October 24, 2023 • 30 mins
On this week's episode, we have influencer, journalist, and writer-extraordinaire, Carrie Berk joining us to discuss her new book: My Real Life Rom-Com! The girls discuss what it was like growing up on the Upper East side during the Gossip Girl Era, what inspired her to chronicle her journey through adolescent romance, and the power of being vulnerable.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Awesome. All right, me too.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
All right, everybody, We are so happy to have the one,
the only, the real life jen Z Carrey Bradshaw.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Literally, she was named after her Carrie Burke.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
She's been dubbed by Bell Magazine and The Wall Street
Journal as an ambitious and dedicated boss babe and a
community minded young creator with a whopping three point eight
million followers on TikTok. Carrie is an anti bullying activist,
advocate for mental health, and, on top of it all,
a best selling children's writer, a reporter for The New
York Post, Page six and more, and the author, most
(00:33):
importantly behind My Real Life romcom, which we'll be discussing today.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
We're so thrilled to have you, Carrie. Thank you so
much for coming on with us.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Of course, all right, we can jump right in.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
You wrote your first book in twenty twelve, which was
Peace Leven Cupcakes, adorable name I would totally read, so
I was twelve and twenty twelve, totally would read something
like that even then, which which sold more than three
hundred thousand copies worldwide and actually went on to be
an off Broadway show. What sparked your love for writing
in the first place. Tell us your origin story.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
So, my mom is a writer and has always been
a writer. So I grew up watching her type away
at her computer every day, just feeling super inspired by her.
And one day I was learning about realistic fiction in
school and I was just so fascinated by this idea
that you could place real life themes that are important
to inside of fictional scenarios. So that's really how I
(01:23):
came up with the idea for the Cupcake Club. I
wrote a few children's book series after that, and my
love of writing has just really grown and matured over
the years. It's turned into this absolute love and passion
for journalism. I'm studying journalism in school right now, and
also my book, as we're going to talk about that's
definitely a new pursuit.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Oh my god, how is your how's school going? How's
that major?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I absolutely love it. I Mean so many people were
saying to me, why are you going to school? Why
are you going to college? Like you're so busy with
everything going on, But it was so important to me
to go to school to get my journalism degree, to
just earn all the tricks of the trade from the
professionals and from my professor. So I'm absolutely loving it.
I'm learning so much and I'm in my senior year,
(02:08):
so I'm almost done.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
So close.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
We were in your shoes not too long ago, so
we completely understand. As we were talking about. You then
went on to compose Fashion Academy and ask Emma, I
believe so set the stage for us. What are some
key differences between your past work and writing style and
your new book, My Real Life rom Com? What was
the inspiration behind your LA's release, and sort of what
drove you to write this book.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
So, my older releases were children's books. Obviously I wrote
them with my mom. My Real Life rom Com is
me really stepping into my own as a mature writer.
This is a passion project. I didn't really plan on
writing a book. It fell into my laugh kind of
during the pandemic. I was just really poor during quarantine.
I was feeling uninspired, and most importantly, I was just
(02:53):
worried about losing all my memories because I didn't know
how long the pandemic would go on for. So I
just started writing down everything I could member, especially about
love and the lessons and love that I learned, and
this series of personal essays almost turned into a book,
and something that started off as self therapy for me,
something that helped me achieve closure with my past and
(03:15):
makes sense of a lot of these experiences, turned into
something so much greater because I realized there was this
greater mission and that there really are not books out
there written by a teenager for teenagers about love and dating.
You see all these books out there written by experts,
but nobody really knows a teenager like another teenager. So
I wanted to level with them and relate with them.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
So true, it's soportant because I know Sarah and I
talk about this a lot. But during the pandemic, we
started binge watching Sex and the City together and we
fell in love with like Carrie's kind of romanticized few
of love, especially being in New York in our early twenties,
late teens. And one thing I think that's been big
on TikTok. I know you guys are obviously both on
TikTok that I've been seeing a lot recently is talking
(03:57):
about healing your inner child. Of course the TikTok shop,
which I can't stand, but there's something you want there
called the shadow Journal, and I actually bought one. And
this whole thing is kind of like working through your past,
whether that's your first crush in kindergarten or things like that,
and like healing your younger self in order to move forward.
(04:17):
So how do you feel like going through your past
relationships in your book have helped you in your current state?
That makes me sse.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I love that question. I think a lot of these
experiences I didn't receive closure from the other person, and
I found my own closure through writing. So when it
comes to dating, you know a lot of these a
lot of the ways that ends doesn't make sense sometimes,
and you have to find your own way to achieve closure,
whether that's writing about it or through fitness, throughever, whatever
(04:47):
you're passionate about. Is how I achieved my own closure.
So I'd say, really, just sitting down and feeling all
the feelings and thinking about these situations is what helped me.
I'm a big advocate for mental health, not pushing your
feelings down, owning how you feel in the moment and
taking that as you will. So I think the important
(05:10):
thing I really learned through writing this book is just
owning your emotions, owning that yes, these past experiences brought
some pain and some heartbreak and some anger sometimes, but
at the end of the day, they just led me
to where I am now.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Your book is a resource and a chronicle that girls
can turn to for these questions and concerns about the
coming of age, love and heartbreak and Sonny and I
love that. I mean if I had a book like
this when I was in high school or college, I mean,
I'd just be all over it without any spoilers. What
can readers expect to take away from your book and
what impact do you want to leave on your audience
(05:44):
of young girls.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
So this book is really a gen z Sex in
the City. Each chapter is dedicated to a different guy,
a different experience in dating and in love. So you
have the first love, the shy guy, the best friend's
ex boyfriend, and the big shot. So just like a
different guy crosses one of the girls' lives lives in
Sex and the City similarly, you see that in my book.
(06:09):
So it's a really fun read. It's entertaining, it's absolutely
hilarious at times, hence wrongcom but at the same time,
it's emotional, it's vulnerable. I'm very honest about how I'm
feeling in each situation. Every situation is very detailed, and
that's because a lot of these experiences were written about
after the fact or you know, after a bad first date,
(06:31):
me going home and writing about it. So it's extremely
detailed and honest and vulnerable. So expect to be taken
on a roller coaster of emotions, but also expect to
feel understood. I mean, my goal really was for people
to read this and feel like they're not alone in
this complex world of adulting and dating.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
So you talked a little bit about vulnerability, and I
know we're in this era or at least for me,
where I've been getting really into journaling, and I know
obviously sometimes it's hard to like schedule out time for
therapy and things like that. So it's kind of a
way to not necessarily self therapy, just get those feelings
out on a piece of paper. And like for me
and Sarah, this podcast is basically us like word vomiting
(07:12):
an audio journal.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
For us unpaid therapy.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Truly, yeah, literally unpaid therapy. So do you feel like
writing out these experiences and being able to read them
back like in one full story helped you at all
when I helped you, like progress in your view of
love or like learn things about yourself in that process.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I think it was hard at first when I read
my book as one full complete entity for the first time.
