January 16, 2025 • 51 mins
Brooke Shields is here to chat about that surprise vaginal rejuvenation, judgment from strangers on the internet, and her new book, Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old. Then: A young mom worries her own mom prioritizes her looks and partying over being a grandma.
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LA WILDFIRE HELP
Altadena Displaced Black Families List
Mutual Aid Spreadsheet - Get Help or Volunteer
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
How you holding up?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I am in Whistler. I returned to Whistler after everything
was canceled in Los Angeles, so I am here watching
from afar all the devastation, and how are you guys doing.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
We're holding up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It's nice to talk to you now that both of
our houses are hopefully not in immediate danger. And the
last time when we talked, we saw a plume of
smoke coming over our house and we had.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
To cut out early.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
So it's been a really scary couple or not even
a couple of weeks a week, and we're just hanging
in there for all our friends who've lost their homes
or businesses. And I know, I'm sure you have some
friends who've lost homes. We've got friends who've lost homes.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
So, and a special shout out to all of our
frontline workers and first responders and firefighters. The jobs that
they are doing are unfathomable and it's so scary, and
I have high hopes for us building back at Los
Angeles that is safe, for more fire resilient, and a
(01:03):
more community centered place. I think this is a way
for all Angelina's to really come together and set the
tone for what it looks like to rebuild a city
that has been decimated, that has been pulverized.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brand and I basically we had to
go get out of here once we knew we weren't
in immediate danger from the fires near our house. Saturday
and Sunday, we just went and volunteered to like get
the nervous energy out of our bodies. And it was amazing,
Like there were so many people. There were times when
the organizations we worked with had to like pause donations
or pause volunteers because they just like had too many
(01:36):
and it was you know, and then they restart again
and it was it was has just been really inspiring
to see everybody showing up for.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
The city, yeah, and for each other absolutely.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And Chelsea, I know you wanted.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
To share some resources, so we've compiled a list of those,
and of course we'll have links to those in the
show notes. If you are somebody affected by the fires
and you need help, or if you live in the
Los Angeles area and you want to provide help, Mutual
Aid put together a spreadsheet that you can sort by area,
(02:09):
by need type, so they'll actually be in their updating
whether they need volunteers today or what kinds of donations
they need, whether that's clothing or tampons or diapers or
any of those things. So check that out if you
need help, or you're ready to give help, if you're
not in the Los Angeles area, or you're not able
to get out and help but you'd like to donate.
(02:29):
We have several links in the show notes, and the
first one is a personal friend of ours. His name
is Patrick. He and Brad were in Save Varis together
for several years, toured all over together, and.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
He's abody who He's been through a.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Lot and really overcame a lot of adversity in his
younger years and went on to be an awesome single
dad and has a wonderful partner now. He bought one
of those typical tiny Altadna homes that his mom, who
had lived in her house for decades, moved to be
closer to them two blocks away, and both of them
lost everything but the shirts on their back. So he
(03:09):
would be a wonderful person to donate. My other friend Miles,
who I work with, who is on Daily Zeitgeist if
any of you know that show, he also lost his home.
He and his wife and child got out ahead of
the fires, but they lost their home and everything in it.
Alta Dina is also historically black neighborhood, and so someone's
(03:29):
put together a spreadsheet of all of the gofundmes for
Black families who lost their homes in the fires, So
we'll have a link to that as well, And if
you'd like to donate for displaced pets, Pasadena Humane is
doing wonderful work and they're right near Altadena. They're dealing
with a huge influx of pets and donations, so they
(03:52):
could really use the help. And then also the SPCA
in Los Angeles is doing great work. We volunteered with
them this weekend as well, and they a great place
to donate as well if pets are your thing. So
I know in times like this it can feel like
you're totally helpless and there's nothing you can do and
you're just watching something awful happen somewhere else. And donating
(04:14):
to one of these funds or to another you know
a friend of a friend who shares a GoFundMe, those
are ways that you can get involved and actually make
real change in real time for people who need resources
right now as they're like figuring out insurance and figuring
out what to do next, and figuring out where they're
going to live. Even five bucks helps, of course more
(04:36):
is great, but any small amount that you can help
these families out with, I know will be really really
well used.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Absolutely. And our guest this week is Brook Shields, as
she is here talking about aging. She has a new
book called brook Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old.
And we've had her on the pod before and she's
back again. And I can't believe I used just use
pod as a nickname for podcast. That's where my head is.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Please Welcome brook Shields, Brook Welcome, Welcome back to the podcast. Brookshields.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I love you, We love you here.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I loved I found your book to be so comforting.
Oh good. I mean, I know you've written other books,
but this book is about aging, your thoughts on aging,
how your experience in aging. It's actually called Brooks Shields
is Not Allowed to Get Old, which I would imagine
to be a very real feeling for you. And as
you discussed in the books, there's so much stuff in
(05:29):
here about what it's like to feel like public property
and to feel like your physicality, your age, your body
was kind of owned by the public because of how
young you started working, and I don't think that's, you know,
obviously a very common experience. I remember seeing you on
Drew Barrymore and watching the two of you kind of
(05:49):
connect on all of the dysfunction that you experience, and
I was like, oh God, I hope there's more women
out there that they can connect with about it because
it's such an unusual experience.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
It is, and we had a very different reaction to
the experience, but I always felt very protective of her.
I've always felt like that, and I'm older, so that
helped it. I think it's more universal than we think
it is insofar as the ability for the world. Now
(06:21):
it's everywhere on Instagram or tiktoct or comments or whatever
it is. Everybody has so much to say about everybody else,
and we didn't ask for it, And you don't just
have to be in the public eye, right, You're just
a normal person who gets an Instagram account, you know.
And so I think that part's more universal is that
(06:42):
we're constantly commented on our beauty. There's opinions, and that
they're voiced, and there's this the funniest thing happened to me.
I was doing an Instagram live the other day for
the book, and all of a sudden, it pops out
in bold letters, because of course it had to be
all caps, just in case I didn't hear the man message,
and it was, oh, I really wish you looked the
(07:04):
way that you used to look when you were younger,
and I just left. I had to share it with
everybody live, and I said, hey, I said, I couldn't
tell this a guy or not, but I'm sure probably
was a guy. And I said, read the title. Read
the title, dude, and go that's the point.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Like, it's amazing to me because there's a story in
the book too, where that you reveal your age to
some guy and his wine cellar at his house and
he's like, I really wish you hadn't told me that.
He says he was born in seventy two, you would
admit that you were born in sixty five, and he's
like almost disgusted that you would reveal that to him,
and that had to deal with his own age identity,
like it was bothersome to remind him of how old
(07:45):
he was. Yes, I mean, it's unreal that men feel
like they can say this to us, or say this
to you or any woman. I mean, it's just unreal,
so ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Well, it's also even complimenting someone like, oh you look great.
Well did you think I didn't look great before? Do
you think I've had work done? Do you think that
I've had that? I'm like, why is it so quick? No?
I know women, I always want to celebrate my friends,
so I'm always going to be positive about that. You know.
It's Britney Spears being asked about our virginity. It's me
(08:18):
being asked to stand up so that Barbara Walters can
compare her measurements to me to a fifteen year old. Like,
it's just it's so absurd, but it has been so
allowed and perpetuated for so long, so I think that that's.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
It, you know, but it's still happening. Oh yeah, you know,
like that with Barbara Walters. That happens to you, what
fifty years ago, forty years ago? Like, it doesn't end,
it doesn't. It's kind of like where are we supposed
to be learning? In the beginning of the book, you
talk about you tell a story where you're being interviewed
by a reporter and they keep asking you the same question,
hoping that you're going to give a different answer, and
(08:54):
at some point you say that, you say like, I'm sorry,
I don't think I'm goingving you the answer you want,
and I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You start learning to play certain games, you know, and
you just to get through these things because you know
that they don't really care. Or I had to start
learning how to speak in sentences that couldn't be chopped
up to have a completely different meaning when they're put
in print.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, And one of the things that's really really admirable
and very obvious to any outsider is that you have
over the years really realized as you've aged how to
stand in your power. One example being you know that
Tom Cruise incident that you speak about in the book
where he was talking about medication and with that with
(09:43):
Matt Lower, I believe and was being very he was
calling Matt Lower glib because he was talking about you
and your postpartum and that you didn't really need to
take any medication. I think that was basically the gist
of it.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Knowing nothing about your situation, knowing not not having ovaries.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
By the way, a woman not being a woman, and
then so that and then you struck stood up for
yourself very publicly with an op ed in the New
York Times, Right yeah, and he came over and finally
apologized to you.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
But taking that on like that in it itself, you know,
a lot of people would be scared to take on
a celebrity of that magnitude, but he was so I
totally would never miss a beat to do exactly what
you did, because he was so misguided and so misinformed
and has absolutely no business speaking on that subject matter whatsoever.
(10:32):
So how did that feel like, having that apology come
from him? How did it feel to stand up for
yourself in that way?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
You know, it felt very justified, And I think you
don't need the justification to stand up for yourself if
that wasn't the way I was raised. And so this
felt very clear because I was also not just fighting
for myself. I was fighting for women and the terror
that postparted can hoist on you and the danger of it,
(11:05):
and there was so much at stake for women, So
to have someone so considered powerful take all of this
that had been put forth to them women for the
first time really and just undermine it on such a level,
I couldn't stand by and do nothing. And I fired
(11:27):
my pubblesist over it because she said, do just that.
Don't honor it with a with an answer, And I said,
don't honor it with an answer. I'm honoring myself and
other women who stand to be scared and hurt or
just need and deserve the information. And so I did
have a bigger not a bad responsibility, but there's like
(11:50):
bigger reason to do it because it's it wasn't selfish
as much as it was because I've known them forever.
A lot of the antics that I see people have,
you know, they're not in my life daily. So it's
like their antics are just like.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I like antics.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah, to describe it, it's good, It's like, but if
this wasn't that anymore, This wasn't personal in a weird way,
he made it personal, and that was his mistake because
you know, not only was I like America's sweetheart by
that had been or whatever, and that's the joke we
(12:30):
use all the time in my house, but this was
women were They were outraged. And I even said to him,
I said, you know, you kind of barked up the
wrong tree because of my ability to respond and because
of what I have behind me that has been growing
for forty plus years. And I said, and it's something
(12:51):
you you're still not qualified to talk about, and you're
qualified to talk about what you want to talk about
for yourself in your body, but this is your way
out of your lane. And I said, so, Unfortunately it
kind of backfired on you, and it did. I mean,
we you had people coming out and people were still
(13:13):
talking about it and it's over twenty years later, you know.
