June 7, 2023 • 49 mins
In the first episode of the week, as the school year ends and summer begins, the hosts discuss what burnout is, how to identify it, and how to identify the source of your exhaustion and stress. Most importantly, however, they also discuss ways to combat feelings of burnout in education, careers, friendships, and relationships, and ways to improve self care and mental wellbeing (beyond face-masks and bubble baths).
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Okay, Hi, there's ice cream. So cool?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
What flavor is that? Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
You know?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I love cookie dough?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
The only one I like?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Is that your favorite? Betting Jerry's flavor?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
All I want?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I like?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Ever? Really? I like the one with the cookie dough
bites and the brownie chunks?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Which one is that? I don't like brownies?
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Do you know which one is that? I don't want
to look that up. It's like chunk of Monco. Chunky
Monkey is the one with the walnuts and bananas. I
want them to make Chunky Monkey without the walnuts because
I can't.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Eat walnuts and brownie chunks, I know, And I don't
really like eating nuts in other things. I like nuts
by themselves, but like banana nut bread.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
See, I'm allergic to nuts. So my opinion on this
makes sense. Like thinking about someone sitting down, like eating
a handful of almonds. What would possess you to do that? Okay, friends,
almonds I could understand, like a little saltary or little
chocolate or something, But like a handful of walnuts, or
like pecans or peanuts, why are you doing that?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
One thing? I was I love pistachios.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Okay, you got a peel I saw something them on
the train and I was like, eh, but specifically like peanuts, walnuts, pecans.
I get them as like an addition to a food,
Like why would you sit down with the bowl of
them and just eat them? That's that's weird.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Walnuts, that's weird. And people always do it during Christmas time.
People always give nuts as a gift, like my mom
when I was I don't know if anyone else can
relate to this, but I feel like it was a
common thing in my grade school. My parents made me
give my teachers. Yeah right, little jar cities nodding, little
jars of like candy pecans or walnuts or something like spicy.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
My mom would mix peanuts and candy corn. Yeah, me
give it in like a like a little like jar
for Christmas. No, I was like for Halloween. Yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I do you do you like candy corns?
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I like like one candy corn at a time, just
like in general. I would only eat one because I
feel like if you have a lot of them, it
could actually maybe send you into a coma.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There's I mean, they're.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
They're literally just orange sugar and then they get like them.
But no, I don't like candy like that. Yeah, I
do like crunch bars. I like kit cats, not like
hershees and Oh I love York, but I had York
so often as a kid. I don't really know why
I don't like them anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I really like salted caramel dark chops.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
And they're literally everything for no reason. Like there'll be
a perfectly normal, freaking food and it'll be like shades
pecans on top. Why just take them off?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
I don't know, just take I love when you tell
waiters because Sinny and I got to dinner a lot.
I love when you tell the waite staff that you
are allergic to like nuts or cinnamon. You know, is
there any way because it only says here's that there's
a cinnamon or a nut garnish.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Is there any way that could be taken off?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
And they look you strain the eyes and go, no,
I know, I got.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I got to the point where I just stopped telling
waiters that I have a nut allergy because they'll either
like forget to say something. They'll forget to say something,
or they'll be like it's made in the same kitchen
net a nut has ever lived in Okay, obviously, if
it's in the same oxygen. I'm not going to pass out,
(03:39):
because like, if you have a common allergy where it's
like dairy or eggs or like shellfish, it known why
my mouth made that. It'll be like warning contained shellfish.
No one ever says like warning contained cinnamon because it's
not a common allergy. Yeah. And in fact, when I
found out I was lerged to cinnamon, I didn't even
ingest it. I put a cinnamon roll like the ones
(04:01):
from Papa John's on my leg and I started swelling
and I was like, ill.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I mean, I will never forget the one time I
accidentally have I have this habit of accidentally almost killing
Sydney by multiple car allergies. And this one time me,
Hear and a couple of friends were at Fedko, which
is actually a really good Ukrainian restaurant where midtown or something,
and we went and I fed her, like force fed
her a piece of cinnamon cake because I was absolutely
(04:28):
positive there was.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Of a mind. I'm sitting across from her and I
can see the cinnamon from across the table and I'm like,
sare do this have cinnamon? And she was like no.
I was like, taste it and telling there a cina chic,
there's not I can see it. She's like, no, try it.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
She can also smell like a cinnamon has a very
distinct smell.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
That's it. Yeah, I will say I made French toast
without cinnamon, but I used Hawaiian rolls and them fingies.
I did burn them all, but they were so good.
So we were talking about this place called Metro Diner
in my hometown, JACKSONMA. I got or dinner last night
with people I went to kindergarten with, and it was
(05:04):
so cute because we're all in the city now and
the way Jacksonville works, most people from my hometown, like
if you go through the private school system, you'll start
there's like two or three like feeder elementary or elementary schools,
kindergarten whatever, and they'll feed into like two middle schools
that you go through high school with. So like half
(05:24):
of them I knew since i've know an album is kindergarten.
But half of them I went to school with like
K through twelve the other half K through sixth grade.
So like the last time I had seen them, I
was literally ten years old. They started speaking and I
was like, Eh, your voice is jobs and they were like, yes,
because I'm not ten years old anymore. It's kind of
blowing my mind. They were like talking like this, and
I was like, that makes you very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I do not have a lot of people who I
grew up with living in the city. But this one
girl is moving to Hoboken this summer and we are
really close in high school and I actually, I mean,
she's one of the girls from high school who I
don't literally despise at this point, and her name is Emma,
and I'm so excited to hang out with her and
stuff because she's moving to Hoboken.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
But I don't know, I don't have a lot of
people moving around in the area.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And I feel like because my boyfriend went to Colgate,
I feel like he has so many friends who live
in Manhattan because everybody from Colgate just moved to Manhattan afterwards.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
He just knows everybody in this like I went to underground.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
This no no, but if you think about it, so
many people from NYU transferred or moved after graduation, like
you and maybe three other people are the only people
I know who didn't transfer, so are not even transferred,
Just like who didn't move to another place.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So that's really cool that you have so many people
who live in the city because I wish I had that.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
It's just like weird. It's like the last time I
saw them, I had a unibrow, and I mean I
probably still do. No, you definitely don't. I haven't got
my eyebrows down since literally prom oll great shaven.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Since prom in high school. I like, you're talking about Actually.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
No, I'm definitely lying. Oh I went a couple of times. Heay,
speaking of news. None, that was actually news. I just
speaking of the thing we actually want to talk about.
All my friends are rewatching are starting for the first
time Sex and the City because I am making them
And it's so funny watching it because I remember when
(07:13):
I watched it the first time, I was like ill. Unfortunately,
I'm so much like Carrie, and I actually can't stand Carrie.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
You have all of her endearing qualities.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
She has none.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, she has so many. Name one, she's loyal as
a friend.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
She's hilarious, and she's so smart, and she's a writer.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
She's girl. She would use her rint checks to buy
shoes that she would end her up.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
And she she's a relationship Gil.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah. Gil. She was the man for ten years who
left her at the altar and she still chose to
marry him. Oh yeah, okay, no, but that.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Doesn't mean she doesn't have any good call. I like Carrie.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
No. I Actually the more I rewatch it, the more
I actually can't stand her, Like her friends will be
going through like the worst moments under life, Like I wait,
I don't like the shoes I'm wearing.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Remember that episode, But you know, the producers and the
writer called her out for it because they specifically crafted
an episode where they sat Carried down with all of
her friends and Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte were like, we're
not your therapist, and go do something else.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
But then she did. And I think Carrie.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
What another good thing about Carry is she had the
biggest character arc and development throughout the series except the
first movie, when she took a huge set back.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
That's it. Do you think that she really developed? Because
I just watched the second movie and she's exactly the same. Actually,
when where they go to Abu Dhabi, that's the most
movie I've actually ever seen.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't mean to laugh, it's actually really offensive.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Even in just like that though she's still awful, okay,
and just like that, I have so many qualms because
I love Sex and the City. Despite their fact that
there's actually no black people on that show at all,
Like they literally were like they don't exist. There's actually
one episode and it was one extra so offensive because
when one of them, I think Sam dates a black
eyes yeah, and that was this is a nanomy heat.
I'm like what, yeah, yeah, And so that was an
(08:50):
awful episode. And then the movies also not really any
So they didn't just like that. They're like, hey, let's
try and correct everything that was wrong with the first seasons.
Put all of those issues into Miranda's character. Yes, let's
take Miranda homophobic, biphobic, chransphobic, but.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
The bisexual but also, I mean you can be by
phobic and bisexual, but still.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
And the long we're redheads, so I was like, I'm
gonna relate to her. I mean I'm not a redhead,
but you know I have a spiritual connection threadheads.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And the White Savior complists, which you mentioned literally so funny.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
But like, why is it all of Miranda? But Kim
Cotrall is coming.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Back chance a roommate has not seen sex in the
city and we are trying to push it in her
noggin so bad to start watching the show because I
know she would love it. I'm so excited. I saw
that Kim Contrall was coming back to just like that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I knew it. First of all.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I told everybody that they tease her coming back for
a reason.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
There's no reason they the producers would not have had Carrie.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Texting Samantha at Bigg's funeral if she was not going
to come back on the show. And I really have
but they habody tried to tell me. Everybody trying to
tell me, and I just want to say no.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
But they would have had to anyway because it would
have made sense for them not to be. They weren't
close obviously in the show, but I think she was
closest to her, like she supposed to be her maid
of honor, so I think they had to have a
moment there. My thing, though, is, you know, HBO, I
need I don't just want to know, I need to
know how many zeros or on that check to bring
(10:20):
Kim Control back because HBO got they got money, money
they got I don't even know what kind of money
mm hmm. And I'm telling you this. So there's like
so many different theories as to why they don't or
why like they don't like each other. There's actually, if
you like, there's like a thread on Twitter, and every
single comma has a different theory. Like no one knows
the actual real story. But what we do know is
that when Kim Cattrall's brother passed away, Sarah Jessica Parker
(10:43):
like send her condolences over Instagram. I guess not personally,
and Kim Contrall's like take them back. I don't know
how much money would make you want to work with
that person again, but like that's crazy. And also like
they gave Sam, like she's my favorite character. They gave
maybe Charlotte, maybe Sam, both of them anyway, and Miranda
actually them, but Carrie, but I love Carrie. I actually
can't stand here. She's like everything I hate about people
(11:05):
in one person. And I liked her. Oh and her
Bob in season five okay, yeah, and that was tragic.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
And her hair in season one when they didn't have
that HBO budget.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah they didn't have hairspray, Oh my gosh. And they
gave Sam and I guess kind of Miranda all like
the really demeaning character story arcs and storylines and all
of the nude scenes that were also like very degrading,
but they got paid the least, so that's kind of
I'm kind of confused. But I do hope that the
season is better and that it's not as problematic, like
(11:34):
it was written by people who don't have social media
but hear things and think that's how people interact with
each other. So that was a little bit weird. But
I hope the writing is better, and I hope that
they don't make Sam the worse. And I hope that
since Aiden's back and I love Aiden, that things work
(11:56):
out for her.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
I think her and Aiden should end up together. Honestly
a little bit.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I didn't change up together. And if you ever want
to know he've grown as a person, watch Sex and
the City like a couple of years apart. If you
don't hate Carrie, I'm telling you, I don't know. Like
I used to love Carrie, and I think not even
just Carrie. But if you like to carry in Big together,
because like me, I love you know, I loved Big.