It was really difficult and emotional, and it took me
a long time because I would go through each of
these chapters and it's so incredibly detailed that I was
able to close my eyes and I would feel the
moment I would attach myself to it a little bit
(07:49):
too much. But I think the more I've read it
I've read it ten times up to this point, the
more I've kind of detached myself from the narrative and
I'm able to look at it and realize that these
are these are worries at the end of the day.
Yes they happen to me, but ultimately I'm giving these
stories to others to take and to learn from, so
fictionalizing them in a way. So it's really taught me,
(08:11):
I think, how to make sense of my past, how
to own my emotions and not be afraid of it.
It's almost it's trained me, like the more times I've
read this, the more I've been able to really accept
my emotions for what they are, and carry that into
my current love life as.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Well, exactly you know to that tune.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
My real life rom com is indeed a chronicle of
your dating life and past boyfriends and shitty ex's, which
Sid and I are all too familiar with, and we
talk all too much on this podcast about self love
and healing your inner child, including journaling in this podcast
and book and just other forms of self therapy. Without
giving too much away, what advice would you give to
women and girls who are trying to find their independence
(08:47):
and heal from a bad breakup and what are some
things you did to kind of get over that hurdle.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
I love that. I think owning your emotions first and foremost.
If you're feeling sad and frustrated that don't push it down,
just accept it for what it is, and then take
those emotions, those negative emotions, is upset, the anger, and
channel that into something you're passionate about. So for me
(09:12):
it was writing. I also love running and biking a
lot of things that just bring me absolute joy. And
I think the reason why I do that is because
self love is so important, especially in the face of
a breakup. We hear all the time you can't love
others until you love yourself. In my book, I really
break down what that means to me. It ties in
(09:33):
very closely to my anxiety journey. How at my glow
I learned how to look in the mirror and acknowledge
what I'm feeling at my worst and still love myself,
and that was when I was able to extend love
to others. Got the cars outside, I swear.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
To god, No, that is the most New York thing ever.
Is because me and Sarah live next to a hospital.
So when every record, it takes us actually three hours
because every two seconds there is a siren or someone
screaming or both.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So I fully fished. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
We always say like, you don't understand, you're already at
the hospital. Turn off the sirens, like you're there, You're
really right there.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Oh my gosh. Well it just makes it a New
York City podcast. There you go, sex and the New.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
York City moment exactly going back to what you said,
because that kind of ties into healthy habits. Did I
read somewhere that you ran the New York Marathon because
I know you said you like running.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
I did.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, Oh my god, how did it go? I mean,
just congratulations first of all for completing such an incredible feat.
But how how was that experience?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I could know?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh, I absolutely loved it. I was actually never a runner.
I learned how to run during the pandemic when I
was going through that anxious moment and I didn't really
know where to channel my energy. So I kind of
just started running one day and kept running and running
and running and running, and before I knew it, I
was running long distance. I was like, Okay, I can
actually turn this into something. So then decided to run
(10:52):
a half marathon. I actually broke both my legs doing
so because I was untrained and was not doing it
in a smart way. And recovered from that. I had
to take three months off of exercise, started training like
crazy for the New York City Marathon. Ran the New
York City Marathon. That was a trip. It took eight
months of training, and I'm going to run it again
(11:14):
next year.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Did I hear that you broke both of your legs?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah, oh my god, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's okay, but you're in recovery now and everything's okay.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Oh my god. Yeah, it took like three months to recover.
It was no surgery. It was double stress fractures in
both my legs.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
It's so funny. Actually saw a tweet two days ago
and it was like, being in your early twenties, is
all your friends running marathons, which is so crazy because
everyone I know is training for a marathon right now,
really right a mile? If someone paid me, like I'm
just not.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You definitely could. That used to be me, Like I
failed the pacer test at my elementary school. I was
never a runner. I was a ballerina actually for like
fourteen years, never a runner. And one day I was
just like, you know what, I'm going to teach myself
how to run. I'm just going to keep running. And
it became therapeutic. So you never know.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Ciday and I were both dance so I don't know
what it is, like my mild time is probably actually
twenty minutes, but we're gonna work. That's going to be
in the year's eve whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
They call it.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Gold evolution. There you go, Yes, resolution, that's the word.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
So speaking about New York, actually you grew up in
New York, if I'm correct, So you always hear the
craziest stories about people growing up in New York, like
whether that's making you an adult fashion you might want
to be, and obviously, growing up with Gossip Girl in
the background, we have a very certain view of what
it's like to be a young adult or a teenager,
a child in New York. You tell us about your
experiences and how that kind of molded you into who
you are now.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's definitely unique. I'd like to say it made me
more independent, but I'm also an only child, so I've
always been like a mommy's girl. But yeah, you doo, yeah,
only child baby, So I think it definitely made me
independent in some sense because I would walk to school
by myself every day. I would take ubers at age
thirteen everywhere, and that's like a very unique experience, I think.
(12:58):
But I'm also like very fortunate. I get to grow
up in such an incredible city, rich with opportunities wherever
you look. I'm twenty and I'm still discovering new things
about New York and I've lived here since I was born.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Are you a foodie? Do you like to go out
to restaurants a lot?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I love to go out to restaurants.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yes, I feel you.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I feel you with that the uber thing, and also
my mom is literally my best friend. So I think
it's like a shared only child experience.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Did you grow up in New York?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I did not know. I actually grew up everywhere.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
My dad was a captain in the Navy, so I
grew up in Belgium, California, Philadelphia. And that's why to me,
New York is so appealing, because I'm so used to
these rich, diverse cultures that I was like, well, better
than the melting pot.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Of the US, you know, New York is the best.
I really I cannot see myself living anywhere else except
maybe La one day. But right now, New York is
just perfect for the journalism industry. There's so many writers
out here. It's just it's perfect, Like there's nothing nothing
gets boring ever out here. So true.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And Cindy's from La.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Actually four kids, so I couldn't imagine like a different
experience growing up. But I will say that Sarah and
I moved here when we were eighteen to go to NYU.
And I was born in Florida and lived in LA.
So I feel like I had such a sheltered childhood
just I was one of four kids. I came from
a really big family, so I think like you said
(14:19):
it pushed you to be independent so quickly. But I
feel like it's such a unique experience being in this
city just because like it is rich with culture, opportunity, experiences,
et cetera. But this is so random. But going back
to your foodie comment, I saw that you had your
book launch at Julon. Yeah, and Sarah and I are
obsessed with Juwlan. I've had so many in formative experiences
at that restaurant, so I was very excited to see that.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I wish you guys came. I don't think if we
were talking back then. It was the craziest night at Jrewlan.
We had unique flower creations. They had like this giant
display with my real life ropcom, a book, a Cupid.
