May 1, 2024 • 24 mins
And we're back! Jess fixes 3 messes today. Can you relate to any of them? Tap in!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh Shit, be back on the air.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome back to get another Canfully Reckless episode with your
girl Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hilarious. What I be doing.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I be fixing mess and I'll be fixing it all
the time, and now not only on my podcast, which
drops every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast. Now, I
don't gotta say all that anyway, I do it on
Breakfast Club Now every Thursday.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So y'all can call up.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
The number is one eight hundred and five eighty five,
one oh five one the j Infies line hit it up.
So anyway, the first story somebody sent me this long
ass excerpt this is. This is longer than a passage. Okay,
this is like a chapter of a book. And y'all
know pregnant jest do Now, I do all everything, So please,
(00:56):
I'm gonna have one of my producers read from me
and then I'll fix the mess.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Hey, Jess, I.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Need some on relationship advice, as in, how do you
get rid of someone who just won't let a relationship go.
I'm completely over the father of my children. We've been
together almost ten years and I was completely in love
with that man and thought he was my best friend
and soulmate. It must have been the sex because I
was completely digmatized. He played me damn near the entire relationship,
(01:22):
but I didn't find out until two years ago, and
it's been a complete mess. I suspected him cheating and
things fell off, but I never had proof or he
made it seem like.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I was crazy.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant and engaged
in him. I picked up his pants and his phone
fell out his pocket unlocked. It's like God was basically
telling me to see the truth. What was in the
phone was way more than I ever expected, and he
was complete slut, even fucking around with women I knew
and saying the money as gifts while not helping with
(01:55):
the household. To make it worse, he messed with women
at the apartment complex we've lived at, even our most
recent place.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm so over his lives and bullshit.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Last year, I was ready to get my own place,
but he guilt tripped me and said it was best
for the kids to stay together another year.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Well, this year has been hell.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
He's so toxic and it still has drama with females
coming to my door tells me I'm making things up.
I can't deal with this. So recently I got my
own place without him knowing. The lease is almost up,
and I'm doing everything in my power to jumpstart this
man into finding a place to live or even rehome
him to another bitch for all I care, But he
(02:33):
refuses to accept it and still makes it seem like
we are going to be together. His family refuses to
help and even encourages.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Him to stay with me.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I don't even know what to do to get rid
of this man because he literally needs me for everything
housing and transportation. Yes, he works, but rarely helps with
household bills. I don't want the father of my kids
on the street, and he still needs to watch the
kids while I work, But I also don't want him
laid up in my new apartment. Think he could say there,
we don't have family that can help with the kids,
so it's just us taking care of them.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
So we were basically stuck with each other. Any advice
t'n be.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Homing my baby daddy, and so don't fill in the
blinks that you are not having sex at all and
there's no chance to ever getting back together.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Just big with everything. Y'all listen, I have but everything
before I jump into our story. I got everything big
for the first time, so it's gonna have my breath
like real oniony, but the cream cheese and it.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Is toasted with extra butter. Baby, thank you. That's all
I gotta say. Now. I do not like calling my
beautiful black woman clowns.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
But baby, i'd be lying if I say you as
in lying, you are a clown. And sometimes we have
to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves
up and dust ourselves off and try again. Why are
you worried about a man who don't give a damn
about your feelings at the end of the day, being
put out on a damn street.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Oh, because he the father of my children.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
He didn't give a fuck that she was the mother
of his kids when he was cheating on your ass
for the past ten years. What you just found out
about two years ago, all because his phone was slipped
out the pocket.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
And you washing his clothes.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
What I believe if he ain't putting his hands on you,
if he ain't got no gun to your head, if
he is not holding your children hostage, if he ain't
doing none of this car.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
You can leave his ass. Let him be on the
fucking streets.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Now, Listen, what he may do is go be with
somebody else for the convenience of it. Because he seems
to like being taken care of and his family raised
them wrong.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Wud nobody say they raise them wrong because they're still
encouraging his cheating ass to be with you. That's because
you're taking care of him. You're not responsible for your
children's father. You're responsible for the children just like he is.
Leave his ass. Talk about oh, and don't there's no
feeling the blanks. We're not sleeping together. We're not what
happens when you want to date the fuck because I
(04:52):
know he's still dating. He just probably ain't bringing the
bitches around you. And also, if you're able to take
care of him, then you should be able to take
care of getting a babysit up for your kids.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Why you gotta do anything? Look, I don't care. I
do not care.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I see mom's do it all the time, without their families,
without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like we
do it women, We do it all. No discredit to men,
because every man out there not like that. And we
have a lot of heartworking dads. But women, come on, now,
we do this shit. You feel sorry for him, yourse
to have a soft spot for him. That's crazy. He
(05:27):
didn't have not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't
seem to shake them. You can't, girl, like I said,
unless he beaten your ass up and down the house,
or like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head,
all that you can walk the fuck out of his
life period.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Get a restraining order. Oh but then he can't see
the kids.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
He wasn't worrying about that when he was with Denise,
Vanessa and Rudy and Claire.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
He wasn't thinking about none of that.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Girl. No, I think you have lost your everlast of mind.
