June 1, 2022 • 28 mins
It’s hard to know what to expect when starting the role of caregiver. Changes in a relationship with a loved one require caregivers to navigate the ever-changing emotions that come with the territory. Especially for young caregivers, the road to striking a balance between sacrifice and self-care can be a long one. But after her father’s heart attack, actress and caregiver Jennie Garth redefined her relationship with her dad and managed to strengthen their connection in deeper ways than expected. Understanding the power of boundaries, Jennie now shares how she grew as a caregiver, learned to ask for help, and looks forward to an evolving relationship with movement.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone. I'm Holly Robinson, pete actor, author, advocate, do
it All mom, and I'm also a caregiver. And this
is care Walks, a podcast from I Heart Radio and
Volteran Arthritis Pain Gel. It's a show for family caregivers
who give everything to everyone and need to make time
(00:21):
for themselves through movement. Every episode is designed for you
to walk as you listen, So just think of me
and my guests as your weekly walking buddies. We'll discover
a community ourselves and maybe even alleviate some joint pain
due to arthritis in the process as we walk together
and connect to the best parts of being a caregiver.
(00:42):
So glad you could join us for another episode of
care Walks. You know what I love most about our
time together. It makes me feel like we're building a community,
a community of family caregivers. And with each walk we
take together and each conversation we have, it makes me
feel a little less alone. All right now, just a reminder.
(01:06):
Right now you're listening to the full version of this episode,
but if you don't have time for a full walk today,
then go check out our bridged version of the same episode.
It's like cliff notes for podcasts. Okay, In today's episode,
we're going to be digging into the shifting dynamics when
adult children become caregivers for their parents. Now, this is
something I know a lot about, as I was a
(01:28):
caregiver for many years for my dad, and I'm not
gonna lie, it's a very unsettling change to that relationship.
We love our parents, but it can be really strange
when all of a sudden they're no longer the ones
taking care of us, and we are the ones taking
care of them. We're setting the rules, and we're the
ones who are awake at night worried about how they're doing. Now,
(01:49):
as a parent myself, I can see the other side
of the coin how those changes in the relationship can
also really be challenging for parents who need care. I
am really looking forward to speaking with today's guest on
this topic. Not only is she an actor, advocate, and podcaster,
but she is also a family caregiver who took care
(02:10):
of her father when he suffered from a heart attack.
I'm talking about my friend Jenny Garth. I've known Jenny
for many years and I'm looking forward to connecting with
her and comparing our experiences of caring for our parents. Yes,
is challenging, for sure, but there's also something really special
about being a caregiver to a parent as their adult child.
(02:32):
It gives you a whole new opportunity to get to
know them, and I'm really interested to hear Jenny talk
about how it may have shaped her life and relationship
with her father in really positive ways. I also know
that Jenny has struggled with joint pain, as so many
of us caregivers do, so I'm going to ask her
about her own relationship with movement and how she keeps
(02:52):
active with osteo arthritis. Before we get to our conversation
with Jenny, let's get moving and start our walk with intention,
an intention of gratitude. We sometimes forget to express gratitude
to even the simplest gifts in our lives. There's a
lot to appreciate about where we are in this moment.
(03:17):
Show gratitude for your body on this walk and all
that it is doing to keep you moving forward. Think
about how the parts of your body must work in
harmony for you to do the amazing things you do
every day. It's not always easy, I know, but your
body shows up for you used today as a reminder
to share that strength, appreciate your movement, and consider how
(03:41):
you can connect with someone who might need that little
nudge to find that gratitude today too. We can only
be as strong as the connections we make, whether that
is sharing a beautiful memory or deepening your connection with yourself.
Give thanks for the important connections in your life as
(04:04):
you settle into the rhythm of your walk. I'm gonna
keep talking and share with you my conversation with our
guests Jenny Garth, and together will widen our community of caregivers.
Today I have the pleasure of talking to not only
a great friend of mine, but also a magnificent actress,
(04:24):
fellow podcaster and caregiver, Jenny Garth. Like me, Jenny cared
for her father for many years, and she has recently
spoken out about living with osteo arthritis. Jenny, thank you
so much for joining us. Hey, Holly, I'm so glad
to see you too. This is an awesome way to
have some girl time catch up. I know, I'm I
(04:46):
just follow you on the Instagram. I see all your work.
I saw the whales in Vancouver. Oh my god. Oh well,
I follow you as well, and that social media used
for good. It keeps us in contact with each other exactly.
This program is designed to support caregivers. UM share a
little bit with us about your journey as a caregiver. Well,
(05:07):
it started off really young. I was about thirty and
my father suffered his first massive heart attack. We lived
in Illinois on farm. Everything was perfect and idellic, and
my dad was, you know, this big strong man. All
of a sudden he was, you know, incapacitated and having
a heart attack back then, all those years ago, was
(05:29):
a lot different than having a heart attack now. So
it was much more invasive and disruptive to life and
and so much harder to come back from. So that
really changed my life as a young girl, uprooted up
our family. We had to move to Arizona for a
drier climate for him, leave some siblings behind. It was
really a pretty traumatic experience. Then. This was a few
(05:54):
years later. My mom was having to work and continued
to like do what she needed to due to keep
the household going, and so I would fill in for her.
UM And that was when I was already living out
in l a and and acting. But I would take
breaks so that I could go back and take care
of my dad. I think what's so great about our
(06:15):
conversations that we both had to be caregivers at a
young age. My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease when
I was just eighteen, headed to college, so many new
things in my life, and really considered just not going
to college so that I could take care of my dad.
