March 27, 2024 • 50 mins
MEME THIS, B*TCH! Pour yourself a glass of White Girl Rosé as we discuss OG Meme Lord Josh Ostrovsky (aka The Fat Jew) and his memoir, "Money Pizza Respect." We go balls-deep into this freaking epic book and cover splooging on Russian strippers, why making fun of Tampa is for hacks, Nintendo Power Gloves, the evolution of male friendship, top buns, pre-Trump era comedy, and how he literally invented being an influencer. We also pose the question: where is he???
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Cele you fucking dirty psychopath bitch who I want to fuck.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
You love me because I'm fucking crazy, don't you?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I literally do, because actually, like, I only get turned
on lately when something's really fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Dude, the second I first saw you, when we were
in the locker room after playing Sea Team basketball, and
I saw your massive fucking cock and your one huge
ball and your other weirdly kind of deformed ball because
you had some disease as a kid, but that's totally chill.
I was like, this dude is so fucking awesome. I'm
so jealous of his huge dick.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, I think my dad fucked my mom so hard
that my balls are deformed because he kept on fucking
her while she was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Dude, pass me some more cheese toodles. I want to
jack off so hard my dick turns orange.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Dude, if you can suck on my dick for the
entirety of brave heart, I'll reward you by letting you
sleep in my bed with me. Ask to ask no
boxers on, Dude.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
That's the gayest fucking shit I've ever heard in my life.
And yes, I will do it because I say yes
to every day. But first I'm going to splooge across
the room, like I promise.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Hold on, let me get my sister and bring her
in the room so she can watch us.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Dude, No, not, your sister. Have had a crush on
her since I was an infant, and by infant, I
meaning my mom's womb. Yeah, that's right. I was in
my mom's pussy once.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Isn't that so fucking crazy? Like? Do you ever just
think of that, my dude?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Like, dude, I think about it every day. You think
about it, dude, like your mom spent like twelve hours
of labor. Your dad's never been in and out of
your mom's pussy for that long. This is jack off.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Who's that knocking at the door.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
It's all your friends, you filthy horse. Your husband's gone.
We've got books and a bottle of wine to kill.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
It's Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's books, it's gossip. I'm shook. It's memoir, it's.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Martini, celebrity poof club.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Read it while it's hot, celebrity poof Club.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I'll tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
No boys are a loud cele book.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Say it loud and poud.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Celevety book Club, buzz me in, I brought the Queer Foe.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Hey, best friends, Hell are you?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I am doing magnifico?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, what a week?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
And to all our listeners out there, I know this
can be a really tough time of year. It's March,
I believe, No.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
It's March. On everyone says it's spring and they're like, yeah,
I'm gonna pull out my leather jacket.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
The its of March anyone, since it's the perfect weather,
but some say not yet.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Well, I actually think it's some of the most confusing
times to dress. And it's triggering as someone who is
add because I get really confused and I get really
excited about my T shirts. But then I'm like, oh,
you can't just do T shirts. So that am I
doing T shirt in the winter jacket? Well that's kind
of weird. So it's actually about the art of layering.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, the art of laying is coming into play in
a big way right now, I will say because of
the sort of like permanently unstainable warmth and like global
warming season's being over. I was a little bit relieved
that I actually didn't have to even wear a sweater
that I knew I could wear my new leather jacket,
which is my entire personality now with a button down
and be like I can keep this on all night
(03:36):
and not be hot.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
What's so crazy is I've been watching you come into
the studio for the past two weeks, kind of like
forcing the lever jacket to.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Play before the season is ready for you.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
But you're so excited, and I wasn't gonna dimpen right.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
No, like punks the tunny feel found dead. I am
both a blazer. I dropped home.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
You were being so like button down shirts, sweater, sweater,
leather jacket.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Now.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
When I put my leather jacket on today, I was like, wait,
but I can't just wear short sleeve. And then I
was putting on and I was like, literally, I'm going
to walk in and Steven's gonna be like, oh, you're
copying me because you're working your leather jacket, even though
I know in my heart.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Of hearts I got my leather jacket in August.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Can I ask you a personal question?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I would kill for you to ask me a personal question.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
And I think I know the answer because I'm actually
remembering a jacket out. But you had a leather jacket
in high school. Right, it was the brown leather jacket.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
You know, I actually had a leather record college. It
was college I had it. It was like the flight
pilot Air Force.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Okay, So here's what's actually my going to blow your
mind is that I think I had a leather jacket
before you, because I had a red leather jacket that
I got from Planet Thrift and Harvard Square or what's
it called. Is that called Planet Thrift, planet a planet
a planet e. And it was like very like Michael Jackson.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, now I remember your other It was kind of
like burgundy and like again I feel like, look like
was it layer Remaning.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
No, it was le remanie vibes. It was very resilient aisles.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Speaking of the past in twenty fifteen.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Speaking of people who know each other from high school
US people who are also sort of eternally trapped in
high school. You know him.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
You know him by his controversial ten years ago, wildly
popular meme account.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
You know him from this wine he invented that was
called White Girl Rose and then they guess they changed
the name to Babe Rose to be like more inclusive.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, and I think they were like maybe White Girl
Rose was like too much relying on this joke, and
people were like less to buy it than just like
Babe Rese.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah, and I mean too much relying on the joke
is an interesting way to describe this person who basically
I think has fallen off the phase of the earth.
He has not been seen into at least two years.
But his arrow was definitely like early twenty ten's. He
was early into the viral game but then didn't necessarily
(06:01):
sustain virality.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
You know him, You probably don't love him.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Yeah, of course we're telling me about none of than
the New York Icon, the Fat Jew.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
And his book Money Pizza Respect.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It's so crazy. So I found this book at a
thrift store and I found it and the cover is
him pretending to be the Steve Jobs book cover. So
it's a black and white photo. Black shirt is staring
contemplatingimto the camera, and he has he has this sort
of trademark like shaved head and then ponytail that he's
(06:40):
like doing like as a joke, because whole life is like,
you know, in kind of a post Jacket's way, being
like everything I do as a joke. So he had
this kind of like monk like shaved type with ponytail
that sticks straight up.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh and by the way, the back of the book
is a nude drawing of him wearing slip on, so
it looks like maybe with a.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Dog covering his dick's smoking a cigarette.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
So fucking dope, and again the hair.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
And I found I found this book, and I you know,
and I tweeted a photo of it, and I said,
this feels like unearthing a dead sea scroll because it
really felt even though like this book is actually twenty fifteen,
which is maybe we said that word like, oh, it's
not that long ago. It actually it feels like another UNI.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I was gonna say, this is so pre Trumpian. It's
so preru, like so Obama era, when you could kind
of be like it doesn't matter because I go Obama's president,
so I can be like, uh, actually, this Asian dude
is shitting balls in my face with the training.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Hooker rain and it was so so it's kind.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Of like pre what we're calling the woke, pre.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
The woke movement. It's pre woke, and it's because it's
not like this booke I would say, this book is
really not like anti woke. He's very like, yeah, libtart
of his day. But it's more like it's just there's
just it's like of like middle Adam Sandler.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
It's the it's the men that.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Sail the Simburg Like, it's this whole generation of just
like kind of like Doofy goofy. Like I guess Jackass
was way more like actually, you know, badass and a
little more punk and like alcoholic and.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Came from just like fucking like shows. This is more
like the generation of like boys who grew up on
like hip hop.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It's Mommy's special boys. It's white guys as well.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Now yeah, and like Dominoes.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
It's white guys who love Migos and Dominoes absolutely.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
And like also white guys who like love hip hop
so much.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
But still also like think kind of like hip hop
is the funniest thing, and.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
It's like and it's Harold and Kumar and it's wee wee.
Because then but then sometimes I'm like, have we act?
I feel like maybe we actually have an evolved from that,
like reading, because there's one scene in this book, so
if you have the hard copy.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Of this book, and by the way, where did I
get this book? I took it out from a library
in the closest Hasidic neighbor or neighborhood closest to me,
the Borough Park Library.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Was there a lot of fata.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
There was two women.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
She was like, so, what did you go for lunch?
She was like, ok.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Work the library?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
What was in it? The regular stuff? For other stuff?
And she and she was like you know this She
was like, honestly, I can't remember. She was like, but
there was other stuff. She's like, I just like the usual,
you know, the cheese, the chicken.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
And I feel like she kept on like kind of
actually being.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So what does she eat? Like was pushing for, like
what else was in this mysterious like like.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Girl, tell me what's in this case? Idea? Are we
talking on you? She's like, it's really regular, Okay, okay, regular.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Saturday at the Baropark Library.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I get my regular case, ada, I sit, I go
back sorting.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
But so there's this scene that's there's a comic book
where he's like, uh, yeah, what if the Fat Jew
went back and time traveled? In a magic text? He
can that Samuel L. Jackson is the driver of You're
literally it's like, what's the most like cringe thing you
could possibly imagine. And he's like, and I go back
in time and I stop terrible things from happening, Like,
(10:13):
uh yeah, I stopped the invention of Bono. It's so like, uh,
what's embarrassing? Uh you two?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Sorry? Oh the rock music that your weird old goal
is listening.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
And so there's this list of all the things he's
trying to go back in time. So he like goes
to Ireland with Samuel L. Jackson and prevents Bono's parents
from having sex. And so there's this list of the
things that he's trying to stop white dudes with dreads,
the Bachelor, Zeema, unicycles, Bono, PT cruiser, monogamy, Texas.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
It's kind of this like midpoint, which I guess is
twenty fifteen culture, where it's like he's still making fun
of PT cruisers.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But I feel like today.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
He's also being so like, uh, I'm sorry Texas.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, because I feel like, honestly, that list is besides
you two, who I do think is like universe beloved
because of like the sphere. Now, I feel like people
like that list is a little bit like still what
is generally accepted of people just being like, oh, this
stuff is so lame. I hate white guys with dreads
and I hate Texas and the Bachelor is totally like
(11:21):
is total trash TV actually, and like, yes, the Pta
cuiser became the key assault became like the Nissan leaf,
but like it's mean on in your circles.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
No, I would, actually it's Texas whatever Nissan leaf you too,
But like now people don't really make fun of the
Bachelor anymore. I feel like there's now such an adoration
for reality TV because it's so like, uh actually, like
I'm a scientist of the Bachelor, and people are a
little more just like I'm addicted, and that is our culture.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
It has, it has, it's more.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Rare are now for the person enough.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I think pieces that people all think like people think
reality TV is like a fascinating.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Amazing and fascinating study for culture. And he is definitely
so like, uh yeah, I made it. Met up with
a chick and all she wanted to talk about was
reality TV and I'm like a snooze, show me your boobies, okay,
but here okay.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And actually there's something right about this too, because I think.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Zeema is so nineties to make it's.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So nice to make fun of Zema, but I think
the Zema of today maybe is white Claw, and people
actually like but they're also ironically embracing the basicness of
white Claw, And I think, like, okay, I think the
differences is that he also helped Usher in an ironic
Embrace and Baskiss with White Girl Rose and like, which
(12:48):
now is Babe.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Rose, And I've had Babe Rose.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I mean it was just like the most basic white
Girl Rose. It's just like kind of sweet, but it's
actually not like it's not too horrible off.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
It's like a little metallic.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Like something like disgusting, and I would never buy it.
