Hola, Hola! It’s Wednesday, and that means we’re back with another episode of Dear Chiquis. Thanks to Nallely, Stephany, Gabbey and Diana. Today I talk about why losing a friend is so hard; Stephany is considering leaving her husband of eight years because he’s too controlling, Gabbey says nothing she does is ever enough for her mom; and Diana wonders what kept me going after the passing of my mother.
Submit your questions at speakpipe.com/chiquisandchillpodcast! And don’t forget to listen to “Chiquis and Chill” every Monday. They’re longer podcast episodes filled with personal stories and interviews with special guests.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's, and you've reached the
voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave
your question at the sound of.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The beebe.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Hey Cheeky's, I hope you're having a wonderful and blessed day.
Congratulations on your engagement. My question for you today is
why do friendship breakups hurt so much? She can go, girl.
I met this girl back in twenty eighteen. She actually
worked with my husband, and then we started hanging out.
(01:08):
You know, her husband my husband, and like, she became
super close, bits so much fun together. Just you know,
she loved my kids like I do. It's just awesome,
you know, when you connect with someone so much and
butsone chingo gons throw friendship. You know, long story, short
shirts to my husband and I found some messages and
(01:29):
it just kind of went downhill from there, And I mean,
it's hard. You know, it's hard when you trust someone
so much and then things like this happened. I forgave
her a long time ago. I wish her nothing but
the best, but I just I never was able to
like sit down and just talk to her, and I
think we could have, you know, ended on a much
better note, but unfortunately we didn't. I wish her well,
(01:52):
and honestly, I just I just don't know why friendship
breakups hurt so much.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Thanks for your advice, girl, Bye Nielli. I totally get it.
I have had a few breakups with really good friends
that have been there with me and for me through
like the most painful times of my life or one
of the most painful times in my life, and it
does it hurts because you know what, I think that
they become part of your family. You trust in these
(02:18):
people so much that they become almost a part of you.
That is how as Coneyo's is the yahs, and they
make you feel better. So when you feel that absence,
it's a breakup. And kind of like backtracking a little bit.
I would like to know what kind of messages obviously
you found with her and your husband, and are you
and your husband still together? I mean, you have to
(02:39):
give us like a little bit of an update. I
think what you're missing here, what I hear is you
didn't have closure, Like you said, you weren't able to
sit down with her and have like a good, good conversation.
And I think that's what you're missing. And I get
that because I just recently had like closure with a
friend that I broke up with years ago, and we
sat down a couple months ago, and it made me
(03:01):
feel good. It was like, you know, I grew up
and it was a mistake and we talked about everything
and it made me feel better. Am I ever going
to be as close as I was to her back
in the day. No, but it made me feel good.
So I think that's what you're missing, and I would again,
I don't know what happened between her and your husband
or the situation there. I don't know if they were
like romantic text messages. I have no clue, But if
(03:23):
you feel it in your heart, I think you should
probably reach out. I think you should just say, hey,
I know things ended on a bad note, but I'd
love to just have a conversation and then you guys
can just move on and you feel better, you know,
because you can't keep holding onto those feelings and just
know that sometimes people are in your life A lot
of the times, actually people are in your life for
that season in your life, and they're meant to be
(03:43):
in your life for that season and not move on
with you necessarily to the next season. But I get it.
It hurts. It is painful because again, they become a
part of your life, they become like a part of you.
So I feel you, girl. I'd love to hear a
little bit more. Okay, keep us updated here. I do
have questions for you, so maybe we'll hear from you soon.
So again, so thank you so much, Nlie. I hope
(04:05):
everything works out. Grown that's my advice for you.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
So our next question comes from Stephanie Chickens.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You're English Rita Thomas jose Les Eposo it is control,
come come in some of your spin on Yes, Torona
(04:52):
persona mo talents which the very.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Stephanie is the and and the file Burke Stoyo cannot
pose divorce jo oke and the opinion com como mana
the seas yes as in the pass Yes, Okay, this
(05:26):
has no relation you chrreacterndos can to care cites the
controlando casi too sien too and the opinion ceo is
to rews, don't the escot can be at the not
(05:48):
the here over nis on reremile yes, the mono estal
and C. Princei ami in las florke hero Stephanie ke
(06:10):
not divorce to save jai mamasita ton corrasson paratu pas
paraturo biencela movi in a C stephanielo joselo tiendo potestuvira,
(06:35):
como to la sire pensando respetando la confienza and t
the Q two corrector controlando cara cosas plico And you, guys,
basically what I'm telling Stephanie, she's asking, you know, what
do I do? I married, My husband is very controlling.