(12:21):
I don't like him as a person anymore because also
to happen, but as a character. I used to love him.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
She likes Big not Chris.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
No, Yes, because I liked him. I thought he was cute,
but I hated his suits. But rewatching, I realized I
only liked Big because I was also with the toxic
man who would not commit to me, and I hoped
that maybe in ten years he would change.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
But I realized that that was a buzzer statement.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Sitting I realized I liked Big because he was Zach
like my ex except for Mix wasn't rich or honestly
looked like Big, or had a pronounce apartment or would
send limos for me. But anyway, I think that we
were rooting for them, so we wanted him to change.
But that man was for He was not going to change.
And if a man left me at the altar and
(13:05):
sit in like the whole thinking about him, like sending
her poems, say like I'm sorry, hedn't even write the
poems they were like Beethoven, That to me is not romantic.
And it's like, if it takes someone hurting you that
many times over the period of ten years for them
to realize they want to be with you, then you
should not be with that person. And I think that
rewatching sex in the city a second time after being
out of the Tox relationship, I have a completely different
(13:27):
outlook on Big Big Carrie's relationship, but also how much
I cannot stand Harry. Also, she's not a fashion icon.
I will say that wholeheartedly. It was Sam I Charlotte.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I disagree that Carrie's a bad character. I think that
she's misguided, but I don't think I think she has
some very.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Good lessons to teach. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
And I think that she's really fun loving and really
intelligent and sweet and cute whatever, But I don't. I
really dislike how Carrie is the most hated character, but
I understand why.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
And I think that a lot of the lessons that
she's trying to teach us.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
How can I put this, The lessons that she's trying
to teach us episode by episode you should never listen to.
But I think her character arc, like literally, her character
arc is something to pay attention to. It's an example
you can learn from her because she's the example of
what not to do in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, do you think she ever found redemption? Like her
character so far? Like ever? Redemption meaning what like not
an awful person.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Well, I never thought she was an awful person.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
I think that she was very misguided in her relationship
and she was given a lot of bad advice. So
I think, like her Sex and the City column, that's
not the greatest advice that she was giving women. Overall,
the message I think was I had the right intent
It's like that book that we reviewed.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I think overall she had the right intentions.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
But now, of course, as very modern women, you know,
watching the series in twenty twenty three, of the series
that was filmed in like the nineteen nineties, it does
seem very outdated. And yeah, I don't think she ever
found redemption in that sense. But I do think I'm
going to just go buy my previous statement. I think
that watch her as a good like watching her love
life for example, and often sometimes that she treated her friends.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
As loyal as she was, is a good example of
what not to do.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, it was just crazy to me that like that
Carrie like so no short answer, yes, because like like
the end of the world of like Carrie bought like
could have find a pair of shoes or like yeah,
left her for the nine hundredth time.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Do you think she found redemption.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
No, Yeah, that's why I don't like her anymore. But
I used to like her because I was like her.
But I've learned, Like.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I've always thought you were more of a Charlotte than
you were a Carrie.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Though, Yeah, I loved Charlotte. I think Charlotte's probably the
m maybe Charlotte. I think Arlotte is the best character.
She's like the most loyal friend and like even though
she had the same idea as Carrie, she wants like
Mary Rich, like all this stuff. Like in the end,
she ended up with someone who was like perfect for her,
and like she went through her whole like infertility issues,
sam went through cancer obviously, Miranda's like fitting our sexuality.
(15:51):
She got cheated on, like by her husband, like all
this stuff, but like Carrie's she was like Mama got
a big left for the nine hundred times.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
I think Samantha was the best character overall because she
just has I think, a very different lifestyle than the
average woman, which I think a.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Lot of people can't relate to.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
And I'm just being honest, like I think most women
don't undergo her specific lifestyle sexually, but in just that
is kind of what I did for numerous years, So
I think not only can I relate to her the most,
but the way she choose her friends, the.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Way that remember when Miranda had it wasn't even like a.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Wedding, It was just kind of like a ceremony because
Miranda was very not about the whole big white wedding situation.
Samantha did not want to ruin her day literally because
she had cancer, which is a huge thing.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And yeah, I just think she was the most loyal friend.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
And even when she didn't really believe in monogamy, she
knew when it was right with Smith, even though they
didn't end up together.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Overall, she knew what was best for her at the time.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
I think she was just very, very street smart, and
that's what I admire most about Samantha.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I'd say the Sames. I feel like she stayed in
the most true to who she was. Like even if
she did find someone like say, yeah, Jared Smith, yeah
that like was so good to her and like so
ten tip, she realized that like no matter if they
were perfect or not, like it just wasn't what she
wanted out of life or like what she needed. And
I respect her for that. I hope she got with
hot neighbor.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
I found this TikTok which I would love to get
your opinion on. So this woman, I'm not going to
play it because copy right. But this woman went on
a podcast. I think her name is Brenne Brown. I
think I'm pronouncing that right. She went on the podcast
with Tim Ferriss and I don't know what the podcast is,
but those are the correct names. Everyone says marriage would
be fifty to fifty. It's the biggest croca bullshit I've
(17:37):
ever heard. It's never fifty to fifty ever. And so
what we do is we quantify where we are at
the time. So if Steve comes home, her husband and
if he's like, I got twenty just an energy, investment, kindness, patience,
he had a really bad day at work, I'm out
of twenty, and she'll be like, I'll cover you. I
got your brother, I'll pull the eighty. Sometimes you come home,
which we have done a lot. My mom has been sick.
(17:59):
Her mom and she'll say I've got ten, and her
husband goes, like, two days ago, said I'm writing a
solid twenty five. They know that they have to sit
down at the table anytime that they have less than
one hundred percent combined and figure out a plan of
kindness toward each other because they don't both have.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Like twenty and eighty or eighty and twenty. They have
to like figure it out if they're out.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Like a ten and of twenty five. Does that make sense,
she says, because the thing is marriage is not something
that's fifty to fifty. A partnership works when you can
carry their twenty or if they can carry your twenty,
and that when you both just have twenty, you have
a plan where you don't hurt each other.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I agree? And I feel like that's one thing that's
wrong with relationships now is that one I don't know
it's because of like social media or because of like
or like the first generation to grow up with like
so many movies and television shows and books that are
like sit to herround romance because like obviously there was
that in the past, but like we have it on demand.
(18:57):
And then on top of that, when it comes to
social media, like the quote unquote couples people follow, we're
obsessed with their lives and all we see is a
highlightrail of it. So we assume, like that's what a
perfect relationship is and I think that is the reason
why so maybe relationships aren't successful, especially with our generation,
is because our expectations are not reality, you know. And
(19:19):
I feel like no person's ever at one hundred percent.
There's it doesn't matter even in friendships, you know, Like
we talked about this before in one of the episodes
where it's like sometimes I'm able to give twenty five
percent because of things that are happening with me personally,
and like that's what I'm able to offer. I can't
try and offer more. I can't. I won't try to
offer less, but that's what I'm coming to the table with.
And I feel like in relationships, that's a conversation it
(19:39):
has to be had or understood between two people to
make it work. Is that like I can't be one
hundred percent doting girlfriend, perfect want to do everything and
anything at any given moment because I'm not like a
blank campus. I come with my own past, baggage, stress,
et cetera. So I think being conversational about that and
like coming to the tabe people with that will make
(20:02):
you more successful.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Than not well because and kind of to relate to
the topic today, we are talking about burnout, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I think that everybody gets.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Burnout all the time, doesn't really matter of a scenario
profession wise, just like in life in general, and your
partner should be able to kind of take on that
extra I mean, because that is what a really I
think just in my eyes or in my words, I
would say, like in my specific verbiage, I would say
that it's still giving fifty to fifty, though, like not
(20:31):
exactly in exact percentages, but I think it's still half
and half part of being like in an equal partnership
is being able to give less and expecting your partner
to give more or like requiring your partner to give
more to me.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
That's still fifty to fifty. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Because they can expect the same from you, So that's
still like an equal relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I can just tell. I'll see the most harmless video ever.
That's like, for example, I saw a video where so
I know from the law school I try to be
on the podcast she was, She's like, as a popular
like dating advice TikTok and God my Heir are so frizzy,
and she's like, women shouldn't have to like follow these
arbitrary rules or like change their personalities or the way
(21:11):
they talk, where they dress to kind of try to
appease a man, because once you get them, you have
to keep that act up. That's just not who you are.
Why would you want to be if someone who doesn't
want you for what you are? And the girls comes like,
oh my god, you just hate ultra fin than women.
You hate women who like to dress a certain way
and like want to be classy. And there obviously that
shook a chre with you personally, and that's why you
have such a like a vitual reaction. But like, guess
(21:32):
what she's not talking about you? Like the way that
kind of like the way that you interpret or bring
your own history to like that kind of commentary, Like
that's a very personal thing. And like I would take
the moment think why is this making me so emotional?
Because she's speaking to you like that is your situation exactly?
You know, if getting so offended by it, so like
for example, like so there has in my past relationship,
(21:57):
like he was taking the bar for example, like while
I was finished shame my junior year of undergrad The
bar is something you've study for nineteen hours or twenty
four hours of the day, Like you don't work during
your time studying for the bar. You study all day
every day. It's like you're basically not even taking the LSAX.
I'm really comfortable, but like that's something that like becomes
(22:18):
your life for the entire time until you take the
bar exam and you pass it. And I knew that
going into that, Like I can't expect him to take
me on days every week and call me every day
and text me all day and respond all day and whatever.
I knew that like during that time period, it's not
going to be fifty to fifty, Like I'm going to
have to bring more if I want to keep the
relationship up. And that's choice that I had to make.
(22:39):
So I think that's what she means in terms of
like fifty to fifty and like even like for me personally,
like the last six months, like I was extremely depressed,
I had health issues, Like I was not in a
place to, in my opinion, be asking percentage from anyone,
you know, And it's like I knew that if I
was in a relationship, it wouldn't be fifty to fifty,
(23:00):
want to be seventy thirty, Like I had to prioritize
things that were not my partner. So I made the
conscious choice to not ask anyone to do that and
to instead focus all of my energy on me. And
I feel like, well that was my personal choice. Well,
if you're in a marriage, you can't really choose to
do that unless you want to get divorced, you know.
So I feel like it's more so a personal choice
to be okay with not being fifty to fifty, or
(23:21):
like having to give more effort energy to your partner
if that's what you want to do. So I don't
think necessarily it's like a role where you have to
do this, this and this. It's a personal choice as
to whether or not your connection or your love for
that person is strong enough or worth having to give more,
you know, if you have more to give, etcetera.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Brunne's verbiage was amazing, and I think she gave fantastic advice.
But when I looked at the comments, I just saw
like what we were literally just saying, a lot of
people took it the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I think it just really struck a chord with them
in their personal lives.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Like you've said, when you give advice is you don't
have to take people's advice exactly they're coming to with
your own experiences and like, obviously this person doesn't know
every single situation out there, and A your situation is toxic,
joining you then leave, Like it's very simple. If what
she's saying checking cord with you so badly that you have
to get like this Currell in her comments, take a
step back and realize why A, you're getting so mad,
and it's because you're a second situation.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, that's yes, And I think that it is also
important if you want to have a conversation about giving twenty,
receiving eighty, giving eighty, receiving twenty, but you also mention,
which is what we really try to do on the podcast.
