November 22, 2021 • 36 mins
Chiquis sits down with Buzzfeed’s Curly Velazquez – and co-host of the new My Cultura Podcast Network’s My Super Secret Bestie Club – to talk about growing up queer, living as a queer Latinx and much more. Chiquis also opens up about the time she had a relationship with a woman and how her late mother Jenni Rivera responded.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Straight people get to hold hands with the person that
they love on the street. If I want to hold
my boyfriend's hand on the street, it is almost like
an act of revolution. You know. She was like, you know,
if you want to be gay, if you want to
be with this girl, then you need to move out,
and you lose all benefits. As my daughter, black and
brown folks are sometimes not allowed to be soft. We're
(00:24):
not given the same grace to be tender. What up, y'all?
Welcome to Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease,
and I'm here today with a very very special and
sexy guest. Okay, you know what, go on, go on
and introduce yourself. You check what. I'm so happy to
(00:46):
be here with you. It is truly an honor, and
you are like Latino royalty. So I'm so excited to
hang with you and chat with you. But for those
of you who don't know me, my name is Curly Velasquez.
I am a writer, active personality. UM. I was kind
of discovered in the kitchen at BuzzFeed. I used to
serve their lunches and I worked my way up into
creating content for them. Um and you know, we started
(01:08):
the Latino vertical called Fedle Like, which has opened the
doors for me in so many different ways, which has
led me to play myself on the show called Viva
on Stars and also comment on a documentary about Walter
Medicago on Netflix with me and my boy lad talking
about the impact that he had on the culture. And
you know, and now I get to hang with you.
(01:29):
We've actually hung out before. I interviewed you a long
time ago at BuzzFeed. Yes, several hairstyles ago and several
Oh and how are you, babe, how are you? I'm good.
I wanted to tell you right now in this moment,
In this moment. Leg day at the gym was on Tuesday,
So I am sore as hell, but I'm so excited.
(01:51):
I wanted to tell you too, because there's so you
know Latina mom. Latina moms are always like they are impressed,
but not easily impressed. And I told my mom like,
I'm going to hang out with cheeks and she was like,
oh my god, like so excited. She loves you and
your family. I'm constantly getting like updates on how the
(02:13):
family is doing. Um, your sister and Jenica are friends
on Insta, Yes, and in Yes, I love her, I
love you all fabulous. She's fabulous. But and so my
mom is a huge fans shout out if she's probably
gonna be listening. And what's your mama's name? Merna sending
(02:36):
you a big old kids mom. Are you close to
your mom? Oh? I'm tired with all my family like
super tight. We weren't always really tight specifically because like
growing up as a young queer kid, a lot of
parents in general, but I feel like Lettin parents or
Lettino or latin X have you identified, they sometimes will
inflict their own generational trauma on their own kids and
(02:58):
without knowing it. So they weren't always necessarily the best parents.
But I think that they also weren't the worst. But
growing up and being able to look back and be like, damn,
you were twenty how old when you had me? Like
you were just exactly things have changed and my mom,
believe it or not, was very also very traditional. I
(03:19):
mean it just I mean they're so young when they
have us, you know what I mean. So they're growing
up or we're growing up together. You feel me. I'm glad.
I'm glad everything is good with your family. So in
today's episode, Curly and I are going to talk about
his coming out story and the spectrum of identifying as
gay or queer in the Latin X community. I happen
to think that people are born gay. I don't know
(03:41):
what you would think. I want us to have a
very open conversation. I feel that there's usually I talked
to I talk about this with a lot of my friends,
that there's a gauging either on your mom's side, your
dad's side. But I really feel that that exists. You
know what, I actually identify as queer, and a lot
more people are identifying more as queer. Queer kind of
gives you the space to not just live in this
(04:01):
one box of being gay, right like, okay, you'll put below.
I used to hook up with girls when I was
younger and boys identified as bisexual for a really long time,
and then I started to skew more into boys, and
now that I'm older, I don't know that I would
necessarily rule it out that I would hook up with
the girl. Um. And I also find that I don't
really care what somebody's working with between their legs. If
(04:23):
you have a cute fade and a nice bicep, I'm down,
you know. So, yeah, I'm so glad you're explaining this
because again, this is a topic that is still very
taboo in our culture unfortunately. UM, but this is why
we're having this conversation, because now that you're saying, I'm
glad that I'm that we're talking about it, you know, queer.
Now I know what it is. So because my brother Johnny,
(04:46):
he's gonna be twenty one, he has had a hard
time accepting it. At first he thought he was gay.
Then he's like, you know what he told me something else.
I don't remember what it was called. But he's like,
I just it doesn't matter. Like you just said, if
you have a penister of vagina, if I'm connected to
your soul, then I want to be with you. There's
sabeo sexual, there's a lot of different things. I think queerness.
By the way, I sent your brother a message, I
(05:07):
was like, if you need to talk, if you just
need a friend, like anything, anything, anything. He probably didn't
see it in the d M s or he probably
was like I don't know him, but I was like,
if you ever need to talk, right, because like there's
no right way and there's no wrong way, like to
be who you are. So for me, it's like, I
do believe that people are born a certain type of
(05:28):
way right and they can uh. I believe that as well.
But I think of queerness and I think of sexuality
and gender as a spectrum. Look, I think people can
be born this way. I think I was born this way.
I came out really young, even as a little kid,
I didn't really know how to hide it. I didn't
know what I identified as um. But I think everybody, everybody,
(05:50):
if they left themselves, if they really were like you
know what, like I funk with this person so much
like we could have a relationship. I might not want
to fuck you, I might not want to have sex
with you, but do you want to be like a
life partner of mine? Do you want to be like
with me? And it could be like best friends. It
can look so many like so many different ways. I
have a question, Curly, and I feel like you are
(06:11):
the person I can ask this like too, and You're
not gonna get offended or anything. Because I've always wondered
the word fag. How do you think about honestly? I
just god, dude, I think I mean I was, like,
you know, I want to ask curly because there's certain
people that are like, don't call me that, Like, you
know what I mean. I get that, I mean I
would never, but you know what I mean, Like, what
do you feel about the word fact? Again, it's a
(06:34):
nuanced conversation, right, Like it's very it's interesting on one side.
Can we use it to be empowering? Like me personally? Um,
I heard Margaret Chow said Margaret Show years ago said
I love the word faggot because it describes my kind
of guy, like my kind of person. And I remember
growing up and being like, oh my god, I love
that too. On the flip my favorite area so I've
(06:56):
ever existed, perhaps maybe my favorite human. My Angelo would
consistently quoth the Bible and say, like in the beginning
there was the word, and the word was God, and
the word was with God. And she would say there
is power that you can measure in words. So when
you use words like fag and fag, it like you
have to really understand the type of energy that you
(07:16):
are really birthing through the divinity within you, right, so
like there was power in your words. So, um, personally
like me, I mean, but to other people like who
are who are still being killed across the world, who
still don't have laws, who still can't get married, no
laws of protection, who are literally being murdered globally. Those
(07:37):
words and maybe the use of them there, you know,
you should be mindful of that, that you are kind
of essentially perpetuating a word that is rooted in hate
and rooted in bigotry. Right, Okay, perfect. I needed to
ask that because again, I want everyone that's listening to
understand I'm a huge advocate for the LBG community, um
Q community, you know. So I'm just like, I wanted
(07:59):
to to have this conversation with someone like you, especially
with coming out, and I just saw this post yesterday.
How or what do you do when someone comes to
you and comes out? What are the actions? You give
them a hug if you have no words, you know
what I mean? So when you came out, how was that?
How old were you when you came out? Um? I
was very young. I was the first time I ever
vocalized it to anybody. I was eleven, and then by
(08:20):
the time I came out to my family, I was
like twelve thirteen. But that's kind of a weird. I
just shared this story with like Hulu uh and attention.
