January 31, 2023 • 30 mins
Michelle is checking in with us all. She’s guiding us on a healing journey during these trying times. First, she takes a moment to pay respect to Tyre Nichols and unpacks the trauma situations like these can cause us. In true Michelle fashion, she encourages us to heal our hearts with love. CHECK IN to this episode if you want to explore the languages of love.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, everybody, welcome
(00:20):
to another week another episode of Checking In. I'm so
thankful to be at the top of season three. I
don't think you'll understand that I cannot do it without
you guys, listening and downloading. That's the only reason why
we got a season three, Because let's be honest, when
(00:43):
you are signed to networks and labels, you can be
nice and sweet, but it is a business, right, And
y'all kept me in business for another season three. So
all I asked we continue to listen, Continue you downloading,
continue sending me those encouraging messages to my d m
(01:04):
s and even suggestions. Y'all have been so amazing to me.
I love y'all so much. I try to answer as
many questions and messages as possible. I promise you I
don't take my checking In family for granted. Again, thank
you to the Black Effect Podcast Network and to My Heart.
(01:28):
All right, who chow, how y'are doing? This is a
check in? How are you doing? And I wish this
was a live chat so that I could actually read
how you're doing. I don't care. If it's Twitter, my Instagram,
please hit me up and let me know how you're doing.
(01:53):
I'm doing all right. If I'm being honest, I'm doing okay.
Tyree Nichols, Tyree Nichols, y'all. Like I just I had
a tweet that I wanted to put out, and then
you're Sometimes I literally get speechless. Now when I'm amongst friends,
(02:18):
they'll tell you she always got an opinion. Especially if
we date, they're gonna be like, she's gonna always have
an opinion. But man, sometimes sometimes what I feel that
I have to say isn't enough because it does not
bring Tyree back. Gosh, all I could do is just
(02:42):
pray for comfort for his beautiful mother and his stepfather
and family. My god, oh my god. No one man, woman,
I don't care what color you are. When you're put
in places of leadership and power, you cannot you should
(03:07):
not abuse it. God places people in these high positions.
You work for it, your gift that you applied for it,
and to go through the police academy and go through
all of that just to use what you've learned to
(03:28):
manipulate and abuse and take advantage of vulnerable people, y'all,
I don't have a script today. This is coming from
my soul. When you get stopped by it, okay. For instance,
yesterday I was stopped by the police. I was stopped.
(03:54):
He was gracious. You know, you put your hand on
the steering wheel. You even ask permission when they say, hey,
can I see your license registration or whatever? You give
them them. Then you ask permission. You sure, is it? Okay? Okay?
So what happened was I got a ticket because I
was holding my phone in my hand trying to recalibrate
(04:17):
the GPS. No excuse, you are not supposed to have
your phone in your hand in the State of Georgia,
really anywhere. We should not be looking at our phones.
So I acknowledged that publicly, and to know that, like
there was a legitimate reason why I was stopped because
I broke the law. But to find out and what
(04:38):
I'm I guess you're vulnerable in that moment. You have
no unless you're in a state where you can openly
carry a weapon and use it and it ain't got
to be concealed. I think. I think in the state
of Georgia you don't even need a license to carry
a gun. I don't I don't know, but I remember
(04:58):
back in the day when I got my gun license,
you had to register, you had to pay a fee,
I know, in the state of Illinois, and if you
wanted to carry a concealed weapon you had to take
a separate course to do that. You had to But anyway,
what I'm saying is how vulnerable and powerless you feel
(05:22):
in that moment, and you're like, what did I do? Now?
Because I know me it's a possibility. I was like, well,
what was I speeding? But I know that I was
like wrong, you know, I'm you know, so you gotta
pray for me on that. But to know that, Tyree,
you're so vulnerable in that moment and come to find
out he did nothing wrong, even if he did it,
(05:47):
if there's no excuse to abuse your power when someone
breaks the law, I'm assuming there's pro Obviously there's protocol.
You break the law, you get a ticket, they send
you on your way, or say when they on your information,
they find out you've got to warrant or something out,
you know, then they put you in handcuffs, they take
you to jail, but you're still alive. I needed to
(06:11):
come in and check in. I needed to come in
and check in because I can imagine you know, and
and please let me know, family, if you've experienced loss
of a loved one due to somebody abusing their authority
and their power, please let me know so that I
(06:32):
can respond to you. And just know that I love
you and Gosh, my heart, I don't know about y'all's hearts,
but my God, I'm weak, I'm weakned, I'm I'm saddened
um holding onto faith. And I know some folks are
like God, even I've wrestled with this question, my God,
(06:52):
why why why? I told you guys in a few
episodes prior that, as you can ask God why why?
He is not threatened by Yeah why? So I'm just
sending y'all love today. And I know watching those videos
(07:14):
there are a lot of people mental health professionals that
prefer us not to continue to watch so much trauma
because they feel it can be desensitizing or it can trigger.