So I think it was a misstep. I think it
was a mistake that he dust up to making, and
I think he felt like it was a mistake and
he did apologize for it, and it was personal, right
And did I need him to do it publicly? Not
(13:36):
not really, because it was a different level of what
he needed to do in that opinion.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah, I want to flag something in your book too,
because you talk about having a grandma seizure, which is
pretty serious because you were training pretty hard or rehearsing
pretty hard for a Broadway show, right, and you were.
We talk about water a lot, and I how much
I loath water on this podcast, I cannot drink it.
I find it to be so boring. I constantly have
to put electrolytes in it just to flavor it. And
(14:03):
you have once again proved my point that drinking tons
and tons and tons of water does nothing to help you,
especially if there is a heat wave happening.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
You are depleting your system. The water itself is not
good enough.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
You need the electrolytes and the sodium to hold onto
the water.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Some in my bag, Yes, I.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Have Exca extract ones Element of course they're the best.
So you passed out at a restaurant. You were going
a million miles an hour, it was the middle of
a heat wave. You're rehearsing for a Broadway play.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
And I go into this restaurant to thank one of
the women that worked there for coming in to see
it run through. And as I walk in, two women
come up to me, and I don't know what they
were talking about. I think maybe they were talking about
the documentary. I don't know. On the video, you see me,
(14:53):
you know, engage with them, and then you see me
sort of like go like this, and then you see
me do this a lot, and then I just I
just go down and I hit my face on a
serving station and one of the women that came up
to me was a registered nurse. What are the chances
it was really bad? And then I woke up in
(15:14):
the ambulance with Bradley Cooper. With Bradley Cooper, as one does.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Hey, whenever anyone has a grandma seizure in New York City,
Bradley Cooper appears. Just everyone should just appear.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
And the first thing that goes through your mind is,
I must have not made it.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
But you're good friends with him, or you're friendly with him.
He lives in your neighborhood, so he was there because
your assistant had reached out to his assistant. A lot
of da da da da. That was that the first
that was Is that the first and last grandma seizure
you've had? Brooke?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Yes, oh, thank god, Yes that is the first one
I've I have fainted before at times, and I have
low blood pressure, which is why I need the electro
like and I need the salt, so I need stopped
in my diet because of that, because I have low
blood pressure. And so the times that I've thinked it
have all been because somehow the sodium is low.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
So no, to all our listeners, water isn't just going
to do it on its own. So drinking copious amounts
of water with nothing in it, it's useless. You might
as well have to die coke.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
But also in the hospital, do you remember that up
in the hospital, yes, that the doctor said, yeah, you
go ahead, do you tell it. They were the two doctors. Okay,
they were men. This is not a male hating thing,
but they both once said, are you restricting salt, ma'am
because of dietary reasons? I was like, first of all,
(16:35):
don't call me ma'am.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And don't talk to me in that tone.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Yes, And I said in second of all, I said,
I'm a fifty eight year old woman, I look younger, bloated. No,
I do not restrict salt. And I find that very
rude for you to ask me that that question. And
my husband like put his arm on my arm, and
I'm like, don't tell me to change my tone. I
didn't like that tone. He doesn't have to like my tone.
(17:00):
And then I got asked it again by another one
of the nurses that came in, the male nurses that
are you sure now you weren't definitely, And I was like, wow,
would you ask a man that question.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I don't think so, I just don't know, of course not.
And the way men talked to women and in all
medical ways, like I mean, yes, there are great doctors
out there who obviously asked the right questions. But you
speak a lot in this book about advocating medically for
yourself in many different circumstances where you've been stuck in
the hospital, you broke your femur, you were in the
hospital for over a month. I think you, I mean you,
(17:36):
and it was during COVID, so there were I mean,
or you were also in the hospital during COVID. So
you've been through You've been through it a lot, and
you understand the kind of way that that women are
spoken to. I mean, you got an accidental vaginal rejuvenation
in the hospital that you didn't act.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
It was an accidental. It was an accidental. It was
a little a little uh, I got it. Two fur
got a gift. He thought he was doing some big favor.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I was just shocked, absolutely by tightening your vagina. So
she goes in, wait, so tell that story. That's absolutely absurd.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
It's insane. And also, let me just say one thing
before I get to my vagina yet, again, which always
is a very topic of conversation, you know. I also
it's not lost on me that I'm blessed enough to
be able to have good healthcare and attention. I was
taken care of well, I wasn't being you know, shoved
in a hallway something. So it's like I sort of say, like,
(18:33):
it's very hard to self advocate, but they're a little
bit afraid of me because I'm famous or something and
so like. But that's a that's like a luxury. I
mean without that, it's even a hundred times worse for
women and women of color to have the even the
space and have anybody's ear to be able to self
advocate and ask the questions. And how do we know
(18:56):
what the right questions are? Anyway? I was, I was
asked by my gun cologist after maybes, actually is I
was a bit wrong and the timing. But if there
was any discomfort ever because of labia, and I've been
experiencing it my entire life, like cheerleading and tight jeans,
(19:16):
give me jeans and then spinning and you know, sex
and like all this stuff, right, and I just thought
you just had to deal with stuff. Some people had
one boob different some people, you know, and I didn't
know anything about it. And when I was asked if
I had had that kind of discomfort, it was such
a revelation. She said, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
(19:38):
She said, I see it all the time, and it's
very common and it's very fixable. It unfortunately falls under
cosmetic surgery, so insurance probably isn't going to cover it.
And so she said, why don't you get a consult
and see if it makes sense to you? And after
(19:59):
having some thing bothered me for so many decades, you
can't even believe there there might be an option. And
so he drew this whole sort of diagram about how
kind of easy it was to do and now he
does it all the time, and you know, and I
was talking about just the discomfort. I signed up for it,
got it done, came back you know, a week later,
(20:21):
our postop or whatever, and you know, he said, oh,
it's still more difficult, and it took me longer. And
I'm like, okay, I don't need all the details, thank you. Like,
if it's good, it's good.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
You're like, we could watch the video when we haven't yet.
We have a night, have nothing to do, because I'm
sure you have that.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
And so I just like, is it all good? My healing?
Is everything fine? How long will it take? All the questions?
And then he said, and uh, well, I uh I
threw in a little rejuvenation for you. And I said,
I'm sorry, what what what do you mean. That's a
different word than reduction. That's a different word than reduction.
He goes, well, yeah, I know, I just tighten you
(20:57):
up a bit. And I said, you did what? He goes, yeah.
I was like, what my planning on being a porn star?
I was like, I don't, don't, I don't understand. I didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I was like, plus, you had c sections, right, two
c section didn't even get breath vaginally.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
No, my babies were IVF. I could argue, I'm still
a virgin.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Oh god, it's so house matters, so gross. Oh, just
one of the things. I know we have to move
on to Callers Catherine, but I do want to touch
on one thing that I found very moving, Brooke. I
thought this was really like, not only brave, but it
was just a sign of what age brings us and
the wisdom it brings us and the confidence that we
gain in allowing ourselves to be honest with ourselves. And
(21:44):
one of the things that you write about in the
towards the end of the book is the kind of
what ifs in your life, like what if my career
had gone in a different direction? What if I had
gotten this movie Dangerous Liaisons that I was up for
That was given to Uma the Thurman, who got part
what if you had been on a different trajectory? And
you kind of talk about the way that you think
(22:05):
of things, and not in an ungrateful way at all,
not in a way of not understanding how fortunate you
are and how iconic you are and what that brings
to the table, but in a way that is thoughtful
and kind of looking at the past. And I think
a lot of women are unable to do that until
(22:28):
they are a certain age. They are unable to admit
that they would have liked and they or they're wondering
what could have been if things had gone in a
different direction. So I found that to be very powerful, because.
Speaker 5 (22:40):
People will always be like, oh no, no, no, everything that's
meant to be is meant to be, and that wasn't
meant for me. I find myself saying that a lot
of times when things don't go my way, and it's
more like it's part self convincing and part making sure.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
You're not being a cry baby. Right, yeah, right, So
talk to me a little bit about that, express to
our listeners how you came about admitting to even feeling
that and then wanting to write about it for other women.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
You know. There it's something that I've pined for, you know,
and has pained me for so long, and there's this
validation of my talent, right, and it's not about looks
or beauty or anything like that, because that I never
put too much stock in because it was just a job.
And also education was more important to me, so I
(23:28):
got fortified really quickly by going to college. So that
was my version of rebellion just for myself. But you know,
I've had the same therapist for quite some time, and
it's a theme that keeps coming back, and it's a
theme that is, you know, what if or I know,
I'm just famous and nobody thinks I'm really that talented
(23:49):
or well, thank god I found comedy because that's what
I do really well. But yeah, I still don't and
I started to I always believed I was less than
because I wasn't what these other actresses who were very
serious were, and you know that I would work with
some of them in a comedic setting and I would
see them struggle with comedy, and then I would think, oh,
(24:13):
that's interesting. You know, we're different players on the same team.
You know. I don't play ball sports anyway, I mean
any sports lately.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
No lacrosse.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
There can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
No, I can't imagine lacrosse. I'm still trying to figure
out what lacrosse is. Quite frankly.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yes, it's a lot of the cribbing or something like that.
But I just like saying ball sports because it just
feels good coming out of my mouth, and I think
it's funny. But this less than and then this piece
that I used to counteract it with. Yes, but Brooke
not only a good comedian, but you also you know,
(24:54):
you've built this career and people trust you, and you've
got education and you can write. And it was always
a justific And I thought, well, if I'm still doing
this in my fifties, clearly I still have a problem
with it. And I don't know if I'll ever get
over it. I don't know. I don't even know if
that's the kind of work I want to do. But
(25:15):
to have not been chosen whenever I went out and
tried for those parts, and then to be too famous
and too recognizable to even be up for those parts,
it always felt like this, It may have not even
been a missed opportunity, that I may have never even
(25:35):
got that that didn't matter. It was how I demeaned
my talent, you know. And I always focus on while
I'm a survivor and look unhealthy, I'm not a total
train wreck. And that took use of education in parents,
and you know, my therapist would say, you got to
give yourself some credit for your in a character. You
do have a made character that sees things and chooses
(26:00):
the way you choose. She said, you know, you're not
just just a product of your parents or society or
the press or your history. She's like, there is something
that's broken there that is just her, you know. And
that kind of was like, what that is a new concept.
