Mindful Thinking and Intentionality

Awareness, mindful thinking, and intentionality are the cornerstones of healthy communication and preserving your peace in conflict. This week the girls discuss how to learn your communication style, how to best speak your mind in times of conflict, and when to know to prioritize your peace.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Happy Thursday day. It's Wednesday reporting this so but happy
Thursday to everybody else. Whoop, I still can't spell Wednesday.
There's some words I just can't spell Wednesday, acknowledgement. When
I have to write the word acknowledge, it's so bad
that even like the autocorrect can't fix it. Did that
see me with embarrass? The word embarrass? Two rs and

(00:42):
two s's why do you have both of Oh? Just
pick one, it's a lot one. I'm not so sar
Um restaurant has always been hard. I know I still
can't slow restaurant, restaurant, restaurant. Just I say foody place,
They're like, let's go eat at a place Jonathan No,
no, no no, no, guys heard in the last episode or
the one before that, one of them. I don't like

(01:02):
the word Jonathan. I don't like the word Johnson. I
don't like the name John. Is there not okay? But
like if you spell Jonathan with an H, like you're
a little bit weird? Is a little bit you you
prefer it without h? Yes? Because why is there an H?
And john? Like you're expending extra energy for what? I agree? Actually,
I think that if you have the shortened version that

(01:24):
makes you cooler. Um. I never thought there was another
way to spell This is so dumb. I never thought
there was another way to spell zach other than zac h.
But recently I have stumbled across another sack in my
life who spells A Z A c K. But that
doesn't make any sense because their full name is Zachary
with an H. I feel like, but yet you choose that,

(01:44):
Like when people have like short names, like they go
from like, what's the long version of Annie? Is there one? Wait?
I don't know that's oh, but they make it like
A and I. That's onny to me, not Annie. But
I have a friend whose name is Annie and it
spelled A and I, and I will say, for the
first few times I saw her, it was any to me,

(02:04):
and then I learned it's not. But like people who
make their names into nicknames, like Deborah, deb I guess
you can't really spell it any other way, yeah, or
like Gabrielle Gabby Gabby, or you have to choose the
wi or the eye, Like that's a conscious choice in
making your heart and it's about your personality. Are you
a y Gabby? Are you an eye Gabby? When there
was this girl in my high school. Her name's Krin

(02:25):
spelled c O R I n n E, and I
called her Karene for two years and it was an
ongoing joke in the friend group that only I was
not a part of, and I just like to say
I was bullied. She's one of my best friends. Now,
I'm just kidding, but she I mean Karne. No, people
call me Cindy a lot, actually, more than they call
me Sydney when they meet me. Doesn't my grandma call

(02:45):
you Sydney O? No, she just butchers my name every
time she spells it. How did she spell it? Every different?
Every time? It shod vibes. But she also calls my
nephew Lance, and his name is Blake. So any reason
she goes, I know it's some white name that's you
with like four letter white boy names. You just like

(03:07):
can't get it to you, Like sorry, I can't. The
thing is like Sarah knows if I see a name
or a face, like I know it. But there's just
something about that genre white boy where it's like like
they all have the same name. Like I look at
your face and my mind goes blank, but like consciously
I know you. I've known you for a very long time.
I know who you are at the core, but if

(03:29):
I looked at your face and had to say your name,
I wouldn't be able to do it. Well falls in
that category. It's like Aaron Zach Aaron is a bad
one for me. I can't because Also it's like is
it a R O N A R O N or
e R R RAN's a girl? A Ron is a boy? Ron? Yeah,
I don't know. Names are weird. That's one thing that

(03:50):
I know I'm gonna be so stressed out about is
picking my kid's names. It's like a train now, or
like people just won't name their kids like a year
like Kylie Jenner, Oh yeah, just to see their personality.
And I feel like that's weird though, is a newborn
half speak. I'm just gonna yeah, I'm very annoyed. I
get annoyed at that. Also, waiting until the last second
to choose a name, kids are gonna be so confused

(04:11):
because like they hadn't spanned one name everyone called it
and they're like, actually, never mind, let's try out fifty
Like what is it? Kid answered to the names? The
kid's names air like I feel like I need some
air the kids like what. Yeah. One thing that people
in TV shows always do that I think is so
choogy is they wait until the baby pops out, hold
it in their arms, start crying, and be like, oh,

(04:31):
it's an Annabel. How can you tell? It? Literally looks
like a period blood claw, Like, I don't know how
you could look at this shriveled infant. Sorry, I'm not
a big kids person, so that's where this whole rhetoric
is coming from. But how can you look at like
the shriveled, wrinkly face and be like, oh, it's Isabella.
I had a specific list of baby names in high
school and then I started working as a Disney princess

(04:52):
for kids. If you are new by the way and
didn't know that about me, I was like a Disney
princess all of high school for like kids birthday parties.
And after that experience, which was very rewarding, it wasn't
all bad, but after that experience of just having to
deal with screaming, crying, bulgari very like externally liquid defying kids,
I had just threw the list away because it was like,

(05:15):
I'm gonna put a pin in this whole having kids
thing in the future. They're I mean, they're monsters. Sometimes
there's not like group of girls at you're in middle
school where it's like if you don't like dogs, they
think that you're like the worst human being ever, and
they'll tell you that repeatedly. Like I didn't like dogs.
I still don't like dogs. Just don't like them. That's
a fact of life. And they'll be like, I can't

(05:37):
trust you, then okay, Like, then don't trust me. It's
a dog. But they're the same girls. They hate kids.
So I'm kind of like, do you not like human beings?
Like because they're they're humans, they're just small. Like what
age do you start liking them at? I would say
for me, maybe like twelve thirteen. Actually praying for your kids.