You also mention what it is like when you only
do get twenty and how to deal with that and
if that is the relationship for you.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Because there is scenarios, like you.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Just mentioned, you have something going on, you're setting for
the bar, you are going through a state in your
life where you can only give twenty. There's stuff like that,
and there's also just he's not that in you, she's
not that in you. They're not that in you. You
need to call it stuff like that, and.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Like, I'll be honest, I don't think any relationship is
ever fifty fifty, like in any given even if even
in like the healthiest relationship of all time, nothing is
ever faked.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
That's what she said.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, I very strongly agree with that, even like any
perfect situation, and like that's just the way life is.
You know, something's always happening.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
I think that a relationship can be equal and not
fifty to fifty at the same time, I think those means,
in my mind, completely different things. So it's like, you
can have an equal relationship where you both play equal
roles of respect, loyalty, trust, kindness, generosity, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
The really core values that we talked, like the husband list.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
And then I think that, you know, there can be
specific situations where it's not fifty to fifty, and that
it's not fifty to fifty.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
But I agree, I think I think they're separate. I
think that, yeah, fifty is not necessarily about character or values,
it's about energy for morals.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, they're totally separate. I love that conversation. I think
it's so good to have because a lot of people.
I just saw how many people took her advice the
wrong way, and I really made me want to have
a conversation about it because I was like, I just
don't think that's what she meant at all. But it
was just really interesting to see how ninety nine point
nine nine nine percent of people in the comments took
that and just.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Ran and reached so far with it. It's really interest.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
But that's TikTok for you know it open TikTok comments.
I'm like, oh, yeah, there we go. It'll be it'll
be like I like ice cream, some wantle like cookies. Okay,
no one asked you like this person's opinion. You know.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
I saw also one girl do a like, here's how
much coffee I have in today?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
TikTok. She's like, oh, I as a coffee out. Here's
why I get coffee like every day.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
And someone was like, oh my god, this is what
I did when I have a you disorder, like blah
blah blah.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And they just like took it in a whole different direction.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
It's just interesting, not that they're wrong, but it's just
interesting to see where the comments can take things and
how that changes the whole tenor of the video because,
in my opinion, comments are just as important as a
video on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
That's why I just delete comments like this is not
for you, clearly, so goodbye.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Do you block the comments or do you just delete them?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
I sleep them?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yeah that's good. People love to say your opinions on things. Yeah, yeah,
it's great. We're in a free country. But like, I'm
not America, I'm Sydney. I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Quote of the episode. I'm not America.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
I'm Sydney. Frankly, I don't care about your money.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
But bringing it back to the topic, I think that
if you are going to kind of put the keep
the mask on of always like catering to the other person,
like you were just talking about constantly, like twenty four
to seven, that can give you burnout as well. So like,
while you have to cater to the other person's burnout
in a relationship, you also have to consider.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Your own burnout.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
And like if you are masking, because massing, like no
matter what other like mental stuff you have going on,
Masking is a really real thing in relationships because it's like,
you know, once you get to a certain point, are
you just gonna live like this forever?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
And that can give you burnout in itself, and the.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Topic that we're talking about is actually burnout slash huzzle culture.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Ziba. Yeah, that's like for the last my entire life
since like high school, I've never like only been doing
one thing like I'm doing school, I'm working, I'm doing sports,
I'm doing creative stuff, I'm doing a podcast, et cetera.
To the point where it's like I'm at a time
in my life for like priority wise, a relationship is
(27:57):
not in my priority list because like I focused on
my career, I'm focused on school, focus on providing for myself.
I'm focused on like a side products I'm doing to
the point where it's like I know that like I
can't be the kind of girl and I do ad
my people that can do it where I can put
a man first in my life. I mean, I'm the
I want to put a man first in my life
because but I'm not in a place where I can
(28:20):
like put things that I want or I meet or
I'm striving for a side like I'm always gonna be
something aspires to something. I'm not gonna be comfortable like
being baseline about my career. It's focused on a man.
I'm just not that kind of person and so like obviously,
like your first year of law school is like the hardest,
and like I worked throughout my first year of law
school more than one job, at least the first semester,
(28:41):
and I at the same time like job hunting and
all this stuff providing for myself, family stuff, health issues,
et cetera. So it's like I knew I my brain
just like like everything came to a holt because I
think I was trying to put too much on my
plate at once and like I wasn't able to prioritize
things in the way that I needed and like, and
(29:02):
I'm at a point finally where like I am able
to like readjust and realize, like I don't need to
do anything, like yes, I'm a person who like is
guided by aspirations, like I'm never gonna be comfortable just
doing like one job, Like I wantn't be working towards
like next level or like other things or like trying
to bounce more than one thing. That's just my personality.
And so I think are finally in a place where
like I can't take a step back or a break
(29:24):
and like focus on one or two things and I
can add things to my plate like a relationship, but
like even like starting to date now, like going on dates,
I let men know you are not going to be
my priority. Like that's just not the kind of person
that I am. Like I'm not gonna put things aside
for relationship, Like I think women are kind of expected
to put things aside to want to support a man
(29:45):
and like have a family and things like that. And like,
while I do want that, I do a long term
relationship again, like I do want to aspire to marriage
and kids and things like that, I also want to
aspire to like my own career goals, my own personal goals,
and like right now, lossook comes first for me. And
so while I do want to be with someone, they
need to understand like I'm not going to get their
beck and call, you know, like I have other things
going on for me and not put that inside for
(30:05):
a relationship with a person. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
One thing that my boyfriend and I vehemently agree on
is relationships are a lot about being realistic. Because when
you're not realistic and you really rely on that fantasy
or the romance twenty four to seven, in a relationship
that is so unsustainable, it might feel good in the moment,
but that can absolutely give to an uneven balance of
give and take where it just completely ruins you, exhaust
(30:30):
you just feels like you are absolutely always the.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
One given, give and giving.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
I'll give an example in one of my last relationships
my ex for context, I don't really know if I
want kids, I don't want any pets, I want to
live in New York City. I'm a very independent, lively, zesty,
energetic person and my ex was not like that at all,
And whenever we would talk about the future together, it
(30:57):
would always have marriage, pets, chill, living in the suburbs
as the main four focal points in the relationship, and
we would talk about that and I would always kind
of bring it up, hoping he would change his mind,
but he never did because that's not the type of
person he is and I can respect him for that,
but that means that he is not the person for me.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
That doesn't necessarily mean that he is my soulmate.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
And deciding on that was a very realistic thing. Yes,
it broke my heart. Yes I was absolutely in love
with him, but I was avoiding years and years and
years of burnout and just giving because I knew what
was right for me, and I was being realistic for
like myself.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
And I think that.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
That's something that a lot of people should look at
in terms of long distance and long term relationships and
like future prospects, because a lot of people don't want
to get married, and a lot of people don't want
what you were just saying those standard things that often
happen in marriages, and a lot of women, in particular,
I can speak for a lot of us, I think,
don't necessarily want that typical I'm going to take your
(31:56):
last name, I'm going to have eight of your babies,
and I'm going to get three rovers and live on
a farm for the rest of my life. A lot
of women don't want that, you know, we have our
own individual personalities. Burnout is also very real in that
sense too, where you can just always be like you're
just exhausting yourself, and that can that's unsustainable completely.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
I agree, especially because I don't know really what it is.
I think at the most like psychologically subconscious level, there's
this like weird competitive thing about social media where it's
like my senior year of undergrad I was working three
jobs while doing my thesis while applying to law school
and while doing like my last semester of college, and
(32:34):
I would always mention that in my TikTok videos. People
would comment, I'm not that I'm so proud of you,
like you're balancing so much, and it's like for me,
I felt pride in people being proud of me like
that I didn't know because I was taking on so much.
And while I'm glad to have had those opportunities because
they did like shape me into like the student and
worker and like whatever that I am. Now it's like
(32:57):
this need to always be doing more. I feel like
it's stabilitating because a lot of people like do take
a break before going to law school or like go
straight into a career instead, And I think that having
so much on my plate and then going straight into
like the hardest year of school I've ever done, like
I burn out side a word to touch that, Like,
(33:18):
I think because I was always wanted to do more,
to like not un necessarily impress myself, but to impress
other people, because for me, it's like they'll respect me
more because I already know, like walking into a room
like I am a black woman, like I'm already gonna
be seen as like less intelligent, less whatever, like whatever.
So being able to like bring those like accolades into
a conversation and make me feel like I'm more impressive
or like people won't respect me more at the same time,
(33:39):
like is that worth it being at the expense of
my mental health? You know? And it's like even on
social media now, like some people that I follow are
like I'm a lawyer and a constant creator and an
artist and a dreamer and an answer and like those
things are so cool, but I feel like it's such
a pressure to always be doing more, not even in
terms of like climbing up like a certain career path,
but like having to do fifty things at one time
(34:01):
and show that you can do all those in one day,
where it's like that might be great and impressive, but
is that sustainable? So I feel like this weird like
hustle culture that iran, We're like you always have to
have like a side project or like start your own company,
like all this stuff. It's like, while that does work
for some people and that is great, it's like I
think we should be talking more about breath jab more
(34:23):
about how we can make being young more sustainable because
I'm like, we're twenty three years old? Why are we
working four jobs? You know, like some of us are
twenty two, twenty three, twenty four.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Slash Sidney loves to say she's twenty three now.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I will hope people keep asking me how old I an.
I'm like, I'm definitely twenty three or twenty four. I
just like twenty two. It's like, I'm think I've ever
said I'm twenty two before. I think Also, because that's
that two Swift song, and I can't stand Taylor Swift
so really, I actually can't stand up.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Did you see that TikTok where she's fallowed a bug
on her eras tour?
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I don't really anytime I see anything with that tour
on my for you page, I block the person andcy
not interested. I actually love Taylor Swift's old music, but
I don't think I like her as a person necessarily
in terms of like like fake femininist politician thing. I
just I don't really vibe with it. Yeah, but there's
just one TikTok that was actually so funny, and it's
like this black girl and she was like me trying
(35:21):
to like Taylor Swift, and it was like a song
cling in the background. She was like, I'll skipping to
the florist and my mind is on this boy and
it's mesmerizing and debilitating. And it literally killed me because
like the one thing I don't like about I love
her old music, but like her new music. She uses
such a word like big words have nothing to do
with what the sentence is about, and she really bothers me.
(35:41):
I don't know what it is and also didn't make
any sax words. Why you always wondering? You a forest girl?
And so you live in New York, live on Cornelia Street.
There is no forest around, Like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
One thing about Taylor Swift is she's always on the
park bench in the forest or drinking to myself.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Okay, I will, I will say, when.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Speaking in your room, she's either in her room.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Okay. When Speak Now TV comes out, maybe I will
listen to it because I like Speak Now and like
those eras of albums, the most recent ones, I don't know,
I really can't.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Get into it, and said speak Now.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
And like there's like all the like bracelet trading and
like people threatening her exes, like you all are you
are in your mid thirties, You're grown women. Let's lead
these men alone like they dated for two weeks. She's
over it. I think I hope maybe not maybe, but yeah,
I don't know. I certainly vibe anyway the better erratur is,
renaissance whatever. Anyway, Yeah, I think that, like, and I
(36:40):
don't know why when I think about hustle culture, I
think about SoundCloud. I don't really know why, because I
feel like every man's like, yeah, I'm a hustler. You
have a SoundCloud or you have a Spotify.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
They have a SoundCloud and they also own like a
promoters business.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
You know. I love that for them. I don't personally
to say.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
I think there's a different kind of burnout culture that
has a lot to do with going out. And I
know that a lot of our high school and college
and lower twenties audience can relate to because I was in.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
That era a lot of college. I'm a big going
out person.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I love to dance, and I love to fill up
my weekends with every single thing that I possibly can
because I do have a nine to five, so any like,
and you know Sydney has her nine to five class routine.