But this, the pining for being seen like the actresses
(26:22):
I admire, was so persistent for so long, and I
could work on all the other stuff right and just
feel good about it. But I just recently had the
opportunity to act in front of Basically, it was hardly
opposite because I had all the dialogue, two very prominent female, brilliant,
(26:49):
award winning lovely women, one in her like six early seventies,
when I'm a little bit older than and you know,
the women I admire and I've known over the years
met immediately, you know everybody, And I got asked to
do this one it's two days, but we just did
one day so far in front of them, and it
(27:12):
involved only emotion and only tears and only all the
stuff that makes me cringe. And I thought, oh, well,
don't do it. You don't want to do it, you
know want embarrassors have, you can't do it. And then
I thought, well, I can't say no to this opportunity
when for decades I've been asking for the opportunity. Now
all of a sudden I get it, and I'm not
(27:33):
going to say yes because of fear. Won't you're pussy?
Like what are you doing? Like? I was just so
there were so many emotions, and I went there and
I came out of the gate a little too hot
because I was trying, and I was nervous, and I
was sweaty and then I just sat down and said,
you know what, They're not going to fire you. You're
(27:55):
in one day. They obviously think you can do it.
They don't want to look back and have it be
your fault. They don't really care about you. Not the actresses,
but the production. I don't even know what the real
name of the production is, believe it or not, because
it's also top secret. And I thought, you don't want
to burn bridges, you know, or just do it? Just
do it. And I went to the director and I said,
(28:18):
I think I'm trying to do too much and I
don't think it's right. I said, I have a theory
about this, and she said, I was coming over to
tell you that right now. She said, you don't have
to try hard. She said it's all there and we're
watching it. She said, just trust and just do it.
(28:38):
And what happened at the end of the day, after
having to do it over and over and over again,
was I got validation. And I'm not ashamed to saying
you did it. I was a little girl in those moments.
I was a little girl with those actresses, and I
was a little girl with you know, mommy and daddy,
the director, and each one of the women, in their
(29:02):
own way, gave me like a and they gave it
to me as if you know, you did a good job.
I heard it as they thought I did a good
job right, which was what I needed at that moment.
And I knew it too, I did, but I didn't
I wasn't really open to hearing it. The director came
up to me after a sixteen hour day and she
(29:24):
said that was really beautiful. And I said, oh, thank you,
thank you. I'm glad it worked out, and thank you
for having me and you know, and then she went, no, no, no,
she's from Germany. She put her hands on my shoulder.
She said, I think you need to hear this. You
blew me away. Oh and that was it, and thank
you for being open. And I just I needed that, yeah,
(29:48):
you know. And then whether I do any more of
that again, I probably don't even really covet it in
the same way. And should I be ashamed that I
needed three women to you know? Was I lucky that
I got that chance, Yes, but I also just needed
to know it from myself and without even getting it
(30:08):
from them. What the director said was icing on the cake,
because at the end of it, now I called my
husband before I heard any of that, and I just said,
is I got to do? I said, I did it.
I did it. I did inside, knocked it out of
the park, and I'm going to get you know, little
gold men, just you know, all over the place. But
it didn't matter about that anymore. It didn't matter about awards.
(30:32):
It didn't matter about those things that as a little
girl and going to the Academy Awards sitting in the back, back,
back up, nosebleed seats and thinking one day I'm going
to get there one day like that silliness and to
just say, you know what, I'm I'm okay, and I
am good enough, and I don't I can release that
(30:55):
from myself and and just I can release it, which
was just, I mean, it was a pretty extreme, great
way to get it. I have to say I would
have liked I mean, I would still be working on
getting it without such obvious validation. But it I no
longer have the same pining that I used to. And
(31:17):
I also look at my life now and I definitely
would not have the life. I wouldn't be able to
live the life that I'm living had I not had
the level of fame and access if I had just
been on the path that I thought I was going
to be on, you know, the Natalie Portmant path when
she did the professional which was sort of her pretty Baby,
(31:40):
you know, and working with the Louis Mills and Suffarellis
and really being in that Wisconsin, that world and then
all of a sudden turned on its head and you
got dolls made after you. You know, it always rocked me.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I think anyone can relate to that whole notion of
thinking that you're going to be going in one direction
and finding out that that's not your destiny, and then
also embracing what your destiny is, which is something you've
also done.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
I just recently said no to singing opposite Cynthia Revo
in Lincoln Center, and I was begged to do it,
and I mean, what idiot would say no to that?
And I turned it down and I said, you know what,
this is not my strength, my forte. I would have
loved to have said, I was did it, I'm okay.
(32:31):
Not having your vocal prowess like I'm okay. And that's
another piece too, is really knowing, like knowing what your
strengths are. And I think that that's an important thing
to be willing to admit. Yeah, I'm not that great
at that. I'm fine with it, and they wanted me
for some reason. But you know, walking away from something
(32:52):
too that you just know in your heart of hearts
you won't be able to soar with. It's a very
new concept for me.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I wanted that. Yeah, No, I love that. I love that.
So we're gonna take a break. I'm go'll be right
back with Brookshields And we're back with Brook. Okay, so
you started a brand, Well, it started with you wanted
a community to build community with comments, which is something
that you have been thinking about doing, and for women
(33:22):
over forty who are going through all of the same things,
all of the same emotions, all of the feelings of
kind of stepping into who you really are, which is
something you know. It sounds very cliche, but I mean,
I'm forty nine, I'm gonna be fifty in a couple
of months.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
I've never been happier in my life because I understand
now where the joy is and to go after that
instead of going after all of the other stuff that
we think we have to go after to make us
relatable or relevant or successful. Like now I know we're happy. Yeah,
I don't make I don't date idiots. I don't do
(33:57):
stupid things like I used to when I'm younger. So
the joy and the power of aging is more than
what we've been talking about, more than what we've been
hearing about for the last many years about your confidence
and about your sexual prowess or how you come into
your own.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
It's more than that. It's more. It's about And this
is a word that you use a lot too, which
I use a lot in my book that's not out yet,
but joy, finding joy, finding joy in everything you do,
enjoying your.
Speaker 5 (34:25):
Life, especially where you at the stage you're in, where
your girls are gone, they're often doing their thing, and
you have to rediscover what are the things that make
you happy and prioritizing yourself and also saying no to
all of the bullshit that we've said yes to our
whole lives because we want to please other people.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
And then you've also had this hair brand because everyone
loves your hair. Obviously you have the most famous hair
and it's for women who are fitting, who are going
through menopause, going through perimenopause, dealing with hair fitning. Do
you want to talk a little bit about Commands Bruck.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah. I started it as the community to really empower
women to age joyfully. I mean joy was a word
we've always had with us, and joyfully and you know
we say fearlessly, but it's not a call to action,
it's not pressure. It's just there's joy to be had.
And we've done so much in our lives, whatever it is,
(35:19):
we've gotten to this age that's tremendous. Right. You start
having the conversations with women and they are craving it
and it's pervasive. And the women that I know who
are over forty are fabulous and they are not so
down on themselves. They're wondering what's next. And this sense
of joy as to there's more to come is not
(35:41):
what society or the beauty industry really is the narrative
they're feeding us, right, and it's certainly not historical. So
we analyzed who we were as a brand and we said,
you know what, we're not just a hair care brand.
We're not just a beauty brand. We are a care brand.
It is you know, we always say take care, and
(36:03):
there's a lot that means that take care of yourself,
take care to be listening to yourself, take care when
it's offered, and be good to you, like find where
you are joyous and cut out the people and the
things and the experiences and the time sucks that are
out there, and let's see what we would do with
(36:24):
this extra time or how we'd feel. But we started
to develop hair care with very strategic, smaller groups, with
very very active ingredients, working directly with the lab. So
we're not a not even a massige. I guess they
call it brand. We've kept it small, we've kept the
(36:45):
price point very relatable, and they deal with scalp health.
Scalp health is a thing in women that changes most dramatically.
You know, the actual follicle, the root where it goes
into the poor actually shrinks. It's so fair the things
that shrink when you get older and the things that
drop and get bigger. Hair is one of them. Your
(37:08):
scalp health. There's patchiness of dry hormonal reactions where moonal
changes luster, all of these things, and we went a
deep dive and we created that six products that dealt
with addressing scalp health and therefore hair health from the
root out. So that is that is the one piece
(37:30):
we will be moving into other categories. I don't want
to become just a haircare brand or just proliferate that
and then just hold up things and say by this
because I said it. I put my own money into it.
Then I ran out of my own money. Then I
had to raise money. Startups are brutal, and you know,
I spend more of my time trying to raise money
(37:50):
and spend more of my time pivoting so that our
team is amazing. I've never been a CEO. I can't
believe the things that are coming out of my mouth
when I'm like going like this in a book and
I'm just learning, and I'm coming into exactly the clarity
that started the company when I started the community, and
(38:11):
that is really solving all of what makes a woman's
life her life in this and beauty is a big
piece of it. Body care is a big piece of it.
You know, there's scent is a big piece of it.
There's so many things that do give us joy that
I used to think of as luxuries or take.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
For granted, right, I mean, we take for granted all.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Of that stuff We're frivolous to spend time on. Now,
my time a lot of it gets spent on just me.
So the company is called Commens and the community is
the Commenced Community, and they keep growing. Well.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
On that note, I think we should give some advice
to callers. Catherine, do we have time for a couple
of calls? We have them for probably like one. Okay, great,
let's do it. Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Okay, so we have color DD, she says. Dear Chelsea,
I'm a twenty eight year old married mother of two,
and I've always been close with my own mother. Don't
get me wrong, she was a good mom, but I
probably could have used a mother more than a friend
sometimes when growing up. Nowadays, we do a lot together.
