January 24, 2024 • 30 mins
Hey y'all ...Jess fixes not 2, not even 3 ..but 4 messes today!! And for once ...you might be able to relate to every single one of them - uhh, maybe not the first one! Tap In!!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect and just like that, be back
on the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless
episode with your girl Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hilarious.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.
I also do it on the Breakfast Club as well.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
On B E T. Nine Am.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is
more than likely almost all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing
people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was
pissed off about.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
And it's rabbit quick, So I'm just gonna jump straight
in with that.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,
but she's upset because he's married.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I know I had to do my own sound effect,
but duh, someone what should I do?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So this is the thing.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he
sold her dreams of what they were gonna be when he.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,
he went to get engaged.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,
he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then
went to go find the girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
So when she found out about the wife, she didn't leave.
She tells me she mad at the wife for not
holding her man down. How you not mad at your
boyfriend because he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at
his wife for not holding her husband down who just
(01:44):
happens to.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Be your boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're
mad at this man's wife.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
But he got married when he came home, he wasn't
already married. So you were never first. You were always
second and was always gonna be second. And you're asking
me what you should do.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
What you should do is get some fucking dignity, wake
up and go find you your own fucking man. Because
he's not yours, he will never be yours. You've already
allowed too much. You think a man actually wants to
be with someone who was okay with them cheating on
their wives, or was okay with being second anyway, you
(02:23):
think you'll ever deserve in his eyes to be number one.
These men only do to us what we allow mentally,
you know what I'm saying. And then some women are
not as strong minded as others. But I just couldn't
understand like she had some nerve, she was upset. Oh
she wouldn't hold him down, And I just felt like
(02:43):
that's crazy, Like how could you not hold him down
because he wasn't married to a yet?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You have to realize who you are, what you are,
what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't
gonna take, and realize the consequence instance of your actions
are because of what you allowed or what you did.
So the consequence is you always gonna be the side bitch.
I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me
if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up
after she had a shit like I ain't tell you
(03:12):
going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look
dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,
it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she
gets the help that she needs, because lord, she's delusional.
All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,
y'all know how I feel about these there.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
We go hi Ja.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little
background about myself before I ask you the original question
that I have for you. So, I am twenty one
years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked
at three jobs. Also want to school for nail technician.
I have no kids, I am single. I have my
(03:54):
own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,
the question I have to ask you is, I don't
know if anybody else is having this problem, but from
my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't
know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying
(04:15):
to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying
to achieve goals.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I just feel like.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I'm everywhere right now, and it's to the point where
it's giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling
like I'm behind in a way.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Like, for example, when I was in school, I was
way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained
a little bit more weight. So I just been feeling like,
you know, I just don't look as prettier as everybody else.
And of course I feel like social media for me,
it takes a part of that. So I have took
a break from that to help a little bit. Another
(04:51):
example is with love.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
I'm such a.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Freaking lover girl, like I love love, but.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
The relationship is just not going well for me, the
dating era, all that stuff like, it's just not going
well for me. Even if I want, like a little
sneakily like it never works out. And then with my school,
and I've been in school for a two years trying
to get my nail license.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Because I'm just like stick.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Dis harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's
been taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur
at my age, so I just feel like I'm just
way behind all the things I need to do.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
So just give me some clarity to help me.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Just thanks love you, heyy First of all, I love
you too.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to
me about that, because you know what you do. You
open up the floor for other younger females, younger women
to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,
because y'all generation are going through some shit.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Too. Of course, a lot of identity crisis going on.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Of course, when you have media constantly shoving in your face,
you can change who you are. You can change any
part of your body now and everybody has access to
these surgeons and just you know, all types of things
that can help you rid of your flaws. You know,
But I think it's internal for you. You did say
(06:12):
exactly what I was going to tell you. Social media
will play a big part in this and how the
media constantly tries to manipulate our minds with just certain
standards that we're supposed to follow, like you know. And
then influencers that I thank God for them because I
started off as one, but I say their work would
be a gift in accurse because they open up your
(06:34):
eyes to seeing I can own my own business, I
can own something. I can be a young black creator.
I don't have to work for nobody for the rest
of my life. I am in a position where I
can run my own business. At the same time, what
it does is it shows another side where it makes
working a nine to five or being who you really
(06:56):
are off of social media, it looks uncool, It makes
you uncol What makes you feel that you're not enough,
and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel
that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation
just because I don't want you to ever feel like
because you are.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
You know, you consider yourself a.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether
you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But
however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that
depict how you go on in your love life. And
then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to
figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.
I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I would never say that.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old
because what love is to you maybe different for what
love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,
you know what I mean, So it goes by experience
of what you feel. But I will say, you have
a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.
You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love
right now because you also told me in the same
(07:58):
breath you're trying to figure out who you are. There's
no way that you could be ready for a relationship
and you don't know who you are. So what I
think is that you love the idea of love. You know,
you love what it looks like. You know, you love
what it can be. You love all the possibilities. You
love what you see visually, what looks good visually to you,
(08:19):
and then you probably see a lot of relationship goals too,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And that's good.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
You took a break from social media. I actually have
family members that have.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
To do that.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I have friends that have to do that. I know
other influencers that have to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of
like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,
and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,
that's just one part. That's social media, you know what
I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays
a big part in our confidence, you know. So I
think you should do a lot more soul searching. You
(08:56):
probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.
That don't need to scare you, that just needs to
motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure
out what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Girl, You ain't got no kids.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
You work three jobs and you're going to school to
be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about
some lift.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna
spend time with?