It can cause depression, it can cause anxiety, it can
just it can just re havoc on your mind, body
(07:36):
and your spirit. I was in a family group chat
and my brother and my nephew, you know, I'm like, yo,
I know, do y'all feel the same way. You're like yo,
especially to my brothers that are listening, you know, and
like that could be me, that could be my brother,
(07:56):
That could be my father, that could be my nephew,
that could be my husband, that could be my partner,
that could be my spouse, that could be my man.
Yell right. So I just definitely want us to, you know,
till you're at your discretion because some of us, you know,
I watched the news, you know, and so there are
(08:19):
going to be things that you want to be relevant
in and you want to be able to speak intelligently
with facts. But we've got facts. We saw the video,
so traumatized. The definition of traumatized is obviously the past
(08:39):
tense of traumatized, and so the definition of that is
subject to lasting shock as a result of an emotionally
disturbing experience. And although we did not experience what Tyree
went through physically, but a lot of us experienced emotional trauma,
(09:04):
visual trauma. I'm seeing that. So I just want to,
like I said, I I'm checking in. I don't have
a script right now, but I'm so thankful, you know,
to be around people that can pray and so all
we could do, we just prayed a prayer of comfort.
That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take time early
(09:25):
in this podcast to pray words of comfort to my
checking In family. God, we we acknowledge you, We acknowledge
your sovereignty, We acknowledge your goodness and your faithfulness. Yes,
even in this, even in sorrow, we acknowledge who you,
(09:47):
who you are, and God, we confess that we are angry,
we are sad, we're tired, we're exhausted, we don't know
what to do and all sometimes all we can do
is lean into You, Father and God. I just um
just thankful to have a platform to be able to
(10:08):
come in on behalf of my Checking and Family listener supporters,
whatever they desire to call themselves, that I can come
on behalf of them that are tired, that are exhausted,
that are depressed, that I have anxiety, that are triggered
and traumatized when news of another young black soul is taken. So, Father, God,
(10:33):
we're asking for comfort, We're asking for revelation. Internally we're
asking for protection or asking for justice, for justice, we're
(10:54):
asking for justice. And God, my prayer I believe there
is a scripture justice that flows, justice that flows. Let
justice roll down as waters and righteousness as a mighty stream,
(11:16):
or we want justice and God, I asked that you
just continue to wrap your arms and send your angels
and to the family of Tyree Nichols into anybody under
the sound of my voice who has lost someone due
to brutality, due to a peers murder. God, we just
(11:38):
we're we're we're standing with you as we are asking
that we come against the spirit of murder that is
trying to take out so many people, that has already
taken to many people in this I pray Amen. M hm,
(12:02):
oh my gosh, m hmmm. All I can do, y'all.
I'm literally sitting normally I sit at my desk with
my microphone and I'm literally I'm sitting on the floor.
I'm sitting on the floor. A part of me is
actually grateful that they did. They did warn us, you
(12:23):
know about the video. I knew. I was like, no,
I'm not gonna watch and I'm not gonna watch it
because we know what the end is going to be.
All Right. I know you're probably like, wait a minute,
we didn't come here for this but I had to
take some some time out and and I'm so glad
to see video of Tyree skateboarding and laughing around and
(12:44):
joking around. They called him a goofball family and friends,
family and friends of his, and I had to watch
video of him so that that's how we can remember him.
The world has already seen him beaten to death, right,
but now let's start watching videos of him, of his life. Right.
(13:06):
So that's just if I have a call to action,
if you just have to google his name, I don't
know if it. Maybe he has a Facebook, Instagram, and
just they're finding and they're extracting videos and they're releasing
them so that we can see him as the light,
as the light that he was, and guess what, and
the light that he is because his death will not
(13:28):
be in vain, all right, it will not be in vain.
Today is January thirty feet. Y'all know my podcast comes
out on Tuesdays, So this week is Grammy Week, and
I know that's where I'm excited to get to some
(13:50):
of my peers and family and friends. You know, y'all,
my girls live in l A. Beyonce and Kelly live
in l A. And I'm way in Georgia right, so
I can't wait. I can't wait to get to l
A and be with some family at this time. So
my other call to action is get around some family.
Please please please do not isolate, do not process what
(14:15):
what our country is going through. Do not process it alone.
Do not process it alone. But yes, it is Grammy Week.
I'm excited. I've got a few performances. My management company,
Culture Collective, founded by Jonathan Azoo, is having Grammy Jam.
So I'm excited. Corey Henry, who is a phenomenal musician,
(14:35):
we'll see. We we might get on stage together and
do some collaboration at Grammy Jam. I am doing something
for Primary Wave and the Whitney Houston a state which
they have acquired. Long time, longtime fan of Whitney Houston.
Remember the day she passed, I just melted down in
the floor because I could not I couldn't believe it.
(14:57):
And I don't know if I've ever shared this publicly,
being invited to the funeral and my god, my god,
my god, I get youills I'm thinking about it. So
it is gran Week. It's like a family reunion for
the music industry. There are crunches, there are panels, there
are parties, and all kinds of things that are Grammy
(15:22):
related activities. So I'm gonna go and um, like I said,
get around some some family and just you gotta hold
your loved ones tight. You gotta hug them tighter than
ever before, and you gotta let people know that you
love them more than ever before. And so I'm curious
(15:43):
to see who y'all think will take home the Grammys.
