Sober-Curiosity: An Honest Conversation About Drinking

In the first episode of the week, the girls have an honest conversation about drinking culture and the role that alcohol plays in their everyday life as they continue to transition from college-life to actual adulthood. From learning the signs of having an unhealthy relationship with drinking, to learning how to navigate moderation, or learning how to say "no," this conversation is one of our favorites to date.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Hello, Ski, that's in my head all day?

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Why what's up from the song?

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Ski? I don't know. No, if you didn't know, i'd
actually be really the sexy rid.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Oh no, no, it kills me and it's on all
of my tiktoks. I haven't listened to it all day
and it's literally stuck in my head. It's like the
Yeah from Ghanna song was stuck in my head for
like two months, and now it's Ski and they're not
even words, are just noises.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
That's so funny.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
No, I don't know who that is, but speaking of like,
you'd be surprised if I heard of that song.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
One thing that is really surprising.

Speaker 4 (00:55):
I feel like the most out of character person I
listened to is Rico Nasty.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
Have you heard her music? It's like I'm gonna smack
you right in the face.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
And it's so weird because like everyone I know who
listens free Go Nasty isn't someone I've everything this. We
listened to Rika Nasty, like really Go Nasty's biggest fan, and.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
I was like, what I use?

Speaker 3 (01:15):
She's more like emo than rap, which is interesting, but no,
that's definitely I didn't.

Speaker 4 (01:20):
I never thought she was a rapper because remember when
we saw her perform at NYU, she gave me this.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
So when I got my face stomp time.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
That's actually a hilarious story.

Speaker 4 (01:30):
Your luck sometimes makes me because okay, anyway, there's this concert,
just to give some context to the story. There was
this concert that NYU held where Rico Nasty along with
like Roddy Rich and a bunch of other really popular
performers came up into their thing and it was really
really crowded. This is a very popular NYU event and
it was sanctioned too, like it wasn't like unofficial.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
It was like you whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:51):
So me and Sydney and our friend Finn, who was
actually on the podcast season one, go check out that episode.
Sorry about the quality. We all went together as like
thresome and Sydney was getting like abused in this space,
like I don't even know how to explain it, Like
so many bad things happened to you. Do you remember
it was that girl with a really frizzy hair that

(02:12):
was flipping in your face the entire night, which I
have a video of. It's really funny. And then Sidney
like fell on the ground because people started moshing, like
why are you mashing. This is the nyu oh, I
you know how much I hate mosh pits. A mashpit
once happened at Gubball and.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Let me explain.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
There's a mosh pit, then there's like two rows of
people a gigantic space, and then Sarah and she was like,
they're actually jumping on me.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
I need to leave. I was like, girl.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Later literally gave me a real life panic attack too,
which is funny because I was like, this is not
panic attack worthy.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Part. He was like, I didn't have your situation because
like if Sarah was like in the actual mashpack, could
like take her out of it. But it was happening
like at a distance from us. And I was like,
I don't know what to do the situation. But I
do think that mashing explains the decline of men.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
No offense to men. I have not to decline with
him in Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
I think if you mosh pit, your dumb. Sorry, like
I don't understand.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
What actually the decline has been, because if you really
think about it, I can say this every episode, like
there was time men used to hunt and gather and
build houses from wood, and they would like and be
mature vehilosophers and think about the distance of life. Mathematicians
like they used to like find math numbers, like they
used to like invent like equals mc squared, and like
all that goodness. They used to discover gravity like they

(03:29):
were thrown apples and stuff, like they were doing the
thing back then.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
They were philosophizing.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Now they pay, They pay money. They pay like four
hundred dollars to go stand outside in the parking lot
while some guys screams on stage like immobile words, muttering words,
and then they bang their heads together like they know,
like I don't think I've ever seen a mosh pit.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Let me explain it to you.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
They all get in a circle, some random little little whoever.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
On the stage is like mosh man.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
And then all the guys, I don't know what turns
on in their heads. It's like their eyes changed colors.

Speaker 4 (04:02):
It's true, you know how like when a shark comes
to attack you. Apparently their eyes turned black.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
It's like that, yes, And then they all rip their
shirts off, like Donna, what that part's about? Literally half
then they just start hitting each other and they started
like batching it's heads. And then that's how they enjoy
the song. I guess I think if you can't even
hear the song when you're getting your head smashed, then
someone's head starts bleeding and everyone's like, oh my god,
stop and they break their arm. Then they started doing
it again, and yeah, that happened at this concert and

(04:27):
I got really back concussion.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
But whatever, I mean.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
She fell so hard. I mean, I've never seen somebody
drop that hard in my life.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
So it was like dominoes, like people fell on top
of me, and I was the last one to fall
because I'm five foot one and so yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
Yeah, and then you were all not only were you
the last one to fall, but since you were the
last one to fall, the most people were on you
because everybody fell like back or forward, so everyone like
you had a lot of people on your back, your legs,
your feet. So this girl could not get up, so
one of our friends had to actually yanksen me up
by her hair. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen,
because that just goes to show how small and light Sidney.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
It's just like she just goes boop leg and not
call me small. It's like you know that TikTok sounds like.
Then my head hit the wall. Boom.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah, it was like that, but it was the floor
of a concert venue and it was nasty.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
So gross.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
I don't know how you didn't get like Rady's or
something from them.

Speaker 1 (05:16):
That's so nasty, that's like and I saw him. This
was someone. I don't know why.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
This came up with a conversation recently where everyone was
talking about how like bad Lights was when they were
in like middle school, like it was a pandemic. I
remember like someone on our cheer team got lice, and
like obviously with cheer, like I don't know, just our team,
we were always all of each other, not even like
when we were like dancing or stunting, but like in
between practices, we just all be laying on each other.
So they called our entire team out of class besides me,

(05:43):
and I was kind of like, what's going on? Why
is there running the office besides me? Because like my
entire friend group wasn't cheer and they're like, we're getting
checked for lice, and I was like, damn, they even
call my name, and I was like period because my heroes,
of course were So I'm so glad that I will
never have to deal with that Lights being racist kind

(06:05):
of works in my favor.

Speaker 1 (06:06):
I'm not okay with that.

Speaker 4 (06:08):
I didn't know that Lis only liked white people because
I got lice freshman year of college.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
You know how embarrassing that is to get light your
freshman year of college.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
Chance got chicken fox in college from a hot tub.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Sorry, Chance, that's so funny.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
No, I don't know why, Like, I don't know what
crackhead energy that I had work. Like, where did I
get it from? I don't understand. I mean I was
sleeping with some freaky people at the time, so not
freaky likenky freaky, but freaky like, oh oh, I probably
shouldn't have done that freaky.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
So that's probably where that came fro.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
My thing is kind of like, if my kids have light,
you need to find somewhere to go because I'm not
picking that stuff out. That's nasty.