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is
a job, just like we jobs too, you know what
I'm saying. So that's four jobs.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Thank god. You ain't got no damn kids. But you
know what men do. They give you kids.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
So your little twenty one year old, but need to
stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this
path that you're on.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at
your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only
from your head to the top of your.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you
sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl. Fuck that.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
You gotta love yourself because when you learn how to
love yourself, and I mean the railway because people hear
this all the time. Oh you gotta love yourself up.
People say this to people all the time, and they
take it the wrong. You gotta love yourself. You gotta
love yourself or I do love myself. Like nah, people
get more defensive after hearing that than just actually listening. No,
do you really know what it takes to love yourself,
(10:10):
because that's probably why your relationships fail.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
You said, you're even just a sneaky link.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I'm no, you know, even if you want some dick,
just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need. Maybe
shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.
That's not in your timing right now, you know what
I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some
more searching for who you are. You know, you're at
the best time right now. And then you also at
the best time to lose some more weight if that's
(10:34):
what you want to do. Shit, if you want to
lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like
that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some
more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find
it wasn't even your weight.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
It probably is your mind.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
It probably is the fact that you, like I said,
you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.
You love the idea of love, but I do hope
everything works out for you and you do get everything
that you want in life.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back moving on. Last story. Oh
my god, I got all the babies today. Hey Joss,
I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy and I
have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to open up.
I've never been in a relationship before, so this part
of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard to talk
(11:25):
about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma, so
I don't want it to change our dynamic. The guy
is amazing. I don't want him to think he is
a problem. My question is do you think I'm ready
for a relationship or should I just continue to explore
being alone for a bit longer. By the way, you
can use this for the podcast in case you want consent.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh that's nice, thank you all. Was gonna use it anyway.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I don't know your name, so that's good and can't
bite see your face, but no, I appreciate you for
reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a
lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger generation,
they are facing a lot, you know, and they're seeing
a lot, and they are much more.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Exposed to a lot of shit too than we.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Ever were that I that I ever was at nineteen,
you know, so they could really be the main ones
that need some mental tending to.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You know. It's a lot, a lot of shit that
these babies are seeing.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
But yeah, to get into what you have going on,
you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't
really know what it takes.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I understand. You got to think about it, though, every.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Person on this earth has been in that situation. Everybody
ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has to
jump in it some type of way.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody
has to jump into us some type of way. You
don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that
will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you
need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.
You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing
with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing
things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,
but you didn't go into depth about the trauma, and
(12:59):
that's it's okay.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I'm glad that you even you.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Know, we don't have to so obviously you know, I
just don't know what the trauma is from. It could
it could be something more recent, it could be deeply rooted,
but that's probably, you know, more than likely where it
comes from. And I understand you said, this guy is amazing,
he's understanding. You don't want him to think he's the problem. No,
you don't. You don't because then in restrospect, that's not
(13:22):
fair to him. But no, I don't think that you're
ready for a relationship. I think you should start some counseling,
or you should start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it.
You see that you do have issues that you want
to move past. You do see that, and that's good
that you see that. A lot of people's fear of
therapy is because they don't want to open up. They
don't even want to go talk to somebody. But this
(13:44):
first step for you, you come in to me. I think
that's amazing. I do think that you should seek further therapy.
Because I'm not a licensed professional, I can only give
you good advice. Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen.
I'm gonna tell you, like I told her the last baby, girl,
you're nineteen. See more years til you hit twenty one,
But in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got
a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just
(14:06):
watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's
way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,
we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even
look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now y'all
starting to look like. Y'all already got bbls and shit.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,
y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
So I do think that you just need to explore
just being alone for a bit longer. And you already
knew that. You just needed to clarity, and I'm here
to give it to you, girls, So keep me updated,
let me know what's going on. Yeah, don't mess that
man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously. Don't mess
them up. Just fix yourself and go back and get them.
Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good,
(14:53):
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So this last mess, I'm a fix this in person
and somebody actually came into the studio and you know
this is I'm I'm trying this out because in fourth season,
I may bring this to video. You know, I know
we have Catholic reckless audio, but for those who want
to see, I may just do it. I don't know.
I'm raising right now. It's gonna be my first in
(15:18):
person mass effix, so we'll see.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Let's see.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship
and I just need some advice on something that I
really you know, have been worried about for it. And
this is because of my own personal growth.
Speaker 5 (15:35):
So I'm in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person
and the other person is a person who needs time
to walk away. Right, That's the thing, Like I need,
I need to get some space clear my mind. And
that's it's understandable, you know that people some people can't
just get to the bottom of it real quick. They
need a time to see what they're going through. But
it's like when does it get like Okay. Now this
(15:58):
is getting played out because if you think about it,
the number one answer that older people will have successful relationships.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Say is what communicating beyond?
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Like that's like the number one thing everybody say, because
you have to find a way to really find that
balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,
both of us is not like that. I can't that's
avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other
person's not. So then that means that it has to
be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,
I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some
(16:27):
shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna
be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,
completely block you out, and you could be literally like
sending messages like just talk to me. It's okay, it's fine,
let's just get this Like it's not that big of
a deal. And you don't hear from them, So it's like,
how do you deal with that going forward?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I
can see how both could feel. You know, I feel
like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a
relationship that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs
to be a willingness to come out of your show.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
If I know that I'm with a person who is
a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and
I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.
You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I
understand because I was even like that.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I was on both sides.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm on more of your side now where I am
communicating more, But at first I was the same way.
I guess that's why I can kind of see where
he would be coming from. But I had to change that,
and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.