And it's kind of a story because it was kind
of the beginning of the Internet craze where a O
well was popping off and chat rooms and being able
to search for things that you didn't have access to before. Right,
(08:41):
So I got caught because I was looking at dicks
on the Internet and I didn't know. Nobody told me
this that there was a thing called your Internet search history, right,
I guess. And so when my parents went in, they
were like, what the fund are you looking at? And
I was like, what do you mean? And they were like, well,
(09:03):
are you gay? Like what are you? And it was
a whole big thing. It was a lot more dramatic
than that, of course, right, Like I was crying and
my dad I thought, you know, my dad was My
dad was a marine. He we grew up kind of
an abusive household. Like my dad is very MUCHO like
the type to be like I'm ana build that. I
don't need it, I don't need to Anybody'm gonna build
(09:25):
this ship. I don't need to like hire something to
fix up. Doesn't ask for directions. No, he is like
a man's man, which is dope, by the way, because
if I'm walking with him at night. He gets in
front of us, He's like, what, like, he's ready, right,
Marines man. Okay. So then UM, I ended up coming out,
and it was rough in the beginning. It was really tough.
(09:46):
The way that they started to um come around was
when I got my heart broken for the first time. UM.
And when you are depressed and in love and you
get your heartbroken, like you don't that's something that you
know people who have been older, like people who have
been alive, that they're the ones that can help you
and be like, I promise you will make it feel
(10:06):
like you're going to feel like you're gonna die. And
so I remember putting my head on my mom's shoulder
and being like, I'm just so sad. I was heartbroken
over somebody that I loved and his family didn't accept him,
and he became um we were Catholic, and he became
like even more Christian, and he died. He dove deeper
(10:30):
into his faith and kind of abandoned everything that I
had known about him um because of his faith, and
I just felt like I wanted to help him get
to a point where he could understand that the creator
loved him exactly as he was, um, and so it's
really hard, and so that's when we started to kind
of get closer to one another. Um. But you know,
(10:50):
one of the things that I always say bot him
blows that when somebody comes out to you, or somebody says, um,
oh I'm queer or I'm this or whatever. I don't
really like when people say I accept you, Like, that's great,
but it's good. But I always say like, okay, because
because I always say, um, you know, when you order
something like that online, like on eBay or something, and
(11:10):
you get it in the mail or on Amazon. You
get in the mail and you're like, well, it doesn't
look the way that I wanted it to look, but
it's fine. I accepted. I'm too lazy to send it back.
It's fine. But I prefer when somebody says that's amazing, cheekies.
I celebrate you because when you order something on Amazon
and it is exactly what you wanted, you're like, oh
my god, this is exactly what I wanted. This is
(11:32):
exactly what I needed. So we would do that. Yeah,
So when you do that for somebody in your life,
where you go cheekies, you are exactly who I wanted.
In my life. You were exactly who I needed. I
prayed for God for you, I thought of you, and
you got here and here you are and I love
you and I celebrate you. You knows that to me
(11:53):
is better than I accept you because you're like whatever,
It's fine, you don't really are relutely No, I'm so glad, yeah,
because those these are all things that we all need
to know. You feel me. I mean, I don't know
if you know, but I had I had Like I
always say this, I think I'm like lesbian. Yeah, I
(12:13):
get a little vodka and me and I'm just I
want to kiss girls. You know what what I'm saying.
Everybody's on the spectru every year, you know, true, I
had a friend. You know what kind of girls are
you gonna do when you have a little vodka, like
a more fam a little bit more mask, more mask
to be honest and sometimes listen, it just it just depends,
(12:36):
you know what I mean. I haven't done it a lot.
I'm gonna be honest, but there are times when I'm
just saying I just want to kiss. I'm all about
the anatomy of a woman. I think every woman is
so beautiful and I love looking at their bodies and
like the whole thing like and not in a sexual way,
just like I appreciate and you know the woman you
know the body of a woman you too, that's being queer, right,
Like you're like I identified predominantly as a straight woman,
(12:59):
and I'm assuming like you would say that your sis
and at um sis like sus gendered and heterosexual um.
And but you have like your little like you know,
every now and then you're like a little which is
so cool because I think, there you go, there you go.
There's the beauty of the spectrum, which I hope that
more people are willing to tap into. It doesn't mean
(13:23):
and that's the thing too write like, it doesn't mean
like something's like well then you're by or you're a
lesbian and you're like, well not really, I don't really
find that in those spaces, but I can identify over here,
you know. I also have a question for you Chiakis too, like,
and I don't know if it's too deep or if
(13:43):
it's anything. Nothing is too deep because you mentioned like
your mom, right and your mom is this icon that
everybody knows, and you mentioned that you think that she
may have had an issue with your brother. Um, and
we were also talking about like growth. Do you think
that you know in any one that there would have
been some level of like growth and that she may
(14:05):
have actually been like, you know what, I celebrate you,
you know what, curly, Um, I I've never talked about
this anywhere, but I feel comfortable with you and this
is a space to do it. Um. My mom was
a very open woman and very very raw in certain
areas of her life. When I went through my I
(14:27):
had a girlfriend at twenty three. I talked about it
in my book Forgiveness, and um, she found out because
she was looking through my stuff. Actually my sister told
her so. She was looking through my stuff and she
she told me, you know, um, and here's the thing.
She's not here anymore because I'm gonna you know, I
just want to clear that up. But you know, she
(14:48):
was like, you know, if you want to be gay,
if you want to be with this girl, then you
need to move out and you lose all benefits as
my daughter. And I'll never forget I was in the
rest of my but I love this girl, you know
what I mean. And and the crazy thing is it
wasn't even a sexual thing with this girl. It was
all mental and I felt different and I didn't feel
the pressure because I was sexually abused of having to
have sex. It was just it was it was non
(15:09):
existent in the sex. It was just kissing and holding hands.
And I just felt, Oh, someone loves me without wanting
to touch me, you know, sexually. So I tried to
explain it to her and she didn't understand it. And
I told her, I'm like, you have a lot of
gay friends, and your fans are gay, and you have
employees that her gay. She's like, yeah, but not in
my household. And I think it was just because of
how she grew up now, mind you. I think if
(15:29):
she was here now and how things out are and
how she knows and she loves Johnny, her youngest, it
would have been difficult for her. She probably wouldn't have
talked to him for a little bit, but she would
have come around. I know it for a fact, because
she loves her children more than anything, you know. But
it I it's it's tough because I've never said that
out loud, you know. I never want to make my
mom look bad. But that's we all have to respect
everyone's thoughts and their feelings and how she was raised
(15:53):
in reality, because still in our family, it's not necessarily okay,
you know what I mean to be gay, to be queer,
but it's kind of like, don't talk about it. Let's
just out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. Um.
But yeah, I think she she would have come along.
And but more than anything, I think my mom was
more like, what am I doing wrong as a parent?
I wasn't here. She would blame herself a lot, like
it's because I'm working, It's because I chose the wrong
(16:14):
men to have kids with and they're not here to
help me, and that would have gotten in her mind,
like what did I do wrong as a parent? And
in reality, it's not about the parent, you know, it's not.
And I understand that, and I'm really thankful. Thank you
for opening up in that way, um, and thank you
for sharing that part. It actually moved me to emotion
and I was getting chills because you know, that goes
back to the trauma of our family and the way
(16:36):
that what they inflict on us and what they put
on us. Um. I am giving you so much love
and so much energy that you, yes, I feel that
that you just want to be loved and hugged and
and you know, not have to do that other thing, right, Um,
we haven't. We don't really know each other outside of this,
(16:56):
but I love you. You are so loved. You are amazing.
Thank you for sharing that. Um, it is really powerful,
and you know, I do hope that I do think
as well that hopefully they would have been like a
movement into understanding, like I'm sure I do with her
and everything. I think she would have understood it, you
know what I mean. And and then my sister went
(17:18):
through that, and then she went through through she she
calls it a phase. Now it's part of her testimony.
And my mom thought it was because of me. She's like,
she saw you do it, and it's because now she
wants to do it. And I really think that there's
a gay ging in her family, you know what I mean.