But in terms of like nasty roses, I feel like
I've had in probably twenty twelve.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Like way sweeter roses is that we're.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Just like, oh, like sweet and like.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Metal, yeah, super plastic buttery. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
God, the Rose craze.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
The Rose craze, I guess died down. And maybe that's
also partially why his start is missing faded. So if
you guys will indulgence, I guess we can just kind
of hop into this book a little bit. So it's
it starts out and again there's kind of a meta
through line to the book where he continues to talk
about the fact that he got a book deal and
(13:47):
he's like trying to fill the pages.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
And his whole like and I think there was a.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Lot of pressure on him also at the time because
it was like kind of sorry, kind of a metis
a meme artist Instagram, Well, it could not make a book.
And now it's almost the reverse where it's like if you,
if you are writer, you have to have an Instagram
in order to support you're writing career.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
But at the beginning, he's like he gets a book deal,
and he's doing this thing of just like I'm just
such a fucking like dirt bag, like fuck up, like
nasty bitch, so like I don't believe in myself to
write a book. So he's always been like I had
the craziest night of my life.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And it's always just like, uh, yeah, me and my
three best friends did a ton of coke and weed
and shrooms.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yeah, and then we went to another location. Which I
feel like we've said before in the spot, when people
talk about crazy nights, all it means is you're going.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
To multiple locations. Okay, maybe two.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Two and.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Gotta give it to him though.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
At the beginning of this book, he starts out and
he is at Julius.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
A gay bat. She describes, He's like, it's a gay
bar for fucking gay guys who like sports and can
totally beat you up. And you're like, absolutely, that's not true.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
It's like maybe it's it's like for older gay guys
who are like not watching sports. But yeah, like maybe
you're a little heavier.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
I'm like a lot of like twenty nine year old faggots.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
To finding twenty nine. And so he's like, yeah, we
fucking pound whiskeys. And then he like at some point
this is another common joke in his book making fun
of Dell's which I guess, like we still do.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
We still do. This is why I'm saying we talk
when he does his whole like he buys a gateway,
well first he goes okay, so and like this is
just really gets you in the place of where this
book lives. Side note, have you ever been to a
Pokemon rave. It's fucking insane. I had to get somewhere
that would relieve me of the weight on my shoulders
(15:39):
that was crushing my soul. The Pokemon rave was off
the grid. In Mathspath as in you cannot take the
subway to anywhere near there. It's basically thousands of Korean
teens taking some form of ecstasy and listening to the
most insane techno you can imagine, wearing full Pokemon costumes.
Like actually they take this shit super seriously, which is
so Asian. Like that's where this book no.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I mean, reading this, I was like you are so
and listening to it on my Spotify app too, going
back and forth. I was like, you're the most embarrassing
person on earth. But I was also like, like I
also like get why, like you kind of did become
famous and like there are stuff that you do in
here that like we also roast.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
He doesn't really talk about his career that much because
into like the sort of influencer was like, now I'm
an influencer basically means I get to do random shit
like and get paid to do it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, I was a little like I would. He probably
thought that was boring and didn't want to write about
it because.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
He gave more of like a build up, like he
was on like wasn't he on local access like Manhattan TV?
And like had this show?
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Yeah, I would like to read about that.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
So I think I have a memory like he was
kind of up and coming as like an alternative, like
very like all not like all stand up, but like
more all comedian spaces were like, oh you have a
weird public act shresh out, And I feel like I
remember this. Maybe it wasn't him, but I remember him
having this like outro line and the show where he
was like and remember if you never get tested, you
can never get aids.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Oh yeah, I mean he's so like defining your your
grandma's gonna die of age.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Kind of this, you know, like be some buttah kind
of you know evolution, which I was like, Okay, he's
having fun.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
And so then he kind of just like continues to
more talk about like his childhood and how he became
like such a fucking weirdo. Is like his whole mythology
about himself is he's like, I'm actually the weirdest person
on earth and like my dad took me to a
strip club in Brighton Beach.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I mean that story is insane.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
It's pretty crazy. Maybe we'll just.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Do you want to read it? I have a little
do you want to read the part with the stripper.
So after his bar Metzvah, his dad like thinks he's gay.
I guess this funny thing where he's like most kids
are fucking gay, Like they are obsessed with their.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Moms, I said, and like I feel like I'm always
meeting a six year old and like they have this
high voice and are just being like mommy and just
like wanting to put on costumes.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
He goes as a really as a little kid, I
was very into fashion. I made and sort of plato
or dervs, and I was obsessed with disco music, not
just stereotype, but that shit's all pretty gay.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
And throughout the book he'll be like, seriously, I am
obsessed with like furniture.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And then he had an autumn thesvo that is funny.
I'm like autumn, no, and.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
He's like most kids with theme at like basketball, but
my theme was just autumn.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Also even saying autumn.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Not like fall.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Crazy gay.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So after the Autumn bar Mitzvah, like he really wants
to just go home.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
And eat cake with his mom.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
He see, it's like a little mama's boy, and his
dad is like, no, like you need to man up.
So his dad brings smooth club. He's so just like,
how does my dad even know this club? He scared.
He sketched his dad brings over a stripper to him.
She flopped her soft real tits all over my face.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
She gonna fuck me right here in front of my dad.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Then Martinka removed her tits from my head, turned around,
put her hands on the ground, sugar ass in my face,
and without warning, kicked her legs up and over me,
landed her heels on the table, had my chair, and
put her vagina into just my sweet angel face.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I came in my pants.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
I mean that sincereously, A small circular stain of seed
began increasing inside my pant like dad, I shouted to
the universe looking back, that was probably a really creepy
thing to say. Martinka looked at me upside down through
her arms, then down in my suit pants. Dark blotches
had formed around my dick area. She flipped her body around,
(19:57):
her legs floated back to the ground with grace, and
she to back up dramatically because she was obviously a
gymnast at age thirteen, as well as a stripper like
all Russian woman. He's not gay, she said to my dad,
who came brushing over to look at me sitting frozen,
horrified in the chair, and the.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Car ride home was incredibly awkward.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I really love that story. I hope it's true.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I really crazy and I was wondering, like, has.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
That happened to me? The answer is yes, your dad
was like, okay, not my dad. But I remember in
freshman year of college, if you'll think back to two
thousand and six, New York City, and I went to
Happy Valley with a fake ID, which was a club
(20:47):
that he pleased to coach.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Honey, we used to go to Happy Valley.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
It was the best at times, it was the worst
at times.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So I was that Happy Valley and I was wearing
this mustard pull that was kind of my freaking dress
at the time. I don't know if you remember it.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Girls drop your freaking dresses from two thousand and six
in the comments, and I met this guy.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
We were making out. He kind of had like a
bowl cut and kind of like a round face, and
he was like a little bigger rot. And I do
I think either he was trattling me or I was wait, no,
I think he was traddling me.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Hu and your mustard Polo, my mustard.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Folo, and we were like making out and then I
literally did come in my jeans and I every weed
everywhere and I just spontaneously ejaculated in my jeans while
we're making out on a banquet at Happy Valley, and
we were like making out and he like kind of
touched my crotch and he could like feel that it
was wet, and then I think he and he literally
(21:51):
was just like oh, and he kind of like.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I was like, okay, little man, I don't let you patch.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
And I kind of just like pretended it didn't happen,
even to myself. I kind of pretended. I was just like,
I don't think that was coming. I still wasn't like
totally sure what coming was at that point. At a JT,
it's a half come and yeah. And then I think
we did exchange like phone numbers on a piece of paper,
but I don't know if I ever texted.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
After he felt your like new freshly wedb APC splooge.
I feel like Carlo hadn't heard the word spooge and
so long since reading this book.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Oh yeah, this book is very spooge.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Thank you for sharing that vulnerable.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Sure, And if you're out there you're young. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Also, if you're out there.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
San, I text me or don't let me know if
you're married.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
So he goes to Tampa and this is like kind
of gets into his mid fame again. He stills never
like I fired up Instagram and started posting memes. But
he'll be like, and I was an Internet sensation. And
what happens when you're an Internet sensation You get asked
to host fucking weird shit.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
And he gets to judge a pregnant woman bikini contest.
And if you know me, you know I love fucked
up shit like this. And yeah, it went from sketchy
and hot to sketchy and scary. Uh this motel, I
was saying it looked like it had the ghost of
a thousand boys you'd been molested.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
He has this which is very like upper West side
of him is like his whole thing is just being like, dude,
I can't believe you're afraid of going to like Korean
barbecues and a dog fight in Queens and doing shots
off a stripper. But then he's a little just like
sketched by stuff like Tampa. Yeah, yeah, like I feel
like if it's out of New York.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Saying that because Tampa's famous.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Like again making a Florida, it's.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Making on Florida jokes. It's the pet cruiser, like Tampa
is the city. Like its still a punchline. You can
always use Tampa as a punchline.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
And he is a weird night where he goes and
then is being like a little just kind of like
classic like guy savior where he's like, actually, the runner
up girl like was really sweet and like smart, and
I like took her out for a Sunday and we
actually got to talking. She was like really cool, and
then they go back to her house and she says
(24:34):
like how she was like knocked up but her boyfriend
left her, and then he's like ready to fuck her,
and then she falls asleep and he's like, for once,
I did the right thing, and I left her the
money I made hosting the contest so.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
She would have the seven fifty, which was the prize
that the winner actually got.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Which then transitions into another chapter about him being a
hero where he like saves a like dirty ass, this
big titty deaf.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Woman from his burning apartment building.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
But then the whole story was made up. Did you
get to the end of the chapter I did.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
And then they go to the like Battleman's house.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
That that part annoying me more than any Yeah, because
it's like so he says he made the entire story up.
