March 31, 2024 • 33 mins
In this week's episode, we explore the necessary steps in the journey towards improving your mental health. From recognizing the signs indicating a need for change, to overcoming barriers like stigma and fear, we delve into the journey of bettering yourself. Our discussion encompasses various paths to better mental health, including therapy, nutrition, exercise, and mindfulness practices. Join to hear practical tips, resources, and encouragement to embark on your own journey towards the greatest YOU!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Oh hello, I feel like it's been so long since
I've talked to this mic, though it's only been like
ten days. Welcome to Crying in Public. I am your
asthmatic sounding host, Sydney Winter. Welcome back, Welcome back. So
you're probably wondering why there was an episode last week
if you didn't catch the end of last week's episode.
(00:30):
So I'm in law school and the only upside of
that is that I still have spring break, like I'm
an undergrad. So I was in Africa for I think
ten days, so I obviously couldn't bring like my entire
recording set up to Africa, and I guess I could
have prerecorded, but at the time that I didn't come to
(00:52):
my head. So I'm going to need two episodes this week,
one today and one this weekend to kind of make
up for not posting last week. But I must say
that Africa was the best thing that could have happened
to me, and it came at the perfect time, So
no regrets there. I'm going to do a longer episode
on my experience there, just because it was like the
(01:13):
most insane ten days I've ever had, but somehow it
turned out to be like the best trip I could
have imagined. So I'm gonna do like more of a
deep dive into what happened because I got some crazy
stories how that was is my first time going to Africa,
so I don't know, I probably have like googly eyes,
but it was a great experience. And if you listen
(01:34):
to the last episode, this is a part two of
that episode, and we're talking about taking the first step,
so that means therapy, mental health, nutrition, YadA YadA yah.
And I think that this trip came at such a
specific time and it was so needed because, as I
discussed last episode, I started therapy recently recently. I literally
(01:54):
mean I had like my intake session the week before
I left for Africa, so I had like a little
bit of next and a break in between getting my
initial thoughts out there before having my actual like first
appointment or first treatment session. And what's so funny is
that during your like your first therapy session, at least
(02:14):
for me, it wasn't like we were like getting into
the weeds or anything. It was more so just like
a list of questions to get to know me, to
get to know my history. How long I've been feeling sad,
what my childhood was like what I'm struggling with right now.
Things like that justs so I can have like a
very service level idea of what kind of treatment I
need or what I'm hoping to get out of therapy.
(02:34):
So it's like very routine basic questions they ask everyone.
Mind you, I am a cancer and I'm also like
extremely emotional, so I was sobbing the entire time. I
know that Miss therapist was like, girl, this is really
the first session, Like, you gotta relax. So it felt
very very heavy that week. Because I'm still coping with
(02:55):
my pcos I was gonna say diagnosis, prescription diagnosis. I
don't know why prescription came to mind. My pcos a diagnosis,
which we're still not one hundred percent on, but it's
like ninety eight percent show that I have it. So
just managing symptoms, freaking out what that means for me,
what it means in general, trying to figure out the
best course of treatment for myself, and dealing with all
(03:19):
the symptoms on the side. So I think just dealing
with that while I'm working, while I'm in school or
ritning my note, which is like your law school thesis.
I think it was just like a very very heavy time.
So when I had therapy right before I left, I
think I just wasn't crying because of the questions that
they were asking, because they were particularly a deep diving
or anything like that. I think just with the weight
(03:40):
of everything happening at the same time, I just like
needed to have a release, and it felt like on
Zoom with Doctor Girl felt like the moment apparently, so
I think I was just like really really ready for
a break. And not only was a spring break, but
I had this after trip coming up, and I wasn't
going on vacation. I was actually doing a pro bono caravan,
(04:02):
which I think I explained last episode. Basically, when you
want to take the bar exam to become a lawyer,
you have to have fifty hours I think of community
service or what we call pro bono, which is like
free legal work, and then same thing to graduate Columbia
Law you have to have I think forty hours. So
this trip was the forty hours for me. We went
(04:24):
to work with their government on creating the framework for
their first Technology and Innovation Bill, and I want to
do tech an ip law, so it felt like a
perfect opportunity to kind of handle that, and the Minister
of Technology is actually one of my old friends from Columbia,
so it's great to see her, etc. Like I said,
I'll go into a deep dive of like the particulars
(04:44):
of this trip, but I think it was like the
most perfect work life balance. Like the work that I
was doing, I was actually putting what I learned in
law school into practice, but also combining my interests or
passions with policy and politics, with community needs to knowledgy IP, etc.
So I think doing work that didn't feel like busy
work but was like actually going to make a difference
(05:06):
in someone's life felt kind of refreshing, kind of compared
to being in classes all week. But also we were
not working the whole time, like we were going out,
we were partying, we were meeting people. I found, I
got to rest. I was sleeping eight hours a night,
which I never do here. And I think, just like
being in warm weather, being around a group of people
(05:26):
who I didn't really know super well but were such
great fun people to be around, just be honestly the
best experience possible. And I'll get into this again in
the other episode, but it weirdly did so much for
my personal confidence. And I didn't realize this really until yesterday,
which I'll get into in a second, But I think
(05:48):
this was literally the first time ever in my life
I've been in a space or a business or a
country where every single person looks like me and has
my body type and has my features. And they they
were all such beautiful people, not just physically, what I
mean intrinsically, like they were so caring, so opening, opening,
so open, so warming. They welcomed us into their homes,
(06:11):
they welcomed us into their friend group, et cetera. So
I just, I don't know, I just felt so beautiful
and comfortable and welcomed in my own skin, which I've
never ever felt in the space I've been in the US,
like growing up in Florida, even being in New York,
where like there are more people that look like me.
I think just being in spaces where I'm not the
dominant person. It just it was a crazy experience. And
(06:35):
I think that since I've been back, I've just felt
so much lighter and happier and more confident in myself,
both academically, professionally, personally, et cetera. But what made me
think about this and walking into the episode kind of
segueing from this conversation. But I was at this event
a couple of nights ago for the law school that
(06:56):
was about desirability politics and not to get into the
about that, but basically the way that our as women,
and cescially as women of color and as black women.
This kind of applies broadly to different types of people,
but the way that our hair and our bodies, the
way we dress, the way we speak, the way we
(07:17):
act is so policed in certain spaces. So it's kind
of like an open roundtable discussion about that the law
school that I wasn't actually planning on going to, but
I was like, you know what, let me just sit
in and see people have to say. I like kind
these kinds of conversations. So it was honestly a lot
different than I thought I was going to be. We
talked about like professional settings and what we expect of
ourselves and of each other, the way that women support
(07:39):
each other but also tear each other down in professional spaces.
We had a lot of great conversation around that. But
what really got me is we had this little session
at the end where the moderator was asking a question
and we were going around and answering like every single person.