And I'm sorry for all my aggression, but sweetie, you
can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women
need to be told that by other women who are
completely unbiased. Like I'm not your friend. I don't know you,
never saw you a day in my life. You know
what I'm saying, So I don't know you. This is
(06:11):
just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and
I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she
should do.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You know what I'm saying. You still love them? I
know you do.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You know I'm not saying that you are attracted so
on or you don't you know what I'm saying, because
all right, taking account me and my son's father, we
are way past intimacy. We're not, you know, attracted to
each other anymore. I haven't dated Rome since before our
baby turn one year old. Like that's just how that is,
you know. And I often say that we're like brother
and sister. So I would give Rome the shirt off
(06:43):
my back, yes I will, But I would not give
him a place to stay in my house because I
am in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
No.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
There are still boundaries that has to be set and
have to be put between you and your baby daddy.
What's wrong with him getting a fucking y'all? If he
ain't got no record with even niggas with records, fuck
a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs.
He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him
as one of your kids. That's just not what it is.
That's not what it's supposed to be. But about what
(07:13):
I was saying about Rome, Me and Rome are close enough. Well,
I never want to see him on the street either,
but he can't come into my house.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
He can't.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
And a man, a real man, would never let himself
be on the fucking streets. You know, of course it's circumstantial.
But if this nigga got all the sense and all
the high mighty power to go cheat back to back
like that and sending money to other bitches, this nigga
was fucking with bitches and y'all complex where y'all live,
and you worried about him being thrown out on the streets?
(07:43):
Are you dumb? I'm sorry, Like, uh, we're not going
for that. Sometimes we need tough love as women, and
I'm here to give it. But I'm serious, like this man,
this is not what love is supposed to be. This
is not even what a friendship looks like. He don't
respect you, says, why the fuck you sending money that
you don't have or that you claim you don't have
(08:04):
when it comes to me putting your ass out on
other bitches to other bitches, like why what are we doing?
What are we doing here? His priorities is all fucked up.
It seemed like you were engaged to a kid. You
had babies by baby a baby mindset ass Nigga, we're
not doing that. We shouldn't do that in twenty twenty four.
We shouldn't have never been doing it, like we shouldn't
have been ever doing it. But it needs to stop now,
(08:26):
So you need to get back in touch with me
and update me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Like I said, sorry for the tough love, but baby,
we need to give it to each other because I
would want somebody to talk to me like this if
I was, you know, stuck in a situation like this,
How the hell you stuck? No, that's some shit you
speaking over yourself. You ain't stuck with him. No, his
aad stuck. He's stuck in his own way, So get
out of your way and push his ads to the side.
(08:49):
Raise your kids, and when it's time for you to date,
you go date shit.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
But check back in with me, boom.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Next story.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I'm gonna have Tailor read again because I got finished
the other hand of my bage wheel.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Hey, Jess, I just needed some advice about my job.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I feel like I'm very stuck, almost like I'm trapped
at this job. I'm a carrier, so I kind of
like FedEx or ups, but I'm actually an independent contractor,
so I own my own vehicle, but I don't make
my own hours or any of the cool stuff that
you actually get owning your business. And I have been
working here for almost three years. My uncles are the managers.
The job itself is not bad, but I can't take
(09:32):
all the arguments between the employees myself, included the vehicle issues,
which I'm responsible for. Because I'm an independent contractor, I
can never do any of my side stuff on a
consistent schedule basis because I never know when I'm going
to start in the day or when i will finish
in the day. So I actually have a YouTube channel
Tasha die Oh, But because I never know when I
(09:55):
will start or finish, I can't dedicate as much as
my time to my YouTube channel or my only fans.
It's very frustrating because I have so many ideas for
my YouTube channel and more than what I want to do.
But by the time I finish work, I'm very tired
because my job is very physical. Then on my days off,
I had to tend to my family and any other
things I couldn't get done during the week. And I
(10:16):
also believe that part of my feelings stem from me
knowing what I want to do and trying to take
the steps to do that, but not having very many
options because of where I live. I live in Rockford, Illinois,
so there's not much going on here, but I am
very interested in photography and videography. Also, I would like
to take my YouTube channel and kind of make it
a podcast, but there isn't very much business for that
(10:39):
sort of thing around here. I just want to know
if you had any advice that you could pass along
to me, maybe how I can get my foot in
the door. But also there's my job that I have now.
I'm just in a tough spot because I just I
get paid a lot of money. Well for me, it's
a lot of money. If I got paid hourly, I
would get paid between twenty three and twenty five dollars
an hour. I don't actually have any real skills, so
(11:01):
I can't just go somewhere and start out at that much.
So that's why I'm having such a tough time, because
I don't want to take a pay cut if I'm
not going to be doing something that is helping towards
my career goal.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
So I like how she saw it talking about I'm
having all these problems, like with my job.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's not working out for me, Like you know, I
feel like basically I'm a host to this job and
I don't have time for my only fans. What girl, Listen,
if I tell people all the time, if you're doing
something that don't bring you joy, if you're doing something
that doesn't seem passionate to you and it feels purposeless
(11:43):
and you're not happy and you can manage financially, do
what you want to do. It seems like you do
have a passion for, you know, talking to people with
communications so YouTube, being blogging and you said you have
a podcast that you're starting and stuff like that. That girl,
I'm not one to tell people quit jobs, because as
(12:04):
hard as it is to get a goddamn job, and
you sit in me here complaining about one, it's just
ass backwards. However, if it's not bringing you joy in
your stress and every day you find your peace disturbed, girl,
quit the job and do what you are most passionate about.