She comes over almost every Saturday to watch football and
drink beer. We go out, and we even went to
Chelsea's show in Atlanta a couple of years back. But
(39:20):
since she hit menopause and started hormone replacement therapy, she
is like a cat in heat. She's always been one
to look good and presentable. She's a beautiful woman and
is no stranger to male attention. She was always cool
and confident, not a tryhard. Now it seems like she
needs every male's attention and females too. She over analyzes
every outfit and photo she's in and will ruin a
(39:41):
whole outing with her mood if she feels she doesn't
look amazing. She also drinks to excess and sometimes makes
a fool of herself.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
If she isn't.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
Drunk, she's irritable. I have two young kids. All their
grandparents are dad besides her. I thought she might enjoy
stepping into her grandmother role and being there for me
in ways she wasn't when I was a teen, But
she's proving to me that all she cares about is
happy hour with meaningless acquaintances. She's fifty one and has
never had a successful romantic relationship. She doesn't think she
(40:09):
should have to answer for any of her bad behavior
and brushes it under the rug or plays a victim
when I call it out. We don't have the best
history with communication, but for the past few years I
have really worked on myself and how I handle my relationships,
and I wish she could do the same. How do
I tell my mom she's letting me down without the
message being completely lost. I'd love to hear from you, ladies.
Signed disappointed daughter.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Hi, disappointed daughter, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest today, Brookshields.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
Hi, so nice, hey.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Nice to me.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
She's a mother of two daughters, so I'm sure she
can relate to some degree to this.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
Well, well, that's really tough. It's really hard when your
mom is embarrassing. But all moms are embarrassing, Yes, I have,
This is true. All parents embarrassed. You're full last night,
you're annoying. You're just annoying.
Speaker 6 (41:00):
I know, and we've been through all that. I don't
want to be mean to her by any means.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
But no, and I don't think judgment from your children
is how that this kind of phase of her life
is how she's going to either snap out of it
or grow up a little. I don't think it's going
to come from you, because it's really hard, Brooke. I
would imagine to take criticism from your children and judgment,
(41:26):
and for.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
The most part, that's sort of their job. I mean,
I have eighteen and twenty one and they're not moms yet,
but they also they are the one that in particular
is full of judgment and it's constant. And her version
of it is she needs to individuate from me, and
she doesn't know how to do it, so she fights
me to hate me, and then it can justify her leaving.
(41:49):
But I feel like as the age your mom is,
I think she's scared. I think she's feeling that about herself.
She's watching you. I don't know how old your baby is,
but as you watch your daughter sort of launchpad into
this vibrant area of their lives, and your ovaries and
(42:12):
everything is going to work for and you are watching
your what you think is your demise, right, It's it's
very unsettling to see and to see the beauty in
your daughter and then to look in the mirror and
not see the same thing. And then you step outside
and the world attacks you for being fifty. For you know,
(42:33):
you're over the hell you're this, You're not represented. You're
either this twenty year old girl at the bar, or
you're in depends and dentures. That's what they have relegated
us to, right, And I think that it's I don't know.
I mean again, I don't give advice, but what I
will say is that the times that my mom my
(42:54):
children that because I've my mom was in a very
different broken place and she was older, but the times
that as a mom I have been with my girls
and they've looked at me and led with just love
and said, I know it must be hard, mom, but
I think you're beautiful, or they've said, wow, I think
that you should, like, don't put yourself down. Like you
(43:15):
taught me to love myself. You've got to you taught
me how to be like this. The problem is if
she's so resistant, I mean, she has to do the
work on herself because nothing you say that's positive is
going to make her like herself.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
No, but I do.
Speaker 5 (43:30):
Think positivity goes a long way in helping people face themselves,
like judgment doesn't, do you know, you just create resistance.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
You create like, oh, I'm going to rebel against you.
And even though you are in more of the mother
role like you guys, kind of sounds like you have
flipped your roles and you are a mother and I'm
assuming you're responsible and she's seeing that. I think everything
Brooke said is spot on, Like I think you have
to really look at her with some compassion and understanding
(43:59):
of what you might be going through and instead of
the judgment. I have a friend who's dealing with this
with her mother, very similar circumstances, and she really did
just flip the script. She's like, no, I'm just going
to go at her with compassion and love and tell
her about all the wonderful things about her until she
really starts to believe them herself. And when she does
start to believe them herself, she is going to be
(44:21):
a little bit different. And there are different ways. You know,
you can do that too, and with books and hopefully
encouraging her to, you know, do some therapy. Maybe you
can volunteer to do some therapy with her, just just
to push her and to get like, not because something
is wrong, but to push her to really find out
what her purpose is, right, like to experience this life
in the best way. She's in now in her fifties.
(44:44):
This is a whole new opportunity to have a whole
new life, you know, I look at fifties kind of
like a reset.
Speaker 6 (44:50):
Yeah, and that's kind of how I saw it. I
was like, why is she spending so much time worrying
about validation from others and or how she looks this
and that when it's like this could be such a big,
beautiful away time, but.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Yeah, she's not feeling in ourselves.
Speaker 6 (45:07):
Yeah, nailed You nailed it with what you said Brooke,
and she has been kind of like I started reading
more again and she was like, oh, like she asked
me recently kind of what's do I have a recommendation
or whatever? And I was like, oh, so she is
kind of I noticed kind of picking up, you know,
just kind of if you want, I'm kind of being
the example. You know, like how many people do I
(45:29):
need to be an example for? But if that's what
I need to do to get my mom to see
her full potential and beauty and everything, then I'm absolutely
willing to.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
And you're thankful for I mean, well, what I've said
worked for me is whenever my daughters will say something
like well, Mom, you know I got that from you,
it doesn't give me anything to fight against because I
love what I see in her and then she's attributing
it to Mom. You know that's what you you should.
I want you to feel what I feel. And I
(46:02):
wouldn't be able to feel these things had you not
taught me that I could feel as good about myself
for and even in therapy, you have to be really
careful because it should be like I would love this
for me, and then you know, otherwise they feel attacked
and it's like a you know, like an intervention. Then
you're there to tell them everything they're doing wrong. And
(46:23):
the flipping of it is so I tell my younger daughter, no,
tug of war only works if both people are pulling right,
and so you don't, you don't do it and you
lead with this kind of kindness because they're not hearing
any of that kindness reflected back to them. When they
look in the mirror, they're seeing just what they're not.
(46:44):
They're not this enough, they're not young enough, they're not
thin enough, they're not that enough, they're too many ring
o bla blah blah blah. And the tapes just keep going,
and the more you're reflected to her as in like, wow, mom,
this you know, but this is I learned so much.
I got this and and it's so much fun. And
why don't we start around a little book club?
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Definitely?
Speaker 3 (47:04):
And do you know? And then you could talk about
characters and then you're not talking about yourself, Like there's
there's ways.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
Start with Brooks book. This is a great book for
you and your mother to read together.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
That's about aging, it's funny, and yeah, it's about.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Her relationship with her daughters, and how she's stepping into
her own confidence over the course of her life at
different ages, and and kind of the various bursts of
self empowerment that women receive and experience. This is a
great thing. Start reading books with your mom and start
finding books that are actually going to have like an
impact onto her perspective and her value.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
You know, she doesn't feel valuable right now, right right,
and you're gone.
Speaker 6 (47:44):
That was my next question is if you have any
book recommendations, So that's that's perfect.
Speaker 3 (47:49):
There are lots of others too.
Speaker 6 (47:50):
Oh well, I was planning on reading yours anyway, I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
Oh okay, well, I mean.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
You just had the Mel Robbins on the podcast. She
wrote a book called Let Them, which is really about
letting other people do their shit and stop trying to
control other people and letting them, which is good for
you and good for your mother, because yeah, you could
read it together. I don't want you to think like, oh,
this is such an onus on me. You already have
to take care of your children and now you have
to take care of your mother. Listen, we're given as
(48:16):
much as we can handle. Clearly, your mom, like you're
more in a more capable position right now, in this
moment in time, than your mother is. So take that
responsibility on with joy. That is a great gift that
you're able to give to your mother.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
Not a burden. Don't look at it like that because
you'll resent.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Right, you don't want to resent your mother. You want
to help your mother. You want her to flourish. So
think of some other activities that you guys can do
together that don't evolve happy hour or don't evolve going
to a bar.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
You know.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Maybe you do join an actual book club. Maybe you
find some other activities where she can like meet people,
or it's a social environment. But it's not all about
the drinking and just hanging out and doing nothing, you know,
and like.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
A lot of drinking is about avoidance. I mean, it's
just it's pretty pretty obvious and clear. And she feels
sexier when she's drinking, and you know, she comes out
of her shell and she becomes that image of what
she used to be, you know, and who she is
is not just enough, it's beautiful. She's got to know,
she's got to feel that love for her own actual self.
(49:17):
And I think it's a very fraught period of she's
threatened right now that her value is just being diminished.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (49:24):
All I want for her is to see that for herself.
See here how I see her and see her full potential.
So thank you guys. That was awesome advice.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Oh good good.
Speaker 3 (49:35):
I'm so glad that all dan need to have a
great holiday too.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Happy holidays. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll
be right back to.
Speaker 5 (49:45):
Wrap up with Brookshields. And we're back with Brookshields. Okay,
So how do people find comments?
Speaker 3 (49:55):
If you just look up shop comments all lowercase shop
comments dot com cumn and it's all about really the
new beginnings and beginnings of this era and being as
joyful and healthy and just in our lives and proud
of who we are.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
And are you still doing the groups too? If people
want to join in on the groups?
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to bring books into it
as well and really have it be a world of care.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
I love it. I love it. And Brooks new book
is brookshield is not allowed to get old thoughts on
aging as a woman.
Speaker 3 (50:30):
It is out.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
It'll probably be out as soon as you hear this podcast.
I'm sure by the time we put this out, and
it will be available at all places, all bookstores. And
I was going to say wherever you listen to your podcasts,
and then I'm like, this is a book and this
is not a podcast.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
Well no, and then my podcast didn't get rid of
for you, so I don't have that on my plate,
which is fine. But I went into the audio recording
of the books, so the also on audible and audio
and it's all me, okay, well it was you want
to listen to me anymore?
Speaker 1 (50:59):
Well, we do, we do? You always want to listen
to you, Brook. I totally appreciate your time today. Thank
you so much. Congrats on everything. Please say hello to
your lovely husband Chris Hench for me.
Speaker 3 (51:09):
I will, I will it? Will? You look like you're
in a cozy flace. I wish I was there. I am.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
I'm in my happy place now. Yes, have a great day.
Speaker 3 (51:18):
Okay, thank you for you too, Thank you very much.
