November 27, 2023 • 22 mins
Chiquis shares her decision on whether she will give in vitro fertilization another shot to become a mother. About a year after she first decided not to go through with the IVF process, Chiquis tells us everything that’s gone through her head since then, how she feels about her choice and why she’s leaving everything in God’s hands.
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
I think IVF is a great thing, Thank goodness for science.
I just feel that it's not right for me right now.
I just don't know if I want to put my
body through that. And people might think, Okay, is it
because you don't want to ruin your body. I'm not
gonna lie. That's part of it. But then again, I
could just have a surrogate. You know. It's more of
the responsibility of having a child. If God wants to
(00:24):
put a child in my womb and I'm forty five,
that is his will, and I will raise it a
wonderful child. I know I'll be a wonderful mother. What up, guys,
Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'm your
host Cheeky's and I am so happy to be here.
(00:44):
And I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday
with your friends and family. I had the best time
with my family and I ate some really delicious food. AnyWho,
Today's episode is going to be a very personal one.
About a year ago, I recorded an episode on my
experience with IVF. I decided not to go through with it.
I gave myself until October of this year to figure
out if IVF is right for me, and so that's
(01:07):
what I'm going to talk about today. I hope you
all listen to this episode with open ears and open hearts,
because I'm going to get very vulnerable with you guys.
This is Cheeky's and chill. Okay, let me take a
deep breath. So, motherhood, I think it's a beautiful thing.
(01:28):
I think it's a blessing. I think children are a blessing.
And I have been with Emilio for two and a
half years. He's younger than I am, he has no children,
and before I met him, I was pretty sure that
I was okay with not having any kids. And I've
told you guys a story before on the pod that
(01:50):
the day I met him, I had removed my IUD.
That's how I was, you know, taking care of myself.
That was my form of birth control, the one that
has no hormones, the copper one, right, So that's what
I was using, and the day I met him, or
the day that we started talking, I had removed it.
And well, we've been doing our thing and I haven't
gotten pregnant, and I really feel that that is God's
(02:11):
plan if it hasn't happened. Naturally, it's because God wants
to wait, or he has a different plan for me.
I don't know. The only reason I even thought about
having children you guys are going through with IVF was
because Emilia's younger, and I don't want to take that
from him either. And it's a very heavy topic for
(02:32):
me because I've had a lot of issues with my ovaries.
I've had cysts, i have endometriosis. Now this whole situation
with you know, polyps in the lightning of my uterus,
and there are times that I feel like, oh my gosh,
my body is giving up on me. And it's not
a sexy conversation. It's not a conversation that a lot
of women want to talk about. But I feel that
(02:55):
God has given me this position, and thank goodness a
podcast and listeners like you guys where I can share
these things because I know I'm not the only one
out there. And yes, I know, and I'm aware that
talking about these things kind of age me. But then again,
there are women in their twenties that also have these,
you know, endometriosis or things going on with their bodies,
(03:19):
and I think it's important to talk about it because
it is something that is very personal and I feel
like being vulnerable there's a lot of power in that.
So I just want to tell you guys my story. Okay,
So anyways, now we're here. Now, October came around. I
kept my word. I said, Okay, I'm gonna see if
it happens naturally, because when I first started IVF last
(03:41):
October of twenty twenty two, I wasn't ready mentally, physically.
And I explained it to you guys in that episode.
So if you haven't heard it, if you haven't listened
to that episode, go back to that one where I
talk about my experience and why I decided to hold off.
And I told myself, Okay, I'm gonna give myself into
October of twenty twenty three and see if I get
pregnant naturally, and that's going to be God's will. And
(04:03):
so I went to the doctor and they told me
that I had another CIS, but not to worry about it.
So I was like, okay, it's not bothering me. You know,
we're going to leave it alone. And then she said,
but the reason why you're spotting is because you have
poly ups. I'm like, what the hell are those? I'm like,
now what, and she said, well, you know, it's pretty
normal and women that have endometriosis and they're like these
(04:25):
little kind of like blood cloths like just I guess
it's weird, but like little Bolita's like little balls of
I guess tissue, you know, filled with blood. And that's
why I was spotting and I was cramping and I
rarely cramped, so I was like, oh my goodness. So AnyWho,
she says, we have to remove those because if you
(04:46):
want to start IVF, you're only going to feed this
stuff with other hormones that they're going to give you.
So I don't recommend it. This is what my obg
y N said. So she told me, you know, I
think you should wait and then maybe once you remove them.
I find that a lot of women get pregnant naturally.
So That's where I'm at right now, which brings me
back to the IVF. Guys. I've been thinking about it,
(05:07):
and I just don't know if I want to put
my body through that. I respect everyone's decision. I think
IVF is a great thing. I think that Thank goodness
for science and you know that we're able to do this.