I haven't a lesbian aunt. I have a gay uncle,
you know, and it's just something. Don't talk about it,
you know what I mean. But it's like, it's the true, dude,
is this this is the life that we live. And
there's nothing wrong with loving whoever you love. And back
(17:40):
then I was scared and I was young, and I
did choose my mom and my family over this girl.
Her and I are still friends. She's beautiful. I love
her so much and she has a girlfriend, and but
she taught me so much. Now I'm like, okay, I
learned what I had to learn from her, and I'm grateful,
you know, And I don't I don't judge my mom
because I get it, you know, and she was born
in a different time. You feel absolutely And that's the
(18:01):
thing till you want to get to a place where
you're not judging anybody. And I think I'm just about
I'm about live and let live. You feel me, yes,
and then and then there and then you know now
in different terms that people use that they're like, you know,
sabeo sexual. That's when you like your You don't care
what they're working with. You just like their mind, right, Like, yeah,
that's my brother. I'm I just found out that I
(18:23):
can identify as andro sexual, and that means that I
don't care what you're working with. As long as you
are of masculine presenting individual, I'll probably be attracted to you.
It's what what what did you say? That was called
andro sexual? Andro sexual? And you know what, I'm gonna
be real, honest with you right now, because now that
you're bringing that up. A few years back, I I
(18:45):
thought either you're gay, queer or straight, and I didn't
really believe in bisexuality. And through Johnny, I was all
open about you know, gay people in Queer, you know
the community, but I didn't understand bi sexuality or what
we're talking about until like a few years back. With Johnny,
he's like, no, he made me understand, and he's like, genuinely,
(19:06):
I wish in my heart for a long time. It
took him a while to just accept himself. Now he's
more open about it, but he's like, I don't want
to feel this way. I can't help that I am
falling in love with this girl. But I was in
love with the boy last year, you know what I mean.
I was like, oh, he's like, I swear to you,
like and he made me understand, And now I'm like, damn,
And I think everything happens for a reason. He's like
(19:27):
my he's my brother. Obviously he's my son. And I
know it would have been very hard for my mom
to accept it. She's very traditional, and it's just because
I think of how she was raised and I don't
blame her as far as your brother goes. UM. You know,
having dealing with your identity, your queer identity, whether that's
(19:48):
queerness within your gender or your sexuality. UM, and the
guilt that sometimes we feel like we're different or we're
hurting people, or the need to live within like a
heteronormative life. When you it can get daunting, and it
can get scary, and it can get sad, and you know,
sometimes you're like, I want to be um like them.
(20:09):
I want to be where the people are right. And
when I look at nature, I look at all the
fish in the sea, the insects crawling around, the different
types of flowers and trees, and I think, I always say,
the Creator loves and honors diversity. It honors difference, right,
And so humans tend to be like, Nope, we gotta
stay in line, and we gotta do this. We're gonna
(20:30):
be one way you can express yourself for all that
you are, for all that you were created to be.
Don't hurt nobody, don't be narcissistic intentions with good intentions.
But if being you it makes you feel good. Where
would you want to wear? Wear a little makeup though,
hat on like, then you are absolutely honoring that which
(20:50):
created you and the place from which you came from. Yes,
I completely agree with you, and that's something that I'm
all about. Live and let live. I love you. You
don't hurt me. I don't you do whatever you want
as long as you're not hurting anyone. I always say that,
And that's something that I told Johnny, my brother. I'm like,
you know what, because of the Christianity. You know, my
family's Christian and my mom wouldn't be okay with them,
(21:11):
Like this is your life. Though you have a testimony,
you're gonna be able to share like you can't help
what you are. You know what I mean, and you
have to embrace it and now it's better. But but
absolutely all right. Currently, So in the black and Latino culture,
(21:31):
how do you feel like coming out? Do you think
it's less or more accepted? Then let's say you know Anglo, Like,
what do you think about that? UM? I always say
that I can only speak from experiences that I come from,
So I like, I can't uh necessarily speak on Black experience,
but I can speak on like mesty so Latino experience, UM,
(21:53):
and what I find from having conversations with a lot
of amazing uh black folk in academia, in entertainment and
brown folk in the same communities as well. Is that
machismo is really like a currency. It's a currency globally, right,
like being even sometimes fans and women think like they
(22:14):
got to act a certain type of way to be
seen to be taken seriously. Um. And and this is
kind of a debate that I've gotten into before, is
that I think that like black and brown folks are
sometimes not allowed to be soft, We're not given the
same grace to be tender. Um. Those things can be
seen as white. They can be seen as weak. They
can be seen as like, um, boys don't cry, you know,
(22:40):
like tapping up da like you know, back in the
day would always call me, which is true. And yeah,
I agree, I think it is sad. And there's also
there's always going to be a conversation about um queerness,
especially when it comes to the spectrum of racial identity
and kind of like um racial politics, skin tone, colorism
(23:05):
specifically I think within the United States. But absolutely, oh yeah,
I actually I actually have never dated a white person.
That's only, um, not because I don't want to, but
I find that white queer folk in l a sometimes
tend to date other white queer folk in l A UM.
And this is kind of like based on my own
(23:28):
limited experience. I'm not trying to generalize anybody in it,
and I'm not saying everybody does this, but I find
that when sometimes when white queer folks want to date
me or some of my friends, they expect us to
be kind of like hyper versions of what they expect
a Latino, a black American or a black Latino or
mestizo to be like a little bit rougher, a little
(23:50):
bit more hood. They want us to be the top
all the time. Okay, have you been unfaithful before? Like
you know, never in in any of my Actually, I'm
gonna I'm gonna keep it real with you, because I
always keep it real. I actually had different ideas of
what unfaithful meant for a very long time, like I
(24:13):
didn't understand. So for me, I always thought that unfaithful
meant an affair like having an affair with somebody, um,
like an emotional affair, like an emotional physical affair like
I was going to the same person. I always thought
of that as being unfaithful. I never thought like kissing
someone else was unfaithful. I never thought that like engaging
sexually with some of the person one time was being unfaithful,
(24:36):
and like flirting, texting and stuff, well even like even
like oral, like I never thought that that was like cheating.
I was like, well, I'm going to go back to
my boyfriend and I'm never going to see this person again,
So how is that being unfaithful? But now as an adult,
and of course three years of therapy and kind of
you know, understanding and by years, I mean like a
year and a half and two the years, Um it's years.
(25:02):
I need six months. I love it. But like no,
but you know, after therapy, like I'm like, oh, I
was kidding myself, Like I was like not being honest
with myself. And sometimes you don't even know that you're
not being honest with yourself. You start to believe what
you believe. And yeah, So to answer your question, and yes,
did I think that that's what I was doing at
(25:23):
the time, No, but yeah, you had to go through
that in order to figure out, Okay, this is what's wrong,
this is what's right, or whatever. Absolutely clearly. So I
have a question in regards to social anxiety and I'm
going to tell you because again I always go back
to my brother Johnny, because that's like the closest thing
I have, like to the lgbt Q community. So he
(25:44):
has a lot of social anxiety. You know, he'd rather
stay at home. He rarely likes going out to parties.
His friends invite him. And I have to tell Johnny, like,
you gotta go and explore and meet new people. And
does that is that a thing like for you or
you just never experienced that? My god, I'm very open
about it. And I think that a lot of people,
you know, they consider me an extrovert, and and I'm like,
(26:05):
I am a very very, very friendly and loving introvert.
Like I love people. I love to make jokes. But like,
if you tell me, like, give you curly come to
the house, I'm making dinner. It's just me and two
other people. Done. If you tell me Curly coming to
the house, I'm having a party, I'm there, Like fuck,
Like what do I know? I will say that There's
(26:27):
several things I'm like, we have to grow up in
the closet, we have to grow up in the dark.
We have to learn how to move in the world
without being able to do the same things that a
lot of straight people, specifically straight passing people as well
can do. Like you can have a crush on the
boy and flirt when you're like in the sixth grade
and be like I like him or whatever. I couldn't
do that. I mean, I still did it because I
(26:48):
was like the funk, but like a lot of us
couldn't do that, right, So we're not given the same
grace or the same time to really grow in the
same way that a lot of people get to spec
typically since hat people get to um. My anxiety also
comes from the fact that I present as a queer person.