Bye bye.
Speaker 2 (51:22):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law, and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
How you holding up?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I am in Whistler. I returned to Whistler after everything
was canceled in Los Angeles, so I am here watching
from afar all the devastation, and how are you guys doing.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
We're holding up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It's nice to talk to you now that both of
our houses are hopefully not in immediate danger. And the
last time when we talked, we saw a plume of
smoke coming over our house and we had.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
To cut out early.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
So it's been a really scary couple or not even
a couple of weeks a week, and we're just hanging
in there for all our friends who've lost their homes
or businesses. And I know, I'm sure you have some
friends who've lost homes. We've got friends who've lost homes.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
So, and a special shout out to all of our
frontline workers and first responders and firefighters. The jobs that
they are doing are unfathomable and it's so scary, and
I have high hopes for us building back at Los
Angeles that is safe, for more fire resilient, and a
(01:03):
more community centered place. I think this is a way
for all Angelina's to really come together and set the
tone for what it looks like to rebuild a city
that has been decimated, that has been pulverized.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brand and I basically we had to
go get out of here once we knew we weren't
in immediate danger from the fires near our house. Saturday
and Sunday, we just went and volunteered to like get
the nervous energy out of our bodies. And it was amazing,
Like there were so many people. There were times when
the organizations we worked with had to like pause donations
or pause volunteers because they just like had too many
(01:36):
and it was you know, and then they restart again
and it was it was has just been really inspiring
to see everybody showing up for.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
The city, yeah, and for each other absolutely.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And Chelsea, I know you wanted.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
To share some resources, so we've compiled a list of those,
and of course we'll have links to those in the
show notes. If you are somebody affected by the fires
and you need help, or if you live in the
Los Angeles area and you want to provide help, Mutual
Aid put together a spreadsheet that you can sort by area,
(02:09):
by need type, so they'll actually be in their updating
whether they need volunteers today or what kinds of donations
they need, whether that's clothing or tampons or diapers or
any of those things. So check that out if you
need help, or you're ready to give help, if you're
not in the Los Angeles area, or you're not able
to get out and help but you'd like to donate.
(02:29):
We have several links in the show notes, and the
first one is a personal friend of ours. His name
is Patrick. He and Brad were in Save Varis together
for several years, toured all over together, and.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
He's abody who He's been through a.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Lot and really overcame a lot of adversity in his
younger years and went on to be an awesome single
dad and has a wonderful partner now. He bought one
of those typical tiny Altadna homes that his mom, who
had lived in her house for decades, moved to be
closer to them two blocks away, and both of them
lost everything but the shirts on their back. So he
(03:09):
would be a wonderful person to donate. My other friend Miles,
who I work with, who is on Daily Zeitgeist if
any of you know that show, he also lost his home.
He and his wife and child got out ahead of
the fires, but they lost their home and everything in it.
Alta Dina is also historically black neighborhood, and so someone's
(03:29):
put together a spreadsheet of all of the gofundmes for
Black families who lost their homes in the fires, So
we'll have a link to that as well, And if
you'd like to donate for displaced pets, Pasadena Humane is
doing wonderful work and they're right near Altadena. They're dealing
with a huge influx of pets and donations, so they
(03:52):
could really use the help. And then also the SPCA
in Los Angeles is doing great work. We volunteered with
them this weekend as well, and they a great place
to donate as well if pets are your thing. So
I know in times like this it can feel like
you're totally helpless and there's nothing you can do and
you're just watching something awful happen somewhere else. And donating
(04:14):
to one of these funds or to another you know
a friend of a friend who shares a GoFundMe, those
are ways that you can get involved and actually make
real change in real time for people who need resources
right now as they're like figuring out insurance and figuring
out what to do next, and figuring out where they're
going to live. Even five bucks helps, of course more
(04:36):
is great, but any small amount that you can help
these families out with, I know will be really really
well used.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Absolutely. And our guest this week is Brook Shields, as
she is here talking about aging. She has a new
book called brook Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old.
And we've had her on the pod before and she's
back again. And I can't believe I used just use
pod as a nickname for podcast. That's where my head is.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Please Welcome brook Shields, Brook Welcome, Welcome back to the podcast. Brookshields.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I love you, We love you here.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I loved I found your book to be so comforting.
Oh good. I mean, I know you've written other books,
but this book is about aging, your thoughts on aging,
how your experience in aging. It's actually called Brooks Shields
is Not Allowed to Get Old, which I would imagine
to be a very real feeling for you. And as
you discussed in the books, there's so much stuff in
(05:29):
here about what it's like to feel like public property
and to feel like your physicality, your age, your body
was kind of owned by the public because of how
young you started working, and I don't think that's, you know,
obviously a very common experience. I remember seeing you on
Drew Barrymore and watching the two of you kind of
(05:49):
connect on all of the dysfunction that you experience, and
I was like, oh God, I hope there's more women
out there that they can connect with about it because
it's such an unusual experience.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
It is, and we had a very different reaction to
the experience, but I always felt very protective of her.
I've always felt like that, and I'm older, so that
helped it. I think it's more universal than we think
it is insofar as the ability for the world. Now
(06:21):
it's everywhere on Instagram or tiktoct or comments or whatever
it is. Everybody has so much to say about everybody else,
and we didn't ask for it, And you don't just
have to be in the public eye, right, You're just
a normal person who gets an Instagram account, you know.
And so I think that part's more universal is that
(06:42):
we're constantly commented on our beauty. There's opinions, and that
they're voiced, and there's this the funniest thing happened to me.
I was doing an Instagram live the other day for
the book, and all of a sudden, it pops out
in bold letters, because of course it had to be
all caps, just in case I didn't hear the man message,
and it was, oh, I really wish you looked the
(07:04):
way that you used to look when you were younger,
and I just left. I had to share it with
everybody live, and I said, hey, I said, I couldn't
tell this a guy or not, but I'm sure probably
was a guy. And I said, read the title. Read
the title, dude, and go that's the point.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Like, it's amazing to me because there's a story in
the book too, where that you reveal your age to
some guy and his wine cellar at his house and
he's like, I really wish you hadn't told me that.
He says he was born in seventy two, you would
admit that you were born in sixty five, and he's
like almost disgusted that you would reveal that to him,
and that had to deal with his own age identity,
like it was bothersome to remind him of how old
(07:45):
he was. Yes, I mean, it's unreal that men feel
like they can say this to us, or say this
to you or any woman. I mean, it's just unreal,
so ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Well, it's also even complimenting someone like, oh you look great.
Well did you think I didn't look great before? Do
you think I've had work done? Do you think that
I've had that? I'm like, why is it so quick? No?
I know women, I always want to celebrate my friends,
so I'm always going to be positive about that. You know.
It's Britney Spears being asked about our virginity. It's me
(08:18):
being asked to stand up so that Barbara Walters can
compare her measurements to me to a fifteen year old. Like,
it's just it's so absurd, but it has been so
allowed and perpetuated for so long, so I think that that's.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
It, you know, but it's still happening. Oh yeah, you know,
like that with Barbara Walters. That happens to you, what
fifty years ago, forty years ago? Like, it doesn't end,
it doesn't. It's kind of like where are we supposed
to be learning? In the beginning of the book, you
talk about you tell a story where you're being interviewed
by a reporter and they keep asking you the same question,
hoping that you're going to give a different answer, and
(08:54):
at some point you say that, you say like, I'm sorry,
I don't think I'm goingving you the answer you want,
and I know exactly what you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You start learning to play certain games, you know, and
you just to get through these things because you know
that they don't really care. Or I had to start
learning how to speak in sentences that couldn't be chopped
up to have a completely different meaning when they're put
in print.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, And one of the things that's really really admirable
and very obvious to any outsider is that you have
over the years really realized as you've aged how to
stand in your power. One example being you know that
Tom Cruise incident that you speak about in the book
where he was talking about medication and with that with
(09:43):
Matt Lower, I believe and was being very he was
calling Matt Lower glib because he was talking about you
and your postpartum and that you didn't really need to
take any medication. I think that was basically the gist
of it.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Knowing nothing about your situation, knowing not not having ovaries.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
By the way, a woman not being a woman, and
then so that and then you struck stood up for
yourself very publicly with an op ed in the New
York Times, Right yeah, and he came over and finally
apologized to you.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
But taking that on like that in it itself, you know,
a lot of people would be scared to take on
a celebrity of that magnitude, but he was so I
totally would never miss a beat to do exactly what
you did, because he was so misguided and so misinformed
and has absolutely no business speaking on that subject matter whatsoever.
(10:32):
So how did that feel like, having that apology come
from him? How did it feel to stand up for
yourself in that way?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
You know, it felt very justified, And I think you
don't need the justification to stand up for yourself if
that wasn't the way I was raised. And so this
felt very clear because I was also not just fighting
for myself. I was fighting for women and the terror
that postparted can hoist on you and the danger of it,
(11:05):
and there was so much at stake for women, So
to have someone so considered powerful take all of this
that had been put forth to them women for the
first time really and just undermine it on such a level,
I couldn't stand by and do nothing. And I fired
(11:27):
my pubblesist over it because she said, do just that.
Don't honor it with a with an answer, And I said,
don't honor it with an answer. I'm honoring myself and
other women who stand to be scared and hurt or
just need and deserve the information. And so I did
have a bigger not a bad responsibility, but there's like
(11:50):
bigger reason to do it because it's it wasn't selfish
as much as it was because I've known them forever.
A lot of the antics that I see people have,
you know, they're not in my life daily. So it's
like their antics are just like.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I like antics.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Yeah, to describe it, it's good, It's like, but if
this wasn't that anymore, This wasn't personal in a weird way,
he made it personal, and that was his mistake because
you know, not only was I like America's sweetheart by
that had been or whatever, and that's the joke we
(12:30):
use all the time in my house, but this was
women were They were outraged. And I even said to him,
I said, you know, you kind of barked up the
wrong tree because of my ability to respond and because
of what I have behind me that has been growing
for forty plus years. And I said, and it's something
(12:51):
you you're still not qualified to talk about, and you're
qualified to talk about what you want to talk about
for yourself in your body, but this is your way
out of your lane. And I said, so, Unfortunately it
kind of backfired on you, and it did. I mean,
we you had people coming out and people were still
(13:13):
talking about it and it's over twenty years later, you know.