Let me know if your favorites are nominated, and let
me know if your favorites some of your favorites were not.
And how's that making you feel? Right now? Check in
with me about apt and the month of February. We
are going into the month of love. Valentine's Day is
(16:07):
coming up on February for it, mm hmmm, yeah, yeah.
So since you know Valentine's Day is coming up, place,
your orders, don't be in the floors at the last
minute the day of trying to pick something up. Order
it right now. So promise me a few things. You're
(16:31):
gonna You're gonna take care of your mind, body and spirit.
You're gonna stay in prayer, and you're gonna go right
now and order your love to on some flowers or
candies or some jewelry or something so that you're not
out here running crazy in these streets. All right, Christmas
and Valentine's Day irk me for that reason. So yeah,
(16:55):
tune into my Instagram for the next four weeks, I
possibly will be talking about this month of love, my
favorite couples who pushed through adversity in their relationships. Because
relationships are work. It shouldn't feel like work, but there
are moments where you've got to push through some stuff.
(17:16):
You've gotta you gotta push through moments um like say uh.
The five love languages. Are y'all familiar with your love
language now? Maybe some years ago? My love language change,
you know, as you evolved, maybe even as you heal.
(17:37):
What you needed five years ago is not what you
need right now. And so m words of affirmation, acts
of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch are five
love languages by Gary Chapman. There's a book called The
Five Love Languages How to Express heartfelt commitment to your Mate.
(17:59):
A lot of us we love our mate based on
what we want and how we want to be loved
versus how what they need. Okay, so I know I
need words of affirmation. I don't need words of affirmation
to go in life. My mother and folks have been
like you've always been fearless. But at this season of
(18:22):
my life, I need you to see me, and I
need you to say, go girl, all right, all right.
I might need you to you know how football players
patt each other on the but I might need you
to even pat me on the butt and say go baby,
I see you, all right? Physical touch. So I need
words of affirmation. And then I vascillated between love language
(18:44):
number four and five, quality time and physical touch. And
I don't mean like physical touch isn't always sexual, right,
appropriate physical touch, you know, a hug, grabbing of the
hand while we're driving, being going out to eat. That's something. Now,
quality time in physical touch, because when you spend quality
(19:08):
time with each other, you can get your physical touch in.
Then quality time means to me, intentional time, quality time.
It's not the quantity of time, but the quality of time.
Maybe you're dating someone who is super busy, but they
are intentional by saying, you know what, on my lunch
break thirty minutes, or I drive past your exit on
(19:32):
the way home from work, I'm gonna slide through. Maybe
we'll let's go grab dinner whatever that is. And if
you're living together with your mate, you know, it's like okay,
so you know that person is being crazy busy, and
so you just want to make sure that the quality
of time spending each other's presence is qualities, not even
(19:52):
the quantity because people get that mixed up quantity how
much something is or the time spent, right, but quality
is more important. You can spend three days with somebody
and that's the quantity of time, three three days, but
the quality sucked because all you did was argue, criticized.
(20:16):
All the person did was complaining, I didn't like the food,
I didn't like this reserve m because see m mmmmm. Yeah,
the quality of that time is so important. The quality
of time is you know, you affirming each other, laughing,
or the quality of time might even include resolving conflict
(20:40):
in a healthy way, right because y'all, y'all gotta help
me with this now. And so yeah, I'm cool, you know,
until it's kind of like I think it's just getting serious,
you know, like y'all, what am I gonna do when
I actually gotta live with somebody? Because I've come up
(21:03):
with my ways of life. I'm sure they've come up
with their ways of life, especially if I'm going to
partner with somebody and we're around the same age and
they didn't build their own life and how they do
it and I got my own life, how I do it?
Oh my gosh. So y'all pray for me on that.
You know what I mean. But let's get back to
the quality of time spent. So my love languages are
(21:25):
words of affirmation and again evacillate between quality time and
physical touch. So that book is by Gary Chapman. It
is uh amazing, It's amazing. And then apparently there are
the five original and then the seven new love languages.
(21:48):
Wait a minute, So physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation,
acts of service, and receiving gifts are the original five
love languages. Why it so? The new ones are activity
and efforts to be more inclusive and current. Truity, a
company that offers a variety of online personality quiz is,
(22:12):
released its list of seven new love languages earlier this month.
This was released in February of two so Truity surveyed
over five hundred thousand people in their study and came
up with this list activity appreciation, emotional, financial, intellectual, pysical,
(22:34):
and practical activity. People who focus on the activity love
language feel special in value when their partner takes an
interest in their hobbies and and activities and makes an
effort to enjoy hobbies and interest together. Okay, so y'all,
let me tell y'all. I mean, okay, So, for instance,
I got a friend out one was mountain a flat
screen TV. Now, I don't know why this person decided
(22:57):
that they're gonna mount a flat screen TV. I would
have called somebody and be like, can you come do this?
