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December 1, 2023 7 mins

Have you ever wanted dating advice directly from an Abuelita? Now's your chance! Tune in while Abuelita Liliana gives on-the-spot advice to our listeners after reading their questions. Have a question for Abuelita? DM us on Instagram @ datemyabuelitafirst. Besitos!

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, everyone, It's Liliana from Date my Abuelita First. Now
with all my new NATO's, Natas and nitas on the show,
I am really touched at how they all put their
trust in me. Thank you for doing so. Awelita is
here to help you find love. Now. I may have
a lot of experience, but let's see how my experience

(00:27):
holds up when listeners right in with their dating questions.
Oh my goodness, and I have to give advice on
the spot. I can do that to our listeners. If
you've ever wanted advice directly from an abuelita like me,
well now it's your chance. Dm us with your dating
questions at Date my Abuelita First on Instagram and I

(00:50):
will select a few questions to answer. Now let's get
the advice trained Roland. Are we ready for the first question?
Here we go. Hey, Wellita, I'm a queer Polly. They
them prince and non binary Prince. And even though I
have lots of love for my friends and my lovers

(01:12):
and chosen family, I haven't told my birth family that
I am Polly. My birth family and I are super
close and unfortunate that for the most part, they are
very accepting of my gender and queerness. They know a
lot of my friends, and they often hear me talk
about my friends' love lives and multiple partners, hookups, etc.

(01:34):
And often makes night jokes about how my generation can
make up their mind about anything and that's why everyone
is Polly, and how it's too easy when you have
endless choices of dating apps in your pocket. Well, I
want my parents to know I'm Polly too, but I'm
worried they will feel like it's yet another non normative
aspect of my identity that they have to deal with

(01:57):
and explain to our extended family. If I were your
child or your niette, how would you want me to
bring this out to you? If you already had some
preconceived judgments about Polly people, Thank you, Awelita. Let's start
at the end. I personally do not have any preconceived

(02:17):
judgments about anyone. The more you live, the more you know,
the more you encounter beautiful human beings. How can you now,
Let's go to the very beginning. You're very close to
your family. They accept you for who you are, and
you are very lucky in that regard that they make
snight comments about your friends and the uncertainty of what

(02:40):
kind of life you are all leading. Well, it's time
to make a little clarification. How about a sit down.
How about just going all the way with the absolute truth,
with an open heart and mind. They love you, They
have accepted you so far, and there's no question in
my mind that this is who you are are. And

(03:01):
because they love you, they will continue to accept you.
Do not hide anything, share with those that are there
to back you up every time. They are not going
to make any more comments. You know where the comments
come from. They come from our own ignorance because we
just don't know much, We don't accept much because the

(03:22):
world is changing so fast around us. I am opening
my mind, my heart, and my world to the polyamorous
relationship that these beautiful human beings have, and we all
must do the same. So sit down with your parents,
sit down with your family, Be as honest as you can, do,
not hide at all, and if anything changes, well this

(03:46):
time to make other adult decisions. From then on. Here
we go with another one. I cheated on my partner once, seriously,
just once, and it was a big mistake, and I
was upfront and honest about what had happened. After telling

(04:08):
my partner and doing a lot of work to rebuild
our relationship, both internally respectively and as a couple. Our
relationships seemed like it was on the right track, but
I've noticed the trust we shared has not been the same.
The relationship feels more one sided than ever before, like they,
in small ways want me to prove my love for them.

(04:31):
Even in subtle ways. They definitely have a lot more
of the power in the relationship, which they are aware of,
and it's something we work on together in couple's therapy.
Ever since the cheating, they track my location, question a
lot of the things I do and where I go.
Even if I'm just hanging out with friends. They'll sometimes

(04:51):
blow up my phone and accuse me of being in
other places. Most of the time things are okay, but
I feel like sometimes they get super activated, and in
those moments it feels like they will never truly trust
me again. I made a mistake, but come on, will
they ever truly trust me again? Is there anything I

(05:13):
can do to regain more trust? Or do we need
to be having a much bigger conversation about if we
should continue pursuing the relationship. Well, at the very top,
I love your honesty. I love the fact that you
came up front and told it like it is. It
happened once, it was a mistake and you wanted to

(05:35):
move on. But however, how the relationship developed afterwards, it
has more to do with other issues than the fact
that you cheat it. There were other things going on.
But is it so much easier to put the blame
on an action or a reaction than to talk about

(05:56):
the general issues that are going on. What would I do?
I would truly move on. Once the trust is gone,
once it's broken, once the questions start piling up, once
the phone starts blowing up, there is nothing there enjoy
in your mind and in your heart the time that
you had together. Even therapy is not working. But at

(06:19):
this point it is truly the time to move on.
You can remain friends, you can remember the good times
and love that person for those memories and those times.
But no trust, no honesty, no love, and too many questions.

(06:39):
There's one answer, move on. When MISA artists don't forget
to listen to date my I will wit that first
on Thursdays. And while you're listening, don't forget to click
that subscribe button. Come on, do it? Now find us
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever it is

(07:02):
that you listen to your favorite shows like Date My Awilita,
First Love, You, Miss Mitos Miasmas, and if you have
a burning question that is keeping you guessing, well don't
guess anymore. You know that Awelita has your back all
the way dm us at Date My Awilita First on
Instagram and we'll work on getting this answered for you.

(07:25):
I'm a real, real Awilita and I've got all the
advice in the world. You all
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