I see a whole lot of people that stream, you know,
(12:26):
they're only fans and they make money off their YouTube
and all that. But building a platform, I'm telling you, baby,
it's not easy. So un let's Tasha dot Oh already
got a lot of subscribers. You will not be making
money like you was at your job.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I think. I don't know if you pray.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I don't know if you know if you are religious
in any fashion or whatever.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
But I'm a Christian woman, and I pray.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I pray every day every day of my life, you know,
and certain things I pray for When I'm confused about
certain things. I don't go to people for advice. That's
why I'm happy that y'all come to me. But I
don't go to people for advice because I don't like
for people to tell me what to day.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
But go it.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So I pray. So just pray on it fast, like
do you know? That's my advice to you. You do
make good money, all right, So I say, give yourself
about another year there, stack your money, save it, you know,
pay your bills. That mean you're gonna have to cut
out all your extra expenses, you know, whether it's just
leisure or just for pleasure. Cut all of that shit out,
(13:26):
really grind, build that savings account up, and then you
can invest into your business. Or why not stay at
your job and use the money to invest into your
blog and invest into your cause. Listen, I'm telling you
you don't just gain a platform overnight. You need to invest.
(13:46):
You need to I'm talking about get videographers. That comes
with videographers and photographers and shit like you got to
stand out these days. That is a very competitive space
because who the hell don't got a podcast? Okay, Like
when I say, I'm so sick up everybody fucking having
a podcast, I ain't trying discourage you, but goddamn, what
do you be talking about on here?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
But let me calm down.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I think you should use the money that you have
to invest in your business that you really want to develop,
that you really want to get off the ground, and
you want a catapult.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
That's what you want to do.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
But nothing happens overnight and you can't look at your
career or something that you want to do is microwavable,
that's so instant.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You're not gonna be able to do that. You can't.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I've been doing this shit for about not podcasting. I'm
talking about, you know, being in the social Like this
is my ninth year. Now you get what I'm saying.
I started this shit in twenty fourteen, so no, this
is my tenth year. Like I started this ship when
my son was two years old.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And I done went through so many hardships, you know,
like with trying to build a brand and marketing, it's
a lot to go into it and just having a
bunch of followers and a bunch of subscribers.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
You gotta work at that shit.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
That's why all those people that you see at the top,
they didn't just blow up last night, you know, like
ad Era, You remember Diarra and Ken they were doing
this shit like a long time ago. You know, some
of the biggest bloggers been in this shit for like
what six seven years plus.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
So if you quit your job, you don't want them
my fucking money.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Now, you said that you like videography and photography, you
need to start offering your services. That's gonna get you
out there and start getting you booked and stuff like that.
You know, do you own a camera? Do you own
any equipment? That's why I'm saying That's why if you
don't you need that job, because that shit gets expensive
as well, cameras and like I said, lighting and all
that shit, and even taking short classes like you know,
like these seminars. Not all of them are scams, but
(15:46):
some of them actually do teach you shit, you know,
consultations or whatever. You know. My video guy does consultations.
I loos work on Instagram. He does all my edits
and that's the guy that you see that makes my
video magic, my visual magic on my page and stuff.
You really have to put yourself out there. But I
wouldn't leave my job just yet. I get it, but try.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Oh way.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
If you're an independent contractor, what you should do is
you should be able to make your own schedule right
or you should be able to at least work for
these and take three for yourself to do your business.
How old are you did she say how old she was?
I'm guessing you're fairly young, but check back in with me.
You know, I think it'll be wrong for you to
walk away from your job now, especially since you make
good money, Especially if you don't have any kids or anything.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
You really have nothing holding you back.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Stack your money and invest in yourself, so when you
finally leave your job, it can be for more than
just the reason of or I got my own blog,
I got No, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm a CEO of this, that,
and the other. I make my own business. I mean,
you know, I make my own money, and that'll be
your success story. I used my nine to five to
pay for my entrepreneurship period. All right, girl, So so
(16:59):
make sure you update me on your progress, you know,
just just let me know. But I do want to
know how old you are as well. It does sound
like you're fairly young, and that is the end of
that story, looks.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
So we got one more.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good,
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Oh we got a voice note, Shaw, we got a
voice note. Okay, here y'alls.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
Yeah. So my question was basically, being from Baltimore, I
wanted to know, like, as a first generation in college student,
I see a lot of myself and justin how she
was able to put both theom on the map. So
my question basically is how is just able to navigate
her success and enjoy it while not letting survivors get
to her, because coming out the city, it can feel like, Okay,
I'm the only one that made it out, and that's
something I'm going through right now.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
So somebody asked me a similar question like this before
when I did mister Jay Hills podcast.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
He's also a fellow Baltimorean, my brother.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
He is now in Atlanta doing his thing, bigger than
ever and only growing bigger with his business. But he
had asked me the same question, Actually, do I ever
have survivor's guilt? Baby girl? Hell no, I'm sorry, there's
no other way to put it. No, No, I don't.