Because this this is just not what I do. But
this person feels like they are a builder. So what
did I do now? Because this is just nothing I'm
interested in. I'm interested in the TV being on the wall,
but I'm not interested in putting the TV on the
(23:18):
wall myself. But it meant something to them for me
to help them. So you take interest in their hobbies
and activities. So guess what I was doing that I
was reading the instructions. And then we found out that
I'm so glad that I read the instructions because they
was about to mount the TV all wrong. And Lord,
Jesus that TV probably would have fell to the ground.
(23:39):
Now we discovered that because I took interest and an
activity that they like doing. They love building things, They
love building things. They think they are h g t
V in real life. Appreciation, people who focus on the
appreciation love language feel loved when their partner gives them compliments, praise,
and thanks. They appreciate hearing explicitly what their partner likes
(24:04):
and admires about them. That's kind of like words of
affirmation in the original five love languages. Emotional, those who
focus on the emotional love language feel loved when their
partners able to connect with them and support them through
difficult and scary emotions. Being present for the highs and
lows is very important to those with the emotional love language. Now,
(24:25):
not only being focused on the emotional love language, but
can you have empathy? You know, I know I can
have empathy with the person. But once I got empathy
and meaning, I can feel what you're going through. I
can sit with you for a minute, and then after
that it's like, Okay, we gotta get up. We gotta
get up. And y'all know, you know, perseverance and resilience,
(24:48):
you gotta get up, all right, Um, listen on Financial
people with the financial love language feel loved when their
partner is generous with resources and sees value in spending
money to bring their partner pleasure and joy. This love
language maybe express their gifts or just making space in
the family budget for your partner's enjoyment. Along with the
original five love languages, that's what we called acts of service.
(25:10):
But I get it they're breaking down the original intellectual
You know, when you feel loved when you're the partner
will use their intelligence, respects their opinion, and takes part
in the thoughtful discussion of important issues. Because sometimes I've
tapped out when a person started talking too deep and
I'm just trying to enjoy a waffle with melted butter
and syrup on top. Oh, all right. Physical people with
(25:35):
physical love language feel loved when they receive physical affection hugs,
holding hands, and snuggles, so that kind of goes with
the physical touch original. Practical people feel loved when their
partners chip in with everyday duties and responsibilities. They feel
cared for when their loved one does chores and offers help.
So I don't know if you've ever been in a
relationship with someone and they see you always doing stuff
(25:58):
and they never chip in. So yeah, that would irritate
me from time to time. So, as I said, I
didn't have a script for today because I have been
so um, I think like all of us. But somehow
we got on the top. Oh, because I was talking
about Valentine, saying how it's coming up and I can't
wait to continue to discuss love. You don't have to
have you don't have to have been married to talk
(26:21):
about love. I love to talk about my mistakes and
where I know I went wrong, where I but not
where I believe about we're wrong. Where I know I
went wrong, And um, yeah, you guys can practically ask
me anything about relationships at this point because I want everybody.
If you want to win and love, I'm standing with
(26:43):
you in agreement for you to win and love again.
I thank y'all so much for giving me your time today,
and um, I'm excited for season three. We're maneuvering some things,
working some king out. But y'all have stayed with me
and you have rocked with me. Then y'all enjoy the
(27:04):
episode with thy Hunter? Thy Hunter? Oh what did I mean?
Like you two thousand, gosh, twenty three years of relationship.
So I'm excited about his evolution and everything that he's
walking in. And so yeah, that was a great episode,
and thank you all so much for tuning into that episode.
(27:29):
So I love y'all so much. I try not to
make this podcast to churchy and all that good stuff.
But another call to action is stay in prayer, y'all.
Stay in prayer and don't feel like your prayer has
got to be a King James version or how you
saw the pastor prayer, how you saw your mama pray.
Just pray, Just pray, pour your heart out to God, acknowledge, confess,
(27:54):
be thankful, and supplication. That is the ax model prayer
um because a lot of us are told to pray,
but we just weren't taught how to pray. I'm thankful
for my pastor, Dr Darius Daniels at Change Church for
we were. We were in a series called The Cheap
Code and it was all about prayer and what prayer
can unlock if you know how to pray, praying in
(28:17):
your own way and not feeling like, oh my gosh,
I gotta pray like Deacon Jenkins at the Church, pray,
you pray like you pray. Miracle Janey, you pray like
you pray. Martin, you pray like you pray, move my Love,
you pray in your way. Right, So, if y'all want
to look up, that AX model is called the AX
(28:38):
prayer model, so you can kind of know even how
the Lord's Prayer was structured. They asked Lord, how do
we pray? And he taught them how to pray in
the Lord's Prayer. But yeah, so anyway, I can go
on and on and on and on. But like I said,
I want us to have breakthrough this year. I want
miracles this year. I want testimonies this year. I want
you to keep tuning in week after week, sharing with
(29:00):
me the good news that's going on in your life
or even the difficulties. But how you know you are
going to make a decision to push through and keep
checking again. I love you, and you know there's absolutely
nothing you can do about it. Be well. Everybody m
(30:36):
Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of I
Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from
I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
My Heart Radio and The Black Effect. Hey, everybody, welcome
(00:20):
to another week another episode of Checking In. I'm so
thankful to be at the top of season three. I
don't think you'll understand that I cannot do it without
you guys, listening and downloading. That's the only reason why
we got a season three, Because let's be honest, when
(00:43):
you are signed to networks and labels, you can be
nice and sweet, but it is a business, right, And
y'all kept me in business for another season three. So
all I asked we continue to listen, Continue you downloading,
continue sending me those encouraging messages to my d m
(01:04):
s and even suggestions. Y'all have been so amazing to me.
