I don’t think about the Roman Empire at all. (+ 22 more dad jokes!)

Daily Dad Jokes (20 Sep 2023)

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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes. Joke credits: MiiOnMy_Wii, OctoberFire1, electragladiator, 9Lives_, Aggressive-Nobody473, Jester57, DaviAlfredo, thelightwesticles, yuvalMey, ilikesidehugs, Sir_Pluses, ilikesidehugs, FR09FACE, .css-j9qmi7{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;font-weight:700;margin-bottom:1rem;margin-top:2.8rem;width:100%;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:start;justify-content:start;padding-left:5rem;}@media only screen and (max-width: 599px){.css-j9qmi7{padding-left:0;-webkit-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webkit-justify-content:center;justify-content:center;}}.css-j9qmi7 svg{fill:#27292D;}.css-j9qmi7 .eagfbvw0{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;color:#27292D;}

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
What do you call someone who believes they'll find love
with a corpse? A hopeless nick? Romantic?

Speaker 2 (00:12):
How do you get a country girl's attention attractor?

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Do you know what is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Healing taxis?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Being single has made me want to touch pasta. I'm
feeling Cataloni right now.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Why do guerrillas have big nostrils because they have big fingers?

Speaker 2 (00:54):
You know those jokes about other jokes, I've never met
a joke like that. I didn't like.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
What animal orders you to bend down? A duck?

Speaker 2 (01:17):
I don't think about the Roman Empire at all. When
I sit down at night, I rest my legs and
think about the Ottoman Empire.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I ended up going for the cheaper locksmouthing. Course, it's
really bad, but in this day and age, you can't
afford to be too picky.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
At first, my family didn't think it was cool that
I installed the days, but now they're having a blast.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
How do philosophers go to war? They fire their cannons.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Found out my daughter was bragging to everyone about getting
to smoke pot with her pony. I told her she
needs to get off her high horse.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
How do trees use the internet? They log on.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Someone filled a pinata with bees. Total buzz killed.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
I just rilled the chicken for two hours. It still
wouldn't tell me why I crossed the road.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
People think working at NASA's heart. I mean, it's not
rocket science. After the battle, the night cut him off
at the ankles. He was defeated. I can't stop thinking

(02:57):
about cysts, blisters and boils. I'm obsessed.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
What did the king say after the squire won his
first joust? One more and we'll call it a night.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Why did the melons hold a marriage ceremony because they cantaloged?

Speaker 1 (03:22):
They should start putting better prizes inside avocados. The ones
they have now are the pits.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Why do trees hate going back to school? They are
easily stopped. I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
Hanging there. We have a bonus dad joke for you
at the end of the episode. Laughter is contagious, so
let's spread it around. Have a good night, and I'll
be back tomorrow with more jokes. Thank you for your support.

(04:07):
Looking for more dad joke humor to share, then subscribe
to our new weekly email newsletter. It's our weekly roundup
of the best dad jokes, memes and humor for you
to enjoy. Spread the laughs and groans and sign up today.
Check the sign up link in the show notes page
or visit Daily dadjokespodcast dot com.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Do you have your own dad joke you want to
share Join the hundreds of listeners who have submitted their
own dad jokes through our voicemail. Please spread the laughs
and groans and submit your own dad joke to our
voicemail with the best ones to be included in special
fan episodes. Just leave your name, the city and state
you live in, and your best dad joke. Call nine
seven eight three nine three one zero seven six. I'll

(04:53):
repeat that number. It's nine seven eight three nine three
one zero seven six, or check the show notes page
for the number. Wait. Look forward to hearing from you.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios.
See the show notes page for social media links and
Joe credits. This show was recorded in front of a
canned studio audience. I once knew a duck who was
a drug addict. He was always on quack