And the first question she asked was, when was the
last time you felt beautiful? When I tell you, I
sighed outline, and for a couple of reasons, one I
(08:03):
actually couldn't tell you. I don't know if that's because
I have been dealing with not necessarily insecurity, because I mean,
I think I'm that girl, but I think, just like
societally and just like dealing with a lot of health issues,
I don't know the last time I felt like super
confident and happy with the way that I look. But
also what does beauty mean? Because hearing the other women
(08:27):
speak about their answers, none of them really were talking
about like, oh, I had makeup on, my hair was done,
my nails were done. Like I just felt hot, I
felt desired. That to me is how I was taking
the question. But for them, they were talking about when
they're just something they were passionate about, when they're with
their friends, when they're with their siblings and their family
and had no makeup on, they had their hair out naturally,
(08:49):
And I think that for me it was such like
a side moment because I was like, see, how am
I putting such pressure on myself where I only feel beautiful, full,
or capable or worthy when I look a certain way,
rather than focusing on more intrinsic things or things that
actually matter, like am I in a comfortable space, do
I feel happy, do I feel confident? Etc. So that
(09:14):
kind of sparked this whole thing of like, I have
felt really beautiful lately, and I think that part of
that is from that trip and just feeling more comfortable
in who I am in so many different ways, Like
I said, academically, professionally, personally, etc. But I also just
like I appreciate in the way that I look and
what I bring to the table also was important. And
then the follow up question was even a bigger sigh
(09:36):
because the moderator asked, So we talked about beauty, and
then she said, when was the last time you felt
desired and what does desirability mean to you. I think
that was the first time that I've ever separated beauty
and desire in my mind, because I think as women,
not to blame us, but to blame society that we're in.
(09:56):
For us, to be beautiful is to feel desired, and
that's why we have things like beauty standards and why
people that are fams on TikTok look the way that
they do because for us, for me to desire to
follow you, to desire to see your content, do you
have to look a certain way? And some people's mind, yes,
And I think that for the first time, I was like, oh,
(10:18):
those things are so different, Like why is the way
that I feel about myself and my looks and my
personality and what I consider myself to be quote unquote
beautiful tied to how one what other women think of me?
And two if I'm desirable to men, or desirable to
a company that I'm applying for, or desirable to something
(10:39):
I'm trying out for, et cetera. So I think putting
beauty in the context of desire is putting beauty in
someone else's hands, through someone else's eyes and not through
an intrinsic lens. So I think, not to get all deep,
that was kind of what sparked me kind of having
these conversations or thoughts to myself, But also I felt
like it was so in tune with what we were
(11:01):
talking about in the last episode. I was like, Okay,
I can't want to tell this anecdote on the podcast
and kind of get into the weeds of things. So
that was a super long introduction for us tying back
to this topic, But like I was saying, last episode,
we talked a lot about how to take the first
step towards bettering yourself, towards getting help, towards better your
(11:24):
mental health, your nutrition, exercising, etc. So I kind of
want to dive more into some of those topics because
it was more of a shorter episode last time. So
I'm ready to get into the weeds of things. So
I broke us up into segments. Just didn't make it
easier to have a productive conversation about this. Is it
a combo if I'm talking to myself, well, like in
(11:46):
my head, y'all are responding to me. And I talked
to a lot of you guys on Instagram about last
episode and I was like, I love that we're having
this commo now because in my head I imagine the
responses while I'm recording. So that was fun. But getting
into the first topic, I think the first kind of
barrier or the first step you have to take in
(12:07):
this mental health journey bettering yourself journey is acknowledging that
you need change or you need help and Honestly, I
have to say that's probably the hardest part, because I
know for me that was actually a question they asked
me and my intake for therapy. They were like, what's
bringing me to therapy now? And I really really felt
(12:28):
hard about it, and I was like, I really don't know,
because it's not like I was particularly struggling with anything
new or different, Like, yes, I was done with my
health stuff, but depression and sadness and anxiety and just
like these weird feelings of not being consistently happy were
not something that was new, something that I've been dealing
(12:48):
with since I was probably fourteen or fifteen. So I
really asked myself what change or what clicked that I
knew I need to get help now. So I don't
think that there's necessarily a sign or an indication that's
universal for everyone, but I knew that for me, I
prided myself on being there for myself always in a
(13:10):
sense that I've never wanted to have to rely on
someone else to be there for me to wipe my tears,
to be a shoulder to cry on, to be someone
to talk to, because for two reasons, one in my head,
it made me feel like a burden to others. They
wouldn't say that, but I felt that way. But also
I thought that it made me strong by being able
(13:31):
to handle all of my own issues and situations solely
by myself. I think that being sort of the middle
child but also wanting to be independent from a very
very young age, I just got used to doing that.
And so even through the most traumatic times of my life,
through assault, through abusive relationships, et cetera, I always felt
that I can get myself through this. That means that
(13:52):
I'm strong. And when I say get through, I meant
get through it by myself. So I think that it
wasn't that I had great mental health or great cope skills,
or that I was quote unquote strong. It was more
so that I had become really really good at repressing things,
and that means not talking about it, not giving it
any power, which I guess could be good in some circumstances.
(14:13):
But I never talked about or talked through the situations
or through how I was feeling because I just didn't
want to. I wanted to ignore it orrase it packed
that in a cute little box steep away I never
had to open again. And so for me, I thought
that that was a good way to handle my emotions.
So doing that for five, six, seven, eight years straight,
(14:34):
I think when I got to my low moments when
I felt emotional or stressed or sad or overwhelmed, all
of those little blocks started unpacking and coming to the surface,
and it became overwhelming to deal with everything at once.
And I think that with all of my health issues
and just being sad in general, I started thinking about
a lot of those things I had packed away more often.
(14:56):
And that's finally when I was like, I cannot deal
with all this alone and I'm not going to put
this on my family, on my friends, on my siblings,
on my roommates as their burden because they're dealing with
their own issues. I want actual help. So for me
feeling constantly sad and overwhelmed and stressed and constantly thinking
about things about the past that were overwhelming to me,
(15:17):
that was my son And I was like, you know what,
it is, just time to get help. And I had
a doctor's appointment for PCOS just to check in about
how I was feeling about things. My doctor was like,
I just noticed, like you just seem really really sad lately.