What do you think the biggest adjustment is that you
(06:36):
had to make as a young caregiver. I mean just
the sacrifice that you have to make to be there
for someone on that level. It's, if you know, it's
an all encompassing sacrifice. So when you are actually taking
care of someone like that, you're a hundred percent responsible
for another grown, adult human being. It's not you know,
(06:59):
it's not this same as when you have a baby
and you kind of like ease your way into being
a mother. This as a young girl was like, okay, wow,
I'm going to jump in and do this the best
I know how, And it was a lot. I think
that it had a lot of, you know, impact on
just every aspect of my life. Yeah, I mean becoming
(07:22):
a caregiver for a parent. You mentioned, you know, when
you have a baby, it's a different thing. You're two
completely different dynamic. But when you're when it's your dad.
You know what, what were the biggest shifts in your
relationship with your dad when you became his caregiver? Well,
the shifts had already unfortunately started to happen as he
(07:43):
went through his health problems associated with cardiovascular disease and
all the things that came with that. He was my
you know, this big, strong hero to me and there's
nothing he couldn't do. And then when he got sick,
that just changed, and um, I saw him on such
a vulnerable level, and it was so hard to watch
(08:05):
your hero, your dad, decline like that. You know, a
lot of it came from his own self doubt of
his own self worth, what he how he felt as
a man and as the provider for our family, and
and all of those shifts that happened, and then being
dependent on other people was very, very difficult for him.
(08:27):
So it made it kind of frictious sometimes when you know,
he didn't want to be taken care of and somebody
had to take care of him, had to help him
up and down into the bathroom and to bathe and
all the things that you have to do. From that point,
forward as a young girl, something inside of you switches
and you become uber responsible for you feel like everything.
(08:52):
I would say that's the biggest dynamic that shift for
me was just going from being just the daughter and
looking up to my daddy, my big, strong daddy, and
then now being responsible for his his care and and
like you said, you know, we just didn't have a
lot of information back then about health and wellness. And
(09:14):
we didn't have you know, Google and and and we
didn't have all these search and podcasts. We didn't have
the podcasts. We didn't have anybody to talk to about this.
We just we just white knuckled it, right, We just
you just pushed through. And I will say that one
of the the best things about being a caregiver was
(09:36):
going through sort of this evolution of emotions about my dad.
And we had an interesting relationship like many people do
with their fathers, many many daughters, but we there were
a lot of things that we hadn't said to each
other and dealt with my dad a lot of baggage,
And so I found that we had opportunity to have
a lot of talks because we spent time together to
(10:00):
you find it hard to set boundaries as a caregiver
and connect. You know, you want to try to be
there and talk and connect with your dad, but you also,
you know, you're sort of in charge. That was an
interesting dynamic for me. Yeah, it's it's weird to be
in charge of your parents, and they don't like it either,
(10:21):
so it makes us super challenging. When I would go
and take care of my dad on my own, it
was just me and him, and we're both very very
quiet people, like we are the kind of people that
don't need to talk just for the sake of talking.
Our energy is enough for each other. And we would
just go on drives a lot and be in silence
(10:44):
and just really enjoy that connection, that unsaid bond that
we had, which was something that I miss because there
aren't a lot of people in the world that I
can just hang out with and not talk to. Well
that's special. Yeah, So we we got to spend a
lot of really quality time together and jeez, I'm so
(11:09):
grateful for that. You know, like many caregivers, did you
go through like an evolution of emotions throughout your experience
as a caregiver and what or who were the strongest
support systems for you and your family for me. Back then,
with my dad, I had my mom to talk to.
I have my siblings Now with my mom, I have
(11:31):
my siblings to talk to about it, to sort of
share stories and the ups and downs of it and
the frustrations of it. And I feel like that's so
important to have somebody or more than one person that
you can just talk to and kind of vent with
and let go of all that responsibility for a minute,
(11:52):
no how valuable you are, and pat yourself on the back, like,
give your self that accolades, give yourself that acknowledgement of
how much you're doing, how much is on your plate.
They always say, when the oxygen mask comes out of
the ceiling on the airplane, put it on yourself first,
(12:15):
and then put it on someone else. Because if you
if you don't take care of yourself, like we've talked
about you, you really aren't going to be able to
take care of anyone else. That burnout is so real
and and if you don't address it, I feel like
there's just a disaster waiting to happen because you can't
handle it all on your own. It's so so true.
(12:37):
How was watching your father's health challenges how did that
change how you think about your own physical health seeing
him struggle. It didn't really affect me at that young age,
But when I did turn thirty, I started taking things
much more seriously because that was my dad was thirty
(13:00):
seven when he had his first massive heart attack, and
so I was like, I'm gonna get ahead of this.
I'm thirty, I've got I'm ahead of him by seven years.
I'm really gonna like look into it. So I started
to really dial in on my own health care and
like being my own advocate. And I felt like I
was ahead of the curve at the time, you know,
like being thirty, because oftentimes you wait too long until
(13:23):
you've already got a problem, or you're starting to feel,
you know, ill, or you notice something's not right. It's imperative,
in my opinion, to take the bull by the horns
and get in there and take care of yourself before
something goes wrong. Isn't that interesting? I did the same thing, Jenny,
when my dad he was diagnosed with Parkinson's at a
(13:46):
very young age, young onset Parkinson's and in his forties.
And when I turned the age that my dad was
when he was diagnosed, which was around forty six, forty seven,
I was watching for tremors. I was I went to
a neurologist and and I, um, you know, I said,
is there anything I can do to get ahead of this?
And and they were like, relax, Holly, you know you can't.
