January 18, 2023 • 36 mins
Is a “boner” a collector of bones? Does Cool teen Kate Sisk have a “boob kink?” In this episode you’ll learn about Human Sex, with help from comedians Jessie Jolles (Happily Ever Heard Of It), Claire Burns (Clarify Your Day), and Bethelzda, a giant worm. Theme song by Brooks Allison.
ABOUT SARAH SMALLWOOD PARSONS:
Sarah Smallwood Parsons is a queer comedian and artist in NYC, best known for hosting Characters Welcome (100k+ YouTube subscribers) and her viral video “The Song in Every Musical That No One Likes” (3M views). Check out her TV pilot Forgotten Animals and follow her everywhere @sarahsmallwoodparsons
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Perfect. Behold, I am bethelda a giant worm like creature
that lives at the bottom of a muddy hole. And
this is my podcast on the surface, where I try
to make sense of the disgusting world above with help
(00:27):
from human experts and my sidekick, a cool team that
fell down my hole. Cool teen say something. Hey, everybody
wants going on? That was perfect? Today's topic sex? What
is it? Where is it? Is it expensive? Hopefully we'll
find out from our guests, Jesse Jollis and Claire Burns
(00:50):
from the No Such Thing as Love Podcast. Jesse Claire,
thank you for coming down into the hole today. Great
to be here. It's really our honor. Yeah, thank you,
I mean the honor is all mine. Now we're here
to talk about sex today. And as a giant, warm monster,
I am familiar with mating, but I hear sex is different.
(01:13):
So to start off, how would you to define sex?
You know, we both have such wonderful views of sex.
You know it develops over time. Yes, as a human
you have different relationships with it. You think of it
as a scary thing, you think of it as your
only value as a woman. It's a fun activity with
(01:35):
strangers too, Okay, that got a little dark. It can
be it can be fun. It's like playtime for adults. Okay, great,
So it can be really bad or it can be
really fun. Right, Yes, there are time outs. Everyone gets
in trouble sometimes, but it can be fun. Yeah, and
it can just be okay, And that's okay too. That's
(01:57):
a great point. Well to be this. I'm still very confused,
but that's the point of the podcast. You know, it's
gonna take me some time to understand, now, cool, Tene.
You've told me you're kind of an expert at sex,
but you won't really tell me anything about it, which
is weird. But oh yeah, I know all about it.
I know all the ins and outs, the secret stuff.
(02:19):
I just you know, I I promised my friends I
wouldn't necessarily repeat everything that they taught me. Um. But yeah,
I'm I'm a sexpert, that's for sure. That makes sense.
Promises to friends are important. I made a promise to
a grub once and I've kept it till this day.
So maybe maybe we just hop into our first segment.
(02:39):
What do you say? Does that sound good? Okay? Great?
Our first segment is what in the mud is this? Okay?
Here's how this works. Okay, I'm gonna present you with
a series of words related to human sex. Okay, I'll
take a guess at what they mean, and then you
two can correct me if we needed. Cool, great, wonderful
(03:00):
at first. Okay, dude, this picture of a dildo. It
sort of looks like me. So I'm gonna say, maybe
this is like, um, like a beautiful worm sculpture. How
close am I? Well, it depends on who you ask,
but I'd say you're pretty close your clothes, you know. Great?
So what dildo is? A penis like sculpture for pleasure,
(03:26):
uses for fun, penetration or delicate touching on the outside.
It can be made of metal, glass, silicon, I mean,
there's so many can heat it up, you can freeze it,
You can freeze that temperature can play a part if
you'd like, you can practice putting condoms on. Oh okay, Well,
(03:46):
coincidentally enough, our next book aboard is condom. Okay, Now,
when I looked at this, I expected it was some
sort of like sleeping bag for a worm much smaller
than me. As again, I'm absolutely enormous. Is that close?
If we're going with a worm sculpture? For the dildo.
Then yes, it is closed. It is its own sheath
(04:10):
to protect the contents of the hard penis, to keep
it with the hard penis as opposed to going outside
of its area. Okay, So these are precious, context the
most precious specious their protection there are a lot like
a butterfly, you know, the cocoon that is when you're safe, really,
(04:32):
and a condom is like that. It's protection for sperm.
Can I be totally honest again, Yeah, I'm twice as
confused because I said butterfly. Can you know what I
know some butterflies, and I do think they're very precious.
So yeah, okay, I think I'm I think I'm getting it.
The best thing about a condom is it can prevent
(04:56):
pregnancy and diseases, diseases and infections that can be traded
between humans. Oh okay, Okay, so I get that absolutely.
I mean, I'm I'm no stranger to an infection. Okay,
it doesn't look like you are all kinds of cultures
on this body. Okay, so great, and then and then
(05:17):
pregnancy is of course you know I made I mate
with other worms. Yeah, pretty familiar with it. Okay, great,
for sure, Coltine, you are sweating. Yeah, well, as with
those the nose up on the surface. I I was
very cool. I knew all the sex stuff, I took
all the drugs and uh, I can skateboard and I've
(05:38):
never fallen once. And I have so many friends. I
forget their freaking names and got straight a's And that
is cool. That is cool to get straight a's. Actually,
that is Coultine, Coltine, you are cool to us, no
matter how uncool you were in the surface. That's it. Okay,
please know that. Yeah, okay, cool, And you can to
(06:00):
add Claire and Jesse to your friend names. Okay, there
we go. Hell yeah, I forgot him already. Okay, great, Okay,
So next we have UM B D s M but
which I assume stands for big dent sloppy mutt. Wow,
that is um not at all correct, I'll say that. Okay, well, okay.
(06:21):
Sometimes in the mating process or in the sexual process,
some people like to have fun with a little power play,
a little status, a little pain perhaps, okay, a little pain,
perhaps like giving pain to someone exactly. You could be
(06:42):
the giving, you could be the receiving. Maybe a little slap,
maybe a little whip, maybe a little feather. It could
be a little hot candle wax, maybe a little ice,
maybe a little gag. Maybe okay, maybe we're putting cuffs on.
Maybe we're playing with ropes a little bit were restrained. Okay,
Well I've I've slept cool teen once or twice. Show
(07:04):
you're saying cool Teine and I have done Buddism, and
it's at a little different. That was when I was
trying to escape the whole. So I mean, I mean,
go out for a quick walk. Go out for a
quick walk. That's all I meant, got it, Yeah, just
a just a little background cool team felt on the
whole and he is not allowed to leave until he
helps me get out of the whole as well. It's
really more of a side note you were saying, clear, Well,
(07:25):
I was saying that you actually it is an acronym.
Now I don't know if that is a word that
you're familiar with, but it is, but the first letter
of multiple words put together. Okay, I'm okay, I'm a
where I'm not an idiot. I'm sorry to have that.
No one's an idiot, and I'll say that no one's
an idiot when it comes to sex and that you know.
(07:47):
Cool teen, that's for anyone not knowing or knowing. No
one's an idiot in this hole. How about that no
one's an idiot? Oh that's lovely cool cool. Okay, I
accept your apology, yes, but I will inform you. Okay.
