February 2, 2024 • 4 mins
Daily Dad Jokes (03 Feb 2024)
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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes. Joke credits: JustAName507, Judashine, Upvoter_NeverDie, LFA2023, EndersGame_Reviewer, k_woz1978, genxfrom66, EndersGame_Reviewer, mypoopscaresflysaway, JenovasChild666, RyanGAccount, , CropDustinAround, Sir_Pluses, Bbop512, jturker88, jetty_junkie, Julitacanchita, Retiredsaltysailor, Judashine, aldursys
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Why did Mike Tyson go to a Christian plastic surgeon
to get a faith lift?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Why are the deaf so good at trigonometry? They all
know sign language.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I saw the priest at the gym today. He was exorcising.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese.
How dairy?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up, I
got her an identical one. She was livid and said,
what am I going to do with two dead dogs?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Why can't a human hear a dog whistle? Dogs don't whistle.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small
to be seen by the naked eye. I just don't
see the point.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Bought ahead of lettuce from a green grocer called Mamas
and Papas, couldn't eat it because all the leaves were brown.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I left your mom because she wouldn't stop counting. I've
always wondered what she's up to now, though.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
What did the atheists say when he met God? I
don't believe it.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We'll continue with more Dad humor after this quick pause.
What do martial artists get when they're sick? Come flu?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I think I was supposed to take my car and
because of a manufacturer defect. But I don't recall.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Went to an atheist funeral the other day. I guess
he was all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Why didn't the monkey eat bananas? They just didn't appeal
to him.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
What's the difference between a poetry major and a US
savings bond? Savings bond eventually mature and earned money.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
My grief counselor died last week. He was so good
I didn't care.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
What should you do if you have an elephant with
three balls? Talk him and pitch to the rhino.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Why did the fireman cook his pasta in an inferno?
He likes it al Dante.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I've been trying to buy a pancake pan for next Tuesday,
but they're all creep. I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones.
Stay tuned until the end of the episode for a
bonus dad joke. Our goal is to spread joy or
cringes to the world. Share the humor with your family
(03:42):
and friends. Have a good night, and I'll see you
again tomorrow. Thank you for tuning in. Looking for more
dad joke humor to share? Then subscribe to our new
weekly email newsletter, our weekly roundup of the best dad jokes, memes,
(04:02):
and humor for you to enjoy. Spread the laughs and
groans and sign up today. Check the sign up link
in the show notes page or visit Daily dadjokespodcast dot com.
The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by Classic Studios.
See the show notes page for social media links and
joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a
canned studio audience. What's the difference between a hippo and
(04:29):
a zippo? Hippo is very heavy, the other is a
little lighter.
Why did Mike Tyson go to a Christian plastic surgeon
to get a faith lift?
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Why are the deaf so good at trigonometry? They all
know sign language.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I saw the priest at the gym today. He was exorcising.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese.
How dairy?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up, I
got her an identical one. She was livid and said,
what am I going to do with two dead dogs?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Why can't a human hear a dog whistle? Dogs don't whistle.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small
to be seen by the naked eye. I just don't
see the point.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Bought ahead of lettuce from a green grocer called Mamas
and Papas, couldn't eat it because all the leaves were brown.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I left your mom because she wouldn't stop counting. I've
always wondered what she's up to now, though.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
What did the atheists say when he met God? I
don't believe it.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
We'll continue with more Dad humor after this quick pause.
What do martial artists get when they're sick? Come flu?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
I think I was supposed to take my car and
because of a manufacturer defect. But I don't recall.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Went to an atheist funeral the other day. I guess
he was all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Why didn't the monkey eat bananas? They just didn't appeal
to him.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
What's the difference between a poetry major and a US
savings bond? Savings bond eventually mature and earned money.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
My grief counselor died last week. He was so good
I didn't care.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
What should you do if you have an elephant with
three balls? Talk him and pitch to the rhino.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Why did the fireman cook his pasta in an inferno?
He likes it al Dante.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I've been trying to buy a pancake pan for next Tuesday,
but they're all creep. I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm Montgomery Jones.
Stay tuned until the end of the episode for a
bonus dad joke. Our goal is to spread joy or
cringes to the world. Share the humor with your family
(03:42):
and friends. Have a good night, and I'll see you
again tomorrow. Thank you for tuning in. Looking for more
dad joke humor to share? Then subscribe to our new
weekly email newsletter, our weekly roundup of the best dad jokes, memes,
(04:02):
and humor for you to enjoy. Spread the laughs and
groans and sign up today. Check the sign up link
in the show notes page or visit Daily dadjokespodcast dot com.
The Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by Classic Studios.
See the show notes page for social media links and
joke credits. This show was recorded in front of a
canned studio audience. What's the difference between a hippo and
(04:29):
a zippo? Hippo is very heavy, the other is a
little lighter.
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