February 22, 2023 • 31 mins
In this episode, Yoko interviews the Vice Dean and Former Head of Marine Biology at Stanford University, Professor Alan Grundle (Henrik Blix @henrikontheweb) on a topic he (unsurprisingly to no one) knows a lot about: the Ocean. And more specifically, marine biology in our oceans. They discuss Professor Grundle’s lack of friends in the ocean (unlike Yoko, who has many friends across all bodies of water and land), whether or not the Earth has cheeks that can clap, and a new revelation in Yoko’s taxing emotional journey of trying to understand the mind of the evil monster that is his stepmom Sharon.
ABOUT STEVE HAN:
Steve Han (he/him) is a comedian and actor based out of Los Angeles. He’s an alum of the 2022 ViacomCBS Showcase and has appeared on networks such as FX, NBC, FOX, Freeform, Showtime, and Amazon Freevee. He’s performed with the Second City, on the Harold team Mothership and Improv All-Stars at iO Chicago, and at the Steppenwolf in Chicago. You can find him and his dog who bullies him at instagram.com/yoko__homo.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hellone, and welcome back to another episode of Are You
Their Dad? It's me Yoko, And to kick things off
this week, we're going to spend this segment of They
Should Have Known talking about the one, the only, the
Bermuda Triangle. Now, for those of you who are dumb
and don't know what that is, it's a triangle in
Bermuda or around Bermuda that people just like randomly disappeared,
(00:38):
like a lot of ships and a lot of planes
have gone missing there. And here's the thing. Here's the thing.
It's like people just don't have on fine my friends
because if you don't have fine my friends, then you'll die.
And that's their fault. So all those people they died
because of that. And I never turned my off, like
I want all my friends to know where I am constantly.
And you know what, my dad actually just turned his
(00:58):
off for me recently, which is fine. I'm not mad
about it, but it is weird because I just saw
his other family's child, like, wait, what's that called Olivia?
What's that called half sister? I just saw my half
sister's Instagram story and I saw her posting about how
he took them to Disney World. Recently, which is fine.
It's fine really, and every wanted to go and I've
(01:20):
never wanted to go to Disneyland or Disney World. So
it's fine that they're going without me. And it's fine
that they're ready to tea cups and sharing a churro together.
It's fine that my house to share churro with her
dad my dad while they watched fireworks and stay at
the Polynesian which is on sale right now during the
off season. That's fine. I didn't want that. I didn't
want that for myself anyway, So it's fine. M oh yeah.
(01:42):
But back to the Bermdia try and go. Yeah, so
it's like, come on, people, just turn to find my
friends on or just get to your hot their CRV
and like turn on the GPS and get out of it.
You know, it's like the don't die. So anyway, that's
they should have known. Okay, well, now we're onto the
next portion of the podcast where we and by we,
(02:04):
I mean you all because I'm very smart and I
know everything we're about to talk about. We're gonna learn
about a new topic and this is you should have
known and how fitting that we're going to be talking
to Professor Alan Grundell, who's the vice dean and former
head of marine biology at Stanford University. Welcome, professor, thank
(02:28):
you so much for having me. Thank you for that
lovely introduction. It's so so, so tremendous to be here
with another fan of the ocean. Wow, that's so great.
And just a quick correction. I am the vice Weistein.
I'm the vistein to the Weisteine as it stands right now.
Oh what, okay, so exactly I know this isn't your expertise,
but what exactly does a vistein do well? I wouldn't
(02:50):
know that. That's above my pay grade. I'm the vice
deane to the vistein. So yeah, I don't really participate
in those conversations at this time. So what do you do?
Anything that the visteine neat? A lot of it right
now is we're trying to find some fish to study
and look at, because well that's mostly my purview and
(03:13):
my department is to find and study fish, and right
now we're having a really hard time finding fish because
the ocean, as you know, is relatively enormous. I mean,
you can't even I can't. I'm trying to use my
hands right now to show how big it is. But
it's much much bigger than I can show you with
my hands. And the other really kooky thing about the
ocean is it doesn't have any corners, so there's no
(03:35):
way to really get the fish into a specific spot
or get them into a corner. You gotta let them
kind of come to you. And that's something that is
one of the more difficult parts of getting an eyeball
on these fish is because they kind of go wherever
they want to. Oh wow, Okay, do you have a
favorite fish? Wow? It's hard to choose out of the
(03:56):
so many dozens of fish. I don't have a favorite
at fish. I think all fish are ruthless and I
don't really side with any of them, but I respect
all fish. Okay, So I have a question for you,
m F. Mary kill a killer whale, a narwhale, and
a hammerhead shark. Go. There is one ethical correct answer?
(04:18):
I can you? Can you give me the three again?
I'm sorry. I was in a bike accident today and
I I'm having trouble remembering. Yeah, yeah, Stanford right, Um, Yes,
a killer whale, a narwhale, and a hammerhead shark go.
I think if I had to have sex with one,
(04:38):
it would probably be the killer whale. They're sort of
the bad boys of the ocean, and I think I
think they could really bring it Mary the narwhale. It's
a stable, even tempered creature where I wouldn't like I said,
I respect an orca, but I don't trust an orca,
and then kill the hammerhead shark. Frankly, it's just it's
(04:58):
a weird and it's a bad fish. Um. In this job,
you don't try to make rulings on if fish are
good or bad. But it's pretty It's it's held sort
of a standard in the industry that hammerheads are are
a bad fish. M Did you know that When I
was younger, Um, people called me Shammou in Florida. I
did not know that the whale from Sea World that
(05:19):
was my nickname. Was it because you were in a
prison made of water? No, it's because I was an
Orlando transplant against my will. Oh well, that makes sense.
And I also have a fear of white families watching
me swim. Oh. I think that's a very reasonable fear.
I think, um, yeah, I don't think anybody should be
comfortable with a white family watching them swim. I think
(05:39):
that's uh. I think you're you're in the right, and
your instincts feel correct to me. Thank you. Okay. So
I have a lot of questions about the ocean because
it's just so big, you know, Yeah, me too. It's
it's enormous. So I'm understood, I was. I know this already,
and I'm asking you those questions so that the listeners know.