I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,
I don't want to talk about it. I need time
because some people sometimes some people want to be mad
(17:45):
that shit is fucked up, but some people want to
be mad, they want.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
To get it off. That's how some people get shit
off their chests.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
He's not really a mediator because has he seen that
shit growing up? Has he always been that way because
his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has
never been in in a place where he felt safe
enough to open up.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And I don't know your past, you know, I don't
even know his past.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Book, from what you're telling me, you kind of had
a different upbringing than he did.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I don't know whether that that's household wise.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything
can define who you are as an adult.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
It don't have to always be how you was raised.
It be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
It'd be different people, different people that you met on
your journey to becoming an adult and how they prophesied
to you, or seeing this person come from this walk
of life, so like it's just figuring out a person
is this way you want to be? And you said,
y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all
not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.
Is this a place where you see yourself going back
(18:50):
to or.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Do you not?
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you
be with a person. I don't want to be with
him this time, but I didn't. I do want to
be with him, though, But when he does something to
make you man, it goes out the window, and then
he comes round and y'all talk about it, and then
now you want to be with him again?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Is that? How do you know you want to move
forward with this person? Do you see a future with
this person?
Speaker 5 (19:10):
And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like
you said, when you just respond to back, it's like
you move differently now because of this love that.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
You don't want to miss out on it.
Speaker 5 (19:21):
So I'm at a place where it's like I'm gonna
have to be okay with realizing that maybe I can't
bring that out of him mm hm. And and that
hurts right, like that this man don't love me enough
to be like I want to work it's out with her.
I want to talk to her. So I'm at a
place now I know my worth like yes, I do
have my shit right like I know, and even done
in my communication like you you know, I sometimes I
(19:42):
can talk around to get to a point because I
wanted us to get to a page without letting somebody
go through it, right, And I'm learning that and I'm
more than help.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
That's why I was like, you gotta walk away.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
I get it, but it's the extra shit hang out
answering like it's it's it creates too much of a
like I get I be hurt. I don't even be mad.
I've hurt, like yo, this person. Now I'm not gonna
talk to them for days. Now, i gotta be left
here just like yeah, until when they calmed down, like
a few days later, and I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You know, that shit is not fair, Like I said,
I used to do that.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I used to do that to people, and that shit
is not fair because it now it leaves the person
wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,
like or do you even respect me? Because that's when
things start getting disrespectful. It's the difference between an extrovert
and just shutting down versus the disrespect. You don't have
to hang up, you don't have to block me, you
(20:37):
don't have to not talk to me for days. What
are you trying to prove a point? Because that's what
it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.
And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of
people always know what to do to get back and
your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,
and sometimes subconsciously selfish. And those people don't like to
be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like
(20:58):
to be told about myself. I didn't want to be
in control, but I just wanted things to go my
way and people to see shit my way all the time.
And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the
real world, not in your household, not at your job,
not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really
(21:18):
is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love
a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel
like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you
don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.
You don't want to listen, so you don't even want
to find out what the problem is, and then you
don't want to fix it.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
And this is another note, d really really is a
struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know
how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and
they could have been wrong for it because they was
doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,
Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,
next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because
you're coming back saying you're not even coming back apology.
(21:59):
You just come like hey, and I'm over here, like
literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like
a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because
it's like I actually like care about you and you're
leaving me hanging right all because what you you just
don't want to talk about it at all. You know,
it should be small. Even if it was big, it's
still okay to talk about it, Like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Do you think that he would need any benefited with
uh from any type of therapy?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
What was his answer to it cost money?
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Why?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,
lets that just take insurance some of them don't.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Cause explain that to him and he was like, oh,
you know, he was into it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So
when you did explain it, he did like agree, like
all right, well I might.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Look into it now.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Is that something that do you feel like he needs
individually or do y'all want that something that you would
be open to doing with him?
Speaker 4 (22:53):
Naw.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
You need to like seek your own inner piece and
that's why I'm getting so a point where my self
worth that I'm like, no, like I can have him.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
But now it's away to me that a man will
actually talk to me.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
So in my next relationship, I'm gonna anticipate him being like,
I'm gonna I feel I'm gonna pull back on my
communication because I think he's gonna be like, nah, I
you know, I don't really want to talk about it,
instead of me being like insaid, of him.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Being like, let's let's talk about it, like I'm.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
Be happy about it, but it's gonna be hard like
going into it because I'm gonna think they're like, it's
just gonna create some type of conflict.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yeah, So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously
like you're scarred from that, and that could also build
in securities for the next man from you. You know,
you can also project onto other people what you've been
through in your last relationship. So do you feel like
you need to heal in this before you even you know, well,
(23:45):
are you even trying to date?
Speaker 5 (23:46):
First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time
and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking
for him, you know, I just I just want to
whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why
I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If
you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,
but not even as friends at this point, because friends
don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to
actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very
toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all
get mad at each other and you feel like y'all
broke up. You feel like he don't love you when
he mad at you, or you feel like she don't
love you when she mad at you. It should never
(24:28):
be that way because friends don't do each other like
now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that good.
If you go into it just straight intimacy, you skip
all that building foundation and all that shit. It's never
gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper than
what you can see. Like it's like, I know what
(24:50):
I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all listeners
like bed with me. You know, if you can see
through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.
He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,
and and oh he got his own this, that and
the other. And if you strip down all that shit,
y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through
(25:11):
shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,
you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit
together and obstacles together and being are when one lax
like pick up that slag and shit like that. So
that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was
was real about the whole friendship thing.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
And it's top of all of you know, which is
the end of it all is you would think that
all of that meant something when you do have these
moments tribulationship and in this situation.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
It's given very much, it does it. We built this friendship.