You look at me, I got a little sway in
my hip, I moved my hand a certain type of way,
(27:10):
you know, I wear makeup, and when you when I
opened my mouth, I'm like, hey, what up? You know
what I mean? I'm not like, I'm not what's good?
I'm like, what up? What's good? You know? So I
feel like I always talk about I have moved through
the world as a queer person, and it is scary,
Like toxic masculinity seeks to destroy a lot of things
(27:32):
that aren't masculine, and whether that's a woman, then somebody
who's queer. It's scary I have to worry about if
I want to go out, but the hand while I
was wearing I just went to a fashion show and
I was wearing a small ballero naked and just jeans.
I would never go into like, uh gas station like
that by myself. I'd be scared because what would happen, Like,
(27:54):
what's going to happen? So it's the outside world, right
and what they put on that causes it. It's a
safety thing. And I find that a lot of weird
people were just afraid for our lives. We're afraid of
like getting made fun of. We're afraid of like people
instigating a situation. You know, some straight people get to
(28:14):
hold hands with the person that they love on the street.
If I want to hold my boyfriend's hand on the street,
it is almost like an act of like revolution. It's
like I'm being like, here we are, I'm fucking queer,
and we're going to hold hands down the street. But
I don't want to be a revolutionary cheekys. I want
to be puld my man's hand. Yeah. Always kind of
like what the heck you know, hasn't gotten has a
(28:38):
social anxiety gotten? Better throughout the years you feel after
well because oh yeah, has it because the pandemic is
one thing. But anyways, with the pandemic, it has you
know what, Um, it always changes. I always say there's
no right answer and there's no wrong answer, and the
right answer always changes. Right. So like some days I'm like, oh,
(29:01):
I'm looking good, I'm doing so good and this is
what works for me. And other days I'm like, no,
I'm but I'm very like the way that I was raising,
a lot of people are raising, like I'm not going
to back down. So like you have anxiety, I gotta
fight it. I'm not gonna sit there and be like,
oh no, I can't do it. And some people do
and that's okay, and we're all in different places in
our life. But I will say I do this thing, um,
(29:21):
like I hate going to the supermarket. I get anxiety
about going to the supermarket. And I know a lot
of people do as well. Um, but I do this
thing where I'm like, curly, if you go to the
supermarket right now, you're going to meet a fine ace
guy and he's gonna be so like you want to
meet to find a guy you want to meet, let's
go and so I go. I'm all excited. I'm like,
oh my god, I'm gonna meet my husband, I say,
(29:45):
in that zone. And so I get there and keep
that for a while. That used to It's so crazy.
I used to do that to go to the gym. Bitch, Yeah,
get cute girl, put on those I go work out
because you know there's gonna be a hot guy there. That. Yes,
that's how you trick yourself and you do those things.
I mean anxiety. I think that it's like it's a
(30:07):
big thing, even like you know, she's like, oh, and
I'm like, of course I've I've lived with anxiety. I am.
I know her. She lives in my house too. She
never lives in my house. Yeah, And I'm like, but
if you're barely learning that language, you know, my dad
(30:28):
put learning about the word trauma. He didn't know, and
so now he's more open. He's like, I think that
was traumatizing to me as a kid. I think I
have trauma. Yeah, it's because I think they grew up
not believing in anxiety or depression and no, you know
and and no, dude, that ship exists and it's real.
And I think after the pandemic. That's when it really
(30:50):
hit me where I'm like, damn, what is going to happen?
And sometimes you think twice three times to go out, now,
you know what I mean? So and you hit that,
you hit that rock bottom where you're I did you
know I was going through a lot during the pandemic
or should I say the quarantine? And I started feeling
all that the depression and everything. You know, like the
unknown you feel me? Yeah, I mean a lot of people,
(31:12):
a lot of us, like the unknown is kind of
what scares us all the time. Um. It was something
I saw something that said, if you're feeling depressed, it's
because you're thinking about the past too much. And if
you're feeling anxious, it's because you're thinking about the future
too much. So if you can find a way to
stay in the present, it helps. I mean, look, it's
(31:32):
so hard because I'm always especially like we're in entertainment too, right, Like,
and I started in the kitchen, so I feel like
I got kind of discovered in a way, and I'm like,
what happens with us in entertainment? We gotta keep ustling,
We gotta keep singing and dancing and making jokes. Making
jokes until I'm eighty. Now I gotta get on TikTok
and learn a hold routine. Yeah, some serious pressure. Yeah yeah,
(31:57):
I just put something on my Instagram about that too,
About you live in the moment. Don't worry about what
hasn't even happened. Do you feel me? We stress ourselves out.
My therapist calls it catastrophizing. Oh, you're catastrophizing. You're creating
a scenario that hasn't even happened yet, You're thinking of
a catastrophe that hasn't even happened, and so I'm like
my therapist calls it future tripping, future tripping. I've heard
(32:19):
that one too, Yes, yeah, trip right now, hold up,
I'm always future tripping always. Honestly, Curly, this has been
such a beautiful, open, honest relationship, relationship conversation. Could be
a relationship to now that I know you know we're
both could work. Yes, I just want to say thank you. Honestly,
(32:44):
you are a beautiful human being. You have such a
beautiful light and this mind that I'm just like, so
you're intriguing, So thank you, And I think that you
are a wonderful role model, a person that people can
look up to, and which is why I wanted to
talk to you. And I don't know, do you have
some type of advice something that you would want to
tell someone that's coming out and they don't know what
(33:05):
to do or how to do it. Um, thank you
so much for your words. And I really feel like
this is a really beautiful conversation as well. So the
feeling is absolutely mutual advice. You know. Um, there's no
wrong way, there's no right way, and the answer always changes.
If you are in a safe space, if you're in
a space where you can come out do it. You're
gonna love it. If you can't, that's also okay, Like
(33:25):
do what feels right for you, do it the best
way that you can. At the end of the day,
we're all going to go back to the source. We're
all little cups of water going to get to get
thrown back into the ocean. And you know, live it
up as best as you can. Um, love as hard
as you can, laugh, as hard as you can, masturbate,
do the things stick something in your day, explore, you know,
(33:51):
and you know, talking about this subject, that's what I
told Johnny when you wanted to come out, I'm like, dude,
if it makes you feel worse keeping it inside, then
bring it out. If it's gonna if it's scary to
bring it out, keep it in for a little bit,
you know what I mean? And I just want you
to be happy. And once you're happy and you don't,
you don't have that weight on you and you're like,
this is who I am, and you you completely accept
(34:11):
yourself first. Everyone else is going to feel that and
accept you have no other choice but accept you, and
then you're gonna be able to really just fly. You
feel me, and he did. Now he feels I've seen
since he's talked about it, you know, publicly, he's definitely radiating.
He's better. He's just in a different place, you know.
So that's just my little two cents on it, but
(34:32):
you know, absolutely, Curly, thank you again. It has been
a wonderful conversation. We have to do it again for sure,
and I want. I'm sure a lot of people know
who you are, but just in case they may not
know and they just put on game today. Let them
know your social where they can find you are your
phone one, accept your address. You can find me on
Instagram and TikTok at the Curly b Show, Vias in
(34:54):
Victor Um and I'm just there. I basically just show
me in my family all the time. UM. And we
also would love to have you on our podcast. I
was going to tell you about that. Yes, we are
called the Super Secret Bestie Club. It's me and my
best friend, um Maya Moyo who uh you know we have.
We give advice on topics that are very normal crushes, boyfriends, love.
(35:16):
I'm always giving like the kind of problematic advice and
she's more like, I love it. I would love to.
I would love to be honest, it would be so amazing.
We'd love to have you. Um. Please check us out.