Really it's very helpful. So I'm to understand that at
(06:01):
the bottom of the ocean floor there's tectonic plates that
meet m you know, and those cause earthquakes, right or
tsunamism both. Yes, it might understand that earthquakes and tsunamis
that's just the Earth's cheeks clapping together. Yes, that's a
that's a really really good way of describing it. Okay,
it really is. If you do think of the tectonic
(06:23):
plates as the Earth's cheeks, you know, in the same
way that say, somebody was shaking their cheeks right in
front of your face, right, you'd hear the sense like this,
you'd hear that sound of the cheeks hitting each other,
and that sound is obviously the result of sonic waves
being created as the cheeks hit and reflect off of
(06:45):
each other exactly. And so if you think of the
tectonic plates as cheeks when they hit together, they are
also releasing sonic energy. When it happens under water. We
see that in the form of tsunamis. You know, the
the sound of those cheeks clapping essentially moves water across
the ocean, and when it happens in a drier area,
(07:06):
that's reflected as an earthquake. So yeah, I'd say that's
a pretty accurate description. And as we know, you know,
we like to refer to nature as Mother Earth. You know,
I've written a couple papers about this that you could
say that Mother Earth, from an academic standpoint, has a
dump truck ass. Wow, mother Earth has a dump truck ass.
(07:27):
That's correct. Yes, you know, I've always thought that myself,
so I'm glad that someone else is affirming it up
for me. Yes, there's a lot of research to back
that up, back it up exactly. Yes, Okay, So moving on,
what do you think is the most evil creature in
the ocean. Oh, the most evil creature is by far
the octopus. It's not really a contest now, to be clear,
(07:47):
the octopus isn't the smartest creature in the ocean. It's
one of the smarter ones, but it is the most evil. Okay,
I think in terms of true malice of intent, the
octopus is number one. All octopi are up to no good.
They want to hurt us, they want to hurt each other,
and therein lies the problem in their quest to seek
(08:09):
domination over the ocean as well as the land, is
because they have a hard time working together, mainly because
the octopus has the largest ego of any underwater creature.
For that reason, it doesn't work well in teams. Now.
A smarter but less evil animal, but one that I
still think we should be worried about is the oracle whale,
as you said earlier, because oracle whales, according to our research,
(08:32):
are much orders of magnitude more intelligent than human beings.
The only thing that has stopped oracle whales from being
the dominant society, the dominant food chain in and out
of the water, is the fact that oracle whales can't
hold a gun. They don't have hands. Oh my god.
And so a lot of my research is in essentially
(08:54):
the most drastically bad thing that could happen to human
beings or really any other living creature is for orcas
to acquire hands, and so we've done a lot of
research on how do we make sure that orcas don't
get hands, Because they're considerably smarter than us. It's really
just an issue of dexterity. Now, that's not to say
all orca whales are bad, but orca whales, given the opportunity,
(09:18):
could become the dominant species on earth where Octopi, although
more evil than orca whales, again too evil to work
together on anything. They're kind of all out for their
own purposes, whether those be scams, murders, robbery, trafficking, those
type of things. Wait, so orcahales could kill us, well,
(09:41):
they are called killer whales just as a reminder. They
can definitely kill us. But here's the thing. They can't
kill us from a distance. And here's the number one
thing I would want all of your listeners to take away.
You should never ever, ever, ever go into the water.
You should never go into an ocean because that's where
orcas can get you. Orcas at this point in time,
(10:01):
can't get you on land, and so if you're living
on land, you should sleep safe at night, at least
for now. Okay, well, that's very upsetting because I have
a bachelorette party I'm going to next week in the ocean.
It's on a boat, so I shouldn't go. I would
say that you should not go, but if you are
to go, you definitely want to be very, very heavily armed.
(10:24):
Are you sure? Because this is Fergie's bachelorette party and
I feel like I should go. Fergie's bachelorette party's coming up. Yeah,
Stacy Ferguson, my friend Fergie. Boys, that's a pickle. So
can I go. Let me think about this for just
a moment. How close are you to Stacy Ferguson. I'm
(10:44):
pretty close. I was the third person she called after
she botched the national anthem. Okay, then yeah you have
to go. That's so I should go. But should I
go with a gun? Yeah, you should go, and you
should bring a gun or a sword. The other thing
you could do is just where something that tastes really,
really bad. Okay, that would be another good option. Yeah, Okay,
(11:06):
if you're listening to this, Freggie, I'll be there. But
if I'm weird on the boat, know that it's because
of Let's it's because of him. Here's the thing orcus
present tremendous danger to us. But friendships, that's the family
you choose, so you know you really have to put
that above all else. Okay, Well, to go back to
(11:37):
the octopus is being evil thing, because the way that
you're describing it sounds kind of like my stepmom Sharon.
Oh interesting, you know, evil and sure conniving. So what's
the most evil thing that you think an octopus could do?
Because whatever it is probably what my stepmom Sharon's gonna do. Gosh,
that's a really really good question. What's the most evil
(11:58):
thing that I think an octopus could do? Or actually,
let me, let me change that question on you sure,
what's the most evil thing that you think my stepmom
Sharon could do? Given that everything you said about octopus
is a little while ago reminding me of my stepmom Sharon. Great. Great,
So if your stepmom Sharon is anything like an octopus,
first of all, she's into emotional manipulation yeah, and is
(12:21):
probably to my guests, very very clever at it. She
checks me all the time exactly and making you question
your own reality. I could see something like, for example,
changing the size of items in your apartment only slightly
to make you think that you've grown bigger or smaller.
What say, for example, she replaces your bed with a
(12:43):
bed that's three inches wider, making you think that you've shrunk,
or you know, the obviously the inverse, making your bed
a few inches narrower, making you think that you've grown,
replacing your cups was slightly smaller cups. That sort of
thing making you think that maybe you're turning into some
sort of iron, or maybe you're slowly shrinking. That's the
(13:03):
type of thing that, given the capabilities of a bipedal organism,
that we could easily see transferring from the octopus psyche
onto a human being. But she's not bipedal. She's only
into men. She's only into my dad. M okay, So
I don't think that that part doesn't really track gotcha, gotcha.
But she's kind of done stuff like that before. Like
(13:25):
one time she came into my apartment and she moved
everything three inches to the left except for my computer. Gotcha.