B D s M stands for bondage, discipline, submission and
(08:09):
sado masochism or masochism. Okay, it's like sex, it's kind
of about pleasure, and so pleasure to you could be
just a feather tickle for a long time, and so
that is sexual play for you. Sorry, we just we
just got a package. Let me just go get that. Okay, Hey, hi,
(08:29):
thank you for your baggage. Thank you. Okay, you just
toss it, you just toss it down here, thank you?
Oh god. Okay, hit me right in the face. Okay, sorry,
that's the only way I get food down here. Uber eats, Yeah,
I gotta feed him. You know, he's human. I know
that about humans that they gotta eat in a dirt.
Apparently not good enough. Show. Well, great buddism, I feel
(08:52):
I feel pretty good about. Let's move on to the
next book camp. Okay, we have u g spot. Now
this one I'm confident. I know. Okay, there's a spot
in your hole where you throw all the garbage that
falls down here. Yes, G spot, no close, but no
a lot of people. Here's the thing. People's G spot
(09:14):
is different on different people. You know, based on your body.
May I you may? The G spot is actually a
spot of tissue that is in the vaginal canal. It
does feel different in touching it, texture wise, texture wise,
(09:35):
and it is a very big pleasure spot for many
people who have a G spot. It is some say
difficult to find. Others say, put in the time. You
know what I mean? Yeah, wow, I love that. And
it's you said, it's a it's a spot of it
is there. Um, here's the thing. I just all overwhelming
(09:56):
for me. I'm losing my words and I'm I'm weirdly hot.
I don't know what that's about. But that's good. That's
what sex does to you. It's okay, it makes you hot.
I've got a list go in here, and it's it's
a good one makes Let me just write this, let
me just write this down with my mouth cruet. Okay, great,
you hold a pen beautifully mouth work that would that
(10:21):
be helpful and chex. That would be good. People love that,
very helpful. You should see my anus work. Hello, also
could be good. It's just a little joke. Okay, let's
get back into this vog cab all right, here we go.
Kink Okay, now, for me, kink is when I can't
poop because I'm sitting on my own body, sort of
(10:41):
like a hose situation about a kink? What is it
on the surface. That's a wonderful visual. Thank you so much.
Cool teen does have to help me out sometimes. Yeah. Yeah,
you know when you do a kink in a hose
uh in the backyard and then you let go over,
it really flies out after that. That's kind of the
process that we go through. Uhe fells the gets it
(11:04):
a kink. So maybe a condom would be good for that, Yes,
but it'll stop the precious. Am I making connections here?
I get what you're saying. Kink is more. It has
to do with like categories of how people find pleasure.
What are some of those categories? Wow, it's an overall
(11:26):
turn on. It's an umbrella statement. So there could be
fetishes that are kinks, right, Okay, So there may be
something that's specific that you enjoy Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I've gotta I've got a kink for boobs. Good, I've
got a kink for boobs. Good for you. Yeah, you've
got a lot of a lot of pictures of boobs
(11:47):
down here. Yeah, I've drawn a lot in the in
the walls of the hole, in the mud, in the dirt. Yeah,
totally kinked. I'm kinked out for boobs man. Okay, yeah,
I support that. I see some and they look lovely.
What I love is that you have all different shapes
and sizes, and that's important. That's what's important. As a
five ton worm, I appreciate that exactly. Now. I would
(12:11):
think that maybe fail stut because you don't have any
you might be interested in feet. Do you feel a
little something when you see feet on humans? I mean,
you know when Cool Team takes their shoes off. I
don't love it, So I want to say no. Okay,
so that's not a kink or a fetish for you. Okay, Okay.
(12:33):
There are some fascinating fetishes, some that I thought were interesting.
One is um getting turned on with people falling downstairs. Okay, Well,
I will say I really enjoyed it when Cool Team
fell down into my hole. That was hilarious. It was
fun until I landed, fun until I landed. Another fetish
is someone being fully clothed and then submerging in water.
(12:56):
Who could be a bathtub, it could be a pool fasting,
you know, sometimes the hope fills with water. I don't
have any clothes on. I'm famously naked. Would you like
to go in famously but you know, cool teen, maybe
you could try to? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just
don't know why it's sexy. It doesn't seem sexy to me. Listen,
(13:17):
we don't question judgment what other people find sexy. There's
no judgment in this, okay, okay, And that will help
you if you decide to, you know, partner down the road,
because your partner could have a fetish a kink that
maybe you haven't explored yet. And we're a little scared
as humans, and then we judge, and we like to
(13:38):
put a little judgment on it. But I think it's
better to just be open to try things, to see
how you feel, and then take it from there. Yeah.
And then if I try it and I don't like it,
I don't have to do it again. Exactly. But my
mom said about brusselspronce. Okay, my mom said the same
thing about dirt. She said, you take one bite and
then if you don't like it, you don't have to
(13:59):
have it. But let me tell you I loved it.
You loved it. You loved it. I love mud. Sloppy
sloppy mud. Maybe it's a kink, could be a kink,
It could bank could be a kink. All right, let's
(14:22):
keep going this. Okay, now we have um. Okay, Shoot,
it looks like I misspelled organism. No, I don't think
you dead? What Okay? What am I looking at here?
Orgasm is my gas? Okay? Okay, you know Contine, you
said you gave those a lot of people, right. Oh yeah,
I'm slapping him up and down all over the block.
(14:44):
Anytime anyone wants an orgasm, I got him. You know,
I'm the orgasm hook up. Okay. Yeah, I've got a
kink for orgasms. Okay, So what is an orgasm? Ladies?
Can you walk me through it? Okay? I don't have
the scientific definition in front of me. I think it's
like the pinnacle of pleasure. Someone say, climax, climax of pleasure,
(15:07):
where for some people liquid is excreted. It feels like
I'll use this wonderful nod to a television show. It
feels like a really good sneeze, but better like that release. Okay,
all right, the last time, but that was the sneeze.
I freaking flew against the wall's Oh my gosh, yeah,
(15:30):
it was quite a shock. Did you ruin any of
your boob drawings? I did. It was a sad day.
I'm sorry about them. Sorry to hear that. Thank you.
Let's move to the next one. Okay, so now we
got boner. Now, I consider myself a boner, and by that,
of course, I mean a collector of bones. Doesn't mean
the same thing on the surface a boner, No, No,
(15:53):
it's an erect penis, the aforementioned direct penis that we've
discussed what a dildo is typically, you know, modeled off of. Okay, So,
so when the worm is standing at salute, Yeah, yeah, correct,
that's it. Okay, great, I have bonus all the time.
Then when I you know, sometimes I try to stand
myself up and escape the hole, and of course I
(16:15):
don't have any harms or legs, and I'm huge, so
I generally just slide back down to the bottom. But yeah,
I'm boning up. Well, you try to be, and that's
we We applaud your effort absolutely. I appreciate that. Now
we have um, oh, we have the the clotoris, which
to me sounds like like a beautiful name cletorus, much
(16:35):
like rolls off the tongue. It is a beautiful name
for a beautiful body part women or those with cltoruss
or clotori. Okay, wow, wow, uh, We're the only mammal
that has an organ only for pleasure, and that is
what the clotorus say is it's a bundle of nerves
(16:57):
for pleasure, sensation and well that self explanatory. I love that.
