to the Carefully Reckless podcast page,
not just Hilarious official not Reckless Discussions, because this is
(01:28):
not either of those, and not co Parenting Therapy. I
notice a lot of you guys send voice notes to
co Parenting that's for Rome and I. That's not for
a carefully reckless that doesn't cater to carefully Reckless unless
you want it to be read on the Carefully Reckless podcast.
But I'm under the impression when you guys send voice
notes to co Parenting Therapy page that you guys want
(01:51):
Rome and I to help you with something which we
will be launching, relaunching another season where we actually sit
down with people and talk with them and try to
sort out their differences for cool parents and Okay, then
let's jump straight on.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Okay, girl, this about to be long. Okay.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
So I met this guy when I was twelve years old,
so blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
We got in trouble together. You know how that.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
First love type stuff goes. So at sixteen, I had
a baby. Seventeen, I got pregnant seven seen, my mom
kicked me out of the house. We wound up leaving
the area that we lived in and moved like three
or four hours away.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I was homeless. He went to jail for domestic violence.
I didn't have anywhere to go. So then I wound
up getting back with him. I wound up getting my
own place when I was eighteen.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
All of the story, and he was very abusive the
whole entire relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And then he wound up trapping me with five kids.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I know, people don't really talk about that, how men
trapped females with five kids. But I was so young.
I was in the town where I really didn't know anybody.
He had the homecourt advantage because we were in the
town that his family was from. So yeah, he wound
up by the time I was twenty four and I had.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Five kids Jesus Christ honey.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So then, yeah, I don't know what part I left
off one. So anyway, by the.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Time I was twenty four, I had five kids, and
he wound up going to jail.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
He got sentenced to three years. Boom.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
So he gets out after three years. I'm doing a
little bit better for myself. I still have the five children,
but I am doing better.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
So he agrees to take my kids for the summer.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
And I appreciated that because, mind you, I've been knowing
him since I was twelve years old.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
I thought I could trust him.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So he takes it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
He was a good dad. He was very a horrible boyfriend,
very big so, but he wasn't a bad dad. So
when he gets out of.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Jail, he takes his kids for the summer. My daughter,
and my oldest daughter at the time, was nine years old.
She came back, and when she came back, she was
extremely different. So I kept asking her to something happened,
that something happened, and something happened.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
So more I love the story is he molested her.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So I could never be with him again after that.
And now I know this sounds crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
So now my kids are older, they're sixteen, ten, nine, eight,
and six, so I just really want to I just
be feeling like I need help. Sometimes it's nobody but myself.
It's just only me and my children. I don't even
be knowing what to start at. Some days, I just
be wanting somebody to pat me on the back and say,
you know what you're doing, a good job, You're a
good mother. I do also want a relationship, and it's
(04:19):
so hard looking for love even friendship, So I just
want somebody, and it's hard not having anybody. So I
guess I don't even know if I'm asking a questions
or if I'm just vincent, because I don't. It's hard
trying to tell people that because when people will see
you with five kids.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
They instantly judge you and be like, oh, you have
all these.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Kids, you're deadbeat and you're dumb and da da dah,
and the man do wants you.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
But the whole time, to me, i'm invest than my daughter.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
But it's like a secret that I don't tell anybody,
and I really don't know what to do. And then
I do want to be in a relationship, and I
do want love, but it's hard because I don't really
trust anybody.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Because of that.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Well, that would definitely prompt you to have trust issues
for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
And then it's like, if I do meet a guy,
do I tell him that, like, hey, yeah, this is why.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
We're not together.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Some far I've just been telling people he did, because
I don't really know what else to say.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It's just hard. Sometimes I wish I had somebody even
like family.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
I just really want to marry somebody with a big family,
and I just feel like I don't never happen because
I got five kids and I love my kids.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
But no, I understand, I totally understand.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I don't even know where I'm at in this message
because my kids they say, you're not going to go
bothering me.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I never get no time to myself.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I'm literally clumped up in the bathroom and they steady
coming to me, bothering me, knocking on the do.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Well of the story, I'm just looking for love, looking
for a family, and I don't know how. I don't
know how to look for friends. I don't know how
to look for love. I just don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I just know I'm sad because I feel like I
have nobody. Some days I just be wanting somebody to
just give me a hub.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
It's crazy. I'm not about to sit a hen crowd up.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Because life is life in so just if you have
any you know, not even advice, it's just some words
of encouragement that would be great.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
And I really hope you get things. I know you've.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Probably overwhelmed with messages, and even if you don't get it,
I guess it felt good just to finally let all
these things out because I've been holding it in for
so many years.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
All Right, I don't get that Jessica.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Oh I love that she addressed me, calling me Jessica.