(14:09):
That's not the way this goes you. You know, definitely
take care of yourself. But but isn't it interesting when
you when you're the age that your your parent was
when they got a diagnosis or or a health crisis happened,
how you you sort of go inward and go, Okay,
let me start looking at my own health and wellness.
And maybe that's, you know, a gift. That's one of
(14:30):
the gifts of it is that if this hadn't happened
with my dad, I wouldn't have been so conscious of
my health and been so proactive in it, and I
could be in the same boat that he was, you know,
who knows. And that continues as you get older because
you just you want to stay healthy for as long
as you can. I just started to eat much more healthy.
(14:51):
I've always been a healthy eater, always been vegetarian. And
also knowing your family history, like researching your actual lineage
and your biological parents and their parents, and how what
is passed down in a generation after generation of your family,
because some families are more prone to cardiovascular disease, some
(15:15):
families are more prone to cancer, and you can kind
of see the pattern before before it becomes a problem.
And then from your family knowledge, going to the doctor
and getting baseline of your own health like what is
your blood pressure, what is your cholesterol, what is your
b m I, And talking to your doctor, in forming
(15:36):
a relationship with them, letting them know like, these are
my genetic my family predispositions to an illness, and these
are the things I'd like to keep an eye on
and be really targeted at looking at. Yeah, being really
proactive with your own health is so key. And again,
we went through caregiving situations with our dad's pre Internet,
(15:58):
pre Google, so we were the real m V piece.
That's what I'm saying. I'm claiming that, Oh my gosh.
More from my conversation with Jenny Garth. After a brief
commercial break and now back to my conversation with Jenny Garth.
(16:27):
I want to talk a little bit about joint pain.
You recently shared that you are dealing with ostio arthritis,
And I would love to know what what did the
road to your oh A diagnosis look like? Well, it
was a full of denial. Let's start with that, because
who wants to say, oh, I have joined pain. I
(16:50):
feel like I might have arthritis. Like for me, that
was like something that old people had to deal with,
and I was just not ready to cross that bridge
or just acknowledge it. And um, but the fact is,
it's not an old people's disease quote unquote. You can
have austo arthritis or forms of arthritis, you have joint
(17:12):
paint at any age, and it's just specific to who
you are, your genetic makeup, and what your lifestyle is
like and the foods that you're eating. So it all
contributes to it. But for me, I've always had bad hips,
Like it's a family thing, Like both my parents had
hip replacements, and um, I knew it was coming. I
don't even think I've ever shared this with anyone, but
(17:34):
in two thousand twenty, right after the hospitals open back up,
I underwent a hip replacement because I thought, I'm young,
I wanna I know this is coming. I'm having a
lot of discomfort and my quality of life is diminishing.
I couldn't hike with my dogs, I couldn't play golf,
I couldn't sit comfortably with all the things. And so
(17:57):
I got ahead of that and did the hip replace
and recovered beautifully. I was like up and going almost instantly. Wow, Yeah,
that was it. I was only forty six something like that, right,
But it was interesting because from that I felt like
I was a little bit even more in touch with
(18:18):
my body, especially my joints, because that major hip joint
is a big deal. And I had felt like the
stiffening of my knees a little and you know, when
you wake up, your hands are kind of sore when
you bend them around, and you know, you're like, wait,
what is this feeling? Like, what is why am I hurting?
(18:39):
You know all the time. So just listening to my
body and listening to how my body healed from the
hip replacement and how my body sort of compensated for
the redistribution of weight during all of that, it had
a major impact on the rest of my body. So
it was during that time that I started to notice
(19:01):
that they're that the signs of arthritis were coming. You
mentioned products that users there, anything that you're doing or
products that you're using specifically that have really helped with
your oh A joint pain. Well, there's over the counter
voltaire in arthritis pain gel is something that you can
rub on and get relief with that. I use it
(19:24):
my siblings. I'll use it and then people come out
of the woodwork like oh, vault Teren. I use vols
Aran too, because it's like it really does help. Because
there's there's nothing that they can do at this point
to cure arthritis. I don't believe or to make it
completely go away, so treating it at this juncture is
what we can do. My daughter, I still have my
(19:48):
almost sixteen year old at home with me, and so
I'm continuing to drive her around Los Angeles like an
uber driver constantly, which is hard, like driving and sitting
in a like that physician in traffic for hours upon hours.
Sometimes it's you can get stiff. So getting up and
getting out of the car and moving around is really
important because driving is one of the hardest things on me.
(20:11):
I have five dogs. I'm constantly bending and lifting and
taking care of them and playing, and you know, I
just want to stay really active and also Holly, oh
my God, I'm so excited that I'm going to be
grandma someday. Not yet. Wait, I thought you were going
to break some news to me. I wasn't ready. No, no, no,
I'm not ready either, but I'm missing. I'm really looking
(20:33):
forward to that. And I want to be super like active,
and I want to stay like, you know, tip top shape,
not just from me and my dogs anymore, my husband,
but from my grandkids someday. Yes, absolutely. I mean I'm
fifty seven now and and a lot of my friends
are becoming grandparents and and I'm like, wait, what, You're
(20:55):
the same age as me, How is that possible? But
then you know, I'm like, I got twenty my twins
are twenty four, Jenny, I'm like, it's going to happen
at some point. So so I'm very much like you
and that I want to stay active. I want to
stay healthy. I want to stay moving, realizing the importance
of you know, exercise and movement the whole package, the
(21:18):
whole like physical, mental, emotional, all the well beings that
go on with a person, like all the parts of
me that I need to keep well. That's my goal.
