Dating the Good Dad with Judy Greer

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Hi Catherine.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Oh hello Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (00:03):
Fresh off of Canada. I went to Tafina for the weekend.
It was so beautiful there.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
It's so nice, and it didn't look like a man
in sight there was.

Speaker 4 (00:09):
I didn't see a lot of men there. It was
mostly women.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
I went with some girlfriends and we saw some other
girlfriends while we were there, and I was so gloomy
and rainy, which I love, and on the beach and
there was a surfing competition Peak something and I ran
around in my rain boots and bathing sued and we
just had such a nice time. And Canada is so peaceful. Yeah,
Canada is very, very peaceful. I just came from my

(00:32):
obgyn and apparently the estrogen pack that I've been taking
is empty.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
I have no estrogen and I have no testosterone.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Oh great, So there is a reason that my words
are not making any sense these days. I am overwhelmed
with stress from my stupid fucking house, and I am
not on the right hormones, and I am in menopause.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
So I have to get my shit.

Speaker 5 (00:53):
Together at least, you know now, so you can get
it all regulated. Yes, yes, But people have been also
asking about the implements you use for mental acuity, and
well another's ironic considering.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Okay, So I do take NMN pills everybody. Those are
good for your like you know NAD. I was injecting AD,
but my doctor told me not to inject NAD, that
there was all these studies that came out that NAD
causes cancer or there's like some correlation TONAD and cancer.
So I'm not doing that anymore. I'm taking the NMN pills.
The peptides I take are tessamorlin. I take GHK cu copper,

(01:26):
and I take turzeppatide, which has a little NAD so
it's not an overwhelming amount of NAD.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
So that's what I do. And that's the like GLP
one like that's for weight sure weight management. Really, I
know I'm not overweight, but I.

Speaker 3 (01:39):
Just take it to take the edge off of food,
so I don't go into my hotel room and eat
out the mini bar. And not that I eat out
many bars, but I eat out of many.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
I like that phrasing.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
But something that's really good to take is prodrome neuro
That's something I take for a mental acuity.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
I take iron every day.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
I take vitamin D every day, I take co q ten,
which is really important. And if you're taking any sort
of statin, which I also take because I have genetically
bad cholesterol.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
It's good for heart health.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Yeah it is. It's good for heart health, and it's
good for brain health. And then I take creatine, which
is you can get that anywhere, Like I take that
from air one. I think mine is from my brain
juice is it's just called brain juice. It's because I
don't really drink coffee, so I just take a shot
of that when I wake up and throughout the day
when I need a little pick me up. And then
DHA is important for its protein.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
To taking that, Yeah, and it can raise your testosterone level.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
Oh ken it okay, good, okay, because I haven't really
been taking that. And for the Gratitude journal, I only
use the Gratitude journal in my I know people are
asking what I'm using.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
Yeah, I use the one in my phone so that it's.

Speaker 5 (02:41):
Called what is this called it just as journal? But
you know what, I think this is something you can
really just do on your own. You can put it
even in your notes app, you can write it into
a into a journal. I'll find a couple that are
highly recommended and put links to them in the description.
But yeah, it's really just about writing out what you're
thankful for, what's bringing I heard this recently too, which
is what's bringing joy into your life?

Speaker 2 (03:02):
What brought joy into your life today?

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Doug.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Doug had a handkerchief on when I came home from Tofino,
So my belle did that for me special, and he
was really ready to get down with it when I
got home last night, and I was not ready to
get down with it. I was ready to go to
fucking sleep, and I got into bed at seven o'clock.
I took a Xanax and went straight to bed. So
I'm trying to take less xanax, but it doesn't seem.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
To be working. So I don't know.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
You can follow my habits or not. I mean, you're
on your own, everybody.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
And obviously everybody talked to your doctor before you take
any of these.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
You know, Yes, I'm not a doctor, everybody, even though
I say I am, I'm not. I just announced all
my tour dates. They just went on sale this week.
It's called a High and Mighty Tour. I will be
starting debuting my new material. Well I've already started debuting
my new material, but in an organized tour form in
February of next year. So I'm coming to Washington, d

(03:52):
c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

(04:14):
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

(04:35):
I will be touring from February through June. Those are
the cities that I'm in. Pre sale started last week,
so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet,
but we probably will be to some of these, So
go get your tickets now if you want good seats
and you want to come see me perform. I will
be on the High and Mighty tour Okay. Our guest
today is in two brand new movies. She's in, well,

(04:58):
you know her from every movie she's in, so Ma Things,
Stephen King's The Long Walk and Dead of Winter with
Emma Thompson.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Please welcome Judy Greer.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
I'm wearing my sunglasses because I forgot my regular glasses and.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Their prescription that all day yesterday. I mean, I were
just we're fifty, you're fifty two, yeah, fifty, And I
had to do it yesterday and I was like, we're
oh no. It said he was getting a massage. So
I'm like sitting in the massage room in sunglasses. Like
I know.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Sometimes I'm at a restaurant at night and all i
have are my prescription sunglasses and I'm just like, I'm
such a loser.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
But we're just fifty years old, and that's the way
our lives are.

Speaker 6 (05:30):
Now.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
I'm talking to Judy Greer, who has graced us with
our presence today because she Hello, hello, Judy, how are.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
You taking a zip of some diet coke? I'm really good.
Good for you, good for you. Oh I want to
do that again.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
I just want to go through a list of your credits,
just because you're in so many things that I had
to say. So, okay, you've seen her in Jawbreaker, What
Women Want, The Wedding Planner adaptation, Just shoot Me, The
Village Elizabethtown, My name is Earl, twenty seven Dresses, R
thirteen going on, thirty, House Archer, Modern Family, The Big Bank,
The Marmaduke, Love and Other Drugs, Arrested Development, and.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
It goes on and on and on and on. She
has a total of one hundred.

Speaker 3 (06:08):
And fifty TV and movie credits to her name, and
now she is here to promote two projects. One is
called The Long Walk, which is a Stephen King movie
based on the book, and the other one is called
The Dead of Winter.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
I watched The Long Walk last night. You did, Yes,
I did. I'm proud of you. It was dystopian. I
know that's good. How would you, first of all, congratulations
on your career. Oh thanks. I mean you've been in
so many things. I've known you since, I say, from
when I just started watching TV. You were always around.
I mean, I've just known your face forever. And you're like,

(06:41):
I mean you talk, I mean you talk about being
kind of a character actor. But are you a character actor?
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (06:48):
What I mean, Yeah, what does that mean anymore?

Speaker 1 (06:51):
I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand like that,
aren't we all character actors are, right, characters like I
think that's a funny description. It just means like you're
not the star. That's all. That's all I ever. Whenever
someone's like, oh, supporting, oh character, I'm like, okay, sure,

(07:11):
I'll take it. But yes, I've been around for a
long time. We both have been around. We've been like
we we made it. We did. I mean we can
say that that's true. Yeah, we're fifty. We're fifty.

Speaker 4 (07:24):
We were alive and we're still working.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
We're still alive, We're still working. I know that's incredible.
I'm still single. But you got married.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
I did it?

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (07:33):
Were you dating somebody that I worked with for so?
Were you ever in a show called Girls Behavior?

Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yes? Yes, yes, So. One of the producers of that
show or writers of that show was a man it
still is named. I had so many comments, but I
decided not to say any of them. Dumb comments. Okay,
Nicholas Thomas, and he was one of I can't remember.

Speaker 4 (07:55):
If he was a producer. Yeah, girls Behaving Badly?