A lot of people just call me Jesse hilarious, jess
with the mask. You know, I do love that, though.
She also wrote a paragraph after submitting her voice, notice
that I'm just overwhelmed without a soul. I can't even
cry because I got to remain strong for my kids.
But it's hard. Some days I just want to hug
(06:38):
and it will be okay. It's hard sometimes I feel
myself being a horrible parent because I can't poor love
in my kids because I have none to poor man
If you love me. You'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back. Well, listen, I'm going to
start off by saying, I love that you are open
(06:59):
enough to go into every part of it, you know,
with me, because you could have very well, you know,
held back. But as a result of holding back, people
get depressed. People often turn to drugs and suicide and
other things like that. What you've gone through is definitely traumatic,
(07:20):
especially for your baby.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You understand what I'm saying now. I know that you
were younger. I do know that you said you met
him when you were twelve, You got pregnant at seventeen,
you know, you had your first child at eighteen. If
I'm remembering right, I think it was sixteen or seventeen.
But you had a baby before you were twenty, you know,
and then you had five by the time you were
twenty four. Did you not realize the first time that
(07:45):
he went to jail for domestic violence? And I'm going
to assume that it was, you know, a case with you.
He went to jail for hitting on you, beating on you,
of course the first time. Why didn't you go the
first time?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Baby?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I know you were young, yess I know no, but
you are still old enough to realize this is not
what a man is supposed to be doing. Now, I
have a lot of people that are going to be
upset with me, maybe even you are going to be
upset with me. But let's just look at it for
what it really is. Your mom kicked you out, you
know you were being grown. It is what it is.
You know you were being grown. You were living with
(08:20):
your boyfriend at seventeen. You have to look at this timeline.
You know you met him when you were twelve. Then
you're not even telling me how old he is, and
if you did, I'm sorry I didn't catch that. So
I'm imagining that he's much older than you because he
prayed on you. You know, a lot of men pray
on younger women, and a lot of older women pray
on younger men. It's the same, you know, vice versa,
and either are right. It doesn't make it better because
(08:41):
it's a woman. It's not right. If a man can't
do it, a woman should not either, you know. So, yeah,
he went to jail. You met him when you were twelve,
Your parents kicked you out, You went to live with
him a long way from home. Obviously, because you said
that you were in a town where you didn't even
know anybody. He went to jail for for beating you,
you know, for putting his hands on you, domestic violence.
(09:03):
You were pregnant, you had the first baby. Obviously, you're
not gonna tell me that he ever stopped putting his
hands on you. He never stopped putting his hands on you,
even when he came on from jail. He didn't you
mean to tell me, As young as you were, you
didn't realize that that was not a situation that a
young woman should have to endure. Do you really mean
to tell me that, you know? Because I feel you, baby,
(09:24):
I feel your empathy. I do, I do, and I
sympathize with you for your child, mostly because he molested
his own daughter. Okay, so he belongs six feet fucking under,
and I am very sorry to say that he deserved
the fucking electric chair. He deserves to go to jail,
never come out. He deserves everything negative in life. He
(09:47):
does not deserve to prosper at all. I don't care.
I don't give a fuck what people say. People change,
People change. You molested your child. You sent his children
with him because you did point out that he was
a great dad. He showed you that he was a
ain't shit man, but that never stopped him from being
a good dad. And then you go on to tell
me that your daughter went with him for a summer
(10:08):
along with the other four kids that you two have together,
and your daughter came back and you noticed that she
was different, she was very different. That's sad, that's very
very sad. And then later you found out that she
was molested. Of course you didn't see this coming. No
mother in her right mind would send their child with
a man, even with it being her biological father, if
(10:30):
they had any inkling that he would touch her inappropriately
in that way. What did you do for her? That's
what I want to know when you found out, because
you said you'd like to keep this a secret. That's
the problem in these black families as well. I can't
speak for any other race because I am not any
other race, but a problem in black households is we
sweep shit under the rug and we keep going as
(10:51):
if shit never fucking happened. Like you hear these stories about,
you know, a child being ripped by our uncles for
years and years, and the found out and just cut
the unc just cut her brother off. She just cut
the uncle off. She didn't take any type of legal action,
and they just swept in under the rug. And then
you grow up. Then the child grows up all promiscuous
and shit or thinking that this is regular because there
(11:13):
was never any action taken against her uncle. You know
what I'm saying, What did you do? Did you call
the police? Did you get them locked up? What did
you do? And then what did you do for her?