So I think it was a misstep. I think it
was a mistake that he dust up to making, and
I think he felt like it was a mistake and
he did apologize for it, and it was personal, right
And did I need him to do it publicly? Not
(13:36):
not really, because it was a different level of what
he needed to do in that opinion.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah, I want to flag something in your book too,
because you talk about having a grandma seizure, which is
pretty serious because you were training pretty hard or rehearsing
pretty hard for a Broadway show, right, and you were.
We talk about water a lot, and I how much
I loath water on this podcast, I cannot drink it.
I find it to be so boring. I constantly have
to put electrolytes in it just to flavor it. And
(14:03):
you have once again proved my point that drinking tons
and tons and tons of water does nothing to help you,
especially if there is a heat wave happening.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
You are depleting your system. The water itself is not
good enough.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
You need the electrolytes and the sodium to hold onto
the water.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
Some in my bag, Yes, I.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Have Exca extract ones Element of course they're the best.
So you passed out at a restaurant. You were going
a million miles an hour, it was the middle of
a heat wave. You're rehearsing for a Broadway play.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
And I go into this restaurant to thank one of
the women that worked there for coming in to see
it run through. And as I walk in, two women
come up to me, and I don't know what they
were talking about. I think maybe they were talking about
the documentary. I don't know. On the video, you see me,
(14:53):
you know, engage with them, and then you see me
sort of like go like this, and then you see
me do this a lot, and then I just I
just go down and I hit my face on a
serving station and one of the women that came up
to me was a registered nurse. What are the chances
it was really bad? And then I woke up in
(15:14):
the ambulance with Bradley Cooper. With Bradley Cooper, as one does.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Hey, whenever anyone has a grandma seizure in New York City,
Bradley Cooper appears. Just everyone should just appear.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
And the first thing that goes through your mind is,
I must have not made it.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
But you're good friends with him, or you're friendly with him.
He lives in your neighborhood, so he was there because
your assistant had reached out to his assistant. A lot
of da da da da. That was that the first
that was Is that the first and last grandma seizure
you've had? Brooke?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
Yes, oh, thank god, Yes that is the first one
I've I have fainted before at times, and I have
low blood pressure, which is why I need the electro
like and I need the salt, so I need stopped
in my diet because of that, because I have low
blood pressure. And so the times that I've thinked it
have all been because somehow the sodium is low.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
So no, to all our listeners, water isn't just going
to do it on its own. So drinking copious amounts
of water with nothing in it, it's useless. You might
as well have to die coke.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
But also in the hospital, do you remember that up
in the hospital, yes, that the doctor said, yeah, you
go ahead, do you tell it. They were the two doctors. Okay,
they were men. This is not a male hating thing,
but they both once said, are you restricting salt, ma'am
because of dietary reasons? I was like, first of all,
(16:35):
don't call me ma'am.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
And don't talk to me in that tone.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
Yes, And I said in second of all, I said,
I'm a fifty eight year old woman, I look younger, bloated. No,
I do not restrict salt. And I find that very
rude for you to ask me that that question. And
my husband like put his arm on my arm, and
I'm like, don't tell me to change my tone. I
didn't like that tone. He doesn't have to like my tone.
(17:00):
And then I got asked it again by another one
of the nurses that came in, the male nurses that
are you sure now you weren't definitely, And I was like, wow,
would you ask a man that question.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I don't think so, I just don't know, of course not.
And the way men talked to women and in all
medical ways, like I mean, yes, there are great doctors
out there who obviously asked the right questions. But you
speak a lot in this book about advocating medically for
yourself in many different circumstances where you've been stuck in
the hospital, you broke your femur, you were in the
hospital for over a month. I think you, I mean you,
(17:36):
and it was during COVID, so there were I mean,
or you were also in the hospital during COVID. So
you've been through You've been through it a lot, and
you understand the kind of way that that women are
spoken to. I mean, you got an accidental vaginal rejuvenation
in the hospital that you didn't act.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
It was an accidental. It was an accidental. It was
a little a little uh, I got it. Two fur
got a gift. He thought he was doing some big favor.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
I was just shocked, absolutely by tightening your vagina. So
she goes in, wait, so tell that story. That's absolutely absurd.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
It's insane. And also, let me just say one thing
before I get to my vagina yet, again, which always
is a very topic of conversation, you know. I also
it's not lost on me that I'm blessed enough to
be able to have good healthcare and attention. I was
taken care of well, I wasn't being you know, shoved
in a hallway something. So it's like I sort of say, like,
(18:33):
it's very hard to self advocate, but they're a little
bit afraid of me because I'm famous or something and
so like. But that's a that's like a luxury. I
mean without that, it's even a hundred times worse for
women and women of color to have the even the
space and have anybody's ear to be able to self
advocate and ask the questions. And how do we know
(18:56):
what the right questions are? Anyway? I was, I was
asked by my gun cologist after maybes, actually is I
was a bit wrong and the timing. But if there
was any discomfort ever because of labia, and I've been
experiencing it my entire life, like cheerleading and tight jeans,
(19:16):
give me jeans and then spinning and you know, sex
and like all this stuff, right, and I just thought
you just had to deal with stuff. Some people had
one boob different some people, you know, and I didn't
know anything about it. And when I was asked if
I had had that kind of discomfort, it was such
a revelation. She said, there's nothing to be ashamed of.
(19:38):
She said, I see it all the time, and it's
very common and it's very fixable. It unfortunately falls under
cosmetic surgery, so insurance probably isn't going to cover it.
And so she said, why don't you get a consult
and see if it makes sense to you? And after
(19:59):
having some thing bothered me for so many decades, you
can't even believe there there might be an option. And
so he drew this whole sort of diagram about how
kind of easy it was to do and now he
does it all the time, and you know, and I
was talking about just the discomfort. I signed up for it,
got it done, came back you know, a week later,
(20:21):
our postop or whatever, and you know, he said, oh,
it's still more difficult, and it took me longer. And
I'm like, okay, I don't need all the details, thank you. Like,
if it's good, it's good.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
You're like, we could watch the video when we haven't yet.
We have a night, have nothing to do, because I'm
sure you have that.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
And so I just like, is it all good? My healing?
Is everything fine? How long will it take? All the questions?
And then he said, and uh, well, I uh I
threw in a little rejuvenation for you. And I said,
I'm sorry, what what what do you mean. That's a
different word than reduction. That's a different word than reduction.
He goes, well, yeah, I know, I just tighten you
(20:57):
up a bit. And I said, you did what? He goes, yeah.
I was like, what my planning on being a porn star?
I was like, I don't, don't, I don't understand. I didn't.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
I was like, plus, you had c sections, right, two
c section didn't even get breath vaginally.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
No, my babies were IVF. I could argue, I'm still
a virgin.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Oh god, it's so house matters, so gross. Oh, just
one of the things. I know we have to move
on to Callers Catherine, but I do want to touch
on one thing that I found very moving, Brooke. I
thought this was really like, not only brave, but it
was just a sign of what age brings us and
the wisdom it brings us and the confidence that we
gain in allowing ourselves to be honest with ourselves. And
(21:44):
one of the things that you write about in the
towards the end of the book is the kind of
what ifs in your life, like what if my career
had gone in a different direction? What if I had
gotten this movie Dangerous Liaisons that I was up for
That was given to Uma the Thurman, who got part
what if you had been on a different trajectory? And
you kind of talk about the way that you think
(22:05):
of things, and not in an ungrateful way at all,
not in a way of not understanding how fortunate you
are and how iconic you are and what that brings
to the table, but in a way that is thoughtful
and kind of looking at the past. And I think
a lot of women are unable to do that until
(22:28):
they are a certain age. They are unable to admit
that they would have liked and they or they're wondering
what could have been if things had gone in a
different direction. So I found that to be very powerful, because.
Speaker 5 (22:40):
People will always be like, oh no, no, no, everything that's
meant to be is meant to be, and that wasn't
meant for me. I find myself saying that a lot
of times when things don't go my way, and it's
more like it's part self convincing and part making sure.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
You're not being a cry baby. Right, yeah, right, So
talk to me a little bit about that, express to
our listeners how you came about admitting to even feeling
that and then wanting to write about it for other women.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
You know. There it's something that I've pined for, you know,
and has pained me for so long, and there's this
validation of my talent, right, and it's not about looks
or beauty or anything like that, because that I never
put too much stock in because it was just a job.
And also education was more important to me, so I
(23:28):
got fortified really quickly by going to college. So that
was my version of rebellion just for myself. But you know,
I've had the same therapist for quite some time, and
it's a theme that keeps coming back, and it's a
theme that is, you know, what if or I know,
I'm just famous and nobody thinks I'm really that talented
(23:49):
or well, thank god I found comedy because that's what
I do really well. But yeah, I still don't and
I started to I always believed I was less than
because I wasn't what these other actresses who were very
serious were, and you know that I would work with
some of them in a comedic setting and I would
see them struggle with comedy, and then I would think, oh,
(24:13):
that's interesting. You know, we're different players on the same team.
You know. I don't play ball sports anyway, I mean
any sports lately.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
No lacrosse.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
There can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (24:26):
No, I can't imagine lacrosse. I'm still trying to figure
out what lacrosse is. Quite frankly.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yes, it's a lot of the cribbing or something like that.
But I just like saying ball sports because it just
feels good coming out of my mouth, and I think
it's funny. But this less than and then this piece
that I used to counteract it with. Yes, but Brooke
not only a good comedian, but you also you know,
(24:54):
you've built this career and people trust you, and you've
got education and you can write. And it was always
a justific And I thought, well, if I'm still doing
this in my fifties, clearly I still have a problem
with it. And I don't know if I'll ever get
over it. I don't know. I don't even know if
that's the kind of work I want to do. But
(25:15):
to have not been chosen whenever I went out and
tried for those parts, and then to be too famous
and too recognizable to even be up for those parts,
it always felt like this, It may have not even
been a missed opportunity, that I may have never even
(25:35):
got that that didn't matter. It was how I demeaned
my talent, you know. And I always focus on while
I'm a survivor and look unhealthy, I'm not a total
train wreck. And that took use of education in parents,
and you know, my therapist would say, you got to
give yourself some credit for your in a character. You
do have a made character that sees things and chooses
(26:00):
the way you choose. She said, you know, you're not
just just a product of your parents or society or
the press or your history. She's like, there is something
that's broken there that is just her, you know. And
that kind of was like, what that is a new concept.