I think you should go to therapy, and I was like, well,
if you're gonna say it, and I guess I have
to and did not feel like a question for like
a command. So I signed up, and honestly, it's been
(15:39):
great so far. I'm on my third session and also
just having someone validate my feelings and getting things off
my chest. Well, yes, it's extremely emotional, Like I usually
do my therapy at school in one of the little
meeting rooms, so I'll be like sobbing for an hour
and then go back to class, which he was a
little bit weird. But I feel like a weight is
slowly being lifted off my shoulders the more I meet
(16:00):
and talk through things, And it's like even just re
talking to her, even without a response, connecting parts of
my life that make me understand why I act and
react the way that I do has been so impactful already,
just in three sessions, and like now I'm trying to
talk to a psychiatrists and just figuring out the little
things I think will give me such a better quality
(16:22):
of life. Has been so great that I'm kind of
upset myself that I didn't do it earlier. The fact
that I did at all is important, so not putting
too much pressure on myself, but closing out our first
little step. I think that acknowledging that you need to change,
or that you need help, or that it's okay to
lean on other people is such an important first step,
and I think that's just if you want to start
(16:44):
this journey, that's the first thing you need to confront
yourself with. So to recap the first step is acknowledging
that you need help or need change. The hardest thing
I think in this process is just acknowledging that there's
an issue in the first place. So I think once
you've gotten to that place, the path forward gets a
little bit easier. So step two is overcoming barriers to
(17:05):
taking the first step. I think that there are a
lot of common obstacles or barriers people face when considering
the best way to improve mental health, and that can
include things like fear, stigma, fear of judgment, monetary obstacles, etc.
And those are obviously very real things that impact our
day to day. So I would say I've noticed just
(17:28):
from my own personal background, but also from stories of
people that I'm friends with or that I surround myself with,
is that people that have immigrant parents, or even if
they're not immigrants, are just coming from families of color.
I think, especially in those communities, therapy and seeking help
is really really stigmatized. And I think that's just because
(17:50):
our parents and grandparents and great grandparents obviously went through
so much struggle, and I think that they learned or
at least attempted to cope with that on their own.
So now that we're in this generational culture of us
being encouraged to actively seek help, I just think that
there's sort of a disconnect sometimes between our my generation
(18:11):
or our generation and our parents. Sometimes it's hard to
not necessarily convince them, but make them understand that it's
not a sign of weakness to get help, that, if anything,
it's a sign of strength that you want to get better.
I think that stigma is even worse when it comes
to men. I think that societally, men are told that
they can't cry, they can't show emotions or have feelings,
(18:33):
and that's seeking help again makes them weak. But I
think that we're seeing this kind of cultural shift where
people are being more encouraged to seek help and finally, thankfully,
because lour knows we all need it, but so I
think that when it comes to fear stigma things like that,
I think I've obviously had this conversation with my family,
Like my mom's always encouraged me to seek out therapy.
(18:55):
I don't really talks about it with my dad as much,
just because I don't know. I think I've always gone
to my mind with things like that, just I don't
know if being a woman. Sometimes I think that women
can understand plight's a little bit better. But I know
that a lot of my guy friends have told me
in similar stories about it just is very, very awkward
trying to have that initial conversation with your family. Luckily,
(19:15):
I'm an adult now, so I wasn't really asking for permission,
more just letting them know. So I just decided that, yes,
it's awkward to have to talk to someone about your
feelings every day and crying to what seems like a stranger.
But I realized that I rather put up with that
hour of awkwardness, or more like ten minutes of awkwardness
at first, if I'm going to get help out of
(19:35):
it at the end. So I think just overcoming self
judgment is so important as part of this kind of step.
But when it gets to things that are more tangible
like money. Luckily, I am still a student. I'm in
law school right now, so I was able to get
subsidized or pretty much free therapy through my school's program Columbia. Luckily,
(20:00):
I was able to specify that I wanted a woman
of color as my therapist, just because I think that
they'd be able to better understand some of my plights
without having to do a lot of explaining, which I
feel like I already have to do sometimes. So I
lucked out there, But I know that finding a therapist
one is hard on its own, but two, if you
don't have incredible health insurance, sometimes even if you do,
(20:23):
it can just be so expensive. But I think that
technology is helping so much with that. I know that
there's a lot of online platforms that have made therapy
so much more accessible because you don't have to go
into an office and sit there and wait to find someone.
You could just kind of text someone and the match
you with a therapist. And I think, for example, one
(20:44):
is called like Betterhelp, and just programs like that I
think are making it so much easier to kind of
start the process because even if you do end up
wanting to go to someone in person. I think just
having someone to talk to out the gate and getting
over that initial awkwardness or fear is so important. So
I think if you are trying to figure out a
(21:06):
more cost effective way, I think online platforms like better
help Are or Better Help Grow Therapy. There's a bunch
of them out there. It's literally look it up and
if what kind of insurance you have, just put it
after online therapy, you'll be able to find a place
that fits within your budget or monetary needs. But also
(21:26):
I figured out that, for example, my insurance, they have
a website you can go to type in what you're
looking for, like dermatology, therapy, psychology with something else, whatsui
in whatever, and they'll give you a list of people
in your network that are near you and like some ratings.
So for me, that also has helped with finding doctors,
(21:50):
at least in New York. It's kind of hard, so
there are resources out there, take advantage of them. And
I obviously, like I said before, the first few steps
are always the hardest because you're kind of just doing
like the preparatory work without really dealing with the emotions.
So I think that the quicker and faster you get
through those steps, which I did all of these in
(22:11):
like two days, the better I felt, because I one
felt like I was actually taking steps towards helping myself,
but also I've been dreading doing it for so long
and I did all of it within a day. So
also that's something to look the same for everyone. But
I just think that finally putting your foot down and
starting the process is so hard, but once you do,
(22:31):
it's so much better and it's still worth it. So
moving on Step three is exploring different paths to better
mental health. We've talked a lot about therapy this episode,
but I think that that's not the only way forward.
For example, I'm in therapy, but also I'm seeing a
psychiatrist because for me, my symptoms or the way I'm
(22:52):
feeling has been happening for so long that maybe medication
is a better way to address some of my issues.
That's not the same for everyone, and people have a
lot of different opinions on taking medication for things like
anxiety and depression, but that is an option. But also
therapy is not the only way to help better mental health.
And I also think you don't need to be quote
(23:12):
unquote like civiely depressed or severely anxious or kind of
like at the brink of something to want to better
your mental health or get help. I think even if
you find yourself stressed or restless, or tired, or you sad,
sometimes I think that there's always steps you can take
to improve your mood and the way that you're feeling
(23:33):
or your mental health in general. So well, yes, therapy
is like the most talked about options. Even things like
nutrition helps your mental health. Things like exercise, mindfulness, healthy
practices like meditation or yoga, things like that are also
very accessible ways that you can sort of start this journey.
(23:55):
I know, for me, like I talked about last episode,
I hate working out, and I'm not kidding people that
say they like the gym or either liars are so
weird to me because I do not need to be
pushing myself to the brink of an asthmatic attack every
single day just to either maintain the way that I
look now or feel like a little bit better and
(24:16):
have a hit of serotonin for twenty minutes. It's it's
not for me, not made for me. So I joined
this thing called class Pass so I could try out
different workout classes. I tried things like soul Cycle, which, like,
I don't know, I don't like sitting on a bike.
It kind of hurts my butt, so wasn't a fan
of that. I tried Solid Core. Those people are like
(24:38):
a cult. I was in the class. Now I was like,
why am I in severe pain right now? Not for me?