You know, what did you do to really set an
example to say this is not right? This is my baby,
this is your child. You raped her. You gotta pay
(11:34):
for this shit. You understand what legal action was taking?
And then also did you get her therapy? Do you
talk to her? Is she allowed to open up about
it around you? Because if you like to keep her
a secret, I know, damn well, she ain't supposed to
be saying nothing about it, you know? Is that how
you raised her after that? Like, look, we don't talk
about this because that's wrong. You know, she may have
(11:56):
issues for the rest of her life because of this,
you know, and listen, I understand, you want love, you
want friends. It's very hard being lonely, but with five children.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
You can't be lonely.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I understand that you have five children can't give you intimacy,
they can't get but that's gonna have to be on
a back burner until you really heal, because you haven't
healed yourself. You have not healed. It's nothing wrong with
having a person that you can talk to and stuff
like that. All you gotta do is get out. That's easy,
finding somebody to just talk to. But you're trying to
be in love. You want to get married, you want to,
but that's gonna take a lot of work, honey, because
(12:30):
there's been a lot of traumatic moments that led up
to you being damaged. You are damaged, Your daughter is damaged,
and I don't know about the rest of your four
beautiful children. But who's to say that he didn't do
that in front of them? Who's to say that you know?
We just don't know, okay, Because if you molest one child,
and you treat one child like shit, or you put
(12:52):
your hands on one child, the rest of them aren't exempt.
You just have to assume that he's a danger to
all of them. All of them are in danger around
the fuck father. You understand what I'm saying, how is
the relationship between you and your kids? You said, sometimes
you feel like a horrible parent. Do you look at
them and see him? Do you see them as a
product of him? And you know and you get disgusted
(13:14):
with them? You know, because you need therapy. You need
to heal tremendously before you make a decision to date somebody. Baby,
This is not just gonna be a I date now
all my problems are gone away. No, you have to
connect with your children. Connect with them. Let them know
what their father is. You need to let them know
(13:34):
why you left their dad. You need to explain to
them everything that you explained to me, because that's all
you got is your children. They ain't gonna never leave you.
They'll never telling you, They'll never leave you. Hold up,
hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen
to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you
love me, you'll listen. Are you religious? Do you have
do you pray? You know? Do you meditate? Do yoga?
(13:57):
What do you do? You know? What are you doing
for job? What do you do in your free time?
You know? Do you not have one homegirl? Are you
close with your parents? Have you and your mom or dad,
you know, reconvened. Since you left this man, you know,
does he still contact you? I need to know. I
need to know these things so I can tell you
(14:17):
or advise you on how to move with your social life.
But first you need to sit down and see somebody professionally.
You and your babies. You need to do individual therapy,
but you need a family therapist as well. That's what
y'all need in that house. I don't care if you
don't think it's it's not gonna work. It works. Therapy
works and it helps people. It does help. We are
(14:38):
living in the times right now. Mental health is trending.
People want to fix themselves. We didn't even know we
had help for mental health until just recently, but now
we do. We have all types of resources that can
help you. I feel so bad for you and your babies.
Yes I do, And it's the holidays now as well.
(14:59):
Hold your baby tight, love on them. They are all
you have. They are all you have. It still could
be worse because you could not have them. You could
have lost them, CPS could have took them right the
fuck up out of there. You understand, you got your babies,
all five of them, all of them teenagers all the
way down to six to a six year old. Take
your babies, love on them. They're going to be your strength,
(15:21):
and you on return have to be theirs because they
are still the children they didn't next to be here.
You gotta put that big mommy head on, and you
put your big girl panties on, and you got to pray.
You know, I'm not trying to force a religion on you.
I am a Christian woman, god fearing woman.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
But whoever you believe in, whatever you believe in, that's
what you need to do. You understand what I'm saying.
And I need an update because I want to know
how you're doing. I want to know how you're doing.