I mean her class routine is more like seven am
to freaking nine pm. But anyway, I digress. We really
like to unwind and stuff whenever we can. But that
(37:39):
relaxing and unwinding does manifest in different ways for different people,
and for me, a lot of it has to do
with going out, hanging with my friends, going out to dinner,
getting makeup on, going, and that takes a lot of energy.
As extroverted as I am and as extroverted as Sydney R,
I know that we take a lot of energy to
go to these things and to just like keep it going,
keep it going as much as we can.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Also, that's just our personality.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
I feel like as much as Sinny and I do
value our independence and relaxation time, we also really try
to fill up our social calendars as much as possible,
and that can really take a toll on you. As
much as you like going out and as healthy as
you might go out, I think that there's also something
really really good and healing about just being by yourself
(38:22):
in your room, watching your favorite TV show, listening to
your favorite music, doing a little like yoga routine, drinking
a fuck ton of water, and just like being with
yourself and just hanging around your own space. I think
it's really really healing for anybody, like, no matter what
your personality is. And I know for me, I just
had a tragedy in my life recently where one of
my closest friends unfortunately passed away due to cancer, and
(38:45):
it was a big shock. I had no idea what
was coming. And the first thing I wanted to do
to handle it, which is how I handle most, you know,
traumatic things in my life, whether it's breakups or deaths
or friendship breakups, whatever, is to just distract myself at
that contains going out. And I know, like I was
talking to my roommate Chance about this, and we were
(39:06):
kind of bonding over our losses and just kind of
like talking about our grief, because for me, there's a
difference between grief and mourning, and we were talking about
our morning periods and how we handled our grief. And
I think that while it is okay to kind of
give yourself grace and let yourself go a little bit
in the moment or in like that week or I
would say, give yourself a certain amount of time, and
(39:27):
then after that you do have to realize that like
the person who you might have lost wanted better for you,
like they didn't want you to change your entire life
because they're gone or they're not a part of your
life any more, regardless of the situation. So I guess
like that took a more morbid turn, but in terms
of that just because like that's just what happened to
me recently.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah, I take a lot of people talk about identifying
burnout or like how they have burnt out, but not
really how to heal from it, yea, and like sometimes
it isn't something where you can really heal from just
because of the culture that we live in. But like
for me, for the last like six months, if I said, like,
it has been a really hard time, and the one
thing I identified that I felt like I could have
(40:05):
used as like a healing method or what people kind
of pressed you to use as a healing method was drinking,
and I went so pretty much I would say, super curious,
like half sober, to point where I just like I
don't like drinking and I know that, like I, yeah,
I'll have a cocktail about with my friends, but like
it's never been something that I've relied on. I didn't
(40:25):
want that to change, just because like I was at
a point where like I was so stressed out, and
it came to a point when people be like, oh
my god, like to have like a cock taier, let's
go out to take the edge off. Like for me,
that doesn't take an edge off, like pounding my body
with alcohol and like sweating it out for a night
and then waking up those.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Feeling the hangover, the headaches, the you know, the anxiety.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
It's not fun me downing six drinks and feeling like
shit is not gonna on gonna make things worse for me.
So it's like I knew that I was going through
a rough time, like things were probably only gonna get
worse for a while. So I just stopped drinking. And
I cannot tell tell you how much better I felt. Well,
I wasn't wasting money every time I went out, but too,
like I learned how to go out with my friends
(41:06):
who are drinking and getting drunk and having fun and
knowing that I can have a good time without having to.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Buy OUTOL there's so much power in that.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah, And it's like I'm at a point now where
like I'll go out with my friends like four nights
in a row and I'll have one drink and I
feel fine, you know, like I don't feel a pressure
to like start drinking more, And I think that there
needs to be a big conversation about that, because even
on like I'll open TikTok and every single thing is
a joke about like getting drunk, understanding that and realizing
like it is okay to not want to like get
plastered because you're stressed. It's such a big thing, or
(41:35):
like doing drugs things like that, Like if I'm going
to something bad or like going through something that requires
like mental energy, I got to sit in my room,
have dark room time for three days and like speak
really depressed and eat shit and cry my eyes out
and like feel my way through it. Then trying to
suppress it and suppress it and deppressed by going out
(41:56):
and like clubbing and things like that, then having to
like face that reality for stinging the period of time
because I never dressed it in the first place. So
even though like I do love going out, I love
New York. I love being social, and like I will
be social and I will force myself to get out
of bed so I'm not stuck in that dark place.
I'm like very much proponent of not relying on things
or substances or certain kinds of lifestyles to try and
(42:19):
get you through things when what you really need is
to feel the things, go to therapy, talk to someone
about it, et cetera. Because you're only kind of prolonging
your own healing. So I think in terms of like
burning out going to clubs and spending more energy outside
when I can just be in my bed, sleeping does
not help me. Pounding drinks back until I'm drunk does
not help me. And it's took me figuring out myself
(42:41):
throughout college and throughout law school to figure that out.
But I just want to sit at home with popcorn,
watch a movie, relax, and not have to like use
energy sometimes. And I think it's okay to do both,
and we don't talk about that enough.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
I completely agree.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
I think realizing when you have a dependence on something
or you're just going out for a weekend of fun
is a really, really really important distinction to make and
something that I know I struggled a lot with during college,
like being in a sorority and having a lot of
social friends, going out to rooftops and bars and nightclubs,
specifically specifically nightclubs like the nightclubbing scene in New York.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I'm not talking about the bar scene, like the relaxed.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
Cute little lounge couches you sit at a bar and
like have happy hour and oysters.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
I'm talking about clubbing until four am, because I have
too many friends who do that. It seems like you're
trying to compensate for something and get over something just
in the completely wrong way. And it's someone who did
that during their college years. I knew definitely struggle with
that after my like one of my best friends died.
I think that being able to look in the mirror
for me was the hardest part and being like, you
(43:44):
don't want this to happen to you again. Because freshman
year of college I did have a traumatic incident happened
to me as well, So like I know how I
handled that, and I regret almost every moment of how
I handled that. So looking myself in the mirror after
something bad just recently happened to me and saying to myself,
I don't want to go clubbing every night, go to
a bar by myself on a random Tuesday at four pm.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Like that's not who I am, That's not what I want.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
It's not healthy for my body, and that's not healthy
for my mental health. And just like being able to
say I didn't handle this correctly before, I'm on the
track of not handling this correctly this time and being
able to completely switch my behavior was not only one
of the biggest turning points of my life, but also
something that I know, like my friend would have been
proud of. And I think that like that is honestly
(44:26):
something that helped me get through it a lot too.
So that brings me to another point, is you're just
a port system because I know, obviously you cannot depend
on other people to make you happy, but it is
a very big part of like your situation. I know,
having a big support system for me changed my life,
like my two roommates, my family, my boyfriend, my even
(44:47):
just like my coworkers. When my friend died, my coworkers
who I didn't even talk to before, were you know,
texting me being like, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Can I do anything for you?
Speaker 3 (44:56):
And it was just like the amount of love that
I had was compleletely overwhelming, and that honestly helped me
in my journey of self understanding and I think, yeah,
choosing the right people in your life, because that is
a conscious choice most of the time. Choosing the right
people in your life is also really important because, like
Sidney was saying earlier, to kind of just tie it
all back in a big bow, burnout is not just
(45:19):
something you can experience with relationships, something you can experience
with work, with friends, and with a toxic environment that
you have with other people around you. And I think
that choosing like the right people can make a world
of difference because times are going to get rough. Life
sucks and it's unfair, and having people around you who not.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Only understand that book, who know you and can help
you get through it is just it changed my entire life.
It's really important.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
And like on top of having a good support system
and just like realizing when you do have too much
on your plate and like how to offload that. I
think obviously another big one of self care, But like
I cannot emphasize this enough and I think it took
me a lot of time to realize this is well,
is because I'd be I would always think that self
care meant like doing my hair and putting makeup on
(46:06):
and do your taste. Yeah, and I was like, Okay,
mask is on, I still feel like shit. So I
think I finally realized that while yes, those things are
forms of self care, self care is not putting a
face mask on and a foot mask that's the thing,
and slippers it's.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
You've done a foot mask before.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I had. Actually it was disgusting my feet with making
like potato chips like skin off you now my foot
still looked like shit. So I'm like, it's because I danced,
so my feet have like so many callouses.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
People picked on this episode to listen about burnout and
self care.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
My seat potato chips ill, and then my old roommate
would play with them and she.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Was yeashing them.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
I was like, please don't do that ill. But yeah,
self care. I think what self care really is is
taking the time that you were investing in other people
and other situations and your relationship and your friendship in
work in the time that's like depleting your energy and
you're focusing all of that onto yourself. So instead of
taking all them the time I was thinking about guys
(47:09):
and on dating or a fight that I had or
this assignment, I'm stressing about taking the time to stop
sitting in my bed and worrying about that and redirect
to all that time energy towards myself, whether that meant
watching a movie and just relaxing, or the meant going
on a walk, or that meant spending money on myself
and not these men. Things like that I feel like
are more so restorative in terms of self care than
(47:30):
like putting a face mask on. Right.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
And also to that tone which Sidney and I talk
about on the podcast a lot, is it's important to
move your body and be healthy and engage in healthy habits,
but it is also equally as important to listen to
your body, whether that means eating chicken tenders and like
eating some ice cream, or like sitting in your bed
for an hour and watching a movie. It's stuff like
that where it's like you have to pay attention to
(47:53):
what your body needs, and that takes a lot of
self reflection and understanding, which a lot of people don't have.
Speaker 2 (47:58):
But I believe everybody can embark on that journey.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
What TikTok or Instagram might tell you as healthy, it's
like oh, eating some green juice or like some hot
water with lemon in. It is not always a solution
or taking a bubble bath.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
It might not always.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Be what is necessarily healthy for you at that moment.
And on that note, thank you so much for listening.
We hope that you got the most you can get
out of this episode.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
If you want us to talk about any other topics,
let us know.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
We got this amazing DM which I do want to
talk about before we wrap.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
But it's stuff like this. This is why we do
what we do.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
You know.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
We get these messages that say, like, thank you so
much for talking.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
About this, or I really related to this, and like
this is why we're sitting here on a Monday doing
this crap that we really really love because we love you.
Oh yeah, I mean crap and like the lovingest way
know that I actually use this crap.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
I thought this is great, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Guys? You know yeah, yeah, she just gave us like
a snimpet of like her a story and like how
some episodes have helped her and didn't Like we do
get dms a lot about just like people's situations and
like house, certain episodes have like helps them get like
any respective on things. So those are always super cute.
And if you cry in my bed in the morning,
so thank you for sitting that because like obviously we
(49:15):
talk to each other in like a wall of microphones,
but we never really get to like have those conversations
with people. So it's cool to think that like we
are helping someone or like they have another friend that
like understands what they're going through, so that's super cute
and whatever. So thank you.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
You know who you are, Thank you so much for
reaching out, and we love you. And as always, you
can follow us on Instagram and TikTok aut Crying a
public podcast and you can listen to us on Spotify,
Apple Podcasts and iHeart at Crying in Public Podcasts as well,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
We love you, Ardbye bye bye
Okay, Hi, there's ice cream. So cool?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
What flavor is that? Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:27):
You know?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I love cookie dough?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
The only one I like?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Is that your favorite? Betting Jerry's flavor?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
All I want?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I like?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Ever? Really? I like the one with the cookie dough
bites and the brownie chunks?