Speaker 4 (06:38):
I know, as a parent, think about everything you have
to do. You have to like rub mayonnaise and their
hair or something. I don't even know how you do that.
I just used a shampoo and it came out. You
use like a little coney like comb all of them out.

Speaker 3 (06:48):
No, No, we find you a staycation somewhere and they're
gonna do it for me because I'm not I'm not
doing that.

Speaker 4 (06:55):
I don't know what it is about concerts and stuff,
but my I love concerts, I love life music. But
my anxiety is peak at all times because something always
bad happens. Like I went to this Mountjoy concert in
Central Park and the concert started at seven pm.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
These people are awesome. They were not late.

Speaker 4 (07:13):
They were there up on the stage singing at seven pm.
And there's a group of guys are in front of
me and one of this one of the guys takes
a hit.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Of a joint.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
No marching is going on here, by the way, the
guy Joy. Now this guy in front of me takes
a hit of a joint. He's with like five of
his guy friends, and he drops immediately drops to the ground,
and then his friends pick him up and just let
him stand there again. And Zach taps my boyfriend taps
them on the shoulder and goes hi, he needs to
like go to the medical tent. He does not look good.
I mean he just turned you know how books say, like, ok,

(07:45):
turned a nasty shade of green and then threw up everywhere. Yeah,
that's the shade of green. He was like he looked
like his eyes rolling in the.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Back of his head. He was like stumbling, and they
were like, no, what are you talking about.

Speaker 4 (07:54):
He's fine, And then he falls again and Zach is like,
actually get him out of here. This is how bad
he was. Two people had to get his arms and
two people had it, so four people in total had
to carry him out of the middle of the concert.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Find you to the medical tent. That's my thing about men.
I'm like, no, he is not okay.

Speaker 4 (08:09):
Why, Like, if that ever happened to you, I would like,
if you experience maybe a quarter of those some dumbs,
I would start crying and go get like a security guard,
like that's so.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
I don't even know what it is about Memorial Like,
oh you like he's fine, you could like, what are
you of?

Speaker 3 (08:24):
I was so mad that that happened at I went
to the Drake concert last week and this guy I
was like on the floor. So it's like general admission
and this guy like passes out on the ground and
no one does anything. And finally people like are like
waving their flashlights trying to get like medical attention to him.
The guy gets up this court him out. I'm not
kidding you five minutes that he comes back with a beer.

(08:45):
I was like, hello, your faces used to be on
the ground like five minutes ago. But I think, and
this inspired me from the Drake concert. There needs to
be like a concert etiquette class that you're supposed to take,
because number one at the Drake concert, so when needs
are happening. First, there was a group of guys in
front of me who like literally shoved me to the

(09:05):
ground to get in front of me. And I was like,
you are a thirty five year old man and it's Drake.
This is where the girls back up everyone too. He
wasn't even looking at Drake. He was turned around to
his friends, singing every single word and I was like,
are you here?

Speaker 1 (09:17):
You just play that in your car. I guess what
you're gonna do and ill.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
At one moment, he turns to his friend and goes,
I'm so hard right now, and I was like, I
never need to know that information, thank you.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
He did not say that.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
Marney was like, even if you.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
Did feel that, why do you turn her body your business?
And then these two girls who are definitely like groupies
because they'redressed like they have like the same thing on
as like all the other girls in Drake's section. These
women are from the Amazonian Amazon or are they like
seven feet like seven foot nine hundred million inches tall
and they have heels on and they're standing right in
front of me. Partly, I was like, girl, and she

(09:52):
also has her phone on FaceTime for the concert, like
showing them the concert, and then she would like hang up,
put her camera on, turn it to herself, I mean,
then herself singing like the words. And I was like, everyone,
your flashlight is blinding me. Number two, you are nine
hundred feet tall, please go to the back. Why are
you and you can see from fifteen miles away I

(10:14):
cannot see and I'm two rows behind, you know. So yeah,
any people to get together because we're struggling.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
The shorties agreed. Speaking of that whole situation.

Speaker 4 (10:23):
Did you see that viral video about that guy at
the adel concert.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Who was standing up?

Speaker 4 (10:27):
Yeah, that was standing up And I felt so about, oh,
oh my god, Like that's different because it's Adele and
like everybody had a paid for seat, like it's not
a standing concert, but or there wasn't standing room.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
It was a seated concert.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
But it was so sad because everybody in the front
was standing like in the front kind of like half
of the ground floor. Everybody was standing. He just happened
to be in the back. And this poor baby, sweet
angel was just trying to have a good time. And
all the people in the back, like old ass women
and men, which is so odd, were coming up to
him being like begets now, and I thought so and

(11:00):
Adele it got so out of hand, like so many
people came up to him that Adele had to stop
the concert to like say something, be like stop bothering.

Speaker 2 (11:07):
Stop bothering this boy, this poor boy, so many people
have been coming up to him since I've I don't
mean to be offensive with my British Actide know it's bad,
but that's what she said. She was like, leave him
a line, leave him Alane.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
And the funniest part is I watched that video like
six times before I realized that everyone was talking about
him trying to stand. I thought it was Abby Lee
Miller that was like doing it. In the beginning, I was.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
First wheelchair yep.

Speaker 3 (11:31):
That's why I kept That's why I kept watching the video.
And then I realized I read the comments. They were like,
oh my god, no, you're trying to stand up, and
I was like, oh, I didn't even notice that I
was Abelie Miller. That's all I saw.

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah, that is so fun because that's something Abbley Miller
would do too. Also, she's so funny that wheelchair. Not
to be offensive, but she.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
Rolls like she goes. Yeah, like she that's the fastest
wheelchair I've ever seen in my life. It's like faster
than car.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
Reminded me when we went to Mulan Reached for my birthday.
Some of these Broadway ushers like power go straight to
their head. Like a woman would like take her foot
out to check the time. This man would launch from
the depths of I don't know spawn with his flashlight.
He know, he was running so fast to tell this

(12:12):
woman to put her fun away that he tripped up
the stairs of his flashlights and I was like, we
are in the middle of the show. He's like, put
your phone away. She was like, I'm literally checking the
times I put it away. I was like, is it
really truly, honestly that serious?

Speaker 4 (12:25):
I can never take somebody seriously in an argument when
they say the same thing twice and slower the second times,
that makes sense, Like who is someone like it's very
TV show cringing to me.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Someone goes, do you understand? Do you understand? Why are
you being so cringe?

Speaker 3 (12:41):
Now? I would have, but sometimes they eat and you
say it twice because it's like, wow, I feel like
you could do it.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Though, yeah, you could probably have like a way about you.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
I gotta have a little you know, no, but some
people cannot do it. It's really really crazy. Also, so you
know how people get mad, their lips get really tiny,
like twelve.