Jesus Christ. Damn. That made me. Oh man, that just
made that makes me feel so bad for this woman
and and her children, you know. And like she said,
(16:02):
I don't even know if this is a question or not,
or if I'm venting. I don't know. Like you know,
she says she doesn't know what to do. I think
she's doing both. She's venting while still in a place
where she doesn't know what to do. She feels lonely,
you know, and she doesn't think a man is going
to want her after having five kids. Let me tell
you something, babe, it could be way worse for you
(16:23):
in that dating pool with your kids. You could have
five different baby daddies. No shame to nobody else who
does you know, But I'm saying it could be that thing,
because then a man, a man will look at a
woman and say, damn, you got five kids by five
different niggas. Oh nah, I ain't fucking with this bit,
you know what I'm saying. It goes the same way.
(16:44):
My son's dad got five kids. It's certain women that
will not mess with him because all five of his
children don't belong to one woman. They belong to five
different women, you know, myself included. So it's like it
would be his preference. If you do reveal that you
got five kids, it'd be like, nah, but you know,
all five of your children were produced early by one man.
(17:04):
It doesn't make it better all around the board, per se,
but it makes it better. All of your children. They
you know, they have to left the same last name,
the same dad.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
It just makes it easier. I'm not saying it makes
it better. I'm just saying it makes it easier for
you to date when all five of your children belong
to one man. But I don't think you that. I
don't think you should be worried about dating right now.
And I understand how it feels to be alone and
just want an intimate touch or that person that could
(17:35):
tell you I love you, past you on the back.
You need a hug. You go hug them babies until
you meet someone that will give you a genuine hug
and that will will love you for you and love
your babies as well. But I think you should go
get your daughter some help, and I think you should
get help as well. Don't make nothing a fucking secret
because this shit is happening every day somewhere. So you're
(17:56):
not the only person who went through this shit. Your
baby is not the only person who was molested by
her father. And then, obviously with her being so young,
what made her not tell you is he probably scared
her into not telling you. You understand what I'm saying.
Just think about every night she wanted to run away,
or she wanted to come the fuck home, she wanted
to call the police, she wanted to kill her father.
(18:17):
She don't understand why her Why are you doing this
to me. Think of her, Think of how she was
feeling the same way you were feeling when he was
beating on your ass before you had four more children.
Do you feel me. I'm not here to coddle you.
I'm here to tell you you're stronger. You are a
strong woman because you ain't on drugs, not that I
know of it, but I'm gonna go ahead and say
you ain't on no drugs. You are strong. You didn't
(18:39):
give those children away. You did not give them, you know,
put them in foster care. You could have gave them
up for adoption. You are strong and that's how I
know that you are strong enough. You're strong enough to
not give up right now because you want a man,
you know, you want to marry somebody with a big family.
All that shit will come. You have to get yourself together,
(19:00):
you know, and your baby. So just check back in
with me, because I really want to follow up with you.
Oh my god, but we've come to the end of
this episode because I don't even have time to read
another story. We've come to yet the conclusion of another
episode of Carefully Reckless with your CIRL dressing. Hmm, my bad, y'all.
I was eating a sandwich. The rest of my other
(19:21):
half of my sandwich got cold, and shit, this story
was so damn good. I'm like, damn man. I mean
not good in a sense where it's like it's entertainment.
I mean like this is some real life shit and
I had to delve into it. I had to stop
biting all my saying. I got a bacon, egg and
cheese on white toast with butter and jelly mm, and
that was cold. You don't want to put no no
(19:43):
breakfast sandwich in a microwave. So you know I love you, girl.
You know I love you, And that's why I want
you to update me on everything you've got going on
from here on out, you know. And it doesn't have
to be an update for Carefully Reckless. You can just
update me anyway personally. You know what I'm san hand.
And if you don't want, you don't want the updates
to be on the podcast, they don't have to be.
(20:04):
I just want to make sure you're okay, all right,
And that is the end, you guys. I'll see you
next week. Peace Can't Fully Reckless is a production of
(21:24):
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and
the Black Effects. Oh Shit, be back on the air.
Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your
girl ess hilarious. What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing mess.
(00:22):
Y'all know that, and that's why we got to jump
straight into it today. We got some voice noes, y'all know.
I love when we get voice notes because then I
ain't got to read through people's errors and their essays
and PDFs that they be senting and shit. So this
is actually good. Also, I just want to throw in there,
I don't mind, I don't mind reading, Okay, I just
need for y'all to come punctual study literacy. I mean,
(00:44):
I know a lot of y'all ain't been in school
for a long time. I've been out of school since
twenty ten. But it helps me get through your story
much better. It helps me. It helps me. That's why
I haven't read a lot of stories that's being sent
to me, because I can't make sense of all the
run on sentences and how y'all misspelling stuff and all that.