You know, I just feel that it's not right for
me right now. I don't want to force it. I
feel that for me personally, I feel like i'd be
(05:30):
forcing it. I feel like, Okay, if I haven't gotten
pregnant naturally in these two and a half years, then
that's God's will and that's how I really feel. And
if it happens, then it'll be a blessing. But the
more time that passes by and the older that I get,
I'm really enjoying my life. And that might sound selfish
(05:51):
to some people, but let me remind you, guys. I
am the eldest of five and I have, you know,
raised my siblings. I'm still in a way them because
I'm the oldest sister. And even though they are grown
up and they live in their own homes and you
have their own children, oh Janica doesn't, but they come
to me. I'm still that mother figure to them in
(06:13):
some way, you know. And I love it. I absolutely
love it, especially with Johnny. Johnny still lives with me,
and you know, I still worry about him. I still
I'm still guiding him. And I had him. See look
at this, I had him on my mom said here
at six months, take care of this kid. I gotta
(06:33):
go work, and I have and it's been a blessing
and I love it and I don't regret a minute
of it. I learned so much about myself, about life,
about having children with him, because he was given to
me so young, so I went through all of it everything.
I really feel like I know what it is to
have a child and once they grow up, how much
it hurts, and how you still worry about your children
(06:54):
no matter what. So I feel for so many years
I focused on my siblings and raising them, and now
they're grown and they're doing their thing, and I'm so proud,
and I feel like right now is my time to travel,
to do as I please. And that's why I just
(07:15):
want to hold off on having kids. I have thought
about it. I'm like, Okay, what if I have no children, Well,
I regret it, and there is that possibility. There is
the possibility of me regretting it ten years from now.
But I don't want to think that way. I want
(07:37):
to think about what is best for me now. And
here's the thing. I'm not saying I don't want kids
at all. I'm just saying I don't want to actively try.
I don't want to go through IVF, because if I'm
getting a period, guys, and I'm pretty regular, I feel like, Okay,
there's eggs in there, so why isn't happening. I should
start worrying or really like obviously or say that I
(07:58):
can't do anything about it if I no longer have
a period. But I have a period. I get a
period every month. I'm very regular, so I feel like
if it's not sticking, it's for a reason. That's what
my body's telling me, that's what my faith tells me.
And I feel like even if I'm forty two and
I still have a period and God says here's the baby,
then I'll be happy. I'll be like, Okay, God, this
(08:19):
is your will, Let's go for it, you know what
I mean. So I think I'm at that point right
now where I'm like, I don't know if IVF is
right for me. And obviously with IVF, the longer you wait,
the less eggs you can you know they can remove.
So I understand that. And yes, some people might say, okay, well,
cheeky's why don't you just do the IVF have the
eggs just in case? But then I'd feel like, there
(08:41):
they are they're just frozen, and what am I gonna do.
What if I decide not to have kids, then what
I just throw them away? You know what I mean.
So I'm like, I'd rather just go through it naturally,
and I have faith that if that is what's meant
for me, it's going to happen. And people might think,
oh my gosh, because they've asked me, okay, is it
because you know you don't want to ruin your body.
(09:02):
I'm not gonna lie. That's part of it. I mean.
But then again, I could just have a surrogate. You know.
It's more of the responsibility of having a child. It's
a lifetime thing, you guys. It's not something to play with.
And I know I'd be a good mother, I know it.
I just don't know in my heart if I want
to stop my life. I feel like I'm finally living
it for myself and doing as I place it. I'm like,
(09:25):
I don't know. I just don't know. So I think,
if I'm already feeling like this, why would I go
through IVF And kind of in a way, I guess
I don't know if the correct word is force it
and go through the process and then knowing that I
feel this way, I feel like, is that fair to
the child? Is that fair to myself? Is that fair
to their future versus me just leaving it in God's hands,
(09:46):
doing my thing with my man, and if it happens,
then it happens, then I'll be like, well, this is
God's will and I'll feel better about it. I'm like, Okay,
I've done my part. I got off birth control, been
having unprotected sets with my man. Hasn't happened. Maybe it's
just not the right time. I'm a woman of faith,
So even if it happens when I'm forty five, I'm
forty five and it happens, and whoa, that's what God wants.
(10:06):
So that's kind of where I'm at before. If you
would have asked me this, I don't know, maybe ten years,
five years ago. Is it because you don't want to
ruin your body or you don't want to gain more weight?
I'd be like, yes, that scares the hell out of me,
you know. But now that I've kind of taken control
of that part of my life and I know what
I need to do in order for that not to happen,
or keep working out as I'm pregnant. I'm not as
(10:27):
scared of that anymore. It's more of the world we
live in, all of the realities that surround us on
a daily basis. My reality, my personal reality, what I
lived taking care of my siblings, and it's been a
beautiful thing, but also experiencing all that and I don't
want to take it away from immedia either. So we've
had these conversations and that's kind of what we're working through.
(10:49):
One of the conversations that or should I say topics
in you know, premarital counseling is the topic of children,
like we have to be on the same page, and
we've talked about it, and I'm like, what if I can't,
What if I don't want to? What if he says, well,
I'm fine with that, I'll be fine with you. Just
give me a lot of love. And I'm like, Okay,
that's perfect, that's great. But then again, I'm not gonna lie.
I think about it all the time. Guys. I'm like,
he's seven years younger than I am. What if he
(11:11):
regrets it later? What if he wants something different? And
I've thought about that and it's kept me up at night.
But I'm like you know what. I can't think about that.
I can't think that way. I have to think about
it right now, enjoy our relationship now, and once that happens,
and if it happens, or maybe it never will happen,
maybe he will be one hundred percent a thousand percent,
you know, satisfied with me and not having to have kids.