This was the filling pages aspect of this book that
I'm like, maybe talk a little bit more about how
you come up with your Instagram captions. I think we
could all relate to that.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
This is what I'm saying about him being sketched. So
he has this whole chapter about like like fucking crazy
ass like chicks he's dated, and he'll be this is
what I'm saying. This is so pre Trump because I
feel like he like wouldn't do this now where he'll
be like Lindsay height, five foot four, weight, one hundred
and twenty pounds, hair, dirty, blonde issues, so many. Lindsay
(25:47):
was from Sacramento, which is disgusting, but she had everything
else that I wanted in a groupie. She was Jewish,
she had mediocre worked on so her boobs were rock solid.
I love bad plastic surgery. She had to tune her
rib cake that said regret nothing, and most of all,
she was a legendary mess.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
No.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I mean, I don't think that you couldn't not like
say how rock hard of chicks tits are now, It's
just that this would wouldn't be coded as like like liberal.
This would be coded as like conservative comic now, oh yes,
or maybe just like more like mainstream like Middle America comic,
but definitely would not be like a coastal a coastal little.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Leeds being like her weight was one hundred and twenty pounds, right,
and then so Lindsey, he's like about a woman's weight.
He's like so, he's like, she's so weird and this
is he posts these like screen grabs of their text,
being like, this is how weird she was. She says,
you know what one of my main turnounds is. He says,
(26:48):
do tell, she says abortions. And then the audiobook he's
litterle you know, he's he and it's like you think
if he was being more Sarah Silverman, he would be like, ah,
this chick is crazy, but he would literally was like
okay in the audio and he's being so like.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
That's now that's actually too weird for me.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
But then he's also like it turned me on so much.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
It did, and then he's like, yeah, we did like
reverse Flicio boobgras.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
But then he goes to her house and she has
all the posters of him, which is freaky. That is freaky,
and he puts her in the dryer.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
This part is so us. I entered the apartment, everything
was so normal for a twenty two year old, not
at all what I expected. The poster of a soldier
kissing a girl in Paris on the wall. Think Ikea
but like nice IKEA clossy coffee table, Yeah, a bol
sitting on little kitchen table filled with pairs, A relatively
new flat screen pictures of Lindsay with her whole family
(27:46):
looking so having the beach, A badass Johnny Cash poster
that was purchased at Urban Outfitters.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
No, I mean he's gay with his observations for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
And then it's revealed after the Johnny Cash poster that
she has posted of him.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
That he calls okay, this girl who like stocks him,
He calls her a chuckle fucker who says with comedians.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Have you heard not heard the frame? I guess I
have framed.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
I haven't heard that frame before.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
That phrase chuckle fucker. I mean, I guess we're both
victims of it.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Chuckle fuckers are definitely always in nin DMS, and I'm like,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Thank you, thank you, next, thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
So absolutely respect the chucklefucker community.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Absolutely. So I looked up who his ex wife was,
and she's like this, like plus size like activist podcaster
girl buss okay, and name like Katie.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Of course he's also a plus size activist girl buss. No,
I know.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
So that's why it makes sense. And since they're married
from twenty fourteen to twenty seventeen, so.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Like right when the book was being written, but he
isn't talking.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
About curious about that three year marriage.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I was a little curious.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Do you think it's like he broke it off because
she wasn't freaky enough for him, or like she broke
it off because she was like I've actually like you
need to get it together.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Something was changing and evolving in his life, and you know,
for all the reasons we've already discussed about the evolution
of culture, Like I think like he couldn't stay where
he was, and so he became more of a you know,
a she boss and an entrepreneur launching his wine. Yeah,
and then I guess the wine didn't pivot or innovate
enough or something, because you couldn't even find it on
(29:24):
the way here. Again, like it's in everybody go, because
I feel like it's not even that long ago. I
was seeing babe Yes pretty frequently.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Definitely. You go into any liquor store, it's like, there's
gonna be some babe. And then I went after the gym,
I go into this like wine store and it's like
eleven am, and I'm like, and he's like, can I
help you?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
You're like, mommy needs her medicine.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
I was like, yeah, I have a question. Do you
have Babe Rose?
Speaker 1 (29:52):
And he was like no, But then he was trying
to sell me on just like that other canned wine
that's everywhere, like Underwood, and he.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Brought over it.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yet I was like, I'm not going to tell them
the whole story that I read the fact who want
this for my podcast? I was just kind of like, oh.
He was like, this is actually a really good can wine.
I kind of nodded, and I was like maybe next time, maybe,
maybe I'm really busy today, maybe next time at noon,
I'll crack open an Underwood can of pino and a water.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Totally settle into Underwood and really so.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Babe Babe was acquired by Anne Heisa Bush, so he
must have gotten a pretty good payout.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
For I just got this fat exit and was just
got like, you know, got a two hundred million dollar
exit from Babe and was like, I'm good. I'm never
working again.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I'm not. I'm just gonna like go to an island
and like sleep with hookers and have them reenac scenes. Yeah,
there's a chapter for him where he's being very pro
sw secks work and he has them reenact to scene
from Brave Heart, and one leaves because she's like this
(31:12):
shit is crazy, like all fuck, but I'm not going
to reenact a scene from Brave Heart. And then one
of them stays and does, and he is being like,
I actually do think we had a connection, and then
he tries to kiss her and she's like you know,
and then he sets her up with an agent and
like he's like, I fucking turns.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Back to his kind of like savior, yes of the
savior role, right and hw with the other pregnant check anything.
That's why he likes, you know, maybe these more fucked
up chicks. Yeah, because he gets to be the savior.
He gets to be the hero of the story.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
And he gets to be like, we're both such like
fucked up people. Where at the end of the day,
is he that fucked up? No, No, he's not.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
He comes from like a super stable and Jewish family.
So the he does talk about his childhood acting career,
which was kind of interesting. He was in commercials as
a kid, and he scored like a what was it,
a oh, Hershey's, a Hrshey's commercial.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
And he becomes kind of a diva.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
And then yeah, and then he's like starts demanding like
chicken nuggets in the dressing room for like the next commercial.
A week after the hirsh commercial air, I was casting
another commercial for clothing company called French Toast. The day
of the French Toast shoot, I was a monster on set.
I was demanding, loud and shitty to everyone who worked
on the crew. I was like Mariah Carey at the
(32:35):
height of her career, but with a tiny little penis,
which is just again, very much what this whole book
is about him just always been like I'm fucking thirteen
and my dick couldn't be smaller of And then but
he gets out of the anting career because he goes
in this one audition and he doesn't realize that it's
a it's like a commercial for child abuse, and he's
(32:57):
like reading the Lion's Way to like happily and like
with too much pizazz, and then he feels really embarrassed
and so he just doesn't want to do it anymore.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
But then he also like honestly very meme vibes. He
also gets too high in his acting career and then
like he's a little bit like over it too. As
I got the.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Sense because it was he was it was like he
wasn't going to be too famous, yeah, because he like
now because he like almost did it. He ad to
play with like Kevin Spacey and he like gets it,
but then they actually they wanted to be the understudy. Yeah,
It's like he almost was like now I want the
world and I can't like do this more humble.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
More humble things, and I got like too excited. And
then like his style, like he gets he's very like
a kid a movie about like a kid in elementary
school who like gets rich. And he's like, so I
started coming into school wearing a Nintendo Power glove, which
I assume is a glove you wear two game.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Yeah, so the power glove is actually it's a it's
a pretty cool glove, Lily, don't knock it. I wasn't
not no, I was like, it's funny. I just was
looking at my childhood power glove this weekend because it
was I was up and from we have any s
up there with the with the there's a duck hunt gun.
There was a guy you would shoot at the TV
to go duck hunting with. And then there's also the
(34:17):
power glove, which is basically like it's a very terminator
and it's like this big plastic glove with all these
buttons on it.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I mean it sounds actually pretty fucking dope. Like I'm
just looting in my bands thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
It was cool, and he wore it to school, like
after he got his first like commercials. He thought he
was such a bad us. He's like, where whatever I want?
He was like, and it was fucking awesome.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I was like Jordan's power glove.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I mean, that's the thing about video games is you know,
I you know, you may think I see it as nerdy.
I really didn't. It's I liked I saw the accessories
and the equipment and the culture of it is this.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Mascular you were like.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
So fabulous, But did I want to play?
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Okay, we do have to move on a segments, but
I wanted to maybe discuss a hot take that I
was circulated on Twitter today that was pretty interesting that
came out of this book, okay, about male friendship. So
like this book is.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I wanted to touch alto on the Bachelor Party a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Okay, Yeah, I think this few and so cool because
you remember when they go they're like shrewming in the
woods and He's like, we were all on our underpants.
It was like fucking Lord of the Flies and we're
shrooming and Josh and each other. It was like fucking
Broke Back Mountain and beautiful.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
It's so fucking perfect.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
And I, you know, this theory popped into my hat
that I wonder if the home eroticism that used to
be like a tenant of normal male friendship, jerking off
born and you know, and and like you know, putting
your balls in your friend's face and like all this
kind of stuff. Like I wonder if there is less
(35:58):
of that now because of or And maybe maybe it's
not causal one way or other, maybe they both are
part of like a larger culture movement, but if the
sort of commoditization of quote unquote queer identity, and so
when we talk about you know, things like Harry's styles
between the Channel and petropescal and polyamory and all these
kind of like almost you know, the sort of consumer
(36:19):
lifestylification of things that were once classically more gay coded.
Is that preventing straight men from being able to kind
of like t bag tea bag and be physical with
each other, because now it's like like all that gayness
is now so performative and like identity cod.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Clear, and it's like, actually, eleven year olds if you
could weigh in, because I do want to know if
like eleven year olds are like tea bagging each other
and then just being so like, dude, you can totally
have consent tea bang ry.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
But then I feel like or it's like not even
that they're being so consent, but that they're just being like, well,
I'm not gonna like tea bag is actually part of
queer culture sure, and like and like I'll be part
of cur culture like and like I'll like date my
like you know, I'll date my non binary poly girlfriend
and we'll be queer and will be so like, you know,
(37:12):
I'm wearing like a tank top, and therefore I'm kind
of like I'm acknowledging like the culture I'm taking from.