I'm not saying nobody is uneducated. I'm just saying y'all
be rushing and shit, then y'all talk with slang and
(01:05):
all that. I don't know how to decipher what y'all
be talking about because a lot of y'all are not
from Baltimore, So if it ain't Baltimore lingo, I don't
understand it, y'all. However, I do love you guys. And
then also I see a lot of people have been
getting confused on where to send audio because I haven't
made the announcement in a while. Yes, you have to
send your voice memos to the Carefully Reckless podcast page,
not just Hilarious official not Reckless Discussions, because this is
(01:28):
not either of those, and not co Parenting Therapy. I
notice a lot of you guys send voice notes to
co Parenting that's for Rome and I. That's not for
a carefully reckless that doesn't cater to carefully Reckless unless
you want it to be read on the Carefully Reckless podcast.
But I'm under the impression when you guys send voice
notes to co Parenting Therapy page that you guys want
(01:51):
Rome and I to help you with something which we
will be launching, relaunching another season where we actually sit
down with people and talk with them and try to
sort out their differences for cool parents and Okay, then
let's jump straight on.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Okay, girl, this about to be long. Okay.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
So I met this guy when I was twelve years old,
so blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
We got in trouble together. You know how that.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
First love type stuff goes. So at sixteen, I had
a baby. Seventeen, I got pregnant seven seen, my mom
kicked me out of the house. We wound up leaving
the area that we lived in and moved like three
or four hours away.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I was homeless. He went to jail for domestic violence.
I didn't have anywhere to go. So then I wound
up getting back with him. I wound up getting my
own place when I was eighteen.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
All of the story, and he was very abusive the
whole entire relationship.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And then he wound up trapping me with five kids.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I know, people don't really talk about that, how men
trapped females with five kids. But I was so young.
I was in the town where I really didn't know anybody.
He had the homecourt advantage because we were in the
town that his family was from. So yeah, he wound
up by the time I was twenty four and I had.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Five kids Jesus Christ honey.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So then, yeah, I don't know what part I left
off one. So anyway, by the.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Time I was twenty four, I had five kids, and
he wound up going to jail.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
He got sentenced to three years. Boom.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
So he gets out after three years. I'm doing a
little bit better for myself. I still have the five children,
but I am doing better.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
So he agrees to take my kids for the summer.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
And I appreciated that because, mind you, I've been knowing
him since I was twelve years old.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
I thought I could trust him.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
So he takes it.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
He was a good dad. He was very a horrible boyfriend,
very big so, but he wasn't a bad dad. So
when he gets out of.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Jail, he takes his kids for the summer. My daughter,
and my oldest daughter at the time, was nine years old.
She came back, and when she came back, she was
extremely different. So I kept asking her to something happened,
that something happened, and something happened.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
So more I love the story is he molested her.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
So I could never be with him again after that.
And now I know this sounds crazy.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
So now my kids are older, they're sixteen, ten, nine, eight,
and six, so I just really want to I just
be feeling like I need help. Sometimes it's nobody but myself.
It's just only me and my children. I don't even
be knowing what to start at. Some days, I just
be wanting somebody to pat me on the back and say,
you know what you're doing, a good job, You're a
good mother. I do also want a relationship, and it's
(04:19):
so hard looking for love even friendship, So I just
want somebody, and it's hard not having anybody. So I
guess I don't even know if I'm asking a questions
or if I'm just vincent, because I don't. It's hard
trying to tell people that because when people will see
you with five kids.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
They instantly judge you and be like, oh, you have
all these.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Kids, you're deadbeat and you're dumb and da da dah,
and the man do wants you.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
But the whole time, to me, i'm invest than my daughter.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
But it's like a secret that I don't tell anybody,
and I really don't know what to do. And then
I do want to be in a relationship, and I
do want love, but it's hard because I don't really
trust anybody.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Because of that.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Well, that would definitely prompt you to have trust issues
for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
And then it's like, if I do meet a guy,
do I tell him that, like, hey, yeah, this is why.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
We're not together.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Some far I've just been telling people he did, because
I don't really know what else to say.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It's just hard. Sometimes I wish I had somebody even
like family.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
I just really want to marry somebody with a big family,
and I just feel like I don't never happen because
I got five kids and I love my kids.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
But no, I understand, I totally understand.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I don't even know where I'm at in this message
because my kids they say, you're not going to go
bothering me.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I never get no time to myself.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I'm literally clumped up in the bathroom and they steady
coming to me, bothering me, knocking on the do.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Well of the story, I'm just looking for love, looking
for a family, and I don't know how. I don't
know how to look for friends. I don't know how
to look for love. I just don't know.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I just know I'm sad because I feel like I
have nobody. Some days I just be wanting somebody to
just give me a hub.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
It's crazy. I'm not about to sit a hen crowd up.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Because life is life in so just if you have
any you know, not even advice, it's just some words
of encouragement that would be great.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
And I really hope you get things. I know you've.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Probably overwhelmed with messages, and even if you don't get it,
I guess it felt good just to finally let all
these things out because I've been holding it in for
so many years.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
All Right, I don't get that Jessica.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Oh I love that she addressed me, calling me Jessica.