You got your your daughter still home and still there,
and um, does she ever work out with you or
move with you or hike with you or or is
it just you and the dogs? And she just wants
(21:39):
to ride to a party pretty much that one. Yeah, no,
unless it's like a TikTok dance that she's gonna get
me to do. No. But my older daughter and I
have a year old and a nineteen year old. They're
both in New York right now. Um, so I go
visit them and we walk like so much. I there's
(22:00):
a funny story when when I was visiting my my
daughter's one time, I was experiencing some hormonal flux. Let's
just say this was not that long ago. I'm feeling you.
And it was a hot, sweaty day and they wanted
to go on a city bike ride. So I was like, yeah,
let's do it. They've got our city bikes. And all
of a sudden, I don't know how it happened. We
were in Brooklyn. They had me ride the bike over
(22:23):
the bridge over the whole and they I was just
drenched head to toe, like dripping sweat, and they were
laughing so hard, and I was like, I'm good, keep going,
We're fine, Like not going to acknowledge the fact that
I was like, oh what, yeah, Oh my gosh. They
come home like, so I go there. I'm very active
(22:44):
with them. And then they come back here and we're
just like, let's go to the beach, let's fly like Kai,
let's go on a hike, let's do this so very
I love going. We're good at that. My daughter just
has been living in Brooklyn for a while now, and
I drive a with that bridge and have never attempted
to ride a bike over it. So you can have
major problems that now I won't, but you get major
(23:07):
props for me. I think that's pretty amazing. But this
one I want to know, though, Jenny, what are some
of your favorite self care practices. What just makes you
feel like you love yourself? Being outside, being in nature,
like you know, just putting down the work and going
outside and having some good fresh air is one of
(23:28):
my favorite things to do. I've also become addicted to
my bathtub, yes, I and I'm so. I'm very conscious
of the environment, so I will never fill my bathup
like I like a quarter tub full of water. I
will punish myself and only have like parts of myself
in the hot water because I don't want to. I
(23:49):
feel like it's so excessive to like fill a giant
tub of water. Oh my gosh, no, no, no, wait,
can I just have a mom fashion moment. This is
the one thing about me that I am the opposite.
It's not even I'm not even, It's just I'm so
forgetful that I leave the water running. And anytime my
family knows that I'm drawing a bat, they all stand
(24:11):
in the bathroom because I'll go off and do Nightsteen
other things. And whether it's just a couple of drops
of oil or turning off the lights, lighting a candle,
I think that's a really good moment of self care,
doesn't require a whole lot of other stuff. Yeah, I am.
I'm a meditator too. I love to sit quietly. It
(24:32):
sort of grounds me back to my true nature of
just being quiet. I will light some incense before I
go to bed, just and also, you know, it's so
easy to watch the news before you go to sleep,
or watch something on TV before you go to sleep,
But I try to remember to turn the TV off
and just be in like silence and let my body
(24:54):
sort of calm down the way it's rhythmically supposed to
and have a good night's sleep. So sleep is the
most important thing. And just getting back to what we
were talking about with caregiving for for our moms eventually, Um,
what do you think you would do differently when and
if you're in that position? M I mean, I would
somewhat know what I'm doing, somewhat know how to keep
(25:16):
another person alive like that. That was like you said before,
I was just winging it when I was younger, But
now all the experience of being a mom and I
will be much better at it and also more patient. Um,
just a little bit. I'm more grounded now as a
as a person. And you know, every decade represents something
(25:38):
wonderful and new, and and I've just turned fifty and
I'm really excited to see what that brings like for
me as far as like how it changes me. But
I think I'm just less reactive now, more patient, more
able to set aside my own whatever and just focus
(25:59):
on someone else and their well being. And then I'm
also able to sort of categorize things a little bit
better now and say this is my block of time
that I'm going to be, you know, really focusing on
taking care of my mom or my kids or whatever
it is. And then I'm going to carve out half
an hour and for a bath for myself, you know,
(26:20):
like there's I'm I'm going to be able to take
care of everybody a little bit better, including myself. Yeah,
so I would throw in the they're asked for help,
for help, I asked for don't you like not do
it all? You can't do it all, and then you
don't want to look up ten years later. Build your schedule. Yeah,
(26:41):
like I have, Like a thing that I learned from
a therapist was a seven day week, Like look at
your month in seven days increments and make sure you're
feeling like if your life is a pie chart, right,
and here's the part where you're taking care of someone else.
Here's your work, here's your room ant's life, here's your
social life, here's your self care life. Make sure your
(27:04):
pie is really as balanced as you can when you're
divvying up your time and your energy. It's really important
to have that balance as much as you can. It
is so important. And Jenny, I really appreciate this conversation.
It's been so awesome talking to you. I feel like
we see each other and we've worked together, we've done things.
(27:25):
We see each other in passing, but this is like
the longest conversation we've ever had, and it's the best one,
and it's it's I think. I hope that everyone listening
will we'll take something from this. And I really appreciate
you joining me for care walk So thank you Jenny
gar Happy, so happy to do it. Great to see
you you too. I want to thank Jenny Garth again
(27:48):
for being my guest today. Really enjoyed our conversation. We
talked about the parent child dynamic, how she saw her
dad is such a strong figure as a child, the
importance of balance in your life when you're a caregiver,
and some of Jenny's favorite self care practices. She loves
her baths, so do I, meditation and being in nature.