It's the craziest thing. Julan's food, as you know, is
like impactable and they passed around those. At a Mammy
Dumplings dumplings No.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I mean, I get like fourteen orders every time you get.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
At the end of the night, I hadn't really eaten
much because I was running around and my friend like
walked to the kitchen and was like, can we just
get like an order of at a Mommy dumplings? Like
just for her. So then the waiter brings out like
a giant plate of ed A Mammy dumplings. I was
just like popping them in.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
They're so easy to pop in.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Come to New York, you should go.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's so good.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
And the rock trip, yeah slight changing like the.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Rock shrimp, this chicken suckt taste stop.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And you know what that reminds me of In Sex
and the City, when Carrie had her like book launch party,
do you ever like see stuff like that happen on TV?
And do you ever get like a little irritated, like
as someone who actually grew up in New York, whether
it's with Sex in the City or Gossip Girl, are
you ever like that's not true or like that's probably
a little over exaggerated.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Probably, I think some of the things in Sex in
the City could be a little a little bit too exaggerated.
But I'm thinking about like the in the New the Reboot,
Carrie recorded her audio book and I recorded my audiobook too,
and she had an emotional time reading her audiobook and
I had an emotional time reading my audiobook, So there
(16:10):
was just like the parallel there. I watched the episode
the night before my audiobook, this is going to be
me and lo and behold it was me.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
No, it's so funny because Sarah and I rewatched it
and like, I couldn't be further from Carrie if possible,
But at the same time, like we have such of
the same experience, especially dating in New York, even though
obviously times have changed. And I know that she has
a podcast in just like that, I'm seeing, like how
smoothly her recordings go and she has all these guests,
and I'm like, Sarah and I, it's the sirens, it's
(16:39):
on microphones breaking, it's us crying in episodes. So I'm like,
I wish it went that smoothly. But it's so cool
to see those experiences on TV also, for.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Sure, Yeah, for sure. I think it's in TV things
tend to be a little bit dramatized. Sometimes they take
artistic license. I know in my book, you know, it's
my real life, but there are a few moments where
I take artistic license as well. So it's you know,
it's the industry. We're in it happy.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, same with Sinny and I on the podcast. We
are always very truthful, if not a little bit too
truthful at times, but sometimes I exaggerate a little too much,
and Sydney will always call me out on it and
she'll be like.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Hey, did that really happen? And I'm like, yeah, you
don't know.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
That's say I was. I was there and I remember
that happening. It's such an interesting way to describe that.
But this is kind of similar a little bit different
writing your experiences with all these different relationships. Was it
ever we ever scared to because like, obviously our relationships
are real life people, So is it ever awkward having
to explain those stories in a book form knowing that
that person exists and is out there and could read
(17:40):
that like is there a vulnerability with that that you're
scared of?
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yes, to answer your question, it was very awkward sometimes
for call these experiences, but also like important because you know,
adult thing is weird and awkward sometimes and complex, and
a lot of these dating experiences people are going through
the often to like you're the only one going through it.
So I kind of wanted to step into that role
(18:04):
and take on this responsibility of sharing dating in New
York as it is not sugarcoating it, not showing you know,
that typical rom com we see on television, but showing
my real life romcom which is messy and complicated and
emotional at times and is really founded in a self
(18:24):
love journey first and foremost exactly, your.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
New book really does take the edge off what could
be some pretty uncomfortable conversations about dating.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
And sex and more.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
And we love that mission of really uniting women here
at crying in public, and we commend you for honestly
doing the Lord's work and writing something that acts as
an older sister guide to other girls, which is what
Sid and I try to do also here. So what
are some green flags and healthy dating techniques that you
would recommend to others as someone with like all of
this hilarious and raw experience, And is there a specific,
(18:55):
like favorite chapter in your book that you would direct
others to who are looking to like get with that
good advice and really like free whole words of wisdom.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
So my number one green flag is communication. Communication is
so important. Guys mature a lot slower than girls, so
it's a lot harder, I think, to find an emotionally
mature man who's able to communicate his feelings and communicate
his hopes and his dreams and his fears and what
he's upset about, what it's angry about. It's really hard
(19:24):
to find. So I think just looking for someone who's
able to communicate with you in a healthy manner is
the number one green flag in my book. Okay, two
favorite chapters. First one is the best Friend's Ex Boyfriend,
which I alluded to earlier. I like it because it's
this chapter where I really don't make myself out to
(19:45):
be the hero. I say that even though this guy
was kind of leading me on into the situationship, it
really was a two way street, and I was the
one that made the mistake as well, not only engaging
in a situationship that was going nowhere, but in engaging
in a fling with my best friends ex. So I
like that chapter because it's it's really showing like the
(20:06):
importance of owning your mistakes when you're going through these
crazy experiences and dating and adulting, because it's important. Oftentimes
we kind of glorify ourselves and you know, make the
guys out to be the villains. But this chapter really
shows like oftentimes it is a two way street, and
you know I make mistakes too. So there's that one.
And then also the last chapter is called the Journey
(20:28):
to self love, and I detail my anxiety journey very specifically.
You see a lot of stuff out there in the
media about mental health and anxiety that's saying, you know,
you should take care of your mental health, you should
go to therapy, all of these you should do this,
you should do that. But what we're not talking about is,
you know, why, why are people going to therapy? Why
(20:49):
do we need to go to therapy? What does it
feel like to have anxiety and your fingers and your toes.
So what I really wanted to do with detail what
it felt like when I had my first panic attack,
what the aggression of that was like, and how it
kind of settled, and how it taught me to love
myself first before I could really extend myself into the
(21:10):
dating world.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
That's so great to hear, you know, when I had
my first panic attack, I thought I was dying. So
to read something like that and how it's such a
shared experience and it really isn't anything to be ashamed about,
I just think is so awesome.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
And I think a lot of a lot of stuff
about anxiety and mental health in the media is so misunderstood,
Like we think, oh, you know, there's so much I
can say that's misunderstood about mental health, but like OCD,
for example, Like you think OCD is like cleaning stuff
and organizing stuff, and that's part of it, but it's
so much more than that. It's it can be really
(21:42):
debilitating for a lot of people when it comes to
mental compulsions. And then for panic attacks, you always have
to it feels like you always have to have like
a trigger, like what triggered my panic attack? Like what
caused my anxiety, when a lot of times like there
is no trigger, and anxiety just happens because we're adulting,
we're growing girls, Like we're going to have anxiety sometimes
(22:03):
and you don't always need to search for something that
set it off. So I could literally go on and on,
but there's so much that's misunderstood about mental health, and
through my book, I'm just hoping to start to open
up that conversation.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Kind of on that note. As people who also post
quite consistently on social media, I think one big thing
for Sarah and I because we have very different what
we call niches, Like I focus more on like law
school content, Sarah focuses more on New York and feed
and things like that. And obviously our podcast is called
crime in Public, and a lot of that is just
being very vulnerable and truthful about what's going on in
(22:34):
our lives. Because I know social mediam is like a
highlight reel, but like, e, We're going to all these events,
it's super cool where in New York We're going to
glamour senters and things like that. But I think so often,
especially someone who's consuming a lot of content, it can
feel little bit debilitating seeing people being so happy, so successful.