So I thought I was going crazy. So you walk
in and immediately you feel off balance, Immediately you feel
off kilter. Yeah, she did that, and then I was
so distructed by that I missed my graduation. Wow, I'm
(13:46):
really sorry to hear that. Yeah, okay, so it sounds
like you're an expert on my stepmom Sharon too. So okay,
I have a question then. So if your stepmom, I mean,
if let's say, an octopus named Sharon in your lab um,
I don't know, let's say, stopping you from talking to
your other octopus parent and was changing one digit off
(14:14):
of his phone number in your octopus phone so that
you keep texting some random person in Albuquerque instead, and
then getting confused why it's not your octopus dad? What
would you do to confront this octopus about that? So,
like I said earlier, I was in a bike accident
today and so I kind of I kind of had
trouble following. You know, what things are octopus specific and
(14:38):
what pieces of building sort of building out the universe
in my head of an octopus phone and an octopus
mom and an octopus dad. But I would say that, um,
standing up for yourself, that's always a good bat to
the octopus. Charon. You have to stand up for yourself
to the octopus. Okay, here's here's the thing. You cannot
(15:00):
trust an octopus. So any sort of truce or surrender
to an octopus. They're never going to honor the terms
and conditions of any sort of agreement. The only way
to beat them is with pure raw power, physical force,
and emotional domination. So I wouldn't rely on any sort
of acquiescence or deal making, because an octopus is going
(15:21):
to violate the terms of that deal. It'll shake you
with one hand, and it'll stab you in the back
with another, and it'll still have six more hands with
which to do whatever it wants. Professor, did the octopus
hurt you in your life recently? Because it sounds like
you're kind of talking from personal experience. I've met several
octopie in my life. None of them has ever been
(15:43):
so much as cordial to me. They're all disgusting, slimy
little villains, and I don't mean to get angry on
the podcast, but I want to fight them. I want
to beat the shit out of them. They're discussing little
slimy creeps. Frankly, they're, in my opinion, gross misogynists. Oh
(16:08):
and also, um just habitually late to arrangements? Okay, um?
Is this octopus? Uh? Similarly to four mel four four
for something? No, I'm literally talking about octopuses. Oh okay,
(16:29):
I though ye know where you found him? Guys, sorry,
oh my mic is on. Okay, um, professor, okay, let's
move on. M. What's the weirdest thing that you've ever
found in the whales? Blowhole? Oh? Great question. Um, it's
hard to say because blow holes themselves are so weird,
you know what I mean? Yeah, and so I think
I might answer that question with a blow hole itself.
(16:51):
Every time I get a look at a blow hole,
I think that's crazy. Frankly, yuck, my ex is blow
hole is crazy too. It's nasty in what way, just
looks weird. M. It's like a cavernous but shallow m
so wide but shallow, like like a ramkin or a
(17:12):
four rounds mason jar. Yeah. Maybe it's a ramicin the
thing that you used to make M delicious tooflets and tarts. Yes,
you would put like a like a crembrulet in a ramkin. Okay,
you could put like a like a chocolate like a
lava cake and the ramic cake. Yes, yes, exactly exactly. Okay, Yeah,
his blowhole is like a rambicin. Then great, Yeah, I
(17:32):
totally understand. It's grooved. Kind of like it too, I
don't like it. Oh interesting, interesting, So that's the weirdest
blowhole I've seen, gotcha? Gotcha? Yeah? Well, every every blowhole
I've ever seen has been weird in its own way.
You know. Sometimes I think to myself, why did I
get into this business? The fish are all over the place,
the ocean so big. We have no idea how big
(17:54):
it is. We don't know where it goes. We know
it goes all over the place, but we don't know
exactly where. Every time I might look at one of
these slippery, slimy scumbags, and by that I mean aquatic life,
I'm more grossed out than the last time. So it
really is. It's a it's an interesting and it's a
fickle business. Okay, speaking of that, how rich are you? Well?
(18:18):
Right now, I'm still I have a negative net worth,
you know, from nine years of grad school studying marine
biology and oceanography. So yeah, so at this point I
am am worth less than zero financially. But I'm hoping
to discover some sort of unbelievable fish that makes me
(18:41):
a lot of money somehow, a fish maybe that people
can invest in or something like that. I miss you
the best on that endeavor. Thank you so much. And
I thought you were rich. This kind of sucks. Okay, Well,
question then, have you ever been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium,
because if so, I have some follow up questions. I
have never been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium, but I
(19:02):
have seen beautiful pictures of it. Oh, so you've never
been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium. No, because I lost
my retainer there and I need someone to find it. Oh, okay,
I can put in a call if you like. No,
it's okay. I do have some colleagues that work there.
Are you sure, that's fine, It's fine, fine, fine. I
just thought maybe you would know. You have my email.
You let me know if you change your mind, and
I'll make a call to the Tampa Bay Aquarium. And
(19:25):
I have a friend there, Jean Pierre, who could actually
take a look and see if you could find your retainer. Fessor,
that's the nicest thing ends ever said to me. Oh,
I'm so sorry to hear this. So kind. I would
hope that by this time in your life people would
have said kinder things to you. No, not really tell
you what, my friend, You've got an awful lot of
hurt in that voice. No, I'm fine. Anything you want
(19:47):
to share, anything you want to talk about. No, I
want to ask this question. Just let me Okay, Like,
is it is? It? Is it root to poop in
the ocean? Is my question? No? No, No. You should
feel free to poop in the ocean at any time. Yeah,
that's That's an extremely natural part of life. There's nothing
wrong with that at all. Okay, because I pooped in
the ocean one time and then my stepmom Sharon was
(20:09):
screaming at me in front of everyone, saying that I
can't take hot dumps in the ocean because I'm the
reason why turtles are dying. No, no, no, The reason
turtles are dying is the gradual escalation of ocean temperatures,
as well as the fact that they're extremely slow. They
didn't get anywhere quickly, and that makes it hard to
run away. Your dumps of any temperature are no problem
(20:31):
for the ocean. They're not going to hurt it, absolutely not.
You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, and you should feel free, honestly,
feel free. Okay, because I took a dump on the
ocean the other day at a different bachelorette party, that
I was at. I was at a different black Eyed
Peas bachelorette party on the ocean, and I took a
dumb on that everyone kept making fun of me. Everyone
(20:52):
can't make fun of me, gotcha. Yeah. Everyone was like, yoka, stop,
so why are you doing? Why are you taking it? Dump?
Stop squatting over the deck? Stop? And I said, it's
a poop deck. It's called a poop deck for a reason.
And I to go, fat hot dump into the ocean
and everyone's like stop, stop. And then one person made
a boomerang of it coming out of my butthole. So
then it's like me squatting over the ocean and the
poop goes back up and down, up and down, and
(21:13):
then it's all made an NFT out of it, and
now it's just like living on the internet forever. Sure, sure,
so you have my email. If you do feel comfortable
sending that to me, that would be you know, no
pressure at all. But do you feel free to send
that my way? Okay, yeah, I don't. I don't think
you should feel any shame, any shame whatsoever, perfectly natural
part of life. It's good to know. It's like throwing
(21:34):
up or peeing a little bit when you laugh or
something like, you know, it's just it's just part of
being a person. So then it's peeing in the ocean also, okay,
peeing in the ocean absolutely, Okay. Wow. So if there's
any takeaway I would want people to get from this
peeing and pooping in the ocean, it's a green light. Okay, Professor,
(22:06):
this has been really encouraging. Are you looking to adopt? Adopt?
Adopt a child in his mid twenties? You know, it's
so crazy you ask that because I've been thinking in
this life of the high seas, I'd love to share
(22:30):
it with someone. I'd love to pass on what I've
learned from the ocean to somebody. And this could just
be the bike accident that I was in earlier talking.
