February 2, 2021 • 36 mins
Michelle and Lecrae talk about Lecrae’s experience of battling mental illness as a black, Christian man in the limelight, surviving a suicide attempt and being honest about how you truly feel. This episode reminds you to CHECK IN on your willingness to be vulnerable. It’s okay to say you’re not okay!
Visit the following links to join Lecrae on his mission to supporting those who are overlooked:
https://www.lovebeyondwalls.org/
https://www.prisonfellowship.org/
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, welcome to
Checking In with Michelle Williams. I think we've all been
(00:21):
in a place where things just don't feel right. But
how do you know when to seek help? My next
guest will share how one morning after a terrible night,
it was made very clear to him. Right now on
Checking In with Michelle Williams. I am so excited to
(00:43):
welcome my next guest to the Checking In with Michelle
Williams podcast. He is a two time Grammy Award winning artist, writer, producer, activist, dad,
and husband, and I think I can add he's the home.
Please welcome Lacraix. Listen. Thank you so much for joining me,
(01:08):
because first of all, let's admit we're all zoomed out,
we're all probably interviewed out. So I'm thankful that anybody
that says yes to checking in, I'm really grateful for you.
I just feel like we can just jump right in
and die right into everything that you have had going on.
(01:30):
Let me tell you, people don't know. I shouldn't say
people don't know, but true fans know that you joined
me on my album Journey to Freedom in teen and
thank you for that. Um, I am gonna say his
album came out the same day as mine. Oh and
um yeah, I didn't get that number one spot, so
(01:55):
I had to concede at least someone's conceiving I had
to conceive number one. Okay, you've had plenty number ones.
Let's just be cleared, alright, let's I had to just say,
you know what, he made it. He's number one, and
congratulations to you. But I also felt like I shared
it with you because you were on my album as well,
(02:19):
and just um, so thank you for thank you so
much for that, is what I said. Let me tell
him he kicked me out my number one spot that
I was wanting. Jesus did not say yes, you got
used to it. You can get too comfortable at number one,
you know what I mean. That's what was Oh my god,
Oh my god. I'm so but I'm not surprised because
(02:41):
you definitely have a hard core following. You were as
far as one of the few people I knew in gospel,
not on a show of a whole bunch of artists.
You were holding down big auditoriums arenas on your own.
(03:06):
Do you consider yourself a gospel artist because I want
to not know, I'm really okay with whatever people say.
I just never want to disrespect any genre genre. So
I'm okay with whatever people say. Is if they if
they're comfortable, I'm comfortable, you know what I mean. My
first knowledge of you, of course was gospel. But I
think for me, Um, when you start selling albums like that,
(03:30):
when you start bringing in those numbers and sales, you're
tapping into another audience. That's okay, because we are to
spread the good news to everybody, not just the people
that we know that go to church, everybody. And you
have done that so so very well. You have been um, creative,
(03:58):
You've been a trailblazer, You've been you've just been dope.
And there's I mean, I can say some other stuff,
but I might say that offline because we don't want
we don't want to offend any other artists. Um that
rappid gospel. Amen. Amen. So any who, but I am
(04:23):
so thankful that you are here. We share a lot
of similarities as far as dealing with depression, dealing with anxiety,
and I wanted to let you come in, have you
come in and check in with everybody to tell us
how you are doing and what's going on. The purpose
of checking in is you check in with yourself, you
(04:45):
checking with others, and you check in with God. And
you have a book out called I Am Restored, How
I Lost my religion but found my faith. And you
really kind of express some things that I think it
is admirable for a man to share and talk about.
(05:08):
You recently share that you had suffered sexual abuse, verbal
and physical abuse, and that one night in eighteen you
had a whole night of binge drinking and it said
that led to clinical depression. But first of all, all
of those things, the abuse, you would think that's what
(05:28):
led to the depression, not not the drinking. The drinking
was the coping, correct If I'm not mistaken what let
up to that night? Oh man, um so much? You know,
I mean you you obviously understand, like anybody else does,
just the perils of being in the in the limelight
and also trying to maintain a sense of faith and
(05:50):
consistency amidst all of the pressures and the demands and
different circles that you're walking in. And you know, on
top of that, it's the trauma of my own past,
and then dealing with the criticism that I was getting
specifically from like church folks, right, and so we don't
talk about it. Yeah, So you know, all that criticism
(06:15):
put me in a dark place, which led me to
feel a little rebellious. And my rebelliousness was like, well, god,
I'm just done. I'm not gonna just walk this path anymore.
And you know, you start making decisions that are just
not healthy for you, and those decisions spiral down and
(06:36):
next thing you know, you're drinking to just keep pushing through.
And then it's like the drinking does not erase you know,
all the emotions and the and the strain and mental strain,
and so it's like my brain had just had enough.
And when I woke up, it was like I'm out.
We're done. Really Yeah. So basically, we cannot medicate our trauma.
(06:58):
We can't drink our trauma ware, we can't sex our
trauma way, we can't gamble. Now, shopping it helps, It
helps for like a day, and then you look at
that receipt like, oh, why did I buy that? Why
did I do this? You know, so you woke up
just kind of gone done done in that moment led
(07:22):
you to seek some help. No, because I didn't really
know what was going on. Like I have been depressed before,
I had bounced with depression, but this was kind of
really different. This was clinical. This was like it wasn't
just sadness. It was like numbness where you don't you
can't appreciate the sun going up. It's like you're not sad,
(07:45):
you're not mad, you're not You're just numb. And um.
I didn't have it, I know, appetite, just no desire
for anything, just existing a zombie. And I knew something
was wrong, but I thought I snap out of it.
I was like, I'll snap out of it, you know,
I'll just shake it off. Two three, four or five, six, seven, eight,
(08:06):
nine days later, still there, and that's when I knew, like,
all right, you know, I knew something was wrong. I
didn't now. What I thought was that it was purely
just spiritual and it was like which I'm not saying
it wasn't, but it was like, all right, it's time
to come home. It's time to just come clean, come home,
be honest about your lack of faith, about just your
(08:30):
drinking and trying different substances, and just be honest and
so you know, I just talked to my pastor, I'll
talk to my friend and talk to my wife. I
was like, look, this is where I'm at and I
and it didn't go away when I did that, So
it turned into I'm gonna need some professional help. Yes, yes, well,
(08:50):
thank you for sharing that. And I know because we
tell people all the time, share what's going on with you,
talk about what's going on with you. But you said
did not go away, so you had to take the
next step in getting some clinical help. So what was
it like for you the first time you walked in
(09:13):
those storys of the reason why I'm asking you this
because there are many men who look like you and
I want them to know your process. But at the
same time that you are sitting here with me today
living to tell the story. Right. Yeah, it's there's healing
on the other side of it, but you gotta go
(09:34):
through it first. You gotta be able to be honest
and transparent. That's the tough part, you know. Uh, It's
like it's in anything, you know, there's stages and you
have to come to that acceptance stage. And I had to.