But they'll see you have one of those, right. Didn't
you say that you had a clittle clutter something? Oh,
I have a clicktellum, which is sort of similar. It's
a sort of ring around my body that secretes a
viscid sack in which my exer stored Okay, pretty different,
(17:18):
I guess sounds similar. So I see how that could
have been confused, could be confusing. Okay, great, yeah, let
me see courteen again. Obviously you know it all, But
is there anything any vocaboys you wanted to throw out? Yeah,
I just had a couple of blind spots that I
was hoping you can feel for me. I'm pretty sure
this is the time of day when my mom likes
(17:40):
to take photographs. That sexy, sexy time of day. But
a golden shower. Yeah, Remember we were talking about like
fetishes kinks. So a golden shower is when someone is
turned on and feels pleasure by either peen on somebody
or impede on and so it's referred to as a
(18:02):
golden shower. Okay, because you're in this typically of a
golden hue. If you're not hydrated, the golder it gets,
you know, yes, oh, I do know that there is
often not water down here unless it right. Oh gosh, okay,
we got piste all over the place. You just want
everywhere everywhere. So sorry about that, especially since I made
(18:23):
you too take your shoes off. I feel bad about that. Well,
I will say I'm relieved that it doesn't feel like
there's a lot of shipped down here, because sells the
excrets and then eats as we say, that's a kink
as well, that's a kink as well. Well, look at me,
I feel I'll see a little little over my head. Uh.
One more uh, and I'm pretty sure this isn't a
(18:44):
sex thing, and it's just um that item and in
the corner of the hole over there, but a rusty trombo.
I think it fell down here when the marching band
went by. It could have yeah, I think it did. Okay,
that's probably what it was. But also, you know, people
like to lick a little anus, eat a little glass
if you will, and then at the same time do
(19:06):
a little um manual manipulation of erect penises, you know.
Fun fact I can eat my own ass, so that's
that is fun. That's a humble braga. I like to
keep it clean down there, you know, keep it clean.
And now that I think about it, it feels pretty good.
You know. Self pleasure that's part of it as well,
very important. Oh that's a part of sex. Yes, you've
(19:28):
got to know what turns you on. If you've got
to figure it out yourself, do it. Masturbation is what
we call it. Masturbation. Okay, this is feeling so much
clear to me. But I think we should pop into
our next segment that I'm calling sex or not chex.
So I'm gonna give you a few scenarios written by
(19:49):
me and colten or by some listeners, and you tell
me whether it's sex or not sex Number one, A
penis going into a vagina, sex or not sex? Sex
pen a trait of sex. We would say, yeah, I
love that. Okay. A tongue licking a butthole sex, we're
(20:10):
not sex? Sex? Yeah, Okay, that's what I thought. So
I'm feeling good. Okay. This one's a little more complicated. Okay.
Rubbing your genitals on a muddy tree branch until it
breaks sex or not sex? Sex? Yeah? Sex. I mean,
if you're getting pleasure from it, I would say, just
(20:31):
get a sturdier branch next time, or you may want
it to break that. Maybe your climate could be part
of it. Can I be vulnerable for a second, please,
I put that one in. Okay, that was mine, So
you've done that. I liked. I like to hump a
tree branch once in a blue once in a blue hole.
(20:52):
No judgment here, no judgment, no judgment for you. You're exploring,
you're trying different objects, different things. Good for you. I'm
excited about that for you. Yeah, use your environment like
you do with thicker stick. Yeah. Maybe I like a
thick stick. You never know till you try, right, all right,
this is this is great so far. Okay, this one
I did not write jerking off quietly in the corner
(21:15):
while the giant worm is sleeping? Coolteen, did you put
this in? I just think it might be a pretty
widely relatable experience, a version of that jerk you know, Yeah,
that's jerking off. Yes. The one thing I will add
is it's always good for the other person in the
room to have given their consent if you're going to
(21:36):
do that. Yeah, okay, And consent is agreeing to it, agreement,
being okay with that happening in their presence. Yes. Well,
let me say, for the record, cool teen, I have
no problem with you jerking it in the corner while
I'm sound asleep. Wonderful because you know, we don't have
a lot of privacy down here. It actually sounds like
(21:58):
you guys are pretty sexually open. Yeah, I mean, I'm
not interested in cool teen per se, right, Yeah, I
mean I'm I'm a lot older than That's true. Worms
only live to four, so I'm pushing too. Baby, I'm
only two. So there's very little privacy here, it seems. Yeah,
there's really I don't know how you could be alone
(22:20):
down here. We really could use a nice little, you know,
room divider. Someone ever felt like throwing it down here.
We haven't gotten one of those yet. We got eight
microwaves low so that's pretty cool. Yeah, wow, that is great.
You can't plug them in, but fun to pretend though
it is fund for dead. What else we have down here? Cool, Jane,
We got a bunch of cool stuff. Well we got
(22:41):
what were you going to say? The dead body is
what I was going to start with, but you go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, notably,
notably the dead body. We got a couple of different
sports balls down here. Oh yeah, deflated, uh soccer ball.
We got a man, I haven't been in class so long,
I can't remember it. Um one of those measuring things
that it's in a half circle. Oh man, I haven't
(23:02):
been in math class so freaking long. Protractor. Yes, a
protractor I spotted as soon as I got down here.
I mean, Jesse and Claire, if there's anything you see
that you want to take with you, I mean, by
all means, it would be the least I could do.
But not the protractor. I use it to trace my
boobs on the wall. That's of course how you got
(23:22):
Some of the shapes are incredible and very symmetrical. Yeah,
thank you. And none of the microwaves, because that's a collection,
much like my bones collection. I wouldn't take a thing. Well,
I was about to say, if you don't need all
those hangars, I could take a hangar or two, absolutely
help yourself. Thank you. Dry cleaner over there that doesn't recycle,
(23:42):
We'll put it that way, so hangers say no more. Yeah,
I'd be happy to reuse, reuse, recycle. That makes me
so happy. Let me kick it to Coolteene, cooltine. Do
you have any scenarios you want to toss out of
sex or not sex? Yeah? What if you're doing over
the pants hand stuff but you accidentally say I love you.
(24:04):
I think that's a that's a precious moment right there. Yeah,
that is precious. That's a precious moment. I don't know
if i'd categorize it as sex, but it's a precious moment.
You know. Some people call sex making love, and that's
on the way to making love. It sounds like it does.
Sound like that. Wow, see love love. I definitely want
to have I want to have some experts on um
(24:25):
anything else coolting, any other scenarios you want to throw
up for sex or not sex. What if you have
a sexy dream about someone and you're so afraid to
tell them, and then you tell them that you did
and they say, I also had that dream, And then
you say, well, do you want to maybe do that
in real life? And they say no, thank you, And
(24:45):
I was just wondering what the status of that is.
That's a great question that's happened to me as well. Yeah.
I don't know if that categorizes specifically as sex um,
but a conversation starter. It sounds like it's opening a door.
Sometimes our dreams are insight into our subconscious. So if
I were gonna guess it sounds like you're interested in
(25:07):
whatever happened in the dream. The person sounds, you know,
not interested. Unfortunately, maybe on a different page, but maybe
whatever happened in the dream you can do with somebody else,
you know. Yeah, maybe your kink cool teen is asking
people if they want to do something. I'm saying no, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(25:30):
that'd be a great one. You've got a kink for
respectfully accepting rejection rejection. Yeah, you're a consent king is
that that. I love that term. I heard someone that's
a great term. That's a badge of honor because when
you get that green light, I know you're going to
be ready. Oh yeah, ready to kink some boobies. Yes,
(25:52):
the colteen? Is that? What this other thing on the
wall where there's like, you know, one side says yes
and one side says no, and there's like eighty hatch
marks on the Noah relative, Well, I'm just counting my nose.