I love y'all so much. I try to answer as
many questions and messages as possible. I promise you I
don't take my checking In family for granted. Again, thank
you to the Black Effect Podcast Network and to My Heart.
(01:28):
All right, who chow, how y'are doing? This is a
check in? How are you doing? And I wish this
was a live chat so that I could actually read
how you're doing. I don't care. If it's Twitter, my Instagram,
please hit me up and let me know how you're doing.
(01:53):
I'm doing all right. If I'm being honest, I'm doing okay.
Tyree Nichols, Tyree Nichols, y'all. Like I just I had
a tweet that I wanted to put out, and then
you're Sometimes I literally get speechless. Now when I'm amongst friends,
(02:18):
they'll tell you she always got an opinion. Especially if
we date, they're gonna be like, she's gonna always have
an opinion. But man, sometimes sometimes what I feel that
I have to say isn't enough because it does not
bring Tyree back. Gosh, all I could do is just
(02:42):
pray for comfort for his beautiful mother and his stepfather
and family. My god, oh my god. No one man, woman,
I don't care what color you are. When you're put
in places of leadership and power, you cannot you should
(03:07):
not abuse it. God places people in these high positions.
You work for it, your gift that you applied for it,
and to go through the police academy and go through
all of that just to use what you've learned to
(03:28):
manipulate and abuse and take advantage of vulnerable people, y'all,
I don't have a script today. This is coming from
my soul. When you get stopped by it, okay. For instance,
yesterday I was stopped by the police. I was stopped.
(03:54):
He was gracious. You know, you put your hand on
the steering wheel. You even ask permission when they say, hey,
can I see your license registration or whatever? You give
them them. Then you ask permission. You sure, is it? Okay? Okay?
So what happened was I got a ticket because I
was holding my phone in my hand trying to recalibrate
(04:17):
the GPS. No excuse, you are not supposed to have
your phone in your hand in the State of Georgia,
really anywhere. We should not be looking at our phones.
So I acknowledged that publicly, and to know that, like
there was a legitimate reason why I was stopped because
I broke the law. But to find out and what
(04:38):
I'm I guess you're vulnerable in that moment. You have
no unless you're in a state where you can openly
carry a weapon and use it and it ain't got
to be concealed. I think. I think in the state
of Georgia you don't even need a license to carry
a gun. I don't I don't know, but I remember
(04:58):
back in the day when I got my gun license,
you had to register, you had to pay a fee,
I know, in the state of Illinois, and if you
wanted to carry a concealed weapon you had to take
a separate course to do that. You had to But anyway,
what I'm saying is how vulnerable and powerless you feel
(05:22):
in that moment, and you're like, what did I do? Now?
Because I know me it's a possibility. I was like, well,
what was I speeding? But I know that I was
like wrong, you know, I'm you know, so you gotta
pray for me on that. But to know that, Tyree,
you're so vulnerable in that moment and come to find
out he did nothing wrong, even if he did it,
(05:47):
if there's no excuse to abuse your power when someone
breaks the law, I'm assuming there's pro Obviously there's protocol.
You break the law, you get a ticket, they send
you on your way, or say when they on your information,
they find out you've got to warrant or something out,
you know, then they put you in handcuffs, they take
you to jail, but you're still alive. I needed to
(06:11):
come in and check in. I needed to come in
and check in because I can imagine you know, and
and please let me know, family, if you've experienced loss
of a loved one due to somebody abusing their authority
and their power, please let me know so that I
(06:32):
can respond to you. And just know that I love
you and Gosh, my heart, I don't know about y'all's hearts,
but my God, I'm weak, I'm weakned, I'm I'm saddened
um holding onto faith. And I know some folks are
like God, even I've wrestled with this question, my God,
(06:52):
why why why? I told you guys in a few
episodes prior that, as you can ask God why why?
He is not threatened by Yeah why? So I'm just
sending y'all love today. And I know watching those videos
(07:14):
there are a lot of people mental health professionals that
prefer us not to continue to watch so much trauma
because they feel it can be desensitizing or it can trigger.
It can cause depression, it can cause anxiety, it can
just it can just re havoc on your mind, body
(07:36):
and your spirit. I was in a family group chat
and my brother and my nephew, you know, I'm like, yo,
I know, do y'all feel the same way. You're like yo,
especially to my brothers that are listening, you know, and
like that could be me, that could be my brother,
(07:56):
That could be my father, that could be my nephew,
that could be my husband, that could be my partner,
that could be my spouse, that could be my man.