Meanwhile we're struggling with depression, anxiety and things like that.
So how do you stay true for vulnerable on social
(22:55):
media and what advice do you have for others? I mean,
like negativity, whether it's common or content things like that
on social media.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
I stay truthful on social media because there's not enough
people doing it. It's like you said, there's so many
people who just sugarcoat their lives and they look like
everything's perfect and happy all the time. Literally, in the
first few pages of my book, I say like I'm
presenting to the unfiltered version of me behind the cheesy
TikTok voiceovers and product reviews, like this is me, this
(23:24):
is what happens when the cameras are off. It's not
always so glamorous. And I do deal with a lot
of hate comments, as you mentioned, and I think I've
just learned to develop a tough skin to it. Like
I've been an anti bullying advocate since I was young,
so I've kind of developed that thick skin realized that
a lot of these comments aren't necessarily coming from a
(23:46):
place of truth. They're coming from a place of insecurity.
So it's a learning process, but just realizing that what
you see online isn't necessarily truthful all the time. And
I advise people to try to as truthful as possible
online because there really aren't enough people studying that example.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
It takes a lot of grint in the era of
screen courage. Sorry interrupt you, Sydney, but it's so true.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
I mean, just take everything with a grain of salt,
especially like videos I see when people are like what
I eat in a day, or like my morning routine,
like they wake up any like perfect scare on and
like I wake up not to force mymselves to get
out of bed most times because of anxiety or just
like not wanting to be productive that day. So I
think just taking everything with a grain of salt is
so important, especially like in the era of TikTok.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
It's so frustrating because you don't see anyone posting anything
like that online. You don't see any young adults really
posting like here, I am I feel really anxious today
for no reason. I'm scared. I'm going to stay in
bed all day. Like you don't really see that. You
see people going I support mental health with like holding
(24:48):
a poster and like smiling or something, but like that's
not the reality of it. And like I'm not perfect.
I don't love talking about it, like verbalizing it on
my social media, but my way of trying to spread
awareness through my writing, and that's what I've been trying
to do from the beginning of this book writing process,
just to present it in an honest way, not you know,
(25:12):
this cookie cutter way, like here's how to fix your
mental health and your anxiety, but here's what it's really
like to have anxiety, so people feel less alone.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
And I mean you've experienced men success on your social
media as a verified TikToker, a TikTok star.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Love your content.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
By the way, a lot of our of course, of course,
a lot of our audience here at Crying in Public
are interested in building their social media following, so kind
of changing tune to like the positive side of social media.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
How has it benefited you?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
And what are your favorite aspects of the TikTok app
in particular, and what advice would you give to others
who are like looking to utilize social media to start
their own career.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Yeah, I'm so grateful for social media and the opportunities
has given me hate messages aside, the pros out weigh
the cons Always with social media, I've gotten some great
travel opportunities, some really cool products. So I would say
my number one piece of advice for people who want
to become an influencer is to find what makes you different,
(26:07):
what separates you from other people, and to run with it.
There's a lot of fashion influencers out there. If you
like fashion cool, run with it. But what makes you unique?
How can you separate yourself from the thousands and thousands
of fashion influencers out there? And also just staying consistent
and posting a lot is really important.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Your posting habits are something to be revered, Like, I
think what.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
You post like three times a day at it used
to be like four to five, and over the past,
like I know, maybe three months in prepping for the
book release, it's probably like two to three a day,
and even that's like a lot. Sometimes.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
I admire you both because I'm in law school right
now and so like having a moment to breathe has
been impossible, And like earlier this summer, my phone ran
out of storage and I haven't posted since, Like I
think it's just so hard to like want to use
my free time to like promote, whether that's like restaurants,
New York, law school, whatever, I'm posting in six months.
So people that can post at least every day, I
(27:07):
have so much respect for you because people don't realize
it is hard work. It's not like you wake up
in your course thing and post it. Like there's editing involved,
there's planning, there's all this stuff. So hate the rep
that influencers get when that, like they put so much
work every single day into their content.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
So I admire it Really is exhausting. I mean that
on top of the writing, I'm also a full time student.
It's just really exhausting. Like I don't really think about
it that much until I wake up one day and
I'm just really tired, and I'm like, oh, I wonder why,
And then you kind of take a step back. You're
just like, I don't know. I feel like a lot
(27:43):
of times, like in general, like we don't give ourselves
enough credit for the amount of work we put in
as influencers. Like it's it's a lot of work. We
get a bad rep for being like an influencer, you know,
kind of running around doing our thing. But it's a
lot of work, it really is.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
So speaking about social media and about the lease of
your book, what's next for you? What's next on the list?
Are you focusing on school, on different events for your book,
like sort of like what's the what's next for you?
Speaker 1 (28:12):
There's a new book on the horizon potentially.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Oh my god. So number one for me right now
is finishing school. As I mentioned, I'm a senior, So
I'm graduating in May, getting my journalism degree. That's first
and foremost, and after that hopefully get a job in
the journalism world. Right now, I'm doing some freelancing for
a bunch of different publications. As for another book, not
(28:35):
right now, but I will see if there's another pandemic.
Maybe in the future, you never know, hopefully not like
knock on wood, but if time opens up then maybe.
And I'd also love to see the book. I mean
like showed it on here. I have like next to
your old time.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I would also love to see the book turn into
a TV show of some sort, like a gen Z
Sex in the City for real on television. That would
be a total dream come true.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That is awesome.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Honestly, I was thinking that too. I saw your cover
and I was like, this actually has to be a
TV show. Me the first time, I was like, this
has to be a TV show.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Yeah, exactly, And I noticed the two two also loved
the attention to do too love.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
So you know that's the actual to two from the
set of Sex and the City. No, it's not.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Besides double zero that Sarah Jessica Parker wore, I squeezed
myself into that. I had bruises on my ribs after
the photo shoot. It was terrible, but overall, like it
was just kind of a crazy opportunity I had. My
mom used to work on the website for Sex and
the City back in the day, so she had a
two two under her bed that was like yellowing around
(29:43):
the waist and she pulls it out and she's should
we do it? So you just decided that you did
it and it was fabulous. I had a rough look
up from Amazon or something that fit much better, and
I brought both the day of and I was just like,
you know what, we're doing this like this? I feel
like it's good juju. If you wear the Sex and
the City skirt, it's great.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
J Yeah, that's all the good vibes right there. That's
better than crystals, better than prayer. All right, So one
more question before we wrap up. Where can our listeners connect?
Where can our listeners follow you? And where best can
our listeners buy your fantastic books?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
So you can buy My Real Life rom Com on Amazon,
Barnes and Noble, Walmart, Target, basically wherever you can get
a book, and you can follow me on social media
at Carrie Burke with an extra CA at the end,
basically everywhere.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Great, all right, guys, go buy My Real Life rom Com.