(11:33):
That could be our reality, you know. But if it
does and he's like, you know, I want a kid,
and now I just really can't. You know, let's say
five years from her, I don't know. Then we'll cross
that bridge when we get there, you know what I mean. Like,
I don't want to have to put myself through that
stress or my body through that stress thinking about that
right now. I just want to enjoy the moment. And
that's where I'm at. And I wanted to be really
honest with you guys, because it is something that I'm
asked about all the time. Like, I know a lot
(11:55):
of people would want me to have a kid, and
I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy if it happened,
but I'm also okay not having kids. And on the
other side of the token, I have thought about my career.
It's going well or moving forward. Things are happening, thank goodness.
You know, it's been ten long years uphill battle, and
I feel like we're finally somewhere where it's a little
(12:16):
bit more stable, and I don't want to lose a momentum.
And I've thought, Okay, would I have to stop for
nine months while I'm pregnant and then sometime after that
because i have to tend to the baby. But then again,
I'm like, you know what, But that doesn't even stop
me anymore. I'm like, Okay, I've seen Cardi b I've
seen Jennifer Lopez. I've seen so many different women do
their thing while they're pregnant, and it's all good, you
(12:39):
know what I mean, Like I'll have my baby with me,
I'll have a nanny, Like I feel like I can
figure it out. It's really more of the long term.
I don't know. I'm still even as I'm speaking to
you guys, I'm still a little conflicted because I'm like,
there are days where I'm like, yes, I want kids
so bad. I'm like, oh my god, because I love children,
you know, like kids gravitate towards me. I love kids.
(12:59):
And Johnny, my brother, was actually saying that. He's like,
I think it's because you tell yourself so much that
you don't want them, or you're not sure that your
body's kind of like you have a very powerful mind.
And I'm like, well, yeah, I really do believe in
the law of attraction. So maybe if I were to
tell myself, yes, I want a kid, I want a kid.
I want a kid, it right now, God will give
it to me. But since I'm like, oh, in the
gray area, I'm like, I don't know. Yes, no, maybe,
(13:21):
so it hasn't happened. But I have so much faith
you guys, and I'm like, I know if that is
what's going to happen for me, it's going to happen naturally.
I really truly, really truly believe that. But right now
I'm just not sure. But I am very sure that
IVF for the time being is not for me, because
if I was meant to do it in October the
(13:42):
way I had told myself, then I wouldn't have had
the ciss. These polyps I get put another halt on
the IVF process, this whole situation that I'm dealing with
right now, which, thank goodness, the polyps are out. I
don't know what's going on with the damn cys. It's
just there. They love me. But I can't start IVF
because even if I wanted to, I would have to
get this it's removed. It's like this whole thing. So
I'm just like, you know what, it's not for me.
(14:03):
I'm good with not doing it. The only reason I'm
talking to you guys about this is because I want to,
you know, hold myself accountable. And I told you guys,
you guys have been with me, my listeners here on
chigizin Chill, you guys have been with me through the
entire process when I talked to the IVF doctor, when
I went, when I stopped the whole thing. So I'm like,
I want to be accountable and have you guys with
(14:25):
me on this process the entire way. And I feel
like the best thing to do is be transparent with
you guys, and that's what I'm doing. I feel like
that's my responsibility and I owe that to you guys
now that we're going to talking about this. My brother
once told me, Mikey, he told me, you know what, well,
(14:48):
that's what you came to the earth for to reproduce
and I'm like, wait a second, some people really think that.
I think he was joking. Obviously he's going to respect
whatever decision I make. And I love being a Nina
and I love being Athia like I love it. I
love giving kisses and loving them and loving on them
and giving them whatever they want. I'm the THEATA likes
to spoil and then giving them back to their parents.
(15:09):
It's fun. So but there are people guys that really
feel that that's what women came to Earth for, that's
what we're here for. That's our main purpose is to
have children. And now I'm not trying to be feminists.
I'm just saying we have a choice, and it is
okay for us to choose for ourselves because it's not
like those people are gonna come and take care of
the kid financially, physically, emotionally, like you know what I mean.
(15:31):
So it's like it's a personal decision and if it
fits your life and if it's meant for you, I
feel like it's going to happen regardless of anything. But
if you choose, I don't want kids for the rest
of my life. No one should judge you on that.
I don't feel that that's our only purpose. I feel
like I could be a mother to many people. I
have dear Cheeky's, I'm a big sister to many people,
(15:54):
like I can maybe one day adopt. That's another thing.
I was just talking to my sister Jennaka about it.
I'm like, you know what I mean, all adopt. She's
on the same page. There are so many children in
the world that need parents, and I've thought about that
quite a bit, and maybe sometime down the year, if
I don't have my own child, I'll adopt. And I
think that's okay. But don't let anyone ever make you
(16:15):
feel that that is the only reason or your purpose
on earth is to have children and that's it. No,
there are so many different things. I feel like I
have a mission on earth and I feel like I'm
fulfilling it every single day and like walking towards my
godly purpose each and every single day in some way
or another. And if God wants to put a child
in my womb and I'm forty five, that is his will,
(16:35):
and I will raise in a wonderful child. I know
I'll be a wonderful mother. I just don't know if
I am necessarily one hundred percent ready right now. And
I don't think you'll ever be one hundred percent ready
right but I don't even think I'm like fifty percent ready,
you guys, to be honest, I'm just kind of like,
hold up, I have a lot of fun. I'm chilling,
like I'm doing my thing right now, and there's nothing
wrong with that. I really don't feel like there's anything
wrong with that at all. I don't feel guilty for it.