But I'm not gonna like te back my friends because
that's going too far.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
I'm sure it's like different also and different parts of
the country, right. I still kind of think, honestly, like
at the basis, I still feel like they're eleven year
olds are like jerking off together, like watching like crowded
around all in their gaming chairs, watching porn together.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
And maybe at fifteen that's a little more.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I'm wearing my tank top and I'm like dating my
non binary partner, right, but I think like the boys
out there are still.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
They're still having that physicality with each other. Yeah, it's
based on absolutely not fame.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
But okay, okay, only because I have a friend who
has like a cousin, nephew or whatever, and he was like, oh, yeah,
I walked by his room while like the kids were
having a sleepover, and it was like all these eleven
year old boys and they were gonna be like they
were just being like I'm going to finger your butt
in your mom.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Oh, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Yeah, but and this is kind of a modern I
would say, coastal elite teen who I think now has
evolved to be a little more maybe interested in non
binary folk.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
And I think, wait, you think this teen is a
queerdo now? No?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
But I think it's probably like respecting, like being like
binary is.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Being like, right, a totally respectful guy who is queer
baiting and is bringing like high waisted.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Pants basically, And so I think maybe it's more like
both can happen now, right, the duality, And maybe it's
like more in the Midwest, not to be coastal. Maybe
it is more just like tea bagging.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
But some guy did coming my dread was just like, yeah,
like it sucks, Like now all we can do is
like compliment each other's pant rise.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
That is also true, right, And it's like because.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Guys only have streetwear to connect with them anymore, they
can't fucking grab each other's jobs, right.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
It's like when I went to Udelco and it was like,
you know, we would see like other boys thrift when
we were teens, but like I had never seen like
groups of fifteen year olds like I do now today,
and it is.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Like, oh, like when we went in Seattle and we
saw like so many they're.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
All in gloves.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
They're all in gloves and lace and just being like
those pants are fire to each other. Ye are they
have the ty bag to each other? Are they all
going home? Because they all like also have their own phones.
They're not like crowding around getting like one skin a
max title.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
No, I mean that's I think that's also the democratization
of access to sexual material means that they're not having
those moments where they're all sharing a playboy.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
This is the great switch hashtags switch And now like
maybe girls are experimenting with each other earlier and now
boys are just like talking about pant rises and respectability
and girls are actually like more and more fingering each
other at twelve.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yeah five, ant of them style too far?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Anyway, we're old. We don't know.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
If you're seven and listening to this podcast and you're like, no, me,
my guy friends are all pegging each other, you know,
fat segments, fat segments. How does she eat? What what
did she?
Speaker 1 (40:31):
What does she?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
What is she?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
How does she live?
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Did I feel like that I jewish? Is Lloyd dead?
Where he's on an island somewhere.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I think he said, here's what I want to say
about his hair. He talks about things that like how
like guys should never wear hats and how it is
so pickup artist to wear a hat.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
And this book has the most gimmick hairdo I know.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
And it's like just the top but with the shaved head.
It's so disgusting and gimmick and is like for so
a girl to be so like, I hate your hair,
and then for him to make like ridiculous joke and neger.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
And then she's just like, he's so confident. I don't
know what it is.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
She's like, he's so disgusting. Why am I So.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
He definitely figured that out, Yeah so, but yeah, what
is he? I mean? So he wears it's like if
he were alive today, Rip probably pretty made on deray
because he's so like, I'm like New York and I'm
into like fucking hipster ship. Yeah, I'm a fucking hipster
douche canoe.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Like I literally think he's wearing a.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Cropped like corde.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Jacket, but it's like corrus literally with like a pattern
of a man on a canoe holding a dog, like
a pleasure's jacket or whatever, yeah, I would say it's
like the most gimmicky of the streamer stuff. And then
he's like, yeah, I'm wearing a gold track suit because
why they'll fuck not and my small dick can loose
(42:00):
in it.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Yeah. Sorry, Is there anything fucking cooler than a guy
in a gold track suit? There is not.
Speaker 3 (42:08):
What is he eat?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
At one point he says he's eating Indian mixed in
with bost.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
That made me laugh.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Yeah, he's I'm fucking disgusting, I'm nasty. I'm ordering six
pounds of Chick fil A.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
But he also is like saying vegan strip clubs have
dope black bean burgers.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
And at the end he's like.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Excuse me while I go check out the new Gaspacho
and you at the new strip club.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
So he eats like a lot of.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
He's a lot of stuff, and I'm but like, you
could alter. He could also just be so tau at
the same time where he's like, yeah, I'm gonna have
the most fucking amazing tuna with Sabby Mayo bag no.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Rub Clo matto. How does he live? I mean he's
definitely like mounted. The frets Queen is mounted and cocked
on the wall. The Dirty white couch, lots of just
like fluorescent lights, like kooky.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Like almost like not that he does have the sand
of all house, but it's like he does have. It
is like he definitely has like a gold.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Basketball reflective SCEs, a.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Gold sculpture of his dick that's like tied I dipped
in glitter and signed by Samuel.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Jack little bit coin style.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Yeah, like they're crazy bongs. There's like a photo of
him and fucking Kenny G. Frame for no fucking reason.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Defines Kenny G. He's so just like, I mean, he's
a little bit like, dude, we're getting so high and
seeing carrot.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Top me vibes. Uh low bed though, I think.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, I think it's a low bed in a normal way,
but in a low way.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
We didn't even talk about how he jerked off on
the Great Wall of China.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Oh yeah, I mean that's funny when he has this
whole mission as a child to jerk off at like
historic sites.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
And he like is jerking off at in a porter partty.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
At the tower.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
He's like, yeah, it's about the diapers.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Okay, who are you in the book?
Speaker 1 (44:29):
I guess we're just like both the fat but we're
also like a little bit his brother's friends who are
like asking him to plan the bachelor party because we know,
like he's gonna plan the craziest party.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Who are you asking to plan your bachelor party because
we know they're going to be so crazy about it.
I feel like we're planning your bachelor party. Yeah, we're
talking about it every Month's serious.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Okay, So we are the Fatoo and.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
We are just like we like to do ridiculous stuff,
Like we literally have a podcast where we read totally
shitty books.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Oh sorry, no one asked.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
I mean drink fucking weird ass drinks, weird drinks, and
we like guilty pleasures.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Sorry, we're actual trash Pandas.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Heso define it. Yeah, it's like literally never work. He
defines Panda humor, which is Jack Black.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
It's a little bit just like, yeah, why am I.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Tracted to Pandas? All right? Five Pandas.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Accuracy, The fact that it's actually a memoir by you.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
Literally mem moore about me. It's like the most like
annoying ass book. Like he succeeded, Like he made the
most annoying ass book in the world delivers.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
It's an interesting time capsule. Time capsule and a mirror,
and I think it like I would encourage people to
read it. When you think that we've come so far,
I do. I think in some ways we have, We
really have, and I think we're still circling like twenty
ten and maybe always will be. Wow. All right, thanks
(46:15):
cub kids.
Speaker 1 (46:16):
Okay, Yeah, best you, Horny Panda, Best Trash.
Speaker 4 (46:21):
Pandas uh Clebby book Club hosted by Stephen and Lily
AKA the most fucking epic podcast ever made, was executive
produced by this.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Crazy psycho bitch, Christina Everett.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Dude, I don't even know what executive producer means, Like,
who the fuck is that? Like this is some crazy
man eating badass coke, snorting like fully out of scarface,
badass bitch wearing like a leather fucking jumpsuit or something
you fucking just change. She's gonna eat my dick off
and it's fucking hot.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Supervising producers a Muzafhar who was my brother's best man.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
That dude can take a fucking lap dance like a
mother fucking champ. And when I say a lap dance,
I mean a lap dance by puppies.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Dude. This fucking dude forced me to drink.
Speaker 5 (47:23):
A shot of whiskey every twenty seconds for twenty minutes
at my bachelor party. I did have to go to
the hospital and I woke up and he was jacking
me off.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
That's how fucking cool he is. It was produced by
Darby Masters, and yeah, she is a fucking master. That's right.
She's into domination. She's a fucking dominatrix, which is the
weirdest thing I've ever heard. And now I was like, oh, yeah, okay,
at chick, who's the dom like, that's right. No, she
literally walks on like fat Russian guys with her stilettos
(47:59):
for money because she's that fucking cool, and she does
it sober.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
The most epic theme song ever made was produced by
this dirt bag, Stephen Phillip's horse who came out of
Conge's asshole.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Dude, that guy is so fucking gay he would he
would suck a dead guy's dick. And I don't just
mean like any dead guy, I mean like fucking Hitler. No,
I'm talking about dude.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I walked in on him at my grandfather's funeral trying
to jerk my mother fucking grandpa off. How sick is that?
Speaker 2 (48:35):
And yes, I know you're thinking, well, rigor mortar sets
in the dick is hard, you might as well try,
you would be right, my dude. O, of.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Course, is done by none other than Teddy.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Blanks, who actually is just an amazing artist.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Really fucking cool artists.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
I have tons of his shit up in my penthouse.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
This podcast was originally creative prolonged project when one night
I let them piss all.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Over me and then we got tattoos that same night
of the outland of the piss on my body. Yeah,
that's fucking cool, looking, dude. It's actually called conceptual art.
Look it up on Google if you even have the
Internet because you're poor.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Oh yeah, my good sirs.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
If you want to fucking rate us, go to iTunes
Steve Jobs little porn hub if you will, and just
fucking rate us, give us one star.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
I don't give a fuck. I fucked your mom.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
And dude, I have to make fucking rent. So go
to patreon dot com, sash CBC thepod dot com and
subscribe to our fucking Patreon, where there's more shit every
day of the goddamn week. Because I know you nasty
little piggies are so hungry for this shit coming out
of my ass, and I will wrap it up in
tinfoil to you, put some goddamn cologne on it from
duty Free that I stole while my hot girlfriend was
(49:55):
making a diversion. Yeah, that's right, she has huge tits.
