January 17, 2024 • 22 mins
Hey y'all! Jess is back to fixing your mess! Can't leave your ex alone? ...Even if they're in a new relationship? Tap in!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects, And just like that we back
on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless
episode with your girl. Just hilarious. What I be doing,
(00:23):
I'll be fixed a mess, That's what I do. Up
and down, back and forth, whatever however you see it.
So we do have a voice note today, however, it's
an update. I love when I get updates because sometimes
I be thinking people don't come back and like update
me because I'd be too hard on them, or they
didn't get the advice that they wanted, or they're offended
(00:44):
by the advice or what have you. But I am
absolutely thankful and grateful for you guys updating me all
the time. I sound a little tired because I am
tired child. I am sluggish as hell today, So let's
jump straight into it.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hey, Jess, thank you so much for giving me your
advice and listening to my story. So I did exactly
what you said. I took my well me and my
best friend. We went out to dinner and I told
her how I felt about the whole situation and told
her you just gotta leave me out of it, and
She was respectful of that, and then she asked me,
is that why I have been pulling away from her?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
And I had to say yes.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
She was a little hurt by that, and I understood.
I ended up feeling bad after we left, and I
text her and I just, you know, let her know
that I love you at the end of the day
and I only want the best for you, and it
just hurts me to see you have to go through this,
So I appreciate your advice. Next question would be, I
heard you say I have to elevate.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
My friend group.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
So how do I elevate my friend group? Right? These
girls have been rocking with for ten plus years since
high school, some even longer, so I don't want to
just abandon them because they make shitty choices and men,
because let's be real, they all do. I have another
friend in North or South Carolina and she's been dealing
(02:09):
with the same dude and his BS for about the
same time that my other friend, and I understand if
I have to, but I'm thirty years old, so making
new friends is kind of hard for me. I'm a
thirty year old Aquarius introvert, so you know how that
goes ma'am. So just I guess I'm asking you give me,
give me advice on how I can help them elevate
(02:32):
without it feeling like a job.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Though without it feeling like a job.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, yeah, because you're not responsible or obligated to help
somebody elevate, you know, because at the end of.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
The day, I just want these girls to be happy
and know their full potential.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
But I'm not going to keep repeating myself.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
And like I said and then first and the first message,
I don't want to keep talking to a brick wall either.
But also I will feel bad just you know, abandoning
abandoning them. Yeah, so if you give me your advice, Jess,
that'll be helpful. Again. I love you, I respect everything
(03:11):
you're doing, and keep on doing a girl.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Well, thank you so much, boo. I appreciate that update.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, So basically, guys, this was a story a couple
episodes ago where this girl had wrote me telling me
that basically she had to pull away from her friend
a little bit because you know, she was just constantly,
constantly talking shit about her relationship to her well venting.
I'm sorry about how wrong she's being done in her relationship,
(03:40):
but she keeps going back, she's not gonna leave, and
the friend will give her advice, advice, advice, advice, and
she just wouldn't take it, you know what I mean.
And she she's still staying and still going back, and
so basically she just wants her friends to know their worth. Now,
I did tell you to elevate your group of friends,
(04:00):
not to abandon them as such. I know it kind
of sounds like that's what I told you to do
for sure, so I would have taken it that way
as well. But the only reason that I had told
you to you know, maybe it's not for you to
get some new friends or you know, to elevate, because
it started to bother you and your everyday mental and
(04:22):
how and because you are so loyal and so connected
to your girls, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
What hurts them hurts you.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And if you are going through this unnecessarily and it
really has no direct ties to you and how you're
living and how and your worth, because you know you're worth,
you know what I mean, then that's kind of a
setback for you that that's kind of draining for you.
And I can see where it even leads to like
stress that's like secondhand stress that you're getting, you know,
(04:51):
from a situation you ain't even in. So that's why
I told you that, you know, as it pertains to
your mental you know. But I don't I want you
to abandon your friends, like you said, if we had
to abandon our friends for making poor choices and men,
then none of us would have friends. Almost none of
us would have friends, because that happens. That happens until
(05:12):
you actually find the one you want. I had poor
tastes and men didn't even know, you know what I mean.
But that's all a part of dating and figuring out
yourself and what you will take and what you won't take,
and what your standards are and all that type of stuff,
you know. So that's pretty much why you sound like
you were very fed up and tired of being sucked
into somebody else's bullshit where it was starting to bother you.
(05:34):
But if that is not the case, and you're willing
to still be around like I said, I'm pretty sure
I did say something like also, you can pull back
just from that part of the relationship of friendship, you know.