But I don't know if I have it in me
to raise a child from birth, or to raise a
child from a small little kid into a fully grown adult.
But to adopt and I sort of bring into my
(22:52):
family a twenty year old that feels like just my speed. Actually,
So I don't know if that was made in jest
or anything, but no, it's my step mom Sharon that
I can't go back into the house for the next
few weeks. Sure, and I picked up on this, like,
you know, have you seen the movie up? Absolutely? You know,
the old guy and the little little Asian boy. Absolutely. Yeah.
(23:15):
I feel like you and I could kind of be
like that. I don't see why not. This is awesome.
This is my favorite episode ever. I got a parent. Look,
it's gonna be extensive paperwork, It's gonna take some time.
Like I said, I don't have a lot of money,
but what I do have is a knowledge and a
love for the sea that I would be happy for
(23:35):
you to join me. Yet. That's awesome. Wait, so that
means that I don't have to go back to Sharon.
That means I don't have to go back to my dad. Well,
well that's your choice. You can if you like to,
but you don't have to. No, no, no, I don't
want to go back. I hate them. Now I have
a new Hey, dad, you hear that. I have a
new dad now. Wow. I don't need you. Wow, I
(23:58):
don't need you. I don't I don't care about you.
I don't need your validation. I don't even care if
you show up to my cello recital next week. I
don't care about any of that. You have a cello
recital next week? I do. Will you come? I love
the cello, beautiful instrument, absolutely tremendous instrument. Thanks. I'm not
very good, but I'll make you proud. Here's the thing.
(24:22):
I can be proud of you. I cannot be proud
of you. Your dad can be proud of you. He
cannot be proud of you. The most important thing, sorry,
proud of yourself. That's shared. Are you listening to this?
You need to talk like this to me a little
bit more often. That's wild. That's wild. Well, professor, I
have one last question about the ocean before we move
on to our next segment. Great, okay, So in the
(24:45):
ocean you said there's a lot of evil creatures. Yes, absolutely,
And so there's a lot of smart creatures. Yes. Who
do you think is the dumbest but nicest creature? Oh,
that's easy. Whales? Whales, and by that I do don't
mean dolphins. Killer whales are actually part of the dolphin families,
so they're a little bit different. But whales. Whales are
(25:06):
incredibly kind and not that sharp. Whales can't do math,
they can barely read. I'd say the only thing that
saves them is they have a decent sense of direction.
They have okay emotional intelligence, but in terms of hard skills, computation, etc.
Not very good. Also, whales, they don't really understand sarcasm
(25:28):
or irony at all. Whales have a really, really hard
time understanding any sort of complex humor. But whales really
never hurt anybody. They make amazing pets, they're wonderful travel companions,
and they're extremely trustworthy and loyal. You know, Look, every
creature has its pros and cons. Whales overall, they're all
(25:51):
right with me. It sounds like you really like whales, Professor.
I find whales useful. I find whaless interesting. Look again,
I try not to get into good and bad. I
know earlier I kind of slipped up. I let some
passions overtake me, and I mentioned how hammerhead sharks are bad.
(26:11):
Whales on the spectrum probably good. I guess you could
say that I like them. But again, what am I
going to Essentially, here's how i'd put it. What am
I going to talk about with a whale? What am
I going to do with a whale? There's not much.
I respect them, I give them their distance, they respect me,
They give me my distance. If we see each other,
we might say hello, that sort of thing, but overall,
(26:34):
there's not I don't have that much in common with
a whale. If that makes sense, Well, then what's your
favorite creature? Oh, my favorite sea creature? Gosh, it's crazy
nothing you bring it up. I guess I don't really
have one. And that makes me realize I've been spending
all this time in the ocean making observations, but I
(26:54):
haven't really been making friends. And you'd think after all
these years in the ocean, I would have a couple
of friends that I could call on. And I think
it wasn't until this moment that I realized, you know,
in the ocean, I have a lot of work colleagues.
I have a lot of ocean dwellers that respect me
and whom I respect, but nobody that I could really
(27:15):
call on in hard times. And I think that's something
that I needed to wait to think about. I'll be
your faith, I'll be your favorite creature. What about me?
You're a person, but I can be your favorite I
just want to be someone's favorite thing. I can't be
your favorite ocean creature, but you're not. Just so it
(27:36):
just sounds like when you're talking about whales that you
like whales more than me and I don't know. I'm
just I just Hey, have you ever heard of a
zero sum game? No? What's that? So it's this idea
that for one person to win the other has to
lose and Buddy, just because I like whales doesn't mean
I like you any less. I can like both things.
This sounds like when someone's trying to explain to me Wortle.
(27:58):
I don't get it. I don't get it. Hey, can
I whale play the cello? No, that's right, it doesn't
have hands. You can play the cello, and I can
shoot a gun and you can shoot a gun. Yeah,
And you can host a podcast and I can hear
the podcast. Do you hear that? Sharon? You have a
lot of things going for you, okay, And I don't
(28:20):
want you to overlook those. Thanks. And that concludes this
segment that before we say goodbye, we're gonna do our
last segment called I should have known, where our guest
has to answer questions about me to prove that I
(28:41):
may be an expert and professor Grundle's field, but he's
probably not an expert in mind are you ready? Yes? Okay,
let's go. Okay. Question number one, what do I like
more cats or dogs? Dogs? Wrong? Picking is homophobic? The
Bible taught me that. Question number two, who is my
(29:02):
dream emergency contact? Free? No, I am Freggie's emergency contact,
but she's not my emergency contact. My dream emergency contact
would be Mariah Carey. I think she seems reliable, do
you know what I mean? Totally? Yes, she'll be there.
She's a song about that. Yeah. She just seems like
(29:23):
she'll drop everything to be there for me. But I
hope I'm not hers. She seems like a giver exactly. Okay.
Number three, what's my favorite restaurant? I know you definitely
don't know this one. For whatever reason, Chili's popped into
my head, but I don't know if that's accurate. No. Wrong.
(29:44):
The answer is the Cafeteria and the Tampa Bay Aquarium.
And I know you don't know that because you've never
been correct, But they have delicious French fries. And that
now explains to me how you lost your retainer. My
guess is you took it out to eat the French fries,
set it down, and either somebody took it or you
forgot to put it back in it. This is the
Vice Dean, Vice Dean of Stanford right here, exactly right, professor. Okay,
(30:06):
number four, what's the worst movie I've ever seen? Musucci? Wrong?
The answer is my stupid step mom Sharon's home birth
flog that my dad made me watch. Wow, it's awful.
It was gross, and it was just so stupid because
he just seems so happy to meet this baby. And
I've seen his video of meeting me at my mom's
(30:28):
birth and he did not seem that happy to see me.