You know, at first, I went through the grieving stage
and I just walk in that building and I'm I'm ashamed.
I feel like lesser than a man. I feel like
(09:55):
I don't want this person all in my business, and
can I trust this person? I'm a public than year
what does all this mean? And but I started getting
comfortable going through the story. You know, you start with
my friends and whatnot and just talking through it. And
(10:16):
once I started getting comfortable, I'm not gonna I'm not
gonna lie to you. It took me about three therapists
to find the one that really fit for me. So
say that again, Okay, yeah, and you will and you
will so encourage people that might say I went to therapy,
it didn't work for me. Well, maybe try somebody else
until it does work for you, that's good. It's like saying,
(10:39):
oh yeah, I date it before it didn't work for me.
Who would you date that many came? You? Done with you?
Done with people in general? Done for life? That's right?
Or I try God exactly. I don't think he worked
for me. Oh so you prayed one time and you
thought your whole world was gonna change right then and there.
So so it was it took multiple things? Are up
(11:00):
has multiple chances like that first time sitting on the couch.
Were you nervous where you stuttering? I was. I was
very reserved because I was like, man, I don't know
if this is gonna work. And I was nervous because
I was afraid that if I was going to share
all this stuff and then it wasn't gonna work, you know.
(11:22):
So I was like, I'm scared to tell you all
this stuff and I don't know if it's gonna work.
But I found is that the therapist for me that
I really appreciate. It really kind of wanted to hear
my story. And it was it was interested. It was
they weren't just kind of like you know, handling me.
I've been handled plenty times. It was like, I'm genuinely interested.
(11:45):
I want to hear more and um and I just
got to share my story and and they wanted to
hear my whole story, not just how I got here
this month, but like start from you know, childhood, and
I was childhood for what you know, but I want
everybody that I know that I talked to, dem anybody
(12:09):
that that I share stuff with, teaching people about your
unmet needs from childhood, a child needs, ten needs that
need to be met in their childhood. And if you
don't get those needs men and childhood, somehow in your
adulthood they begin to manifest. So I know, for me,
(12:29):
when I was about thirty five years old, I noticed
that I would respond in certain situations, maybe like a
twelve year old, not the temper tantrum, but I'd leave
a situation. I'd leave the room, or i'd snap or something.
And to me, that's what a child does if you
take their fruit snacks away. So for me, that experience
(12:51):
of learning what those unmet needs were from childhood also
really helped me gauge Okay, why am I responding this way? Okay,
God I did and get those needs met. I'm probably
not going to get those needs met my parents are
in their six because there're you're supposed to get a
met from your parents at first, right, And so it
was very touching when you talk about forgiving your father,
(13:15):
And do you think that that helped in the healing process? No,
I do I think. Uh. I mean, anybody who knows
my story knows my dad wasn't in the picture. Um
never tried to be in the picture, never came around
just by yeah, And I found where he was living,
and I went to go meet him for the first time,
(13:37):
and um, and I had no intentions of of anything
other than just to let him know he's forgiven. And
I see him, you know, trying to ride off into
the sunset and have hold hands singing kombay y'all, just say, hey,
I'm a grown man. I made it, and I don't
hold any ill will because a lot of times the
(13:59):
mental health pieces are are genetic, and so I don't.
As I got older, I realized or maybe he had
some struggles that I don't even know about that kept him,
you know, why he was addicted to substances or whatnot.
I don't know. But I just wanted him to know, hey,
despite what you've done, I forgive you and I'm moving forward.
And I did that for me, you know I did.
It was good for him as well. But you know,
(14:20):
if you hold on to that bitterness, that's going to
create more problems for you in the long run. So
I had to get rid of it, and uh, and
it helped me deal with some childhood wounds that I
have been holding onto. Maybe yes, I am free from
some stuff that I didn't know I was even in bondage.
To so that stuff that you're talking about you were
(14:40):
being free from. Um, can you say that that that
was one of the contributors to depression and anger? And
oh yeah, yeah. Your music is your outlet as well,
and you share so much that if people really really
listen to the music, they can get some nuggets of
(15:03):
what you're going through. Your song Only Human tell me
if I'm wrong. You seem to talk about a possible
failed suicide attempt, and first of all, to be a
person of faith and to have that to you knowing like, yeah,
I was a person of faith, but I also tried
(15:25):
to take my life. Did you feel anyway bad hypocrite
as a person that professes faith but then you didn't
have enough faith to want to stay alive? No, I
mean I think, Um, it wasn't so much the faith
piece that that made me feel any kind of way
(15:46):
or shame or yeah, um, it was more so the
realization that I am leaving other people vulnerable to feel
exactly what I'm feeling right now. And so that that
part is because you know, when you take your own
life because of your struggle, your sadness, your anxiety or
(16:10):
what not, Well, now you've left somebody else susceptible to
that same emotion. It creates a ripple effect and so um,
you know, your your mom, your cousin, your brother, your sister,
your children, and your wife has to walk in and
find you wherever you are and now they have to
deal with that trauma for the rest of it. And
(16:31):
this is no shade against anybody who has who who
has lost somebody to you know, suicide, But it's just saying,
if you're considering it, consider that it leaves ripple effects
beyond just relieving yourself of the pain that you Yes, yes, okay, okay?
(16:51):
Did I interpret that correctly? Did I wasn't? Okay okay.
I did not want to be wrong or even insert
my own feelings or my own situation in that um.
In recording the album, it had to have been healing
or even writing your book. Do you feel like it
(17:11):
was cathartic for your mental health journey? Yeah? You know
they you know, they say ajorenaline is healthful for your brain.
So I started, I wanted to write my larrias, not
just type them, you know, I wanted to use a
pen and just write them. And then just being able
to share this stuff was like Ah, it was so healing,
it was so restorative, you know. And that's why album,
(17:31):
because it was it was bringing me restoration. It was
bringing me out of a very dark place. And uh,
you know, yeah, I'm extremely grateful, you know for that process.
You know, I'm I'm now the place where I'm okay
with managing my mental illness or mental health. Right, I'm not.
I'm not trying to tell people because it may happen
(17:53):
for you. You You may never experience depression or anxiety again
in your life. I'm not trying to tell you that
you'll be healed or restored if you just follow these steps.
But I'm trying to tell you that you will be
able to manage. Like God gave me feet for the path.