Oh man, love those nose. Yeah. They say every failure
is a step towards success. Yes, that's positive thinking. Yeah,
(26:15):
that's really nice. Cool teen, and that, honestly, to me,
makes you look really cool. Thank you, Thank you absolutely.
(26:36):
I don't just asked you to a couple of questions
before we hop into this last segment. What would you
say is the hardest part of sex? I think it's
being comfortable. It can be a little scary, you know
what I mean. I'm terrified to just bear it all
if you will, and she will? And what about for you, Claire?
(26:58):
For me, I think the hardest of sex is not hosting. Now,
this is something that I personally have a problem with
um as a natural born host. If you will. Um.
I want to make sure that whoever's in my presence
is taking care of having a good time. And so
(27:18):
the hardest part for me is to not just be
focused on them, but to actually have pleasure myself. Wow. Right,
because I don't know if you've seen the media a
little bit, you've dabbled. You know, cool team has an iPhone,
but weirdly it doesn't work whenever they handed to me.
Oh interesting, it's not worm friendly. I'm cold blooded, so
(27:41):
I don't think it reads my fingies since I don't
have fingies. Yeah. Well, you know you're talking about the media,
and that brings us just flawlessly into our last segment,
which I like to call but those that gets her
belly dirty. For this segment, okay, we are first going
(28:03):
to watch a video about worms mating, and then you
can tell me how similar you feel it is to
human sex. Sound good, wonderful, great, I'm excited, educational. Let
me just get this video. Cool teens just getting a
video ready on his his cool iPhone that hates worms. Sure, Okay,
(28:26):
here we go, Here we go, alright, so maybe we'll
stop and started. Here we go. Okay, earthworms are hermacrititic. True,
each earthworm possesses both testies producing sperm and ovaries producing
Absolutely when two earthworms made, they align in opposite directions. Okay,
(28:46):
so we can just pause it right here. So yeah,
when when we mate, worms are regular worms or monsters
are like, we kind of line up and we stick
our heads together on the side. We sort of lay
one facing down, one using up. Does that feel like
human section anyway? It can be? Right? Okay. Sometimes people
(29:07):
like to have head and genitalia head in genitalia meat
and what is that called? Some like to call it
um sixty nine? Hell yeah, yeah, I knew cool teen
would like that. Coltine, you have your shirt off now,
and I don't know why. Sorry, it's okay, but yes,
sixty nine that is a sexual activity. So there's there's
(29:27):
many different positions one can be correct. Tay, great, all right,
let's let's keep on watching. The testies produced sperm which
passed from seminal vesicles through male genitals, which are small
openings in the fifteenth segment of the body. I feel
(29:48):
like that's not I actually didn't even understand that, and
I'm a worm. It was difficult to inderstand. Yes, it went.
It went over my slimy head. Let's keep going. Sperm
then travel two seminal receptacles. This is pretty sexy, which
are part of the female reproductive system which stores from
are located between segments nine and ten and ten and
(30:12):
a letter. So as you can see, we're both very still,
very still, because you've got to get those holes lined
up just right. Wow. Okay, that is not similar to
human sex, to above ground sex, so more movement. We
like to move, typically different speeds. Absolutely after mating, the
clitellum produces mucus. That's what I was talking about earlier. Yeah,
(30:35):
cltell um of mucus cocoon which travels along the width
of the body, and then as the cocoon passes the
openings for the seminal receptacles in segments nine and ten
and eleven. We have a lot of segments, thirty of them.
The sperm will fertilize the In terrestrial analysts, there is
(30:58):
no lauarval state. The eggs hatch as miniature adults. Okay,
so I thought hatches miniature adults. That's true. I mean,
I guess babies are miniature adults. Yeah, we do have
someone coming on to talk about babies. Great, they'll explain it.
That is not my expertise. I'll say that much. You
(31:18):
know what me either, my friend, I squired them out
and leave them. Let me tell you. Wait, so both
worms are having the babies. Yeah, it's it's like we um,
you know, I've let we've learned so much to you
about penises and vaginas and janitor's. Uh yeah, we kind
of got all kinds of stuff. So we uh, we
pair up with any other worm that we're into and
(31:39):
line up our hose and uh, you know, past that
ship back and forth and then boom, we made it.
It's not really a pleasurable experience. It feels more like
a business transaction. Yeah. So I heard there's this thing
called porn, which is I am told is a video
of human sex. Pornography. I have been told it is
(32:01):
not appropriate for young listeners. So cool, team, cover your ears,
you too. I'm sure I've seen this point before because
it looks like a good one. So I'm just gonna go.
I'll go look at the point, okay, and then we'll
to go just a brief break and then we'll come back. Okay, great,
Oh my god, Okay, whoa alright, that's okay. That's a
(32:25):
lot of unpacked there. All right, where do I start? Um,
way more humans than I thought it can be. That
can be fun. I almost couldn't count them. There were
It's interesting because, um, some of them were related, I
think which god? And then I definitely saw dildo's. I
did not see any condoms. That's a problem with pornography.
(32:48):
Sometimes I feel slimier than normal. Is this what's happening
to me? That sometimes can be a reaction to pornography.
That is typical. Yeah, a lot of times it's really
exciting when you're first getting in there, and then as
you keep watching, you know, you start thinking about the
(33:09):
people or just what's happening, logistics. Are you crying? Are
you okay? Did you peek? I peeked, and I just, uh,
I'm I'm in a little trouble with what I saw
anything particular. I think there was a horse in the background.
(33:30):
There was a horse at some point. Yeah, what they
weren't doing anything to it. It was just sort of
in the background and had sort of a farm theme.
It looks scared. It did look scared, right. That's tricky because, yeah,
the horse can't consent so we want to let the
horse have its own space. Yes. Yeah. And then there
was also somebody wearing a It didn't look like they
were really even having sex at all. They were just
(33:51):
wearing a diaper crying in the corner. I'm really confused
about what I've seen. That part made total sense to me. Um,
that was the one part where I want that's hot.
Maybe I don't know. I feel like I learned something
about myself that could be in the kink category, right, Absolutely,
somebody could be really turned on by the idea of
(34:14):
like a worm in a hole and then falling into
it and being captive. You know that that could be
a turn on for a lot of people. Ye are
you saying I am a kink? I could be a kink.
You could be a kink of fetish a role play?
I mean, yeah, Well, now I feel like I understand
(34:35):
human sex. I'm thrilled. Claire Jesse, thank you so much
for coming down here and teaching me what sex is.
And my conclusion is that it's it's not as disgusting
as I assumed. I actually think I might be kind
of into it. Embrace that. I will embrace it. Thank you.
Anything you two would like to plug anything you got
(34:57):
going on. But we do have a pot cast weekly cult.
No such thing as love, but we do talk about
sex a lot on there. Absolutely, amongst other things, ye
actually talk about dating, You talk about self love. Yeah, amazing.