And then I'm gonna hand it to you and you're
gonna like kit
Speaker 3 (50:06):
M
Cele you fucking dirty psychopath bitch who I want to fuck.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
You love me because I'm fucking crazy, don't you?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
I literally do, because actually, like, I only get turned
on lately when something's really fucking crazy.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Dude, the second I first saw you, when we were
in the locker room after playing Sea Team basketball, and
I saw your massive fucking cock and your one huge
ball and your other weirdly kind of deformed ball because
you had some disease as a kid, but that's totally chill.
I was like, this dude is so fucking awesome. I'm
so jealous of his huge dick.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Yeah, I think my dad fucked my mom so hard
that my balls are deformed because he kept on fucking
her while she was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Dude, pass me some more cheese toodles. I want to
jack off so hard my dick turns orange.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Dude, if you can suck on my dick for the
entirety of brave heart, I'll reward you by letting you
sleep in my bed with me. Ask to ask no
boxers on, Dude.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
That's the gayest fucking shit I've ever heard in my life.
And yes, I will do it because I say yes
to every day. But first I'm going to splooge across
the room, like I promise.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Hold on, let me get my sister and bring her
in the room so she can watch us.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Dude, No, not, your sister. Have had a crush on
her since I was an infant, and by infant, I
meaning my mom's womb. Yeah, that's right. I was in
my mom's pussy once.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Isn't that so fucking crazy? Like? Do you ever just
think of that, my dude?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Like, dude, I think about it every day. You think
about it, dude, like your mom spent like twelve hours
of labor. Your dad's never been in and out of
your mom's pussy for that long. This is jack off.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Who's that knocking at the door.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
It's all your friends, you filthy horse. Your husband's gone.
We've got books and a bottle of wine to kill.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
It's Hollywood.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's books, it's gossip. I'm shook. It's memoir, it's.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Martini, celebrity poof club.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Read it while it's hot, celebrity poof Club.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I'll tell your secrets. We won't talk celebrity books.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
No boys are a loud cele book.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Say it loud and poud.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Celevety book Club, buzz me in, I brought the Queer Foe.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Hey, best friends, Hell are you?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
I am doing magnifico?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Yeah, what a week?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
And to all our listeners out there, I know this
can be a really tough time of year. It's March,
I believe, No.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
It's March. On everyone says it's spring and they're like, yeah,
I'm gonna pull out my leather jacket.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
The its of March anyone, since it's the perfect weather,
but some say not yet.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Well, I actually think it's some of the most confusing
times to dress. And it's triggering as someone who is
add because I get really confused and I get really
excited about my T shirts. But then I'm like, oh,
you can't just do T shirts. So that am I
doing T shirt in the winter jacket? Well that's kind
of weird. So it's actually about the art of layering.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, the art of laying is coming into play in
a big way right now, I will say because of
the sort of like permanently unstainable warmth and like global
warming season's being over. I was a little bit relieved
that I actually didn't have to even wear a sweater
that I knew I could wear my new leather jacket,
which is my entire personality now with a button down
and be like I can keep this on all night
(03:36):
and not be hot.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
What's so crazy is I've been watching you come into
the studio for the past two weeks, kind of like
forcing the lever jacket to.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Play before the season is ready for you.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
But you're so excited, and I wasn't gonna dimpen right.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
No, like punks the tunny feel found dead. I am
both a blazer. I dropped home.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
You were being so like button down shirts, sweater, sweater,
leather jacket.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Now.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
When I put my leather jacket on today, I was like, wait,
but I can't just wear short sleeve. And then I
was putting on and I was like, literally, I'm going
to walk in and Steven's gonna be like, oh, you're
copying me because you're working your leather jacket, even though
I know in my heart.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Of hearts I got my leather jacket in August.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Can I ask you a personal question?
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I would kill for you to ask me a personal question.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
And I think I know the answer because I'm actually
remembering a jacket out. But you had a leather jacket
in high school. Right, it was the brown leather jacket.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
You know, I actually had a leather record college. It
was college I had it. It was like the flight
pilot Air Force.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Okay, So here's what's actually my going to blow your
mind is that I think I had a leather jacket
before you, because I had a red leather jacket that
I got from Planet Thrift and Harvard Square or what's
it called. Is that called Planet Thrift, planet a planet
a planet e. And it was like very like Michael Jackson.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, now I remember your other It was kind of
like burgundy and like again I feel like, look like
was it layer Remaning.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
No, it was le remanie vibes. It was very resilient aisles.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Speaking of the past in twenty fifteen.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Speaking of people who know each other from high school
US people who are also sort of eternally trapped in
high school. You know him.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
You know him by his controversial ten years ago, wildly
popular meme account.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
You know him from this wine he invented that was
called White Girl Rose and then they guess they changed
the name to Babe Rose to be like more inclusive.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, and I think they were like maybe White Girl
Rose was like too much relying on this joke, and
people were like less to buy it than just like
Babe Rese.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Yeah, and I mean too much relying on the joke
is an interesting way to describe this person who basically
I think has fallen off the phase of the earth.
He has not been seen into at least two years.
But his arrow was definitely like early twenty ten's. He
was early into the viral game but then didn't necessarily
(06:01):
sustain virality.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
You know him, You probably don't love him.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Yeah, of course we're telling me about none of than
the New York Icon, the Fat Jew.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
And his book Money Pizza Respect.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
It's so crazy. So I found this book at a
thrift store and I found it and the cover is
him pretending to be the Steve Jobs book cover. So
it's a black and white photo. Black shirt is staring
contemplatingimto the camera, and he has he has this sort
of trademark like shaved head and then ponytail that he's
(06:40):
like doing like as a joke, because whole life is like,
you know, in kind of a post Jacket's way, being
like everything I do as a joke. So he had
this kind of like monk like shaved type with ponytail
that sticks straight up.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh and by the way, the back of the book
is a nude drawing of him wearing slip on, so
it looks like maybe with a.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Dog covering his dick's smoking a cigarette.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
So fucking dope, and again the hair.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
And I found I found this book, and I you know,
and I tweeted a photo of it, and I said,
this feels like unearthing a dead sea scroll because it
really felt even though like this book is actually twenty fifteen,
which is maybe we said that word like, oh, it's
not that long ago. It actually it feels like another UNI.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I was gonna say, this is so pre Trumpian. It's
so preru, like so Obama era, when you could kind
of be like it doesn't matter because I go Obama's president,
so I can be like, uh, actually, this Asian dude
is shitting balls in my face with the training.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Hooker rain and it was so so it's kind.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Of like pre what we're calling the woke, pre.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
The woke movement. It's pre woke, and it's because it's
not like this booke I would say, this book is
really not like anti woke. He's very like, yeah, libtart
of his day. But it's more like it's just there's
just it's like of like middle Adam Sandler.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
It's the it's the men that.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Sail the Simburg Like, it's this whole generation of just
like kind of like Doofy goofy. Like I guess Jackass
was way more like actually, you know, badass and a
little more punk and like alcoholic and.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Came from just like fucking like shows. This is more
like the generation of like boys who grew up on
like hip hop.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It's Mommy's special boys. It's white guys as well.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Now yeah, and like Dominoes.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
It's white guys who love Migos and Dominoes absolutely.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
And like also white guys who like love hip hop
so much.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
But still also like think kind of like hip hop
is the funniest thing, and.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
It's like and it's Harold and Kumar and it's wee wee.
Because then but then sometimes I'm like, have we act?
I feel like maybe we actually have an evolved from that,
like reading, because there's one scene in this book, so
if you have the hard copy.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Of this book, and by the way, where did I
get this book? I took it out from a library
in the closest Hasidic neighbor or neighborhood closest to me,
the Borough Park Library.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Was there a lot of fata.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
There was two women.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
She was like, so, what did you go for lunch?
She was like, ok.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Work the library?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
What was in it? The regular stuff? For other stuff?
And she and she was like you know this She
was like, honestly, I can't remember. She was like, but
there was other stuff. She's like, I just like the usual,
you know, the cheese, the chicken.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
And I feel like she kept on like kind of
actually being.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So what does she eat? Like was pushing for, like
what else was in this mysterious like like.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Girl, tell me what's in this case? Idea? Are we
talking on you? She's like, it's really regular, Okay, okay, regular.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Saturday at the Baropark Library.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I get my regular case, ada, I sit, I go
back sorting.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
But so there's this scene that's there's a comic book
where he's like, uh, yeah, what if the Fat Jew
went back and time traveled? In a magic text? He
can that Samuel L. Jackson is the driver of You're
literally it's like, what's the most like cringe thing you
could possibly imagine. And he's like, and I go back
in time and I stop terrible things from happening, Like,
(10:13):
uh yeah, I stopped the invention of Bono. It's so like, uh,
what's embarrassing? Uh you two?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Sorry? Oh the rock music that your weird old goal
is listening.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
And so there's this list of all the things he's
trying to go back in time. So he like goes
to Ireland with Samuel L. Jackson and prevents Bono's parents
from having sex. And so there's this list of the
things that he's trying to stop white dudes with dreads,
the Bachelor, Zeema, unicycles, Bono, PT cruiser, monogamy, Texas.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
It's kind of this like midpoint, which I guess is
twenty fifteen culture, where it's like he's still making fun
of PT cruisers.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But I feel like today.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
He's also being so like, uh, I'm sorry Texas.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, because I feel like, honestly, that list is besides
you two, who I do think is like universe beloved
because of like the sphere. Now, I feel like people
like that list is a little bit like still what
is generally accepted of people just being like, oh, this
stuff is so lame. I hate white guys with dreads
and I hate Texas and the Bachelor is totally like
(11:21):
is total trash TV actually, and like, yes, the Pta
cuiser became the key assault became like the Nissan leaf,
but like it's mean on in your circles.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
No, I would, actually it's Texas whatever Nissan leaf you too,
But like now people don't really make fun of the
Bachelor anymore. I feel like there's now such an adoration
for reality TV because it's so like, uh actually, like
I'm a scientist of the Bachelor, and people are a
little more just like I'm addicted, and that is our culture.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
It has, it has, it's more.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
Rare are now for the person enough.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I think pieces that people all think like people think
reality TV is like a fascinating.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Amazing and fascinating study for culture. And he is definitely
so like, uh yeah, I made it. Met up with
a chick and all she wanted to talk about was
reality TV and I'm like a snooze, show me your boobies, okay,
but here okay.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And actually there's something right about this too, because I think.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Zeema is so nineties to make it's.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
So nice to make fun of Zema, but I think
the Zema of today maybe is white Claw, and people
actually like but they're also ironically embracing the basicness of
white Claw, And I think, like, okay, I think the
differences is that he also helped Usher in an ironic
Embrace and Baskiss with White Girl Rose and like, which
(12:48):
now is Babe.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Rose, And I've had Babe Rose.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
I mean it was just like the most basic white
Girl Rose. It's just like kind of sweet, but it's
actually not like it's not too horrible off.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
It's like a little metallic.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Like something like disgusting, and I would never buy it.