Speaker 5 (25:43):
Up, like your friendship is way more of a priority
to me than a relationship, right, but you know this, right,
so you know that this is a big thing for me,
and you still like so all we went through his
friends and still don't make it enough of you want
to talk to you because you should be. If I'm
your friend, you're my friend. She'd be like, shit, no,
I don't want us to be beefing right, So that
(26:04):
so that's it. That's the part of it all is
it goes back to like, really, he doesn't love me
the way I.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Love him, right right, and he's still stuck in that
relationship part of it that, you know, like because even
I think that's still even bigger you to be like,
all right, look, we just need to be friends, all right,
Like I want to focus on the friends. And then
like so ladies, look she's still even trying to find
a way to well, she was, you know, was trying
(26:29):
to even still find a way to.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Make it comfortable for him.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Do you see how we like sometimes indirectly bend over
backwards for these men, you know, and we still don't
get the credit. We still don't get flowers, We still
don't get even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying
to figure this shit out for you.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I know how to fucking communicate, I know.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And we've been friends for the past what ten plus
is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.
You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you
had some some type of respect for me or some
type of like loyalty to the point.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Where it's like you'll know, or it is because we
came up.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Like we you know, we've been through shit together, so
I feel you. Some bonds are supposed to be unbreakable.
But like you said, ultimately it's you loving him more
than he loves you, or him not being able to
even love you like you should be loved, or how
you love him. And that's just the short end of
the stick that us women has. We have to bear
(27:32):
with that sometimes, or we fucking don't. We move on,
but then you're still mentally held captive to a person
who manipulates you into never letting them go, you know
what I mean, in some type of weird way.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
I'm gonna keep this leash on it.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Not because they just want to torch you, because they
really fucking want you to.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
They just don't know how. They don't know, they don't
know how to say it, they don't know how to
show it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
But they know what they want to expect for you
to read their fucking mind, you know what I mean,
Expect for that. But no, we want to be coddled,
We want to be fucking pampered. At times, I want
you to read my fucking mind at times. I want
you to say, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Yo, you ain't going away till we talk about this.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I want you to initiate that fucking communication all the time,
because then it's gonna feel like I wear the fucking
pants all the time. I shouldn't have to wear the pants.
I want a man to lead, that's what you want.
You want a man to lead you. And you talk
about it. You're on your spiritual journey and you talk
about that. You know you want somebody else spiritual too.
You want to want your man to be like, Noah,
we ain't leaving up the house until we pray together.
(28:30):
Where you going that day? You know, you know we
pull off.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You know you want that, and you're gonna get that.
You can get that.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
You know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,
you know. So I want you to check back into
We come to the end of another carefully borkless episode
with your girl Jess.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Hilarious.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
I'm fixing mess not only on the Black Effect Network,
but on be Et as well.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,
I'll see you next week.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Peace A
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Name
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect and just like that, be back
on the air. Welcome back to yet another Canfully Reckless
episode with your girl Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hilarious.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
So I'm fixing mess. Fixing mess is what I do.
I also do it on the Breakfast Club as well.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
On B E T. Nine Am.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Make sure y'all catch that whenever I'm there, which is
more than likely almost all the time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
All Right, we're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm gonna tell some stories that I got from fixing
people's mess on Breakfast Club, one that I actually was
pissed off about.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
And it's rabbit quick, So I'm just gonna jump straight
in with that.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
So this woman calls up Ray and she has a boyfriend, okay,
but she's upset because he's married.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm pissed off about it. My boyfriend is married, star duh.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
And I know I had to do my own sound effect,
but duh, someone what should I do?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
So this is the thing.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
She met her man in jail. Right, of course, he
sold her dreams of what they were gonna be when he.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Got out of jail. When he got out of jail,
he went to get engaged.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
To someone else, right, And not only did he get engaged,
he actually jumped that broom. He got married and then
went to go find the girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
So when she found out about the wife, she didn't leave.
She tells me she mad at the wife for not
holding her man down. How you not mad at your
boyfriend because he's somebody else's husband, but she mad at
his wife for not holding her husband down who just
(01:44):
happens to.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Be your boyfriend?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And then another fucked up thing about it is, you're
mad at this man's wife.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
But he got married when he came home, he wasn't
already married. So you were never first. You were always
second and was always gonna be second. And you're asking
me what you should do.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
What you should do is get some fucking dignity, wake
up and go find you your own fucking man. Because
he's not yours, he will never be yours. You've already
allowed too much. You think a man actually wants to
be with someone who was okay with them cheating on
their wives, or was okay with being second anyway, you
(02:23):
think you'll ever deserve in his eyes to be number one.
These men only do to us what we allow mentally,
you know what I'm saying. And then some women are
not as strong minded as others. But I just couldn't
understand like she had some nerve, she was upset. Oh
she wouldn't hold him down, And I just felt like
(02:43):
that's crazy, Like how could you not hold him down
because he wasn't married to a yet?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Right? You was holding him down? Did you get a ring?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You have to realize who you are, what you are,
what you want, what you're gonna take, what you ain't
gonna take, and realize the consequence instance of your actions
are because of what you allowed or what you did.
So the consequence is you always gonna be the side bitch.
I'm sorry, that's what it is. Get back to me
if you can. I know she's gonna be calling up
after she had a shit like I ain't tell you
(03:12):
going there and say, Audi, well you made yourself look
dumber on a huger platform, a bigger player. She said,
it's on be et, crazy ass. But I hope she
gets the help that she needs, because lord, she's delusional.
All right, moving on, We got a voice note y'all,
y'all know how I feel about these there.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
We go hi Ja.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
So before, sir, I'm just gonna give you a little
background about myself before I ask you the original question
that I have for you. So, I am twenty one
years old, born and raised in Minnesota. I'm currently worked
at three jobs. Also want to school for nail technician.