Well I can't wait to listen and learn what those
two things are. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, this
(35:19):
has been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. I see
what you did there, I see what you did there.
We're all horny. This was a click because it was
just for pleasure. This was our clip. Everybody a bundle
of nerves. Absolutely, that's our episode. Stay money, everybody, goodbye courting,
(35:41):
stop up crying, got shall be doing world, please,
Perfect. Behold, I am bethelda a giant worm like creature
that lives at the bottom of a muddy hole. And
this is my podcast on the surface, where I try
to make sense of the disgusting world above with help
(00:27):
from human experts and my sidekick, a cool team that
fell down my hole. Cool teen say something. Hey, everybody
wants going on? That was perfect? Today's topic sex? What
is it? Where is it? Is it expensive? Hopefully we'll
find out from our guests, Jesse Jollis and Claire Burns
(00:50):
from the No Such Thing as Love Podcast. Jesse Claire,
thank you for coming down into the hole today. Great
to be here. It's really our honor. Yeah, thank you,
I mean the honor is all mine. Now we're here
to talk about sex today. And as a giant, warm monster,
I am familiar with mating, but I hear sex is different.
(01:13):
So to start off, how would you to define sex?
You know, we both have such wonderful views of sex.
You know it develops over time. Yes, as a human
you have different relationships with it. You think of it
as a scary thing, you think of it as your
only value as a woman. It's a fun activity with
(01:35):
strangers too, Okay, that got a little dark. It can
be it can be fun. It's like playtime for adults. Okay, great,
So it can be really bad or it can be
really fun. Right, Yes, there are time outs. Everyone gets
in trouble sometimes, but it can be fun. Yeah, and
it can just be okay, And that's okay too. That's
(01:57):
a great point. Well to be this. I'm still very confused,
but that's the point of the podcast. You know, it's
gonna take me some time to understand, now, cool, Tene.
You've told me you're kind of an expert at sex,
but you won't really tell me anything about it, which
is weird. But oh yeah, I know all about it.
I know all the ins and outs, the secret stuff.
(02:19):
I just you know, I I promised my friends I
wouldn't necessarily repeat everything that they taught me. Um. But yeah,
I'm I'm a sexpert, that's for sure. That makes sense.
Promises to friends are important. I made a promise to
a grub once and I've kept it till this day.
So maybe maybe we just hop into our first segment.
(02:39):
What do you say? Does that sound good? Okay? Great?
Our first segment is what in the mud is this? Okay?
Here's how this works. Okay, I'm gonna present you with
a series of words related to human sex. Okay, I'll
take a guess at what they mean, and then you
two can correct me if we needed. Cool, great, wonderful
(03:00):
at first. Okay, dude, this picture of a dildo. It
sort of looks like me. So I'm gonna say, maybe
this is like, um, like a beautiful worm sculpture. How
close am I? Well, it depends on who you ask,
but I'd say you're pretty close your clothes, you know. Great?
So what dildo is? A penis like sculpture for pleasure,
(03:26):
uses for fun, penetration or delicate touching on the outside.
It can be made of metal, glass, silicon, I mean,
there's so many can heat it up, you can freeze it,
You can freeze that temperature can play a part if
you'd like, you can practice putting condoms on. Oh okay, Well,
(03:46):
coincidentally enough, our next book aboard is condom. Okay, Now,
when I looked at this, I expected it was some
sort of like sleeping bag for a worm much smaller
than me. As again, I'm absolutely enormous. Is that close?
If we're going with a worm sculpture? For the dildo.
Then yes, it is closed. It is its own sheath
(04:10):
to protect the contents of the hard penis, to keep
it with the hard penis as opposed to going outside
of its area. Okay, So these are precious, context the
most precious specious their protection there are a lot like
a butterfly, you know, the cocoon that is when you're safe, really,
(04:32):
and a condom is like that. It's protection for sperm.
Can I be totally honest again, Yeah, I'm twice as
confused because I said butterfly. Can you know what I
know some butterflies, and I do think they're very precious.
So yeah, okay, I think I'm I think I'm getting it.
The best thing about a condom is it can prevent
(04:56):
pregnancy and diseases, diseases and infections that can be traded
between humans. Oh okay, Okay, so I get that absolutely.
I mean, I'm I'm no stranger to an infection. Okay,
it doesn't look like you are all kinds of cultures
on this body. Okay, so great, and then and then
(05:17):
pregnancy is of course you know I made I mate
with other worms. Yeah, pretty familiar with it. Okay, great,
for sure, Coltine, you are sweating. Yeah, well, as with
those the nose up on the surface. I I was
very cool. I knew all the sex stuff, I took
all the drugs and uh, I can skateboard and I've
(05:38):
never fallen once. And I have so many friends. I
forget their freaking names and got straight a's And that
is cool. That is cool to get straight a's. Actually,
that is Coultine, Coltine, you are cool to us, no
matter how uncool you were in the surface. That's it. Okay,
please know that. Yeah, okay, cool, And you can to
(06:00):
add Claire and Jesse to your friend names. Okay, there
we go. Hell yeah, I forgot him already. Okay, great, Okay,
So next we have UM B D s M but
which I assume stands for big dent sloppy mutt. Wow,
that is um not at all correct, I'll say that. Okay, well, okay.
(06:21):
Sometimes in the mating process or in the sexual process,
some people like to have fun with a little power play,
a little status, a little pain perhaps, okay, a little pain,
perhaps like giving pain to someone exactly. You could be
(06:42):
the giving, you could be the receiving. Maybe a little slap,
maybe a little whip, maybe a little feather. It could
be a little hot candle wax, maybe a little ice,
maybe a little gag. Maybe okay, maybe we're putting cuffs on.
Maybe we're playing with ropes a little bit were restrained. Okay,
Well I've I've slept cool teen once or twice. Show
(07:04):
you're saying cool Teine and I have done Buddism, and
it's at a little different. That was when I was
trying to escape the whole. So I mean, I mean,
go out for a quick walk. Go out for a
quick walk. That's all I meant, got it, Yeah, just
a just a little background cool team felt on the
whole and he is not allowed to leave until he
helps me get out of the whole as well. It's
really more of a side note you were saying, clear, Well,
(07:25):
I was saying that you actually it is an acronym.
Now I don't know if that is a word that
you're familiar with, but it is, but the first letter
of multiple words put together. Okay, I'm okay, I'm a
where I'm not an idiot. I'm sorry to have that.
No one's an idiot, and I'll say that no one's
an idiot when it comes to sex and that you know.
(07:47):
Cool teen, that's for anyone not knowing or knowing. No
one's an idiot in this hole. How about that no
one's an idiot? Oh that's lovely cool cool. Okay, I
accept your apology, yes, but I will inform you. Okay.
B D s M stands for bondage, discipline, submission and
(08:09):
sado masochism or masochism. Okay, it's like sex, it's kind
of about pleasure, and so pleasure to you could be
just a feather tickle for a long time, and so
that is sexual play for you. Sorry, we just we
just got a package. Let me just go get that. Okay, Hey, hi,
(08:29):
thank you for your baggage. Thank you. Okay, you just
toss it, you just toss it down here, thank you?
Oh god. Okay, hit me right in the face. Okay, sorry,
that's the only way I get food down here. Uber eats, Yeah,
I gotta feed him. You know, he's human. I know
that about humans that they gotta eat in a dirt.