He didn't get me out the path, but he feat
to walk it, you know what I mean. So, um,
(18:15):
that's that's what the recording process was for me. It
was like giving me the strength to keep pushing, to
keep going, to keep moving. How do you feel that
you see mental illness being addressed in the church. I'm grateful,
you know what I mean, Because a lot of times
I tell you just pray it away, and it's like
you don't never see an overweight person coming to church
and say I'm just tired of being this heavy, and
(18:36):
say you just praying fat away? Baby? Never see that happen?
Ye work, you know what I mean? And yes, so
we have to see, um, someone's mental health struggles. We
have to see in order to get out of it.
We have to see it as work. I remember, you know,
just you ain't praying it up or I felt like
(18:56):
a hypocrite because it's like, Okay, well, maybe I'm not
reading my Bible enough. Maybe I didn't speak in tongues enough.
Maybe I didn't listen to praise and worship music long enough.
But it's like, no, prayer and therapy go hand in hand.
Whenever I leave therapy, I know, I'm like, okay, I
even have my prayers are more specific because I'm like, God,
(19:19):
you heard what she said. I don't even really have
to comment to you, but I I just want to
be in agreement with you about what is what has
been spoken about my life. And I know I think
we're seeing a shift of therapy being talked about it.
I even heard a pastor say, yo, you need a
therapist because lots of times we maybe want to go um,
(19:40):
to ministers and pastors who aren't necessarily equipped to talk
about what we're going through. And I don't know if
we should put that expectation or that pressure on them,
but I do feel like they should have resources readily
available to share with their member or whoever they're counseling,
and say, I can only take you so far. Of
course I'm gonna pray with you. Of course I'm gonna
give you a scripture too, but I want to give
(20:02):
you Dr so and so or this licensed clinical social
worker that we trust, we vet it, and to know
that prayerfully whoever your pastors won't send you to somebody unsafe, right.
We need way more than that. I think that's a
that's a you know, in the same way you're gonna
recommend a lawyer, you're gonna recommend a general care, general
(20:24):
practitioner or whatever you're gonna Yeah, yes, yes, yes, So
I'm so excited for you. You are an author, an artist.
I love seeing you with your family and your kids
and playing basketball whatever it is. But you also are
a philanthropist. In the metro Atlanta area, you are working
(20:48):
in the homelessness situation there. You're also providing masks if
I'm not mistaken, okay, um, tell us more about that.
And if there's any way we can be a part
of it, how can we support you? Yeah, I just
want to be connected to you know, I have a
passion for people who get looked over. That's really my thing.
Anybody who gets looked over. I just I got a
(21:09):
hard form kids and disenfranchised community in makes the homeless community.
That's just where my burden is. My my my grandmother.
Shout out to evangelist Georgia Campbell. She she she just
that's what she's been doing her whole life. And so
when I was around her, I just saw her as
an example and I always wanted to be able to
(21:32):
to to help out in that capacity. So, you know, somebody,
everybody gotta have some outlet to serve. And I love
serving those folks who just don't get any love to
just get looked over. And so I'm in Atlanta. Peace
Preparatory Academy is a school on the West side of Atlanta.
You know, anybody who wants to donate or what not,
(21:53):
look up Peace Preparatory Academy. Love Beyond Walls is the
organization that I partnered with for the homeless nos and
UM in prison Fellowship is what I partner with in
terms of prison work. So any one of those outlets
will allow you to get busy. Man. It's so dope
to see you out there, like you said, touching people
that people wouldn't touch, touching people that are overlooked. You
(22:18):
do have a chapter in your book about church hurt,
and not because you're talking about others who have experienced
church hurt. You yourself have experienced church hurt, um, and
thank you for being open about it and talking about
it because it tis a real thing. Where are you
(22:39):
in your journey? Um? As it relates to that, I'm
way healthier now, um, you know, because I've realized who
I am and and that uh, I think a large
part of it. My brother has shared this with me
and and resonated with me, and I shared this to
other people now is sometimes we make people wounds, God wounds.
When I say that, I say people have hurt you.
(23:01):
God didn't hurt you, So you're not you're mad at
God because of what his people did. But that's not
a reflection of who God is. That's a reflection of people.
And so that's what helped me get over. It is
that man, This ain't a reflection of the character of God.
This is a reflection of these individual people and so
(23:23):
their hurt and their judgment and there you can't you
do this and do that or you know, I mean
you name it. I know you hadn't been through every
all the same stuff, you know what I mean? Yeah,
it's just that kind of thing that I just had
to realize, Well, this is people. That's what people do.
Come on, that is people. And then we have to
(23:43):
learn to that maybe God, you didn't assign me to
these these people, and how there are way more people
out there that need what I have. We needed your
boldness to say things that people were afraid to say. Now,
when you do say things that people are afraid to say,
(24:05):
I'm sure you do get shunned. You do get people
who you probably thought were your friend who are now
scared to associate with you because you actually told the truth.
Where do they do that at? I'm speaking the truth
and you wanna blacklist me, you want to push me away.
And I thought you weren't gonna do music anymore, you
(24:26):
know what I mean? I thought Lacre is done. Look
what you'all have done he's done. You don't even feel
safe anymore in the area of arts, because the area
of arts is where you express your heart, your thoughts,
what you're going through and how it's helped other people.
But now it's like you can't even do that because
it's like if I say something, it's gonna be torn apart,
(24:47):
picked apart. But I do want to tell you that's
when you know when you've really reached a certain platitude
of success visibility, when you've also reached a certain of
success on the other side. I saw you at the
Rock Nation brunch, I should say I saw pictures of
(25:07):
you at the Rock Nation brunch. Not a bad thing,
but that was a dope thing. Like you belonged there.
You were supposed to be there. Now, somebody you at
me if you got something to say, they got something
to say, Oh, they got something to saying, you know
what they do. I don't care. But I think for us,
(25:29):
I think God allows certain people to go on those
circles because he can trust us as long as we
can impact and influence that side. We don't have to
be like that side. But God, you didn't place me
here to just be hanging out. I'm supposed to do
something with this. Twenty years later, I'm supposed to be
It's like I realized, time after time after time, why
(25:52):
do you have me here? I know me personal. I'm
a church girl. Like there was somebody way more qualified,
more swaggier or whatever whatever what that was supposed to
be there. But when you can walk into a room
and own exactly who you are, people know that you
are a man of faith and they love you. And
I really hope you know you are absolutely loved and
(26:16):
appreciate it for all that you do. Your book and
the album together. Y'all. Y'all have to get his book.
I am restored. You have to get the album restoration.