It is such a true gem. Thank you so much
again Carrie for hopping on with us. We loved talking
with you. One of our best guest podcasts literally ever
I'm sure Sydney can attest.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Bob You're great.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, of course, of course, thanks so much again
Awesome. All right, me too.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
All right, everybody, We are so happy to have the one,
the only, the real life jen Z Carrey Bradshaw.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Literally, she was named after her Carrie Burke.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
She's been dubbed by Bell Magazine and The Wall Street
Journal as an ambitious and dedicated boss babe and a
community minded young creator with a whopping three point eight
million followers on TikTok. Carrie is an anti bullying activist,
advocate for mental health, and, on top of it all,
a best selling children's writer, a reporter for The New
York Post, Page six and more, and the author, most
(00:33):
importantly behind My Real Life romcom, which we'll be discussing today.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
We're so thrilled to have you, Carrie. Thank you so
much for coming on with us.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Of course, all right, we can jump right in.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
You wrote your first book in twenty twelve, which was
Peace Leven Cupcakes, adorable name I would totally read, so
I was twelve and twenty twelve, totally would read something
like that even then, which which sold more than three
hundred thousand copies worldwide and actually went on to be
an off Broadway show. What sparked your love for writing
in the first place. Tell us your origin story.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
So, my mom is a writer and has always been
a writer. So I grew up watching her type away
at her computer every day, just feeling super inspired by her.
And one day I was learning about realistic fiction in
school and I was just so fascinated by this idea
that you could place real life themes that are important
to inside of fictional scenarios. So that's really how I
(01:23):
came up with the idea for the Cupcake Club. I
wrote a few children's book series after that, and my
love of writing has just really grown and matured over
the years. It's turned into this absolute love and passion
for journalism. I'm studying journalism in school right now, and
also my book, as we're going to talk about that's
definitely a new pursuit.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Oh my god, how is your how's school going? How's
that major?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I absolutely love it. I Mean so many people were
saying to me, why are you going to school? Why
are you going to college? Like you're so busy with
everything going on, But it was so important to me
to go to school to get my journalism degree, to
just earn all the tricks of the trade from the
professionals and from my professor. So I'm absolutely loving it.
I'm learning so much and I'm in my senior year,
(02:08):
so I'm almost done.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
That's awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
So close.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
We were in your shoes not too long ago, so
we completely understand. As we were talking about. You then
went on to compose Fashion Academy and ask Emma, I
believe so set the stage for us. What are some
key differences between your past work and writing style and
your new book, My Real Life rom Com? What was
the inspiration behind your LA's release, and sort of what
drove you to write this book.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
So, my older releases were children's books. Obviously I wrote
them with my mom. My Real Life rom Com is
me really stepping into my own as a mature writer.
This is a passion project. I didn't really plan on
writing a book. It fell into my laugh kind of
during the pandemic. I was just really poor during quarantine.
I was feeling uninspired, and most importantly, I was just
(02:53):
worried about losing all my memories because I didn't know
how long the pandemic would go on for. So I
just started writing down everything I could member, especially about
love and the lessons and love that I learned, and
this series of personal essays almost turned into a book,
and something that started off as self therapy for me,
something that helped me achieve closure with my past and
(03:15):
makes sense of a lot of these experiences, turned into
something so much greater because I realized there was this
greater mission and that there really are not books out
there written by a teenager for teenagers about love and dating.
You see all these books out there written by experts,
but nobody really knows a teenager like another teenager. So
I wanted to level with them and relate with them.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
So true, it's soportant because I know Sarah and I
talk about this a lot. But during the pandemic, we
started binge watching Sex and the City together and we
fell in love with like Carrie's kind of romanticized few
of love, especially being in New York in our early twenties,
late teens. And one thing I think that's been big
on TikTok. I know you guys are obviously both on
TikTok that I've been seeing a lot recently is talking
(03:57):
about healing your inner child. Of course the TikTok shop,
which I can't stand, but there's something you want there
called the shadow Journal, and I actually bought one. And
this whole thing is kind of like working through your past,
whether that's your first crush in kindergarten or things like that,
and like healing your younger self in order to move forward.
(04:17):
So how do you feel like going through your past
relationships in your book have helped you in your current state?
That makes me sse.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
I love that question. I think a lot of these
experiences I didn't receive closure from the other person, and
I found my own closure through writing. So when it
comes to dating, you know a lot of these a
lot of the ways that ends doesn't make sense sometimes,
and you have to find your own way to achieve closure,
whether that's writing about it or through fitness, throughever, whatever
(04:47):
you're passionate about. Is how I achieved my own closure.
So I'd say, really, just sitting down and feeling all
the feelings and thinking about these situations is what helped me.
I'm a big advocate for mental health, not pushing your
feelings down, owning how you feel in the moment and
taking that as you will. So I think the important
(05:10):
thing I really learned through writing this book is just
owning your emotions, owning that yes, these past experiences brought
some pain and some heartbreak and some anger sometimes, but
at the end of the day, they just led me
to where I am now.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Your book is a resource and a chronicle that girls
can turn to for these questions and concerns about the
coming of age, love and heartbreak and Sonny and I
love that. I mean if I had a book like
this when I was in high school or college, I mean,
I'd just be all over it without any spoilers. What
can readers expect to take away from your book and
what impact do you want to leave on your audience
(05:44):
of young girls.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
So this book is really a gen z Sex in
the City. Each chapter is dedicated to a different guy,
a different experience in dating and in love. So you
have the first love, the shy guy, the best friend's
ex boyfriend, and the big shot. So just like a
different guy crosses one of the girls' lives lives in
Sex and the City similarly, you see that in my book.
(06:09):
So it's a really fun read. It's entertaining, it's absolutely
hilarious at times, hence wrongcom but at the same time,
it's emotional, it's vulnerable. I'm very honest about how I'm
feeling in each situation. Every situation is very detailed, and
that's because a lot of these experiences were written about
after the fact or you know, after a bad first date,
(06:31):
me going home and writing about it. So it's extremely
detailed and honest and vulnerable. So expect to be taken
on a roller coaster of emotions, but also expect to
feel understood. I mean, my goal really was for people
to read this and feel like they're not alone in
this complex world of adulting and dating.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
So you talked a little bit about vulnerability, and I
know we're in this era or at least for me,
where I've been getting really into journaling, and I know
obviously sometimes it's hard to like schedule out time for
therapy and things like that. So it's kind of a
way to not necessarily self therapy, just get those feelings
out on a piece of paper. And like for me
and Sarah, this podcast is basically us like word vomiting
(07:12):
an audio journal.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
For us unpaid therapy.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Truly, yeah, literally unpaid therapy. So do you feel like
writing out these experiences and being able to read them
back like in one full story helped you at all
when I helped you, like progress in your view of
love or like learn things about yourself in that process.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
I think it was hard at first when I read
my book as one full complete entity for the first time.
It was really difficult and emotional, and it took me
a long time because I would go through each of
these chapters and it's so incredibly detailed that I was
able to close my eyes and I would feel the
moment I would attach myself to it a little bit
(07:49):
too much. But I think the more I've read it
I've read it ten times up to this point, the
more I've kind of detached myself from the narrative and
I'm able to look at it and realize that these
are these are worries at the end of the day.