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yeah, and he wrote sketches for you has to do,
and I remember, I mean nothing against the rest of
the cast, but he would come from work and talk
about you. Oh I like that. Yeah, he always talked
about you, and he talked about how great you were
and how special you were, and how you were like
really different and really special and really funny. But also like,

(08:22):
I don't know, I really hate when people say, like
you get it, she gets it. But he wouldn't have
said it back then because now they say it, but
like that you kind of were different in a good
way and so and so I feel like you've always
been on my radar. Oh, I know we have. We
never met before. I can't remember because.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
I'm fifth, I know, but you know what, neither can
I. I can never remember whether or not have met. So
let's just assume that we have.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
Probably I'm sure we did. I'm sure I interviewed you
on one of my talk shows at some point. Yes,
I'm sure of it.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
But I like what you say about I mean, I
don't know when you said it, but you were talking
about character acting, and that's saying that there are no
small roles, which is.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Which I came up with that I invented that phrase.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
But you did say if you do enough small roles
well enough, yeah, that you are going to have a career.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
And because the original line is there are no small roles,
there are only small actors, which is also, you know,
very old saying to ruin everything. Not at all? Are
you happy? First of all, let's talk lower to the ground, Yes,
a little bit, of course. I get as low to
the ground as you want. You tell me, how do

(09:32):
you describe the Long Walk? Uh, it's not a comedy.
Sometimes if you don't know what you want, you can
try like to figure out what you don't want. That's
what I told my steps on the other day. I'm like, honey,
sometimes if you don't know exactly what you want, you
just like figure out what you don't want. And that's
a good way in So it's not a comedy. The
Long Walk is how would I describe it? I mean,

(09:54):
it's I feel like maybe it's a psychological horror movie.
There both a little bit psychologically horror movie, both of them.
Yes they are, yes, and they're and I play really
different roles in both of them. But the Long Walk,
I mean, I think it's really beautiful. Actually, I don't
know what your experience was. I don't know what it's
like to watch it at home, because I'm assuming you

(10:16):
watched it. Oh yeah, yeah, Yeah. I think like you
can kind of lose yourself in a theater, and I
think it would be a little bit I don't know,
maybe it.

Speaker 4 (10:24):
Would be on humanity, on friendship.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah. I mean what I felt like was beautiful about
it was the connection that they made these boys and
sort of the grace with which they allowed each other
to go, and the fear of the future. And you know,
like you could kind of like throw anything on top
of that movie and get you know, like whatever you're feeling.
You could probably pull that theme out of it. Right.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
Are you attracted to movies like this because they're both
kind of in the same not the same kind of movie,
same genre.

Speaker 1 (10:59):
Yeah, I think so. Well, I think I am. I mean,
I'm excited to do like different stuff. Yeah, and these
were both really different for me. Have you ever been
bored as an actor when you were doing something? I
mean you don't have to name the movie or a show, Yes,
I don't have to name it.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Yeah, what do you do when you don't feel like
revved up for the part.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
How do you get yourself up? How do you get
it up? So to speak. There's so many pills for
that that I think, Well, I think like I always
have fun. I'm really not just saying that, Like, I
always have fun at work, and I always enjoy at
least one person I'm at work with, Like there's someone
on a set that I'm going to connect with that's
going to be fun. Usually there's a lot of people

(11:44):
on a set that I like, but sometimes you know,
you just have to like pick your person and then
I make it fun for that. If the role's not fun,
if the roles hard, if some of the people are hard,
if the job is hard, like I can find something
to be excited about. Have you ever walked off a job? No?
I mean like I think I would drop dead. I
can't even imagine. I really yes, multiple times. I once

(12:11):
was hosting this show Steven Spielberg had created it. It
was like a.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
Reality show, but it was created by Steven Spielberg, and
it was about finding the next big like filmmaker or
director or something along those lines. Like it was a
cerebral version of a reality show. And they offered me
like they just kept throwing things at me to make
me host it. I'm like, I'm not a host of
reality shows, like I'm a talk show host. It's not
the same thing. I'm taking the piss out of everything.

(12:39):
I'm not here to be.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
Like, go Jeremy, tell me how.

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Exactly, Like I don't have that Ryan Seacrest kind of vibe.
You know he has that and he does it well.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
And then I did it and it was a disaster,
Like I mean, it was like I had couldn't read
a prompter and be like genuine.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Right, you know what I mean. I have to like
ad lib and I have to be myself.

Speaker 3 (13:00):
And then there was these big producers that worked for Spielberg.
And then like two weeks in, I was like I
have to stop this. I go, you guys have to
replace me. I go, this is uncomfortable for all of us.
I'm not good at this.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
Yeah. I don't want to do it.

Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah, And they're like, you can't say no to Steven Spielberg.
My reps were like you can't, Diada. I'm like, Steven
Spielberg is going to thank me for getting one for me? Yes, yes, yes, yes,
for giving him an out so he doesn't have to
fire me. Yeah, so that, Yeah, I walked away from
that job. But that would have been a humiliation if
I had followed through with it.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
And did they reshoot everything with you that you'd already shot.

Speaker 3 (13:30):
I think they reshot it, or maybe they used some
of it. I think they used some of it. And
then I don't know. I wasn't really following it closely
after our left and.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Nobody knows what it is, so I don't even remember
what it's called. I did ones get fired from something
that I felt I was a miscast, Like when I
auditioned for like the female lead of the movie and
I didn't get it, but then they were like, oh,
but we love you and we want you to play
this smaller role. And I was really young and I
was starting out, so I was like, oh, my god,

(13:58):
of course, and I just knew, like I knew without
knowing because I was young, Like now I would know,
but I knew without knowing that I was wrong when
I got to set, Like the words were really hard
for me to memorize, Like the scene was really hard,
Like no one was happy on set, like we were
all trying to sort of like figure it out, like
why isn't this working, and I knew it was me.
And then I got home that night and I got

(14:18):
a call from my agent that I was fired. And
I was like I had my ego ten minutes of like, oh,
you're right. But I was like, thank fucking God, because like,
you don't want to be bad in something, right, Like no,
like it wasn't meant to be. No, No, it wasn't
meant to be. Yeah, And there's a scene because I
shot two scenes that day, like my big big scene

(14:39):
and then this like scene where I was just in
a limousine with the main character, and and so I'm
still in the limousine. They didn't reshoot that, they didn't
cut me out of that, so it just looks like
the main character had as a silent friend, like like
like if you watch an extra, Yeah, I was an extra.
It was like, it's Tony Kolett. She's in the limousine,
she plays this movie star. I'm like, I was supposed

(15:00):
to be I think like her agent or the movie producer.
I don't even remember. But now I'm just like one
of Tony Kollett's sort of passes. It's like a part
of her coterie. Yes, right right in the back of
the Limusae.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
Well, I want to say congrats on turning fifty because
I turned fifty this year.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
When's your birthday?

Speaker 4 (15:16):
July twentieth, okay, July twenty, so you're gonna be fifty
one this year.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
No, I just turned fifty because you're in September.

Speaker 6 (15:22):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Sorry, I keep asking what unth it is. It's so
confusing right now. It's really hard and it's not your
sung lesson. It's so hard to keep track of time.
I know, time is it just changed during the pandemic,
like it'll never be the same.

Speaker 4 (15:34):
Did you quit drinking after the pandemic?

Speaker 1 (15:36):
I've read that somewhere during well twenty twenty two, So during.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
During the pandemic, because I mean, everyone drank too much
during the pan and then they quit drinking.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
I know, but everyone I know went back to it.
I did not. Yeah, you know, I did the reverse.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
I didn't drink very much in the beginning of the
pandemic because I was like, well, that's kindly, I mean
I did about things.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, it's about drink because I was alone.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
And then when my family moved in, that's when I started.
That's when I hit the bottle.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, hard.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
Yeah when they started when they worphed with me, But
so many people have gotten sober since the pandemic.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Yeah, are you sober or you just like sober? Really? Yeah?
Oh wow, I just decided to start saying that actually
really yeah, that seems to be going around and I'm
not saying I'm saying it. No, I'm not saying that
it's trendy. I'm just saying that it's fine to be trendy.