I have no kids, I am single. I have my
(03:54):
own car and apartment that I share with my sister. Okay,
the question I have to ask you is, I don't
know if anybody else is having this problem, but from
my early twenties, I feel like I'm having an identity crisis.
I feel like I truly can't find myself. I don't
know what direction I want to go in. I'm trying
(04:15):
to find love, I'm trying to lose weight, I'm trying
to achieve goals.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I just feel like.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
I'm everywhere right now, and it's to the point where
it's giving me overwhelmed and depressed and drained and feeling
like I'm behind in a way.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Like, for example, when I was in school, I was
way smaller than what I am now, so I've gained
a little bit more weight. So I just been feeling like,
you know, I just don't look as prettier as everybody else.
And of course I feel like social media for me,
it takes a part of that. So I have took
a break from that to help a little bit. Another
(04:51):
example is with love.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
I'm such a.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Freaking lover girl, like I love love, but.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
The relationship is just not going well for me, the
dating era, all that stuff like, it's just not going
well for me. Even if I want, like a little
sneakily like it never works out. And then with my school,
and I've been in school for a two years trying
to get my nail license.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Because I'm just like stick.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Dis harder for me to pass the quizzes and it's
been taking me longer. But everybody else is an entrepreneur
at my age, so I just feel like I'm just
way behind all the things I need to do.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
So just give me some clarity to help me.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Just thanks love you, heyy First of all, I love
you too.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to open up to
me about that, because you know what you do. You
open up the floor for other younger females, younger women
to feel like they're not alone in this, you know,
because y'all generation are going through some shit.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Too. Of course, a lot of identity crisis going on.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Of course, when you have media constantly shoving in your face,
you can change who you are. You can change any
part of your body now and everybody has access to
these surgeons and just you know, all types of things
that can help you rid of your flaws. You know,
But I think it's internal for you. You did say
(06:12):
exactly what I was going to tell you. Social media
will play a big part in this and how the
media constantly tries to manipulate our minds with just certain
standards that we're supposed to follow, like you know. And
then influencers that I thank God for them because I
started off as one, but I say their work would
be a gift in accurse because they open up your
(06:34):
eyes to seeing I can own my own business, I
can own something. I can be a young black creator.
I don't have to work for nobody for the rest
of my life. I am in a position where I
can run my own business. At the same time, what
it does is it shows another side where it makes
working a nine to five or being who you really
(06:56):
are off of social media, it looks uncool, It makes
you uncol What makes you feel that you're not enough,
and I really don't agree with anybody having to feel
that way. Oh man, I'm very conflicted about your situation
just because I don't want you to ever feel like
because you are.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
You know, you consider yourself a.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Little overweight or a lot overweight, whatever, you know, whether
you're obese, fat, you know, it's levels to it. But
however you feel about it, you still shouldn't let that
depict how you go on in your love life. And
then also listening you're twenty one, you're still trying to
figure out you. I wouldn't be asking for love right now.
I'm not gonna say you don't know what love is.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I would never say that.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I wouldn't even say that to an eighteen year old
because what love is to you maybe different for what
love is to me. Love has no one fucking meaning,
you know what I mean, So it goes by experience
of what you feel. But I will say, you have
a lot going on, so you can't focus on one thing.
You know what I'm saying, You can't focus on love
right now because you also told me in the same
(07:58):
breath you're trying to figure out who you are. There's
no way that you could be ready for a relationship
and you don't know who you are. So what I
think is that you love the idea of love. You know,
you love what it looks like. You know, you love
what it can be. You love all the possibilities. You
love what you see visually, what looks good visually to you,
(08:19):
and then you probably see a lot of relationship goals too,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
And that's good.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
You took a break from social media. I actually have
family members that have.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
To do that.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I have friends that have to do that. I know
other influencers that have to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
We need breaks, you know, because you could kind of
like feel like Instagram is the world and it's not,
and you're constantly reminded when you exit out the ad. Damn,
that's just one part. That's social media, you know what
I mean. It takes over our lives and it plays
a big part in our confidence, you know. So I
think you should do a lot more soul searching. You
(08:56):
probably will not be in a relationship until you hit thirty.
That don't need to scare you, that just needs to
motivate you, you know, stay on your path and figure
out what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
Girl, You ain't got no kids.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
You work three jobs and you're going to school to
be a fucking nail tech and you fucking worried about
some lift.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You got three jobs? Girl, how the fuck you gonna
spend time with?
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Listen, A man is a job too. A boyfriend is
a job, just like we jobs too, you know what
I'm saying. So that's four jobs.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Thank god. You ain't got no damn kids. But you
know what men do. They give you kids.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
So your little twenty one year old, but need to
stay on this arrow that you're on, Stay on this
path that you're on.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Don't worry so much about it. And I'm looking at
your picture. You are beautiful, all right. It is only
from your head to the top of your.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Get chests, but you're beautiful. You're beautiful, probably inside and out.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't know you. I haven't met you, but you
sound really concerned about nobody loving you. Girl. Fuck that.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
You gotta love yourself because when you learn how to
love yourself, and I mean the railway because people hear
this all the time. Oh you gotta love yourself up.
People say this to people all the time, and they
take it the wrong. You gotta love yourself. You gotta
love yourself or I do love myself. Like nah, people
get more defensive after hearing that than just actually listening. No,
do you really know what it takes to love yourself,
(10:10):
because that's probably why your relationships fail.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
You said, you're even just a sneaky link.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
I'm no, you know, even if you want some dick,
just sometimes sometimes maybe that's not what you need. Maybe
shit fails for a reason. Start looking at it differently.