Oh thank you, and don't forget to listen to Cheeks
(35:40):
and Chill every Monday on the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
This is a production of I Heart Radio and podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Podcasts and follow me
Cheeks on Instagram at cheek Kee's and I'll see you
(36:01):
guys next week. Les nombezzo and remember condos too. See
Nana h
Straight people get to hold hands with the person that
they love on the street. If I want to hold
my boyfriend's hand on the street, it is almost like
an act of revolution. You know. She was like, you know,
if you want to be gay, if you want to
be with this girl, then you need to move out,
and you lose all benefits. As my daughter, black and
brown folks are sometimes not allowed to be soft. We're
(00:24):
not given the same grace to be tender. What up, y'all?
Welcome to Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease,
and I'm here today with a very very special and
sexy guest. Okay, you know what, go on, go on
and introduce yourself. You check what. I'm so happy to
(00:46):
be here with you. It is truly an honor, and
you are like Latino royalty. So I'm so excited to
hang with you and chat with you. But for those
of you who don't know me, my name is Curly Velasquez.
I am a writer, active personality. UM. I was kind
of discovered in the kitchen at BuzzFeed. I used to
serve their lunches and I worked my way up into
creating content for them. Um and you know, we started
(01:08):
the Latino vertical called Fedle Like, which has opened the
doors for me in so many different ways, which has
led me to play myself on the show called Viva
on Stars and also comment on a documentary about Walter
Medicago on Netflix with me and my boy lad talking
about the impact that he had on the culture. And
you know, and now I get to hang with you.
(01:29):
We've actually hung out before. I interviewed you a long
time ago at BuzzFeed. Yes, several hairstyles ago and several
Oh and how are you, babe, how are you? I'm good.
I wanted to tell you right now in this moment,
In this moment. Leg day at the gym was on Tuesday,
So I am sore as hell, but I'm so excited.
(01:51):
I wanted to tell you too, because there's so you
know Latina mom. Latina moms are always like they are impressed,
but not easily impressed. And I told my mom like,
I'm going to hang out with cheeks and she was like,
oh my god, like so excited. She loves you and
your family. I'm constantly getting like updates on how the
(02:13):
family is doing. Um, your sister and Jenica are friends
on Insta, Yes, and in Yes, I love her, I
love you all fabulous. She's fabulous. But and so my
mom is a huge fans shout out if she's probably
gonna be listening. And what's your mama's name? Merna sending
(02:36):
you a big old kids mom. Are you close to
your mom? Oh? I'm tired with all my family like
super tight. We weren't always really tight specifically because like
growing up as a young queer kid, a lot of
parents in general, but I feel like Lettin parents or
Lettino or latin X have you identified, they sometimes will
inflict their own generational trauma on their own kids and
(02:58):
without knowing it. So they weren't always necessarily the best parents.
But I think that they also weren't the worst. But
growing up and being able to look back and be like, damn,
you were twenty how old when you had me? Like
you were just exactly things have changed and my mom,
believe it or not, was very also very traditional. I
(03:19):
mean it just I mean they're so young when they
have us, you know what I mean. So they're growing
up or we're growing up together. You feel me. I'm glad.
I'm glad everything is good with your family. So in
today's episode, Curly and I are going to talk about
his coming out story and the spectrum of identifying as
gay or queer in the Latin X community. I happen
to think that people are born gay. I don't know
(03:41):
what you would think. I want us to have a
very open conversation. I feel that there's usually I talked
to I talk about this with a lot of my friends,
that there's a gauging either on your mom's side, your
dad's side. But I really feel that that exists. You
know what, I actually identify as queer, and a lot
more people are identifying more as queer. Queer kind of
gives you the space to not just live in this
(04:01):
one box of being gay, right like, okay, you'll put below.
I used to hook up with girls when I was
younger and boys identified as bisexual for a really long time,
and then I started to skew more into boys, and
now that I'm older, I don't know that I would
necessarily rule it out that I would hook up with
the girl. Um. And I also find that I don't
really care what somebody's working with between their legs. If
(04:23):
you have a cute fade and a nice bicep, I'm down,
you know. So, yeah, I'm so glad you're explaining this
because again, this is a topic that is still very
taboo in our culture unfortunately. UM, but this is why
we're having this conversation, because now that you're saying, I'm
glad that I'm that we're talking about it, you know, queer.
Now I know what it is. So because my brother Johnny,
(04:46):
he's gonna be twenty one, he has had a hard
time accepting it. At first he thought he was gay.
Then he's like, you know what he told me something else.
I don't remember what it was called. But he's like,
I just it doesn't matter. Like you just said, if
you have a penister of vagina, if I'm connected to
your soul, then I want to be with you. There's
sabeo sexual, there's a lot of different things. I think queerness.
By the way, I sent your brother a message, I
(05:07):
was like, if you need to talk, if you just
need a friend, like anything, anything, anything. He probably didn't
see it in the d M s or he probably
was like I don't know him, but I was like,
if you ever need to talk, right, because like there's
no right way and there's no wrong way, like to
be who you are. So for me, it's like, I
do believe that people are born a certain type of
(05:28):
way right and they can uh. I believe that as well.
But I think of queerness and I think of sexuality
and gender as a spectrum. Look, I think people can
be born this way. I think I was born this way.
I came out really young, even as a little kid,
I didn't really know how to hide it. I didn't
know what I identified as um. But I think everybody, everybody,
(05:50):
if they left themselves, if they really were like you
know what, like I funk with this person so much
like we could have a relationship. I might not want
to fuck you, I might not want to have sex
with you, but do you want to be like a
life partner of mine? Do you want to be like
with me? And it could be like best friends. It
can look so many like so many different ways. I
have a question, Curly, and I feel like you are
(06:11):
the person I can ask this like too, and You're
not gonna get offended or anything. Because I've always wondered
the word fag. How do you think about honestly? I
just god, dude, I think I mean I was, like,
you know, I want to ask curly because there's certain
people that are like, don't call me that, Like, you
know what I mean. I get that, I mean I
would never, but you know what I mean, Like, what
do you feel about the word fact? Again, it's a
(06:34):
nuanced conversation, right, Like it's very it's interesting on one side.
Can we use it to be empowering? Like me personally? Um,
I heard Margaret Chow said Margaret Show years ago said
I love the word faggot because it describes my kind
of guy, like my kind of person. And I remember
growing up and being like, oh my god, I love
that too. On the flip my favorite area so I've
(06:56):
ever existed, perhaps maybe my favorite human. My Angelo would
consistently quoth the Bible and say, like in the beginning
there was the word, and the word was God, and
the word was with God. And she would say there
is power that you can measure in words. So when
you use words like fag and fag, it like you
have to really understand the type of energy that you
(07:16):
are really birthing through the divinity within you, right, so
like there was power in your words. So, um, personally
like me, I mean, but to other people like who
are who are still being killed across the world, who
still don't have laws, who still can't get married, no
laws of protection, who are literally being murdered globally. Those
(07:37):
words and maybe the use of them there, you know,
you should be mindful of that, that you are kind
of essentially perpetuating a word that is rooted in hate
and rooted in bigotry. Right, Okay, perfect. I needed to
ask that because again, I want everyone that's listening to
understand I'm a huge advocate for the LBG community, um
Q community, you know. So I'm just like, I wanted
(07:59):
to to have this conversation with someone like you, especially
with coming out, and I just saw this post yesterday.
How or what do you do when someone comes to
you and comes out? What are the actions? You give
them a hug if you have no words, you know
what I mean? So when you came out, how was that?
How old were you when you came out? Um? I
was very young. I was the first time I ever
vocalized it to anybody. I was eleven, and then by
(08:20):
the time I came out to my family, I was
like twelve thirteen. But that's kind of a weird. I
just shared this story with like Hulu uh and attention.