Speaker 1 (13:02):
I can't.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
I can't stand that either, because you know you lost
the argument.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
If you did that, you know what I mean, and
you know what really betrays me.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
And I don't know how I'm going to fix this
because I do plan on being a lawyer. When I
get into argument, I won't even be upset and like
I could definitely be winning, but the thoughts on.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Young and me makes me upset, so I start crying.

Speaker 4 (13:19):
No, you have two modes in an argument, because I've
seen Sidney get into arguments.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
We've never think. God, I literally would rather, I think, throw.

Speaker 4 (13:26):
Myself out this window than get in an argument with
Sydney because I know I would lose.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
That's number one. Number two is you ever sent me.
Of course, Sidney has two modes.

Speaker 4 (13:34):
She either cries or it's like hysterically crying for no reason,
or she starts hysterically laughing for no real I remember
this one time, me and her and all of our
ex roommates were in like this big fucking screaming blowout
bite right, and Sydney and I were just kind of
sitting there, and I remember I was cooking dinner, so
I was chopping broccoli and Sidney was trying so hard
not to cry that she was staring at the broccoli.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
But then the fact that I was just chopping broccoli.

Speaker 4 (13:56):
In the middle of this really heated discussion made us
cry laughing, and we were, oh my god, everyone got.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
So mad because it's so awkward. I have no one
else to do.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
Yeah, Like one time my ex cat like in my face,
like I was my back was against a wall and
he was like screaming at me, and then I like
took his and I was like, actually really sad because
I was like, why are young and me's so hard?
Like I didn't do anything, But then I like to
stop to think about it, like I became a third person,
like I became a fly on the wall. I just
looked at his face and then he was like spitting
and his face is really red. I just started laughing

(14:25):
so hard.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Did he get really mad.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
That he got so mad? He was like stop laughing
right now. And I was like, it's not even funny,
like I don't even know like what I'm laughing about,
but I can't stop.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
And he started crying.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
So well, I think it did its job.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
Well. He's on vacation with his girl for now, so
they worked out for him. I was open Facebook, it's
just my exes, and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
Okay, oh my god, that is so funny. That's so funny.
You still have Facebook, because why do you go on face?

Speaker 1 (14:51):
I only okay.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
When I open Facebook, it's like my cousin's doing weird
things I don't want to see, or like my mom
will do like one of those like mean things where
it's like put your faith here to like see it changing.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
You're mom is chronically on fa My mom is chronically
on Facebook.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
We love you, Tammy.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
I'll be like walking on.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
Street it, She'll be on Live. I'm like, girl, what
are you living right now? But yeah, she loves her
at Facebook. I only go on Facebook to stalk people
from my past, but it's so hard because like I
usually date older men, so like it's so easy to
stalk them on Facebook.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
They've still post.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
They still they post everything that you could ever want
about the lives. Like I'll be like, I wonder what
this person's up to. Open Facebook. They're dating this person,
They're here at this time, at this date, doing this
thing with this person.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Got my answer. But with people I'm seeing now, because
they're like young and.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
Like a mysterious and whatever, I gotta like do it
a couple extra steps, and you know, it's taxing on
my heart, my soul, my brain, and my time.

Speaker 4 (15:43):
It's so funny because I know that you obviously no
one wants to do those extra steps, but you're so
good at it.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
Like I remember, oh my god, this one.

Speaker 4 (15:50):
Time we were I don't know what was happening, but
we saw this guy and I was like, he looked
so familiar. Siddy took out her I don't know what
you did, but you took out your phone, did a
little and then in four seconds you knew his name,
social security number, his house.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
I was like, what in the world.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
I will say, it's a little bit cairy and it's
because I was chronically online as a child.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
Tumblr.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
But the thing is is.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
That, do you know how upsetting it is when I
do know anch about someone, Like I know where they
went to school, I know their name, and I can't
find them, Like you have no trace yourself on the internet.
I have like a boring name like John Smith, and
I'm like, okay, well, oh, hit a rock and find
either people that night. The thing is like, I'm so
chronically online and no one in the world, no one

(16:34):
in this entire universe of billion people, has my name
is spelled my way that you don't have to know
anything about me. You could know just my first name
or just my last name, or guess my school and
find everything in the world about me, Like I know
people do like background checks for work.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
So I'll be like, oh my god, I'm a Google
meet and see what I find.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
It's my rat pad, it's my story from my short
stories from middle school. It's like Harry's my biscus bikini pictures.
Like I was like, okay, whoa luckily something bad. It's
just embarrassing. No.

Speaker 4 (17:03):
I do think though, that you know law firms in particular,
and just like you know, doctor firm, just like I
feel like a big corporations in general. No by now
that like we're gonna post bikini pictures on Instagram and
that's not a factor and anything anymore, do you know
what I mean?

Speaker 2 (17:18):
Or just like anything of the store. But I get
it's like, yeah, that is I would I know.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
I look my name up and it is a dog
trainer who is famous apparently, but she has my exact
same name, name's Belly.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
Now that we've talked for.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
We talked about about literally nothing. I'm trying to I've
had We've live in this apartment for actually a year now.
Actually we'll be here in a year for two days.
And I don't have a single decoration in my room
because I have a fear of commitment. And every time
I like to say I like a poster, I'm like,
wait if I don't like it, tomorrow sometime decorating my
room yet, And now I'm like forcing myself. So it

(17:53):
looks kind of weird. It's just black and white. So
I'm like, Sendney, you get decorations, and I'm chopping online
for them right now.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
She's not like to.

Speaker 3 (17:59):
Multitask and I can't commit the thing is when I
find a man, I'm like, I love you, marry me.
It so like, why kind I have that commitment with posters?

Speaker 2 (18:06):
I don't know, No, it's with certain things.

Speaker 4 (18:08):
I mean, I was was I talking to about this?
I think I was talking to a high school friend
about this. I was saying, how for me, it's so weird,
like this is not the same thing. But I feel
like we as modern women, kind of view relationships, friends
and like everything in between as totally different sectors in
our life, Like are really good at categorization because we
might have a fear of commitment of putting decorations up

(18:29):
in our bedroom, But why are we so like open to.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
Love and like?

Speaker 4 (18:31):
For me, it's like, why am I so initially pessimistic
and on trustworthy then when it comes to men, and
why am I so much harder on like my partner
than I am on my friend?

Speaker 2 (18:39):
It's you know what I mean? I feel like as
women in twenty.