But in terms of like nasty roses, I feel like
I've had in probably twenty twelve.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Like way sweeter roses is that we're.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Just like, oh, like sweet and like.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Metal, yeah, super plastic buttery. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
God, the Rose craze.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
The Rose craze, I guess died down. And maybe that's
also partially why his start is missing faded. So if
you guys will indulgence, I guess we can just kind
of hop into this book a little bit. So it's
it starts out and again there's kind of a meta
through line to the book where he continues to talk
about the fact that he got a book deal and
(13:47):
he's like trying to fill the pages.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
And his whole like and I think there was a.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Lot of pressure on him also at the time because
it was like kind of sorry, kind of a metis
a meme artist Instagram, Well, it could not make a book.
And now it's almost the reverse where it's like if you,
if you are writer, you have to have an Instagram
in order to support you're writing career.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
But at the beginning, he's like he gets a book deal,
and he's doing this thing of just like I'm just
such a fucking like dirt bag, like fuck up, like
nasty bitch, so like I don't believe in myself to
write a book. So he's always been like I had
the craziest night of my life.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And it's always just like, uh, yeah, me and my
three best friends did a ton of coke and weed
and shrooms.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Yeah, and then we went to another location. Which I
feel like we've said before in the spot, when people
talk about crazy nights, all it means is you're going.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
To multiple locations. Okay, maybe two.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Two and.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Gotta give it to him though.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
At the beginning of this book, he starts out and
he is at Julius.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
A gay bat. She describes, He's like, it's a gay
bar for fucking gay guys who like sports and can
totally beat you up. And you're like, absolutely, that's not true.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
It's like maybe it's it's like for older gay guys
who are like not watching sports. But yeah, like maybe
you're a little heavier.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
I'm like a lot of like twenty nine year old faggots.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
To finding twenty nine. And so he's like, yeah, we
fucking pound whiskeys. And then he like at some point
this is another common joke in his book making fun
of Dell's which I guess, like we still do.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
We still do. This is why I'm saying we talk
when he does his whole like he buys a gateway,
well first he goes okay, so and like this is
just really gets you in the place of where this
book lives. Side note, have you ever been to a
Pokemon rave. It's fucking insane. I had to get somewhere
that would relieve me of the weight on my shoulders
(15:39):
that was crushing my soul. The Pokemon rave was off
the grid. In Mathspath as in you cannot take the
subway to anywhere near there. It's basically thousands of Korean
teens taking some form of ecstasy and listening to the
most insane techno you can imagine, wearing full Pokemon costumes.
Like actually they take this shit super seriously, which is
so Asian. Like that's where this book no.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I mean, reading this, I was like you are so
and listening to it on my Spotify app too, going
back and forth. I was like, you're the most embarrassing
person on earth. But I was also like, like I
also like get why, like you kind of did become
famous and like there are stuff that you do in
here that like we also roast.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
He doesn't really talk about his career that much because
into like the sort of influencer was like, now I'm
an influencer basically means I get to do random shit
like and get paid to do it.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yeah, I was a little like I would. He probably
thought that was boring and didn't want to write about
it because.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
He gave more of like a build up, like he
was on like wasn't he on local access like Manhattan TV?
And like had this show?
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Yeah, I would like to read about that.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
So I think I have a memory like he was
kind of up and coming as like an alternative, like
very like all not like all stand up, but like
more all comedian spaces were like, oh you have a
weird public act shresh out, And I feel like I
remember this. Maybe it wasn't him, but I remember him
having this like outro line and the show where he
was like and remember if you never get tested, you
can never get aids.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Oh yeah, I mean he's so like defining your your
grandma's gonna die of age.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Kind of this, you know, like be some buttah kind
of you know evolution, which I was like, Okay, he's
having fun.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
And so then he kind of just like continues to
more talk about like his childhood and how he became
like such a fucking weirdo. Is like his whole mythology
about himself is he's like, I'm actually the weirdest person
on earth and like my dad took me to a
strip club in Brighton Beach.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I mean that story is insane.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
It's pretty crazy. Maybe we'll just.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Do you want to read it? I have a little
do you want to read the part with the stripper.
So after his bar Metzvah, his dad like thinks he's gay.
I guess this funny thing where he's like most kids
are fucking gay, Like they are obsessed with their.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Moms, I said, and like I feel like I'm always
meeting a six year old and like they have this
high voice and are just being like mommy and just
like wanting to put on costumes.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
He goes as a really as a little kid, I
was very into fashion. I made and sort of plato
or dervs, and I was obsessed with disco music, not
just stereotype, but that shit's all pretty gay.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
And throughout the book he'll be like, seriously, I am
obsessed with like furniture.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And then he had an autumn thesvo that is funny.
I'm like autumn, no, and.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
He's like most kids with theme at like basketball, but
my theme was just autumn.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Also even saying autumn.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Not like fall.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Crazy gay.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So after the Autumn bar Mitzvah, like he really wants
to just go home.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
And eat cake with his mom.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
He see, it's like a little mama's boy, and his
dad is like, no, like you need to man up.
So his dad brings smooth club. He's so just like,
how does my dad even know this club? He scared.
He sketched his dad brings over a stripper to him.
She flopped her soft real tits all over my face.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
She gonna fuck me right here in front of my dad.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Then Martinka removed her tits from my head, turned around,
put her hands on the ground, sugar ass in my face,
and without warning, kicked her legs up and over me,
landed her heels on the table, had my chair, and
put her vagina into just my sweet angel face.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I came in my pants.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
I mean that sincereously, A small circular stain of seed
began increasing inside my pant like dad, I shouted to
the universe looking back, that was probably a really creepy
thing to say. Martinka looked at me upside down through
her arms, then down in my suit pants. Dark blotches
had formed around my dick area. She flipped her body around,
(19:57):
her legs floated back to the ground with grace, and
she to back up dramatically because she was obviously a
gymnast at age thirteen, as well as a stripper like
all Russian woman. He's not gay, she said to my dad,
who came brushing over to look at me sitting frozen,
horrified in the chair, and the.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
Car ride home was incredibly awkward.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I really love that story. I hope it's true.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
I really crazy and I was wondering, like, has.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
That happened to me? The answer is yes, your dad
was like, okay, not my dad. But I remember in
freshman year of college, if you'll think back to two
thousand and six, New York City, and I went to
Happy Valley with a fake ID, which was a club
(20:47):
that he pleased to coach.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Honey, we used to go to Happy Valley.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
It was the best at times, it was the worst
at times.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So I was that Happy Valley and I was wearing
this mustard pull that was kind of my freaking dress
at the time. I don't know if you remember it.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Girls drop your freaking dresses from two thousand and six
in the comments, and I met this guy.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
We were making out. He kind of had like a
bowl cut and kind of like a round face, and
he was like a little bigger rot. And I do
I think either he was trattling me or I was wait, no,
I think he was traddling me.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Hu and your mustard Polo, my mustard.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Folo, and we were like making out and then I
literally did come in my jeans and I every weed
everywhere and I just spontaneously ejaculated in my jeans while
we're making out on a banquet at Happy Valley, and
we were like making out and he like kind of
touched my crotch and he could like feel that it
was wet, and then I think he and he literally
(21:51):
was just like oh, and he kind of like.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I was like, okay, little man, I don't let you patch.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
And I kind of just like pretended it didn't happen,
even to myself. I kind of pretended. I was just like,
I don't think that was coming. I still wasn't like
totally sure what coming was at that point. At a JT,
it's a half come and yeah. And then I think
we did exchange like phone numbers on a piece of paper,
but I don't know if I ever texted.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
After he felt your like new freshly wedb APC splooge.
I feel like Carlo hadn't heard the word spooge and
so long since reading this book.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Oh yeah, this book is very spooge.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Thank you for sharing that vulnerable.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
Sure, And if you're out there you're young. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Also, if you're out there.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
San, I text me or don't let me know if
you're married.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
So he goes to Tampa and this is like kind
of gets into his mid fame again. He stills never
like I fired up Instagram and started posting memes. But
he'll be like, and I was an Internet sensation. And
what happens when you're an Internet sensation You get asked
to host fucking weird shit.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
And he gets to judge a pregnant woman bikini contest.
And if you know me, you know I love fucked
up shit like this. And yeah, it went from sketchy
and hot to sketchy and scary. Uh this motel, I
was saying it looked like it had the ghost of
a thousand boys you'd been molested.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
He has this which is very like upper West side
of him is like his whole thing is just being like, dude,
I can't believe you're afraid of going to like Korean
barbecues and a dog fight in Queens and doing shots
off a stripper. But then he's a little just like
sketched by stuff like Tampa. Yeah, yeah, like I feel
like if it's out of New York.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Saying that because Tampa's famous.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Like again making a Florida, it's.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Making on Florida jokes. It's the pet cruiser, like Tampa
is the city. Like its still a punchline. You can
always use Tampa as a punchline.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
And he is a weird night where he goes and
then is being like a little just kind of like
classic like guy savior where he's like, actually, the runner
up girl like was really sweet and like smart, and
I like took her out for a Sunday and we
actually got to talking. She was like really cool, and
then they go back to her house and she says
(24:34):
like how she was like knocked up but her boyfriend
left her, and then he's like ready to fuck her,
and then she falls asleep and he's like, for once,
I did the right thing, and I left her the
money I made hosting the contest so.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
She would have the seven fifty, which was the prize
that the winner actually got.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Which then transitions into another chapter about him being a
hero where he like saves a like dirty ass, this
big titty deaf.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Woman from his burning apartment building.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
But then the whole story was made up. Did you
get to the end of the chapter I did.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
And then they go to the like Battleman's house.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
That that part annoying me more than any Yeah, because
it's like so he says he made the entire story up.