But this, the pining for being seen like the actresses
(26:22):
I admire, was so persistent for so long, and I
could work on all the other stuff right and just
feel good about it. But I just recently had the
opportunity to act in front of Basically, it was hardly
opposite because I had all the dialogue, two very prominent female, brilliant,
(26:49):
award winning lovely women, one in her like six early seventies,
when I'm a little bit older than and you know,
the women I admire and I've known over the years
met immediately, you know everybody, And I got asked to
do this one it's two days, but we just did
one day so far in front of them, and it
(27:12):
involved only emotion and only tears and only all the
stuff that makes me cringe. And I thought, oh, well,
don't do it. You don't want to do it, you
know want embarrassors have, you can't do it. And then
I thought, well, I can't say no to this opportunity
when for decades I've been asking for the opportunity. Now
all of a sudden I get it, and I'm not
(27:33):
going to say yes because of fear. Won't you're pussy?
Like what are you doing? Like? I was just so
there were so many emotions, and I went there and
I came out of the gate a little too hot
because I was trying, and I was nervous, and I
was sweaty and then I just sat down and said,
you know what, They're not going to fire you. You're
(27:55):
in one day. They obviously think you can do it.
They don't want to look back and have it be
your fault. They don't really care about you. Not the actresses,
but the production. I don't even know what the real
name of the production is, believe it or not, because
it's also top secret. And I thought, you don't want
to burn bridges, you know, or just do it? Just
do it. And I went to the director and I said,
(28:18):
I think I'm trying to do too much and I
don't think it's right. I said, I have a theory
about this, and she said, I was coming over to
tell you that right now. She said, you don't have
to try hard. She said it's all there and we're
watching it. She said, just trust and just do it.
(28:38):
And what happened at the end of the day, after
having to do it over and over and over again,
was I got validation. And I'm not ashamed to saying
you did it. I was a little girl in those moments.
I was a little girl with those actresses, and I
was a little girl with you know, mommy and daddy,
the director, and each one of the women, in their
(29:02):
own way, gave me like a and they gave it
to me as if you know, you did a good job.
I heard it as they thought I did a good
job right, which was what I needed at that moment.
And I knew it too, I did, but I didn't
I wasn't really open to hearing it. The director came
up to me after a sixteen hour day and she
(29:24):
said that was really beautiful. And I said, oh, thank you,
thank you. I'm glad it worked out, and thank you
for having me and you know, and then she went, no, no, no,
she's from Germany. She put her hands on my shoulder.
She said, I think you need to hear this. You
blew me away. Oh and that was it, and thank
you for being open. And I just I needed that, yeah,
(29:48):
you know. And then whether I do any more of
that again, I probably don't even really covet it in
the same way. And should I be ashamed that I
needed three women to you know? Was I lucky that
I got that chance, Yes, but I also just needed
to know it from myself and without even getting it
(30:08):
from them. What the director said was icing on the cake,
because at the end of it, now I called my
husband before I heard any of that, and I just said,
is I got to do? I said, I did it.
I did it. I did inside, knocked it out of
the park, and I'm going to get you know, little
gold men, just you know, all over the place. But
it didn't matter about that anymore. It didn't matter about awards.
(30:32):
It didn't matter about those things that as a little
girl and going to the Academy Awards sitting in the back, back,
back up, nosebleed seats and thinking one day I'm going
to get there one day like that silliness and to
just say, you know what, I'm I'm okay, and I
am good enough, and I don't I can release that
(30:55):
from myself and and just I can release it, which
was just, I mean, it was a pretty extreme, great
way to get it. I have to say I would
have liked I mean, I would still be working on
getting it without such obvious validation. But it I no
longer have the same pining that I used to. And
(31:17):
I also look at my life now and I definitely
would not have the life. I wouldn't be able to
live the life that I'm living had I not had
the level of fame and access if I had just
been on the path that I thought I was going
to be on, you know, the Natalie Portmant path when
she did the professional which was sort of her pretty Baby,
(31:40):
you know, and working with the Louis Mills and Suffarellis
and really being in that Wisconsin, that world and then
all of a sudden turned on its head and you
got dolls made after you. You know, it always rocked me.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I think anyone can relate to that whole notion of
thinking that you're going to be going in one direction
and finding out that that's not your destiny, and then
also embracing what your destiny is, which is something you've
also done.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
I just recently said no to singing opposite Cynthia Revo
in Lincoln Center, and I was begged to do it,
and I mean, what idiot would say no to that?
And I turned it down and I said, you know what,
this is not my strength, my forte. I would have
loved to have said, I was did it, I'm okay.
(32:31):
Not having your vocal prowess like I'm okay. And that's
another piece too, is really knowing, like knowing what your
strengths are. And I think that that's an important thing
to be willing to admit. Yeah, I'm not that great
at that. I'm fine with it, and they wanted me
for some reason. But you know, walking away from something
(32:52):
too that you just know in your heart of hearts
you won't be able to soar with. It's a very
new concept for me.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I wanted that. Yeah, No, I love that. I love that.
So we're gonna take a break. I'm go'll be right
back with Brookshields And we're back with Brook. Okay, so
you started a brand, Well, it started with you wanted
a community to build community with comments, which is something
that you have been thinking about doing, and for women
(33:22):
over forty who are going through all of the same things,
all of the same emotions, all of the feelings of
kind of stepping into who you really are, which is
something you know. It sounds very cliche, but I mean,
I'm forty nine, I'm gonna be fifty in a couple
of months.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
I've never been happier in my life because I understand
now where the joy is and to go after that
instead of going after all of the other stuff that
we think we have to go after to make us
relatable or relevant or successful. Like now I know we're happy. Yeah,
I don't make I don't date idiots. I don't do
(33:57):
stupid things like I used to when I'm younger. So
the joy and the power of aging is more than
what we've been talking about, more than what we've been
hearing about for the last many years about your confidence
and about your sexual prowess or how you come into
your own.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
It's more than that. It's more. It's about And this
is a word that you use a lot too, which
I use a lot in my book that's not out yet,
but joy, finding joy, finding joy in everything you do,
enjoying your.
Speaker 5 (34:25):
Life, especially where you at the stage you're in, where
your girls are gone, they're often doing their thing, and
you have to rediscover what are the things that make
you happy and prioritizing yourself and also saying no to
all of the bullshit that we've said yes to our
whole lives because we want to please other people.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
And then you've also had this hair brand because everyone
loves your hair. Obviously you have the most famous hair
and it's for women who are fitting, who are going
through menopause, going through perimenopause, dealing with hair fitning. Do
you want to talk a little bit about Commands Bruck.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Yeah. I started it as the community to really empower
women to age joyfully. I mean joy was a word
we've always had with us, and joyfully and you know
we say fearlessly, but it's not a call to action,
it's not pressure. It's just there's joy to be had.
And we've done so much in our lives, whatever it is,
(35:19):
we've gotten to this age that's tremendous. Right. You start
having the conversations with women and they are craving it
and it's pervasive. And the women that I know who
are over forty are fabulous and they are not so
down on themselves. They're wondering what's next. And this sense
of joy as to there's more to come is not
(35:41):
what society or the beauty industry really is the narrative
they're feeding us, right, and it's certainly not historical. So
we analyzed who we were as a brand and we said,
you know what, we're not just a hair care brand.
We're not just a beauty brand. We are a care brand.
It is you know, we always say take care, and
(36:03):
there's a lot that means that take care of yourself,
take care to be listening to yourself, take care when
it's offered, and be good to you, like find where
you are joyous and cut out the people and the
things and the experiences and the time sucks that are
out there, and let's see what we would do with
(36:24):
this extra time or how we'd feel. But we started
to develop hair care with very strategic, smaller groups, with
very very active ingredients, working directly with the lab. So
we're not a not even a massige. I guess they
call it brand. We've kept it small, we've kept the
(36:45):
price point very relatable, and they deal with scalp health.
Scalp health is a thing in women that changes most dramatically.
You know, the actual follicle, the root where it goes
into the poor actually shrinks. It's so fair the things
that shrink when you get older and the things that
drop and get bigger. Hair is one of them. Your
(37:08):
scalp health. There's patchiness of dry hormonal reactions where moonal
changes luster, all of these things, and we went a
deep dive and we created that six products that dealt
with addressing scalp health and therefore hair health from the
root out. So that is that is the one piece
(37:30):
we will be moving into other categories. I don't want
to become just a haircare brand or just proliferate that
and then just hold up things and say by this
because I said it. I put my own money into it.
Then I ran out of my own money. Then I
had to raise money. Startups are brutal, and you know,
I spend more of my time trying to raise money
(37:50):
and spend more of my time pivoting so that our
team is amazing. I've never been a CEO. I can't
believe the things that are coming out of my mouth
when I'm like going like this in a book and
I'm just learning, and I'm coming into exactly the clarity
that started the company when I started the community, and
(38:11):
that is really solving all of what makes a woman's
life her life in this and beauty is a big
piece of it. Body care is a big piece of it.
You know, there's scent is a big piece of it.
There's so many things that do give us joy that
I used to think of as luxuries or take.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
For granted, right, I mean, we take for granted all.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Of that stuff We're frivolous to spend time on. Now,
my time a lot of it gets spent on just me.
So the company is called Commens and the community is
the Commenced Community, and they keep growing. Well.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
On that note, I think we should give some advice
to callers. Catherine, do we have time for a couple
of calls? We have them for probably like one. Okay, great,
let's do it. Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Okay, so we have color DD, she says. Dear Chelsea,
I'm a twenty eight year old married mother of two,
and I've always been close with my own mother. Don't
get me wrong, she was a good mom, but I
probably could have used a mother more than a friend
sometimes when growing up. Nowadays, we do a lot together.