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Which one is that? I don't like brownies?
Speaker 4 (00:42):
Do you know which one is that? I don't want
to look that up. It's like chunk of Monco. Chunky
Monkey is the one with the walnuts and bananas. I
want them to make Chunky Monkey without the walnuts because
I can't.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Eat walnuts and brownie chunks, I know, And I don't
really like eating nuts in other things. I like nuts
by themselves, but like banana nut bread.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
See, I'm allergic to nuts. So my opinion on this
makes sense. Like thinking about someone sitting down, like eating
a handful of almonds. What would possess you to do that? Okay, friends,
almonds I could understand, like a little saltary or little
chocolate or something, But like a handful of walnuts, or
like pecans or peanuts, why are you doing that?
Speaker 2 (01:23):
One thing? I was I love pistachios.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Okay, you got a peel I saw something them on
the train and I was like, eh, but specifically like peanuts, walnuts, pecans.
I get them as like an addition to a food,
Like why would you sit down with the bowl of
them and just eat them? That's that's weird.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Walnuts, that's weird. And people always do it during Christmas time.
People always give nuts as a gift, like my mom
when I was I don't know if anyone else can
relate to this, but I feel like it was a
common thing in my grade school. My parents made me
give my teachers. Yeah right, little jar cities nodding, little
jars of like candy pecans or walnuts or something like spicy.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
My mom would mix peanuts and candy corn. Yeah, me
give it in like a like a little like jar
for Christmas. No, I was like for Halloween. Yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I do you do you like candy corns?
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I like like one candy corn at a time, just
like in general. I would only eat one because I
feel like if you have a lot of them, it
could actually maybe send you into a coma.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There's I mean, they're.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
They're literally just orange sugar and then they get like them.
But no, I don't like candy like that. Yeah, I
do like crunch bars. I like kit cats, not like
hershees and Oh I love York, but I had York
so often as a kid. I don't really know why
I don't like them anymore.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I really like salted caramel dark chops.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
And they're literally everything for no reason. Like there'll be
a perfectly normal, freaking food and it'll be like shades
pecans on top. Why just take them off?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
I don't know, just take I love when you tell
waiters because Sinny and I got to dinner a lot.
I love when you tell the waite staff that you
are allergic to like nuts or cinnamon. You know, is
there any way because it only says here's that there's
a cinnamon or a nut garnish.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Is there any way that could be taken off?
Speaker 3 (03:13):
And they look you strain the eyes and go, no,
I know, I got.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I got to the point where I just stopped telling
waiters that I have a nut allergy because they'll either
like forget to say something. They'll forget to say something,
or they'll be like it's made in the same kitchen
net a nut has ever lived in Okay, obviously, if
it's in the same oxygen. I'm not going to pass out,
(03:39):
because like, if you have a common allergy where it's
like dairy or eggs or like shellfish, it known why
my mouth made that. It'll be like warning contained shellfish.
No one ever says like warning contained cinnamon because it's
not a common allergy. Yeah. And in fact, when I
found out I was lerged to cinnamon, I didn't even
ingest it. I put a cinnamon roll like the ones
(04:01):
from Papa John's on my leg and I started swelling
and I was like, ill.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
I mean, I will never forget the one time I
accidentally have I have this habit of accidentally almost killing
Sydney by multiple car allergies. And this one time me,
Hear and a couple of friends were at Fedko, which
is actually a really good Ukrainian restaurant where midtown or something,
and we went and I fed her, like force fed
her a piece of cinnamon cake because I was absolutely
(04:28):
positive there was.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Of a mind. I'm sitting across from her and I
can see the cinnamon from across the table and I'm like,
sare do this have cinnamon? And she was like no.
I was like, taste it and telling there a cina chic,
there's not I can see it. She's like, no, try it.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
She can also smell like a cinnamon has a very
distinct smell.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
That's it. Yeah, I will say I made French toast
without cinnamon, but I used Hawaiian rolls and them fingies.
I did burn them all, but they were so good.
So we were talking about this place called Metro Diner
in my hometown, JACKSONMA. I got or dinner last night
with people I went to kindergarten with, and it was
(05:04):
so cute because we're all in the city now and
the way Jacksonville works, most people from my hometown, like
if you go through the private school system, you'll start
there's like two or three like feeder elementary or elementary schools,
kindergarten whatever, and they'll feed into like two middle schools
that you go through high school with. So like half
(05:24):
of them I knew since i've know an album is kindergarten.
But half of them I went to school with like
K through twelve the other half K through sixth grade.
So like the last time I had seen them, I
was literally ten years old. They started speaking and I
was like, Eh, your voice is jobs and they were like, yes,
because I'm not ten years old anymore. It's kind of
blowing my mind. They were like talking like this, and
I was like, that makes you very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I do not have a lot of people who I
grew up with living in the city. But this one
girl is moving to Hoboken this summer and we are
really close in high school and I actually, I mean,
she's one of the girls from high school who I
don't literally despise at this point, and her name is Emma,
and I'm so excited to hang out with her and
stuff because she's moving to Hoboken.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
But I don't know, I don't have a lot of
people moving around in the area.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And I feel like because my boyfriend went to Colgate,
I feel like he has so many friends who live
in Manhattan because everybody from Colgate just moved to Manhattan afterwards.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
He just knows everybody in this like I went to underground.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
This no no, but if you think about it, so
many people from NYU transferred or moved after graduation, like
you and maybe three other people are the only people
I know who didn't transfer, so are not even transferred,
Just like who didn't move to another place.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
So that's really cool that you have so many people
who live in the city because I wish I had that.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
It's just like weird. It's like the last time I
saw them, I had a unibrow, and I mean I
probably still do. No, you definitely don't. I haven't got
my eyebrows down since literally prom oll great shaven.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Since prom in high school. I like, you're talking about Actually.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
No, I'm definitely lying. Oh I went a couple of times. Heay,
speaking of news. None, that was actually news. I just
speaking of the thing we actually want to talk about.
All my friends are rewatching are starting for the first
time Sex and the City because I am making them
And it's so funny watching it because I remember when
(07:13):
I watched it the first time, I was like ill. Unfortunately,
I'm so much like Carrie, and I actually can't stand Carrie.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
You have all of her endearing qualities.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
She has none.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, she has so many. Name one, she's loyal as
a friend.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
She's hilarious, and she's so smart, and she's a writer.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
She's girl. She would use her rint checks to buy
shoes that she would end her up.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
And she she's a relationship Gil.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah. Gil. She was the man for ten years who
left her at the altar and she still chose to
marry him. Oh yeah, okay, no, but that.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Doesn't mean she doesn't have any good call. I like Carrie.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
No. I Actually the more I rewatch it, the more
I actually can't stand her, Like her friends will be
going through like the worst moments under life, Like I wait,
I don't like the shoes I'm wearing.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Remember that episode, But you know, the producers and the
writer called her out for it because they specifically crafted
an episode where they sat Carried down with all of
her friends and Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte were like, we're
not your therapist, and go do something else.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
But then she did. And I think Carrie.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
What another good thing about Carry is she had the
biggest character arc and development throughout the series except the
first movie, when she took a huge set back.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
That's it. Do you think that she really developed? Because
I just watched the second movie and she's exactly the same. Actually,
when where they go to Abu Dhabi, that's the most
movie I've actually ever seen.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't mean to laugh, it's actually really offensive.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Even in just like that though she's still awful, okay,
and just like that, I have so many qualms because
I love Sex and the City. Despite their fact that
there's actually no black people on that show at all,
Like they literally were like they don't exist. There's actually
one episode and it was one extra so offensive because
when one of them, I think Sam dates a black
eyes yeah, and that was this is a nanomy heat.
I'm like what, yeah, yeah, And so that was an
(08:50):
awful episode. And then the movies also not really any
So they didn't just like that. They're like, hey, let's
try and correct everything that was wrong with the first seasons.
Put all of those issues into Miranda's character. Yes, let's
take Miranda homophobic, biphobic, chransphobic, but.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
The bisexual but also, I mean you can be by
phobic and bisexual, but still.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
And the long we're redheads, so I was like, I'm
gonna relate to her. I mean I'm not a redhead,
but you know I have a spiritual connection threadheads.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And the White Savior complists, which you mentioned literally so funny.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
But like, why is it all of Miranda? But Kim
Cotrall is coming.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Back chance a roommate has not seen sex in the
city and we are trying to push it in her
noggin so bad to start watching the show because I
know she would love it. I'm so excited. I saw
that Kim Contrall was coming back to just like that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I knew it. First of all.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I told everybody that they tease her coming back for
a reason.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
There's no reason they the producers would not have had Carrie.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Texting Samantha at Bigg's funeral if she was not going
to come back on the show. And I really have
but they habody tried to tell me. Everybody trying to
tell me, and I just want to say no.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
But they would have had to anyway because it would
have made sense for them not to be. They weren't
close obviously in the show, but I think she was
closest to her, like she supposed to be her maid
of honor, so I think they had to have a
moment there. My thing, though, is, you know, HBO, I
need I don't just want to know, I need to
know how many zeros or on that check to bring
(10:20):
Kim Control back because HBO got they got money, money
they got I don't even know what kind of money
mm hmm. And I'm telling you this. So there's like
so many different theories as to why they don't or
why like they don't like each other. There's actually, if
you like, there's like a thread on Twitter, and every
single comma has a different theory. Like no one knows
the actual real story. But what we do know is
that when Kim Cattrall's brother passed away, Sarah Jessica Parker
(10:43):
like send her condolences over Instagram. I guess not personally,
and Kim Contrall's like take them back. I don't know
how much money would make you want to work with
that person again, but like that's crazy. And also like
they gave Sam, like she's my favorite character. They gave
maybe Charlotte, maybe Sam, both of them anyway, and Miranda
actually them, but Carrie, but I love Carrie. I actually
can't stand here. She's like everything I hate about people
(11:05):
in one person. And I liked her. Oh and her
Bob in season five okay, yeah, and that was tragic.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
And her hair in season one when they didn't have
that HBO budget.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Yeah they didn't have hairspray, Oh my gosh. And they
gave Sam and I guess kind of Miranda all like
the really demeaning character story arcs and storylines and all
of the nude scenes that were also like very degrading,
but they got paid the least, so that's kind of
I'm kind of confused. But I do hope that the
season is better and that it's not as problematic, like
(11:34):
it was written by people who don't have social media
but hear things and think that's how people interact with
each other. So that was a little bit weird. But
I hope the writing is better, and I hope that
they don't make Sam the worse. And I hope that
since Aiden's back and I love Aiden, that things work
(11:56):
out for her.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
I think her and Aiden should end up together. Honestly
a little bit.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I didn't change up together. And if you ever want
to know he've grown as a person, watch Sex and
the City like a couple of years apart. If you
don't hate Carrie, I'm telling you, I don't know. Like
I used to love Carrie, and I think not even
just Carrie. But if you like to carry in Big together,
because like me, I love you know, I loved Big.