And then somebody else had asked me when I first
(18:11):
listened to your voice, No, did I feel like that
earlier on? You know, cause I've been in this game,
in this business, in this industry or what you know
so called for going on ten years now, you know,
And so.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Did I feel that way early on?
Speaker 4 (18:27):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I just knew I had to get the fuck out.
I knew coming from where I grew up, I looked around.
This is not where I need to be. This is
not where I have to be for the rest of
my life. This is not where I'm gonna be for
the rest of my life. Fuck, No, I can't do it.
So survivor's guilt absolutely not. What I like to see
more success come out of Baltimore. Yes, is that my responsibility? No,
(18:50):
I had to get to a point like that, you
know where I said that and not felt bad for it.
I used to feel bad for saying shit like that.
Now I don't. Everybody is responsible for themselves. I try
to help wherever I can. I give money, I give opportunities,
and all of that. Now, whether or not people going
to do what's right with the money and opportunities, that's
(19:12):
on them. I have too much responsibility and too many
things that's going on in my life that I need
to focus on because I need to continue to grow
my riches.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I need to continue to raise my child.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
I need to continue I'm pregnant again, I have a family.
I got other goals as well, not just to be
successful financially. I have to build generational wealth. That's what
I'm doing, and that takes a long time. I was
just piggybacking off of what I said about the story,
the previous story. No, it takes a long time to
get where you really can say Okay, I'm comfortable. I'm
(19:48):
still not comfortable where I am. I still got a
lot of work today. So no, baby, I don't feel
survivor's guilt. No, I don't, and I don't think you
should either. You said your first generation college went to college.
If anything, the people around you, your family, and your
friends should feel motivated to see that anybody can do that.
We got some of the smartest motherfuckers in Baltimore City.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Let me tell you.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
We're smart, We're creative, We're an innovative city. We make
gold out of dirt. Okay, we can do that. Shit,
I've done it. So many people can do it, but
a lot of us are in our own way.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You know what I'm saying. Then, a lot of people
are afraid to.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Explore new things because we get so accustomed to where
where we come from and how we were raised. You
get what I'm saying, And Nah, that's not the way.
You gotta jump out there. You gotta step out there.
And so don't feel guilty. They're supposed to feel pushed
and motivated by what you do. And don't feel like
(20:47):
you have the responsibility of taking care of everybody because
you don't. You just the baby and you trying to
find your way your damn self, and you've seen ambitious.
That tells me something. You have some type of ambition.
You can't teach that. So even if you tried to
go back and gather four or five family members to
do that, they gotta have your mindset.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
You had a mindset to say.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna get up out
of Baltimore, I'm gonna do this, I'm a this, I'm this,
I'm gonna at A B and C.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And so I get all the way to Z and
then I'm gonna start over. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
That's your mindset. You're not stuck. You're not stuck, and
you didn't want to be stuck. So if we get
to get out of our own way, we won't actually
ever have to blame a person for making it and
not coming back to get us. How about you following me?
How about you chase me? How about you follow your
fucking dreams. I'm not gonna come back and get you.
(21:40):
Because sometimes we go back and we don't make it
the fuck back out where we were. It just is
what it is, and that comes with the hate in
the city to see somebody who actually made it be successfubl.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So you know how it is in our city, You
know how it is.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I can't speak for other cities, but I imagine that shit
is not only in Baltimore City, It's in any any
urban city. You get what I'm saying. And it's always
like that. A lot of people want to pull you
back in. They scared to see you flourished. We want
you to win, but don't win too much. You gotta
take us with you. But what the fuck you doing
while I'm grinding? What you're doing, while you waiting for
(22:15):
me to come back and get you, You still sitting
there chilling and shit, Nah, ain't no growth there.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
I can help.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I love to help people who have potential, who want
to do something.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Maybe they don't know exactly what they want to do,
but they got.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Some type of some type of ambition where they can
meet me halfway or just a little bit something that
I can take and I can parachute that bitch. I
can help you amplify what you are already thinking or
with your ideas, then bring it to life and help
that out for you.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
You know, so, I thank you for that question.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Baby Girl, and that is the end of the Carefully
Reckless episode. For today, I love you guys. I just
want to give a big shout out to Atlanta. The
second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival was so fun and
I want to also give a shout out to Wallow
and Gilly. They were funny, fucked. The engagement that they
had with that audience was great. I want to give
a shout out the Horrible Decisions. They also had a
(23:06):
good show as well. And then they said, t I
came through there and I wasn't even there, Talo, Why
the fucking ex them to stay for me?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
You're as one finance man.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Ha. All right, y'all, Well, make sure you tune into
Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect podcast network as well
as The Breakfast Club on Thursdays. Make sure you call
up and so I can fix your mask. One eight
hundred five eight five one oh five to one.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Peace Can't.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and The Black Effect.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh Shit, be back on the air.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome back to get another Canfully Reckless episode with your
girl Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hilarious. What I be doing.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
I be fixing mess and I'll be fixing it all
the time, and now not only on my podcast, which
drops every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast. Now, I
don't gotta say all that anyway, I do it on
Breakfast Club Now every Thursday.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
So y'all can call up.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
The number is one eight hundred and five eighty five,
one oh five one the j Infies line hit it up.