(28:12):
Well that's it for today's episode. Thanks again to Jenny
for joining me. Don't forget to tune in next week
when we talk all about nutrition and joint pain with
Dr Monica Agarwall. Care Walks is produced by I Heart
Radio in partnership with al teren Arthritis Pain Gael and
hosted by me Holly Robinson Pete. Our executive producer is
(28:34):
Molly SOSHA. Our head engineer is Matt Stillo. This episode
was written and produced by Sierra Kaiser, with special thanks
to our partners at GSK Platform, GSK Weber, Shandwick and
Edelman
Hi everyone. I'm Holly Robinson, pete actor, author, advocate, do
it All mom, and I'm also a caregiver. And this
is care Walks, a podcast from I Heart Radio and
Volteran Arthritis Pain Gel. It's a show for family caregivers
who give everything to everyone and need to make time
(00:21):
for themselves through movement. Every episode is designed for you
to walk as you listen, So just think of me
and my guests as your weekly walking buddies. We'll discover
a community ourselves and maybe even alleviate some joint pain
due to arthritis in the process as we walk together
and connect to the best parts of being a caregiver.
(00:42):
So glad you could join us for another episode of
care Walks. You know what I love most about our
time together. It makes me feel like we're building a community,
a community of family caregivers. And with each walk we
take together and each conversation we have, it makes me
feel a little less alone. All right now, just a reminder.
(01:06):
Right now you're listening to the full version of this episode,
but if you don't have time for a full walk today,
then go check out our bridged version of the same episode.
It's like cliff notes for podcasts. Okay, In today's episode,
we're going to be digging into the shifting dynamics when
adult children become caregivers for their parents. Now, this is
something I know a lot about, as I was a
(01:28):
caregiver for many years for my dad, and I'm not
gonna lie, it's a very unsettling change to that relationship.
We love our parents, but it can be really strange
when all of a sudden they're no longer the ones
taking care of us, and we are the ones taking
care of them. We're setting the rules, and we're the
ones who are awake at night worried about how they're doing. Now,
(01:49):
as a parent myself, I can see the other side
of the coin how those changes in the relationship can
also really be challenging for parents who need care. I
am really looking forward to speaking with today's guest on
this topic. Not only is she an actor, advocate, and podcaster,
but she is also a family caregiver who took care
(02:10):
of her father when he suffered from a heart attack.
I'm talking about my friend Jenny Garth. I've known Jenny
for many years and I'm looking forward to connecting with
her and comparing our experiences of caring for our parents. Yes,
is challenging, for sure, but there's also something really special
about being a caregiver to a parent as their adult child.
(02:32):
It gives you a whole new opportunity to get to
know them, and I'm really interested to hear Jenny talk
about how it may have shaped her life and relationship
with her father in really positive ways. I also know
that Jenny has struggled with joint pain, as so many
of us caregivers do, so I'm going to ask her
about her own relationship with movement and how she keeps
(02:52):
active with osteo arthritis. Before we get to our conversation
with Jenny, let's get moving and start our walk with intention,
an intention of gratitude. We sometimes forget to express gratitude
to even the simplest gifts in our lives. There's a
lot to appreciate about where we are in this moment.
(03:17):
Show gratitude for your body on this walk and all
that it is doing to keep you moving forward. Think
about how the parts of your body must work in
harmony for you to do the amazing things you do
every day. It's not always easy, I know, but your
body shows up for you used today as a reminder
to share that strength, appreciate your movement, and consider how
(03:41):
you can connect with someone who might need that little
nudge to find that gratitude today too. We can only
be as strong as the connections we make, whether that
is sharing a beautiful memory or deepening your connection with yourself.
Give thanks for the important connections in your life as
(04:04):
you settle into the rhythm of your walk. I'm gonna
keep talking and share with you my conversation with our
guests Jenny Garth, and together will widen our community of caregivers.
Today I have the pleasure of talking to not only
a great friend of mine, but also a magnificent actress,
(04:24):
fellow podcaster and caregiver, Jenny Garth. Like me, Jenny cared
for her father for many years, and she has recently
spoken out about living with osteo arthritis. Jenny, thank you
so much for joining us. Hey, Holly, I'm so glad
to see you too. This is an awesome way to
have some girl time catch up. I know, I'm I
(04:46):
just follow you on the Instagram. I see all your work.
I saw the whales in Vancouver. Oh my god. Oh well,
I follow you as well, and that social media used
for good. It keeps us in contact with each other exactly.
This program is designed to support caregivers. UM share a
little bit with us about your journey as a caregiver. Well,
(05:07):
it started off really young. I was about thirty and
my father suffered his first massive heart attack. We lived
in Illinois on farm. Everything was perfect and idellic, and
my dad was, you know, this big strong man. All
of a sudden he was, you know, incapacitated and having
a heart attack back then, all those years ago, was
(05:29):
a lot different than having a heart attack now. So
it was much more invasive and disruptive to life and
and so much harder to come back from. So that
really changed my life as a young girl, uprooted up
our family. We had to move to Arizona for a
drier climate for him, leave some siblings behind. It was
really a pretty traumatic experience. Then. This was a few
(05:54):
years later. My mom was having to work and continued
to like do what she needed to due to keep
the household going, and so I would fill in for her.
UM And that was when I was already living out
in l a and and acting. But I would take
breaks so that I could go back and take care
of my dad. I think what's so great about our
(06:15):
conversations that we both had to be caregivers at a
young age. My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease when
I was just eighteen, headed to college, so many new
things in my life, and really considered just not going
to college so that I could take care of my dad.