Speaker 4 (18:43):
Twenty three, I feel like it's a thing we're kind
of forced to do, which is weird.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
It's interesting to think about. That might be a good
episode topic, because.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Like, my poster's not telling me I'm cute and snuggle
me at night. Yeah, that's what I'm wanting. I's hanging
a man on my wall. Actually that's not never mind,
Yeah I said that, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
Game.

Speaker 4 (19:08):
So the topic of today is inspired by this really
really viral video that went pretty crazy on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
This was like two weeks ago.

Speaker 4 (19:17):
I think this video is maybe more than that, but
it is an interviewer talking with Tom Holland, who if
you don't know the impossible Spider Man, the cutest little
smush of all time? He got, uh, oh, he's dating
zin Daa. Still, I think, I hope that's still a thing.
You don't think that's pr do you? I really hope
that's real, the that they're dating, know that they're him
and Zinday are are dating pr?

Speaker 1 (19:38):
You think, no, they're for life. That's what I thought.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Okay, that's what I was asking. I really yeah, what.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
They did hearing for he's really like quitting acting, he
said kind. But also they're just so in love. Makes
you want to like, oh my god. The way he
talks about her, I'm like, oh my god, let me
go shave my head. And they're so private it makes
my heart. They seems so genuinely happy, and I like
that they like to live their life privately of being
so like about the relationship.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
But yeah, I don't know. It's cute to me.

Speaker 4 (20:05):
It's interesting to see celebrity couples in the different dynamics
because like Hailey Bieber and Justin.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Uh no, they're never going to the same place. Yeah,
where are you going to? Just like that? Just like that?

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (20:18):
So this interview was really really awesome and it went
viral on TikTok for numerous reasons. One because Tom Holland
is America's treasure, and two is because the way he
described not just a plight of alcoholism but also his
sober journey was really exciting and I think was a
very appealing to a lot of people because when you think,
at least I know this in my case, when you

(20:39):
think alcoholism, especially I have alcoholics in my family. It's like,
when you think alcoholics, you think of or at least
this is me. People who are drinking from like nine
am to when they go to bed getting blocked out,
like every day, every single time they drink. They have
a very serious consequence to their actions, such as douis injuries,
et cetera, et cetera. When in reality, alcoholism is way

(20:59):
more than that, and I think it affects people in
different ways, and every person's alcoholism or sober journey.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
Is completely completely.

Speaker 4 (21:07):
Different, Like just because that's Tom's alcoholic journey doesn't mean
that's somebody else or whatever. And it's really interesting because
he provided a whole new perspective. And I took a
class on drugs and alcohol in college, and this was
even different from anything like that because obviously the course
was very fact based, objective, but he was talking very
subjectively about his own personal experience. Essentially, if you haven't
seen the video, which I'm sure that you have, he

(21:30):
was saying, how it's not like he was one of
those stereotypical, very heavy drinkers that I had just mentioned it.
For him, he had just come back from a long,
very booze heavy vacation and was like, Okay, I'm gonna
do a sober month because like, I drink a lot
on this vacation and no other reason. He did a
sober month, and then he realized upon that month's completion,

(21:52):
not only was he just really looking forward to the
time when he could drink again, which he was like,
maybe I shouldn't be doing that, but he was. Also
he was also noticed seeing how center and focused his
life was on alcohol. He was really missing like the
whole social drinking. He was missing like, oh, you know,
I had a really stressful day, let me have like
a drink. He was missing a lot of that, and

(22:13):
that longing and desire was very central in that month.
So he was he made the active decision to be
or a proactive decision to be completely sober for the
rest of his life, which I think is extremely admirable.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
And from that interview, Sidney and I were talking about it.

Speaker 4 (22:28):
We love to talk about sober curiosity and just Sydney
and I always strive to be healthier in our drinking habits,
you know, ourselves. So we wanted to do an episode
on sober or like being sober and sober curiosity because
you know, we've been talking. This is a very like
Relationship Center podcast also, and.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
We are more than men. We are more than that.

Speaker 4 (22:48):
Not that we've gotten any negative feedback, but we thought
that this would be a really interesting like topic to
talk about just because it affects so many people, especially
Sitdny and I just coming out of college. It affects
a lot of people we're with, It affects us, it
affects our family and everybody we know. So we thought
this could be a really relatable thing to talk about.

Speaker 3 (23:07):
And I think one thing that I've talked about a
lot recently, like amongst my friends and family, whilso I've
just noticed in general is that I feel like, pre
I don't know what, I guess our high school time
like it was, it seems a lot it seems a
lot easier to like know when you had a problem
with alcohol, because I feel like even in like those

(23:30):
little classes we took in high school, I'm not what
you called them.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
It wasn't sex ed. It was like life management they
called it.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
They would be like, oh, alcoholism means that, like you
get drunk every day, and like you're violent, and like,
while those are aspects that could be that are like
of some people who are alcoholics, I feel that alcohol
has become so ingrained in our like everyday social life

(23:57):
that it's kind of hard now, I think to recognize
when you do have a problem with alcohol, just because
it's become so normalized. Like and I thought about this
because we are literally making alcoholic water.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Why is that necessary?

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Like two thousand and eight era, like all there was
was like hard liquor like vodka, gin, tequila, whatever. Now
we have alcoholic lemonade, we have frozen stuff, we have
truly these, we have white claws, we have hard water,
like we have I feel like there's just so much
available and it's kind of like pushed at us that
people don't realize, like why are we craving alcoholic water?

(24:34):
But also I just feel like even especially in New York,
like the culture of like happy Hour and like Lady
Shrink Free until nine, Like it's just so encouraged that
I feel like drinking has become like a normalized part
of our routine. And like just because I think it's
normalized doesn't mean that it's still not a problem. And

(24:56):
like my friends talks about this a lot recently because
we were like why is it when we hang out
with our friends it's always around the guise of alcohol.
So like recently we've been doing a lot of like girls'
nights and like game knights are going out or like
it's not centered around drinking. And I tell you, I
have such a better time. And I'll get into my
own personal story about like sober curiosity and not drinking

(25:18):
that like my journey through it. But that's just like
my little introduction into like why that's been on my
mind recently.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
Yeah, before because I me and Sidney have both been
in this episode talking about like we've been coining the
term alcoholism, and I do want to define it in
case you don't know or before you get yelled at,
just like as a disclaimer. Alcoholism is defined by alcohol dependence,
which is the body's physical inability to stop drinking. In
the presence of alcohol cravings. Individuals with an alcohol addiction

(25:44):
may go to extreme measures such as stealing, lying, hiding alcohol,
drinking household cleaners that contain alcohol, and unaroundhealthy behaviors to
obtain alcohol. Due to cravings and the fear of withdrawal
and the absence of alcohol, these individuals can experience alcohol withdrawals,
which are characterized by agitation, tremers, hot flashes, increase heart
rate and blood pressure, naugen vomiting, and seizures. Withdrawing from
alcohol can be lethal in this case, and therefore individuals
should see professional help and trying to quit their alcoholism habits.