(16:57):
I really don't. And I guess as a Latin, and
I don't think I'm the only one, because we've talked
about it quite a bit here on the podcast as well,
how we are constantly being asked, especially now that I'm
engaged and I have someone in my life, like Okay,
when are you having kids? And it's a question that
comes up quite a bit in interviews in my personal
life and people that I just meet on the street
(17:17):
and they're like, oh my god, Cheki's wh are you
gonna have kids? Like you know said there and the
whole thing, like, hey, the clock is ticking, but I've
gone to the point before I was like kind of
like I'm a little worried, and I felt a little
guilty maybe saying I don't know if I want kids now.
I'm okay with saying that because I feel like this
is my life and I should be able to live
it any way that I can. I think now that
I've gotten older and I'm understanding my body and I'm
(17:39):
understanding things on a different level, and now I guess
I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed to say I love
kids and i'd be I know, I know for a
fact i'd be a great mom, and I'm a great
Thea and Nina and stuff. But I don't feel a
shame saying that I don't want kids of my own
right now. But I don't know what changes, guys, because
last year I was I had a lot of baby fever,
(18:00):
and now I'm just chilling now and focus on my music.
I'm really looking forward to next year and being able
to go somewhere for a few weeks and record my album,
something I've never been able to do. Like there are
things that I want to do, and not saying that
I can't do that while I'm pregnant. I mean, if
that's God's will, I'm still going to do it. You know,
if I get pregnant at the beginning of the year
or whenever he says, then so be it. I'm going
(18:20):
to receive it. But I think another part of it too,
and just being honest here is I guess I've been
forced in a way mentally not to get over the
idea of having kids because my body is saying something different.
So instead of being disappointed every month, it's more of like,
let me push it out of the way. And I
(18:42):
think that's where I'm at. The conclusion to this episode
is that I have decided not to go through with IVF.
I can't even do it even if I want to,
because I have the cyst and I have to fix
all of that first. I feel like IVF for me
would be forcing it right now, and I don't want
to do that. I really want to put my self
in God's way and let his will be done completely.
(19:02):
If it happens, great, If it doesn't happen, I'm okay
with it. Is where I'm at, genuinely, from the bottom
of my heart. I can probably right now. I feel
like I can live the rest of my life if
I don't have kids fine and happy. I have my siblings,
I have my nieces and nephews, I have my god children,
I love it, but if God decides to get me pregnant,
then I'm fine with that as well. Does that make sense?
(19:22):
So that's where I'm at, guys. That's a truth. If
something changes for next year, I will update you guys
on that and be like, hey, guys, I decided to
do it. But right now, I am chillin. I am
taking care of my body. I am unwinding. It's almost
well the end of the year basically, and I'm going
to do a detox and that's it. And if it happens,
great and I'll be fine. That's where we're at. I
just want to tell you don't let anyone, especially if
(19:44):
you're a Latina, because I feel you pressure you into
you need to have kids. That is what you have
to do. That is your decision, it is your body,
it is your future. Even if you do decide and
IVF is for you, that's amazing, you know how I
am you guys. I'm all about live and let live
whatever you want to do. And I hope that you
(20:05):
guys can also show me that grace and not judge
me with not wanting to go through with IVF. I
am really just writing on faith right now. I really
feel that if I'm meant to have a child, God
is going to make it happen no matter how old
I am. I truly, truly in my heart believe that.
So that's my advice to you guys. If you are
trying to have a child and you feel IVF is
(20:27):
for you, go for it. If you want to do
it naturally. If you don't want any kids at all,
don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for that
because those people aren't going to come and take care
of your child and support you financially in it every way.
Because as women, we go through so much being pregnant,
having the child, even after you have the child, you
have the baby blues, like there's postpartum. There's so many
(20:47):
things that women go through that I feel, especially a man,
should not force you or tell you what you have
to do with your body and how you should do it.
That is solely your decision. I really truly feel that.
And of course, if you have your partner, you have
you know your husband, and that's a conversation you guys
have together. But at the end of the day, I
really feel it's the woman's decision. So that is the episode.
(21:08):
I really appreciate you guys listening to me. And before
I let you guys go, I have a motivational quote
for you guys, and the quote is my body shows
up for me each and every day and it deserves
my wholehearted love. And That's exactly where I'm at right now.
(21:29):
You guys, thank you. I love you. Thank you for
allowing me to express myself, for listening to me, for
coming back each and every week to listen to a
new episode Los quiro mucho. Oh and also, you guys,
next week, we're going to be having my therapist Tanya
for an episode on couples therapies, so you can't miss that. Okay,
all right, besitos. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
(21:56):
health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that
my cheek and Chill podcasts will have an extra episode
drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
leave me a voice message first nine Monday. All you
have to do is go to speak pipe dot com
slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I
(22:17):
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(22:38):
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I think IVF is a great thing, Thank goodness for science.