(05:58):
I feel like when I have my own, it's going
to be different. But I don't know. I mean just
the hard part about having kids for me is going
to be the birthday parties. It's like where I have
to deal with more than one or two or three
at once. I mean, there's a reason I'm not a teacher.
It's but I know, you know, I'm gonna want to
give my kid, I don't know, a good life or something.
So I have to throw them birthday parties and all

(06:21):
the kids know. I've actually have a ventilating because having
all those kids over at my house, that's literally like
twenty five kids, and I would probably want to invite
their whole class on home feels left out. Oh my god,
a California birthday party, what does that mean? It means
all the parents just to drink, They hire a babysitter
to watch all the kids, and then just do whatever
they want all day. Well, so this one woman on
Beverly Hills Housewives threw her like six year old a
birthday party and it was like the most anti six

(06:45):
year old thing ever. It was a tea party for
a six year old, but it wasn't a cute tea
party with princesses. It was like a tea party for adults.
And the kids just kind of hung out their board.
So I think that's, you know, but that's I don't
know if that's the best parenting, you know what I mean.
So I'm just gonna try to like do my best.
It's like, remember interviere were the own birthday parties of mine? Yes,
Because when I lived in Belgium, everything was very vivid

(07:06):
because it was so new. So I remember a lot
of my childhood actually, like before the age of six. No,
I remember my birthday parties because they were all very elaborate,
like at a survivorthying birthday party. So today that I
was late too, So why were you late getting my
hair down? I mean everyone were a camera and eat
weird things. It was a celebration of Sydney and I
left that. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend had a survivor

(07:27):
at the birthday party too. Sometimes I forget that men
listened to our podcast. I know. Sometimes I think we're
just talking to women, and then I remember I have
to be nice because, like I don't know if I
told you this. I was at my law prong and
this guy who went to NYU, who I didn't know
at NYU but no at law school, brought his NYU
Stern friends to Prong, like multiple of them, and I

(07:50):
was like, oh, it nice to meet you. He's like, oh,
like fellow Violet, Bobcat whatever we are. And I was like, oh,
like hi, whatever. And then one of the guys like
gave a podcast with that blonde girl. I was like
in my head, I was like di podcast. It's like yeah,
I do. In my head, I was like, how would
you know that? He's like, oh, I listen to it.
But I was like, well, you're a you're a man. Yeah,
that that does happen. That scares me sometimes because not

(08:11):
like the fact that men listen scare me, but certain
types of men. So I will say that that category
is misogynist, sexist, et cetera. So like, obviously, if you're
a man, that doesn't automatically mean you fit in that category.
But I have a lot of experience as someone who's
very very feminine on TikTok and on her podcast, I
get a lot of hate from this certain category of men.
For examplea on my TikTok, which is as there hasson

(08:34):
by the way to shoot we follow, I posted about
like dating tips, and I started the like the hook
was a lot of men in New York City suck
because it's true, like every single woman I know has
been harassed or assaulted by like a man in New York. Right,
So it's obviously very it's a touchy subject for sure,
but it was a hook. I was, you know, just
being like a content creator kind of like hyperbole situation.

(08:56):
I was trying to catch everybody's attention by the opening line, right,
So let me just read you some of the comments
I got. Who is paying question mark, which I didn't
even talk about like splitting the bill or anything like
that once in the video. Almost zero guys are catfish
as girls are in it for the money. No point
would you say the girls in New York City suck too?

(09:17):
Or are they all incredible and just the guys suck lies?
Men are the best. Sounds like a sponsored ad, babe,
which it was, but I got date for free. It's
funny because my friends and I all agree that most
girls are stuck up in garbage human beings haha. And
that's just a taste. I got so many comments by
the way you know it got I reached the wrong

(09:38):
side of TikTok and I that's why it makes me
nervous sometimes when I see because obviously, like because I'm
so feminine, a majority of my audience is women, So
when a lot of men give me attention on my post,
it's usually negative. I know that we give me a
listeners because we don't necessarily have like the numbers. I
love our men listeners by the way we hear from
them to them, and I like that they listen to

(10:00):
new perspectives, Like I respect that. But no, it's weird
because I never get guys like that on my TikTok
except for oh my god, I posted a video about
Equinox like at the gym. It wasn't even about like
working out, it was if I liked the gym, and
I was talking about how I loved the bathrooms. They
were like, oh my god, you literally come towards space
and you take up space and you just go from
the bathroom. Yeah, I do because I want the lotion,

(10:22):
like it's Keel's products. And they're like, this makes me
so angry. Why it's not affecting you. It's it's literally
a gym review that I like using Equinox because I
like the bathrooms, and they're like, on my gym costs
ten dollars and I get all the good machines. Okay, yeah,
you're taking the arm. We can both exist in the
same space, Like, just don't comment. I don't know. I

(10:42):
hate people like that. And also one person on that
same video was like, how dare you say all men suck?
This narrative? Whatever is reverse sexist? And so to that,
I responded, First of all, I would never say all
men suck in a serious capacity, and also I didn't
say it in the video even at all. I said
a lot of men in New York City suck, which
in my personal experience happens to be true in the

(11:05):
dating scene. To me, I feel like saying in the
concept of the fact that harassment from men to women
is so much greater than harassment from women to men.
I'm not saying it never happens, but I am saying
in that very serious capacity, yes, men probably like a
lot of men in New York City suck. How many

(11:26):
misogynts like out on my video trying to say like oh,
when in reality it's like no, that's literally just a
stat it's a statistic. It's very very frustrating when I
say that. I just reply with the one thing that
they can't answer to. When you want to do with
a woman, do you have to look them up? Stalk
them first? Give your friends our locations, have an exit plan,
have an exit code word because you're actually scared that's
something that might happen to you. No, exactly, and that's serious.