That's not in your timing right now, you know what
I'm saying. So yeah, like I said, just do some
more searching for who you are. You know, you're at
the best time right now. And then you also at
the best time to lose some more weight if that's
(10:34):
what you want to do. Shit, if you want to
lose more weight, go do that. If you feel like
that's why you ain't getting no no men, lose some
more and then see, and I guarantee you you'll find
it wasn't even your weight.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
It probably is your mind.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
It probably is the fact that you, like I said,
you don't even know what you want out of a relationship.
You love the idea of love, but I do hope
everything works out for you and you do get everything
that you want in life.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Make sure you follow up and update me, keep me posted.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back moving on. Last story. Oh
my god, I got all the babies today. Hey Joss,
I'm nineteen and I'm talking to this guy and I
have intimacy issues. It's hard for me to open up.
I've never been in a relationship before, so this part
of intimacy is new and hard. It's hard to talk
(11:25):
about my feelings. I had a lot of trauma, so
I don't want it to change our dynamic. The guy
is amazing. I don't want him to think he is
a problem. My question is do you think I'm ready
for a relationship or should I just continue to explore
being alone for a bit longer. By the way, you
can use this for the podcast in case you want consent.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Oh that's nice, thank you all. Was gonna use it anyway.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I don't know your name, so that's good and can't
bite see your face, but no, I appreciate you for
reaching out and I'm happy that A lot of a
lot more younger people are reaching out because this younger generation,
they are facing a lot, you know, and they're seeing
a lot, and they are much more.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Exposed to a lot of shit too than we.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Ever were that I that I ever was at nineteen,
you know, so they could really be the main ones
that need some mental tending to.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
You know. It's a lot, a lot of shit that
these babies are seeing.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
But yeah, to get into what you have going on,
you've never been in a relationship before, so you don't
really know what it takes.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I understand. You got to think about it, though, every.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Person on this earth has been in that situation. Everybody
ain't born with boyfriends. Everybody has to have has to
jump in it some type of way.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Every guy ain't born with no girlfriend. You know, everybody
has to jump into us some type of way. You
don't like talking about your feelings. You feel like that
will hinder you from a healthy relationship. I think you
need to dig deeper and figure out where that comes from.
You know, doesn't have anything to do with your upbringing
with people that you grew up with. You constantly seeing
things because I know you said you had trauma, you know,
but you didn't go into depth about the trauma, and
(12:59):
that's it's okay.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I'm glad that you even you.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Know, we don't have to so obviously you know, I
just don't know what the trauma is from. It could
it could be something more recent, it could be deeply rooted,
but that's probably, you know, more than likely where it
comes from. And I understand you said, this guy is amazing,
he's understanding. You don't want him to think he's the problem. No,
you don't. You don't because then in restrospect, that's not
(13:22):
fair to him. But no, I don't think that you're
ready for a relationship. I think you should start some counseling,
or you should start some therapy. It's nothing wrong with it.
You see that you do have issues that you want
to move past. You do see that, and that's good
that you see that. A lot of people's fear of
therapy is because they don't want to open up. They
don't even want to go talk to somebody. But this
(13:44):
first step for you, you come in to me. I think
that's amazing. I do think that you should seek further therapy.
Because I'm not a licensed professional, I can only give
you good advice. Figure yourself out. Then you also still nineteen.
I'm gonna tell you, like I told her the last baby, girl,
you're nineteen. See more years til you hit twenty one,
But in my eyes, you're still a baby. I got
a little sister that's nineteen, you know, and I just
(14:06):
watching her navigate through her social life. You know, it's
way different than mine was. You know, when I was nineteen,
we weren't doing something. The first of all, y'all even
look already, and y'all need to look nineteen. Now y'all
starting to look like. Y'all already got bbls and shit.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
And y'all bodies just all just full figure like that,
y'all developing more, y'all just exposed to everything.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
So I do think that you just need to explore
just being alone for a bit longer. And you already
knew that. You just needed to clarity, and I'm here
to give it to you, girls, So keep me updated,
let me know what's going on. Yeah, don't mess that
man up. Girls, that's one good one obviously. Don't mess
them up. Just fix yourself and go back and get them.
Hold up, Hold up, I know the shit getting good,
(14:53):
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So this last mess, I'm a fix this in person
and somebody actually came into the studio and you know
this is I'm I'm trying this out because in fourth season,
I may bring this to video. You know, I know
we have Catholic reckless audio, but for those who want
to see, I may just do it. I don't know.
I'm raising right now. It's gonna be my first in
(15:18):
person mass effix, so we'll see.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Let's see.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Hey, Jazz, So I have been a long term situationship
and I just need some advice on something that I
really you know, have been worried about for it. And
this is because of my own personal growth.
Speaker 5 (15:35):
So I'm in my relationship, I'm the more communicated person
and the other person is a person who needs time
to walk away. Right, That's the thing, Like I need,
I need to get some space clear my mind. And
that's it's understandable, you know that people some people can't
just get to the bottom of it real quick. They
need a time to see what they're going through. But
it's like when does it get like Okay. Now this
(15:58):
is getting played out because if you think about it,
the number one answer that older people will have successful relationships.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Say is what communicating beyond?
Speaker 5 (16:05):
Like that's like the number one thing everybody say, because
you have to find a way to really find that
balance to communicate. Right, And it's like, well, thank god,
both of us is not like that. I can't that's
avoid it. But one person is begging to communicating, other
person's not. So then that means that it has to
be more of an aggressive like exit, which is, oh,
I'm gonna hang out, I'm gonna block you or some
(16:27):
shit like that. Right, It's not like because I'm gonna
be like no, I want to talk and it's like, nah,
completely block you out, and you could be literally like
sending messages like just talk to me. It's okay, it's fine,
let's just get this Like it's not that big of
a deal. And you don't hear from them, So it's like,
how do you deal with that going forward?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, that's actually a really really good one because I
can see how both could feel. You know, I feel
like you just describe introvert versus extrovert, but in a
relationship that's not how it's supposed to be. There needs
to be a willingness to come out of your show.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
A little bit more and open up, like as this guy.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
If I know that I'm with a person who is
a bit communicator. All she does is communicate it, and
I know I'm not I'm gonna try to meet her there.
