Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central, Trevor, thank you gorgeous. Uh.
Mike Pinch says he'd be willing to testify against Trump
in the January six Committee. Trump acts gangster, but you
know the Clintons haven't beat because if you believe the Internet,
Hillary would have taken care of this ship a long
time ago. Okay, all I'm saying is would be a
(00:22):
lot of slow singing and flower bringing, if you know
what I mean. Okay, I said too much. Let's start
the show. I'll go by the name of charlettagne Garden.
It's been a hell of a week, Queen Island. Let's
get it another one. Being honest, Hey, I want to
(00:51):
introduce my pant On. He's a council member for New
York City's thirty six district. Makes some noise for too say,
y'all right. Uh, he's white, but he's I and he'll
be at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York City all
this weekend. My man comedian Garry Owen and last, but
(01:12):
certainly not least, he she We is a hilarious comedian
who you can catch you on Netflix is day Ready
and they're a host of the Laugh and learned podcast
on podcast network Flaying Road. Now, it has been a
hell of a week. After finding a red spot on
his nose, a German Man went to the doctor and
found out that he has monkey pocks syphilis and h
(01:36):
I V Who he fucking these diseases? Not Pokemon cards. Okay,
you don't have to catch them, ball, sir? All right?
Topic one now. Earlier this week on the Pivot podcast,
two football players had a very interesting conversation. But a
peakan podcast and suspected cousin, the t I Channing Crowder
told Brown's cornerback Denzel Award that he was beautiful. Uh,
(02:02):
it makes me wonder why is the society? Are we
so reluctant for a man, especially a black man, to
objectively comment on another man's beauty. Look, I'm married to
a beautiful black queen, but you don't have to be
a black queen to know that Michael B. Jordan's is
a delicious morsel of a man. All right, so is
interest elbow? Don't you a yo? B Okay? All right?
(02:25):
All right? And from what I hear from the writer's
room boards, Cold Joe, you know they think he's fine too.
Not my taste he's a little too page for me,
but I see him. Look, man, I see my home
girls tell each other how pretty they all all the time. Okay,
because being attracted to someone doesn't mean you're attracted to them.
(02:47):
So is it okay for men to give other men
these type of compliments? Gary, I'm gonna start with you
with your fine ass. Yeah I've done. I've done two
movies with Michael really. Oh so every day pretty eyes Mike, Really,
that's what I'm not. I'll get him a compliment, but
I always say, like if I ever got life in prison,
(03:09):
I mean, I want him to be my celly. That's
a good compliment. I mean, that's a good fighting. I'll
fighting for a couple of years. But you know I
don't want face on love being my celling Now. I'll
take really all day. What do you think me too?
I want to be my damn selling Yeah. Um, you
know what the problem is that masculinity is what is
(03:32):
the measure of a man? What does a man look like? Honestly,
I'm a dad of three children. They adore me as
their father. This is my job, but they know who
I am as a man. So men should be able
to compliment other men, because if you're secure in your
manhood and you know that, ain't you get down? I
can say this is a good looking problem, and that's
not that's real. That's really the problem is so many
(03:55):
men are walking around with this toxic masculinity. And I
have a prime example last weekend I was in Yellow
Springs with Dave and and Dave Chapelle and yes they
who is now most who is you formally known as
most deaf? And his masculinity and his man who was
so quiet and strong without him having to say muth
(04:15):
and I'm this and I'm a thing, his masculated to
his sex appeal was quiet and enormous. So you think
he's beautiful? Oh, I thought he was a beautiful man.
I would have been in selling. I almost most definitely
went down on why don't have to be a jail?
Can we stopped with the jail? Well, Jo, it's almost
(04:37):
kissed my uber driver on the way over here for
abating traffic. Listen, just because he got you to traffics.
We're making we're making strides to detoxified masculinia. Lets to
a social experiment, carriage showman. Tell him he's the most
beautiful dark skin black man you've ever seen in your life.
You're the most beautiful, dark skinned black man you ever Okay,
(04:59):
I'm the middle of this. Wait a minute, look back up.
I listened to be in the middle. Would masculinity be
a little less toxic if like men had free, fluent
compliments coming at them from their peers. No, first of all,
I think that was a woman who answered that stay
out of grown men's conversations. What do you think? Yeah,
(05:21):
nice thing, dude's got nice outfit on. Just tell him.