(26:06):
So that is from Pineland's Recovery Center of Medford. And
I also want to plug an alcohol addiction hotline. Oh
my god, I'm looking this up on like a incognito strip,
so that my internet does not think I have an
alcohol problem. Okay, hold on, So okay, Nope, that's for

(26:29):
New York City. Where's okay, here we go. There is
a National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Hotline that's one eight
hundred six two two help or four three five seven
in case you need that resource. There's also this great
resource that I learned about in one of my drug
classes that I took in college. It's called moderation management.
So there is a difference also between like alcoholism and

(26:52):
heavy drinking, like scientifically, which was also on that same
article from the Pinelands Recovery Center of Medford. Pretty random,
but it's true. And for stuff like that, like if
you're thinking about sober curiosity, if you're trying to moderate
your drinking but you don't, if you don't think it's
reach levels of like AA or an addiction per se,
being a heavy drinker or having a dependence on alcohol

(27:13):
is still an issue, and it's still very serious issue.
So I would recommend help for that. This program called
moderation management, and it's really cool. What they do is
they put you in groups. And so I don't have
any personal experience with this, nor do I know anybody
who's gone through this program, but I learned a lot
about it a couple of years ago and it still
stands today.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
It's really really cool.

Speaker 4 (27:32):
It's all online, it's all digital, you don't have to
go anywhere to do it. They put you in groups
with like minded people to try and moderate your alcohol management.
So if you don't want to cut alcohol out of
your life completely, it takes you through this program to
lower your dependence on it.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
And it's really cool.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
The first month you go through, it's completely sober, so
no drinking for one month, and after that it starts
to like wean you back on the substance socially and
et cetera, if you feel like that's what's best for you.
So I just kind of wanted to plug those resources
before we can done the rest of the episode.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
And like important point that you touched on.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
But I feel like it's also a thing is that
it's kind of twofold, because on the one hand, I
feel like we're in a generation where we know just
so much, and we have names for so many things
that like you talk to literally anyone and they can
say like, oh, I've been diagnosed with like X.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
Y and Z.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
And I feel like, on one hand, like we are
a very diagnosed, diagnosis dependent society, but on the other hand,
so many things go undiagnosed because we like to self diagnose.
And I think that, like Sarah said, like alcoholism does
have its own definition, but like from my own personal view,
because I'm not a doctor or a scientist or a

(28:43):
therapist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I my degree
is in Sydney Winter knowledge of knowledge.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
And that is all the degree she needs. By the way,
ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
This university we got, we got knowledge. Is that I
think that like alcoholism or alcohol dependent and see really
is a scale and like on one end of that
is sober, on the other end is alcoholism, but like
a very big part in the middle that I think
a lot of our generation falls into, which I think
is still a problem, like just from my point of view,

(29:14):
and like how I experience everyday life is like heavy drinking,
and I feel like people might still think that means like, oh,
I got to like crush a sick. I was gonna
say eight pack six pack of beer, like just for
the fun of it. But like, I think it manifests
itself in so many ways, and like I think that
dependency on alcohol can be a social thing, it can

(29:36):
be an anxiety thing, it can be a depression thing
without necessarily being alcoholism. Like I think a lot of people,
and I think this the best example I can think
of for it is like let's say you go through
a breakup or you got to strust it work, and
like your first thought is I need a drink, Like
that's not in itself a problem, but I think when
it becomes a pattern of relying on substances, where that's drugs, alcohol, vaping, smoking,

(30:00):
like whatever, if that's like becoming the first stop to
quote unquote solving issues rather than facing them or thinking
through them or fine, like healthier ways to cope for me,
like that's the beginning or like since your place of
like alcohol problems, and I think that for me, I've
never been a heavy drinker. I have my mom's alcohol level.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
Color tendency like tolerance.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yeah, I have my mom's alcohol tolerance, where like I
have one drink and I'm like, who we are you?

Speaker 1 (30:30):
The room is spinning.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
So and I didn't drink in high school, so I
think that I was introduced to alcohol a lot later
in college. And because of that, like I never really
got into heavy drinking. So like drinking from me in
my heavy is like maybe three or four drinks when
I go out with my friends, but like I would
never really drink throughout the week unless it was like
a glass of wine at dinner or like wine with friends,

(30:53):
but like I never drink alone, or like I would
never like hammer twelve shots in the night, Like that
just was never my personality. But at the same time,
I realized that earlier this year or like the end
of last year, that like every single time I would
hang out with my friends, drinking was involved, and like

(31:13):
maybe it was like two times a week or like Friday, Saturday, Thursday,
Friday Saturday, and like, while that might be normal drinking
for some people, for me, I just didn't like the
way it made me feel like I would only have
two drinks and like maybe one shot when I would
go out, but I would still like wake up feeling
gross about myself and like just like having a headache

(31:34):
or like feeling nauseous or I felt like my body
comp started to change because of how much alcohol was
like introduced into like my everyday life, just because like
I don't know what it is about law school, is
that law school is like a very alcohol heavy like
atmosphere to be in because we have happy hours every
night with firms, we have happy hours for school. We

(31:56):
have an open barred every single event, and those events
are daily. So I feel like if I wasn't drinking,
people would ask me why, or like I couldn't just
have a coke because I didn't feel like having wine
every single night. I just don't enjoy doing that. So
for me, that was like my first step into like
sober curiosity. And for about four or five months earlier
this year, I just stopped drinking, not because I felt

(32:19):
like I needed to or because I had to because
I had a problem, just because I hated how much
I had become like a part of everyday life, or
like it was an expectant expectance, expectation that like I
had to be drinking as out with my friends or
has to drinking aut all these events.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
So I just stopped drinking.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
And then I tell you, I one lost a lot
of weight, which wasn't the intention, but she was like
a side effect of it. But two, I just felt
so much better about myself and I feel like my
mental health was better, my coping abilities were better. I
just felt healthier. And the way that I didn't tend
to be like sober or anything. I just didn't have
an interest in drinking. And like now when I go out,

(32:55):
I might maybe have one or two drinks, but most
of the time I really just order a coke at
the bar, and I have such a better night knowing that,
like I'm in control of my thoughts, I'm not wasting
like one hundred dollars a night on alcohol, and I'm
still able to have a good time, growl with my friends,
wake up the next morning at eight, and go about
my day. So like for me, it was never necessarily
like an issue of like, oh, I have a drinking problem.

(33:17):
I just think that self recognition is a hard thing
to do. But for me, it was like, I just
don't want to have alcohol be like such a big
part of my life, so I'm gonna step away.