And then finally I tried something called peevol that I
saw on Instagram and TikTok, and as a former dancer
and cheerleader, it just felt close to what I'm used
to doing working out, so like I've just enjoyed it
so much more. And so that's what I've been doing now,
(24:58):
and I feel better, I feel stronger, and like, aside
from any like aesthetic goals of how I look physically,
I think I just feel lighter and stronger. I can
sleep better, I have more energy. So I've been trying
to do those classes as many times a week as
I can, which honestly is hard to fit into like
early busy schedule, but I think prioritizing it has really
(25:19):
helped me in any way. Even before I started therapy,
it's kind of been like my outlet recently. But also
things like finding a hobby and I realized this recently
Invisible Ink. Someone was like, what are your hobbies? And
I was like, well, I don't know, and I was like,
really thought about it. I was like, when's the last
time I did something for pure enjoyment rather than because
(25:39):
it was for a job or for school or hanging
out with my friends? Like, when's the last time I
painted to paint or sculpted to sculpt? I I never
sculpted before, but like, what if I liked it or
wanted to When's the last time I read for enjoyment
or did something that had nothing to do with my
career or professional goals. And so I'm going to get
(26:01):
more into that. I'm take a pottery class. I'm gonna
start reading more and prioritizing reading like fiction books because
I read them so much as a kid and I
kind of miss that. Also, photography loved it in high school.
My camera's been sitting on my desk for the last
eight months. I don't know where the charger is, but
I'm going to find it or get one on Amazon
and start prioritizing just taking time out of the week
(26:21):
to do things that aren't related to school or work
and just actually genuinely enjoying myself for the enjoyment of things,
just for that sacred purpose. So for me, like those
are my sort of big things I want to get
into to try to work on mental health outside of therapy,
just making myself have a better quality of life. So
that's kind of what I'm prioritizing right now. But there's
(26:43):
so many other ways that you can do so, and
I highly encourage everyone to do it, even if you
feel perfectly fine. I don't just a vibe and I'm
sure that you'll feel much better after it no matter what.
Moving on A step before is navigating the process, which
I think is so hard, especially when you're at this
weird age of like quasi adulting, because everyone says, like, hey, yes,
(27:05):
you're an adult when you turn eighteen, but like I
didn't know anything about insurance or prescriptions or anything like
that when I was eighteen, So I'm twenty three now
I'm learning or I've always been pretty independent, as we've
talked about this episode, but kind of learning how to
do all those things on my own without involving my
parents has been something that I wanted to a lot
(27:25):
through this process, Like I found my therapist, found my psychiatrist,
set up an appointment, had my intake appointments coordinated, getting
my medication, all that stuff without involving my family. I
think doing it for myself and by myself has made
this process just feels so much more fulfillings. I feel
like I'm really taking the steps for myself to try
(27:47):
and get better. So, while yes it's hard, I think
just we have Google, and it's so it's such a
blessing that we're like at this stage where I don't
to go to like Barn's Noble and like get a
how for dummies book to figure out how to do
things on my own. I think Google starchers take no
time at all, honestly, TikTok. Well, yes, I say take
(28:08):
everything on that platform with so many grains of salt,
because everyone claims to be an expert. I think that
we have so many resources available to us to teach
us about these things that there's no reason why we
shouldn't be taking them. So that's all I have to
say on that. But I think that aside from starting
therapy or whatever practice you want to do to improve
(28:31):
your mental health, and things like nutrition and prioritizing yourself
prioritizing sleep, etc. I think that the last sort of
big thing is having a good support network, and they
even asked me this during my intake interviews. But I
think having parents or loved ones or friends or significant
(28:52):
others that support you through the process is also really
important because it just becomes so emotionally and mentally and
physically draining sometimes to recount all these terrible moments you've
had throughout your life or things that you're like going
through that are really heavy and painful. So having people
that are like helping you through the process and just
knowing that you have people there for you is also
(29:12):
really important. So I think just having those conversations about
wanting to seek help and having a strong network of
people around you that are there to support you is
just as important as finding a therapist in my opinion,
which could be hotake, but I know that for me
that that's something that I really wanted to prioritize. I
think that I finally have such a good network in
(29:34):
New York because I've been here for so long, but
also I've just learned We talked about this in the
other episodes, but harbing it up again that like quality
of friends, over quantity is so important. I raither have
three or four people that I know I can rely
on or go to in times of need, then have
fifty friends that I cannot have deep conversations with. But
(29:55):
it's like our various surp of several friends don't want that,
don't need that this time of my life. So I
think just prioritizing having good people around you it's just
as important as all the other steps I've mentioned in
the last thirty forty minutes. And the last thing is
it honestly, hearing other people talk about their stories and
(30:17):
things that they've done, their testimonials to get to a
better place is what inspired me to do so so
things that I've personal being dealing with, I think finding
people like on TikTok or friends that have gone through
similar things and talking with them about how they've handled it,
how they've faced the challenges, how they've gotten to a
(30:37):
place where they can, you know, sort of move on
from a lot of things has been really important. And
like I said, like for example, like with the salt,
I think it's one of those hush hush things that
we kind of bury and don't really talk about. And
the evenings like pcos. We're told like, oh, that's a
hush hush thing to keep behind doors. No one wants
to hear about it. It's embarrassing whatever. Like the few
(30:58):
times I've ever brought them uts to people that I'm
close with or people that are around me that I
that I can rely on, they're also have pcos, would
also have been assaulted and things like that. I think
that just having people that have also gone through the
same thing and knowing that I'm not alone and that
we've both gotten through it and will continue to get
through it, has made me feel so much stronger in
(31:19):
myself but also in my friendships. So I think that
being vulnerable, being honest, and just hearing other people's stories
that they've gone through has really really really helped me,
but also realized how strong people around me are. And
if anything, that's what's reminded me that I have such
(31:39):
a great group of people, a great network around me,
and I think that's so important. So I've hearing me
a yap on for thirty five or forty minutes. I
hope that this has helped you in some way, she
or form. I know it's probably like something you hear
a lot like oh, if you feel sad, get help.
And yes, it's so easy to say get help, but
(31:59):
actually going through the processes a lot. So hopefully that
I've helped you with one thing, and I'm always here
on Instagram, TikTok whatever to talk to you if you
ever have any questions or like want to reach out
or talk about your experiences. That's one thing I've loved
about this podcast is I feel like I've met so
many of you parasocially in a not weird way, and
(32:22):
we've talked about things that we've both gone through, and
it's great to have that sense of community, even if
it is digital. But as always, thank you for listening.
