Yesterday, I farted in the Apple Store and everyone got upset at me. It’s not my fault they don’t have Windows… (+ 25 more dad jokes!)

Daily Dad Jokes (26 May 2023)

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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes. Joke credits: EndersGame_Reviewer, redunculas, Vast_Statistician215, bigmid77, EndersGame_Reviewer, Sassaphras, Leboy2Point0, Masselein, Vast_Statistician215, professorf, Long-Potato4950, Liontamer_II, e-bio, Thechillaxid, Don_Dickle, mommypanda35, thisistheinte

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married. I was on a
road trip with my dad and passed a sign on
the highway that said speed checked by aircraft. He looked
at me and said, yeah, sure, when pigs fly. His

(00:25):
court date is next week. What kind of dog lives
in a toilet boodle? Yesterday? I farted in the Apple
store and everyone got upset at me. It's not my fault.
They don't have windows. As a child, my mom told

(00:52):
me I could be whoever I wanted when I grew up.
It turns out that this is called identity theft and
is illegal. Cryogenic sleep is controversial in the Star Trek universe.
Kirk is well aware of its frozen cons. If your

(01:17):
coffee is too bitter, take it to Stockholm. That'll sweeten it.
What do you call a small mother a minimum? I
got caught stealing a complete set of encyclopedias, but I

(01:38):
told the police, hang on, I can explain everything. The
doctor kept pressuring me to have brain surgery. I told
him there was no way he could change my mind.

(02:01):
What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper? When I
was young, I found the basement entry door head very high.
Then one day it hits me. What is the grossest

(02:23):
German food? I heard their sausages are the borst. What
happens if you slap a person at high frequency? It hurts?
Why did the contractor become a comedian? He had a
really funny drill bit. Why do universal blood donors make

(02:47):
the best stenographers? They are typo negative. I'm gonna go
sit at the bar by myself. I need Sam malone time.
What's Superman's favorite street? Lois Lane? My friends stormed out

(03:13):
of Denny's because they burned his meal. They should know
by now that he's black toast in tolerant. Whenever I
see my Spanish friend, I say mucho. It means a
lot to him. After an unsuccessful harvest. Why did the

(03:38):
farmer decide to try a career in music because he
had a ton of sick beats? Why did the chicken
cross the road to walk into a bar? What do
you call a gold digger who is married to someone
rich and fat owner? What do you call an honest

(04:05):
insect who skip school truant? What do you call three
dolphins tied together a tripod? I'm Bob Jeffy Stick around
for a bonus dad joke. We're here to breighten your

(04:27):
world with some humor. Don't forget to share the laughs
or groans with your loved ones. Sleep well and I'll
be back with more jokes tomorrow. Thank you for your
continued support. Do you have your own dad joke you
want to share? Join the hundreds of listeners who have

(04:48):
submitted their own dad jokes through my voicemail. Please spread
the laughs and groans and submit your own dad joke
to our voicemail with the best ones to be included
in special fan episodes. Just leave your name, the city
and state you live in, and your best dad joke.
Call nine seven eight three nine three one zero seven six.
I'll repeat that number. It's nine seven eight three nine

(05:10):
three one zero seven six, or check the show notes
page for the number. I'll look forward to hearing from you.
The Daily Dad Jokes podcast is produced by Classic Studios.
See the show notes page for social media links and
joke credits. Why won't anyone explain why all my bees
are fuzzy? Everyone I ask says, none of your bees

(05:32):
wax