(06:57):
He doesn't let me wear certain things, he doesn't let
me go a certain places. Is I'm tired? Should I
divorce him? And I'm telling her, I can't necessarily tell
you to divorce him. It's a very heavy question, but
I did tell her, if you're asking this question, it's
because you already know that you are probably not in
the right or correct relationship for you and he's not
allowing you to shine the way that you could and
(07:18):
you should. And I understand because I've been in that
situation and I had to get out of it. And
once I got out of it, I felt better. I
was starting to like flourish and become home. I meant
to become. Even in her voice, I was like, I
feel it. She's she's weighed down. So that was my opinion,
and my advice to her was to just you know
what you gotta do. You just gotta do it, because
if she was my sister, I'd be like, girl, you
(07:39):
gotta really think about this because you have a whole
life to live. You have a whole life ahead of you. Anyway,
stephaniem Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
So our next question comes from Gabby Hi Tikes. I
wanted to get your opinion on helping family members and
kind of just really straining yourself and forgiveness, dealing with
one parent when you've lost another, things like that.
Speaker 5 (08:14):
I have my family, well, my mom, I've helped her,
she's been ill. I've helped do a lot of things
for her, and basically, no good deed goes unpunished with her.
I helped her with the vehicle, getting her to and
from dialysis because she is sick quite a bit, and
(08:39):
long story shorts, now there are legal problems. I guess
it was her lending that car out, and I've just
really had enough of helping my mom. Basically, I've lost
my dad already and I hate having to go through
this and risk losing her again. We just kind of
(09:00):
gotten back on speaking terms, so I just wanted to
get your advice on it. I'm kind of at that
point where enough is enough, but I also don't want
something to happen and then I don't have my mom,
and I'm also pregnant right now, and so I don't
want to take the baby away things like that. So
I just needed some advice.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Oh my goodness, Gabby, you have a lot on your
plate right now. You're pregnant and you want to take
care of your mom, and I think, oh, this is
tough because your mom is also her health is not
the best right now, and I think that that's amazing
that you want to help and that you've been there
for her, but I'm feeling that she's not as grateful
as she could or should be, and that's what's making
(09:41):
this so much more difficult for you. And I feel
that right now your priority should be yourself and your child.
So whatever it is you're feeling, whatever it is that
you're going through, you're transmitting that to your baby. So
I think it's okay and it's good of you to
be there for her, but you have to create healthy boundaries,
(10:02):
like you have to ask yourself, does this feel right
for me? And if it does, then you go for it.
And if it doesn't, then it's okay to say no,
even if it is your mom, because yes, you're absolutely right.
You don't want something God forbid to happen too her
and then you're going to feel guilty for the rest
of your life. So I think you should still continue
to be there for her and help her as much
as you can, but always putting yourself and your baby first,
(10:24):
whatever that means to you. If one day you can't
go and take her or whatever the case may be,
if it doesn't feel right and you don't have peace
in your heart and in your mind, it's okay to
say no, and maybe you can ask other family members
to help you, and that's okay too, to ask for
help and not take this full responsibility on your shoulders,
because it's a lot. I wish she was a little
(10:45):
bit more grateful and more careful with the things that
you have done for her, and maybe she'll realize once
you pull back a tiny bit. I'm wishing you the best,
and I hope it gets better and you guys are
able to have a healthy conversation and let her know
what you're feeling, and I hope she listens. Our next
question comes from Diana.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Hi, Jiki.
Speaker 6 (11:06):
I just want to start off by saying that I
absolutely adore and admire you. I love your podcasts and
I recently saw your performing Scott Stel Arizona. You were
absolutely amazing. However, I have to admit that you had
me bawling when you perform the songs dedicated to your mama.