This was the filling pages aspect of this book that
I'm like, maybe talk a little bit more about how
you come up with your Instagram captions. I think we
could all relate to that.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
This is what I'm saying about him being sketched. So
he has this whole chapter about like like fucking crazy
ass like chicks he's dated, and he'll be this is
what I'm saying. This is so pre Trump because I
feel like he like wouldn't do this now where he'll
be like Lindsay height, five foot four, weight, one hundred
and twenty pounds, hair, dirty, blonde issues, so many. Lindsay
(25:47):
was from Sacramento, which is disgusting, but she had everything
else that I wanted in a groupie. She was Jewish,
she had mediocre worked on so her boobs were rock solid.
I love bad plastic surgery. She had to tune her
rib cake that said regret nothing, and most of all,
she was a legendary mess.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
No.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I mean, I don't think that you couldn't not like
say how rock hard of chicks tits are now, It's
just that this would wouldn't be coded as like like liberal.
This would be coded as like conservative comic now, oh yes,
or maybe just like more like mainstream like Middle America comic,
but definitely would not be like a coastal a coastal little.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Leeds being like her weight was one hundred and twenty pounds, right,
and then so Lindsey, he's like about a woman's weight.
He's like so, he's like, she's so weird and this
is he posts these like screen grabs of their text,
being like, this is how weird she was. She says,
you know what one of my main turnounds is. He says,
(26:48):
do tell, she says abortions. And then the audiobook he's
litterle you know, he's he and it's like you think
if he was being more Sarah Silverman, he would be like, ah,
this chick is crazy, but he would literally was like
okay in the audio and he's being so like.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
That's now that's actually too weird for me.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
But then he's also like it turned me on so much.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
It did, and then he's like, yeah, we did like
reverse Flicio boobgras.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
But then he goes to her house and she has
all the posters of him, which is freaky. That is freaky,
and he puts her in the dryer.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
This part is so us. I entered the apartment, everything
was so normal for a twenty two year old, not
at all what I expected. The poster of a soldier
kissing a girl in Paris on the wall. Think Ikea
but like nice IKEA clossy coffee table, Yeah, a bol
sitting on little kitchen table filled with pairs, A relatively
new flat screen pictures of Lindsay with her whole family
(27:46):
looking so having the beach, A badass Johnny Cash poster
that was purchased at Urban Outfitters.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
No, I mean he's gay with his observations for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
And then it's revealed after the Johnny Cash poster that
she has posted of him.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
That he calls okay, this girl who like stocks him,
He calls her a chuckle fucker who says with comedians.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Have you heard not heard the frame? I guess I
have framed.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
I haven't heard that frame before.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
That phrase chuckle fucker. I mean, I guess we're both
victims of it.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Chuckle fuckers are definitely always in nin DMS, and I'm like,
thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Thank you, thank you, next, thank you.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
So absolutely respect the chucklefucker community.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Absolutely. So I looked up who his ex wife was,
and she's like this, like plus size like activist podcaster
girl buss okay, and name like Katie.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Of course he's also a plus size activist girl buss. No,
I know.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
So that's why it makes sense. And since they're married
from twenty fourteen to twenty seventeen, so.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Like right when the book was being written, but he
isn't talking.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
About curious about that three year marriage.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I was a little curious.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Do you think it's like he broke it off because
she wasn't freaky enough for him, or like she broke
it off because she was like I've actually like you
need to get it together.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Something was changing and evolving in his life, and you know,
for all the reasons we've already discussed about the evolution
of culture, Like I think like he couldn't stay where
he was, and so he became more of a you know,
a she boss and an entrepreneur launching his wine. Yeah,
and then I guess the wine didn't pivot or innovate
enough or something, because you couldn't even find it on
(29:24):
the way here. Again, like it's in everybody go, because
I feel like it's not even that long ago. I
was seeing babe Yes pretty frequently.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Definitely. You go into any liquor store, it's like, there's
gonna be some babe. And then I went after the gym,
I go into this like wine store and it's like
eleven am, and I'm like, and he's like, can I
help you?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
You're like, mommy needs her medicine.
Speaker 4 (29:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
I was like, yeah, I have a question. Do you
have Babe Rose?
Speaker 1 (29:52):
And he was like no, But then he was trying
to sell me on just like that other canned wine
that's everywhere, like Underwood, and he.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Brought over it.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yet I was like, I'm not going to tell them
the whole story that I read the fact who want
this for my podcast? I was just kind of like, oh.
He was like, this is actually a really good can wine.
I kind of nodded, and I was like maybe next time, maybe,
maybe I'm really busy today, maybe next time at noon,
I'll crack open an Underwood can of pino and a water.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Totally settle into Underwood and really so.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Babe Babe was acquired by Anne Heisa Bush, so he
must have gotten a pretty good payout.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
For I just got this fat exit and was just
got like, you know, got a two hundred million dollar
exit from Babe and was like, I'm good. I'm never
working again.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I'm not. I'm just gonna like go to an island
and like sleep with hookers and have them reenac scenes. Yeah,
there's a chapter for him where he's being very pro
sw secks work and he has them reenact to scene
from Brave Heart, and one leaves because she's like this
(31:12):
shit is crazy, like all fuck, but I'm not going
to reenact a scene from Brave Heart. And then one
of them stays and does, and he is being like,
I actually do think we had a connection, and then
he tries to kiss her and she's like you know,
and then he sets her up with an agent and
like he's like, I fucking turns.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Back to his kind of like savior, yes of the
savior role, right and hw with the other pregnant check anything.
That's why he likes, you know, maybe these more fucked
up chicks. Yeah, because he gets to be the savior.
He gets to be the hero of the story.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
And he gets to be like, we're both such like
fucked up people. Where at the end of the day,
is he that fucked up? No, No, he's not.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
He comes from like a super stable and Jewish family.
So the he does talk about his childhood acting career,
which was kind of interesting. He was in commercials as
a kid, and he scored like a what was it,
a oh, Hershey's, a Hrshey's commercial.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
And he becomes kind of a diva.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
And then yeah, and then he's like starts demanding like
chicken nuggets in the dressing room for like the next commercial.
A week after the hirsh commercial air, I was casting
another commercial for clothing company called French Toast. The day
of the French Toast shoot, I was a monster on set.
I was demanding, loud and shitty to everyone who worked
on the crew. I was like Mariah Carey at the
(32:35):
height of her career, but with a tiny little penis,
which is just again, very much what this whole book
is about him just always been like I'm fucking thirteen
and my dick couldn't be smaller of And then but
he gets out of the anting career because he goes
in this one audition and he doesn't realize that it's
a it's like a commercial for child abuse, and he's
(32:57):
like reading the Lion's Way to like happily and like
with too much pizazz, and then he feels really embarrassed
and so he just doesn't want to do it anymore.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
But then he also like honestly very meme vibes. He
also gets too high in his acting career and then
like he's a little bit like over it too. As
I got the.
Speaker 2 (33:17):
Sense because it was he was it was like he
wasn't going to be too famous, yeah, because he like
now because he like almost did it. He ad to
play with like Kevin Spacey and he like gets it,
but then they actually they wanted to be the understudy. Yeah,
It's like he almost was like now I want the
world and I can't like do this more humble.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
More humble things, and I got like too excited. And
then like his style, like he gets he's very like
a kid a movie about like a kid in elementary
school who like gets rich. And he's like, so I
started coming into school wearing a Nintendo Power glove, which
I assume is a glove you wear two game.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Yeah, so the power glove is actually it's a it's
a pretty cool glove, Lily, don't knock it. I wasn't
not no, I was like, it's funny. I just was
looking at my childhood power glove this weekend because it
was I was up and from we have any s
up there with the with the there's a duck hunt gun.
There was a guy you would shoot at the TV
to go duck hunting with. And then there's also the
(34:17):
power glove, which is basically like it's a very terminator
and it's like this big plastic glove with all these
buttons on it.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I mean it sounds actually pretty fucking dope. Like I'm
just looting in my bands thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
It was cool, and he wore it to school, like
after he got his first like commercials. He thought he
was such a bad us. He's like, where whatever I want?
He was like, and it was fucking awesome.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I was like Jordan's power glove.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I mean, that's the thing about video games is you know,
I you know, you may think I see it as nerdy.
I really didn't. It's I liked I saw the accessories
and the equipment and the culture of it is this.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Mascular you were like.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
So fabulous, But did I want to play?
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Okay, we do have to move on a segments, but
I wanted to maybe discuss a hot take that I
was circulated on Twitter today that was pretty interesting that
came out of this book, okay, about male friendship. So
like this book is.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
I wanted to touch alto on the Bachelor Party a
little bit.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
Okay, Yeah, I think this few and so cool because
you remember when they go they're like shrewming in the
woods and He's like, we were all on our underpants.
It was like fucking Lord of the Flies and we're
shrooming and Josh and each other. It was like fucking
Broke Back Mountain and beautiful.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
It's so fucking perfect.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
And I, you know, this theory popped into my hat
that I wonder if the home eroticism that used to
be like a tenant of normal male friendship, jerking off
born and you know, and and like you know, putting
your balls in your friend's face and like all this
kind of stuff. Like I wonder if there is less
(35:58):
of that now because of or And maybe maybe it's
not causal one way or other, maybe they both are
part of like a larger culture movement, but if the
sort of commoditization of quote unquote queer identity, and so
when we talk about you know, things like Harry's styles
between the Channel and petropescal and polyamory and all these
kind of like almost you know, the sort of consumer
(36:19):
lifestylification of things that were once classically more gay coded.
Is that preventing straight men from being able to kind
of like t bag tea bag and be physical with
each other, because now it's like like all that gayness
is now so performative and like identity cod.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Clear, and it's like, actually, eleven year olds if you
could weigh in, because I do want to know if
like eleven year olds are like tea bagging each other
and then just being so like, dude, you can totally
have consent tea bang ry.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
But then I feel like or it's like not even
that they're being so consent, but that they're just being like, well,
I'm not gonna like tea bag is actually part of
queer culture sure, and like and like I'll be part
of cur culture like and like I'll like date my
like you know, I'll date my non binary poly girlfriend
and we'll be queer and will be so like, you know,
(37:12):
I'm wearing like a tank top, and therefore I'm kind
of like I'm acknowledging like the culture I'm taking from.