She comes over almost every Saturday to watch football and
drink beer. We go out, and we even went to
Chelsea's show in Atlanta a couple of years back. But
(39:20):
since she hit menopause and started hormone replacement therapy, she
is like a cat in heat. She's always been one
to look good and presentable. She's a beautiful woman and
is no stranger to male attention. She was always cool
and confident, not a tryhard. Now it seems like she
needs every male's attention and females too. She over analyzes
every outfit and photo she's in and will ruin a
(39:41):
whole outing with her mood if she feels she doesn't
look amazing. She also drinks to excess and sometimes makes
a fool of herself.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
If she isn't.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
Drunk, she's irritable. I have two young kids. All their
grandparents are dad besides her. I thought she might enjoy
stepping into her grandmother role and being there for me
in ways she wasn't when I was a teen, But
she's proving to me that all she cares about is
happy hour with meaningless acquaintances. She's fifty one and has
never had a successful romantic relationship. She doesn't think she
(40:09):
should have to answer for any of her bad behavior
and brushes it under the rug or plays a victim
when I call it out. We don't have the best
history with communication, but for the past few years I
have really worked on myself and how I handle my relationships,
and I wish she could do the same. How do
I tell my mom she's letting me down without the
message being completely lost. I'd love to hear from you, ladies.
Signed disappointed daughter.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Hi, disappointed daughter, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest today, Brookshields.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
Hi, so nice, hey.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Nice to me.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
She's a mother of two daughters, so I'm sure she
can relate to some degree to this.
Speaker 5 (40:45):
Well, well, that's really tough. It's really hard when your
mom is embarrassing. But all moms are embarrassing, Yes, I have,
This is true. All parents embarrassed. You're full last night,
you're annoying. You're just annoying.
Speaker 6 (41:00):
I know, and we've been through all that. I don't
want to be mean to her by any means.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
But no, and I don't think judgment from your children
is how that this kind of phase of her life
is how she's going to either snap out of it
or grow up a little. I don't think it's going
to come from you, because it's really hard, Brooke. I
would imagine to take criticism from your children and judgment,
(41:26):
and for.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
The most part, that's sort of their job. I mean,
I have eighteen and twenty one and they're not moms yet,
but they also they are the one that in particular
is full of judgment and it's constant. And her version
of it is she needs to individuate from me, and
she doesn't know how to do it, so she fights
me to hate me, and then it can justify her leaving.
(41:49):
But I feel like as the age your mom is,
I think she's scared. I think she's feeling that about herself.
She's watching you. I don't know how old your baby is,
but as you watch your daughter sort of launchpad into
this vibrant area of their lives, and your ovaries and
(42:12):
everything is going to work for and you are watching
your what you think is your demise, right, It's it's
very unsettling to see and to see the beauty in
your daughter and then to look in the mirror and
not see the same thing. And then you step outside
and the world attacks you for being fifty. For you know,
(42:33):
you're over the hell you're this, You're not represented. You're
either this twenty year old girl at the bar, or
you're in depends and dentures. That's what they have relegated
us to, right, And I think that it's I don't know.
I mean again, I don't give advice, but what I
will say is that the times that my mom my
(42:54):
children that because I've my mom was in a very
different broken place and she was older, but the times
that as a mom I have been with my girls
and they've looked at me and led with just love
and said, I know it must be hard, mom, but
I think you're beautiful, or they've said, wow, I think
that you should, like, don't put yourself down. Like you
(43:15):
taught me to love myself. You've got to you taught
me how to be like this. The problem is if
she's so resistant, I mean, she has to do the
work on herself because nothing you say that's positive is
going to make her like herself.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
No, but I do.
Speaker 5 (43:30):
Think positivity goes a long way in helping people face themselves,
like judgment doesn't, do you know, you just create resistance.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
You create like, oh, I'm going to rebel against you.
And even though you are in more of the mother
role like you guys, kind of sounds like you have
flipped your roles and you are a mother and I'm
assuming you're responsible and she's seeing that. I think everything
Brooke said is spot on, Like I think you have
to really look at her with some compassion and understanding
(43:59):
of what you might be going through and instead of
the judgment. I have a friend who's dealing with this
with her mother, very similar circumstances, and she really did
just flip the script. She's like, no, I'm just going
to go at her with compassion and love and tell
her about all the wonderful things about her until she
really starts to believe them herself. And when she does
start to believe them herself, she is going to be
(44:21):
a little bit different. And there are different ways. You know,
you can do that too, and with books and hopefully
encouraging her to, you know, do some therapy. Maybe you
can volunteer to do some therapy with her, just just
to push her and to get like, not because something
is wrong, but to push her to really find out
what her purpose is, right, like to experience this life
in the best way. She's in now in her fifties.
(44:44):
This is a whole new opportunity to have a whole
new life, you know, I look at fifties kind of
like a reset.
Speaker 6 (44:50):
Yeah, and that's kind of how I saw it. I
was like, why is she spending so much time worrying
about validation from others and or how she looks this
and that when it's like this could be such a big,
beautiful away time, but.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Yeah, she's not feeling in ourselves.
Speaker 6 (45:07):
Yeah, nailed You nailed it with what you said Brooke,
and she has been kind of like I started reading
more again and she was like, oh, like she asked
me recently kind of what's do I have a recommendation
or whatever? And I was like, oh, so she is
kind of I noticed kind of picking up, you know,
just kind of if you want, I'm kind of being
the example. You know, like how many people do I
(45:29):
need to be an example for? But if that's what
I need to do to get my mom to see
her full potential and beauty and everything, then I'm absolutely
willing to.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
And you're thankful for I mean, well, what I've said
worked for me is whenever my daughters will say something
like well, Mom, you know I got that from you,
it doesn't give me anything to fight against because I
love what I see in her and then she's attributing
it to Mom. You know that's what you you should.
I want you to feel what I feel. And I
(46:02):
wouldn't be able to feel these things had you not
taught me that I could feel as good about myself
for and even in therapy, you have to be really
careful because it should be like I would love this
for me, and then you know, otherwise they feel attacked
and it's like a you know, like an intervention. Then
you're there to tell them everything they're doing wrong. And
(46:23):
the flipping of it is so I tell my younger daughter, no,
tug of war only works if both people are pulling right,
and so you don't, you don't do it and you
lead with this kind of kindness because they're not hearing
any of that kindness reflected back to them. When they
look in the mirror, they're seeing just what they're not.
(46:44):
They're not this enough, they're not young enough, they're not
thin enough, they're not that enough, they're too many ring
o bla blah blah blah. And the tapes just keep going,
and the more you're reflected to her as in like, wow, mom,
this you know, but this is I learned so much.
I got this and and it's so much fun. And
why don't we start around a little book club?
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Definitely?
Speaker 3 (47:04):
And do you know? And then you could talk about
characters and then you're not talking about yourself, Like there's
there's ways.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
Start with Brooks book. This is a great book for
you and your mother to read together.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
That's about aging, it's funny, and yeah, it's about.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Her relationship with her daughters, and how she's stepping into
her own confidence over the course of her life at
different ages, and and kind of the various bursts of
self empowerment that women receive and experience. This is a
great thing. Start reading books with your mom and start
finding books that are actually going to have like an
impact onto her perspective and her value.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
You know, she doesn't feel valuable right now, right right,
and you're gone.
Speaker 6 (47:44):
That was my next question is if you have any
book recommendations, So that's that's perfect.
Speaker 3 (47:49):
There are lots of others too.
Speaker 6 (47:50):
Oh well, I was planning on reading yours anyway, I'm excited.
Speaker 3 (47:53):
Oh okay, well, I mean.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
You just had the Mel Robbins on the podcast. She
wrote a book called Let Them, which is really about
letting other people do their shit and stop trying to
control other people and letting them, which is good for
you and good for your mother, because yeah, you could
read it together. I don't want you to think like, oh,
this is such an onus on me. You already have
to take care of your children and now you have
to take care of your mother. Listen, we're given as
(48:16):
much as we can handle. Clearly, your mom, like you're
more in a more capable position right now, in this
moment in time, than your mother is. So take that
responsibility on with joy. That is a great gift that
you're able to give to your mother.
Speaker 3 (48:29):
Not a burden. Don't look at it like that because
you'll resent.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Right, you don't want to resent your mother. You want
to help your mother. You want her to flourish. So
think of some other activities that you guys can do
together that don't evolve happy hour or don't evolve going
to a bar.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
You know.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Maybe you do join an actual book club. Maybe you
find some other activities where she can like meet people,
or it's a social environment. But it's not all about
the drinking and just hanging out and doing nothing, you know,
and like.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
A lot of drinking is about avoidance. I mean, it's
just it's pretty pretty obvious and clear. And she feels
sexier when she's drinking, and you know, she comes out
of her shell and she becomes that image of what
she used to be, you know, and who she is
is not just enough, it's beautiful. She's got to know,
she's got to feel that love for her own actual self.
(49:17):
And I think it's a very fraught period of she's
threatened right now that her value is just being diminished.
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (49:24):
All I want for her is to see that for herself.
See here how I see her and see her full potential.
So thank you guys. That was awesome advice.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Oh good good.
Speaker 3 (49:35):
I'm so glad that all dan need to have a
great holiday too.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Happy holidays. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll
be right back to.
Speaker 5 (49:45):
Wrap up with Brookshields. And we're back with Brookshields. Okay,
So how do people find comments?
Speaker 3 (49:55):
If you just look up shop comments all lowercase shop
comments dot com cumn and it's all about really the
new beginnings and beginnings of this era and being as
joyful and healthy and just in our lives and proud
of who we are.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
And are you still doing the groups too? If people
want to join in on the groups?
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to bring books into it
as well and really have it be a world of care.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
I love it. I love it. And Brooks new book
is brookshield is not allowed to get old thoughts on
aging as a woman.
Speaker 3 (50:30):
It is out.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
It'll probably be out as soon as you hear this podcast.
I'm sure by the time we put this out, and
it will be available at all places, all bookstores. And
I was going to say wherever you listen to your podcasts,
and then I'm like, this is a book and this
is not a podcast.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
Well no, and then my podcast didn't get rid of
for you, so I don't have that on my plate,
which is fine. But I went into the audio recording
of the books, so the also on audible and audio
and it's all me, okay, well it was you want
to listen to me anymore?
Speaker 1 (50:59):
Well, we do, we do? You always want to listen
to you, Brook. I totally appreciate your time today. Thank
you so much. Congrats on everything. Please say hello to
your lovely husband Chris Hench for me.
Speaker 3 (51:09):
I will, I will it? Will? You look like you're
in a cozy flace. I wish I was there. I am.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
I'm in my happy place now. Yes, have a great day.
Speaker 3 (51:18):
Okay, thank you for you too, Thank you very much.
Bye bye.
Speaker 2 (51:22):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law, and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.
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