Apparently not good enough. Show. Well, great buddism, I feel
(08:52):
I feel pretty good about. Let's move on to the
next book camp. Okay, we have u g spot. Now
this one I'm confident. I know. Okay, there's a spot
in your hole where you throw all the garbage that
falls down here. Yes, G spot, no close, but no
a lot of people. Here's the thing. People's G spot
(09:14):
is different on different people. You know, based on your body.
May I you may? The G spot is actually a
spot of tissue that is in the vaginal canal. It
does feel different in touching it, texture wise, texture wise,
(09:35):
and it is a very big pleasure spot for many
people who have a G spot. It is some say
difficult to find. Others say, put in the time. You
know what I mean? Yeah, wow, I love that. And
it's you said, it's a it's a spot of it
is there. Um, here's the thing. I just all overwhelming
(09:56):
for me. I'm losing my words and I'm I'm weirdly hot.
I don't know what that's about. But that's good. That's
what sex does to you. It's okay, it makes you hot.
I've got a list go in here, and it's it's
a good one makes Let me just write this, let
me just write this down with my mouth cruet. Okay, great,
you hold a pen beautifully mouth work that would that
(10:21):
be helpful and chex. That would be good. People love that,
very helpful. You should see my anus work. Hello, also
could be good. It's just a little joke. Okay, let's
get back into this vog cab all right, here we go.
Kink Okay, now, for me, kink is when I can't
poop because I'm sitting on my own body, sort of
(10:41):
like a hose situation about a kink? What is it
on the surface. That's a wonderful visual. Thank you so much.
Cool teen does have to help me out sometimes. Yeah. Yeah,
you know when you do a kink in a hose
uh in the backyard and then you let go over,
it really flies out after that. That's kind of the
process that we go through. Uhe fells the gets it
(11:04):
a kink. So maybe a condom would be good for that, Yes,
but it'll stop the precious. Am I making connections here?
I get what you're saying. Kink is more. It has
to do with like categories of how people find pleasure.
What are some of those categories? Wow, it's an overall
(11:26):
turn on. It's an umbrella statement. So there could be
fetishes that are kinks, right, Okay, So there may be
something that's specific that you enjoy Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I've gotta I've got a kink for boobs. Good, I've
got a kink for boobs. Good for you. Yeah, you've
got a lot of a lot of pictures of boobs
(11:47):
down here. Yeah, I've drawn a lot in the in
the walls of the hole, in the mud, in the dirt. Yeah,
totally kinked. I'm kinked out for boobs man. Okay, yeah,
I support that. I see some and they look lovely.
What I love is that you have all different shapes
and sizes, and that's important. That's what's important. As a
five ton worm, I appreciate that exactly. Now. I would
(12:11):
think that maybe fail stut because you don't have any
you might be interested in feet. Do you feel a
little something when you see feet on humans? I mean,
you know when Cool Team takes their shoes off. I
don't love it, So I want to say no. Okay,
so that's not a kink or a fetish for you. Okay, Okay.
(12:33):
There are some fascinating fetishes, some that I thought were interesting.
One is um getting turned on with people falling downstairs. Okay, Well,
I will say I really enjoyed it when Cool Team
fell down into my hole. That was hilarious. It was
fun until I landed, fun until I landed. Another fetish
is someone being fully clothed and then submerging in water.
(12:56):
Who could be a bathtub, it could be a pool fasting,
you know, sometimes the hope fills with water. I don't
have any clothes on. I'm famously naked. Would you like
to go in famously but you know, cool teen, maybe
you could try to? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just
don't know why it's sexy. It doesn't seem sexy to me. Listen,
(13:17):
we don't question judgment what other people find sexy. There's
no judgment in this, okay, okay, And that will help
you if you decide to, you know, partner down the road,
because your partner could have a fetish a kink that
maybe you haven't explored yet. And we're a little scared
as humans, and then we judge, and we like to
(13:38):
put a little judgment on it. But I think it's
better to just be open to try things, to see
how you feel, and then take it from there. Yeah.
And then if I try it and I don't like it,
I don't have to do it again. Exactly. But my
mom said about brusselspronce. Okay, my mom said the same
thing about dirt. She said, you take one bite and
then if you don't like it, you don't have to
(13:59):
have it. But let me tell you I loved it.
You loved it. You loved it. I love mud. Sloppy
sloppy mud. Maybe it's a kink, could be a kink,
It could bank could be a kink. All right, let's
(14:22):
keep going this. Okay, now we have um. Okay, Shoot,
it looks like I misspelled organism. No, I don't think
you dead? What Okay? What am I looking at here?
Orgasm is my gas? Okay? Okay, you know Contine, you
said you gave those a lot of people, right. Oh yeah,
I'm slapping him up and down all over the block.
(14:44):
Anytime anyone wants an orgasm, I got him. You know,
I'm the orgasm hook up. Okay. Yeah, I've got a
kink for orgasms. Okay, So what is an orgasm? Ladies?
Can you walk me through it? Okay? I don't have
the scientific definition in front of me. I think it's
like the pinnacle of pleasure. Someone say, climax, climax of pleasure,
(15:07):
where for some people liquid is excreted. It feels like
I'll use this wonderful nod to a television show. It
feels like a really good sneeze, but better like that release. Okay,
all right, the last time, but that was the sneeze.
I freaking flew against the wall's Oh my gosh, yeah,
(15:30):
it was quite a shock. Did you ruin any of
your boob drawings? I did. It was a sad day.
I'm sorry about them. Sorry to hear that. Thank you.
Let's move to the next one. Okay, so now we
got boner. Now, I consider myself a boner, and by that,
of course, I mean a collector of bones. Doesn't mean
the same thing on the surface a boner, No, No,
(15:53):
it's an erect penis, the aforementioned direct penis that we've
discussed what a dildo is typically, you know, modeled off of. Okay, So,
so when the worm is standing at salute, Yeah, yeah, correct,
that's it. Okay, great, I have bonus all the time.
Then when I you know, sometimes I try to stand
myself up and escape the hole, and of course I
(16:15):
don't have any harms or legs, and I'm huge, so
I generally just slide back down to the bottom. But yeah,
I'm boning up. Well, you try to be, and that's
we We applaud your effort absolutely. I appreciate that. Now
we have um, oh, we have the the clotoris, which
to me sounds like like a beautiful name cletorus, much
(16:35):
like rolls off the tongue. It is a beautiful name
for a beautiful body part women or those with cltoruss
or clotori. Okay, wow, wow, uh, We're the only mammal
that has an organ only for pleasure, and that is
what the clotorus say is it's a bundle of nerves
(16:57):
for pleasure, sensation and well that self explanatory. I love that.