(11:50):
I mean, going even further than the you know, half
jokingly phrase on men suck or a lot of men suck.
When you go further than that and really look at
the subtext behind just like a saying like that, it
gets pretty serious and very scary. It's scary being a
woman in New York. And I'm not scared of women.
I'm just gonna put it like that. Yeah, And it's
like I'm in krim law right now, years and reason
why ninety nine point nine In the cases I read,

(12:13):
it's female victims male dependence. And even like when they're
talking about like general rules, and it's interesting to notice this,
like they will say victim is always she, perpetrator is
always him, Like even you're talking about general rules on
specific people, and it's like that for a reason, Yeah, exactly.
I mean, this is a society that we are doing

(12:33):
our best to live in, and then we have a
complaint about it, and a lot, a very big, very
big portion of misogynists have always something to say about it,
and it's always just too far, too much, you know,
it's very frustrating. And that's what I try to explain
when I'm like, when I make a joke like this,
I'm not being quote unquote reverse sexist, which I don't

(12:54):
even think is a thing. I'm literally just reflecting statistics
that are real and very, very scary for women. I
think people confuse hyperbole and absolutes, like when people are like, oh,
like just what say minute men are like all women
are crazy, or women are like all men suck, It's
like they don't actually literally mean. It's not absolutely, they

(13:15):
don't mean literally every single human being that identifies as
a woman. It's hyperbole to get a point, you know, exactly.
Apart from that kind of switching gears, I am see
actually kind of not because as reminded me of it.
I'm seeing Phantom of the Opera for the last time
ever on Broadway tonight because it closes next week, and

(13:36):
I'm so sad because I love it. I think I've
actually been to see the musical on Broadway fourteen million times.
My mom and I love it, and I'm going tonight
with my boyfriend, who's never seen it before, and I
really hope that's not a mistake because it's not really
up his alley. But I just I don't know. I'm
gonna be crying the whole time, and I'm afraid to

(13:56):
embarrass myself. But I'm so excited to see it, and
it's the last time I ever get to see it,
so I'm definitely gonna get emotional. I really want to
see Mulan Roach again just so I can see Jojoe,
because the twelve year old in me needs to see
that fun factum. On my iPod Touch, the only song
on it was leave and quotes get Out by Jojo
But I kind of ate with that because I couldn't

(14:18):
figure out my it tunes to pass for a long
time my pink eyepod Touch, so that was the only
song on it. And when they got into their legal
dispute and they'd lead all of her music off of
the internet, like literally couldn't find anywhere but YouTube, I
still had the song because it was on my iPod Touch.
So I found it in like twenty seventeen and put
it on my computer. So I'm like one of the
only people in the world that's actually not true. I

(14:39):
just think it is that has the original version of
the song, and I ate with that. Watch him comfort
me now? Well, So I opened a dialogue with a
TikTok that it does that does TikTok with a Broadway
and they reached out to me the other day and
they were like, we have two free tickets too Funny Girl,
if you can like promote the musical. But they were like, unfortunate,

(15:00):
we only have them for eight pm tonight this last week.
But I said, if you have them in the future,
like for the future, let me know. Yeah, because that's
we've been Sydney, and I had been wanting to see
Liam Michelle as Fanny Bryce for as long as since
you know, was announced because like a personal opinions aside
of the person agree, he's gonna eat it because I
loved all of the funny but like a big Lee
fans too, so we probably big Lee fans, which I

(15:21):
feel like it is embarrassing in say intween twenty three,
but I'm gonna say anyway, yeah, um, despite all the
trauma on that set, um, yes, which we hate, I
do have to see this live, especially with Liam Michelle,
because that's one how I figured out what um Funny
Girl was. And then two I can't not hear my
her seeing my man because she sang it on Glee

(15:44):
when um what's his name? Passed away? Like what's what's
the actor's name? Cool? Start to the sea cool Corey Monty, Yes,
Corey um passed away. She sang that song and I
really sopped every time I hear it. And the funny
thing is my dad works in music, and he's very

(16:05):
much like loves R and B. Hip hop is what
he works in. But if you ask him, like, what's
the best concert he's ever been to and watch him
listen to this episode like a randomly, you'd be like,
that's not true, But I swear it's true. He's tell
me the best concert has been to was Barbara Scheisan,
And so now I have to see it because I
love Barbishisan, I love in the Girl, I love Broadway.

(16:26):
I think that the industry can use a lot of
work internally, but I love going to see productions and
I love like hearing about everything that goes into a production.
And it's really really cool when someone who I associate
not in the Broadway field, like Joejoe or Liam Michelle
kind of come in and take over. I really like
it qualms about Liam Michelle, but you know, you know,

(16:47):
putting aside all of that, it's really really cool seeing
people who I've seen, like in TV shows and pop
culture come in and like, you know, give their take
on a role. I'm so excited to see Fantom City.
I don't know what I'm gonna do. It's the last
time ever I'm gonna I wonder if they're going to
go on a national tour again after it closes, or
revive it or something. I'm it's a little bit weird

(17:08):
that wants to get a black whatever character's name is, something,
wants to start closing things. Like they say it was
because the ticket sales, but like every time I've gone
to a Fantom performance, even like right I went to
a show right before they announced its closing and it
was a full house and it was like a Tuesday.
I don't get it. I really really don't. My mom