Yes they happen to me, but ultimately I'm giving these
stories to others to take and to learn from, so
fictionalizing them in a way. So it's really taught me,
(08:11):
I think, how to make sense of my past, how
to own my emotions and not be afraid of it.
It's almost it's trained me, like the more times I've
read this, the more I've been able to really accept
my emotions for what they are, and carry that into
my current love life as.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Well, exactly you know to that tune.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
My real life rom com is indeed a chronicle of
your dating life and past boyfriends and shitty ex's, which
Sid and I are all too familiar with, and we
talk all too much on this podcast about self love
and healing your inner child, including journaling in this podcast
and book and just other forms of self therapy. Without
giving too much away, what advice would you give to
women and girls who are trying to find their independence
(08:47):
and heal from a bad breakup and what are some
things you did to kind of get over that hurdle.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
I love that. I think owning your emotions first and foremost.
If you're feeling sad and frustrated that don't push it down,
just accept it for what it is, and then take
those emotions, those negative emotions, is upset, the anger, and
channel that into something you're passionate about. So for me
(09:12):
it was writing. I also love running and biking a
lot of things that just bring me absolute joy. And
I think the reason why I do that is because
self love is so important, especially in the face of
a breakup. We hear all the time you can't love
others until you love yourself. In my book, I really
break down what that means to me. It ties in
(09:33):
very closely to my anxiety journey. How at my glow
I learned how to look in the mirror and acknowledge
what I'm feeling at my worst and still love myself,
and that was when I was able to extend love
to others. Got the cars outside, I swear.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
To god, No, that is the most New York thing ever.
Is because me and Sarah live next to a hospital.
So when every record, it takes us actually three hours
because every two seconds there is a siren or someone
screaming or both.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
So I fully fished. Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
We always say like, you don't understand, you're already at
the hospital. Turn off the sirens, like you're there, You're
really right there.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Oh my gosh. Well it just makes it a New
York City podcast. There you go, sex and the New.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
York City moment exactly going back to what you said,
because that kind of ties into healthy habits. Did I
read somewhere that you ran the New York Marathon because
I know you said you like running.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
I did.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yeah, Oh my god, how did it go? I mean,
just congratulations first of all for completing such an incredible feat.
But how how was that experience?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
I could know?
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh, I absolutely loved it. I was actually never a runner.
I learned how to run during the pandemic when I
was going through that anxious moment and I didn't really
know where to channel my energy. So I kind of
just started running one day and kept running and running
and running and running, and before I knew it, I
was running long distance. I was like, Okay, I can
actually turn this into something. So then decided to run
(10:52):
a half marathon. I actually broke both my legs doing
so because I was untrained and was not doing it
in a smart way. And recovered from that. I had
to take three months off of exercise, started training like
crazy for the New York City Marathon. Ran the New
York City Marathon. That was a trip. It took eight
months of training, and I'm going to run it again
(11:14):
next year.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Did I hear that you broke both of your legs?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Yeah, oh my god, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's okay, but you're in recovery now and everything's okay.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Oh my god. Yeah, it took like three months to recover.
It was no surgery. It was double stress fractures in
both my legs.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
It's so funny. Actually saw a tweet two days ago
and it was like, being in your early twenties, is
all your friends running marathons, which is so crazy because
everyone I know is training for a marathon right now,
really right a mile? If someone paid me, like I'm
just not.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You definitely could. That used to be me, Like I
failed the pacer test at my elementary school. I was
never a runner. I was a ballerina actually for like
fourteen years, never a runner. And one day I was
just like, you know what, I'm going to teach myself
how to run. I'm just going to keep running. And
it became therapeutic. So you never know.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Ciday and I were both dance so I don't know
what it is, like my mild time is probably actually
twenty minutes, but we're gonna work. That's going to be
in the year's eve whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
They call it.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Gold evolution. There you go, Yes, resolution, that's the word.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
So speaking about New York, actually you grew up in
New York, if I'm correct, So you always hear the
craziest stories about people growing up in New York, like
whether that's making you an adult fashion you might want
to be, and obviously, growing up with Gossip Girl in
the background, we have a very certain view of what
it's like to be a young adult or a teenager,
a child in New York. You tell us about your
experiences and how that kind of molded you into who
you are now.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
It's definitely unique. I'd like to say it made me
more independent, but I'm also an only child, so I've
always been like a mommy's girl. But yeah, you doo, yeah,
only child baby, So I think it definitely made me
independent in some sense because I would walk to school
by myself every day. I would take ubers at age
thirteen everywhere, and that's like a very unique experience, I think.
(12:58):
But I'm also like very fortunate. I get to grow
up in such an incredible city, rich with opportunities wherever
you look. I'm twenty and I'm still discovering new things
about New York and I've lived here since I was born.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Are you a foodie? Do you like to go out
to restaurants a lot?
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I love to go out to restaurants.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yes, I feel you.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I feel you with that the uber thing, and also
my mom is literally my best friend. So I think
it's like a shared only child experience.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Did you grow up in New York?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I did not know. I actually grew up everywhere.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
My dad was a captain in the Navy, so I
grew up in Belgium, California, Philadelphia. And that's why to me,
New York is so appealing, because I'm so used to
these rich, diverse cultures that I was like, well, better
than the melting pot.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Of the US, you know, New York is the best.
I really I cannot see myself living anywhere else except
maybe La one day. But right now, New York is
just perfect for the journalism industry. There's so many writers
out here. It's just it's perfect, Like there's nothing nothing
gets boring ever out here. So true.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And Cindy's from La.
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Actually four kids, so I couldn't imagine like a different
experience growing up. But I will say that Sarah and
I moved here when we were eighteen to go to NYU.
And I was born in Florida and lived in LA.
So I feel like I had such a sheltered childhood
just I was one of four kids. I came from
a really big family, so I think like you said
(14:19):
it pushed you to be independent so quickly. But I
feel like it's such a unique experience being in this
city just because like it is rich with culture, opportunity, experiences,
et cetera. But this is so random. But going back
to your foodie comment, I saw that you had your
book launch at Julon. Yeah, and Sarah and I are
obsessed with Juwlan. I've had so many in formative experiences
at that restaurant, so I was very excited to see that.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I wish you guys came. I don't think if we
were talking back then. It was the craziest night at Jrewlan.
We had unique flower creations. They had like this giant
display with my real life ropcom, a book, a Cupid.
It's the craziest thing. Julan's food, as you know, is
like impactable and they passed around those. At a Mammy
Dumplings dumplings No.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I mean, I get like fourteen orders every time you get.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
At the end of the night, I hadn't really eaten
much because I was running around and my friend like
walked to the kitchen and was like, can we just
get like an order of at a Mommy dumplings? Like
just for her. So then the waiter brings out like
a giant plate of ed A Mammy dumplings. I was
just like popping them in.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
They're so easy to pop in.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Come to New York, you should go.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's so good.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
And the rock trip, yeah slight changing like the.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Rock shrimp, this chicken suckt taste stop.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And you know what that reminds me of In Sex
and the City, when Carrie had her like book launch party,
do you ever like see stuff like that happen on TV?