Speaker 1 (33:28):
And it was easy to do, or easier than I
thought it would be.

Speaker 3 (33:31):
And like making adjustments now that I'm like still going
out and being social has been like fine, that's been
no problem with it. But I think it's just interesting
how much it's become like a daily part of conversation
on TikTok and social media about like drinking and how
granted it is in our everyday society.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
That's awesome.

Speaker 4 (33:48):
I love hearing your story, and I really love two
points that you brought up, One because I just love it,
and two because it segues into my personal story or
my personal journey with alcohol. The first is when you
were like I, I didn't feel like I was a
heavy drinker, I didn't feel like I had an alcohol dependency,
and I was still sober curious. And I really do
want to make that disclaimer because if you clicked on

(34:08):
this episode, or if you are thinking about being sober curious,
that doesn't necessarily mean you have a drinking problem. That
just means you're engaging in healthy habits for yourself, and
just like in general, you're trying to make an active,
healthy choice. And I think, like you can still be
healthy and drink alcohol. But I just kind of wanted
to let you know that if you are thinking about
being sober curious or thinking about doing a sober month,

(34:28):
or thinking about doing a sober week, or looking to
cut down your drinking habits in general, that doesn't mean
you have an issue. And Sidney and I are in
the same boat because look at Sidney, for example, she
was never a heavy drinker and still decided she wanted
to be healthier or minimize.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Her drinking practices. So I think that's a perfect example.

Speaker 4 (34:44):
And the second is that I love how you said
we touched on this at the beginning of the episode,
but when you mentioned that it becomes a gateway or
an issue when you start leaning on alcohol as a
crutch whenever you're upset, where you go through a breakup
or you have a bad day.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
I love that.

Speaker 4 (35:02):
Point because this kind of leads into my story as
something very traumatic happened to me my freshman year of
college and I drank.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
In high school.

Speaker 4 (35:12):
Only my senior year and I drank on and off
freshman year of college as well, But something extremely traumatic
happen my second semester that caused me to go to
parties more, go out, more, go to bars more. Like
I'm talking every day of the week, like go out
and heavily drink, and I was leaning on alcohol as
a crush, a crutch along with other things like nicotine
and marijuana and stuff like that. For me, I quit

(35:36):
smoking marijuana and nicotine cold turkey because that to me
was like very it was very obvious and apparent situational
why I was doing those two things. Alcohol has always
been like a little more of a player in my
life and something that I thought I can manage a
little healthier. So I do want to disclaim that I
didn't like get help or I didn't have a therapist
at the time to kind of talk through my what

(35:58):
I thought was like leaning on alcohol a little too much.
But here's what I did. Here are some habits that
I kind of engaged in. And again I'm not a doctor,
like Sidney said, like I don't whatever, I don't have a.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
Degree in this stuff.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
But here's stuff that I did that I thought really
moderated my drinking first, as I would set myself active
goals like I would be. And again it's like same
thing like I said earlier, it's just like just because
you do this, you don't have to be like me.
It doesn't have to be because like something happened to
you or you feel like you're drinking too much. Anybody
can do this, and I highly encourage you to do it,
no matter what your drinking habits are. So when I
setting a goal, I would always set myself active goals,

(36:31):
like Okay, I'm gonna go out this weekend and only
have one drink. I'm gonna go out to dinner and
only have one glass of wine. And that really helped me.
Two was that I actually looked into and I know
you have, like a lot of people have to do
this for college, like Sydney and I have to do it,
And I know this stuff's really boring, but it was
actually really helpful to see like exactly the scientific measure
you know, that alcohol thing we had to go through
when we start at NYU where it is like healthy

(36:51):
drinking practices. Yeah, literally, And I know it can be
boring sometimes, but it was actually really interesting and it
looking this up and doing research my freshman you're kind
of reminded me of this is that like know how
much is in one drink, because like just because a
bartender pours you a shot doesn't necessarily mean that that's
one shot. You know, some bartenders poor like half shots,
some bartenders poor like fill a whole solo cup with tequila.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (37:15):
So, I think being knowledgeable about the scientific measurements that
goes into the drinks that you are literally putting into
your body was extremely helpful for me and made me
realize that, like, wow, I might have been drinking more
than I even thought I was. Also, in my experience,
eating definitely lessened those like, oh I need to lean
on alcohol because I was just like eating more and

(37:36):
eating healthier and eating like more regularly, like having a
regular eating schedule, because after the thing that happened to me,
I kind of stopped eating and that I think increased
my alcohol cravings. I was like really on a very
wacky schedule with my eating habits and drinking water and sleep.
So those are the three things that I think once
I got those in check, it was a lot easier
to like maintain my drinking habits. And then also setting

(38:01):
a budget, like Sidney mentioned, not drinking as much saves
you a ton of money. It's like the money factored,
you know what I mean, also firsts your health, and
then second of all, it is saving money. Alcohol is
so expensive, especially at restaurants and bars, they up charge
you so much, and regulating your drinking can really save
your money, which is awesome. Also, one more thing that
I just remembered is counting your drinks, like make an

(38:24):
active mental note to be like, Okay, this is my
second drink, this is my third drink. Because Sidney was
earlier talking about control that gives you control when you're
like you're setting a goal and then you keep it
in check.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
It helps so much.

Speaker 4 (38:36):
And I promise I did those because like, you know,
what happened to me happened, and then COVID happened, so
it forced me to like go home and really take
a hard look in the mirror, which was really hard
to do. But then I came back to New York City,
a city that literally perpetuates going out. Like Sidney said,
you step out of the door and alcohol's like shoving
your face basically. So coming back to the city with

(38:56):
those steps in mind really really helped me. And I
think it could help you too, Not you, Sydney, but
you like the listener.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
Oh yeah, And I think like the one like train
of thought that like really pushed me towards like wanting
to be sober, curious for the few months that I was,
and I guess I kind of still am. But the
the train of thought was, like I would be out
and I had been thinking about this for a while

(39:24):
after I saw like a Twitter discourse about hard water
that I was talking about earlier, like what are we doing?
The train of thought was, I would be like act
to think, like why am I drinking right now?

Speaker 1 (39:35):
So I'd be out with.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
Friends or at lunch the middle of the day, or
going shopping with friends or whatever, and like let's say
I got like a glass of wine or I got
an approspreads whatever, I would like very much genuinely think
to myself, why am I drinking?