But they'll see you have one of those, right. Didn't
you say that you had a clittle clutter something? Oh,
I have a clicktellum, which is sort of similar. It's
a sort of ring around my body that secretes a
viscid sack in which my exer stored Okay, pretty different,
(17:18):
I guess sounds similar. So I see how that could
have been confused, could be confusing. Okay, great, yeah, let
me see courteen again. Obviously you know it all, But
is there anything any vocaboys you wanted to throw out? Yeah,
I just had a couple of blind spots that I
was hoping you can feel for me. I'm pretty sure
this is the time of day when my mom likes
(17:40):
to take photographs. That sexy, sexy time of day. But
a golden shower. Yeah, Remember we were talking about like
fetishes kinks. So a golden shower is when someone is
turned on and feels pleasure by either peen on somebody
or impede on and so it's referred to as a
(18:02):
golden shower. Okay, because you're in this typically of a
golden hue. If you're not hydrated, the golder it gets,
you know, yes, oh, I do know that there is
often not water down here unless it right. Oh gosh, okay,
we got piste all over the place. You just want
everywhere everywhere. So sorry about that, especially since I made
(18:23):
you too take your shoes off. I feel bad about that. Well,
I will say I'm relieved that it doesn't feel like
there's a lot of shipped down here, because sells the
excrets and then eats as we say, that's a kink
as well, that's a kink as well. Well, look at me,
I feel I'll see a little little over my head. Uh.
One more uh, and I'm pretty sure this isn't a
(18:44):
sex thing, and it's just um that item and in
the corner of the hole over there, but a rusty trombo.
I think it fell down here when the marching band
went by. It could have yeah, I think it did. Okay,
that's probably what it was. But also, you know, people
like to lick a little anus, eat a little glass
if you will, and then at the same time do
(19:06):
a little um manual manipulation of erect penises, you know.
Fun fact I can eat my own ass, so that's
that is fun. That's a humble braga. I like to
keep it clean down there, you know, keep it clean.
And now that I think about it, it feels pretty good.
You know. Self pleasure that's part of it as well,
very important. Oh that's a part of sex. Yes, you've
(19:28):
got to know what turns you on. If you've got
to figure it out yourself, do it. Masturbation is what
we call it. Masturbation. Okay, this is feeling so much
clear to me. But I think we should pop into
our next segment that I'm calling sex or not chex.
So I'm gonna give you a few scenarios written by
(19:49):
me and colten or by some listeners, and you tell
me whether it's sex or not sex Number one, A
penis going into a vagina, sex or not sex? Sex
pen a trait of sex. We would say, yeah, I
love that. Okay. A tongue licking a butthole sex, we're
(20:10):
not sex? Sex? Yeah, Okay, that's what I thought. So
I'm feeling good. Okay. This one's a little more complicated. Okay.
Rubbing your genitals on a muddy tree branch until it
breaks sex or not sex? Sex? Yeah? Sex. I mean,
if you're getting pleasure from it, I would say, just
(20:31):
get a sturdier branch next time, or you may want
it to break that. Maybe your climate could be part
of it. Can I be vulnerable for a second, please,
I put that one in. Okay, that was mine, So
you've done that. I liked. I like to hump a
tree branch once in a blue once in a blue hole.
(20:52):
No judgment here, no judgment, no judgment for you. You're exploring,
you're trying different objects, different things. Good for you. I'm
excited about that for you. Yeah, use your environment like
you do with thicker stick. Yeah. Maybe I like a
thick stick. You never know till you try, right, all right,
this is this is great so far. Okay, this one
I did not write jerking off quietly in the corner
(21:15):
while the giant worm is sleeping? Coolteen, did you put
this in? I just think it might be a pretty
widely relatable experience, a version of that jerk you know, Yeah,
that's jerking off. Yes. The one thing I will add
is it's always good for the other person in the
room to have given their consent if you're going to
(21:36):
do that. Yeah, okay, And consent is agreeing to it, agreement,
being okay with that happening in their presence. Yes. Well,
let me say, for the record, cool teen, I have
no problem with you jerking it in the corner while
I'm sound asleep. Wonderful because you know, we don't have
a lot of privacy down here. It actually sounds like
(21:58):
you guys are pretty sexually open. Yeah, I mean, I'm
not interested in cool teen per se, right, Yeah, I
mean I'm I'm a lot older than That's true. Worms
only live to four, so I'm pushing too. Baby, I'm
only two. So there's very little privacy here, it seems. Yeah,
there's really I don't know how you could be alone
(22:20):
down here. We really could use a nice little, you know,
room divider. Someone ever felt like throwing it down here.
We haven't gotten one of those yet. We got eight
microwaves low so that's pretty cool. Yeah, wow, that is great.
You can't plug them in, but fun to pretend though
it is fund for dead. What else we have down here? Cool, Jane,
We got a bunch of cool stuff. Well we got
(22:41):
what were you going to say? The dead body is
what I was going to start with, but you go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, notably,
notably the dead body. We got a couple of different
sports balls down here. Oh yeah, deflated, uh soccer ball.
We got a man, I haven't been in class so long,
I can't remember it. Um one of those measuring things
that it's in a half circle. Oh man, I haven't
(23:02):
been in math class so freaking long. Protractor. Yes, a
protractor I spotted as soon as I got down here.
I mean, Jesse and Claire, if there's anything you see
that you want to take with you, I mean, by
all means, it would be the least I could do.
But not the protractor. I use it to trace my
boobs on the wall. That's of course how you got
(23:22):
Some of the shapes are incredible and very symmetrical. Yeah,
thank you. And none of the microwaves, because that's a collection,
much like my bones collection. I wouldn't take a thing. Well,
I was about to say, if you don't need all
those hangars, I could take a hangar or two, absolutely
help yourself. Thank you. Dry cleaner over there that doesn't recycle,
(23:42):
We'll put it that way, so hangers say no more. Yeah,
I'd be happy to reuse, reuse, recycle. That makes me
so happy. Let me kick it to Coolteene, cooltine. Do
you have any scenarios you want to toss out of
sex or not sex? Yeah? What if you're doing over
the pants hand stuff but you accidentally say I love you.
(24:04):
I think that's a that's a precious moment right there. Yeah,
that is precious. That's a precious moment. I don't know
if i'd categorize it as sex, but it's a precious moment.
You know. Some people call sex making love, and that's
on the way to making love. It sounds like it does.
Sound like that. Wow, see love love. I definitely want
to have I want to have some experts on um
(24:25):
anything else coolting, any other scenarios you want to throw
up for sex or not sex. What if you have
a sexy dream about someone and you're so afraid to
tell them, and then you tell them that you did
and they say, I also had that dream, And then
you say, well, do you want to maybe do that
in real life? And they say no, thank you, And
(24:45):
I was just wondering what the status of that is.
That's a great question that's happened to me as well. Yeah.
I don't know if that categorizes specifically as sex um,
but a conversation starter. It sounds like it's opening a door.
Sometimes our dreams are insight into our subconscious. So if
I were gonna guess it sounds like you're interested in
(25:07):
whatever happened in the dream. The person sounds, you know,
not interested. Unfortunately, maybe on a different page, but maybe
whatever happened in the dream you can do with somebody else,
you know. Yeah, maybe your kink cool teen is asking
people if they want to do something. I'm saying no, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(25:30):
that'd be a great one. You've got a kink for
respectfully accepting rejection rejection. Yeah, you're a consent king is
that that. I love that term. I heard someone that's
a great term. That's a badge of honor because when
you get that green light, I know you're going to
be ready. Oh yeah, ready to kink some boobies. Yes,
(25:52):
the colteen? Is that? What this other thing on the
wall where there's like, you know, one side says yes
and one side says no, and there's like eighty hatch
marks on the Noah relative, Well, I'm just counting my nose.