And it's kind of a story because it was kind
of the beginning of the Internet craze where a O
well was popping off and chat rooms and being able
to search for things that you didn't have access to before. Right,
(08:41):
So I got caught because I was looking at dicks
on the Internet and I didn't know. Nobody told me
this that there was a thing called your Internet search history, right,
I guess. And so when my parents went in, they
were like, what the fund are you looking at? And
I was like, what do you mean? And they were like, well,
(09:03):
are you gay? Like what are you? And it was
a whole big thing. It was a lot more dramatic
than that, of course, right, Like I was crying and
my dad I thought, you know, my dad was My
dad was a marine. He we grew up kind of
an abusive household. Like my dad is very MUCHO like
the type to be like I'm ana build that. I
don't need it, I don't need to Anybody'm gonna build
(09:25):
this ship. I don't need to like hire something to
fix up. Doesn't ask for directions. No, he is like
a man's man, which is dope, by the way, because
if I'm walking with him at night. He gets in
front of us, He's like, what, like, he's ready, right,
Marines man. Okay. So then UM, I ended up coming out,
and it was rough in the beginning. It was really tough.
(09:46):
The way that they started to um come around was
when I got my heart broken for the first time. UM.
And when you are depressed and in love and you
get your heartbroken, like you don't that's something that you
know people who have been older, like people who have
been alive, that they're the ones that can help you
and be like, I promise you will make it feel
(10:06):
like you're going to feel like you're gonna die. And
so I remember putting my head on my mom's shoulder
and being like, I'm just so sad. I was heartbroken
over somebody that I loved and his family didn't accept him,
and he became um we were Catholic, and he became
like even more Christian, and he died. He dove deeper
(10:30):
into his faith and kind of abandoned everything that I
had known about him um because of his faith, and
I just felt like I wanted to help him get
to a point where he could understand that the creator
loved him exactly as he was, um, and so it's
really hard, and so that's when we started to kind
of get closer to one another. Um. But you know,
(10:50):
one of the things that I always say bot him
blows that when somebody comes out to you, or somebody says, um,
oh I'm queer or I'm this or whatever. I don't
really like when people say I accept you, Like, that's great,
but it's good. But I always say like, okay, because
because I always say, um, you know, when you order
something like that online, like on eBay or something, and
(11:10):
you get it in the mail or on Amazon. You
get in the mail and you're like, well, it doesn't
look the way that I wanted it to look, but
it's fine. I accepted. I'm too lazy to send it back.
It's fine. But I prefer when somebody says that's amazing, cheekies.
I celebrate you because when you order something on Amazon
and it is exactly what you wanted, you're like, oh
my god, this is exactly what I wanted. This is
(11:32):
exactly what I needed. So we would do that. Yeah,
So when you do that for somebody in your life,
where you go cheekies, you are exactly who I wanted.
In my life. You were exactly who I needed. I
prayed for God for you, I thought of you, and
you got here and here you are and I love
you and I celebrate you. You knows that to me
(11:53):
is better than I accept you because you're like whatever,
It's fine, you don't really are relutely No, I'm so glad, yeah,
because those these are all things that we all need
to know. You feel me. I mean, I don't know
if you know, but I had I had Like I
always say this, I think I'm like lesbian. Yeah, I
(12:13):
get a little vodka and me and I'm just I
want to kiss girls. You know what what I'm saying.
Everybody's on the spectru every year, you know, true, I
had a friend. You know what kind of girls are
you gonna do when you have a little vodka, like
a more fam a little bit more mask, more mask
to be honest and sometimes listen, it just it just depends,
(12:36):
you know what I mean. I haven't done it a lot.
I'm gonna be honest, but there are times when I'm
just saying I just want to kiss. I'm all about
the anatomy of a woman. I think every woman is
so beautiful and I love looking at their bodies and
like the whole thing like and not in a sexual way,
just like I appreciate and you know the woman you
know the body of a woman you too, that's being queer, right,
Like you're like I identified predominantly as a straight woman,
(12:59):
and I'm assuming like you would say that your sis
and at um sis like sus gendered and heterosexual um.
And but you have like your little like you know,
every now and then you're like a little which is
so cool because I think, there you go, there you go.
There's the beauty of the spectrum, which I hope that
more people are willing to tap into. It doesn't mean
(13:23):
and that's the thing too write like, it doesn't mean
like something's like well then you're by or you're a
lesbian and you're like, well not really, I don't really
find that in those spaces, but I can identify over here,
you know. I also have a question for you Chiakis too, like,
and I don't know if it's too deep or if
(13:43):
it's anything. Nothing is too deep because you mentioned like
your mom, right and your mom is this icon that
everybody knows, and you mentioned that you think that she
may have had an issue with your brother. Um, and
we were also talking about like growth. Do you think
that you know in any one that there would have
been some level of like growth and that she may
(14:05):
have actually been like, you know what, I celebrate you,
you know what, curly, Um, I I've never talked about
this anywhere, but I feel comfortable with you and this
is a space to do it. Um. My mom was
a very open woman and very very raw in certain
areas of her life. When I went through my I
(14:27):
had a girlfriend at twenty three. I talked about it
in my book Forgiveness, and um, she found out because
she was looking through my stuff. Actually my sister told
her so. She was looking through my stuff and she
she told me, you know, um, and here's the thing.
She's not here anymore because I'm gonna you know, I
just want to clear that up. But you know, she
(14:48):
was like, you know, if you want to be gay,
if you want to be with this girl, then you
need to move out and you lose all benefits as
my daughter. And I'll never forget I was in the
rest of my but I love this girl, you know
what I mean. And and the crazy thing is it
wasn't even a sexual thing with this girl. It was
all mental and I felt different and I didn't feel
the pressure because I was sexually abused of having to
have sex. It was just it was it was non
(15:09):
existent in the sex. It was just kissing and holding hands.
And I just felt, Oh, someone loves me without wanting
to touch me, you know, sexually. So I tried to
explain it to her and she didn't understand it. And
I told her, I'm like, you have a lot of
gay friends, and your fans are gay, and you have
employees that her gay. She's like, yeah, but not in
my household. And I think it was just because of
how she grew up now, mind you. I think if
(15:29):
she was here now and how things out are and
how she knows and she loves Johnny, her youngest, it
would have been difficult for her. She probably wouldn't have
talked to him for a little bit, but she would
have come around. I know it for a fact, because
she loves her children more than anything, you know. But
it I it's it's tough because I've never said that
out loud, you know. I never want to make my
mom look bad. But that's we all have to respect
everyone's thoughts and their feelings and how she was raised
(15:53):
in reality, because still in our family, it's not necessarily okay,
you know what I mean to be gay, to be queer,
but it's kind of like, don't talk about it. Let's
just out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. Um.
But yeah, I think she she would have come along.
And but more than anything, I think my mom was
more like, what am I doing wrong as a parent?
I wasn't here. She would blame herself a lot, like
it's because I'm working, It's because I chose the wrong
(16:14):
men to have kids with and they're not here to
help me, and that would have gotten in her mind,
like what did I do wrong as a parent? And
in reality, it's not about the parent, you know, it's not.
And I understand that, and I'm really thankful. Thank you
for opening up in that way, um, and thank you
for sharing that part. It actually moved me to emotion
and I was getting chills because you know, that goes
back to the trauma of our family and the way
(16:36):
that what they inflict on us and what they put
on us. Um. I am giving you so much love
and so much energy that you, yes, I feel that
that you just want to be loved and hugged and
and you know, not have to do that other thing, right, Um,
we haven't. We don't really know each other outside of this,
(16:56):
but I love you. You are so loved. You are amazing.
Thank you for sharing that. Um, it is really powerful,
and you know, I do hope that I do think
as well that hopefully they would have been like a
movement into understanding, like I'm sure I do with her
and everything. I think she would have understood it, you
know what I mean. And and then my sister went
(17:18):
through that, and then she went through through she she
calls it a phase. Now it's part of her testimony.
And my mom thought it was because of me. She's like,
she saw you do it, and it's because now she
wants to do it. And I really think that there's
a gay ging in her family, you know what I mean.
I haven't a lesbian aunt. I have a gay uncle,
you know, and it's just something. Don't talk about it,
you know what I mean. But it's like, it's the true, dude,
is this this is the life that we live. And
there's nothing wrong with loving whoever you love. And back
(17:40):
then I was scared and I was young, and I
did choose my mom and my family over this girl.