What do you think the biggest adjustment is that you
(06:36):
had to make as a young caregiver. I mean just
the sacrifice that you have to make to be there
for someone on that level. It's, if you know, it's
an all encompassing sacrifice. So when you are actually taking
care of someone like that, you're a hundred percent responsible
for another grown, adult human being. It's not you know,
(06:59):
it's not this same as when you have a baby
and you kind of like ease your way into being
a mother. This as a young girl was like, okay, wow,
I'm going to jump in and do this the best
I know how, And it was a lot. I think
that it had a lot of, you know, impact on
just every aspect of my life. Yeah, I mean becoming
(07:22):
a caregiver for a parent. You mentioned, you know, when
you have a baby, it's a different thing. You're two
completely different dynamic. But when you're when it's your dad.
You know what, what were the biggest shifts in your
relationship with your dad when you became his caregiver? Well,
the shifts had already unfortunately started to happen as he
(07:43):
went through his health problems associated with cardiovascular disease and
all the things that came with that. He was my
you know, this big, strong hero to me and there's
nothing he couldn't do. And then when he got sick,
that just changed, and um, I saw him on such
a vulnerable level, and it was so hard to watch
(08:05):
your hero, your dad, decline like that. You know, a
lot of it came from his own self doubt of
his own self worth, what he how he felt as
a man and as the provider for our family, and
and all of those shifts that happened, and then being
dependent on other people was very, very difficult for him.
(08:27):
So it made it kind of frictious sometimes when you know,
he didn't want to be taken care of and somebody
had to take care of him, had to help him
up and down into the bathroom and to bathe and
all the things that you have to do. From that point,
forward as a young girl, something inside of you switches
and you become uber responsible for you feel like everything.
(08:52):
I would say that's the biggest dynamic that shift for
me was just going from being just the daughter and
looking up to my daddy, my big, strong daddy, and
then now being responsible for his his care and and
like you said, you know, we just didn't have a
lot of information back then about health and wellness. And
(09:14):
we didn't have you know, Google and and and we
didn't have all these search and podcasts. We didn't have
the podcasts. We didn't have anybody to talk to about this.
We just we just white knuckled it, right, We just
you just pushed through. And I will say that one
of the the best things about being a caregiver was
(09:36):
going through sort of this evolution of emotions about my dad.
And we had an interesting relationship like many people do
with their fathers, many many daughters, but we there were
a lot of things that we hadn't said to each
other and dealt with my dad a lot of baggage,
And so I found that we had opportunity to have
a lot of talks because we spent time together to
(10:00):
you find it hard to set boundaries as a caregiver
and connect. You know, you want to try to be
there and talk and connect with your dad, but you also,
you know, you're sort of in charge. That was an
interesting dynamic for me. Yeah, it's it's weird to be
in charge of your parents, and they don't like it either,
(10:21):
so it makes us super challenging. When I would go
and take care of my dad on my own, it
was just me and him, and we're both very very
quiet people, like we are the kind of people that
don't need to talk just for the sake of talking.
Our energy is enough for each other. And we would
just go on drives a lot and be in silence
(10:44):
and just really enjoy that connection, that unsaid bond that
we had, which was something that I miss because there
aren't a lot of people in the world that I
can just hang out with and not talk to. Well
that's special. Yeah, So we we got to spend a
lot of really quality time together and jeez, I'm so
(11:09):
grateful for that. You know, like many caregivers, did you
go through like an evolution of emotions throughout your experience
as a caregiver and what or who were the strongest
support systems for you and your family for me. Back then,
with my dad, I had my mom to talk to.
I have my siblings Now with my mom, I have
(11:31):
my siblings to talk to about it, to sort of
share stories and the ups and downs of it and
the frustrations of it. And I feel like that's so
important to have somebody or more than one person that
you can just talk to and kind of vent with
and let go of all that responsibility for a minute,
(11:52):
no how valuable you are, and pat yourself on the back, like,
give your self that accolades, give yourself that acknowledgement of
how much you're doing, how much is on your plate.
They always say, when the oxygen mask comes out of
the ceiling on the airplane, put it on yourself first,
(12:15):
and then put it on someone else. Because if you
if you don't take care of yourself, like we've talked
about you, you really aren't going to be able to
take care of anyone else. That burnout is so real
and and if you don't address it, I feel like
there's just a disaster waiting to happen because you can't
handle it all on your own. It's so so true.
(12:37):
How was watching your father's health challenges how did that
change how you think about your own physical health seeing
him struggle. It didn't really affect me at that young age,
But when I did turn thirty, I started taking things
much more seriously because that was my dad was thirty
(13:00):
seven when he had his first massive heart attack, and
so I was like, I'm gonna get ahead of this.
I'm thirty, I've got I'm ahead of him by seven years.
I'm really gonna like look into it. So I started
to really dial in on my own health care and
like being my own advocate. And I felt like I
was ahead of the curve at the time, you know,
like being thirty, because oftentimes you wait too long until
(13:23):
you've already got a problem, or you're starting to feel,
you know, ill, or you notice something's not right. It's imperative,
in my opinion, to take the bull by the horns
and get in there and take care of yourself before
something goes wrong. Isn't that interesting? I did the same thing, Jenny,
when my dad he was diagnosed with Parkinson's at a
(13:46):
very young age, young onset Parkinson's and in his forties.
And when I turned the age that my dad was
when he was diagnosed, which was around forty six, forty seven,
I was watching for tremors. I was I went to
a neurologist and and I, um, you know, I said,
is there anything I can do to get ahead of this?
And and they were like, relax, Holly, you know you can't.
(14:09):
That's not the way this goes you. You know, definitely
take care of yourself. But but isn't it interesting when
you when you're the age that your your parent was
when they got a diagnosis or or a health crisis happened,
how you you sort of go inward and go, Okay,
let me start looking at my own health and wellness.