I just feel that it's not right for me right now.
I just don't know if I want to put my
body through that. And people might think, Okay, is it
because you don't want to ruin your body. I'm not
gonna lie. That's part of it. But then again, I
could just have a surrogate. You know. It's more of
the responsibility of having a child. If God wants to
(00:24):
put a child in my womb and I'm forty five,
that is his will, and I will raise it a
wonderful child. I know I'll be a wonderful mother. What up, guys,
Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'm your
host Cheeky's and I am so happy to be here.
(00:44):
And I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday
with your friends and family. I had the best time
with my family and I ate some really delicious food. AnyWho,
Today's episode is going to be a very personal one.
About a year ago, I recorded an episode on my
experience with IVF. I decided not to go through with it.
I gave myself until October of this year to figure
out if IVF is right for me, and so that's
(01:07):
what I'm going to talk about today. I hope you
all listen to this episode with open ears and open hearts,
because I'm going to get very vulnerable with you guys.
This is Cheeky's and chill. Okay, let me take a
deep breath. So, motherhood, I think it's a beautiful thing.
(01:28):
I think it's a blessing. I think children are a blessing.
And I have been with Emilio for two and a
half years. He's younger than I am, he has no children,
and before I met him, I was pretty sure that
I was okay with not having any kids. And I've
told you guys a story before on the pod that
(01:50):
the day I met him, I had removed my IUD.
That's how I was, you know, taking care of myself.
That was my form of birth control, the one that
has no hormones, the copper one, right, So that's what
I was using, and the day I met him, or
the day that we started talking, I had removed it.
And well, we've been doing our thing and I haven't
gotten pregnant, and I really feel that that is God's
(02:11):
plan if it hasn't happened. Naturally, it's because God wants
to wait, or he has a different plan for me.
I don't know. The only reason I even thought about
having children you guys are going through with IVF was
because Emilia's younger, and I don't want to take that
from him either. And it's a very heavy topic for
(02:32):
me because I've had a lot of issues with my ovaries.
I've had cysts, i have endometriosis. Now this whole situation
with you know, polyps in the lightning of my uterus,
and there are times that I feel like, oh my gosh,
my body is giving up on me. And it's not
a sexy conversation. It's not a conversation that a lot
of women want to talk about. But I feel that
(02:55):
God has given me this position, and thank goodness a
podcast and listeners like you guys where I can share
these things because I know I'm not the only one
out there. And yes, I know, and I'm aware that
talking about these things kind of age me. But then again,
there are women in their twenties that also have these,
you know, endometriosis or things going on with their bodies,
(03:19):
and I think it's important to talk about it because
it is something that is very personal and I feel
like being vulnerable there's a lot of power in that.
So I just want to tell you guys my story. Okay,
So anyways, now we're here. Now, October came around. I
kept my word. I said, Okay, I'm gonna see if
it happens naturally, because when I first started IVF last
(03:41):
October of twenty twenty two, I wasn't ready mentally, physically.
And I explained it to you guys in that episode.
So if you haven't heard it, if you haven't listened
to that episode, go back to that one where I
talk about my experience and why I decided to hold off.
And I told myself, Okay, I'm gonna give myself into
October of twenty twenty three and see if I get
pregnant naturally, and that's going to be God's will. And
(04:03):
so I went to the doctor and they told me
that I had another CIS, but not to worry about it.
So I was like, okay, it's not bothering me. You know,
we're going to leave it alone. And then she said,
but the reason why you're spotting is because you have
poly ups. I'm like, what the hell are those? I'm like,
now what, and she said, well, you know, it's pretty
normal and women that have endometriosis and they're like these
(04:25):
little kind of like blood cloths like just I guess
it's weird, but like little Bolita's like little balls of
I guess tissue, you know, filled with blood. And that's
why I was spotting and I was cramping and I
rarely cramped, so I was like, oh my goodness. So AnyWho,
she says, we have to remove those because if you
(04:46):
want to start IVF, you're only going to feed this
stuff with other hormones that they're going to give you.
So I don't recommend it. This is what my obg
y N said. So she told me, you know, I
think you should wait and then maybe once you remove them.
I find that a lot of women get pregnant naturally.
So That's where I'm at right now, which brings me
back to the IVF. Guys. I've been thinking about it,
(05:07):
and I just don't know if I want to put
my body through that. I respect everyone's decision. I think
IVF is a great thing. I think that Thank goodness
for science and you know that we're able to do this.
You know, I just feel that it's not right for
me right now. I don't want to force it. I
feel that for me personally, I feel like i'd be
(05:30):
forcing it. I feel like, Okay, if I haven't gotten
pregnant naturally in these two and a half years, then
that's God's will and that's how I really feel. And
if it happens, then it'll be a blessing. But the
more time that passes by and the older that I get,
I'm really enjoying my life. And that might sound selfish
(05:51):
to some people, but let me remind you, guys. I
am the eldest of five and I have, you know,
raised my siblings. I'm still in a way them because
I'm the oldest sister. And even though they are grown
up and they live in their own homes and you
have their own children, oh Janica doesn't, but they come
to me. I'm still that mother figure to them in
(06:13):
some way, you know. And I love it. I absolutely
love it, especially with Johnny. Johnny still lives with me,
and you know, I still worry about him. I still
I'm still guiding him. And I had him. See look
at this, I had him on my mom said here
at six months, take care of this kid. I gotta
(06:33):
go work, and I have and it's been a blessing
and I love it and I don't regret a minute
of it. I learned so much about myself, about life,
about having children with him, because he was given to
me so young, so I went through all of it everything.