It's just ridiculous. That's really tough. Who my producer, Olivia's selling?
I have to move on? Okay, and last question, who's
my favorite poet? Ed Garland Poe? Wrong? It's me. I'm
my favorite poet. Would you like to do one of
(30:49):
your poems for me? Really? Dad? I would love to
hear one of your poems. Okay, um uh too. Thanks
for listening to this week's episode of Are You There? Dad?
It's me Yoko. Until next time. Bye,
Hellone, and welcome back to another episode of Are You
Their Dad? It's me Yoko, And to kick things off
this week, we're going to spend this segment of They
Should Have Known talking about the one, the only, the
Bermuda Triangle. Now, for those of you who are dumb
and don't know what that is, it's a triangle in
Bermuda or around Bermuda that people just like randomly disappeared,
(00:38):
like a lot of ships and a lot of planes
have gone missing there. And here's the thing. Here's the thing.
It's like people just don't have on fine my friends
because if you don't have fine my friends, then you'll die.
And that's their fault. So all those people they died
because of that. And I never turned my off, like
I want all my friends to know where I am constantly.
And you know what, my dad actually just turned his
(00:58):
off for me recently, which is fine. I'm not mad
about it, but it is weird because I just saw
his other family's child, like, wait, what's that called Olivia?
What's that called half sister? I just saw my half
sister's Instagram story and I saw her posting about how
he took them to Disney World. Recently, which is fine.
It's fine really, and every wanted to go and I've
(01:20):
never wanted to go to Disneyland or Disney World. So
it's fine that they're going without me. And it's fine
that they're ready to tea cups and sharing a churro together.
It's fine that my house to share churro with her
dad my dad while they watched fireworks and stay at
the Polynesian which is on sale right now during the
off season. That's fine. I didn't want that. I didn't
want that for myself anyway, So it's fine. M oh yeah.
(01:42):
But back to the Bermdia try and go. Yeah, so
it's like, come on, people, just turn to find my
friends on or just get to your hot their CRV
and like turn on the GPS and get out of it.
You know, it's like the don't die. So anyway, that's
they should have known. Okay, well, now we're onto the
next portion of the podcast where we and by we,
(02:04):
I mean you all because I'm very smart and I
know everything we're about to talk about. We're gonna learn
about a new topic and this is you should have
known and how fitting that we're going to be talking
to Professor Alan Grundell, who's the vice dean and former
head of marine biology at Stanford University. Welcome, professor, thank
(02:28):
you so much for having me. Thank you for that
lovely introduction. It's so so, so tremendous to be here
with another fan of the ocean. Wow, that's so great.
And just a quick correction. I am the vice Weistein.
I'm the vistein to the Weisteine as it stands right now.
Oh what, okay, so exactly I know this isn't your expertise,
but what exactly does a vistein do well? I wouldn't
(02:50):
know that. That's above my pay grade. I'm the vice
deane to the vistein. So yeah, I don't really participate
in those conversations at this time. So what do you do?
Anything that the visteine neat? A lot of it right
now is we're trying to find some fish to study
and look at, because well that's mostly my purview and
(03:13):
my department is to find and study fish, and right
now we're having a really hard time finding fish because
the ocean, as you know, is relatively enormous. I mean,
you can't even I can't. I'm trying to use my
hands right now to show how big it is. But
it's much much bigger than I can show you with
my hands. And the other really kooky thing about the
ocean is it doesn't have any corners, so there's no
(03:35):
way to really get the fish into a specific spot
or get them into a corner. You gotta let them
kind of come to you. And that's something that is
one of the more difficult parts of getting an eyeball
on these fish is because they kind of go wherever
they want to. Oh wow, Okay, do you have a
favorite fish? Wow? It's hard to choose out of the
(03:56):
so many dozens of fish. I don't have a favorite
at fish. I think all fish are ruthless and I
don't really side with any of them, but I respect
all fish. Okay, So I have a question for you,
m F. Mary kill a killer whale, a narwhale, and
a hammerhead shark. Go. There is one ethical correct answer?
(04:18):
I can you? Can you give me the three again?
I'm sorry. I was in a bike accident today and
I I'm having trouble remembering. Yeah, yeah, Stanford right, Um, Yes,
a killer whale, a narwhale, and a hammerhead shark go.
I think if I had to have sex with one,
(04:38):
it would probably be the killer whale. They're sort of
the bad boys of the ocean, and I think I
think they could really bring it Mary the narwhale. It's
a stable, even tempered creature where I wouldn't like I said,
I respect an orca, but I don't trust an orca,
and then kill the hammerhead shark. Frankly, it's just it's
(04:58):
a weird and it's a bad fish. Um. In this job,
you don't try to make rulings on if fish are
good or bad. But it's pretty It's it's held sort
of a standard in the industry that hammerheads are are
a bad fish. M Did you know that When I
was younger, Um, people called me Shammou in Florida. I
did not know that the whale from Sea World that
(05:19):
was my nickname. Was it because you were in a
prison made of water? No, it's because I was an
Orlando transplant against my will. Oh well, that makes sense.
And I also have a fear of white families watching
me swim. Oh. I think that's a very reasonable fear.
I think, um, yeah, I don't think anybody should be
comfortable with a white family watching them swim. I think
(05:39):
that's uh. I think you're you're in the right, and
your instincts feel correct to me. Thank you. Okay. So
I have a lot of questions about the ocean because
it's just so big, you know, Yeah, me too. It's
it's enormous. So I'm understood, I was. I know this already,
and I'm asking you those questions so that the listeners know.
Really it's very helpful. So I'm to understand that at
(06:01):
the bottom of the ocean floor there's tectonic plates that
meet m you know, and those cause earthquakes, right or
tsunamism both. Yes, it might understand that earthquakes and tsunamis
that's just the Earth's cheeks clapping together. Yes, that's a
that's a really really good way of describing it. Okay,
it really is. If you do think of the tectonic
(06:23):
plates as the Earth's cheeks, you know, in the same
way that say, somebody was shaking their cheeks right in
front of your face, right, you'd hear the sense like this,
you'd hear that sound of the cheeks hitting each other,
and that sound is obviously the result of sonic waves
being created as the cheeks hit and reflect off of
(06:45):
each other exactly. And so if you think of the
tectonic plates as cheeks when they hit together, they are
also releasing sonic energy. When it happens under water. We
see that in the form of tsunamis. You know, the
the sound of those cheeks clapping essentially moves water across
the ocean, and when it happens in a drier area,
(07:06):
that's reflected as an earthquake. So yeah, I'd say that's
a pretty accurate description. And as we know, you know,
we like to refer to nature as Mother Earth. You know,
I've written a couple papers about this that you could
say that Mother Earth, from an academic standpoint, has a
dump truck ass. Wow, mother Earth has a dump truck ass.