I don't want to hear anything about your man. I
don't want to hear anything about this, because you're not
going to do anything but go back so we can
(05:55):
we can actually we can still have this friendship and
be sisters, and we can still have our sisterhood and everything.
I just don't want to be involved with that that
part of it because I want you to see it
worth But you're just not getting it, you know, and
you'll get it on your own time. When a woman
gets fed up, she gets fed up. Maybe she's not
tired yet. And your other friend that you just spoke
(06:16):
of as well, they're not tired yet. You can't make
them be tired of what they're going through, you know.
All you got to do is just be that listening
ear until you don't want to hear it no more.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Then you are.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Absolutely at liberty to say, y'all, I'm sick of this shit.
I don't want to hear this anymore. Until you are
able to stand on your own two feet, put your
foot down, and get out of that relationship because it's
not doing you any good as a friend on the
outside looking in, it's not doing you any good. You're
more stressed than happy. Then you just have to proceed
with other factors of the friendship. You know. Now we
(06:50):
got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast,
I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen now, you
being a thirty year old introvert Aquarius baby, I know
exactly what that is.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Like.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I have a brother who is in his late thirties.
He's an introvert and he's also in Aquarius. I do
know making new friends is not something that you guys
are seeking to do, especially not at you know, your age,
which is not old, but it's just a bit more
seasoned than a spring chicken. If you get what I'm saying.
You know what I mean, because everybody gets offended when
(07:22):
you see when you use the word old or older,
like you know, it's just you're growing up and you're
growing out of those things. But I am going to
also say it's never too late to make new friends,
and you don't have to do that. You know what
I'm saying, You don't have to do that. There are
ways you can help. You can try to help elevate
your friends going in different settings. If they're in relationships
where they are not being appreciated and just being looked
(07:46):
down on or whatever they're going through, put them around
some shit that shows them what their worth is in
environments where they can thrive, Like put them in different settings,
you know, challenge your friends, get them out of their zones.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I'm pretty sure that they.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Have like routines that they do make them step outside
of that and whatever that looks like, you know, because
I'm not saying you got it all together, but you
got some type of damn sense, you know, to be
calling out the realness and calling out the bullshit that
you see that they going through or seeing that they're
putting themselves through, and they don't have to go through it, you.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Know what I'm saying. So I do thank you for.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
That update that was that was wonderful that you were
able to share that with me. And I do apologize
if I made you feel like you had to abandon
your friends, because no good friends are hard to find.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
And I'm not saying that they're not good friends.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Just because they're bad at choosing men does not make
them bad friends, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Just show them who they are.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Try your best every time you can, whenever you can,
to show them who they are, you know, because sometimes
a lot of people need a mirror to actually bust
through the bullshit that they've been taking, you know what
I'm saying. So just keep pouring into your friends and
you know, getting them outside of their box, you know,
daring them to do other things. And I as an introvert,
that seems hard. It seems like a task, or it
(09:07):
seems like a job. But you'll find in yourself that
that's actually for the betterment of you too, that that
can make you a better friend, that can actually spark
something in yourself that you didn't see before, you know.
So keep me posted, baby, So we have a written passage.
Moving on to the next. Good morning, Jess. I've been
keeping something on my conscience that I'm not really proud
(09:28):
of and really have no one to talk to about it.
So I would love if you could help me out
with some advice. I just got out of a five
year relationship about two years ago, and it was because
of evolving in life and wanting different things.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Even though me and my ex are not together, we
still see each other from time to time and would
always talk. But the thing that I'm not so proud of, Jess,
is that he is engaged and also has a two
year old with the woman.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
He is engaged to.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Okay the fuck lord, Lord, Okay, okay, you already said
you ain't proud of it.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Ain't gonna beat you down, all right.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yes, I know this is fucked up, absolutely, and once
he moved on, I should have too. But it's like,
I just can't see him happy with somebody else. And
I'm thinking, maybe he isn't really happy if he's still
messing around with me after two years of breaking up.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
But I see that he posts her on social media
all the time, which he's never done with me, and
they just look happier than ever. He was the love
of my life and it sucks to see him be
the love of someone else's life.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Oh and what is more.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Fucked up is that when she calls and I'm laying
next to him, she still thinks that's the same man
that comes home to her every night. Mean, well, it is.
It ain't a different man. It just ain't chill man.
I haven't saw him in about two weeks, and I'm
really trying to stay away from him, Jess, but this
is just too hard. How do I let him go?