I really feel like I know what it is to
have a child and once they grow up, how much
it hurts, and how you still worry about your children
(06:54):
no matter what. So I feel for so many years
I focused on my siblings and raising them, and now
they're grown and they're doing their thing, and I'm so proud,
and I feel like right now is my time to travel,
to do as I please. And that's why I just
(07:15):
want to hold off on having kids. I have thought
about it. I'm like, Okay, what if I have no children, Well,
I regret it, and there is that possibility. There is
the possibility of me regretting it ten years from now.
But I don't want to think that way. I want
(07:37):
to think about what is best for me now. And
here's the thing. I'm not saying I don't want kids
at all. I'm just saying I don't want to actively try.
I don't want to go through IVF, because if I'm
getting a period, guys, and I'm pretty regular, I feel like, Okay,
there's eggs in there, so why isn't happening. I should
start worrying or really like obviously or say that I
(07:58):
can't do anything about it if I no longer have
a period. But I have a period. I get a
period every month. I'm very regular, so I feel like
if it's not sticking, it's for a reason. That's what
my body's telling me, that's what my faith tells me.
And I feel like even if I'm forty two and
I still have a period and God says here's the baby,
then I'll be happy. I'll be like, Okay, God, this
(08:19):
is your will, Let's go for it, you know what
I mean. So I think I'm at that point right
now where I'm like, I don't know if IVF is
right for me. And obviously with IVF, the longer you wait,
the less eggs you can you know they can remove.
So I understand that. And yes, some people might say, okay, well,
cheeky's why don't you just do the IVF have the
eggs just in case? But then I'd feel like, there
(08:41):
they are they're just frozen, and what am I gonna do.
What if I decide not to have kids, then what
I just throw them away? You know what I mean.
So I'm like, I'd rather just go through it naturally,
and I have faith that if that is what's meant
for me, it's going to happen. And people might think,
oh my gosh, because they've asked me, okay, is it
because you know you don't want to ruin your body.
(09:02):
I'm not gonna lie. That's part of it. I mean.
But then again, I could just have a surrogate. You know.
It's more of the responsibility of having a child. It's
a lifetime thing, you guys. It's not something to play with.
And I know I'd be a good mother, I know it.
I just don't know in my heart if I want
to stop my life. I feel like I'm finally living
it for myself and doing as I place it. I'm like,
(09:25):
I don't know. I just don't know. So I think,
if I'm already feeling like this, why would I go
through IVF And kind of in a way, I guess
I don't know if the correct word is force it
and go through the process and then knowing that I
feel this way, I feel like, is that fair to
the child? Is that fair to myself? Is that fair
to their future versus me just leaving it in God's hands,
(09:46):
doing my thing with my man, and if it happens,
then it happens, then I'll be like, well, this is
God's will and I'll feel better about it. I'm like, Okay,
I've done my part. I got off birth control, been
having unprotected sets with my man. Hasn't happened. Maybe it's
just not the right time. I'm a woman of faith,
So even if it happens when I'm forty five, I'm
forty five and it happens, and whoa, that's what God wants.
(10:06):
So that's kind of where I'm at before. If you
would have asked me this, I don't know, maybe ten years,
five years ago. Is it because you don't want to
ruin your body or you don't want to gain more weight?
I'd be like, yes, that scares the hell out of me,
you know. But now that I've kind of taken control
of that part of my life and I know what
I need to do in order for that not to happen,
or keep working out as I'm pregnant. I'm not as
(10:27):
scared of that anymore. It's more of the world we
live in, all of the realities that surround us on
a daily basis. My reality, my personal reality, what I
lived taking care of my siblings, and it's been a
beautiful thing, but also experiencing all that and I don't
want to take it away from immedia either. So we've
had these conversations and that's kind of what we're working through.
(10:49):
One of the conversations that or should I say topics
in you know, premarital counseling is the topic of children,
like we have to be on the same page, and
we've talked about it, and I'm like, what if I can't,
What if I don't want to? What if he says, well,
I'm fine with that, I'll be fine with you. Just
give me a lot of love. And I'm like, Okay,
that's perfect, that's great. But then again, I'm not gonna lie.
I think about it all the time. Guys. I'm like,
he's seven years younger than I am. What if he
(11:11):
regrets it later? What if he wants something different? And
I've thought about that and it's kept me up at night.
But I'm like you know what. I can't think about that.
I can't think that way. I have to think about
it right now, enjoy our relationship now, and once that happens,
and if it happens, or maybe it never will happen,
maybe he will be one hundred percent a thousand percent,
you know, satisfied with me and not having to have kids.