A lot of people just call me Jesse hilarious, jess
with the mask. You know, I do love that, though.
She also wrote a paragraph after submitting her voice, notice
that I'm just overwhelmed without a soul. I can't even
cry because I got to remain strong for my kids.
But it's hard. Some days I just want to hug
(06:38):
and it will be okay. It's hard sometimes I feel
myself being a horrible parent because I can't poor love
in my kids because I have none to poor man
If you love me. You'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back. Well, listen, I'm going to
start off by saying, I love that you are open
(06:59):
enough to go into every part of it, you know,
with me, because you could have very well, you know,
held back. But as a result of holding back, people
get depressed. People often turn to drugs and suicide and
other things like that. What you've gone through is definitely traumatic,
(07:20):
especially for your baby.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You understand what I'm saying now. I know that you
were younger. I do know that you said you met
him when you were twelve, You got pregnant at seventeen,
you know, you had your first child at eighteen. If
I'm remembering right, I think it was sixteen or seventeen.
But you had a baby before you were twenty, you know,
and then you had five by the time you were
twenty four. Did you not realize the first time that
(07:45):
he went to jail for domestic violence? And I'm going
to assume that it was, you know, a case with you.
He went to jail for hitting on you, beating on you,
of course the first time. Why didn't you go the
first time?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Baby?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
I know you were young, yess I know no, but
you are still old enough to realize this is not
what a man is supposed to be doing. Now, I
have a lot of people that are going to be
upset with me, maybe even you are going to be
upset with me. But let's just look at it for
what it really is. Your mom kicked you out, you
know you were being grown. It is what it is.
You know you were being grown. You were living with
(08:20):
your boyfriend at seventeen. You have to look at this timeline.
You know you met him when you were twelve. Then
you're not even telling me how old he is, and
if you did, I'm sorry I didn't catch that. So
I'm imagining that he's much older than you because he
prayed on you. You know, a lot of men pray
on younger women, and a lot of older women pray
on younger men. It's the same, you know, vice versa,
and either are right. It doesn't make it better because
(08:41):
it's a woman. It's not right. If a man can't
do it, a woman should not either, you know. So, yeah,
he went to jail. You met him when you were twelve,
Your parents kicked you out, You went to live with
him a long way from home. Obviously, because you said
that you were in a town where you didn't even
know anybody. He went to jail for for beating you,
you know, for putting his hands on you, domestic violence.
(09:03):
You were pregnant, you had the first baby. Obviously, you're
not gonna tell me that he ever stopped putting his
hands on you. He never stopped putting his hands on you,
even when he came on from jail. He didn't you
mean to tell me, As young as you were, you
didn't realize that that was not a situation that a
young woman should have to endure. Do you really mean
to tell me that, you know? Because I feel you, baby,
(09:24):
I feel your empathy. I do, I do, and I
sympathize with you for your child, mostly because he molested
his own daughter. Okay, so he belongs six feet fucking under,
and I am very sorry to say that he deserved
the fucking electric chair. He deserves to go to jail,
never come out. He deserves everything negative in life. He
(09:47):
does not deserve to prosper at all. I don't care.