Yell right. So I just definitely want us to, you know,
till you're at your discretion because some of us, you know,
I watched the news, you know, and so there are
(08:19):
going to be things that you want to be relevant
in and you want to be able to speak intelligently
with facts. But we've got facts. We saw the video,
so traumatized. The definition of traumatized is obviously the past
(08:39):
tense of traumatized, and so the definition of that is
subject to lasting shock as a result of an emotionally
disturbing experience. And although we did not experience what Tyree
went through physically, but a lot of us experienced emotional trauma,
(09:04):
visual trauma. I'm seeing that. So I just want to,
like I said, I I'm checking in. I don't have
a script right now, but I'm so thankful, you know,
to be around people that can pray and so all
we could do, we just prayed a prayer of comfort.
That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take time early
(09:25):
in this podcast to pray words of comfort to my
checking In family. God, we we acknowledge you, We acknowledge
your sovereignty, We acknowledge your goodness and your faithfulness. Yes,
even in this, even in sorrow, we acknowledge who you,
(09:47):
who you are, and God, we confess that we are angry,
we are sad, we're tired, we're exhausted, we don't know
what to do and all sometimes all we can do
is lean into You, Father and God. I just um
just thankful to have a platform to be able to
(10:08):
come in on behalf of my Checking and Family listener supporters,
whatever they desire to call themselves, that I can come
on behalf of them that are tired, that are exhausted,
that are depressed, that I have anxiety, that are triggered
and traumatized when news of another young black soul is taken. So, Father, God,
(10:33):
we're asking for comfort, We're asking for revelation. Internally we're
asking for protection or asking for justice, for justice, we're
(10:54):
asking for justice. And God, my prayer I believe there
is a scripture justice that flows, justice that flows. Let
justice roll down as waters and righteousness as a mighty stream,
(11:16):
or we want justice and God, I asked that you
just continue to wrap your arms and send your angels
and to the family of Tyree Nichols into anybody under
the sound of my voice who has lost someone due
to brutality, due to a peers murder. God, we just
(11:38):
we're we're we're standing with you as we are asking
that we come against the spirit of murder that is
trying to take out so many people, that has already
taken to many people in this I pray Amen. M hm,
(12:02):
oh my gosh, m hmmm. All I can do, y'all.
I'm literally sitting normally I sit at my desk with
my microphone and I'm literally I'm sitting on the floor.
I'm sitting on the floor. A part of me is
actually grateful that they did. They did warn us, you
(12:23):
know about the video. I knew. I was like, no,
I'm not gonna watch and I'm not gonna watch it
because we know what the end is going to be.
All Right. I know you're probably like, wait a minute,
we didn't come here for this but I had to
take some some time out and and I'm so glad
to see video of Tyree skateboarding and laughing around and
(12:44):
joking around. They called him a goofball family and friends,
family and friends of his, and I had to watch
video of him so that that's how we can remember him.
The world has already seen him beaten to death, right,
but now let's start watching videos of him, of his life. Right.
(13:06):
So that's just if I have a call to action,
if you just have to google his name, I don't
know if it. Maybe he has a Facebook, Instagram, and
just they're finding and they're extracting videos and they're releasing
them so that we can see him as the light,
as the light that he was, and guess what, and
the light that he is because his death will not
(13:28):
be in vain, all right, it will not be in vain.
Today is January thirty feet. Y'all know my podcast comes
out on Tuesdays, So this week is Grammy Week, and
I know that's where I'm excited to get to some
(13:50):
of my peers and family and friends. You know, y'all,
my girls live in l A. Beyonce and Kelly live
in l A. And I'm way in Georgia right, so
I can't wait. I can't wait to get to l
A and be with some family at this time. So
my other call to action is get around some family.
Please please please do not isolate, do not process what
(14:15):
what our country is going through. Do not process it alone.
Do not process it alone. But yes, it is Grammy Week.
I'm excited. I've got a few performances. My management company,
Culture Collective, founded by Jonathan Azoo, is having Grammy Jam.
So I'm excited. Corey Henry, who is a phenomenal musician,
(14:35):
we'll see. We we might get on stage together and
do some collaboration at Grammy Jam. I am doing something
for Primary Wave and the Whitney Houston a state which
they have acquired. Long time, longtime fan of Whitney Houston.
Remember the day she passed, I just melted down in
the floor because I could not I couldn't believe it.
(14:57):
And I don't know if I've ever shared this publicly,
being invited to the funeral and my god, my god,
my god, I get youills I'm thinking about it. So
it is gran Week. It's like a family reunion for
the music industry. There are crunches, there are panels, there
are parties, and all kinds of things that are Grammy
(15:22):
related activities. So I'm gonna go and um, like I said,
get around some some family and just you gotta hold
your loved ones tight. You gotta hug them tighter than
ever before, and you gotta let people know that you
love them more than ever before. And so I'm curious
(15:43):
to see who y'all think will take home the Grammys.