Speaker 3 (16:26):
A lot of people are sober in LA, and a
lot of people are sober from the pandemic.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Some people someone who is I talking to someone I
was talking to owns a pizza Rea pizza place in
LA and said that, like so much of the business
was drinks in a pizza place, and now that nobody's drinking,
it's like restaurants are kind of getting fucked because they
made so much of their money. Like, yeah, heard this
before when you charge like fifteen twenty dollars for a cocktail,

(16:52):
but it's like fifteen dollars for a pizza. But is
it just La or is it all over? I don't
go places anymore. I don't know. I don't know, but
I mean, there is a definite younger generation that are
not drinking. Yeah, they're they're just like not drinking.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
Yeah, yeah, they don't drink, so that that's definitely having
an impact too, maybe because our generation were heavy drinkers
and then everyone is getting sober at a certain age.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
That's my experience.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
In my experience, I'm not sober though, yeah, and I
have no intention of becoming, so don't do it.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
So nobody wants you sober. That's right. Thank you for
saying that.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Thank you for saying that so I didn't have to.

Speaker 3 (17:28):
I want to talk about you being a stepmom because
I feel like that's the clutch role. It's like, if
you're got a real character, if you're going to be yeah, seriously,
if you're going to be in a relationship with children,
it's great to be once removed.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
I had a therapist at the time when I met them,
who was She told me, oh, it's so hard, it's
so hard. And I was like, okay, well easy, just
like yeah, she said she just because you have all
the responsibility and none of the authority. And I was
like yeah, and I don't feel that now my kids
are old, but like when they were young, you are

(18:05):
like you're like a babysitter extra sometimes like I can't
make them do shit. But but there was a lot
of conversations at night in bed where I'm like, you
need to do this, you know, because I didn't really
want to be the bad guy. It's not fair to
make me the bad guy. Your husband that he tries
to do so, like I had to force him to
be the bad guy sometimes.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
And what was your situation when you guys were gonna
you guys met and then you did you got married,
and we didn't live together.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
We had two houses and we we should keep y.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
I mean everyone should have two houses.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
It was so great, but now we just have the
one we lived. I mean we rent out. So we
had his house which was in Thousand Oaks in my house,
which was instill Is in Hollywood, and so we kind
of went back and forth or there were nights where
I just like stayed at my house. That was so great.
But also I traveled so much for work that I

(19:00):
am already gone a lot, you know what I mean,
Like I wasn't like moving in and like, okay, everyone
like family time. Like I was in and out so
much that I think it would have been shitty if
I was like, these are the new rules people, and
I'm gonna go for two months. So we would have
his kids every other week, and so we would stay
at his house and Thousand Oaks the week we had

(19:20):
the kids, and then we would go to my house
most of the time when we didn't. But in the
very beginning, when we were just dating, I would be
like excited for our weekend without the kids, and he
would be like, not because of anything with the kids,
just like it's a new relationship. So then he I
would say like, what are we going to do this
weekend and he'd be like, oh, Lucas has a baseball game,

(19:40):
and I'm like yeah, but it's not your weekend. He's
like yeah, but I'm still his dad. And so I
realized like, oh man, I'm like dating the good dad.
Like I'm not even dating right, I've like chosen a
really like genuinely good persons, which is sexy until you
have them. You're like, I want to get it, you know,

(20:01):
I want to make but he's a really good father.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
And then you meet them and they're not your kids,
and you're like.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Who WHOA, this isn't how I imagine You're like so hungover
at the soccer field, like eating McDonald's out of the
bag and then throwing up in that just kidding. I
never barbed, of course, not at the game, but yeah,
it was crazy. Like then the weekends we didn't have
the kids, we were like, we're still in We're still
going to those games, but we are definitely in dark
sunglasses and definitely like whoa here we are. Yeah, but

(20:28):
it was It was good. It taught me a lot
about relationships and obviously parenting, and and his kids are
so great. They still are so great. It influenced my
decision to not have one of my own. It did influence. Yeah,
I was I was never like I've got to have
a baby. I need a baby, like this life is
a baby. But I was always like, well, like I mean,

(20:49):
isn't that why you do? Don't you get married and
have a baby. I'm like, really pretty basic. And so
when I met him and his kids were great and
everything was going really well, and I was working a lot,
and it was like shit, my guy in a cologist
was like, what's the plan? Dude, Like you're not you know.
So then I thought a lot about it, like for
two years, and then I was talking to this girlfriend

(21:11):
on the phone and she said, I was like, Oh,
I have to decide. I really need to figure this out.
I need to freeze my eggs or whatever. And she
was like, dude, you don't want a baby. And I
was like, how do you know? You barely know me?

Speaker 6 (21:20):
She did.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
She was like, women who want their babies get their babies. Man, Yeah, exactly,
they just do. She's like, you're married, you love him,
you're crazy about him, you'd have two babies right now
if you wanted a baby. Exactly. She's like, you don't
want a baby.

Speaker 3 (21:34):
And it's so funny that, no matter how not present,
that thought is at the foot of your mind. We
always have it in the back of our minds because
of like society and because a lot something that we're
basically arguing with just a rule that was made, you know, someone.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Else made it for other people that aren't us. It
was hard for me to reprogram my brain into that.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
I was reading some stuff about you and your mom
and that you have all these kind of weird things
in common, right, Like your mom was shot in the
chest and you have a scar where she was shot.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
Whose mom has been shot in the chest, Well, she
is from Ohio. What happened? Maybe a lot of people's
moms and no, no, it was a big old accident.
But isn't it so well? Yeah, and she survived and
she's survived bit when she was eleven and her brother
was like, that's a terrible thing. Is it's funny? And

(22:31):
that then you have the scar on your chest.

Speaker 6 (22:33):
I knew.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
I showed her once and she was so freaked out.
She wasn't like, oh my god, she was like, oh,
but is it like a birthmark or did you have
a little It's like she was shot like right next
to her heart. You know, there's always this story like
if it would have been won D a millimeter closer anyway, YadA, YadA.
But mine is like a tiny, little little tiny just

(22:56):
like hers, like little bump, like a little round bump
like the bullet went in. I have this same. Do
you believe in anything related to that like that? That's yes,
I do, But I don't know what I believe, but
I believe it's special. Yeah, but I don't really have
like a well it's because of this or like can
I lay my stones out on the table like I'm

(23:17):
not that, But I do think like I have to
and I want to choose to believe that there's something
bigger than us and that maybe it is special. I mean,
it doesn't mean that she and I like don't fight
a lot. Like we got in an argument this morning
on the phone because she's annoying because she needs help
and she want to ask for it. And I wouldn't
say this because she doesn't really know how to listen

(23:37):
to a podcast, I don't think. So that's too bad.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
This is an advice podcast. We're about to take callers,
and she could have called in.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yeah. So part of the fun thing about getting older
is that your parents are also getting older and they
also require things from us too. So so we were
talking about that. Is she in Ohio still? Yeah, she's
in Ohio. There was like, she's from Ohio. She and
my dad got married, they had me. This all happened
in Michigan, and then when they retired, they moved back

(24:05):
to Ohio and they live in this small town called Carry,
Ohio Go Blue Demons. And most of her family's still there.
So I have like loads of cousins and second cousins
and aunts and uncles, well not as many and uncles anymore,
but they're all still there, and so it sucks that
she's so far away, that my parents are both so
far away, But it's great because there's family there. Yeah,
and you're an only child? Yeah yeah, yeah, So how

(24:27):
did you like that experience? I mean, it's fucking awesome.
Compared to growing up with a bunch of brothers. All
I saw was my friends getting the shit beat out
of them all the time, and I was like how.
But now at this age, I'm like, oh, it would
be nice to have some siblings. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (24:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
What's the the rap on only children is that they're
supposed to be spoiled?

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Is that it spoiled? Or odd?

Speaker 6 (24:50):
Right?