(17:28):
loved so much. We rushed that morning. We literally woke
up at the butt crack of dawn to sit in
a line in the rain to rush bandom tickets. And
then we got there, we didn't realize how shit the
tickets were. We were like all the way in the back.
So the first day we sat down, looked at each other,
got up, went to the box office, got seats under
the chandelier, paid like four hundred more dollars that if
we put up for the rush seats. Then we just

(17:50):
want to go sit down time. If we ever asked
what my talent is, it's literally just this. Because it's
happening twice now in Washington Square part they will have
people always they did, okay, at least they did before COVID.
Is it that people that would stand outside with like Eminem's,

(18:11):
or like other small candies of round shape in like
a jar, or other vessels that carry candy ross from friends?
Why are describing No, it's the end of the week.
It's not even the just free class system. I'm going
to actually want to cross anyway. UM vessels at candy
and you have to guess how many are in the

(18:33):
jar like you would in kindergarten, I feel like, and
then if you won, you got to choose a prize.
I won one of these twice. One of them I
was like three off and the other one was exact.
And you know what, That's how I know I'm just
vibes because I looked at them and I was like,
there's four hundred Eminem's in there, or like three hundred
ninety seven, and she's like, g y eight, that's exactly
what's in there. So I went to go see Chicago

(18:55):
and Carousel for free. Carousel I actually couldn't stand. I
thought it was awful, ourselves the worshow of all time.
We had really good seats, And like I love theater.
I love because I danced growing up. I love it.
I love musicals like blah blah blah, but just so
off brand for you. I feel like in one of
my favorite things, I'm an enigma. It's called the duality
of Woman. I could be your multi layer, layer and multifaceted.

(19:16):
I actually really do like musicals though, like it's like
my guilty pleasure, one of the many, including George Michael. Anyway, um,
what are we talking about? Candy Carousel? Okay, so we
got actually really good seat a Carousel, I think because
actually no one was there and not no jokes. If
you're in Carousel, you probably were great. But I sat
there and watched the entire play I musical whatever. I

(19:37):
could not tell you what that was about. Also, I
love I really liked color wine casting for like the
general purpose of it. However, when we were talking about
a story and there's no explanation going on, and I
see a black guy and a white girl with red
hair and they're like, brother, I've missed you. H we
could have mentioned in this entire play to all our
brother and sister because I thought y'all were together this

(19:57):
whole time, or like the Great Common whatever eighteen twelve. Yeah,
colored mine casting, which was cute, except we were in
the eighteen hundreds of Russia and at first I was like, oh,
it's giving racio dynamic, it's giving power dynamics. And then
she's like my brother and my husband, and I'm like, okay,
well we could have said that because I didn't know
that y'all te weren't related or that you weren't related.
It was confusing me a little bit. Like Hamilton's Fine.

(20:18):
I was gonna say there was a lot of controversy
about casting in Hamilton in that same sense, because like
I was go to Hamilton like cool, don't only looks
like anyway? But that was hard. And then Chicago. I
actually loved Chicago's on my Favorite Musicals because it's my
favorite and we were actually seeing next to the spotlight
like it hit me on the head multiple times, like
the ones in the very very very very like then

(20:39):
it's the nosebleed of the nosebleed, like my head was
against the back of the theater and the big small
I kept swinging and I was like, I think it's
in the hand. I get concussion. I'm suing them. But
it was funny because actually not funny at all. Kuba
Gooding Junior. It was his like one of his debut shows.
Then he got arrested like the next day, so I
was like, oh, oops, all right. So we we were
literally halfway through the episode and did not talk about

(21:01):
the topic. So we're going to get into it today.
We are chatting about how to stop caring what other
people who don't matter think and making confident and mindful decisions.
And by that I mean because in the real world
you do sometimes have to care, like what your boss
thinks about you, or what you know your closest friend

(21:22):
friends think about you, stuff like that. So that's why
I kind of preface it with people who don't matter,
so like random people and social media stuff like that,
and then making confident and mindful decisions, because that is
a part of maturing. You have to like really keep
in mind how these decisions that you make, regardless of
whether or not you care what certain people think, affect
your life in the long term. So you have to

(21:44):
be like mature about the decisions you make, but confident
in them. Yeah, TLDR intentionality. I went with TLDR mean
means and A says I say that in every conversation.
What does that mean? Too long? Didn't read? What does
that mean? Let's say you're like I can take spark
notes like okay, I'm not gonna explain it. It's like

(22:06):
in an email, like you can type about like an
entire email of like details of things to do, and
then to end in like bold, be like tl DR
Sami Colon and Ben said eight a arribb at seven
like the synopsis of things, or like if you're in
an article, sometimes I'll say at the top like tl
dr Trump got arrested, and then under it say like
all the details. So now, like after I talk for

(22:28):
a long time or like someone explain something, I'll be like, oh,
tl DR spark notes to show that I listened. I
love that. Yeah, so when we introduced the topic, I'll like,
do the little spiel and do all the like what
is it disclaimers and stuff, and then you wrap it up.
That's the nice little bow. Remember how I always tell
you that you wrap it up in a nice little bow.
That's your TLDR. Thank you, you're welcome. It's how many

(22:50):
people that I listened to what they're saying, actual Peter
back to them. I love that. That's a very good
listening skill. That's a soft skill. Thank you, good one.
It's crazy though, because like I'll be listening to someone
in my head if you like put and microscopping, like
a microscope in there or telescope. That's so right, La
la scot WHEELKRT wheel. What's I for dinner? It's like
a fling around. You have this stuff to do. I

(23:12):
talked about this a lot in season two, but in
the Deer in season season Sometimes then he makes me
laugh in the middle of a sentence and it comes
out really weird because I didn't expect to laugh. So
we'll just be like, if you run it back, if
you like, if you run it back, like ten seconds,

(23:33):
I was in the middle of a sentence, you baby laugh.
That's why would what No. Sarah's laugh actually kills me.
Like if I could create like a like a text
tone of like a recording and Sarah's like wheezing bronchitis laugh. Also,
this is another side note before it's the topic. I
feel like I meet our listeners in the most insane situation.