Let me know if your favorites are nominated, and let
me know if your favorites some of your favorites were not.
And how's that making you feel? Right now? Check in
with me about apt and the month of February. We
are going into the month of love. Valentine's Day is
(16:07):
coming up on February for it, mm hmmm, yeah, yeah.
So since you know Valentine's Day is coming up, place,
your orders, don't be in the floors at the last
minute the day of trying to pick something up. Order
it right now. So promise me a few things. You're
(16:31):
gonna You're gonna take care of your mind, body and spirit.
You're gonna stay in prayer, and you're gonna go right
now and order your love to on some flowers or
candies or some jewelry or something so that you're not
out here running crazy in these streets. All right, Christmas
and Valentine's Day irk me for that reason. So yeah,
(16:55):
tune into my Instagram for the next four weeks, I
possibly will be talking about this month of love, my
favorite couples who pushed through adversity in their relationships. Because
relationships are work. It shouldn't feel like work, but there
are moments where you've got to push through some stuff.
(17:16):
You've gotta you gotta push through moments um like say uh.
The five love languages. Are y'all familiar with your love
language now? Maybe some years ago? My love language change,
you know, as you evolved, maybe even as you heal.
(17:37):
What you needed five years ago is not what you
need right now. And so m words of affirmation, acts
of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch are five
love languages by Gary Chapman. There's a book called The
Five Love Languages How to Express heartfelt commitment to your Mate.
(17:59):
A lot of us we love our mate based on
what we want and how we want to be loved
versus how what they need. Okay, so I know I
need words of affirmation. I don't need words of affirmation
to go in life. My mother and folks have been
like you've always been fearless. But at this season of
(18:22):
my life, I need you to see me, and I
need you to say, go girl, all right, all right.
I might need you to you know how football players
patt each other on the but I might need you
to even pat me on the butt and say go baby,
I see you, all right? Physical touch. So I need
words of affirmation. And then I vascillated between love language
(18:44):
number four and five, quality time and physical touch. And
I don't mean like physical touch isn't always sexual, right,
appropriate physical touch, you know, a hug, grabbing of the
hand while we're driving, being going out to eat. That's something. Now,
quality time in physical touch, because when you spend quality
(19:08):
time with each other, you can get your physical touch in.
Then quality time means to me, intentional time, quality time.
It's not the quantity of time, but the quality of time.
Maybe you're dating someone who is super busy, but they
are intentional by saying, you know what, on my lunch
break thirty minutes, or I drive past your exit on
(19:32):
the way home from work, I'm gonna slide through. Maybe
we'll let's go grab dinner whatever that is. And if
you're living together with your mate, you know, it's like okay,
so you know that person is being crazy busy, and
so you just want to make sure that the quality
of time spending each other's presence is qualities, not even
(19:52):
the quantity because people get that mixed up quantity how
much something is or the time spent, right, but quality
is more important. You can spend three days with somebody
and that's the quantity of time, three three days, but
the quality sucked because all you did was argue, criticized.
(20:16):
All the person did was complaining, I didn't like the food,
I didn't like this reserve m because see m mmmmm. Yeah,
the quality of that time is so important. The quality
of time is you know, you affirming each other, laughing,
or the quality of time might even include resolving conflict
(20:40):
in a healthy way, right because y'all, y'all gotta help
me with this now. And so yeah, I'm cool, you know,
until it's kind of like I think it's just getting serious,
you know, like y'all, what am I gonna do when
I actually gotta live with somebody? Because I've come up
(21:03):
with my ways of life. I'm sure they've come up
with their ways of life, especially if I'm going to
partner with somebody and we're around the same age and
they didn't build their own life and how they do
it and I got my own life, how I do it?
Oh my gosh. So y'all pray for me on that.
You know what I mean. But let's get back to
the quality of time spent. So my love languages are
(21:25):
words of affirmation and again evacillate between quality time and
physical touch. So that book is by Gary Chapman. It
is uh amazing, It's amazing. And then apparently there are
the five original and then the seven new love languages.
(21:48):
Wait a minute, So physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation,
acts of service, and receiving gifts are the original five
love languages. Why it so? The new ones are activity
and efforts to be more inclusive and current. Truity, a
company that offers a variety of online personality quiz is,
(22:12):
released its list of seven new love languages earlier this month.
This was released in February of two so Truity surveyed
over five hundred thousand people in their study and came
up with this list activity appreciation, emotional, financial, intellectual, pysical,
(22:34):
and practical activity. People who focus on the activity love
language feel special in value when their partner takes an
interest in their hobbies and and activities and makes an
effort to enjoy hobbies and interest together. Okay, so y'all,
let me tell y'all. I mean, okay, So, for instance,
I got a friend out one was mountain a flat
screen TV. Now, I don't know why this person decided
(22:57):
that they're gonna mount a flat screen TV. I would
have called somebody and be like, can you come do this?