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (24:51):
I think like odd.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
I had a girlfriend when I grew up, Heather, and
she was an only child, and I loved going to
her house because it was like peaceful, was so organized,
her parents were so like like straight, Yeah, yeah, my
house was just a fucking hot mess of children and
people running in and out, food on the table, humanity, yeah, humanity,
like dirty underwear in the living room, just gross, you know.

(25:15):
And I remember going to our house and I think
her mom was actually a librarian, and it felt like
that and I just would be like God, so and
then yeah, and then you know, a couple more times
I went over and I'm like, this is kind of boring,
but it wasn't a reflection of her. It was just
reflection of the orderliness and that I kind of exist
better in chaos.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah, I enjoyed going to the chaotic houses. I was
like totally freaked out by them, couldn't wait to go home,
but like also kind of like sought it out. I
was like, wow, like you you just punched a person,
like a human in the face, and you guys are
like that. Mom said, I don't I'm not. I don't
want to speak for every only child, but like I'm

(25:55):
terrible at fighting. I'm really bad at conflict because I
didn't have to have I never had that conflict. And
then you just like have to sit around the table
and laugh afterward. Like I like, a fight means a
fight and it needs to be dealt with and talked
about and you have to go to therapy about it
and like all the things, Like it's a big deal
to me. I think that's wrong and I think it
shouldn't be that way. But that I think is something

(26:15):
maybe that is an only childie thing.

Speaker 4 (26:17):
You think what you the way that you handle conflict
is wrong.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah, I think it's okay to fight. I think we
have to be allowed to, like, you know, get in
fights and then get over it, yeah, and kind of recover,
right and recover and move on and still like have
love in your heart for that person.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
So do you remember the moment that you decided that
you wanted to marry your husband?

Speaker 1 (26:36):
It was pretty early on, but I don't remember, like
exactly the move at first sight. Do you believe in that? No?
I believe in lust at first sight or like a
strong chemistry. But the older I get, I feel like
I feel chemistry with all kinds of different people. And
just because I feel chemistry with someone doesn't mean that

(26:57):
we have to be lovers, be friends and one extra
minute together.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Like, well, that's another thing that we've been fed, like
this idea of chemistry, lust, love at first sight, like
everything's some sort of romantic fairy tale. Yeah, And it's
not like that at all. And it also doesn't give
you a nuanced view of the world. Whereas you can
have a soulmate that's your sister or your friend in
the same sense that.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
A soulmate can be a lover or your mother or like.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
It doesn't everything is so always seems so wrapped up
and like set all me, Like yeah, I mean everything
is an ends, like it means to an end to
get to have yeah, to sex and love to.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Get that yeah, or like acceptance or something yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.
So tell me about when you met your husband. Well,
I was gonna say it wasn't and he says the
same exact thing, by the way, He's like, no, it
wasn't love at first sight. I was happy he was
tall because I wanted to wear high heels on our
first date and I did. Was a blind date. Yeah,
it was like super blind for me, Like I opened
the front door.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
Your mother also met your father on a blind day. Yeah,
that's another thing. That a party with that. Yeah, okay,
I got it.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
I was like, well, I don't know, it works, it
could work out. And he and I were talking on
the phone, so like I knew kind of who he was,
and then he felt bad because he's like, well, I
know what you look like, and you don't know what
I look like. Do you want me to send you
a picture? Because I didn't have like Facebook or any
of that bullshit. And I was like Noah, it's weird.
I don't if what if I look at a picture
of him and like the get grossed up? Yeah, I'd

(28:21):
rather be grossed out right to his face when I
opened the front door. I'd rather open the front door
and have like my very non poker face be like,
oh you're down there right or whatever like yeah. So
I said, no, no, it's fine. I liked him so much.
He was so nice and so funny and also like
kind of dark and like enough dark and enough weird
that like he's not boring, but also like nice. And

(28:43):
he drove a Prius, which to me felt like, oh,
he cares about the environment, and I liked that too,
And so we went on many fun dates and did
lots of fun things. But it was probably about a
month in when I was like, oh, I love you,
and I kept saying I have very strong feelings for you.

(29:04):
I have very strong feelings for you too. And then
this is a crazy thing. I had drinks and told
him I loved him when I'd been drinking, Like that's
never happened before to anyone in the history of love.
So I was the first person to get drunk and
say I love you first, and then he also was drunk,
which was weird, weird, and he said it two people,

(29:26):
especially drunk together is weird. I know, like two drunk
people anyway. So then the next morning, when we were
no longer drunk, I was like, I did mean what
I said and he was like me too. It was
cute and we did. We really did. Like it was fast,
and then even two months after that, so now we're
dating for like three or four months. We went on
a vacation to Italy together and my girlfriend Janet was like,

(29:47):
you better get a manicure and I'm like, shut up,
really and she's like, get a manicure. I'm like, so
I get a manicure, and like every day we're in
a romantic, beautiful place in Florence and I'm like and
then it was like the last day and we're sitting
on this bridge over the river, drinking like out of

(30:07):
the bottle of Italian red wine, and I'm just like,
you're not gonna ask me to marry you?

Speaker 5 (30:14):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (30:14):
And he was like, no, what are you talking about.
It's been four months. I'm a father that would just
be irresponsible. Yeah, totally, Oh my god, what wasn't me?
It was Jenne. It was Janet's fault. He's like, have
you been thinking that every time there's been like a moment,
And I'm.

Speaker 3 (30:30):
Like, yes, I wonder what guys think about when they
think about that pressure. Like I was in my worka
last summer and I saw outside of my window on
the beach this couple and this guy proposing to her right,
and it was and they had they were prepared because
there were photographers and stuff, and she He's down on
his knee on this like little rock, you know, little
rock thing.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
What are the jetty?

Speaker 3 (30:52):
And then he got up and I was about to
do this interview for something, and I said, I wonder
what a man feels like after he proposes and they
say yes. He's like yeah, Like I wonder what they're
because women are so we're so wrapped up, yeah, with
regard to a proposal and our own thoughts and feelings

(31:12):
that were never ever thinking about what a man feels
like or what the pressure that he must be under. Yeah,
he must be fucking freaking out or some men are
hopefully wondering if you're going to say yes or if
you're going to say no. And then when I got
on the phone with this reporter who was interviewing me,
I told him, and he goes, what do you think
a man thinks about?

Speaker 1 (31:31):
I go, I've never thought what men are thinking about?
Like that really never occurred to me to think about
what men are thinking about. I have too much going on,
you know, it's really busy up here. Yeah, the same
way when you were telling this story, I was like, A,
we supposed to be thinking about what men think about
I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
They're certainly not thinking about what we were we're doing.
I mean, some of them, are not all of them.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
Some, I mean, there are some very good men out there,
and if you're a straight man listening, you're one of
those people, because our audience not for straight men. But
I'm glad that you found a good husband, and I'm
glad that you've like I like the idea of a
stepmother for the reasons we've already explained and for many reasons,
various reasons I've spoken about on this show. But the
other thing that I love is having an influence, like

(32:17):
a positive influence on a younger person. Yeah, is a
very rewarding feeling.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
Yeah, do you feel that way, Like, do you feel
like you've imprinted upon them some I.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Mean they tell me I have in like really lovely
birthday cards and Christmas cards and Mother's Day cards. Yeah,
they definitely do. And I feel that and I even
like see it sometimes in little things here and there,
Like I don't know, I'm really into tiny little dishes,
and I see them around, like buy them obsessively for

(32:48):
my stepdaughter, and I'll see them like around her apartment
and like, I don't know, I'm not gonna like take
credit for everything I want to, but but like I
think it's in there. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. But
like they also like their mom is great, their grandmother
is fucking awesome. Like they're they're surrounded by some really

(33:08):
great people. And has your husband ever said thank you
yeah for for yes all yeah yeah all the time,
he's like, you made me such a better parent.