How do I move on? What do I need to do?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Hold up?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Hold up.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I know the shit getting good, but listen to just
a couple seconds of a commercial with your you'll listen, girl,
Oh my god, I know it's probably easier for me
to say it. You know, Easier said than done, is
what they say. Girl, Get the fuck up and leave.
(11:17):
If you already haven't talked to him in about two weeks,
you're already got a head start on what you should do.
You're doing good. I mean from where I'm sitting, how
it looks. That's great. You haven't talked to him in
two weeks. That's a hiatus.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
That's great. Extend that shit.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Don't talk to him for two more weeks, and then
try a month, and then try another month, until it's
been a year.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Then you look up and you passed it. You know
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
We have to stop minimizing ourselves, degrading ourselves, sharing willingly,
sharing men, because that's the thing you know about her,
but she don't know about you.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Now, I'm not gonna say she's winning, but she thinks
she is because he ain't about to tell her about you.
But better believe you know about her, and he gonna
keep on fucking with you as long as you let
him keep his family and fuck with you when it's.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Convenient for him.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
So you're giving him a bunch of power, a lot
of power over you.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Of course he's gonna have his cake and eat it too, girl. Duh.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
He ain't gotta be with you to fuck you. Yeah,
he ain't got to post you to fuck you. He
ain't gotta like girl, what Yeah? I want you to
hear it, and I want it. It's horrible and as
like vulgar as it sounds, as bad as it sounds,
that's exactly how bad it is. You're sitting there being
stupid for this, nigga. That's what it is. That's what
(12:41):
it is. I ain't here to cad on, no fucking adults.
You know what's up? You said you ain't proud of it.
I don't see why the fuck you. You ain't reread
what you sent to me and made your own advice
up to move the fuck on. And I'm sorry. I
am sorry. I don't feel sorry for you. I don't
and what I'm saying i'm sorry for. I apologize for
(13:02):
how brutal this sounds, and how straightforward and blunt this sounds.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I don't feel sorry.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
For you, because how about if you were that woman
put yourself in her shoes as bad as you already
want to be in them. Imagine if that were you
and you had to find out that he was still
laying with a bit she broke up with two years ago,
and we got a kid together, and we're engaged.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
You're posted on social media.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
He ain't scared to let nobody know who he with,
who he's engaged to, the mother of his child. But
he's sneaking you around and you laying in a fucking
bed when she called you shutting up?
Speaker 3 (13:37):
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? You laying
there quiet?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And they gonna have the nerve to say that ain't
the same man that goes home to her. That's exactly
who he is, the same man that you're sneaking around with,
the nigga that you used to be with. Let that
shit go because that them piss me off. I'm happy
that you were able to tell me what you're going through,
but sometimes we need to wake the fuck up and
(14:04):
we need somebody to talk to us just like this.
I'm not here to coddle you. I'm not I'm not
here to it's gonna be alright. No, it ain't all right.
It been ain't all right two years ago when you
broke up. Yeah, you said it. Maybe I should have
moved on when he did. So you ain't in denial.
You ain't in denial. You know he moved on. You
know it, you said it to me. But you're convenient
(14:25):
for him. You're convenient. You let him do what he wants.
The fuck she don't let him do what he wants,
or she would know about you too. That's what I'm saying.
She's not winning either, because this motherfucker's cheating on her,
on his family with you. But you really in the dumps,
(14:48):
You really ain't winning because you know about it. In fact,
that makes you a fucked up ass individual because you
know about it. But he your ex, and you can't
let him go do a better job, do a better
job of trying. Could you sound crazy as hell? But
update me. I love you, real shit, real shit.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I don't care. I still love you. I don't care.
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
This ain't nothing I ain't never heard before from my
own friends. You know what I'm saying from people I
do know. This ain't nothing I ain't never heard before.
That's what I'm here to do to help fix it
if you let me, because this is crazy, honey, this
is crazy. You don't have any obligation to this nigga.
You don't have kids with him, You ain't married on
the low, You ain't ever the girl. He can't walk
(15:34):
down the street with you. He gotta leave out first.
Is it like that? Or you gotta leave out first.
Y'all can't go out say that he's engaged. This ain't
no girlfriend. This is as soon to be wife who
probably about to get pregnant again. You don't know, girl. Please,
I bet you one thing. He ain't never tell you
he was gonna leave her for your ass. I bet
(15:55):
you he ain't never tell you that. Now, if you
can come back and do me a soiln and tell
me he's told you that, I let it go.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
But you'll still be dumb.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I'm sorry, you'll still be out of your mind to
think that could ever happen.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
He never posted me on social media.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
He never don't ever compare what he got now to
what y'all had, because what y'all have right now ain't shit.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
He just fucking with you, and that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Having his cake and eating it too, doing what a
lot of men do for no reason. There's no reason
you're available, so okay, cool? And then why haven't you
talked to him for two weeks? Because he hasn't responded, right,
he probably busy with his engagement. Yeah, his fiance somewhere.