And it's weird, like you gotta tell him, like you
gotta specify, like not like that, you bro like that shirt,
not like that, Like you can't and you can't do
it all the time. So like if Gary did come
in and said you look like if he did it
every day, then some suspect why every day he can't
(05:44):
tell you look good every day. No, I'm speaking from
the male perspective. You know, it's three of us, he,
she and we all three of us. So from the
male prefactive, it looks suspect. It looks like now now
you're not flatter I don't think that you attracted to me.
It's a difference I deal with anxiety and depression. Tell me,
I'll look. I totally disagree. I think it's a generational
(06:08):
thing now that I'm looking at this is it will
say any compliment that you're saying earnestly to your to
your straight friend, your male friends, how often it is
listenell me every day it is sometimes beautiful or handsome.
It's better than telling them that their fits fire. I
(06:28):
like when you say the fits fire too. But you
know when you say a swag there you go, which
means sex with another guy. That's an acronym. You didn't know.
I didn't know that. Why I'm gonna Why do you
know that one women's basketball start, Brittany Griners got a
nine year sentierce in Russia for a vape pin, which
has many Americans, including President Joe Biden, saying that is
(06:50):
an unfair punishment, even going so far as to offer
a trade. I hope that trade happens. I want Brittany
to come home. But uh oh, Joe must have forgotten.
There's people in America locked up for the same damn
thing right now. Okay, In fact, federal cannabis arrest of
jump under President Biden, Biden could free those people, right now,
(07:11):
with the stroke of a pen, he could grant mass
clemency for people with non violent federal cannabis convictions and
there would be no arms deal is required. Okay, listen,
President Biden, that mass clemency is as easy as riding
a bike. You know what. Never mind flames to Joe Biden,
(07:32):
free everybody locked up on the federal level with a
non violent weed only offense. Not only should he free
m he should also all of them that he free
open dispensaries. So I'm like that for a dollar it
is I think, and I think it is hypocrisy that
bridy grinder is over there. But here's America supposed to
be the most richest country in the world, the most
fairest country. If the athletic associations pay female athletes their
(07:54):
worth and closer at least what they pay male athletes,
we wouldn't have to go to other countries to make
up on all state. Well, you've got to know the
rules in the country you're in. You just have to
know you travel over you Well, like I went first
time I went to the Middle East, it was during Ramadan.
I didn't go out of my room because I didn't
know what I was allowed what I wasn't allowed to
do where I was allowed to go. So I stayed
in my hotel because the rules? How did that fail?
(08:17):
We fail to stay in to you, the politicians, what
do you think? Yeah, I mean, I will speak from
my perspective on the local level. You know, we're talking
a lot about Joe Biden right here, but we have
a governor in the state of the of New York
that has the power to grant clemency two free black
and brown folks that are in jail right here in
New York State for marijuana charges. So yes, we can
apply pressure on Joe Biden. But Kathy Hopeful, Governor Kathy Hopeful,
(08:41):
when your election first, But it's time to free some
black people from jail. But if Joe does it on
a federal level, don't you think that will make people
like her say, you know what let's doing on the
state level. Absolutely, But I think we can get in
touch with Kathy a lot quicker. Okay, all right, when
we come back, we're taking a road trip, and later
I'll be talking it's a big race. You got a
whole hell of a week in just a minute. Hey,
(09:14):
welcome back to hell of a week. I'm blessed to
still be joined by the only panel so dope Hunter, Biden,
Mike breaking hands smoking. All right, we've got Chios, Gario
and in flaming row. Yes. Now, sometimes you see celebrities
and politicians so much we feel like we know him.
But who would you pick to actually spend time with?
All right, we're gonna find out in the game called
(09:35):
who You Got. Here's the scenario. Your cousins getting married
in Atlanta. So you're going on a fourteen hour road
trip and an oh five Honda Civic with one ox cord,
four seats five if you squeeze. Now, your cousin is
a big political nerd, so she's invited Clarence Thomas, Nancy Pelosi,
(09:57):
Dr Jill Biden, Vice President Kamala Harry, Mike Pins and
AOC to the wedding. But here's the thing about your cousin.
She's also a hope. So she invited all her exes, Okay,
Ray j Cathy Hilton, Ezra Miller, Dr Ozavanka Trump, and
everyone's least favorite co defendant to Goshi six nine. All right,
they all said yes, and they all need to ride.