Speaker 3 (33:19):
Oh that's like those are the kinds of things I
love to hear about it.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
I also made him a better dog parent because he
never walked his dog. I should just like wal dog.
Well someone I can't, yo, is it different? I mean
I mean a dog door. I'm like, are you, like,
what's wrong with you? That's like I don't know. Yeah,

(33:43):
That's what I like, is a big open door policy.
You go in and if you hear the coyotes shattering about,
well I always get dogs that are bigger than the
coyotes and just hope for the best. You know what
I mean. We're going to take a break. We're going
to take a break with Judy Greer and we'll be
right back. And we're back with Judy.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
We're back.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
Are you ready to get down to business? Like I've
always fantasized about this, is it's a fan It is. Yes,
it's a true thing, and it's quite rewarding actually, And
that's really like I don't own the domain Dear Judy Greer.
I'm not saying that they don't. Were you a Dear
Abby fan? Yeah? I loved Dear Abby.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
I loved it.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
And also that was only written, you know, like that
was in the newspaper, so there wasn't any way to
expound because you were I was always like waiting for
I wanted more information. I wanted more back and forth
and dialogue. So when we started this podcast, it was
kind of in the jest and then it really actually
became a serious thing. Yeah, so now here we are
giving bad advice to people all across the world.

Speaker 5 (34:45):
Our first question comes from Erica. She says, help, I'm
accidentally dating a Trump supporter.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
What dear Chelsea.

Speaker 5 (34:52):
I'm a Canadian living in Los Angeles, and I'm in
the music industry. I'm fiercely feminist and, like Chelsea, have
strong values and an even stronger relationship with the truth.
Needless to say, it has been difficult living in America
the last few years, and especially the last few months.
I've been single for a long long time, a mix
of prioritizing my career and dating and not finding the
right or any eligible man. All of that changed recently

(35:15):
when I started dating someone and there was a lot
of promise. We have a great connection, and he was
checking all of my boxes and everything was heading in
the right direction. And then on Friday we were on
a date and the conversation somehow turned to politics. He
told me that he voted for Trump last year. I
was blindsided. There had been zero indication of this. I
had a visceral reaction, but tried to engage in dialogue.

(35:35):
I asked him why. He said he did it for
economic and business reasons. When I asked him if he
was in favor of equal rights, pro choice, etc. His
response was an impassioned of course. We talked about immigration,
women's rights, etc. And he said maybe he would feel
differently if he was quote affected by those things. I
asked him if he regretted his vote, and his response
was no. To make matters even worse, He's Latino. I

(35:57):
told him that this was difficult to digest for me
because my value so strongly opposed those of the current
administration and the Republican Party, which I widely regard to
be a cult. I'm struggling to wrap my head around this. Well,
I'm glad this came up before we got more serious.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
And strong feelings invested.

Speaker 5 (36:13):
Good connections with men are few and far between, and
there was something there. I'm struggling to reconcile the person
I was getting to know with the person who would
vote for Trump. So what would Chelsea do? Is this
a walking red flag? And should I run as far
as I can? Or is there a way to move
through this without abandoning my beliefs?

Speaker 3 (36:29):
Erica, I mean, honestly, I would hate to say you
can't date somebody that's for Donald Trump, because I just
feel like that is just so narrow minded, but right
now in the world that we're living in, it's just
so ugly, this discourse, this everything that's happening is so unsettling,
and it's making life less pleasant, actively making life less pleasant.

(36:51):
And I don't know, I don't know how you get
around something like that when it's just such a value.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
But like, what is the end game? Is it? Like marriage? Kids?
Like we were talking about before, It sounds like it,
Because if that's what someone's really looking for, then like
you have to really like put yourself, like cut to
ten years from now and you've got like two kids
at home, and like, how are you going to raise
your kids together? Like how are you black values are

(37:18):
you going to instill in them? And that would worry me.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
It's one thing to have an open dialogue with somebody
who disagrees with you vehemently and as opposed to you
when it's how divisive things have become. It's one thing
to remain open to having a conversation with them. It's
a whole other thing to be in a sexual relationship
that is leading to hopefully a more serious relationship and
possibly marriaging kids down the road. Then you kind of

(37:44):
have to be like, well, wait a second.

Speaker 1 (37:46):
But what are your core values? Right? What are like
your actual like deep core values? And like is he
on help podcasts? Being like, oh my god, I'm so
into this girl and then I found out she's a
screaming liberal, And but like, isn't this stuff on people's
social media?

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Why isn't this the first question you asked?

Speaker 3 (38:09):
That's another thing. I mean, well not the first question.
Did you vote for Trump? Is not a great open air.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
But I think we're all learning something here about the questions.
That's that's true.

Speaker 3 (38:19):
You should have You should at some point before things
have gotten to the point they are, had to political conversation.
So that's also, you know, kind of like something to
think about moving forward. But yes, if you're looking for
kids and family and a marriage, it's probably not this guy.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
There are those. There's a really famous political couple. What's
the guy's name? He was on like ksetright, and like,
I know who you're talking. He's on my husband's show.
They're a different version of Republican and demo. They're conservatives
and liberal, they're not Trump and everything else. And I

(38:55):
think there's a difference. I think like having like liberal
versus conservative values. I think that there's like a lot
more conversation there, but like for me, it would be
really hard to allow a person.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
And your reaction is your reaction. Your reaction is that
you felt like someone punched you in the gut like that.
There you go, there's your reactions.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
But if you're asking a question about it, then you're
just like maybe looking for someone to tell you it's
okay because you know that it's not for you.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Yeah, maybe yep, let's move on, okay, Erica.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
I'm sorry, just like you need to move on. Eric Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
Sucks, but there's so many you know what, there are
millions of people in this world, and you will find
another one that is that shares the same values.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
Millions of people right here in Los Angeles.

Speaker 6 (39:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Yeah, it's hard to date here.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
I know it is hard to date in Los Angeles,
but it's okay. It's hard to date and it's hard
to date period for a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
I mean, it was very like courageous of him to
be honest with her.

Speaker 5 (39:51):
Maybe the thing for me is like, oh, I just
didn't think about how it would affect other people.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
That to me is kind of a deal breaker.

Speaker 4 (40:00):
And it doesn't affect me, would you do it me?

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Then turning back roe v.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Wade doesn't affect me because I'm fucking fifty. It affects
you were about Yeah that I you know, like I
care about what happens to other women.

Speaker 1 (40:12):
But that's even like a bigger conversation because that is
even like about the whole idea of women's healthcare. So
like Roe v. Wade, like, abortion is one issue and
the big huge umbrella of women's health care that they
like can start to fucking chip away at. And that's
why it is so scary. I think it's not just
about like taking away our right to an abortion. If
you look at the statistics, I know, a plan parented,

(40:33):
it's like less than five percent of what they do
is that. But it's going to start to chip away
at all the other healthcare that's provided for women who
need it. And that's when it's really scary. And that's
why it is small minded. Yeah, small minded.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
You're not thinking about all the other things that they're
along with with that we.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Could, yeah, we could continue, but I'm sorry, you have
your yes, I don't want to talk. You do what
you need to do. But that's what we think yeah.

Speaker 6 (40:55):
Well.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Our next question comes from Charlotte.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Is this a caller?

Speaker 2 (40:58):
This is a caller?

Speaker 1 (41:01):
Do you know how to use headphones? I watched a
YouTube video?

Speaker 5 (41:04):
Great, she says, Dear Chelsea, I could use some honest advice.
I'm feeling like a bad wife, but I'm finding it
incredibly hard to be a strong and supportive partner in
my current situation.

Speaker 6 (41:14):
Strong.

Speaker 5 (41:18):
My wife and I have been together for eight years,
married for six, and we have a one year old daughter.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
She lost her job last year and has.

Speaker 5 (41:24):
Been actively searching and applying for any and all jobs,
connecting with friends and family to see if they have
any connections.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Recruiters are anyone in our network.

Speaker 5 (41:32):
I've even gotten her some interviews, but for one reason
or another, nothing has worked out.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
She's always been the breadwinner in our.