I don't give a fuck what people say. People change,
People change. You molested your child. You sent his children
with him because you did point out that he was
a great dad. He showed you that he was a
ain't shit man, but that never stopped him from being
a good dad. And then you go on to tell
me that your daughter went with him for a summer
(10:08):
along with the other four kids that you two have together,
and your daughter came back and you noticed that she
was different, she was very different. That's sad, that's very
very sad. And then later you found out that she
was molested. Of course you didn't see this coming. No
mother in her right mind would send their child with
a man, even with it being her biological father, if
(10:30):
they had any inkling that he would touch her inappropriately
in that way. What did you do for her? That's
what I want to know when you found out, because
you said you'd like to keep this a secret. That's
the problem in these black families as well. I can't
speak for any other race because I am not any
other race, but a problem in black households is we
sweep shit under the rug and we keep going as
(10:51):
if shit never fucking happened. Like you hear these stories about,
you know, a child being ripped by our uncles for
years and years, and the found out and just cut
the unc just cut her brother off. She just cut
the uncle off. She didn't take any type of legal action,
and they just swept in under the rug. And then
you grow up. Then the child grows up all promiscuous
and shit or thinking that this is regular because there
(11:13):
was never any action taken against her uncle. You know
what I'm saying, What did you do? Did you call
the police? Did you get them locked up? What did
you do? And then what did you do for her?
You know, what did you do to really set an
example to say this is not right? This is my baby,
this is your child. You raped her. You gotta pay
(11:34):
for this shit. You understand what legal action was taking?
And then also did you get her therapy? Do you
talk to her? Is she allowed to open up about
it around you? Because if you like to keep her
a secret, I know, damn well, she ain't supposed to
be saying nothing about it, you know? Is that how
you raised her after that? Like, look, we don't talk
about this because that's wrong. You know, she may have
(11:56):
issues for the rest of her life because of this,
you know, and listen, I understand, you want love, you
want friends. It's very hard being lonely, but with five children.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
You can't be lonely.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I understand that you have five children can't give you intimacy,
they can't get but that's gonna have to be on
a back burner until you really heal, because you haven't
healed yourself. You have not healed. It's nothing wrong with
having a person that you can talk to and stuff
like that. All you gotta do is get out. That's easy,
finding somebody to just talk to. But you're trying to
be in love. You want to get married, you want to,
but that's gonna take a lot of work, honey, because
(12:30):
there's been a lot of traumatic moments that led up
to you being damaged. You are damaged, Your daughter is damaged,
and I don't know about the rest of your four
beautiful children. But who's to say that he didn't do
that in front of them? Who's to say that you know?
We just don't know, okay, Because if you molest one child,
and you treat one child like shit, or you put
(12:52):
your hands on one child, the rest of them aren't exempt.
You just have to assume that he's a danger to
all of them. All of them are in danger around
the fuck father. You understand what I'm saying, how is
the relationship between you and your kids? You said, sometimes
you feel like a horrible parent. Do you look at
them and see him? Do you see them as a
product of him? And you know and you get disgusted
(13:14):
with them? You know, because you need therapy. You need
to heal tremendously before you make a decision to date somebody. Baby,
This is not just gonna be a I date now
all my problems are gone away. No, you have to
connect with your children. Connect with them. Let them know
what their father is. You need to let them know
(13:34):
why you left their dad. You need to explain to
them everything that you explained to me, because that's all
you got is your children. They ain't gonna never leave you.
They'll never telling you, They'll never leave you. Hold up,
hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen
to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you
love me, you'll listen. Are you religious? Do you have
do you pray? You know? Do you meditate? Do yoga?
(13:57):
What do you do? You know? What are you doing
for job? What do you do in your free time?
You know? Do you not have one homegirl? Are you
close with your parents? Have you and your mom or dad,
you know, reconvened. Since you left this man, you know,
does he still contact you? I need to know. I
need to know these things so I can tell you
(14:17):
or advise you on how to move with your social life.
But first you need to sit down and see somebody professionally.
You and your babies. You need to do individual therapy,
but you need a family therapist as well. That's what
y'all need in that house. I don't care if you
don't think it's it's not gonna work. It works. Therapy
works and it helps people. It does help. We are
(14:38):
living in the times right now. Mental health is trending.
People want to fix themselves. We didn't even know we
had help for mental health until just recently, but now
we do. We have all types of resources that can
help you. I feel so bad for you and your babies.
Yes I do, And it's the holidays now as well.
(14:59):
Hold your baby tight, love on them. They are all
you have. They are all you have. It still could
be worse because you could not have them. You could
have lost them, CPS could have took them right the
fuck up out of there. You understand, you got your babies,
all five of them, all of them teenagers all the
way down to six to a six year old. Take
your babies, love on them. They're going to be your strength,
(15:21):
and you on return have to be theirs because they
are still the children they didn't next to be here.