(07:27):
That's correct. Yes, you know, I've always thought that myself,
so I'm glad that someone else is affirming it up
for me. Yes, there's a lot of research to back
that up, back it up exactly. Yes, Okay, So moving on,
what do you think is the most evil creature in
the ocean. Oh, the most evil creature is by far
the octopus. It's not really a contest now, to be clear,
(07:47):
the octopus isn't the smartest creature in the ocean. It's
one of the smarter ones, but it is the most evil. Okay,
I think in terms of true malice of intent, the
octopus is number one. All octopi are up to no good.
They want to hurt us, they want to hurt each other,
and therein lies the problem in their quest to seek
(08:09):
domination over the ocean as well as the land, is
because they have a hard time working together, mainly because
the octopus has the largest ego of any underwater creature.
For that reason, it doesn't work well in teams. Now.
A smarter but less evil animal, but one that I
still think we should be worried about is the oracle whale,
as you said earlier, because oracle whales, according to our research,
(08:32):
are much orders of magnitude more intelligent than human beings.
The only thing that has stopped oracle whales from being
the dominant society, the dominant food chain in and out
of the water, is the fact that oracle whales can't
hold a gun. They don't have hands. Oh my god.
And so a lot of my research is in essentially
(08:54):
the most drastically bad thing that could happen to human
beings or really any other living creature is for orcas
to acquire hands, and so we've done a lot of
research on how do we make sure that orcas don't
get hands, Because they're considerably smarter than us. It's really
just an issue of dexterity. Now, that's not to say
all orca whales are bad, but orca whales, given the opportunity,
(09:18):
could become the dominant species on earth where Octopi, although
more evil than orca whales, again too evil to work
together on anything. They're kind of all out for their
own purposes, whether those be scams, murders, robbery, trafficking, those
type of things. Wait, so orcahales could kill us, well,
(09:41):
they are called killer whales just as a reminder. They
can definitely kill us. But here's the thing. They can't
kill us from a distance. And here's the number one
thing I would want all of your listeners to take away.
You should never ever, ever, ever go into the water.
You should never go into an ocean because that's where
orcas can get you. Orcas at this point in time,
(10:01):
can't get you on land, and so if you're living
on land, you should sleep safe at night, at least
for now. Okay, well, that's very upsetting because I have
a bachelorette party I'm going to next week in the ocean.
It's on a boat, so I shouldn't go. I would
say that you should not go, but if you are
to go, you definitely want to be very, very heavily armed.
(10:24):
Are you sure? Because this is Fergie's bachelorette party and
I feel like I should go. Fergie's bachelorette party's coming up. Yeah,
Stacy Ferguson, my friend Fergie. Boys, that's a pickle. So
can I go. Let me think about this for just
a moment. How close are you to Stacy Ferguson. I'm
(10:44):
pretty close. I was the third person she called after
she botched the national anthem. Okay, then yeah you have
to go. That's so I should go. But should I
go with a gun? Yeah, you should go, and you
should bring a gun or a sword. The other thing
you could do is just where something that tastes really,
really bad. Okay, that would be another good option. Yeah, Okay,
(11:06):
if you're listening to this, Freggie, I'll be there. But
if I'm weird on the boat, know that it's because
of Let's it's because of him. Here's the thing orcus
present tremendous danger to us. But friendships, that's the family
you choose, so you know you really have to put
that above all else. Okay, Well, to go back to
(11:37):
the octopus is being evil thing, because the way that
you're describing it sounds kind of like my stepmom Sharon.
Oh interesting, you know, evil and sure conniving. So what's
the most evil thing that you think an octopus could do?
Because whatever it is probably what my stepmom Sharon's gonna do. Gosh,
that's a really really good question. What's the most evil
(11:58):
thing that I think an octopus could do? Or actually,
let me, let me change that question on you sure,
what's the most evil thing that you think my stepmom
Sharon could do? Given that everything you said about octopus
is a little while ago reminding me of my stepmom Sharon. Great. Great,
So if your stepmom Sharon is anything like an octopus,
first of all, she's into emotional manipulation yeah, and is
(12:21):
probably to my guests, very very clever at it. She
checks me all the time exactly and making you question
your own reality. I could see something like, for example,
changing the size of items in your apartment only slightly
to make you think that you've grown bigger or smaller.
What say, for example, she replaces your bed with a
(12:43):
bed that's three inches wider, making you think that you've shrunk,
or you know, the obviously the inverse, making your bed
a few inches narrower, making you think that you've grown,
replacing your cups was slightly smaller cups. That sort of
thing making you think that maybe you're turning into some
sort of iron, or maybe you're slowly shrinking. That's the
(13:03):
type of thing that, given the capabilities of a bipedal organism,
that we could easily see transferring from the octopus psyche
onto a human being. But she's not bipedal. She's only
into men. She's only into my dad. M okay, So
I don't think that that part doesn't really track gotcha, gotcha.
But she's kind of done stuff like that before. Like
(13:25):
one time she came into my apartment and she moved
everything three inches to the left except for my computer. Gotcha.
So I thought I was going crazy. So you walk
in and immediately you feel off balance, Immediately you feel
off kilter. Yeah, she did that, and then I was
so distructed by that I missed my graduation. Wow, I'm
(13:46):
really sorry to hear that. Yeah, okay, so it sounds
like you're an expert on my stepmom Sharon too. So okay,
I have a question then. So if your stepmom, I mean,
if let's say, an octopus named Sharon in your lab um,
I don't know, let's say, stopping you from talking to
your other octopus parent and was changing one digit off
(14:14):
of his phone number in your octopus phone so that
you keep texting some random person in Albuquerque instead, and
then getting confused why it's not your octopus dad? What
would you do to confront this octopus about that? So,
like I said earlier, I was in a bike accident
today and so I kind of I kind of had
trouble following. You know, what things are octopus specific and
(14:38):
what pieces of building sort of building out the universe
in my head of an octopus phone and an octopus
mom and an octopus dad. But I would say that, um,
standing up for yourself, that's always a good bat to
the octopus. Charon. You have to stand up for yourself
to the octopus. Okay, here's here's the thing. You cannot
(15:00):
trust an octopus. So any sort of truce or surrender
to an octopus. They're never going to honor the terms
and conditions of any sort of agreement. The only way
to beat them is with pure raw power, physical force,
and emotional domination. So I wouldn't rely on any sort
of acquiescence or deal making, because an octopus is going
(15:21):
to violate the terms of that deal. It'll shake you
with one hand, and it'll stab you in the back
with another, and it'll still have six more hands with
which to do whatever it wants. Professor, did the octopus
hurt you in your life recently? Because it sounds like
you're kind of talking from personal experience. I've met several
octopie in my life. None of them has ever been
(15:43):
so much as cordial to me. They're all disgusting, slimy
little villains, and I don't mean to get angry on
the podcast, but I want to fight them. I want
to beat the shit out of them. They're discussing little
slimy creeps. Frankly, they're, in my opinion, gross misogynists. Oh
(16:08):
and also, um just habitually late to arrangements? Okay, um?