I lost my mother in June of twenty twenty three,
so those songs really hit hard. It has been very
challenging to navigate through life without her. So my question
(11:28):
to you is what helped you to continue to move forward?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Oh Diana, Oh well, thank you for taking the time
and going to my show, and I feel like I
can't have a show for like the rest of my
career without honoring my mom for so many reasons. And
I feel you. I feel your pain. It's still so
fresh and it's a wound that is not ever going
(11:53):
to heal completely. I will be honest. The first year
is the absolute worst because you're living everything in your
life Christmas, their birthday, all the holidays without them for
the very first time, and it's just something to get
used to all over again. It's like you become a
baby and you have to learn to walk through life
(12:13):
without them, and so I totally get it. I think
what helped me personally was focusing on my siblings. For
a long time. They kept me alive because they needed me,
and then once they grew up, it was another challenge
of like, whoa, they're grown up, and now it's me
and I'm living life and I'm still living life without her,
and I think about it all the time still to
this day, like, oh, she's not going to be at
(12:34):
my wedding, she's not going to be there when I
have my first baby, and all those things drive me nuts.
But what I have to do is bring it back
and say, you know what, She's not here physically, but
I know she's with me still. I know that she's
going to guide me, and I talk to her every
day and that's what's helped me get through it. I
have a picture of her and I look at it
and I'm like, Mom helped me give me the strength
to get on the stage. I'm having a bad day
(12:56):
and I speak to her as if she were here.
And the crazy thing is that yet they're not here physically,
but they can help you so much more from where
they're at. They have these superpowers in heaven, and I
feel like she's with me more than ever, and that's
what's helped me. It's going to be eleven years and
I still have tough days. I still miss her so much,
and I still need her kisses and her hugs and
(13:17):
her advice, especially with some stuff that's been going on lately.
But I know she's here, and it's a lot easier
said than done. But speak to her, talk to her,
and just know that no matter what, she never never
leaves your side. She's there. You have an angel in
heaven watching over you, and you have to truly believe it,
and your life will change like drastically, so little by little,
(13:38):
take it day by day, be patient and embrace the
pain because that pain is going to help you grow
and mature and understand life in a different way. Okay,
I'm sending you a big, big hug, Diana. I feel you, girl,
I feel you. But we got this. We got this.
We were raised by some strong, amazing women.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So that is it you guys for this episode. Thank
you so much for all of your questions to Nayeli, Stephanie, Gabby,
and i Anna. I'm hoping all of you listening can
take some of my advice and apply it in your
lives if you are in similar situations. I don't have
all the answers, but I'm giving you, guys advice from
the bottom of my heart. Okay, thank you guys so
much for listening. Loss. This is a production of iHeartRadio
(14:23):
and the Microdura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at
Micaeldura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i
q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube
Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's, and you've reached the
voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave
your question at the sound of.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The beebe.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Hey Cheeky's, I hope you're having a wonderful and blessed day.
Congratulations on your engagement. My question for you today is
why do friendship breakups hurt so much? She can go, girl.
I met this girl back in twenty eighteen. She actually
worked with my husband, and then we started hanging out.
(01:08):
You know, her husband my husband, and like, she became
super close, bits so much fun together. Just you know,
she loved my kids like I do. It's just awesome,
you know, when you connect with someone so much and
butsone chingo gons throw friendship. You know, long story, short
shirts to my husband and I found some messages and
(01:29):
it just kind of went downhill from there, And I mean,
it's hard. You know, it's hard when you trust someone
so much and then things like this happened. I forgave
her a long time ago. I wish her nothing but
the best, but I just I never was able to
like sit down and just talk to her, and I
think we could have, you know, ended on a much
better note, but unfortunately we didn't. I wish her well,
(01:52):
and honestly, I just I just don't know why friendship
breakups hurt so much.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Thanks for your advice, girl, Bye Nielli. I totally get it.
I have had a few breakups with really good friends
that have been there with me and for me through
like the most painful times of my life or one
of the most painful times in my life, and it
does it hurts because you know what, I think that
they become part of your family. You trust in these
(02:18):
people so much that they become almost a part of you.
That is how as Coneyo's is the yahs, and they
make you feel better. So when you feel that absence,
it's a breakup. And kind of like backtracking a little bit.
I would like to know what kind of messages obviously
you found with her and your husband, and are you
and your husband still together? I mean, you have to
(02:39):
give us like a little bit of an update. I
think what you're missing here, what I hear is you
didn't have closure, Like you said, you weren't able to
sit down with her and have like a good, good conversation.