(23:56):
Do you meet another listener? I'm like, didn't recap it
the last two weeks. Okay, first, Oh this was bizarre.
Oh that's my thing of the week. Bees Are. I
keep saying that I don't know where I got it from.
But like I've had like four or five people be like,
where did you get that from? And I started this week.
I feel like maybe you just invented it. Probably did.
Someone will say something, but it just started, and I'm like, oh,
that's bees are or a bees are anyway, this was

(24:18):
a besar situation as in Starbucks, you know, as I
never do, because like my Deli coffee so much better.
And I got a mocha girl like an ice Smoga
girl girl. Oh no, I didn't. I got a Vanilla
speak Creo cold brew. This seems very important to Yeah,
it really is. And no, it's the essential part of
the story. I am waiting patiently, like a patient little

(24:39):
person in the corner for my freaking grande cole brew.
Mind you, copra comes out of a tap and just
pour it in there and give them the cup. I
waited there for I think thirty minutes, and I'm not joking,
like I'm almost like a class and I was supposed
to be early. I waited thirty minutes and I like
even went to ask them. I was like, hi, like
my name is Sydney, just checking me through my drinks.
They're like, O, yeah, I almost ready, girl, girl a girl.

(25:01):
I go up after I think like actually thirty four minutes,
and I was like, I'm not trying to be like,
I know you're busy, but like I ordered thirty four
minutes ago and I ordered online, so she'd been ready
when I got here, but I literally just got a
cold brew with like a dash of cream. Do you
know what happened to it? She's like, oh, we're out
of coal brew. Oh and then she no, my face,

(25:22):
my face. I was like being real and then she
was like, do you want something else? And part of
me wanted to ask her, but like, what were you
guys gonna do? Like if I didn't say let me
stand here for an hour? Yea even out corporate all day?
Why did you tell me? Why did they let you
order it? No? But like it's time if I let
me order, But like I asked multiple times. They're like, oh,

(25:43):
it's like getting made, and like it's I would have
orked something else so quickly, like I ordered iced coffee
iced to whatever else they have, but she's like, oh yeah, girl,
we've been down to colpridate all day. Okay, we just
want me to stand here. So I was want to
get mad. And this guy tapped and I was like hello,
and he was like, are you sitting me up or so?
I was like are you from the IRS? I was
like yes. Then he was like I listen to your

(26:03):
podcast and I was like, oh, thank you, and the
ladies watching you do this, and I'm like we're talking.
I'm like, oh that's so sweet. Hug took a picture
or whatever then around and I was like, are you
telling me? And then she's like, oh girl, your attitude.
I was like, you're telling me. I've been stating him
for thirty five minutes and you didn't tell me that
you guys literally don't have the coffee that it ordered.
And I know that. The guy is like like, oh,
she had a personality change, and she was like, oh

(26:24):
she had a personal change, yes, because there's no way
I waited thirty five minutes Anyway, I don't know why
you keep going back to Starbucks, because you all have
been beefing for what ever since the Christmas cup in
San Yasco of twenty nineteen. Yes, the nineteen Sarah wants
gonna get coffe. If you're an oad listener, you know this.
It wants gonna get coffee at freaking Starbucks during the
freaking holiday campaign when they eat the little red cups
and we have a lot of red cup for free. Yeah,
they give them for free, and Sarah gott or whatever

(26:46):
Sarah got and I got a pepper mint mocha, which
is the whole of day drink. And I watched the
man give Sarah a red cup. Oh, I love you,
here's your red cup, and I see the stack of
red cups behind it, like they're in my eyesight rectly
in front of my face. I ordered a pipe of
book up and I was like, oh, can I have
a holiday cup. He's like, 'ro out. Uh they're literally
seeing right. He's like, never apt today. Excuse me. No.

(27:08):
That was the first one of gaslighting, Like that's actually crazy. Yeah,
long term beef. And then I was by my birth
control like literally the latest handing out River Control come
across the counter at CBS, and this girl stopped me
and she's like, do you know a podcast? And I
was like yes. She's like, oh my god, like I
love you and Sarah, I'm so proud of your growth.
I was like, oh, thank you actually home grown at all.

(27:29):
But then the birth Controls like standing in my sitting
in my hands and we're just talking and the cash
year is like, girl, can you leave so and then
the thing at NYU or at the law school prom,
and I was just like, I look, probably meet in
a very mysterious way. Yes, And that Zara employee who
we see every time we go to the SOHO location
um always like stops us and it's like, oh my god,
and now we know her at this point. But the

(27:50):
first time we ever saw her, it was so funny.
Oh my god, speaking of woage this one time. This
is one time. This is like when we first started
our podcast too, but I think this is when we
first started getting recognized for it. I said to Sydney
I was going to meet her at Zara, But Sydney
got their way early and so did I. But she
got there earlier than me, and I don't think she
thought I was going to be there yet. So I
came in the door and I snuck up behind Sydney

(28:12):
and I go, oh my god, Sydney Winter, and I
changed my voice kind of and she turned around with
this face on like I don't even know how to
describe it. She was so proud and then she realized
it was me, and she got really sad. You never know,
we will see Chris Evans. It didn't sound like him,
but heyday, he could have changed it every day brasing
new adventory could have been Chris Evans girlfriend. You know,