(12:21):
I don't like him as a person anymore because also
to happen, but as a character. I used to love him.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
She likes Big not Chris.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
No, Yes, because I liked him. I thought he was cute,
but I hated his suits. But rewatching, I realized I
only liked Big because I was also with the toxic
man who would not commit to me, and I hoped
that maybe in ten years he would change.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
But I realized that that was a buzzer statement.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Sitting I realized I liked Big because he was Zach
like my ex except for Mix wasn't rich or honestly
looked like Big, or had a pronounce apartment or would
send limos for me. But anyway, I think that we
were rooting for them, so we wanted him to change.
But that man was for He was not going to change.
And if a man left me at the altar and
(13:05):
sit in like the whole thinking about him, like sending
her poems, say like I'm sorry, hedn't even write the
poems they were like Beethoven, That to me is not romantic.
And it's like, if it takes someone hurting you that
many times over the period of ten years for them
to realize they want to be with you, then you
should not be with that person. And I think that
rewatching sex in the city a second time after being
out of the Tox relationship, I have a completely different
(13:27):
outlook on Big Big Carrie's relationship, but also how much
I cannot stand Harry. Also, she's not a fashion icon.
I will say that wholeheartedly. It was Sam I Charlotte.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
I disagree that Carrie's a bad character. I think that
she's misguided, but I don't think I think she has
some very.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Good lessons to teach. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (13:45):
And I think that she's really fun loving and really
intelligent and sweet and cute whatever, But I don't. I
really dislike how Carrie is the most hated character, but
I understand why.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
And I think that a lot of the lessons that
she's trying to teach us.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
How can I put this, The lessons that she's trying
to teach us episode by episode you should never listen to.
But I think her character arc, like literally, her character
arc is something to pay attention to. It's an example
you can learn from her because she's the example of
what not to do in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah, do you think she ever found redemption? Like her
character so far? Like ever? Redemption meaning what like not
an awful person.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Well, I never thought she was an awful person.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
I think that she was very misguided in her relationship
and she was given a lot of bad advice. So
I think, like her Sex and the City column, that's
not the greatest advice that she was giving women. Overall,
the message I think was I had the right intent
It's like that book that we reviewed.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I think overall she had the right intentions.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
But now, of course, as very modern women, you know,
watching the series in twenty twenty three, of the series
that was filmed in like the nineteen nineties, it does
seem very outdated. And yeah, I don't think she ever
found redemption in that sense. But I do think I'm
going to just go buy my previous statement. I think
that watch her as a good like watching her love
life for example, and often sometimes that she treated her friends.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
As loyal as she was, is a good example of
what not to do.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Yeah, it was just crazy to me that like that
Carrie like so no short answer, yes, because like like
the end of the world of like Carrie bought like
could have find a pair of shoes or like yeah,
left her for the nine hundredth time.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Do you think she found redemption.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
No, Yeah, that's why I don't like her anymore. But
I used to like her because I was like her.
But I've learned, Like.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
I've always thought you were more of a Charlotte than
you were a Carrie.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Though, Yeah, I loved Charlotte. I think Charlotte's probably the
m maybe Charlotte. I think Arlotte is the best character.
She's like the most loyal friend and like even though
she had the same idea as Carrie, she wants like
Mary Rich, like all this stuff. Like in the end,
she ended up with someone who was like perfect for her,
and like she went through her whole like infertility issues,
sam went through cancer obviously, Miranda's like fitting our sexuality.
(15:51):
She got cheated on, like by her husband, like all
this stuff, but like Carrie's she was like Mama got
a big left for the nine hundred times.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
I think Samantha was the best character overall because she
just has I think, a very different lifestyle than the
average woman, which I think a.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Lot of people can't relate to.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
And I'm just being honest, like I think most women
don't undergo her specific lifestyle sexually, but in just that
is kind of what I did for numerous years, So
I think not only can I relate to her the most,
but the way she choose her friends, the.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Way that remember when Miranda had it wasn't even like a.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Wedding, It was just kind of like a ceremony because
Miranda was very not about the whole big white wedding situation.
Samantha did not want to ruin her day literally because
she had cancer, which is a huge thing.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And yeah, I just think she was the most loyal friend.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
And even when she didn't really believe in monogamy, she
knew when it was right with Smith, even though they
didn't end up together.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Overall, she knew what was best for her at the time.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
I think she was just very, very street smart, and
that's what I admire most about Samantha.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I'd say the Sames. I feel like she stayed in
the most true to who she was. Like even if
she did find someone like say, yeah, Jared Smith, yeah
that like was so good to her and like so
ten tip, she realized that like no matter if they
were perfect or not, like it just wasn't what she
wanted out of life or like what she needed. And
I respect her for that. I hope she got with
hot neighbor.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
I found this TikTok which I would love to get
your opinion on. So this woman, I'm not going to
play it because copy right. But this woman went on
a podcast. I think her name is Brenne Brown. I
think I'm pronouncing that right. She went on the podcast
with Tim Ferriss and I don't know what the podcast is,
but those are the correct names. Everyone says marriage would
be fifty to fifty. It's the biggest croca bullshit I've
(17:37):
ever heard. It's never fifty to fifty ever. And so
what we do is we quantify where we are at
the time. So if Steve comes home, her husband and
if he's like, I got twenty just an energy, investment, kindness, patience,
he had a really bad day at work, I'm out
of twenty, and she'll be like, I'll cover you. I
got your brother, I'll pull the eighty. Sometimes you come home,
which we have done a lot. My mom has been sick.
(17:59):
Her mom and she'll say I've got ten, and her
husband goes, like, two days ago, said I'm writing a
solid twenty five. They know that they have to sit
down at the table anytime that they have less than
one hundred percent combined and figure out a plan of
kindness toward each other because they don't both have.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Like twenty and eighty or eighty and twenty. They have
to like figure it out if they're out.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
Like a ten and of twenty five. Does that make sense,
she says, because the thing is marriage is not something
that's fifty to fifty. A partnership works when you can
carry their twenty or if they can carry your twenty,
and that when you both just have twenty, you have
a plan where you don't hurt each other.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
I agree? And I feel like that's one thing that's
wrong with relationships now is that one I don't know
it's because of like social media or because of like
or like the first generation to grow up with like
so many movies and television shows and books that are
like sit to herround romance because like obviously there was
that in the past, but like we have it on demand.
(18:57):
And then on top of that, when it comes to
social media, like the quote unquote couples people follow, we're
obsessed with their lives and all we see is a
highlightrail of it. So we assume, like that's what a
perfect relationship is and I think that is the reason
why so maybe relationships aren't successful, especially with our generation,
is because our expectations are not reality, you know. And
(19:19):
I feel like no person's ever at one hundred percent.
There's it doesn't matter even in friendships, you know, Like
we talked about this before in one of the episodes
where it's like sometimes I'm able to give twenty five
percent because of things that are happening with me personally,
and like that's what I'm able to offer. I can't
try and offer more. I can't. I won't try to
offer less, but that's what I'm coming to the table with.
And I feel like in relationships, that's a conversation it
(19:39):
has to be had or understood between two people to
make it work. Is that like I can't be one
hundred percent doting girlfriend, perfect want to do everything and
anything at any given moment because I'm not like a
blank campus. I come with my own past, baggage, stress,
et cetera. So I think being conversational about that and
like coming to the tabe people with that will make
(20:02):
you more successful.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Than not well because and kind of to relate to
the topic today, we are talking about burnout, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I think that everybody gets.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
Burnout all the time, doesn't really matter of a scenario
profession wise, just like in life in general, and your
partner should be able to kind of take on that
extra I mean, because that is what a really I
think just in my eyes or in my words, I
would say, like in my specific verbiage, I would say
that it's still giving fifty to fifty, though, like not
(20:31):
exactly in exact percentages, but I think it's still half
and half part of being like in an equal partnership
is being able to give less and expecting your partner
to give more or like requiring your partner to give
more to me.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
That's still fifty to fifty. Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Because they can expect the same from you, So that's
still like an equal relationship.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I can just tell. I'll see the most harmless video ever.
That's like, for example, I saw a video where so
I know from the law school I try to be
on the podcast she was, She's like, as a popular
like dating advice TikTok and God my Heir are so frizzy,
and she's like, women shouldn't have to like follow these
arbitrary rules or like change their personalities or the way
(21:11):
they talk, where they dress to kind of try to
appease a man, because once you get them, you have
to keep that act up. That's just not who you are.
Why would you want to be if someone who doesn't
want you for what you are? And the girls comes like,
oh my god, you just hate ultra fin than women.
You hate women who like to dress a certain way
and like want to be classy. And there obviously that
shook a chre with you personally, and that's why you
have such a like a vitual reaction. But like, guess
(21:32):
what she's not talking about you? Like the way that
kind of like the way that you interpret or bring
your own history to like that kind of commentary, Like
that's a very personal thing. And like I would take
the moment think why is this making me so emotional?
Because she's speaking to you like that is your situation exactly?
You know, if getting so offended by it, so like
for example, like so there has in my past relationship,
(21:57):
like he was taking the bar for example, like while
I was finished shame my junior year of undergrad The
bar is something you've study for nineteen hours or twenty
four hours of the day, Like you don't work during
your time studying for the bar. You study all day
every day. It's like you're basically not even taking the LSAX.
I'm really comfortable, but like that's something that like becomes
(22:18):
your life for the entire time until you take the
bar exam and you pass it. And I knew that
going into that, Like I can't expect him to take
me on days every week and call me every day
and text me all day and respond all day and whatever.
I knew that like during that time period, it's not
going to be fifty to fifty, Like I'm going to
have to bring more if I want to keep the
relationship up. And that's choice that I had to make.
(22:39):
So I think that's what she means in terms of
like fifty to fifty and like even like for me personally,
like the last six months, like I was extremely depressed,
I had health issues, Like I was not in a
place to, in my opinion, be asking percentage from anyone,
you know, And it's like I knew that if I
was in a relationship, it wouldn't be fifty to fifty,
(23:00):
want to be seventy thirty, Like I had to prioritize
things that were not my partner. So I made the
conscious choice to not ask anyone to do that and
to instead focus all of my energy on me. And
I feel like, well that was my personal choice. Well,
if you're in a marriage, you can't really choose to
do that unless you want to get divorced, you know.
So I feel like it's more so a personal choice
to be okay with not being fifty to fifty, or
(23:21):
like having to give more effort energy to your partner
if that's what you want to do. So I don't
think necessarily it's like a role where you have to
do this, this and this. It's a personal choice as
to whether or not your connection or your love for
that person is strong enough or worth having to give more,
you know, if you have more to give, etcetera.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Brunne's verbiage was amazing, and I think she gave fantastic advice.
But when I looked at the comments, I just saw
like what we were literally just saying, a lot of
people took it the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I think it just really struck a chord with them
in their personal lives.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Like you've said, when you give advice is you don't
have to take people's advice exactly they're coming to with
your own experiences and like, obviously this person doesn't know
every single situation out there, and A your situation is toxic,
joining you then leave, Like it's very simple. If what
she's saying checking cord with you so badly that you have
to get like this Currell in her comments, take a
step back and realize why A, you're getting so mad,
and it's because you're a second situation.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, that's yes, And I think that it is also
important if you want to have a conversation about giving twenty,
receiving eighty, giving eighty, receiving twenty, but you also mention,
which is what we really try to do on the podcast.
You also mention what it is like when you only
do get twenty and how to deal with that and
if that is the relationship for you.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Because there is scenarios, like you.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Just mentioned, you have something going on, you're setting for
the bar, you are going through a state in your
life where you can only give twenty. There's stuff like that,
and there's also just he's not that in you, she's
not that in you. They're not that in you. You
need to call it stuff like that, and.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Like, I'll be honest, I don't think any relationship is
ever fifty fifty, like in any given even if even
in like the healthiest relationship of all time, nothing is
ever faked.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
That's what she said.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Yeah, I very strongly agree with that, even like any
perfect situation, and like that's just the way life is.