And I think that's what you're missing. And I get
that because I just recently had like closure with a
friend that I broke up with years ago, and we
sat down a couple months ago, and it made me
(03:01):
feel good. It was like, you know, I grew up
and it was a mistake and we talked about everything
and it made me feel better. Am I ever going
to be as close as I was to her back
in the day. No, but it made me feel good.
So I think that's what you're missing, and I would again,
I don't know what happened between her and your husband
or the situation there. I don't know if they were
like romantic text messages. I have no clue, But if
(03:23):
you feel it in your heart, I think you should
probably reach out. I think you should just say, hey,
I know things ended on a bad note, but I'd
love to just have a conversation and then you guys
can just move on and you feel better, you know,
because you can't keep holding onto those feelings and just
know that sometimes people are in your life A lot
of the times, actually people are in your life for
that season in your life, and they're meant to be
(03:43):
in your life for that season and not move on
with you necessarily to the next season. But I get it.
It hurts. It is painful because again, they become a
part of your life, they become like a part of you.
So I feel you, girl. I'd love to hear a
little bit more. Okay, keep us updated here. I do
have questions for you, so maybe we'll hear from you soon.
So again, so thank you so much, Nlie. I hope
(04:05):
everything works out. Grown that's my advice for you.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
So our next question comes from Stephanie Chickens.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You're English Rita Thomas jose Les Eposo it is control,
come come in some of your spin on Yes, Torona
(04:52):
persona mo talents which the very.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Stephanie is the and and the file Burke Stoyo cannot
pose divorce jo oke and the opinion com como mana
the seas yes as in the pass Yes, Okay, this
(05:26):
has no relation you chrreacterndos can to care cites the
controlando casi too sien too and the opinion ceo is
to rews, don't the escot can be at the not
(05:48):
the here over nis on reremile yes, the mono estal
and C. Princei ami in las florke hero Stephanie ke
(06:10):
not divorce to save jai mamasita ton corrasson paratu pas
paraturo biencela movi in a C stephanielo joselo tiendo potestuvira,
(06:35):
como to la sire pensando respetando la confienza and t
the Q two corrector controlando cara cosas plico And you, guys,
basically what I'm telling Stephanie, she's asking, you know, what
do I do? I married, My husband is very controlling.
(06:57):
He doesn't let me wear certain things, he doesn't let
me go a certain places. Is I'm tired? Should I
divorce him? And I'm telling her, I can't necessarily tell
you to divorce him. It's a very heavy question, but
I did tell her, if you're asking this question, it's
because you already know that you are probably not in
the right or correct relationship for you and he's not
allowing you to shine the way that you could and
(07:18):
you should. And I understand because I've been in that
situation and I had to get out of it. And
once I got out of it, I felt better. I
was starting to like flourish and become home. I meant
to become. Even in her voice, I was like, I
feel it. She's she's weighed down. So that was my opinion,
and my advice to her was to just you know
what you gotta do. You just gotta do it, because
if she was my sister, I'd be like, girl, you
(07:39):
gotta really think about this because you have a whole
life to live. You have a whole life ahead of you. Anyway,
stephaniem Okay.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
So our next question comes from Gabby Hi Tikes. I
wanted to get your opinion on helping family members and
kind of just really straining yourself and forgiveness, dealing with
one parent when you've lost another, things like that.
Speaker 5 (08:14):
I have my family, well, my mom, I've helped her,
she's been ill. I've helped do a lot of things
for her, and basically, no good deed goes unpunished with her.
I helped her with the vehicle, getting her to and
from dialysis because she is sick quite a bit, and
(08:39):
long story shorts, now there are legal problems. I guess
it was her lending that car out, and I've just
really had enough of helping my mom. Basically, I've lost
my dad already and I hate having to go through
this and risk losing her again. We just kind of
(09:00):
gotten back on speaking terms, so I just wanted to
get your advice on it. I'm kind of at that
point where enough is enough, but I also don't want
something to happen and then I don't have my mom,
and I'm also pregnant right now, and so I don't
want to take the baby away things like that. So
I just needed some advice.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Oh my goodness, Gabby, you have a lot on your
plate right now. You're pregnant and you want to take
care of your mom, and I think, oh, this is
tough because your mom is also her health is not
the best right now, and I think that that's amazing
that you want to help and that you've been there
for her, but I'm feeling that she's not as grateful
as she could or should be, and that's what's making
(09:41):
this so much more difficult for you. And I feel
that right now your priority should be yourself and your child.