(16:42):
You never made it to with him. You're worth more
than that shit. Get your ass up, get your ass together,
keep me updated.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Like I said, I love you all right and moving on.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Just girl, this ain't got shit to do with shit.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I just wanted to let.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
You know.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
It won't let me give you five stars, bitch, I
go give you five stars because you know you like
to rape the podcasts and things. I want to go
give you five stars, and they won't let me. Girl,
you need to send an email to Spotify and tell
them you deserve their fifth star and.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
See why the folk you can't get it. Oh yeah, anyways,
have a bless day. I hope you Christmas was good.
Thank you boo.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Hold up, she said, First of all, this ain't got
shit to do with shit. Spotify, why the fuck y'all
playing with men? Don't make me have my people spam
y'all comments? Because what's going on? Look like we need
to talk to some higher ups because they ain't trying
to give me what's mine. They ain't trying to let
nobody rape me and give me my five stars.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I need to see what's going on with that. But
before I get out of here, I just want to
say to everybody, man, woman, other, whatever, Listen, If you
are in a relationship or some type of situationship and
you're feeling like it's a one sided thing, that's because
it is. Nobody's gonna have these feelings out of nowhere
(18:03):
and for no reason. That's because it is, it feels
one sided. It is You should never have to ask yourself,
does this person really love me? Am I just here
for convenience? Am I really being treated right? Is he
gonna ever change? Is she going to ever open up
her eyes and see what I really mean to her?
(18:23):
Is she gonna ever? You know what I'm saying. If
you got to ask yourself these questions, baby, no, No,
you're not where you're supposed to be, and you got
a lot more growing to do to be to be
sitting there to take that to ever think that's okay.
Those type of people don't need to be in relationships.
Y'all type of people don't need to be in relationships
(18:44):
right off the bat, because y'all give more than y'all get,
and people take advantage of that. People can see that
from a mile away. These men, these women who prey
on people like y'all. Man, y'all are great people. Y'all
give so so fucking much, and you keep giving and
giving and giving it to you and got nothing left.
Nobody is reciprocating what you're doing. You get what I'm saying.
(19:06):
It is somebody out there for you. It's just that
you rushing it because you Everybody want to be loved,
not giddy.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Yeah, everybody want to be loved.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
That's all right. It will happen when it's time. I
was the same way.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I don't give a fuck. Listen, y'all saw me through
some relationships.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Okay, I ain't never scared to admit I wasn't the
smartest in in my previous relationships, none of them, even
going back to my baby dad nigga, going back to
ash father, like we were young, you know, Me and
Roll made a lot of mistakes together, and then I
got other and then I got another nigga. Then I
got another nigga. Then I got another nigga. Then I
talked to a girl to see if that was cool.
(19:45):
Then I almost be high ass to death. Then I
you know, this is also, like I said in the
beginning of this episode, this is also how you find
yourself as well dating realizing.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Okay, what's inappropriate in a relationship to me? Okay? What
am I willing to take? Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Am I willing to settle for this? If he ain't
got this part of it, can we build that together?
Speaker 3 (20:07):
All right? Cool?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Maybe he is gonna come with this man, Okay, he's
coming with this, all right? How can your relationship benefit
the both of you? You get what I'm saying. If
you got to teach somebody how to love you, that
ain't that ain't bad. That ain't bad. What'll make it
bad is if they don't give a fuck enough to
try or to want to love you.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I was in a relationship with a nigga who didn't
know how to love and didn't want to fucking try.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
All right, cool.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I should have left that alone a long time before
I actually left it alone. But I was a giver, giver,
giver giver never really cared about receiving. But that's where
we short ourselves, ladies and gents, that's where we short ourselves.
Don't ever short yourself and know who you are. If
you don't know who you are, that's what your journey
(20:57):
should be before you jump in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
That's what your homework should be. Do homework on yourself,
you know, figure out what makes you happy, Make yourself
happy before you give all of that responsibility to somebody
else to make you happy. You understand what I'm saying.
And just like that, we're at the end of another
carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. I said
(21:22):
another one I should say another y'all knowing from Baltimore,
y'all know that shit slip up out. I love y'all
so much. Let me go talk to Spotify real quick.