(10:18):
You get first, pick who's the first person you're putting
in that car and justify your answers, Sir, that's a
hard question. I would have to pick Clarence Thomas because
I'm a big animal lover, so I would love to
go on a drive for eleven hours with a raccoon. Okay, okay, okay, Gary,
You're next? Who you got in? Why? I'm gonna go
(10:39):
Vice President Harris Uh from the Bay. We can bump
be forty and too short the whole ride, maybe smoke
a little something. Yeah, ghost ride to will Flicky Flame
where you got Oh? I definitely am picking Vice President
Mike Pince Why and you need to pick him because
for fourteen hours, I'm gonna let him live the life
that he truly wants to. Coming up, I will have
(11:03):
him in full drag right now we get to a
vata baby if you real has laughs drag, I knew
it back to you too. A second pick, I think
I would have to pick Ray J so that I
could break a Guinness World record of the longest time
Clarence Thomas has spent time with black people, not just
(11:24):
a black person, a nigger. You said it. I didn't
that up, Gary, Gary, Who you got dr Oz, we
get all the healthy snacks at the circle K, and
the xis when we stopped. I gotta know how to
eat for fourteen hours. Okay, flaming. We just can pick
a Vonka Trump. The reason why is the beast make
cute shoes and be her husband looks like a trainee.
(11:47):
So I think if I give us some me all
the secrets her husband do look like a training Jared Kushon,
every comment is about your deck. I'm glass, Gary, I'm sorry.
Garrett's even closer and closer to Charlottegne. My final pick,
my final pick, I think it's I think it's Joe Biden.
Joe Biden. Is that Joe Biden. That's Dr Jill. Dr
(12:08):
Jill has a he just missed jender. Dr Jill. I
think she had listen. I think she has a mean
tater talk casserole recipe that I may need to pick
up for the next Gary. Who's your next? Pi Takashi?
Put Takashi in the car because if you get pulled over,
he might tell on you. Yeah, that's fine, I gotta
(12:29):
claim record. You'll get out of it. Who's your last?
Picking Nancy Pelosi because I think nasty Pelosi has the
biggest balls in the Democratic Party. She is the toughest
Democrat that we have, ladies and gentlemen. So Nancy Pelosi
right now pampas with her man. I guess that means
(12:50):
I'm giving a ride to AOC Kathy Hilton and Editar Miller,
which means I'm only giving a ride to ALC because
i would not be a black man driving around two
white people. Okay, right now, I'd like to thank my handalysts.
She oh say, Gary Owens and claiming robe. We'll be
right back with the Mogul Queen Easterrank. Welcome back to
(13:25):
Hell of a Week. My next guest is the Mogul period.
She's a movie star in New York Times, bestselling author
and entrepreneur, creator and Emmy Award when He starved. HBOS
insecure that she's once again nominated for this year. Her
latest creation, rapsh It is probably the only thing keeping
the lights on at HBO. Max. Please welcome Easterray, y'all,
(13:46):
come on, give it up. How are you e I'm dead,
I'm really get I'm not gonna bed. You know when
you wake up and you know, looking in the mirror,
how much you have to fight the earth. Just say, wow,
these other bitches aren't even close. All right. I see
what you did there, I see what you did. I
don't fight third at all that the urge doesn't come. Really, no, no,
(14:06):
what do you when you wake up in the morning.
You don't look you don't look like your best. You know,
your breast steal things. I just I'm fusing, I'm breasting
my teeth. But I gotta give myself positive informations, you
know I do. I smile at myself in the mirror, said,
say good morning, gorgeous to yourself. I like that marriage
oblige is the truth, so I should listen to her.
She's a Capricorn, so shout out Capricornet. Now, Beyonce gave
(14:30):
you over a year to enjoy me season. Is that
enough time? And how's me season been going? These season
has been going great. I'm very grateful for Beyonce and Rihanna.
For Rihanna wasn't gonna come out with that anyway, but
for Beyonce for holding off. And I'm I'm enjoying my
me season because of her season, and I think we
all do. So shout out to Beyonce, who is always
(14:51):
on her What does me season look like? For you?
Me season just is when I feel my best, like
you know, and I feel like you spend so much
time as a creator working on your projects and when
it's out for the world to see. That's that's the
exciting part. Like that, and the anxiety of just like
they're gonna mess with it, and then just the excitement
(15:13):
of like, oh, I'm about to be out in the
streets because I'm also really reclusive when i'm working, So
the excitement of being able to step out, be yourself,
look your best, feel your best, That's that's me season. Yeah,
when you outside, you'd be outside, you'd be doing some
rich ship. I'll be following your Instagram now rich to
the quarter, you know, I try. How proud do you
think the version of Easter Radar that wrote awkward Black
(15:34):
Girl would be of this version of East a big mobile, rare?