It is a actual journey. Thank you for sending me
an advanced copy, but I would have you to know
(26:36):
I actually have a copy. I bought the copy. I'm
still a consumer of people. I believe it was fourteen
nine and nine. I have it in my eye books
because it takes money to ship all those free copies out.
So I pray to be one of the ones helping,
you know, and so it is a bestseller. I do
(26:57):
want to say, there's a part of the book where
you were you were to say I was broken. No,
I still am broken, and it takes so much strength.
You're not weak by admitting a struggle. You're not weak
by saying I'm broken. I'm still broken. Even writing that book,
even at the pinnacle of your success, you were able
(27:17):
to You're able to still say, no, I'm broken, I'm broken.
I'm going through a healing process. I'm going through a journey,
and thank you for encouraging us, letting us know. It
is still a journey. And you took some time away
to be able to get to this place. And sometimes
you might have to have a seat to be on
that journey because who knows what you would have said.
Who knows that album might have had an explicit label
(27:40):
on it. We don't know, We don't you know what
I'm saying. We don't know, we don't know. So it
is okay if you can to take some time out
to sit. The saying is hurt people do. Hurt people.
Hurt people hurt people. So thank you so much for
taking out your time. We can sit and talk forever.
(28:01):
But as they said, I don't want to be before
you loan, I don't I'm gonna take my seat. Look,
Craig will you come back on checking in Absolutely, man,
it's honor if anybody, if if the two people who
came here because of me, please continue checking. You know
what I'm saying. Uh, but shell is phenomenal. You have
(28:23):
no idea like the people who I put on your
you know, your words of wisdom, your collaborations with other
mental health experts. I've helped out so many people, so
many women that I can just like shoot them this
because they don't get to hear a woman who looks
like you talk about it. And so you and Taraji
(28:44):
have been very helpful for me. Um And I'm just like,
you don't even understand. I'm grateful. Thank you, La Craig.
Now you are helping people who look like you. Let
me tell you something. I don't want to see more
men sitting in that counseling office. Y'all don't know how
dope that looks like for somebody like me who's like,
(29:05):
oh dang, you know how to communicate, you know how
to go get therapy, and that is amazing, Like there
is nothing weak about it. There's nothing weak about it.
I think we gotta get a song about strength or something.
So let's be working on it. Hey, everybody. You can
find me at lacreix dot com or at Lacraix. It's
(29:26):
just l E. C r A. If you can spail,
you can get well Baby's. He has his YouTube channel
where he definitely goes more in details about things that
he does not share on his Instagram. You have to
go on his YouTube page and really dig deep and
really get inspired by everything that he's talking about. I
hope what he talks about inspires you and gives you
(29:48):
strength to be bold and walk everything out. Yes, my
YouTube page is uh YouTube dot com back slash Lacreix.
Good night everybody. Wow, this podcast was absolutely amazing. I
(30:15):
have so many thoughts on lacree and what we've been
talking about, and I'm glad I was able to say
it to him. I like just loving on people while
they are here to hear it or to see it.
And his transparency and him being able to really be
vulnerable and let us in because you can visibly see
(30:36):
his vulnerability, you can visibly see his restoration process and
now he's still in the process. On What I appreciate
about him is he keeps it real. In his book,
he says I was broken, Nah, I still am broken.
Because lots of times people ask us how we're doing,
or maybe you have a great job, maybe you're that
(30:58):
executive of maybe you are on the Dean's list. You
are killing it as it relates to your job. Maybe
you are killing it at home. You feel like you're
a great mother, a husband, father, a sibling or whatever.
And when people ask you how you're doing, you're saying, oh,
I'm good, I'm doing real good. Or sister so and so,
(31:20):
how are you doing, Oh, baby, I'm blessed than highly favored,
instead of saying, yo, I'm really struggling in this area,
or I lost my husband, or I lost my engagement
and I'm really broken up about it. And he also
says in the book, if we are really honest when
people ask us how we are doing, you will probably
(31:40):
you will probably hear a deafening silence, because I don't
know if people um are ready to really hear how
you're really feeling. My other takeaway is I hope that
I can be that type of friend. Or there's a
book called Safe People. I hope I can be that
type of safe person where and I asked somebody how
(32:01):
they're doing, they won't feel like a burden by truly sharing,
ma'n Michelle, I I didn't have a good day to day,
my boss wore me out, my mom gets on my nerves,
or I'm having a hard time adapting to being in school.
On zoom, I'm struggling right now, you know. And I
really hope that everybody that's sitting here listening to this
(32:23):
podcast that you feel like you have some hope and
that you feel strengthened, and that we stopped minimizing the pain,
that we stopped over spiritualizing the pain, and that we
can stop memorializing the pain. And I'm saying all of
this from La Craid's book. I am restored because we
(32:44):
do we push the minimize button, or we over spiritualizing
and say, God's got me going through this for a reason.
God's gonna get me out of it and it will,
or I'm just gonna keep praying on and definitely keep praying,
but definitely know that it is okay to sit and
uh talk about it. And we briefly touched on church hurd.
(33:04):
Church heard is a real thing because how many of
us have expressed something to somebody at church and before
you know it, that rumor about you is spread rampant
through the choir, or everybody's looking at you crazy, you know,
because of maybe something that was supposed to be private
has now been made public. And I'm so glad that
we people of faith, that we are addressing mental illness,
(33:29):
that we are sharing more about our struggles and mental health.
So I'm just excited. Um, I feel like I can
open up even more simply by La Craze sharing what
he shared, and to my men, I hope you heard
him sharing his heart and sharing his process, sharing the
(33:49):
root of his depression, sharing his father wounds. How many
of us have a mother wound? How many of us
have father wounds? But I'm so glad that he is
sitting with us and telling his story. I'm gonna share
a quote from La Craze book I Am Restored. He says,
I suppressed my feelings of anguish because I was convinced
(34:10):
I wasn't allowed to be vulnerable. And I think that's
the running theme of people that might be struggling. Anybody
that's sitting here listening UM to this podcast, you have
permission to be vulnerable. And if there's anything that you
will learn from me, I am definitely still in that
journey of being more vulnerable. I'm an open book, but
(34:35):
sometimes it is okay to sit in that moment of fear.
Fear is a legitimate human emotion. Anger is a legitimate
human emotion. Sadness is a natural human emotion, and it
is okay to sit in it for a little while.
(34:56):
To be vulnerable, we don't always have to walk around strong.
La Craiz talks about being a celebrity and how people
may even equate celebrity with a healthy person, and that
is not always the case. My checking in moment for
you guys is to really check in with your legitimate
(35:17):
and your natural emotions. Man, I've got to come up
with the name from our audience. You guys have been
showing so much love and I just want to thank
you for joining me and be sure to tune in
into my next episode of Checking In with Michelle Williams.