Love y'all see you next week. Peace Can't Fully Reckless
(22:44):
is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects, And just like that we back
on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless
episode with your girl. Just hilarious. What I be doing,
(00:23):
I'll be fixed a mess, That's what I do. Up
and down, back and forth, whatever however you see it.
So we do have a voice note today, however, it's
an update. I love when I get updates because sometimes
I be thinking people don't come back and like update
me because I'd be too hard on them, or they
didn't get the advice that they wanted, or they're offended
(00:44):
by the advice or what have you. But I am
absolutely thankful and grateful for you guys updating me all
the time. I sound a little tired because I am
tired child. I am sluggish as hell today, So let's
jump straight into it.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hey, Jess, thank you so much for giving me your
advice and listening to my story. So I did exactly
what you said. I took my well me and my
best friend. We went out to dinner and I told
her how I felt about the whole situation and told
her you just gotta leave me out of it, and
She was respectful of that, and then she asked me,
is that why I have been pulling away from her?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
And I had to say yes.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
She was a little hurt by that, and I understood.
I ended up feeling bad after we left, and I
text her and I just, you know, let her know
that I love you at the end of the day
and I only want the best for you, and it
just hurts me to see you have to go through this,
So I appreciate your advice. Next question would be, I
heard you say I have to elevate.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
My friend group.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
So how do I elevate my friend group? Right? These
girls have been rocking with for ten plus years since
high school, some even longer, so I don't want to
just abandon them because they make shitty choices and men,
because let's be real, they all do. I have another
friend in North or South Carolina and she's been dealing
(02:09):
with the same dude and his BS for about the
same time that my other friend, and I understand if
I have to, but I'm thirty years old, so making
new friends is kind of hard for me. I'm a
thirty year old Aquarius introvert, so you know how that
goes ma'am. So just I guess I'm asking you give me,
give me advice on how I can help them elevate
(02:32):
without it feeling like a job.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Though without it feeling like a job.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Yeah, yeah, because you're not responsible or obligated to help
somebody elevate, you know, because at the end of.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
The day, I just want these girls to be happy
and know their full potential.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
But I'm not going to keep repeating myself.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
And like I said and then first and the first message,
I don't want to keep talking to a brick wall either.
But also I will feel bad just you know, abandoning
abandoning them. Yeah, so if you give me your advice, Jess,
that'll be helpful. Again. I love you, I respect everything
(03:11):
you're doing, and keep on doing a girl.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Well, thank you so much, boo. I appreciate that update.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, So basically, guys, this was a story a couple
episodes ago where this girl had wrote me telling me
that basically she had to pull away from her friend
a little bit because you know, she was just constantly,
constantly talking shit about her relationship to her well venting.
I'm sorry about how wrong she's being done in her relationship,
(03:40):
but she keeps going back, she's not gonna leave, and
the friend will give her advice, advice, advice, advice, and
she just wouldn't take it, you know what I mean.
And she she's still staying and still going back, and
so basically she just wants her friends to know their worth. Now,
I did tell you to elevate your group of friends,
(04:00):
not to abandon them as such. I know it kind
of sounds like that's what I told you to do
for sure, so I would have taken it that way
as well. But the only reason that I had told
you to you know, maybe it's not for you to
get some new friends or you know, to elevate, because
it started to bother you and your everyday mental and
(04:22):
how and because you are so loyal and so connected
to your girls, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
What hurts them hurts you.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And if you are going through this unnecessarily and it
really has no direct ties to you and how you're
living and how and your worth, because you know you're worth,
you know what I mean, then that's kind of a
setback for you that that's kind of draining for you.
And I can see where it even leads to like
stress that's like secondhand stress that you're getting, you know,
(04:51):
from a situation you ain't even in. So that's why
I told you that, you know, as it pertains to
your mental you know. But I don't I want you
to abandon your friends, like you said, if we had
to abandon our friends for making poor choices and men,
then none of us would have friends. Almost none of
us would have friends, because that happens. That happens until
(05:12):
you actually find the one you want. I had poor
tastes and men didn't even know, you know what I mean.
But that's all a part of dating and figuring out
yourself and what you will take and what you won't take,
and what your standards are and all that type of stuff,
you know. So that's pretty much why you sound like
you were very fed up and tired of being sucked
into somebody else's bullshit where it was starting to bother you.
(05:34):
But if that is not the case, and you're willing
to still be around like I said, I'm pretty sure
I did say something like also, you can pull back
just from that part of the relationship of friendship, you know.