Speaker 1 (39:52):
And there would never be a reason, like it's not because.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
Oh, like I wanted to like enjoy my night just
like a little bit more comfortab or.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Like I had a taste for it.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
I was literally only doing it because my friends were
or because there's a happy hour deal everyone else was
getting one. Like I never actually needed to have a drink.
I think that's one thing that pushed me towards like
wanting to just stop. And like I don't buy alcohol ever,
Like I don't go to the store to buy alcohol.
I don't ever like drink by myself or like drink

(40:24):
at home. So like I think I was having a
battle with like do I have an issue or a
dependency or like how do I characterize like what I
feel like I'm going through? And so I think looking
into sober curiosity and realizing that like it's not like
I'm going sober because I have an issue, but going
sober because I just realized, like I didn't want alcohol
to play as big of a part in my life
as it did. It was like a big thing for me.

(40:45):
And realizing that like it became like kind of like
a social crutch and I didn't want to have anything
in my life I feel like I need to depend on.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
That's like the first steps for me.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
But I also follow someone on TikTok who was also
in law school, who was talking about her journey with
alcoholism and an addiction to alcohol, and she was saying
that it started off like as any college person would,
like you drink beerny, goat with your friends, you like,

(41:16):
drink at home like whatever. It was like very normal
to her, and then going to law school and becoming
an influencer, like being in that space, it's like every
single event you go to is alcohol surrounded, Like they
have fiends, drinks, they have Bible and geting free, they
have happier or whatever. Like everything she went to just
encouraged alcohol, and she felt he got to a point

(41:37):
where like she couldn't go to one of those events
or like interacting those kinds spaces without having a drink
in her hand. And she was like, I was talking
to someone about my experience and the therapist was like,
you might have an addiction to alcohol, And in her mind,
she was like, I had family members who were alcoholics,
and like they were always like very violent and loud,
and like they were like very clear signs that alcohol

(42:00):
was playing like a negative role in their behavioral tendencies.
But she was like for her, she still acted like herself.
It was just more so like she realized that she
didn't realize how much she was drinking. So she went
sober and she got a really large following on TikTok
talking about being sober in legal spaces and as an

(42:20):
influencer and like things that she was picking up like habits, leather,
it was like working out or journaling and things like
that that she helped felt replaced that feeling of needing
to always be drinking. And she did a video a
few weeks ago, which is kind of why a few
days ago, which is why I brought this topic up
to do on the podcast where she decided to break
her sobriety. And she had been sober for I think

(42:43):
a year and a half or two years before making
the video, and when she posted that she was no
longer sober, people were like really upset in the comments,
talking about like, oh, like you were a source of
inspiration for me, or you made me realize that like
I might have an issue with alcohol, even though like
to me, it seems very normal. And she was like, well, one,
you have to realize, like people who are influencers or

(43:05):
people who are in the public space, they are doing
these things for themselves. They're not doing it because they
need to be your therapy or your sponsor or your sponsor.
Like everyone's on their own personal journey. And while this
good to like have people you can go through these
things with at the same time, like your sobriety or
like your desire to be healthier and like make healthier

(43:26):
a better choice for yourself can't be tied to anyone else.
Has to be tied to like your own desire to
like want to be healthier or get healthier or be better.
But at the same time, she was like, my goal
was never to never have alcohol again. It was to
distance myself from alcohol for a long enough period of
time where I could like learn how it was changing me,

(43:46):
or like reconnect with myself on a healthier basis and
like gain healthier habits before I introduce alcohol back into
my life again. But now she's like, I don't drink
during the week, I don't drink alone, I don't drink
at home, I don't go buy alcohol. But if I'm
out with friends can have a drink and understand that,
like it's not going to become an issue again because
I've done the work I needed to do to understand
the underlying problems. And so I think that that just

(44:08):
like stood out to me a lot, because I think
that we always hear narratives about alcoholism and what that
looks like, sobriety and what that looks like, and people
think it's a kind of like a lifelong journey. But
for her, she was like, it doesn't have to be
like you never drink alcohol again. It could be more
still learning about its role, the role it plays in
your life. Understanding that, like, even though it's hard to admit,

(44:29):
it's the hardest thing to admit that you might have
a problem, and that kind of applies to everything, like
whether you're depressed, or whether you might have eating disorder,
or like anything that I feel like has stigma around
in society. It's hard to admit to yourself. But the
first step is always admitting, and I think just like
realizing that it is like a step by step journey
and you can like introduce those things back into your
life in a healthier way, whether it's like eating healthier,

(44:53):
drinking less, exercising more, et cetera. Just leading to healthier
and more sustainable habits is so important. So I think
that that video really that's me for that reason, and
I admire her even more because of it, you know.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
I completely Do you have her username to plug?

Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah, it's Haley and Marie. I don't know the exact
user name, but that's her name.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
I'll look it up.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
That's awesome though, while you're looking for that.

Speaker 4 (45:15):
I think the main point, or one of the main
points in this episode and beyond, is that everyone's journey
in general is going to be different. You know, as
a society we do love to label things, but everyone's
journey with alcohol is completely different, let alone everything else
like mental illness, et cetera, and like studying, sleeping, eating, drinking,

(45:39):
like water even It's like everybody has a different like
sense of and necessity scale that I think it's just
it's really hard for other people to understand. It's like
you are not me, I am not you, And I
think if you are sober, curious or like kind of
going through this journey or even want of like less
your habits at all, that's the first thing you have

(46:02):
to understand. It is like people can give you advice
all they want, but it's at this like but also again,
one thing that I do want to say is like,
while no one necessarily knows your individual journey, please do
listen to people who love and care about you, because,
like Sinny said, it is so hard to like look
in the mirror and admit you have an issue. But
when the people who are around you most and love
you and see what you're doing are telling you that

(46:24):
you might have an issue, I would say or that
or just like giving you advice on stuff that you
should do in general, or telling you to break up
with your cheating boyfriend, or telling you to like, oh,
maybe you should drink blessed this week, like just.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Something like that.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
I say, listen, I mean, these are the people who
are just like, have nothing. These are people who have
nothing but love in their hearts for you. And as
much as they don't necessarily understand your personal journey or
like what your body necessarily needs, if enough people are
telling you that you need to change some aspect of
what you are doing or of your actions, it's probably
true on some level.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
I think, like if it's always hard to have a
conversations and like, I think, think about this, if your
friends are overcoming what's obviously something that's very awkward to
bring up because obviously don't want to. Like even if
it is whether it's about a boyfriend or the way
another friend's treating them, or alcohol or food like relationship

(47:15):
with food, whatever it is, it's always hard to have
those conversations to be like, hey, like I recognize that
this could potentially be an issue from the outside, I
want to like let you know that I see that
it could be an issue, and like I want to
be here to help you, etceter like whatever, it is
that those conversations are so hard to have, both to
hear and to give. So I feel like if your

(47:36):
friends are like taking the time and like getting over
that awkwardness to try and help you, that like take
that into account. You know. Obviously, I think our first
like instinct is to be defensive, because, like we said,
like admitting you have a problem, it's always the hardest part,
or even recognizing that you have one. So I just
remember that because I know, like when it came to relationships,
my friends to always be like, girly, what are you doing,

(47:57):
Like we're all concerned. I'd be like, oh my god,
you don't know him. Yeah, I think like being on
the other side of things, like I thank them so
much for doing so. And like I had a really
unhealthy problem with food at at the beginning of this year,
where like I was drastically losing weight in a very
unhealthy way, and I became like really obsessed with working out,

(48:18):
and like I wasn't eating anything.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
I had awful, awful anxiety.