We'll have a new episode hopefully again this weekend and
regular time Thursdays from now on. But you can find
Crying in Public on Instagram and TikTok at Crying in
Public podcast. You can follow me at Sydney Winter on
(32:44):
also Instagram and TikTok and I'll link both of those
in the caption of this episode. And of course if
you want to hear more or listen to our old
episodes or hear things in the future, you can find
Crying in Public on iHeart Radio Apple Podcasts, Spotify podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Bye,
Oh hello, I feel like it's been so long since
I've talked to this mic, though it's only been like
ten days. Welcome to Crying in Public. I am your
asthmatic sounding host, Sydney Winter. Welcome back, Welcome back. So
you're probably wondering why there was an episode last week
if you didn't catch the end of last week's episode.
(00:30):
So I'm in law school and the only upside of
that is that I still have spring break, like I'm
an undergrad. So I was in Africa for I think
ten days, so I obviously couldn't bring like my entire
recording set up to Africa, and I guess I could
have prerecorded, but at the time that I didn't come to
(00:52):
my head. So I'm going to need two episodes this week,
one today and one this weekend to kind of make
up for not posting last week. But I must say
that Africa was the best thing that could have happened
to me, and it came at the perfect time, So
no regrets there. I'm going to do a longer episode
on my experience there, just because it was like the
(01:13):
most insane ten days I've ever had, but somehow it
turned out to be like the best trip I could
have imagined. So I'm gonna do like more of a
deep dive into what happened because I got some crazy
stories how that was is my first time going to Africa,
so I don't know, I probably have like googly eyes,
but it was a great experience. And if you listen
(01:34):
to the last episode, this is a part two of
that episode, and we're talking about taking the first step,
so that means therapy, mental health, nutrition, YadA YadA yah.
And I think that this trip came at such a
specific time and it was so needed because, as I
discussed last episode, I started therapy recently recently. I literally
(01:54):
mean I had like my intake session the week before
I left for Africa, so I had like a little
bit of next and a break in between getting my
initial thoughts out there before having my actual like first
appointment or first treatment session. And what's so funny is
that during your like your first therapy session, at least
(02:14):
for me, it wasn't like we were like getting into
the weeds or anything. It was more so just like
a list of questions to get to know me, to
get to know my history. How long I've been feeling sad,
what my childhood was like what I'm struggling with right now.
Things like that justs so I can have like a
very service level idea of what kind of treatment I
need or what I'm hoping to get out of therapy.
(02:34):
So it's like very routine basic questions they ask everyone.
Mind you, I am a cancer and I'm also like
extremely emotional, so I was sobbing the entire time. I
know that Miss therapist was like, girl, this is really
the first session, Like, you gotta relax. So it felt
very very heavy that week. Because I'm still coping with
(02:55):
my pcos I was gonna say diagnosis, prescription diagnosis. I
don't know why prescription came to mind. My pcos a diagnosis,
which we're still not one hundred percent on, but it's
like ninety eight percent show that I have it. So
just managing symptoms, freaking out what that means for me,
what it means in general, trying to figure out the
best course of treatment for myself, and dealing with all
(03:19):
the symptoms on the side. So I think just dealing
with that while I'm working, while I'm in school or
ritning my note, which is like your law school thesis.
I think it was just like a very very heavy time.
So when I had therapy right before I left, I
think I just wasn't crying because of the questions that
they were asking, because they were particularly a deep diving
or anything like that. I think just with the weight
(03:40):
of everything happening at the same time, I just like
needed to have a release, and it felt like on
Zoom with Doctor Girl felt like the moment apparently, so
I think I was just like really really ready for
a break. And not only was a spring break, but
I had this after trip coming up, and I wasn't
going on vacation. I was actually doing a pro bono caravan,
(04:02):
which I think I explained last episode. Basically, when you
want to take the bar exam to become a lawyer,
you have to have fifty hours I think of community
service or what we call pro bono, which is like
free legal work, and then same thing to graduate Columbia
Law you have to have I think forty hours. So
this trip was the forty hours for me. We went
(04:24):
to work with their government on creating the framework for
their first Technology and Innovation Bill, and I want to
do tech an ip law, so it felt like a
perfect opportunity to kind of handle that, and the Minister
of Technology is actually one of my old friends from Columbia,
so it's great to see her, etc. Like I said,
I'll go into a deep dive of like the particulars
(04:44):
of this trip, but I think it was like the
most perfect work life balance. Like the work that I
was doing, I was actually putting what I learned in
law school into practice, but also combining my interests or
passions with policy and politics, with community needs to knowledgy IP, etc.
So I think doing work that didn't feel like busy
work but was like actually going to make a difference
(05:06):
in someone's life felt kind of refreshing, kind of compared
to being in classes all week. But also we were
not working the whole time, like we were going out,
we were partying, we were meeting people. I found, I
got to rest. I was sleeping eight hours a night,
which I never do here. And I think, just like
being in warm weather, being around a group of people
(05:26):
who I didn't really know super well but were such
great fun people to be around, just be honestly the
best experience possible. And I'll get into this again in
the other episode, but it weirdly did so much for
my personal confidence. And I didn't realize this really until yesterday,
which I'll get into in a second, But I think
(05:48):
this was literally the first time ever in my life
I've been in a space or a business or a
country where every single person looks like me and has
my body type and has my features. And they they
were all such beautiful people, not just physically, what I
mean intrinsically, like they were so caring, so opening, opening,
so open, so warming. They welcomed us into their homes,
(06:11):
they welcomed us into their friend group, et cetera. So
I just, I don't know, I just felt so beautiful
and comfortable and welcomed in my own skin, which I've
never ever felt in the space I've been in the US,
like growing up in Florida, even being in New York,
where like there are more people that look like me.
I think just being in spaces where I'm not the
dominant person. It just it was a crazy experience. And
(06:35):
I think that since I've been back, I've just felt
so much lighter and happier and more confident in myself,
both academically, professionally, personally, et cetera. But what made me
think about this and walking into the episode kind of
segueing from this conversation. But I was at this event
a couple of nights ago for the law school that
(06:56):
was about desirability politics and not to get into the
about that, but basically the way that our as women,
and cescially as women of color and as black women.
This kind of applies broadly to different types of people,
but the way that our hair and our bodies, the
way we dress, the way we speak, the way we
(07:17):
act is so policed in certain spaces. So it's kind
of like an open roundtable discussion about that the law
school that I wasn't actually planning on going to, but
I was like, you know what, let me just sit
in and see people have to say. I like kind
these kinds of conversations. So it was honestly a lot
different than I thought I was going to be. We
talked about like professional settings and what we expect of
ourselves and of each other, the way that women support
(07:39):
each other but also tear each other down in professional spaces.
We had a lot of great conversation around that. But
what really got me is we had this little session
at the end where the moderator was asking a question
and we were going around and answering like every single person.