Is this octopus? Uh? Similarly to four mel four four
for something? No, I'm literally talking about octopuses. Oh okay,
(16:29):
I though ye know where you found him? Guys, sorry,
oh my mic is on. Okay, um, professor, okay, let's
move on. M. What's the weirdest thing that you've ever
found in the whales? Blowhole? Oh? Great question. Um, it's
hard to say because blow holes themselves are so weird,
you know what I mean? Yeah, and so I think
I might answer that question with a blow hole itself.
(16:51):
Every time I get a look at a blow hole,
I think that's crazy. Frankly, yuck, my ex is blow
hole is crazy too. It's nasty in what way, just
looks weird. M. It's like a cavernous but shallow m
so wide but shallow, like like a ramkin or a
(17:12):
four rounds mason jar. Yeah. Maybe it's a ramicin the
thing that you used to make M delicious tooflets and tarts. Yes,
you would put like a like a crembrulet in a ramkin. Okay,
you could put like a like a chocolate like a
lava cake and the ramic cake. Yes, yes, exactly exactly. Okay, Yeah,
his blowhole is like a rambicin. Then great, Yeah, I
(17:32):
totally understand. It's grooved. Kind of like it too, I
don't like it. Oh interesting, interesting, So that's the weirdest
blowhole I've seen, gotcha? Gotcha? Yeah? Well, every every blowhole
I've ever seen has been weird in its own way.
You know. Sometimes I think to myself, why did I
get into this business? The fish are all over the place,
the ocean so big. We have no idea how big
(17:54):
it is. We don't know where it goes. We know
it goes all over the place, but we don't know
exactly where. Every time I might look at one of
these slippery, slimy scumbags, and by that I mean aquatic life,
I'm more grossed out than the last time. So it
really is. It's a it's an interesting and it's a
fickle business. Okay, speaking of that, how rich are you? Well?
(18:18):
Right now, I'm still I have a negative net worth,
you know, from nine years of grad school studying marine
biology and oceanography. So yeah, so at this point I
am am worth less than zero financially. But I'm hoping
to discover some sort of unbelievable fish that makes me
(18:41):
a lot of money somehow, a fish maybe that people
can invest in or something like that. I miss you
the best on that endeavor. Thank you so much. And
I thought you were rich. This kind of sucks. Okay, Well,
question then, have you ever been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium,
because if so, I have some follow up questions. I
have never been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium, but I
(19:02):
have seen beautiful pictures of it. Oh, so you've never
been to the Tampa Bay Aquarium. No, because I lost
my retainer there and I need someone to find it. Oh, okay,
I can put in a call if you like. No,
it's okay. I do have some colleagues that work there.
Are you sure, that's fine, It's fine, fine, fine. I
just thought maybe you would know. You have my email.
You let me know if you change your mind, and
I'll make a call to the Tampa Bay Aquarium. And
(19:25):
I have a friend there, Jean Pierre, who could actually
take a look and see if you could find your retainer. Fessor,
that's the nicest thing ends ever said to me. Oh,
I'm so sorry to hear this. So kind. I would
hope that by this time in your life people would
have said kinder things to you. No, not really tell
you what, my friend, You've got an awful lot of
hurt in that voice. No, I'm fine. Anything you want
(19:47):
to share, anything you want to talk about. No, I
want to ask this question. Just let me Okay, Like,
is it is? It? Is it root to poop in
the ocean? Is my question? No? No, No. You should
feel free to poop in the ocean at any time. Yeah,
that's That's an extremely natural part of life. There's nothing
wrong with that at all. Okay, because I pooped in
the ocean one time and then my stepmom Sharon was
(20:09):
screaming at me in front of everyone, saying that I
can't take hot dumps in the ocean because I'm the
reason why turtles are dying. No, no, no, The reason
turtles are dying is the gradual escalation of ocean temperatures,
as well as the fact that they're extremely slow. They
didn't get anywhere quickly, and that makes it hard to
run away. Your dumps of any temperature are no problem
(20:31):
for the ocean. They're not going to hurt it, absolutely not.
You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, and you should feel free, honestly,
feel free. Okay, because I took a dump on the
ocean the other day at a different bachelorette party, that
I was at. I was at a different black Eyed
Peas bachelorette party on the ocean, and I took a
dumb on that everyone kept making fun of me. Everyone
(20:52):
can't make fun of me, gotcha. Yeah. Everyone was like, yoka, stop,
so why are you doing? Why are you taking it? Dump?
Stop squatting over the deck? Stop? And I said, it's
a poop deck. It's called a poop deck for a reason.
And I to go, fat hot dump into the ocean
and everyone's like stop, stop. And then one person made
a boomerang of it coming out of my butthole. So
then it's like me squatting over the ocean and the
poop goes back up and down, up and down, and
(21:13):
then it's all made an NFT out of it, and
now it's just like living on the internet forever. Sure, sure,
so you have my email. If you do feel comfortable
sending that to me, that would be you know, no
pressure at all. But do you feel free to send
that my way? Okay, yeah, I don't. I don't think
you should feel any shame, any shame whatsoever, perfectly natural
part of life. It's good to know. It's like throwing
(21:34):
up or peeing a little bit when you laugh or
something like, you know, it's just it's just part of
being a person. So then it's peeing in the ocean also, okay,
peeing in the ocean absolutely, Okay. Wow. So if there's
any takeaway I would want people to get from this
peeing and pooping in the ocean, it's a green light. Okay, Professor,
(22:06):
this has been really encouraging. Are you looking to adopt? Adopt?
Adopt a child in his mid twenties? You know, it's
so crazy you ask that because I've been thinking in
this life of the high seas, I'd love to share
(22:30):
it with someone. I'd love to pass on what I've
learned from the ocean to somebody. And this could just
be the bike accident that I was in earlier talking.
But I don't know if I have it in me
to raise a child from birth, or to raise a
child from a small little kid into a fully grown adult.
But to adopt and I sort of bring into my
(22:52):
family a twenty year old that feels like just my speed. Actually,
So I don't know if that was made in jest
or anything, but no, it's my step mom Sharon that
I can't go back into the house for the next
few weeks. Sure, and I picked up on this, like,
you know, have you seen the movie up? Absolutely? You know,
the old guy and the little little Asian boy. Absolutely. Yeah.