But I'm not gonna like te back my friends because
that's going too far.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
I'm sure it's like different also and different parts of
the country, right. I still kind of think, honestly, like
at the basis, I still feel like they're eleven year
olds are like jerking off together, like watching like crowded
around all in their gaming chairs, watching porn together.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
And maybe at fifteen that's a little more.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
I'm wearing my tank top and I'm like dating my
non binary partner, right, but I think like the boys
out there are still.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
They're still having that physicality with each other. Yeah, it's
based on absolutely not fame.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
But okay, okay, only because I have a friend who
has like a cousin, nephew or whatever, and he was like, oh, yeah,
I walked by his room while like the kids were
having a sleepover, and it was like all these eleven
year old boys and they were gonna be like they
were just being like I'm going to finger your butt
in your mom.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Oh, that's so sweet.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Yeah, but and this is kind of a modern I
would say, coastal elite teen who I think now has
evolved to be a little more maybe interested in non
binary folk.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
And I think, wait, you think this teen is a
queerdo now? No?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
But I think it's probably like respecting, like being like
binary is.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Being like, right, a totally respectful guy who is queer
baiting and is bringing like high waisted.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
Pants basically, And so I think maybe it's more like
both can happen now, right, the duality, And maybe it's
like more in the Midwest, not to be coastal. Maybe
it is more just like tea bagging.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
But some guy did coming my dread was just like, yeah,
like it sucks, Like now all we can do is
like compliment each other's pant rise.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
That is also true, right, And it's like because.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Guys only have streetwear to connect with them anymore, they
can't fucking grab each other's jobs, right.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
It's like when I went to Udelco and it was like,
you know, we would see like other boys thrift when
we were teens, but like I had never seen like
groups of fifteen year olds like I do now today,
and it is.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Like, oh, like when we went in Seattle and we
saw like so many they're.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
All in gloves.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
They're all in gloves and lace and just being like
those pants are fire to each other. Ye are they
have the ty bag to each other? Are they all
going home? Because they all like also have their own phones.
They're not like crowding around getting like one skin a
max title.
Speaker 2 (39:41):
No, I mean that's I think that's also the democratization
of access to sexual material means that they're not having
those moments where they're all sharing a playboy.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
This is the great switch hashtags switch And now like
maybe girls are experimenting with each other earlier and now
boys are just like talking about pant rises and respectability
and girls are actually like more and more fingering each
other at twelve.
Speaker 2 (40:04):
Yeah five, ant of them style too far?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
Anyway, we're old. We don't know.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
If you're seven and listening to this podcast and you're like, no, me,
my guy friends are all pegging each other, you know,
fat segments, fat segments. How does she eat? What what
did she?
Speaker 1 (40:31):
What does she?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
What is she?
Speaker 1 (40:34):
How does she live?
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Did I feel like that I jewish? Is Lloyd dead?
Where he's on an island somewhere.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I think he said, here's what I want to say
about his hair. He talks about things that like how
like guys should never wear hats and how it is
so pickup artist to wear a hat.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
And this book has the most gimmick hairdo I know.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
And it's like just the top but with the shaved head.
It's so disgusting and gimmick and is like for so
a girl to be so like, I hate your hair,
and then for him to make like ridiculous joke and neger.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
And then she's just like, he's so confident. I don't
know what it is.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
She's like, he's so disgusting. Why am I So.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
He definitely figured that out, Yeah so, but yeah, what
is he? I mean? So he wears it's like if
he were alive today, Rip probably pretty made on deray
because he's so like, I'm like New York and I'm
into like fucking hipster ship. Yeah, I'm a fucking hipster
douche canoe.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Like I literally think he's wearing a.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Cropped like corde.
Speaker 1 (41:39):
Jacket, but it's like corrus literally with like a pattern
of a man on a canoe holding a dog, like
a pleasure's jacket or whatever, yeah, I would say it's
like the most gimmicky of the streamer stuff. And then
he's like, yeah, I'm wearing a gold track suit because
why they'll fuck not and my small dick can loose
(42:00):
in it.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Yeah. Sorry, Is there anything fucking cooler than a guy
in a gold track suit? There is not.
Speaker 3 (42:08):
What is he eat?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
At one point he says he's eating Indian mixed in
with bost.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
That made me laugh.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Yeah, he's I'm fucking disgusting, I'm nasty. I'm ordering six
pounds of Chick fil A.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
But he also is like saying vegan strip clubs have
dope black bean burgers.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
And at the end he's like.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Excuse me while I go check out the new Gaspacho
and you at the new strip club.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
So he eats like a lot of.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
He's a lot of stuff, and I'm but like, you
could alter. He could also just be so tau at
the same time where he's like, yeah, I'm gonna have
the most fucking amazing tuna with Sabby Mayo bag no.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Rub Clo matto. How does he live? I mean he's
definitely like mounted. The frets Queen is mounted and cocked
on the wall. The Dirty white couch, lots of just
like fluorescent lights, like kooky.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Like almost like not that he does have the sand
of all house, but it's like he does have. It
is like he definitely has like a gold.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Basketball reflective SCEs, a.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Gold sculpture of his dick that's like tied I dipped
in glitter and signed by Samuel.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Jack little bit coin style.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
Yeah, like they're crazy bongs. There's like a photo of
him and fucking Kenny G. Frame for no fucking reason.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Defines Kenny G. He's so just like, I mean, he's
a little bit like, dude, we're getting so high and
seeing carrot.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Top me vibes. Uh low bed though, I think.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yeah, I think it's a low bed in a normal way,
but in a low way.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
We didn't even talk about how he jerked off on
the Great Wall of China.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Oh yeah, I mean that's funny when he has this
whole mission as a child to jerk off at like
historic sites.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
And he like is jerking off at in a porter partty.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
At the tower.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
He's like, yeah, it's about the diapers.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
Okay, who are you in the book?
Speaker 1 (44:29):
I guess we're just like both the fat but we're
also like a little bit his brother's friends who are
like asking him to plan the bachelor party because we know,
like he's gonna plan the craziest party.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Who are you asking to plan your bachelor party because
we know they're going to be so crazy about it.
I feel like we're planning your bachelor party. Yeah, we're
talking about it every Month's serious.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Okay, So we are the Fatoo and.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
We are just like we like to do ridiculous stuff,
Like we literally have a podcast where we read totally
shitty books.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Oh sorry, no one asked.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
I mean drink fucking weird ass drinks, weird drinks, and
we like guilty pleasures.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Sorry, we're actual trash Pandas.
Speaker 1 (45:22):
Heso define it. Yeah, it's like literally never work. He
defines Panda humor, which is Jack Black.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
It's a little bit just like, yeah, why am I.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Tracted to Pandas? All right? Five Pandas.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
Accuracy, The fact that it's actually a memoir by you.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
Literally mem moore about me. It's like the most like
annoying ass book. Like he succeeded, Like he made the
most annoying ass book in the world delivers.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
It's an interesting time capsule. Time capsule and a mirror,
and I think it like I would encourage people to
read it. When you think that we've come so far,
I do. I think in some ways we have, We
really have, and I think we're still circling like twenty
ten and maybe always will be. Wow. All right, thanks
(46:15):
cub kids.
Speaker 1 (46:16):
Okay, Yeah, best you, Horny Panda, Best Trash.
Speaker 4 (46:21):
Pandas uh Clebby book Club hosted by Stephen and Lily
AKA the most fucking epic podcast ever made, was executive
produced by this.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Crazy psycho bitch, Christina Everett.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Dude, I don't even know what executive producer means, Like,
who the fuck is that? Like this is some crazy
man eating badass coke, snorting like fully out of scarface,
badass bitch wearing like a leather fucking jumpsuit or something
you fucking just change. She's gonna eat my dick off
and it's fucking hot.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Supervising producers a Muzafhar who was my brother's best man.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
That dude can take a fucking lap dance like a
mother fucking champ. And when I say a lap dance,
I mean a lap dance by puppies.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
Dude. This fucking dude forced me to drink.
Speaker 5 (47:23):
A shot of whiskey every twenty seconds for twenty minutes
at my bachelor party. I did have to go to
the hospital and I woke up and he was jacking
me off.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
That's how fucking cool he is. It was produced by
Darby Masters, and yeah, she is a fucking master. That's right.
She's into domination. She's a fucking dominatrix, which is the
weirdest thing I've ever heard. And now I was like, oh, yeah, okay,
at chick, who's the dom like, that's right. No, she
literally walks on like fat Russian guys with her stilettos
(47:59):
for money because she's that fucking cool, and she does
it sober.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
The most epic theme song ever made was produced by
this dirt bag, Stephen Phillip's horse who came out of
Conge's asshole.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Dude, that guy is so fucking gay he would he
would suck a dead guy's dick. And I don't just
mean like any dead guy, I mean like fucking Hitler. No,
I'm talking about dude.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I walked in on him at my grandfather's funeral trying
to jerk my mother fucking grandpa off. How sick is that?
Speaker 2 (48:35):
And yes, I know you're thinking, well, rigor mortar sets
in the dick is hard, you might as well try,
you would be right, my dude. O, of.
Speaker 3 (48:44):
Course, is done by none other than Teddy.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Blanks, who actually is just an amazing artist.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Really fucking cool artists.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
I have tons of his shit up in my penthouse.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
This podcast was originally creative prolonged project when one night
I let them piss all.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Over me and then we got tattoos that same night
of the outland of the piss on my body. Yeah,
that's fucking cool, looking, dude. It's actually called conceptual art.
Look it up on Google if you even have the
Internet because you're poor.
Speaker 3 (49:17):
Oh yeah, my good sirs.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
If you want to fucking rate us, go to iTunes
Steve Jobs little porn hub if you will, and just
fucking rate us, give us one star.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
I don't give a fuck. I fucked your mom.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
And dude, I have to make fucking rent. So go
to patreon dot com, sash CBC thepod dot com and
subscribe to our fucking Patreon, where there's more shit every
day of the goddamn week. Because I know you nasty
little piggies are so hungry for this shit coming out
of my ass, and I will wrap it up in
tinfoil to you, put some goddamn cologne on it from
duty Free that I stole while my hot girlfriend was
(49:55):
making a diversion. Yeah, that's right, she has huge tits.
And then I'm gonna hand it to you and you're
gonna like kit
Speaker 3 (50:06):
M
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