So anyway, the first story somebody sent me this long
ass excerpt this is. This is longer than a passage. Okay,
this is like a chapter of a book. And y'all
know pregnant jest do Now, I do all everything, So please,
(00:56):
I'm gonna have one of my producers read from me
and then I'll fix the mess.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Hey, Jess, I.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Need some on relationship advice, as in, how do you
get rid of someone who just won't let a relationship go.
I'm completely over the father of my children. We've been
together almost ten years and I was completely in love
with that man and thought he was my best friend
and soulmate. It must have been the sex because I
was completely digmatized. He played me damn near the entire relationship,
(01:22):
but I didn't find out until two years ago, and
it's been a complete mess. I suspected him cheating and
things fell off, but I never had proof or he
made it seem like.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I was crazy.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant and engaged
in him. I picked up his pants and his phone
fell out his pocket unlocked. It's like God was basically
telling me to see the truth. What was in the
phone was way more than I ever expected, and he
was complete slut, even fucking around with women I knew
and saying the money as gifts while not helping with
(01:55):
the household. To make it worse, he messed with women
at the apartment complex we've lived at, even our most
recent place.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm so over his lives and bullshit.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Last year, I was ready to get my own place,
but he guilt tripped me and said it was best
for the kids to stay together another year.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Well, this year has been hell.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
He's so toxic and it still has drama with females
coming to my door tells me I'm making things up.
I can't deal with this. So recently I got my
own place without him knowing. The lease is almost up,
and I'm doing everything in my power to jumpstart this
man into finding a place to live or even rehome
him to another bitch for all I care, But he
(02:33):
refuses to accept it and still makes it seem like
we are going to be together. His family refuses to
help and even encourages.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Him to stay with me.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I don't even know what to do to get rid
of this man because he literally needs me for everything
housing and transportation. Yes, he works, but rarely helps with
household bills. I don't want the father of my kids
on the street, and he still needs to watch the
kids while I work, But I also don't want him
laid up in my new apartment. Think he could say there,
we don't have family that can help with the kids,
so it's just us taking care of them.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
So we were basically stuck with each other. Any advice
t'n be.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
Homing my baby daddy, and so don't fill in the
blinks that you are not having sex at all and
there's no chance to ever getting back together.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Just big with everything. Y'all listen, I have but everything
before I jump into our story. I got everything big
for the first time, so it's gonna have my breath
like real oniony, but the cream cheese and it.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Is toasted with extra butter. Baby, thank you. That's all
I gotta say. Now. I do not like calling my
beautiful black woman clowns.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
But baby, i'd be lying if I say you as
in lying, you are a clown. And sometimes we have
to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves
up and dust ourselves off and try again. Why are
you worried about a man who don't give a damn
about your feelings at the end of the day, being
put out on a damn street.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Oh, because he the father of my children.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
He didn't give a fuck that she was the mother
of his kids when he was cheating on your ass
for the past ten years. What you just found out
about two years ago, all because his phone was slipped
out the pocket.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
And you washing his clothes.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
What I believe if he ain't putting his hands on you,
if he ain't got no gun to your head, if
he is not holding your children hostage, if he ain't
doing none of this car.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
You can leave his ass. Let him be on the
fucking streets.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Now, Listen, what he may do is go be with
somebody else for the convenience of it. Because he seems
to like being taken care of and his family raised
them wrong.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Wud nobody say they raise them wrong because they're still
encouraging his cheating ass to be with you. That's because
you're taking care of him. You're not responsible for your
children's father. You're responsible for the children just like he is.
Leave his ass. Talk about oh, and don't there's no
feeling the blanks. We're not sleeping together. We're not what
happens when you want to date the fuck because I
(04:52):
know he's still dating. He just probably ain't bringing the
bitches around you. And also, if you're able to take
care of him, then you should be able to take
care of getting a babysit up for your kids.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Why you gotta do anything? Look, I don't care. I
do not care.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I see mom's do it all the time, without their families,
without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like we
do it women, We do it all. No discredit to men,
because every man out there not like that. And we
have a lot of heartworking dads. But women, come on, now,
we do this shit. You feel sorry for him, yourse
to have a soft spot for him. That's crazy. He
(05:27):
didn't have not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't
seem to shake them. You can't, girl, like I said,
unless he beaten your ass up and down the house,
or like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head,
all that you can walk the fuck out of his
life period.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Get a restraining order. Oh but then he can't see
the kids.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
He wasn't worrying about that when he was with Denise,
Vanessa and Rudy and Claire.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
He wasn't thinking about none of that.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Girl. No, I think you have lost your everlast of mind.