Speaker 5 (41:37):
Relationship, proudly so, and she used to cover most of
our expenses, vacations, nice dinners, all of it. Now that
she's not making money, her confidence has clearly taken a toll,
and I can see her losing motivation. I've tried to
love on her and lift her up, but I'm feeling
frustrated and burnt out. This isn't the first time she's
lost her job or been laid off. This is the
fourth time in our relationship with large gaps of unemployment.

(41:58):
I'm thirty one, and I want to live. Right now,
we're living paycheck to paycheck on my income, and while
I can almost cover us, I don't want this to
be our new normal. I love her deeply and don't
want to leave, but I also feel like I can't
keep living like this. I've even considered moving out temporarily
to give us both some space, but that also costs money,
and I don't want to take her daughter away from her.
Some other good info to have. She takes care of

(42:19):
her art her full time, except on Mondays and Wednesdays,
when I pay for daycare to give her time to
job hunt. We have a twenty one year age gap,
and we aren't getting any younger, and I'm dying to
have another kid. I can't even think about that until
she's working again. Please help me, ladies, What do I do?

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Charlotte?

Speaker 1 (42:34):
Hi, Charlotte, Hi Charlotte. This is our special guest, Judy
Greer say hello.

Speaker 6 (42:39):
Hi, Oh yeah, this is so exciting.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
Your question is breaking? Well, why's the question? Why has
she been She's been fired four times. Yeah, what's going
on there?

Speaker 6 (42:52):
I'm not going to say fired and say like laid off.
There has been circumstance. There's been maybe one time she's
actually been fired for ridiculous reasons. I honest feel like
I don't know. She's you know, she's at the C suite.
She's been a CEO, she's went a VP, she's been
like the head of everything that she's ever done. So
I she's honestly one of the smartest women I know.

(43:14):
She has a master's, two bachelor's degrees. She's very, very smart.
So I'm not understanding now here. We're at a year
where she doesn't have a job. Why, like, why why
can't she get a job?

Speaker 1 (43:27):
Did she get laid off from her last job or fired?

Speaker 4 (43:30):
It was a mutual agreement, Okay, mutual understanding.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Is there a lawsuit involved?

Speaker 6 (43:35):
No, they signed something basically she got laid off after
mattorney leave.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Oh okay, yeah.

Speaker 6 (43:45):
So they basically signed something where it's like, all right,
I will leave as long as you pay for maternity
leave for three months, like pay for my attorney leave
and then I'll leave.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
Oh it sounds like she might be depressed. Yeah, do
you think that that's what's happening.

Speaker 6 (44:02):
Definitely trying every single thing. So how can I even
like be like, all right, I'm going to leave, like
I can't do this anymore when she's trying.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
Yeah, yeah, but she's trying, and which in which ways
is she trying?

Speaker 6 (44:14):
She is constantly, constantly interviewing. She's trying to do this
like furniture business now or maybe she can like refurbish
furniture to make some money on the side, and like
she's trying to make that happen. It's not exactly happening.
She's been thinking about buying a business. She's like looked
at businesses and possibly thinking, Okay, maybe it's this something
that I can do. Like she's trying every outlet.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
And you're losing your patience, Yeah, I am. Is it
her attitude that is bringing you? Like, is she she's
so she's actively seeking employment and a job and a
career path, But is what is bumming you out the
fact that she hasn't attained one yet or that coupled
with her outlook on life, like.

Speaker 6 (44:54):
It sounds so terrible, but it's so she hasn't found
a job, Like I'm just I feel like I'm sitting
here and waiting for my life to start again.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
I mean, I don't know what it's like to have
you have a one year old. Yeah, I get that
you don't want to leave her, and I would never
tell someone to leave their spouse, but I think you
have to start your own life. Like what, like, what
do you want? So the main thing you want to
do is have another kid?

Speaker 6 (45:15):
I mean not yeah, I want to have another kid,
but I also like want to like travel, and like
I'm creating this little girl's childhood and I want to
do things with her. I want to take around vacation,
I want to show her the world right and we
just can't do those things right now. And it's like
now I need to figure out, like how do I
get in a better headspace of it is what it
is until something happens.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
Well, it's not it is what it is. I don't
know that you're ready to call it quits on your relationship.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
I don't.

Speaker 4 (45:41):
I'm not getting that vibe. I'm getting the vibe that
you're very frustrated and you have every right to be.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
Like she hasn't figured out a job yet, she hasn't
gotten hired.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
That's also not her fault necessarily, Like.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
I don't know, that's not like she's trying really.

Speaker 3 (45:52):
I mean, it's not like she's sitting on her sofa
for a year and just like I don't feel like
going on interviews, like right, that's the impression I got
from letter and now speaking with you, it looks like
she's really actively trying to figure something out. I do
think you have to kind of figure out a different
approach to this situation, how you're dealing it and possibly
how she's dealing with it, you know, to give a
little bit more grace to the period she's in. She

(46:14):
clearly wants a job and she just doesn't have one.
So it's like you're kind of with somebody for the
good and the bad. You know, if this were a
three year thing, it would be different. I understand to
years a long time, But.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Again, you have a small child, she's actively looking for work,
and you're young, and you're rare in a go and
you're ready to go. She's kind of a bit older
than you, right, Yeah, she's twenty years older than me. Right,
that's a pretty big age difference.

Speaker 3 (46:37):
Do you feel like that's going to be an issue
for you in the future, Like, has that been an
issue for you thus far?

Speaker 6 (46:43):
No. All of my friends are much older than me.
All the people have ever dated have always been older.
That's just how Li've connected with Is.

Speaker 1 (46:50):
There a world where like you could get a better job, Like,
I don't know what you do, but like, can you?
Is there a world where your career, like you could
like both focus on you career and you maybe advancing
and in that way and kind of like taking over
more of the breadwinner role so that she I have thought.

Speaker 6 (47:10):
About that and I have. I do absolutely love my
job so much right now, and there is a really
poor growth and I have grown a lot in my company.
But like for me, it would be like a side gig,
so I would be taking up the time that I
would be able to send my daughter. I'd be making money.
And then if I'm making out this money, I don't
have to be supporting somebody That's just not who I am.
Like one of the reasons I like older people is

(47:33):
because they have their shit together and they can help me,
support me and help me grow.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
I'm thinking just right off the top of my head,
and I don't know how useful this is, but I
just feel like there's got to be a better way
for you to.

Speaker 4 (47:44):
Support your partner during this time.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
She's not lying around, she's not a drug addict, she's
not a drunk, she's not doing any of those things right, right, right,
And you share a child, Like, I think you should
really try to feel like instead of looking at it
in this way.

Speaker 4 (47:59):
You have every right to be frustrated.

Speaker 3 (48:00):
Yeah, but you still want to be supportive and you
want to be a supportive partner because if the situations
or the roles were reversed, you wouldn't want somebody just going, oh,
you haven't gotten a job in a year. I know
we have a family together, I know we'd like and
I'm leaving, Like, that's just not the way it works.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
You have to have a little bit more room for
things not to work out in the perfect way you
want in the moment that you want when you're dealing.

Speaker 4 (48:22):
With another person. That's just the way it is.

Speaker 3 (48:24):
So I would say that you a figure out a
way and even sit down with her and go how
can we how can I help you? Like, how can
I be more supportive of you? Because I'm starting to
get frustrated and all I want to do is, you know,
help you get back on your feet. So what are
the tools in which we can do this and possibly
even going to like couples counseling to figure out a

(48:45):
way forward. And I know that sounds like, oh, that's
just more money, but these are really good tools to
have because it's not always.

Speaker 4 (48:52):
Going to be easy in your marriage or your relationship.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
Do you like but like, let me ask you this,
do you want to be married to her?

Speaker 6 (49:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (49:01):
You really really do?