I don't want to hear anything about your man. I
don't want to hear anything about this, because you're not
going to do anything but go back so we can
(05:55):
we can actually we can still have this friendship and
be sisters, and we can still have our sisterhood and everything.
I just don't want to be involved with that that
part of it because I want you to see it
worth But you're just not getting it, you know, and
you'll get it on your own time. When a woman
gets fed up, she gets fed up. Maybe she's not
tired yet. And your other friend that you just spoke
(06:16):
of as well, they're not tired yet. You can't make
them be tired of what they're going through, you know.
All you got to do is just be that listening
ear until you don't want to hear it no more.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Then you are.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Absolutely at liberty to say, y'all, I'm sick of this shit.
I don't want to hear this anymore. Until you are
able to stand on your own two feet, put your
foot down, and get out of that relationship because it's
not doing you any good as a friend on the
outside looking in, it's not doing you any good. You're
more stressed than happy. Then you just have to proceed
with other factors of the friendship. You know. Now we
(06:50):
got a commercial and if you click off of this podcast,
I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen now, you
being a thirty year old introvert Aquarius baby, I know
exactly what that is.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Like.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I have a brother who is in his late thirties.
He's an introvert and he's also in Aquarius. I do
know making new friends is not something that you guys
are seeking to do, especially not at you know, your age,
which is not old, but it's just a bit more
seasoned than a spring chicken. If you get what I'm saying.
You know what I mean, because everybody gets offended when
(07:22):
you see when you use the word old or older,
like you know, it's just you're growing up and you're
growing out of those things. But I am going to
also say it's never too late to make new friends,
and you don't have to do that. You know what
I'm saying, You don't have to do that. There are
ways you can help. You can try to help elevate
your friends going in different settings. If they're in relationships
where they are not being appreciated and just being looked
(07:46):
down on or whatever they're going through, put them around
some shit that shows them what their worth is in
environments where they can thrive, Like put them in different settings,
you know, challenge your friends, get them out of their zones.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I'm pretty sure that they.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Have like routines that they do make them step outside
of that and whatever that looks like, you know, because
I'm not saying you got it all together, but you
got some type of damn sense, you know, to be
calling out the realness and calling out the bullshit that
you see that they going through or seeing that they're
putting themselves through, and they don't have to go through it, you.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Know what I'm saying. So I do thank you for.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
That update that was that was wonderful that you were
able to share that with me. And I do apologize
if I made you feel like you had to abandon
your friends, because no good friends are hard to find.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
And I'm not saying that they're not good friends.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Just because they're bad at choosing men does not make
them bad friends, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Just show them who they are.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Try your best every time you can, whenever you can,
to show them who they are, you know, because sometimes
a lot of people need a mirror to actually bust
through the bullshit that they've been taking, you know what
I'm saying. So just keep pouring into your friends and
you know, getting them outside of their box, you know,
daring them to do other things. And I as an introvert,
that seems hard. It seems like a task, or it
(09:07):
seems like a job. But you'll find in yourself that
that's actually for the betterment of you too, that that
can make you a better friend, that can actually spark
something in yourself that you didn't see before, you know.
So keep me posted, baby, So we have a written passage.
Moving on to the next. Good morning, Jess. I've been
keeping something on my conscience that I'm not really proud
(09:28):
of and really have no one to talk to about it.
So I would love if you could help me out
with some advice. I just got out of a five
year relationship about two years ago, and it was because
of evolving in life and wanting different things.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Even though me and my ex are not together, we
still see each other from time to time and would
always talk. But the thing that I'm not so proud of, Jess,
is that he is engaged and also has a two
year old with the woman.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
He is engaged to.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Okay the fuck lord, Lord, Okay, okay, you already said
you ain't proud of it.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
Ain't gonna beat you down, all right.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yes, I know this is fucked up, absolutely, and once
he moved on, I should have too. But it's like,
I just can't see him happy with somebody else. And
I'm thinking, maybe he isn't really happy if he's still
messing around with me after two years of breaking up.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
But I see that he posts her on social media
all the time, which he's never done with me, and
they just look happier than ever. He was the love
of my life and it sucks to see him be
the love of someone else's life.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
Oh and what is more.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Fucked up is that when she calls and I'm laying
next to him, she still thinks that's the same man
that comes home to her every night. Mean, well, it is.
It ain't a different man. It just ain't chill man.
I haven't saw him in about two weeks, and I'm
really trying to stay away from him, Jess, but this
is just too hard. How do I let him go?
How do I move on? What do I need to do?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Hold up?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Hold up.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
I know the shit getting good, but listen to just
a couple seconds of a commercial with your you'll listen, girl,
Oh my god, I know it's probably easier for me
to say it. You know, Easier said than done, is
what they say. Girl, Get the fuck up and leave.