And I'm sorry for all my aggression, but sweetie, you
can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women
need to be told that by other women who are
completely unbiased. Like I'm not your friend. I don't know you,
never saw you a day in my life. You know
what I'm saying, So I don't know you. This is
(06:11):
just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and
I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she
should do.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You know what I'm saying. You still love them? I
know you do.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You know I'm not saying that you are attracted so
on or you don't you know what I'm saying, because
all right, taking account me and my son's father, we
are way past intimacy. We're not, you know, attracted to
each other anymore. I haven't dated Rome since before our
baby turn one year old. Like that's just how that is,
you know. And I often say that we're like brother
and sister. So I would give Rome the shirt off
(06:43):
my back, yes I will, But I would not give
him a place to stay in my house because I
am in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
No.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
There are still boundaries that has to be set and
have to be put between you and your baby daddy.
What's wrong with him getting a fucking y'all? If he
ain't got no record with even niggas with records, fuck
a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs.
He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him
as one of your kids. That's just not what it is.
That's not what it's supposed to be. But about what
(07:13):
I was saying about Rome, Me and Rome are close enough. Well,
I never want to see him on the street either,
but he can't come into my house.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
He can't.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
And a man, a real man, would never let himself
be on the fucking streets. You know, of course it's circumstantial.
But if this nigga got all the sense and all
the high mighty power to go cheat back to back
like that and sending money to other bitches, this nigga
was fucking with bitches and y'all complex where y'all live,
and you worried about him being thrown out on the streets?
(07:43):
Are you dumb? I'm sorry, Like, uh, we're not going
for that. Sometimes we need tough love as women, and
I'm here to give it. But I'm serious, like this man,
this is not what love is supposed to be. This
is not even what a friendship looks like. He don't
respect you, says, why the fuck you sending money that
you don't have or that you claim you don't have
(08:04):
when it comes to me putting your ass out on
other bitches to other bitches, like why what are we doing?
What are we doing here? His priorities is all fucked up.
It seemed like you were engaged to a kid. You
had babies by baby a baby mindset ass Nigga, we're
not doing that. We shouldn't do that in twenty twenty four.
We shouldn't have never been doing it, like we shouldn't
have been ever doing it. But it needs to stop now,
(08:26):
So you need to get back in touch with me
and update me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Like I said, sorry for the tough love, but baby,
we need to give it to each other because I
would want somebody to talk to me like this if
I was, you know, stuck in a situation like this,
How the hell you stuck? No, that's some shit you
speaking over yourself. You ain't stuck with him. No, his
aad stuck. He's stuck in his own way, So get
out of your way and push his ads to the side.
(08:49):
Raise your kids, and when it's time for you to date,
you go date shit.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
But check back in with me, boom.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Next story.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I'm gonna have Tailor read again because I got finished
the other hand of my bage wheel.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Hey, Jess, I just needed some advice about my job.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
I feel like I'm very stuck, almost like I'm trapped
at this job. I'm a carrier, so I kind of
like FedEx or ups, but I'm actually an independent contractor,
so I own my own vehicle, but I don't make
my own hours or any of the cool stuff that
you actually get owning your business. And I have been
working here for almost three years. My uncles are the managers.
The job itself is not bad, but I can't take
(09:32):
all the arguments between the employees myself, included the vehicle issues,
which I'm responsible for. Because I'm an independent contractor, I
can never do any of my side stuff on a
consistent schedule basis because I never know when I'm going
to start in the day or when i will finish
in the day. So I actually have a YouTube channel
Tasha die Oh, But because I never know when I
(09:55):
will start or finish, I can't dedicate as much as
my time to my YouTube channel or my only fans.
It's very frustrating because I have so many ideas for
my YouTube channel and more than what I want to do.
But by the time I finish work, I'm very tired
because my job is very physical. Then on my days off,
I had to tend to my family and any other
things I couldn't get done during the week. And I
(10:16):
also believe that part of my feelings stem from me
knowing what I want to do and trying to take
the steps to do that, but not having very many
options because of where I live. I live in Rockford, Illinois,
so there's not much going on here, but I am
very interested in photography and videography. Also, I would like
to take my YouTube channel and kind of make it
a podcast, but there isn't very much business for that
(10:39):
sort of thing around here. I just want to know
if you had any advice that you could pass along
to me, maybe how I can get my foot in
the door. But also there's my job that I have now.
I'm just in a tough spot because I just I
get paid a lot of money. Well for me, it's
a lot of money. If I got paid hourly, I
would get paid between twenty three and twenty five dollars
an hour. I don't actually have any real skills, so
(11:01):
I can't just go somewhere and start out at that much.
So that's why I'm having such a tough time, because
I don't want to take a pay cut if I'm
not going to be doing something that is helping towards
my career goal.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
So I like how she saw it talking about I'm
having all these problems, like with my job.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's not working out for me, Like you know, I
feel like basically I'm a host to this job and
I don't have time for my only fans. What girl, Listen,
if I tell people all the time, if you're doing
something that don't bring you joy, if you're doing something
that doesn't seem passionate to you and it feels purposeless
(11:43):
and you're not happy and you can manage financially, do
what you want to do. It seems like you do
have a passion for, you know, talking to people with
communications so YouTube, being blogging and you said you have
a podcast that you're starting and stuff like that. That girl,
I'm not one to tell people quit jobs, because as
(12:04):
hard as it is to get a goddamn job, and
you sit in me here complaining about one, it's just
ass backwards. However, if it's not bringing you joy in
your stress and every day you find your peace disturbed, girl,
quit the job and do what you are most passionate about.