(28:33):
we don't speak at her and everyone. Oh yeah, back
to the topic. Sorry. After Sydney's a little t l
d r Aska started, so I started social media around
the same time Sydney did. We both started like pandemic
era situation. I started when everyone was back in their

(28:56):
hometowns and Sydney started very shortly after we came back
to New York to go back to school. And I
would say we both learned around very similar times that
the Internet is a very very very very very very
very very very mean place. Like I mean, screen protection
is a huge thing. People feel so safe behind their
little keyboard and they love to comment about like my looks,

(29:20):
especially men, it looks a comment about my looks, like
my body count. When I make jokes like oh I
did half the men in New York City, they love
to be like, oh, you're like a S word or
a W word and is no, no no, And a
lot of people feel entitled to give their opinion and
when reality scrolling or un following is like a thing.
And I feel like I got myself in like a

(29:42):
social media situation where, like, you know, there was some
drama with me and this other creator and it that
was like a huge wake up call to me. And
I remember I didn't leave my room for days, and
I felt very unmotivated to make content because I knew
that I was going to get a lot of hate
regardless of what I posted. And I think what brought
me out that mindset was that these are people, and

(30:03):
this is what I tell myself, whether or not it's true.
These most likely are men who live in their parents' basement,
haven't shaved in like forty million days, eat Cheetos for breakfast,
and play video games all day like the men, or
I would say the misogynists and sexist that comment on
my TikTok about just like the weirdest, most absurd things

(30:23):
are people who have no impact on my life whatsoever.
And I have to remember I have this amazing support system,
not only of friends but of family mentors. I had
an amazing school at the time, and now I have
an amazing job. And I just have to keep in
mind the stuff that matters. And I think that really
focusing on doing things that I love with the people
whose opinions actually fuel me and get me to where

(30:44):
I need to go and who actually are positive forces
on my life, those are the only ones that matter genuinely, really,
and I mean prospective careers, bosses. Those opinions are the
ones that actually have an impact on your life. But
the person like the housewife who lives in like Michigan
that has nothing to do with you and preaches happiness

(31:05):
and love and or TikTok bio, yet is commenting how
you know you look ugly on your TikTok post like,
those are not people who should matter to you. I
think that mindset is really what brought me out when
I originally learned that TikTok bigger in a bigger sense,
the Internet was a very bad place girl, the One
Direction era of Tumblr and now, so you're starting way
younger than Yes and Twitter. No, like if you all

(31:28):
think that social media is bad now and you guys
were not there for the one direction fan account wars
on Twitter of like twenty fourteen, you and them sin
hate before girls be going for the juguler for what?
Because I like Harry too. Girl, none of us getting Harry.
We're also all thirteen. That's not new. I don't really
get hate on TikTok because I don't even think I
really post anything that like could get Hay necessarily slash.

(31:51):
I'm like, I think my personality is kind of like
a dry mop, Like it's just kind of there, um,
don't make men yours? Oh no, I like it like that,
Like okay, I'm like a spicy mop whatever, Like okay, Oh,
you know those mops where it like comes with like
the handle that you can like squeeze the water around. Yes, oh,
and then it comes in the bucket that around You're

(32:12):
a wonder mob the purple swiffer. Again. I don't know
how I get on these tangents, um, but I alsoll
just realize, like I don't know who this person is
to me that they're a fake like thought, um, handle
with a random picture. But it's like, you have no
bear on my life whatsoever? Why would I let someone
get me upset who has actually no purpose or tie

(32:33):
to my life whatsoever. Like even when it comes to
like things that happen in person, like unless you play
a very special role in my life, I actually do
not care what you think or say. It's like I
could let comms get me upset all I want, but like, no,
like genuinely, if you really really think about it, why care?
Like even like when Sarah used to do like lives
and ever, someone say look like Cannis Owens and I
was like, you know what, that's very offensive. Um, that's

(32:56):
probably the only thing close to hey, I've ever gotten
on like TikTok stuff. But also like I don't care,
Like what does that end you do with my life?
Or someone's like I don't like your ears, I don't
like your hair, I don't like your whatever. Okay, that's
good for you, keep it moving. But it's like in
terms of like intentionality or like being mindful of things,
it's like you only have so much energy to give

(33:17):
or mind space to give. Why give something so insignificant,
Like I rather spend my energy on work, on hanging
out with my friends, on whatever else I do. But like,
why would I spend something that I don't I have
so little of on something so insignificant or inconsequential, Like
I can upset about this Kate comment all at once.

(33:37):
It's not gonna make the comment go away or forget
the fact that it happened. I see it. I laugh
because like I feel bad that you spend the time
and energy to comment that, Like you wanna being me
so bad? You're obsessed, Like why are you commenting all that?
You know these people deserve your pity, so it's like
they don't deserve headspace whatsoever. Like at that point, I'm like, okay,
comment cool, move on. You know, it's not tending to

(33:57):
put energy or feelings towards because it's not gonna change back. Happened.
It is what it is, you know. Yeah, I mean,
if you bully people online, I just feel so bad
for you, Like I really hope that you get to
help you need because I could. I mean, sitting there
and typing all of that out, pressing send that is
actually so embarrassing, and I feel really bad for you.
That is fangirl behavior. And I will also like to

(34:21):
address that it's so funny the hate and the opinions
that women get online versus the opinion that men get
on or versus the criticism that men get online, and
especially I'll speak particularly to the podcast sector, because women

(34:41):
on podcasts and not just crying in public. Literally every
single women podcast that I follow with female hosts get
the same thing over and over and over again. And
you actually don't know how I'm furiating it is. Your
voices are annoying, valley girl voice. Your voice is so loud.
I hate your voice. You have vocal fry. But no, no,
oh my god, it's hauns it. And then literally, men