And do you ever get like a little irritated, like
as someone who actually grew up in New York, whether
it's with Sex in the City or Gossip Girl, are
you ever like that's not true or like that's probably
a little over exaggerated.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Probably, I think some of the things in Sex in
the City could be a little a little bit too exaggerated.
But I'm thinking about like the in the New the Reboot,
Carrie recorded her audio book and I recorded my audiobook too,
and she had an emotional time reading her audiobook and
I had an emotional time reading my audiobook, So there
(16:10):
was just like the parallel there. I watched the episode
the night before my audiobook, this is going to be
me and lo and behold it was me.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
No, it's so funny because Sarah and I rewatched it
and like, I couldn't be further from Carrie if possible,
But at the same time, like we have such of
the same experience, especially dating in New York, even though
obviously times have changed. And I know that she has
a podcast in just like that, I'm seeing, like how
smoothly her recordings go and she has all these guests,
and I'm like, Sarah and I, it's the sirens, it's
(16:39):
on microphones breaking, it's us crying in episodes. So I'm like,
I wish it went that smoothly. But it's so cool
to see those experiences on TV also, for.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Sure, Yeah, for sure. I think it's in TV things
tend to be a little bit dramatized. Sometimes they take
artistic license. I know in my book, you know, it's
my real life, but there are a few moments where
I take artistic license as well. So it's you know,
it's the industry. We're in it happy.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah, same with Sinny and I on the podcast. We
are always very truthful, if not a little bit too
truthful at times, but sometimes I exaggerate a little too much,
and Sydney will always call me out on it and
she'll be like.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
Hey, did that really happen? And I'm like, yeah, you
don't know.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
That's say I was. I was there and I remember
that happening. It's such an interesting way to describe that.
But this is kind of similar a little bit different
writing your experiences with all these different relationships. Was it
ever we ever scared to because like, obviously our relationships
are real life people, So is it ever awkward having
to explain those stories in a book form knowing that
that person exists and is out there and could read
(17:40):
that like is there a vulnerability with that that you're
scared of?
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yes, to answer your question, it was very awkward sometimes
for call these experiences, but also like important because you know,
adult thing is weird and awkward sometimes and complex, and
a lot of these dating experiences people are going through
the often to like you're the only one going through it.
So I kind of wanted to step into that role
(18:04):
and take on this responsibility of sharing dating in New
York as it is not sugarcoating it, not showing you know,
that typical rom com we see on television, but showing
my real life romcom which is messy and complicated and
emotional at times and is really founded in a self
(18:24):
love journey first and foremost exactly, your.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
New book really does take the edge off what could
be some pretty uncomfortable conversations about dating.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
And sex and more.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
And we love that mission of really uniting women here
at crying in public, and we commend you for honestly
doing the Lord's work and writing something that acts as
an older sister guide to other girls, which is what
Sid and I try to do also here. So what
are some green flags and healthy dating techniques that you
would recommend to others as someone with like all of
this hilarious and raw experience, And is there a specific,
(18:55):
like favorite chapter in your book that you would direct
others to who are looking to like get with that
good advice and really like free whole words of wisdom.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
So my number one green flag is communication. Communication is
so important. Guys mature a lot slower than girls, so
it's a lot harder, I think, to find an emotionally
mature man who's able to communicate his feelings and communicate
his hopes and his dreams and his fears and what
he's upset about, what it's angry about. It's really hard
(19:24):
to find. So I think just looking for someone who's
able to communicate with you in a healthy manner is
the number one green flag in my book. Okay, two
favorite chapters. First one is the best Friend's Ex Boyfriend,
which I alluded to earlier. I like it because it's
this chapter where I really don't make myself out to
(19:45):
be the hero. I say that even though this guy
was kind of leading me on into the situationship, it
really was a two way street, and I was the
one that made the mistake as well, not only engaging
in a situationship that was going nowhere, but in engaging
in a fling with my best friends ex. So I
like that chapter because it's it's really showing like the
(20:06):
importance of owning your mistakes when you're going through these
crazy experiences and dating and adulting, because it's important. Oftentimes
we kind of glorify ourselves and you know, make the
guys out to be the villains. But this chapter really
shows like oftentimes it is a two way street, and
you know I make mistakes too. So there's that one.
And then also the last chapter is called the Journey
(20:28):
to self love, and I detail my anxiety journey very specifically.
You see a lot of stuff out there in the
media about mental health and anxiety that's saying, you know,
you should take care of your mental health, you should
go to therapy, all of these you should do this,
you should do that. But what we're not talking about is,
you know, why, why are people going to therapy? Why
(20:49):
do we need to go to therapy? What does it
feel like to have anxiety and your fingers and your toes.
So what I really wanted to do with detail what
it felt like when I had my first panic attack,
what the aggression of that was like, and how it
kind of settled, and how it taught me to love
myself first before I could really extend myself into the
(21:10):
dating world.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
That's so great to hear, you know, when I had
my first panic attack, I thought I was dying. So
to read something like that and how it's such a
shared experience and it really isn't anything to be ashamed about,
I just think is so awesome.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
And I think a lot of a lot of stuff
about anxiety and mental health in the media is so misunderstood,
Like we think, oh, you know, there's so much I
can say that's misunderstood about mental health, but like OCD,
for example, Like you think OCD is like cleaning stuff
and organizing stuff, and that's part of it, but it's
so much more than that. It's it can be really
(21:42):
debilitating for a lot of people when it comes to
mental compulsions. And then for panic attacks, you always have
to it feels like you always have to have like
a trigger, like what triggered my panic attack? Like what
caused my anxiety, when a lot of times like there
is no trigger, and anxiety just happens because we're adulting,
we're growing girls, Like we're going to have anxiety sometimes
(22:03):
and you don't always need to search for something that
set it off. So I could literally go on and on,
but there's so much that's misunderstood about mental health, and
through my book, I'm just hoping to start to open
up that conversation.
Speaker 4 (22:14):
Kind of on that note. As people who also post
quite consistently on social media, I think one big thing
for Sarah and I because we have very different what
we call niches, Like I focus more on like law
school content, Sarah focuses more on New York and feed
and things like that. And obviously our podcast is called
crime in Public, and a lot of that is just
being very vulnerable and truthful about what's going on in
(22:34):
our lives. Because I know social mediam is like a
highlight reel, but like, e, We're going to all these events,
it's super cool where in New York We're going to
glamour senters and things like that. But I think so often,
especially someone who's consuming a lot of content, it can
feel little bit debilitating seeing people being so happy, so successful.
Meanwhile we're struggling with depression, anxiety and things like that.