(11:33):
That could be our reality, you know. But if it
does and he's like, you know, I want a kid,
and now I just really can't. You know, let's say
five years from her, I don't know. Then we'll cross
that bridge when we get there, you know what I mean. Like,
I don't want to have to put myself through that
stress or my body through that stress thinking about that
right now. I just want to enjoy the moment. And
that's where I'm at. And I wanted to be really
honest with you guys, because it is something that I'm
asked about all the time. Like, I know a lot
(11:55):
of people would want me to have a kid, and
I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy if it happened,
but I'm also okay not having kids. And on the
other side of the token, I have thought about my career.
It's going well or moving forward. Things are happening, thank goodness.
You know, it's been ten long years uphill battle, and
I feel like we're finally somewhere where it's a little
(12:16):
bit more stable, and I don't want to lose a momentum.
And I've thought, Okay, would I have to stop for
nine months while I'm pregnant and then sometime after that
because i have to tend to the baby. But then again,
I'm like, you know what, But that doesn't even stop
me anymore. I'm like, Okay, I've seen Cardi b I've
seen Jennifer Lopez. I've seen so many different women do
their thing while they're pregnant, and it's all good, you
(12:39):
know what I mean, Like I'll have my baby with me,
I'll have a nanny, Like I feel like I can
figure it out. It's really more of the long term.
I don't know. I'm still even as I'm speaking to
you guys, I'm still a little conflicted because I'm like,
there are days where I'm like, yes, I want kids
so bad. I'm like, oh my god, because I love children,
you know, like kids gravitate towards me. I love kids.
(12:59):
And Johnny, my brother, was actually saying that. He's like,
I think it's because you tell yourself so much that
you don't want them, or you're not sure that your
body's kind of like you have a very powerful mind.
And I'm like, well, yeah, I really do believe in
the law of attraction. So maybe if I were to
tell myself, yes, I want a kid, I want a kid.
I want a kid, it right now, God will give
it to me. But since I'm like, oh, in the
gray area, I'm like, I don't know. Yes, no, maybe,
(13:21):
so it hasn't happened. But I have so much faith
you guys, and I'm like, I know if that is
what's going to happen for me, it's going to happen naturally.
I really truly, really truly believe that. But right now
I'm just not sure. But I am very sure that
IVF for the time being is not for me, because
if I was meant to do it in October the
(13:42):
way I had told myself, then I wouldn't have had
the ciss. These polyps I get put another halt on
the IVF process, this whole situation that I'm dealing with
right now, which, thank goodness, the polyps are out. I
don't know what's going on with the damn cys. It's
just there. They love me. But I can't start IVF
because even if I wanted to, I would have to
get this it's removed. It's like this whole thing. So
I'm just like, you know what, it's not for me.
(14:03):
I'm good with not doing it. The only reason I'm
talking to you guys about this is because I want to,
you know, hold myself accountable. And I told you guys,
you guys have been with me, my listeners here on
chigizin Chill, you guys have been with me through the
entire process when I talked to the IVF doctor, when
I went, when I stopped the whole thing. So I'm like,
I want to be accountable and have you guys with
(14:25):
me on this process the entire way. And I feel
like the best thing to do is be transparent with
you guys, and that's what I'm doing. I feel like
that's my responsibility and I owe that to you guys
now that we're going to talking about this. My brother
once told me, Mikey, he told me, you know what, well,
(14:48):
that's what you came to the earth for to reproduce
and I'm like, wait a second, some people really think that.
I think he was joking. Obviously he's going to respect
whatever decision I make. And I love being a Nina
and I love being Athia like I love it. I
love giving kisses and loving them and loving on them
and giving them whatever they want. I'm the THEATA likes
to spoil and then giving them back to their parents.
(15:09):
It's fun. So but there are people guys that really
feel that that's what women came to Earth for, that's
what we're here for. That's our main purpose is to
have children. And now I'm not trying to be feminists.
I'm just saying we have a choice, and it is
okay for us to choose for ourselves because it's not
like those people are gonna come and take care of
the kid financially, physically, emotionally, like you know what I mean.
(15:31):
So it's like it's a personal decision and if it
fits your life and if it's meant for you, I
feel like it's going to happen regardless of anything. But
if you choose, I don't want kids for the rest
of my life. No one should judge you on that.
I don't feel that that's our only purpose. I feel
like I could be a mother to many people. I
have dear Cheeky's, I'm a big sister to many people,
(15:54):
like I can maybe one day adopt. That's another thing.
I was just talking to my sister Jennaka about it.
I'm like, you know what I mean, all adopt. She's
on the same page. There are so many children in
the world that need parents, and I've thought about that
quite a bit, and maybe sometime down the year, if
I don't have my own child, I'll adopt. And I
think that's okay. But don't let anyone ever make you
(16:15):
feel that that is the only reason or your purpose
on earth is to have children and that's it. No,
there are so many different things. I feel like I
have a mission on earth and I feel like I'm
fulfilling it every single day and like walking towards my
godly purpose each and every single day in some way
or another. And if God wants to put a child
in my womb and I'm forty five, that is his will,
(16:35):
and I will raise in a wonderful child. I know
I'll be a wonderful mother. I just don't know if
I am necessarily one hundred percent ready right now. And
I don't think you'll ever be one hundred percent ready
right but I don't even think I'm like fifty percent ready,
you guys, to be honest, I'm just kind of like,
hold up, I have a lot of fun. I'm chilling,
like I'm doing my thing right now, and there's nothing
wrong with that. I really don't feel like there's anything
wrong with that at all. I don't feel guilty for it.