Speaker 6 (49:02):
Yeah? I love her. She's like the best wife and
even a better mom. And I think about that too,
and I'm like, all right, if I were to leave
when she got back on her feet, like I want
to be with her again, right, But think.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
About what you're saying.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
You're just saying like you're just saying you don't want
to be with someone while they're failing.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
Yeah, you want to, like you have to want to
be with her like for better and on the ups.

Speaker 6 (49:26):
Like okay, but I've been in this position four times
with her.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
That's the issue over what span of time?

Speaker 6 (49:33):
Eight years?

Speaker 1 (49:34):
So, Like, you cannot control other people, You cannot change
other people. You can only control yourself. You can only
control yourself. Like it has to start with you. So
if you want more money, and you want a bigger lifestyle,
and you want to travel, you have to shift the
focus onto yourself. If you make a good living, if
you have a great job, you will be able to
take time off and you'll be able to go on
the trips with your daughter. Your daughter will benefit from

(49:56):
having one parent at home all the time, which you
thought was going to be you made, it's going to
be her now. Like I think that, like, you can't
change this other person no matter what, Like you marry somebody,
you're like, I don't know what the future has in
store for this person, but like I'm hitching my wagon
too you And I think like you have to kind
of start working on yourself and you have to be like,

(50:17):
start to get really honest about what do you like,
how to get how can you yourself get the things
that you want out of life?

Speaker 5 (50:25):
And to Judy's point earlier, it's not necessarily about getting
a side hustle. It's like maybe talking to your boss
right now about a raise, you know, taking steps within
your own career to advance your career. And I'll also say,
like she could get a new job tomorrow. Sometimes you're
going to be pulling the cart. Sometimes she's going to
be pulling the cart. You guys are doing this together,
and I don't think it's between like, well, I really

(50:45):
want to be with her and I'm leaving. There are
other options in other ways too, and I think, like
couples counseling has to be next for sure.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
I mean, if she was sick and she had to
quit her job because she was very sick, you probably
wouldn't feel this way, you know what I mean. Like
the circum stances are that you I think you just
like want a little bit more right now, Yeah, you
want a little bit more.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
And you're also like I think you have to really
adjust your thinking and and how you do this is
really just kind of You can do it with a therapist.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
You can do it by.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Like journaling and writing, and you can do it by
actually having an open conversation with her about your true feelings.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Have you done that?

Speaker 6 (51:22):
We've had some conversations. Yes. I feel like a lot
of the times I feel bad telling her that I'm
feeling this way because she's feeling it tenfold, right, and
so it just feels.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
Like really piling kind of sure, Yeah, like you.

Speaker 6 (51:35):
Think you're feeling bad like I am this fifty year
old woman that cannot get a job, like I think
you know, I can't provide to my family like I
normally do. Like what do you think I'm feeling? So
it just feels like unfair to have those feelings.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
Yeah, I think this is a you problem. And now
the more we talk about it, I really do. I
think you have to adjust. I mean, listen, there might
be a she might have her own set of problems,
but I think you really have to adjust your expectations
and what a relationship really means because it's supposed to
be fifty to fifty and.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
You even said she was the breadwinner for many years.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
I understand she's been let go four times or laid
off four times or fired somewhere in the middle of that,
which is slightly odd. But you already said you love her,
you want to be with her, you know what I mean.
You're together, So you really have to figure out this
is like a you inside job. You have to figure
out how you're going to be more supportive towards her
without talking to her about it.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
And how can you get the life that you want?
And do you both want the same life? You have
the same long term goals together, then you need to
kind of figure out like, okay, with these circumstances right now,
exactly as it is, like how do we start to
achieve those goals now that we have these new facts.
Maybe you might have to like move to a less

(52:51):
expensive place, Maybe you might have to get a different job,
Maybe you might have to go in and ask for
a raise or something. But I think maybe you need
to take care of all three of you right now.

Speaker 6 (53:03):
Yeah, I think I'm thinking back what you said, Chelsea
is it's just like how do I change my mindset
and how do I be more supportive when I'm so frustrated.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Well, first of all, you should start journaling. And I
don't mean journaling like writing everything down. You just get
a girl, get one of those like inner presence in
or now there's all these inner ones that start with intern.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
Journal every day.

Speaker 3 (53:22):
It's a gratitude where you wake up every morning and
write down like three things that you're grateful for. I
think it sounds corny, but if you put it into
like action, you'll actually start to have a better Like
you're going to be vibrating out a higher frequency and
you want to be vibrating at a higher frequency because
she's vibrating at such a lower frequency. Right, right now,
she's just in a rut. She's in a place that's
not permanent. None of this is permanent. Even your feelings

(53:44):
right in this moment aren't permanent. It's all temporary, and
you have the power to adjust it. So you've got
to be the bigger person. You know Mel Robbins, Right, Okay,
you know Mel. Mel's book, she talks about her husband
was the breadwinner for many, many years. They were in debt,
hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. She was eight
hundre so she was so depressed you couldn't get out
of bed.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
And then she created. Look what she's done with herself.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
She was upset with him and resentful of him because
he wasn't earning the money. Like yeah, wait a minute,
and she's like, wait, wait, why don't I fucking get
up and do something? And she did something amazing. But first,
I understand what you're saying about your attitude and like
that you want to adjust it because I could see it,
and you do need to adjust it. You need to
be more loving, you need to be more compassionate. And
you also have to own it, like this is on you.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (54:28):
You have to change the station. You can't expect her
to change the dial if you change the station. The
best way to change people is by changing yourself. Right,
That's an expression that's also old and corny, but fucking true.
So like I would, really, I would download one of
these apps. This isn't going to solve all your problems,
but it's taking a step in the right direction of positivity.
Like you want to have a more positive vibe. You

(54:50):
don't want to dread having conversations with her. You want
to be bright and cheerful and lift other people up, right,
especially her and your daughter, And you want to just
create a different vibe house and that chemistry alone by
you doing that and taking those actions.

Speaker 4 (55:04):
Then you write down like three ways you're going to
make today great?

Speaker 3 (55:07):
And what's something that could happen today that would change
your day and make your day great. Those are the
questions and prompts that they ask you on these apps,
and just by nature the nature of repeating those things
and those sentiments you do kind of it kind of
booies you and you start to understand and there starts
to be more opportunity around you that you weren't seeing before,

(55:27):
because sometimes we can get so narrow and like sunken
and like victim like that we don't really see everything.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
There's also like a shit ton of cool stuff you
can do for cheap. You can drive away for the weekend,
you know what I mean, Like you can go camping
for really cheap. Like I know you want to travel
and show your daughter of the world, but there's still
a lot of stuff you can do on a budget
right now that will teach your daughter to be creative,
to like go with the flow. Also, I think maybe
I don't know how often you talk about your wife's

(55:56):
jobs and like what she's doing for it. Maybe you
both need to say, like one day a week, we're
going to talk about your job hunt unless there's real news.
Let's not talk about it every day. Let's talk about
it on Saturday mornings over coffee, and then it doesn't
become like every single day this topic that is like
hanging over you because you've decided unless there's really something

(56:16):
to share, one day a week is the hour.

Speaker 6 (56:18):
That we don't want to talk about it anymore unless
all really happening. We don't.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
Yeah, I mean is that how's that? Is that better?
Maybe it's better to talk about it now that you're
saying that.

Speaker 6 (56:29):
I'm thinking now that like I need to be more
like yay, like you have an interview, Like let's go
instead of like all right.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
Or do you guys share a calendar? You could share
a calendar and then she could like kind of write
on ac calend, like you could see what's going on.
It would be a way to like share it without
necessarily like having to say, like how did the interview go?
I remember when I first started acting. I started by
telling my parents every time I had an audition, and
then every time I didn't get it, I had to
then go and tell my parents I didn't get the part,

(56:56):
and it fucking sucked. But like now I think, like,
you know, they were so sweet, they cared so much,
but I just ended up like cutting them out of
that whole process completely because it was too hard for me.
But I think, you know, in your situation, like maybe
if there's like a board where she could write down
I don't know. I think you guys should both start this.
I think you should do this as a couple.