So how do you stay true for vulnerable on social
(22:55):
media and what advice do you have for others? I mean,
like negativity, whether it's common or content things like that
on social media.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
I stay truthful on social media because there's not enough
people doing it. It's like you said, there's so many
people who just sugarcoat their lives and they look like
everything's perfect and happy all the time. Literally, in the
first few pages of my book, I say like I'm
presenting to the unfiltered version of me behind the cheesy
TikTok voiceovers and product reviews, like this is me, this
(23:24):
is what happens when the cameras are off. It's not
always so glamorous. And I do deal with a lot
of hate comments, as you mentioned, and I think I've
just learned to develop a tough skin to it. Like
I've been an anti bullying advocate since I was young,
so I've kind of developed that thick skin realized that
a lot of these comments aren't necessarily coming from a
(23:46):
place of truth. They're coming from a place of insecurity.
So it's a learning process, but just realizing that what
you see online isn't necessarily truthful all the time. And
I advise people to try to as truthful as possible
online because there really aren't enough people studying that example.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
It takes a lot of grint in the era of
screen courage. Sorry interrupt you, Sydney, but it's so true.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
I mean, just take everything with a grain of salt,
especially like videos I see when people are like what
I eat in a day, or like my morning routine,
like they wake up any like perfect scare on and
like I wake up not to force mymselves to get
out of bed most times because of anxiety or just
like not wanting to be productive that day. So I
think just taking everything with a grain of salt is
so important, especially like in the era of TikTok.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
It's so frustrating because you don't see anyone posting anything
like that online. You don't see any young adults really
posting like here, I am I feel really anxious today
for no reason. I'm scared. I'm going to stay in
bed all day. Like you don't really see that. You
see people going I support mental health with like holding
(24:48):
a poster and like smiling or something, but like that's
not the reality of it. And like I'm not perfect.
I don't love talking about it, like verbalizing it on
my social media, but my way of trying to spread
awareness through my writing, and that's what I've been trying
to do from the beginning of this book writing process,
just to present it in an honest way, not you know,
(25:12):
this cookie cutter way, like here's how to fix your
mental health and your anxiety, but here's what it's really
like to have anxiety, so people feel less alone.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
And I mean you've experienced men success on your social
media as a verified TikToker, a TikTok star.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Love your content.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
By the way, a lot of our of course, of course,
a lot of our audience here at Crying in Public
are interested in building their social media following, so kind
of changing tune to like the positive side of social media.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
How has it benefited you?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
And what are your favorite aspects of the TikTok app
in particular, and what advice would you give to others
who are like looking to utilize social media to start
their own career.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Yeah, I'm so grateful for social media and the opportunities
has given me hate messages aside, the pros out weigh
the cons Always with social media, I've gotten some great
travel opportunities, some really cool products. So I would say
my number one piece of advice for people who want
to become an influencer is to find what makes you different,
(26:07):
what separates you from other people, and to run with it.
There's a lot of fashion influencers out there. If you
like fashion cool, run with it. But what makes you unique?
How can you separate yourself from the thousands and thousands
of fashion influencers out there? And also just staying consistent
and posting a lot is really important.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Your posting habits are something to be revered, Like, I
think what.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
You post like three times a day at it used
to be like four to five, and over the past,
like I know, maybe three months in prepping for the
book release, it's probably like two to three a day,
and even that's like a lot. Sometimes.
Speaker 4 (26:45):
I admire you both because I'm in law school right
now and so like having a moment to breathe has
been impossible, And like earlier this summer, my phone ran
out of storage and I haven't posted since, Like I
think it's just so hard to like want to use
my free time to like promote, whether that's like restaurants,
New York, law school, whatever, I'm posting in six months.
So people that can post at least every day, I
(27:07):
have so much respect for you because people don't realize
it is hard work. It's not like you wake up
in your course thing and post it. Like there's editing involved,
there's planning, there's all this stuff. So hate the rep
that influencers get when that, like they put so much
work every single day into their content.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
So I admire it Really is exhausting. I mean that
on top of the writing, I'm also a full time student.
It's just really exhausting. Like I don't really think about
it that much until I wake up one day and
I'm just really tired, and I'm like, oh, I wonder why,
And then you kind of take a step back. You're
just like, I don't know. I feel like a lot
(27:43):
of times, like in general, like we don't give ourselves
enough credit for the amount of work we put in
as influencers. Like it's it's a lot of work. We
get a bad rep for being like an influencer, you know,
kind of running around doing our thing. But it's a
lot of work, it really is.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
So speaking about social media and about the lease of
your book, what's next for you? What's next on the list?
Are you focusing on school, on different events for your book,
like sort of like what's the what's next for you?
Speaker 1 (28:12):
There's a new book on the horizon potentially.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Oh my god. So number one for me right now
is finishing school. As I mentioned, I'm a senior, So
I'm graduating in May, getting my journalism degree. That's first
and foremost, and after that hopefully get a job in
the journalism world. Right now, I'm doing some freelancing for
a bunch of different publications. As for another book, not
(28:35):
right now, but I will see if there's another pandemic.
Maybe in the future, you never know, hopefully not like
knock on wood, but if time opens up then maybe.
And I'd also love to see the book. I mean
like showed it on here. I have like next to
your old time.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I would also love to see the book turn into
a TV show of some sort, like a gen Z
Sex in the City for real on television. That would
be a total dream come true.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That is awesome.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Honestly, I was thinking that too. I saw your cover
and I was like, this actually has to be a
TV show. Me the first time, I was like, this
has to be a TV show.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
Yeah, exactly, And I noticed the two two also loved
the attention to do too love.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
So you know that's the actual to two from the
set of Sex and the City. No, it's not.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Besides double zero that Sarah Jessica Parker wore, I squeezed
myself into that. I had bruises on my ribs after
the photo shoot. It was terrible, but overall, like it
was just kind of a crazy opportunity I had. My
mom used to work on the website for Sex and
the City back in the day, so she had a
two two under her bed that was like yellowing around
(29:43):
the waist and she pulls it out and she's should
we do it? So you just decided that you did
it and it was fabulous. I had a rough look
up from Amazon or something that fit much better, and
I brought both the day of and I was just like,
you know what, we're doing this like this? I feel
like it's good juju. If you wear the Sex and
the City skirt, it's great.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
J Yeah, that's all the good vibes right there. That's
better than crystals, better than prayer. All right, So one
more question before we wrap up. Where can our listeners connect?
Where can our listeners follow you? And where best can
our listeners buy your fantastic books?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
So you can buy My Real Life rom Com on Amazon,
Barnes and Noble, Walmart, Target, basically wherever you can get
a book, and you can follow me on social media
at Carrie Burke with an extra CA at the end,
basically everywhere.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Great, all right, guys, go buy My Real Life rom Com.
It is such a true gem. Thank you so much
again Carrie for hopping on with us. We loved talking
with you. One of our best guest podcasts literally ever
I'm sure Sydney can attest.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Bob You're great.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah, of course, of course, thanks so much again
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