You know what I'm saying, Like you know, and I
understand because I was even like that.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
I was on both sides.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
I'm on more of your side now where I am
communicating more, But at first I was the same way.
I guess that's why I can kind of see where
he would be coming from. But I had to change that,
and I was willing to change that meeting the right person.
I was always aggressive and I was always just like no, yo,
I don't want to talk about it. I need time
because some people sometimes some people want to be mad
(17:45):
that shit is fucked up, but some people want to
be mad, they want.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
To get it off. That's how some people get shit
off their chests.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
He's not really a mediator because has he seen that
shit growing up? Has he always been that way because
his parents didn't talk to him, or he just has
never been in in a place where he felt safe
enough to open up.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
And I don't know your past, you know, I don't
even know his past.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Book, from what you're telling me, you kind of had
a different upbringing than he did.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I don't know whether that that's household wise.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Parent schooling, different groups of friends, you know, because anything
can define who you are as an adult.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
It don't have to always be how you was raised.
It be you raise yourself, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
It'd be different people, different people that you met on
your journey to becoming an adult and how they prophesied
to you, or seeing this person come from this walk
of life, so like it's just figuring out a person
is this way you want to be? And you said,
y'all been in a relationship for a long time. Y'all
not together now, but y'all were in a long term relationship.
Is this a place where you see yourself going back
(18:50):
to or.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Do you not?
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Are you conflicted at times? Because that can make you
be with a person. I don't want to be with
him this time, but I didn't. I do want to
be with him, though, But when he does something to
make you man, it goes out the window, and then
he comes round and y'all talk about it, and then
now you want to be with him again?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Is that? How do you know you want to move
forward with this person? Do you see a future with
this person?
Speaker 5 (19:10):
And I'm gaining more self worth, I don't because, like
you said, when you just respond to back, it's like
you move differently now because of this love that.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
You don't want to miss out on it.
Speaker 5 (19:21):
So I'm at a place where it's like I'm gonna
have to be okay with realizing that maybe I can't
bring that out of him mm hm. And and that
hurts right, like that this man don't love me enough
to be like I want to work it's out with her.
I want to talk to her. So I'm at a
place now I know my worth like yes, I do
have my shit right like I know, and even done
in my communication like you you know, I sometimes I
(19:42):
can talk around to get to a point because I
wanted us to get to a page without letting somebody
go through it, right, And I'm learning that and I'm
more than help.
Speaker 4 (19:49):
That's why I was like, you gotta walk away.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
I get it, but it's the extra shit hang out
answering like it's it's it creates too much of a
like I get I be hurt. I don't even be mad.
I've hurt, like yo, this person. Now I'm not gonna
talk to them for days. Now, i gotta be left
here just like yeah, until when they calmed down, like
a few days later, and I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You know, that shit is not fair, Like I said,
I used to do that.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I used to do that to people, and that shit
is not fair because it now it leaves the person
wondering whether or not you do actually really love them,
like or do you even respect me? Because that's when
things start getting disrespectful. It's the difference between an extrovert
and just shutting down versus the disrespect. You don't have
to hang up, you don't have to block me, you
(20:37):
don't have to not talk to me for days. What
are you trying to prove a point? Because that's what
it comes to. Now, you're trying to prove a point.
And then that's the manipulative too, because those type of
people always know what to do to get back and
your good graces. Like they're selfish in a way, you know,
and sometimes subconsciously selfish. And those people don't like to
be told about themselves. I was selfish. I never like
(20:58):
to be told about myself. I didn't want to be
in control, but I just wanted things to go my
way and people to see shit my way all the time.
And shit ain't gonna be like that, not in the
real world, not in your household, not at your job,
not with your friends, because everybody thinks differently. Communication really
(21:18):
is a big factor with love. Sometimes you can love
a motherfucker, but you feel empty because you don't feel
like you're being loved. If you don't hear me, you
don't give me an opportunity to be heard. You're not listening.
You don't want to listen, so you don't even want
to find out what the problem is, and then you
don't want to fix it.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
And this is another note, d really really is a
struggle for me because it's abuse. Yeah, Like you know
how like if your maybe parent spanks you, right and
they could have been wrong for it because they was
doing out of anger. Then they come back I'm so sorry,
Or somebody who's dating who's going through abuse, it's like, baby,
next time, I'm gonna do it. It's literally that because
you're coming back saying you're not even coming back apology.
(21:59):
You just come like hey, and I'm over here, like
literally was hurt, Like I'm not over here, may like
a bitch is hurt crying about it, and it's because
it's like I actually like care about you and you're
leaving me hanging right all because what you you just
don't want to talk about it at all. You know,
it should be small. Even if it was big, it's
still okay to talk about it, Like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Do you think that he would need any benefited with
uh from any type of therapy?
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Absolutely, and I recommend it all the time.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
What was his answer to it cost money?
Speaker 4 (22:31):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Why?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
But there are a certain therapists you know, therapy y'all,
lets that just take insurance some of them don't.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
Cause explain that to him and he was like, oh,
you know, he was into it.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
He was into it, so he did okay, okay, So
when you did explain it, he did like agree, like
all right, well I might.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Look into it now.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Is that something that do you feel like he needs
individually or do y'all want that something that you would
be open to doing with him?