Oh man, love those nose. Yeah. They say every failure
is a step towards success. Yes, that's positive thinking. Yeah,
(26:15):
that's really nice. Cool teen, and that, honestly, to me,
makes you look really cool. Thank you, Thank you absolutely.
(26:36):
I don't just asked you to a couple of questions
before we hop into this last segment. What would you
say is the hardest part of sex? I think it's
being comfortable. It can be a little scary, you know
what I mean. I'm terrified to just bear it all
if you will, and she will? And what about for you, Claire?
(26:58):
For me, I think the hardest of sex is not hosting. Now,
this is something that I personally have a problem with
um as a natural born host. If you will. Um.
I want to make sure that whoever's in my presence
is taking care of having a good time. And so
(27:18):
the hardest part for me is to not just be
focused on them, but to actually have pleasure myself. Wow. Right,
because I don't know if you've seen the media a
little bit, you've dabbled. You know, cool team has an iPhone,
but weirdly it doesn't work whenever they handed to me.
Oh interesting, it's not worm friendly. I'm cold blooded, so
(27:41):
I don't think it reads my fingies since I don't
have fingies. Yeah. Well, you know you're talking about the media,
and that brings us just flawlessly into our last segment,
which I like to call but those that gets her
belly dirty. For this segment, okay, we are first going
(28:03):
to watch a video about worms mating, and then you
can tell me how similar you feel it is to
human sex. Sound good, wonderful, great, I'm excited, educational. Let
me just get this video. Cool teens just getting a
video ready on his his cool iPhone that hates worms. Sure, Okay,
(28:26):
here we go, Here we go, alright, so maybe we'll
stop and started. Here we go. Okay, earthworms are hermacrititic. True,
each earthworm possesses both testies producing sperm and ovaries producing
Absolutely when two earthworms made, they align in opposite directions. Okay,
(28:46):
so we can just pause it right here. So yeah,
when when we mate, worms are regular worms or monsters
are like, we kind of line up and we stick
our heads together on the side. We sort of lay
one facing down, one using up. Does that feel like
human section anyway? It can be? Right? Okay. Sometimes people
(29:07):
like to have head and genitalia head in genitalia meat
and what is that called? Some like to call it
um sixty nine? Hell yeah, yeah, I knew cool teen
would like that. Coltine, you have your shirt off now,
and I don't know why. Sorry, it's okay, but yes,
sixty nine that is a sexual activity. So there's there's
(29:27):
many different positions one can be correct. Tay, great, all right,
let's let's keep on watching. The testies produced sperm which
passed from seminal vesicles through male genitals, which are small
openings in the fifteenth segment of the body. I feel
(29:48):
like that's not I actually didn't even understand that, and
I'm a worm. It was difficult to inderstand. Yes, it went.
It went over my slimy head. Let's keep going. Sperm
then travel two seminal receptacles. This is pretty sexy, which
are part of the female reproductive system which stores from
are located between segments nine and ten and ten and
(30:12):
a letter. So as you can see, we're both very still,
very still, because you've got to get those holes lined
up just right. Wow. Okay, that is not similar to
human sex, to above ground sex, so more movement. We
like to move, typically different speeds. Absolutely after mating, the
clitellum produces mucus. That's what I was talking about earlier. Yeah,
(30:35):
cltell um of mucus cocoon which travels along the width
of the body, and then as the cocoon passes the
openings for the seminal receptacles in segments nine and ten
and eleven. We have a lot of segments, thirty of them.
The sperm will fertilize the In terrestrial analysts, there is
(30:58):
no lauarval state. The eggs hatch as miniature adults. Okay,
so I thought hatches miniature adults. That's true. I mean,
I guess babies are miniature adults. Yeah, we do have
someone coming on to talk about babies. Great, they'll explain it.
That is not my expertise. I'll say that much. You
(31:18):
know what me either, my friend, I squired them out
and leave them. Let me tell you. Wait, so both
worms are having the babies. Yeah, it's it's like we um,
you know, I've let we've learned so much to you
about penises and vaginas and janitor's. Uh yeah, we kind
of got all kinds of stuff. So we uh, we
pair up with any other worm that we're into and
(31:39):
line up our hose and uh, you know, past that
ship back and forth and then boom, we made it.
It's not really a pleasurable experience. It feels more like
a business transaction. Yeah. So I heard there's this thing
called porn, which is I am told is a video
of human sex. Pornography. I have been told it is
(32:01):
not appropriate for young listeners. So cool, team, cover your ears,
you too. I'm sure I've seen this point before because
it looks like a good one. So I'm just gonna go.
I'll go look at the point, okay, and then we'll
to go just a brief break and then we'll come back. Okay, great,
Oh my god, Okay, whoa alright, that's okay. That's a
(32:25):
lot of unpacked there. All right, where do I start? Um,
way more humans than I thought it can be. That
can be fun. I almost couldn't count them. There were
It's interesting because, um, some of them were related, I
think which god? And then I definitely saw dildo's. I
did not see any condoms. That's a problem with pornography.
(32:48):
Sometimes I feel slimier than normal. Is this what's happening
to me? That sometimes can be a reaction to pornography.
That is typical. Yeah, a lot of times it's really
exciting when you're first getting in there, and then as
you keep watching, you know, you start thinking about the
(33:09):
people or just what's happening, logistics. Are you crying? Are
you okay? Did you peek? I peeked, and I just, uh,
I'm I'm in a little trouble with what I saw
anything particular. I think there was a horse in the background.
(33:30):
There was a horse at some point. Yeah, what they
weren't doing anything to it. It was just sort of
in the background and had sort of a farm theme.
It looks scared. It did look scared, right. That's tricky because, yeah,
the horse can't consent so we want to let the
horse have its own space. Yes. Yeah. And then there
was also somebody wearing a It didn't look like they
were really even having sex at all. They were just
(33:51):
wearing a diaper crying in the corner. I'm really confused
about what I've seen. That part made total sense to me. Um,
that was the one part where I want that's hot.
Maybe I don't know. I feel like I learned something
about myself that could be in the kink category, right, Absolutely,
somebody could be really turned on by the idea of
(34:14):
like a worm in a hole and then falling into
it and being captive. You know that that could be
a turn on for a lot of people. Ye are
you saying I am a kink? I could be a kink.
You could be a kink of fetish a role play?
I mean, yeah, Well, now I feel like I understand
(34:35):
human sex. I'm thrilled. Claire Jesse, thank you so much
for coming down here and teaching me what sex is.
And my conclusion is that it's it's not as disgusting
as I assumed. I actually think I might be kind
of into it. Embrace that. I will embrace it. Thank you.
Anything you two would like to plug anything you got
(34:57):
going on. But we do have a pot cast weekly cult.
No such thing as love, but we do talk about
sex a lot on there. Absolutely, amongst other things, ye
actually talk about dating, You talk about self love. Yeah, amazing.
Well I can't wait to listen and learn what those
two things are. Thank you for saying that. Yeah, this
(35:19):
has been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. I see
what you did there, I see what you did there.
We're all horny. This was a click because it was
just for pleasure. This was our clip. Everybody a bundle
of nerves. Absolutely, that's our episode. Stay money, everybody, goodbye courting,
(35:41):
stop up crying, got shall be doing world, please,
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