(35:49):
Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of I
Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from
I Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
or why ever you listen to your favorite shows
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, welcome to
Checking In with Michelle Williams. I think we've all been
(00:21):
in a place where things just don't feel right. But
how do you know when to seek help? My next
guest will share how one morning after a terrible night,
it was made very clear to him. Right now on
Checking In with Michelle Williams. I am so excited to
(00:43):
welcome my next guest to the Checking In with Michelle
Williams podcast. He is a two time Grammy Award winning artist, writer, producer, activist, dad,
and husband, and I think I can add he's the home.
Please welcome Lacraix. Listen. Thank you so much for joining me,
(01:08):
because first of all, let's admit we're all zoomed out,
we're all probably interviewed out. So I'm thankful that anybody
that says yes to checking in, I'm really grateful for you.
I just feel like we can just jump right in
and die right into everything that you have had going on.
(01:30):
Let me tell you, people don't know. I shouldn't say
people don't know, but true fans know that you joined
me on my album Journey to Freedom in teen and
thank you for that. Um, I am gonna say his
album came out the same day as mine. Oh and
um yeah, I didn't get that number one spot, so
(01:55):
I had to concede at least someone's conceiving I had
to conceive number one. Okay, you've had plenty number ones.
Let's just be cleared, alright, let's I had to just say,
you know what, he made it. He's number one, and
congratulations to you. But I also felt like I shared
it with you because you were on my album as well,
(02:19):
and just um, so thank you for thank you so
much for that, is what I said. Let me tell
him he kicked me out my number one spot that
I was wanting. Jesus did not say yes, you got
used to it. You can get too comfortable at number one,
you know what I mean. That's what was Oh my god,
Oh my god. I'm so but I'm not surprised because
(02:41):
you definitely have a hard core following. You were as
far as one of the few people I knew in gospel,
not on a show of a whole bunch of artists.
You were holding down big auditoriums arenas on your own.
(03:06):
Do you consider yourself a gospel artist because I want
to not know, I'm really okay with whatever people say.
I just never want to disrespect any genre genre. So
I'm okay with whatever people say. Is if they if
they're comfortable, I'm comfortable, you know what I mean. My
first knowledge of you, of course was gospel. But I
think for me, Um, when you start selling albums like that,
(03:30):
when you start bringing in those numbers and sales, you're
tapping into another audience. That's okay, because we are to
spread the good news to everybody, not just the people
that we know that go to church, everybody. And you
have done that so so very well. You have been um, creative,
(03:58):
You've been a trailblazer, You've been you've just been dope.
And there's I mean, I can say some other stuff,
but I might say that offline because we don't want
we don't want to offend any other artists. Um that
rappid gospel. Amen. Amen. So any who, but I am
(04:23):
so thankful that you are here. We share a lot
of similarities as far as dealing with depression, dealing with anxiety,
and I wanted to let you come in, have you
come in and check in with everybody to tell us
how you are doing and what's going on. The purpose
of checking in is you check in with yourself, you
(04:45):
checking with others, and you check in with God. And
you have a book out called I Am Restored, How
I Lost my religion but found my faith. And you
really kind of express some things that I think it
is admirable for a man to share and talk about.
(05:08):
You recently share that you had suffered sexual abuse, verbal
and physical abuse, and that one night in eighteen you
had a whole night of binge drinking and it said
that led to clinical depression. But first of all, all
of those things, the abuse, you would think that's what
(05:28):
led to the depression, not not the drinking. The drinking
was the coping, correct If I'm not mistaken what let
up to that night? Oh man, um so much? You know,
I mean you you obviously understand, like anybody else does,
just the perils of being in the in the limelight
and also trying to maintain a sense of faith and
(05:50):
consistency amidst all of the pressures and the demands and
different circles that you're walking in. And you know, on
top of that, it's the trauma of my own past,
and then dealing with the criticism that I was getting
specifically from like church folks, right, and so we don't
talk about it. Yeah, So you know, all that criticism
(06:15):
put me in a dark place, which led me to
feel a little rebellious. And my rebelliousness was like, well, god,
I'm just done. I'm not gonna just walk this path anymore.
And you know, you start making decisions that are just
not healthy for you, and those decisions spiral down and
(06:36):
next thing you know, you're drinking to just keep pushing through.
And then it's like the drinking does not erase you know,
all the emotions and the and the strain and mental strain,
and so it's like my brain had just had enough.
And when I woke up, it was like I'm out.
We're done. Really Yeah. So basically, we cannot medicate our trauma.
(06:58):
We can't drink our trauma ware, we can't sex our
trauma way, we can't gamble. Now, shopping it helps, It
helps for like a day, and then you look at
that receipt like, oh, why did I buy that? Why
did I do this? You know, so you woke up
just kind of gone done done in that moment led
(07:22):
you to seek some help. No, because I didn't really
know what was going on. Like I have been depressed before,
I had bounced with depression, but this was kind of
really different. This was clinical. This was like it wasn't
just sadness. It was like numbness where you don't you
can't appreciate the sun going up. It's like you're not sad,
(07:45):
you're not mad, you're not You're just numb. And um.
I didn't have it, I know, appetite, just no desire
for anything, just existing a zombie. And I knew something
was wrong, but I thought I snap out of it.
I was like, I'll snap out of it, you know,
I'll just shake it off. Two three, four or five, six, seven, eight,
(08:06):
nine days later, still there, and that's when I knew, like,
all right, you know, I knew something was wrong. I
didn't now. What I thought was that it was purely
just spiritual and it was like which I'm not saying
it wasn't, but it was like, all right, it's time
to come home. It's time to just come clean, come home,
be honest about your lack of faith, about just your
(08:30):
drinking and trying different substances, and just be honest and
so you know, I just talked to my pastor, I'll
talk to my friend and talk to my wife. I
was like, look, this is where I'm at and I
and it didn't go away when I did that, So
it turned into I'm gonna need some professional help. Yes, yes, well,
(08:50):
thank you for sharing that. And I know because we
tell people all the time, share what's going on with you,
talk about what's going on with you. But you said
did not go away, so you had to take the
next step in getting some clinical help. So what was
it like for you the first time you walked in
(09:13):
those storys of the reason why I'm asking you this
because there are many men who look like you and
I want them to know your process. But at the
same time that you are sitting here with me today
living to tell the story. Right. Yeah, it's there's healing
on the other side of it, but you gotta go
(09:34):
through it first. You gotta be able to be honest
and transparent. That's the tough part, you know. Uh, It's
like it's in anything, you know, there's stages and you
have to come to that acceptance stage. And I had to.