Speaker 4 (22:53):
Naw.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
You need to like seek your own inner piece and
that's why I'm getting so a point where my self
worth that I'm like, no, like I can have him.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
But now it's away to me that a man will
actually talk to me.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
So in my next relationship, I'm gonna anticipate him being like,
I'm gonna I feel I'm gonna pull back on my
communication because I think he's gonna be like, nah, I
you know, I don't really want to talk about it,
instead of me being like insaid, of him.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Being like, let's let's talk about it, like I'm.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
Be happy about it, but it's gonna be hard like
going into it because I'm gonna think they're like, it's
just gonna create some type of conflict.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Yeah, So then that's you being scarred, like like subconsciously
like you're scarred from that, and that could also build
in securities for the next man from you. You know,
you can also project onto other people what you've been
through in your last relationship. So do you feel like
you need to heal in this before you even you know, well,
(23:45):
are you even trying to date?
Speaker 5 (23:46):
First of all, I'm just waiting on go as time
and I'm not looking no more. I'm not even looking
for him, you know, I just I just want to
whatever is meant for me and my energy. That's why
I'm trying to change my energy around to match. If
you're not mentioning, then I'm gonna have to, you know,
but not even as friends at this point, because friends
don't treat each other that way, all right, yep, And.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
That is what defines a foundation in a relationship to
actually being that person's friend, because it gets very, very
toxic when you're in a relationship with somebody and y'all
get mad at each other and you feel like y'all
broke up. You feel like he don't love you when
he mad at you, or you feel like she don't
love you when she mad at you. It should never
(24:28):
be that way because friends don't do each other like
now friends plus friends fight. Friends supposed to get that good.
If you go into it just straight intimacy, you skip
all that building foundation and all that shit. It's never
gonna work because you're supposed to know somebody deeper than
what you can see. Like it's like, I know what
(24:50):
I want to say, but you know, y'all, y'all listeners
like bed with me. You know, if you can see
through all the fucking like intimacy and what's on outside.
He looks sexy and he's and and oh she can cook,
and and oh he got his own this, that and
the other. And if you strip down all that shit,
y'all didn't have anything together like and y'all go through
(25:11):
shit together and ship, then that that's what makes your friend,
you know, like being able to withstand trials and shit
together and obstacles together and being are when one lax
like pick up that slag and shit like that. So
that's what I feel like. No, everything you said was
was real about the whole friendship thing.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
And it's top of all of you know, which is
the end of it all is you would think that
all of that meant something when you do have these
moments tribulationship and in this situation.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
It's given very much, it does it. We built this friendship.
Speaker 5 (25:43):
Up, like your friendship is way more of a priority
to me than a relationship, right, but you know this, right,
so you know that this is a big thing for me,
and you still like so all we went through his
friends and still don't make it enough of you want
to talk to you because you should be. If I'm
your friend, you're my friend. She'd be like, shit, no,
I don't want us to be beefing right, So that
(26:04):
so that's it. That's the part of it all is
it goes back to like, really, he doesn't love me
the way I.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Love him, right right, and he's still stuck in that
relationship part of it that, you know, like because even
I think that's still even bigger you to be like,
all right, look, we just need to be friends, all right,
Like I want to focus on the friends. And then
like so ladies, look she's still even trying to find
a way to well, she was, you know, was trying
(26:29):
to even still find a way to.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Make it comfortable for him.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Do you see how we like sometimes indirectly bend over
backwards for these men, you know, and we still don't
get the credit. We still don't get flowers, We still
don't get even acknowledgment at times like yo, I'm trying
to figure this shit out for you.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I know how to fucking communicate, I know.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
And we've been friends for the past what ten plus
is five plushy is whatever, and we we we've been together.
You know, it's just like fuck, you would think you
had some some type of respect for me or some
type of like loyalty to the point.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Where it's like you'll know, or it is because we
came up.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Like we you know, we've been through shit together, so
I feel you. Some bonds are supposed to be unbreakable.
But like you said, ultimately it's you loving him more
than he loves you, or him not being able to
even love you like you should be loved, or how
you love him. And that's just the short end of
the stick that us women has. We have to bear
(27:32):
with that sometimes, or we fucking don't. We move on,
but then you're still mentally held captive to a person
who manipulates you into never letting them go, you know
what I mean, in some type of weird way.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
I'm gonna keep this leash on it.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
Not because they just want to torch you, because they
really fucking want you to.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
They just don't know how. They don't know, they don't
know how to say it, they don't know how to
show it.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
But they know what they want to expect for you
to read their fucking mind, you know what I mean,
Expect for that. But no, we want to be coddled,
We want to be fucking pampered. At times, I want
you to read my fucking mind at times. I want
you to say, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Yo, you ain't going away till we talk about this.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I want you to initiate that fucking communication all the time,
because then it's gonna feel like I wear the fucking
pants all the time. I shouldn't have to wear the pants.
I want a man to lead, that's what you want.
You want a man to lead you. And you talk
about it. You're on your spiritual journey and you talk
about that. You know you want somebody else spiritual too.
You want to want your man to be like, Noah,
we ain't leaving up the house until we pray together.
(28:30):
Where you going that day? You know, you know we
pull off.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You know you want that, and you're gonna get that.
You can get that.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
You know something make us feel like it's impossible, it's not,
you know. So I want you to check back into
We come to the end of another carefully borkless episode
with your girl Jess.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Hilarious.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
I'm fixing mess not only on the Black Effect Network,
but on be Et as well.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Check me out on Breakfast Club. I love you, guys,
I'll see you next week.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
Peace A
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Name
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