Oh man? She would first sure be proud, She would
for sure and be like, what that's how we're doing okay? Um,
but yeah, I'm still she's still inside me, so uh,
you know, we're living this together. You talk to her
or she talked to you. I talked to myself a
(15:55):
lot so some version of me is talking to me.
I talked to myself out loud, I talked to myself
in my suite. I'm just constantly I got words for myself.
You know they say geniuses talk to themselves. They really Yeah,
I read that somewhere where I don't remember. Okay, I
believe it's something my Google. Someone wasn't on one of
them quote walls that you can suck all genius and
talk to yourself. Or maybe I just made that up
(16:16):
to make myself yourself said that back to you. Got
it now and honor your new series rap Ship. We've
got a little game for you. I love a game
that's right Slate night TV. We gotta do games, and
this game is called cat Shit. Okay, right, Since you're
known for being so private, this is your opportunity to
like shut down some rumors tell us what's facting? Was cat?
All right? All right? Factor Cap. Judging from a recent tweet,
(16:38):
you're concerned about the merging between Discovery and Warner Brothers,
the company that owns HBO. Factor Cap. Uh Cat, I'm
not worried, okay, because you used to ray they might
get rid of everybody else, didn't getting ready eased back.
We'll see time. What's up? But I'm not worried. Okay, alright,
Factor Cap. You actually bragged as a kid that you
(17:01):
would be in a Barbie movie and they all laughed
at you. You know what, Cap, No, because I didn't
imagine myself as a Barbie at all. I never saw it. Yeah,
so to be in the movie, I was like, this
is crazy. Bobby was white. Bobby was for sure white.
Um so that part yeah, and I just wasn't. I
didn't have Barbie tendencies. What the hell is Bobby? What
(17:24):
Bobby tendencies are? Right? Yeah, you're right white? Um? Factor Cap,
Is it true you said you would whip Regina Halls
asking a fistfight? Um? Fact, she always tries me, so
she knows what it is. Uh, Factor Cap. You were furious, disgusted,
(17:48):
bamboozoo and how stupid people were when you realize people
thought your wedding picks pictures were just picks from a
random photos when Cap, I never said all that. It
was quite amused that people, you know, listen to me.
They trusted me, they trusted my caption. So, UM, I
respect that. Thank you for being so gullible and believe
(18:12):
why do you starting to announce it that way? Just
because I thought it would be I didn't want to
put pictures out initially, and then it was gonna happen,
um because just long story shirts, I was like, these
pictures are gonna come out anyway. I want to do
it the way I want to do it, um, And
that was it. Factor cap, Oh, this is a good one.
You told j Ellis a k a. Lawrence to tuck
(18:33):
his love for his new being white queen so he
doesn't turn off his families. Back to Cat, why I
did this? Why? Why are you so missing? What? Why
did someone feed this wasn't approved? Cat? Cat, no further comments?
Get it up for you, y'all. Check out rap shot
(18:57):
A ask me on Max New episodes Drip Thursday at
nine when we come back more Hell of a Week. Hey,
(19:23):
welcome back to Hell of a Week. I'd like to
leave y'all with one final thought. A week ago, to
FBI rated Donald Trump's house looking for stolen files. The
week before that, Trump buried his ex wife for Vanna
on his golf course. Somehow the cremated remains of a
hundred and forty pound woman took tin damn parbearers to
(19:43):
carry what's so heavy. It's not like they were carrying
Hunterbidy's crack rocks. My take is, if the FBI wants
to find the real secret ship, they should dig up
a Vanna. Nancy Lee Grant from General Hospital agrees with me,
and she's a soap opera star. Can you imagine the
ship that's down there? We got Trump tax records videos
(20:07):
and don turning up with Jeffrey Epstein and where's Tiffany.
Nobody's seen her in six months. Normally I'm against digging
up old ladies ashes, but our democracy of that stake people.
I go body named Charlomagne and God and it's been
a hell of a week. Thank you for We run
to the office and see you next Thursday. So be
(20:39):
sure to listen to Hell of a Week with Charlemagne
and God wherever you get your podcast. This has been
a Comedy Central podcast.