(23:15):
I feel like you and I could kind of be
like that. I don't see why not. This is awesome.
This is my favorite episode ever. I got a parent. Look,
it's gonna be extensive paperwork, It's gonna take some time.
Like I said, I don't have a lot of money,
but what I do have is a knowledge and a
love for the sea that I would be happy for
(23:35):
you to join me. Yet. That's awesome. Wait, so that
means that I don't have to go back to Sharon.
That means I don't have to go back to my dad. Well,
well that's your choice. You can if you like to,
but you don't have to. No, no, no, I don't
want to go back. I hate them. Now I have
a new Hey, dad, you hear that. I have a
new dad now. Wow. I don't need you. Wow, I
(23:58):
don't need you. I don't I don't care about you.
I don't need your validation. I don't even care if
you show up to my cello recital next week. I
don't care about any of that. You have a cello
recital next week? I do. Will you come? I love
the cello, beautiful instrument, absolutely tremendous instrument. Thanks. I'm not
very good, but I'll make you proud. Here's the thing.
(24:22):
I can be proud of you. I cannot be proud
of you. Your dad can be proud of you. He
cannot be proud of you. The most important thing, sorry,
proud of yourself. That's shared. Are you listening to this?
You need to talk like this to me a little
bit more often. That's wild. That's wild. Well, professor, I
have one last question about the ocean before we move
on to our next segment. Great, okay, So in the
(24:45):
ocean you said there's a lot of evil creatures. Yes, absolutely,
And so there's a lot of smart creatures. Yes. Who
do you think is the dumbest but nicest creature? Oh,
that's easy. Whales? Whales, and by that I do don't
mean dolphins. Killer whales are actually part of the dolphin families,
so they're a little bit different. But whales. Whales are
(25:06):
incredibly kind and not that sharp. Whales can't do math,
they can barely read. I'd say the only thing that
saves them is they have a decent sense of direction.
They have okay emotional intelligence, but in terms of hard skills, computation, etc.
Not very good. Also, whales, they don't really understand sarcasm
(25:28):
or irony at all. Whales have a really, really hard
time understanding any sort of complex humor. But whales really
never hurt anybody. They make amazing pets, they're wonderful travel companions,
and they're extremely trustworthy and loyal. You know, Look, every
creature has its pros and cons. Whales overall, they're all
(25:51):
right with me. It sounds like you really like whales, Professor.
I find whales useful. I find whaless interesting. Look again,
I try not to get into good and bad. I
know earlier I kind of slipped up. I let some
passions overtake me, and I mentioned how hammerhead sharks are bad.
(26:11):
Whales on the spectrum probably good. I guess you could
say that I like them. But again, what am I
going to Essentially, here's how i'd put it. What am
I going to talk about with a whale? What am
I going to do with a whale? There's not much.
I respect them, I give them their distance, they respect me,
They give me my distance. If we see each other,
we might say hello, that sort of thing, but overall,
(26:34):
there's not I don't have that much in common with
a whale. If that makes sense, Well, then what's your
favorite creature? Oh, my favorite sea creature? Gosh, it's crazy
nothing you bring it up. I guess I don't really
have one. And that makes me realize I've been spending
all this time in the ocean making observations, but I
(26:54):
haven't really been making friends. And you'd think after all
these years in the ocean, I would have a couple
of friends that I could call on. And I think
it wasn't until this moment that I realized, you know,
in the ocean, I have a lot of work colleagues.
I have a lot of ocean dwellers that respect me
and whom I respect, but nobody that I could really
(27:15):
call on in hard times. And I think that's something
that I needed to wait to think about. I'll be
your faith, I'll be your favorite creature. What about me?
You're a person, but I can be your favorite I
just want to be someone's favorite thing. I can't be
your favorite ocean creature, but you're not. Just so it
(27:36):
just sounds like when you're talking about whales that you
like whales more than me and I don't know. I'm
just I just Hey, have you ever heard of a
zero sum game? No? What's that? So it's this idea
that for one person to win the other has to
lose and Buddy, just because I like whales doesn't mean
I like you any less. I can like both things.
This sounds like when someone's trying to explain to me Wortle.
(27:58):
I don't get it. I don't get it. Hey, can
I whale play the cello? No, that's right, it doesn't
have hands. You can play the cello, and I can
shoot a gun and you can shoot a gun. Yeah,
And you can host a podcast and I can hear
the podcast. Do you hear that? Sharon? You have a
lot of things going for you, okay, And I don't
(28:20):
want you to overlook those. Thanks. And that concludes this
segment that before we say goodbye, we're gonna do our
last segment called I should have known, where our guest
has to answer questions about me to prove that I
(28:41):
may be an expert and professor Grundle's field, but he's
probably not an expert in mind are you ready? Yes? Okay,
let's go. Okay. Question number one, what do I like
more cats or dogs? Dogs? Wrong? Picking is homophobic? The
Bible taught me that. Question number two, who is my
(29:02):
dream emergency contact? Free? No, I am Freggie's emergency contact,
but she's not my emergency contact. My dream emergency contact
would be Mariah Carey. I think she seems reliable, do
you know what I mean? Totally? Yes, she'll be there.
She's a song about that. Yeah. She just seems like
(29:23):
she'll drop everything to be there for me. But I
hope I'm not hers. She seems like a giver exactly. Okay.
Number three, what's my favorite restaurant? I know you definitely
don't know this one. For whatever reason, Chili's popped into
my head, but I don't know if that's accurate. No. Wrong.
(29:44):
The answer is the Cafeteria and the Tampa Bay Aquarium.
And I know you don't know that because you've never
been correct, But they have delicious French fries. And that
now explains to me how you lost your retainer. My
guess is you took it out to eat the French fries,
set it down, and either somebody took it or you
forgot to put it back in it. This is the
Vice Dean, Vice Dean of Stanford right here, exactly right, professor. Okay,
(30:06):
number four, what's the worst movie I've ever seen? Musucci? Wrong?
The answer is my stupid step mom Sharon's home birth
flog that my dad made me watch. Wow, it's awful.
It was gross, and it was just so stupid because
he just seems so happy to meet this baby. And
I've seen his video of meeting me at my mom's
(30:28):
birth and he did not seem that happy to see me.
It's just ridiculous. That's really tough. Who my producer, Olivia's selling?
I have to move on? Okay, and last question, who's
my favorite poet? Ed Garland Poe? Wrong? It's me. I'm
my favorite poet. Would you like to do one of
(30:49):
your poems for me? Really? Dad? I would love to
hear one of your poems. Okay, um uh too. Thanks
for listening to this week's episode of Are You There? Dad?
It's me Yoko. Until next time. Bye,
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