You gotta put that big mommy head on, and you
put your big girl panties on, and you got to pray.
You know, I'm not trying to force a religion on you.
I am a Christian woman, god fearing woman.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
But whoever you believe in, whatever you believe in, that's
what you need to do. You understand what I'm saying.
And I need an update because I want to know
how you're doing. I want to know how you're doing.
Jesus Christ. Damn. That made me. Oh man, that just
made that makes me feel so bad for this woman
and and her children, you know. And like she said,
(16:02):
I don't even know if this is a question or not,
or if I'm venting. I don't know. Like you know,
she says she doesn't know what to do. I think
she's doing both. She's venting while still in a place
where she doesn't know what to do. She feels lonely,
you know, and she doesn't think a man is going
to want her after having five kids. Let me tell
you something, babe, it could be way worse for you
(16:23):
in that dating pool with your kids. You could have
five different baby daddies. No shame to nobody else who
does you know, But I'm saying it could be that thing,
because then a man, a man will look at a
woman and say, damn, you got five kids by five
different niggas. Oh nah, I ain't fucking with this bit,
you know what I'm saying. It goes the same way.
(16:44):
My son's dad got five kids. It's certain women that
will not mess with him because all five of his
children don't belong to one woman. They belong to five
different women, you know, myself included. So it's like it
would be his preference. If you do reveal that you
got five kids, it'd be like, nah, but you know,
all five of your children were produced early by one man.
(17:04):
It doesn't make it better all around the board, per se,
but it makes it better. All of your children. They
you know, they have to left the same last name,
the same dad.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
It just makes it easier. I'm not saying it makes
it better. I'm just saying it makes it easier for
you to date when all five of your children belong
to one man. But I don't think you that. I
don't think you should be worried about dating right now.
And I understand how it feels to be alone and
just want an intimate touch or that person that could
(17:35):
tell you I love you, past you on the back.
You need a hug. You go hug them babies until
you meet someone that will give you a genuine hug
and that will will love you for you and love
your babies as well. But I think you should go
get your daughter some help, and I think you should
get help as well. Don't make nothing a fucking secret
because this shit is happening every day somewhere. So you're
(17:56):
not the only person who went through this shit. Your
baby is not the only person who was molested by
her father. And then, obviously with her being so young,
what made her not tell you is he probably scared
her into not telling you. You understand what I'm saying.
Just think about every night she wanted to run away,
or she wanted to come the fuck home, she wanted
to call the police, she wanted to kill her father.
(18:17):
She don't understand why her Why are you doing this
to me. Think of her, Think of how she was
feeling the same way you were feeling when he was
beating on your ass before you had four more children.
Do you feel me. I'm not here to coddle you.
I'm here to tell you you're stronger. You are a
strong woman because you ain't on drugs, not that I
know of it, but I'm gonna go ahead and say
you ain't on no drugs. You are strong. You didn't
(18:39):
give those children away. You did not give them, you know,
put them in foster care. You could have gave them
up for adoption. You are strong and that's how I
know that you are strong enough. You're strong enough to
not give up right now because you want a man,
you know, you want to marry somebody with a big family.
All that shit will come. You have to get yourself together,
(19:00):
you know, and your baby. So just check back in
with me, because I really want to follow up with you.
Oh my god, but we've come to the end of
this episode because I don't even have time to read
another story. We've come to yet the conclusion of another
episode of Carefully Reckless with your CIRL dressing. Hmm, my bad, y'all.
I was eating a sandwich. The rest of my other
(19:21):
half of my sandwich got cold, and shit, this story
was so damn good. I'm like, damn man. I mean
not good in a sense where it's like it's entertainment.
I mean like this is some real life shit and
I had to delve into it. I had to stop
biting all my saying. I got a bacon, egg and
cheese on white toast with butter and jelly mm, and
that was cold. You don't want to put no no
(19:43):
breakfast sandwich in a microwave. So you know I love you, girl.
You know I love you, And that's why I want
you to update me on everything you've got going on
from here on out, you know. And it doesn't have
to be an update for Carefully Reckless. You can just
update me anyway personally. You know what I'm san hand.
And if you don't want, you don't want the updates
to be on the podcast, they don't have to be.
(20:04):
I just want to make sure you're okay, all right,
And that is the end, you guys. I'll see you
next week. Peace Can't Fully Reckless is a production of
(21:24):
iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
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