(16:57):
I really don't. And I guess as a Latin, and
I don't think I'm the only one, because we've talked
about it quite a bit here on the podcast as well,
how we are constantly being asked, especially now that I'm
engaged and I have someone in my life, like Okay,
when are you having kids? And it's a question that
comes up quite a bit in interviews in my personal
life and people that I just meet on the street
(17:17):
and they're like, oh my god, Cheki's wh are you
gonna have kids? Like you know said there and the
whole thing, like, hey, the clock is ticking, but I've
gone to the point before I was like kind of
like I'm a little worried, and I felt a little
guilty maybe saying I don't know if I want kids now.
I'm okay with saying that because I feel like this
is my life and I should be able to live
it any way that I can. I think now that
I've gotten older and I'm understanding my body and I'm
(17:39):
understanding things on a different level, and now I guess
I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed to say I love
kids and i'd be I know, I know for a
fact i'd be a great mom, and I'm a great
Thea and Nina and stuff. But I don't feel a
shame saying that I don't want kids of my own
right now. But I don't know what changes, guys, because
last year I was I had a lot of baby fever,
(18:00):
and now I'm just chilling now and focus on my music.
I'm really looking forward to next year and being able
to go somewhere for a few weeks and record my album,
something I've never been able to do. Like there are
things that I want to do, and not saying that
I can't do that while I'm pregnant. I mean, if
that's God's will, I'm still going to do it. You know,
if I get pregnant at the beginning of the year
or whenever he says, then so be it. I'm going
(18:20):
to receive it. But I think another part of it too,
and just being honest here is I guess I've been
forced in a way mentally not to get over the
idea of having kids because my body is saying something different.
So instead of being disappointed every month, it's more of like,
let me push it out of the way. And I
(18:42):
think that's where I'm at. The conclusion to this episode
is that I have decided not to go through with IVF.
I can't even do it even if I want to,
because I have the cyst and I have to fix
all of that first. I feel like IVF for me
would be forcing it right now, and I don't want
to do that. I really want to put my self
in God's way and let his will be done completely.
(19:02):
If it happens, great, If it doesn't happen, I'm okay
with it. Is where I'm at, genuinely, from the bottom
of my heart. I can probably right now. I feel
like I can live the rest of my life if
I don't have kids fine and happy. I have my siblings,
I have my nieces and nephews, I have my god children,
I love it, but if God decides to get me pregnant,
then I'm fine with that as well. Does that make sense?
(19:22):
So that's where I'm at, guys. That's a truth. If
something changes for next year, I will update you guys
on that and be like, hey, guys, I decided to
do it. But right now, I am chillin. I am
taking care of my body. I am unwinding. It's almost
well the end of the year basically, and I'm going
to do a detox and that's it. And if it happens,
great and I'll be fine. That's where we're at. I
just want to tell you don't let anyone, especially if
(19:44):
you're a Latina, because I feel you pressure you into
you need to have kids. That is what you have
to do. That is your decision, it is your body,
it is your future. Even if you do decide and
IVF is for you, that's amazing, you know how I
am you guys. I'm all about live and let live
whatever you want to do. And I hope that you
(20:05):
guys can also show me that grace and not judge
me with not wanting to go through with IVF. I
am really just writing on faith right now. I really
feel that if I'm meant to have a child, God
is going to make it happen no matter how old
I am. I truly, truly in my heart believe that.
So that's my advice to you guys. If you are
trying to have a child and you feel IVF is
(20:27):
for you, go for it. If you want to do
it naturally. If you don't want any kids at all,
don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for that
because those people aren't going to come and take care
of your child and support you financially in it every way.
Because as women, we go through so much being pregnant,
having the child, even after you have the child, you
have the baby blues, like there's postpartum. There's so many
(20:47):
things that women go through that I feel, especially a man,
should not force you or tell you what you have
to do with your body and how you should do it.
That is solely your decision. I really truly feel that.
And of course, if you have your partner, you have
you know your husband, and that's a conversation you guys
have together. But at the end of the day, I
really feel it's the woman's decision. So that is the episode.
(21:08):
I really appreciate you guys listening to me. And before
I let you guys go, I have a motivational quote
for you guys, and the quote is my body shows
up for me each and every day and it deserves
my wholehearted love. And That's exactly where I'm at right now.
(21:29):
You guys, thank you. I love you. Thank you for
allowing me to express myself, for listening to me, for
coming back each and every week to listen to a
new episode Los quiro mucho. Oh and also, you guys,
next week, we're going to be having my therapist Tanya
for an episode on couples therapies, so you can't miss that. Okay,
all right, besitos. Do you need advice on love, relationships,
(21:56):
health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that
my cheek and Chill podcasts will have an extra episode
drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
leave me a voice message first nine Monday. All you
have to do is go to speak pipe dot com
slash Cheeky's and Chill podcast and record your questions. I
(22:17):
can't wait to hear from you. This is a production
of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network, Follow us on
Instagram at Michael Goura Podcasts, and follow me Cheeky's That's
c h i q u i s. For more podcasts
from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(22:38):
you listen to your favorite podcast, and check us out
on YouTube
Host
Chiquis
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