(11:17):
If you already haven't talked to him in about two weeks,
you're already got a head start on what you should do.
You're doing good. I mean from where I'm sitting, how
it looks. That's great. You haven't talked to him in
two weeks. That's a hiatus.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
That's great. Extend that shit.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Don't talk to him for two more weeks, and then
try a month, and then try another month, until it's
been a year.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Then you look up and you passed it. You know
what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
We have to stop minimizing ourselves, degrading ourselves, sharing willingly,
sharing men, because that's the thing you know about her,
but she don't know about you.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Now, I'm not gonna say she's winning, but she thinks
she is because he ain't about to tell her about you.
But better believe you know about her, and he gonna
keep on fucking with you as long as you let
him keep his family and fuck with you when it's.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Convenient for him.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
So you're giving him a bunch of power, a lot
of power over you.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
Of course he's gonna have his cake and eat it too, girl. Duh.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
He ain't gotta be with you to fuck you. Yeah,
he ain't got to post you to fuck you. He
ain't gotta like girl, what Yeah? I want you to
hear it, and I want it. It's horrible and as
like vulgar as it sounds, as bad as it sounds,
that's exactly how bad it is. You're sitting there being
stupid for this, nigga. That's what it is. That's what
(12:41):
it is. I ain't here to cad on, no fucking adults.
You know what's up? You said you ain't proud of it.
I don't see why the fuck you. You ain't reread
what you sent to me and made your own advice
up to move the fuck on. And I'm sorry. I
am sorry. I don't feel sorry for you. I don't
and what I'm saying i'm sorry for. I apologize for
(13:02):
how brutal this sounds, and how straightforward and blunt this sounds.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I don't feel sorry.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
For you, because how about if you were that woman
put yourself in her shoes as bad as you already
want to be in them. Imagine if that were you
and you had to find out that he was still
laying with a bit she broke up with two years ago,
and we got a kid together, and we're engaged.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
You're posted on social media.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
He ain't scared to let nobody know who he with,
who he's engaged to, the mother of his child. But
he's sneaking you around and you laying in a fucking
bed when she called you shutting up?
Speaker 3 (13:37):
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? You laying
there quiet?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And they gonna have the nerve to say that ain't
the same man that goes home to her. That's exactly
who he is, the same man that you're sneaking around with,
the nigga that you used to be with. Let that
shit go because that them piss me off. I'm happy
that you were able to tell me what you're going through,
but sometimes we need to wake the fuck up and
(14:04):
we need somebody to talk to us just like this.
I'm not here to coddle you. I'm not I'm not
here to it's gonna be alright. No, it ain't all right.
It been ain't all right two years ago when you
broke up. Yeah, you said it. Maybe I should have
moved on when he did. So you ain't in denial.
You ain't in denial. You know he moved on. You
know it, you said it to me. But you're convenient
(14:25):
for him. You're convenient. You let him do what he wants.
The fuck she don't let him do what he wants,
or she would know about you too. That's what I'm saying.
She's not winning either, because this motherfucker's cheating on her,
on his family with you. But you really in the dumps,
(14:48):
You really ain't winning because you know about it. In fact,
that makes you a fucked up ass individual because you
know about it. But he your ex, and you can't
let him go do a better job, do a better
job of trying. Could you sound crazy as hell? But
update me. I love you, real shit, real shit.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
I don't care. I still love you. I don't care.
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
This ain't nothing I ain't never heard before from my
own friends. You know what I'm saying from people I
do know. This ain't nothing I ain't never heard before.
That's what I'm here to do to help fix it
if you let me, because this is crazy, honey, this
is crazy. You don't have any obligation to this nigga.
You don't have kids with him, You ain't married on
the low, You ain't ever the girl. He can't walk
(15:34):
down the street with you. He gotta leave out first.
Is it like that? Or you gotta leave out first.
Y'all can't go out say that he's engaged. This ain't
no girlfriend. This is as soon to be wife who
probably about to get pregnant again. You don't know, girl. Please,
I bet you one thing. He ain't never tell you
he was gonna leave her for your ass. I bet
(15:55):
you he ain't never tell you that. Now, if you
can come back and do me a soiln and tell
me he's told you that, I let it go.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
But you'll still be dumb.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I'm sorry, you'll still be out of your mind to
think that could ever happen.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
He never posted me on social media.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
He never don't ever compare what he got now to
what y'all had, because what y'all have right now ain't shit.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
He just fucking with you, and that's it.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Having his cake and eating it too, doing what a
lot of men do for no reason. There's no reason
you're available, so okay, cool? And then why haven't you
talked to him for two weeks? Because he hasn't responded, right,
he probably busy with his engagement. Yeah, his fiance somewhere.