Her and I are still friends. She's beautiful. I love
her so much and she has a girlfriend, and but
she taught me so much. Now I'm like, okay, I
learned what I had to learn from her, and I'm grateful,
you know, And I don't I don't judge my mom
because I get it, you know, and she was born
in a different time. You feel absolutely And that's the
(18:01):
thing till you want to get to a place where
you're not judging anybody. And I think I'm just about
I'm about live and let live. You feel me, yes,
and then and then there and then you know now
in different terms that people use that they're like, you know,
sabeo sexual. That's when you like your You don't care
what they're working with. You just like their mind, right, Like, yeah,
that's my brother. I'm I just found out that I
(18:23):
can identify as andro sexual, and that means that I
don't care what you're working with. As long as you
are of masculine presenting individual, I'll probably be attracted to you.
It's what what what did you say? That was called
andro sexual? Andro sexual? And you know what, I'm gonna
be real, honest with you right now, because now that
you're bringing that up. A few years back, I I
(18:45):
thought either you're gay, queer or straight, and I didn't
really believe in bisexuality. And through Johnny, I was all
open about you know, gay people in Queer, you know
the community, but I didn't understand bi sexuality or what
we're talking about until like a few years back. With Johnny,
he's like, no, he made me understand, and he's like, genuinely,
(19:06):
I wish in my heart for a long time. It
took him a while to just accept himself. Now he's
more open about it, but he's like, I don't want
to feel this way. I can't help that I am
falling in love with this girl. But I was in
love with the boy last year, you know what I mean.
I was like, oh, he's like, I swear to you,
like and he made me understand, And now I'm like, damn,
And I think everything happens for a reason. He's like
(19:27):
my he's my brother. Obviously he's my son. And I
know it would have been very hard for my mom
to accept it. She's very traditional, and it's just because
I think of how she was raised and I don't
blame her as far as your brother goes. UM. You know,
having dealing with your identity, your queer identity, whether that's
(19:48):
queerness within your gender or your sexuality. UM, and the
guilt that sometimes we feel like we're different or we're
hurting people, or the need to live within like a
heteronormative life. When you it can get daunting, and it
can get scary, and it can get sad, and you know,
sometimes you're like, I want to be um like them.
(20:09):
I want to be where the people are right. And
when I look at nature, I look at all the
fish in the sea, the insects crawling around, the different
types of flowers and trees, and I think, I always say,
the Creator loves and honors diversity. It honors difference, right,
And so humans tend to be like, Nope, we gotta
stay in line, and we gotta do this. We're gonna
(20:30):
be one way you can express yourself for all that
you are, for all that you were created to be.
Don't hurt nobody, don't be narcissistic intentions with good intentions.
But if being you it makes you feel good. Where
would you want to wear? Wear a little makeup though,
hat on like, then you are absolutely honoring that which
(20:50):
created you and the place from which you came from. Yes,
I completely agree with you, and that's something that I'm
all about. Live and let live. I love you. You
don't hurt me. I don't you do whatever you want
as long as you're not hurting anyone. I always say that,
And that's something that I told Johnny, my brother. I'm like,
you know what, because of the Christianity. You know, my
family's Christian and my mom wouldn't be okay with them,
(21:11):
Like this is your life. Though you have a testimony,
you're gonna be able to share like you can't help
what you are. You know what I mean, and you
have to embrace it and now it's better. But but
absolutely all right. Currently, So in the black and Latino culture,
(21:31):
how do you feel like coming out? Do you think
it's less or more accepted? Then let's say you know Anglo, Like,
what do you think about that? UM? I always say
that I can only speak from experiences that I come from,
So I like, I can't uh necessarily speak on Black experience,
but I can speak on like mesty so Latino experience, UM,
(21:53):
and what I find from having conversations with a lot
of amazing uh black folk in academia, in entertainment and
brown folk in the same communities as well. Is that
machismo is really like a currency. It's a currency globally, right,
like being even sometimes fans and women think like they
(22:14):
got to act a certain type of way to be
seen to be taken seriously. Um. And and this is
kind of a debate that I've gotten into before, is
that I think that like black and brown folks are
sometimes not allowed to be soft, We're not given the
same grace to be tender. Um. Those things can be
seen as white. They can be seen as weak. They
can be seen as like, um, boys don't cry, you know,
(22:40):
like tapping up da like you know, back in the
day would always call me, which is true. And yeah,
I agree, I think it is sad. And there's also
there's always going to be a conversation about um queerness,
especially when it comes to the spectrum of racial identity
and kind of like um racial politics, skin tone, colorism
(23:05):
specifically I think within the United States. But absolutely, oh yeah,
I actually I actually have never dated a white person.
That's only, um, not because I don't want to, but
I find that white queer folk in l a sometimes
tend to date other white queer folk in l A UM.
And this is kind of like based on my own
(23:28):
limited experience. I'm not trying to generalize anybody in it,
and I'm not saying everybody does this, but I find
that when sometimes when white queer folks want to date
me or some of my friends, they expect us to
be kind of like hyper versions of what they expect
a Latino, a black American or a black Latino or
mestizo to be like a little bit rougher, a little
(23:50):
bit more hood. They want us to be the top
all the time. Okay, have you been unfaithful before? Like
you know, never in in any of my Actually, I'm
gonna I'm gonna keep it real with you, because I
always keep it real. I actually had different ideas of
what unfaithful meant for a very long time, like I
(24:13):
didn't understand. So for me, I always thought that unfaithful
meant an affair like having an affair with somebody, um,
like an emotional affair, like an emotional physical affair like
I was going to the same person. I always thought
of that as being unfaithful. I never thought like kissing
someone else was unfaithful. I never thought that like engaging
sexually with some of the person one time was being unfaithful,
(24:36):
and like flirting, texting and stuff, well even like even
like oral, like I never thought that that was like cheating.
I was like, well, I'm going to go back to
my boyfriend and I'm never going to see this person again,
So how is that being unfaithful? But now as an adult,
and of course three years of therapy and kind of
you know, understanding and by years, I mean like a
year and a half and two the years, Um it's years.
(25:02):
I need six months. I love it. But like no,
but you know, after therapy, like I'm like, oh, I
was kidding myself, Like I was like not being honest
with myself. And sometimes you don't even know that you're
not being honest with yourself. You start to believe what
you believe. And yeah, So to answer your question, and yes,
did I think that that's what I was doing at
(25:23):
the time, No, but yeah, you had to go through
that in order to figure out, Okay, this is what's wrong,
this is what's right, or whatever. Absolutely clearly. So I
have a question in regards to social anxiety and I'm
going to tell you because again I always go back
to my brother Johnny, because that's like the closest thing
I have, like to the lgbt Q community. So he
(25:44):
has a lot of social anxiety. You know, he'd rather
stay at home. He rarely likes going out to parties.
His friends invite him. And I have to tell Johnny, like,
you gotta go and explore and meet new people. And
does that is that a thing like for you or
you just never experienced that? My god, I'm very open
about it. And I think that a lot of people,
you know, they consider me an extrovert, and and I'm like,
(26:05):
I am a very very, very friendly and loving introvert.
Like I love people. I love to make jokes. But like,
if you tell me, like, give you curly come to
the house, I'm making dinner. It's just me and two
other people. Done. If you tell me Curly coming to
the house, I'm having a party, I'm there, Like fuck,
Like what do I know? I will say that There's
(26:27):
several things I'm like, we have to grow up in
the closet, we have to grow up in the dark.
We have to learn how to move in the world
without being able to do the same things that a
lot of straight people, specifically straight passing people as well
can do. Like you can have a crush on the
boy and flirt when you're like in the sixth grade
and be like I like him or whatever. I couldn't
do that. I mean, I still did it because I
(26:48):
was like the funk, but like a lot of us
couldn't do that, right, So we're not given the same
grace or the same time to really grow in the
same way that a lot of people get to spec
typically since hat people get to um. My anxiety also
comes from the fact that I present as a queer person.