You know, something's always happening.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
I think that a relationship can be equal and not
fifty to fifty at the same time, I think those means,
in my mind, completely different things. So it's like, you
can have an equal relationship where you both play equal
roles of respect, loyalty, trust, kindness, generosity, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
The really core values that we talked, like the husband list.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
And then I think that, you know, there can be
specific situations where it's not fifty to fifty, and that
it's not fifty to fifty.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
But I agree, I think I think they're separate. I
think that, yeah, fifty is not necessarily about character or values,
it's about energy for morals.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, they're totally separate. I love that conversation. I think
it's so good to have because a lot of people.
I just saw how many people took her advice the
wrong way, and I really made me want to have
a conversation about it because I was like, I just
don't think that's what she meant at all. But it
was just really interesting to see how ninety nine point
nine nine nine percent of people in the comments took
that and just.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Ran and reached so far with it. It's really interest.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
But that's TikTok for you know it open TikTok comments.
I'm like, oh, yeah, there we go. It'll be it'll
be like I like ice cream, some wantle like cookies. Okay,
no one asked you like this person's opinion. You know.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
I saw also one girl do a like, here's how
much coffee I have in today?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
TikTok. She's like, oh, I as a coffee out. Here's
why I get coffee like every day.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
And someone was like, oh my god, this is what
I did when I have a you disorder, like blah
blah blah.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And they just like took it in a whole different direction.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
It's just interesting, not that they're wrong, but it's just
interesting to see where the comments can take things and
how that changes the whole tenor of the video because,
in my opinion, comments are just as important as a
video on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
That's why I just delete comments like this is not
for you, clearly, so goodbye.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Do you block the comments or do you just delete them?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
I sleep them?
Speaker 2 (26:38):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Yeah that's good. People love to say your opinions on things. Yeah, yeah,
it's great. We're in a free country. But like, I'm
not America, I'm Sydney. I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Quote of the episode. I'm not America.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
I'm Sydney. Frankly, I don't care about your money.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
But bringing it back to the topic, I think that
if you are going to kind of put the keep
the mask on of always like catering to the other person,
like you were just talking about constantly, like twenty four
to seven, that can give you burnout as well. So like,
while you have to cater to the other person's burnout
in a relationship, you also have to consider.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Your own burnout.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
And like if you are masking, because massing, like no
matter what other like mental stuff you have going on,
Masking is a really real thing in relationships because it's like,
you know, once you get to a certain point, are
you just gonna live like this forever?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
And that can give you burnout in itself, and the.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Topic that we're talking about is actually burnout slash huzzle culture.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Ziba. Yeah, that's like for the last my entire life
since like high school, I've never like only been doing
one thing like I'm doing school, I'm working, I'm doing sports,
I'm doing creative stuff, I'm doing a podcast, et cetera.
To the point where it's like I'm at a time
in my life for like priority wise, a relationship is
(27:57):
not in my priority list because like I focused on
my career, I'm focused on school, focus on providing for myself.
I'm focused on like a side products I'm doing to
the point where it's like I know that like I
can't be the kind of girl and I do ad
my people that can do it where I can put
a man first in my life. I mean, I'm the
I want to put a man first in my life
because but I'm not in a place where I can
(28:20):
like put things that I want or I meet or
I'm striving for a side like I'm always gonna be
something aspires to something. I'm not gonna be comfortable like
being baseline about my career. It's focused on a man.
I'm just not that kind of person and so like obviously,
like your first year of law school is like the hardest,
and like I worked throughout my first year of law
school more than one job, at least the first semester,
(28:41):
and I at the same time like job hunting and
all this stuff providing for myself, family stuff, health issues,
et cetera. So it's like I knew I my brain
just like like everything came to a holt because I
think I was trying to put too much on my
plate at once and like I wasn't able to prioritize
things in the way that I needed and like, and
(29:02):
I'm at a point finally where like I am able
to like readjust and realize, like I don't need to
do anything, like yes, I'm a person who like is
guided by aspirations, like I'm never gonna be comfortable just
doing like one job, Like I wantn't be working towards
like next level or like other things or like trying
to bounce more than one thing. That's just my personality.
And so I think are finally in a place where
like I can't take a step back or a break
(29:24):
and like focus on one or two things and I
can add things to my plate like a relationship, but
like even like starting to date now, like going on dates,
I let men know you are not going to be
my priority. Like that's just not the kind of person
that I am. Like I'm not gonna put things aside
for relationship, Like I think women are kind of expected
to put things aside to want to support a man
(29:45):
and like have a family and things like that. And like,
while I do want that, I do a long term
relationship again, like I do want to aspire to marriage
and kids and things like that, I also want to
aspire to like my own career goals, my own personal goals,
and like right now, lossook comes first for me. And
so while I do want to be with someone, they
need to understand like I'm not going to get their
beck and call, you know, like I have other things
going on for me and not put that inside for
(30:05):
a relationship with a person. I don't know.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
One thing that my boyfriend and I vehemently agree on
is relationships are a lot about being realistic. Because when
you're not realistic and you really rely on that fantasy
or the romance twenty four to seven, in a relationship
that is so unsustainable, it might feel good in the moment,
but that can absolutely give to an uneven balance of
give and take where it just completely ruins you, exhaust
(30:30):
you just feels like you are absolutely always the.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
One given, give and giving.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
I'll give an example in one of my last relationships
my ex for context, I don't really know if I
want kids, I don't want any pets, I want to
live in New York City. I'm a very independent, lively, zesty,
energetic person and my ex was not like that at all,
And whenever we would talk about the future together, it
(30:57):
would always have marriage, pets, chill, living in the suburbs
as the main four focal points in the relationship, and
we would talk about that and I would always kind
of bring it up, hoping he would change his mind,
but he never did because that's not the type of
person he is and I can respect him for that,
but that means that he is not the person for me.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
That doesn't necessarily mean that he is my soulmate.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
And deciding on that was a very realistic thing. Yes,
it broke my heart. Yes I was absolutely in love
with him, but I was avoiding years and years and
years of burnout and just giving because I knew what
was right for me, and I was being realistic for
like myself.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
And I think that.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
That's something that a lot of people should look at
in terms of long distance and long term relationships and
like future prospects, because a lot of people don't want
to get married, and a lot of people don't want
what you were just saying those standard things that often
happen in marriages, and a lot of women, in particular,
I can speak for a lot of us, I think,
don't necessarily want that typical I'm going to take your
(31:56):
last name, I'm going to have eight of your babies,
and I'm going to get three rovers and live on
a farm for the rest of my life. A lot
of women don't want that, you know, we have our
own individual personalities. Burnout is also very real in that
sense too, where you can just always be like you're
just exhausting yourself, and that can that's unsustainable completely.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
I agree, especially because I don't know really what it is.
I think at the most like psychologically subconscious level, there's
this like weird competitive thing about social media where it's
like my senior year of undergrad I was working three
jobs while doing my thesis while applying to law school
and while doing like my last semester of college, and
(32:34):
I would always mention that in my TikTok videos. People
would comment, I'm not that I'm so proud of you,
like you're balancing so much, and it's like for me,
I felt pride in people being proud of me like
that I didn't know because I was taking on so much.
And while I'm glad to have had those opportunities because
they did like shape me into like the student and
worker and like whatever that I am. Now it's like
(32:57):
this need to always be doing more. I feel like
it's stabilitating because a lot of people like do take
a break before going to law school or like go
straight into a career instead, And I think that having
so much on my plate and then going straight into
like the hardest year of school I've ever done, like
I burn out side a word to touch that, Like,
(33:18):
I think because I was always wanted to do more,
to like not un necessarily impress myself, but to impress
other people, because for me, it's like they'll respect me
more because I already know, like walking into a room
like I am a black woman, like I'm already gonna
be seen as like less intelligent, less whatever, like whatever.
So being able to like bring those like accolades into
a conversation and make me feel like I'm more impressive
or like people won't respect me more at the same time,
(33:39):
like is that worth it being at the expense of
my mental health? You know? And it's like even on
social media now, like some people that I follow are
like I'm a lawyer and a constant creator and an
artist and a dreamer and an answer and like those
things are so cool, but I feel like it's such
a pressure to always be doing more, not even in
terms of like climbing up like a certain career path,
but like having to do fifty things at one time
(34:01):
and show that you can do all those in one day,
where it's like that might be great and impressive, but
is that sustainable? So I feel like this weird like
hustle culture that iran, We're like you always have to
have like a side project or like start your own company,
like all this stuff. It's like, while that does work
for some people and that is great, it's like I
think we should be talking more about breath jab more
(34:23):
about how we can make being young more sustainable because
I'm like, we're twenty three years old? Why are we
working four jobs? You know, like some of us are
twenty two, twenty three, twenty four.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Slash Sidney loves to say she's twenty three now.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I will hope people keep asking me how old I an.
I'm like, I'm definitely twenty three or twenty four. I
just like twenty two. It's like, I'm think I've ever
said I'm twenty two before. I think Also, because that's
that two Swift song, and I can't stand Taylor Swift
so really, I actually can't stand up.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Did you see that TikTok where she's fallowed a bug
on her eras tour?
Speaker 1 (35:00):
I don't really anytime I see anything with that tour
on my for you page, I block the person andcy
not interested. I actually love Taylor Swift's old music, but
I don't think I like her as a person necessarily
in terms of like like fake femininist politician thing. I
just I don't really vibe with it. Yeah, but there's
just one TikTok that was actually so funny, and it's
like this black girl and she was like me trying
(35:21):
to like Taylor Swift, and it was like a song
cling in the background. She was like, I'll skipping to
the florist and my mind is on this boy and
it's mesmerizing and debilitating. And it literally killed me because
like the one thing I don't like about I love
her old music, but like her new music. She uses
such a word like big words have nothing to do
with what the sentence is about, and she really bothers me.
(35:41):
I don't know what it is and also didn't make
any sax words. Why you always wondering? You a forest girl?
And so you live in New York, live on Cornelia Street.
There is no forest around, Like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
One thing about Taylor Swift is she's always on the
park bench in the forest or drinking to myself.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Okay, I will, I will say, when.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Speaking in your room, she's either in her room.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Okay. When Speak Now TV comes out, maybe I will
listen to it because I like Speak Now and like
those eras of albums, the most recent ones, I don't know,
I really can't.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Get into it, and said speak Now.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
And like there's like all the like bracelet trading and
like people threatening her exes, like you all are you
are in your mid thirties, You're grown women. Let's lead
these men alone like they dated for two weeks. She's
over it. I think I hope maybe not maybe, but yeah,
I don't know. I certainly vibe anyway the better erratur is,
renaissance whatever. Anyway, Yeah, I think that, like, and I
(36:40):
don't know why when I think about hustle culture, I
think about SoundCloud. I don't really know why, because I
feel like every man's like, yeah, I'm a hustler. You
have a SoundCloud or you have a Spotify.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
They have a SoundCloud and they also own like a
promoters business.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
You know. I love that for them. I don't personally
to say.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
I think there's a different kind of burnout culture that
has a lot to do with going out. And I
know that a lot of our high school and college
and lower twenties audience can relate to because I was in.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
That era a lot of college. I'm a big going
out person.