(16:42):
You never made it to with him. You're worth more
than that shit. Get your ass up, get your ass together,
keep me updated.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Like I said, I love you all right and moving on.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Just girl, this ain't got shit to do with shit.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I just wanted to let.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
You know.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
It won't let me give you five stars, bitch, I
go give you five stars because you know you like
to rape the podcasts and things. I want to go
give you five stars, and they won't let me. Girl,
you need to send an email to Spotify and tell
them you deserve their fifth star and.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
See why the folk you can't get it. Oh yeah, anyways,
have a bless day. I hope you Christmas was good.
Thank you boo.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Hold up, she said, First of all, this ain't got
shit to do with shit. Spotify, why the fuck y'all
playing with men? Don't make me have my people spam
y'all comments? Because what's going on? Look like we need
to talk to some higher ups because they ain't trying
to give me what's mine. They ain't trying to let
nobody rape me and give me my five stars.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I need to see what's going on with that. But
before I get out of here, I just want to
say to everybody, man, woman, other, whatever, Listen, If you
are in a relationship or some type of situationship and
you're feeling like it's a one sided thing, that's because
it is. Nobody's gonna have these feelings out of nowhere
(18:03):
and for no reason. That's because it is, it feels
one sided. It is You should never have to ask yourself,
does this person really love me? Am I just here
for convenience? Am I really being treated right? Is he
gonna ever change? Is she going to ever open up
her eyes and see what I really mean to her?
(18:23):
Is she gonna ever? You know what I'm saying. If
you got to ask yourself these questions, baby, no, No,
you're not where you're supposed to be, and you got
a lot more growing to do to be to be
sitting there to take that to ever think that's okay.
Those type of people don't need to be in relationships.
Y'all type of people don't need to be in relationships
(18:44):
right off the bat, because y'all give more than y'all get,
and people take advantage of that. People can see that
from a mile away. These men, these women who prey
on people like y'all. Man, y'all are great people. Y'all
give so so fucking much, and you keep giving and
giving and giving it to you and got nothing left.
Nobody is reciprocating what you're doing. You get what I'm saying.
(19:06):
It is somebody out there for you. It's just that
you rushing it because you Everybody want to be loved,
not giddy.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Yeah, everybody want to be loved.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
That's all right. It will happen when it's time. I
was the same way.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I don't give a fuck. Listen, y'all saw me through
some relationships.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Okay, I ain't never scared to admit I wasn't the
smartest in in my previous relationships, none of them, even
going back to my baby dad nigga, going back to
ash father, like we were young, you know, Me and
Roll made a lot of mistakes together, and then I
got other and then I got another nigga. Then I
got another nigga. Then I got another nigga. Then I
talked to a girl to see if that was cool.
(19:45):
Then I almost be high ass to death. Then I
you know, this is also, like I said in the
beginning of this episode, this is also how you find
yourself as well dating realizing.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Okay, what's inappropriate in a relationship to me? Okay? What
am I willing to take? Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Am I willing to settle for this? If he ain't
got this part of it, can we build that together?
Speaker 3 (20:07):
All right? Cool?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Maybe he is gonna come with this man, Okay, he's
coming with this, all right? How can your relationship benefit
the both of you? You get what I'm saying. If
you got to teach somebody how to love you, that
ain't that ain't bad. That ain't bad. What'll make it
bad is if they don't give a fuck enough to
try or to want to love you.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I was in a relationship with a nigga who didn't
know how to love and didn't want to fucking try.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
All right, cool.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I should have left that alone a long time before
I actually left it alone. But I was a giver, giver,
giver giver never really cared about receiving. But that's where
we short ourselves, ladies and gents, that's where we short ourselves.
Don't ever short yourself and know who you are. If
you don't know who you are, that's what your journey
(20:57):
should be before you jump in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
That's what your homework should be. Do homework on yourself,
you know, figure out what makes you happy, Make yourself
happy before you give all of that responsibility to somebody
else to make you happy. You understand what I'm saying.
And just like that, we're at the end of another
carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. I said
(21:22):
another one I should say another y'all knowing from Baltimore,
y'all know that shit slip up out. I love y'all
so much. Let me go talk to Spotify real quick.
Love y'all see you next week. Peace Can't Fully Reckless
(22:44):
is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
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