(35:02):
do not get that hate whatsoever. Men get hate for
literally being misogynistic pieces of crap. Women get hate because
men seem to not like their hair that day, or
because they don't like their voices, or they think they're annoying,
or they don't like their makeup, or they think their
lashes are too big or they're missing a nail. You
know what I do? You see how like insignificant these
opinions are. It time It makes me laugh because like
I'll see a comment and like, I'm like your skirt,

(35:25):
they'll click on her file. It's like an fifty five
year old man. Yeah, like thank thank you. You don't
have to wear it exactly like exactly, it's like why
did you feel the need? Like you really type that out,
looked at it, thought about it, let it jiggle around
in there, and then you press in. No, they really
were like to calm on her skirt, but it's to
know it's ugly. Even when I see like crazy things

(35:45):
on TikTok, they are like very much giving side eye.
I don't comment. I read the comments. I think they're funny,
but I'm we're gonna sit there and type something out.
But that's so much effort to put into someone else
I've never met, we'll ever meet, will never mean anything
to me, Like ooh okay. This is also something that
I can trying to work on in another sector of
life in terms of like being mindful and being intentional.
Is that I'm a verily highly reactive person emotionally when

(36:08):
it comes to relationships. Is it because I'm know I'm
dead because part of me is like it's because I'm
a cancer now because I have anxiety? But I will
say it's because I am a cancer sign um. Is that,
like I have this innate need and it's something this
has happened to me since I was like sixteen, and
it's something I struggled with in relationships and gets friendships too.
Is that like, when I have an opinion or when

(36:29):
I feel some type of way, I'm gonna say something
like there are those people in the world that could
be like kk cool or like not going to read that,
or like that's too long, I'm not going to read that.
I respect those girls so much because me, Oh, I'm
gonna say something like if a guy disrespects me, I'm
gonna let him know. If I don't like something like
something he did or what he treated me, I'm gonna

(36:49):
say something. But I see these girls from TikTok, they're
like a guy disrespected or it's like a text message
and they'll be like, oh, like I'm not responding. I
don't care. Girl. The level of inner peace you have
I aspire. So like my rule now is twenty four
hour rules. It like if something happens or getting like
an argument with someone or something like that, I will
go crazy in my notes app put it away twenty

(37:10):
four hours on myself, like kind of decompressed, step back,
be more mindful of the situation, and like look at
it like a bigger picture instead of like one isolated event,
and then come back from respond and I promise you
you'll respond word peacefully every single time. One and two
makes them shaking their boots a little bit because they
know me and they know I'm gonna go crazy. So
when I don't go crazy, it has a better effect

(37:33):
because they don't expect it. Also, your silence makes them
go crazy. You know, they're wondering, why isn't you're responding,
Oh my god. And that's a great, really tangible piece
of advice to give, because you know, sitting there with
like a piece of advice like oh, you know, just
be more mindful about your text that can kind of
be lost in the sauce. But having an action of
a thing where you can like type something out in

(37:53):
your notes, app away twenty four hours and then go
back to it, that's like a more achievable goal because
like you still get the feeling of like being cathartic
and like seeing what you need to say at the
end of the day. I think people forget this I
forget this a lot. So it's literally me preaching to
the choir. It's that like, obviously I want to get
off my chest, like what's important to me and to
me like talking about oh, like you're missing out on

(38:13):
something I'm value blah blah blah. In my head, that
might be like what's necessarily me to get off my chest?
That's how I feel. But like when I think about
the situation at hand, does that matter? No, I can't
convince one of my worth or of my value or
to treat me a certain way. If I have to
beg you to respect me, then why I'm wasting my words?
You know? So? I think it goes back to the
idea of like be mindful of what you expand your

(38:35):
energy on, because trust me, things will drain you. And like,
why I'm not letting a man who doesn't wash his
sheets and has nabe sheets and literally his mom does
his laundry. Wh I'm letting him to take out all
this energy, emotion and time from my space? You know so?
I think that like having a twenty four hour rule
or even twelve hour rule, or even like sleep on
it rule, where you just kind of step back and
let yourself, process things and feel things before you respond.

(38:58):
It'll become so much more clear headed. You also realize that, like,
what's the point I'm doing this in the first place?
You know, gives you a lot of clarity, and it's
the element of surprise that keeps them on there too.
I mean, because when you're in a relationship, or even
when you're talking to men or in the talking stage
and you get disrespected, it's really hard to sit there
and take it because when you don't respond, it seems
like you're just swallowing it. It does, you know what

(39:19):
I mean? And I will say same with like bosses
and stuff, you know, because this episode isn't really just
about man. It's I know we've talked a lot about
misogyny and everything, but it's also about everybody in your life.
Like I mean, everybody has that situation where you know,
your boss tells you off, or your boss says something,
or even like a coworker or something, and like you
have to sit there and you feel like you want

(39:40):
to say something back, but you literally cannot in a
professional capacity because these people are above you. And I
know that's something that not just with bosses, but with professors. Too.
I've had to kind of sit there and remind myself,
you know, this is an authority figure. I actually have
to hold my tongue. And I would say to that point,
there's a difference between standing up for yourself and just
cathartically leashing on somebody else. And I think that that

(40:02):
comes into play a lot with authority figures parents, adults,
two teachers, professors, and bosses, because you need to be
mindful of the fact that like, this is where I
get my benefits, my insurance is here, my pay is here,
this how I afford my apartment. Whatever. You do have
to keep all that in mind. But at the same time,
if something is wrong, or if you know that you
are in the right, you do have to stand up