Speaker 3 (57:16):
The journaling thing I think you should do it together
as an activity.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
You bring it up.

Speaker 3 (57:20):
Go, hey, listen, we want to get like we're not
in the right vibe right now, like I want things
to be better around here. I want to help you
get a job. I want to be as supportive as possible.
I called into dear Chelsea, this is what we Let's
do this together. Well, you do it at night before
you go to bed, and you do it in the
morning when you wake up, and then you guys can
do that. You have something like an activity that's kind
of bonding together, and that way, when she has a

(57:41):
job interview coming up, she can be putting positive energy
towards that. And also you can be, like, what would
make today great? The answer is my partner having a
great interview, a great job interview today, my partner getting
a job today, all of those things, but like in
a very supportive way, you know what I mean, like
an adaptive strategy rather than like a malady of one.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
She might also benefit from you asking her to help
you try to get ahead in your career, Like maybe
it would make her feel good to start to like
help you try to get a raise, get a promotion,
get a like climb the ladder, maybe get a different
job at a different company, and what you're doing that
you like so much, it's like a little bit maybe
she would feel really good about helping you do that.
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (58:21):
I don't know about that book.

Speaker 3 (58:23):
Well, she's fifty, she's not one hundred. She's going to
get another job, you know what I mean. So just
don't write her off. But I do think start with
the small steps of just creating a better vibe in
the house, because however you're feeling is something that you're
emoting without knowing it, you know what I mean. If
you're having negative feelings about her situation and about her
not bringing in money, I'm sure she's well aware of it.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
So just to change the channel.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
And go, Okay, we're going to put on a nice
fun show for a little you know, for the next
few weeks, and we're all And then it's also another
line of communication between the two of you to kind
of share that experience of journaling, like, oh, this is
really corny. I don't know what to say. What am
I grateful for your daughter? What are you grateful for
your job? The house, the roof over your head, whatever,

(59:07):
you know. The food that you ate that morning.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
You can be grateful for a good TV show.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
Just trust me to start doing that and just take
little steps in the right direction. Instead of thinking I'm
not getting what I want, think about how you're going
to get what you want.

Speaker 6 (59:22):
Yeah, you can do that, That's easy.

Speaker 3 (59:26):
Okay, check in check in with us in a few months,
will you and let us know what's happening.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
Thanks Charlotte.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Okay, thanks Charlotte.

Speaker 6 (59:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
Thanks.

Speaker 6 (59:38):
By.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
It's so interesting with couples not getting what like you want,
but also knowing that you want to stay. You know
what I mean, like saying, Okay, this is nice. When
she said that exactly, it was like she really did.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
And it's very easy, like like for someone who just
like wants Chelsea Handler to tell them to walk away
from their marriage. Like you could tell that you were
the one who was about to do that, Judy, you were.
You were because I honestly feeling like she was trying
to get us to say to go. I didn't feel
that way. I totally felt that way from her. I
felt like she just wanted permission to go. And if

(01:00:15):
that's the case, like I just feel like people just.

Speaker 5 (01:00:18):
Go leaving this marriage will be just as hard as
waiting out the joblessness, I feel like in this beefic situations.

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
But they also have a one year old.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Yeah, that's not way.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Hard, right, I mean, and leave that that's like a
big That sounds like she would be taking that child
with her because she said, I don't want to take
her daughter away from her, right right. That's so she
has thought about it because she has a scenario.

Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Yeah, but I think when you're very married to this
idea of what your life is going to look like,
it becomes like very like.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
In Goodfellas when he comes home from jail and he
like walks into the apartment that she's been living in
and they're all like in bunk beds in one room,
and he's like what the fuck? And she was just like, hey, you.

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
Don't remember that now, and she's like, hey, things have
been He's like here we are.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
And he's like what. But like she didn't she like
signed up for like fancy mob husband. She made it work, right,
and then she got rewarded for it, except for then
they want to jail. Okay, we're going to take a break.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
We'll be right back to wrap up with Judy and
we're back with Judy career. Judy, what a pleasure it's been.
You're so entertaining. It's been really fun. I feel like
I failed a little on the advice portion.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
Very cerebral. Afraid you're afraid. I'm afraid of like telling
people what to do, even though that's all I want
to do with my life. But I'm like, oh, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
You felt the fear and you did it anyway.

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
A real therapist, a real therapist, or a real psycho
like psychologist doesn't doesn't. A real psycho doesn't really tell
you what to do. They know, and that's why we're
there for years. Yeah, because like what if they are, like,
break up with him?

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
Yeah, yeah, I would have loved for people to tell
me that throughout the years, with different relationships, even like
in a couple of skis I had once once a therapist,
as I was leaving with my boyfriend, grabbed my arm
and said get away from him as quickly as possible,
and I broke up with him the next morning.

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
WHOA.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
I was like, thank you, one more good night out
of it. I was like I had to get my
things together. We were living together. I was like, oh shit,
But I was a stranger told me that if a
stranger grabbed my arm and said that someone who has
no you know, has nothing at stake in the game
and said that to me, I would be an idiot

(01:02:39):
to not listen to her like she knows better, you know.
That's how she and she did. She was right. So
on that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
Note, Judy has two movies that you can watch, well,
she has about a five thousand movies that you can watch,
but two new movies.

Speaker 4 (01:02:52):
One is The Long Walk and then the next one.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
Is called Dead of Winter.

Speaker 2 (01:02:55):
Sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
Emma Thompson, Oh yeah, I love her.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
Oh my god, she's I once went to a Bruce
Springsteen concert with her in London, not with her.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
But we was gonna same area.

Speaker 7 (01:03:04):
Wait, she needs to be She's podcast. She's amazing. She's amazing.
She's like Kate Blanchette level. Like those two. Oh my god,
I love both of those. I'm just thinking of other
British actresses that I love. But why people, Why because
there's just them? Yeah, there's probably loads, but I mean
she is.

Speaker 6 (01:03:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:03:24):
Did you did you have a good time with her?

Speaker 1 (01:03:27):
Yeah? Yeah, she's so cool. She is so cool, smart,
she doesn't mince words, she's kind, to people. Yes, forty nine.
I learned so much from her. I felt like I
grew up just being around her for two months. What
did you what do you think you learned from her? Well,
she's nice. She's kind to people, but she has a
lot of integrity, and she treats people the way that

(01:03:50):
she would want to be treated. But like, she's not
afraid of being disliked. She is patient until it's time
to not be patient, and she's not a dormat. I
guess it's because so much of like my psyche is
like wrapped up and like I want to be liked,
you know, like that people pleasing yes, yes, yes, And

(01:04:12):
like I watched how she managed people and relationships on
set and it was really it was inspirational because she
was kind to people without being desperate to be liked. Yeah.
So I believe her, Yeah, I like really believed her
in a way that sometimes when you're like you don't
necessarily believe the person that's like so nice all the day.

Speaker 4 (01:04:32):
Yeah, I agree with that, And about Emma.

Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
That's our episode, guys, Dear Chelsea, we believe.

Speaker 8 (01:04:40):
The word of the week is coterie. Now a small
group of people with shared interests or tastes, especially one
that is exclusive of other people. Coterie also a brand
of highly absorbent diaper Coterie.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
I just announced all my chur dates. They just went
on sale this week. It's called the High and Mighty Tour.
I will be starting in February of next year, so
I will be touring.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
From February through June.

Speaker 3 (01:05:10):
I haven't added second shows yet, but we probably will
be to some of these. So go get your tickets
now if you want good seats and you want to
come see me perform, I will be on the High
and Mighty toour.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Speaker 5 (01:05:23):
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
Dear Chelsea Pod.

Speaker 5 (01:05:31):
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com

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