Because this this is just not what I do. But
this person feels like they are a builder. So what
did I do now? Because this is just nothing I'm
interested in. I'm interested in the TV being on the wall,
but I'm not interested in putting the TV on the
(23:18):
wall myself. But it meant something to them for me
to help them. So you take interest in their hobbies
and activities. So guess what I was doing that I
was reading the instructions. And then we found out that
I'm so glad that I read the instructions because they
was about to mount the TV all wrong. And Lord,
Jesus that TV probably would have fell to the ground.
(23:39):
Now we discovered that because I took interest and an
activity that they like doing. They love building things, They
love building things. They think they are h g t
V in real life. Appreciation, people who focus on the
appreciation love language feel loved when their partner gives them compliments, praise,
and thanks. They appreciate hearing explicitly what their partner likes
(24:04):
and admires about them. That's kind of like words of
affirmation in the original five love languages. Emotional, those who
focus on the emotional love language feel loved when their
partners able to connect with them and support them through
difficult and scary emotions. Being present for the highs and
lows is very important to those with the emotional love language. Now,
(24:25):
not only being focused on the emotional love language, but
can you have empathy? You know, I know I can
have empathy with the person. But once I got empathy
and meaning, I can feel what you're going through. I
can sit with you for a minute, and then after
that it's like, Okay, we gotta get up. We gotta
get up. And y'all know, you know, perseverance and resilience,
(24:48):
you gotta get up, all right, Um, listen on Financial
people with the financial love language feel loved when their
partner is generous with resources and sees value in spending
money to bring their partner pleasure and joy. This love
language maybe express their gifts or just making space in
the family budget for your partner's enjoyment. Along with the
original five love languages, that's what we called acts of service.
(25:10):
But I get it they're breaking down the original intellectual
You know, when you feel loved when you're the partner
will use their intelligence, respects their opinion, and takes part
in the thoughtful discussion of important issues. Because sometimes I've
tapped out when a person started talking too deep and
I'm just trying to enjoy a waffle with melted butter
and syrup on top. Oh, all right. Physical people with
(25:35):
physical love language feel loved when they receive physical affection hugs,
holding hands, and snuggles, so that kind of goes with
the physical touch original. Practical people feel loved when their
partners chip in with everyday duties and responsibilities. They feel
cared for when their loved one does chores and offers help.
So I don't know if you've ever been in a
relationship with someone and they see you always doing stuff
(25:58):
and they never chip in. So yeah, that would irritate
me from time to time. So, as I said, I
didn't have a script for today because I have been
so um, I think like all of us. But somehow
we got on the top. Oh, because I was talking
about Valentine, saying how it's coming up and I can't
wait to continue to discuss love. You don't have to
have you don't have to have been married to talk
(26:21):
about love. I love to talk about my mistakes and
where I know I went wrong, where I but not
where I believe about we're wrong. Where I know I
went wrong, And um, yeah, you guys can practically ask
me anything about relationships at this point because I want everybody.
If you want to win and love, I'm standing with
(26:43):
you in agreement for you to win and love again.
I thank y'all so much for giving me your time today,
and um, I'm excited for season three. We're maneuvering some things,
working some king out. But y'all have stayed with me
and you have rocked with me. Then y'all enjoy the
(27:04):
episode with thy Hunter? Thy Hunter? Oh what did I mean?
Like you two thousand, gosh, twenty three years of relationship.
So I'm excited about his evolution and everything that he's
walking in. And so yeah, that was a great episode,
and thank you all so much for tuning into that episode.
(27:29):
So I love y'all so much. I try not to
make this podcast to churchy and all that good stuff.
But another call to action is stay in prayer, y'all.
Stay in prayer and don't feel like your prayer has
got to be a King James version or how you
saw the pastor prayer, how you saw your mama pray.
Just pray, Just pray, pour your heart out to God, acknowledge, confess,
(27:54):
be thankful, and supplication. That is the ax model prayer
um because a lot of us are told to pray,
but we just weren't taught how to pray. I'm thankful
for my pastor, Dr Darius Daniels at Change Church for
we were. We were in a series called The Cheap
Code and it was all about prayer and what prayer
can unlock if you know how to pray, praying in
(28:17):
your own way and not feeling like, oh my gosh,
I gotta pray like Deacon Jenkins at the Church, pray,
you pray like you pray. Miracle Janey, you pray like
you pray. Martin, you pray like you pray, move my Love,
you pray in your way. Right, So, if y'all want
to look up, that AX model is called the AX
(28:38):
prayer model, so you can kind of know even how
the Lord's Prayer was structured. They asked Lord, how do
we pray? And he taught them how to pray in
the Lord's Prayer. But yeah, so anyway, I can go
on and on and on and on. But like I said,
I want us to have breakthrough this year. I want
miracles this year. I want testimonies this year. I want
you to keep tuning in week after week, sharing with
(29:00):
me the good news that's going on in your life
or even the difficulties. But how you know you are
going to make a decision to push through and keep
checking again. I love you, and you know there's absolutely
nothing you can do about it. Be well. Everybody m
(30:36):
Checking In with Michelle Williams is a production of I
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