And maybe that's, you know, a gift. That's one of
(14:30):
the gifts of it is that if this hadn't happened
with my dad, I wouldn't have been so conscious of
my health and been so proactive in it, and I
could be in the same boat that he was, you know,
who knows. And that continues as you get older because
you just you want to stay healthy for as long
as you can. I just started to eat much more healthy.
(14:51):
I've always been a healthy eater, always been vegetarian. And
also knowing your family history, like researching your actual lineage
and your biological parents and their parents, and how what
is passed down in a generation after generation of your family,
because some families are more prone to cardiovascular disease, some
(15:15):
families are more prone to cancer, and you can kind
of see the pattern before before it becomes a problem.
And then from your family knowledge, going to the doctor
and getting baseline of your own health like what is
your blood pressure, what is your cholesterol, what is your
b m I, And talking to your doctor, in forming
(15:36):
a relationship with them, letting them know like, these are
my genetic my family predispositions to an illness, and these
are the things I'd like to keep an eye on
and be really targeted at looking at. Yeah, being really
proactive with your own health is so key. And again,
we went through caregiving situations with our dad's pre Internet,
(15:58):
pre Google, so we were the real m V piece.
That's what I'm saying. I'm claiming that, Oh my gosh.
More from my conversation with Jenny Garth. After a brief
commercial break and now back to my conversation with Jenny Garth.
(16:27):
I want to talk a little bit about joint pain.
You recently shared that you are dealing with ostio arthritis,
And I would love to know what what did the
road to your oh A diagnosis look like? Well, it
was a full of denial. Let's start with that, because
who wants to say, oh, I have joined pain. I
(16:50):
feel like I might have arthritis. Like for me, that
was like something that old people had to deal with,
and I was just not ready to cross that bridge
or just acknowledge it. And um, but the fact is,
it's not an old people's disease quote unquote. You can
have austo arthritis or forms of arthritis, you have joint
(17:12):
paint at any age, and it's just specific to who
you are, your genetic makeup, and what your lifestyle is
like and the foods that you're eating. So it all
contributes to it. But for me, I've always had bad hips,
Like it's a family thing, Like both my parents had
hip replacements, and um, I knew it was coming. I
don't even think I've ever shared this with anyone, but
(17:34):
in two thousand twenty, right after the hospitals open back up,
I underwent a hip replacement because I thought, I'm young,
I wanna I know this is coming. I'm having a
lot of discomfort and my quality of life is diminishing.
I couldn't hike with my dogs, I couldn't play golf,
I couldn't sit comfortably with all the things. And so
(17:57):
I got ahead of that and did the hip replace
and recovered beautifully. I was like up and going almost instantly. Wow, Yeah,
that was it. I was only forty six something like that, right,
But it was interesting because from that I felt like
I was a little bit even more in touch with
(18:18):
my body, especially my joints, because that major hip joint
is a big deal. And I had felt like the
stiffening of my knees a little and you know, when
you wake up, your hands are kind of sore when
you bend them around, and you know, you're like, wait,
what is this feeling? Like, what is why am I hurting?
(18:39):
You know all the time. So just listening to my
body and listening to how my body healed from the
hip replacement and how my body sort of compensated for
the redistribution of weight during all of that, it had
a major impact on the rest of my body. So
it was during that time that I started to notice
(19:01):
that they're that the signs of arthritis were coming. You
mentioned products that users there, anything that you're doing or
products that you're using specifically that have really helped with
your oh A joint pain. Well, there's over the counter
voltaire in arthritis pain gel is something that you can
rub on and get relief with that. I use it
(19:24):
my siblings. I'll use it and then people come out
of the woodwork like oh, vault Teren. I use vols
Aran too, because it's like it really does help. Because
there's there's nothing that they can do at this point
to cure arthritis. I don't believe or to make it
completely go away, so treating it at this juncture is
what we can do. My daughter, I still have my
(19:48):
almost sixteen year old at home with me, and so
I'm continuing to drive her around Los Angeles like an
uber driver constantly, which is hard, like driving and sitting
in a like that physician in traffic for hours upon hours.
Sometimes it's you can get stiff. So getting up and
getting out of the car and moving around is really
important because driving is one of the hardest things on me.
(20:11):
I have five dogs. I'm constantly bending and lifting and
taking care of them and playing, and you know, I
just want to stay really active and also Holly, oh
my God, I'm so excited that I'm going to be
grandma someday. Not yet. Wait, I thought you were going
to break some news to me. I wasn't ready. No, no, no,
I'm not ready either, but I'm missing. I'm really looking
(20:33):
forward to that. And I want to be super like active,
and I want to stay like, you know, tip top shape,
not just from me and my dogs anymore, my husband,
but from my grandkids someday. Yes, absolutely. I mean I'm
fifty seven now and and a lot of my friends
are becoming grandparents and and I'm like, wait, what, You're
(20:55):
the same age as me, How is that possible? But
then you know, I'm like, I got twenty my twins
are twenty four, Jenny, I'm like, it's going to happen
at some point. So so I'm very much like you
and that I want to stay active. I want to
stay healthy. I want to stay moving, realizing the importance
of you know, exercise and movement the whole package, the
(21:18):
whole like physical, mental, emotional, all the well beings that
go on with a person, like all the parts of
me that I need to keep well. That's my goal.
You got your your daughter still home and still there,
and um, does she ever work out with you or
move with you or hike with you or or is
it just you and the dogs? And she just wants
(21:39):
to ride to a party pretty much that one. Yeah, no,
unless it's like a TikTok dance that she's gonna get
me to do. No. But my older daughter and I
have a year old and a nineteen year old. They're
both in New York right now. Um, so I go
visit them and we walk like so much. I there's
(22:00):
a funny story when when I was visiting my my
daughter's one time, I was experiencing some hormonal flux. Let's
just say this was not that long ago. I'm feeling you.