You know, at first, I went through the grieving stage
and I just walk in that building and I'm I'm ashamed.
I feel like lesser than a man. I feel like
(09:55):
I don't want this person all in my business, and
can I trust this person? I'm a public than year
what does all this mean? And but I started getting
comfortable going through the story. You know, you start with
my friends and whatnot and just talking through it. And
(10:16):
once I started getting comfortable, I'm not gonna I'm not
gonna lie to you. It took me about three therapists
to find the one that really fit for me. So
say that again, Okay, yeah, and you will and you
will so encourage people that might say I went to therapy,
it didn't work for me. Well, maybe try somebody else
until it does work for you, that's good. It's like saying,
(10:39):
oh yeah, I date it before it didn't work for me.
Who would you date that many came? You? Done with you?
Done with people in general? Done for life? That's right?
Or I try God exactly. I don't think he worked
for me. Oh so you prayed one time and you
thought your whole world was gonna change right then and there.
So so it was it took multiple things? Are up
(11:00):
has multiple chances like that first time sitting on the couch.
Were you nervous where you stuttering? I was. I was
very reserved because I was like, man, I don't know
if this is gonna work. And I was nervous because
I was afraid that if I was going to share
all this stuff and then it wasn't gonna work, you know.
(11:22):
So I was like, I'm scared to tell you all
this stuff and I don't know if it's gonna work.
But I found is that the therapist for me that
I really appreciate. It really kind of wanted to hear
my story. And it was it was interested. It was
they weren't just kind of like you know, handling me.
I've been handled plenty times. It was like, I'm genuinely interested.
(11:45):
I want to hear more and um and I just
got to share my story and and they wanted to
hear my whole story, not just how I got here
this month, but like start from you know, childhood, and
I was childhood for what you know, but I want
everybody that I know that I talked to, dem anybody
(12:09):
that that I share stuff with, teaching people about your
unmet needs from childhood, a child needs, ten needs that
need to be met in their childhood. And if you
don't get those needs men and childhood, somehow in your
adulthood they begin to manifest. So I know, for me,
(12:29):
when I was about thirty five years old, I noticed
that I would respond in certain situations, maybe like a
twelve year old, not the temper tantrum, but I'd leave
a situation. I'd leave the room, or i'd snap or something.
And to me, that's what a child does if you
take their fruit snacks away. So for me, that experience
(12:51):
of learning what those unmet needs were from childhood also
really helped me gauge Okay, why am I responding this way? Okay,
God I did and get those needs met. I'm probably
not going to get those needs met my parents are
in their six because there're you're supposed to get a
met from your parents at first, right, And so it
was very touching when you talk about forgiving your father,
(13:15):
And do you think that that helped in the healing process? No,
I do I think. Uh. I mean, anybody who knows
my story knows my dad wasn't in the picture. Um
never tried to be in the picture, never came around
just by yeah, And I found where he was living,
and I went to go meet him for the first time,
(13:37):
and um, and I had no intentions of of anything
other than just to let him know he's forgiven. And
I see him, you know, trying to ride off into
the sunset and have hold hands singing kombay y'all, just say, hey,
I'm a grown man. I made it, and I don't
hold any ill will because a lot of times the
(13:59):
mental health pieces are are genetic, and so I don't.
As I got older, I realized or maybe he had
some struggles that I don't even know about that kept him,
you know, why he was addicted to substances or whatnot.
I don't know. But I just wanted him to know, hey,
despite what you've done, I forgive you and I'm moving forward.
And I did that for me, you know I did.
It was good for him as well. But you know,
(14:20):
if you hold on to that bitterness, that's going to
create more problems for you in the long run. So
I had to get rid of it, and uh, and
it helped me deal with some childhood wounds that I
have been holding onto. Maybe yes, I am free from
some stuff that I didn't know I was even in bondage.
To so that stuff that you're talking about you were
(14:40):
being free from. Um, can you say that that that
was one of the contributors to depression and anger? And
oh yeah, yeah. Your music is your outlet as well,
and you share so much that if people really really
listen to the music, they can get some nuggets of
(15:03):
what you're going through. Your song Only Human tell me
if I'm wrong. You seem to talk about a possible
failed suicide attempt, and first of all, to be a
person of faith and to have that to you knowing like, yeah,
I was a person of faith, but I also tried
(15:25):
to take my life. Did you feel anyway bad hypocrite
as a person that professes faith but then you didn't
have enough faith to want to stay alive? No, I
mean I think, Um, it wasn't so much the faith
piece that that made me feel any kind of way
(15:46):
or shame or yeah, um, it was more so the
realization that I am leaving other people vulnerable to feel
exactly what I'm feeling right now. And so that that
part is because you know, when you take your own
life because of your struggle, your sadness, your anxiety or
(16:10):
what not, Well, now you've left somebody else susceptible to
that same emotion. It creates a ripple effect and so um,
you know, your your mom, your cousin, your brother, your sister,
your children, and your wife has to walk in and
find you wherever you are and now they have to
deal with that trauma for the rest of it. And
(16:31):
this is no shade against anybody who has who who
has lost somebody to you know, suicide, But it's just saying,
if you're considering it, consider that it leaves ripple effects
beyond just relieving yourself of the pain that you Yes, yes, okay, okay?
(16:51):
Did I interpret that correctly? Did I wasn't? Okay okay.
I did not want to be wrong or even insert
my own feelings or my own situation in that um.
In recording the album, it had to have been healing
or even writing your book. Do you feel like it
(17:11):
was cathartic for your mental health journey? Yeah? You know
they you know, they say ajorenaline is healthful for your brain.
So I started, I wanted to write my larrias, not
just type them, you know, I wanted to use a
pen and just write them. And then just being able
to share this stuff was like Ah, it was so healing,
it was so restorative, you know. And that's why album,
(17:31):
because it was it was bringing me restoration. It was
bringing me out of a very dark place. And uh,
you know, yeah, I'm extremely grateful, you know for that process.
You know, I'm I'm now the place where I'm okay
with managing my mental illness or mental health. Right, I'm not.
I'm not trying to tell people because it may happen
(17:53):
for you. You You may never experience depression or anxiety again
in your life. I'm not trying to tell you that
you'll be healed or restored if you just follow these steps.
But I'm trying to tell you that you will be
able to manage. Like God gave me feet for the path.