And the first question she asked was, when was the
last time you felt beautiful? When I tell you, I
sighed outline, and for a couple of reasons, one I
(08:03):
actually couldn't tell you. I don't know if that's because
I have been dealing with not necessarily insecurity, because I mean,
I think I'm that girl, but I think, just like
societally and just like dealing with a lot of health issues,
I don't know the last time I felt like super
confident and happy with the way that I look. But
also what does beauty mean? Because hearing the other women
(08:27):
speak about their answers, none of them really were talking
about like, oh, I had makeup on, my hair was done,
my nails were done. Like I just felt hot, I
felt desired. That to me is how I was taking
the question. But for them, they were talking about when
they're just something they were passionate about, when they're with
their friends, when they're with their siblings and their family
and had no makeup on, they had their hair out naturally,
(08:49):
And I think that for me it was such like
a side moment because I was like, see, how am
I putting such pressure on myself where I only feel beautiful, full,
or capable or worthy when I look a certain way,
rather than focusing on more intrinsic things or things that
actually matter, like am I in a comfortable space, do
I feel happy, do I feel confident? Etc. So that
(09:14):
kind of sparked this whole thing of like, I have
felt really beautiful lately, and I think that part of
that is from that trip and just feeling more comfortable
in who I am in so many different ways, Like
I said, academically, professionally, personally, etc. But I also just
like I appreciate in the way that I look and
what I bring to the table also was important. And
then the follow up question was even a bigger sigh
(09:36):
because the moderator asked, So we talked about beauty, and
then she said, when was the last time you felt
desired and what does desirability mean to you. I think
that was the first time that I've ever separated beauty
and desire in my mind, because I think as women,
not to blame us, but to blame society that we're in.
(09:56):
For us, to be beautiful is to feel desired, and
that's why we have things like beauty standards and why
people that are fams on TikTok look the way that
they do because for us, for me to desire to
follow you, to desire to see your content, do you
have to look a certain way? And some people's mind, yes,
And I think that for the first time, I was like, oh,
(10:18):
those things are so different, Like why is the way
that I feel about myself and my looks and my
personality and what I consider myself to be quote unquote
beautiful tied to how one what other women think of me?
And two if I'm desirable to men, or desirable to
a company that I'm applying for, or desirable to something
(10:39):
I'm trying out for, et cetera. So I think putting
beauty in the context of desire is putting beauty in
someone else's hands, through someone else's eyes and not through
an intrinsic lens. So I think, not to get all deep,
that was kind of what sparked me kind of having
these conversations or thoughts to myself, But also I felt
like it was so in tune with what we were
(11:01):
talking about in the last episode. I was like, Okay,
I can't want to tell this anecdote on the podcast
and kind of get into the weeds of things. So
that was a super long introduction for us tying back
to this topic, But like I was saying, last episode,
we talked a lot about how to take the first
step towards bettering yourself, towards getting help, towards better your
(11:24):
mental health, your nutrition, exercising, etc. So I kind of
want to dive more into some of those topics because
it was more of a shorter episode last time. So
I'm ready to get into the weeds of things. So
I broke us up into segments. Just didn't make it
easier to have a productive conversation about this. Is it
a combo if I'm talking to myself, well, like in
(11:46):
my head, y'all are responding to me. And I talked
to a lot of you guys on Instagram about last
episode and I was like, I love that we're having
this commo now because in my head I imagine the
responses while I'm recording. So that was fun. But getting
into the first topic, I think the first kind of
barrier or the first step you have to take in
(12:07):
this mental health journey bettering yourself journey is acknowledging that
you need change or you need help and Honestly, I
have to say that's probably the hardest part, because I
know for me that was actually a question they asked
me and my intake for therapy. They were like, what's
bringing me to therapy now? And I really really felt
(12:28):
hard about it, and I was like, I really don't know,
because it's not like I was particularly struggling with anything
new or different, Like, yes, I was done with my
health stuff, but depression and sadness and anxiety and just
like these weird feelings of not being consistently happy were
not something that was new, something that I've been dealing
(12:48):
with since I was probably fourteen or fifteen. So I
really asked myself what change or what clicked that I
knew I need to get help now. So I don't
think that there's necessarily a sign or an indication that's
universal for everyone, but I knew that for me, I
prided myself on being there for myself always in a
(13:10):
sense that I've never wanted to have to rely on
someone else to be there for me to wipe my tears,
to be a shoulder to cry on, to be someone
to talk to, because for two reasons, one in my head,
it made me feel like a burden to others. They
wouldn't say that, but I felt that way. But also
I thought that it made me strong by being able
(13:31):
to handle all of my own issues and situations solely
by myself. I think that being sort of the middle
child but also wanting to be independent from a very
very young age, I just got used to doing that.
And so even through the most traumatic times of my life,
through assault, through abusive relationships, et cetera, I always felt
that I can get myself through this. That means that
(13:52):
I'm strong. And when I say get through, I meant
get through it by myself. So I think that it
wasn't that I had great mental health or great cope skills,
or that I was quote unquote strong. It was more
so that I had become really really good at repressing things,
and that means not talking about it, not giving it
any power, which I guess could be good in some circumstances.
(14:13):
But I never talked about or talked through the situations
or through how I was feeling because I just didn't
want to. I wanted to ignore it orrase it packed
that in a cute little box steep away I never
had to open again. And so for me, I thought
that that was a good way to handle my emotions.
So doing that for five, six, seven, eight years straight,
(14:34):
I think when I got to my low moments when
I felt emotional or stressed or sad or overwhelmed, all
of those little blocks started unpacking and coming to the surface,
and it became overwhelming to deal with everything at once.
And I think that with all of my health issues
and just being sad in general, I started thinking about
a lot of those things I had packed away more often.
(14:56):
And that's finally when I was like, I cannot deal
with all this alone and I'm not going to put
this on my family, on my friends, on my siblings,
on my roommates as their burden because they're dealing with
their own issues. I want actual help. So for me
feeling constantly sad and overwhelmed and stressed and constantly thinking
about things about the past that were overwhelming to me,
(15:17):
that was my son And I was like, you know what,
it is, just time to get help. And I had
a doctor's appointment for PCOS just to check in about
how I was feeling about things. My doctor was like,
I just noticed, like you just seem really really sad lately.
I think you should go to therapy, and I was like, well,
if you're gonna say it, and I guess I have
to and did not feel like a question for like
a command. So I signed up, and honestly, it's been
(15:39):
great so far. I'm on my third session and also
just having someone validate my feelings and getting things off
my chest. Well, yes, it's extremely emotional, Like I usually
do my therapy at school in one of the little
meeting rooms, so I'll be like sobbing for an hour
and then go back to class, which he was a
little bit weird. But I feel like a weight is
slowly being lifted off my shoulders the more I meet
(16:00):
and talk through things, And it's like even just re
talking to her, even without a response, connecting parts of
my life that make me understand why I act and
react the way that I do has been so impactful already,
just in three sessions, and like now I'm trying to
talk to a psychiatrists and just figuring out the little
things I think will give me such a better quality
(16:22):
of life. Has been so great that I'm kind of
upset myself that I didn't do it earlier. The fact
that I did at all is important, so not putting
too much pressure on myself, but closing out our first
little step. I think that acknowledging that you need to change,
or that you need help, or that it's okay to
lean on other people is such an important first step,
and I think that's just if you want to start
(16:44):
this journey, that's the first thing you need to confront
yourself with. So to recap the first step is acknowledging
that you need help or need change. The hardest thing
I think in this process is just acknowledging that there's
an issue in the first place. So I think once
you've gotten to that place, the path forward gets a
little bit easier. So step two is overcoming barriers to
(17:05):
taking the first step. I think that there are a
lot of common obstacles or barriers people face when considering
the best way to improve mental health, and that can
include things like fear, stigma, fear of judgment, monetary obstacles, etc.