And it was a hot, sweaty day and they wanted
to go on a city bike ride. So I was like, yeah,
let's do it. They've got our city bikes. And all
of a sudden, I don't know how it happened. We
were in Brooklyn. They had me ride the bike over
(22:23):
the bridge over the whole and they I was just
drenched head to toe, like dripping sweat, and they were
laughing so hard, and I was like, I'm good, keep going,
We're fine, Like not going to acknowledge the fact that
I was like, oh what, yeah, Oh my gosh. They
come home like, so I go there. I'm very active
(22:44):
with them. And then they come back here and we're
just like, let's go to the beach, let's fly like Kai,
let's go on a hike, let's do this so very
I love going. We're good at that. My daughter just
has been living in Brooklyn for a while now, and
I drive a with that bridge and have never attempted
to ride a bike over it. So you can have
major problems that now I won't, but you get major
(23:07):
props for me. I think that's pretty amazing. But this
one I want to know, though, Jenny, what are some
of your favorite self care practices. What just makes you
feel like you love yourself? Being outside, being in nature,
like you know, just putting down the work and going
outside and having some good fresh air is one of
(23:28):
my favorite things to do. I've also become addicted to
my bathtub, yes, I and I'm so. I'm very conscious
of the environment, so I will never fill my bathup
like I like a quarter tub full of water. I
will punish myself and only have like parts of myself
in the hot water because I don't want to. I
(23:49):
feel like it's so excessive to like fill a giant
tub of water. Oh my gosh, no, no, no, wait,
can I just have a mom fashion moment. This is
the one thing about me that I am the opposite.
It's not even I'm not even, It's just I'm so
forgetful that I leave the water running. And anytime my
family knows that I'm drawing a bat, they all stand
(24:11):
in the bathroom because I'll go off and do Nightsteen
other things. And whether it's just a couple of drops
of oil or turning off the lights, lighting a candle,
I think that's a really good moment of self care,
doesn't require a whole lot of other stuff. Yeah, I am.
I'm a meditator too. I love to sit quietly. It
(24:32):
sort of grounds me back to my true nature of
just being quiet. I will light some incense before I
go to bed, just and also, you know, it's so
easy to watch the news before you go to sleep,
or watch something on TV before you go to sleep,
But I try to remember to turn the TV off
and just be in like silence and let my body
(24:54):
sort of calm down the way it's rhythmically supposed to
and have a good night's sleep. So sleep is the
most important thing. And just getting back to what we
were talking about with caregiving for for our moms eventually, Um,
what do you think you would do differently when and
if you're in that position? M I mean, I would
somewhat know what I'm doing, somewhat know how to keep
(25:16):
another person alive like that. That was like you said before,
I was just winging it when I was younger, But
now all the experience of being a mom and I
will be much better at it and also more patient. Um,
just a little bit. I'm more grounded now as a
as a person. And you know, every decade represents something
(25:38):
wonderful and new, and and I've just turned fifty and
I'm really excited to see what that brings like for
me as far as like how it changes me. But
I think I'm just less reactive now, more patient, more
able to set aside my own whatever and just focus
(25:59):
on someone else and their well being. And then I'm
also able to sort of categorize things a little bit
better now and say this is my block of time
that I'm going to be, you know, really focusing on
taking care of my mom or my kids or whatever
it is. And then I'm going to carve out half
an hour and for a bath for myself, you know,
(26:20):
like there's I'm I'm going to be able to take
care of everybody a little bit better, including myself. Yeah,
so I would throw in the they're asked for help,
for help, I asked for don't you like not do
it all? You can't do it all, and then you
don't want to look up ten years later. Build your schedule. Yeah,
(26:41):
like I have, Like a thing that I learned from
a therapist was a seven day week, Like look at
your month in seven days increments and make sure you're
feeling like if your life is a pie chart, right,
and here's the part where you're taking care of someone else.
Here's your work, here's your room ant's life, here's your
social life, here's your self care life. Make sure your
(27:04):
pie is really as balanced as you can when you're
divvying up your time and your energy. It's really important
to have that balance as much as you can. It
is so important. And Jenny, I really appreciate this conversation.
It's been so awesome talking to you. I feel like
we see each other and we've worked together, we've done things.
(27:25):
We see each other in passing, but this is like
the longest conversation we've ever had, and it's the best one,
and it's it's I think. I hope that everyone listening
will we'll take something from this. And I really appreciate
you joining me for care walk So thank you Jenny
gar Happy, so happy to do it. Great to see
you you too. I want to thank Jenny Garth again
(27:48):
for being my guest today. Really enjoyed our conversation. We
talked about the parent child dynamic, how she saw her
dad is such a strong figure as a child, the
importance of balance in your life when you're a caregiver,
and some of Jenny's favorite self care practices. She loves
her baths, so do I, meditation and being in nature.
(28:12):
Well that's it for today's episode. Thanks again to Jenny
for joining me. Don't forget to tune in next week
when we talk all about nutrition and joint pain with
Dr Monica Agarwall. Care Walks is produced by I Heart
Radio in partnership with al teren Arthritis Pain Gael and
hosted by me Holly Robinson Pete. Our executive producer is
(28:34):
Molly SOSHA. Our head engineer is Matt Stillo. This episode
was written and produced by Sierra Kaiser, with special thanks
to our partners at GSK Platform, GSK Weber, Shandwick and
Edelman
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