He didn't get me out the path, but he feat
to walk it, you know what I mean. So, um,
(18:15):
that's that's what the recording process was for me. It
was like giving me the strength to keep pushing, to
keep going, to keep moving. How do you feel that
you see mental illness being addressed in the church. I'm grateful,
you know what I mean, Because a lot of times
I tell you just pray it away, and it's like
you don't never see an overweight person coming to church
and say I'm just tired of being this heavy, and
(18:36):
say you just praying fat away? Baby? Never see that happen?
Ye work, you know what I mean? And yes, so
we have to see, um, someone's mental health struggles. We
have to see in order to get out of it.
We have to see it as work. I remember, you know,
just you ain't praying it up or I felt like
(18:56):
a hypocrite because it's like, Okay, well, maybe I'm not
reading my Bible enough. Maybe I didn't speak in tongues enough.
Maybe I didn't listen to praise and worship music long enough.
But it's like, no, prayer and therapy go hand in hand.
Whenever I leave therapy, I know, I'm like, okay, I
even have my prayers are more specific because I'm like, God,
(19:19):
you heard what she said. I don't even really have
to comment to you, but I I just want to
be in agreement with you about what is what has
been spoken about my life. And I know I think
we're seeing a shift of therapy being talked about it.
I even heard a pastor say, yo, you need a
therapist because lots of times we maybe want to go um,
(19:40):
to ministers and pastors who aren't necessarily equipped to talk
about what we're going through. And I don't know if
we should put that expectation or that pressure on them,
but I do feel like they should have resources readily
available to share with their member or whoever they're counseling,
and say, I can only take you so far. Of
course I'm gonna pray with you. Of course I'm gonna
give you a scripture too, but I want to give
(20:02):
you Dr so and so or this licensed clinical social
worker that we trust, we vet it, and to know
that prayerfully whoever your pastors won't send you to somebody unsafe, right.
We need way more than that. I think that's a
that's a you know, in the same way you're gonna
recommend a lawyer, you're gonna recommend a general care, general
(20:24):
practitioner or whatever you're gonna Yeah, yes, yes, yes, So
I'm so excited for you. You are an author, an artist.
I love seeing you with your family and your kids
and playing basketball whatever it is. But you also are
a philanthropist. In the metro Atlanta area, you are working
(20:48):
in the homelessness situation there. You're also providing masks if
I'm not mistaken, okay, um, tell us more about that.
And if there's any way we can be a part
of it, how can we support you? Yeah, I just
want to be connected to you know, I have a
passion for people who get looked over. That's really my thing.
Anybody who gets looked over. I just I got a
(21:09):
hard form kids and disenfranchised community in makes the homeless community.
That's just where my burden is. My my my grandmother.
Shout out to evangelist Georgia Campbell. She she she just
that's what she's been doing her whole life. And so
when I was around her, I just saw her as
an example and I always wanted to be able to
(21:32):
to to help out in that capacity. So, you know, somebody,
everybody gotta have some outlet to serve. And I love
serving those folks who just don't get any love to
just get looked over. And so I'm in Atlanta. Peace
Preparatory Academy is a school on the West side of Atlanta.
You know, anybody who wants to donate or what not,
(21:53):
look up Peace Preparatory Academy. Love Beyond Walls is the
organization that I partnered with for the homeless nos and
UM in prison Fellowship is what I partner with in
terms of prison work. So any one of those outlets
will allow you to get busy. Man. It's so dope
to see you out there, like you said, touching people
that people wouldn't touch, touching people that are overlooked. You
(22:18):
do have a chapter in your book about church hurt,
and not because you're talking about others who have experienced
church hurt. You yourself have experienced church hurt, um, and
thank you for being open about it and talking about
it because it tis a real thing. Where are you
(22:39):
in your journey? Um? As it relates to that, I'm
way healthier now, um, you know, because I've realized who
I am and and that uh, I think a large
part of it. My brother has shared this with me
and and resonated with me, and I shared this to
other people now is sometimes we make people wounds, God wounds.
When I say that, I say people have hurt you.
(23:01):
God didn't hurt you, So you're not you're mad at
God because of what his people did. But that's not
a reflection of who God is. That's a reflection of people.
And so that's what helped me get over. It is
that man, This ain't a reflection of the character of God.
This is a reflection of these individual people and so
(23:23):
their hurt and their judgment and there you can't you
do this and do that or you know, I mean
you name it. I know you hadn't been through every
all the same stuff, you know what I mean? Yeah,
it's just that kind of thing that I just had
to realize, Well, this is people. That's what people do.
Come on, that is people. And then we have to
(23:43):
learn to that maybe God, you didn't assign me to
these these people, and how there are way more people
out there that need what I have. We needed your
boldness to say things that people were afraid to say. Now,
when you do say things that people are afraid to say,
(24:05):
I'm sure you do get shunned. You do get people
who you probably thought were your friend who are now
scared to associate with you because you actually told the truth.
Where do they do that at? I'm speaking the truth
and you wanna blacklist me, you want to push me away.
And I thought you weren't gonna do music anymore, you
(24:26):
know what I mean? I thought Lacre is done. Look
what you'all have done he's done. You don't even feel
safe anymore in the area of arts, because the area
of arts is where you express your heart, your thoughts,
what you're going through and how it's helped other people.
But now it's like you can't even do that because
it's like if I say something, it's gonna be torn apart,
(24:47):
picked apart. But I do want to tell you that's
when you know when you've really reached a certain platitude
of success visibility, when you've also reached a certain of
success on the other side. I saw you at the
Rock Nation brunch, I should say I saw pictures of
(25:07):
you at the Rock Nation brunch. Not a bad thing,
but that was a dope thing. Like you belonged there.
You were supposed to be there. Now, somebody you at
me if you got something to say, they got something
to say, Oh, they got something to saying, you know
what they do. I don't care. But I think for us,
(25:29):
I think God allows certain people to go on those
circles because he can trust us as long as we
can impact and influence that side. We don't have to
be like that side. But God, you didn't place me
here to just be hanging out. I'm supposed to do
something with this. Twenty years later, I'm supposed to be
It's like I realized, time after time after time, why
(25:52):
do you have me here? I know me personal. I'm
a church girl. Like there was somebody way more qualified,
more swaggier or whatever whatever what that was supposed to
be there. But when you can walk into a room
and own exactly who you are, people know that you
are a man of faith and they love you. And
I really hope you know you are absolutely loved and
(26:16):
appreciate it for all that you do. Your book and
the album together. Y'all. Y'all have to get his book.
I am restored. You have to get the album restoration.
It is a actual journey. Thank you for sending me
an advanced copy, but I would have you to know
(26:36):
I actually have a copy. I bought the copy. I'm
still a consumer of people. I believe it was fourteen
nine and nine. I have it in my eye books
because it takes money to ship all those free copies out.