You look at me, I got a little sway in
my hip, I moved my hand a certain type of way,
(27:10):
you know, I wear makeup, and when you when I
opened my mouth, I'm like, hey, what up? You know
what I mean? I'm not like, I'm not what's good?
I'm like, what up? What's good? You know? So I
feel like I always talk about I have moved through
the world as a queer person, and it is scary,
Like toxic masculinity seeks to destroy a lot of things
(27:32):
that aren't masculine, and whether that's a woman, then somebody
who's queer. It's scary I have to worry about if
I want to go out, but the hand while I
was wearing I just went to a fashion show and
I was wearing a small ballero naked and just jeans.
I would never go into like, uh gas station like
that by myself. I'd be scared because what would happen, Like,
(27:54):
what's going to happen? So it's the outside world, right
and what they put on that causes it. It's a
safety thing. And I find that a lot of weird
people were just afraid for our lives. We're afraid of
like getting made fun of. We're afraid of like people
instigating a situation. You know, some straight people get to
(28:14):
hold hands with the person that they love on the street.
If I want to hold my boyfriend's hand on the street,
it is almost like an act of like revolution. It's
like I'm being like, here we are, I'm fucking queer,
and we're going to hold hands down the street. But
I don't want to be a revolutionary cheekys. I want
to be puld my man's hand. Yeah. Always kind of
like what the heck you know, hasn't gotten has a
(28:38):
social anxiety gotten? Better throughout the years you feel after
well because oh yeah, has it because the pandemic is
one thing. But anyways, with the pandemic, it has you
know what, Um, it always changes. I always say there's
no right answer and there's no wrong answer, and the
right answer always changes. Right. So like some days I'm like, oh,
(29:01):
I'm looking good, I'm doing so good and this is
what works for me. And other days I'm like, no,
I'm but I'm very like the way that I was raising,
a lot of people are raising, like I'm not going
to back down. So like you have anxiety, I gotta
fight it. I'm not gonna sit there and be like,
oh no, I can't do it. And some people do
and that's okay, and we're all in different places in
our life. But I will say I do this thing, um,
(29:21):
like I hate going to the supermarket. I get anxiety
about going to the supermarket. And I know a lot
of people do as well. Um, but I do this
thing where I'm like, curly, if you go to the
supermarket right now, you're going to meet a fine ace
guy and he's gonna be so like you want to
meet to find a guy you want to meet, let's
go and so I go. I'm all excited. I'm like,
oh my god, I'm gonna meet my husband, I say,
(29:45):
in that zone. And so I get there and keep
that for a while. That used to It's so crazy.
I used to do that to go to the gym. Bitch, Yeah,
get cute girl, put on those I go work out
because you know there's gonna be a hot guy there. That. Yes,
that's how you trick yourself and you do those things.
I mean anxiety. I think that it's like it's a
(30:07):
big thing, even like you know, she's like, oh, and
I'm like, of course I've I've lived with anxiety. I am.
I know her. She lives in my house too. She
never lives in my house. Yeah, And I'm like, but
if you're barely learning that language, you know, my dad
(30:28):
put learning about the word trauma. He didn't know, and
so now he's more open. He's like, I think that
was traumatizing to me as a kid. I think I
have trauma. Yeah, it's because I think they grew up
not believing in anxiety or depression and no, you know
and and no, dude, that ship exists and it's real.
And I think after the pandemic. That's when it really
(30:50):
hit me where I'm like, damn, what is going to happen?
And sometimes you think twice three times to go out, now,
you know what I mean? So and you hit that,
you hit that rock bottom where you're I did you
know I was going through a lot during the pandemic
or should I say the quarantine? And I started feeling
all that the depression and everything. You know, like the
unknown you feel me? Yeah, I mean a lot of people,
(31:12):
a lot of us, like the unknown is kind of
what scares us all the time. Um. It was something
I saw something that said, if you're feeling depressed, it's
because you're thinking about the past too much. And if
you're feeling anxious, it's because you're thinking about the future
too much. So if you can find a way to
stay in the present, it helps. I mean, look, it's
(31:32):
so hard because I'm always especially like we're in entertainment too, right, Like,
and I started in the kitchen, so I feel like
I got kind of discovered in a way, and I'm like,
what happens with us in entertainment? We gotta keep ustling,
We gotta keep singing and dancing and making jokes. Making
jokes until I'm eighty. Now I gotta get on TikTok
and learn a hold routine. Yeah, some serious pressure. Yeah yeah,
(31:57):
I just put something on my Instagram about that too,
About you live in the moment. Don't worry about what
hasn't even happened. Do you feel me? We stress ourselves out.
My therapist calls it catastrophizing. Oh, you're catastrophizing. You're creating
a scenario that hasn't even happened yet, You're thinking of
a catastrophe that hasn't even happened, and so I'm like
my therapist calls it future tripping, future tripping. I've heard
(32:19):
that one too, Yes, yeah, trip right now, hold up,
I'm always future tripping always. Honestly, Curly, this has been
such a beautiful, open, honest relationship, relationship conversation. Could be
a relationship to now that I know you know we're
both could work. Yes, I just want to say thank you. Honestly,
(32:44):
you are a beautiful human being. You have such a
beautiful light and this mind that I'm just like, so
you're intriguing, So thank you, And I think that you
are a wonderful role model, a person that people can
look up to, and which is why I wanted to
talk to you. And I don't know, do you have
some type of advice something that you would want to
tell someone that's coming out and they don't know what
(33:05):
to do or how to do it. Um, thank you
so much for your words. And I really feel like
this is a really beautiful conversation as well. So the
feeling is absolutely mutual advice. You know. Um, there's no
wrong way, there's no right way, and the answer always changes.
If you are in a safe space, if you're in
a space where you can come out do it. You're
gonna love it. If you can't, that's also okay, Like
(33:25):
do what feels right for you, do it the best
way that you can. At the end of the day,
we're all going to go back to the source. We're
all little cups of water going to get to get
thrown back into the ocean. And you know, live it
up as best as you can. Um, love as hard
as you can, laugh, as hard as you can, masturbate,
do the things stick something in your day, explore, you know,
(33:51):
and you know, talking about this subject, that's what I
told Johnny when you wanted to come out, I'm like, dude,
if it makes you feel worse keeping it inside, then
bring it out. If it's gonna if it's scary to
bring it out, keep it in for a little bit,
you know what I mean? And I just want you
to be happy. And once you're happy and you don't,
you don't have that weight on you and you're like,
this is who I am, and you you completely accept
(34:11):
yourself first. Everyone else is going to feel that and
accept you have no other choice but accept you, and
then you're gonna be able to really just fly. You
feel me, and he did. Now he feels I've seen
since he's talked about it, you know, publicly, he's definitely radiating.
He's better. He's just in a different place, you know.
So that's just my little two cents on it, but
(34:32):
you know, absolutely, Curly, thank you again. It has been
a wonderful conversation. We have to do it again for sure,
and I want. I'm sure a lot of people know
who you are, but just in case they may not
know and they just put on game today. Let them
know your social where they can find you are your
phone one, accept your address. You can find me on
Instagram and TikTok at the Curly b Show, Vias in
(34:54):
Victor Um and I'm just there. I basically just show
me in my family all the time. UM. And we
also would love to have you on our podcast. I
was going to tell you about that. Yes, we are
called the Super Secret Bestie Club. It's me and my
best friend, um Maya Moyo who uh you know we have.
We give advice on topics that are very normal crushes, boyfriends, love.
(35:16):
I'm always giving like the kind of problematic advice and
she's more like, I love it. I would love to.
I would love to be honest, it would be so amazing.
We'd love to have you. Um. Please check us out.
Oh thank you, and don't forget to listen to Cheeks
(35:40):
and Chill every Monday on the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
This is a production of I Heart Radio and podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Podcasts and follow me
Cheeks on Instagram at cheek Kee's and I'll see you
(36:01):
guys next week. Les nombezzo and remember condos too. See
Nana h
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