Speaker 3 (37:18):
I love to dance, and I love to fill up
my weekends with every single thing that I possibly can
because I do have a nine to five, so any like,
and you know Sydney has her nine to five class routine.
I mean her class routine is more like seven am
to freaking nine pm. But anyway, I digress. We really
like to unwind and stuff whenever we can. But that
(37:39):
relaxing and unwinding does manifest in different ways for different people,
and for me, a lot of it has to do
with going out, hanging with my friends, going out to dinner,
getting makeup on, going, and that takes a lot of energy.
As extroverted as I am and as extroverted as Sydney R,
I know that we take a lot of energy to
go to these things and to just like keep it going,
keep it going as much as we can.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
Also, that's just our personality.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
I feel like as much as Sinny and I do
value our independence and relaxation time, we also really try
to fill up our social calendars as much as possible,
and that can really take a toll on you. As
much as you like going out and as healthy as
you might go out, I think that there's also something
really really good and healing about just being by yourself
(38:22):
in your room, watching your favorite TV show, listening to
your favorite music, doing a little like yoga routine, drinking
a fuck ton of water, and just like being with
yourself and just hanging around your own space. I think
it's really really healing for anybody, like, no matter what
your personality is. And I know for me, I just
had a tragedy in my life recently where one of
my closest friends unfortunately passed away due to cancer, and
(38:45):
it was a big shock. I had no idea what
was coming. And the first thing I wanted to do
to handle it, which is how I handle most, you know,
traumatic things in my life, whether it's breakups or deaths
or friendship breakups, whatever, is to just distract myself at
that contains going out. And I know, like I was
talking to my roommate Chance about this, and we were
(39:06):
kind of bonding over our losses and just kind of
like talking about our grief, because for me, there's a
difference between grief and mourning, and we were talking about
our morning periods and how we handled our grief. And
I think that while it is okay to kind of
give yourself grace and let yourself go a little bit
in the moment or in like that week or I
would say, give yourself a certain amount of time, and
(39:27):
then after that you do have to realize that like
the person who you might have lost wanted better for you,
like they didn't want you to change your entire life
because they're gone or they're not a part of your
life any more, regardless of the situation. So I guess
like that took a more morbid turn, but in terms
of that just because like that's just what happened to
me recently.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah, I take a lot of people talk about identifying
burnout or like how they have burnt out, but not
really how to heal from it, yea, and like sometimes
it isn't something where you can really heal from just
because of the culture that we live in. But like
for me, for the last like six months, if I said, like,
it has been a really hard time, and the one
thing I identified that I felt like I could have
(40:05):
used as like a healing method or what people kind
of pressed you to use as a healing method was drinking,
and I went so pretty much I would say, super curious,
like half sober, to point where I just like I
don't like drinking and I know that, like I, yeah,
I'll have a cocktail about with my friends, but like
it's never been something that I've relied on. I didn't
(40:25):
want that to change, just because like I was at
a point where like I was so stressed out, and
it came to a point when people be like, oh
my god, like to have like a cock taier, let's
go out to take the edge off. Like for me,
that doesn't take an edge off, like pounding my body
with alcohol and like sweating it out for a night
and then waking up those.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
Feeling the hangover, the headaches, the you know, the anxiety.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
It's not fun me downing six drinks and feeling like
shit is not gonna on gonna make things worse for me.
So it's like I knew that I was going through
a rough time, like things were probably only gonna get
worse for a while. So I just stopped drinking. And
I cannot tell tell you how much better I felt. Well,
I wasn't wasting money every time I went out, but too,
like I learned how to go out with my friends
(41:06):
who are drinking and getting drunk and having fun and
knowing that I can have a good time without having to.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Buy OUTOL there's so much power in that.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
Yeah, And it's like I'm at a point now where
like I'll go out with my friends like four nights
in a row and I'll have one drink and I
feel fine, you know, like I don't feel a pressure
to like start drinking more, And I think that there
needs to be a big conversation about that, because even
on like I'll open TikTok and every single thing is
a joke about like getting drunk, understanding that and realizing
like it is okay to not want to like get
plastered because you're stressed. It's such a big thing, or
(41:35):
like doing drugs things like that, Like if I'm going
to something bad or like going through something that requires
like mental energy, I got to sit in my room,
have dark room time for three days and like speak
really depressed and eat shit and cry my eyes out
and like feel my way through it. Then trying to
suppress it and suppress it and deppressed by going out
(41:56):
and like clubbing and things like that, then having to
like face that reality for stinging the period of time
because I never dressed it in the first place. So
even though like I do love going out, I love
New York. I love being social, and like I will
be social and I will force myself to get out
of bed so I'm not stuck in that dark place.
I'm like very much proponent of not relying on things
or substances or certain kinds of lifestyles to try and
(42:19):
get you through things when what you really need is
to feel the things, go to therapy, talk to someone
about it, et cetera. Because you're only kind of prolonging
your own healing. So I think in terms of like
burning out going to clubs and spending more energy outside
when I can just be in my bed, sleeping does
not help me. Pounding drinks back until I'm drunk does
not help me. And it's took me figuring out myself
(42:41):
throughout college and throughout law school to figure that out.
But I just want to sit at home with popcorn,
watch a movie, relax, and not have to like use
energy sometimes. And I think it's okay to do both,
and we don't talk about that enough.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
I completely agree.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
I think realizing when you have a dependence on something
or you're just going out for a weekend of fun
is a really, really really important distinction to make and
something that I know I struggled a lot with during college,
like being in a sorority and having a lot of
social friends, going out to rooftops and bars and nightclubs,
specifically specifically nightclubs like the nightclubbing scene in New York.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
I'm not talking about the bar scene, like the relaxed.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
Cute little lounge couches you sit at a bar and
like have happy hour and oysters.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
I'm not talking about that.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
I'm talking about clubbing until four am, because I have
too many friends who do that. It seems like you're
trying to compensate for something and get over something just
in the completely wrong way. And it's someone who did
that during their college years. I knew definitely struggle with
that after my like one of my best friends died.
I think that being able to look in the mirror
for me was the hardest part and being like, you
(43:44):
don't want this to happen to you again. Because freshman
year of college I did have a traumatic incident happened
to me as well, So like I know how I
handled that, and I regret almost every moment of how
I handled that. So looking myself in the mirror after
something bad just recently happened to me and saying to myself,
I don't want to go clubbing every night, go to
a bar by myself on a random Tuesday at four pm.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Like that's not who I am, That's not what I want.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
It's not healthy for my body, and that's not healthy
for my mental health. And just like being able to
say I didn't handle this correctly before, I'm on the
track of not handling this correctly this time and being
able to completely switch my behavior was not only one
of the biggest turning points of my life, but also
something that I know, like my friend would have been
proud of. And I think that like that is honestly
(44:26):
something that helped me get through it a lot too.
So that brings me to another point, is you're just
a port system because I know, obviously you cannot depend
on other people to make you happy, but it is
a very big part of like your situation. I know,
having a big support system for me changed my life,
like my two roommates, my family, my boyfriend, my even
(44:47):
just like my coworkers. When my friend died, my coworkers
who I didn't even talk to before, were you know,
texting me being like, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Can I do anything for you?
Speaker 3 (44:56):
And it was just like the amount of love that
I had was compleletely overwhelming, and that honestly helped me
in my journey of self understanding and I think, yeah,
choosing the right people in your life, because that is
a conscious choice most of the time. Choosing the right
people in your life is also really important because, like
Sidney was saying earlier, to kind of just tie it
all back in a big bow, burnout is not just
(45:19):
something you can experience with relationships, something you can experience
with work, with friends, and with a toxic environment that
you have with other people around you. And I think
that choosing like the right people can make a world
of difference because times are going to get rough. Life
sucks and it's unfair, and having people around you who not.
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Only understand that book, who know you and can help
you get through it is just it changed my entire life.
It's really important.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
And like on top of having a good support system
and just like realizing when you do have too much
on your plate and like how to offload that. I
think obviously another big one of self care, But like
I cannot emphasize this enough and I think it took
me a lot of time to realize this is well,
is because I'd be I would always think that self
care meant like doing my hair and putting makeup on
(46:06):
and do your taste. Yeah, and I was like, Okay,
mask is on, I still feel like shit. So I
think I finally realized that while yes, those things are
forms of self care, self care is not putting a
face mask on and a foot mask that's the thing,
and slippers it's.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
You've done a foot mask before.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I had. Actually it was disgusting my feet with making
like potato chips like skin off you now my foot
still looked like shit. So I'm like, it's because I danced,
so my feet have like so many callouses.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
People picked on this episode to listen about burnout and
self care.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
My seat potato chips ill, and then my old roommate
would play with them and she.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Was yeashing them.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
I was like, please don't do that ill. But yeah,
self care. I think what self care really is is
taking the time that you were investing in other people
and other situations and your relationship and your friendship in
work in the time that's like depleting your energy and
you're focusing all of that onto yourself. So instead of
taking all them the time I was thinking about guys
(47:09):
and on dating or a fight that I had or
this assignment, I'm stressing about taking the time to stop
sitting in my bed and worrying about that and redirect
to all that time energy towards myself, whether that meant
watching a movie and just relaxing, or the meant going
on a walk, or that meant spending money on myself
and not these men. Things like that I feel like
are more so restorative in terms of self care than
(47:30):
like putting a face mask on. Right.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
And also to that tone which Sidney and I talk
about on the podcast a lot, is it's important to
move your body and be healthy and engage in healthy habits,
but it is also equally as important to listen to
your body, whether that means eating chicken tenders and like
eating some ice cream, or like sitting in your bed
for an hour and watching a movie. It's stuff like
that where it's like you have to pay attention to
(47:53):
what your body needs, and that takes a lot of
self reflection and understanding, which a lot of people don't have.
Speaker 2 (47:58):
But I believe everybody can embark on that journey.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
What TikTok or Instagram might tell you as healthy, it's
like oh, eating some green juice or like some hot
water with lemon in. It is not always a solution
or taking a bubble bath.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
It might not always.
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Be what is necessarily healthy for you at that moment.
And on that note, thank you so much for listening.
We hope that you got the most you can get
out of this episode.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
If you want us to talk about any other topics,
let us know.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
We got this amazing DM which I do want to
talk about before we wrap.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
But it's stuff like this. This is why we do
what we do.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
You know.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
We get these messages that say, like, thank you so
much for talking.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
About this, or I really related to this, and like
this is why we're sitting here on a Monday doing
this crap that we really really love because we love you.
Oh yeah, I mean crap and like the lovingest way
know that I actually use this crap.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
I thought this is great, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (48:53):
Guys? You know yeah, yeah, she just gave us like
a snimpet of like her a story and like how
some episodes have helped her and didn't Like we do
get dms a lot about just like people's situations and
like house, certain episodes have like helps them get like
any respective on things. So those are always super cute.
And if you cry in my bed in the morning,
so thank you for sitting that because like obviously we
(49:15):
talk to each other in like a wall of microphones,
but we never really get to like have those conversations
with people. So it's cool to think that like we
are helping someone or like they have another friend that
like understands what they're going through, so that's super cute
and whatever. So thank you.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
You know who you are, Thank you so much for
reaching out, and we love you. And as always, you
can follow us on Instagram and TikTok aut Crying a
public podcast and you can listen to us on Spotify,
Apple Podcasts and iHeart at Crying in Public Podcasts as well,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
We love you, Ardbye bye bye
Host
Sydni Wynter
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