And those are obviously very real things that impact our
day to day. So I would say I've noticed just
(17:28):
from my own personal background, but also from stories of
people that I'm friends with or that I surround myself with,
is that people that have immigrant parents, or even if
they're not immigrants, are just coming from families of color.
I think, especially in those communities, therapy and seeking help
is really really stigmatized. And I think that's just because
(17:50):
our parents and grandparents and great grandparents obviously went through
so much struggle, and I think that they learned or
at least attempted to cope with that on their own.
So now that we're in this generational culture of us
being encouraged to actively seek help, I just think that
there's sort of a disconnect sometimes between our my generation
(18:11):
or our generation and our parents. Sometimes it's hard to
not necessarily convince them, but make them understand that it's
not a sign of weakness to get help, that, if anything,
it's a sign of strength that you want to get better.
I think that stigma is even worse when it comes
to men. I think that societally, men are told that
they can't cry, they can't show emotions or have feelings,
(18:33):
and that's seeking help again makes them weak. But I
think that we're seeing this kind of cultural shift where
people are being more encouraged to seek help and finally, thankfully,
because lour knows we all need it, but so I
think that when it comes to fear stigma things like that,
I think I've obviously had this conversation with my family,
Like my mom's always encouraged me to seek out therapy.
(18:55):
I don't really talks about it with my dad as much,
just because I don't know. I think I've always gone
to my mind with things like that, just I don't
know if being a woman. Sometimes I think that women
can understand plight's a little bit better. But I know
that a lot of my guy friends have told me
in similar stories about it just is very, very awkward
trying to have that initial conversation with your family. Luckily,
(19:15):
I'm an adult now, so I wasn't really asking for permission,
more just letting them know. So I just decided that, yes,
it's awkward to have to talk to someone about your
feelings every day and crying to what seems like a stranger.
But I realized that I rather put up with that
hour of awkwardness, or more like ten minutes of awkwardness
at first, if I'm going to get help out of
(19:35):
it at the end. So I think just overcoming self
judgment is so important as part of this kind of step.
But when it gets to things that are more tangible
like money. Luckily, I am still a student. I'm in
law school right now, so I was able to get
subsidized or pretty much free therapy through my school's program Columbia. Luckily,
(20:00):
I was able to specify that I wanted a woman
of color as my therapist, just because I think that
they'd be able to better understand some of my plights
without having to do a lot of explaining, which I
feel like I already have to do sometimes. So I
lucked out there, But I know that finding a therapist
one is hard on its own, but two, if you
don't have incredible health insurance, sometimes even if you do,
(20:23):
it can just be so expensive. But I think that
technology is helping so much with that. I know that
there's a lot of online platforms that have made therapy
so much more accessible because you don't have to go
into an office and sit there and wait to find someone.
You could just kind of text someone and the match
you with a therapist. And I think, for example, one
(20:44):
is called like Betterhelp, and just programs like that I
think are making it so much easier to kind of
start the process because even if you do end up
wanting to go to someone in person. I think just
having someone to talk to out the gate and getting
over that initial awkwardness or fear is so important. So
I think if you are trying to figure out a
(21:06):
more cost effective way, I think online platforms like better
help Are or Better Help Grow Therapy. There's a bunch
of them out there. It's literally look it up and
if what kind of insurance you have, just put it
after online therapy, you'll be able to find a place
that fits within your budget or monetary needs. But also
(21:26):
I figured out that, for example, my insurance, they have
a website you can go to type in what you're
looking for, like dermatology, therapy, psychology with something else, whatsui
in whatever, and they'll give you a list of people
in your network that are near you and like some ratings.
So for me, that also has helped with finding doctors,
(21:50):
at least in New York. It's kind of hard, so
there are resources out there, take advantage of them. And
I obviously, like I said before, the first few steps
are always the hardest because you're kind of just doing
like the preparatory work without really dealing with the emotions.
So I think that the quicker and faster you get
through those steps, which I did all of these in
(22:11):
like two days, the better I felt, because I one
felt like I was actually taking steps towards helping myself,
but also I've been dreading doing it for so long
and I did all of it within a day. So
also that's something to look the same for everyone. But
I just think that finally putting your foot down and
starting the process is so hard, but once you do,
(22:31):
it's so much better and it's still worth it. So
moving on Step three is exploring different paths to better
mental health. We've talked a lot about therapy this episode,
but I think that that's not the only way forward.
For example, I'm in therapy, but also I'm seeing a
psychiatrist because for me, my symptoms or the way I'm
(22:52):
feeling has been happening for so long that maybe medication
is a better way to address some of my issues.
That's not the same for everyone, and people have a
lot of different opinions on taking medication for things like
anxiety and depression, but that is an option. But also
therapy is not the only way to help better mental health.
And I also think you don't need to be quote
(23:12):
unquote like civiely depressed or severely anxious or kind of
like at the brink of something to want to better
your mental health or get help. I think even if
you find yourself stressed or restless, or tired, or you sad,
sometimes I think that there's always steps you can take
to improve your mood and the way that you're feeling
(23:33):
or your mental health in general. So well, yes, therapy
is like the most talked about options. Even things like
nutrition helps your mental health. Things like exercise, mindfulness, healthy
practices like meditation or yoga, things like that are also
very accessible ways that you can sort of start this journey.
(23:55):
I know, for me, like I talked about last episode,
I hate working out, and I'm not kidding people that
say they like the gym or either liars are so
weird to me because I do not need to be
pushing myself to the brink of an asthmatic attack every
single day just to either maintain the way that I
look now or feel like a little bit better and
(24:16):
have a hit of serotonin for twenty minutes. It's it's
not for me, not made for me. So I joined
this thing called class Pass so I could try out
different workout classes. I tried things like soul Cycle, which, like,
I don't know, I don't like sitting on a bike.
It kind of hurts my butt, so wasn't a fan
of that. I tried Solid Core. Those people are like
(24:38):
a cult. I was in the class. Now I was like,
why am I in severe pain right now? Not for me?