I see a whole lot of people that stream, you know,
(12:26):
they're only fans and they make money off their YouTube
and all that. But building a platform, I'm telling you, baby,
it's not easy. So un let's Tasha dot Oh already
got a lot of subscribers. You will not be making
money like you was at your job.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
I think. I don't know if you pray.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
I don't know if you know if you are religious
in any fashion or whatever.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
But I'm a Christian woman, and I pray.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I pray every day every day of my life, you know,
and certain things I pray for When I'm confused about
certain things. I don't go to people for advice. That's
why I'm happy that y'all come to me. But I
don't go to people for advice because I don't like
for people to tell me what to day.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
But go it.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
So I pray. So just pray on it fast, like
do you know? That's my advice to you. You do
make good money, all right, So I say, give yourself
about another year there, stack your money, save it, you know,
pay your bills. That mean you're gonna have to cut
out all your extra expenses, you know, whether it's just
leisure or just for pleasure. Cut all of that shit out,
(13:26):
really grind, build that savings account up, and then you
can invest into your business. Or why not stay at
your job and use the money to invest into your
blog and invest into your cause. Listen, I'm telling you
you don't just gain a platform overnight. You need to invest.
(13:46):
You need to I'm talking about get videographers. That comes
with videographers and photographers and shit like you got to
stand out these days. That is a very competitive space
because who the hell don't got a podcast? Okay, Like
when I say, I'm so sick up everybody fucking having
a podcast, I ain't trying discourage you, but goddamn, what
do you be talking about on here?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
But let me calm down.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I think you should use the money that you have
to invest in your business that you really want to develop,
that you really want to get off the ground, and
you want a catapult.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
That's what you want to do.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
But nothing happens overnight and you can't look at your
career or something that you want to do is microwavable,
that's so instant.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
You're not gonna be able to do that. You can't.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
I've been doing this shit for about not podcasting. I'm
talking about, you know, being in the social Like this
is my ninth year. Now you get what I'm saying.
I started this shit in twenty fourteen, so no, this
is my tenth year. Like I started this ship when
my son was two years old.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And I done went through so many hardships, you know,
like with trying to build a brand and marketing, it's
a lot to go into it and just having a
bunch of followers and a bunch of subscribers.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
You gotta work at that shit.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
That's why all those people that you see at the top,
they didn't just blow up last night, you know, like
ad Era, You remember Diarra and Ken they were doing
this shit like a long time ago. You know, some
of the biggest bloggers been in this shit for like
what six seven years plus.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
So if you quit your job, you don't want them
my fucking money.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Now, you said that you like videography and photography, you
need to start offering your services. That's gonna get you
out there and start getting you booked and stuff like that.
You know, do you own a camera? Do you own
any equipment? That's why I'm saying That's why if you
don't you need that job, because that shit gets expensive
as well, cameras and like I said, lighting and all
that shit, and even taking short classes like you know,
like these seminars. Not all of them are scams, but
(15:46):
some of them actually do teach you shit, you know,
consultations or whatever. You know. My video guy does consultations.
I loos work on Instagram. He does all my edits
and that's the guy that you see that makes my
video magic, my visual magic on my page and stuff.
You really have to put yourself out there. But I
wouldn't leave my job just yet. I get it, but try.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Oh way.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
If you're an independent contractor, what you should do is
you should be able to make your own schedule right
or you should be able to at least work for
these and take three for yourself to do your business.
How old are you did she say how old she was?
I'm guessing you're fairly young, but check back in with me.
You know, I think it'll be wrong for you to
walk away from your job now, especially since you make
good money, Especially if you don't have any kids or anything.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
You really have nothing holding you back.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Stack your money and invest in yourself, so when you
finally leave your job, it can be for more than
just the reason of or I got my own blog,
I got No, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm a CEO of this, that,
and the other. I make my own business. I mean,
you know, I make my own money, and that'll be
your success story. I used my nine to five to
pay for my entrepreneurship period. All right, girl, So so
(16:59):
make sure you update me on your progress, you know,
just just let me know. But I do want to
know how old you are as well. It does sound
like you're fairly young, and that is the end of
that story, looks.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
So we got one more.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Hold up, Hold up, I know this shit getting good,
but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Oh we got a voice note, Shaw, we got a
voice note. Okay, here y'alls.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
Yeah. So my question was basically, being from Baltimore, I
wanted to know, like, as a first generation in college student,
I see a lot of myself and justin how she
was able to put both theom on the map. So
my question basically is how is just able to navigate
her success and enjoy it while not letting survivors get
to her, because coming out the city, it can feel like, Okay,
I'm the only one that made it out, and that's
something I'm going through right now.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
So somebody asked me a similar question like this before
when I did mister Jay Hills podcast.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
He's also a fellow Baltimorean, my brother.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
He is now in Atlanta doing his thing, bigger than
ever and only growing bigger with his business. But he
had asked me the same question, Actually, do I ever
have survivor's guilt? Baby girl? Hell no, I'm sorry, there's
no other way to put it. No, No, I don't.