So whatever it is you're feeling, whatever it is that
you're going through, you're transmitting that to your baby. So
I think it's okay and it's good of you to
be there for her, but you have to create healthy boundaries,
(10:02):
like you have to ask yourself, does this feel right
for me? And if it does, then you go for it.
And if it doesn't, then it's okay to say no,
even if it is your mom, because yes, you're absolutely right.
You don't want something God forbid to happen too her
and then you're going to feel guilty for the rest
of your life. So I think you should still continue
to be there for her and help her as much
as you can, but always putting yourself and your baby first,
(10:24):
whatever that means to you. If one day you can't
go and take her or whatever the case may be,
if it doesn't feel right and you don't have peace
in your heart and in your mind, it's okay to
say no, and maybe you can ask other family members
to help you, and that's okay too, to ask for
help and not take this full responsibility on your shoulders,
because it's a lot. I wish she was a little
(10:45):
bit more grateful and more careful with the things that
you have done for her, and maybe she'll realize once
you pull back a tiny bit. I'm wishing you the best,
and I hope it gets better and you guys are
able to have a healthy conversation and let her know
what you're feeling, and I hope she listens. Our next
question comes from Diana.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Hi, Jiki.
Speaker 6 (11:06):
I just want to start off by saying that I
absolutely adore and admire you. I love your podcasts and
I recently saw your performing Scott Stel Arizona. You were
absolutely amazing. However, I have to admit that you had
me bawling when you perform the songs dedicated to your mama.
I lost my mother in June of twenty twenty three,
so those songs really hit hard. It has been very
challenging to navigate through life without her. So my question
(11:28):
to you is what helped you to continue to move forward?
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Oh Diana, Oh well, thank you for taking the time
and going to my show, and I feel like I
can't have a show for like the rest of my
career without honoring my mom for so many reasons. And
I feel you. I feel your pain. It's still so
fresh and it's a wound that is not ever going
(11:53):
to heal completely. I will be honest. The first year
is the absolute worst because you're living everything in your
life Christmas, their birthday, all the holidays without them for
the very first time, and it's just something to get
used to all over again. It's like you become a
baby and you have to learn to walk through life
(12:13):
without them, and so I totally get it. I think
what helped me personally was focusing on my siblings. For
a long time. They kept me alive because they needed me,
and then once they grew up, it was another challenge
of like, whoa, they're grown up, and now it's me
and I'm living life and I'm still living life without her,
and I think about it all the time still to
this day, like, oh, she's not going to be at
(12:34):
my wedding, she's not going to be there when I
have my first baby, and all those things drive me nuts.
But what I have to do is bring it back
and say, you know what, She's not here physically, but
I know she's with me still. I know that she's
going to guide me, and I talk to her every
day and that's what's helped me get through it. I
have a picture of her and I look at it
and I'm like, Mom helped me give me the strength
to get on the stage. I'm having a bad day
(12:56):
and I speak to her as if she were here.
And the crazy thing is that yet they're not here physically,
but they can help you so much more from where
they're at. They have these superpowers in heaven, and I
feel like she's with me more than ever, and that's
what's helped me. It's going to be eleven years and
I still have tough days. I still miss her so much,
and I still need her kisses and her hugs and
(13:17):
her advice, especially with some stuff that's been going on lately.
But I know she's here, and it's a lot easier
said than done. But speak to her, talk to her,
and just know that no matter what, she never never
leaves your side. She's there. You have an angel in
heaven watching over you, and you have to truly believe it,
and your life will change like drastically, so little by little,
(13:38):
take it day by day, be patient and embrace the
pain because that pain is going to help you grow
and mature and understand life in a different way. Okay,
I'm sending you a big, big hug, Diana. I feel you, girl,
I feel you. But we got this. We got this.
We were raised by some strong, amazing women.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So that is it you guys for this episode. Thank
you so much for all of your questions to Nayeli, Stephanie, Gabby,
and i Anna. I'm hoping all of you listening can
take some of my advice and apply it in your
lives if you are in similar situations. I don't have
all the answers, but I'm giving you, guys advice from
the bottom of my heart. Okay, thank you guys so
much for listening. Loss. This is a production of iHeartRadio
(14:23):
and the Microdura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at
Micaeldura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i
q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
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Host
Chiquis
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