And then finally I tried something called peevol that I
saw on Instagram and TikTok, and as a former dancer
and cheerleader, it just felt close to what I'm used
to doing working out, so like I've just enjoyed it
so much more. And so that's what I've been doing now,
(24:58):
and I feel better, I feel stronger, and like, aside
from any like aesthetic goals of how I look physically,
I think I just feel lighter and stronger. I can
sleep better, I have more energy. So I've been trying
to do those classes as many times a week as
I can, which honestly is hard to fit into like
early busy schedule, but I think prioritizing it has really
(25:19):
helped me in any way. Even before I started therapy,
it's kind of been like my outlet recently. But also
things like finding a hobby and I realized this recently
Invisible Ink. Someone was like, what are your hobbies? And
I was like, well, I don't know, and I was like,
really thought about it. I was like, when's the last
time I did something for pure enjoyment rather than because
(25:39):
it was for a job or for school or hanging
out with my friends? Like, when's the last time I
painted to paint or sculpted to sculpt? I I never
sculpted before, but like, what if I liked it or
wanted to When's the last time I read for enjoyment
or did something that had nothing to do with my
career or professional goals. And so I'm going to get
(26:01):
more into that. I'm take a pottery class. I'm gonna
start reading more and prioritizing reading like fiction books because
I read them so much as a kid and I
kind of miss that. Also, photography loved it in high school.
My camera's been sitting on my desk for the last
eight months. I don't know where the charger is, but
I'm going to find it or get one on Amazon
and start prioritizing just taking time out of the week
(26:21):
to do things that aren't related to school or work
and just actually genuinely enjoying myself for the enjoyment of things,
just for that sacred purpose. So for me, like those
are my sort of big things I want to get
into to try to work on mental health outside of therapy,
just making myself have a better quality of life. So
that's kind of what I'm prioritizing right now. But there's
(26:43):
so many other ways that you can do so, and
I highly encourage everyone to do it, even if you
feel perfectly fine. I don't just a vibe and I'm
sure that you'll feel much better after it no matter what.
Moving on A step before is navigating the process, which
I think is so hard, especially when you're at this
weird age of like quasi adulting, because everyone says, like, hey, yes,
(27:05):
you're an adult when you turn eighteen, but like I
didn't know anything about insurance or prescriptions or anything like
that when I was eighteen, So I'm twenty three now
I'm learning or I've always been pretty independent, as we've
talked about this episode, but kind of learning how to
do all those things on my own without involving my
parents has been something that I wanted to a lot
(27:25):
through this process, Like I found my therapist, found my psychiatrist,
set up an appointment, had my intake appointments coordinated, getting
my medication, all that stuff without involving my family. I
think doing it for myself and by myself has made
this process just feels so much more fulfillings. I feel
like I'm really taking the steps for myself to try
(27:47):
and get better. So, while yes it's hard, I think
just we have Google, and it's so it's such a
blessing that we're like at this stage where I don't
to go to like Barn's Noble and like get a
how for dummies book to figure out how to do
things on my own. I think Google starchers take no
time at all, honestly, TikTok. Well, yes, I say take
(28:08):
everything on that platform with so many grains of salt,
because everyone claims to be an expert. I think that
we have so many resources available to us to teach
us about these things that there's no reason why we
shouldn't be taking them. So that's all I have to
say on that. But I think that aside from starting
therapy or whatever practice you want to do to improve
(28:31):
your mental health, and things like nutrition and prioritizing yourself
prioritizing sleep, etc. I think that the last sort of
big thing is having a good support network, and they
even asked me this during my intake interviews. But I
think having parents or loved ones or friends or significant
(28:52):
others that support you through the process is also really
important because it just becomes so emotionally and mentally and
physically draining sometimes to recount all these terrible moments you've
had throughout your life or things that you're like going
through that are really heavy and painful. So having people
that are like helping you through the process and just
knowing that you have people there for you is also
(29:12):
really important. So I think just having those conversations about
wanting to seek help and having a strong network of
people around you that are there to support you is
just as important as finding a therapist in my opinion,
which could be hotake, but I know that for me
that that's something that I really wanted to prioritize. I
think that I finally have such a good network in
(29:34):
New York because I've been here for so long, but
also I've just learned We talked about this in the
other episodes, but harbing it up again that like quality
of friends, over quantity is so important. I raither have
three or four people that I know I can rely
on or go to in times of need, then have
fifty friends that I cannot have deep conversations with. But
(29:55):
it's like our various surp of several friends don't want that,
don't need that this time of my life. So I
think just prioritizing having good people around you it's just
as important as all the other steps I've mentioned in
the last thirty forty minutes. And the last thing is
it honestly, hearing other people talk about their stories and
(30:17):
things that they've done, their testimonials to get to a
better place is what inspired me to do so so
things that I've personal being dealing with, I think finding
people like on TikTok or friends that have gone through
similar things and talking with them about how they've handled it,
how they've faced the challenges, how they've gotten to a
(30:37):
place where they can, you know, sort of move on
from a lot of things has been really important. And
like I said, like for example, like with the salt,
I think it's one of those hush hush things that
we kind of bury and don't really talk about. And
the evenings like pcos. We're told like, oh, that's a
hush hush thing to keep behind doors. No one wants
to hear about it. It's embarrassing whatever. Like the few
(30:58):
times I've ever brought them uts to people that I'm
close with or people that are around me that I
that I can rely on, they're also have pcos, would
also have been assaulted and things like that. I think
that just having people that have also gone through the
same thing and knowing that I'm not alone and that
we've both gotten through it and will continue to get
through it, has made me feel so much stronger in
(31:19):
myself but also in my friendships. So I think that
being vulnerable, being honest, and just hearing other people's stories
that they've gone through has really really really helped me,
but also realized how strong people around me are. And
if anything, that's what's reminded me that I have such
(31:39):
a great group of people, a great network around me,
and I think that's so important. So I've hearing me
a yap on for thirty five or forty minutes. I
hope that this has helped you in some way, she
or form. I know it's probably like something you hear
a lot like oh, if you feel sad, get help.
And yes, it's so easy to say get help, but
(31:59):
actually going through the processes a lot. So hopefully that
I've helped you with one thing, and I'm always here
on Instagram, TikTok whatever to talk to you if you
ever have any questions or like want to reach out
or talk about your experiences. That's one thing I've loved
about this podcast is I feel like I've met so
many of you parasocially in a not weird way, and
(32:22):
we've talked about things that we've both gone through, and
it's great to have that sense of community, even if
it is digital. But as always, thank you for listening.
We'll have a new episode hopefully again this weekend and
regular time Thursdays from now on. But you can find
Crying in Public on Instagram and TikTok at Crying in
Public podcast. You can follow me at Sydney Winter on
(32:44):
also Instagram and TikTok and I'll link both of those
in the caption of this episode. And of course if
you want to hear more or listen to our old
episodes or hear things in the future, you can find
Crying in Public on iHeart Radio Apple Podcasts, Spotify podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts. Bye,
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