And then somebody else had asked me when I first
(18:11):
listened to your voice, No, did I feel like that
earlier on? You know, cause I've been in this game,
in this business, in this industry or what you know
so called for going on ten years now, you know,
And so.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Did I feel that way early on?
Speaker 4 (18:27):
No?
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I just knew I had to get the fuck out.
I knew coming from where I grew up, I looked around.
This is not where I need to be. This is
not where I have to be for the rest of
my life. This is not where I'm gonna be for
the rest of my life. Fuck, No, I can't do it.
So survivor's guilt absolutely not. What I like to see
more success come out of Baltimore. Yes, is that my responsibility? No,
(18:50):
I had to get to a point like that, you
know where I said that and not felt bad for it.
I used to feel bad for saying shit like that.
Now I don't. Everybody is responsible for themselves. I try
to help wherever I can. I give money, I give opportunities,
and all of that. Now, whether or not people going
to do what's right with the money and opportunities, that's
(19:12):
on them. I have too much responsibility and too many
things that's going on in my life that I need
to focus on because I need to continue to grow
my riches.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
I need to continue to raise my child.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
I need to continue I'm pregnant again, I have a family.
I got other goals as well, not just to be
successful financially. I have to build generational wealth. That's what
I'm doing, and that takes a long time. I was
just piggybacking off of what I said about the story,
the previous story. No, it takes a long time to
get where you really can say Okay, I'm comfortable. I'm
(19:48):
still not comfortable where I am. I still got a
lot of work today. So no, baby, I don't feel
survivor's guilt. No, I don't, and I don't think you
should either. You said your first generation college went to college.
If anything, the people around you, your family, and your
friends should feel motivated to see that anybody can do that.
We got some of the smartest motherfuckers in Baltimore City.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Let me tell you.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
We're smart, We're creative, We're an innovative city. We make
gold out of dirt. Okay, we can do that. Shit,
I've done it. So many people can do it, but
a lot of us are in our own way.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
You know what I'm saying. Then, a lot of people
are afraid to.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Explore new things because we get so accustomed to where
where we come from and how we were raised. You
get what I'm saying, And Nah, that's not the way.
You gotta jump out there. You gotta step out there.
And so don't feel guilty. They're supposed to feel pushed
and motivated by what you do. And don't feel like
(20:47):
you have the responsibility of taking care of everybody because
you don't. You just the baby and you trying to
find your way your damn self, and you've seen ambitious.
That tells me something. You have some type of ambition.
You can't teach that. So even if you tried to
go back and gather four or five family members to
do that, they gotta have your mindset.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
You had a mindset to say.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna get up out
of Baltimore, I'm gonna do this, I'm a this, I'm this,
I'm gonna at A B and C.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And so I get all the way to Z and
then I'm gonna start over. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
That's your mindset. You're not stuck. You're not stuck, and
you didn't want to be stuck. So if we get
to get out of our own way, we won't actually
ever have to blame a person for making it and
not coming back to get us. How about you following me?
How about you chase me? How about you follow your
fucking dreams. I'm not gonna come back and get you.
(21:40):
Because sometimes we go back and we don't make it
the fuck back out where we were. It just is
what it is, and that comes with the hate in
the city to see somebody who actually made it be successfubl.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
So you know how it is in our city, You
know how it is.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
I can't speak for other cities, but I imagine that shit
is not only in Baltimore City, It's in any any
urban city. You get what I'm saying. And it's always
like that. A lot of people want to pull you
back in. They scared to see you flourished. We want
you to win, but don't win too much. You gotta
take us with you. But what the fuck you doing
while I'm grinding? What you're doing, while you waiting for
(22:15):
me to come back and get you, You still sitting
there chilling and shit, Nah, ain't no growth there.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
I can help.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
I love to help people who have potential, who want
to do something.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Maybe they don't know exactly what they want to do,
but they got.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Some type of some type of ambition where they can
meet me halfway or just a little bit something that
I can take and I can parachute that bitch. I
can help you amplify what you are already thinking or
with your ideas, then bring it to life and help
that out for you.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
You know, so, I thank you for that question.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Baby Girl, and that is the end of the Carefully
Reckless episode. For today, I love you guys. I just
want to give a big shout out to Atlanta. The
second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival was so fun and
I want to also give a shout out to Wallow
and Gilly. They were funny, fucked. The engagement that they
had with that audience was great. I want to give
a shout out the Horrible Decisions. They also had a
(23:06):
good show as well. And then they said, t I
came through there and I wasn't even there, Talo, Why
the fucking ex them to stay for me?
Speaker 2 (23:15):
You're as one finance man.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Ha. All right, y'all, Well, make sure you tune into
Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect podcast network as well
as The Breakfast Club on Thursdays. Make sure you call
up and so I can fix your mask. One eight
hundred five eight five one oh five to one.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Peace Can't.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
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