So I pray to be one of the ones helping,
you know, and so it is a bestseller. I do
(26:57):
want to say, there's a part of the book where
you were you were to say I was broken. No,
I still am broken, and it takes so much strength.
You're not weak by admitting a struggle. You're not weak
by saying I'm broken. I'm still broken. Even writing that book,
even at the pinnacle of your success, you were able
(27:17):
to You're able to still say, no, I'm broken, I'm broken.
I'm going through a healing process. I'm going through a journey,
and thank you for encouraging us, letting us know. It
is still a journey. And you took some time away
to be able to get to this place. And sometimes
you might have to have a seat to be on
that journey because who knows what you would have said.
Who knows that album might have had an explicit label
(27:40):
on it. We don't know, We don't you know what
I'm saying. We don't know, we don't know. So it
is okay if you can to take some time out
to sit. The saying is hurt people do. Hurt people.
Hurt people hurt people. So thank you so much for
taking out your time. We can sit and talk forever.
(28:01):
But as they said, I don't want to be before
you loan, I don't I'm gonna take my seat. Look,
Craig will you come back on checking in Absolutely, man,
it's honor if anybody, if if the two people who
came here because of me, please continue checking. You know
what I'm saying. Uh, but shell is phenomenal. You have
(28:23):
no idea like the people who I put on your
you know, your words of wisdom, your collaborations with other
mental health experts. I've helped out so many people, so
many women that I can just like shoot them this
because they don't get to hear a woman who looks
like you talk about it. And so you and Taraji
(28:44):
have been very helpful for me. Um And I'm just like,
you don't even understand. I'm grateful. Thank you, La Craig.
Now you are helping people who look like you. Let
me tell you something. I don't want to see more
men sitting in that counseling office. Y'all don't know how
dope that looks like for somebody like me who's like,
(29:05):
oh dang, you know how to communicate, you know how
to go get therapy, and that is amazing, Like there
is nothing weak about it. There's nothing weak about it.
I think we gotta get a song about strength or something.
So let's be working on it. Hey, everybody. You can
find me at lacreix dot com or at Lacraix. It's
(29:26):
just l E. C r A. If you can spail,
you can get well Baby's. He has his YouTube channel
where he definitely goes more in details about things that
he does not share on his Instagram. You have to
go on his YouTube page and really dig deep and
really get inspired by everything that he's talking about. I
hope what he talks about inspires you and gives you
(29:48):
strength to be bold and walk everything out. Yes, my
YouTube page is uh YouTube dot com back slash Lacreix.
Good night everybody. Wow, this podcast was absolutely amazing. I
(30:15):
have so many thoughts on lacree and what we've been
talking about, and I'm glad I was able to say
it to him. I like just loving on people while
they are here to hear it or to see it.
And his transparency and him being able to really be
vulnerable and let us in because you can visibly see
(30:36):
his vulnerability, you can visibly see his restoration process and
now he's still in the process. On What I appreciate
about him is he keeps it real. In his book,
he says I was broken, Nah, I still am broken.
Because lots of times people ask us how we're doing,
or maybe you have a great job, maybe you're that
(30:58):
executive of maybe you are on the Dean's list. You
are killing it as it relates to your job. Maybe
you are killing it at home. You feel like you're
a great mother, a husband, father, a sibling or whatever.
And when people ask you how you're doing, you're saying, oh,
I'm good, I'm doing real good. Or sister so and so,
(31:20):
how are you doing, Oh, baby, I'm blessed than highly favored,
instead of saying, yo, I'm really struggling in this area,
or I lost my husband, or I lost my engagement
and I'm really broken up about it. And he also
says in the book, if we are really honest when
people ask us how we are doing, you will probably
(31:40):
you will probably hear a deafening silence, because I don't
know if people um are ready to really hear how
you're really feeling. My other takeaway is I hope that
I can be that type of friend. Or there's a
book called Safe People. I hope I can be that
type of safe person where and I asked somebody how
(32:01):
they're doing, they won't feel like a burden by truly sharing,
ma'n Michelle, I I didn't have a good day to day,
my boss wore me out, my mom gets on my nerves,
or I'm having a hard time adapting to being in school.
On zoom, I'm struggling right now, you know. And I
really hope that everybody that's sitting here listening to this
(32:23):
podcast that you feel like you have some hope and
that you feel strengthened, and that we stopped minimizing the pain,
that we stopped over spiritualizing the pain, and that we
can stop memorializing the pain. And I'm saying all of
this from La Craid's book. I am restored because we
(32:44):
do we push the minimize button, or we over spiritualizing
and say, God's got me going through this for a reason.
God's gonna get me out of it and it will,
or I'm just gonna keep praying on and definitely keep praying,
but definitely know that it is okay to sit and
uh talk about it. And we briefly touched on church hurd.
(33:04):
Church heard is a real thing because how many of
us have expressed something to somebody at church and before
you know it, that rumor about you is spread rampant
through the choir, or everybody's looking at you crazy, you know,
because of maybe something that was supposed to be private
has now been made public. And I'm so glad that
we people of faith, that we are addressing mental illness,
(33:29):
that we are sharing more about our struggles and mental health.
So I'm just excited. Um, I feel like I can
open up even more simply by La Craze sharing what
he shared, and to my men, I hope you heard
him sharing his heart and sharing his process, sharing the
(33:49):
root of his depression, sharing his father wounds. How many
of us have a mother wound? How many of us
have father wounds? But I'm so glad that he is
sitting with us and telling his story. I'm gonna share
a quote from La Craze book I Am Restored. He says,
I suppressed my feelings of anguish because I was convinced
(34:10):
I wasn't allowed to be vulnerable. And I think that's
the running theme of people that might be struggling. Anybody
that's sitting here listening UM to this podcast, you have
permission to be vulnerable. And if there's anything that you
will learn from me, I am definitely still in that
journey of being more vulnerable. I'm an open book, but
(34:35):
sometimes it is okay to sit in that moment of fear.
Fear is a legitimate human emotion. Anger is a legitimate
human emotion. Sadness is a natural human emotion, and it
is okay to sit in it for a little while.
(34:56):
To be vulnerable, we don't always have to walk around strong.
La Craiz talks about being a celebrity and how people
may even equate celebrity with a healthy person, and that
is not always the case. My checking in moment for
you guys is to really check in with your legitimate
(35:17):
and your natural emotions. Man, I've got to come up
with the name from our audience. You guys have been
showing so much love and I just want to thank
you for joining me and be sure to tune in
into my next episode of Checking In with Michelle Williams.
(35:49):
Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of I
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