(40:23):
for yourself, and just finding that balance is really important.
I know for me, what I do is I type
something out and I look back at it, and I bless,
you know, it's okay. I type something out and then
I look back at it and I think, how would
I feel if I was in their position, receiving this
from my subordinate, Like, how would I feel? Is this respectful?
Do I feel like it's constructive criticism or is it

(40:44):
actually just rude and like what I mean, are they
just complaining? Sometimes it's really just not worth your energy.
You know, you can say as much as you want
to say if they're not going to receive it in
the right headspace. And there's no point exactly, huge thing.
It depends on the kind of person they are, the
kind of professor, boss, teacher, adult parent, you know, because
I know a lot of people like grow up and
they really need some space from their parents or their

(41:05):
authority figures in life because of like the argumentative style
or like this whole you know, how they handle conflict,
and I think that comes into play there too, because
you need to keep your inner peace as well, or
like if you're black, don't even try your parents are
not gonna hear. You know. I hear the way somehow
my friends who aren't black talks to your parents. And

(41:25):
it's crazy because like no, s mister, if I ever,
you know, I said what to my parents, like the
jaws that would drop. So it's really crazy to see that,
like the way that different dynamics work in a situations
because like I'll even like with like past romantic partners,
like all of my partners have received things in very
different ways, except for the ones that are all on narcissists.

(41:47):
That was pretty consistent. But I think it's also knowing
the person you're knowing your audience, who you're talking to,
because communication styles, like I might communicate in one way
where like I like to talk things out when they
happen because that's when I'm feeling everything, will like to
step back and think things through, or just needs space
in general, or don't want to talk things out at all. Say,
it's important to think about who your audience is. So
I think a lot of times what some people construe

(42:09):
as disrespect or as argumentative comes down to a difference
in communication style. And I feel like if you understand
the communication style of who you're speaking to, you can
facilitate a conversation that's much more healthy, mindful, impactful than
if you continue just butt heads. Because like even like
when I see my friends fight with your partners or

(42:30):
with like another friends, like I'll know that one friend
doesn't like texting or doesn't like putting things out there
that's in writing, or doesn't do it the whole long
paragraph thing by other friends usually water signs who will
like pour out, pour out, pour out, like also it's
like a huge paragraph or like letters stuff things like that,
and like that might be helpful for you to get
out on paper or to get all those feelings out,

(42:50):
But someone who just deceives like an entire block of
text is not going to receive that well if that's
not a communication style. So I feel like part of
being intuitive or mindful of how you communicate with people
or what you allowed to give you attention or to
get your attention, is being mindful of how like you
are communicating with other people and how it's going to
be received. Because you can pour out all you want,

(43:10):
but if they're not going to receive it in an
impactful way or like in the right way, that you're
just wasting your breath. I'm going to give a very
small example because I'm totally guilty of this. My X
and I we had very different communicative style, just to
put it very lightly, When he was upset at me,
he would send me those blocks of texts or you know,
letters and stuff, and I didn't really receive that well.

(43:30):
And I often considered that behavior or that form of
communication to be very aggressive and passive, aggressive and also
just very naggy, like it felt like he was being
my father in a lot of senses, and I felt
like I was being controlled in that regard. And also
we were long distance too, so I know that talking
like one on one wasn't necessarily an option all the time.
But then there's calling FaceTime, you know what, There are ways.

(43:53):
But then meanwhile, what I would do when I would
get mad is I would just like go radio silent.
And that was not the best for him either, because
that made him think that I didn't love him anymore,
that I wanted to break up, when you know I
did at the end there, but before that I obviously
did not want to. So yeah, definitely know who you're
talking to, and not only put yourselves in their shoes
and be like, okay, how would I receive this? Just

(44:14):
like that's good for just being basic human decency. If
I was in their shoes, how would I like to
receive this? And then also make sure you remember who
you're talking to, not only whether or not they're in
a thoraritative figure, but keeping in mind their communication styles.
And you just said so part of it is thinking
like what do I want to get out of this?
I just want to yell, gremlin, go ahead, type of
pair craphile. But like if you're objective is like getting

(44:37):
to a place of common understanding or being in a
place where you can work out an issue. You have
to realize that your ways not the highway in all situations.
You know. I felt that was a tough lesson for
me to learn because I really don't get the girlies
who can just like like you said, let's go radio silent,
or just like not answer. Oh no, I'm going to answer.
I have an answer for everything, But like my X
would just like pull back fully, not say a word,

(44:58):
not speak, and then sometimes you would do a paragraph.
So I was like, I don't know what you want
for me. Yeah, but I think just learning how that
person communicates or like how they're able to receive information,
which is all you can really do is learn that
through hil and error, like wants to figure that out.
I promise you the communication will be so much more
effective and you will stop wasting your energy and time

(45:19):
on things, so don't deserve it. Also, you brought up
a great point to people like this is coming from
somebody who thinks they're right in ninety nine point nine
to nine percent of the time. That's a half joke.
I have a very big like. I have a lot
of pride, and I think when I approach arguments sometimes
I usually go into it like I know that I'm right.
How can you know what I mean? When in reality

(45:40):
you should work to resolve not to be right, which
we always talk about on the pod. All right, everybody,
I think that is the time we have for today.
Thank you so much for listening. We hope this was informative.
This is just your weekly reminder to take care of
yourself and be mindful and make decisions that are right
for you, and be confident in those decisions. Do not
apologize being yourself and for knowing what's best for you.

(46:02):
Make sure to go follow us on social media at
Crying in Public Podcast. That's Instagram and TikTok. We're more
active on our Instagram though, and you can listen to
us on iHeart Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get
your podcasts. See you next Thursday. Goodbye you