Speaker 3 (48:22):
I wasn't drinking because like literally if I had one drink,
I would be like extremely physically sick, to the point
where like I would have to go to the doctor
and be like, there's something wrong with me, because like
I can't keep down food, I can't keep downe alcohol,
I can keep down water. And so I feel like
I knew there was something wrong, but it took my
friends stepping in and being like, girl, you need to
get help, or like it could be this, it could

(48:43):
be that, like we're concerned for you, cause like I think,
I saw myself every day, so I didn't realize how
much weight had been losing or like how it had
been affecting like my behavior and like my socialness.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
My anxiety.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
But I think having friends who like cared enough or
were observant enough to like pull me aside and be like,
we're really concerned for you. I think realizing that, like
they got over all the awkness to do so meant
that it was serious. I think that like putting my
pride aside or like the awkness aside, and like actually
listening to what they had to say was so important
and is what helped me get over all my.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
Issues go get checked out, et cetera.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
So I think just keep that in mind when it
comes to like having these like difficult conversations with friends
or family or partners or whoever it might be.

Speaker 4 (49:26):
Totally, it really does take I think good friends to
say something or just like help you out in any
way they can, because you know, friends don't necessarily I mean,
if they do, that's great, But friends don't necessarily have
like degrees, nor are they therapists, and you shouldn't treat
them as such. However, they can be really huge supportive
pillars to lean on in place of whatever you are

(49:47):
leaning on that might not be the healthiest for you,
i e.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Alcohol, drugs, et cetera.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
So like, for example, when I was going through that
period where I was like, Man, I'm drinking way too much.
I need to stop, I need to chill Sydney and
I try to do a dry month then like we
talked about doing.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
Stuff like that.

Speaker 4 (49:58):
So it really does take friends to be really supportive
and family and stuff. And if you don't have a
support system, therapy is always out there, or if you
don't feel like you have a solid enough support system
to lean on in this scenario, therapy is awesome. There
are a lot of free therapy sites you can use
and hotlines like the number I mentioned earlier in this podcast,
et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
One thing I forgot to say, and I know Sydney
is gonna give me a.

Speaker 4 (50:20):
Stamp of approval on this one is the ability to
say no because a lot of times drinking problems and
drinking dependencies, at least in my personal experience, and like
what I see from other people, and like this also
has a factor in Sydney and ize personal journeys with alcohol,
like starts with going out and being social, going to
frat parties, et cetera, et cetera. So at whatever age

(50:43):
you are, because this is applicable to all ages, all
levels of school, et cetera, is that you need to
be able to confidently say no, do you know what
I mean?

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Not just like no, not just like maybe like no.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
If you set a goal for yourself and you don't
want to drink tonight, or if you don't want to
I don't know, take ahead of the if you don't
want to like do the line of coke, or if
you don't want to go to the party, or if
you don't want to kiss this guy. Like the confident
power of saying no. Fuck politeness. Shout out to my
favorite murder because that's their slogan, it goes such a
long way, and it really does make you feel empowered.

(51:15):
It's scary at first, at least it was for me,
But at the end of the day, not having a
hangover is worth it. Being overall healthier is worth it.
And you are worth it. And that is all I
have to say.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
And I think, I think, I think.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
I tell us what you think.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
I tell us. I thunked, and the thunk just came
out of my head. Oh yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
I when I first started like being sober curious, like
I literally wouldn't go out because I was like, I'm
gonna feel weird, like being around everyone drinking, yeah, and
not being the only one drinking. But it makes the
night so much more entertaining. Is I remember everything everybody
did said the next day I play.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
And they don't remember. They don't remember, they might not remember.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
And then at the same time, like when I go
up to the bar, I just order a plain coke
with lime and it's like four dollars, Like I can
go the whole night and spend twelve dollars on drinks boom,
and I still have a good time because like I
can dance, have fun, but also like look out from
my friends and like remember the next day, and I
feel like he will think it might be hard, but

(52:19):
like all of that is literally just in our heads.
Who's gonna care if I'm not drinking, Like I has nothing
to do with them at the end of the day,
Like I'm going to wake up feeling better about myself.
I'm gonna save money, I'm gonna be healthier, because alcohol,
at the end of the day is bad for you.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
No matter how much you have, it's bad for you.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
It's like a mild poison.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
It literally is poisoning your blood.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
So I think, just keeping that in mind, like I
can still drink if I want to, I'll grow, I'll
be at a happy hour, we'll get it twisted. But
and like I'll have a drink when I go out,
but like I keep it to one or two and
I still feel great the next day. So I think
that was kind of like where my head was at,
where it currently is at. That's my situation right now,
and it feels great, Like I have no problem with it.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
I've saved so much money.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
I feel like I have less drama in my life
because so much drama is seen it around alcohol, and
I don't know if it's kind of glutes or whatever.

Speaker 4 (53:07):
And I want to kind of end on a positive
note where I want to list some long term benefits
of moderating your alcohol use, because again, Sinny and I
aren't here telling you have to go sober, and neither
of us are sober, and I'm not sober curious and
I never have been. Sydney was for a short period
of time, but you know, we try. We're always constant,
and like again, Sidney and I are not perfect. We
are constantly trying to figure out ways to moderate our

(53:29):
drinking to moderate, like on any unhealthy behaviors, because we
all have unhealthy behaviors, are human, So I think, like
that's also just a disclaimer, like we're not trying to
preach from the choir.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
We all have things we're trying to work on. But
just to end on a.

Speaker 4 (53:40):
Positive note, some long term benefits of moderating your alcohol
use include better sleep, stronger immune system, healthy heart, better judgment,
better interpersonal relationships, and a stable mood. Because alcohol is
associated with moodswings, depression, and anxiety. So like it is
like that's a fact. I'm not just saying that for
my Sarah brain. So I just think if that is

(54:01):
not enough motivation for you, I would say definitely seek
extra help. But if it is, you are on this
journey with the rest of us. We love you all
no matter what your situation is. My name Sarah, that
is Sydney. This is Crying in Public. You can listen
to us on Spotify, iHeart Podcasts, Apple Podcasts wherever you
get your podcasts, and you can follow us on Instagram

(54:22):
at Crying in Public Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
Yebye.